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<p><strong>SEX SURVEY '08: ADULTERY</strong> <p>Icons of romance in India are rarely monogamous and married: the Taj Mahal was built by Shah Jahan for a favoured wife though he had two others; Krishna&rsquo;s vehicle of ultimate love was his uncle&rsquo;s wife, Radha. </p><p>In contrast to multiple systems of organising marriage and sexuality that were (and still are) prevalent in India, adultery as a marital offence is a relatively new experiment whose boundaries are being tried. </p><p>How is adultery understood? As intercourse outside marriage? Anxieties in this regard have often been about policing women&rsquo;s sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power, to ensure that the offspring were biologically part of the patriline so that property might be passed along. </p><p><a href="http://specials.digitaltoday.in/sexysecrets/index.shtml" target="_blank" rel="dofollow"><amp-img src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday//images/stories/Anjali/081121124212_IT_sexsurvey_story_img.gif" alt="" height="127" width="207" class="" layout="responsive"></amp-img></a>Harsh laws against adultery (such as in Pakistan&rsquo;s Hudood ordinance which criminalises adultery and holds rape testimonials to be tantamount to adultery confessions) mark it as a violation against male property, requiring monetary compensation or even corporal punishment. </p><p>Or is adultery a betrayal of affection or emotion that threatens the conjugal bond? In the film Mr & Mrs Iyer, for example, Meenakshi and Raja share intense trauma, emotional and artistic sensibilities, and finally a kiss&acirc;&#128;&#148;the charged guilt around her husband&rsquo;s reappearance indicates that we are privy to a secret affair.</p><p>Similarly, the recent film Anuronon plays on whether the extra-conjugal relationship becomes scandalous even without sex. </p><p>In the 2007 <em>India Today</em>-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG survey, when asked whether &ldquo;emotional infidelity&rdquo; equalled an &ldquo;affair&rdquo;, 51 per cent respondents answered in the affirmative&acirc;&#128;&#148;this response too indicates ambivalence about whether fidelity is about conjugal trust rather than property or children. Do the 41 per cent male and 8 per cent female among the 2008 survey respondents who admit to committing adultery mark it in terms of intercourse, or follow broader definitions of sex? Multiple marital and sexual partners have been regularly available for men (mainly elite men) over the centuries. </p><div class="itg-mosimage"><amp-img src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_3.jpg" alt="" height="425" width="650" class="" layout="responsive"></amp-img>Anxieties with regard to extra-marital sex have often been about policing womens sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power</div><p>We have only to think of the heroic characters in the epics, or emperors such as the Mauryas or the Mughals (Indu Sundaresan&rsquo;s recent book on Mehrunnisa designates her as the Emperor Jehangir&rsquo;s 20th wife). Marriage was often seen to cement alliances and bring in new territories in these groups.</p><p>Bengali Kulin men in the 19th century served as professional husbands, sometimes to hundreds of women at a time, using the currency of their privileged caste status and the fear of inauspiciousness of unmarried women. </p><p>Outside of marriage, concubinage was widespread. Upper caste men seized sexual access to women in lower caste groups, often with ritual sanction. Women had no expectation of sexual exclusivity in these scenarios.</p><p>There are also a few examples of South Asian marriage systems where multiple sexual partners for women have been the norm. Nyinba polyandry, where brothers in a household married a single wife (or two sisters), is a case in point. </p><p>Sambandham marriages for Nair women, in which women may choose a series of &lsquo;visiting husbands&rsquo; who return to their own homes after intimate encounters, has been another example beloved of anthropologists. </p><p>In both these cases, there is no strict anxiety about exact biological fatherhood, and there are clear rules by which offspring are assigned parentage and accepted within the community. </p><p>Nor does the notion of adultery clarify the significance of same-sex relationships, sexual or otherwise intimate. </p><div class="itg-mosimage"><amp-img src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_2.jpg" alt="" height="425" width="650" class="" layout="responsive"></amp-img>Cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard</div><p>Despite the paucity of data, long-standing literary traditions of same-sex love in India make it seem likely that structures of compulsory heterosexuality (and reproduction) hid other affective or physical relations.</p><p>Did such same-sex bonds constitute adultery since they did not pose a threat to the &ldquo;legitimacy&rdquo; of offspring? Would the same-sex relationships of married people now meet the other definition of adultery as a transgression of conjugal exclusivity?</p><p>The Hindu Marriage Act 1955 established monogamy as a radically different norm of modernity imagined for the new post-colonial subject. Historians have suggested that new ways of thinking may have come earlier, in late 19th and early 20th century discourses which saw marriage in terms of compatibility and companionship, connected to a robust nationalism. </p><p>The Act may have reflected such norms in the ways in which it assumes equality in marital relations, but non-Hindu women were left behind in that legislative moment. </p><p>Muslim polygyny continued to be the law, with scant protections for first wives to have a say in subsequent marriages (as Bangladesh mandates). Until recently, Christian marriage law required women seeking divorce to prove adultery as well as an additional ground such as neglect or cruelty.