Books by David Downing

The John Russell series

Zoo Station

Silesian Station

Stettin Station

Potsdam Station

Lehrter Station

Masaryk Station

The Jack McColl series

Jack of Spies

One Man’s Flag

Lenin’s Roller Coaster

The Dark Clouds Shining

Other titles

The Red Eagles

Copyright © 2019 by David Downing

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by

Soho Press, Inc.

853 Broadway

New York, NY 10003

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Downing, David, 1946- author.

Diary of a dead man on leave / David Downing.

ISBN 978-1-61695-843-5

eISBN 978-1-61695-844-2

I. Title

ClPR6054.O868 D53 2019 823’.914—dc23 2018046837

Interior design by Janine Agro, Soho Press, Inc.

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To all the dead men and women on leave, past and present.

Correctly anticipating a sentence of death at his trial in 1919,

Eugen Leviné, the leader of the Bavarian Soviet, famously announced that we Communists are all dead men on leave.

This proud utterance was subsequently adopted by those agents

of the Communist International who worked outside the

Soviet Union in the interwar years.

Introduction

The man I knew as Josef Hofmann wrote this journal in my mother’s house in 1938. I have appended an explanation of how it was found half a century later and brought the stories of those involved up to date as best as I can. Otherwise, I have left the journal to speak for itself, even when the temptation to explain my own feelings and behavior was almost irresistible.

Walter Gersdorff, November 1989

Saturday, April 23

It is almost midnight. I am sitting at a small table by an open window, in the north German town of Hamm, writing these first lines. The rest of the house is quiet, but voices rise and fall on the street below, some talking quietly, others loud with drink and the end of a working week.

It’s now been almost twenty-eight hours since I boarded the overnight train in Rotterdam. The papers I acquired in New York passed inspection at the German frontier; in Cologne, where I changed trains; and at the ticket barrier in Hamm. I took a cab from the station to the district surrounding the railway yards, intending to ask after lodgings in as many bars as I had to, and struck lucky at the first—one of the barmen knew a place nearby where someone had just moved out.

It was a large house on a T-junction corner, probably a manager’s house in prewar days, when managers still lived among the workers. A canal ran parallel with the upper arm of the T, and beyond that the freight yards stretched away under a haze of smoke. A small Nazi flag hung limply over the front door.

A boy of around eleven or twelve answered my knock. I asked for Frau Gersdorff, the name I’d been given at the bar, and he stood and stared at me for a few seconds, as if he had trouble understanding. My mother, he said eventually. I’ll fetch her. Halfway down the hall he stopped, turned, and told me with great seriousness that his name was Walter, as if it was really important that I knew who he was.

He reappeared a few moments later with a harassed-looking blonde woman in her late thirties or early forties. I introduced myself as Josef Hofmann and agreed to the rent and terms that she briskly outlined. Seeing in my papers that I’d only recently arrived in Germany, she asked where I’d been, and when I said Argentina, she gave me a look that mingled surprise and suspicion in roughly equal measure. I told her it seemed like a good time to return to the fatherland. Of course, she murmured, but her eyes said: What an idiot!

She took me up to the vacant room, a large, airy attic with a fine view of the distant hills to the south. Away to the right I could see the railway yards where I was expecting to find work.

I said it would do. Frau Gersdorff told me that the guests’ bathroom was on the first floor and that supper was served at six-thirty, breakfast at seven. Walter watched from the doorway, and when his mother left, I got the feeling it was only her gentle push that prevented him from staying.

I unpacked my suitcase, visited the bathroom, and made my way downstairs in search of the promised supper. There I met the first of three—as I later discovered—other lodgers. This one, a thin man of average height with short black hair, sunken eyes, sucked-in cheeks, and a thick black mustache hanging over a small mouth, introduced himself as Aksel Ruchay. He was wearing an immaculate Reichsbahn uniform, which—as my father would have said—suggested that he rarely went near an actual train. The small enamel swastika in his lapel matched the Völkischer Beobachter in his lap.

A second lodger appeared almost immediately. He was probably five years older than Ruchay but seemed much less sure of himself. He was a short man, slightly overweight, with hair thinning at the front over a worried but kindly face. He checked his hands before shaking mine, the sure sign of a workingman. His name, he said, was Jakob Barufka.

