- Steve Rogers: But if you put the hammer in an elevator?
- Tony Stark: It'll still go up.
- Steve Rogers: Elevator's not worthy.
- Natasha Romanoff: Thor, report on the Hulk.
- Thor: The gates of Hel are filled with the screams of his victims!
- [Natasha glares at him while Bruce groans and puts his head in his hands]
- Thor: But not the screams of the dead, of course. No, no... wounded screams... mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and... gout.
- Maria Hill: All set up boss.
- Tony Stark: Actually he's the boss.
- [points to Captain America]
- Tony Stark: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.
- Tony Stark: What's the vibranium for?
- Ultron: I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
- [blasts Stark]
- Iron Man: [Entering a room full of Hydra soldiers] Guys, stop. We gotta talk this through.
- [Shoots all the Hydra men non-fatally with tiny guided missiles]
- Iron Man: It was a good talk.
- Fortress Soldier: No, it wasn't!
- Hawkeye: The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense.
- Steve Rogers: [relieved] Fury, you son of a bitch!
- Nick Fury: Whoa ho ho! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
- Natasha Romanoff: And how's little Natasha?
- Laura: [holding her stomach] She's... Nathaniel.
- Natasha Romanoff: [to womb] Traitor.
- Nick Fury: Outwit the platinum bastard.
- Natasha Romanoff: Steve doesn't like that kind of talk.
- Steve Rogers: You know what Romanoff...
- Thor: The girl tried to warp my brain! Take special care, I doubt if humans can keep her at bay! Fortunately, I am mighty...
- [enters a vision]
- Ultron: Stark asked for a savior, and settled for a slave.
- Vision: I suppose we're both disappointments.
- Ultron: [laughs] I suppose we are.
- Vision: Humans are odd. They think order and chaos are somehow opposites and try to control what won't be. But there is grace in their failings. I think you missed that.
- Ultron: They're doomed!
- Vision: Yes... but a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts. It is a privilege to be among them.
- Ultron: You're unbelievably naïve.
- Vision: Well, I was born yesterday.
- [Tony tries to lift the Mjölnir]
- Tony Stark: Alright so if I lift it then I rule Asgard?
- Thor: Yes, of course.
- Tony Stark: I will be reinstituting prima nocta.
- [Rhodey and Stark use their armored hands to TRY to budge Thor's hammer]
- James Rhodes: Are we even pulling?
- Tony Stark: Are you on my team?
- James Rhodes: Just represent! PULL!
- Pietro Maximoff: [speeding off with Wanda] Keep up, old man!
- Hawkeye: [Draws his bow and points it at Pietro's back] Nobody would know. Nobody. "The last I saw him, Ultron was sitting on him. Uh... yeah, he'll be missed. That quick little bastard. I miss him already..."
- [Jogs after them]
- Maria Hill: File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts.
- Steve Rogers: Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them in order to protect their country?
- Maria Hill: We're not at war, Captain.
- Steve Rogers: They are.
- Tony Stark: [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
- Clint Barton: Gentlemen, this is Laura.
- Laura: [smiles] I know all your names
- [Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
- Clint Barton: Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
- [hugs kids]
- Clint Barton: How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
- Tony Stark: These are... smaller agents.
- Lila Barton: Did you bring Auntie-Nat?
- Natasha Romanoff: Well why don't you hug her and find out!
- Tony Stark: [Searching for secret door] Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door...
- [Finds and opens secret door]
- Tony Stark: Yay!
- Hawkeye: [to Wanda] Doesn't matter what you did, or what you were. If you go out there, you fight, and you fight to kill. Stay in here, you're good, I'll send your brother to come find you. But if you step out that door, you are an Avenger.
- Iron Man: And for gosh's sake, watch your language!
- Captain America: [resigned] That's not going away anytime soon
- Iron Man: Cap, you got an incoming!
- Captain America: [after being hit and tossed by an Ultron] Incoming already came in!
- Iron Man: Is no one going to comment that the Cap just said "language"?
- Captain America: I know! It just slipped out
- [None of the Avengers can lift the Mjölnir, but Captain America moves it slightly]
- Tony Stark: It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation.
- Thor: Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
- [an attack occurs]
- Ultron: [enters] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.
- [after fighting off Ultron drones]
- Thor: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
- [Ultron laughs, and summons more drones]
- Steve Rogers: You had to ask...
- Ultron: [With his arms outstretched] THIS is the best I can do. This is what I've been waiting for. All of you against all of me!
- [Battle ensues]
- Ultron: [to the Avengers] I know you're good people. I know you mean well. But you just didn't think it through. There is only one path to peace... your extinction.
- Tony Stark: Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?
- Steve Rogers: Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
- Tony Stark: Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
- Steve Rogers: Earth's mightiest heroes... pulled us apart like cotton candy.
- Tony Stark: Seems like you walked away alright.
- Steve Rogers: [stares at Tony] Is that a problem?
- Tony Stark: I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
- Steve Rogers: Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet.
- Tony Stark: You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?
- Steve Rogers: Well, I guess you know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.
- Tony Stark: Banner and I were doing research...
- Steve Rogers: -That would affect the team.
- Tony Stark: -That would END the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?
- Steve Rogers: [Splits wood with bare hands] Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
- [the Hulk is on a rampage]
- Tony Stark: [in the Hulkbuster] Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You're stronger than her, you're smarter than her. You're Bruce Banner!
- [the Hulk roars and throws a car at Stark]
- Tony Stark: Right, don't mention puny Banner...
- Wanda Maximoff: Is that why you've come, to end the Avengers?
- Ultron: I've come to save the world! But, also... yeah.
- Thor: No one has to break anything.
- Ultron, Tony Stark: Clearly you've never made an omelet.
- Tony Stark: He beat me by one second.
- Wanda Maximoff: Ultron can't see the difference between saving the world and destroying it. Where do you think he gets that?
- Vision: I don't want to kill Ultron. He's unique... and he's in pain. But that pain will roll over the Earth. So he must be destroyed: every form he's built, every trace of his presence on the 'net. We have to act now, and not one of us can do it without the others. Maybe I am a monster. I don't think I'd know if I were one. I'm not what you are and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me.
- [hands Thor his hammer]
- Vision: But we need to go.
- Laura: I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
- Tony Stark: Yeah, I'll give her a kick
- Tony Stark: [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
- Nick Fury: Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
- Tony Stark: [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
- Ultron: [Thor has dropped Mjolnir while fighting Ultron, who is presently choking him] You think you're saving anyone? I turn that key and drop this rock a little early, and it's still billions dead. Even you can't stop that.
- Thor: I am Thor, son of Odin. As long as there is life in my breast...
- [He's losing oxygen]
- Thor: I am running out of things to say. Are you ready?
- [Looks past Ultron, and Ultron turns to see why]
- Vision: [the Vision hits Ultron away with Mjolnir and returns it to Thor] It's terribly well balanced.
- Thor: Well, if there's too much weight, you lose power on the swing.
- [From trailer]
- Ultron: I was designed to save the world. People would look to the sky and see hope... I'll take that from them first.
- [from trailer]
- Nick Fury: Here we all are, with nothing but our wit and our will to save the world! So stand and fight!