THE SPIRITUAL DIARY SAINT IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA

OF

Taken from

THE SPIRITUAL DIARY OF SAINT IGNATIUS LOYOLA

Edited and Translated by JOSEPH A. MUNITIZ, S.J.
Published by INIGO ENTERPRISES, LONDON, 1987 and reproduced here by permission

INIGO: DISCERNMENT LOG-BOOK

INTRODUCTION
Even if someone were to express everything that is within him, we wouldnt necessarily understand him.[1]

The Spiritual Diary of St. Ignatius Loyola is unique among his voluminous works as being one of the very few that survive in their original hand-written form, and that were written solely by the saint himself without the assistance of his secretary.[2] One might have expected it to provide immediate access to his mind and spirituality. Instead many readers, even those who have some acquaintance with the life and work of the saint, find that the Diary remains hidden in a strange mist of cultural remoteness and unintelligibility. These pages are clearly the work of a man devoted to God, living an intense interior life, divinely endowed with special gifts. It is not quite so easy to believe that they were written by the man who founded the Society of Jesus, at a time when he was extraordinarily active, both in personal apostolic work in Rome and the even more taxing occupations of the government of the young society (the first papal approbation had been granted only five years previously). Further, although the impression conveyed by the Diary is that the writer is a man subject to more than the ordinary psychological tensionsa person tossed between great tranquillity and the sort of experience recorded for February 8, I felt within me that I approached, or was brought before, the Father, and with this my hair rose and I felt what seemed an intense warmth in every part of my body, followed by tears and the most intense devotion [ 8] it comes as something of a surprise to find that this is also the man whose disciples were instructed by him to excel in exterior and interior equilib[1] L. Wittgenstein, Last Writings on the Philosophy of Psychology, vol.1 (Basil Blackwell, Oxford, 1982), No. 191. [2] Only two fascicles survive, the first written in forty days in 1544, and the second spanning a longer period, 1544-1545; the first part was published in 1892, but it was only in 1934 that the first full edition appeared: ed. A. Codina, Monumenta Historica Societatis Jesu, vol. 63 [= Monumenta Ignatiana ex autographis vel ex antiquioribus exemplis collecta, Series Tertia, Sancti Ignatii de Loyola Constitutiones Societatis Jesu. Tomus primus, Monumenta Constitutionum Praevia], Rome. The reasons for this long period of hiding, when the hand-written notes were known only by indirect reference and preserved as a precious relic within a baroque, jewel-encrusted binding, well deserve investigation.

rium.[3] Finally, although it may be clear from the Diary that the writer is resorting to certain technicalities in the spiritual life (such as ways of praying and of making a decision), it is not clear whose techniques these are, or indeed how far he is indulging in whims. In addition, the reader of the Diary may well ask himself what type of mystic experience it represents, what evidence it affords that Ignatius enjoyed the higher flights of infused contemplation, and how typical of the saints normal life are its pages. I. The Historical Context

The Spiritual Diary

Although the first group of Ignatiuss companions had taken vows of poverty, chastity, and pilgrimage to Jerusalem in 1534, their first vows as members of the Society of Jesus could be made only after the proposed pilgrimage had been definitely impeded and, as a consequence, the group had found it necessary to form an association that would meet the canonical requirements and receive papal approbation. In 1537, they offered their services to Paul III. In 1539, the first draft of the Constitutions was composed (the Formula Instituti), and this was formally approved by the bull Regimini militantis ecclesiae of 1540, which canonically instituted the new order.[4] In 1541, the amplification of the Formula was entrusted to Ignatius and Codure, and at once Ignatius was elected General. The first solemn profession of vows was then celebrated, on April 22, 1541. The three years that intervened before Ignatius began his Diary were of crucial importance for the young order. They saw the rapid dispersal of nearly all of Ignatiuss companions: to Ireland (Brot and Salmern), Portugal (Santacruz and others), Germany, Belgium, and parts of Italy; the writing of the first set of Constitutiones Collegiorum, and the founding of the college of Padua; the erection of The Roman college pro catechumenis; the start of the construction of Romes first Jesuit Professed House; and the founding of the house of St. Martha for the reform of prostitutes. Active teaching, especially catechizing the young, apostolic work among the Jews of Rome (the brief Cupientes, on behalf of the converted Jews was
The modesty of their countenance, the maturity of their walk, and all their movements, without giving any sign of impatience or pride, as Ignatius exhorts in the Constitutions [MHSI, 64, pp. 342-343; tr. George E. Ganss [St. Louis, 1970], p. 155.) Even more explicit are the Rules of Modesty, composed by Ignatius but not included in the Constitutions. [4] In the list of pros and cons used by the saint in the courses of the election recorded in the Diary, there is mention of this bull, and of the year following, in point 14.
[3]

granted in 1542 through Ignatiuss intercession), and the instruction of new members of the Society,[5] occupied the Generals free timea very precious commodity if we consider the vast number of letters which were required to inform the rapidly dispersing Jesuits of progress and organization. In December of 1542, we have St. Ignatiuss own testimony that he sent 250 letters, some as far afield as Goa in India where Francis Xavier had already arrived. The Pope required his assistance in delicate negotiations with John III of Portugal. And at this time serious ill-health was causing him great suffering and weakness (in May of 1542 and the early months of 1544 he entrusted the writing of his letters to secretaries). With the opening of the year 1544 (the Diary begins in February of this year), it seems that the first great wave of activity that had been carrying Ignatius forward ever since his arrival in Rome suddenly diminished. The house of St. Martha was founded in January, but then four months of extremely bad health crippled Ignatiuss movements. In any case it must have been clear that a period of consolidation, and above all of intensive organization and planning, was becoming increasingly necessary. The new order was expanding rapidly in numbers and in the diverse directions of its personnel and their occupations. Attached though Ignatius was to the inner law of divine love[6] as the guiding principle for himself and his subjects, mounting pressure from his companions and from the papacy, together with the evident dangers of dissipated energy, impelled him to begin the unwelcome task of composing the Constitutions. The problem became crucial with the need for a decision concerning poverty: Ignatius realized that the principles involved were of radical importance. First, there was the complex question of poverty itself: he was sufficiently aware of lifes reality to appreciate that absolute poverty might spell the end of the new order by the normal calculus of human probability. Secondly, his own authority would be particularly tested: for the first time he would have to exercise on a grand scale the power so gladly entrusted to him and so reluctantly accepted; for this was only the exordium of the whole book of the Constitutions. And by a cruel twist of fate, the first point appeared to be one in which he would have to revoke a decision already approved by the early companions.[7] Only if the Diary
[5] Cf. I. Iparraguirre, Prctica de los Ejercicios de San Ignacio en vida de su autor, (Bilbao, 1945), pp. 38-39; he establishes that Ignatiuss influence on the scholastics during the years 1540-1542 was decisive for the spread of the Exercises. [6] As he says in the Preamble to the Constitutions: what helps most on our part toward this end must be, more than any exterior constitution, the interior law of charity and love which the Holy Spirit writes and engraves upon hearts. [7] In the Spring of 1541, after a commission (consisting of Ignatius himself and Codure) had examined the point, the first companions agreed that the sacristies of

Introduction

is seen against this background can one understand the apparently excessive hesitation over such a relatively minor matter. The Diarys interest lies in the fact that it shows the first movements of a great soul struggling to enter with determination on a hazardous journey. However one should not imagine that during the initial crucial period of forty days (February 2 March 12, 1544), and even less, of course, during the longer period covered by the Diary, Ignatius retired to the isolation of some ivory tower. His administrative duties continued to occupy much of his time: funds had to be collected for the house of St. Martha (as noted by Polanco in his Chronicon for the year 1544); arrangements made for the change of residence to the adapted professed house next to the church of Saint Andrew, which took place in September 1544; visits paid to the curial offices for the granting of a Papal brief in favor of the confraternity of the catechumens (February 15) and for the bull Iniunctum nobis (March 14) re-confirming the Society. In addition there was preaching to be done, the exercises to be given, and an eye kept on the new novices (among them the troublesome Postel). There are frequent references, even during the first period, to engagements outside the house (22, 42, 55, 74, 89, 110, 124), sometimes visiting Cardinals and on one occasion praying in St. Peters. A few of the letters written during this period (probably with the help of a recently appointed secretary, Jerome Domenech) have survived, one (Letter 49) making financial arrangements and another (Letter 50) recommending someone (probably a novice) to leave the house of the Jesuits. But of greater interest is Letter 52, written shortly after the last date recorded in the Diary and addressed to the King of Portugal (March 15, 1545). The editors point out that the full version of this letter (now lost) seems to have included a strong assertion of his forthcoming resignation as Superior General: he said that he did not feel that he had either the strength or the capacity to bear the burden (of such responsibilites), and that they did not give him the opportunity that he longed for to deal only with God in the quiet and peaceful contemplation of divine things.[8]

The Spiritual Diary

churches belonging to professed houses should be allowed to possess income. This decision will now be revoked by Ignatius as a result of his 40-day election; in the Constitutions he forbids the possession of such income (cf. Ganss, pp. 253254), but already in 1548 he had taken steps to free the Societys own church (S. Maria della Strada) of any income (cf. MHSI 63, pp. 192-193, with note 19) and subsequent Papal documents will take account of this alteration to the original foundation bull of 1540. [8] The letters of Ignatius were the first to be published in the Monumenta Historica series, and those mentioned above, with the quotation taken from Balthazar Tellez, Crnica de la Compana de Jess en Portugal, are to be found in the first volume (Madrid 1903).

Among the worries present at least in the background of his mind must have been the coming ecumenical council, which opened at Trent early in 1545 with several Jesuit theologians represented; difficult relations between Paul III and the King of Portugal that came to a head in 1545 and were complicated by the special position of Simon Rodrguez at the Portuguese court; and closer to hand, the presence in Rome of Isabel Roser, who was demanding to be admitted along with a group of likeminded women as female members of the Society of Jesus, a demand forced through with Papal support against Ignatiuss wishes in 1545. II. The Literary Genre

Introduction

Originally there were two small gatherings or fascicles, the first with fourteen folios (the last folio of this fascicle having been left blank), and the second with twelve folios. The first fascicle seems to have begun as a single piece of paper folded into two, but when Ignatius realized that these four pages would not be enough for his purpose he took another six large sheets placed on top of one another and folded them down the middle. The second fascicle is simply six more pieces folded in the same ways. In the first fascicle he recorded the first 40 days (February 2 to March 12, 1544), and clearly marked an end by leaving two pages blank; the second fascicle carries on chronologically (March 13, 1544 to February 27, 1545) and to that extent forms a unity with the first. But both fascicles are probably only a fragment of a larger collection, and the second fascicle breaks off only because subsequent pages and fascicles were destroyed. [10] It was once thought that the peculiarities of the saints style were relics of his Basque infancy (cf. P. Mgica, Reminiscencias de la lengua vasca en el Diario
[9]

At this point, an explanation of the role of the Diary becomes imperative. The title given to these sheets of paper[9] is not one chosen by the saint himself: and it is in many ways singularly misleading. The famous diarists of world literature, the Boswells, the Evelyns, fall into a certain category of mind and character: they are remarkable for their acute observation, their constancy, fidelity, industry. Often they are witty, sometimes pedestrian. One is not surprised to find that a methodological, rational trait predominates: one thinks, perhaps unjustly, of a bank-clerks ledger. It is surprising to find a man of violent passions keeping a diary. And yet the distinctive features of the Spiritual Diary, the elements that give it life and interest, are precisely the diffuse out-pourings, the breaking of the bonds of ordinary experience and indeed of ordinary dictionthe words flow regardless of sentence form, often twisted into phrases of almost unintelligible ambiguity.[10] When eventually the second part of the Diary is reached, the exact contrary seems to happen: the entries are clipped into telegrammatic reiterations.

If Ignatius is a diarist, then he must be one of the strangest. There is nothing in his character or circumstances which would explain at least the temporary adoption of such a literary form. Pepys is eminently autobiographical; his diary may begin with a blush and an attempt at secrecy, but very soon he is confiding himself and his doings with relative abandon to his readers. Ignatius was continually pressed by his companions to write an autobiography. He resisted strongly, but eventually submitted when the attack took advantage of his weak flank, his genuine humility. It was then that he dictated a short and incomplete account to his secretary.[11] It is very matter-of-fact, dour and blunt, pitiless and, one cannot help feeling, rather unjust to himself. Few people have succeeded in avoiding making fools of themselves at the start of their conversions; most are only too willing to consign such vagaries to oblivion. The story of his encounter with the Moor is a classic example; and it is rewarding to consider that St. Ignatius might have been executed for murder before he reached Manresa, had it not been for a mules whim.[12] The Diary, on the other hand, describes with a fullness and a detail rarely equalled the reception of spiritual gifts which would be the envy of many a canonized saint. What possessed Ignatius to indulge suddenly in a spate of autobiography which is belied by his other express statements? The answer is not to be found in a love for literary composition. Ignatius can reject as wildly improbable in himself the sort of motivation that Augustine perhaps would have acknowledged as part of the secret of his Confessions. The author of the Diary is not a lover of words: he treats them roughly, now sparingly, now in wanton excess; they are seized and hammered into placerather like the saints own handwriting. One graphological specialist, who has studied his writing in the Diary, notes that it reveals: a need for clarity, for precision and for exactness; there is an exigence in the very form of expression. He constantly corrects himself, and starts anew. The rhythm remains full of life
de San Ignacio in Revue Internationale des tudes Basques, 1936, pp. 57-61). Against this view, S. Sala, (En torno al castellano de S. Ignacio, in Razn y Fe, 1956, pp. 243-274), has argued that all the saints peculiarities are typical of the pre-classical Spanish style and are to be found, for example, in the letters of Cardinal Cisneros. For a restatement of the Basque argument cf. G. de Gennaro, La expresin literaria mstica del Diario Espiritual Ignaciano, in Manresa, 25 (1963), pp. 2546. [11] Available in the Inigo International Centre Series: Inigo: Original Testament. The Autobiography of St. Ignatius Loyola, trans. William Yeomans, 1985. An American translation with full commentary and notes was published in the same year: J. N. Tylenda, A Pilgrims Journey, Wilmington: Michael Glazier. [12] Cf. Autobiography, c. 2, nos. 14-16.

