SRI AUROBINDO AND THE MOTHER

AS I SAW THEM

V. CHIDANANDAM
About the year 1920 a good-humoured joke
of Sri Aurobindo,
one of his many , used to be current in his

circle. A certain person wanted to publish a magazine and sought Sri Aurobindo's advice. Sri Aurobindo was
reported to
have said to him, "What is it you want to publish? your ignorance?"
This I remembered when I was
debating within myself whether to write this
article or not. Finally, I have decided to write this knowing full well
that I
am publishing my ignorance. Two reasons weighed with me in coming to the
decision.
First, I thought I must publish the authentic words of the Master, whom
I consider to be Knowledge incarnate; I
must share them with all, though they
were from my private interviews with the Master. For they highlight his

gracious personality as Guru, as Father, as Mother...,

his unbounded compassion even for an unworthy person like
myself, his
sympathetic understanding,' his uncanny
insight and power to guide the disciples, his superhuman
patience, and his
manner of encouraging them. His love for his disciples was more than a mother's
love. I can find a
parallel only in Ramakrishna's
love of his disciples. Sri Aurobindo was so informal, so affable, so genial, so
lovable,
so adorable, so willing to listen to us and answer any
question, so intimate, we were never conscious of any reserve
of manner in him,
or any barrier between us. I never heard one hard word from him. I have
preserved the notes of
my conversations with the Master, some extracts from
which I append below in Section II. Any comment would
be superfluous for they
reveal very clearly the aforesaid aspects of his personality.
Secondly, I felt I must repay my debt of gratitude to

Page 1

Sri Aurobindo
and the Mother, if that were at all possible, in this manner.

By the Grace of Sri Aurobindo I had my first

Darshan of him in 1920 when I was a college student. I heard that he
was a
great patriot, quite out of the ordinary, one who renounced his all for our
country, who saw our country
actually as Bharat Mata, a Goddess, and who
elevated patriotism to the height of Religion and Spirituality, and
kindled the
fire of spirit in the nation by his courage, and by his eloquent speeches and
writings. I heard also that he
was a poet, a scholar, and a Maha Yogi. I was
very eager to have Darshan of the great personality, and so I went to
Pondicherry. Sri Aurobindo kindly granted me an interview.
Before seeing me he stood for a few minutes
facing the sea and gazing into the beyond. He stood erect, motionless
like a
statue. Then he came near and sat in a chair. I made my pranam and sat opposite
to him.
My first impression of Sri Aurobindo was
that he was a true Rishi. His God-like face radiated profound peace, and

serenity. His intent and faraway look indicated to me that he was not of the
earth. He was lean, but he was a picture
of health and immense, dynamic calm
strength. His complexion was dark, but his personality was radiant.
Sri Aurobindo made kind inquiries
regarding my studies and interests. Politics inevitably came up for discussion.

It was a very informal talk, but extremely stimulating and useful to me.
I had Darshan of Sri Aurobindo every
evening for a week afterwards. We used to talk mainly about literature, fine

arts, philosophy and politics. In English literature he advised me to begin

with Thackeray's Pendennis and other
novels. He remarked: "Thackeray is
more subtle and psychological than any novelist of his time or before
him."

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Other authors
recommended by him were George Eliot, Charlotte Bronte Sisters, Stevenson....
Among poets he
asked me to start with Tennyson, Matthew Arnold (especially his
essay on translating Homer), Wordsworth, Shelly,
Keats, and then take up the
earlier poets,
Those meetings and many others
afterwards were etched in my memory. While taking leave of him I requested his

permission to come to see him again, and he kindly granted my request. After
leaving Pondicherry I began to read

the works of Sri Aurobindo with

avidity. In them I found solutions of important problems concerning the nature

of man, of the world and of God. The mental pleasure and spiritual satisfaction
that I got from reading his works, I
had never got from any other thinker or
writer. It was not only admiration for the constant incandescence of his

intellect; his philosophy of life and living appealed to something deeper, some
inmost chord in my being, and
moved me to my depths.
So in the beginning of 1926 I decided, "Sri
Aurobindo is my Guru". But I asked myself, "Will he accept me as his

disciple?". With trepidation I proceeded to Pondicherry and sought an interview with the Master, which
he readily
granted. I wondered at the great change in his physical appearance since
I had seen him last. His complexion was
fair, and his body had filled out.
Spiritual fire shone through his eyes. I remembered the epithet in the Mahbhrata

describing the eyes of the Tapaswins as dumiriks

ya', unseeable.
(Later I saw it was not always so. Usually it
was a soft and gentle light like
the stars). I told him the purpose of my visit. When he consented to accept me
as his
disciple, I felt myself blessed.
My brother V.
Chandrasekharam and I lived in the house next door to 9 Rue de la Marine, the
Master's residence.
There were about a dozen disciples then living in a few
houses close by. It was like Gurukul. There used to be
informal sittings in the
evenings when we used to talk on all kinds of

