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Text originally published in 1932 under the same title.

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Although in most cases we have retained the Author’s original spelling and grammar to authentically reproduce the work of the Author and the original intent of such material, some additional notes and clarifications have been added for the modern reader’s benefit.

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ONCE A GRAND DUKE

by

ALEXANDER, GRAND DUKE OF RUSSIA

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS 4

FOREWORD 8

ILLUSTRATIONS 9

CHAPTER ONE — OUR FRIENDS OF DECEMBER THE FOURTEENTH 13

CHAPTER TWO — A GRAND DUKE IS BORN 19

CHAPTER THREE — MY FIRST WAR 33

1 33

2 33

3 35

4 36

5 39

6 41

7 43

CHAPTER FOUR — AN EMPEROR IN LOVE 45

1 45

2 45

3 47

4 49

5 53

6 54

CHAPTER FIVE — THE WINDLESS AFTERNOONS 58

1 58

2 58

3 60

4 65

5 66

CHAPTER SIX — A GRAND DUKE COMES OF AGE 70

I 70

2 71

3 73

4 75

5 76

6 77

CHAPTER SEVEN — A GRAND DUKE AT LARGE 80

1 80

2 81

3 83

4 88

5 91

6 92

CHAPTER EIGHT — A GRAND DUKE SETTLES DOWN 96

1 96

2 100

3 102

4 105

5 107

CHAPTER NINE — MY RELATIVES 111

1 111

2 123

CHAPTER TEN — MILLIONS THAT WERE 125

1 125

2 126

3 129

CHAPTER ELEVEN — NICHOLAS II 133

1 133

2 135

3 137

4 138

5 139

6 141

7 143

8 145

CHAPTER TWELVE — TIN GODS 147

1 147

2 149

3 152

CHAPTER THIRTEEN — DRIFTING 157

1 157

2 160

3 161

4 162

5 166

CHAPTER FOURTEEN — NINETEEN HUNDRED FIVE 168

1 168

2 169

3 171

4 172

5 173

6 174

CHAPTER FIFTEEN — HE REBOUND 176

1 176

2 177

3 178

4 180

5 181

6 182

CHAPTER SIXTEEN — THE EYE 184

1 184

2 187

3 189

4 191

5 194

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN — ARMAGEDDON 196

1 196

2 199

3 201

4 203

5 205

6 206

7 207

8 211

9 214

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN — ESCAPE 222

1 222

2 224

3 225

4 226

5 229

6 230

7 234

8 238

CHAPTER NINETEEN — THE AFTERMATH 239

1 239

2 241

3 244

4 249

5 252

CHAPTER TWENTY — THE RELIGION OF LOVE 255

REQUEST FROM THE PUBLISHER 257

FOREWORD

THE history of the last fifty turbulent years of the Russian Empire provides only a background, but is not the subject of this book.

In compiling this record of a grand duke’s progress I relied on memory only, all my letters, diaries and other documents having been partly burned by me and partly confiscated by the revolutionaries during the years of 1917 and 1918 in the Crimea.

Naturally enough, I am dealing at greater length with those who played an important part in my personal life: Emperor Alexander II, Emperor Alexander III, the last Czar Nicholas II, my mother-in-law Dowager-Empress Marie of Russia, my wife Grand Duchess Xenia, and my parents and brothers. The others—generals, ministers and statesmen—appear to have been generously taken care of both in their own memoirs and in the numerous volumes dedicated to the Russian Revolution.

I have no desire for post-mortems and I have done my utmost to keep bias and prejudice from influencing my judgment. In fact, there is no bitterness left in my heart.

ALEXANDER, GRAND DUKE OF RUSSIA.

Paris, Autumn, 1931.