The Spiritual Diary

Introduction

To find the raison dtre of the Diary, we must turn in quite a different direction. Indeed, once the new orientation has been adopted, it will be found to lead to the solution of most of the Diarys problems. In 1522, barely one year after his being wounded at Pamplona (May 20, 1521), Ignatius was living the life of a recluse at Manresa. He then began the composition of the series of meditation notes which formed the nucleus of his first and best known book, the Spiritual Exercises. (This received papal approbation from Paul III in 1548, at the request of Francis Borgia; in the same year the first edition, in Latin, appeared.) The book consists of instructions as to the reformation of ones life by means of prayer and penance. Its style is didactic and eminently practical. Its originality consists in the exactness with which the affective and rational processes involved and required during the selection of, and the total dedication to, a lifes reform, are anticipated and provided for. Such precision is the result of a mans acute and repeated reflection upon his own mental processes. And, for Ignatius, such reform is the mainstay of a vigorous life of the spirit. Consequently, the lessons learned at Manresa and imparted through the Exercises are of daily and perennial importance. This may seem exaggerated and is certainly open to misinterpretation. There are aspects of the Exercises which are necessarily transient, applicable at the most to the thirty-day period dedicated to their observance: the intensity of feeling normally produced, the emotional strain, would be unbearable and harmful if unduly protracted. But if evidence were lacking that many of the basic principles and techniques to be found in the Exercises were intended by Ignatius to be the inner framework of a mans whole spiritual life, then the Spiritual Diary is of exceptional importance as decisive proof. III. The Technique of Decision

throughout these pages, where each trait has its particular value.[13]

The Spiritual Exercises revolve around the central axis of reform. At the heart of the second week are to be found a number of considerations
[13] Carmen M. Affholder, Saint Ignace dans son criture, Archivum Historicum Societatis Iesu, XXIX (1960), p. 391: Nous y percevons un besoin de clart, de prcision, de nettet et une exigence dans la manire mme de sexprimer. Il se corrige, recommence. Le rhythme reste toujours vivant en ces pages o chaque geste graphique a sa valeur singulire.

that help to reach the decisive point at which he both sees what change is required, and has the strength to accept it. From different angles, appealing to diverse mental factors, Ignatius leads the exercitant to consider the means required (in the meditation on Two Standards), the readiness needed (in the consideration of the Three Couples), and the motive underlying the heroism of the followers of Christ (the Three Modes of Humility). The exercitant must then, in the light of these considerations, try to come to a conclusion. Many might have thought that sufficient had been done: that the exercitant could now be left to find his own way. However, Ignatius still has some important information that can be of immense help. Through the apparent jungle of possible reactions he outlines three paths which he had discovered by personal trial and error. The first is the sort of illumination which admits of no doubt; a Pauline conversion, an apostolic vocation. The second and third are much more protracted and complicated. The third, which is explained most fully, is dominated by the notion of the reasonable. Here there are at least two possibilities. First, one can draw up a list of the pros and cons that concern the matter at issue; and, after prayer and particular attention to the purity of ones motivation, one can weigh up the importance of the respective sides. Secondly, a number of considerations may help one withdraw to a certain distance from the problem, and thus study it more objectively (for example, to proceed as if making the deliberation on behalf of someone else). It is quite clear from the Diary that Ignatius, for lack of a Pauline illumination, had had recourse to this third way, in its varied forms; but he had not found in it a satisfactory solution to his problem. Consequently he had tried the second way, which is described by the saint himself in the Exercises in words that might have been taken from the Diary: The second, when one receives sufficient clarity (asaz claridad[14]) and knowledge, through experiencing consolations and desolations, and through experiencing the differentiation (discrecin) of various spirits.[15] It becomes clear at once that the Spiritual Diary consists of sheets on which Ignatius has noted precisely these consolations and desolations, the day-by-day process of diverse spirits. It is essentially a log-book intended to be maintained during a relatively short period (unlike the normal diary), and it contains references only to occurrences that fall under these headings.
Cf. the entry in the Diary for February 6: Later I realized with sufficient clarity (en asaz claridad) (5). [15] Exx 176.
[14]

10

The Spiritual Diary

Some readers may have been puzzled at the terms introduced in the description of the second way. They have a technical ring about them. The treatment given by the saint to these phenomena, in notes inserted between the meditations of his Exercises, is recognized as masterly,[16] and is strikingly original in the clarity and precision which he brings to bear upon a problem as ancient as Christian spiritual awareness. The problem lies in the extreme delicacy and complexity of these happenings, and the difficulty of communicating with others on topics so remote from everyday reality. The distinctive feature of each is the satisfaction or dissatisfaction which is felt and recognized in protracted reflection. This process of reflection requires sensitivity; but it must be backed by firmness and decision. The good and evil spirits uitilize both periods (satisfaction and dissatisfaction); though the good tend to lead us to the former state. Within each state, the different spirits can still produce varied movements and agitations. One of the finest portraits in the worlds spiritual writings of both these states and the actions of the different spirits is the Spiritual Diary. Satisfaction has been mentioned as the key-note of periods of consolation: but as the saint makes clear in the Exercises,[17] there are different levels of satisfaction. They range from the quiet peace of increased faith, hope and charity, through internal joy and gladness, which can unexpectedly flood the soul, through the tears of love and sympathy for Christ, up to the interior movement which sets the soul ablaze with such love for God the creator that no other love can exist except as part of that conflagration. It is interesting to find the words mocin interior in the Exercises. The Diary, too, is full of references, some very mysterious, to the inner life (internal joy, internal tears, etc.). When he comes to give rules concerning the remedies to be taken against desolation, he provides precisely those which are to be found used in the Diary: firmness, increased exercise of prayer and self-examination, a recognition that one may be at fault and that God may be providing a period of trial, both for increased self-knowledge and greater appreciation that it does not lie in our power to cause or retain great devotion, intense love, tears nor any other spirtual consolation, but that everything is gift and grace of God our Lord.[18]
1622.
[16] [17] [18]

Introduction

11

For example, Exx 316. Exx 322. Cf. the entry for February 26: On beginning Mass . . . a very slight form of weepingI thought that with less I was more satisfied and content; in that way I felt I was being ruled by the Divine Majesty, to whom it belongs to give and withdraw his graces as and when it is most convenient (81).

Cf. the article on Consolation in Dictionnaire de Spiritualit II, cols. 1620-

However, even consolations require keen self-analysis, or rather a constant sensitivity to the slightest change. We find this a preoccupation in the Diary, as explained in the Exercises: It is characteristic of the evil angel, who presents himself under the guise of an angel of light (sub angelo lucis), to make his entry on the side of the souls devotion but his exit for his own profit; that is to say, he brings good and holy thoughts that are in full accord with such a virtuous soul; but later, little by little, he tries to make off with what is his own, dragging the soul towards his concealed treachery and perverse intentions.[19] Two inter-related passages from the Diary may be quoted: they illustrate admirably the perception of a false consolation: February 18: After Mass I quietened down, comparing my own worth with the wisdom and greatness of God. I continued for some hours until the thought came to me that I should not trouble to say more MassesI felt angry with the Blessed Trinity; I had no desire to prolong the deliberation into the future . . . [ 50]. February 20: Later I felt strengthened about the past by the knowledge that the earlier spirit had been evil, the one that had wanted to make doubts and feel anger with the Blessed Trinity . . . [ 57]. It is ironical that Ignatius, of all people, should have been accused of rigidity in his spirituality. The words of the Exercises on the differentiation of spirits (also those on the control of scruples) only begin to make sense if seen in reference to the type of inner life portrayed in the Diary. This is a life tenderly responsive to the movements of grace, and completely dependent on them. Time, which most men in Ignatiuss position would have considered of vital importance, becomes irrelevant as the days of quiet waiting impose themselves. The great virtue becomes that of patience. IV. The Framework of the Exercises

12

The Spiritual Diary

Once the Exercises have been discovered as a key to the understanding of the Diary, they continue to furnish innumerable clarifications. It is remarkable how often in these pages Ignatius seems to be thinking in terms of himself placed before the whole celestial court. This is the grandiose composition of place (the prelude before meditation when
[19]

Exx 332.

It is often a problem for him to decide how he should begin: again, evidence that these techniques of prayer were not mechanical rules of thumb, but general indications suggesting possible paths for the soul in its life of prayer and contact with God. The petition prelude, which also appears at the head of each meditation in the Exercises, gains full life and vigour when it is seen in action in the Diary: a dominant note of supplication, sometimes strident in its intensity, begging light on a specific problem, yet full of a strength which expands naturally without artificial pressure. In the same way, many of the brief notes scattered through the Exercises find full expression in the pages of the Diary. The curious third annotation, which recommends a different mental attitude when the will is brought into play from that required when only the understanding is active, is typical. Here, special reverence is required: the reason lies in the object, the holy, towards which the will is turned in all spiritual exercises. And in the Diary, whereas Ignatius is prepared to adopt a practical, business[20]

the exercitant composes himself by thinking of some scene related to the topic he is about to consider) provided by the saint for two of the key meditations in the Exercises, the Couples and the Contemplation to obtain love. It seems to have been the way Ignatius imagined that an offering or oblation could be most fittingly made. It is, perhaps, a relic of his knightly training in a Spanish noblemans household.[20] Also provided for solemn occasions in the Exercises is the technique of the triple colloquy, which also appears in the Diary. Instead of addressing himself immediately to God the Father, Ignatius intercedes first with Our Lady, and sometimes with other saints even before he approaches her; then, with her assistance, he speaks to God the Son, in whose company he finally approaches the Creator himself. A typical example is the entry for February 18: A little later I wondered where I should begin, and it occurred to me that it might be with all the Saints, putting my cause in their hands, so that they might pray to Our Lady and her Son to be intercessors on my behalf before the Blessed Trinity. . . . I set about repeating the past offerings, . . . beseeching and nominating as intercessors on my behalf the Angels, the holy Fathers, the Apostles and Disciples, and all the Saints . . . that they might plead to Our Lady and her Son [ 46].

Introduction

13

Cf. P. Leturia, El gentilhombre Iigo de Loyola, and F. Gonzlez Olmedo, Introduccin a la Vida de San Ignacio de Loyola, for the courtly ideals in Ignatiuss development.

like attitude in his considerations of pros and cons, any turning of attention to God is accompanied by that insistent repetition of the word devocin. In the Exercises, great care is taken in the explanation of the various examinations of conscience. There is also a perplexing readiness for the repetition of exercises; no sooner has a meditation been finished than one is examining ones conduct and progress in the course of that meditation, and then repeating it! Unless the director is alive to the type of selfawareness required, and unless he has some experience of the tempo at which Ignatius was accustomed to conduct his meditations, he can easily drive an exercitant to the verge of break-down. In the Diary, it is clear that the amount of intellectual cogitation involved in the saints meditation is minimal: it is rare, and worthy of note, to be struck by a new idea. When an idea does come, as for example on February 11: I received a new insight, viz., that the Son first sent his Apostles to preach in poverty, and later the Holy Spirit . . . confirmed them, and thus since both Father and Son sent the Holy Spirit, all three Persons confirmed such a mission [ 15], the reaction is one of intense joy, and the digestion of the new thought, that sentire ac gustare res interne of the second annotation,[21] fills many hours. As he remarks elsewhere: I shall settle down at the point where I have found what I want, without any anxiety about moving on, until I am satisfied.[22] Within the Exercises it is necessary to distinguish the practicalone might say technicalinstructions from the indications of basic ideals and principles. The former, because of their complexity and originality, tend to attract more attention and require more protracted explanation. But the second group is the animating element within the body of the Exercises; and it is instructive to see how in the Diary they burst forth in full vigor. The ideas themselves are of marvellous simplicity and closely inter-connected: the primary importance of the glory of God, to the fulfilment of whose will all personal inclinations and preferences must be logically, but still more affectively, subordinated: I realized that it was not I who should stipulate the time for finishing and receive a visitation then, but either then or whenever the Divine Majesty thought fit, and granted such a visitation [March 2, 96]. This is the key idea in the Principle and Foundation, which opens the Exercises: it is also present, though with renewed meaning, in all the petitions of the last three weeks:
[21] [22]

14

The Spiritual Diary

Exx 2. First Week, fourth addition: Exx 76.

to ask grace from our Lord that I may not be deaf to his call, but ready and diligent to fulfill his most holy will.[23] The spirituality of St. Ignatius has been described as christocentric: it is not difficult to see what is meant. On February 23, for example, he writes: While I prepared the altar [for Mass], Jesus came into my thoughts and I felt impelled to follow him, for to my mind it seemed that since He was the head of the Society, He was a greater argument for having complete poverty than all other human reasons [ 66]. And he continues a little later: It seemed in some way to be from the Blessed Trinity that I could see or feel Jesus, and I remembered the time when the Father placed me with the Son [ 67]. He is referring to the great visitation of grace that occurred at La Storta (in late October or in November of 1537) as he was making his way to Rome. Ignatius later in his life seems to have described, and thought of, this experience in the words of the Diary a placing with the Son by the Father: it is described thus in the autobiographical fragment dictated to Fr. L. Gonalves da Cmara.[24] However, at the time of the revelation, when he described the event to his two companions, Frs. Faber and Lanez, he seems to have been explicit as to the details. The vision was of Christ carrying his cross, and the Father had joined Ignatius with his Son in the labor of carrying the cross.[25] The deep impression made by this vision is comparable in intensity with very few experiences of the saint. Perhaps the trinitarian revelations of Manresa (1522) and the Diary (1544) are the only events of equal importance. V. Beyond the Exercises