Supper was being served by the time the final lodger appeared, a young man with slicked-back blond hair in his mid to late twenties. After apologizing to Frau Gersdorff for his late arrival, he told me his name was Rolf Gerritzen, and volunteered the information that he worked as a junior manager at Islacker Wire and Cable. He too wore a Nazi pin in his lapel, mostly, I suspect, because he prefers to swim with the tide. He ate his sausage, cabbage, and potatoes twice as fast as anyone else and seemed incapable of sitting still in his chair between courses.

As we devoured our apple-cake dessert, I told the three of them where I’d supposedly come from and why, and that I was hoping to get an administrative job on the railway. Ruchay nodded sagely when I said I had thought it a good time to return to Germany, and Gerritzen could hardly contain his enthusiasm for the Reich’s future. Both Ruchay and Barufka confirmed the party’s information that the Reichsbahn, like every other sector of the Reich’s economy, is experiencing acute labor shortages—they were sure I would have no problem finding a job. Success breeds its own difficulties, Ruchay murmured wisely, which prompted another panegyric from Gerritzen. It was ridiculous, but I found myself rather liking the young man. I told myself that in any other time and place, he’d just be another decent young man with more energy than he knew what to do with.

There were others in the house. I heard Frau Gersdorff talking to someone in the kitchen, and while sitting at the table, I saw a tray being carried down the corridor that leads to the rear. A short while later a young man came in through the front door and disappeared into that part of the house. After Ruchay and Gerritzen had left—the one to his room, the other to the cinema with his sweetheart—Barufka filled me in. The cook’s name was Verena; she lived a few streets away. Later I saw her leave, a pretty, dark-haired woman in her late thirties. The tray was for Anna’s—Frau Gersdorff’s, Barufka corrected himself—blind and bedridden father, who lived in one of the rooms at the back. The young man was her elder son, Erich, who was a bit wild but nice enough when you got to know him.

I reserved judgment on all of this: Barufka, I already suspected, was one of those people who tends to see the best in others, and sometimes only the best. He told me some of his own life story over the course of the next couple of hours: four years on the western front as a gunner, the railways ever since, a marriage that had failed soon after his return from the war. He had a grown-up married son in Hamburg whom he greatly loved but rarely saw. Since his divorce he had lived in lodgings, saving money, which he sent to his son. Barufka thought Anna—Frau Gersdorff, he corrected himself again—ran a very good lodging. He was, I realized, more than a little in love with her.

He asked me about my life, and I gave him the official version, the facts of service on the eastern front sliding into the fiction of a career in Argentina. He was interested in the latter, and I talked with some authority about the wonders of Buenos Aires and the Pampas, taking care not to mention my brief acquaintance with the prison system and deportation process.

At a minute to nine, Ruchay reappeared, and turned on the lounge wireless for what was obviously a ritual hearing of the news. When the reader announced, with barely suppressed excitement, that Czechoslovakia’s Sudeten Germans had demanded full autonomy, Ruchay’s face seemed to light up, and I felt obliged to force a smile of satisfaction to my own lips. It is still hardly a month since Austria was gobbled up by the Reich. The slide into war is gathering speed.

After the news everyone retired to their rooms. Frau Gersdorff hadn’t appeared since supper, but Walter was loitering on the first-floor landing, idly kicking the foot of the stairwell bannister. How many days did the boat take from Argentina? he asked.

Twenty-two, I told him, erring on the plus side.

What was the name of the ship? he wanted to know.

"The Antilla," I said, adding that it was a Dutch freighter, not an ocean liner.

Oh, he said, clearly disappointed.

It was cheaper, I explained, and he smiled for the first time.

For a moment neither of us spoke, and then just as I was lifting my foot onto the second flight of steps, he suddenly said, We can be friends, can’t we?

I told him I didn’t see why not.

He smiled again, said good night, and half tumbled down the stairs.

I suppose I should describe my room.

