Jerry Seinfeld & the Craft of Comedy William Benzon June 18, 2016 Abstract: Stand‑up comedy is tightly constructed despite appearing to be casual and improvised. In one section this working paper examines a comedy bit about donut holes and finds in it a metaphysical dimension that is, in fact, typical of Seinfeld’s comedy. Another section shows how a conversation with President Barack Obama hinges on the distinction between a social role and the person playing that role. A final piece looks at the wide range of ephemeral phenomena around which Seinfeld crafts his comedy. CONTENTS Introduction: A Comedian’s Mind .............................................................................................. 1 Jerry Seinfeld and Barack Obama Have a Meeting of the Minds ........................................... 3 Seinfeld Through the Donut Hole ............................................................................................. 11 Single Shots: Seinfeld’s Ongoing Anatomy of Life and Comedy ......................................... 15 1301 Washington Street, Apartment 311 Hoboken, New Jersey 07030 bbenzon@mindspring.com This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution‑Share Alike 3.0 Unported License. Introduction: A Comedian’s Mind Jerry Seinfeld started out as and remains a stand‑up comedian. I’ve never seen one of his live shows. I didn’t really become aware of him until I started watching Seinfeld, and that’s when I learned that he did stand‑up. Stand‑up, of course, is live performance, something I’m familiar with as a musician. And that’s where I connect with him, the rigors of live performance and preparing for it. One of the pieces I’ve collected here, “Seinfeld Through the Donut Hole,” is specifically about that. It’s a light analysis of a specific comic bit, one about donut holes and fat people. The point about donut holes is that there’s nothing there. The point about fat people is that eating donut holes is not a viable weight reduction strategy. Just how Seinfeld connects these two, that’s the art and craft of comedy. The first piece, “Jerry Seinfeld and Barack Obama Have a Meeting of the Minds,” is a bit different. It centers on an episode from Seinfeld’s current web‑based series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. As you may know, the premise is simple: Seinfeld, who loves and collects cars, meets a comedian in a car specifically selected for them. The two go off, Seinfeld driving, and get coffee–and, more often than not, breakfast or lunch as well. They’re chatting all the time. The conversation is “real” in the simple sense that it is not scripted. But the show we see is nonetheless meticulously crafted. Upwards of three hours of whatever (it’s not film and it’s not videotape; it’s digital bits stored in what? flash memory?) is edited down to 15 or 20 minutes of program. That makes it watchable, entertaining, and even enlightening, whereas the raw footage, if you can call it that, would be a snooze fest. Barack Obama, of course, is not a comedian. But he’s got a sense of humor. That, and the fact that he’s President of the United States, is why Seinfeld did an episode with him. Just who approached whom about doing this, Seinfeld to Obama, Obama to Seinfeld, I don’t know. The conversation is real in the same sense that all these CCGC conversations are real; it’s not scripted. Most of the conversation is casual chit chat. But there’s a moment where it turns real in a deeper sense, and that’s what my piece is about. The deeper revelation starts when Seinfeld asks: “How many world leaders do you think are just completely out of their mind?” It pierces the veil when Seinfeld tells Obama “the work was joyful. And interesting, and that was my focus.” That’s what makes Jerry Seinfeld tick, and, we are to infer, Barack Obama too. The third and last piece, “Single Shots: Seinfeld’s Ongoing Anatomy of Life and Comedy,” is a bit different. “Single Shot” is a figure of speech: a single shot of cream in your coffee; different versions of a single bit, motif, or incident from different episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Think of it as compressed commentary on Seinfeld. The show came to be known as a show about nothing, but it really isn’t. That is, it isn’t about nothing. It’s about the metaphysical (yes, I said “metaphysical”) oddities of everyday life, the