Back when I was a kid, this was one of the movies we taped from TV and watched several times. Turns out it's so obscure the imdb search function doesn't even turn it up when you write the exact title..

As an adult, I learned that the critics hated it for being messy, jumbled, and for Polanski's morbid sense of humor. This didn't really surprise me - as a kid I could never get a grasp of the plot, but I remembered the rat dinner scene *very* well, and I didn't laugh.

Rewatching it as an adult, I agree it's messy and has tonal issues. Is it an action/adventure movie, a light comedy, or a black comedy? There's a kind of nihilism to it, but then there's also a lot of innocent slapstick. Either way the sets and costumes remain fantastic, the acting is uniformly excellent (with one important exception), and there are a lot of great details, especially in the Captain's interaction with other characters, that I didn't discover before. I also enjoy the score.

However, another thing that strikes me as an adult, is exactly how terrible Cris Campion's performance as the Frog is. The man doesn't act. He has this sad-eyed/gloomy/tired look that you sometimes think is his acting, but then you realize he has that same expression all throughout the movie! And with his role being so central, and the others acting so well, he really stands out. And it really hurts the movie, not least the love story. (Except the moment when they kiss under that bed. I...like that moment.) I realize it was Campion's first movie, and that's probably why, but what was Polanski thinking, casting a newcomer in a lead role like that?

Come to think of it, it reminds me of Orlando Bloom's casting in the equivalent "passionate lover" role in Pirates of the Caribbean. They hadn't realized yet what a terrible actor he is, because as Legolas he was meant to be stone-faced. I'm not sure who was worse... Maybe Campion.

One more thing: Anyone else find the "eating the Frog" scene ridiculous? Yes you'd feel thirsty, but the hunger dulls after a while of starving, and even if you felt the hunger, there's no way you'd have the energy to chase someone like that after days (weeks?) on a raft. You'd be exhausted from the sun.

Oh well. It was fun to see the movie again.

Captain Red (Walter Matthau) runs a hardy pirate ship with the able assistance of Frog, a dashing young French sailor.

Featuring a peg leg, cannibalism, a mutiny... this has everything that a pirate film should have. Fans of the Johnny Depp films may like this -- many of the scenes look like the exact same sets were used.

Written and directed by Roman Polanski and unlike anything else he has down. I could draw a line to "MacBeth" because of the period costumes, but that is the biggest connection i can force. Roman Polanski conceived this film several years before he actually made it. He had hoped to cast Jack Nicholson as Captain Red, and himself as The Frog. I think I would have enjoyed that more.

Roman Polanski's Pirates, starring Walter Matthau as the avaricious Captain Red, is an absolutely hilarious comedy/adventure. The cast of characters is varied and interesting and the sets appear very authentic. The movie contains excellent dialogue, good swashbuckling choreography and plenty of physical humour which borders on the bawdy at times. The story is simple and dynamic and is completely driven by the characters.

I like this movie for its characters. Each one's desires become the focus of fanatical efforts. Throw in some fascinating (though often exaggerated) character quirks, and the cast makes this movie. The rough, oafish Captain Red desires gold. The handsome, quiet Frog desires Dolores. The stiff, foppish Don Alfonso desires power. In the end, who will get what he desires? Most assuredly not EVERYONE.

I only have ONE favorite movie and this is it. I know it is not for everyone (my wife hates it). However, for Matthau fans, or fans of the historical genre, this movie is a fun night out with plenty of laughs. I recommend it strongly.

This is one of the oddities in the career of Roman Polanski. It was a project he wanted to do for years, tried to get funding with different actors, and finally settled on Walter Matthau as Captain Red and (relatively unknown) Cris Campion as his bumbling long-time sidekick Frog. It's a very weird movie in a respect, which is that Polanski puts his own print on what is a big-old swashbuckler. It owes itself in spirit to the Errol Flynn pictures and other on-the-sea programmers of the 30s and 40s, and surely plot is sometimes crazy and convoluted enough to fit the bill... but somehow Polanski makes it work for himself, if not as one of his best. It's sometimes as dark in tone as Cul-de-sac, and other times almost as light as Oliver Twist, but it's also its own kind of movie bird, anchored by an uncharacteristically over-the-top Walter Matthau performance, some good stuffy co-stars like Damien Thomas and Ferdy Mayne, and there's a lot of action to go around the place as well.

