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Foosballers (2019)
NO. SPINNING. ALLOWED.
It's important to know that I grew up playing a little bit of foosball. Not a ton, and not against any type of talent, but enough where I was able to pass it back and forth to myself and blast home some super rad shots. I'm also "seasoned" enough to know that spinning in Foosball is the biggest noob move going. If you're a cute girl who's doing it to laugh it up, that's fine. But that's it. Not even you cute guys can spin and it's not up for debate. There is no spinning in Foosball.
With all that burped up and on the table, let us get on with the movie at hand. Foosballers is one of...not many films about the undervalued table sport. You have this gem and then you have the 1981 film Long Shot and then a mockumentary called The Fabb Four made in 2008, and lastly a short doc called Foosball: past - present - future made in 2006. That's about it. So there's some slim picking if you got a hankering for some foosball action.
Minus Longshot which is a teen comedy that's probably more about getting the girl than getting the trophy, Foosballers is the undisputed champ of Foosballery. It paints us a handsome picture of it's heyday, it's downfall, it's rules and everything in between. And of course, it talks to us about the players that got the sport rolling in the early days all the way up to the leading men and women knocking that little ball around to this day.
Foosballers is a total success of a documentary. Like any other atypical topic, from video game high scores, to the best arm-wrestler in the world, to big wave surfers, there is an underlying factor that must be expressed. And that, my quarantined friends, is passion. Which could just be a diagnosis for advanced addiction with narcissistic tendencies, but who's to say. Could just be love for the game though. Oh, I don't know. What I do know is that addiction for Foosyfoos is on display big time and it's fun to watch.
To sum this up, Foosballers brought home the bacon and fried it in the pan. It shot it's little ball right up and straight into my heart. I'm now on the hunt for a used Tornado foosblaster3000 and mark my words, you will hear of me the next time the you hear the word Foosball. I will be king. My Foosball name will forever be echoed in bathrooms of gamerooms everywhere. Everyone's going down. Tony. Todd. Cindy. You're all dust! Forever shall my name be trembled and feared. For my foosball name is...FOOZBALLGUY23!
Lazy Susan (2020)
Lazy Susan may help you with your own lazy ways.
Raise your hand if you're a bit of a lazy bum. Everyone gets a bit lazy from time to time. You neglect some task, you can put off some goal, you can forget about picking up your kids; we all get a little lazy and for the most part, it's not that big of a deal. Unless you're lazy like Susan. Don't be a lazy Susan.
What we have here in Lazy Susan is a Sean Hayes vehicle that shows us a pretty extreme version of a lazy (and very selfish) individual. We follow a woman named Susan go about her daily life, which is basically sighing and doing the bare minimum while at the same time prioritizing herself in almost any given situation. To piggyback that we also see Susan constantly screw things up, and we also see her deal with the unfortunate road-bumps life throws her way. We see her attempt to do things the right way and, for the most part, we just watch her struggle. And as is usually the case for most of us, all that struggle is usually related to her being just a Lazy Susan.
The kicker with Lazy Susan is that it's an oddly relatable tale that should strike home with people who tend to be lazy and/or selfish. I know I can be my own worst enemy at times and make that idiotic decision which will no doubt negatively affect my life. And this here little weird gem of a flick reminded me of my occasional lameness.
Self-loathing reminders aside, the film also succeeds fantastically with Nathan Hayes' performance as Susan. I'm no fan of Will & Grace (I think I may have seen a couple?) but from what I gather from Nathan is that he's one helluva an actor. He brought so many little nuisances to this role that I'm convinced he's more proficient at playing a female character than most female actresses. For a quirky indie comedy, he knocked it out of the park.
Lazy Susan seems to be getting a bunch of flack and yeah, I suppose it is a bit of a crowd-splitter. I mentioned how it could be a reminder of your own inadequacies but another aspect that may be bothering folks is that Nathan's Susan is quite the spectacle, and her antics can be overwhelming. As well, the comedic aspect here, while absolutely consistent, may not work for everyone. I thought it was a nice blend of outrageous and deftly subtle. So, with all that said, take a look in the mirror and stop using your belly as a plate ya lazy goodfernuthin.
Villains (2019)
Airheads
What we have here is your rather cliche story about finding trouble where you least expect it. While on the lamb, two bumbling lovers find a house to restock provisions but only to get in a sticky mess with the owners. Oh no. What shall they do. Watch it and find out or don't.
First and foremost, Villains hangs it's hat on trying to be a funny movie. Make people laugh while watching a movie that's related theme wise to something like Funny Games; brilliant. And when I mean, they hang their hat on it, they hang their drawers on it too. Bill and Malika are almost always cartooning it up with a consistent display of exaggerated behaviors. But the kicker is, it takes two to tango. You've got the funny, but do you have the meat truck to deliver the beef? The beef! Where's the beef!? Bill has some beef. With his bulging eyes and his clownish voice, he delivers a more than decent portrayal of an airhead dirtbag. Which you do tend to forget in this movie. The two leads are in fact losers. But I digress, Malika on the other hand is beefless. Comical and over-the-top, yes. Funny, no. If you just find overt silly behavior funny, then you won't get what I'm saying. Moving on.
The story itself is a mish mash mess of ideas that works in a weird way due to the silly nature of the film. The comedy is so apparent that there's a layer of uncertainty. One aspect of the film that fell on it's face was the romance. They tried luring us in with some cutesy camerwork crap, but it held like bad jello. Unless of course you're the cutesy crap type of fan who eats that stuff up. And another thing! The acting of Jeff Donovan really helped the movie plug along. Actually, he was probably the saving grace of the film. When it comes down to it, he was the best part of the film. Come to think of it, I think he was the film. Now that I thought of it, I can't believe you're still reading this dumb review. And dontchaknow, this movie was totally and utterly average and didn't have any boobs or head explosions! Now is that a movie you want to watch?! I don't think so! Take a lap.
Chuck & Buck (2000)
One of the better American indies of the 2000s
Once upon a time there was a boy named Chuck and a boy named Buck. Chuck and Buck were bestest of best friends and played all types of games together. They were inseparable. Alas, Chuck had to move away and their friendship faded away. Fast forward 15 years or so. After a long illness, Buck's mother passes away. He's now given a new found freedom in life and his first priority is to reconnect with Chuck. He wants to play games again. But Chuck has a new life. Will he want to play with Buck again? Will Chuck and Buck be best of buds again? Tune in to find out.
If you're like me you most likely stumbled across this because you enjoy yourself an atypical drama in the vein of Todd Solondz or Greg Araki etc. You just love those skewed takes on reality that verge on ridiculous but have this strange, realistic depth to them. You're appreciation for sexuality in all it's facets is also a reason why you hit play here as well. With Chuck & Buck you get all of this and more.