oddities through which stand‑up comedians drive their tightly 1 constructed comedic contraptions. Each single shot focuses on one oddity, thereby bringing it into metaphysical relief. Metaphysical? There’s that word again. Don’t ask, don’t tell. OK. 2 Jerry Seinfeld and Barack Obama Have a Meeting of the Minds There are people who read rags like Star, Globe, The National Enquirer, and so forth to find out what’s really going on in the world of celebrities and people in the news. What’s the scoop with Madonna? Is Kanye really that self‑regarding? Did Brad and Angela get another kid? Why do we do this? It’s one thing to gossip about people in your circle of acquaintances, but why trade in gossip about people who you don’t know, likely will never meet, and who play no direct role in our daily lives? But they DO play a role, do they not, in our imaginative lives? The one’s I’ve mentioned – I just grabbed their names out of the air, though I suppose I could have gone to the supermarket and checked the current headlines – are entertainers. They act in movies, or on TV, or they sing, or entertain us in some other way. They are important to us for what they pretend to be. They also live lives we imagine to be impossibly and unapproachably glamorous. And so we’re curious about what they’re really like. Just what that means in a world where Coke’s the real thing, that’s another matter. Do you think they’re curious about one another? It’s not like they all know one another; there are too many celebrities and others “in the news” for that. Do they read the tabloids? I have no idea. But let me ask a more specific question: Do you think that Barack Obama, for example, is at all curious about Jerry Seinfeld, for example? Seinfeld, of course, is a very well known entertainer with lots of fans, many of whom must be curious about what his life is really like. Barack Obama is not an entertainer, but, as the current President of the United States, he is certainly very well known. And, as Presidents go, he’s more glamorous than most. But, you see, there’s the man, Barack Obama, and there’s the job he holds, as President of the United States. They are not the same thing. And last year both of them, the man and the job he holds, were guests on Jerry Seinfeld’s web series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.1 The title pretty much gives you the premise, Jerry Seinfeld interviews in comedian while driving him or her to an from a place where they drink some coffee. Strictly speaking, Barack Obama is not a comedian; he’s a politician. As such he’s something of a performer and he does have a sense of humor. Close enough. 1 URL: http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com 3 These conversations are not scripted. But the shows are edited from three to four hours of raw footage down to about 10 to 20 minutes that go up on the web. What we see and hear is what Seinfeld crafted out of that unscripted conversation. ***** Seinfeld picks Obama up at the Oval Office2 in a 1963 Corvette Sting Ray. The coolest American car for the coolest American president – those aren’t Seinfeld’s exact words, but that’s the sentiment. At about five minutes into the episode Seinfeld remarks: “Do you ever think about every person you talk to is putting on an act, a total show?” Obama: “It’s a problem.” Of course their little drive doesn’t get past the guard at the gate and they have to abort the mission. Seinfeld turns back and the go into the White House. Now, I don’t know why Seinfeld posed asked that question in the first place. I’d imagine it was something he’s thought about a lot over the years. He’s been in the public eye for years and so has an acute sense of the difference between his life and how he appears to others. And he is surely sufficiently rich and famous that people want to play him for their own benefit. Perhaps he’d made a mental note to ask Obama about it at some point and perhaps he didn’t. Why? Because inquiring people want to know, that’s why. He asked the question, Obama allowed as how it was a problem, and that exchange went into the memory banks. Let’s jump ahead. We’re in what appears to be the White House commissary and we’re at about 13:50 into the episode. ***** Jerry Seinfeld: How many world leaders do you think are just completely out of their mind? URL: http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/president‑barack‑obama‑just‑tell‑him‑ you‑re‑the‑president 2 4 Barack Obama: A pretty sizeable percentage. JS: Now these people, you must meet them, you must be chatting, and you see in the eyes, you look in the eyes, you go Oh... BO: Yes. JS: this guy’s gone. BO: And part of what happens is these guys, uh, I think the longer they stay in office, the more likely that is to happen. JS: Of course. BO: Right. JS: They loose it. BO: I mean, you just, at a certain point you’re feet hurt, an’ you’re having trouble peein’, you have absolute power, and... JS: Privilege is toxic. BO: It really is. JS: Sadly. Things that people struggle to achieve, get to positions of power, influence, money, can do things. It has a toxic effect on their judgment. BO: Yes. Has that happened to you yet? JS: No. BO: Why is that do you think? Let let let me ask you. JS: Come on, you do some work. BO: You’re a funny guy. JS: Thank you. BO: You go on some late night talk shows, people think you’re funny JS: yeah BO: they give you a show JS: right BO: and then next thing you know you’ve made like a ridiculous amount of money. JS: So much more than you. And yet, how do I seem to you? Do I seem spoiled, out of touch...? BO: Well I don’t know. JS: So you have a pretty good instinct for people? BO: Right now you seem like a completely normal guy. JS: But I’m putting on an act, like everyone else does for you 5 BO: That’s my point. That’s what I’m getting at. JS: Right. BO: But, I’m gonna’ probe this. The question is, how did you calibrate dealing with that? At a certain point you might have thought to yourself “You know what, I’m more than just a comedian... JS: Nah. BO: I’m gonna make a Jewish version of Citizen Kane.” You know. How did you keep perspective? JS: I’ll give you the real answer. It’s gotta be similar to your life. I fell in love with the work. BO: Um huh. JS: And the work was joyful. And interesting, and that was my focus. BO: So, now that you’re like a quasi‑retired man of leisure... JS: I work a lot. BO: Do you? JS: Yeah. BO: Are you still doing stand‑up? JS: Are you still making speeches? BO: Do you still get hecklers? What’s your theory of handling hecklers? JS: I say “You know what, you seem upset. I’m so sorry, I know that’s not why you came in here. Let’s talk.” ***** 6 Let’s do a quick recap. Seinfeld asks Obama about the sanity of world leaders and that leads to a discussion of how wealth, power, and fame can corrupt a person – a familiar theme. Then Obama asks, “Has that happened to you yet?” The conversational dynamic is about to change. Though it doesn’t take place before an audience and Seinfeld isn’t behind a desk, this IS a talk show and he’s the host. It’s his job to draw the guest out, to keep the conversation going. But now Obama is quizzing Seinfeld: “Let let let me ask you.” How does Seinfeld respond? “Come on, you do some work.” That is to say, I’ve been hosting this conversation, drawing you out. Now it’s your turn. You work, and I’ll relax for a second. Obama goes to work: Seinfeld’s funny; he does the talk show circuit; gets his own TV show “and then next thing you know you’ve made like a ridiculous amount of money.” That is, he’s entered the danger zone, where all that money, fame, and influence might lead him to think he’s something special, a higher kind of being. And yet, as Obama remarks, “Right now you seem like a completely normal guy.” At this point Seinfeld’s memory banks start flashing and he pulls out that earlier remark about how everyone’s putting on an act for Obama; he points that he’s doing the same at this very moment. So he’s acting for Obama and, who knows? maybe Obama’s acting for him. Of course they’re both acting for us. Is it all an act? Or is it art? How does Seinfeld respond? “I fell in love with the work. And the work was joyful. And interesting, and that was my focus.” If I may translate a bit, he committed himself to something bigger than himself – comedic performance – and that’s what keeps him grounded. He goes on to tell Obama that he continues to do stand‑up. That’s a theme that turns up in other episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and in various interviews Seinfeld has given in the past several years. Getting up in front of a live audience keeps him real. The comedy is an act, but the audience response is real. If it isn’t funny, they’re not going to laugh. So ... stand‑up keeps Seinfeld real despite his fame and wealth. He hops into a 1963 Corvette, takes Obama for a spin around the White House grounds, they chat over coffee, and Obama, the man, the private individual, asks him for a reality check. ***** Recall, however, Barak Obama is not merely an individual human being. He’s also President of the United States of America. That’s the source of his power and fame. The Presidency and all it does isn’t something Obama created. Itʹs something he occupies. This episode of CCGC is shaped by that fact in a way that makes this episode quite different from the other ones. In most of the other episodes Seinfeld and his guest drive around a bit before sitting down for coffee. In this episode, sure, Seinfeld picks Obama up at the Oval Office, but we know very well they’re not going to get off the White House grounds. 7 Seinfeld sets us up for this even before he picks Obama up. Each episode of CCGC opens with Seinfeld introducing that episode’s car. We get close‑up shots of details – tail pipe, the engine, dashboard, key‑in‑the‑ignition, whatever – then the whole car; Seinfeld tells us a bit about it. And so it goes for the 1963 Corvette he uses in this episode. But the introduction is more elaborate than usual: In the 60s and 70s all American astronauts in the space program drove Corvettes. When you drive a Saturn V at work you cannot get out of that and into a Country Squire wagon. […] The idea behind this car is just confidence. This came from an American culture that would just say things and do them without having any idea how. We’re gonna’ put a man on the moon. How we gonna’ do it? When we gonna’ do it? Why are we doin’ this? No idea, we just did stuff. Crazy but great. And I think this cool blue is just the right color for my are you kidding me super special guest today, the Commander‑in‑Chief of the United States of America, President Barack Obama. 8 The effect of this interlude linking Corvettes to the space program is to drive home the metaphysical connection between cars and the nation and thus to connect that symbolism firmly to the Presidency. This is no mere private individual we’re dealing with. This is the driver of a machine created through myth and symbolism. The mere fact that they cannot drive the car off the White House grounds – recall that they tried in the beginning and a guard stops them – reinforces the fact that Obama is President. As such the movements of the private man, Barack Hussein Obama, are restricted. At the end, Seinfeld lets Obama drive the car. That’s a favor to the private man, not the President. But it’s the President who can’t drive the car off the White House grounds. ***** Now what have we got? We’ve got a famous and wealthy comedian driving, having coffee, and chatting with the President of the United States. They chat about various 9 things, one of them being the temptations and problems of being powerful and famous. What’s interesting is that Obama is as curious about Seinfeld as Seinfeld is about Obama. They might as well be like the rest of us, standing in the check‑out line of the supermarket and eyeballing, maybe even buying, The National Enquirer. Inquiring minds want to know. And now we do. 10 Seinfeld Through the Donut Hole In a conversation with Howard Stern (at c. 20:463) Seinfled characterized his type of comedy as “heady, wordy, phrasey, thinky” as opposed to “crazy guy” comedy (such as Jeff Altman). Let’s take a look at one of these heady, wordy, phrasey, thinky bits. It’s about donut holes. You can see fragments while Seinfeld was still developing it in one of the Single Shots from Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.4 The finished bit is in this clip from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert starting at about 0:41: https://youtu.be/984VkHzXl8w It runs to about 3:14, making it roughly two‑and‑a‑half minutes long. But you don’t hear anything about donuts until a minute into the bit. The Basic Bit I’ve transcribed the whole bit below, but you should watch it first. A transcription can’t capture rhythm and pace, nor vocal pitch and quality – e.g. when Seinfeld gets intense, his voice rises in pitch, thins out a bit, and gets scratchy. Nor can a transcription capture audience response. There’s intermittent laughter throughout, but we only get applause about halfway through (which I’ve indicated), and