Page-3

subjects. It was often

like table-talk. Sometimes serious subjects also were discussed. At other
times the talk was
in a lighter vein on men and matters, on politics at home
and abroad, etc., but it was all off the cuff.
Sri Aurobindo's voice was soft and
gentle, almost feminine. His words flowed like the cool waters of a perennial

spring. Thoughts came to him incessantly. It appeared as if he was in

communication with higher levels of
inspiration and direct knowledge. His
experience in the sphere of Sadhana as well as in other spheres was vast and

profound. But he made us feel quite at ease in his august presence. I never saw
him solemn or serious. The Master
would talk in a relaxed and jovial mood. He
had a fine and subtle sense of humour. Even light hearted jokes and
jests used
to be there in plenty. His repartee was good humoured and enjoyable. On
occasions he would chuckle
happily.
We therefore looked forward to the evening sittings with great pleasure. As days passed, it appeared to us,
towards November 1926 that Sri Aurobindo was getting more and more indrawn.
Evidently he had reached a crucial
stage in his Sadhana and was on the verge of
achieving a great objective. Finally towards the last week of
November the
evening sittings came to an end. The evening talks were an intellectual feast.
I found them as
scintillating and stimulating, as illuminating and edifying as
the talks of Socrates and Plato, and in modern times
of Goethe and Whitehead.
All his original thoughts were precious to me and I used to record most of
them
faithfully the next day. On many days I could reproduce more than a
hundred lines. This I believed then, and
looking back now I believe still more,
that it was all due to the Grace of Sri Aurobindo. My notes of these talks are

currently being published in Mother India. There is no continuity in

the notes, for the talks were on all kinds of
subjects, and they cover
different periods of time, but looming above it all in the background is Sri
Aurobindo's
personality and the pervading presence of his unique vision.

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II
In the mornings at about 9 A.M. we could see the Master individually whenever
we wished to have his guidance.
He used to help us very patiently with his
advice and answer our questions.

8-5-1926Morning

In one of my interviews with the Master

after I had been accepted, he remarked: "At present you are actively

moving in the mind....Are your nerves solid?"

ANSWER: My nerves are sensitive. Kindly tell me how to strengthen
them, and also how to quieten my mind.
SRI AUROBINDO: Solid nerves means patience, vigilance, endurance, capacity
to break stones.... You must

make your nerves strong by cultivating these

qualities, and by bringing down quiet and peace. To get the stillness
and peace
you must first have silent aspiration in all the being for peace, then separate
yourself from your mind,
draw back and look at it from above. Actively watch
the mind as it runs along. Don't give sanction to the thoughts;
if they are
persistent reject them centrally, calmly,, steadily, without struggle or effort
or strain. Don't involve
yourself in the act of rejecting the thoughts. A
vigilant will is essential lest you lose hold of self. You must be able
to
inwardly seize the mind and hold it...this is also necessary for active
concentrated thinking. Both movements are
mutually helpful.... With practice
the mind comes under control, there will be quiet and stillness. After
stillness is
established, concentrate silently, consciously on the peace.

10-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO : Emptiness of mind is something deeper than the normal

void of the inert, tamasic mind, it is
a prepa
Page -5

ration for a higher

movement in consciousness. One must be vigilant and drive away all weakness and
impurity, lest
in this emptiness the force that is in the atmosphere may take
advantage of the weak spot and overturn him. I have
reached a stage where there
is something in the atmosphere around me, and the Sadhaks may feel the effects
of its
pressure on all the levels of being.... Unless one has a strong hold on
the self there is every danger.

12-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: The external things do not much matter, it is the

restlessness and the inertia of mind that are
the real obstacles. The body is
not so much of an obstacle as the mind with its activity and its desire for
results.
Don't engage yourself in a duel with the mind. Don't fight with the
thoughts. You must stand back from the mind
and like a spectator watch its
activity. Even in the act of watching the mind as it runs, you are passively
rejecting the
thoughts.... Unless you do this, you will not get the peace and
the force. Even in my own case mind was the obstacle
in the path of my progress
to Vijnana.... Silently command the mind to be still. There must be an inner
central
concentration.

