Rose From Brier
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Amy Carmichael
Born near Belfast, Ireland, Amy Carmichael (1867–1951) left Europe as a Christian missionary to India at age twenty-seven, never to return. Over the next fifty-five years she became Amma (mother) to hundreds of children and wrote dozens of books about the way of discipleship.
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Rose From Brier - Amy Carmichael
Letter 1
Your Joy
Astrange first word, but it was the first that came to me, so it begins the story of these happy months.
For they have been happy: I say this to myself with wonder, for, indeed, it is very wonderful to me that it can be true, even though such love has been round about me, and so many helps have been given, that it would be difficult as well as ungrateful to be unhappy. But I cannot help wondering over it, for to be with my family all day and every day was life to me, and nothing could keep me in bed, not even illness; at worst I made a deck chair serve. I never thought of being tied to bed all day long. I had expected to be strengthened to ignore or tread under foot bodily ills, and (having earnestly asked for this) to pass on straight from the midst of things without giving anyone any trouble. What had happened, then, was strange to me; And the LORD hath hid it from me, and hath not told me
(2 Kings 4:27), was my puzzled inward attitude. So the shining happiness, through months when will power could do nothing to conquer pain (and it could not be ignored), was not natural, but one of those surprises of our heavenly Lover, who never seems to tire of giving us surprises.
The first word that came was unsought. It was the morning after the accident (which, briefly, was a fall in the little town of Joyous City, where some of us had gone to prepare for the two who were to live there. This fall broke a bone, dislocated an ankle, and caused other hurts much harder to heal). I had been taken to Neyyoor, in Travancore, a drive of forty-six miles from Joyous City, and the effects of the merciful morphia were beginning to wear off, when I heard someone say something about wishing to take the pain from me. It was our nurse-in-chief, Mary Mills, who had stayed after our doctor, May Powell, and the others had returned to Dohnavur; and I knew she meant that she wanted to bear it herself instead of me. Then I heard myself answer, Your joy no man taketh from you (John 16:22). It was like echoing aloud something heard deep within me. I did not recognize it as a text, but just as a certain and heavenly word given to me for whoever should want to do that loving thing.
It was truly a word of peace, even of exultation. I could see our whole great family, and each one old enough to understand, wanting to do that same thing. I was glad and grateful that it was impossible.
And now, that I may show why I do humbly feel I can venture to write to those who know so much more of the awful trampling power of pain than I do, I will tell how it was that the thought came to write.
One day, after weeks of nights when, in spite of all that was done to induce sleep, it refused to come except in brief distracted snatches, the mail brought a letter which discoursed with what sounded almost like pleasure on this enforced rest,
and the silly phrase rankled like a thorn. I was far too tired to laugh it off as one can laugh off things when one is well. So this was supposed to be rest? and was the Father breaking, crushing, forcing,
by weight of sheer physical misery, a child who only longed to obey His lightest wish? This word had what I now know was an absurd power to distress. It held such an unkind, such a false conception of our Father. Till that hour, although I was puzzled, I had not had one unhappy minute. I had been given peace in acceptance. The spirit can live above the flesh, and mine, helped by the tender love of our Lord Jesus and the dearness of all around me, had done so.
But in that hour it was different, and I had no peace till I had heard deep within me soft and soothing words such as a mother uses: Let not your heart be troubled; do I not understand? What do such words matter to Me or to thee?
And I knew that the Father understood His child, and the child her Father, and all was peace again.
Then, like the scent of a flower blown by a passing wind, came the memory of a day in the train some years ago. I was traveling to Puri, a thousand miles north of Dohnavur, on the Father’s business, when a silly feather-flutter of local gossip, retailed by a guest before she could be stopped, tried to disturb me. And it did disturb till these six words were repeated over and over, beaten out, as it were, in my ear by the sound of the wheels of the train: Let it be; think of Me.
These words spoke to me again now.
