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The Prey (1983)
Bad story, dumb characters
This is a lame story that attempts to cash in on the success of Friday the 13th. The most offensive part is that the director does not know the difference between the Forest Service and the Park Service. The film shows the victims enter a National Forest and a vehicle with an employee in it bears a Forest Service shield as does a desk in the office. But the employees wear Park Service badges and Park Service patches. So, clearly a thrown together afterthought of a movie.
Apparently, we are supposed to believe that back in the late 40s a wildfire burned up a commune of squatting gypsies, yet one badly burned boy survived. Now, 35 years later...he suddenly is on a killing rampage. Why? No idea. For what purpose? No idea.
Of course, no bad horror movie is complete without characters making the most stupid decisions possible. So, when Forest/Park Service employee catches up with the final girl being attacked, he gets the upper hand on the assailant. Then instead of finishing off his assailant, he turns his back on him to see how the girl is and gets killed. Final girl...the hot brunette is then taken captive by adult burned boy and the final scene is baby crying from a cave.
Ugh....this was bad.
We Need to Do Something (2021)
Lesbian witches doing a curse?
I really don't know what to even say about this; it made no sense. A family gets trapped in a bathroom during a storm. The husband is apparently an alcoholic, the wife is apparently having an affair, the daughter is a lesbian witch, and the son is the innocent bystander who dies first....and there is some kind of demonic creature outside.
The witch daughter and her lesbian witch girlfriend do a spell on a classmate that messes up the world and releases a demon and they all die.... I think. It's hard to follow. There is one scene where we hear what sounds like a normal person outside calling to the family, but then we hear the "creature" growling and then a lot of automatic gunfire and then silence. So....... I guess that means it is a supernatural creature?
Army of One (2020)
Should have been called An Army of One Mary Sue
Interesting concept. Had potential, but they made the lead character a ridiculously over the top Mary Sue, which just ruined it. The acting and dialogue is so bad, it's like it was written by a ten-year old. It's like it almost tried to be a Naked Gun style female version of Rambo but then decided to try to take itself seriously.
From the start the couple you are supposed to like does something incredibly stupid - they knowingly trespass into someone's house and then snoop around. When caught, they both get shot at close range. Somehow, she not only survives, but magically is completely healed by the time she wakes back up.
It's so bad, it's not even worth describing more.
Jurassic Shark (2012)
So bad I had to turn it off
This is just awful. It was so bad I couldn't watch anymore. The acting is so awful but that may be partly due to the terrible directing and a pathetic scripted dialogue.
Imagine a group at a bar getting drunk and while leaving find a camera in the alley and decide to shoot a movie from start to finish that night.
Oh, and since there is no script to speak of, we'll have two girls go in the water and just weakly splash each other and giggle for 10 minutes. Maybe we'll have one keep calling the other a "spaz" and she'll call the other a "psycho." And....make sure to say "totally" every other word.
Moonfall (2022)
Disappointing - Had potential AND could be fixed by a good director
Moonfall was not really a terrible movie. It was a below average to bad movie that could have been much better. There are some confusing aspects to it, and it takes a couple viewings to really understand what is going on. It is a mishmash of various other movie storylines, such as Terminator, Moontrap, and Armageddon. Suspension of disbelief for a movie is needed, but there are limits. This movie ignored a lot of science and physics and pushed over that limit making some parts of it just ridiculous. The dialogue is poorly written, and there is very little in the way of character development through the movie. The only character that really seems to develop is John Bradley's character, KC Houseman. However, the shortcomings in the writing and directing could be fixed, which would significantly improve this movie. The biggest disappointment about this movie is how good it actually could have been with just a little effort and a basic understanding of humans and science. Director Roland Emmerich just really blew it, and hoped fancy, over the top special effects would make up for it. It didn't.
First of all, I am a fan of Patrick Wilson, and he was decent as astronaut Brian Harper but the writing for the role didn't really let him shine. Halle Berry does an "okay" job as Jo Fowler but she doesn't come across as credible, as someone that actually earned her position at NASA, she comes across as too fake - like she was a presidential appointment - probably also due to the poor writing. John Bradley was good as the misunderstood and underestimated KC Houseman. Other than those three, every other character in this movie is extremely forgettable.