From its opening scene on (which is, actually, a really amazing opening scene) to the final one which sort of wraps everything around, Polanski tools around with the conventions while trying to please himself, so to speak, with the formula. I wouldn't say it would be really great for those hungry for more after the 'Caribean' movies (frankly, it lacks a Jack Sparrow in its midst), but it should appeal those who want a strange brew of art-house adventure. 7.5/10

Long before Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise took center stage in mainstream films, Hollywood had tried to produce action films involving pirates before. Sadly, pretty much all of them were dead on arrival, including today's feature film. All managed to accrue massive budgets with little to no pay off when they were released theatrically. All of which also were much more light in tone and more about being a family friendly adventure. However, for the infamous director Roman Polanski, he wanted to make a film in the same vein (involving comedic elements), but also sought to use the usual tropes that are commonly associated with pirates. That's rare because not a lot of pirate films utilize these attributes, mostly because they just aren't very nice things to do.

The story is about a pirate named Captain Red (Walter Matthau) and his first mate Frog or Jean-Baptiste (Cris Campion). While out at sea, they happen to cross paths with the Neptune vessel, owned by the Spaniards. Aboard is Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas), Boomako (Olu Jacobs) and María-Dolores de la Jenya de la Calde (Charlotte Lewis). Upon being captured by the Spaniards, Boomako shows Capt. Red and Frog a special artifact on the ship located in the armory. With that Capt. Red makes it his mission to take over the ship and take the treasure for himself. All the while, Frog and Maria begin having feelings for each other. The script was written by Gérard Brach and Roman Polanski and for the most part the film entertains quite well. For just a random adventure of two main characters, a lot happens.

The are two weak areas to the script though. First is the relationship Maria and Frog have for each other. It's not the strongest of chemistry's, neither does it completely get fleshed out. It is definitely not the same magnitude as Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner. The other issue is the highly attractive artifact Capt. Red has his eyes fixed on. At one point, the captain of the Neptune states that it holds a curse, almost like the ark of the covenant from Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). But nothing comes of it,...so what was the point of even bothering to mention it? Aside from this though the rest of the film sticks to what it does best. While Walter Matthau is no action star nor are the action sequences themselves choreographed like they are today, the adventure is still there and so is the energy.

There's swashbuckling sword fights, blood, musket shoot outs and all kinds of sneaky things going on. This specifically is where the comedy works too. Being that Walter Matthau has comedic chops, his facial expressions and reactions to various situations will produce the needed levity to all kinds of situations. Even the other actors like Damien Thomas, Charlotte Lewis and Olu Jacobs have a couple scenes that features them. It's also quite amazing just how detailed everything is when it came to the practical effects. The costume design is very authentic and the way the actors play the royal Spaniards is downright uncanny. As compared to Matthau who plays it equally as memorable but to the exact opposite that the others play their roles.

The set pieces are astonishing to look at being that nothing was green screen at all. The Neptune ship itself is massive. This is depicted exceptionally by Witold Sobocinski, the films cinematographer. The sweeping shots of the ship and ocean surrounding it is as real as it comes. Not to mention the land scenes as well. Perhaps the most impressive supporting component though was composer Philippe Sarde's musical score. While his credits rarely delve into the domestic territory, this collection of tracks is definitely a film score enthusiast should have. There may not be a reoccurring main theme for this film, but the tunes created for each scene is charismatic and appropriate to the situation without losing its character. A great selection of pieces.

The script may not be fully complete with a couple subplots falling short and the fact that it's directed by Roman Polanski. However, the cast of actors, the fantastic cinematography, the action, the comedic scenes and music all make up for that with a pirate film that has gone widely forgotten.