Without going too into the story, the two eventually do meet again but things don't pan out for Buck as he hoped. There's a vibe given off by Buck's persistent behavior and the way he approaches life that tells you he may have other ideas about his relationship with Chuck. But it's still up in the air due to his very innocent and seemingly naive nature. You're unsure of Buck and what he's all about up until he does get things off his chest. And once he does, the film shows it's real depth. The story touches upon a slew of mental issues that many of us go through, from not being able to let things go, to feelings of being unlovable. The film also gives food for thought for themes such as sexual fluidity and sexual acceptance.
I'm unsure of Chuck & Buck relatability factor as the film's story of love is based on such a hardcore delusion, but on a lesser scale, holding on to past love is quite universal. The film does a tremendous job of showcasing a mental issue in a very innocent yet lamentable way. And the main reason you'll come away appreciating the film as much as myself is because of Mike White's portrayal of Buck. Combine White's acting with solid direction and overall ensemble acting, Chuck & Buck easily stands as one of the better American indies of the 2000s.
Nattevagten (1994)
A Lannister? On the nightwatch?
There's something about the Nightwatchman gig. It's not a glamorous one but it's a job that has an air of mystery to it. As a member of the nightwatch you're the one responsible if a group of hooligans come barging in for a bit of fun. If a specter comes haunting, you're the one who's going to have call the Ghostbusters. A serial killer marks your location as his hunting ground, it's up to you to save the day. It's an occupation full of uncertainty. Plus, more than likely none of that would ever happen so you have tons of time to twiddle your thumbs, listen to music and do whatever the hell you want with no one to bother you. What a gig. Well, that's what our main character thought as well. That is until trouble found it's way to his cushy job and landed right on his lap. What will our Nightwatchman do? Will he save the day or lay a big fat egg? Find out in Ole Bordenal's Nightwatch!
Let's just get to the bottom of why you're watching this movie in 2020. It's because of the character Martin and the stunning beaut of a man who plays him. Who is none other than the Danish Casper Van Dien, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau! This is actually considered the breakout role for Jamie Lannister and, for the most part, I can see why. He does a decent job with the role he has. I especially enjoyed his acting when he was frightened. Love me a good scaredy-pants. It's the film itself that tends to be up and down. The film revolves around Nik's character as he tries studying for his Law degree as he works night at a hospital. Well, lucky for us there's also a serial killer going around and, of course, Nik and the sinister on-goings somehow get wrapped up together. Without a doubt the high marks for Nightwatch belong to the ensemble acting and the suspenseful atmosphere. Everyone plays their part fine and when scenes of tension at the hospital are on screen you're pretty into the film. It's scenes that are not at the hospital that tend to fall flat. There are a couple side stories with Nik, one with his integrity-less bud and one that revolves around his girlfriend and both don't work very well. You may feel otherwise but the balance between the silliness of a comedy and the seriousness of a thriller didn't mesh so well for this feller.
Nightwatch overall is a decent little film that is totally worth a watch if you dig Jaime a ton. You have a couple above average scenes of suspense, some breasts, a glimpse of Jaime's pubic hair and possible penis (Sorry, I didn't rewind to see if you could see more. My bad.) and well, like I said, some solid acting by most of the cast. Keep your expectations low and you'll come away pleasantly surprised by this Danish thriller.
VFW (2019)
Could have used some full penetration...and Dolph Lundgren.
There's an air of mystery surrounding VFWs. It's a pretty similar feeling to other men clubs like The Royal Order of the Moose, The Oddfellows and my favorite, The Stonecutters. VFWs on the otherhand are jam packed with war vets. I'm pretty sure women are allowed at VFWs and more often than not most of the public is so they're not too exclusive on the social group front but what do I know. I'll help you out. I know nothing. What I do know is that I watched a movie about old war vets getting violent with a bunch of maniacal punk druggies. Sounds cool? It does, but unfortunately these old vets didn't pack enough diapers for the poop storm that followed.
I take back that poop storm statement. It just went well with the diapers line. It wasn't a crappy film. It was alright. The movie is super straight forward and quite predictable but that's okay. I mean it's not, but here in this instance it is. Apocalyptic setting for whatever reason that has a bad-guy-drug-kingpin-odd-fellow who's got his drug addict followers that do his bidding. Across the street is a VFW with a ragtag assortment of rather vanilla vets who still think it's the bee's knees to get drunk all the time. I guess that's what war does to you. Closest thing I got to war was a fight with my ex-girlfriend about her not spending enough time by my side when we'd go out. I don't ask for much. Just stay by me. That's all. And time and time again she'd just wander off and talk to random strangers. Man oh man, she really didn't give a damn. What was I saying? Yeah, booze is overrated but the writers of this film still think it's as awesome as a college kid. And that type of writing and mentality is basically what you get for the whole film.
I'm not going to trash on the film or talk about my insecurities anymore, but I do have to say that the film wasn't very good. Any time there was any talking, I mean anything at all, it was almost instant boredom. Just fight to the death already. That's all this movie is so get on with it. And speaking of death, this film had quite a bit of it. Ya had some violence via hand-tools, guns, blades, and other creative means. That's always nice. Plus, it was the second time I've seen a demo saw used in a movie. Those are fun to use. One huge, perverted thought of mine while watching this film was our main hero (the guy from Avatar) dressed like a hipstery Grandad and man oh man if I wasn't hoping for him and the young woman to get it on. If that happened, this movie would have been a big time ten out of ten.
Okay let's wrap this up. Did you see the cast list and get all hot and bothered? Yeah, I did too. If you're a true blue fanboy who isn't jaded at all, you will have a lovely time with this here film. If you are indeed jaded like me and are prone to being let down quite easily, then I'd say tread lightly with this one. You've got the nostalgic cast, the blood and...that's it. But, you could do worse. I know I did when I dated my ex.
The Lodge (2019)
Are you easily triggered? Join our religious cult today!
2020's first hyped up horror film, The Lodge, is a take on hysteria with the tried and true setting of a remote home in the wilderness. Will The Lodge make you want to drink the cool-aid or will you end up taking another look at the Scientology brochure?
The set-up is a Father, son and daughter decide to use their remote cabin to celebrate Christmas. Kicker is Dad is bringing along his new love, which as you will come to find out, is not thought fondly of by his children. Well, of course they all go anyways. Dad has to take off for a meeting back in the city almost as soon as they arrive and will have to leave his girlfriend and two kids alone while he's away. No big deal, right? Well, it kind of is when your girlfriend has a checkered past of being a mental-case. Don't forget the fact that the kids really don't like this woman.