14-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: The stillness is of the mind.... The melancholy may be due
to the sentimental part of the
mind. The mind raises up the melancholy to enjoy
it. It is the melancholy of the poets, Tagore, for example, Or it
may be due,
as you say, to imagination. You have to still the sentimental mind, the
sensational mind by calling
down the peace. When the peace descends, you feel
it within you in the body descending from centre to centre, and
around you. The
peace is the foundation and the beginning of Yoga. Later come Ananda, vastness
of Brahman,
Purusha consciousness, etc.

Page 6

You have to look at the thoughts, cast out the false,

receive the true.... The will should be silent intuitive will, a force
that is
not mental.... If the melancholy is corrosive, it must be rejected.... If it is
soothing, as for e.g., such as is
induced by certain melodies, it is psychic
sadness, and this can be utilised in the Sadhana....

20-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: There is no harm in summarily rejecting the thoughts, only

you should not involve yourself
in the act of rejecting them.... In the act of
watching your mind, you are passively rejecting the thoughts, but you are
not
involving yourself.... Though the quiet is not disturbed by the thoughts, you
must not allow them to rise often

lest it become a habit. Try to silence them

as completely as possible. Otherwise they may be coming up like this
(with a
gesture of the hand).... The quiet must not depend on any external causes for
e.g., music.... You must lay
down the mind as freely as you do a tool.

22-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: You must have equality under all circumstances. If your
mind gets out of control even for a
moment and gets disturbed or troubled, then
all troubles follow, mental unrest, suggestions, etc. Be vigilant always,
more
vigilant in other hours than during meditation.... You must see the One
Infinite everywhere. Always you must
try to see everything as the manifestation
of God. Aspiration in the heart, (i.e. the psychic mind,) and will in the

higher mind, prayer is only the making precise of the aspiration , will bring
down the peace. The peace you
will feel as a Presence about you, within you....
Silence is a very powerful weapon and comes only after long
Sadhana to those
whose mental development does not become an obstacle to the

Page -7

silence, generally it does.... It depends on

one's Samaskara, temperament. Thought is a form of consciousness. And
in the
near future since there would be no silence, thoughts would arise and make
their impression on the
consciousness before they are dismissed.... Separate
yourself from mind, and quiet the mind. Be one with the
Witness. Separate
yourself from Prana later.... You don't find the obstacles in your path now. As
the peace and force
descend, they reveal the obstacles, and they also show you
how to get over them. The will in the Higher Mind you
cannot reach so soon.
Till it is awakened, resort to aspiration purified and strengthened more and
more.

26-5-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: The concentration of the physical mind on the Higher Power,
(Mother), will not do. What is
required is an inner concentration and inner
peace. A certain stillness there may be, due to absorption in an idea,
but
inner concentration alone can give you the inner stillness. Absorption in one
idea without full self-control,
wakefulness and power of detachment behind is
dangerous. The concentration must be conscious.. When there is
no vigilance
and detachment you unconsciously identify yourself with the mind, even in
prayer.... Absorption in one
movement may be helpful sometimes....

14-7-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: It is because you are thinking much about peace you are not
getting it.... There should be no
difference between the hours of meditation
and other hours. Only during meditation time you get the peace which
you must
have during the whole day. Never for once throw yourself into the play.

Page 8

You have to get back the largeness, the largeness which holds the peace.
You have to change the stuff of your
mind, it must be flexible and plastic. It
is not enough if you have the stillness within, it must be around you...if you

cannot get the peace concentrate on the force. The two mean the same thing in
the end. The peace brings the force
with it, and the force, when it comes,
removes the obstacles and establishes peace.

Q: Are
there obstacles of the subconscious?
A: There are any number of obstacles in the
subconscious. They don't matter now. Only aspire for peace. Let the
thoughts
only play on the surface. Look at the thoughts as you look at things outside
yourself, e.g. tables, books, etc.

19-7-1926Morning


SRI AUROBINDO: To still the mind is not to abolish mental activity
altogether. You don't throw away the habit
of mental activity from your
nature.... The coming down of the higher things depends on the purity and

preparation of the lower nature; the purity of the lower depends on the descent
of the higher. The descent of the
calm and the purity of the lower nature are
interdependent....
16-8-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: To try to quiet the mind by prayer is not the right thing,
for it is only a precarious calm that
you get and soon the mind is up again....
Never allow the
mind to tyrannize over you. You must forever stop its mechanical habits and
learn to use it like a
tool. Even in severe thinking you must be calm, and
stand back and coolly think. Don't be restless. Don't desire to
possess
knowledge.... Make the questioning mind quiet. Don't lose hold of your mind.
Let it obey your command

Page-9

every moment. If once you lose control, you will

allow the subconscious habit of mechanical restless thinking to rise
and
continue for days.

