- Humbert Humbert: [in car] You know, I've missed you terribly.
- Lolita Haze: I haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you.
- Humbert Humbert: Oh?
- Lolita Haze: But it doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway.
- Humbert Humbert: What makes you say I've stopped caring for you?
- Lolita Haze: Well, you haven't even kissed me yet, have you?
- [causing Humbert to put his foot down on the accelerator]
- Clare Quilty: She's a yellow belt. I'm a green belt. That's the way nature made it. What happens is, she throws me all over the place.
- Swine: She throws you all over the place?
- Clare Quilty: Yes. What she does, she gets me in a, sort of, thing called a sweeping ankle throw. She sweeps my ankles away from under me. I go down with one helluva bang.
- Swine: Doesn't it hurt?
- Clare Quilty: Well, I sort of lay there in pain, but I love it. I really love it. I lay there hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness. It's really the greatest.
- Lolita Haze: Do you always have to shave twice a day?
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, of course, because all the best people shave twice a day.
- Clare Quilty: Listen, didn't you... didn't you have a daughter? Didn't you have a daughter with a lovely name? Yeah! A lovely... What was it now? A lovely, lyrical, lilting name, like, uh... uh...
- Charlotte Haze: Lo-li-ta!
- Clare Quilty: Lolita, that's right, Lolita. Diminutive of Dolores, "The Tears and the Roses."
- Charlotte Haze: Wednesday she's going to have a cavity filled by your Uncle Ivor.
- Clare Quilty: Yes. Hahahahaha... Yes.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, it's nothing, but... she had an accident.
- Clare Quilty: Oh gee, she had an accident? That's really terrible, I mean, fancy a fellow's wife having... a normal guy having... his wife having an accident like that. W-what happened to her?
- Humbert Humbert: Er, she was hit by a car.
- Clare Quilty: Gee, no wonder she's not here. Gee, you must feel pretty bad about it. W-w-w-w-when uh eh w-what's happening, is she coming out later or something?
- Humbert Humbert: Well, that was the understanding.
- Clare Quilty: What, in an ambulance? Hahahaha! Gee, I'm sorry, I-I-I-shouldn't say that; I get sorta carried away, you know, being so normal and everything.
- Charlotte Haze: Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me.
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, I know the feeling.
- Humbert Humbert: What drives me insane is the twofold nature of this nymphet, of every nymphet perhaps, this mixture in my Lolita of tender, dreamy childishness and a kind of eerie vulgarity. I know it is madness to keep this journal, but it gives me a strange thrill to do so. And only a loving wife could decipher my microscopic script.
- Lolita Haze: Why don't we play a game?
- Humbert Humbert: A game? Come on. No, you get on to room service at once.
- Lolita Haze: No, really. I learned some real good games in camp. One in "particularly" was fun.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, why don't you describe this one in "particularly" good game?
- Lolita Haze: Well, I played it with Charlie.
- Humbert Humbert: Charlie? Who's he?
- Lolita Haze: Charlie? He's that guy you met in the office.
- Humbert Humbert: You mean that boy? You and he?
- Lolita Haze: Yeah. You sure you can't guess what game I'm talking about?
- Humbert Humbert: I'm not a very good guesser.
- Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear and giggles]
- Humbert Humbert: I don't know what game you played.
- Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear again] You mean you never played that game when you were a kid?
- Humbert Humbert: No.
- Lolita Haze: Alrighty then...
- [first lines]
- Humbert Humbert: Quilty! Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: Ah, wha? Who's there?
- Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: No, I'm... Spartacus. You come to free the slaves or sumpn?
- Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: Yeah, yeah, I'm Quilty, yeah, sure.
- Lolita Haze: [Trying to console Humbert] I'm really sorry that I cheated so much. But I guess that's just the way things are.
- Humbert Humbert: [Referring to Quilty] What happened to this Oriental-minded genius? When you left the hospital, where did he take you?
- Lolita Haze: To New Mexico.
