First Contact Introductions and Pre-Meeting Behaviors By Norische

First contact is the most important moment in an Owner/slave relationship oh there are explosive moments of discovery and evolution where a sudden epiphany brightens the path that we choose to follow, but none so brilliant as the nova of enlightenment that we encounter with those first words. As an owner gains experience he or she will notice certain similarities with behaviors; while there are exceptions to every rule, they are however few and far between. Due to these similarities we begin to expect certain behaviors and this in itself can be good or bad. To a well-meaning slave that simply wishes to impress or lacks the experience to know better, these expectations can be very bad. To a weathered owner who has been burned more than his or her fair share, these expectations can prevent unfortunate disaster. Let me explain what I mean. When someone initiates first contact it tells me they are bold; personally I like this in my individuals but some do not. Some owners prefer to be the pursuer not the pursuee, and hence this action can be an immediate turn off. Some owners feel that for a slave to make first contact is to insinuate that the individual is demanding, needy or desperate and this action instantly makes them leery. If the slave starts the conversation with Hello Mistress I immediately get leery. For me the title of Mistress or Master must be earned, by both the owner and the slave, hence when someone takes it upon him or herself to initiate with such a phrase I dont honestly take them seriously. Others feel that it is expected and to start out a conversation any other way would be a sign of disrespect. To me the appropriate way to start a conversation is with Permission to speak please? or Excuse the interruption, may I have permission to speak? This shows me that the individual has a basic understanding of general protocol and is willing to show me at least a moderate degree of respect. There are several key words or phrases that if I see or hear anywhere in the first few lines of a conversation will immediately initiate the ignore function on my messenger, mail or caller id. Some of those triggers are, hon, baby, bitch, fuck, nice tits, do you cam, do you cyber, dick, prick or cock, pussy, or cunt. The use of such words or phrases tends to get my dander up and most of them I take as an immediate insult to my station and my person in general. When someone I do not know starts out by messaging me Nice Tits they immediately get ignored and put on blocked status. When they start out with Hello Mistress. They at

least get a response, although I tend to think of them as players or wannabees right off the bat. When someone starts a conversation with Please excuse the interruption, permission to address you, Maam? Or something along that line, my ears perk up and I at least take this one seriously. When someone starts with, Please excuse this interruption, I am uncertain of how you wish to be addressed. I will normally respond with something along the lines of, Quite alright, and I prefer Maam. The next phrase from the slave should be along the lines of Thank you, Maam Permission to speak please, Maam. While these phrases seem long and drawn out or too proper for some, they tell me a great deal about the person that I am talking to. For example, with these few phrases I know that this individual has probably had some form of training, and a fair degree of experience. I can also tell that he or she understands protocol and respect. When I have someone contact me in such a manner not only to I take notice and pay attention, but I am practically drooling by the time we have an actual conversation going. Words of praise and offers of service mean nothing when manners, etiquette, and protocol are ignored. While the first contact a slave makes can be short and to the point, it is also an opportunity to introduce oneself, get information and more importantly give information. If a slave begins to tell me what they would like me to do to them, or asks me what I would like to do to them, a flag is immediately raised and at that point I am bordering on do I ignore the individual and mark this one down as a wannabee, or do I inform the individual of my perception and see what their response is. There is a group of individuals that are I fondly call the do me subs; these individuals are only concerned with what I can do for them, to them or with them. To them it is all about them, I am just there to entertain them and do what they allow me to do. They will say things like, I like to be kept handcuffed and caged when I am not in use. Well I dont know about the rest of you, but it is a pain in my butt when I have to go upstairs and unlock a cage, unlock a set of cuffs and get a slave out of the cage just in order to get a glass of tea. Personally, I feel a slave should always be prepared to serve, hence being caged is not a means to fulfill this obligation. Do me subs have a really bad case of topping from the bottom, and unfortunately I dont have time to play their games so when someone starts with the I want, I like, I need, I will, I wont, type of conversation I steer clear of them. It is indeed important to tell the perspective owner what experiences the slave has had and what skills he or she has to offer so how does one go about that without sounding like they are making demands or giving orders, quite simply actually. If a slave starts of with I have had experience in. instead of I like or I want then it goes from what can you do for me to what I can do for you.