So I went into this totally blind. I just saw a couple joyous reviews about the next great horror and I said why not. But first, let me start off by saying I don't care for cult based stories. I'll watch a documentary on the subject only for the fact that I'm stunned by how easily manipulated people are, but as for cult involvement and/or cult hysterics used as a scare tactic strikes me as ridiculous and almost verging on silly. I'm aware that people do go kaka-cuckoo with cults and they really lose their own self in the process but, it just doesn't work for me on a horror level, especially when it's religious themed. Anyone else play Far Cry 5? That's what I'm talking about. Cringey snooze of a story. So if you're like me and don't care for the cult/religion business, this isn't going to make you dig the sub-genre any more.
While having some decent and curious set-ups, the filmmakers absolutely dropped the ball with executing a story that scares or, hell, even cares. It's just one big set-up that doesn't do a damn thing in the end. Build up a story to it's logical and predictable finale, and then...just end it there. That's a great idea. Let's just make it a black and white scenario of hysteria with barely any legit background or any genuine character development and let's just ride our coattails on what-ifs. How about this what if? What if, your movie was a waste of my time? Oh, my bad, that's not a what if. That's how I felt as I squirming about in my movie theater chair waiting for this kuk to finish up. It's not kuk but it's not very good either. The highlights of this film for me was seeing the lead actress's breasts and my gigantic fart I so handsomely released when the sound went up in the theater. Lodge 0 - Me 1
Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure (2003)
Skuggs' Yuletide Family Tropical Getaway
Just about 15 years after the release of the original National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the much-loved 1989 comedy starring the always content Chevy Chase and the always buxom Beverly D'Angelo, the X-masses are finally being treated with a sequel -- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure.
Yup. Island Adventure.
I found out about this movie a couple days ago, and here I am not wasting any time in informing you oft-misguided souls that this yuletide treat is...not worth your holiday time. F@ck, right?
Before I get into National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure, which is quite possibly the second longest movie name I've come across (second to, yup, Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood), I need to make a statement: Randy Quaid is the man. I have no idea what's going on in his personal life regarding Hollywood Star Whackers, but I just want to say I support. There are a few evil entities in the world and Hollywood is most assuredly one of them. If Randy says people are trying to kill him, I wouldn't hesitate to let him sleep in my basement. Secondly, conspiracies are cool to think about. Nothing wrong with questioning things. Thirdly, he played the best mad scientist to ever grace the silver screen as Elijah C. Skuggs. Case closed. No more giving Mr. Quaid crap. Okay, on with Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure!
Now what the hell is NLCV 2: CEIA all about anyways? The answer: not much. Cousin Eddie works as a nuclear waste test subject and loses out on his job to his chimpanzee coworker. But, lucky for him, the monkey bites him on the ass and Cousin Eddie and family get a free Xmas vacation to an island in the South Pacific. Bad jokes and lots of meandering about soon follow, and then the family find themselves trapped on an island, and then, yes, more bad jokes ensue. It's a very predictable film that the seven-year-old me probably would have really enjoyed. Snot the dog from the first Christmas Vacation is back and he farts a ton, which is all the young me ever really wanted. Farts. The adult me unfortunately needs much more in his cinema, namely farts and breasts.
For such a lame-duck movie, the cast wasn't so bad. Ed Asner was in it. For some really strange reason, the always entertaining Eric Idle makes a cameo. The actor who always seems to be up for a sh!t role, Fred Willard makes an appearance. Honestly, Willard's in so much crap. He must have something sinister going on in his life, too. He can stay in my basement if he wants as well. But enough about my soft spot for down-on-their-luck celebrities. The bottom line here is this movie is Christmas crap that you should only catch if you really enjoy the original, and/or Randy Quaid, and/or if you want to see Sung Hi Lee lounge about in a bikini.
Night Claws (2012)
Shut up, Cindy.
It's been a while since I've watched a So Bad It's Good type of film, and really, that's all I was hoping this would be. I saw Ted Prior's name, I saw bigfoot in the synopsis, I was in the mood for cheese....what the hell am I waiting for? Let's get going! First off, after starting it, the title calls it Apex-Predator. Whoa, that's even worse than Night Claws....alright!
It doesn't take long for this film to show it's ugly bigfoot head. We got a bad acting right from the get go, and the acting as a whole is what will keep you watching. There may have been one nip slip in the opening scene but nothing else, and there's only minimal blood/make-up effects. So there's no surprises to be had with Apex Night Predator Claws.
Getting back on track and the sole reason to watch this film is to watch the camp. There are a handful of "well-known" B movie actors here, but Reb Brown and Ted Prior stole the show for this guy. When I say "stole the show" I actually mean, kept me from falling asleep. Reb Brown is so amateurish he warmed my heart. He was almost cute with his acting. You could see him remembering his lines, trying to use the correct amount of emotion, it was awesome. He also had a couple funny sequences too. Then we got Ted Prior who is just a hot-blooded, son of a bitch the entire time he's on screen. You get the gist his character is a tough guy, but he takes it one step further and just becomes a jerkoff. So much so, it becomes a positive. He tells his wife in it to shut up at least 5 times. Telling your wife to shut her yap = gold.
So yeah, watch this flick if you truly enjoy camp and/or are a bigfoot enthusiast. If you're neither, pass on this all day long and then some. If you're a little of column A and Column B, I'd say check it out. If you came here looking for any advice on dating, then you've come to the right place. If she talks too much, dump her ass!
The Hunter (2011)
Oh, Stallion Face, you're just awful.
Recently I've come to learn the hard, unforgiving, yet understandable truth that our beloved Mr. Dafoe has an incredibly large penis. With that said, here's my exaggerated review of his recent film, The Hunter.
Dafoe pretends in this movie that he's some type of hunter/mercenary guy who's off to the wilds of Tazmania to hunt down the possibly extinct, Tazmanian Tiger. His goal is to find it, kill it, extract some juicy good stuff, and then dispose of any evidence. Fun! I'm down! Whoa, hold your horses now. You have to wait for the good stuff around these parts. First we have to first wade through the trenches of this southern Australian state that's chock full of melodramatic, cliché ridden, audience toying clap-trap. Say what?
It doesn't take long to possibly realize this film may flop more than it flips - and flop it does, belly style. Forget about the lil girl who playfully swears like her dear old Daddy, forget about the amazing listening and drawing abilities of the mute little boy, hell, toss away the predictability of the unfriendly locals ("Bring the children inside. Hurry."), what you should focus most of your attention on is the lackluster screenplay and script. At times during the movie you could assume that the film was some type of dramatic improv session. There were at least a couple WTF moments that instantly make you question what the writers were thinking about. And really, the acting, no matter how understated it tried to be, was rather poor. Leading the way there is Frances O'Connor who bleeds out that she's an actress – she really did bring this movie down a peg with her overly feminine antics and greasy stallion face. I can't blame her entirely I suppose as there were even moments where I thought Mr. Big Dong was acting like a piece of petrified wood - which hurts me to say that. Wilem, the man, who played so many OTT roles so brilliantly, flounders about around Tazmania looking like a dead fish, using those wide-eyes and dead stares to rile up our emotions to no avail. The writing sucked here. Sucked! Shut up!
