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Reviews
Tyler Perry's Divorce in the Black (2024)
Same dud different characters
If you've watched Acrimony you've seen this movie.
After the preacher (Clarence) says the decedent (Dallas's brother, husband to Ava and son to Linda) is in hell Linda tells her sons to get their brother's body sans the casket (Health code, legal violations anyone? They can't sell that casket with his dead juices in there) Dallas spirals to divorce territory then wants her back because Tyler Perry villain
After Ava reconnects with a high school friend Benji, he gets posessive (shocker) and claims Ava was cheating when in fact he was (Oh no...shocker) he stalks her, breaks in HER house now that she's kept it in the divorce, threatens her mother, beats up her dad Clarence when he confronts him about putting his hands on her
Ava ends up killing Dallas at the end after he knocks her around so she can claim self defense. Linda "It's not over" Ava "For your sake it better be"
I hope for ALL OUR SAKE this is over
The more Tyler Perry does drama, the more unintentionally funny it is. Watch the Tik Tok version of the supermarket scene and you've watched it.
He's been told for years to get more writers and directors. It's high time he took that advice.
Left Behind (2014)
Just bad
There is no two bones about it. This movie blows, and frankly, it just takes the first few chapters of the Left Behind book and stretches it out really thin.
The characters are forgettable aside from the bad acting of Nicholas Cage as Rayford Steele. I don't even like him in this one and Buck is just meh. Even a cute guy like Chad Michael Murray can't get me to pay attention to this boring flop of a movie. The flirting with Chloe is awkward, not charming at all and her running through the streets post Rapture is dull
The family part is just...bleh. It's supposed to be endearing but it's corny. The Rapture scene though is also crazy too bc it's just a whoosh and two quickly timed shots that are just....ugh
Anyway, this one was a clunker, it's bad. I don't recommend this at all
Don't play drinking games because you'll probably be hung over by the 10 minute mark.
House Party 3 (1994)
Somewhat passable dud
I didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect this. I will say it was somewhat fun to watch but we weren't watching high school or college folks. We were watching the next step in their lives, almost as if this was too juvenile for them
With a group of supporting characters like (idk who's cousin it is) Stinky and Immature it feels like a weird House Party imitator that tried to write their own but with no magic in it
It's not horrible, we see Cindy and are introduced to Veda, Kid's Fiancee who played Felicia in Friday and seems like a healthy relationship from what I remember
I just say go in with low expectations. Cameos include TLC, appearances with Bernie Mac and Chris Tucker's debut round out this movie
Not all that great, but if I had this one to pick from I'd put it on for nostalgia sake.
Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist (2023)
Toss this one in the bin!
So I've binged a few apocalyptic movies because I don't believe in them but find it fascinating how people picture the end of the age.
This is definitely one of the worst offerings. 2014 Left Behind was a disaster, and this one is a catastrophe. I say that because I don't care for any of the characters. It feels like these are people who are Christians acting like lukewarm Christians who become more devout
Rayford was on board from the beginning, we don't see him evolve
Chloe we see her evolve though Rayford and I didn't see much indication of her and Buck even knowing each other until it was sprung up on us
The NARRATOR...oh NON EXISTENT GOD! It takes me out of the movie instead of enhancing it. Making the audience feel like we have to hold our hand. Most of those watching know the stuff here
What this movie fails to do that the 2000 one did so well was give us engaging characters even though they were still a bit preachy in the end. I can't recommend this one, it's not even laughably bad it's just bad.
Apocalypse (1998)
Low budget, somewhat effective, some hurdles doom it
So, I think that having the news be the way we see this unfold was smart. The people left behind have to grapple with what's happening, a new leader rises.
Of course, in this Universe, the book of Revelation isn't a revenge tale on Rome but a coming attractions...read disasters if only you'd heed before too late.
Acting is somewhat decent with Helen Hannah but she's convinced so quickly it feels unearned but necessary
The villains are campy and fell like they're coded gays. Hannah's boyfriend is not a strong actor to be in that position.
Overall, it's done okay and the series does better in other films, you do have to start s somewhere. While not terrible, remember it's the starting line but not too many excuses
It's engaging and the nearly folded clothes were a little bit like...huh? The angels are folding laundry when rapturing people? I think if you're looking for something theologically protestant, you're in the right place. Good? Meh... More like passable.
