INTRODUCTION

For each generation, there are innumerable justice issues that people of color need to address on behalf of themselves and others. Personally the justice issue I have chosen to focus on is ensuring that people of color have access to adequate education options. This focus was inspired by my own lived experiences, and I now make it a priority to alert and invite forward those impacted by these inequitable systems . . . Some years ago, when my child was approaching school age, I realized I was not the only parent out on a limb questioning the inner-city public school system or the public school system in general, with all of its pitfalls and the lack funds to provide for the children. Rather than sit still I actively sought solutions.

In the late 1990s, when my son left for boarding school, I started writing to fill a deep void in my soul. I had just lost daily interaction with the most important person in my life—he was now in a different state and miles away. At that time, my putting pen to paper was in no way altruistic; rather, it sprang from a need to comfort myself, perhaps even to help soothe my fears, my anxieties, my doubts, and, sometimes, my shame.

Writing was therapeutic. It helped to displace some of my unhappiness. I was often reminded of my recent life change by family, friends, and, sometimes, random individuals I met on subway cars or park benches, with whom I shared my woes. As some listened, they expressed concern that after my son graduated from boarding high school, I might as well say goodbye, because he would more than likely go off to college and, thereafter, make his home elsewhere, as so many young college graduates do.

Over the years, I periodically picked up the almost-completed written manuscript. I was immensely proud of myself for having stockpiled an abundance of material from the schools (both middle and high), and an interesting and arresting idea surfaced and began to grow. Perhaps these gems could be shared in more than just passing conversations.

I began evaluating the accumulation with a new level of intensity. The collection included notes, letters, brochures, and literature with documented timelines from which I could draw in order to tell this story. I have provided keys to discovering some critically essential features of the independent school experience, particularly through the eyes of a woman of color, an African American/Latino.

While this material was collected some years ago, my current research reveals that not much has changed. Many public schools are primarily the same, with some inner-city schools more inadequate than in past years. The independent private schools are primarily the same, apart from the tuition increases. Further, the application, testing, and financial aid processes remain unchanged, except for a few tweaks here and there, given the advances in technology with newer and more widely used software.

Because I had written much of the manuscript some time ago (excluding up-to-date detailed information and the Helpful Organizations and Websites section), it was easier for me to put the facts in an orderly sequence as I utilized the literature in my possession; otherwise, it would have been extremely challenging for me to draw from memory only.

Periodically, as I read through the manuscript, I would occasionally add and delete, and, for several years, I did nothing. The manuscript stayed in a file on my computer, and a hard copy lay in a desk drawer.

With time, I have learned that when one writes, rereading and rewriting events from the past (and sometimes the present), the dredged-up feelings are not always favorable. The writing process can bring up a good number of uncomfortable emotions, which might be disguised or manifested by overeating, indulging in too many glasses of cabernet sauvignon, or just plain moping. As Mary Karr humorously points out in her book The Art of Memoir, Every memoirist I know seems doomed to explore the past in an often-agonized death march down the pages. The more I wrote, however, the more it became clear that I had to put those uncomfortable feelings aside. A new priority had been defined. I had knowledge gained from my experiences and firsthand resources in my possession that I felt compelled to impart to countless young parents/grandparents who were at a loss. Some may feel as though they are at the mercy of our public school educational system. Many may question whether they should relocate to have access to better school districts. And others may question whether they should go against the status quo of the schools their children attend and make sufficient inquiries to warrant evidential change. Not to be discouraging, but please be aware that beneficial change takes time. Yet change is necessary and must start somewhere; it may as well start with you! I am a firm believer in If you think you can’t, you won’t. And you sure as heck won’t try. I am hopeful that this book will, at the very least, ignite the beginning of a long-awaited conversation.

Independent private boarding school availability for African Americans living in the South is not a new concept. In the 1800s and 1900s, many children of color had to travel great distances to have access to an education. The other alternative was for parents to send their children North to live with relatives and thus attend integrated, predominately white schools. Because of these and other factors, Black-owned boarding schools were developed. Boarding schools for some African American families, especially the more elite, became the answer at that time; several opened their doors but have since closed. The Palmer Memorial Institute boarding school in North Carolina was one of the most well-known and prestigious preparatory schools of its kind. Founder Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown welcomed more than 1,000 African American students over the years before the school’s doors closed. By the mid sixties to early seventies, some Black families did not consider public or independent private day schools; instead, they sent their high school–aged children to such white independent private boarding schools as Groton and Phillips Exeter. That said, enrollment for many Black-owned boarding schools declined, resulting in more closures.