*
SRI AUROBINDO: Prayer merely mental or vital, and desire to know truth
in the mental form will not take you
inside, on the other hand they will take
you more outside your centre.

23-8-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: You felt, or you saw that the mental aspiration and the
vital aspiration (the demand for
knowledge in the forms of mind and the demand
for peace) are something foreign to you?

A: I felt, and then I saw.

SRI AUROBINDO: Then it is the psychic being that felt it and
discrimination that saw it. Psychic aspiration first
expresses itself through
the mental and vital being. The aspiration of the vital being must be there,
not the
aspiration of the surface vital being which is overpassed soon.

Q: To what part of the being in us does nature

appeal?
SRI AUROBINDO: It appeals to the mind and vital being
generally. The aesthetic being is partly mental and
partly vital.... Nature
appeals in some to all parts of the being. What you say is the appeal to the
psychic being. To
the psychic being Nature reveals the Infinite; it feels
Bhakti, it enters Universal Beauty through Nature.
Q: How far does it help the Sadhaka ?
SRI AUROBINDO: It first refines the vital being, frees it from desire and
egoism, not directly. It creates a
certain psychic sensibility, a door
through which the Sadhaka can enter the Infinite.

Page - 10

Q: Music?
SRI AUROBINDO: Music also appeals to the
psychic being.
Q: Likewise Poetry and
Art?
SRI AUROBINDO: Yes, but with some people music appeals to the mind only.
These mental movements may
help to prepare the being; the soul may be touched
through the aesthetic being, but they also obstruct. It is all
sentiment.

Q: Their attraction is too great. Is it an obstacle ?

SRI AUROBINDO: It is only something within which is struggling
to express itself. The Yogin has to exceed all
these things. That does not mean
that he must suppress them. He must over-pass them and transform them.

25-8-1926


SRI AUROBINDO: Thoughts come from outside and take form in the mind. You
have to watch them as they
come and reject them passively, throw them out.
Holding to the calm and watching the thoughts, i.e. separation
from mind and
rejection of the thoughts, must be one movement till they are silenced. Then
you may turn inside and
ignore the thoughts.... If you change the mechanical
habit of mind and insist on its passivity every moment, the
mind will yield.
You must make it habitually passive and full of the peace within.
3-9-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: Complete control of the mind and using it like a tool
comes later. You have to look at
thoughts, see where they come from, and if
they are any worth, take them up. You have to know the mental nature.
What if
thoughts come? only they must not disturb the inner calm. Don't listet to the
thoughts.... You must reject
them in the sense that you must make them more and
more external to your
Page 11

self; don't attend to them, don't dwell upon

them. When there is quiet, you can take them up. Calm is not of the
mind, it
descends from above.... Control of the subconscious nature, e.g. of the mechanical
action of the mind in
sleep or wakefulness, comes later. Give up the fighting
attitude. Meditation must be restful. Externalise the thoughts
more and more.
Ignore all mental consideration. The essential thing is an easy, effortless and
natural opening to the
Divine. A certain concentration is necessary to reject
the thoughts but it must be silent concentration, it must not
cause strain....
When the mind gets calm, you can also have activity. On the basis of calmness
you have to build the
active thought. First there will be scattered thought,
but afterwards there will be very clear, connected thought.
When you attain perfect
calm, you can look for the Universal consciousness, Vijnana and so forth. The
first step
however is the feeling of the Universal Prana, then the Universal
consciousness and so on....

5-9-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: It does not matter if your calm is disturbed,

only see that it remains in the background at
least. Try to get the force. Fix
these two, calm and force, and if you get other experiences so much the better.
*
Q: Is the force vital force or nervous energy?
SRI AUROBINDO: When you silence the
mind you get to pure mind. Then you get Pranic Energy, not nervous
energy.
First Shakti comes as Pranic Energy. Later only come the higher forms of
Energy. You must receive, hold
and stabilise this Pranic Energy. Then the
vital being feels refreshed.... The light seen when the mind is pure is the

light of Chidakasha, not of the outside atmosphere.... The delight, even if

Page -12

it
is independent of cause, is mental, not prolonged. But it is helpful in the way
of seeing the One and Infinite every
where.

16-9-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: There are two movements in this Yoga:

(i) The mind's stillness thoughts
do not come from the brain or physical mind, but come like that (with a

gesture), and (ii) aspiration or will turned up, not a will that pulls down.
Don't feel yourself in the brain, but in the
heart.... There should not be any
strain on the brain....

Q: Can we manage without the use of the brain in reading and writing ?

