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    Lovebirds
    Lovebirds
    Lovebirds
    Ebook89 pages1 hour

    Lovebirds

    By Snooki Spunk

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    When it comes to Gable Flint, nothing comes easy. And when a bird sets up shop outside his window, depriving him of much needed sleep, things turn deadly.

    Will Gable finally whack that dopey bird, or is it merely a harbinger of much deeper problems?

    Approximately 16,000 words.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSnooki Spunk
    Release dateFeb 10, 2019
    ISBN9781386227236
    Lovebirds

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      Book preview

      Lovebirds - Snooki Spunk

      Lovebirds: A Zany Adventure by Snooki SpunkFemme fatale

      Lovebirds

      A Zany Adventure

      Snooki Spunk

      Also by Snooki Spunk

      Cramps

      Hair Pie Surprise

      Lovebirds

      The (Yummy!) Crusty Englishman

      The Copyright Notice To End All Copyright Notices

      Is there any point in doing this whole copyright notice thing? Do you really have to be told that I wrote this fucking thing, and that all rights have been reserved?

      You can’t be serious! For all those toothless, slimy pirates that live to fuck authors out of their hard-earned work, let me spell it out to you in excruciating detail:

      This pristine work of fiction is © 2019 by Snooki Spunk. All rights have been reserved, get it? That means they’re mine, mine...all mine!!! And don’t even think of stealing my work and making it look like your own, fucker. Yummy will personally drag you into the Birmingham backwoods and show you a little southern hospitality.

      Translation: She’ll shove a pitchfork up your ass, moron!

      So, fellow butt pirates of the seven seas, be warned: my crew is armed, dangerous and can fuck you up in more ways than anything on your limp-dick vessel. I have over 1,000 BDSM authors at my disposal who haven’t had sex in months, and would love to test out their latest erotic theories on you, many of them not legal.

      No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form (let me spell it out for you, you thieving bastards: we have these little things called computers. Don’t use them to copy, distribute and otherwise steal my work! I don’t care if you take a picture with your nuts hanging off the side of each page just so you can have the Special Hairy Balls Edition. Don’t do it, you slimy, cheap-ass pervert!), be it electrical, mechanical, drawing in the sand, paying some idiot savant to memorize my entire work and farting it out his backend, etc.

      And don’t forget...this is a work of fiction, bunghole! I made this shit up. That’s what I do for a living, unlike your unemployed, food stamp-mooching ass. Do you really think that I’d bother copying someone else’s crap when I create plenty of my own, occasionally in my pants?

      Names, characters, places and events literally sprung into my head at the moment of conception, so it’s impossible that I’m mimicking an actual event, acquaintance, celebrity or fictional world other than my own, because my fucked up world is so much better than anything the rest of those nimrods can come up with.

      And if you still don’t get it, there’s no hope for your depraved soul. Karma will eventually sort this out, and punctuate the point with a well-placed lightning bolt up your ass. Not once, but multiple times, over and over again until your back end is incinerated to hell.

      Get it? Good, because payback’s a bitch, bitch.

      Oh, and don’t forget to buy Hair Pie Surprise if you don’t already have a copy.

      —Snooki Spunk, the author of this fucking book

      E-book layout, formatting and design by Snooki Spunk.

      Written, edited and produced in the United States of America.

      Image(s) licensed by DepositPhotos.com and © Konstantin Tavrov (#6262525).

      snookispunk.blogspot.com

      First Edition (v1.0)

      Published on February 10, 2019

      Last updated on February 11, 2019

      ISBN-13: 9781386227236

      Table of Contents

      Title Page

      Also by Snooki Spunk

      Copyright

      The Foul-Mouthed Mayhem Begins!

      Dedication

      Tuesday

      Wednesday

      Thursday

      Friday

      Saturday

      Sunday

      Monday

      A Second Interview with Snooki Spunk

      How To Fuck Up A Perfectly Good Copyright Notice And Have Fun Doing It

      Product Description

      About the Author

      Thank You!

      The Foul-Mouthed Mayhem Begins!

      Welcome to another fine classic, where flying hair pies are the norm, and at least one character has a serious case of P.M.S. As always, little makes sense, for if it did, it wouldn’t be Snooki Spunk.

      My apologies in advance for the profanity in this one. While I’m not averse to unleashing a foul-mouth tirade every now and then, I usually choose my words more carefully.

      But not with this fucker!

      Gable Flint is a psychopath, and doesn’t take crap from nobody. Like so many of us (particularly authors), he’s in his own world 24/7, and doesn’t quite grasp the world around him.

      Should you be afraid of Mr. Flint? Absolutely! But if you skim the daily news, you’ll realize that there are plenty of people far crazier that have sex with animals (a side of donkey balls, anyone?), shoot up movie theaters, and listen to Justin Bieber music.

      And what about the deranged soul that comes up with characters like Mr. Flint and purposefully puts them in bizarre situations just to see them tick?

      Honestly, I’m not all that bad.

      I just get these voices in my head, you see, and the only way to get them out is to encourage them for a while, scribbling down every word they say. And, of course, give them a flying hair pie in the face for good measure.

      All in a day’s work...

      Ask any author you know and you’ll find that we’re all a bunch of raving lunatics. We hear voices, prefer to be locked in a room by ourselves, and stare at a monitor (and occasionally the wall), completely engrossed in our thoughts. Some even wear diapers so that they don’t have to take bathroom breaks (Yummy does this when she really gets into a book), and write about sex more often than we actually have it. Yes, it’s a cornucopia of crap that can only be described as the writer’s mind, only understood once you’ve been on the inside of that shit show for a while. (Trust me, it’s far more disturbing than anything I can scribble down here.)

      All fart and hairy balls jokes aside, I want to take this opportunity

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