So, the movie starts out in 2011, with a satellite repair mission being done by the shuttle Endeavour. Brian Harper and another astronaut are conducting the repair and Jo Fowler is watching from the shuttle. Suddenly they lose all power and something that looks like a stream of fragments of metal smashes into the shuttle, sending it spiraling out of control and causing total chaos. One astronaut is lost and Jo Fowler is knocked unconscious. Brian Harper makes it back to the shuttle and using manual overrides is able to get control back and lands the shuttle without power. Before landing, he sees this "swarm" appear to smash into the moon.
About a decade later, Brian Harper is a disgraced astronaut. NASA threw him under the bus and denied there was a mysterious encounter. Even though he was initially hailed as a hero for being the only person to ever land a shuttle without power, he no longer works for NASA. The American Space Program has been mothballed and the shuttles were all retired and in museums with no replacement. His wife left him for a car salesman and his son hates him. Sounds familiar right?
KC Houseman, an amateur astronomer and theorist, who believes Earth's moon is a constructed hollow object or megastructure, discovers the moon's orbit has changed and it is veering towards Earth. He tries to share his findings but is ignored. He even approached Brian Harper who dismisses him as a conspiracy theorist. He manages to post his findings on social media, which causes global panic but gets the attention of NASA. NASA confirms his findings.
NASA determines they need to go back to the moon to investigate. There is one SLS rocket built as part of the Artemis program. The SLS is the successor to the mighty Saturn V of the Apollo program that took astronauts to the moon. So, the first mission to the moon since 1972 occurs. Once over the crater Brian saw the swarm smash into, they launch a probe down into it. The mysterious swarm comes out, attacks the craft, and kills all the astronauts.
Jo meets with a former NASA official, played perfectly by Donald Sutherland, who confirms that Brian Harper was discredited as part of a NASA coverup. The coverup dates back to Apollo 11 and a radio blackout that was done on purpose to conceal evidence of pulsating lights on the moon. Apollo 12 then discovered the moon was actually hollow. The military knew about the swarm and was developing an EMP weapon to neutralize it. The weapon was scrapped for budgetary reasons. The moons orbit continues to decay and it is getting dangerously close to Earth. The military begins preparing to fire every nuclear missile in the arsenal at the moon.
Knowing the nuclear assault will blanket Earth with radioactive fallout, Jo desperately seeks and alternative. Jo then has a somewhat dramatic talk with her daughter, who asks if Jo was sending more rockets to the moon. Jo tells her they aren't because they don't have any left. Her daughter then holds up a toy space shuttle and asks "why don't you use one of these?" Jo says she can't because they are all in museums. Jo then realizes, although retired, the shuttles are not gone. This was an exciting point in the movie that was exciting because it suggested a dramatic reactivation of a shuttle. Jo realizes Endeavor is sitting in a museum in LA. She manages to get the prototype EMP weapon because her ex-husband is the Air Force Chief of Staff. She gets Brian Harper back at NASA because the mission would result in Endeavor having no power and Brian is the only astronaut ever land a shuttle without power.
She gets the military to pull Endeavor out of the LA Space Museum for reactivation. There is one set of SRBs left and one orange main tank because Endeavor will eventually be mounted in launch position at the museum. So, these materials are also recovered. THIS IS ACTUALLY THE CLIMAX OF THE MOVIE AND IS FAR TOO SHORT. This is where the director could have made an enormous difference in the movie. Years ago, we saw a depressing TV commercial in which a Japanese truck towed Endeavor to its grave. Here, as Endeavor was being pulled out by the US Military for reactivation, it was an emotional tearjerking moment. BUT the problem was that it was over far too quickly; it lasted only a few seconds. The reactivation of Endeavor should have been longer. They should have followed the recipe from Battleship. The climax of that movie was the dramatic reactivation of the USS Missouri. The reactivation of Endeavor should have followed this model. Jo also gets a Chinese prototype lunar module which Endeavor can carry in its cargo bay as part of the mission to lay a trap. The lunar module was going to go over the crater and leave the lunar rover with the EMP weapon in it. Then, from the safety of Endeavor, they would detonate the EMP weapon when the swarm attacks the rover. Although there are difficulties with the launch, due to old, unmaintained equipment and gravity storms from the proximity of the moon, Endeavor gets into orbit once again and they set their plan in motion.
Unfortunately, the swarm does not attack the rover. They realize that in order to trigger an attack, the swarm needs to sense both electronic technology and organic life. So, they decide they need to take the EMP into the moon to the swarm. Here is where there is a major failure in this movie. They take the EMP into the moon using the prototype lander instead of Endeavor. When they take the lunar module in the moon, we see Endeavor get destroyed by rocky debris. Destroying Endeavor was a huge mistake in this movie. Endeavor was a real ship that people have an emotional connection to. They should have taken Endeavor into the moon to lay the trap, not abandon it and take the little lunar lander.