EDITED TO ADD: Some of this movie was cut into a 1998 John Hagee produced film Vanished. Maybe they worked on both side by side and used other footage for that one with a new cast.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)
Stellar from beginning to end
I've only watched one scene prior to watching the full film and it was on my mind to watch it again.
Kathy Bates and Jennifer Jason Leigh play Mother/Daughter whose past is full of trauma and hurt. Add onto it Mom's accused of the murder of the very tough as nails socialite Vera Donovan after years of taking care of her.
The very slow burn feel is well done and crafted. As we go on the journey that is Delores Claiborne, we are wondering how much is true, what really happened?
I love the cinematography where what is present is very drab, and the past is usually in color. The mood and tone of the film is consistent throughout. It is truly a journey of discovery for all of us.
Griselda (2024)
Watered down Griselda Blanco
Cocaine Cowboys 2: Hustlin with the Godmother, and another tubi special The Godmother did in 2 hours what this 5 hour limited series couldn't do...make me see exactly why Pablo Escobar feared this woman
Sophia does well here but the project is so bad that we just see a fraction of the terror she wrought. Her faction was so violent that the coroner had rent freezer vans in order to store all the bodies. We never see this and they never really establish the calculating way she operated. We're never truly terrified of her. We know we should be, but it never materializes
I felt like I researched only to be let down by there being no real flavor in this special.
This is a despicably bad adaptation that I can't recommend if you don't care about accuracy irl. This compared to the source material is lackluster.
God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness (2018)
In the third installment of Sh.. that would never happen
The biggest reason this movie falls apart is because it is not based in reality and there are likely no cases that even touch this situation. While it does have some nuance and tries to be self-aware, it also throws that out of the window because they are so black and white, this or that.
The main plot is whether or not Pastor Dave's church should be on a public university campus after it's burned down. As the conflict escalates, Pastor David tells a Black Pastor he's tired of being passive and the Black Pastor says "Who do you think you're talking to? I'm a Black Pastor in the Deep South, I can build a whole church with the bricks that have been thrown through my windows." There are sideplots and callbacks that go nowhere and even Newsboys have wore out their welcome by this installment
All in all, it feels like a hollow movie with good bits in there. It iis an improvement over the first two films in some areas like production and limited nuance but overall, it still is a bad film.
I say take it with a grain of salt, it is a GND film after all.
Amish Stud: The Eli Weaver Story (2023)
Well done film
It was good to see Luke MacFarlane playing against type and doing a great job at it. He also did another film in a similar vein.
Eli Weaver is unhappy in his marriage to his wife Barb, and so is she. However, they can't get out of the marriage without being shunned. So, if Eli is a widower that makes it a lot easier to keep the life he's always known
Eli is played as very charismatic and charming as the real life Weaver must have been. With the help of a secret phone, he is able to run his store in the Amish community and play house with other women. One such woman is Barbara Raber who works as a taxi lady for the community.
Barbara Weaver knows he is being unfaithful and tries to find a way out with her religious community but they fail her too. She must submit to her terrible husband
Raber and Weaver are caught being intimate in his hunting store and later Eli convinces Raber to murder his wife while he's out fishing. She does so and later both are charged with Mrs. Weaver's murder. Weaver and Raber are sentenced 15 and 23 years to life respectively, and eligible for parole in 2024 and 2032.
The film is well done, and you get at sense of how life in this community is even if you haven't watched other docs on closed communities like this one. This one makes me feel like a fly on the wall.
Four Christmases (2008)
Family free for the Holidays...til they weren't
Brad and Kate spend every holiday away from their families by going on vacations. They cover by saying they're inncoulating babies in Burma or helping teach English to Thai children. Fact is, they'd rather be anywhere but with their family (which is what the French version is titled)
We learn of Brad and Kate not wanting to marry, or have kids. But they're headed to Hawaii...until their flight gets cancelled and they have to visit each of their parents houses. Brad's Dad and Mom are separated and Kate's parents are divorced
Along the way they learn a bit about each other including Brad's actual given name is Orlando and despite having a great job and a nice living quarters, he's not well received when he comes home to his poor blue collar family. His brothers Denver and Dallas are amateur wrestlers who forcibly include Orlando/Brad in to the ring.
We also learn that Kate used to be heavier and a pariah in her family and community.
Throughout the day which includes a bounce house and a manger scene, we eagerly await what they view as the next step
I didn't care for the ending at all because I thought it should've ended differently.
