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walk_wild777
Reviews
Black Widow (2021)
MCU back to form
After the utter trash that was Captain Marvel I was skeptical about this one, but it was wonderful the whole way through. It had everything in it I enjoy about Marvel films. Stellar all the way through.
Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016)
Woke garbage
This movie needed the words "MESSAGE!" Flashing across the screen every 30 seconds. Maybe three jokes landed the entire movie. Don't bother.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Bire Larson. Ugh.
I've been a big fan of the Marvel films long before Iron Man, but this is the worst movie Marvel Studios has put out.
Besides being just plain out bland, I lay most blame on Brie Larson's utter lack of personality. At no point was I remotely emotionally invested in her character. She's easily right up there with Kristen Stewart and Hayden Christiansen for utterly lacking in any ability to emote.
If this is the character they're going to base he MCU around going forward, good luck to them.
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
A bit of a let down
I'd waited years for this film, perhaps that's why I felt a bit let down. Over all the acting was great, and the action better, but with dozens of characters struggling for screen time, the movie was rused and hurried from one scene to the next.
The space scenes were excellent, but the plot back on Earth involving the Earth bound heroes could have been handled much better. Perhaps when the second half of this story comes out, I'll change my tune, but I enjoyed the previous two Avengers films much more.
American Gods (2017)
Wonderful Mature Fantasy
This show is just phenomenal. They've done a brilliant job bringing Neil Gaiman's best, most challenging novel to the screen. The characters match up superbly with how I personally visualized them, and the effects and sets keep your eyes glued to the screen.
I've seen IMDB users complain about sex and violence. Perhaps a sophisticated fantasy novel that's been adapted to premium cable just isn't for them. This show isn't for fans of mindless entertainment. It challenges you. I you want something simple minded you can check your e-mail too, there's plenty of those shows.
Watch this, you won't regret it.
Brain Twisters (1991)
Entertaining hidden gem
Brain Twisters is regularly featured in the multiple movie sets produced by Mill Creek Entertainment box sets. Those sets, while great, are always a mixed bag. They range from cult classics to the unwatchable.
I expected to find this entertaining for reasons the filmmakers never intended, but I was pulled into the film's plot. While hardly without flaws, the story is interesting and well constructed, you want to discover what's going on. All the actors put in great, fun performances. A real highlight is Terry Londeree, who's look reminds me of a cross between Ben Afflack and Kevin Nealon. While hardly a subtle performance, adds a ton of B-Movie appeal to this film.
Highly recommended for fans of strange, entertaining B-movies.
Masters of Horror: Imprint (2006)
Worthless.
Pornographic, unscary, nothing of any value. I am not by any means offended by gore. I am a fan of Argento, Lucci, and the like. I have no problem with shocking scenes as long as the movie itself is entertaining or worthwhile.
I found not a slice of entertainment anywhere in this film. It focuses only on the most base and deplorable aspects of human existence, and it does so for seemingly no reason. No one, not a character, nor a viewer, walks away from this film any better for the experience. The viewer isn't even rewarded with a sensical ending. I have nothing but questions, and frankly I don't care if they are ever answered.
Furankenshutain no kaijû: Sanda tai Gaira (1966)
A rare giant monster film thats scary
I recently watched this for the first time since I was a small boy and was surprised at how actually scary parts of this film is. I've been a fan of the giant monster film since I was a small boy, Godzilla especially, but was never once scared by any of the films. Instead I appreciated them as fantasy. However, the green Gargantua in this film is scary. The monster costume is scary, the fact he eats people is scary, and the film itself is just fun to look at. The scene early in the film where a fisherman's boat is stopped dead in the water when he hooks something, and we see this ugly creature gazing up from under the ocean, remains one of the creepiest and most effective images from a movie I've seen.
The movie becomes a bit cheesy towards the end when the heroic brown Gargantua shows up to battle the green one, but all in all I recommend it to anyone who's a fan of Toho's Godzilla series, or anyone with slightly unusual tastes in movies. Good luck finding a copy tho. Toho hasn't released it on DVD and the old VHS tapes are pricey. Keep an eye out on cable for it!
Suburban Sasquatch (2004)
So bad it's wonderful
Fans of questionable cinema will adore "Suburban Sasquatch". This movie is so bad that it's a joy to watch, and it's that way in part because the film makers knew they weren't making Citizen Cane.
