Chapter One

Devon felt Belle tense and quickly withdrew. He rolled to his side and pulled his wife close as his desire ebbed. The tears wetting his chest were not unexpected and he knew this had been a mistake, but Belle was nothing if not determined.

It’s all right, Belle, he tried to soothe.

No, she countered, anger slowly creeping in to mix with her sorrow. It sucks. She sniffed. It’s so damned unfair to you!

If intercourse is only thing that’s held us together for thirty-five years it doesn’t say much for our marriage. He maneuvered to kiss her forehead. I love you for much more than that.

She knew that. And appreciated it, but for how long? How long would a still virile man be happy with a wife who could no longer enjoy intercourse? Devon was a fit, healthy, attractive fifty-eight and she didn’t believe for a minute that he would, or even should, remain celibate the rest of his life. She’d tried everything. They’d tried everything. Either she couldn’t tolerate the side effects of a hormone or it was ineffective. Menopause had destroyed that part of her and sex was anything but pleasurable these days. It was downright painful. So much so she couldn’t ignore it or hide it from her husband.

Devon understood Belle’s determination only made things worse. He was having an easier time dealing with her change than she was. It happened to some women. She’d dragged them to multiple doctors searching for a solution and they’d tried every prescription available. Their bathroom was full of over-the-counter products and new ones kept appearing as she endlessly searched the internet for something that might help.

Thirty-five years of marriage preceded by two of courtship that were not celibate. Up until three years ago, all had been sexually active with a frequency few were lucky enough to enjoy. They both liked sex and usually ended their days with it. He had never had a complaint in that department.

Devon loved his wife. He didn’t think there had ever been a day when he questioned that. Oh sure, he missed the final act, but he didn’t view this any differently than he would any other disease she may have contracted that would have the same effect. For better or for worse were not just words to him. They were a vow made to a wonderful woman and the current situation was not of her making. They simply had to adjust and she wasn’t doing that very well. That worried him the most. He didn’t bother saying that now. He’d said it all before, many times. The words fell on deaf ears and he didn’t understand that at all. He was very afraid one change was triggering others and had no idea how to prevent that.

He continued to rub her back after she sniffed herself to sleep. He had no idea how long it took him to join her in that serene place.

Belle paused at the sound of the sniff three days later. She backed up and peered through the door to find young Dana struggling not to drip tears on the grand piano she was polishing. Dana was a tiny thing. Surprisingly strong, but tiny. She’d joined the cleaning service Belle used two years ago and had been cleaning her house ever since. Belle liked her enormously. She was efficient, diligent, and generally pleasant. She was also honest and Belle knew she didn’t have to worry if she ran an errand while Dana was in the house.

Dana? She asked as she stepped into the room. Is everything all right?

Dana struggled to compose herself before she faced Mrs. Thomas. Yes, ma’am, she finally replied. Forgive me.

There’s nothing to forgive, Belle assured her. Why don’t you come into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and tell me what’s wrong?

She gave a delicate snort. It’d take less time to tell you what’s right. Nothing. She nodded once. There. Done. I’ll get back to work now.

Belle laughed. Your humor is a little questionable at times, young lady, but for some reason I enjoy it. Come on. Maybe if you tell me your troubles I’ll forget mine for a while.

Dana knew this house intimately. It was huge. It was gorgeous. The signs of wealth and success were everywhere. She wasn’t sure what Mr. Thomas did to afford all this, but he travelled quite a bit. There were four grown children. She only knew that by the childhood pictures she dusted. She did not know their names or present ages. You have troubles? She asked doubtfully.

We all do. If anyone tells you they don’t, they’re lying. If you really don’t want to talk, fine. If you’re refusing because you think you should, give it up. We’ve known each other long enough to forgo pretense.

Dana considered that. Many of the woman she worked for treated her like a servant. Mrs. Thomas never had. She was a warm woman and it would be nice to have someone to talk to. Confidentially?

Belle looked affronted. I am not a gossip.

I didn’t mean to insult you.

She waved that away. Are you coming or not?

Coming, she decided, set her dust rag down and followed the older woman to the kitchen.

Have a seat. Cream? Sugar?

A little of each.

Belle poured their coffees and joined her at the table. Let’s start with why you were crying.