I would give it a recommendation if you're looking to diversify your Christmas movies. It's fun, has a great message and the performances are solid.
Unaccompanied Minors (2006)
Fun, underrated and often overlooked Christmas film
I discovered this one around the time it came out. I liked it, I'm pretty sure someone said:
"What if we took The Breakfast Club and put it in an airport at Christmas?"' And Warner Brothers decided to greenlight it
Not to say that the film is bad. It's not, but it's not particularly good. It has the holiday fun, but the adults are buffoons while the child actors are a contradiction of acting older with their emotional trauma but juvenile with their antics. They ARE kids but it feels contrived.
Characters
Spencer and Kathy, Donna and Charlie followed by Grace and Beef (who goes on his own Harpo Marx adventure, though he speaks sparingly. Beef has good comedic timing) I did feel as if those characters actually bonded well and the chemistry between all of them suggests that they had fun working on it.
The adults are a bit cartoonish, you have one character, the Father of Spencer and Kathy who uses a biodiesel fuel car that predictably doesn't react well to the diesel he gets from a gas station
If you want a feel good story, fun cartoonish gags and family fun this is definitely a good contender. It might make you roll your eyes a little bit when it comes to the "action" but it serves its purpose.
Somewhat predictable, a good ride, and all around a fun movie to pass the time.
A Chestnut Family Christmas (2021)
Predictable.yet elevated
We've seen enough of these movies to predict what will happen. Nina is a live in cook to a wealthy family that's moving soon. Jayson and Kyle seemed to be the golden sons who turned into a basketball player and Lawyer respectively
When Kyle can't host Christmas again this year, he and his daughter Rogue and brother Jayson come to "Nina's" while Malcom pretends to be her fiancè. Why? Because she said it in a family call and has to hold the line.
As the film progresses and everything unravels we see the family start to strip away and build new relationships based on the truth. It's a charming tale and a fun romp through the holidays. I really enjoyed it and would recommend.
The Bobby DeBarge Story (2019)
I wanted to like this
I gave it a 5 because it's not good, but it's not terrible.
I did learn alot about the family, but it seemed that all Bobby's character did was argue about his Dad, and then when he went to see his siblings all that existed was arguments.
I'm sure there were a lot of movies about families that have had good relationships go down the drain but this one just seemed like I was watching more than one movie.
I do agree with the wigs criticism...what is it about these movie with bad wigs...who is he Tyler Perry?!
Anyway, the actor who played Bobby was pretty good. I feel like this was a late draft that was rushed into production and maybe they rewrote it more while filming.
I think the great Bobby Debarge needs a better deal. This movie seemed straighforward but still lacking.
Sunday Morning Rapture (2017)
The level of mind numbingness it took me to watch this movie is staggering
I don't know what got me to watching this movie, but I have to say that even though it's production value was low, it was less than 15 minutes into the movie before I knew it was going to be bad
1. Too many characters--I don't care about any of these characters. I thought it might follow two or three people as they get ready for church and someone is inevitably left behind
2. Dialogue is terrible--I've known church folk but it sounds like they had AI listen to people in church and regurgitate it without feeling
3. It feels long--the reason it feels long is because you're not really invested in any of the characters in the film and you're just waiting for the Rapture
4. It's sudden ending--I thought that we were going to watch people struggle with their faith after the Rapture, but the church scene at the end is the way people picture hell in the Bible. Anguish without the flames. The clothes are left there and when you cut to the "news" it's obviously green screen and actors
5. Timing of the Rapture--Apparently the Rapture is supposed to happen instantaneously but one anchor is Raptured while reporting ON the Rapture.
Also, there are only two characters that are connected to each other. I would've liked to see something connecting them
Such as
The pregnant woman underwater with her bills and the woman who just lost a child talking on the phone and trying to reassure her that it's hard but she also knows how it is to have a miscarriage then encourage her to go to church and say "I also wish MY HUSBAND would go with me" then have him say "I gotta work Sundays to pay these BILLS"
Just an example to tie the characters together.
Anyway, watch at your own peril and if you play a drinking game, watch it first so you know what keywords or tropes to avoid.