They reach the interior of the moon, which is revealed to be a Dyson sphere powered by a white dwarf. The AI system communicates with Brian, explaining humanity's ancestors were wiped out billions of years ago by this swarm, which is a rogue artificial intelligence. It's kind of like Terminator where the machines turn on humans. The moon is actually an interstellar ark that was designed to seed life on Earth and give humanity a chance to survive. The rogue AI has been searching for the moon. It discovered it during the Endeavor mission in 2011. It has been siphoning energy from the power source, destabilizing the orbit. It intends to crash the moon into Earth, killing humanity and destroying the ark to prevent it from seeding life elsewhere.
After some crazy chase scenes inside the moon and some help from the moons AI, KC lures the swarm away from the lander by disconnecting the rover containing the EMP device. With KC in it, the swarm senses both electronic technology and organic life and attacks. KC detonates the EMP. With the swarm destroyed, the moon returns to its regular orbit. KCs consciousness is preserved in the moon. The operating system appears to him in the form of his cat "Fuzz Aldrin" and his mother and tells him it is time to "Get started".
Jo and Brian return to Earth. This is another fail. They crash land in the lunar lander, which was never designed for atmospheric reentry. Another reason why Endeavor should have been the craft they return in. Landing in Endeavor without power would have been a very emotional end.
This movie can be fixed and re-released! Hire Joss Whedon to be rework it!
Significant Other (2022)
Had potential but was ultimately disappointing
This movie starts off with potential but the story crashes. The setting is good, the cinematography is good, and even the acting is decent. Where it falls short is the story. The story disappoints and the ending is just plain irritating.
A lot of attention is focused on Maika Monroe, because she is gorgeous. No matter how many days she is in the woods, she still looks perfect.
It starts off with what is clearly an alien landing in the forest. So, we are set up for what appears to be an alien/creature/monster movie. Next, we have a couple going on a backpacking trip. They have apparently been together for 6 years and Ruth has some fears/anxiety that her boyfriend Harry is trying to help her overcome.
We learn early on that Ruth has some mental struggles, particularly with anxiety disorder and goes pops pills pretty regularly. Uncomfortable in the woods, Ruth sees a deer at night that she believes is watching her. Later, they find what appears to be the same deer, dead in some kind of cocoon. The movie does a good job giving the feeling of uneasiness in the woods, like there is something else out there and our two characters are isolated. There are some unusual sounds/growls here and there that add to it nicely.
Harry tries to propose to her on a dramatic cliff and she turns him down, making things very awkward between them. So, they each go off for walks on their own. Ruth finds a cave with some blue glowing liquid, looking similar to the blood from Predator. She turns around and screams and then we don't know what happens.
Harry finds her in the woods, looking out of it and takes her back to camp. She's acting weird making us think maybe she is possessed by something. She tells Harry that she wants him to propose to her again on the cliff. He does. This time she says yes and then throws him off the cliff. What! Okay, I am intrigued now. Please story...go somewhere good!
Ruth runs away and finally passes out. Other hikers find her and try to help her, but she is sort of a zombie. Suddenly she grabs their knife as Harry come out of the trees looking for her. Okay...clearly this is not the Harry that came to the woods with her. The other hikers try to intervene, but Harry turns into a discount Robert Patrick as the T-1000 and his finger turns into a long blade and he kills them. So.....the alien replicated Harry but is actually liquid metal?
So, we get a flashback to the cave. Ruth saw Harry dead and, in a cocoon, so she knew the Harry that was back at camp was some kind of alien replicant.
The alien tries to kill Ruth but can't. Since the alien replicated Harry, it also has Harry's feeling for Ruth. The alien explains it is a scout that is supposed to "report back." We don't know what the alien is scouting for or what it is supposed to report or what the alien intent is. However, the alien decides it wants to take the hot Earth girl off world in its ship and find a quiet planet somewhere because of what will happen to Earth. It doesn't tell us what or why.