SRI AUROBINDO: Yes. Not that the brain

does not function, but you will rise above it, rise above the physical

mind
and watch from there.

Q: Can we station ourselves always there?

SRI AUROBINDO: Yes.... Will does not exhaust. It is the
resistance of the mind that exhausts. I think there is no
serious obstacle in
your vital being or physical being. The only obstacle now is your mental
activity, eagerness.
Eagerness there may be, but it must be that of the heart,
intense. The mind must not mix up with it....

17-10-1926

SRI AUROBINDO : Concentrate not only in

the mind but in the heart. Don't expect anything, but remain quiet.
There must
not be any mental insistence on the next step or any vital demand. Put some
confidence into it if you
can.... You see the peace, vastness above you now.
You simply keep yourself open.... You quieted the thinking
mind, you separated
yourself from the mechanical part of the mind, for
Page -13

merely you were involved in it, so you did not

notice it , now it has risen up. The dynamic mind is thrown into the
mechanical
mind and it goes on repeating 'I shall do this, I shall do that'. But it will
soon get tired. When the
Higher will or light becomes manifest it does
everything.
3-11-1.926

SRI AUROBINDO: Connect the

centre of the mind with the centre of the heart. The heart is at present man's

centre, the soul centre. If you concentrate in the mind, the mind begins to
meditate. But meditation in the heart
easily takes you to the reality.
5-11-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: The aspiration must be spontaneous, there must be vigilant

will and detachment. Some
energy is required to sustain the consciousness
within and to keep it from going outward. Concentration or
aspiration helps to
open, but for that you must detach yourself completely from thoughts. When you
get that
detachment you feel it even physically, you feel as if you are mixed
in etheric space, and so light.... You must feel
the detachment, detachment
from the mind and from the body....
10-11-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: Your natural movement seems to be through the heart and
that part of the vital being which
comes into contact with beauty.... You must
get the positive quiet of opening to the Universal, not the negative
silence of
shutting yourself up in concentrated absorption.... The movement through the
mind gives knowledge,
wide consciousness .....through the heart, feeling of
delight, power.... Concentrate in the heart, identify yourself
with the quiet

Page-14

feeling of aspiration, spread out the feeling, and let the

whole being become the quiet feeling....

15-11-1926Morning

SRI AUROBINDO: Your only obstacle is the mental activity. When you try to
withdraw into yourself, you take
your mind also there. That must not be. There
must be real detachment and aspiration for something from above,
wideness
etc., not mere control of mind.... You have a lot of force in you, only you
allow it to be dormant.

20-11-1926

Owing
to some circumstances I had to leave Pondicherry and go home. I therefore requested the Master's

permission to leave. He was so warm and kind and loving and gracious that he
said to me "Why do you want to go?

Why don't you continue to stay

here?" I was overwhelmed. I felt his Grace enveloping me and I was deeply

touched. When I explained my situation to him he was all sympathy and

compassion and gave me his Blessings.

In those days the

Mother kept herself in the background, physically. When first I saw her, I
was struck by her
frail but super-earthly and radiant form, and her eyes that
seemed to be like endless Ocean expanses, fathomless. I
stood before her
transfixed, and gazed and gazed far and long into those expanses, those
captivating eyes, those
marvellous eyes of the Infinite. I was literally lost
in those eyes. Was this form of Mystery and Angel from afar an
immortal spirit
or a Vision? I felt I was surrounded by her Love and Grace. Then collecting
myself I prayed for
her Blessings. She looked into my eyes and smiled and
blessed me. What an enchanting smile

Page 15

it was! I have not seen such eyes and such a

smile in any other person so far. That vision has remained engraved in
my mind
all these years. I saw her again a number of times. I marvelled many a time at
the changing face of the
Mother, now the very form of Grace, now a shape of
Light from some Beyond, and now a form of brilliant, flowing,
living gold,
always clothed in Grandeur, Majesty, and Divine Dignity, and radiating waves of
light, of love and of
bliss.

20-11 -1926Morning

I went
to the Mother to seek her guidance and to take leave of her....
The Mother:
Concentrate in the heart. Aspire for force and peace in the heart, open
yourself to us here.... There is
no obstacle. Don't be anxious. Go ahead.
Everything will be all right.
Thus reluctantly, I
took leave of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother who were so full of the nectar of
Divine Love. Sri
Aurobindo and the Mother are inseparably associated in my mind
with the Divine Gourisankar of the Himalayas
high above the earth, calm and tranquil and serene and
bathed in Light, and radiating Peace and Grace, and Love for
all. They have
been my beacon lights on my life's journey, and I pray and trust that they may
continue to extend
their Grace to me through all eternity.

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