Reviews
Benny Loves You (2019)
Misleading reviews
Not the worst thing in the world but certainly flawed. I get the feeling the writer/director took a lot of cues from the Cornetto trilogy and Spaced, which are right up my alley, but couldn't quite execute them properly. The acting got pretty bad at times but that isn't necessarily enough to ruin a movie of this genre. The effects were....fine, taking into account the low budget, but also remember a cgi stuffed animal isn't exactly mind-blowing in this day and age. Some may get a kick out of this, but all the 10/10's? If you genuinely believe this is a perfect movie I feel sorry for you.
Scare Me (2020)
Very misleading.
You came here for chills and thrills did you? None to be had. Tip for writers in general: If you lack soo little imagination and think "Hmm I'm trying to write a horror story. What should it be about?" *looks around room* "It should be about a person trying to write a horror story!!!" Just stop. It's not meta, you have no imagination.
2 stars for the actors, they are pretty good (or could be good in a movie that wasn't written and directed by a hack). Supremely boring.
Boar (2017)
I guess it was ok untill I found out...
I wouldn't blame you if you stopped watching in the first few minutes when the terrible cgi pigs show up (how hard is it to make normal sized pigs, at night look convincing? Are real pigs that hard to acquire?) But I had it on in the background so i left it going. Despite the terrible acting, rambling plot and monster that appears to be nailed to the ground most of the time, i thought 'Hey, if all your actors are just people you know from the pub, your 14 year old nephew wrote the script and you had to make your practical monster effects from what you had lying around in the shed, they did a pretty good job" Then i found out this had a budget of 3.4 million dollars.....2 stars because some of the gore makeup was pretty good.
Meek's Cutoff (2010)
But.. nothing happens
I love westerns. There are so many interesting scenarios that can happen out in the 'ol west! Here's a few examples:
-A group of settlers begin to doubt the guide leading their wagon train. Low on supplies and seemingly lost, will they confront this stubborn man? Will he admit they are lost? Will a fight break out? But.. nothing happens
-The vulnerable wagon train becomes aware of an Indian scouting them. Could there be an attack imminent? Will they have to capture him before he reports back to his tribe!? But.. nothing happens
-The scout has been caught! (offscreen) Will he offer to help them in exchange for his freedom? Maybe he will guide them to the rest of his tribe or into an ambush? But... nothing happens
-A lady sews up a shoe
-The Indian appears to be leaving messages carved in stone behind them. Are they now being followed? Perhaps this is some form of natural wisdom they will understand later? But... nothing happens
-A boy finds a gold nugget and reveals the group that there are bucketfuls more where he found it! Are they all rich? Perhaps they will perish trying to collect it?
WILL THEY EVEN GO AND LOOK AT WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT? But... nothing happens
-A wagon falls over
-The end
The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
You will be dissappointed if you're actually looking for a thriller.
I went into this film knowing only it's genre and rating. If only there weren't soo many pretentious people giving it 10/10 scores I wouldn't have wasted my time. For everyone else;
-The dialogue consists of all monotone, (I am not
exaggerating, *everyone* in this film acts like this)
-A lumbering plot, without any real points of interest or tension.
-Characters you will find impossible to care about.
-No payoff
Sure if you want to dissect every minute facet of a pointless, boring film and draw out meaning where there is none, you might (enjoy?) yourself.