Introduction

15

There can be no doubt that the Exercises provide the key to the initial understanding of the Diary. However, it would be a pity if preconceptions gained from the Exercises were allowed to obscure a deeper appreciation. And indeed the Exercises themselves must not be judged prematurely:
Exx 91. Autobiography, c. 10, no. 96. [25] Lanezs own account has been preserved only at second hand. However, the vision is corroborated both by Ribadeneira and by Nadal: cf. MHSI 66, p. 313, especially no. 37, and p. 499, no. 23. For a full study, cf. R. Rouquette, in Rvue dAsctique et de Mystique, (1957), pp. 34-61, 150-170.
[23] [24]

they gain in stature when seen as the path towards the Diary. The christocentric nature of Ignatian spirituality is a case in point. Vital and essential as is the role given to the humanity of Christ throughout the final three weeks, there are rare indications that in one sense the soul is to advance even further. There are only hints in the Exercises of the devotional importance of the Blessed Trinity. The first preamble to the contemplation of the Incarnation, for example, brings to mind a printed title-page:[26] the three persons are handling the orb of the earth at the top of the page, the scene of the Annunciation occupies the center; in the course of the contemplation the exercitant thinks of their words and actions; and he makes a colloquy to them.[27] But who would guess from this brief mention that Ignatiuss Diary would be full of devotion to the Trinity? In the Exercises the Holy Spirit is hardly mentioned.[28] In the Diary some of the most striking visions are of the third person: I made a colloquy with the Holy Spirit, in preparation for saying his Mass; I experienced the same devotion and tears, and seemed to see or perceive him in a dense clarity or in the color of burning flamea way quite strange to me [February 11, 14]. The portion of the Exercises which opens out onto the great future horizons of Ignatiuss own spirituality is the Contemplation to obtain love. It forms one of the appendices, so to speak, which he added, along with notes on technical methods of prayer, to the fourth week. Here, in a few brief paragraphs, Ignatius initiates the exercitant into the new life for which the Exercises have prepared him: the great quest into the nature of God, an investigation whose object is not knowledge but deeper love. In the Diary, an endearing phrase to refer to God is that of Giver of Graces: in the Contemplation, a rough intimation of the treasures these words enclose is imparted. The gift is the Giver himself, a Giver who is both present and dynamic in the gift, a Giver who is infinite in the number and variety of his gifts, to such an extent that no gift is not the Giver himself. Here, in this notion of giving, of communication, which for Ignatius is the quintessence of love, is to be found the seed, hidden and expectant, of the trinitarian revelations. Ignatius seems to have been unusually aware of the inter-connections between dogmas. This appears in his Marian devotion. Our Lady is part
[26] Dr. A. Suqua in, La Santa Misa en la Espiritualidad de San Ignacio de Loyola, (Madrid 1950) has some interesting remarks on the illustrations concerning the Trinity to be found in missals of the period; cf. pp. 193-194. [27] Exx 102, 106-8, 109. [28] There are five references in the short Mysteria vitae Christi (Exx 263, 273, 304, 307, 312) and one in the Rules for Thinking with the Church (Exx 365).

16

The Spiritual Diary

or portal (parte o puerta) of grace: During the prayers to the Father and the Son, and at his consecration, I could not but perceive or see her . . . (At the consecration she showed that her own flesh was in that of her Son.) [February 15, 31] Nothing could be more foreign to Ignatian spirituality than the strange departmentalism that so often seems to beset Christian devotions. For him the saints are united with Mary among the mediators (among whom appears in turn the sacred Humanity of Christ). The mystery of the Trinity, with its circuminsession of Persons, finds its true context here, although it defies expression: I had very many intuitions about the blessed Trinity, my mind being enlightened with them to such an extent that it seemed to me that with hard study I would not have known so much [February 19, 52]. And later: During the prayers to the Father, it seemed that Jesus was presenting them, or accompanied those that I was saying, before the Father: and I felt or saw in a way that cannot be explained in those terms [February 25, 77]. Later still: I caught sight of the home-land of heaven or the Lord of it, in so far as I understood the three Persons, and how within the Father were the second and third [February 29, 89]. It would be incorrect to suppose that, at the time of composing the Exercises, Ignatius was still unaware of the role of the Trinity. Already in 1522 he had received at Manresa an illumination of the Trinitys intimate nature: One day when he [Ignatius] was reciting the Little Office of our Lady on the steps of that same monastery [of the Dominicans] , his understanding began to rise, as if he saw the Blessed Trinity represented by three organ keys, and this with so many tears and sobs that he could not control himself.[29] On the other hand, it would be equally misleading to suppose that Ignatius had passed beyond the learning stage. He says himself, with reference to the new insight he had received concerning the essence of the Trinity: So great an achievement did it seem to have untied this knot . . . that I could not stop repeating to myself, with reference to myself, Who are you? . . . From where?. . . What did you deserve? . . . Why this? [February 21, 63].
[29]

Introduction

17

Autobiography, c. 3, no. 28.

Again, in the second part of the Diary there appear a number of new phenomena, principal among them being the reverence and submission,[30] which, the saint has come to feel, should be shown on going to Mass when I had to pronounce the name of God Our Lord etc. [March 14, 156]. The mystery of the Trinity seems to have presented ever-new facets as the spiritual life of Ignatius progressed. Allied to this growth, and forming an organic part with it, is the mystery of the Mass. Here, too, the Diary presents us not with an isolated strand of devotion but with a reiteration of that inter-penetration of truths which was hinted at in the final point of the Contemplation to obtain love. In the eucharistic liturgy, the saint finds the great prayer, the period when earth and heaven are most obviously at one, the point at which the souls access to the divine acquires its greatest facility. There is in the Diary a very personal approach to the Mass: the saint cannot tolerate distraction at that time. There is no trace of the social theology which is required if the full wealth of the Mass is to be estimated. But it is essential to remember the purpose of the Diary. It is not a mere collection of thoughts; it is kept with a definite end in view:[31] the recording of the consolations and desolations experienced in the course of reaching a decision about poverty. For a full exposition of Ignatiuss theological convictions, it is necessary to study his other writings.[32] Where the Diary is of particular importance is in the revelation it offers of the force that certain of the saints ideals and modes of thought had acquired. Other aspects of his inner motivation are revealed elsewhere. VI. The Mystical Gifts

18

The Spiritual Diary

[30] Cf. two studies on acatamiento, one by Manuel Ruiz Jurado (Manresa, 35 [1963], pp. 145-154), and the other by Charles ONeill (Studies in the Spirituality of Jesuits, VIII [1], 1976, pp. 1-44). [31] The study by Dr. Suqua (mentioned above, note 26) labors slightly from the initial supposition that the Diary is only a diary, in which the saint during thirteen months gathered the deepest impressions that he had experienced while celebrating the holy mysteries (loc. cit.). The Diary is much more: it is essentially an instrument forged to facilitate a particularly difficult election in accord with Ignatiuss instructions in the Exercises. In consequence, Dr. Suqua has difficulty in explaining the lacuna concerning the social functions of the Mass. [32] The gap is only partly filled by the pioneer work of Hugo Rahner, Ignatius the Theologian, (London 1968). For a study of Ignatiuss letters, cf. I. Iparraguirre, Espritu de San Ignacio, (Bilbao 1958).

Outstanding among the personal traits that the Diary presents is a feature which is adumbrated in the Exercises but which also escapes

notice if not placed against the background of the Diary. In the second and third points of the Contemplation to obtain love, attention is drawn to Gods indwelling in created things, and to the fact that he works and toils on my behalf in all created things.[33] This attention to the presence of God is actively practised at the start of each meditation. An attitude of mind is built up which comes to maturity through the Contemplation and finds in this exercise its natural, and eventually its supernatural, complement. It is remarkable how often in the Diary it is the ordinary events of the day which are suddenly illuminated and transfigured by the rush of grace. It is as the saint is having his midday meal that he receives the final decisive consolations, and it is in the middle of grace (surely the most routine of all spiritual duties!) that he has a vision of God the Father: When I sat at table . . . the tempter did not succeed, but pretended to succeed in making me have doubts. Suddenly, yet calmlylike a man who has wonI said to him, Get to your place! I was strengthened by tears and by a complete sense of security about all I had decided . . . When I said grace after the meal, the Being of the Father partly disclosed itself, also the Being of the Blessed Trinity, while I felt a spiritual impulse to devotion and tears, such as I had not felt nor seen all day [March 12, 151, 153]. When he is out walking in the streets of Rome, the supernatural world breaks in upon him with the same intensity as when he is saying Mass: Today, even when walking in the city, I felt great interior joy, and on seeing three rational creatures together, or three animals, or three other things, the blessed Trinity was brought before me [February 19, 55]. Even in the celebration of Mass, it is not only at the culminating points, the canon or the communion, that his prayer receives its special graces, but at such times as the Confiteor (February 25, 77-78), or the Epistle (February 17, 40). The consolation of God, he notes in the Exercises,[34] has the characteristic that it enters the soul without previous warning, for the Creator has the right to enter and leave his house without any preliminary knocking. However, his entries in the Diary testify to the emotion this sudden onslaught of devotion can cause, leaving Ignatius gasping for breath to relieve the anguish: After I had gone to bed, I had special consolation in thinking of Them [ the three Persons], I was on fire for the exultation in my
[33] [34]

Introduction

19

Exx 236. Second Week: Rules for the discernment of spirits (Exx 330).

soul. . . [The following morning] while saying Mass, I was not weeping, yet not entirely without tears, feeling a certain warm devotion, ruby red as it were; also many little gasps full of considerable devotion [February 18, 44, 49]. . . . during prayer I wept much, the tears streaming down my face. A very intense devotion lasted for a while, I had many intuitions or spiritual reminders of the Blessed Trinity. I was at peace and felt such great exultation that there was a pressure in my lungs for the intense love I was experiencing in the Blessed Trinity [February 19, 51]. Constant prayer is, of course, a special gift of God. The Diary provides first-hand evidence that Ignatius had been given this gift, at least at certain periods of his life. In the Autobiography, he says quite plainly that the special gifts of contemplative prayer were not always granted him; but in his early years at Manresa, after his studies when he moved to Venice, and during these months when he was preparing himself for the composition of the Constitutions, he seems to have received unusually varied spiritual consolations. Thus, although it is likely that among the personal papers destroyed before his death there was mention of great graces, there are two pieces of evidence to prove that the graces recorded in the Diary were quite exceptional. The first is the document written by Ignatius himself, which appeared so mysteriously in the Biblioteca Nacional in Madrid.[35] Here are written out the passages underlined in the Diary; those that refer to the most extraordinary of the visions and graces. The saint would not have gone to such trouble if he were constantly receiving graces of this kind. Secondly, there is a passage in the Autobiography, dictated eleven years later, which gives the Diary a special importance: He [Ignatius] then showed me [Fr. Gonalves da Cmara] quite a large bundle of written notes and read me a good part of them. For the most part they were visions he had seen in confirmation of some parts of the Constitutions: he had sometimes seen God the Father, at other times the three persons of the Trinity, at others Our Lady interceding or approving. He spoke to me in particular of the deliberation in which he had been stuck for 40 days, saying Mass each day, and with many tears each day: the point at issue was if the church should have an income, and if the Society could avail itself of such. The method he used while composing the Constitutions was to celebrate Mass each day, with many tears each day: to present
[35]

20

The Spiritual Diary

Cf. Monumenta Historica Societatis Iesu, (Rome), vol. 63, pp. ccxli-ccxlii.

to God the point he was treating, and to make his prayer about it; during both his prayers and his Mass he would shed tears. I wanted to see all those notes referring to the Constitutions, and I asked him to let me have them for a short while; but he did not want to.[36] Ignatius probably continued to preserve the Diary precisely because of the exceptional nature of its entries; they recorded an apex of his spiritual life. Several commentators[37] on the Diary have attempted to chart in detail the various stages recorded in it, but although certain obvious phases appearnotably the two black periods ( 20, 23; 44), the long period when Trinitarian revelations abound (between February 18 and 29, when Ignatius underlined key passages), and the period when submission finally dominates ( 156ff.)the spiritual evolution (if the word is not too misleading) does not follow a clear temporal pattern. One is reminded of a swinging pendulum that oscillates between consolation and desolation and only gradually acquires the steadiness of a fixed resolve. Moreover the learning process hinted at by Ignatius has many of the characteristics of the psycho-analytic labor of self-discovery[38]: it is not linear, and has an internal logic of its own, proceeding through halfglimpsed practical shifts of attitude. The technique of decision (by the second way) mentioned above is revealed in its inadequacy, but Ignatius struggles before accepting that his own rules crack if pushed to excess ( 145). The shifts within the Diary are best seen in terms of changes in register or tone, from a strangely narcissistic obsession with the pleasure of tears and certainty to that of vision and eventually to that of submission and acceptance. The physical phenomena accompanying these various psychic changes vary considerably. In the first part it is the number of visions, the references to physical heat and other strange sensations that abound. But it is in the second part that the more unusual of the phenomena make
Autobiography, c. 11, nos. 100, 101. The original is in Italian, as this part of the Autobiography was not written down by Fr. Gonalvez da Cmara himself, but dictated later from memory to an Italian secretary. [37] A number of these are conveniently summarized by I. Iparraguirre in his Introduction to the Diary, Obras Completas de San Ignacio de Loyola: Edicin Manual (Madrid: Biblioteca de Autores Cristianos 86, 19632), pp. 309-315; cf. also the introduction by M. Giuliani to the French translation, pp. 30-35. [38] The French Jesuit, L. Beirnaert, uses categories borrowed from Jacques Lacan for his penetrating analysis (unfortunately all too brief): Une lecture psychanalytique du Journal spirituel dlgnace de Loyola, Revue dHistoire de la Spiritualit 51 (1975), pp. 99-112.
[36]