</p><p>The 2008 <em>India Today</em>-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG sex survey figures indicate that cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard. Eight per cent women and 43 per cent men reported approval of adultery, 8 per cent women and 41 per cent men reported committing adultery (27 per cent and 19 per cent of whom respectively reported swapping partners). </p><p>Three per cent married men reported &ldquo;having sex with a blood relation&rdquo;, 16 per cent married men reported having had a homosexual relationship, 18 per cent married men reported &ldquo;having sex with a eunuch,&rdquo; and 21 per cent married men reported visiting sex workers (54 per cent of whom reported paying for it &ldquo;all the time&rdquo; or &ldquo;sometimes&rdquo;). </p><p>The corresponding numbers for married women are 1 per cent, 6 per cent, 6 per cent and 2 per cent (51 per cent) respectively. It is unclear whether incest, same-sex relationships or paid sex constitute adultery for these people within the time frame of the marriage.</p><div class="itg-mosimage"><amp-img src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_1.jpg" alt="" height="425" width="650" class="" layout="responsive"></amp-img>Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine</div><p>These survey figures need not, however, indicate a rising trend of adultery; they may just as well signal that conjugal exclusivity has not become, or has never been, the singular mode of sexual expression. I received the survey figures at about the same time that I read in a lifestyle article in Anandabazar Patrika of a trio who had opted to be a married unit: two sisters chose to marry the same man (one of them legally) in a convenient sexual, labour and residential arrangement.</p><p>A few days later, the paper reported the abandonment of an AIDS-afflicted woman by her in-laws, who chose instead to care for her husband with AIDS&acirc;&#128;&#148;even though he appeared to have been the primary carrier, she was depicted as sexually promiscuous and contaminated. </p><p>It is through these daily stories that we notice nonmonogamy and sexual diversity pervading social life. And yet, as the AIDS narrative illustrates, sexual power relations may not be favourable to women, and they may bear the economic and social brunt of sexual diversity whether they have made that choice or not.</p><p>My research on family courts and family violence in Kolkata over the last few years has only confirmed my conviction of the primacy of marriage as an economic arrangement in the post-colonial state. The majority of cases deal with much lower socio-economic strata than the survey subjects represent, and the economic security promised by marriage is usually a woman&rsquo;s sole means of sustenance.</p><p>Economic anxieties include the affordability of urban residential space, sharing resources and power in the extended household, financial responsibility of wives&rsquo; families and wives&rsquo; limited incomes. Marital fidelity is a currency in these negotiations. </p><p>Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine (as Flavia Agnes also points out in the 2007 <em>India Today</em> article accompanying the surveys), alongside allegations that wives are not behaving appropriately in the joint family, that they are domestically incompetent, or that they have unreported sources of income. </p><p>Wives often allege that husbands are sexually or emotionally involved (with family members or neighbours) as well, but they typically seek the right to demand conjugal space and affection as a condition of returning to the marriage.</p><p>However, economic survival can be the bottom line, making marital exclusivity a moot point. There were numerous cases of known bigamy in the courts which Hindu wives were loath to prosecute because they could not afford for their maintenance money to be cut off if husbands were jailed. Family court judges, too, would ignore bigamy questions and focus on ensuring maintenance to wives and children as the prime goal. </p><p>The economic perils of bigamy were illustrated in the case of a Muslim woman, a younger wife who neither wanted to live in the household with the first wife and her children and grandchildren, nor liked the solitary rental room where she saw her husband once a week, nor could she live with her family who exploited her labour.</p><p>Most poignantly, a destitute and long-divorced woman in court seeking some of her ex-husband&rsquo;s pension as maintenance, had requested for her basic survival that he let her live in his house again and help with housework as an extra domestic worker might, knowing that his current wife&rsquo;s swollen feet did not allow her to do housework and that he and his adult sons were managing with difficulty. He refused.</p><p>Norms of conjugality may have shifted in the 20th century to idealise the married couple, who are to be each others&rsquo; sole sources of sex, romance and companionship. But neither marriage nor sexual behaviour has conformed comfortably to monogamy.</p><p>The author is an Associate Professor of Gender and Women&rsquo;s Studies at the University of Kentucky.</p><p><strong>For past surveys, interactive graphics visit:</strong> <a href="http://www.indiatoday.in/sexsurvey08" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">www.indiatoday.in/sexsurvey08</a></p><h3>Previous sex surveys</h3><ul><li><a href="http://itwebapi.simpleapi.itgd.in/index.php?option=com_content&Itemid=1&task=view&id=1668&sectionid=30&issueid=24&page=archieve" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2007: Sex and marriage</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20061113/cover.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2006: Men in a muddle</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20050926/cs-main.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2005: Sex and the single woman</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20040920/cover.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2004: What men want</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20030915/cover.shtml" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2003: Sex and the Indian woman</a></li></ul><div id="tab-link-wrapper-plugin"><div class="authors__container"><div class="authors__by"><div class="authlable">Published By: </div><div class="authdetaisl">AtMigration </div></div><div class="published__on"><div class="authlable">Published On: </div><div class="authdetaisl">Nov 20, 2008</div></div></div><div class="sendros">--- ENDS ---</div></div></p>


