Let’s start by setting the scene, which is what proper writers do. You know, creating the atmosphere, painting a vivid picture for you, the reader. Waffle, basically.

Anyway, it’s the charity shop on a drizzly Tuesday afternoon. My mischievous colleague Grace and I are standing behind the counter in the regulation manner when she leans across to me and whispers confidentially.

‘Do you know what?’ she says. ‘I don’t think the boys like each other very much.’

‘Do you know what?’ I reply, also keeping my voice