This overblown mess is set in the Atlantic Ocean, in the year 1659, stars two rogue crooks, the infamous aging English pirate Thomas Bartholomew Red (Walter Matthau), known as Captain Red, he's a highly regarded pirate and his gains and losses on the high seas , accompanied by a reckless , brave young . Luckless scoundrel Bartholomew has loads of cunning , shrewness and no morals, but this time he's a castaway along with his ship's teenage cabin boy called Jean-Baptiste (Cris Campion), nicknamed "Frog". Nowadays, they are lost on a raft without supplies in the ocean. They then are rescued when suddenly a Spanish galleon shows up . Luckily, Captain Red and Frog are picked up by Neptune, a Spanish ship en route to Spain. Thrown into the brig, Red and Frog meet the ship's cook Boomako (Olu Jacobs), imprisoned after being accused of poisoning the Neptune's captain Linares (Ferdy Mayne) in a supposed attempt at stealing the golden throne, loot from the Aztec King Catapec Anahuac, that is being secretly transported in the galleon's hold. Of course, our scurvy veteran pirate wants to take the treasure at whatever cost and he won't stop at nothing to get it . So Captain Red becomes obsessed with capturing the throne for himself . Meanwhile, Frog falls in love with beautiful Maria-Dolores (Charlotte Lewis), the niece of Maracaibo's governor. Along the way , Frog persuades the educated young girl who has lots of charm , to assist him . The main problem is that the valuable treasure has been already taken by Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas) and to be necessary the revealing of its location. The Course has been set. There is no Turning Back. Prepare Your Weapons . Summon Your Courage . Discover the Adventure of a Lifetime ¡.

Big budget pirate adventure about a pirate captain attempting to take a treasure for himself. Long on action and short on studio character and plot , resulting to be an agreeable , if occassionally vulgar yarn . An underrated epic pirate movie that failed at box office , set in 17th century, and stars a hilarious pirate searching for a valuable treasure. This ¨Pirates (1986)¨contains broad comedy , no story to speak of . Lavish swashbuckling with great production design in which almost everything from entire sea ports and ships are destroyed along the way in a series of impressive stunts that will have your breath away, as well as spectacular sea battles in which entire boats to Caribbean were bombed , though really shot in Malta. Youngsters will be entranced and amused by the frolics and antics of our likeable main starring , the great Walter Matthaw who provides a terrific show as the formidable pirate who sets his eyes on a priceless golden throne and spends most of continuous attempts to steal it . Too much action but repetitive , heavily focused on the interminable tryings to rob the golden treasure , as the camera's too busy making love with the re-created Spanish galleon , costing eight of the picture's thirty million bucks .Well starred by Walter Matthaw , he gives sympathy and exuberance enough for his outlandish pirate role . His companion is nicely played by the unknown newcomer Cris Campion of short career . They are finely accompanied by a good support cast , such as : Charlotte Lewis , Damien Thomas, Ferdy Mayne, David Kelly, Tony Peck, Roger Ashton-Griffiths, Anthony Dawson, Richard Pearson , among others.

Special mention for the rousing and thrilling musical score by French composer Phiippe Sarde. As well as colorful and sunny cinematography by cameraman Witold Sobocinski , shot on wonderful locations in Malta , Tunis, Tunisia and Seychelles. The motion picture was co-written and professionally directed by the Polish Roman Polanski (Rosemary's Baby, The pianist , Bitter moon, Frantic, Dance of vampires), but doesn't succeed as the pirate comedy it's intented to be . It's not in the same class as ¨Burt Lancaster's The Crimson Pirate¨ or ¨Johnny Depp's Caribbean Pirates¨ as a pirate parody , but lightwiight fun. Rating : 6/10. Essencial and fundamental seeing for Walter Matthaw fans. Worthwhile watching .

What is it about famous directors and pirate movies? Spielberg famously completed "Hook" while he took a break from directing "Schindler's List" and the great Roman Polanski gives us "Pirates". I'd love to know what was on his mind at the time - what was he thinking about because clearly something was occupying his thoughts. This is muddled, poorly cast and way too dull to be a proper pirate movie.

Walter Matthau is roped in to play Captain Red, a scurvy sea-dog with an occasional East London accent (it changes from time to time, for some reason) and a French companion called Frog (Cris Campion). Together, they drift on the high seas starving and thirsty until they are fortunate enough to come across a Spanish galleon, led by the villainous Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas). After leading the crew on a mutiny, Captain Red believes his luck may be about to change for the better. But the Spanish have other ideas...