ILLUSTRATIONS

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER DURING THE WAR

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AT THE AGE OF FOUR

THE FUTURE EMPRESS MARIE WITH HER DAUGHTER XENIA

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AT THE AGE OF FIVE

AN IMPERIAL PICNIC PARTY

GRAND DUKE MICHAEL NICHOLAEVICH

GRAND DUCHESS OLGA FEODOROVNA

EMPEROR ALEXANDER III

THE IMPERIAL FAMILY OF RUSSIA

GRAND DUKE SERGEI MICHAILOVICH

GRAND DUKE NICHOLAS MICHAILOVICH

GRAND DUKE GEORGE MICHAILOVICH

TWO VIEWS OF THE ESTATE AT AY-TODOR

CZAR NICHOLAS II WITH GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS XENIA

CZAR NICHOLAS II; GRAND DUKE MICHAEL NICHOLAEVICH

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS XENIA

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER WITH HIS DAUGHTER IRENE

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER, GRAND DUCHESS XENIA AND THEIR TWO ELDEST CHILDREN

THE CZAR AND CZARINA WITH THEIR THREE ELDER DAUGHTERS

CZAR NICHOLAS II IN 1899

THE LAST CZARINA IN 1899

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER IN XVII CENTURY COSTUME

GRAND DUCHESS XENIA IN XVII CENTURY COSTUME

CZAR NICHOLAS AS A XVII CENTURY CZAR

THE LAST CZARINA OF RUSSIA

THE LAST CZARINA IN THE UNIFORM OF HER OWN GUARD REGIMENT

THE HEIR APPARENT AND ONLY SON OF THE LAST CZAR

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER INSPECTING A NEW AERODROME

CZAR NICHOLAS II IN HIS SUMMER RESIDENCE

CZAR NICHOLAS IN MOSCOW

GRAND DUKE MICHAEL ALEXANDROVICH (MISHA)

THE CZAR AND THE CZARINA REVIEWING A REGIMENT

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER DISTRIBUTING DIPLOMAS

THE SEVEN CHILDREN OF THE GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF THE AIR FORCES

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND HIS WIFE DURING THE WAR

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS OLGA

CZAR NICHOLAS AT HIS HEADQUARTERS IN MOGILEV IN 1916

GRAND DUCHESS OLGA

THE GRAND DUCHESS XENIA IN EXILE WITH HER CHILDREN

PRINCESS IRENE YOUSOUPOFF, ONLY DAUGHTER OF GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AS HE LOOKS TODAY

THE DOWAGER-EMPRESS

THE THREE GRAND-CHILDREN OF GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AT THE AGE OF FOUR

THE FUTURE EMPRESS MARIE WITH HER DAUGHTER XENIA

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AT THE AGE OF FIVE

AN IMPERIAL PICNIC PARTY

GRAND DUKE MICHAEL NICHOLAEVICH

GRAND DUCHESS OLGA FEODOROVNA

EMPEROR ALEXANDER III

THE IMPERIAL FAMILY OF RUSSIA

GRAND DUKE SERGEI MICHAILOVICH

GRAND DUKE NICHOLAS MICHAILOVICH

GRAND DUKE GEORGE MICHAILOVICH

TWO VIEWS OF THE ESTATE AT AY-TODOR

CZAR NICHOLAS II WITH GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS XENIA

CZAR NICHOLAS II; GRAND DUKE MICHAEL NICHOLAEVICH

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS XENIA

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER WITH HIS DAUGHTER IRENE

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER, GRAND DUCHESS XENIA AND THEIR TWO ELDEST CHILDREN

THE CZAR AND CZARINA WITH THEIR THREE ELDER DAUGHTERS

CZAR NICHOLAS II IN 1899

THE LAST CZARINA IN 1899

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER IN XVII CENTURY COSTUME

GRAND DUCHESS XENIA IN XVII CENTURY COSTUME

CZAR NICHOLAS AS A XVII CENTURY CZAR

THE LAST CZARINA OF RUSSIA

THE LAST CZARINA IN THE UNIFORM OF HER OWN GUARD REGIMENT

THE HEIR APPARENT AND ONLY SON OF THE LAST CZAR

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER INSPECTING A NEW AERODROME

CZAR NICHOLAS II IN HIS SUMMER RESIDENCE

CZAR NICHOLAS IN MOSCOW

GRAND DUKE MICHAEL ALEXANDROVICH (MISHA)