There is an old but comfortable bed, a cupboard and chest of drawers, and a small table beside the window at which I am now writing this. There is a fraying but serviceable armchair and a basin for water on the chest, and two ill-matched rugs cover most of the wooden floorboards. The wallpaper has almost faded to a uniform cream color, which goes quite well with the green paintwork on the door and window. When compared to most of the several hundred other rooms I have occupied in the course of the last twenty years, this one feels almost bourgeois.

In my room I sat by the window for a while, listening to the irregular clanking of freight cars in the floodlit yard, watching the occasional express steam by on the main lines beyond. I hadn’t had any sleep for thirty-six hours, but I still felt wide awake. I’m not sure where the idea for this journal came from. On the train from Rotterdam, I had this strange feeling of too many memories clamoring for attention, begging for some sort of context and order. I bought the notebook in a stationer’s opposite Cologne Cathedral, thinking I might write down a few, but not with any more definite purpose in mind.

Most of my comrades—not to mention my superiors—would find such a failure of discipline impossible to condone. They would consider it criminally reckless, and in most situations they would surely be right. They would say that it reflects an unhealthy level of interest in one’s own individual thought processes, and there’s probably more than a grain of truth in that as well. But then again, why should the bourgeoisie have a monopoly on self-reflection? I think I’m writing this because of an almost irresistible desire, after twenty years of living with history’s truth, to immerse myself in the ordinary, day-to-day kind. And I think I’ve earned the right to this minor self-indulgence, always assuming it doesn’t compromise my work.

There, of course, is the rub. I don’t have the right to risk other comrades or to jeopardize the mission. I shall have to minimize the chances of the journal ever being found—not a straightforward task in a single room, but one that my father’s tuition in joinery makes that much easier. I have already selected one space for concealment inside the window frame that will hold both the journal and my emergency supply of gold coins. A second, more obvious cache under the floorboards for a dummy journal seeded with meaningless names, times and dates should satisfy all but the most rigorous of searchers.

If I sound as if I’m trying to convince myself, perhaps it’s because I am. Obfuscations always give clues, and no place is immune to discovery. There will be risks, to others as well as myself, and all I can promise is to make them as small as I can. Small enough, I hope, to balance out this compulsion I feel to make sense of my past and present by putting them down on paper.

Sunday, April 24

A reader of this journal—should there ever be one—will need to know why I have come to this small German railway town.

I work for the International Liaison Section of the Communist International. The Comintern, as those of us who work for it understand only too well, is now essentially an arm of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, the world’s only worker’s state. The leaders of the party believe that another European war is only just over the horizon, and they wish to know what, if anything, is left of what was once the world’s second-largest Communist party—the KPD. More precisely, they want to find out whether there are still enough Communists in Germany brave or foolhardy enough to constitute a significant fifth column inside Hitler’s Reich.

Hamm, and particularly its railway industry, was once a major stronghold of the KPD, and the significance of that industry in any future war would be enormous. I have a memorized list of nineteen party members who were working here when the Nazis took over, and my job is to find out if there are enough still living and loyal to put spokes in the wheels of Hitler’s trains.

I have good qualifications for the job. Over the last fifteen years, I’ve been sent on similar missions to many different countries, and I’ve become quite an expert when it comes to judging the political potential of any given place and time. Here, in the country of my birth, the country I have fought for as both a soldier and a revolutionist, I don’t anticipate any difficulty in sizing up the situation. I know these people, at least in this sense: I know when they are willing to fight and when they are not.

I’m also at home in the railway industry. My father worked in it all his life, and as a child I spent many hours in depots and on footplates. During the civil war in Russia, I put this secondhand knowledge to good use, organizing schedules and even driving locomotives on a couple of occasions. I have no firsthand knowledge of the Argentine railways, but received such an exhaustive briefing from an Argentinian comrade in New York that I feel I know all Buenos Aires’s termini like the back of my hand and have no trouble visualizing a pair of silver rails running through grasslands toward the snowcapped Andes.

On the other hand, I don’t want to overstate my importance. I am confident that Comrade Stalin is neither anxiously awaiting news of my mission nor overly concerned by the high possibility of my capture and execution. I am sorry to disappoint my Gestapo readers, but I am just a revolutionary journeyman and utterly expendable. Both I and my bosses in Moscow are very aware that this mission is as likely to prove fatal as not.