Before I start to list the things I don't like about "Pirates" (and it is a list, sadly), I have to say that the costumes look fantastic. Couldn't fault those at all. Captain Red looks like a real pirate (pegleg and all) while the Spanish are all decked out like the foppish dandies that they are, curled wigs and thin moustaches. Top notch. The ship that forms the basis of the power struggle, the Neptune, also looks incredible. Having spent a fair amount of time on a replica ship of a similar nature, I feel that the Neptune is a fine vessel and looks perfectly at home on screen. Sadly, the same amount of effort was not given to the story or direction. Polanski seems to have had an off-day here, for whatever reason, as the film takes ages to hit its stride and when it does, you are far too bored to care. This is also a major problem with the casting. All the Spanish characters speak in perfect Queen's English, a mismatch not exactly helped when they look like courtiers in the court of Charles I.

Only Matthau seems to have any interest in the thing, growling and hobbling his way through the picture while almost everyone else looks as blank as a sheet of printer paper. Campion's French accent is barely noticeable and the strange black guy in the brig (I think he was a chef but I can't remember his name or the actor who played him) had the word "quota" stamped all over him. This wouldn't be so bad if he served any purpose but he doesn't. As the film progresses, it turns into a sort of "Carry On Walking Up The Plank" with terrible cross-dressing, farcical fight scenes and yo-ho-hoeing for all they are worth. Pirates of the Caribbean was more realistic than this and I'm talking about the Disney ride! In short, it does nothing to further anyone's career and is probably ideal if you're having trouble sleeping. Unless you must watch every Polanski film ever made or you fancy the frankly bizarre sight of Michael Elphick trying to sound Spanish, there isn't much to recommend here.

Pirate movies are few and far between. Its hard to get people to buy off on a script containing ~40 minutes of "Arrrr" and "Aye Matie".

However, Pirates is just a great fun romp through being a nasty, dirty, pirate. This is one of Walter Matthau's best roles. He literally becomes Captain Red. At no moment do you associate this man w/ any of this other roles.

Too many jokes and gags to list, but not a comedy in the traditional sense. It is an adventure first with humor thrown in.

Less of a comedy and more adventure than Yellowbeard. Darker, deeper, better, and less glitzy than Cutthroat Island. All around, a great classic pirate movie and virtually defines the genre.

PIRATES

Some critics suggested tha this movie is the worst of Polanski filmography.They're totally wrong!!!.Pirates rules!,you can have the pleasure to watch Walter Matthau acting like he was drunk(or maybe was not acting at all)at least he had a cane on his side.Even in one scene he has to eat a dead rat. !.,this pirate,Red was enchanted with his own treasures,the rest doesn't matter to him(as Rhett Butler in GONE WITH THE WIND would say:'frankly, my dear,I don't give a damn!).Our pirate RED,is in constant company with a young man named `the frog'(don't think badly,this is not `Lolita' or LOLITO or a Thomas Mann book)HE even says(in another crazy scene RED is so hungry that he thinks that frog is a pork and he just want to'eat `him) `I'm not a pig,I'm frog!(NO,Robert Towne did not wrote this script!)Hilarious! Notice Here also appears that small old man(Sydney Bromley?)who was `the porter'(the must cool fellow I ever seen) of Macbeth castle in Polanski version of that play.

6/10

I assumed no film could be as dire as this one was painted. Well, it has a pretty girl. And, um, a pretty boy. Oh, and the music's not bad. So far as I can see, alas, that is the sum total of things that can be said in its favour....

Perhaps its most grievous sin is that it's *not funny*. In fact, Roman Polanski's 'Pirates' has achieved an almost uniquely unfunny status in my experience, equalled only by the first reel of 'Austin Powers'. From the moment the first would-be joke hit the screen -- the fish-hook gag -- I could tell things were going to get wearisome. But I really can't call to mind any another film in which every single joke, from the vinegar enemas to the mute lawyer, has either fallen completely flat or been actively distasteful. The first time I looked at my watch to see if we were near the end yet, it was only 30 minutes in... it just didn't feel that way.