- Humbert Humbert: Whereabouts in New Mexico?
- Lolita Haze: To a dude ranch near Santa Fe. The only problem with it was he had such a bunch of weird friends staying there.
- Humbert Humbert: What kind of "weird" friends?
- Lolita Haze: Weird! Painters, nudists, writers, weightlifters... But I figured I could take anything for a couple of weeks.
- Title Card: [last title card] Epilog: Humbert Humbert died of coronary thrombosis in prison awaiting trial for the murder of Clare Quilty.
- Charlotte Haze: I forbid you to disturb Professor Humbert again. He is a writer and he is not to be disturbed.
- Lolita Haze: [makes the Nazi salute] Sieg heil!
- Lolita Haze: Do you really shave twice a day?
- Humbert Humbert: [affronted] The best people shave twice a day!
- Charlotte Haze: Is, um, Madame Humbert, um...
- Humbert Humbert: There's no "Madame". We are divorced...
- Charlotte Haze: Oh...
- Humbert Humbert: *Happily* divorced.
- Charlotte Haze: When did all this happen?
- Humbert Humbert: About a year ago - in Paris.
- Charlotte Haze: Oh, Paris, France, madame... You know, monsieur, I really believe that it's only in the Romance Languages that one is able to really relate in a mature fashion. In fact I remember when the late Mr. Haze and I... when we were on our honeymoon abroad, I knew that I'd never felt married until I'd heard myself addressed as "Senora".
- Humbert Humbert: So you were in Spain?
- Charlotte Haze: No, Mexico!
- Humbert Humbert: Oh, Mexico, mm-hmm!
- Charlotte Haze: Oh M'sieur, if what you're needing is peace and quiet, I can assure you you couldn't get more peace anywhere, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- Humbert Humbert: Read it.
- Clare Quilty: I can't read, mister. I never did none of that there book learning, you know.
- Humbert Humbert: Read it, Quilty.
- Clare Quilty: "Because you took advantage of a sinner." "Because you took advantage." "Because you took." "Because you took advantage of my disadvantage." Hey, that's a dad-blasted, darn good poem you done there. "When I stood Adam-naked." Oh! Adam-naked! You should be ashamed of yourself, Captain. "Before a federal law and all its stinging stars." Tarnation! You old horn toad. That's mighty pretty. That's a pretty poem. "Because you took advantage." It's getting a bit repetitious, isn't it? "Because." Another one. "Because you cheated me." "Because you took her at an age when young lads - "
- Humbert Humbert: That's enough.
- Clare Quilty: Say, why'd you take it away for, Mister? That was gettin' kinda smutty there.
- Humbert Humbert: Would you like me to read you some poetry?
- Lolita Haze: Sure, why not?
- Humbert Humbert: This is my favorite poet. "It was..."
- Lolita Haze: Who's the poet?
- Humbert Humbert: The divine Edgar.
- Lolita Haze: Who's the divine Edgar. Edgar who?
- Humbert Humbert: Edgar Allan Poe, of course. "It was night in the lonesome October, Of my most immemorial year." Notice how he emphasizes this word. "It was hard by the dim lake of Auber, In the misty mid region of Weir" You see, he takes a word like "dim" in one line and twists it. You see? And it comes back as "mid region of Weir."
- Lolita Haze: "Mid region," and twists it to "dim." That's pretty good, pretty clever.
- Humbert Humbert: "Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her, And conquered her scruples and gloom, And we passed to the end of the vista, But were stopped by the door of a tomb, And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister?' She replied, 'Ulalume, Ulalume."'
- Lolita Haze: Well, I think it's a little corny, to tell you the truth.
- Humbert Humbert: What do you object to?
- Lolita Haze: Well, the "vista-sister," that's like, "Lolita-sweeter."
- Humbert Humbert: That's very true. That's a very acute observation. If you were in my class I would give you an A plus.
- Lolita Haze: You're crazy.
- Humbert Humbert: Why, my darling?