Introduction

21

their appearance: the loquela and its msica ( 221-234). Also it is in the second part that the references to weeping become so constant that they submerge all other entries. Commenting on the role of tears in the Diary of Ignatius, Fr. de Guibert wrote: Although the catholic tradition has always had a high esteem for tears of compunction, and even more so for tears as a mystical gift, there is no saint, as far as I am aware, for whom in practice they have had such importance.[39] Clearly, during the period covered by the Diary Ignatius was receiving exceptional gifts of grace and of prayer; and these notes provide firsthand evidence that he is to be included among the mystics of the Church. VII. Conclusion

22

The Spiritual Diary

With regard to the external phenomena which accompanied the intense spiritual activity of this period of his [Ignatiuss] life, it is interesting to note that Walter Hilton, probably the most theologically competent of the English Mystics of the fourteenth century, indirectly alluding to the dulcor, canor and color of Richard Rolle (phenomena which seem to have so much in common with Ignatiuss tears, loquela and msica), points out that such experiences bear little relationship to the depths of Gods love in a soul: Well I wot that these manner feelings and fervours of devotion . . . are gracious gifts of God sent into chosen souls, for to draw them out of wordly love . . . nevertheless, that the fervour is so much in outward showing is not only for greatness of love that they have, but it is for littleness and weakness of their souls, that may not bear a little touching of God.[40] Ignatius would have agreed. In his defence we may think it more just, rather than speak of littleness and weakness of soul, to bear in mind the occupational hazards of a busy, active life. Ignatius felt the latter to be his vocation and was prepared to sacrifice mystical gifts and graces that are physically possible only for a contemplative. His position is that of so many of his disciples: the confessor, the spiritual guide, the director of the Spiritual Exercises. Perhaps among the hundreds of entries in which tears are recorded, the most revealing for our appreciation of the inner fabric
J. de Guibert, St. Ignace Mystique (Toulouse, 1950), p. 56: this little book, the first profound study of the Diary, consists of articles first published in 1938 in Revue dAsctique et de Mystique. They are still well worth consulting. [40] Cf. Knowles, David: The English Mystical Tradition, (London 1961), p. 109.
[39]

of Ignatiuss spirit is the short entry for April 3: I had no tears before, during or after Mass; at the end I felt more content without them and also affection, judging that God our Lord did this for my greater good [186]. However, by April 3 two months had passed since the first entry on February 2, and in that crucial period Ignatius had been brought to a clearer realization of the work process that writing the Constitutions would require. At the beginning he seems to have envisaged a series of elections, carried out according to the election technique described in the Exercises. He expected God to intervene at each step, dictating by the force of his consolations the concrete decisions to be taken. But experience had shown Ignatius that this was not the way God was showing him: his decisions would have to be taken by a careful pondering of the weight of pros and cons, in the light of reason, but in the darkness of a faith which was not flooded in consolation. And so, from being a series of chapters numbered as a record of consolation and desolation, the entries become more and more a diary, where the days and months take on more and more significance; during all the final months Ignatius is simply noting day by day that the process is functioning normally. Writing the Constitutions has become a part of his working life. The thought that his humdrum activity could bring him as close to his God as any revelation of the essence of the Blessed Trinity seems to have never ceased to move Ignatius to tears.

Introduction

23

This chart is intended to assist in the consultation of the Diary; however more in particular it shows the Masses celebrated by Ignatius (and hence covers only the first five months of the Diary, as after this he ceases to record this detail). Square brackets indicate that Ignatius has not referred to the Mass celebrated that day; round brackets indicate that he has mentioned celebrating the Mass of the day, but without specification; the feasts in the liturgical calendar are printed in italics. The abbreviation (v.) indicates a votive Mass. The indication Holy Name (= Mass of the Holy Name of Jesus) conceals a questionable identification of the two entries Of the Holy Name ( 26) and Of Jesus ( 7, 32, 141, 165, 168, 173, 227): cf. V. Larrafiaga edition, p.685, note 7.

CHRONOLOGICAL SUMMARY

FIRST FASCICLE

DATE Feb. 1544

DAY 2 Sat

2 3 4 5 6 7-10

11 12-13 14-19 20-22 23-25 26-27 28-31 32-38 39-42 43-50 51-55

3 Sun 4 Mon 5 Tue 6 Wed 7 Thu 8 Fri

9 Sat 10 Sun 11 Mon 12 Tue 13 Wed 14 Thu 15 Fri

Our Lady: Purification [ ] Our Lady (v.) Our Lady (v.) Our Lady (v.) Trinity (v.) Holy Name (v.) [ ] (Septuagesima) Holy Spirit (v.)

MASS CELEBRATED

NOTABLE ENTRY

approach to Father, hair-raising, burning (8) vision of Holy Spirit (14); full offering (16); complete rest 19) Persons hide themselves (20) sense of fault (23)

16 Sat 17 Sun 18 Mon 19 Tue

Trinity (v.) Our Lady (v.) Holy Name (v.) Our Lady (v.) Holy Name (v.) (Sexagesima) Trinity (v.)

Trinity: 1 (v.)

56-59 60-63

20 Wed 21 Thu

Trinity: 2 (v.) Trinity: 3 (v.)

supposed final offering, with exceptional corporeal sensations (47); doubts, feeling of anger w. Trinity (50) pressure in his lungs (51); start of Trinitarian revelations recorded apart (52); resolve to say 6 or more Masses of Trinity (51); the sight of 3 objects anywhere a source for Trinitarian revelations (55) revelation of circuminsession of Persons in Trinity; untying the knot (63)

Our Lady hid (29); at the consecration, her flesh in that of her Son (31) new offering (34, 38)

24

Chronological Summary
64 65-70 71-75 76-78 79-81 82-87 88 89-90 91 92-96 97-103 107-110 111-116 117-125 126-133 134-136 137-140 141-142 143 144-153 22 Fri 23 Sat 24 Sun Trinity: 4 (v.) Trinity: 5 (v) (Quinquagesima) St. Matthias Trinity: 6 (v.) Ash Wednesday

25
Confirmation of Jesus: head of the Society (66); that the name of Jesus impress itself on me (66) Confirmation of Jesus (72); He showed Himself (73, 74, 75) Jesus and the Father (77) seeking for the way (80) start of respect of submission, or reverential love (83); new awareness of Jesus, not only the white (humanity), but as completely God (87) Jesus at the foot of the Trinity (88) vision of homeland of Heaven, and of circuminsession of Persons (89, 90) doubts about when to finish (96) unwell (97) intense devotion to the Trinity (105); essence rather than Persons (110) seeking for the way (113); sense of rest (115) vision of Trinity as sphere (121); derivation of the Persons (123) visitation midway between high and low (127); seeking the conclusion (130); pains of hell preferable to hearing of blasphemy (132) shown a great humility (135) a way without visitations (139) need to be like an angel at Mass (141) despite uncertainties (144, 145), decides to conclude (147); final offering (149); realization of role of evil spirit (152) and vision of being of Father and Trinity (153)

25 Mon 26 Tue 27 Wed 28 Thu 29 Fri 1 Sat 2 Sun 3 Mon 4 Tue 5 Wed 6 Thu 7 Fri

Mar. 1544

Trinity: 7 (v.) Five Wounds (v.) Feria 1st in Lent Trinity: 8 (v.) Trinity: 9 (v.)

Trinity: 10 (v.) Trinity: 11 (v.) Trinity: 12 (v.) Trinity: 13 (v.) 2nd in Lent Holy Name (v.) Our Lady (v.) Holy Spirit (v.)

8 Sat 9 Sun 10 Mon 11 Tue 12 Wed

SECOND FASCICLE
154-155 156-157 158 159-160 DATE Mar. DAY 13 Thu 14 Fri 15 Sat 16 Sun MASS CELEBRATED NOTABLE ENTRY 4-day holiday from work on the Constitutions (154) key role of submission (156, 157) key role of submission (160)

Feria

Holy Spirit (v.) Our Lady (v.) 3rd in Lent

26
161-164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177-180 181 182 183-185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 17 Mon 18 Tue 19 Wed 20 Thu 21 Fri 22 Sat 23 Sun 24 Mon 25 Tue 26 Wed 27 Thu 28 Fri 29 Sat 30 Sun 31 Mon 1 Tue 2 Wed 3 Thu 4 Fri 5 Sat 6 Sun 7 Mon 8 Tue 9 Wed 10 Thu 11 Fri 12 Sat 13 Sun 14 Mon 15 Tue 16 Wed 17 Thu 18 Fri 19 Sat 20 Sun 21 Mon 22 Tue 23 Wed 24 Thu 25 Fri 26 Sat 27 Sun 28 Mon 29 Tue 30 Wed 1 Thu 2 Fri 3 Sat 4 Sun 5 Mon Our Lady (v.) Holy Name (v.) Trinity (v.) Our Lady (v.) Holy Name (v.) Holy Spirit (v.) 4th in Lent Trinity (v.) Our Lady (v.) Holy Name (v.) Holy Spirit (v.) Trinity (v.) Our Lady (v.) 5th in Lent Feria Feria

The Spiritual Diary

work on Constitutions once more (161); key role of submission (164)

submission as pure gift (173) spherical vision of Gods essence (174) greater perfection without tears (176) submission with love (178)

April 1544

May 1544

Feria Feria Feria Feria (Palm Sunday) Feria Feria [ ] [ ] Good Friday Holy Saturday Easter Sunday Feria Feria Feria Feria Feria Feria (Low Sunday) Our Lady (v.) All Saints (v.) [ ] [ ] St. Mark Holy Spirit (v.) (2nd after Easter) Trinity (v.) [ ] [ ] [ ] [ [ [ [ ] ] ] ]

greater perfection without visitations (184)

Chronological Summary
219 6 Tue 7 Wed 8 Thu 9 Fri 10 Sat 11 Sun 12 Mon 13 Tue 14 Wed [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] All Saints (v.)

27

220 221-222 223-224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265

June, 1544

15 Thu 16 Fri 17 Sat 18 Sun 19 Mon 20 Tue 21 Wed 22 Thu 23 Fri 24 Sat 25 Sun 26 Mon 27 Tue 28 Wed 29 Thu 30 Fri 31 Sat 1 Sun 2 Mon 3 Tue 4 Wed 5 Thu 6 Fri 7 Sat 8 Sun 9 Mon 10 Tue 11 Wed 12 Thu 13 Fri 14 Sat 15 Sun

St. Sebastian Our Ladys Conception (v.) Holy Name (v.) Holy Spirit (v.) Trinity (v.) (5th after Easter) Rogations All Saints (v.) Our Lady (v.) Ascension Ascension (v.) Holy Spirit (v.) [ ] Ascension (v.) Ascension (v.) Ascension (v.) Ascension (v.) [ ] [ ] [ ]

first mention of loquelas resumed work on Constitutions (223); great pleasure in loquela (224) loquela loquela loquela loquela loquela loquela loquela loquela loquela doubts about loquela loquelas loquala loquela loquela

16 Mon 17 Tue 18 Wed 19 Thu 20 Fri 21 Sat 22 Sun

[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] Trinity Sunday Trinity (v.) Trinity (v.) Trinity (v.) Corpus Christi Corpus Christi (v.) Corpus Christi (v.) (2nd after Pentecost) Corpus Christi (v.) Corpus Christi (v.) Corpus Christi (v.) Corpus Christi (v.) Holy Spirit (v.) Trinity (v.) (3rd after Pentecost)

28
266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 23 Mon 24 Tue 25 Wed 26 Thu 27 Fri 28 Sat 29 Sun 30 Mon 1 Tue 2 Wed 3 Thu 4 Fri 5 Sat Trinity (v.) John the Baptist John the Baptist (v.) John the Baptist (v.) [ ] [ ] [ ] Trinity (v.) Trinity (v.)

The Spiritual Diary

275 276 277 280 281-490

June 1544

Visitation Five Wounds (v.) Trinity (v.) [ ]

very brief entries continue until February 27, 1545, with no record of Masses celebrated.

<FASCICLE I, 1-13>
+ <Mass of> Our Lady C<hapter> 1st. Saturday <Feb. 2, 1544> Great devotion during Mass, with tears, with increased trust in Our Lady, and more inclined both then and during the whole day to choose complete poverty. C<hapter> 2nd. Sunday <Feb. 3> The same, and more inclined both then and during the whole day to choose complete poverty. {1}

{2}

<Mass of> Our Lady C<hapter> 3rd. Monday <Feb. 4> The same: also other feelings and a greater inclination to complete poverty; and at night a close drawing near in aection to Our Lady with great condence.