Despite this, I woke up this morning feeling strangely pleased with life. If I eventually report that there are still comrades and networks left to reengage, and if Moscow gives me the green light to do so, then will I have to begin my game of Russian roulette, exposing my identity to those KPD veterans who have, one way or another, survived five years of Hitler. But that decision is still many weeks, perhaps even months, away. For the moment I am relatively safe, doing a job that seems important, and that I know I can do well. A job that seems easier to live with than many others I have done in the last few years.

This morning’s breakfast was depressingly instructive. Herr Ruchay obviously likes to read out loud from his newspaper whenever he comes across something suitably uplifting, and this morning he treated us to extracts from a speech by the Sudeten German leader Henlein, a speech as long on threats and short on truth as we have come to expect from the Nazis and their friends. I nodded my agreement as amiably as I could while Barufka concentrated on his food and Gerritzen’s enthusiasm fought a valiant battle against an obvious hangover. The young manager was wearing an SA uniform, in readiness, as he told me, for the day’s marathon march. Units of the local party, SA, and SS would be demonstrating their endurance by carrying heavy packs up into the hills and back again, ending with a parade through the town center.

Frau Gersdorff was also dressed for the outdoors and looked rather less harassed than she had the previous day. She told me that the party arranged so many events on Sundays that she had been forced to give up Sunday lunches. The cook would make sandwiches if asked, and the main meal was served in the evening. I asked her where she was off to and watched her suppress the desire to tell me to mind my own business. She and Walter often went cycling in the country on Sundays, she said rather abruptly, and then gave me a smile to compensate for the abruptness.

As suggested, I requisitioned some sandwiches and headed out to take a look at the town. I have been to Hamm twice before, but only for the shortest of periods, once waiting a few hours between troop trains during the war, once stopping over for a single night during my escape from Germany in 1923. The couple I stayed with on that second occasion were both killed by Freikorps a few weeks later, and as far as I know, I have never met any other comrades from the town. Since I have lived in Germany for roughly half of my forty-three years, there is always the chance that I’ll run into someone who recognizes me, but the odds are on my side.

As I walked, I saw lots of families out enjoying the sunshine. Most looked happy and healthy enough. The saddest face I noticed belonged to a pastor standing outside his church, and seeing him slip back inside, I was curious enough to put my head around the door and catch a glimpse of his meager congregation. If, as the Comintern hopes, there are thousands of Germans seeking an organization that is willing and able to take on the Nazis, then the church doesn’t seem to be it.

After walking back toward the lodging house, I ate my lunch by the canal. Fishermen punctuated its banks at regular intervals, most of them probably railwaymen enjoying their day off. Behind me, the yards and workshops where they worked were mostly silent, and by this time the sun was shining out of an almost cloudless sky. Sitting there, eating simple liverwurst sandwiches and watching the lines arcing out across the dark water, I discovered a painful awareness of the Germany inside me, and of how at home I feel here. Later, watching Gerritzen and his fellow marathon marchers manfully trying to strut their way down Ritterstrasse—many seemed to be suffering agonies from their shiny new boots—I was reminded of the Germany I had rejected, the Germany of flags and uniforms, of caste and obedience.

Sunday dinner followed the pattern of the previous day, a pattern that I presume will be repeated ad nauseam. The food was tasty enough, if a trifle bland after my years in Latin America. Ruchay lectured; Gerritzen bubbled—leaving Barufka and me to murmur approval or disapproval as required. I asked Frau Gersdorff if she and Walter had enjoyed their trip, and she said they had, volunteering the additional information that Walter was doing his homework. Ruchay interjected that he supposed the boy would be joining the Hitler Youth this coming summer. I saw anger flash in her eyes, but only for a moment. There’s plenty of time to decide about that, she said, as if it were a matter of little importance.

Ruchay was unabashed. It would not look good to have two sons at odds with the new Germany, he told her pointedly. She looked as if she wanted to slap him, but he didn’t seem to notice.