THE CZAR AND THE CZARINA REVIEWING A REGIMENT

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER DISTRIBUTING DIPLOMAS

THE SEVEN CHILDREN OF THE GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF THE AIR FORCES

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND HIS WIFE DURING THE WAR

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AND GRAND DUCHESS OLGA

CZAR NICHOLAS AT HIS HEADQUARTERS IN MOGILEV IN 1916

GRAND DUCHESS OLGA

THE GRAND DUCHESS XENIA IN EXILE WITH HER CHILDREN

PRINCESS IRENE YOUSOUPOFF, ONLY DAUGHTER OF GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER AS HE LOOKS TODAY

THE DOWAGER-EMPRESS

THE THREE GRAND-CHILDREN OF GRAND DUKE ALEXANDER

Someone has proposed the toast, Our Memories. Goethe knocked on the table and said: I do not like these words. The toast seems to imply that we have forgotten and that some outer event recalls our memories to us. Those things which are great and beautiful never leave us; they become part of ourselves. It is not the past but the eternally new which our desires would have us seek.... The new is itself the creation of ever-growing elements of the past. True longing must always be productive and fashion a new and better self."

ROMAIN ROLLAND: Goethe and Beethoven.

ONCE A GRAND DUKE

CHAPTER ONE — OUR FRIENDS OF DECEMBER THE FOURTEENTH

A TALL man of military bearing crossed the rain-drenched courtyard of the Imperial Palace in Taganrog and rapidly made for the street.

The sentinel jumped to attention, but the stranger ignored the salute. The next moment he disappeared in the dark November night that had wrapped this small southern seaport in a thick blanket of yellowish fog.

Who was it? asked the sleepy corporal of the guard, returning from his tour around the block.

I think, answered the sentinel hesitatingly, that it was His Imperial Majesty going for an early stroll.

Are you mad, man? Don’t you know that His Imperial Majesty is gravely ill? The doctors gave up hope last evening and expect the end will come before dawn.

It may be so, said the sentinel, but no other man has those stooping shoulders. I guess I ought to know, having seen him daily for the last three months.

A few hours later a heavy knell filled the air for miles around, announcing that His Imperial Majesty, the Czar of all the Russias and the conqueror of Napoleon—Alexander I—had passed away in peace.

Several special couriers were dispatched immediately to notify the Government in St. Petersburg and the Heir Apparent, the brother of the late Czar, Grand Duke Constantin in Warsaw. Then a trusted officer was called in and ordered to accompany the imperial remains to the capital.

For the following ten days the entire nation breathlessly watched a pale, worn-out man crouching behind a sealed coffin and driving in a funeral coach at a speed suggestive of a raid by the French cavalry. The veterans of Austerlitz, Leipzig and Paris, stationed along the long route, shook their heads dubiously and said that it was a strange climax indeed for a reign of unsurpassed glamour and glory.

The late sovereign is not to be laid in state, said the laconic statement issued by the Government on receipt of the dispatches from Taganrog.

In vain did the foreign ambassadors and powerful courtiers try to find a plausible explanation for this mystery. Everybody pleaded ignorance and expressed bewilderment.

In the meantime something else happened which caused all eyes to be turned from the imperial mausoleum in the direction of the Plaza of the Senate. Grand Duke Constantin had abdicated in favor of his brother Nicholas. Happily married to a Polish commoner, he felt reluctant to exchange his carefree existence in Warsaw for the vicissitudes of the throne. He asked to be excused, and hoped his decision would be respected.

His letter had been read by the puzzled Senate in an atmosphere of gloomy silence.

Grand Duke Nicholas—his name sounded but vaguely familiar. Of course there were four sons in the family of Czar Paul I, but who could have expected that the handsome Alexander would die without issue, and that the robust Constantin would spring such a surprise on his beloved Russia? Several years younger than his brothers, the Grand Duke Nicholas followed until December, 1825, the well-established routine of a man following a military career, and the Minister of War seemed the only official in St. Petersburg to have formed an idea of the new Czar’s habits and talents.