Today, because Black-owned boarding schools are few, considering the entire scope of the independent private school industry, the choices are few as well. Since our family did not have a history of applying to or attending these independent boarding schools, I had little to draw from. However, had we known any existed during the time of our son’s eligibility, a Black-owned boarding school certainly would have been a consideration. It should be pointed out that the schools (day or boarding) that our son did attend provided him with an excellent education. No complaints in that department!

Independent private schools offer one of the most comprehensive educational experiences any caring parent could dream of for their child. Our personal story adds a bit of flavor to the journey taken, thereby outlining what a family can expect from such an experience should they decide to pursue this route.

Since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic, public school teachers have been retiring at higher-than-normal rates. To make matters more complicated, not many people are going into the teaching profession, largely due to the lack of respect some public schoolteachers receive. This, coupled with the fact that there is already a shortage of teachers, has made for a rather serious problem. We appear to just hope that over time this situation will resolve itself. There are solutions, but we must become more creative in finding them. Public school teachers are just as important and necessary as private school teachers, who, like their students, enjoy a privileged work environment. For example, private school teachers probably never have to face a lack of funding for supplies, or endure overcrowded classrooms, or tolerate poorly ventilated or heated/cooled school buildings. These three things begin the list of inadequacies facing many public schools, all of which can make it increasingly difficult to teach. We need dedicated teachers! They are influential and have changed the lives of millions, oftentimes seeing in us what we do not see in ourselves. Teachers are all-important to our nation and the growth of our children.

We live in a fast-paced, get-to-the-point society! For that purpose, as well as others, I have made this book an easy read. The reader should be able to dive right into what is important for their given situation.

This is both a memoir and a how-to book. It depicts actual events and reflects the author’s present recollection of events over a period of time. I have told the story as candidly as I can. It has been important to me to protect the identity and privacy of individuals involved, therefore, for this reason, some names have been changed.

I have provided references and other resources as a convenience to the reader; they are not to imply endorsements.

I wish all of you the best on your journey!

1.

FEAR . . . OVERRULED

Start where you are. Use what you have.

Do what you can.

—Arthur Ashe

After a weekend visit to the St. Andrew’s School in Delaware, where my son, Brad, was a student, I parked the car and was already mentally preparing myself for the next trip there in a few weeks. During the three-and-a-half-hour drive, I had reflected on the number of times I had gone to St. Andrew’s . . . including the numerous visits prior to Brad’s first day there, parents weekend, arts expo, and sports competitions, not to mention the "Here I am, I just miss you!" visits. As exhausted as I was on that crisp fall afternoon, my thoughts were racing with anticipation. I was determined to start a project that I felt was long overdue: to write an informative book on a subject that needed to be explored, to tell my story—our story. In doing so, I hoped to provide other parents the motivation they would need to get actively involved in their children’s education and to either learn of or seek out available alternatives.

Over a period of time, I had begun to stockpile literature from both Brad’s middle and high schools, so I started there. I read as much information as I could on the school systems— both public and private—in my region. I had a background as a persistent advocate for education, and a strong intuition regarding the sacrifices and commitments one must make to oversee the education of their child, so I felt I had an obligation to impart what I knew to parents/grandparents who were perhaps less informed than I or who were questioning their rights with regard to the public school system. More specifically, I wanted this information to reach the parents whose children were being underserved in their current educational setting, along with those who believed their hands were tied with few or no alternatives when it came to their children’s education, whether their children were attending traditional public schools or other institutions.

Even as the desire to begin writing overcame me that afternoon, equally strong feelings crept in as they had from time to time delaying my attempts. Unfortunately, with so many other demands on my time—a challenging job and family obligations (including an aging mother, aunt, and uncle)—little room was left to explore any form of creativity. Further, in hindsight, I wondered about all the wasted time and energy I spent while in solitude, not wanting to do anything but just sit, think, and contemplate whether I had made the right choice to send my son to a boarding preparatory high school in Delaware. This was, in fact, a kind of internal punishment. I missed him terribly. While my rational mind said, Yes, it’s okay; he will benefit from the academic experience, my motherly instincts voiced the contrary. To add to my dilemma, many of my family members and friends looked at me with a jaundiced eye, implying their disapproval. "Why on earth would you do something like that? Boarding schools are for rich white trust fund kids whose parents have little time to spend with them. Not our kids." Whether their misconceptions were openly implied or spoken, their words lay heavily on my mind.

Nevertheless, my apprehension putting pen to paper also stemmed from my fear of writing. Did I have the staying power to complete this writing project? More importantly, was I comfortable writing something as lengthy as a book?

I had always been uncomfortable with writing . . . short pieces, long ones, or those in between. And although I was a college graduate and what one would consider a professional, I felt that the inner-city public school system had failed me in many ways, as it had so many millions of adults and children throughout the United