Sugar Highs (2022)
A Decent Show So far (On Episode 6)
Every 20 something has been there: The rent's due and you're working umpteen jobs that don't pay anywhere near your part of the rent
Unlike a sitcom or TV show, the lengths you go to pay the rent doesn't magically resolve itself in 22 minutes (30 including commercials)
We follow Tad, Bud and Mickey who all have to get lots of cash in a short amount of time and turn to Sugar Daddies. Bud at one point has two of them, Tad wonders if he can do gay for pay and same with Mickey (who seems bi).
I feel like it's just so rushed that I can't truly get to enjoy the situations and see how they resolve them wihtout it spilling its guts 10 minutes later
As I said I'm on Episode 6 but there appears to be 12. If it's only 6, then it ended abruptly and I hope some more are released.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)
WTF?!
The only good part about this movie was the beginning where they explained how they went feral
No Rabbit, No Tigger, or Roo...honestly, I was hoping for something that would've been a gritty telling of what happens after Christopher Robin had to leave
What we GOT was a forgettable slasher that didn't even care for logic, characters that are worse than the movie tropes and I didn't care for any of them at all. They were just...bland and I didn't care about them when they died
The film is dark as in it's barely visible. Some films did it better but this one is so dark I can't see what's happening half the time. The kills are...meh, I just feel like these are human versions of turkeys with no survival instinct
Whoever decided this was a good idea needs to be fired.
North and South (1985)
Really Good Historical Fiction
North and South covers two men on opposing ends of the Civil War. Starting in 1842 and ending in 1861 when Abraham Lincoln (Hal Holbrook) takes office, it shows a lot of bumps in the road along the way
Virgilia Hazard (later Grady) played by Kiristie Alley helping Garrison Grady (Gerog Stanford Brown) escape James Huntoon, she later takes part in the raid in Harpers Ferry with John Brown (Johnny Cash)
Orry Main (Patrick Swayze) and George Hazard (James Read) fight over the fate of an escaped slave when George is attempting to catch a freight train back to Pennsylvania.
Orry and George also deal with fallout over the fact that in a way, they both continue different forms of slavery, one legal, the other monetary (Irish immigrants living in shacks on Hazard Steel Land) with the illusion of freedom
The role of women: Virgilia and Madeline Fabray, as well as Ashton are put forth as differing degrees of feminist. Hear me out.
While Ashton uses her body to get ahead, N&S is about institutions and people within it whether it is West Point, Slavery, or society as a whole. She fights for herself "from the inside" worming her way into information
Virgilia takes on the outside, hard confrontation approach. She is part of Philadelphia's Abolitionist Society and chides Orry when he comes to visit. She will not be silenced
Madeline is someone who was cultured and has her own opinions, but is an example of people who have the foundation to stand strong on their own, but continually knocked down by Justin (David Carradine) and societal expectations. She still finds small ways to fight for herself and keep her independence, while still constrained by society
While I'm aware that some of the Southern chivalry and charm are dramatic, I don't buy for a minute that Mount Royal didn't whip slaves. It was the institution that was the problem if a slave hadn't been whipped at all.
Swayze and Read really shine in their roles, and the saga is quite good. I feel like a great level of care had been taken to really tap into the times and really make it palatable for the viewers, so a bit of history has been stretched or fudged.
I feel that overall, it's been a great capsule of pre Civil War historical fiction and honestly, it's not all that different from today with a myriad of issues. I would recommend it highly.
Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
Wonderful celebration and extension of the original
I went into this film thinking "Oh great, they're going to do a sequel" and I wasn't too keen on it. I saw through the years Hocus Pocus had become really big with Winifred, Sarah and Mary (they gave a nod to that in the film) cosplay popping up a lot.
I enjoyed the sisters, it felt like they really nailed how the Sandersons were as young women. I absolutely loved how they ended up doing justice to it and extending the folklore
The modern characters of Becca, Izzy and Cassie, Gilbert as well was fun to watch. Gilbert's part in the story was okay but I liked how Becca and Izzy were throughout the film. I know many of us can relate to a friend changing quickly once they have a bf/gf.
I enjoyed the fun and antics of the Sandersons, but I missed some of the slapstick we found in the first one.
I thought it was a fitting sequel, and the end was phenomenal. Excellent celebration of sisterhood and just a stellar film.
It's Pat: The Movie (1994)
Some SNL Sketches should stay sketches
I remember watching it on TV when I was a kid and thinking "i wonder what Pat's sex is" and after I found out that Julia Sweeney played Pat I was pretty much like "Okay"
This film is just not funny. I don't know how someone thought that this was a great film idea. Someone was really high when they thought of this
The Kyle character is just awful, and the way the film unfolds is really just a hodge podge. It feels like they threw in mini sketches and tried to make it a movie
If you want to see what a fever dream is like, that's this film. It really is something that you should probably see when you are doing dishes or house work.