An excellent officer, a dependable executor of orders, a patient solicitor who had spent many hours of his youth waiting in the antechambers of high commanders. A likable chap of sterling qualities, but a poor boy who knew nothing of the complicated affairs of state, for he had never been invited by his brother to participate in the deliberations of the Imperial Council. Fortunately for the future of the empire, he would have to rely upon the judgment of statesmen, experienced and patriotic. This last thought brought a certain comfort into the hearts of the ministers as they went to meet the youthful ruler of Russia.

A certain coolness marked their encounter. First of all, declared the new Czar, he wanted to see with his own eyes the letter of Grand Duke Constantin. One had to be prepared for all sorts of intrigues when dealing with persons who did not belong to the army. He read it carefully and examined the signature. It still seemed unbelievable to him that an heir apparent to the Russian throne should disobey the command of the Almighty. In any event, brother Constantin should have advised the late Czar of his plans in due time, so that he, Nicholas, could have been afforded a possibility of learning le métier d’un Empereur (the profession of an Emperor).

He clenched his fists and got up. Tall, handsome and athletically built, he looked a perfect specimen of manhood.

We shall carry out the orders of our late brother and the wishes of Grand Duke Constantin, he concluded curtly, and his usage of the plural did not escape the ministers. This young man talked like a czar. It remained to be proved whether he was capable of acting as one. The occasion presented itself sooner than expected.

Next day December 14, 1825—having been set for the army to take its oath of allegiance to the new Czar, a secret political society headed by young men of noble birth decided to seize this opportunity for an open revolt against the dynasty.

It is very difficult, even after the passing of a century, to form a definite opinion of the program of those who were to be known as the Men of December (Dekabristy). Officers of the Guard, gentlemen-philosophers and writers, they decided to work together not because of the similarity of their ambitions, but because of that feeling of self-identification with the oppressed which had been released by the French Revolution and was common to all of them. No semblance of an agreement ever entered their discussions as to what should be done on the day after the fall of the existing régime. Colonel Pestel, Prince Troubetzkoi, Prince Volkonsky and other moderate leaders of the St. Petersburg branch of the society dreamed of building the state along the lines of the constitutional monarchy adopted by England. Mouravieff and the theoreticians of the provincial branches clamored for a Robespierrian republic. With a possible exception of Pestel, a sad man of mathematical mind who undertook the trouble of working out a detailed project of the Russian constitution, the rank and file of the organization preferred to center their imaginations on the spectacular side of their attempt. The poet Rylyeff saw himself in the part of Camille Desmoulins, haranguing the crowds and proclaiming freedom. A poor unbalanced youth by the name of Kakhovsky preached the necessity of imitating the noble example of Brutus.

Among the numerous young followers attracted by the names of the scions of Russia’s best families were Kukhelbecker and Pouschchin, two school chums of the famous poet Poushkin. The latter, advised of the approaching events, left his country place and started for St. Petersburg, when a frightened hare crossed the road in front of his carriage. The superstitious poet stopped the driver and turned back.

In any event, such was the story told by him to his friends the conspirators, but he did write a beautiful poem dedicated to their daring undertaking.

Although the secret society was formed as far back as 1821, its activities had never gone beyond the heated meetings that took place in the apartments of Pestel, Rylyeff and Bestujeff-Rumin. Considering the well-known Russian ability to engage in endless debates, chances are they would have talked themselves out of the whole idea of doing anything at all, had it not been for the powerful impetus provided by the mysterious death of Alexander I and the abdication of Grand Duke Constantin.

Now or never, said Kakhovsky, waving his enormous pistol. Colonel Pestel hesitated, but the majority seconded the fiery tribune.

On the evening of December 13, having failed to reach a unanimous decision, they left for the military barracks and spent the night in conversations with the soldiers of the St. Petersburg garrison.

The plan, if any, consisted in leading out several regiments to the Plaza of the Senate and forcing the Emperor to agree to certain amendments to the constitution. Long before dawn it became clear that the attempt had failed. Notwithstanding the fine eloquence of the aristocratic orators and the lengthy quotations from Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the soldiers remained noncommittal. The only question asked by them had to do with the meaning of the word constitution. Could it be the wife of Grand Duke Constantin the gentlemen were referring to?