- Lolita Haze: Because, my darling, when my darling mother finds out she's going to divorce you and strangle me.
- Lolita Haze: What happened to your bed? It looks a lot lower.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, the bed collapsed. It's a collapsible bed.
- Lolita Haze: You will promise, won't you?
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, I promise.
- Lolita Haze: Cross your heart and hope to die?
- Humbert Humbert: Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die.
- Humbert Humbert: Lolita is attending an excellent school where I hope that she will be persuaded to read other things than comic books and movie romances.
- Humbert Humbert: I don't want you around them. They're nasty-minded boys.
- Lolita Haze: Oh! You're a fine one to talk about someone else's mind.
- Humbert Humbert: I told you no dates!
- Lolita Haze: It wasn't a date.
- Humbert Humbert: It was a date!
- Lolita Haze: It wasn't a date!
- Humbert Humbert: It was a date, Lolita.
- Lolita Haze: It was not a date.
- Humbert Humbert: It was a date!
- Lolita Haze: It wasn't a date.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, whatever you had yesterday, I don't want you to have it again.
- Humbert Humbert: I'm going to ask you something about Michele.
- Lolita Haze: You can't have her. She belongs to a Marine.
- Humbert Humbert: I will ignore that idiotic joke.
- Lolita Haze: You never let me have any fun.
- Humbert Humbert: No fun? You have all the fun in the world! We have fun together, don't we? Whenever you want something, I buy it for you automatically. I take you to concerts, to museums, to movies. I do all the housework! Who does the tidying up? I do! Who does the cooking? I do! You and I, we have lots of fun, don't we, Lolita?
- Lolita Haze: Come here.
- Dr. Zempf: Has anybody instructed Lolita in the facts of life?
- Humbert Humbert: The facts?
- Dr. Zempf: The facts of life. You see, Lolita is a sweet, little child, but the onset of maturity seems to be giving her a certain amount of trouble.
- Humbert Humbert: I really don't think that this is a fit topic.
- Dr. Zempf: Well, Dr. Humbert, to you she is still the little girl that is cradled in the arms. But, to those boys over there at the Beardsley High, she is a lovely girl, you know with the swing, you know, and the jazz, and she has got the curvatures which they take a lot of notice of.
- Dr. Zempf: I have not made my point quite clear. I have some other details which I would like to put to you, Dr. Humbert. Here. "She is defiant and rude. Sighs a good deal in the class." She sighs, makes the sound of: Haaa! "Chews gum vehemently." All the time she is chewing this gum. "Handles books gracefully." This is alright. That doesn't really matter. "Voice is pleasant. Giggles rather often and is excitable." She giggles at things. "A little dreamy. Concentration is poor." She looks at the book for a while and then she gets fed up with it. "Has private jokes of her own." Which no one understands so they can't enjoy them with her. "She either has exceptional control or she has no control at all." We cannot decide which. Added to that, just yesterday, Dr. Humbert, she wrote a most obscene word with the lipstick, if you please, on the health pamphlets. And so, in our opinion, she is suffering from acute repression of the libido - of the natural instincts.
- Dr. Zempf: We Americans - we are progressively modern. We believe that it is equally important to prepare the pupils for the mutually satisfactory mating and the successful child rearing.
- Lolita Haze: I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that when you moved into our house my whole world didn't revolve around you.
- Lolita Haze: He wasn't like you and me. He wasn't a normal person. He was a genius. He had a kind of beautiful Japanese oriental philosophy of life.
- Clare Quilty: Gee, I'm really winning here! I'm really winning. I hope I don't get overcome with power.
- Clare Quilty: Hey, you're a sort of bad loser, Captain. I never found a guy who'd sort of pull a gun on me when he lost a game. Didn't anyone ever tell you - it's not really who wins, it's how you play, like the champs. Listen, I don't think I want to play anymore. I wanna get a drink. Gee, I'm just dying for a drink. I'm just dying to have a drinkie.
- Humbert Humbert: You're dying anyway, Quilty.
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