at the very end. I heard backstage, that one of the changes made to the theater, bigger seats – Why? A lot of people think we have a weight problem in this country. I don’t agree with that. I don’t believe we have a weight problem until we’re all physically touching each other, all the time. When it is solid human flesh. From coast to coast. A jar of olives just … [squeezes his head between his hands] … Someone’s gotta’ lose some weight; I can’t move. A lot of reports, investigative reports on TV, weight problem in America. Always start the same: sidewalk shot, regular people, right? Carefully angled, cutting them off at the head; we don’t want to see who it is. URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2GW2JS_A4g&index=6&list=PLbSQVAcWVI1ddz KAaCUMQ2sF3Y_EEnc7M 4 URL: http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/single‑shots/down‑the‑donut‑hole 3 11 Aren’t some of those people at home later go, “Hey, that’s my ass on CCN! That’s not fair. Just got up to get some donut holes.” The donut hole. The donut hole. Let’s stop right there. What a horrible little snack. If you want a donut, have a donut. Why are you eating the hole? It’s such a freaky metaphysical concept to begin with. You can’t sell people holes. They… A hole, a hole does not exist. Words have meaning. [Applause] A hole is the absence of whatever is surrounding it. OK? If they were really donut holes, the bag would be empty. OK? And the donuts that you got the holes from wouldn’t have holes, because you took ‘em. Now if you want, you could take what they’re calling donut holes, but they are not. They are donut plugs. You could take the plug, and shove it in the hole which, I don’t even feel comfortable saying, for some reason. But that would eliminate the donut, the hole, and the plug, but, you still have a fat ass and people shoot’n you with a camera as you’re walking down the street. So it doesn’t work. [Applause] From my point of view the single most interesting thing about this is that it starts out talking a weight problem in the country. And that’s how Seinfeld puts it, a weight problem; he doesn’t talk about fat people. Then he segues to donut holes about a minute in. The link, presumably, is that when you eat too many snacks you put on weight. That’s obvious. Nothing deep there. I just want to point out what Seinfeld is doing. Once he’s taken the bit into the donut hole he works it in various ways. Before long we’ve forgotten completely about the national weight problem. Then, at the very end he comes back to it. Surprise! Didn’t know the weight thing was still ticking, did you? Well, not quite. It’s not the national weight problem. Seinfeld HAS left that behind. It’s one person with a fat ass getting shot with a camera. Let’s Take Another Look Again, nothing deep. I just want to note some obvious things. And Iʹm not trying to ʺexplainʺ the joke because I think you or someone next to you doesnʹt get it. Iʹm just interested in how these things work. I like to notice things. Notice first of all how Seinfeld anchors the bit in the current context–bigger seats in the theater. I’m guessing he doesn’t use that line everywhere, but here it works. Everyone knows that the Ed Sullivan Theater has been refurbished for Steven Colbert. That motivates Seinfeld’s segue into the national weight problem. He doesn’t have to bring it in out of nowhere. He quickly works his way to the image of a jar of 12 olives – maybe your mind’s eye flashes on a globe covered in olives. There’s the gesture with the hands squeezing his face. “I can’t move.” Now the bit’s become personal, focused. Think of the territory we’ve just covered, from the globe to one person. Then Seinfeld switches perspective. We’re now watching TV news. And someone – could be anyone, you, me, someone’s Aunt Marge – notices their fat ass on TV. And that takes us to donut holes. The logic is obvious enough, though mostly unspoken. If you eat a lot of snacks – perhaps while watching TV? – you’ll put on weight. And can put on just as much weight eating donut holes as eating donuts. Don’t let the bite size fool you. As I said, Seinfeld doesn’t say that. But we all know it. It’s implicit in what he does say. It’s there lying in wait to be sprung on us in a bit of verbal sleight of hand. We all know that when someone talks of donut holes as a snack, they mean the chunk of dough removed