Dana looked past the woman and out through the French doors to the yard. I ran home for the mail before I came over. I had applied to Waxton University in the fall and was granted early acceptance...

That’s wonderful! It’s a terrific school.

That’s what I thought. It’s my dream school. I’ve wanted to go there since I was old enough to know what it was. I can’t afford it and was holding out for a scholarship. They have a set formula and I qualified in every academic area. The award letter arrived today. I did get some grant money, but not enough.

Belle grimaced. This is none of my business, but your parents can’t help?

My parents, she said coldly. Unemotionally. Yeah, right. My father committed suicide when I was fifteen, leaving behind astronomical debts. Turned out he was a gambler and a lousy one at that. Everything we had was financed and all lost. My mother, being the upstanding parent she is, dropped me off at my grandmother’s, said, ‘I’m out of here’, and I haven’t seen her since. She faced Belle. I have taken every AP course the school offers and aced them all. My GPA is almost 4.5 as a result of that. My SAT scores are just about perfect. I didn’t get the scholarship because I don’t have enough community service or extracurricular activities. I don’t have those because I work after school every day and on weekends. My grandmother does not support me. I explained all that in my application, but I guess it’s not as valuable as playing high school softball.

The bitterness in one so young broke Belle’s heart. Loans? She asked softly.

Dana shook her head adamantly. No. I refuse to go into debt. I plan to major in accounting and finance, Mrs. Thomas. I understand what repaying those loans mean as few do. A college degree doesn’t necessarily grant you a job worthy of the debt load. It’s a crap shoot I’m not willing to bet on. I’ll pay as I go and attend community college for all my prerequisites and figure out the rest later. It may take me ten years, but I will not go into debt.

And in the meantime your life is on hold? If I’m hearing you correctly, those extra activities you lack also include a social life.

I don’t even want one, Dana assured her. It’s all so ridiculous. The drama in the school hallways is unbelievable. Backbiting, drugs, alcohol, pregnancies. All to fit in and for what? Few of these people will even be in touch in ten years. I was an outsider three years ago and I still am. I don’t blame them for that, it was my choice. I have little enough to offer them and they have nothing I want.

Friendship is often enough, Dana, Belle said softly.

One would think so, but the girls that might be best friends one day are often enemies the next. It happens all the time and is the fodder for a lot of gossip. She smiled a little and took a sip of coffee. I have come to the conclusion after a high school career of observation that teenagers are not very trustworthy. Please tell me they improve with age.

Belle smiled back. Most do. Just how old are you?

Does it matter?

Smart and wise are not always the same thing. You, young lady, are both, and that is a rare thing in a teenager, I know, I raised four of them.

Eighteen last fall.

And you’ve never had a boyfriend?

Just in third grade. If I recall, we punched each other a lot.

Belle laughed. Well, I was right.

About what?

I forgot about my troubles. That was basically a lie. What she was wondering is if maybe she’d found a solution to them. It was nuts, but worth considering. How about you? Do you feel better?

Dana considered that. I’m not sure. I guess. I mean, I don’t think the world is coming to an end or anything, but I was really hoping to avoid Plan B.

But would you consider a Plan C? Belle wondered. One last question and I’ll stop being nosy. Just how short is the grant?

I got ten grand a semester for tuition. There’s nothing for room and board. I don’t care about that. I’m not cut out for dorm life and I’ve been saving to get into an apartment. Even if I manage to keep the grant year to year, I’m still looking at eighty grand before we even get to interest. I just can’t do it. I won’t.

Belle regarded her silently. In many ways she was still a child, but the woman waiting was plain to see. Her own life had been so easy and she knew absolutely nothing about material wants, much less need. Dana knew too much about all that. How long do you have to reply to Waxton?

One month.

Hold off. Life is full of surprises and you never know what might happen tomorrow.

Dana finished her coffee and rose. Cinderella I am not and I have cleaning to finish. Thank you for the coffee, Mrs. Thomas.

Thank you for the trust, Dana.

Dana looked at her for a moment and nodded. Your children are lucky. I hope they realize that.

Belle said nothing to that as she watched Dana return to her duties. She was too busy thinking about possibilities.