Ruth fights and gets away, but the alien captures her and takes her to the cave and begins replicating her. So, the alien becomes a dual replicant of Harry and Ruth. However, Ruth's anxiety disorder is too much for the alien to handle in a sudden rush and while incapacitated, she bashes its head in (like completely) and runs off and drives away. So, the alien isn't actually liquid metal like the T-1000 even though it can turn its fingers into swords of sorts. However.....the alien apparently has magic healing powers to recover from such mortal injury and reconstructs its smashed brains and skull. Okay...that was stupid. It calls her on the radio and as she is driving away, we see what is apparently the alien invasion force landing.
So, everything that Ruth goes through is ultimately pointless as this invasion force is shown at the end. Did the alien scout report something back? Apparently, but what was it? The invasion force got there pretty quickly. The alien replicated a deer and then Harry. It didn't have much interaction with humanity. So, what the hell did it report? Couldn't have been much.
There is no explanation as to what the aliens want, so the movie is ultimately unsatisfying.
Jason Rising: A Friday the 13th Fan Film (2021)
Okay for a fan film
Considering this is a fan film, made without the resources of Hollywood, they made a fair attempt. This apparently takes place after the events of Part IV- The Final Chapter and shows officers burying a still alive Jason Voorhees in a chained shut coffin on the grounds of Camp Crystal Lake. Although the Thom Matthews Tommy Jarvis and Officer Rick Cologne (from Part VI) appeared in the Never Hike Alone contributions to the franchise, they did not appear in this one.
This movie appears to take place in present day, seeing as how modern equipment, including cell phones are so prevalent. So, from that, I infer that after being buried, Jason has remained dormant in the ground for over 30 years. We are left to assume that nobody has trespassed onto the camp property until now. Three escaped female convicts then trespass onto the Camp Crystal Lake Property, pursued by law enforcement.
Due to the trespassers, a decayed and still decapitated Pamela Voorhees rises from her grave, which is also apparently on the grounds of the camp and exhumes and frees Jason. Jason kills the convicts and begins to take out the law enforcement officers. The headless Pamela Voorhees also runs around drawing the fire of officers.
Jason appears to be killed with a chainsaw and the two surviving officer's escape to the work center the convicts escaped from. Mrs. Voorhees, now with her head reattached shows up and attacks. A mystery guest then shows up and decapitates Mrs. Voorhees
saying "I never thought I'd have to do that again." Yes....our mystery guest is Alice Hardy, the final girl from the original film. Although the start of Part 2 showed her being killed, we could always dismiss that as a dream sequence. The Jason shows up and Alice kills him too, finishing him off with an ice pick - seemingly the same one we saw her killed with at the start of Part 2.
It is revealed Alice is actually in a witness protection program, but still lives practically right next door to the camp, instead of being somewhere far away like New Mexico. So, that didn't make any sense. We also see Jason's coffin sent into Crystal Lake where it sinks.
The final scene is a little problematic too. Alice Hardy decides to keep Pamela Voorhees' head and puts it in a box.
Now, here is where the best scene of the movie comes in. It was almost a great scene, but it stopped short. As Alice is putting Pamela's head in a box, the camera pans over various bottles of medication, a book on recovering from trauma, and her cell phone. Her phone rings and the face of Ginny from Part 2 shows up on the screen. Ginny leaves a message for Alice as Dr. Ginny Field checking in to see how she was doing. Now, this could have been a fantastic scene if instead of Ginny Field, her name came up as Ginny Holt. Paul and Ginny both survived Part 2. It was left ambiguous at the end of Part 2, but Part 3 reinforced that they both survived. Having Ginny's name come up as Ginny Holt would have been a great ending!
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
One of my all-time favorite horror movies.
Friday the 13th Part 2 is my favorite of the Friday the 13th movies. Of course, the beautifully stunning Amy Steel has a lot to do with it.
It follows a formula similar to part 1, with camp counselors being killed off one by one. However, this takes place a different location on Crystal Lake and takes place five years after the first film. This is a counselor training center run by Paul Holt, called Camp Packanack. We know that Camp Crystal Lake, or Camp Blood is relatively close by which is used to build some suspense. On the way to the counselor training center, we see a few counselors stop to clear a tree out of the road and notice a partially naturalized road going off the highway. They find on old sign that says "Camp Crystal Lake" and talk briefly about what happened there.
Around the campfire on the first night, Paul tells everyone about the legend of Jason Voorhees and plays a little trick on them, hoping to get it out of everyone's system and declares the old Camp Crystal Lake off limits.