{3}

+ Preliminary Remarks The system of punctuation adopted by Ignatius, and indeed his division of long sentences into somewhat disjointed (and hence o en ambiguous) phrases, have been adapted to conform with English usage. The words printed in italics were underlined or separated in some way by Ignatius (e.g., by encircling lines) and then wri en out on a separate sheet (cf. 55 with note 56). Double ancl single asterisks (* and **) replace signs in the manuscript which seem to indicate that St. Ignatius had some sort of vision (MHSI, p. 87, note 5). Words in pointed brackets are supplied to clarify the sense. The system of numbering, to which the saint seems to have given some importance, has been reproduced, despite its imperfections, at the head of each entry. In addition the paragraph numbers (in braces and boldface type in the right-hand margin), which greatly facilitate reference to the text, have been added, following the system established by Fr. Giuliani in his French translation, and a sign (//) in the text indicates where he has split one paragraph from another (he frequently guided himself by changes in the handwriting, as Ignatius did not write each of the daily entries at one si ing). The verse divisions (marginal numbers in parentheses) are a recent proposal, kindly communicated by Fr. E. Gueydan, intended to further facilitate exact references. Numerous words and phrases have been crossed out (but are still legible) in the autograph, and a fair sample of these are given in the Notes. Beginning at entry no. 115, the le ers a, l, and d signify the following: a - tears before Mass; l = tears during Mass; d = tears a er Mass. Beginning at entry no. 366, it is clear that the new dots are those over the letter a, and that they correspond to the le ers o, c, and y which now appear in the Diary: they are shorthand for the following: o = the rst period of prayer 29

<Mass of> Our Lady 4th. Tuesday <Feb. 5>Great devotion[1] before, during and a er Mass, with tears[2] so abundant that my eyes ached; I saw the Mother and Son ready and willing to intercede with the Father*; both then and during the day I was set on poverty and still more moved to it; in the a ernoon it was as if I felt or saw that Our Lady was ready and willing to intercede.

30

The Spiritual Diary

(2) (3) {5} (2)

{4}

<Mass of> Our Lady 5th. Wednesday <Feb. 6> Devotion, not without tears, before and during Mass, and more inclined to complete poverty. Later I realized with considerable clarity or in a way diering from the usual, that to have some income would raise complications, and to have a complete[3] income would cause scandal and help to tarnish the poverty so praised by God Our Lord. <Mass> of the Trinity 6th. Thursday <Feb. 7>Very great devotion and tears before Mass;[4] I felt throughout the day[5] a warmth and a remarkable devotion, remaining myself ever more convinced and moved to poverty. While celebrating Mass, I seemed to have easy access and felt, with much devotion, an interior impulse to implore the Father; it seemed to me that the two mediators had made supplication and I received some impression of seeing them.

{6} (2)

<Mass> of the <Holy Name of> Jesus + 7th. Friday <Feb. 8 >A er experiencing remarkable devotion and tears while I prayed, from preparing for Mass and during Mass very great devotion, also tears; only at times could I retain the power of speech; resolution xed on poverty. // A er Mass, devotion not without tears, while I considered the choices in the

{7} {8} (2)

at this period of his life was usually made by Ignatius before rising, owing to his bad health; c = the prayer said in his room preparatory to saying Mass; y = the prayer made in the church or chapel also in preparation for Mass. The three dots over the le er a signify that there were tears during all three periods, whereas two dots refers to only two periods. [1] very great (before correction). [2] interior and exterior tears (before correction). [3] Cf. Pros and cons in an election, infra. [4] and in it (added, then crossed out). [5] until nightfall (added, then crossed out).

election[6] for an hour and a half or more. When I came to oer what seemed to me most reasonable, and to which my will felt most impelled, viz., that no xed income should be allowed, I desired to make this oering to the Father through the mediation and prayers of the Mother and Son. Firstly I prayed her to assist me before her Son and Father. Next I implored the Son that together with the Mother he might help me before the Father. Then I felt within me that I approached, or was taken before, the Father, and with this movement my hair rose and I felt what seemed a very remarkable burning in every part of my body, followed by tears and the most intense devotion.**// Later when I read over what I had written and saw that it was well wri en, fresh devotion, not without water in my eyes**, and later still, when I remembered the graces received, a new experience of devotion. In the a ernoon I once more weighed up the choices for another hour and a half or more, and made the choice for complete poverty. At the same time I felt devotion and a certain elation, with great tranquility and no opposing urge to possess anything; the desire to continue with the election, to the extent considered necessary a few days before, now seemed to be fading. 8th.[7] Saturday <Feb. 9>[8] On reconsidering the choices in great tranquility and devotion, it seemed perfectly clear that no income, either partial or adequate, should be allowed: nor did it seem worthwhile to consider further: I thought the ma er was se led, I felt great tranquility of mind, and I continued to be resolved on complete poverty.

Fascicle I

31

(2) (3) {9}

{10}

(2)

(2) {11} (5)

Cf. Pros and Cons in an Election, infra. Mass of the Annunciation (added, then crossed out). [8] Ignatius began by writing a whole paragraph at the start of this entry, but then crossed it all out: it reads: Last night I was greatly weakened by bad sleep; at prayer this morning, a quiet mind and considerable devotion; I felt moved in spirit, experiencing warmth and the impulse to weep. Later, on rising [see below, 365, with note] I twice lost the feeling of weakness; later, on going to Mass, devotion in prayer and the same on vesting, with an impulse to feel like weeping. During Mass, continuous devotion, weakness, various impulses of spirit, a tendency to weep. The same a er Mass [my will ever set on poverty, added then crossed out], peaceful throughout the whole day. Contrary to the tendency which seemed formerly predominant, all desire to continue with this election le me completely: the solution seemed plain, viz., complete poverty.
[6] [7]

<Mass> of the Holy Spirit 10th. Monday <Feb. 11 > During my customary prayer, without reconsidering the reasons for poverty, I oered it to God Our Lord or implored Him that the oering already made might be accepted by His Divine Majesty; I felt considerable devotion and tears. A little later I made a colloquy with the Holy Spirit in preparation for saying His Mass; I experienced the same devotion and tears, and seemed to see or feel Him in a dense clarity or in the color of burning amea way quite strange to meall of which conrmed me in my election.** Later, in preparation for considering and going into the various choices, now my mind was made up; I took out the wri en pros and cons to consider them. I prayed to Our Lady, then to the Son, and to the Father, that He might give me his Spirit to assist me in my reasonings and to give me clarity of mind even though I spoke of the ma er as already se led. I felt considerable devotion and certain fairly clear-sighted intuitions. Thus I sat down considering almost in general whether the income should be complete, partial or not at all. Then I began to lose the desire to look into pros and cons and at the same moment I received new insights, viz., that the Son rst sent his Apostles to preach in poverty, and later the Holy Spirit, by granting his spirit and his gi of tongues conrmed them, and thus, since both Father and Son sent the Holy Spirit all three Persons conrmed such a mission. Then receiving greater devotion and losing all desire to consider the question any longer, with tears and sobs I made, on my
[9] [10]

<Mass> of the day 9th. Sunday[9] <Feb. 10> On reconsidering the choices, and on making the oering of complete poverty, I felt great devotion, not without tears; so also earlier during my customary prayer, before, during and a er Mass, considerable devotion and tears, my resolve ever xed on complete poverty, and feeling tranquil in the offering that had been made. I had noticed great clarity in my reasonings and later with reference to the mediators, feelings,[10] not without vision**. At night, on considering the choice of a complete, a partial or no income, I oered up complete poverty and felt great devotion, interior peace and tranquility of soul, and a certain security or assent that the election was well made.

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{12} (2)

{13}

{14} (2)

{15} (2)

(3)

{16}

Septuagesima Sunday, 1544. intellectual insights: (added, then crossed out).

knees, the oering of complete poverty to the Father; and so many were the tears running down my face and such the sobs that I could hardly get up, so great was the devotion and grace that I was receiving. Finally I did rise though even then the devotion and the sobs continued. They came when I had formally ratied, endorsed, etc., the oering of complete poverty. A li le later as I was walking and remembering what had happened, a new interior impulse of devotion and tears.** A li le later, just before going out to say Mass, while I prayed for a short while, I felt intense devotion and wept on feeling or seeing in some way the Holy Spiritthe question of the election being now answered[11]and I could neither see nor feel either of the other two Divine Persons in this way. Later in chapel, before and during Mass, great devotion and tears. A erwards I felt great tranquility and security of soul, like a tired man who takes a complete rest. I no longer sought or desired to seek for anything, considering the ma er nished, except for thanksgiving, also out of devotion to the Father and to the Mass of the Blessed Trinity which I had already proposed to say tomorrow,[12] Tuesday. HOW THE PERSONS HID THEMSELVES[13]

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33

(2) (3) {17} {18}

{19} (2)

<Mass> of the Trinity 11th. Tuesday[14] Feb. 12 >On awakening, I prayed and did not

{20} {21}

[11] Ignatius rst added here and the Father and the Son (as if he had perceived them also, and not just the Holy Spirit), but then crossed out these words. Fr. Iparraguirre calls this correction the most mysterious and important in the text: how could Ignatius have thought at one moment that he had seen the Father and the Son, only to change his mind on further reection? However, the same editor points out that the passage has been altered in other ways: the reference to seeing in some way was added, and originally Ignatius wrote only of perceiving (feeling). Clearly he realized on reection that a quite special contact had been momentarily established with the Holy Spirit, which was not the case with the other Persons. [12] tomorrow or perhaps in the morning of as de maana is ambiguous. [13] The heading, along with the entries for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, seem to have all been wri en on the evening of Thursday, and describe a phase that was caused by an event on Tuesday (see notes 16, 19, 23), rather than something that had occurred the previous day. [14] Wednesday (before correction: see note 23).

cease to give thanks most earnestly to God Our Lord, in the midst of intuitions and tears, for the great benet and clarity conceded me, so great as to be inexplicable. // On rising, the interior warmth and devotion I had experienced continued. When I called to mind the great good I had received, I was moved by new and growing devotion and the impulse to weep; also on walking to Don Francisco,[15] and while with him; and on returning I did not lose the warmth and intense love.[16] < Mass > of Our Lady Wednesday[17] <Feb. 13 >I knew that I was gravely at fault in having le the Divine Persons[18] on the previous day during the thanksgiving:[19] I wanted to abstain from saying the Mass of the Trinity that I had thought of saying, and take as my intercessors the Mother and Son, that my fault might be forgiven me and I myself restored to my former grace; I would keep away from the Divine Persons and so not apply immediately to them for the former graces and oerings: I would not say their Masses all that week, mortifying myself by thus absenting myself. // Then I experienced
[15] [16]

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{22}

{23} (2) (3) (2)

Probably Francisco Vanucci, chief almoner of Paul III. A complete paragraph, which may be crucial for understanding the text, was added and then crossed out: A erwards I disposed of a question or temptation that had occurred at dawn that morning, viz., <if income might not be allowed > for the church alone: I saw my path with great clarity and insights, and with considerable devotion. I wished most earnestly to refuse entry to such a suggestion: in great peace, understanding and thankfulness of heart towards the Divine Persons and also considerable devotion. The occasion <of the temptation> had been my rising from prayer to see if I could stop the noise or if it was inevitable, owing to <the position of> my room. Later, when I went to Mass and during it, I felt that the warmth within was beset by the cold wind from outside; I could see that the clarity within was good and that the evil was without: so in the middle of Mass I felt warmth and some devotion, not coldness, yet disturbances from those in the room and from whoever was hearing Mass. When Mass was over and I considered the ma er, I remained undisturbed and with the same interior devotion. [17] Thursday (before correction: see note 23). [18] God Our Lord (before correction to the Divine Persons). [19] The reference is not clear, but probably the events partly recorded in note 16 were the context; the words translated as on the previous day (el da pasado) seem to mean yesterday (cf. 62, 162, 185, 224) even if they are used at least once (29) in a less precise sense.

(3)

(4)

Fascicle I

<Mass> of Our Lady in the Temple. Simeon.[25] 14. Friday <Feb. 15> During my rst prayer, when I named the Eternal Father, etc., there came a feeling of interior sweetness that continued, not without an impulse to weep: later considerable devotion, and, towards the end, much greater still; no mediators or
[20] [21]

<Mass> of the Holy Name of Jesus 13.[22] Thursday[23] <Feb. 14 >During the usual prayer, great devotion and an exaltation of mind, remarkable tranquility; I did not see the mediators in the same way. When I prepared to leave the room, not without tears and interior impulses. // Then before, during and a er Mass, very copious tears, devotion, great sobsso great that o en I could not keep the power of speech for long before losing it againmany spiritual intuitions; nding easy access to the Father when I spoke his name, as the Mass requires, and a great security or hope that I would regain what was lost, feeling the Son very ready to intercede, and the Saints;[24] cannot describe how I saw them as I cannot explain anything else of what happened. No doubts about the rst oering that was made, etc.

very great devotion, and many most intense[20] tears, not only during prayer but while I vested; I sobbed and as I could feel the Mother and Son to be interceding <for me>, I felt a complete security that the Eternal Father would restore me to my former state. // Later, before, during and a er Mass, greatly increased devotion and a great abundance of tears: I saw and felt the mediators: I was most sure I would regain what was lost. During all these periods, both on Wednesday and Thursday,[21] I considered the oering as fully made and could see no objection to it.