The next hour and a half managed to consist of some of the most boring action sequences I've seen. Something is badly amiss with a pirate movie when you find yourself yawning through the fight scenes, let alone rapidly ending up hoping the main character will come to a sticky end. 'Captain Red' is not only disgusting, despicable, greedy and incompetent, he manages to be simultaneously tedious and actively irritating.

Humour is an odd and an idiosyncratic thing, but when it completely misses the mark for you the film becomes a real ordeal. Perhaps the millions who loved Austin Powers find this film more amusing than I did. As for caring about any of the principal characters... the luckless 'Frog' and his ladylove are a decorative and occasionally sweet pair; but since any hint of romance is instantly shattered by efforts at coarse comedy, it's hard to get worked up about their fate. Which is just as well, really.

'Pirates' is not even bad enough to be good in an Ed Wood sort of way. If you like pirate films -- don't on any account watch this one. If you don't like pirate films, *definitely* don't watch it! Be wiser than I was. Take the advice I ignored... and whoever you are, don't watch this film. A film *can* deserve its reputation as an all-out stinker, and this one does.

This enjoyably foolish romp was apparently a flop, and mauled by the critics. Why? Good question. I speculate three reasons: lack of an obviously American lead and presence, an opening set-up that pays off in the long run but doesn't provide a beginning with a bang, and an anarchic, politically incorrect, almost amoral tone that was not digestible to Disneyfied mainstream audiences. These, and the length of the piece, would have been strengths if this had been released as a children's book, and I further speculate that it would have been well received in such a format, as a homage to old stories like Treasure Island. It could then have been adapted into a hit movie (with more explosions and an ethically impeccable American hero who does get the girl in the end).

As it is, there is much to admire, delight and entertain, with legitimate criticisms being some of the dodgy casting and (lack of)linguistics (especially as regards the Spanish characters) - Walther Matthau's gloriously over-the-top performance honourably excepted - some lapses of logic in the plot (why doesn't the Frog just swim after the rowboat and bring it back when they get stuck on the chain?), and the fact that it is slightly too long.

Ripe for a sequel, if, like me, you ever wondered what happened to Cap'n Red and his beloved throne, and The Frog and his beloved Dolores.

To say this is Polanski's worst movie isn't to say it's the worst movie ever. But it IS pretty bad. First off, Walter Matthau is badly miscast in a role that would seem perfect for him: a crotchety old Cockney pirate. Actually, the Cockney part is the biggest failure of Matthau's performance; his accent is terrible. And Cris Campion, who looks a little like FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS-era Polanski, and even does a reasonable job of mimicking Polanski's performance in that film, he just can't hold his own next to Matthau. And since Matthau's performance is nothing outstanding (and again, that horrible Cockney accent... ugh!), there's nothing exciting to look at. Polanski gives us beautiful scenery, filling every frame with his well-known eye for minute details, and of course there is plenty of his absurd humor to go around. But Polanski forgets to tell a story. There is almost no plot, and while the film is amusing enough in spots, it simply rambles for far too long; it should be about 30 minutes shorter. All in all, I think Polanski is an under-appreciated director. Even those films of his that are generally considered misfires or even out-and-out failures, I tend to admire greatly. Something about his vision speaks to me, and that is something I find even in this film. But unfortunately there may be a little too much of that here, and not enough plot. In my favorite of his films -- THE TENANT, CUL-DE-SAC, THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS, and ROSEMARY'S BABY -- he was able to balance his penchant for bizarre (often verging on scatological) humor and absurdist worldview with a strong, entertaining story (as in ROSEMARY'S BABY, where the story is of the utmost importance in terms of impact), and/or compelling performances (as in CUL-DE-SAC, where the cast is about 80% of the film's impact). Polanski's casting isn't as inspired here, and the frankly dull series of events that try to pass themselves off as a plot here are too haphazardly interesting to be totally convincing. Polanski's attempt to recapture the spirit of THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS is unfortunately uninspired. Think how much better it might have been if Polanski had made the film in 1976 as he'd intended, with Jack Nicholson in the lead and himself in the Cris Campion role. But then I guess we wouldn't have THE TENANT, which is one of my favorite movies.