Mrs. Voorhees was the killer in Part 1, but she was decapitated by Alice at the end. The killer in Part 2, is in fact Jason Voorhees. Although believed to have drowned, he somehow survived and crawled out of the lake. We must assume he crawled out across from the Camp, as he was never reunited with his mother. He became a hermit and survived. He apparently built a shack off materials from the old camp and wherever else he could find them. Although the new group of counselors is not occupying the original Crystal Lake site, they are close. Two of the counselors in training walk to the old camp, so I estimate it is 1-2 miles away. So, the proximity to old Camp Crystal Lake is what seems to trigger Jason to wipe them out.
The filming is good and it gives a good "woodsy" atmosphere without coming off cheap. Most of the obnoxious counselors in training are wiped out while a few of them are in town having some beers. Two of them are Paul Holt and his assistant and girlfriend Ginny Field. The discussion at the bar is actually intriguing, as Ginny muses about what Jason would be like if he survived and if he saw Alice decapitate his mother five years ago. She wonders if Jason could even make a distinction between life and death or right and wrong.
Paul and Ginny head back to the camp and find it in disarray. My favorite scene in this movie and in all of horror is when Paul and Ginny walk into a dark room. There is something eerie, a presence, and Ginny feels it. Although she can't see anyone, she starts saying to Paul that there is someone in the room. We eventually see Jason emerge form a crouching position and attack Paul. Ginny's warning gives Paul a second to react to engage Jason and so he avoids being impaled. He is however wrestled to the ground and rendered unconscious.
The next sequence is also one of my favorites in the horror genre. Ginny runs and hides and escapes Jason, but seizes opportunities to injure him, kicking him, striking him with a log and even going after him with a chainsaw. It is awesome how she does not squander these opportunities like so many do in horror movies.
Jason chases Ginny through the woods and Ginny find the shack where Jason has been living and find a shrine to Pamela Voorhees. Ginny pretends to be Mrs. Voorhees to get Jason compliant. This works for a moment, but then Jason catches a glimpse of his mother's severed head and seriously wounds Ginny with a pickaxe, tearing a large gash in her leg. Just as Jason is about to finish her off, Paul shows up and fights Jason again. Jason gets the upper hand, but before he can kill Paul, Ginny slams the machete down into Jason's shoulder.
Paul helps Ginny back to the camp. Her would is so severe that he ends up having to carry her and places her on a bed. While in a cabin, they hear a noise outside. Thinking it is Jason, they grab what is on hand as weapons and prepare to fight. The noise turns out to be Muffin, the dog of one of the counselors. Just as they are relieved, Jason is shown crashing through the window towards Ginny.
The next scene is Ginny being loaded into an ambulance asking for Paul. This leads us to one of the most asked questions in all of horror. What happened to Paul Holt? Did Paul Holt survive?
Now, there was an ending that was made that was supposed to suggest Paul was killed. Now, this ending was so hokey that it was scrapped, and Paul's fate was left ambiguous.
However, I have always believed Paul Holt survived. Actually, it does not make much sense otherwise. The scene with Jason coming through the window at the end to attack Ginny was a dream sequence, just like Jason attacking Alice at the end of the original movie. The biggest clues we have are:
1. We know Muffin found Jason earlier in the film and was, with reasonable certainty, killed. We even saw a mangled dog body that was highly likely to be Muffin. So, Muffin appearing at the end indicates a dream sequence. If this wasn't a dream sequence, then nothing else really makes sense. If we were to assume this is not a dream sequence, we would have to assume after Jason attacked Ginny, Paul fought him again and a near mortally wounded Jason somehow killed Paul. Then, we would have to assume Jason dressed Ginny's wounds, put her to bed, called EMS, and carried Paul off. Yeah....not buying that. Ginny's wound was very severe and she was suffering a lot of blood loss. Without Paul administering first aid, she would not have survived.
2. Paul Holt is major character in this movie that already fought Jason twice before. Major characters in these kinds of movies are not killed off-screen. Even minor characters in these kinds of movies are not killed off-screen. These types of movies are all about the unique way in which each individual is killed and the body count. The only movie in which I have ever seen a major character killed offscreen was decades later in No Country for Old Men.
3. Jason suffered a devastating injury with the machete buried deep into his shoulder. This is not the type of injury one shrugs off in a couple minutes. Jason did not become "superhuman" until Friday the 13th Part VI. In the opening sequence of Part 3, when they recapped Part 2, they left the dream sequence out, and the final shot of Jason is him weakly crawling away. Very strongly indicating that Jason crashing through the window was a dream sequence. So, while Jason was weakly crawling away, Paul and Ginny were back at the cabin.