cover-story

Cover Story

<p style="font-size: 14px; color: #660000"><strong>SEX SURVEY '08: ADULTERY</strong> <p>Icons of romance in India are rarely monogamous and married: the Taj Mahal was built by Shah Jahan for a favoured wife though he had two others; Krishna&rsquo;s vehicle of ultimate love was his uncle&rsquo;s wife, Radha. </p><p>In contrast to multiple systems of organising marriage and sexuality that were (and still are) prevalent in India, adultery as a marital offence is a relatively new experiment whose boundaries are being tried. </p><p>How is adultery understood? As intercourse outside marriage? Anxieties in this regard have often been about policing women&rsquo;s sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power, to ensure that the offspring were biologically part of the patriline so that property might be passed along. </p><p><a href="http://specials.digitaltoday.in/sexysecrets/index.shtml" target="_blank" rel="dofollow"><div class="itgimage"><img  height="127"  title=""  width="207"  class="" alt="" src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday//images/stories/Anjali/081121124212_IT_sexsurvey_story_img.gif" loading="lazy" /></div></a>Harsh laws against adultery (such as in Pakistan&rsquo;s Hudood ordinance which criminalises adultery and holds rape testimonials to be tantamount to adultery confessions) mark it as a violation against male property, requiring monetary compensation or even corporal punishment. </p><p>Or is adultery a betrayal of affection or emotion that threatens the conjugal bond? In the film Mr & Mrs Iyer, for example, Meenakshi and Raja share intense trauma, emotional and artistic sensibilities, and finally a kiss—the charged guilt around her husband&rsquo;s reappearance indicates that we are privy to a secret affair.</p><p>Similarly, the recent film Anuronon plays on whether the extra-conjugal relationship becomes scandalous even without sex. </p><p>In the 2007 <em>India Today</em>-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG survey, when asked whether &ldquo;emotional infidelity&rdquo; equalled an &ldquo;affair&rdquo;, 51 per cent respondents answered in the affirmative—this response too indicates ambivalence about whether fidelity is about conjugal trust rather than property or children. Do the 41 per cent male and 8 per cent female among the 2008 survey respondents who admit to committing adultery mark it in terms of intercourse, or follow broader definitions of sex? Multiple marital and sexual partners have been regularly available for men (mainly elite men) over the centuries. </p><div class="itg-mosimage"><div class="itgimage"><img  title="Anxieties with regard to extra-marital sex have often been about policing womens sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power"  class="" alt="Anxieties with regard to extra-marital sex have often been about policing womens sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power" src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_3.jpg" loading="lazy" /></div>Anxieties with regard to extra-marital sex have often been about policing womens sexuality in order to harness their reproductive power</div><p>We have only to think of the heroic characters in the epics, or emperors such as the Mauryas or the Mughals (Indu Sundaresan&rsquo;s recent book on Mehrunnisa designates her as the Emperor Jehangir&rsquo;s 20th wife). Marriage was often seen to cement alliances and bring in new territories in these groups.</p><p>Bengali Kulin men in the 19th century served as professional husbands, sometimes to hundreds of women at a time, using the currency of their privileged caste status and the fear of inauspiciousness of unmarried women. </p><p>Outside of marriage, concubinage was widespread. Upper caste men seized sexual access to women in lower caste groups, often with ritual sanction. Women had no expectation of sexual exclusivity in these scenarios.</p><p>There are also a few examples of South Asian marriage systems where multiple sexual partners for women have been the norm. Nyinba polyandry, where brothers in a household married a single wife (or two sisters), is a case in point. </p><p>Sambandham marriages for Nair women, in which women may choose a series of &lsquo;visiting husbands&rsquo; who return to their own homes after intimate encounters, has been another example beloved of anthropologists. </p><p>In both these cases, there is no strict anxiety about exact biological fatherhood, and there are clear rules by which offspring are assigned parentage and accepted within the community. </p><p>Nor does the notion of adultery clarify the significance of same-sex relationships, sexual or otherwise intimate. </p><div class="itg-mosimage"><div class="itgimage"><img  title="Cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard"  class="" alt="Cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard" src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_2.jpg" loading="lazy" /></div>Cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard</div><p>Despite the paucity of data, long-standing literary traditions of same-sex love in India make it seem likely that structures of compulsory heterosexuality (and reproduction) hid other affective or physical relations.