English jokes

172 Pins

3 Toilets | Joke

There were 3 men who wanted to buy toilets, so they went to the nearest store and were looking at the new designs of the toilets. The first guy asks for a toilet that would go nice in his log cabin out in the woods, so the salesman sells him a toilet m...

Cell Phone Etiquette | Joke

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice "Hi Sweetheart, its Joe I'm on...

30-sec Brain Teaser | Joke

Boost your brain power with our 30-second test. Start with the number on the left and follow the instructions. Beginners should aim to complete the puzzle in 30 seconds. Intermediates should finish their own puzzle and the Beginner's Challenge. Genius ...

a poem written in black and white on a pink background with the words i test

IQ TEST | Joke

(I know some people may not consider this a joke but it is still funny, the results at the bottom are funny to! ENJOY!) Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete t...

Guaranteed... Seeds | Joke

A policeman is driving past a roadside apple stand when he notices the sign: "Apple seeds, guaranteed to make you smarter, $20 per seed." He pulls over and informs the vendor that it is fraud and false advertising to make absurd claims like this. "No, ...

a poem written in white on a purple background with the words, thermos

The Thermos | Joke

A blonde and a brunette are taking a break. The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages ...

a purple background with the words camping trip written in white and pink on top of it

Camping Trip | Joke

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the foo...

a pink background with the words,'the brain'and an image of a man in

The Brains | Joke

A man has just been in a car accident and has severe brain damage. So his sister is called in to take care of his medical decisions. First off, the doctor decides the man needs a new brain since his is so badly damaged. So they need to go find a brain ...

An Old Bible | Joke

A collector of rare books ran into a friend who told him he had just thrown out an old Bible that he had found in a dusty old box. The collector's friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible. "You don't mean Gutenberg?" gasped t...

a pink background with the words starting salary

Starting Salary | Joke

Reaching the end of a job interview, the interviewer asked a young engineer, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, wh...

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Walking Down The Street

You Have Got a Nice Dog | Joke

A fool is walking down the street, dragging a brick on a leash behind him. A cop sees him and says to himself: "I'll make fun of him." He walks up to him and says: "Gee, you've got a nice dog!" The fool replies, "Are you crazy? That's a brick!" The ang...

an old woman poem written in black ink on a yellow background with the words'old woman '

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Old woman | Joke

“Do you realize you were speeding?” the officer asks the old woman after pulling her over. “Yes, officer,” she replies, embarrassed, “but I’ve got a very good excuse.” “What’s that?” he asks. “I’m trying to get where I’m going before I forget where I’m...

Sitting Next To Each Other

The Plane Trip | Joke

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on an airplane. The lawyer gets bored, so he looks over to the blond and smiles, thinking maybe he can make use of his time. "Hey," he says to the blonde, "Do you want to play a game?" The blonde sha...

a green background with the words balloon ride written in black and white font on it

Balloon Ride | Joke

Jim is in a hot-air balloon, completely lost. He sees a man in a field below and flies down to him. "Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am?" The man in the field replied "You're in a balloon." Jim said "You're an engineer, aren't you?" "Why yes...

a green background with the words hows the sandwich dear?

Hows the sandwich dear? | Joke

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day... She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walk...