I'm pretty shocked (actually not at all) by the overly positive responses this film is getting. My biggest underlying issue with this film is that it tries to be too many things. Instead of focusing on the exploits of the hunter which are of a more mature and heady theme, the movie juggles bits of charm and light-hearted wishy-washy melodrama. To me it's an obvious attempt by the film-makers to cater to everyone involved. Not only did it not work, it was glaringly noticeable, more so in tone than anything else.
You'll probably like the film if you don't know any better, but you should know better. You should know that this movie, this disappointing tale of a hunter with a massive hanging genital should have delivered, and it didn't, because some jerks, whomever they might be, wanted to grease their monkey paws with the hopes of grabbing some more bananas. And again, O'Connor, stick to commercials.
American Juggalo (2011)
The new Heavy Metal Parking Lot
For the 20+ minute running time of American Juggalo you're instantly and consistently given the same type of joys you took in the first time you laid eyes on Heavy Metal Parking Lot. Honestly, I was laughing my ass of within the first minute.
If you're not in the loop, a Juggalo is the term for a die-hard fan of Insane Clown Posse. I'm not here to tell you about ICP so do your own homework on that front, but I would like to say that I think they get too much flack because of their looks. I haven't listened to so much of their music, but from what I have heard, I thought was pretty cool and different. The Dating Game is a track I'll never forget.
Back to the movie! On the film-making front, American Juggalo takes the same approach as Heavy Metal Parking Lot - you only witness the fans interacting with each other and the film-makers. There isn't a single moment of ICP performing, and actually, I don't think I even heard a ICP song being played. Nevertheless, even though I would have love to see the fans freaking the hell out at a concert, just hearing these people chit-chat and mingle with one another....it's just nuts. It's like nothing you've seen before.
Chock full of make-up, tits, excessive swearing, flabby bodies, this flick is the truth. This flick has got all the exploits and laughs you'd hope it would have, but at the end of the story, you come away with one lingering thought more so than anything else. The Juggalo family is more hardcore than any other music family out there. They're legit, hardcore, ridiculous, and they're all about the scene to a level that verges on insane. It truly is an insane clown posse. Whoop whoop!!
For more ICP goodness check out A Family Underground, and Shockumentary.
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
My unedited review from 10/14/2011
Sequels are a tough commodity nowadays, with the majority of them being cash-ins just so the makers can make some extra bread. That's not a bad thing mind you, as everyone needs to make a living, but on an artistic front it sucks balls. You could argue that Human Centipede 2 was also made to deepen the pockets of Mr. Tom Six. But where his sequel differs from most of the other sequels out there is that, he actually did try improving on his second effort. He listened to his critics and his fans and put his thinking cap on to deliver a film that exceeded the original in every way possible – and I believe he did just that.
With the original, we witnessed a Mad Scientist torture and mutate a trio of humans into a weeping, crawling, pooping machine. I thought it worked, as the doctor delivered a good enough performance to carry the film. So how can you improve upon a Mad Scientist? You don't get much cooler than a raving scientist. Just ask Professor Farnsworth. One way to work things out is to think in the absolute opposite direction. And in this case, taking the polar opposite route worked brilliantly. Instead of a handsome, fit, and fiercely intelligent German scientist, we're delivered
.well, I don't wanna be mean, but we're delivered the opposite
in the shape of a small rotund British man named, Martin.
Martin lives at home with his Mum, and works as an overnight security guard for a building's parking lot. The overnight gig not only puts food in his belly, but also gives him the opportunity to watch movies. I mean, movie. Martin, like any dedicated fanboy, watches his favorite movie, The Human Centipede nonstop. He's put together a collage book. He obsesses over the pretty girls in the movie. He has a pet centipede. He is quite simply fixated with all things Centipede. So much so in fact, that he's already initiated the process of creating his own Human Centipede – but this time with a dozen people. Martin thinks he can do it. He's got the passion, he's got the plan, and now he just needs the bodies.
With basically the whole story revolving around Martin's Centipede escapades, the film obviously has to deliver in other areas besides finding ways to attach faces to butts. Martin, psycho serial killer In the making, must surely have some type of back-story, right? He's not just an obsessed fan, right? Right. A much smaller secondary story resides in Martin's living situation with his dear ole Mum. I'm not going to ruin anything here for you, but let's just say Martin's past and present has been riddled with misfortune. So much so, that there are moments where you may be sympathetic towards the guy. Not sympathetic towards his goals, but towards his mental state. The Mother Son story delivered for me. It's been there done that stuff, but it was handled well, and of course, with Six's atypical touch.
To clear things up, the cut version of HC2 is no slouch. As a movie that is supposed to up the ante, it most certainly does. It improves upon the story, the lead character, the violence and everything that entails, and it also shows that Tom Six has improved as a director. Credit must be owed to Six in some way for helping the first-time actor, Laurence R. Harvey (Martin) deliver the performance he did. He didn't speak a single line, and still managed to convey a deeply troubled soul. Big ups to both you guys.
The Human Centipede, title alone, is reason enough for many to scoff, but that's fair, as it's pretty easy to judge this book by its cover or title. Assuming critics and disappointed detractors of the first will probably be overly judgmental and harsh, but not I, and not you! We both personally applaud the ideas, and willingness to push cinematic envelopes. The movie isn't perfect, and anyone with a clue can realize that, but as a sequel (and a horror film), it's legit, and tries to be a true sequel – succeeding at becoming a movie unto itself. A horrid, ugly tale of mental psychosis that's spliced with nightmarish fanboy heresy all sewn together to create an altogether abnormal horror film that will have you seeing brown.
I look forward to checking out the uncut verison as I hear it may be a bit different. One thing is for certain and that's I can definitely see myself rewatching this film, rewinding it, and rewatching it again
and again
and again
and again
Now - I pretty much stand by this review and have since seen the uncut version with sandpaper and barbwire intact, and it's all just extra good fun.
Snowtown (2011)
Another unedited/unfinished review. This one from 9/27/2011
"Snowtown" is a shocking true-life tale of murder and manipulation that doesn't follow the linear paths of normal serial killer films.