I always ask, What do you like to do? Sometimes I get a straight forward answer that tell me the individual can answer a simple question with a matter of fact answer. Every now and then I get my perfect answer What I like or do not like is irrelevant Maam, how ever I have had experience in... At this early juncture I want to know more about what an individual has experience in rather than what turns them on. Eventually I will figure out what things are stimulating and what things are boring and what things are frightening for the individualright now I am more interested in what degree of experience and how much exploration has been done. If the individual gives me a list like Forced cross dressing, oral service, cuckold, strap on, forced bi, play rape, or stud service. Then I know the person is all about sex. If the individual gives me a list like Spanking, leather, beatings, whips, floggers, canes, paddles, belts, straps or over the knee. Then I know this person is all about pain. If the individual gives me a list like Knives, breath play, blood play, needles, piercing, fire play, branding, cutting and choking. Then I know this person is all about extremes. If the individual gives me a list like Scat, water sports, verbal humiliation, cockhold, face slapping, name calling, spitting and boot kissing. Then I know the person is all about humiliation or degradation. If the person gives me a list like Leather, cigarettes, underwear, feet, pantyhose, high heels, or corsets Then I know the person is about fetishes or kink. If the person gives me a list like Cooking, cleaning, yard work, household repairs, massage, laundry, shopping, or auto repair. Then I know the person is all about service. What an individual tells me at this point tells me if they are interested in being served or giving service. Simply stating I have a great deal of experience in a wide variety of things is a cop out to me. It tells me only that you understood the question and chose not to give me a direct answer. The best thing a slave can do is to ask Is there a specific area I should reference for you Sir/Maam? This way the slave will not give sexual information when it might be considered inappropriate, also if the owner is looking for useful skills or job qualification and the slave rambles off a list of likes and dislikes then the owner will get frustrated and may misinterpret what the slave is attempting to accomplish. I normally ask about limit or limitations at this point. Some will try and impress me and say they have no limitsall that does is tell me either the individual is a fool, lying or so inexperienced that they have yet to find their own limits. Everyone has limits, no matter what they say. It may be so simple as the individual is claustrophobic and hence cages, hoods, mummification and blindfolds are limits. It could be so complex as what seems like pages of things that the slave is unwilling or unable to deal with. If the list is too short or

two long then I normally ask the individual to define a hard limit for me. For the most part there are three limits that are common, NO CHILDREN, NO ANIMALS, and NO DEAD PEOPLE. After that it should be based on experience or lack thereof. I once had a guy that told me he had no limits, even had him define what a limit was after verifying that the understood the concept I asked again, and again he stated he had no limits that he would do anything for me. I told him that I have a friend who owns a mortuary and I asked him what he thought about necrophilia he made a rather repulsive noise and stated that he had to draw the line there, no dead people. So then I said well what if I wanted to have him tied up and let my German Shepherd have him as his love slave, again he said that he could not do that. After about twenty questions and examples he came up with quite a few limits that he did not know he had. After our discussion he changed his phrasing and revamped a couple of things on his profile, but at least he is being more honest with himself and others. As to limitations normally people have some physical, emotional, or psychological limitations that they are aware of and maybe one or two that they are not aware of. Allergies, illnesses, injuries, medical issues, and psychological issues are all limitations to one degree or another. There are of course emotional limitations as well, like play rape for an individual that was raped as a child, or being locked away in a closet somewhere when you have abandonment issues. While some limitations may or may not hinder a slave, the slave should disclose all pertinent information to the owner at the appropriate time. In other words the owner may not need to know the slave is allergic to adhesive when they first meet, but prior to their first scene it is something that should be disclosed. There are a couple of issues that I think the slave should disclose in the first conversation. Specifically any drug use, alcohol abuse, sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS, or contagious diseases that the individual may have. Again timing is everything, I mean dont say Hi my name is george and I have AIDS this little brain explosion may very well lead to a lonely, miserable life. However, if the conversation seems to be going well and there is talk of meetingit is appropriate to discuss these very important limitations. For a seasoned owner these disclosures may or may not make them have second thoughts but at least they will be informed and allowed the opportunity to make an educated decision. When you make first contact it is best to be direct and honest, dont give someone your life story but dont hide pertinent information either. There are several simple dos and donts that I think will help prevent careless and unfortunate mistakes. DO BE HONEST. Always assume that this individual will know if you are lying or making up stories because if they find out that you have been dishonest, all trust built to that point is gone. DO NOT EXAGERATE. Exaggeration is the same as lying. For example, telling someone that you have 30 years experience in service then you should have honestly 30