Belle plotted for days before she decided to talk to Devon. She had a good idea of what his initial reaction would be, but hoped he’d take the time to think about things. Their weekend, as usual, had been busy in the social arena. As hard as Devon worked, it was a very rare weekend he wasn’t home and available. Sunday night dinner was all but sacred and with the children gone it was their quiet time. They cooked, ate and cleaned up together before retiring to relax on the sofa or deck, depending on the weather.

Spring was barely a whisper tonight and Devon lit the gas fireplace before they settled in with their after dinner drinks and she decided it was as good a time as any to approach him. Snuggled on the couch with him absently rubbing her arm, she said, I caught Dana crying the other day.

Who is Dana?

Our cleaning lady.

He frowned. I thought we used a service.

We do. Dana’s been with them for over two years and she’s who we get.

Oh. Why was she crying?

She’s been accepted at Waxton.

He blinked. And she’s crying? That’s one of the best schools in the country! Just how old is this Dana?

Eighteen, she said and quickly went on. She was granted early acceptance and couldn’t confirm until she knew about the scholarship money. It’s not enough and she’s going to withdraw her application.

I’m confused. Obviously she’s a good student. Why isn’t the money following?

Good. He latched on to what she’d hoped he would. Not enough extracurricular activities. To use her words, they preferred to give it to a high school softball player than a girl who worked.

He grimaced. Ouch.

Belle sat up and faced him. She has a right to be bitter, Devon. She went on to explain the little she knew about her parents. She’s so bright. She’s eighteen and thirty, if you can fathom that. Driven, focused, lovely. I was thinking we could help her and she could help us.

He pulled her back down against him because he liked her there. And how do you propose we do that?

He was going to be shocked and she knew it so she pulled away and stood up, placing the coffee table between them. Promise to hear me out and I’ll tell you.

He started getting nervous. What kind of crazy scheme had she cooked up now? She’d been known to do that, but it usually involved the kids. Complete silence?

Yes.

He sipped his brandy and took a deep breath. Go.

She decided to go with the shock before the rationalization. We could cover the tuition her grant doesn’t and living expenses in return for her being your mistress.

What?

I’m not done!

His mouth moved, but no words emerged. He did sit up straight.

Devon, it’s perfect. She has no social life. Hell, she has no life. Her parents destroyed all that. She’s driven, focused, I assume a virgin... He stared to rise and she glared at him to stop him. I know I sound nuts, and maybe I am. But damn it, I don’t want to lose you and I don’t see you falling in love with an eighteen year old, even if she does act thirty. She grimaced herself at that one. How long, Devon? One year? Five? Before nature’s call becomes too much. You travel. You stay in hotels, go out to dinner. How long before someone seduces you?

Being a direct question, he felt safe to answer. I don’t want anyone else.

She shook her head. It’s so easy to say that now, isn’t it? And I’m still not done. This is not as selfless as it appears. I do worry about you being seduced, picking up a disease. We both know there are vultures out there. Even if she’s not a vulture, you could fall in love with a younger woman eventually. One who is fully functioning and can give you what I can’t. The bottom line here is I don’t want to lose you!

You have got to let me speak.

She waved her hand in the air. Oh, go ahead.

I don’t want another woman. Not a one-night stand and not a mistress. Jesus, you’re making me feel like a selfish little boy and we both know I’m not that. What in God’s name ever made you think I’d agree to this?

She held his gaze. "I want you to consider it for me."

He stared at her. For you?

She looked at her spot on the couch next to him. If I come back there can we talk about this calmly?

He nodded and held out his hand.

Belle took it as she sat and drank with her other. Devon, I can’t even enjoy the rest of it anymore, she finally admitted. I want to, but all I can think of is that I can’t finish it properly. It’s tearing me up inside.

So, we’re finally getting to it, he said softly. Ah, Belle...

She waited for more and when nothing came, said, Yes. Ah, Belle. And then what, Devon? When does frustration replace the sorrow?

And do you honestly believe my ejaculating into another woman is going to change anything?

Yes.

He shook his head and pulled her closer. Why?

Because it will take the pressure off me. If you’re getting that elsewhere maybe I’ll enjoy the rest again. I hate that you’re deprived, you know that. It’s like a disease that will slowly eat away at us. Maybe we can’t cure it, but we can alleviate the symptoms.

And if I fell for her? You’re talking about a longstanding relationship here, not a casual affair.

You’re not going to fall in love with an eighteen year old.