{24} {25}

35

{26} {27} (2)

{28}

(3)

(2)

most intense is a correction for intense. Wednesday and Thursday are an error (not noticed by Ignatius) for Tuesday and Wednesday (as is clear from the corrections he made to the headings of the entries: see note 23). [22] Instead of ordinal numbers, up to this point, Ignatius changes to cardinal numbers (except for 15th). {23} Ignatius wrote the rst le ers of the word for Friday, realized his mistake and, having crossed them out, wrote the word for Thursday. At this moment he made the corrections to the headings of the two previous entries. [24] united together (added, then crossed out). [25] Literally, Our Lady of the Temple, but the meaning is Mass of Our Lady, votive Mass of the Presentation in the Temple, with the gospel account of Simeon.

persons revealed themselves. // Next on preparing to leave for Mass, as I began to pray, I could feel, and was shown, Our Lady, also how great had been my fault the previous day. I felt moved within and wept, for I seemed to be pu ing Our Lady to shame in having her intercede for me so o en, because of my many failings. So much so that Our Lady hid from me and I found no devotion in her or higher than her.[26] // A li le later, when I sought to go higher, as I could not nd Our Lady, a mighty impulse to weep and sob gripped me and I seemed to feel that the Heavenly Father showed Himself propitious and kindto the point of making clear to me that he would be pleased if Our Lady, whom I could not see, would intercede. // While preparing the altar, a er I had vested, and during Mass, I experienced great interior impulses and wept very copiously and intensely, sobbing violently. O en I could not speak. The same continued a er Mass. During much of this time, before, during and a er Mass, I felt and saw clearly that Our Lady was very propitious, pleading before the Father. Indeed, during the prayers to the Father and the Son, and at His consecration, I could not but feel or see her, as though she were part or rather portal of the great grace that I could feel in my spirit. (At the consecration she showed that her own esh was in that of her Son)[27] with so many intuitions that they could not be wri en. No doubts about the rst oering that was made. 15th. Saturday <Feb. 16>During the customary prayer, I had no feeling of the mediators; no coldness or tepidity; I had considerable devotion.[28] When I wanted to prepare for Mass, I was doubtful to whom I should commend myself rst and how to do so. Still in doubt, I knelt down wondering where I would begin: then I thought the Father was revealing Himself most and drawing me to his mercies.{29] I felt <Him> more friendly towards me and <myself> better disposed to implore what I desired (I felt unable to
[26] [27]

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{29} (2) {30} (2)

{31}

(2)

(3) (4) {32} (2) (3)

<Mass> of <the Holy Name of> Jesus

in the others (added, then crossed out). The parentheses are those wri en by Ignatius, probably to underline the importance of this intuition. [28] Ignatius added here, and then crossed out: at times my mind wandered, but not to evil things; towards the end there was very great calm and a certain sweetness: I rose and dressed, and nothing worth mentioning occurred either one way or the other. [29] to his mercies is a correction from to his love.

The phrase tirndome al Padre is translated by Giuliani, Je me jetais vers le Pre, but the American and German translators have kept the passive sense of being a racted. [31] Cf. 22, with note 16, where reference is made to the possibility of having funds for a limited purpose, i.e., only for the upkeep of the church. [32] Probably a reference to the annuities belonging to the Church of Our Lady of the Way; by a bull of Paul III these were transferred to the sacristy of the church when the Jesuits took it over. [33] On Wednesday he had decided to delay before saying more Masses of the Trinity (cf. 23); yet he feels his election must end with a Mass in their honor.
[30]

adapt myself to the mediators). This feeling or vision grew; I wept most copiously, the tears streaming down my face, and felt great trust in the Father, as if the exile I had been under were being li ed. // Later I went to Mass, prepared the altar, vested and began the Mass; all this time many intense tears. I felt drawn[30] towards the Father, to whose honor I directed the things of the Son: I experienced insights into many notable things that caused delight and were very spiritual. // A er Mass I spent an hour considering one set of election reasons, paying a ention to the point raised,[31] and also to the income already granted:[32] it seemed to me that such things were so many knots and bonds contrived by the enemy: with great tranquility and peace I made the election and the oering to the Father of not possessing anything even for the church; I did the same in turn with the other set of election reasonsall this not without an interior impulse and tears. At night I took out the notes to review and draw up reasons for the possible choices. I had been at fault during the day and began to hesitate if I should proceed further without delaying the election as before.[33] Finally I decided to continue as usual, though still doubtful to whom I would commend myself rst. I felt a certain shame, or indenable feeling, before the Mother. Finally, having rst examined my conscience for all that day and begged pardon, etc., I felt the Father was very propitious, without my being able to adapt to the mediators; and some tears came. Later, with this same warmth, I implored grace to reason with His spirit and to be moved by that spirit. Before I rose, it seemed to me pointless to reconsider the electionand at that the tears overwhelm me and I feel intense devotion, sobs, and spiritual gi s. I am moved for a while to make my oering of complete poverty in our churches and no longer wish to prolong the ma er, except for two days in which to give thanks and repeat the same oering, or a more formal one. I do so with an excess of tears, with warmth

Fascicle I

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{33} (2) {34} (2)) {35} (2) (3) {36}

(2)

(3)

16. Sunday[35] <Feb. 17> During the customary prayer, I could feel no mediators or any other persons. I was coming to the end.[36] I felt considerable relish and warmth. From the middle onwards, the tears were very copious accompanied by warmth and interior relish; no intuitions; I considered the ma er ended and it seemed[37] to me to be acceptable to God Our Lord. // When I rose and turned to preparation before Mass, I thanked His Divine Majesty and offered Him the oblation already made. Neither devotion nor the impulse to weep was lacking. On going out to Mass, preparing the altar, vesting and beginning Mass, considerable tears: very intense and copious during Mass, and such that very o en I could not speak, especially during the whole of the long epistle of St.
[34] [35]

and interior devotion. The same state continued a erwards and I thought I could not rise: instead I wanted to stay there with that internal visitation. A li le later the thought came to me[34] that during those other two days I could reconsider the choices, and that I did not seem to have decided against this. It upset me and diminished the intensity of my devotion: I wanted to put it aside. At last I rose from my knees and si ing down made an election on the ma er. I called to mind some spiritual considerations. I began to weep a li le and judging the thought to be a temptation, I went down on my knees and oered to stop all consideration of elections on that point: but I would take the two days, viz., until Monday, saying Mass in thanksgiving and repeating the oering. While I made this oering and oblation, once more the tears were of such a kind and so copious, the sobs so violent and the spiritual gi s so great, that a er I had made it to the Father in the presence of Our Lady, the Angels etc. as the tears etc. continued, I felt no desire to rise but on the contrary longed to continue in that state which I was experiencing so intensely. Then at last, feeling a very great satisfaction, I rose, devotion and tears continuing all the while, with rm resolve to fulll the oblation and all that had been oered.

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{37} (2) (3) {38} (2)

{39} (2) {40}

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gradually growing less (added, then crossed out). Sexagesima Sunday. [36] Clearly a reference to the end of the election process, and not simply to the end of the prayer period: cf. 43. [37] it seemed to me to be is a correction in place of the much more armative por ( = for) rst wri en: a note of doubt has crept in.

Paul, which begins, Libenter suertis insipientes[38]; I felt no ashes of understanding or of distinctions, nor was I conscious in any way of any persons; my love was most intense and accompanied by warmth and great relish in divine things; my souls satisfaction increased greatly. // A er Mass, in the chapel, and later while I knelt in my room, when I wished to give thanks for so many gi s and graces received, I lost all desire to remake oerings of the oblation made (although I was ever doing so, and not without devotion), considering the ma er as se led; on the other hand, I felt drawn by the devotion experienced to stay there[40] enjoying the feeling.[41] // Later I wondered whether to go out or not and decided with great peace in the armative; thereupon I felt special interior impulses and I wept. Although it seemed to me that I could have spent more time in tears, I rose, still weeping and with my soul very satised, and set out having decided to complete the ma er tomorrow, before dinnertime at the latestwith thanksgiving, petition for strength, and a repetition of the oering already made out of devotion for the Blessed Trinity, celebrating the Mass in their honor. 17. Monday <Feb. 18 >Last night, a li le before retiring to bed, I felt some warmth, devotion and great trust that I would nd the Divine Persons or grace in them now that I was coming to the end. A er I had gone to bed, I had special consolation in thinking of Them; I was on re[43] for the exultation in my soul.[44] Later I slept.
[38]

Fascicle I

(3) {41} (2) {42} (2)

39

<Mass> of the Trinity and End[42]

{43}

(2) {44}

You gladly bear with fools (2 Cor. 11:19), from the readings of the Mass of Sexagesima Sunday. [39] great devotion corrected to devotion. [40] on my knees (added, then crossed out). [41] enjoying certain impulses and interior consolations (added, then crossed out). [42] Ignatius is premature in writing these words; the following morning he will change his mind, and the election process will continue until March 12th. [43] The word abrandome wri en by Ignatius here is ambiguous as it can derive from abrasar (to burn) or abrazar (to embrace). All the interpreters seem to have opted for the la er sense, but Ignatiuss frequent refrences to warmth (cf. Appendix, infra) make the former sense more likely. The only other passage sometimes mentioned in support of embracing is a non-starter. Cf. 51 (with note 5). [44] Giulianis original paragraph division has been altered here in conformity with the Iparraguirre edition.

The words un poco have been omi ed (probably inadvertently) from the Iparraguirre edition. [46] less than during the previous twenty days (added then crossed out; only seventeen days have been recorded so far in this fragment of his notes). [47] Dilatar el come: some interpret this as a reference to fasting, but Ignatius seems to be thinking of his resolution to nish the election process before dinner time (42). [48] Ignatius does not add the object to the verb hallar and he may have had in mind not simply the grace desired, but more specically the Divine Persons. [49] abstenerme: cf. 145, where however fasting is referred to with the expression estar sin comer, so here some milder form of asceticism (cf. 23) may be in his mind. [50] Probably the patriarchs of the Old Law.
[45]

I awoke next morning a li le[45] before daybreak and then a erwards felt heavy-hearted and bere of all spiritual things. While I made the customary prayer, I remained during the rst half with li le or no relish,[46] and moreover an uncertainty if I would nd grace in the Blessed Trinity, until eventually I renewed once more my prayer, when I think I made it with considerable devotion, and towards the end with great pleasure and spiritual relish. Later I decided to rise and thought of delaying the dinner hour and,[47] taking measures to ensure that I should not be disturbed until I had found <the grace desired >,[48] I then felt new warmth and a devotion that made me weep. While dressing I thought of abstaining[49] for three days in order to nd what I desired. When the realization dawned on me that even this thought was from God, new strength, warmth and spiritual devotion lled me, impelling me ever more to weep. // A li le later I wondered where I should begin and it occurred to me that it might be with all the Saints, pu ing my cause in their hands, so that they might pray to Our Lady and her Son to be intercessors on my behalf before the Blessed Trinity. With great devotion and intensity of feeling, I felt my face streaming with tears; in this state I went for conrmation of the past oerings, including many things in my colloquybeseeching and nominating as intercessors on my behalf the Angels, the holy Fathers,[50] the Apostles and Disciples and all the Saints etc., that they might plead to Our Lady and her Son: then I started once more to beseech and implore Our Lady and her Son with long reasonings that my concluded conrmation and my thanksgiving might rise before the throne of the Blessed Trinity. // During all this and from then onwards, a great ood of tears, many impulses and interior sobs: it seemed moreover as if each vein and part of my

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(2)

{45} (2) {46} (2)

(3) {47}

body was making itself sensibly felt. Before their entire Heavenly Court I made the concluded conrmation <of my oering> to the Blessed Trinity, giving thanks with great and intense aection, rst to the Divine Persons, then to Our Lady and her Son, then passing through the Angels, the holy Fathers, the Apostles, Disciples, to all the Saints, men and women, and to all persons who had helped me to do this. ========================================================== Later[51] while I prepared the altar and vested, there came to me: Eternal Father, conrm me; Eternal Son, con<rm me>; Eternal Holy Spirit, con<rm me>; Holy Trinity, con<rm me>; My One Sole God, con<rm me>. I repeated this many times with great force, devotion and tears, and very deeply did I feel it. And when I asked once, Eternal Father, will you not conrm me? I knew He would: so also with Son and Holy Spirit. // While saying Mass, I was not weeping, yet not entirely without tears, feeling a certain warm[52] devotion, ruby-red as it were;[53] also many li le gasps full of considerable devotion. At times, however, these things were not felt to any great extent; and then the thought came to me, pricking and preventing devotion, that my tears were not so copious and abundant: moved by it I decided not to rest content seeing that conrmation had not been granted in this last Mass of the Trinity. // A er Mass I quietened down, comparing my own worth with the wisdom and greatness of God. I continued for some hours until the thought came to me that I should not trouble to say more MassesI felt angry with the Blessed Trinity; I had no desire to prolong the deliberation into the future; I considered that the decision already reached was nal, although some slight doubt still occurred. I felt devotion all day: however, it was beset in some slight way, and seemed fearful of erring in anything.

Fascicle I

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(2)

{48} (2) {49} (2) (3) {50} (2) (3)

[51] Ignatius separated this paragraph from the preceding section by two lines: the notes now concentrate more on Trinitarian revelations, to which he appears to have a ached particular importance. Cf. note 56 below. [52] almost new and unaccustomed (added before the word warm and then crossed out). [53] exterior and unaccustomed during Mass (added, then crossed out).