It was then that the thought of the many to whom unrecorded little pangs must be daily commonplaces came with a new compassion, born of a new understanding. And I wanted to share my crumb of comfort at once, and tell them not to weigh flying words, or let their peace be in the mouths of men, or allow the ignorant stock phrases of the well to the ill to penetrate their shield. For no man can tell what in that combat attends us but he that hath been in the battle himself
;⁵ so how can they, the unwounded, know anything about the matter? But the Lord our Creator knows (and all who have ever suffered know) that pain and helplessness are not rest, and never can be; nor is the weakness that follows acute pain, nor the tiredness that is so tired of being tired that it is poles apart from rest. He knows that rest is found in that sense of well-being one has after a gallop on horseback, or a plunge in a forest pool or the glorious sea—in physical and in mental fitness, in power to be and do. He knows it. He created us so, and does the Creator forget? If He remembers, what does it matter that others forget? Thus, being comforted and filled with inward sweetness, we can thank Him for all who trample unawares upon us, talking smooth nothings. For we know, just because they can do it so unconsciously, so easily, and with so airy a grace, that they, at least, were never laid in iron; and is that not good to know?
Most Fine Gold
I thought I heard my Saviour say to me:
My love will never weary, child, of thee.
Then in me, whispering doubtfully and low:
How can that be?
He answered me,
"But if it were not so,
I would have told thee."
O most fine Gold
That naught in me can dim,
Eternal Love, that has her home in Him
Whom, seeing not, I love,
I worship Thee!
I thought I heard my Saviour say to me:
My strength encamps on weakness—so on thee.
And when a wind of fear did through me blow—
How can that be?
He answered me,
"But if it were not so
I would have told thee."
O most fine Gold
That naught in me can dim,
Eternal Love, that has her home in Him
Letter 2
His Soul Entered Into Iron
Now that I have told why I am venturing to write at all, I will tell how words of peace and deliverance began to come, words that seemed to make the impossible possible; and to tell this in order means going back to the beginning.
It was Sunday evening, October 25, 1931. Dr. Somervell and Dr. Orr of Neyyoor, instead of enjoying a Sunday evening off after their crowded week, took me down from Dr. Somervell’s bungalow to the X-ray room in the L.M.S. Hospital, where Dr. Orr gave the anesthetic. Just before he began to do so, Dr. Somervell prayed that the ankle might be made strong to bear burdens again,
and the next thing of which I was aware was a lovely wakening with these words in my ear, My times are in thy hand
(Ps. 31:15). Before the foot was touched I had asked Dr. Somervell how long it would be till I could get back to work, and he had said that it must be in splints for eight weeks. I had taken this to mean that all would be well in eight weeks. It had seemed like eight years to look forward to. I never dreamt of what really lay ahead, but here I was awakening with the right word for whatever it was to be—My times,
those eight weeks as it seemed then, are in Thy hand,
and the next line of the old familiar hymn followed of itself, My God, I wish them there.
For some days the pain was dulled; then it came on with a severity which was to increase for many weeks (and, in one form or another, months), and the day that opened into this new experience found me with a heretofore not much noticed word from Psalm 105:18 in our AV, Whose feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in iron,
but in the LXX,⁶ His soul entered into iron.
A footnote in Kay’s translation explains it: his soul entered,
whole and entire, in its resolve to obey God, into the cruel torture. My soul was not in cruel torture, but my foot was hurt with fetters, and as I lay, unable to move, it came to me that what was asked of Joseph in a far greater degree was asked of me now. Would I just thole it,
⁷ and pray for grace not to make too much of it, or would my soul enter willingly into the iron of this new experience?
There could be only one answer to that. And when on the following Sunday evening a word was given from Philippians 1:13, My bonds in Christ,
I knew that all was well indeed.
And a poem came my way, too, just then (for we were in one of those dear homes of the earth where little children, and books, and an abounding loving kindness ease illness at every turn). It was Evelyn Underhill’s Stigmata, of which one verse spoke with a special tenderness:
Must I be wounded in the untiring feet
That hasted all the way
My Dear to greet?
Shall errant love endure this hard delay,
Limping and slow
On its ascents to go?
Yea, this must be
If thou wouldst come with Me:
Thus only can
My seal be set on man.
So there could be nothing but a peaceful acceptance, and when one accepts, all that is included in the thing accepted is accepted too—the helplessness, the limitations, the disappointments of hope deferred, the