</p><p>Did such same-sex bonds constitute adultery since they did not pose a threat to the &ldquo;legitimacy&rdquo; of offspring? Would the same-sex relationships of married people now meet the other definition of adultery as a transgression of conjugal exclusivity?</p><p>The Hindu Marriage Act 1955 established monogamy as a radically different norm of modernity imagined for the new post-colonial subject. Historians have suggested that new ways of thinking may have come earlier, in late 19th and early 20th century discourses which saw marriage in terms of compatibility and companionship, connected to a robust nationalism. </p><p>The Act may have reflected such norms in the ways in which it assumes equality in marital relations, but non-Hindu women were left behind in that legislative moment. </p><p>Muslim polygyny continued to be the law, with scant protections for first wives to have a say in subsequent marriages (as Bangladesh mandates). Until recently, Christian marriage law required women seeking divorce to prove adultery as well as an additional ground such as neglect or cruelty.</p><p>The 2008 <em>India Today</em>-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG sex survey figures indicate that cultural norms around monogamy may be more fluid than the legal standard. Eight per cent women and 43 per cent men reported approval of adultery, 8 per cent women and 41 per cent men reported committing adultery (27 per cent and 19 per cent of whom respectively reported swapping partners). </p><p>Three per cent married men reported &ldquo;having sex with a blood relation&rdquo;, 16 per cent married men reported having had a homosexual relationship, 18 per cent married men reported &ldquo;having sex with a eunuch,&rdquo; and 21 per cent married men reported visiting sex workers (54 per cent of whom reported paying for it &ldquo;all the time&rdquo; or &ldquo;sometimes&rdquo;). </p><p>The corresponding numbers for married women are 1 per cent, 6 per cent, 6 per cent and 2 per cent (51 per cent) respectively. It is unclear whether incest, same-sex relationships or paid sex constitute adultery for these people within the time frame of the marriage.</p><div class="itg-mosimage"><div class="itgimage"><img  title="Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine"  class="" alt="Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine" src="https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/media2/indiatoday/images/stories/Anjali/081120090952_cs-sex-infedelity_1.jpg" loading="lazy" /></div>Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine</div><p>These survey figures need not, however, indicate a rising trend of adultery; they may just as well signal that conjugal exclusivity has not become, or has never been, the singular mode of sexual expression. I received the survey figures at about the same time that I read in a lifestyle article in Anandabazar Patrika of a trio who had opted to be a married unit: two sisters chose to marry the same man (one of them legally) in a convenient sexual, labour and residential arrangement.</p><p>A few days later, the paper reported the abandonment of an AIDS-afflicted woman by her in-laws, who chose instead to care for her husband with AIDS—even though he appeared to have been the primary carrier, she was depicted as sexually promiscuous and contaminated. </p><p>It is through these daily stories that we notice nonmonogamy and sexual diversity pervading social life. And yet, as the AIDS narrative illustrates, sexual power relations may not be favourable to women, and they may bear the economic and social brunt of sexual diversity whether they have made that choice or not.</p><p>My research on family courts and family violence in Kolkata over the last few years has only confirmed my conviction of the primacy of marriage as an economic arrangement in the post-colonial state. The majority of cases deal with much lower socio-economic strata than the survey subjects represent, and the economic security promised by marriage is usually a woman&rsquo;s sole means of sustenance.