Jamie lives with his Mother, older brother, and his two younger brothers. Life appears meaningless, stagnant, damaging, and as the film develops early on, it seems like it's only going to get worse before it gets any better. That is until John enters the scene and takes a firm hold of Jamie, introducing him to the real rights and wrongs of life as he knows it.
Finding out that this film was true was surprising to me, and then adding in the fact that the character John was Australia's # 1 serial killer really threw me for a loop. The majority of serial killer films that I know don't normally humanize their serial killers. Usually, you're just told this guy's evil and then you watch him do evil things. It's not like that here, as we're shown a man who shows compassion and care for family, but then that's intertwined with a man who's so utterly die-hard in his beliefs and ways, that you're confused about who this man really is. He seems to want to help, but he's doing so in the absolute worst way - which seems to be the only way he knows.
Now knowing that John became one of Australia's most infamous serial killers delivers a surprise to the viewer, and it also gave the filmmakers the opportunity to utilize the character of Jamie to be the centerpiece and emotional backbone of the film. Witnessing John act as father, friend and mentor to Jamie created an ambiguous relationship between the two that had you constantly on guard for Jamie's well-being. Not showcasing hideous murders or spotlighting John as the main character was risky, but it seemed to pay off well. Unless, of course, you're fully aware of the story of "Snowtown," then you may be hoping for something more vivid – which was probably not the right thing to do, for the sake of the victim's loved ones.
Besides the different directions the film went, I was also impressed by the acting of the entire cast. First-time actor Lucas Pittaway delivered a believable and tragic portrayal of a meager-minded individual, whereas Daniel Henshall, who played John, gave us an imperious, conniving, and highly talented acting performance. Highlighting the actors was the film's creative camera-work; at times moving in gritty hand-held fashion, instinctively capturing the troubling atmosphere, and at others, brightening the story by showcasing the Australian landscape, an effective decision that acted like the yang to the desolate ying.
No Reason (2010)
Green's my favorite color.
Ittenbach's latest diabolical mind-bender of the colorful kind may bemuse you as well as shrink your dink.
If I tried explaining the story to you, or even – I'm losing patience just thinking about it – discussing what it all means, I'd probably come across dumber than I sound right now. So, with that said, let's give it a shot! Ya got a girl who's visited by a tentacle bearded demon guy that is trying to teach her the truth of her ways by bringing her to different layers of some type of afterlife realm
or some sh!t like that. Hey ya know, that wasn't that bad of a summary. What's most important is knowing if Olaf's flick was able to deliver while his cast of characters did their thing. The answer is sure.
Pretty early on you get the picture that the story is a take it or leave it type of thing. I personally thought it stunk, but if you dig heady, weirdo German type story-telling then I guess you'll dig it
at least a little bit. But again, we know better. Ittenbach fans know better than to expect an average tale. We hope for one, but we don't expect. What we do expect is blood. So we sit there with our bibs on, waiting for that first splash.
It doesn't take long.
What No Reason does have going for it is that it's possibly one of the goriest films of the past couple years. Besides some lighting techniques that may have cut corners around how realistic the gore should look, the film still delivers on the blood front. There's a sequence, a hellish sequence you would say, where we stroll along through a torture dungeon of sorts that is basically just non-stop atrocities. Some creative stuff is going down too. Graphic is an understatement, as we peep peeing girls, some skin tearing, a bound to be classic penile mutilation, and of course, lots of blood spurting. It's the highlight of the film.
There are other scenes of OTT violence, and our leading lady is one hundred percent naked I'd say 80% of the movie - nice bum, small boobs, camel toe in your face. So as you see, there is enough here to keep your eyes glued to the screen. At a little over 70 minutes the film does feel longer because of Olaf's talky tale of colors, but I'd say it's definitely worth any gorehounds time as well as a must see for fans of Olaf, and, without a doubt, a definite for feminist gorehounds.
An average output for Olaf by my standards, but still, gore is gore, ass is ass, and how much more can you ask for when Ittenbach is in the big boy chair?
La vida loca (2008)
My unfinished/unedited review from 2/18/10.
Not long into La Vida Loca I realized something. That my peculiar fascination for Central American gang culture has almost all but left me. Like probably many of you who've seen this film, I've also seen my share of S. American and C. American films concerning gang culture; the prison shows on TV, feature films, all of it. Seeing some guy or girl with tattoos covering their face is so beyond my scope of living that it has (had) this badass, semi-romantic feeling that I looked up to. Of course, I was aware of their daily wheelings and dealings but I kind of threw that off to the side so I could fantasize about how 'cool' they appeared and acted. I have to repeat, that mind-frame is now almost fully out the window - thanks to this movie. And I'm not so sure I'm happy about that.
La Vida Loca is just that, but more than anything else, it's La Vida Estupida. What we're shown here is a full-fledged look into C. American gang culture. The best and worst aspect to this film is how intimate it all is. This is a film with zero filters and zero self-consciousness, and what you see, is for more or less, how things go down. And what usually goes down is sadness, death, hypocrisy, chest-puffing.... The passion they show towards one another and their families is nothing but honest and real, but at the end of the day, it's seemingly all about selfishness. Gangs seem to not clash with opposing gangs than they do with their own self.
This is a documentary on gang-life, but it's not a truly informative piece of film-making; there's no questions asked, or answers given. The knowledge you're given with this film is more like common-sense; you should have known, but you just didn't. You're brought around and given really close peeks into these young lives, but most of the thoughts these guys and girls have are basically, for lack of a better word, bullsh!t. At wakes they regularly chant in unison about the evil of the world, and not hours later, you'll see them repeating the same stupid crap about revenge and that it's all about their gang. What frustrates me most is that there is a zest for life and change, but in their given situations, it seems that the gangs have found a certain level of comfort in the pain and violence.
If you're anything like me and that you have this interest in gang culture, be fore- warned that this film will mostly upset you. And hearing that the director himself was murdered by people in El Salvador...it makes me think if this film was even worth it.
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)
My unfinished/unedited review/ramble from 4/4/10.
Do I have to mention that I'm a fan of the first? I see that quite a few comments are starting like that, so I guess I'll also roll with the flow. So, yep, I'm also a fan. Actually, in 2000 I bought a Boondock Saints VHS for 35 bucks on Ebay. Of course I'd have expectations for this movie. I want the Saints back in action, but I also want a solid flick, so this 10 year wait, was fine with me. That is, if the movie turned out to be worth it. Was it? No. It wasn't.