It is time yet, suggested Pestel, to call everything off.

Too late, answered his associates. The Government is already notified of what is going on. We are bound to be arrested and tried. Let us die fighting.

Finally a few battalions commanded by the popular officers belonging to the secret society agreed to march. Their progress through the streets toward the Plaza of the Senate encountered no resistance. The military governor of St. Petersburg, General Miloradovich, one of the surviving heroes of 1812, who bowed to no one in his passion for the dramatization of historical events, placed a regiment of loyal cavalry and a battery of artillery at the foot of the Senate Building, but permitted the plotters to reach their destination without interference.

All morning long a heavy fog had been creeping up from the banks of the Neva. When it lifted toward noon, the shivering crowds of curious spectators beheld the two opposing armies standing in front of each other, divided by some three hundred feet of no man’s land.

Minutes, hours, went by. The soldiers commenced to complain of hunger. The leaders of the secret society felt helpless and miserable. They were willing to sacrifice their lives, but the Government did not seem inclined to start hostilities, and it would have been sheer madness on their part to attempt sending the infantry against the combined forces of cavalry and artillery.

It’s a standing revolution, said a voice from behind, and an outburst of laughter greeted this historical phrase.

Suddenly a hush fell over the crowds.

The young Czar, the young Czar! Look at him riding next to Miloradovich.

Disregarding all advisers, who pointed out that he had no right to risk his life, Emperor Nicholas I decided to assume personal charge of the situation. At the head of a group of officers, mounted on a tall horse, he presented an easy target for the revolutionaries. Even a mediocre shot could hardly have missed him.

Your Imperial Majesty, pleaded the frightened Miloradovich, I beg of you to return to the palace.

I will stay right here, came the firm answer. Someone must save the lives of these poor misguided people.

Miloradovich spurred his famous white mount and galloped toward the opposite end of the Plaza. Not unlike his master, he had no fear of the Russian soldiers. They would never dare fire at a man who had led them against the Old Guard of Napoleon.

Stopping in front of the revolutionaries, Miloradovich made one of those colorful speeches that had inspired many a regiment during the battles of 1812. Every word went home. They smiled at his jokes. They brightened up at the familiar allusions. One minute more, and they would have followed his brotherly advice of an old soldier and started back for the barracks.

Just then a dark figure appeared between them and Miloradovich.

Pale, disheveled, smelling of brandy, and having never parted with his pistol since early morning, Kakhovsky fired point-blank: the resplendent general sank back in the saddle.

A riot of indignant vociferations broke loose on both sides.

The Emperor bit his lip and glanced in the direction of the battery. The echo repeated the bark of the guns all over the city.

The standing revolution had come to an end. Several score of soldiers were killed, and every one of the leaders was arrested by midnight.

I shall never forget my friends of December the fourteenth, said the Emperor weeks later, and signed the sentences condemning Pestel, Kakhovsky, Bestujeff-Rumin, Rylyeff and Mouravieff to the gallows, and the rest of their associates to penal servitude in Siberia.

He never did. During one of his journeys through Siberia he inquired into the minutest details of the lives of the exiled aristocrats who had unwittingly become the predecessors of a movement which was to achieve its goal ninety-two years later.

He had likewise expressed the desire to talk to a hermit known as Feodor Kousmich, and had made a long detour in order to visit his humble log cabin in the wilderness. There was no witness to their meeting, but the Emperor remained closeted with the saintly man for over three hours. He came out in a pensive mood. The aides-de-camp thought they had noticed tears in his eyes. After all, wrote one of them, there may be something to the legend which tells us that a simple soldier had been buried in the imperial mausoleum in St. Petersburg, and that Emperor Alexander I is hiding in the guise of this strange man.

My late brother, Grand Duke Nicholas Michailovich, spent several years working in the archives of our family, trying to find a corroboration of this astounding legend. He believed in its emotional plausibility, but the diaries of our grandfather Emperor Nicholas I, strangely enough, failed to mention even the fact of his visit to Feodor Kousmich.