Six: The Mark Unleashed (2004)
Largely Forgettable
I remember this because I saw it about 18 years ago when I was highly religious. It will validate your religious beliefs if you hold the same, but it will be utterly ridiculous if you don't
The look is modern enough, and feels contemporary but of course the ham fistedness of all the Christian films pointing you toward its conclusion is really apparent
The performances are...meh...some hit the mark and some miss, but overall as it is largely forgettable and the only black guy in the film ends up dying...not all that keen on that part but hey...white Evangelical Jesus
At the end one guy takes the mark as a cautionary tale blah blah blah, but all in all there are many movies I remember so many years later and the only reason I remembered it is because it popped up on a Youtube playlist of Bad Christian Movies...so there's that.
Virtuosity (1995)
Hollywood Action with a TV Movie like feel
Though I enjoyed the film, I remember having watched it much earlier yet only remembering one scene in it. That's how forgettable it was for me until I did a rewatch
Crowe and Washington's acting as well as the woman that plays Madison form the core of the film, yet I feel that the movie got so caught up in the zeitgeist about computers that it failed to really have anything original about it. Most films have implausible plots but it's supposed to be possible given the reality of the Universe it's set in.
This one, somewhat gives it but also fails. With a nod to VR and not knowing where we are, we only find out something toward the end that makes it feel like a lazily executed twist.
Crowe does very well as Sid 6.7, Washington is very good in it and I wouldn't look at it further than a fun romp through dated material that thought it was being edgy.
I give it 7 for the action scenes, some philosophical stuff it touches on, and how the pacing was actually pretty good. I liked this movie more than I didn't.
Lottery Ticket (2010)
Passable and Enjoyable but not high art
Shad Moss plays a young man that found out he's won the lottery, buuuuut there's a catch...he has to survive 3 days with everytone knowing that he has it. It's 4th of July weekend.
This reminds me of a movie where the characters and the neighborhood take on a life of their own. The neighborhood is just a character as the people
I liked watching Kevin and Benny, I felt like they were brothers, always there for each other
While there is a tonal shift toward the end of the movie in a scene that doesn't fit, it does have an impact on the story.
All in all, turn your brain off and enjoy this light hearted romp through a 4th of July weekend.
RoboCop (2014)
Terrible remake
So, I decided to give the movie the benefit of the doubt, but it was short-lived.
Murphy: I didn't care about him, even when he got blowed up
Michael Keaton: No sense of subtlety or well meaning or being a nuanced character
Everything in this "remake" is ham fisted and reminds me more of Robocop 2. It grossed twice its budget but I'm sure it was a dud because of all the hype money they spent
Think of it as done by someone that never watched the movie, didn't give a flip about the characters or to make a great film. It was a simple cash grab, or an attempt to keep the copyright.
The Lovebirds (2020)
Fun movie
I remembered a little bit from this movie and I love Issa Rae and Kumali Nanjiani in this, they play a believable couple that are having issues in their relationship. The story starts pretty early and is is standard fare for a mistaken identity, comical farce as they investigate what the H they just witnessed
If you want a fun romp, not entirely mindless but entertaining story this is a great one to look into.
Cheaper by the Dozen (2022)
Wholesome family comedy
The few people that deride the film for being "woke" sure aren't warm to the fact that there are brown people in this one and frankly, it makes me sick
This was a fun comedy while being a little syrupy had a light tone, good message (even in it seemed shoehorned in a little) and wonderful performances.
I love diversity casting because 90% of the world isn't white, but that's how many roles seem to be in Hollywood. I mean, FRIENDS only had TWO black people despite taking place in NYC and let's face it...they painted Living Single white for that show!
Zach Braff & Gabrielle Union shine as the Bakers, and I liked the explanation about the family and the family dynamics, the child actors were great and I wish I could have spent more time with some of them. It's a wholesome and carefree while not shying away from issues of race and doesn't make a big deal about disability.
I loved that the ex husband and ex wife were still part of the kids lives and that their relationships weren't antagonistic. It felt like a very loving family that experienced life and were still close
I highly recommend the film, and I love it. Great casting, excellent performances, wonderful chemistry.