Boondock Saints 2, even though 10 years in the making, still felt like some sort of cash-in. Instead of using creativity to maybe make something worthwhile and truly sequel-worthy, they made it this sort of over-the-top comedy. Get the f@ck outta here! Duffy, for some reason or another decided to go the easy route. And what's the easy route? By taking every single thing that worked in the original and using it again, in an attempt to improve upon it. That right there, is the pussiest way to go about making a sequel. Oh, I guess you need examples. Alright. Need a new sidekick, right? Sure. Throw in a stereotypical Mexican dude who they have perform an arm-bar in the opening scene (cash in on the MMA craze much?). I would say he's the comedy relief of the film, but no, they have about four other characters being used for the same thing. Anyways, if the sidekick didn't work, in the case he wasn't enough like Rocco, they added a buffoon Mafia character that acted like Rocco. Oh, and if he wasn't enough, Rocco made a return as well! Of course in dream sequences only. And what the f@ck were those stupid macho rants about?
Then ya got the new female Willem Dafoe character. Oh man, this was a massive issue for me. Southern accent, walks like a super model, mimics Dafoe's methods from the first
get the hell outta here with this sh!t. That's all they could think of? At least you could have made her gay like Willem's character, or maybe even a tad risqué. A nip slip, maybe? Of course not. Were we really supposed to buy into this character? Was she supposed to live up to one of Dafoe's best performances? Really? Seriously? Wow.
One thing that some people don't seem to realize about the first Boondock Saints is that it excelled because of its all-male cast. There was no love-interest bullsh!t. There was no drooling over the girls. Just like with any comic book movie that comes out now, there is this seemingly out of place, romantic/love subplot that has to be put in because there needs to be something to relate to for our more sensitive/mainstream movie-goers. But there wasn't anything like this in the first, and that was wildly successful with all crowds
? Oh yeah, I totally forgot about how this was a comedy. It's all a joke. This movie is a joke. Maybe instead of trying to create a blockbuster, a comedy/action blockbuster, he'll go down a different route. Something on the darker side.
Boondock Saints 2 worked story-wise on one level moreso than any other. And that was the flashback sequences of when 'Da', Billy Connolly's character became who he was. One of those scenes truly worked, and non-surprisingly, it was the most violent scene of the movie.
.
2/12/12 - Yeah, I just gave up with this review. Bottom line, the movie stunk.
Sick Girl (2007)
The Muffintop Massacre
Oh, Sick Girl. How sick you are. Ya got your kicks peeing on nuns, lopping off weiners, and kissing your brother. You actually sound like a pretty cool chick, it's such a shame you're monotone and you have a dumpy butt.
2007's Sick Girl, created by all around blowhard Eben Whatshisname, focuses on the small-town life of a girl named Izzy, who is forced to become head of her household when her brother ships off to the Marines. Things sour from there on out, and Izzy's already shaky disposition crumbles into a pile of constant premenstrual insanity. No one's safe anymore; not her flamboyant younger brother, nor their bike-riding bear of a neighbor. The blood flows, children die, and rats are fed and returned to the gay guy who did porn after being in Fright Night. You know the guy.
I'd like to say Sick Girl is a good time, but then again, I'd like to say I enjoy popping pimples along the under-carriage of my fanny. A little juicy, kinda painful, and totally unnecessary. This movie fails for a few reasons, namely its weak script and dodgy direction. If you enjoy drawn-out scenes of inept dialogue and really pointless scenes of gore, including a controversial moment where a severed member is forced onto a make-shift dildo, the less discriminating horror-hound may actually enjoy this sh!t show.
So throw on a wife-beater or two, break out the Christmas lights, and don't say I didn't warn ya. Sick Girl sucks.
Attack the Block (2011)
Nightmare on Sesame Street
Our story of block attacking begins as our rag-tag group of protagonist hoods surround and mug a poor, helpless lass. In the midst of the mugging, a falling meteor crash lands into a car mere feet away. The boss of the group of young punks, Moses, lets the woman run away as he wants to loot anything he can out of the smoldering wreck. Within moments he and friends are fighting off a sharp-toothed, little alien from another planet. Not long after, they find out that this freaky looking alien has friends coming – bigger, meaner, freakier looking friends.
Watched this flick a couple times now, and for the most part it stands up as a legit lil creature feature. This debut by Joe Cornish, is a consistently fresh looking and sounding flick that showcases some crisp and creative camera-work, some in-your-face social commentary, and, believe it or not, an actual story that was fun to follow, as well as some cool looking alien creatures that had me instantly nodding with approval – they were slightly Sesame Streetish, but with a twisted nightmare feel.
The writing and ott characters here, which is apparently how some real-life style young'uns in London talk and act, may get on your nerve a bit – it's like British and Jamaican rolled in one – I personally didn't have much of an issue with it. There's lots of quick delivered slang and silly hood posturing being spewed all about, but through good direction of these young actors, Cornish managed to bond the actors and actually created a cohesive cinematic relationship among them. So much so, that by the end I was hoping all remaining characters wouldn't kick the bucket. Which is basically opposite of how I normally act with modern horrors – I want everybody to be mince-meat by the time the credits roll.
Not a perfect film by any means as a couple scenes of tension faltered with its desired effect *ahemhallwaysceneahem*, the funny bone department was lacking, and a few moment of hamminess from some of our rough 'n tough 15 year old leads at times had me giggling to myself. Nevertheless, this is a fun and entertaining creature flick that should please most fans of the subgenre. Trust.
De lift (1983)
Did you know that elevators are twenty times safer than escalators?
And also twenty times more evil.
The Lift (aka De Lift) is a horror film about an elevator. So the question is, will you be taking it to the top floor, or will you be getting off early due to the old man with gas problems standing in front of you?
Of course you take it to the top! Even if this movie stunk, which it most definitely does not, you always finish off a movie about an evil elevator. Even the title itself rolls right off the tongue. Say it with me now: Evil Elevator. God, I love a good bit of alliteration.
Oh, sorry, what's the film about you ask? An elevator that kills people. Oh, you want to know the details of the evil elevator story? Ugh
well, if you must know, during some fancy-pants box social that's being held at the top of some building, an elevator's power supply box (??) is struck by lightning, and thenceforth said elevator becomes conscious
.of its thirst for blood!!! Oh, you want more details? You're a pushy one, aren't ye? Okay, well, after a close-call involving Ernie the Evil Elevator, our protagonist and self-appointed hero, the Elevator Mechanic, comes along and you better believe he smells something fishy. People eventually start bucket-kicking in manners only an elevator is capable of kicking buckets. Cue nosey Reporter Gal, enter sci-fi mumbo jumbo, hit that button, which floor, to the top my good sir!
De Lift's (aka The Lift) ability to manifest itself from a predictable, cheesy horror movie into a film that actually delivered effective chills, engaging enough characters, and even a boob no less - was not what I was expecting. I don't exactly know what I was expecting with this here elevator movie; I guess just something much sillier. Well, I was certainly wrong about that assumption, as the viewer is elevated to heights here that are on the level, and played straight – on that same level. What I'm trying to get across here is
this is a good flick. A proper made flick about an evil elevator.
