Spaceballs (1987)
Mel Brooks: President Skroob, Yogurt
Photos
Quotes
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Yogurt : Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower.
[turns it on]
Dink , Dink , Dink , Dink , Dink , Dink : Ooooh!
Yogurt : [reacts to dinks] The kids love this one.
[a dink hands him a doll that looks likes Yogurt]
Yogurt : And last but not least, Spaceballs the doll, me.
[pulls string]
Doll : May the schwartz be with you!
Yogurt : [kisses the doll] Adorable.
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Lone Starr : Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa : Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix : Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf : Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt : Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
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Lone Starr : I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt : Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
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[after running the full length of Spaceball One to reach the bridge]
President Skroob : The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
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President Skroob : Did it work? Where's the king?
Dark Helmet : It worked, sir. We have the combination.
President Skroob : Great. Now we can take every last breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia. What's the combination?
Colonel Sandurz : 1-2-3-4-5
President Skroob : 1-2-3-4-5?
Colonel Sandurz : Yes!
President Skroob : That's amazing. I've got the same combination on my luggage.
Dark Helmet , Colonel Sandurz : [looks at each other]
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[after the self-destruction mechanism has been activated]
President Skroob : Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!
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President Skroob : Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?
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Charlene , Marlene : Hello, President Skroob.
President Skroob : [to Marlene] Hello, Charlene.
Marlene : I'm Marlene.
President Skroob : [to Charlene] Hello, Marlene.
Charlene : I'm Charlene.
President Skroob : Chew your gum.
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Commanderette Zircon : [Skroob is going to the bathroom. Zircon appears on the wall in front of him] President Skroob!
President Skroob : Ahh! I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!
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Self-Destruct Voice : This ship will self-destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
President Skroob : Cancellation button? HURRY!
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[Mega-Maid's computer counts down to self-destruct]
Self-Destruct Voice : Ten... nine... eight... six...
President Skroob : Six? What happened to seven?
Self-Destruct Voice : Just kidding!
President Skroob , Colonel Sandurz , Dark Helmet : [They growl in annoyance]
Self-Destruct Voice : [Skroob, Sandurz, and Helmet are mouthing the numbers alone with the recording] Six... five... four... three... two... one...
[they close their eyes and grimace]
Self-Destruct Voice : Have a nice day.
President Skroob , Colonel Sandurz , Dark Helmet : [open their eyes] Thank you.
[They close them again]
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President Skroob : [Upon discovering there is only one escape pod left] One pod left and three of us and I'm the President. Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it.
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Commanderette Zircon : Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob : I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon : Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
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President Skroob : Ah, Planet Druidia, and ten thousand years of fresh air.
Dark Helmet : [aside to Colonel Sandurz] The way he runs things, it won't last a hundred.
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President Skroob : [to Dark Helmet] Never have that damn thing down in front of me. How I do I know you're not making faces at me under that thing?
[Dark Helmet raises his face shield and sticks his tongue out at Skroob after he turns away]
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Yogurt : Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr! Use the Schwartz!
Lone Starr : I can't - I lost the ring!
Yogurt : Forget the ring! The ring is bupkis! I found it in a Cracker Jack box! The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr. It's in you!
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President Skroob : As president of Planet Spaceball, I can assure both you and your viewers that there's absolutely no air shortage whatsoever. Yes, of course. I've heard the same rumor myself. Yes, thanks for calling and not reversing the charges. Bye.
[hangs up]
President Skroob : [under his breath] Shithead.
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Yogurt : [Makes an strange noise from his throat when looking at Lone Starr's medallion]
Lone Starr : Oh, you can read it?
Yogurt : No, I was just clearing my throat.
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Lone Starr : I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
Yogurt : Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
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Self-Destruct Voice : Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds.
President Skroob : You've got to stop it. Is there any way to stop it?
Colonel Sandurz : I can't - it's irreversible.
President Skroob : Like my raincoat!
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Yogurt : And may the Schwartz be with youuuyoyoy - oh what a world, what a world!
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President Skroob : [finding the Pizza Delivery Guy in his escape pod] Hey, get out of there! Where do you think you're going?
Pizza Guy : Pizza to go!
[laughing, launches escape pod]
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President Skroob : [They hear a blowing sound] Helmet, what's going on?
Dark Helmet : Sandurz, what's going on?
Colonel Sandurz : It's Megamaid sir, she gone from suck to blow.
President Skroob : Well we've got to stop it.
[to Helmet]
President Skroob : Do something!
Dark Helmet : [to Sandurz] Do something!
Colonel Sandurz : [Over Intercom] Do something!
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President Skroob : Why didn't anybody tell me my ass was this big?
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Yogurt : Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune. Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means? Well, here's what it means. It's a royal birth certificate. Yes! Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified prince.
Lone Starr : Hey, I'm a prince! I'm a prince! Which means... .
Yogurt : Which means, if you hurry, there could be a princess in your future. Now, if you wanna get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck, boys.
Barf : Bye, Yogurt!
Lone Starr : And, Yogurt... thanks.
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Dark Helmet : Now, commence Operation Vacu-Suck.
Dark Helmet , Colonel Sandurz , President Skroob : Suck. Suck. Suck!
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President Skroob : Who are you?
Bearded Lady : I'm the Bearded Lady! Who are you, one of the freaks?
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Lone Starr : But, Yogurt, what is this place? What is it that you do here?
Yogurt : Merchandising!