4. In Part 3, the news announces the body count from Part 2 as 8 persons. Of course, this excludes the scene of Alice being killed at the beginning since that took place 5 years previous and somewhere else. So, if Paul had been killed, the count would be 9. Also, the body count includes the bodies that were at Jason's shack - Terry and Deputy Winslow. To find all the bodies as quickly as they did, Paul must have shown them where it was or told them where to find it.
So, the sequence with Jason coming through the window at the end of Part 2 is a dream sequence. Paul got Ginny back to the cabin, dressed her wounds, and called EMS. Or.... Ted finally made it back from the bar and went and got EMS. Ginny had some severe lacerations and blood loss. It is likely she passed out during the night. When she was asking for Paul, he was either talking with Police, leading them to Jason's shack, had already been taken away in another ambulance, or was in the ambulance Ginny was loaded into to ride to the hospital with her.
Ginny Field and Paul Holt survived. A film with Ginny and Paul Holt (now married) would be awesome.
They Look Like People (2015)
Just Don't
I did a search for horror movies worth watching and this one came up. Why??? I have no idea. It was garbage. It took days to suffer through it. Every few minutes it was so intolerable I had to get up and do something.
In New York, the introvert and shy Christian listens to confidence boosting tapes. An old friend (Wyatt) wanders back into his life. There are some ambiguously gay scenes. Then Wyatt seems to be psychotic with voices talking to him about a war between humans and creatures.
So, he ties him up to see if he becomes one. He doesn't. End. WTF!
This is a lame and boring low-budget movie. The writing sucks, the acting sucks, the direction sucks. Everything about it sucks. I guess it is about the seriousness of mental illness??????
Carnivorous (2007)
So bad I had to turn it off
I don't know how you can have such a combination of bad without supreme effort. The acting is not just nonexistent....it is like it is intentionally over the top terrible. The direction is terrible. The dialogue is terrible. It was either shut it off or start cutting myself to ease the agony.
Isolation (2005)
Mutated cows
Starts off good and creepy. There is some good tension at first with a farmer and veterinarian giving an exam to a pregnant cow. The veterinarian gets bitten by the fetus. Later that night the farmer must extract the fetus. The mother and calf are both euthanized. Weird fetuses are found in the calf, which was pregnant in the womb. There are references to a project/experiment that has gone wrong. It plateaus and stalls. It's about genetic experiments that result in a killer mutated cow that goes around killing. That really is about it.
The Shelter (2015)
Waste of Michael Pare's talent
I came across this title and watched it because it had Michael Pare in it. I have been a fan of Pare ever since he played Tony Villacana in The Greatest American Hero. This movie started off slow, so I thought it would pick up. It didn't. There are plenty of astroturfing reviews on here and they are so fake and over the top, they are easy to spot. Ignore those.
Pare plays a drifter (Thomas) and apparently (as I inferred) a widower. He finds what appears to be a nice house with nobody home. So, he lets himself in to have food and get cleaned up. He also seems to have a fully loaded handgun with him.
There are noises in the house. Thomas looks for their source and seems to experience various flashbacks. He tries to leave the house, but it won't let him leave.
Through an agonizing long set of flashbacks, we learn Thomas was a womanizer and it appears his wife committed suicide because of this, while pregnant with his daughter. As if Thomas' life hadn't become miserable enough, the house tells him to repent, and he shoots himself in the head.
With better writing, this would have been much better. Pare does well with his part, he just doesn't have much to work with from the writer and director.
Hollywood seems to want to take excellent movies and remake them into pieces of crap. They ought to be taking movies like this and making them better. Remake this - but keep Pare as the lead.
3 stars and those are all for Michael Pare and his efforts to do what he could with this.
Devil's Revenge (2019)
Shatner could not save this garbage!
I watched this only because William Shatner was in it. It was so bad. It was so stupid. The story made no sense at all. All the characters except for Shatner's were terrible and unlikable. There really was no story. Somehow a family is cursed, and they somehow know that they need to find and destroy an ancient relic to break the curse. Why are they cursed? Don't know. What is the curse? Don't know. Actually, they all seem to be fine unless they are out trying to destroy artifacts. William Shatner added some comic relief, but not enough to make this worth watching. And.....what the hell was the ending? All a dream while having a heart attack?
The Frankenstein Theory (2013)
Alert - found footage garbage
Started off so terrible, I had to shut it off. The characters were immediately so irritating that I wanted to kill them. The "found footage" style is just an excuse for a cheap, poorly made movie.