I truly question people who would write a review of this and declare it a waste of time.If you're buying or renting a DVD set called "Depraved Degenerates" that has no stills from the movie anywhere on the packaging, and you're getting 6 movies for $10, what are you truly expecting to see? The Godfather? Terminator 2? The Sasquatch featured in this film is a fellow in a cheap store bought gorilla suit, complete with fuzzy slippers for feet, who offs unsuspecting suburbanites by pulling out their hearts kung-fu style and beating people with their own bloody stumps. If that doesn't make you want to see this, you aren't a true fan of bad cinema, so you probably should just run down to Blockbuster instead.
The only criticism I have for the film, is that it's a bit overly long, and the bland, odd love interest between our star and starlet gets in the way of a truly fun no-budget romp.
Pick this one up, call over a couple of like minded friends and break out the snacks.
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
I'm done with this franchise.
I feel since I just wasted two and half hours of my life watching this movie, that I'm now entitled to use a over-used cliché to describe the biggest disappointment of a film I've ever seen. "Oh, what a tangled web they weaved".
This movie was the biggest car wreck of a movie I've been to since "Battlefield Earth". But at least I expected that to suck. I was a huge fan of the previous two entries in the Spider-Man franchise. They were very enjoyable and they stayed true to their source material. This movie made it all up as they went along and showed just enough hints of greatness to keep me saying to myself right up until the end "any minute now, this movie will be awesome". It never was.
One word sums it up. Overkill. Two many characters (some of them completely needless) and two many plots. All throughout the film there were scenes that would have been great in another version of the story, just not this one. The movie felt like they took three stories and slammed them together to get the final product. Everything felt rushed, even though the movie ran way too long. It was full of cheap "huh?!" plot devices. The comedy was anything but comedy (outside of Bruce Cambell's turn as a John Cleese-like french waiter) and was frankly, embarrassing. Spider-Man's much hyped desent into the "dark side" was just Peter Parker getting emo hair and not showering, and the normally interesting relationship between Spidey and MJ felt like slow, dull torture.
Thomas Hayden Church's performance as the Sandman was great, and he was clearly the most interesting character in the film both visually, and character wise, but he was swallowed up by this monster of a film. By the end, I didn't even see a need for him to be in the story at all. He turned out just to be a plot device to rehash a storyline from the first film that was already settled before Spider-Man 2.
And Venom! I had waited 15 years to see Venom, the greatest Spider-Man villain of all time, rendered onto the movie screen. The skinny kid with the big Adam's Apple from "That 70s Show" was Venom for maybe only the last 30 minutes of the film, and they didn't even mention he WAS Venom during the movie. Everyone just called him "that other spider-man!" after the film. And the continuity was so bad, no one bothered to explain why Topher Grey's character got horrible rat teeth once he became "that other Spider-Man". Even Toby's chompers stayed pearly white when he went all emo after wearing the black costume.
Fans of the comics will dislike this movie because they basically molested the source material (I.E. the Spider-Man comics this franchise was once so faithful to) to get all these pieces to fit together.
Causual fans (I.E. people who only really know about Spidey from the films) will dislike this movie because its just way too much for one film to handle.
The only people who'll truly like this movie are CGI junkies. The special effects and the fight scenes are the ONLY arena this film excelled in.
Don't waste your money at theaters, unless your a total fan-boy. See it on DVD only if you MUST. Watching it for free on television is what I recommend.
What a turkey.
Mama Dracula (1980)
Charming in an odd way
I give this movie a ten, simply because I love discovering odd, interesting little films like this that I could have went my whole life without seeing, but luckily stumbled upon it.
This movie is odd and campy. Don't view it if you're looking for a movie that will change your life. Because it won't. What a lot of reviewers have said is true. It is disjointed, and sometimes you can get lost because of the plot. However, the quirkiness kept me there until the end. A particular highlight is the performance of the Wajnberg brothers, Alexander and Marc-Henry, twins playing the vampire sons of "Countess Dracula". But despite it's problems, this movie does have a very strange charm to it.
I don't recommend this movie for serious viewing, even as comedy (which is what it is). I recommend viewing this film with others that enjoy camp. The more people you watch the movie with, the better it becomes.