Hell, I might not even be able to get hard for one, he said wryly. And you said she was going on thirty.

Which is why I think she’s perfect. She pulled away far enough to see his face. Something she said really sticks with me.

What is that?

She’s made no friends here because she has little to offer and they have nothing to offer her. We all have something to offer the other. She doesn’t know what a man is supposed to be and you are a stellar one. You can give her so much more than college, Devon. I know a relationship will develop if this happens, but what will it look like? To each of you? I see more master and apprentice or mentor and prodigy than a love affair. And how would that affect me? Oh, I’m not saying I’m completely comfortable with this, but more so than any other alternative.

All right. I’ll humor you. He sighed deeply. She was nuts, but that was one of the reasons he loved her. How do you see this playing out?

I did some checking and there are some areas around Waxton that are being revitalized. You just landed that bridge contract that will have you going there for years. You buy a little fixer upper and she lives in it and plays general contractor while the work is slowly done.

A flip?

Exactly. And it’s a good cover if neighbors get nosy. You’re the angel and she’s the overseer. Pick well and in four years maybe you’ll recoup all the costs of that and her education. Even if you don’t, so what? From my perspective, I won’t know when you’re with her. You’re there on business. Period. I wouldn’t want details, Devon.

Jesus, you have thought about this.

Endlessly since talking to Dana, she admitted. I’ve tried to see it from all sides.

Sounds like prostitution on hers, he drawled.

But is it? I don’t think so. It’d be a long-standing, mutually beneficial agreement and as we’ve already acknowledged, a relationship beyond the sexual will develop. That’s not prostitution. She would have to agree to rules. The biggest of which is that she can’t date. The reason for that comes back to disease. I don’t think she’d have a problem with that since she seems disinterested in games.

And what happens when she graduates? You go find me another toy?

If that’s how you’re going to view it, we might as well forget it, she announced. I’m in the middle of a good book and I’m going to go read.

Devon frowned at her back as she headed toward the hall, but let her go. He sipped his drink and watched the flames in the fireplace. A mistress? One who was barely a woman? His wife was offering something most men would probably kill for and all he could think was, she was nuts.

It became obvious just how far she was withdrawing over the next few days. Belle was not a quiet woman. Hers was an active mind that loved to explore any subject. She shared her thoughts freely and conversational lulls had never been part of their lives. Oh, she wasn’t ignoring him and asked him his plans for the day each morning after telling him hers. She asked what he wanted for breakfast and dinner, all the subjects of practical living were covered, but that was it. She was withholding affection. The bedtime snuggling was all but non-existent. He got a peck for a good night kiss and she presented her back.

He broke after that on Wednesday night. Are you trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy? He asked.

I’m not in the mood.

He grunted. That much I could figure out on my own, he assured her. Belle, you’re being ridiculous and it has to stop.

Her back still to him, she softly said, Every time we cuddle I end up feeling like a failure, Devon. You can not imagine how hard that is.

He stared at the ceiling. And that will change if I’m sleeping with someone else? I don’t get that, Belle. Maybe I’m stupid and missing something, but it doesn’t make any sense.

Most men would thank me.

Believe me, I’ve considered that.

He was talking and listening, so she rolled over to face him. She’ll be here tomorrow afternoon. Why don’t you come home early and at least meet her?

And if I do and still feel the same, will you drop this nonsense?

And if you do and find her at all intriguing will you admit it? She countered.

Yes.

Then yes.

Fine. Can I have a real kiss now?

He got more than that and they each managed to find satisfaction in the gentle lovemaking that followed. Then he ruined it. I had an orgasm and you had an orgasm. I really do not see the problem here.

It’s not the same, damn you.

He sighed. She had a point, but he wasn’t about to admit it. I love you. He kissed her cheek. Good night, Belle.

Devon couldn’t find the words to describe how he felt when he left the office the next afternoon. Nervous? Scared? Excited? Decadent? Lascivious? All of the above? For God’s sake he was going home to look over a young woman for the role of mistress with his wife in the house. If that wasn’t over the top, he didn’t know what was.

