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© 2023 Raelyn Shaye. All rights reserved.

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Published by Gotham Books (May 27, 2023)

ISBN: 979-8-88775-261-7 (H)

ISBN: 979-8-88775-259-4 (P)

ISBN: 979-8-88775-260-0 (E)

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Introduction

The mind can be erratic sometimes. A person can face such tremendous ordeals in life, that their conscious can be conceiving. What may seem real, may not in fact be a reality... Or is it?

Pepper is what they call me. In the beginning, I lived in the city with my father, Frank, and brother, Red. Our mother, Isabelle, had died of an unknown illness. She was one of the most loving women you could ever meet and knew how to keep us happy in our younger days. Isabelle could light up a room in seconds with her smiles. She caught the eyes of most men around town with her beauty. Before she became ill, we were happy. We always spent time together as a family. We were a contiguous family. Life appeared to be normal at the time.

So, I thought...

Everything changed after the death of Isabelle. Red became distant and secretive. He got angry at times whenever I asked him what was wrong. My anticipation about what was going on in Red’s head overpowered my mind to the point I started searching for answers in places I shouldn’t have. As answers started to arise, I encountered other overwhelming circumstances that I wasn’t aware had gone on. Uncovering more family secrets as time passed, I had to face the horrible reality that my life was never as it seemed. I became confused as I learned all the secrets my family had hidden. At the same time, I was just a child trying to figure out how to battle through life myself.

As I confronted all the obstacles life threw at me, I became more aware of my own self-conscious. Life as I once knew it, would never be the same again.

Chapter 1

It was a bright winter morning. Red and I walked through the thick snow to school. The roads were swamped with people everywhere, traveling to either school or work. The wind was very cold, we could see our breath. The elders nodded as we passed by. We stumbled to a sidewalk that had been shoveled off and trotted down the path.

Don’t step on the crack, or you’ll break your Nana’s back. says Red.

Oh stop it! I exclaimed. You are so superstitious, Red.

Our grandma had always made us call her Nana. She said the name Grandma made her feel old.

Hey. Red said. Someday you will be old enough to understand. You can’t go through your whole life thinking so innocent, Pepper. Bad things do happen to people, you know?

No. I replied. I don’t know.

Red replied angrily, Well one day you will know!

Why are you being so mean? I asked.

Just forget about it, He replied shaking his head. You wouldn’t understand if I told you anyway. Just go to class now.

We arrived at our school. It wasn’t a long walk, just a few blocks away. Being one large school, I was in fifth grade and Red was in ninth grade. Never seeing him throughout the day, Red always waited after school to walk me home.

Today we are starting with a scavenger hunt. Mrs. Josie said. I am going to put you in groups. Each group will have a different list of items to find around the classroom. After finding your items, you will explain ways the items can be used in everyday life.

She put us in groups and gave us the list of items to get started.

What’s on your list Pepper? asked Candy.

We are in the same group. I replied.

Oh, right. said Candy.

Candy was a nice girl. She always tried her best to make friends in the class, but for some reason no one really wanted to play with her. After a few minutes of hunting our items, we returned to our seats for group discussion.

Can I sit by you? Candy asked.

Sure. I replied.

We finished our discussions, then moved on to music. This was my favorite part of the day. The instruments infatuated me with all the different sounds each one made. Especially the piano, it was the most beautiful of all. I liked to settle in my spare time to practice playing where I resolved to teach myself. While listening to a song, I found similar sounds on the piano until I could play the whole song. It eventually became effortless for me. At the end of the school day, I walked out to convene with Red. We always met at the same spot every day. As we walked home, he avoided conversation.

How was your day? I asked.

He never replied. As he walked with his head down as if he was in deep meditation about something, I wondered what he could be thinking about.

Finally, Red spoke, You know, you are a lucky girl to have a brother like me.

I glared at him, my thoughts racing.

What does that mean? I replied.

You will see someday Pepper. He said. You will figure it all out. But for now, it’s my job to protect you, with Mom not here anymore.

I felt puzzled by some of the things Red spoke about. We arrived home and started our chores. I picked up around the house while Red washed dishes and other things. Frank usually worked late, so Red would cook for me. We ate noodles and chicken that night. Red wasn’t an excellent cook, but we managed to survive. Our mother, Isabelle, would cook Red and I tremendous meals all the time, always being satisfied with her around. Afterwards, I went straight to my room where I lay pondering over everything Red said.

What could make him so hostile? I thought.

Before, He was a nice brother to me. Ever since our mother died, he has changed.

I thought to myself, Was he upset about her death?

My mind was like a straying ant, trying to find its way out of a hole. In fear of raising his anger, I had many questions I couldn’t ask Red. Most of the night was spent trying to make sense of things.

I awakened the next morning to Red yelling, Come on Pepper, get up! We are going to be late for school!

I jumped out of bed quickly to get dressed. There was no time for breakfast, so we headed straight to school. Red wouldn’t talk to me the whole way there. As we arrived at school, we went our separate ways.

With everything on my mind, I had a hard time paying attention to the teacher. All I could give thought to was my brother. He had me worried from the night before.

May I go to the nurse’s office Mrs. Josie? I asked.

Do you not feel well today Pepper? She asked.

No, no not really. I replied.

Alright, go see the nurse then. Mrs. Josie said.

As I walked calmly down the long hallway to the nurse’s office, I couldn’t help but consider leaving school. At that moment, I ran into Candy.

Why are you not in class? asked Candy.

I looked at her for what seemed to be a long time.

She repeated, Why are you not in class?

I grabbed her by the hand and told her to follow me.

Where are we going Pepper? She asked once we got outside.