This film is one of Polanski's masterpieces. He did to pirate movies what Sergio Leone did to western: showing the opposite of the usual sancticised glamorous movie portrayal of an era, yet achieving an epic effect, and images you want to see again and again.

But a difference to Leone, beyond a high dose of irony and situation comic, is the bittersweet ingredient of the Central-Eastern-European experience, of lack of success and constant failure, constantly hitting all of our heroes in the film.

Memories of living under communism might have also played a role in the (for me) most memorable part of the movie, the failed mutiny followed by the successful mutiny aboard the Spanish ship: the way the aristocrats have power over the people, and make Captain Red and The Frog eat the rat. And then, hilarious juxtaposing, the mutiny is like a parody of a communist revolution.

But the best thing about the film are the actors. Walter Matthau is at his best as the grumpy old liar Captain Red, Damien Thomas is terrific as Don Alfonso the hyper-arrogant Spanish aristocrat who'll never loses his superiority, Roy Kinnear the embodiment of ugliness as the Dutch, and also the young no-names Cris Campion (playing The Frog, the naive young Frenchman at Captain Red's side) and Charlotte Lewis (playing the even more naive daughter of the governor).

Pirates was shown on TV a few days back so I thought I'd watch it since I knew it was a Polanski film - my knowledge of it was limited to that. When watching, I figured it was a 70s film considering the style, pretty old-school and theatrical. I was later surprised to learn it was actually released in 1986. The first hour or so of the movie was very entertaining. It reminded me, in terms of style, of "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly", only with a less impressive soundtrack and instead of cowboys in the desert it's pirates at sea. After an hour I slowly started losing interest. The plot seemed to turn around in circles, and it literally does at the end, leaving me somewhat unsatisfied despite the better first half.

Pirates earns points for the fabulous costumes, for which it was nominated at the Oscars, and also the realistic sword fight scenes - the actors don't seem to obey to an elaborate choreography where they hit in the general direction of their opponent, like in Pirates of the Caribbean or Star Wars, but rather they aim directly at their opponents in harsh fights, and that was refreshing. The pirate Captain Red was fabulous, a typical drunkard gritty personality, however I didn't care in the slightest bit for the other characters.

An overall entertaining film and I'm glad I watched it, but to be honest I will probably forget most of it in a few months, and will not go out of my way to recommend it to anyone else.

One can easily see that Roman Polanski was trying to ride on the success of his early comedy 'The Fearless Vampire Killers!' when making this film. The protagonists and love interests in both films are nearly identical, however in 'Pirates', the cast and crew do not manage to do nearly as good as a job. To be fair, some of the crew give good contributions, such as the costumes by Anthony Powell, and Philippe Sarde's great music score, however these points barely atone at all for the overall picture. It is more often stupid than it is funny, with the same old jokes recycled during the film - the shark pun fails particularly poorly. It is mostly just a mixture of being absurd and revolting, with little in the way of a story, and towards the end it is just messy. It could be argued that Matthau gives it his all - perhaps he does - but the results are not too great. There is enough in this film to save it from being an utter disaster, but still, it is not a very good film.

Pirates is one of Roman Polanski's most underrated films along with The Fearless Vampire Killers and the Tenant. While the latter two films are masterpieces, Pirates is a very good pirate film that's never received it's due.

Polanski redefines the pirate film while still paying tribute to the swashbuckling genre. This film is the perfect companion piece to The Fearless Vampire Killers. Walter Matthau gives an excellent performance as the fearless Pirate and the rest of the cast's performances hit all the right notes. Polanski's direction is masterful as always. The photography and musical score are also very good. From a purely technical standpoint this film is excellent. The script is really the only thing that keeps this film from attaining greatness.

MGM who now hold the DVD rights (they now own the rights to the entire Cannon film library) must release this film as soon as possible in it's uncut, 124 minute widescreen glory (I suggest emailing MGM).

Film rating: 9 out of 10.

PIRATES

Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (Panavision)

Sound format: 6-track Dolby Stereo

(35mm and 70mm release prints)

A crafty pirate (Walter Matthau) and his young French sidekick (Cris Campion) cross swords with the villainous captain of a Spanish galleon (Damien Thomas).

Director Roman Polanski's return to commercial film-making after a seven year absence (following TESS in 1979) was a critical and commercial disappointment. His quirky humor doesn't translate to the period (unlike, say, his Hammer pastiche DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES), and he directs the action scenes with a clunky imprecision that almost sinks the entire project. On the plus side, however, Matthau's performance is appropriately larger than life, while newcomers Campion and Charlotte Lewis provide eye-candy of the highest order. A stellar supporting cast (Roy Kinnear, Bill Fraser, Ferdy Mayne, Anthony Dawson, Ian Dury, et al) romps amiably through lavish production values, all wasted on this empty-headed nonsense. Watchable, but unsatisfying.

(English version)

Watch this movie. Walther Matthaus acting is quite superb. People are talking about Pirates of the Carribean these days, and Depps performance, which is also quite funny but it is my opinion that Matthau personifies that which Depp (tries to) plays in PotC. Matthau is the perfect old-school pirate drunkard and simply hilarious. As an extra notable performance is Frog (Cris Campion) playing a french retard which falls in love with the fair Maria-Dolores. This Polanski film is a gem. I cant call it the best pirate movie ever made because i haven't seen them all, but i can tell you that its the best I've seen yet, and i suspect that it will stay that way. Its just a shame that it never got the credits that it deserved.

Pöetzsch

I agree with many of the comments here, but most have opted to concentrate on Walter Matthau's (forgive the spelling if it's wrong) delicious performance as Captain Red. While it is undeniably brilliant - a few dodgy accent moments aside - especially when you consider how few risks many actors take with their casting, I would like to draw attention to a fine performance by Cris Campion as The Frog. When I was watching this again the other day and getting my girlfriend to watch it, she at first despaired when I told her the frog was the romantic lead. I told her to have patience, and at the end she could, after all, see why he was the object of Dolores' love. Head and shoulders above nearly all young actors around at the moment, Campion exudes passion, swashbuckling- derring-do and smouldering charm as well as being an excellent foil for Matthau's comic exertions. This makes his love story with Dolores all the more heightened and genuinely affecting. In many modern "buddy" films, the onscreen duo have no chemistry and are simply put together to maximise box office interest, but Matthau and Campion are a perfectly matched pair, the frog's unfaltering loyalty to his captain matching Red's utterly selfish backstabbing. You get the feeling that if there is one person in the world that Red would not betray, it might be the frog - even if he might eat him!

Pirate captain Red and his first mate frog get into shenanigans involving Spaniards and a golden throne that may have a curse

A long gestating passion project, the film was in development for a little over 10 years. Earlier incarnations would've had Jack Nicholson as captain Red and Polanski himself as Frog. However plans fell through due to scheduling, lack of finance, and Polanski's 1977 Arrest that lead to him fleeing the United States so the film languished in development hell with various producers and leads attached (including a bizzare pairing of Michael Caine and Rob Lowe). The movie was eventually made with Walter Matthau as Red and Cris Campion as Frog, and while the $40 Million budget is clearly visible on screen, it's unfortunately in the service of a film that doesn't have direction or drive.

From the film's opening wherein we see Red and Frog aimlessly floating on a makeshift raft in the middle of the ocean. The movie lingers on scenes and situations far longer than it should. The opening 20 minutes consist of Red and Frog being on the raft and then getting on the galleon the Neptune. There's not much in the way of humor or action during these scenes, and what little they actually have is so slowly paced it kills any semblance of comedic rhythm and timing. There's also not much in the way of comedic chemistry between Matthau and Campion as Matthau basically shouts while Campion mousilly obeys.

There is merit to Pirates. The costumes are elaborate and creatively designed and earned the movie a well earned Oscar nom for costuming. And while Matthau isn't given much direction, he does do a good job of disappearing into the role of Captain Red. Polanski isn't well known for comedy and Pirates unfortunately shows there's a good reason for that. Polanski supposedly wished to make this film for the family audience as both an homage to the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland that he was a fan of as well as a response to the dark cynical films being produced during the New Hollywood Era. In the 10 year period since the movie was first conceived the New Hollywood era gave way to the blockbuster era of Star Wars and Indiana Jones, so what point Pirates had was already lost. Even taking into account its intended family audience, the movie is very dialogue heavy with long conversations about the proceedings as viewed by the catholic church, discussions of the mortal sin of cannibalism, and antiquated medical techniques of vinegar enemas. The movie's slow pacing and odd choice of comedic material doesn't seem like it would appeal to children because of how needlessly complex it is.

Pirates is not a terrible film, but it is a failed film. The movie wants to be a comic adventure for family audiences, but its turgid pacing, lac of direction, and general ineptitude at establishing and paying off comic situations make it a slog that yields an occasional half hearted chuckle or well filmed imagery, but it's simply not very good.

I have been a near Polanski fan for many years; since seeing Chinatown. But after watching Pirates, my suspicions have been confirmed; Polanski's talents did not wane with his exile from the U.S. Basically what I'm trying to say here is Polanski's talent for genre redefinition is alive and well in this wonderfully comedic look at the action-adventure film. Not only this, but he also manages to re-evaluate and comment on the action hero as well as the genre as a whole. It is puzzling, as in most Polanski films, to ask yourself are the main characters heroes, and if so what kind? and if they are heroes, then to look at the way the film treats them... and with Polanski this is always a fresh, beautiful, and rewarding task.

"Pirates" is Roman Polanski's failed attempt to resurrect the pirate genre, which was dead in the water in the '80s, and after it came out, remained so. They tried again in the '90s with "Cut-throat Island", which was an even bigger flop - in fact, the biggest in film history. It was only in the 2000s, with "Pirates of the Caribbean", that people got interested in seeing peg legs and eye patches again.

Walter Matthau is an evil pirate apparently castaway on a raft with a young man, whom he is contemplating murdering. Matthau uses an almost Cockney English accent.

Coming across a large ship, they climb aboard unbeknownst to its crew. In the climb, Matthau loses his treasure chest. The men are immediately apprehended and placed in the ship's hold, where they come up with false identities.

The movie has an oddly distancing feel to it, like none of the dialogue is meant for your ears. Plus, there is an overbearing musical score that, in seeking to underline everything on screen, only succeeds in making you realise how little it is effecting you.

There is a surprising scene early in the movie where Captain Red (Matthau) and his sidekick cold bloodedly murder a man in their attempt to escape the ship.

This is the problem with a lot of bad movies, especially those that also bombed at the box office: a lot of stuff happens on screen, but you don't feel involved in it at all. Perhaps the filmmakers just failed to give us an entry point to start caring about what's going on on-screen. Certainly Matthau doesn't help, and nor does "Frog", his utterly pedestrian sidekick. Matthau should have played the bad guy, and they should have given the side-kick role to someone like Matthew Broderick or Michael J. Fox or Rob Lowe or Tom Cruise. The movie cost 40 million - don't tell me they couldn't have afforded someone better.

Critics at the time used the occasion of the film's failure to remark that Walter Matthau is not an action star. That's some newsflash, there. I think a more apt observation might be that Polanski is not an action film director. There is an action scene midway that is not particularly rousing, and the soundtrack Mickey-Mouses it out the wazoo, of course.

Evil Captain Red and his equally murderous buddy take over the ship, and you are just left wondering why it took them so long. This should have been shown in the first twenty minutes. Everything between the two boarding the ship and the take-over is superfluous.

Poor, ill-fated Roy Kinnear, one of my favourite character actors, appears at the 50 minute mark, the second actor in the movie I have recognized after Matthau. The bad guy from "City of Lost Children" also makes an appearance.

Captain Red and the mutinous crew take the ship (the Neptune) to a pirate's cove where they dock and party. They imprison the guy who captained the ship, but of course he escapes.

Some more tedious scenes of action ensue and they travel to "Anaconda Bay".

A beautiful girl from the Neptune is taken hostage by Captain Red, who tries to use her as a bargaining chip with her uncle, who is a governor of the island they visit.

A fairly unconvincing anacdonda appears in one scene toward the end of the movie.

Then there is another tedious action scene. It seems to go on forever, and I didn't care about nor understand any of it. Nor did I care to.

The shark from the beginning makes another appearance. If more people had seen this movie, they might not complain that the shark in "Jaws" looks fake.

And then it's over. Thank god. This film deserved its failure.