The sentinel of the imperial palace in Taganrog may have conceived his story under the influence of the rumors which had gripped the popular imagination in the early thirties of the nineteenth century. The fact remains, however, that the mystic mentality developed by Emperor Alexander in the latter years of his reign could be used as a powerful argument by the historians inclined to uphold the imperial identity of the silent Siberian hermit.

Worn out by the continuous wars with Napoleon, thoroughly disillusioned by the insincerity of his German, Austrian and English allies, my imperial granduncle liked for months to stay in the provincial retirement of his Taganrog palace, reading the Bible to his sad and beautiful consort, who had never ceased to grieve over their childlessness. Suffering with insomnia, he would get up at all hours of the night and try in vain to relieve his mind, filled with the images of a stormy past.

Two particular scenes used to haunt his memory: Count Pahlen entering his room on the morning of March u, 1801, announcing the assassination of his father, Emperor Paul I; Napoleon at Tilsit embracing him and promising to maintain eternal peace in Europe. These two people robbed him of his youth ad covered his hands with blood.

Over and over again he read the words of the Preacher, heavily outlined by him in pencil: I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

CHAPTER TWO — A GRAND DUKE IS BORN

A BOY has just been born in the family of His Imperial Highness, announced an aide-de-camp of Grand Duke Michael, then Viceroy of the Caucasus, bursting into the office occupied by the commandant of the Tiflis fortress on the morning of April 1, 1866. Have the imperial salute of one hundred and one guns fired immediately.

It ceases to be funny, answered the old general, looking gloomily at the calendar hanging over his head. I have been pestered all morning long. Try your April first jokes on someone else, or I shall report you to His Imperial Highness.

You don’t seem to understand, Excellency, said the aide-de-camp impatiently. This is no joke. I come straight from the palace and would advise you to carry out the orders.

The commandant shrugged his shoulders, glanced once more at the calendar and started for the palace to verify the news.

Half an hour later the guns commenced to boom, and a special proclamation informed the excited Georgians, Armenians, Tartars and Highlanders promenading along the main thoroughfare of the Caucasian capital that the newly-born grand duke was to be christened Alexander, in honor of his imperial uncle, Emperor Alexander II.

On April 2, 1866, at the tender age of twenty-four hours, I became the honorary colonel of the 73rd Krimsky Infantry Regiment, an officer of the fourth rifle battalion of the Imperial Guard, an officer of the Guard Hussars, an officer of the Guard Artillery Brigade and an officer of the Caucasian Grenadier Division. A beautiful wet-nurse bad to exercise all her ingenuity to pacify the holder of all these exalted positions....

Following in the steps of his uncompromising father Emperor Nicholas I, my father thought it only natural that his sons should be raised in an atmosphere of militarism, strict discipline and exacting duties. Inspector-general of the Russian artillery and viceroy of an enormously rich, half-Asiatic province incorporating some twenty-odd nationalities and fighting tribes, he had but small regard for the niceties of modern education.

My mother, Princess Cecilia of Baden before her marriage, came of age in the days when Bismarck kept all Germany spellbound by his sermon of iron and blood.

Small wonder that the joys of my care-free childhood came to an abrupt end on my seventh birthday. Among the many gifts presented to me on that occasion I found the uniform of the colonel of the Seventy-third Krimsky Infantry Regiment and a sword. I shrieked with delight, imagining that it meant a possibility of getting rid of my usual costume, which up to then had consisted of a shirt of pink silk, broad trousers and high red-leather boots.

My father smiled and shook his head negatively. Of course, I would occasionally be permitted to don the glittering uniform if I were a good boy, but first of all I had to deserve the honor of wearing this noble sword. I had to study hard for many years.

My face became rather long, but the worst was yet to come.

Beginning with tomorrow, explained my father, you are to live in the same quarters with your brothers Michael and George. You will take your orders from their tutors.