To the graveyard. I replied. I just need to go see my mommy. I haven’t been to visit her since she-- since she died. Just come on.

Won’t we get in trouble for leaving school? She asked.

Look! You can go back to school if you want, but I am going to visit my mommy’s grave! I replied angrily.

For a moment, I reminded myself of Red, how he always yelled in response to things. Now, here I am doing the same with Candy. Her face was in a state of shock, but she decided to go with me.

We walked briskly down the street to the graveyard. Candy followed closely behind me. After getting there, I debated if I had made the right choice to go. It looked dreadful and intimidating. I gripped hands with Candy as we ambled through the front gates.

Wow! I thought.

The cemetery wasn’t how I recalled it being months before. Maybe it just looked alarming because no one else was there. We walked toward the area I thought Isabelle was buried.

As we passed headstones, we read the names aloud.

Mary... Robert... Daniel... Mathew... Sally... Ben...

I got an eccentric feeling within me the further we strolled. I began to run with Candy following meticulously behind me.

All of a sudden, I stumbled over a rock and fell to the ground. When I looked up, I saw a headstone that read,

In Beloved Memory of Cherry.

We had stumbled across a grave of a little girl. I sat anxiously gawking at her grave for a few minutes or so.

I wonder how she died. Candy said.

I don’t know. I replied. Maybe we can find out somehow. Looks like she’s been dead for few years. It says she was only eight years old when she died. Let’s go.

As I started to push myself up, something caught my eye. It was sparkling in the sunlight. After bending over to get a better look, I reached down to grasp it with my hand. It was a small necklace that had a charm in the shape of a heart hanging on it. I figured someone dropped it, so I put it in my pocket, and meandered on to find my mom’s grave. We finally came to Isabelle’s grave site. I sat in silence staring at her headstone.

Well, aren’t you going to talk to her? asked Candy.

Talk to her? I replied. Dead people can’t hear you.

We sat awhile longer in the absence of sound. Eventually, I began rambling about my life, how happy we were, then mom dying, and how irritated Red had become. I conscientiously couldn’t hold it all in anymore. It was like my mind was ready to explode. Candy sat in lull listening as I revealed my life.

Do you want me to ask your brother what is wrong? asked Candy.

No! I replied. And you can’t tell anyone about what I told you today. You hear?

Yes. She replied quietly.

We raced back to our school with neither one of us speaking to each other. As we approached the school, Red proceeded toward me.

Where have you been Pepper? He asked in a demanding voice. Don’t you know everyone has been looking for you? Why would you just run off like that?

Red kept demanding answers out of me, but I stood with my chin tucked in silence. I became apprehensive to speak and wanted to be left alone. He marched me home, then instructed me to go in my room until dinner was ready. Resting on my bed, I peered around captivated. lost in thought and emotion.

Red came to get me when dinner was ready. Casually eating, there was still an air of tension between us.

Red. I said.

He never looked at me, so I continued talking.

How do you find out how a person died? I am just asking so don’t get mad at me Red.

He took a deep breath and then replied, I don’t know, the library, I guess. Why are you so worried about that now? You shouldn’t be worried about them kinds of things. Go collect rocks or something. And where were you today? Answer me that.

I was at the graveyard. I replied quietly under my breath.

Red glanced at me in a rapacious way. Then he hobbled out of the kitchen as he told me to go to bed.

Waking up the next morning shivering under my blanket, it felt like the temperatures were dropping outside. Looking at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was past time to go to school. I arose from my bed to listen, but it was quiet. So, I climbed out of bed and went to the kitchen, but no one was home. In my mind, I thought of this strangely to be left home alone.

As I returned to my room, I tried to envision how far the library was from our house. The curiosity of how Cherry died still wondered in my mind. I dressed warmly for the journey to the library with the intent to solve the mystery. As I roamed the streets, a man approached me. He asked why I wasn’t in school. I informed him I was traveling to the library.

Library? the man asked.

Yes. I replied. You see, I went to the graveyard yesterday and stumbled over a grave of a little girl, named Cherry. I want to know how she died. She was only eight years old, you know. I thought only old people died?

The man heaved a deep sigh. I know who you are talking about.

You do? I asked. Well, what happened to her? Do you know what happened to her?

Yes, I-- I am afraid I do know what happened to her. He said as he sat on a bench. All the life seemed to have drained out of him.

He began to slowly tell me the story of Cherry, Well, my name is Paul. That was my niece. Her father, my brother, killed her.

I sat quietly watching Paul trying to speak, as he held back his tears.

My brother claimed she was too difficult to handle. She had an incurable disease, and my brother didn’t know how to take care of her. Paul became silent.

He started speaking again. She was a good little girl, I thought. Her father drank all the time, and would beat on her. By the time anyone found out, it was too late to save her.

Where was her mom? I asked.

Paul replied, Her mother left when she was a baby. She came from a strict background, and her parents made her give the baby up. So, my brother raised her. No one has heard from her mother in years. I don’t even think she knows her daughter is dead.

Paul looked dismayed so I didn’t ask him anything else. We sat on the bench together observing the cars go by. After a while, I told him I had to go home.

As I shuffled down the street, I speculated about the tragic story of Cherry. It was morbid to think how a father could do something so horrible to his child.

How could no one know? I contemplated this the whole way home.

Others said hello as they passed, but I just nodded and continued walking.

After returning home, I waited in my room for Red. Soon, he entered through the door.

Are you hungry? He asked.

A little. I replied.

Let’s go. He said with a stern voice.

I followed him down the street to a small diner. We shuffled in to find a seat.

Where did you get money? I asked.

Look, don’t worry about it Pepper. Just order something. said