Mohawk (2017)
Painfully mediocre
This movie starts out with a great title sequence. It is set in the War of 1812 with the Mohawk trying to remain neutral. The main character, Oak, seems to alternate back and forth between two lovers, one a Mohawk Warrior named Calvin, and the other a British Officer named Joshua. We eventually learn she is pregnant with Joshua's child. Joshua is trying to recruit the Mohawk to fight for the Bristish against the Americans. There are various references to things that have happened offscreen - massacres by the Mohawks and then reprisal by the Americans. It's a passing reference meant to give us context, but it is just not enough.
Full of rage, and wanting the Mohawk to side with the British, Calvin goes rogue one night and kills over 20 American soldiers. A handful of soldiers escape, but their commanding officer is killed and a bloodthirsty subordinate takes control of the men to seek revenge.
There are various cat and mouse encounters where members of each side are killed, including Calvin. Oak's group is heading to a mission where her uncle and cousins are. When they reach it, they find the rogue soldiers have already murdered everyone there. Joshua, the British Officer, is killed and Oak is shot in the chest - a pretty obviously fatal wound.
Now it really goes off the rails as Oak seems to undergo some supernatural conversion to a deity. Somehow, Oak survives the injury and does an Ellen Ripley/Sarah Connor transformation into a super soldier. She tracks down the band of soldiers and eliminates them until only the bloodthirsty commander is left. The two fight hand to hand, and Oak now has superhuman strength. She is able to pick up this man - who probably weights close to 200 pounds and is able to throw him over 10 feet through the air. Even without her fatal chest wound, this would be impossible - so we are left wondering if she was reincarnated or what. Of course, she ends up killing him.
The movie is obviously made on a low budget. The acting is pretty lousy - the best performance seemed to be from Jon Huber. He played one of the American soldiers and seemed to be the one that was very conflicted with the situation they were in. Kaniehtiio Horn plays Oak, and I found her voice to be her best quality - it is low, soothing and almost hypnotic. Unfortunately the script and dialogue is awful. Sadly, the costuming for the Mohawk is ridiculous. Their clothing is far too modern, and Oak wears a nice red skirt that you would expect to see on a teenager at the mall. Their moccasins that look like they were picked up a souvenir stand in New Mexico.
The movie seems to attempt to show that neither side is inherently evil, although each side does some pretty evil acts. The survival situation they are in contributes to their continually declining psychological state. However, the back and forth, even with increased rage each time, becomes repetitive and boring and the ending with Oak having superhuman qualities is just confusing and unsatisfying.
Don't Blink (2014)
Decent premise but stalled halfway through
This started off much better than I expected and did a good job of conveying a sense of mystery and extreme uneasiness and anxiety. People were suddenly vanishing. Also, all the animals were gone and strange weather was happening. Plants didn't appear to be affected and neither did machines. So, up to about the midpoint, it was intriguing. Then it hit a plateau and stalled. The second half is just more of the same and frustrating. Of course you do have to accept that being in the horror genre, the characters have to do incredibly stupid things. The painfully obvious priority was to get the gas pumps unlocked to get gasoline so they could drive away. Yet, this didn't seem to occur to them.
Also, when a story presents such a lead up to something and doesn't deliver, it is just irritating and I felt cheated. There is a suggestion at the end that the "man in black" knows something as he makes a statement of not having much time to do a sweep for others and get away. The mystery at the end is who disappears, was it the cliche the "final girl" or was it all the emergency responders?
So, this had great potential. Filming was good and the acting actually was decent - so that rated the 4 stars. But just like how fancy special effects can't make up for the lack of a script, that was not enough to carry this one either. I saw one You Tube video that seems to suggest that the weeping angels from Dr. Who are to blame.
This is one of those movies that would either benefit from a remake to fix it or from a sequel to provide the missing parts.
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
Weak story
The concept was decent and the setting, a deserted trailer park, worked. The soundtrack was good too, 1980s music, with Kim Wilde "Kids in America" right at the beginning. The writing around it however was lacking. For most of the movie, a more appropriate title would have been "What is the stupidest decision we can make?" or "How can I squander my advantage?"
Having the 3 masked strangers back was somewhat exciting, but in addition to some bad writing, there was a huge missing connection. At the end of the first Strangers movie, we were led to believe Liv Tyler's character survived. That needed to be addressed and it wasn't.