years of real time experience, not 8 months of experience as a live in, 17 years of pay per Dommes and 13 yrs of reading and fantasizing. DO BE PUNCTUAL. If you say you will meet someone at a certain time or you will contact someone at a specific time then do so. It is a great sign of disrespect to be late or even worse not to show at all. DO ASK QUESTIONS. Always ask questions, never assume anything; if you dont ask and make a mistake then you have no one to blame but yourself. DO NOT ASSUME. Always err on the side of manners and etiquette, no one can ever punish you for having too good of manners. DO NOT USE PROFANITY. To some, the use of profanity is a sign of disrespect or a lack of manners. DO NOT SEND PICTURES OF YOUR GENITALS. One thing that is a pet peeve of mine is when I ask someone to send me a picture of themselves and I get a picture of either someones dick or titsnow I am not a prude by any means but when I ask for a picture I want to see the persons eyes and their smile. Wait to send nude photos until you are specifically asked for them, or ask the individual to specify what type of picture they wish to see. DO BE PRECISE. If you are asked a question then give precise details, one does not have to be long-winded but one does need to be as thorough as possible. DONT TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. If you start of talking about what you want and what you will or wont do then the person you are speaking to may assume that you are a do me sub, and drop you like a hot potato. DO TALK ABOUT WHAT EXPERIENCE AND SKILLS YOU HAVE. The best way to achieve this is to basically try and sell yourself, as if you are applying for a job. Talk about what you have to offer, what experience you have, what makes you better for the position than anyone else. DONT MISLEAD SOMEONE. By this I mean, dont make contact with someone that you know you will never be willing or able to meet. I find it a huge waste of my time when someone from California writes me and we chat for a while then on the third or fourth contact they inform me that they are unwilling to relocate. DO ASK FOR CLARIFICATION. When something is unsure or you dont understand something, do not guess or assume always get clarification, again I stressask questions.

DO BE PATIENT. I honestly hate it when I am chatting with someone and it takes me a second or two to respond and the person BUZZZ!! me. I begin to wonder how impatient the individual would be in person. DO ASK PERMISSION TO SPEAK. Always ask permission to open a conversation with someone. Dont assume that just because an individual has their messenger on that they would wish to speak to you. They may be speaking with someone else and not wish to be bothered. DO ASK HOW THEY WISH TO BE ADDRESSED. Time consuming perhaps but it shows a desire to please and an understanding of basic protocol. DONT LEAVE WITHOUT PERMISSION. Even if the person is not your owner, it is only proper etiquette to ask permission to leave or end the conversation. It annoys me if I am in the middle of a conversation and suddenly I am talking to myself These are just a few suggestions, and while to some it may be considered too formal or too inconvenient it is always better to be safe than sorry. As I said no one will ever get in trouble for having manners that are too good. As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is Norisch1@mchsi.com. If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/?yguid=99788111 in the files section. Norische