from the donut to make the hole. Seinfeld goes definitionally literal on hole. There’s nothing there. When he says this is a “freaky metaphysical concept” he’s being funny. But also true. Funny because it’s true. Take the concept of zero in mathematics. Here it is, “0”, a something that represents nothing. That’s so freaky that a lot of cultures didn’t get there and it took us centuries to get there, with a lot of help from Arabs and Asians. Without it, no modern world. “Words have meaning”, Seinfeld reminds us. He’s one of those “heady, wordy, phrasey, thinky” comedians. And we must be heady, wordy, phrasey, thinky as well if we’re laughing. Which we are. And applauding too, for the first time. Look at how far we’ve gone in a minute and a half, from a world covered in wall‑ to‑wall people to linguistic metaphysics. Now Seinfeld moves from exasperated frustration to patient explanation. He tells us what holes are, and so forth. This brings us to the really tricky part where everything piles up and explodes. Let’s take it step by step: You could take the plug, and shove it in the hole … “Shove” is such a violent word to use, don’t you think? But of course an image begins to form in the back of the mind. All of a sudden a good clean bit about donut holes has taken on obvious sexual undertones. … which, I don’t even feel comfortable saying, for some reason. Of course he knows the reason. But he’s got to say something to keep it going and to save appearances. But that would eliminate the donut, the hole, and the plug, … Now that the bit is long gone and we’re deep into explaining it, which of course you should never do in the first place, think about that sentence. It’s true, but in a sneaky sort of way. Comedy. 13 … but, you still have a fat ass and people shoot’n you with a camera as you’re walking down the street. Eating donut holes is still snacking and snacking still makes you fat. So it doesn’t work. 14 Single Shots: Seinfeld’s Ongoing Anatomy of Life and Comedy One of the many clips I saw on YouTube in my ongoing investigation of stand‑up was an interview with George Carlin where he said that, early in his career, an older comedian (whose name I forget) advised him to write everything down and to organize. And that’s what Carlin did, writing ideas and bits on three by five cards and organizing them. Seinfeld writes everything on yellow pads. I wonder what kind of filing system he has? For surely he does have some kind of filing system, no? Consider his personal website: Jerry Seinfeld: Personal Archives.5 Under the heading “What Is this?” he tells us: When I started doing TV, I saved every appearance on every show I did. I thought it might be fun to go through all of it and pick out three bits each day that still amuse me for some reason or another. Yeah, sure. But fun? Really? Fun? How about tedious. But just how did he save copies of those appearances? Back when he first started showing up on TV personal computers didn’t have the capacity to store and organize video clips. He must have had boxes of videotapes. Neatly organized by date? Perhaps he some annotation of the contents on each tape or perhaps he numbered the tapes and kept track of the contents on three by five cards. Who knows? Maybe he just threw them in boxes for years and then, once he started raking in the ducats, he hired staff to digitize and organize that stuff. Still, I’d think he’d want to keep close tabs on it. I don’t think for a minute he coded up the website himself. But how closely does he monitor it? Everyday we get to see three, and only three, clips of stand‑up comedy. The clips are half a minute to a minute‑and‑a‑half long, perhaps two. Somehow all those boxes of videotapes got broken into short segments. That’s a job and a half in itself. And those segments have to be labeled and classified. Who does that? And who chooses which three are displayed on any given day? Is the selection random or is some thought given to it? If the latter, what’s the thinking? Today there was a clip from Carson 1981, one from Carson 1990, and one HBO 1998. The Carson 81 was about a fat man (I think this was from his first appearance on Carson). The Carson 90 was about newspapers. And the HBO 98 was about race horses. Three topics, three different time periods. 5 URL: http://jerryseinfeld.com 15 There is SOME system. Maybe it’s tight, maybe it’s loose. Can’t tell. What’s Jerry’s role in it? Imagine he makes the choice. What does that imply about his management style? Maybe he’s completely hands‑off. But what does that mean, completely hands off? He never ever even looks at the site? He lets someone else choose, but checks on the site every week or so? Keep in mind that this site isn’t the only thing he’s got to do. He’s got a wife and three kids. He does stand‑up three weekends or so a month. He’s got all those sports cars he’s got to drive. And he’s got this show, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.6 He’s a very busy man. I’m thinking he’s a very organized guy. Got to be. The main deal with his current show, CCGC, are the 10 to 20 minute shows, each with a different comedian and car. At some point in the run, however, he started cutting those shows up into bits and pieces and assembling bits from several different shows into two‑minute segments on a single theme: Single Shots: A smaller, more concentrated cup of comedy. How does THAT happen? I’ve watched all the shows and all the Single Shots and I’m seeing some bits in those Single Shots that weren’t in the shows. And that means that someone is somehow keeping track of more than just what shows up in the individual programs. Is ALL the raw footage for each show – three GoPros and (at least) two DSLR’s for three to four hours, and a drone here and there – cut into snippets, labeled, and classified for later use? I don’t know, don’t think so, but... There’s a system there. It probably evolved over time. Perhaps it’s evolving still. ***** When I started thinking about this I figured I’d list all the Single Shots and then analyze the selection of topics. And maybe I will do that some day, analyze the selection of topics. But for how, I’m just going to list the shots along with a short, and sometimes cryptic, notation about what’s in an individual shot. To date there are 72 of them. I’ve listed them from the most recent at #1 to the oldest at #72. Note, for example, that #72 (the oldest one) is about donuts while #7, quite recent, is about donut holes–thatʹs obviously whatʹs behind a recent bit7 which we examined in the previous section. #5 is shots of and from drone‑mounted cameras; as such, we’re deep behind the scenes (and perhaps a tad running out of ideas?). Think about it. Someone did. Here they are (as of April 13, 2016): 1. Cut It Out: “This is not going to be part of the show.” “Oh my god, unusable on the internet!” 2. How Insulting: Don Rickles bookends these insults. 3. Sensei Seinfeld: Diverse bits of advice for fellow comics, for example: “Stay in the bit.” “You gotta’ sleep with the sword.” 6 7 URL: http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com URL: http://new‑savanna.blogspot.com/2016/03/seinfeld‑through‑donut‑hole.html 16 4. Where are we? – When you’re on the road, sometimes you get lost. 5. Drone On: How they use drones to get aerial shots of the cars. 6. Just right: The word “right” in context: mostly Jerry agreeing with the other person, but sometimes vice versa. 7. Down the Donut Hole: Jerry working on a “donut hole” bit. 8. Cops and Hookers: Comedians are like cops and hookers – all closed communities. Jerry getting pulled over by the cops. 9. This is Great: “This” – whatever it is – “is great.” 10. A Little Advice: Someone is giving advice, or talking about giving advice. 11. No Offense: “Do you think what Rickles does is offensive?” “Of, it’s offensive, unless you like comedy.” 12. Jay and Dave on Pryor: just what is says, the impact of Richard Pryor. 13. Clothes Lines: What comedians are wearing. 14. Potty Mouth: Comedians working dirty or working clean. 15. Stick It: Driving a car with a stick shift. 16. Jerry is How Old: Jerry to Mel Brooks: “Now as I’ve gotten older, I’m 58 years old…” And then he’s sixty. Julia Louis‑Dreyfus: “Wow! That is fucked up!” 17. Joke‑Ology: How jokes are constructed, maintained, and repaired.” 18. We Love Old Guys: Old guys, old comics, and the funny things they do. 19. Forty‑Five Seconds: It’s actually about black people. The 45 seconds? Steve Harvey says that’s all the time a comedian has to catch a black audience; white audiences will give you three minutes. 20. Say What: Miscellaneous questions. “You like to cry?” “Did it have a puffer on it?” An offer: “Half piece of gum?” 21. Rain Man: Seinfeld: “I’m a very good driver.” “I can drive anything.” I’m guessing that the title alludes to the movie in which Dustin Hoffman played a savant, implying that Jerry is a driving savant. 22. Vegas Baby: Being in Las Vegas, working gigs in Vegas. And why’s everyone in Vegas wearing shorts. 23. Inside Baseball: Writers vs. comedians. Being becoming a comedian. Like that. 24. Synchronicity: Coincidences of various kinds. 25. Dave: Comedians on Dave Letterman. And Letterman himself, as well. 26. A Car is Born: When the cars came out. When the comedians were born. 27. Golf for Dummies: GOLF=Get Out and Leave Family. Steve Harvey: “I can’t play golf. Tiger ain’t got no jokes.” 28. Quick Impression: Impressions of Jerry, Jack Nicolson, and others. 29. Having a Breakdown: The car doesn’t work, just a little, sometimes a lot. A DeLorean, a Ferrari, a Corvette, you name it. 30. Speaking Briefly: Briefs, as in underwear. What kind to you wear, briefs or boxers? “You cannot parade in briefs.” 31. Gotta be the Shoes: Jerry’s shoes, and others’ too. 32. Really? – Mostly statements of the form: “X Y Z, Really?” Or: Person 1: “X Y Z” Person 2: “Really?” 17 33. Who Cares? – Mostly statements of the form: Person 1: “X Y Z” Person 2: “who cares?” 34. In and Out: Getting in and out of cars, often awkward. And some of these cars make it very awkward, even for the fit and slender. 35. 108 Stitches: Baseball. (108 stitches in a baseball.) 36. Death Trap: Some of these cars are making ominous noises. And talk of death. “I would like to have my ashes scattered at the beach.” 37. Jewish Food: Half‑and‑half in coffee for Jews, and other facets of Jewish cuisine. 38. Mr. Warmth: Don Rickles and comments and anecdotes about him. 39. Passing Ketchup: The somewhat disconcerting (flatulent) sound ketchup can sometimes make when coming out of the bottle. 40. High & Mighty: Smoking marijuana – (some) comedians do it! 41. Getting Paid: for a gig. What was your first paying gig as a comedian? 42. Lazy Comedians: That is, comedians are lazy people. 43. Analogy Lad: Jerry’s penchant for analogies. If he were a superhero, that’s what he’d be: Analogy Lad. 44. Playing Chicken: Chicken as food. What kind of range do “free range” chicken have? 45. When Comedians Reproduce: About kids and parenting. Michael Richards: ”The wilder the colt, the better the horse.” 46. I’ve Got a Tip for You: How much tip should they leave – they’re celebrities, remember? 47. Hard Time: Prison and jail, really. 48. Hitler: For example, a note on a refrigerator: “I’m at Hitler’s.” 49. Passenger Restraint: How do you use the seat belts on these old cars? 50. Comedians Love Comedians: Comedians like one another, but the rest of us? 51. Mind Your Manners: “Matters, decency, and humanity.” 52. Oh Brother: Siblings. 53. OMG: Religion. This should be obvious, no? 54. Eggs Any Style: Eggs for breakfast. 55. Grow a Pair: “HBO Series, Game of Balls’, and so forth, quips about balls. 56. Tweet Nothings: The mysteries of twitter. 57. What is a Comedian? – “What makes a comedian is how serious he is.” “Comedy is like a secret weapon.” “Always on the case.” 58. What is CCC? – “What is the point of this?” “It’s the car … coffee … conversation.” 59. Hair: Long hair, baldness, facial hair, a wig, etc. 60. Coffee or Tea? – Some take tea, some don’t drink coffee, beast or gentleman? 61. Real Jobs: What they did before becoming a full‑time comic. 62. Vocabulary Words: Word choice, pronunciation – but, of course, it’s got to be funny. 63. Pee‑Pee Time: “Can you pee in front of other men?”– and other urination issues. (FWIW, once, as an undergraduate, I was intimidated when I found myself 18 64. 65. 66. 67. 68. 69. 70. 71. 72. standing next to a very distinguished senior scholar and the first‑floor restroom in the main library at Johns Hopkins.) Leno and Letterman on Each Other: And on Richard Pryor, dogs, and related matters. Sexy Talk: “Can’t a man relax?” New York Life: Real estate, neighborhoods, where the models live, parents, going to work in the morning. My Parents: The title explains it, miscellaneous parental anecdotes. The Money: Lots of money, $50s, picking up the check, etc. Marriage: “You don’t do what’s right; you do what makes the other feel good.” Comedians Love Eating: Comments on what they’re eating, or should or should not eat. Gay Stuff: “I like my car tuned a little bit gay.” Donuts: Remarks about donuts and donut shops. 19