One thing he knew for sure was he didn’t want to come across as intimidating. He didn’t consider himself intimidating. He was tall, broad, fit, had all his hair and an above average amount of brains, but he was also fair and reasonable. His relationships were proof of that. They were all good from his friends to his employees to his family. Not one of them ever hesitated to talk to him about anything. He was close to all his children and spoke with then regularly. Especially Liam. A parent wasn’t supposed to have a favorite and he wasn’t sure that’s how he thought of Liam. His youngest son was simply the most like him. Not in looks, but in everything else and that did create a special bond.

As always, thoughts of his youngest son made him smile as he loosened his tie and opened his collar before emerging from the car. He took a deep breath and entered the house through the door from the garage to the kitchen. Belle! I’m home! He announced.

She entered from the hall and caught his slight smile. Not sure what to make of that, she asked, Why are you smiling?

I was just thinking of Liam.

She smiled back. Liam would probably find all of this fascinating. Ah. He does produce that reaction, doesn’t he?

Yeah, and he hasn’t been home in a while, the rat.

Busy time of year for him, she pointed out.

It wasn’t a month ago.

She shrugged. He was probably busy plotting on paper and ordering his plants. Ready for a drink?

Yes.

The wet bar was in the dining room and she went to make his drink. Go on in the living room. I’ll bring it along shortly.

Devon made his way there and found it occupied. A petite blonde woman was dusting the floorboards. Bent over as she was, he had a clear view of a very nice jean clad ass. He cleared his throat. I don’t want to startle you.

Dana straightened and faced him. She recognized him from the photos in the house and acknowledged that they didn’t do him justice. He was a very handsome man. Hello, Mr. Thomas.

I assume you are Dana?

Yes, sir. Shall I finish in here or move on?

Finish.

Belle came in with their drinks. Devon, have you met Dana?

Just did. Hard to believe I haven’t before. He accepted his scotch. My wife is very fond of you, Dana.

Your wife is a very nice woman.

He smiled. That she is.

Dana is about to graduate, Belle informed him. I will miss her when she goes off to college.

I imagine you’ll have me for a few more years, Dana assured her. I won’t be going anywhere for a while.

I told you not to give up, young lady.

Devon looked from one to the other. Physically, they were nothing alike. Belle was tall and graceful. She’d turned her share of heads in her youth with that grace. Dana looked more girl than woman at first sight as tiny as she was, but her eyes belied that. Where Belle’s were clear and open, Dana’s were almost...tragic. Not knowing how to play this, he decided on ignorance. Am I missing something?

Dana shrugged. She’d had a week to come to terms with her disappointment. It was a setback, yes, but she would forge on. Life had never seemed easy to her and setbacks were her norm. I can’t afford the college I want and will begin at community college. I don’t plan to give up this job as the hours are flexible. She smiled at Belle. I’ll keep Thursday afternoons open for you. Dana did not clean the entire house every week. All the bathrooms, yes, but each of the two main floors was done every other. She never did the kitchen as Belle did that room herself. She returned an extra day once a month to do the basement rec room. With the children gone, it was rarely used.

Belle gave a little more, staying neutral enough to not offend. Dana is very smart, Devon. She plans on majoring in accounting and finance. She understands all that stuff and knows the burden student loans can be.

True for some, not all, he opined.

A nightmare that may never end, Dana said. No thank you. I’ll pay as I go. Taking ten years for the degree sounds better than spending the next thirty trying to pay it off.

Devon wondered if ten tears was realistic for someone who had to work full time. Oh, the credits could be managed, but trying to support yourself and save enough to pay for those credits at a steady pace? That was what he questioned. In theory I agree.

Just in theory? Belle asked.

I don’t know Dana’s situation, he said, shifting his gaze back to the young girl. Will you be living at home with those expenses covered? If so, ten years is probably doable. If you’re going to be supporting herself and trying to pay tuition that might be optimistic. The mind boggles when I think of how much we spent putting four children through college and it just gets worse every year. In terms of ROI, degree is more important than school these days. You’re choosing one that will pay back if you need to finance any.

ROI? Belle asked.

Return on investment, Dana answered before Devon could. It is really the most important factor to consider. Your husband is right. I’ve crunched all the numbers allowing for inflation, and I always come up short. Ten years probably is unrealistic for me, but I need a goal and that’s the one I set. If I don’t make it, I’ll just have to reset it. There’s nothing else to do. And if I don’t get back to work, I’ll miss my dinner one.

Then dust away, Dana, Devon said with a smile. "Tell