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WandaVision (2021)
Sorry, no.
This is star wars holiday special all over again. No. I ain't watching this train wreck.
Edit after 2 years
So yeah, sorry about being an idiot. It turned out to be not as bad as I thought. Some bits were actually cool and I admit I have enjoyed the show from episode 3 or 4 onwards.
MythBusters: The Search (2017)
So you cancel Mythbusters to give us THIS?
This will be a short review.
Discovery thought, that they simply can't have a show on air, that is watchable for the "Old Discovery" fans. In the reality discovery era everything has to be a forced play on fake emotions, casting out etc.
Mythbusters are a part of me, of who I grew up to be. Reality TV is not. Hackers, builders, nerds, geeks, people passionate about science, projects, building stuff are too intelligent for reality TV. We simply won't buy it.
All in all Mythbusters The Search is pretty much like the new Top Gear. Cringeworthy attempt to squeeze some money of a brand, without understanding, that the success of the brand was not its logo, but the chemistry between the hosts and then the actual content.
Tory, Grant and Kari did a show called "White Rabbit Project". I'm starting to watch it right as I type these words. It's not Mythbusters, but I reckon it's OK to watch. Don't bother watching if you are a fan of the Mythbusters.
1812. Ulanskaya ballada (2012)
Why the hell even bother?
I don't know why in God's name did I bother to watch this film. Not that I was strong enough to force myself to actually watch the thing - I skipped a lot of pointless rubbish and tried to pay attention to some good things I pointlessly tried to find. Anyway... The film portrays a team of Russian Uhlans (type of military formation from the time) trying to kill Bonaparte and some spy guy while getting some Polish ladies to fall in love with them. The trouble is that:
1. Uhlans were Polish. It was a Polish formation. And as Russians were occupying Poland, Polish Uhlans were serving under Bonaparte and trying to fight Russia with him in a futile belief that Bonaparte will make Poland reappear on the map. So there was no such thing as Russian Uhlans. Uhlans were for Bonaparte and against Russia. This is as pointless as showing a Russian Waffen SS battalion trying to kill Hitler. WTF?
2. The whole team acts like the A team or a bunch of John Rambos without AK47's. They get multiple shots off their single shot pistols, slaughter everyone with a single slash of their sabers and blablabla. Maybe if I was a 5 years old Russian I could enjoy that crap.
3. If one decides to show forbidden love between an occupied Polish aristocrat and a Russian soldier (which for some reason is a Uhlan), they should at least try to make it look a bit forbidden, not flourish in plain sight...
4. Bad acting by great actors - Russian Bezrukov, Polish Delag... Way below, I mean way below what we're used to get from these guys.
5. Bad special effects. And I mean bad. Really bad. 6. Bad script. And I don't mean the historical inaccuracy. I mean that the whole story does not hold. The secret passages ending on the roof in plain sight, Russian armies stationing 5 minutes ride from the Bonaparte quarters, bad romance, bad aaaaaa come on, I'm not gonna do this. It's just bad OK?
So was there anything good in the film? I think yes. I did enjoy the costumes a lot. And that would be it.
So summarizing - don't. Don't waste any time watching this shipwreck. I seriously don't understand why would anybody even bother making it! My wife and I speculated that the only reason for making this film was that somebody had found some Uhlan costumes in the attic and decided that after the last Russian Musketeers movie nothing can be worse - so their only way is the way up and convinced everybody else to gather, waste the time they could spend doing nothing and I don't know... keeping respect for themselves; and made them produce this horrible thing.
Don't watch it, seriously.
The Last Airbender (2010)
Very bad acting, no story, gay fighting, everyone's Indian.
Well, the title summarizes it all.
1. Everyone in the movie is Indian. Weren't they more, like, Chinese or something? It just looks funny to look at the rather rounded Indian faces supposed to be the faces of the Avatar Team 2. Ah. No Avatar Team. Basically it's like three episodes of the animated series, glued together so they don't make any sense.
3. Crap writing, no fun, just plain boredom 4. Bad, bad fighting. Bending? Mediocre. Element's reactions completely don't correspond with actor's moves.
5. The uncle! Instead of an old wise and kind Chinese general we get some dread-lock middle aged ass.
Damn it, I could go on with that but it's enough. Don;t watch.
Taras Bulba (2009)
Peter Jackson's Braindead mixed with soviet-like propaganda.
I can't really remember when was the last time I've actually watched something so poor. I'm not even gonna start on the plot and the Cossac mentality as it is a separate matter (like blaming the enemy army for defeating the regiment that was entirely drunk {sic!})
So let's concentrate on the actual movie features... Picture: Narrow shots only, Special effects like in Braindead, Polish troops in Spanish conquistadors' helmets, The castle... they didn't even try to make it look properly...
Sound: The whole thing sounds like from an old cassette. Sounds are so bad it actually makes you laugh, Silenced pistol sounds from James Bond imitating musket shots, Poles cursing in a very modern language,
The whole thing is just... poor. miserable. There is no tension, no nothing. It's just watching some guys run throughout the set repeating stuff about Matushka Russia and Orthodox church. Actually every character repeats the bloody sentence just before dying "So good to be dying for Russia and orthodox church"... It actually reminds me soviet cinema where deadly wounded characters were giving speeches about the advantages of living in Soviet Union or something close to it in abstractness...
Forgive me please being as chaotic and poor as "Taras Bulba" - it's my first time...