1. What did the male raindrop say to the beautiful female raindrop? -I'm falling for you 2. What do raindrops get if they go to an event that is cancelled? -A sun check 3. What is the most popular game played by tornadoes? -Catch my drift What is the most popular sport played by raindrops and hail stones? -Diving 4. Where do lightning bolts go on dates? -To cloud 9 Where do hail stones go on dates? -To hell Where do wind gusts go to on dates? -To Chicago 5. What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms What do hail stones want to be when they grow up? -Coins, playing balls or fruits 6. Where do clouds go to the bathroom? -Anywhere they want 7. What awards are given at the tornado Oscar awards? -Best hoser -Best wedgie -Best train noise imitation -Best imposture -Best twist and turn -Best supporting wall cloud 8. In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air 9. HURRICANE A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, "Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas". 10. What is it called when a high pressure goes on vacation? -A Hiatus 11. How do high and low pressure systems greet each other? -A high says "Hi" and a low says "Hello" 12. Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished? -In a high pressure cell 13. How do lightning bolts flirt? -They electrocute each other 14. How do thunderstorms invest their money? -In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets 15. Why can't meteorologists forecast the weather? -They are too busy studying comets and meteors 16. Famous quotes from clouds: -"To condense or not to condense, that is the question" -"Let the wind be your guide, always follow the wind" -"Be sure to stay in shape" -"If you gotta go, you gotta go" 17. How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other? -It is a breeze 18. What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? -Rock and Roll 19. Thought of the day: How much rain could a rain cloud rain if a rain cloud could rain rain 20. Why do tornadoes move so erratically? -They are dizzy 21. PERFECT FORECASTS A veteran broadcast meteorologist walks into a bar. He notices a new bartender. Over the course of his drink the broadcaster learns the new bartender is an Aggie who moved from central Texas. The Aggie bartender complains about how none of the meteorologists in Texas could get the forecast right on a consistent basis. After hearing this, the veteran broadcaster wagers a bet with the Aggie. He says, "I bet I can correctly forecast the sky conditions for tomorrow and get the high temperature correct within 2 Fahrenheit degrees". Amazed with this type of forecasting accuracy the Aggie tells him that he is on. If the broadcaster wins the Aggie will give him a free beer on the next trip to the bar and if the Aggie wins the broadcaster has to buy the two most expensive mixed drink on the menu. The veteran broadcaster gives his forecast: sunny skies with a high of 103 F. The next day the broadcaster comes back to the bar. The Aggie already knows he has lost the bet and has the free beer ready since the skies were sunny all day with a high within just 1 Fahrenheit degree of 103 F. The Aggie figures that the broadcaster must have just had a lucky day. This time the Aggie makes the bet, which turns out to be the same bet again. The following day the Aggie is astonished that he has lost again. Each day for the next 2 weeks the Aggie makes the same bet but the broadcaster always predicts the correct sky conditions and the high temperature is always within 2 Fahrenheit degrees. After giving away so many free beers the Aggie finally asks the broadcaster how he is so incredibly accurate at weather forecasting when all the Texas weather forecasters could not get their forecast right on a consistent basis. The veteran broadcaster with a confident smirk on his face says, "You just gotta love this persistent Phoenix, Arizona June weather and I have the talent, personality and experience to forecast it correctly". The Aggie, still perplexed, pours him another beer. 22. TRUE AMAZING HAIL STORY An Aggie weather professor and two students rent a university van and head out for a couple of days on a storm chase. These two students flunked his storm spotter training course so he wanted to get the students up to speed on chasing by taking them out into the field. While they are driving just south of Abilene, TX they see a huge storm firing up toward the west of their position. The Aggie decides to let the students position themselves to get the best view of a potential tornado. The Aggie figures that sometimes it is best for students to learn the hard way. The Aggie tells them to position themselves just as they were taught in storm chase training. Disappointed, the Aggie watches the students drive right into the downdraft of the storm. They get pelting with high wind and heavy rain. A couple minutes later they are caught right in the hail core. Having basically no visibility and the hail size only getting larger he has the students pull over to the side of the road under a tree by a huge ranch. Once the hail subsides, the two students make a bet with each other. It is a $20 bet to see who can find the largest hail stone in the next 20 minutes. They go off in different directions with their coolers. The first student finds mostly quarter and golf ball size hail stones. However, toward the end of his search, he looks down and sees the largest hail stone that he has ever seen. In awe he picks it up and places it into the cooler. The second student also finds mostly quarter and golf ball size hail stones as the largest ones. He dumps his hail stones out however upon finding the largest hail stone that he has ever seen. Both students rush back to the van to show off their bet winning hail stones. Upon arriving back to the van and comparing hail stones they can not decide whose is larger. Having no scale, the students decide the only way they are going to be able to determine whose is larger is to melt them down to see which one fills up a larger volume in a measuring cup. The Aggie and students drive out to a campsite to set up camp and eat. After getting a fire lit, the students decide that this will be the time to melt the hail stones. They each put their hail stone in a pan and place it above the fire. The Aggie calls the students back over to the van so that the students can look through some weather data to decide where to chase the next day. The students ask the Aggie to watch over their melting hail stones. Once back to the campfire, the Aggie decides that this would be a good time to also cook up some dinner. He gets out a few juicy steaks and finds an empty pan to cook them in over the fire. The students finish up their analysis and walk back over to the campfire. The students are horrified to see that there is no melted water in the pans. In fact, there is nothing in the pans. The Aggie calls them over saying that dinner is ready. The students question the Aggie professor about where the water is from their hail stones. The Aggie says he does not know about any water but that the steak and ostrich egg omelets are ready to eat.  23. How is a hailstone like an onion? -They are both whitish and have layers 24. Why were the watermelon and pumpkin jealous of the pea? -There is no category called watermelon or pumpkin size hail 25. Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him? -To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail |