O, YOU DECIDED TO BE A WOMAN. Congratulations! What a stress-free, chill decision to make—one that you obviously reached through careful, calm consideration and not an LSD-fueled night of sobbing introspection. Or: Maybe you’ve spent your whole life feeling like something was…off. Maybe you played with Barbies as a child and wrapped a blanket around yourself like a sarong while perched on a windowsill singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Maybe you confronted your uneasiness with masculinity for years in therapy before finally realizing that it just wasn’t the thing for you. Maybe you just simply realized you couldn’t pretend anymore. The real tea is that being a woman might not be a? Genius.