18. Tuesday.[54] <Feb. 19> <Mass> of the Trini y. No. 1. Last night on going to bed I thought over what Masses to celebrate or how. When I awoke in the morning, I began an examination of conscience; then and during prayer, I wept much, the tears streaming down my face. A very intense devotion lasted for a while; I had many intuitions or spiritual reminders of the Blessed Trinity. I was at peace and felt such great exultation that there was a pressure in my lungs[55] for the intense love I was experiencing in the Blessed Trinity. At this I gained condence and decided to say the Mass of the Blessed Trinity in order to decide later what should be done. The same thought while I dressed, and more intuitions of the Blessed Trinity. I was not without tears on rising and while I prayed for a short while. Later I felt devotion and spiritual condence: I would say in succession six or more Masses of the Blessed Trinity. When I went to Mass, I was not without tears before it; many tears, coming very peacefully, during Mass. I had very many intuitions about the Blessed Trinity, my understanding being enlightened with them to such an extent that it seemed to me that with hard study I would not have known so much. Later when I considered the ma er further, I knew that what I had then understood feeling and seeing I could not have learnt in a whole life of study.[56] // While I prayed for a short while a er Mass, I found myself saying, Eternal Father, con <rm me>; Son, etc., conrm me. The tears came pouring from my eyes, and I felt ever more decided to persevere with their Masses (agreeing to however many in number they might order): many violent sobs: I drew much closer, more and more secure in my increased love for their Divine Majesty. // In general, the intuitions during and before Mass were concerned with the appropriation{57} in the
[54]

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{51} (2) (3) (4) {52} (2)

(53)

(2) {54}

Exceptionally, this entry begins with the day of the week and the Mass is wri en on the same line immediately a er it, instead of above it in the rst place. [55] The words asta apretarme en los pechos have been interpreted through a misreading of an earlier passage (44, where see note 44) as a reference to Ignatius hugging himself for joy, but the more obvious parallels are with the frequent references to breathing diculties experienced by Ignatius ( 7, 31, 49, 62). [56] This passage, and others in italics, was encircled by Ignatius with a line and then copied out by him on the separate sheet of paper now in Madrid (bound with other Jesuit documents, Biblioteca Nacional no. 692 Cartas de Jesuitas: cf MHSI 63, pp. CCXLI-CCXLII): cf 54, 55, 63, 67, 70, 74, 75, 77, 83, 85, 87-90. [57] A dicult passage: el apropiar las oraciones has been interpreted with the appropriation for my own purposes of the Mass prayers; but it probably refers to the a ribution of operations in the Trinity.

Fascicle I

<Mass> of the Trinity. No. 3. 20. Thursday <Feb. 21> Very great and quite continuous devotion throughout the period of prayerwarm clarity and spiritual enjoyment: also I felt drawn partly to rise in some way.[60] // Later when I had prepared in my room, when at the altar and while I vested, I had more interior, spiritual impulses and felt moved to weep. A er Mass I remained in great spiritual repose. // During
[58] [59]

<Mass> of the Trinity. No.2. 19. Wednesday <Feb. 20 >Before beginning my prayer I had a devout eagerness to commence. Once I had started, my devotion was very great, warm or bright and gentle. There were no intuitions but a tendency to security of soul, without reference to any of the Divine Persons. // Later I felt conrmed about the past by the knowledge that the earlier spirit had been evil, the one that had wanted to make me have doubts and feel anger with the Blessed Trinity, as is described in chapter 17.[58] // On receiving the knowledge, I felt anew an interior impulse to weep: the same happened a er, before and during Mass. My devotion was greatly increased, quiet and tranquil; I wept and had some intuitions. // Both before and a er <Mass>, I had the feeling or impression that I should proceed no furtheror the urge to do so le me. Later this was more marked when I experienced such great quiet and satisfaction in my soul. It seemed to me pointless to continue with the Masses to the Blessed Trinity, except for the sake of thanksgiving or fullment:[59] I had no need for conrmation of what was past.

Mass prayers when mention is made of God, of the Father, or of the Son, etc., with the operations of the Divine Persons, and with the production of the Personsin all this, I felt and saw rather than understood. All these things conrmed what had been done and I felt encouraged for the future. Today, even when walking in the city, I felt great interior joy, and on seeing three rational creatures together, or three animals, or three other things, the Blessed Trinity was brought before me: and so continuously.

43

{55}

(2)

{56} (2)

{57} {58} {59}

(2)

{60} {61} {62}

Cf. 50. Cf. 51, where Ignatius resolves on six or more Masses. [60] The phrase, tirando en parte a un cierto elevar,could refer to levitation, but from the context and the rest of Ignatiuss life it seems more likely that he is referring to an elation of mind (cf. 10, where this translation is given of the term eleuacin).

<Mass> of the Trinity. No 4. 21. Friday <Feb. 22 >Throughout the customary prayer I was helped by great graceit was warm and shone in some wayand felt much devotion. For my part I sometimes felt I should have no diculty in discontinuing;[62] yet I continued to be helped by great grace. Later when I prepared the altar, some impulses to weep: I kept repeating, I am not worthy to invoke the name of the Blessed Trinity. This thought, and the repetition of the phrase caused greater interior devotion. When I vested, turning over these and other considerations, my soul opened more to tears and sobs. I began Mass and reached the Gospel,[63] which I said with considerable devotion; I was being helped by a warm grace which later ba led like re with water against some thoughts.{64}
[61] [62]

Mass the tears were more copious than on the previous day and lasted continuously. Occasionally my power of speech was cut o. Once, or perhaps a few times, I felt spiritual intuitions so great that I seemed to understand that almost nothing more could be known on the subject of the Blessed Trinity. // And this was due to the following: before, when I wanted to obtain devotion in the Blessed Trinity, I had not desired nor adapted myself to seek for it or nd it when saying prayers to the Father, for I thought consolation and visitation in the Blessed Trinity would not occur then: but during this Mass I knew or felt or saw, God knows,[61] that on speaking to the Father and seeing that He was One Person of the Blessed Trinity, I felt moved to love all the Trinity, especially as the other Persons were all in the Trinity by their very essence: the same feeling when I prayed to the Son and to the Holy Spirit; when I felt consolation I was delighted with any one of them, and I rejoiced in acknowledging it as coming from all three. So great an achievement did it seem to have untied this knot or accomplished something similar, that I could not stop repeating to myself, with reference to myself, Who are you? From where? etc. What did you deserve? Why this? etc.

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Ths Spiritual Diary

{63}

(2)

(2)

(3) (4)

{64}

(2) (3) (4)

2 Cor. 12:2 The phrase, en salirme, could be interpreted in going out, but he probably refers to abandoning the process of prayer: cf. 76, 79. [63] The Gospel text for this votive Mass is Mt. 28:18-20. [64] Ignatius added, then crossed out, the words: of salvation, and at other times wiping them out and at others preserving them; but this last phrase has been interpreted by the German translator as, at times <thinking that the soul would be> wiped out, at others <that it would be> preserved; and the Spanish is far from clear.

or chief (caudillo), added then crossed out. These words were added by Ignatius in the margin. [67] to be from is less emphatic than the earlier to be the work (obra) of; the end of the italicized sentence is a reference to the vision at La Storta (cf. Autobiography, 96). [68] In the preliminary outline of the Constitutions it had already been decided that the sacristies or churches should possess income.
[65] [66]

{65} <Mass> of the Trinity. No. 5. 22. Saturday <Feb. 23 >During the customary prayer, at rst nothing; from half-way through I found considerable devotion and satisfaction of soul together with some indication of shining clarity. {66} // While I prepared the altar, Jesus came into my thoughts and I Confelt impelled to follow Him, for to my mind it seemed that since He was the head[65] of the Society, He was a greater argument for hav- rmaing complete poverty than all other human reasons, although all tion of [66] the other reasons that had been used in the election seemed to me Jesus (3) to reinforce the same conclusion. This thought impelled devotion, tears: and the rm certainty that even if no tears came during this Mass, or during other Masses, this conviction would suce amid temptations and tribulations to make me stand rm. // I continued {67} walking with these thoughts and vested: they increased ever more, appearing to be a conrmation of what I had done, even if I re(2) ceived no consolations on this point. // It seemed in some way to be from the Blessed Trinity that Jesus was shown or felt, and I remembered {68} the time when the Father placed me with the Son.[67] // When I had nished vesting, so set was my intention that the name of Jesus impress itself on me, so encouraged was I, and such a conrmation did I seem to receive for what lay ahead, that the tears and sobs came with new force. At the beginning of Mass, I was helped by (2) great grace and devotion, and wept peacefully throughout; even when I had nished, a great devotion and new impulses to weep {69} continued until I had unvested. // During Mass, there were several feelings in conrmation of what has been said: when I held the Blessed Sacrament in my hands, I was impelled to speak and felt intensely moved from within; that I would never leave Him, not for all heaven or earth or . . . : then new impulses, devotion and (2) spiritual joy. For my part I added the oering of what lay in my power and this last restriction referred to my companions who {70} had signed.[68] // Later, whenever I remembered Jesus during the day or whenever I was reminded of Him, I could in a certain way feel or see with my understanding; the devotion and conrmation continued all the while.

Fascicle I

45

Quinquagesima Sunday. Once again Ignatius added these words in the margin: cf. note 65. [71] He seems to mean the brazier placed in his room during the winter months. [72] Cardinal Rudolfo Pio da Carpi (1500-1564): he was Cardinal Protector of the Society of Jesus. [73] Filippo Archinto (1495-1558). [74] Cardinal Gian Domenico de Cupis, Archbishop of Trani (d. 1553); he was the Protector of the house of catechumens founded by Ignatius. [75] All this time, there was great interior warmth and interior visitation (added, then crossed out).
[69] [70]

<Mass> of the Day. 23. Sunday[69] <Feb. 24>During the customary prayer, from the beginning to the end inclusive, I was helped by grace very far inside and gentle, full of devotion, warm, and very sweet. While preparing the altar and vesting, the name of Jesus was shown me: I felt great love, conrmation, and an increased resolve to follow Him. I wept and sobbed. // Throughout Mass, very great devotion and many tears so that quite o en I lost the power of speech; all the devotion and feelings had Jesus as their object. I could not turn myself to the other Persons, except in so far as the First Person was Father of such a Son: then I began to exclaim spiritually, How He is Father, and how He is Son! // During the prayer a er Mass I had the same feeling towards the Son. I had desired the conrmation by the Blessed Trinity, and now I felt it was communicated to me through Jesus. He showed Himself to me and gave me great interior strength and a sense of security that the conrmation was granted. I did not fear for the future. So it occurred to me, and I at once complied, to pray to Jesus to obtain pardon for me from the Blessed Trinity. I felt an increase of devotion, tears and sobs, and the hope of obtaining the gracefor I was quite resolute and strengthened for the future. // Later, when I moved nearer to the re,[71] I once more was shown Jesus and felt great devotion and the impulse to weep. Later when I walked down in the street, I was shown Him and felt very great impulses with tears. A er I had spoken to Carpi,[72] on my way back, the same happened and I felt great devotion. A er the midday meal, especially a er I passed through the door of the Vicar Bishop,[73] in the house of Trana,[74] I felt or saw Jesus, and experienced great interior impulses and wept much.[75] I begged and implored Jesus to obtain my pardon from the Blessed Trinity: I found there remained with me great condence for the success of my prayer. // On these occasions my love was so great, I so felt and saw Jesus, that it seemed that nothing

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The Spiritiual Diary

{71} (2)

Conr(2) mation of Jesus[70]

{72}

{73}

(2) (3) {74} (2) (3) (4)

{75}

Fascicle I

Literally, in turning myself away (me apartar): cf 64, 79. Knauer points out that the manuscript punctuation favors the placing of quotation marks (not found in the autograph) before the word while rather than only before I want, but this interpretation remains doubtful. [77a] Cf. Mt. 25:11.
[76] [77]

<Mass> of the Trinity. No. 6. 25. Tuesday <Feb. 26 >During the rst period of prayer I was not disturbed and did not discontinue: I had considerable devotion that became much greater halfway through. However, during all this period, especially in the rst part, I felt some weakness or bodily indisposition. Once dressed, while I was in my room and made my preparation, I experienced new devotion and interior impulses to weep when I remembered Jesus: I felt great condence in Him and He seemed ready to intercede for me. I no longer desired nor sought more or greater signs of conrmation of what was past. I felt quiet and peaceful on that score. Now I begged and implored Jesus to

<Mass> of St. Ma hias 24. Monday <Feb. 25 >Quite great devotion during the rst period of prayer: more later with warmth and abundant grace to assist me, although for my part, and owing to some impediments that I felt because of others, I found no diculty in discontinuing:[76] I asked for and sought no conrmation, but desired to be reconciled with the three Divine Persons. Later, vested to say Mass, I did not know to whom I should commend myself, or how to begin: the thought comes While Jesus is communicating with me,[77] I want to go forward; and then I began the Conteor, Conteor Deo, just as Jesus, in the Gospel for the day, said Conteor tibi, etc.[77a] // At that point, and later during the Conteor, I felt new devotion not without the impulse to weep. I began the Mass <i.e., the Proper> with great devotion, warmth and tears, at times losing the power of speech. During the prayers to the Father, it seemed that Jesus was presenting them, or accompanied those that I was saying, before the Father: and I felt or saw in a way that cannot be explained in those terms. A er Mass, I had the desire to be reconciled with the Blessed Trinity and I implored Jesus for this, not without tears and sobs. I felt reassured and neither asked for conrmation nor felt the need for it, nor the need to say Masses for this endbut only to be reconciled.

could happen in the future capable of separating me from Him or of making me doubt about the graces and conrmation that I had received.

47

{76}

(2) (3)

{77}

(4)

(2) {78} (2) {79} (2) {80} (2) (3)

<Mass> for the rst day in Lent 26. Wednesday <Feb. 27>During the customary prayer I did quite well and all was as usual until halfway through: then a marked improvementgreat devotion, quiet, and spiritual gentlenessuntil the end inclusive. A erwards there remained in me a continuing devotion. I made my preparation in my room and commended myself to Jesus, not asking for any further conrmation but that, before the Blessed Trinity, He might do his best service,[79] etc., on my behalf in the way that would be most suitable; that I might nd myself in their grace. At that, I received some light and strength: // I entered the chapel and while praying felt, or to put it more exactly, I saw, not by natural power, the Blessed Trinity and also Jesus who was representing me, or placing me <before the Trinity> or acting as mediator close to the Blessed Trinity, that I might communicate in that intellectual vision. On feeling and seeing in this way I was covered in tears and love, but with Jesus as the object;[80] and toward the Blessed Trinity, a respect of submission more like a reverential love than anything else. // Later I felt in a similar way that Jesus was performing the same task when I thought of praying to the Father, for it seemed and I could feel within me that He was doing
[78]

conform my will with that of the Blessed Trinity to follow the way that would seem to him best. // Later, when I vested, I was shown increasingly the help and love of Jesus. On beginning Mass, not without a great, quiet and peaceful devotion: also a very slight form of weepingI thought that with less I was more satised and content: in that way I felt I was being ruled by the Divine Majesty, to whom it belongs to give and withdraw His graces as and when it is most convenient. Later when I moved near to the re, still with this <form of weeping>, my contentment grew and I felt a new interior impulse and love towards Jesus. I no longer had that strife[78] that had been present in me about the Blessed Trinity. So also during Mass I continued to feel considerable devotion in the Trinity.