Goodby, my kind nurses. Goodby, fairy tales. Goodby, peaceful dreams. My head sank into the pillows; I cried all night long, refusing to listen to the comforting words of the big-hearted Cossack Shevtchenko. Finally, seeing that his promises to visit with me each and every Sunday failed to produce the necessary effect, he whispered to me in a frightened tone: Think what shame it would mean for you if His Imperial Majesty should mention it in an army order that his nephew, Grand Duke Alexander, does not deserve to command the Seventy-third Krimsky Infantry Regiment because he likes to cry like a girl.

I jumped up from the bed and rushed to wash my face. To think that I very nearly disgraced my entire family in the eyes of the imperial court!

An event of still greater importance coincided with this seventh birthday of mine. I suppose it amounted to a veritable spiritual dawn, so strong was the shock caused to my young soul.

The custom of the Greek Orthodox Church required every boy to be taken to his first confession before venturing upon the road of worldly knowledge. The kind Father Tito if did his best to soften the ordeal, but he had to obey the relentless regulations.

For the first time in my life I learned of the existence of various sins accurately classified and described at length by this holy man. A child of seven was called upon to confess his intercourse with the Devil. The God who talked to me in murmurs of red, white and blue flowers growing in our garden had suddenly given way to a menacing and unforgiving Being.

Trying to avoid my horrified look, Father Titoff spoke of the damnations and tortures of hell guaranteed for anyone who would attempt to hide his sinfulness. He raised his voice, and I glanced tremblingly at the Cross on his breast, lighted by the rays of the hot Caucasian sun. Could it be that I had committed some frightful crime, unconsciously and unwittingly?

Very often little boys steal small things from their parents. They mean no harm, but their deed constitutes a sin!

No, I felt quite certain of never having stolen even a piece of candy out of the big silver bowl that stood on the mantel-piece in the dining-room, although more than once I had been tempted to do so. My mind traveled back to the previous summer spent in Italy. While in Naples, admiring a group of fruit trees behind our villa, I did pick a luscious red apple, which had a sharp flavor that made me feel homesick for the Caucasus.

Father Titoff, am I to be thrown into Hell for picking an apple in Naples?

Well, he could see a way to square this sin of mine if I would promise never to repeat the grave misdeed.

His willingness to compromise prompted my courage. Stuttering, stammering and swallowing the words, I expressed my bewilderment at the existence of Hell.

You always said, Father Titoff, when you came to lunch to the palace, that God loved all men, women, children, animals and flowers. Then how could He permit these awful tortures to be practiced in Hell? How could He love and hate us at the same time?

It was the turn of Father Titoff to become terrified.

Never say it again! It is a sacrilege! Of course, God loves us all; there is no such thing as hatred in His Kingdom.

But, Father Titoff, you just told me yourself of those awful tortures awaiting all sinners. Then you mean to say that God loves only the virtuous people and does not love the sinners?

He sighed deeply and put his soft white hand on my head.

My dear boy, you will understand all this in due time. Some day when you have become a great commander, you will thank me for developing a spirit of true Christianity in your soul. Now, just follow my advice and do not ask me any more questions.

I left the church with a firm conviction of having lost something exceedingly precious which nothing could replace, even if I should become the Emperor of Russia.

Did you say your adieus to the nurses? asked my father when I climbed on his chair to kiss him good night.

Nothing mattered for me anymore. What good could the nurses do if we were all doomed to Hell?

And from then to the age of fifteen my education resembled the training in a regiment. My brothers Nicholas, Michael, Sergei, George and myself lived as in barracks. We slept on narrow iron beds, only the thinnest possible mattress being allowed over the wooden planks. I remember that even in later years, after my marriage, I could not become accustomed to the luxury of a large bed with double mattresses and linen sheets, and ordered my old hard bunk to be put next to it.

We were called every morning at six o’clock. We had to jump out of our beds immediately, for a severe punishment swiftly followed an attempt to sleep just five minutes more.

Kneeling in a row in front of the three ikons, we said our prayers, then took a cold bath. Our breakfast consisted of tea, bread and butter. Any other ingredients had been strictly forbidden, lest we should develop a taste for a luxurious life.

A lesson in gymnastics and practice with firearms filled another hour, particular attention being paid to the handling of