Seddok, l'erede di Satana (1960)
Italian horror movie missing a vampire
This 1940s Italian horror movie is lite on horror and long on story. There are good transformation scenes, and the dubbing and voice-overs are above average for most imported horror flicks, but the movie just kept going and going. The movie is about a beautiful stripper that has an argument with her ruggedly handsome boyfriend, and then gets disfigured in a car accident. She then falls into hands of a scientist and his girlfriend/colleague who have made a drug that can regenerate dead tissues. Unfortunately, a flaw is discovered, and the doctor falls in love with the young woman, and he ends up injecting himself with a chemical that turns him into a monster willing kill young woman so that the movie's starlet may stay young. But he, nor she, is what I'd call a vampire. I recommend it if you're a fan of the genre of old black and white horror movies, but if. And only if you pick it out of a dollar bin.
Jessica: A Ghost Story (1992)
Scary moments with a WTF ending
I bought a DVD of this film for my girlfriend who shares the same name as the ghost girl in this film, and enjoys movies about the paranormal. The movie was shot entirely on video, so it has the look of a PBS special about it. The special effects are phoney looking, but there are actually some scary moments in the movie that got us to jump in our seat. There is a particularly effective scare involving a Virgin Mary statue.
HOWEVER, the acting is bad, the "plot" scenes are long and very boring, and I will tell you I have no clue what happened at the end. If you get the movie, rent it, if you buy it, please make sure you pay less than $5.
Hallow's End (2003)
Entertaining unintentionally
This is a VERY bad, very low budget movie. But it's one of those that's so bad and so cheap, that if you like cheese, you'll love this one. I'm not going to talk much about the plot, because it doesn't even matter.
I rented this with the intentions of being entertained for reasons that the filmmakers never intended, and I was not disappointed. There's an effeminate southern Santa look-a-like named Pumpkin Jack, 4 reasonably hot girls (three of which get topless) and a bunch of acting that so bad it's good, from the male contingent of the cast. There is also a lesbian sub-plot that'll at least hold your attention (if you're a guy) when something unintentionally funny isn't happening.
The greatest part of this movie, is Matt Moore's character of 'Dan', who is the a-hole bully of the movie. His over the top cliché acting is endlessly funny and the greatest part is everyone in the movie is scared $hitless of him and he's the skinniest guy in the flick and he dresses like an older brother character from an 80s teen movie.
Oh yeah, the "monsters" in this movie are barely recognizable as such... I highly suggest everyone who likes to laugh at cheese watch this. A must see, best watched in groups.
13th Child (2002)
Horrible contemporary horror
"The 13th Child". A movie that proclaims to be about the legend of The Jersey Devil, a fascinating and fairly unsettling legend in the North East of the United States, but basically makes a whole bunch of crap up about a bunch Indian curses and the love of snakes and spiders and all things icky that have nothing to do with the real legend of the Jersey Devil.
The movie then starts with a nonsensical, seconds long opening scene of some guy running through the woods with a flashlight getting blood on his hands. We then get a "20 years later" text to take us away from this pointless nonsense that was shot with a hand held video camera that looked badder than bad.
We have an incredibly unbelievable and stupid sequence in a mental institution where Robert Guilliaume is shuffling around on a cane, watching a show about the jersey devil, all the while really cheap and corny music plays in the background, the kind of fare you'd hear on late night cable access horror host shows. not to mention the whole thing is shot on cheap, cheesy looking video not unlike "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank".
We're then taken back in time 3 days (this movie already can't decide where it wants to take place) to the town's Attorney General's office. The first thing I notice about this part of the movie is that this small town New Jersey's Attorney General is a soft spoken British woman. Just like you'd expect. We're introduced to our heroine, some blond girl that couldn't out act a stump and isn't even hot to make up for it
The movie continues to jump around from flashback to flashback until the viewer is lost in time and space. We have a topless scene for no reason, and to sum it up, things happen, people get killed by an incredibly stupid and fake looking devil monster and we learn nothing about anything, and nothing is solved or resolved.
Oh, and there is a black guy named Eminem. I swear. My final thought was, how did Robert Guillaume end up in this stinker? For some odd reason, "Benson" was my favorite show as a child. And because of this, Robert's always had a special place in my heart. No one deserves to be in movies like this. Mr. Guillaume, if you ever read this, and I doubt it, your still the man... even if you were in this movie.