Clinton Road (2019)
Terrible
Jumbled mess. This is bad all around. Ice T, Vinent Pastore and Eric Roberts basically have cameos. Eric Roberts' lasts for about 15 seconds. The rest is a bunch of nonsensical running around in the woods with no story. You will desperately be searching on your phone for something more interesting while hoping something happens. It's just bad. The acting is bad. The writing is bad. The direction is bad.
The Boat (2018)
Lot of wasted potential
This had potential and it really pulled me in at the beginning. It was shot well, the acting was good even though there was almost no dialogue, and the musical score was great at delivering an ominous feeling. Unfortunately, the story was severely lacking. There were a lot of questions and no answers about this boat that is apparently not just haunted, but outright possessed and under control of something. It spends a lot of time traumatizing the main character and then just gives us a nonsensical, infuriating ending.
It Came from Below (2021)
Terrible Mess
This is a terrible non-sensical mess. It tries to be a low budget alternative to The Descent but fails miserably. It seems this girl, maybe her brother and some friends go to a cave to try and prove the existence of a dangerous creature that her Dad believed existed. Knowing they were looking for a dangerous creature, they go completely unprepared. Lot of confusing disjoined, unexplained filler happens, the creature shows up and people die. Suddenly we see another group of people that seem to live in this cave with the creature, but they are all crazy? Don't know. There was a basic concept, but there is no story. The writing is terrible. The filming is terrible - it tries to use cheap methods to give the feeling of fear, like the scene being so dark you can't see anything, or a scene like the camera was being tossed around in a dryer. Hint...those never work, they're almost as irritating as found footage garbage. Whatever the heck the creature is...which is never explained, it is more likeable than any of the other characters. It made no sense, and the ending even less sense...if that is possible.
Nowhere Alaska (2020)
Pointless
Jumbled mess of s**t is what this. It has no story. It has no acting. It has no point. It is just plain pointless. It is beyond awful. There are no spoilers in this because there is nothing to spoil. There is no story whatsoever. If I set up a camera to shoot a video of paint drying, it would be better than this.
Feed the Devil (2015)
Jumbled Mess of Nonsensical Stuff
This was a mess of non-sensical disjointed stuff. There is no story to speak of and not even an attempt at acting. Someone wanted to make a movie about survival in the woods against I guess was a "somewhat supernatural" entity. Their hero however was the one that was supernatural. He is a total unlikable jerk that gets impaled multiple times, stabbed and beaten various times, and I think his tongue got cut out. So, he gets all these mortal wounds, but just shakes them off, spits up blood like Bruce Willis and keeps going. Nothing in this makes any sense, especially the ending.
Monstrous (2020)
Terrible Lesbian Discovery Drama
Gave up at the 40-minute mark. There was no semblance of a story; the writing is non-existent. The acting is below awful. The first 40 minutes was two women discovering their lesbian desires.
Beyond the Reach (2014)
Surprisingly entertaining
This surprised me. I did not expect to be as entertained as I was. I did however find it funny that it was supposedly set in the Mojave Desert, yet Shiprock, New Mexico (not in the Mojave) was the most distinctive landmark!
What Lies Below (2020)
What Lies Below? Certainly not a plot.
Starts out interesting and creepy like it has potential to really go somewhere, but.....doesn't. Moody teenager comes home with her really irritating mom and meets mom's new boyfriend who is basically a discount Jonathan Frakes (Will Riker). There is something odd about about him...like how he can stand the mother in this movie, or how he has a lab in her basement that looks like a haunted house, or how he seems to go around sniffing everything, or how he can't ingest anything with sodium in it, or how he wanders around at night...sometimes on the roof. He also actually boasts that he is trying to make freshwater species into saltwater species since most of the Earth is salt water. So...yeah, he's a mad scientist. Well....no, actually that is not true either. That is just his cover. He is actually.....here it comes....an alien that has a thing for redheaded Earth girls. Actually, there are multiple aliens and they all look the same and they are all collecting redheaded Earth girls. Why? Well, at first to hide them behind the basement walls of a house. Why...don't know. Then they are put into holding tanks and have been genetically modified to breathe underwater. Why...don't know. At the end of the movie they are all in individual holding cells, not being used for anything. Moody teenager is in one and is struggling to get out and then when she can't hold her breath anymore, breathes the water in and smiles....she's happy she can breathe underwater. And....yup, that's the end. Where is Fox Mulder to save the day from aliens when you need him? He certainly didn't show up to save this movie.