</p><p>Economic anxieties include the affordability of urban residential space, sharing resources and power in the extended household, financial responsibility of wives&rsquo; families and wives&rsquo; limited incomes. Marital fidelity is a currency in these negotiations. </p><p>Allegations against wives on grounds of pre-marital involvement or ongoing relationships is routine (as Flavia Agnes also points out in the 2007 <em>India Today</em> article accompanying the surveys), alongside allegations that wives are not behaving appropriately in the joint family, that they are domestically incompetent, or that they have unreported sources of income. </p><p>Wives often allege that husbands are sexually or emotionally involved (with family members or neighbours) as well, but they typically seek the right to demand conjugal space and affection as a condition of returning to the marriage.</p><p>However, economic survival can be the bottom line, making marital exclusivity a moot point. There were numerous cases of known bigamy in the courts which Hindu wives were loath to prosecute because they could not afford for their maintenance money to be cut off if husbands were jailed. Family court judges, too, would ignore bigamy questions and focus on ensuring maintenance to wives and children as the prime goal. </p><p>The economic perils of bigamy were illustrated in the case of a Muslim woman, a younger wife who neither wanted to live in the household with the first wife and her children and grandchildren, nor liked the solitary rental room where she saw her husband once a week, nor could she live with her family who exploited her labour.</p><p>Most poignantly, a destitute and long-divorced woman in court seeking some of her ex-husband&rsquo;s pension as maintenance, had requested for her basic survival that he let her live in his house again and help with housework as an extra domestic worker might, knowing that his current wife&rsquo;s swollen feet did not allow her to do housework and that he and his adult sons were managing with difficulty. He refused.</p><p>Norms of conjugality may have shifted in the 20th century to idealise the married couple, who are to be each others&rsquo; sole sources of sex, romance and companionship. But neither marriage nor sexual behaviour has conformed comfortably to monogamy.</p><p>The author is an Associate Professor of Gender and Women&rsquo;s Studies at the University of Kentucky.</p><p><strong>For past surveys, interactive graphics visit:</strong> <a href="http://www.indiatoday.in/sexsurvey08" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">www.indiatoday.in/sexsurvey08</a></p><h3 style="margin-top: 5px">Previous sex surveys</h3><ul><li><a href="http://itwebapi.simpleapi.itgd.in/index.php?option=com_content&Itemid=1&task=view&id=1668&sectionid=30&issueid=24&page=archieve" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2007: Sex and marriage</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20061113/cover.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2006: Men in a muddle</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20050926/cs-main.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2005: Sex and the single woman</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20040920/cover.html" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2004: What men want</a></li><li><a href="http://www.indiatoday.com/itoday/20030915/cover.shtml" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">2003: Sex and the Indian woman</a></li></ul><div id="tab-link-wrapper-plugin"><div class="authors__container"><div class="authors__by"><div class="authlable">Published By: </div><div class="authdetaisl">AtMigration </div></div><div class="published__on"><div class="authlable">Published On: </div><div class="authdetaisl">Nov 20, 2008</div></div></div><div class="sendros">--- ENDS ---</div></div></p>


Conjugal exclusivity has long been the Indian&rsquo;s sole mode of sexual expression. Clearly though, it&rsquo;s not a natural choice with as many as 41 per cent of men admitting they were unfaithful.

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Those close encounters - India Today

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Those close encounters

Conjugal exclusivity has long been the Indian’s sole mode of sexual expression. Clearly though, it’s not a natural choice with as many as 41 per cent of men admitting they were unfaithful.

Vaikunta Ekadasi tragedy: Faith & chaos at Tirupati

Indian Navy's 'Tarini' with 2 women officers crosses International Date Line

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Los Angeles wildfire survivor shares harrowing evacuation experience

Bajrang Dal forces Muslim vendor to shut shop near temple in Ghaziabad

Earth crossed this climate milestone in 2024. It's not a good news

Schools shut, flights cancelled as snowstorm hits US South

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Alec Baldwin sues prosecutors in 'Rust trial', alleges civil rights violations

CBSE Board Exam 2025 admit cards to be out soon. Details here

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