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{81} (2) (3) (4) {82} (2) (3) {83} (2) (3) {84}

Literally, contradiction (contradiin), viz., between his desire for a conclusive Trinitarian consolation and the apparent reluctance on the Trinitys part to work in exactly that way. [79] The text is ambiguous as it is not clear if Jesus is to do the service (the interpretation adopted here), or if Ignatius is somehow to enter into service (sic Giuliani); however, the reexive (se hiciense) is probably one more example of Ignatiuss confusing his grammar. [80] Once again Knauer has correctly interpreted the distinction made by Ignatius between the aectionate love he felt for Jesus and the reverential love he now begins to discover for the Blessed Trinity.

<Mass> of the Trinity. No. 7. 27. Thursday <Feb. 28>Great devotion during the customary prayer: helped by great grace, full of warmth, light and love. On entering the chapel, new devotion: when I knelt, Jesus was disclosed to me . . . or I saw him . . . at the foot of the Blessed Trinity: at that, new impulses and tears. This vision did not last as long, nor was it as clear as that of Wednesday although it seemed of the same type. Later during Mass, tears, considerable devotion and some helpful feelings. A er Mass, not without some tears. < Mass > of the <Five> Wounds[83] 28. Friday <Feb. 29 >Very great devotion, very full of light, from
[81]

everything before the Father and the Blessed Trinity. // Many tears when I began Mass; and much devotion and more tears all through it. Similarly at one stage I saw in a remarkable way the same vision of the Blessed Trinity as before, while my love towards the Divine Majesty grew even greater; at times there was a tendency to lose my power of speech. // A er Mass, during prayer, and several times later when near the re, a great intense devotion directed towards Jesus: some special interior impulses to weep, or still further. // When I write this, my understanding feels drawn to see the Blessed Trinity, and appears to see, although not distinctly as before, three Persons. During Mass when I said the prayer that begins, Domine Jesu Christe, Fili Dei vivi, etc.,[81] it seemed to me in spirit that whereas before I had seen Jesus, as I said, <then what I saw was> white,[82] that is His humanity, on this occasion my feeling in my soul was dierent, i.e., I was aware not of the humanity alone, but of Jesus as being completely my God, etc., with a fresh rush of tears and great devotion, etc.

Fascicle I

{85}

49

(2)

{86} {87} (2) (3)

{88}

(2) (3) (4)

{89}

One of the three prayers said by the priest before the communion in the Tridentine Latin liturgy. [82] A dicult passage because Ignatius seems at rst sight to be saying that he has already referred to a vision of Jesus in which the color white was involved: but there has been no such reference, as Knauer (in a note to the German translation, p. 280, n. 107) points out. In his translation William J. Young boldly suppresses the color reference: I saw just Jesus, that is, the humanity. However, either some phrase (like that in pointed brackets) should be understood, or the words as I said read as an aside, as if between brackets, that applies only to his having seen Jesus (83). Later, in 1555, when dictating his Autobiography, Ignatius once more speaks of the humanity of Christ like a white body (29), and says that such was a frequent vision at Manresa (in 1522). [83] The liturgy of this Mass was formerly used on the rst Friday a er Ash Wednesday.

the beginning to the end inclusive of the customary prayer: it covered and did not allow me to think of sins. When out of the house, in the church,[84] before Mass, I caught sight of the homeland of Heaven or the Lord of it, in so far as I understood the three Persons and how within the Father were the second and third. During Mass, I felt at times considerable devotion without intuitions or any impulses to weep. // When I had nished, another similar sight of the homeland or of the Lord of it, not in a distinct way but quite clearly, as is customary on many other occasions, now more now less. Special devotion during the whole day.

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The Spiritual Diary

(2) {90} {91} (2) {92} {93} (2) {94} (2) (3) (3)

<Mass> of the day <1st Sunday in Lent> 30. Sunday <Mar. 2>During the customary prayer, greatly helped by grace; great devotion in which some clarity and warmth were mingled. // Later, when I le <my room> on hearing a noise, and also when I returned, for some reason I felt put out; either I was struggling with thoughts of the noise, or impeded: so much so that, a er I had vested, I thought of not celebrating Mass. However, I overcame that suggestion; I had no desire to give any of the others an occasion for talking with anyone: I had some feelings of Christ tempted[86] and, taking courage, began Mass with considerable devotion. // And as it proceeded, I felt much helped by a certain grace that I felt I was receiving. Several times, and nearly continuously during the second part of the Mass, I could feel tears within me. I nished without any new intuitions, except that towards the end, during the prayer to the Blessed Trinity,[87]I felt a certain impulse, devotion, tears and a certain feeling of love that drew me towards the Trinity: no bitterness
[84]

<Mass> of the Feria 29. Saturday <Mar. 1>During the customary prayer, greatly helped by grace; devotion during it. When I said Mass outside, considerable quiet and devotion during Mass: until midday, some impulses to weep, and great satisfaction of soul; from then onwards, pulled in both directions.[85]

Probably Our Lady of the Way (S. Maria della Strada), the church entrusted to the early Jesuits. [85] Ignatius uses the Latin tag, ad utramque partem (literally, to both parts), which here seems to mean that neither consolation nor desolation was predominant. [86] The Gospel for todays Mass deals with Christs temptations in the desert (Mt. 4:1-11). [87] In the Latin liturgy this prayer (Placeat tibi Sancta Trinitas) is said by the priest before the nal blessing: cf. 108.

{97} <Mass> of the Trinity. No. 8. 31. Monday <Mar. 3> During the customary prayer, at about 4:30 a.m.,[89] considerable devotion, not moved or troubled; but my head (2) achedso much so that I dared not rise to say Mass until I had had another spell of sleep. // Later, when I rose at about 8:30 a.m.,[90] I {98} felt quite dull-wi ed, feeling neither good nor bad, and not knowing to whom I should commend myself. At length, when I began the preparatory prayer in my room, I felt more moved towards Jesus. (2) During prayer I experienced some slight impulses of devotion and the urge to weep, my soul satised and very condent in Jesus; I felt drawn to have trust in the Blessed Trinity. // Thus I entered the chapel {99} and was covered by a great devotion in the Blessed Trinity; my love (2) was much increased and I had intense tears. Unlike the past few days I did not see distinct Persons, but had the feeling of one essence, perceived in a sort of shining clarity: it drew me wholly to love it. // Later when I prepared the altar and vested, considerable devotion {100} and tears continued,[91] always helped by grace and with great satis(2) faction of soul. // At the beginning of Mass, such was the devotion {101} that I could not begin and found great diculty in saying In (2) nomine Patris etc. Throughout Mass, great love and devotion, and very many tears: this devotion and love had for their object the
Cf. 51 (end), where six or more Masses are mentioned. Ignatius writes at the 10th hour, but one calculated from the sunset of the previous day, which in March would have been about 6:30 p.m. [90] Or at the 14th hour, in Ignatiuss reckoning. [91] now lessening, now growing, tamen (added, then crossed out)
[88] [89]

remained over what was past, but great quiet and peace. Later, when at prayer a er Mass, more interior impulses, sobs and tears, all for love of Jesus: words came and I desired to die with Him rather than live with anyone else. I felt no fear but found a certain condence in, and love for, the Blessed Trinity. When I wanted to recommend myself to their protection, as to distinct Persons, I could not nd <them> but seemed to feel something within the Father, as if the other Persons were in Him. // At this time, a er Mass, it seemed to me best that immediately a er the Masses to the Blessed Trinity,[88] or the rst time that I received a divine visitation, I should nish this part. I realized that it was not I who should stipulate the time for nishing and receive a visitation then, but either then or whenever the Divine Majesty thought t and communicated such a visitation.

Fascicle I

51

{95} (2) {96} (2)

{104} <Mass> of the Trinity. No. 9 32. Tuesday <Mar. 4>During the customary prayer, much helped by grace and devotion: if there was clarity, there was even more light,[94] and evidence of some warmth. For my part I found it all too easy to a end to any and every thought. I rose still helped by that (2) grace. When dressed, I looked at the Introit[95] of the Mass and felt all moved by great devotion and love directed towards the Blessed Trinity. // Later, when I began the preparatory prayer before Mass, I did {105} not know to whom I should turn: rst I a ended to Jesus, and felt that He was not allowing Himself to be seen or felt clearly but in (2) some sort of shadowy way dicult to see. Then as I a ended, I felt that the Blessed Trinity allowed itself to be seen or felt more clearly or full of light. I began, and reasoned for a while with the Divine (3) Majesty. Suddenly the tears streamed down my face, I broke into sobs, and felt a love so intense that it seemed to unite me excessively
to adapt myself to him (added, then crossed out). while I prayed at the altar (added at the start of this sentence, and then crossed out). [94] This curious distinction between the clarity with which he understood and the light that ooded his mind is noted by the editors of the editio princeps (p. 113, note 61). [95] Blessed be the Holy Trinity and undivided Unity.
[92] [93]

Blessed Trinity. I had no special knowledge or separate visions of the three Persons but a simple awareness or a representation of the (3) Blessed Trinity. Also I occasionally had the same sensations with Jesus for their object: I seemed to be under His shadow as though He were my guidebut without diminution in the grace I was receiving from the Blessed Trinity; on the contrary I seemed to be more united with the Divine Majesty. // During the prayers to the Father, {102} I was unable,[92] and had no desire, to nd devotion, except the few (2) times that the Persons made themselves seen in Him. In this way, everything, either mediately or immediately, transformed itself into the Blessed Trinity. When[93] Mass was over and I had unvested, my love was very {103} intense, accompanied by sobs and tears: Jesus was its object, and then as a consequence, the Blessed Trinity: I felt a certain reverent (2) submission. I thought that were it not for the devotion of the Masses still to be said, I would have felt satised. At the same time, I had full condence that I would nd ever increasing grace, love and greater repletion in the Divine Majesty.

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close to Their own love, a thing full of light and sweetness. That intense visitation and love seemed quite remarkable and to surpass other visitations. // Later when I entered the chapel, new devotion and tears, always directed to the Blessed Trinity: similarly at the altar. Once vested, a far greater ood of tears, more sobs, and the most intense love, all for love of the Blessed Trinity. // When I wanted to begin the Mass, I felt very great touches and intense devotion to the Blessed Trinity. Once the Mass had started, the devotion was so great and the tears so numerous that, as it proceeded, I began to wonder if with more Masses I should not become blind in one eye, for it was aching badly owing to the tears: and I thought it would be be er to keep my sight, or etc. The tears ceased, although greatly helped by grace; later, however, during the greater part of the Mass, this help grew less, and because of the talking in the room, etc. // Later, almost at the end, I turned to Jesus and recovered some of what had been lost. When I said in prayer, Placeat tibi Sancta Trinitas, etc.,[96] directing it to the Divine Majesty, I felt an excess of love; intense tears streamed down my face. Thus whenever during this Mass or before it I had special spiritual visitations, all had for their object the Blessed Trinity, which took and drew me to its love. // A er Mass, I unvested and while at prayer before the altar, I broke into such sobs and ood of tears, all directed to love of the Blessed Trinity, that I seemed to have no wish to rise; so great was the love and spiritual gentleness I was feeling. // Later, several times while si ing near the re, I felt within me love for the Trinity and the impulse to weep. Later at the house of Burgos,[97] and also when in the street (I was out until about 3:30 p.m.),[98] whenever I called to mind the Blessed Trinity, I felt an intense love, and sometimes the impulse to weep. All these visitations had for their object the name and essence of the Blessed Trinity: I did not feel clearly nor see distinct Persons, as I have occasionally described above. All these inspired greater security: I no longer wished to say more Masses in order to be further reconciled, but I wanted to complete themand hoped to nd joy in the Divine Majesty.

Fascicle I

53

{106}

(2) {107} (2) (3) {108} (2)

{109} {110}

(2) (3)

Cf. 94, with note 87. Cardinal Juan Alvarez de Toledo, then Archbishop of Burgos, a Dominican friend of Ignatius: as Inquisitor General he examined the Spiritual Exercises. [98] at the 21st hour, in Ignatiuss reckoning.
[96] [97]

{111} <Mass> of the Trinity. No. 10 33. Wednesday <Mar. 5 >Much grace assisting me throughout the customary prayer; it came without my laboring to seek for it: also (2)

great devotion, full of light and very clear, with assisting warmth. // While I dressed, I thought that the grace and help and devotion to the Blessed Trinity of the past day still continued. Later when I went to make the preparatory prayer before Mass, I wanted to gain help and humilityby rst addressing Jesus: the Blessed Trinity appeared a li le more clearly and I turned to the Divine Majesty to commend myself, etc. The tears streamed down my face, I broke into sobs, and such was the intensity of the love that I felt towards the Trinity that I thought I neither wished nor was capable of looking at myself, or of remembering the past in order to be reconciled with the Blessed Trinity.[99] // