I intentionally gave my review a generic title, because "Suspicious Agenda" is a BEYOND generic "action thriller"; with its has-been star, gazillion swear words, and rather thrill-free action scenes, Clay Borris's little adventure in movie-making here is just waiting to be programmed into that Late Late television time slot. Which would be perfect, since it's bound to cure the insomnia of anyone up at that hour. I mean, look at the title: "Suspicious Agenda". What the heck does that even mean? And should we even care?

I couldn't answer the first question. Honestly, I have no idea what the majority of this movie is about. Most of the actors muddle through their curse-filled lines like they're reading them for the money ... which I'm sure was the case, but still. Show some personality, guys! You may be D-minus actors, but you're never going to move up on the proverbial list if you play your part with all the enthusiasm of a sleeping sloth. I kept fast-forwarding scenes, wanting to see some life, or something other than rehashed wannabe scenes from "NYPD Blue." The only semblance of life, however, disappeared halfway into the movie; and finally I just fast-forwarded to the end, so I could see his name in the credits and remind myself that there WAS a reason for my (*snicker*) spending money on this (a whopping $2.99, at half.com. That's about all the movie is worth.)

So who is this bright spot, without whom the thought of spending a mere second (much less cent) on "Suspicious Agenda" would never have crossed my mind? His name is Zachary Throne; he is an Unknown, yes, but undeservedly so. You might have caught his portrayal of Jim Steinman in VH-1's 2000 Meat Loaf biopic, "To Hell And Back." In "Suspicious Agenda" (released six years earlier), Zach plays a different kind of oddity, this psycho greaseball named Simon. On the plus side, he's a cross between appropriately creepy and delightfully over-the-top. He's far and away the character with the most charisma, plus the only actor who looks like he's into the story. On the negative side, much of Zach's 12 or so minutes of screen time occur at the very beginning of the movie, and might mislead you into thinking "Suspicious Agenda" will be entertaining. It's actually... not. But at least Zach's scenes are.

The video box doesn't even mention Simon; it just says some junk about vigilantes, and a cop "with a troubled past." In fact, it says "Agenda" is supposed to be about SIX cops. Wha?!?! The only one I even remotely remember is "Tony", and not because he stood out, but because he interacted with Simon. The parts with the two of them are pretty easy to follow, actually. Tony, Mr. Troubled Past (he's played by Richard Grieco) wakes up one morning to a phone call. Then he has to leave his naked bimbo and go try and stop Psycho Simon from killing a diner-full of hostages. Simon doesn't believe Tony is really Tony, until Tony shares a sleazy vignette involving Simon and known only to the two of them. Simon proceeds to grin and swear and remind Tony that he (Tony) "went a little CUCK-oo!" (I just love the hammy way Zach Throne says that. Also "we have a re-LA-shun-ship!") Tony's attitude toward Simon changes from calm and a bit condescending to fighting (and maybe ... killing) mad. Simon leaves the diner, blah blah, Tony beats him up, they have a car chase, Simon cackles and makes KISS-like tongue gestures, and for some reason the camera keeps showing close-ups of Zach's Converse-like shoes.

Finally, after a few boring Simon-less scenes, he shows up cackling at the police station to accuse Tony of police brutality or some such whatever-ness. This (*spoiler*) act ends in his eventual torture and death. I guess this is where the vigilante stuff comes in. "We're" supposed to assume Tony did it, but like it would really be that obvious. Unfortunately, the rest of "Suspicious Agenda" is so astoundingly DULL that I didn't care enough to find out who the real killa was. Maybe one of those mysterious other five cops. Who knows. The only other thing I took notice of was the presence of some actor name Byron Chief-Moon; I'd previously never heard of him, yet he just happened to appear in both movies I ordered from half.com that time.

I wouldn't advise others to pay money for "Suspicious Agenda." Well, maybe $2.99 but no more than that. Filmed cheaply in Canada (naturally), the movie debuted on Showtime and might still play on there. If not, I'm sure it pops up every now and then as some station's Late Late Movie. As I said, it's perfect for such a thing. I can't even quite recommend it, although watching Zachary Throne will make it an at least somewhat worthwhile investment if you have some strange desire to watch forgettable D-movies...