Copyright © 2020 by Misty Hicks.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/09/2020

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Contents

INTRODUCTION

My Voice

CRAWLING

Dark Secrets

All Alone

Destruction Of The Mind

Inside Of Me

My Battle

My Mind

The Feeling Of Emptiness

Changed Because Of Depression

Loneliness

Hear My Pain

Internal War

When I Was Little

Light No Longer Shines

Revolving Nightmare

Bruised And Broken

Cut

Feeling Fat

Fierce Grip

I’m Weak And Abused

The Beast

An Emptiness

Images

Scars

The Blade

Who Said You Had The Right?

Are You Satisfied

Deep Inside

Wild Delusions

Depression My Killer

Innocence Stolen

The Girl

Broken Home

No Relationship Safe Enough

I Tried So Hard

Pain Inside

Paranoia

Please Just Let Me Go

The Monster

The Way It Is

You Will Never Know

Broken

Depressions Cage

Not Yet

Depressions Wing

Happiness Gone

Snap Out Of It

Staying Strong

Still I Show No Pain

Your Last Chance

Up My Sleeves

I Am Done

Life As A Cutter

My Pregnant Suicide Note

What It’s Like To Have A Panic Attack

Life Is A Prison

Struggle

Fear Of Home

I See Me…

My Tears

Rage

The Way It Is

Always Forever Gone

You Took It From Me

What Did I Do?

Dear Self Image

Everyday I Wake

Surviving You

SPINNING

Canvas

Isolated And Forgotten

She

Keep Trying

Conquers Me Again

I’ve Been With You

Stripped Away

Illuminate

Behind My Lie

Allow Yourself Some Grace

I Wonder

Take My Hand

I’m Stronger Than That

My Way

Finding My Survival Mode

Who I’m Meant To Be

Forever Fighting

Free Like Music

See The Real Me

Will You Save Me?

My Bones

Dear ED

God Said…

My Domain

Wings Of A Butterfly

The Inner Child

Keep On Walking

My Fight

My Soul

Stay Alive

Strengthen

Survivor

Try, Please

Writing Is My Voice

The Scale!!

Can’t Take It

Eyes Of Pain

God

Inner Peace

Inside Out

Designed To Be?

Oh Mighty Oak

Her Canvas Is Her Story

I Am Depressed

My Life

What It’s Like Living With BPD

Stop Struggling

My Secret Place

Please Don’t Tell Me…

Sweet Girl

Rescue Me

I Walk By Faith

I Want To Trust

The Monster Inside My Head

I Only Bend

Muddling Through

I’m Trapped

Lie Here In Silence

Going Through Life With Schizophrenia

Tear Me Down

Living Everyday With DID

Quiet

Chasing The Struggle

Which One

Don’t Give Up

FLYING

Lesson Of The Butterfly

A Brand New Life

Still She Stands

A Sister

Dear Eyes

Pillar Of Strength

Within My Soul

Something To Live For

Rising…Rising…Rise

Where Do I Go From Here?

Andrea

In Life

Morning Is Near

Gently

My Angels Sing

Battered And Shattered

Never See Me Fall

Wings

Hope Behind The Pain

Let Go And Let God

Do You Blame God?

The Wrong Reflection

Caterpillars Vs Butterflies

There’s A Reason

You Will Be There

Come To Me In Prayer

My Gifts From God

To A Wonderful Mom

I Am Afraid

Jesus Love For Your Pain

Dreamers

Petals

Life

Real Life

Sweet Release

My Strength

My Trip To Heaven

Dear Little Girl

Inspiration

Strength And Courage

Introduction

My Voice

I don’t have a big voice

Not a loud one

Rarely heard

A whisper

I don’t have a big voice

I am shy

Anxious

Insecure

A face among a sea of individuals

What could make me different?

I don’t have a big voice

And I feel as if my personality is lost

I am me but not me

Lost and confused

Never good enough

Strong enough

Smart enough

Too ugly

I don’t have a big voice

But poetry gives it to me

It is my microphone

Loud over all the fears in my mind

All the doubts in my soul

I don’t have a big voice

But in the face of

Abuse

Hate

And hurt

I can be heard

Poetry expresses me

I don’t have a big voiceBut I can still show people

The pen to paper

The keyboard to word

I can show

My inaudible creativity

I don’t have a big voice

Poetry is my voice though

And it becomes bigger

With every stanza

Every line

Every word

You can hear me

A little part of you understands

My human need to express more

To be heard

I can give you

The real me

I can share my thoughts

And make you think

I don’t need to speak

But you can hear me

Because whenever I write

The lines and stanza soothes my soul

Rest my restless mind

And remove any doubt

I have about self-worth

I feel good

Maybe that is why

I won’t stop writing

Here I am stronger

Smarter

Not good but greatAnd even though

Yesterday I was afraid

Today was tough

And tomorrow is uncertain

Here in these words I am free

And I feel good

Crawling

Dark Secrets

We struggle to have meaning

In this world we all know

We try yet we wonder

Where we all shall go

Hidden in the questions

Which we cannot find

The answers are hidden

Deep inside our minds

Hidden in our soul

Is the life we try to hide

But in time it will find you

And it will release

All of its secrets hidden beneath

So before it ruins the life you have made

Release those dark secrets

And the memories will fade

All Alone

All alone I sit and cry

I wonder why I can’t just let myself die

I lay on my bed

Covering my head

The marks he leaves are red

But inside I’m already dead

I hope tonight he just falls asleep

So here in silence I may weep

Everyday I clean and clean

But he gets more and more mean

He comes to my room

And I feel I’m doomed

I wish I could run

Run from what he calls fun

But the torture has just begun

Sometimes I wish I had his gun

I wish he was gone

I wish he had never done wrong

I wish I could be alone

Or just run from home

But home is all I’ve ever known

I can never be alone…

He is always there

Ready to tear

And I’m always here

Full of tears…

Destruction Of The Mind

Mass destruction of the mind

Total dysfunction of my hurt, hard to hide

Complete abduction of my heart, the happiness

Destruction, dysfunction, abduction,

Has left my heart with a vulnerable feeling

My entire body, from limb to limb, starts shaking

Still my miserable heart is quaking

Disheartened the word, to best fit my heart and feelings

Neglected and dejected are the two

Meanings disrupting the healing

It’s hard to hide

Cause they’re watching

It’s hard to cry

Cause they’re watching

Just have to smile

Cause they’re watching

Life feels like a mile

Cause they’re watching

Inside Of Me

I’m happy when you look at me.

A smile is what you see,

But what would you get

If you took the time to really look inside of me?

A broken heart,

Lots of scars,

And pain I try to hide.

I say nothing hurts me,

But the truth is in my eyes.

I put on a brave face,

But I feel like I could die.

I’m happy when you look at me.

A smile is what you see,

But what would you get

If you took the time to really look inside of me.

My Battle

Depression is a war

A battle against yourself

Every thought is a bullet

Every moment is a punch

Every word is a stab in the heart.

Depression is a thief

It steals everything you once had

Everything left behind are the things that keep you trapped.

Depression is a murderer

It killed the girl I used to be

I look in the mirror

And I see this thing.

Depression is a zombie

You’re alive but you’re not

You are unaware of what’s happening

You’re the walking dead.

Depression is a nightmare

You wake up into a hell

You’re afraid of living

Everything seems impossible to bear.

Depression is an ocean

A sea of emotions

You’re drowning everyday

However you’re never saved.

Depression is a bottomless pit

Never ending pain

Never ending struggles

There is no light

There is no escape.

Depression is a war

A constant battle within myself

I think I might surrender for I’ve had enough.

You either win

Or you die trying

Today I’m afraid I’m losing the battle.

My Mind

My mind is an overgrown jungle

And your axe blade won’t help you at all

Because the vines of my pain are too thick here

And the thorns of my sorrow too

My mind is an