One last crap joke for the road. Whaddya say? Want a crap joke? Here ya go. So, I tells Mayvis. Mayvis, I says, if you're gonna take a dump, ya gotta flush. Flushing is what gets rid of the poop, I tells Mayvis. She tells me to go flush my own dump. So I then tells Mayvis I don't need her crap anymore. Mayvis doesn't get the joke.
Stingray Sam (2009)
Stars in the sky, shining up bright, everything will be alright.
When it comes down to cool-sounding sub-genres, I think Cory McAbee and company have figured out which may be numero uno. How can you go wrong with Musical Space Westerns? I really don't think you can. What can be better than that? Oh, I don't know...maybe something about Werewolf Hunters of the Mid-West
?
This go-around you follow Stingray Sam and the Quasar Kid on a rescue mission as they try to track down a kidnapped girl in the hopes of returning her to her father. Tack on a story of brilliantly silly proportions that include pregnant men, excessive olive eating, and legit sci-fi imaginations, and you have an instant cult-classic.
Once again, Cory delivers a memorable and altogether impressive musical space western that's chock full of catchy tunes (my favorite being The Lullaby), great over-the-top performances, and charm to spare. One aspect to this film that I thought was really well-done was how he utilized his own daughter as the little girl - whom he managed to direct amazingly well. At times he was able to bring that classic style of acting that a young actress like Shirley Temple made popular.
Cory's approach to film-making is unlike anything else being made these days - or at least anything that I'm aware of. They have this universal appeal that makes one think they're truly incapable of being disliked. Of course, that's ridiculous to say, but when it comes down to movies that showcase as much heart as Stingray Sam, or The American Astronaut, it's not exactly difficult to make such claims. Check his films out if you get the chance, you won't regret it.
Kinatay (2009)
Take heed haters of the slow-burn.
A couple years back, an independent film from the Philippines named Kinatay shocked and awed festival film-goers the world over. The film by Brilliante Mendoza was regarded as one of the most controversial films of the year, and was even coined a horror movie by some. I'm here to tell you - two years later - that all the overly enthusiastic critiques appeared to be just that.
The film is about a young newlywed who takes a friend's job offer to earn some extra cash for his wife and baby. The gig, which he discovers a bit too late, involves kidnapping and accessory to murder.
The film initially starts off in almost documentary style fashion with the camera capturing real-life tidbits while gradually introducing us to the amicable protagonist. Over an hour later, when the meat and potatoes have begun to be served, it switches to a more conventional style with close-ups and bits of stylish direction - it's this melding of creative approaches that impressed me most about Kinatay. Along-side a cast of talented actors and urban Philippino settings, the movie feels fresh and consistently realistic.
Besides the film's tedious opening hour, what ultimately hurts Kinatay the most is/was the hype that initially surrounded it. Hype can be good, sometimes, but in cases like Kinatay, where the buzz mainly circulated around the exploitative aspects of the film, said film can and will implode. This film isn't very controversial and nor difficult to process – it's actually rather straight-forward and only a bit graphic. Maybe it was some type of marketing ploy, who knows. Nevertheless, it remained an intimate look at how a person feels and acts when confronted with unsuspecting horrors.
Lastly, please take note that this is not an exploitation or horror flick. It's an art-house drama that does a pretty good job putting you in the shoes of someone doing something they don't want to. Ever hang out with people you didn't want to, but you stuck around because you knew you'd possibly reap a benefit or two? This is like that, but on a nightmare scale.
Curling (2010)
Note to self: If caught in rain, jump in lake.
What you have here with Curling is a rather unclear look at a rather atypical family life between Father, Jean-Francois (aka Moustache), and daughter, Julyvonne. Immediately your alarm should be going off, but hold on now, it's not like that. Well, it might be, but that's up for you to decide.
The Father is a hard-working and shy man who seems to going through the motions. At times it appears that this routine and mundane lifestyle is really his cup of tea, but then things begin to sour. He doesn't allow his daughter to go to school or venture outside at night, and his strict rules around the house instinctively suggest a curious double-take. Even with outside influences questioning him, he still holds steadfast to his ways, and it's this puzzling aspect of the Father that's the backbone of the film.
Like a peek behind-closed doors, the viewer is given a glimpse into this strange working life, but there's still something else going on...something fishy. Many questions circle about, like why is the father so protective of his daughter? Why does the character Rosie erupt and exclaim that Lucyvonne is soulless? What's the deal with the music scenes, and why is the Father so tentative and secretive? There are many questions to be asked during the film, and although interpretations may vary, the questions appear to echo back sinister motives.
More so than anything else, a lot of film-goers may have issues with the film's seeming lack of solution, but that's not really the case as the film does develop and bring about varying conclusions. My gripes with Curling are slim to none, but that's not to say I really enjoyed it. It's a strange film that possesses a strength which rewards the inquisitive thinker. Just a heads up: be careful to whom you recommend this to; even though the film has a similar tone to other bizarre flicks (like Dogtooth, for instance) I would say it's even less accessible. If you don't like films that urge you to clue things together, then I'd say go ahead and skip this.
There are many, many things said and shown on screen that'll have you flip-flopping between thinking if it's all innocent and relatable, or if it's all devious. One thing you will be certain of concerning this Father-daughter duo is that it is indeed strange and troubling. As I mentioned above I'm leaning towards the sinister side because it's more fun, but let's be serious here, that moustache ain't helping nobody.
Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
When I grow up I wanna be a Hobo with a Shotgun.
Bloody babe: "You can't save the world with a shotgun."
Hobo: "It's the only thing I know."
It's true. Once he put that shotgun in his Hobo mittens he and shotgun became one. From this moment forth, whenever you hear the word, Hobo, you will always think, Shotgun. The shotgun is the Yang to the Hobo's Ying.
Rutger Hauer plays the slightly-losing it old hobo who after decades has finally realized what he wants to do with his life - be a landscaper; he wants to mow lawns. So, on his ventures of hoboing up and down the railroad tracks looking for a means to a beginning, he's arrived at 'Scumtown', and this is where he meets up with trusty ole Shotgun.
See, Scumtown is controlled by Drake and Sons. Three psychopathic dudes who get serious kicks out of decapitation, burn victims and simply put, gore. Confused ole Rutger the Hobo is privy to just one too many counts of evil and puts his shoe (with the hole in the toe) down. What follows is a tale of revenge, then more revenge and then...some more! Blood!
On the over-the-top action and splatter, this movie delivers big time. It's basically non-stop offensive, silly, gross action. But what makes it stand-out over any other recent modern exploit flick is the style it moves with. Karim Hussain of Subconscious Cruelty fame helms the camera here and does a very good job doing so. It's vibrant, colorful, and had just enough creativity to raise an eye brow or two.