After dinner Barufka and I walked across to the local bar, mostly to escape Gerritzen’s endless bleating about his blisters and the overwhelming smell that seemed to be seeping out of his boots. Over a couple of beers, I asked what had happened to Herr Gersdorff. He was dead, Barufka told me. He had died a long time ago, when Walter was only an infant. He had been much older than Anna and had left her the house.

Erich, however, was not his son. Anna had been married twice, and her first husband—Erich’s father—had died in the war. Locals had told Barufka that she had married Walter’s father during the Great Inflation, mostly for Erich’s sake. Those had not been good years for raising a small child on your own.

When I asked him what Ruchay had meant by his comment about two children at odds with the new Germany, Barufka looked at me, weighed me up, and apparently decided that I could be trusted. Erich was involved with one of the youth gangs, he said. The Traveling Dudes. Despite having a regular job at the works—and he was a good worker, Barufka said—Erich had had several run-ins with the local police. They go into the hills and start fights with Hitler Youth groups, Barufka said, a small smirk lurking at the corners of his mouth. So it’s important that Walter is a good National Socialist. Otherwise they will start to think the family has faulty genes.

Wednesday, April 27

My intention of writing something every evening has quickly come to grief: a full day’s work, as I should have remembered, makes a bed look so much more welcoming than a desk. Tonight, though, my brain seems too active for sleep. I should probably have refused the second cup of coffee, but there have been too many days when I hungered for one.

At 8 a.m. on Monday morning, I presented myself at the Reichsbahn offices, and I emerged a half hour later with a job as an assistant dispatcher. The labor shortage is as acute as everyone said it was, and I had the pick of a dozen jobs that needed filling. The man who interviewed me seemed so overwhelmed by the fact of an applicant that he barely glanced at my meticulously forged qualifications. He was more interested in why I had chosen Hamm for my reentry into German life, and for a second I was tempted to tell him I’d stuck a pin in a map. But I didn’t. I stuck to my script: an Argentinian friend who had grown up here before the war had told me it was both a railway center and a nice place to live. My interviewer shook his head rather sadly at that and asked me what I thought of the new Germany. I told him that so far I was impressed, but that I’d been here only a few days.

He directed me to the offices of the German Labor Front, the Nazis’ national union, where I was interviewed again, with rather more purpose, by a spotty-faced young man in a crisp uniform. So crisp, in fact, that I imagine it would have stood up on its own. He checked all my papers, asked me what he probably thought were probing questions, and reluctantly provided me with the official workbook I needed to start my new job. Having done that, he seemed to relax, and insisted on providing me with an exhaustive list of the Strength through Joy outings and holidays I could now apply for. He himself had recently been on the Baltic cruise, which he thoroughly recommended.

An hour later I started work in an office with a dozen or so desks overlooking the yards. Over the last few days, I have discovered that three shifts keep these in permanent use, checking freight in and then checking it out in the right direction. It’s not difficult work, but the labor shortage means that there’s a lot of it, and there isn’t much time for thought. Tea breaks are taken outside if the weather is good, and for lunch we walk down the tracks to the locomotive works canteen. The food is cheap and plentiful, particularly by the standards I’ve grown used to over the last few years.

Two of my fellow dispatchers have helped settle me into the job, one because he was told to, the other because he obviously enjoyed doing so. The former has yet to say anything of a remotely political nature. He has the air of an old Social Democrat, but he might just be uninterested in politics. The latter, Otto Tikalsky, is on my memorized list of former KPD members in Hamm. He is now wearing a swastika badge and making the most of every opportunity he gets to praise the regime. He might be a genuine convert or a frightened opportunist; he could be an undercover infiltrator. Finding out which is unlikely to be easy. But not doing so may well prove fatal if and when I tell him who and what I really am.

Herr Ruchay—who is now one of my bosses, albeit a very distant one—represents another possible danger. For reasons best known to him, he has taken a liking to me, and seems intent on taking me under his wing. As we were walking home from work yesterday evening, he blithely informed me that he had given my name to the railwaymen’s Social Club committee, along with the suggestion that I give a talk on National Socialism’s appeal in South America. I expressed a modest reluctance to do so but was quickly made aware that refusal was not an option. It was left for him to fix a date, something he has