Any real gripes by me are related to the writing as that it's so supremely OTT with countless swears and screaming it verges on head-ache worthy. And the emotional scenes are so sappy and cliché that it does nothing besides make ya roll yer eyes or crack a grin. So, with that said, it's not really complaints per se, but just silly aspects of the film that wear thin faster than the others.
As I said, from this moment on, the Hobo Shotgun duo are now joined at the hips - if it wasn't already. This is a bona-fide insane film with boner-fried sights (literally) and lots of the red stuff. You really can't ask for much more from this film, and maybe, you might be asking for less.
Paul (2011)
I'd rather watch Mac and Me again.
Pegg & Frost's latest outing goes grey with it's new comedy, Paul. The two pals head to Comic-Con and are living life when they stumble upon Paul, an on-the-run alien who's looking for a little assistance. He's being chased by dingus FBI agents, and basically, that's it. Save Paul, learn life-lessons along the way. Ugh.
Gotta admit, this didn't do much for me. Besides the treasure trove of movie nods this movie dishes out, there are only a couple redeeming aspects. Of course, the acting is solid, as all involved are truly talented actors. Well, I should say Simon and Nick weren't that funny, as they wrote this thing, and only fanboys and poindexters will truly find this worthwhile.
There's lot here to complain about. Be it the lackluster bad guys chase good guys, or the reliance on hearing Paul or whatsherface swear to make you laugh, or the super lame gay jokes....it was just a total wash. And how many times did they use the triple boob joke?
The film had a nice light vibe about it all, which will sucker you right along with it, but the filler - the cliché filler combined with the very disappointing writing, will have many people (probably not you though, because you GET humor) feeling pretty let-down. I know I was.
And this leads me into my college approved thesis for my Film Studies class - the Mac and Me vs. Paul throwdown!
As I mentioned earlier, more than any other aspect of the film, they succeeded big time on the movie nod front. They even said the word, 'Butthorn'. Only a select few will know where that's from. They also mentioned the film Mac and Me - a timeless classic family movie that revolves around a little alien connecting with a little handicapped boy all while trying to find his family. What I'm trying to get at is, what is the better of the two films? Paul, a big-budget scifi/action comedy with big name stars, or Mac and Me, a average budget film that is sponsored by Coca-Cola products? Let's get it on!
Paul has swear words, Mac and Me does not. But Paul relies on swears words for laughs, and that's never a good thing. Mac wins this round.
Paul the alien is voiced by Seth Rogen; a bulbous Jew who sounds like he has a toad in his throat. Mac is a non-speaking alien played by some no name actor that communicates by whistling. Mac wins again.
There is a dance sequence in Paul where they dance to crappy music around a camp-fire. In Mac and Me there is a legendary dance scene at a McDonalds with break-dancing and awesome 80s beats. Mac + 1.
Paul has a mediocre sounding mainstream soundtrack. Mac and Me has a soundtrack with amazing ballads and again, awesome 80s tunes. Mac for the win again.
Paul is a comedy that tries to splice in dramatic elements to no affect; it's neither funny (minus a couple giggles) nor emotional. Mac and Me is a family film that delivers an emotional roller-coaster of a ride as you watch Mac's family starve to death and Mac himself suffer tremendously. Mac with another easy win.
Paul like Mac had some action in it. Paul had a couple shoot-outs and some car stunts. Mac has a stunt where a dude in a wheelchair jumps off a cliff into a quarry, another stunning wheelchair stunt in high-speed traffic, huge explosions, chased by dogs....
Paul is about an obnoxious alien who has the heart of a frat boy. He smokes, swears, and make witty quips. Mac is a curious little fella who doesn't complain, drinks soda, eats skittles, and can whistle dixie in your face! Mac!
Paul has special abilities. He turns invisible, can pass knowledge to others by physical means, and can heal living beings. Mac can whistle, break-dance, stretch his limbs, roll like a ball, flatten like a pancake, put his hands into the position of a 'big vagina' ala Larry David to communicate with his family, is fire-proof, AND can heal living beings. Beat that hot shot!
Enough is enough. The bottom line here is Paul was a disappointing film that didn't bring anything new or cool or funny to the table. Mac and Me, is hard to beat in any comparison.
Trolljegeren (2010)
Need to get me some troll stink.
Recently our Viking brethren from the Icey North have dipped their manly toes in the creative waters of film-making. That's not to say they haven't before, but I would say films about an evil Santa Claus, Nazi Zombies and now, Troll Hunters are probably not Norway and Finland's go-to themes. I could be wrong, and I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am.
Nevertheless with that, what we have here with The Troll Hunter is a story that starts with a trio of young college documentarians trying figure out why there are so many bear disappearances happening. Through Carmen Sandiego-like sleuth-work they come upon a Troll Hunter - and then, the...hunt...is...on! Trolls are loose and it's now up to them to put an end to their trolly shenanigans! The film goes down the right paths, and follows a rather formulaic story-line, but with such a unique story leading the way, you're more than happy to take the voyage through troll territory.
The biggest and most satisfying aspect of this film, for myself, was that the film didn't shy away from any one area. A recent Scandanavian film that I won't name *fart*rareexports*fart* - excuse me. That film brought you along and hoped to entice the viewer with emotion, an early surprise, and then male nudity - it didn't work, and I was left stunned by the lackluster 'Fin'ished product. Here, they talk about trolls, and go off to hunt trolls, so you'd think there would be trolls. And yep, there are! And not only that, they informed the viewer quite well about troll history and the different types. It was the type of love you hoped would be present here, and I can't help to feel thankful for such research and creative thinking.
Overall, the actors and writing delivered a fine job as they juggled tongue-in-cheek overacting with some scenes of serious drama. Basically every area of the film delivered to how you would want, and I was totally content with how the fx and trolls all looked. It's one of the best found footage films around, and if you enjoy fantasy in the slightest, you should give this a look.
My only real complaint here is how they could have neglected to put in the only troll that is still regularly found in modern days. I kept on asking myself, 'Where the hell is the IMDb troll?' The stinkiest, most pathetic troll to have ever lived is not put into the film? I suppose watching a troll whine to his or her mother about picking up the new and improved Oxy 5 zit medication or a bulk supply of super strength maxipads isn't really must-see TV. It would have been nice to get a view into what their lairs must look like, but I guess, it would have taken away from the adventure aesthetic of this film. I suppose then it's up to me and you to stop the IMDb trolls. First things first, if you see a hungry one, restrain from feeding it. After you do that, leave it to me. *pulls on troll disemboweling gloves*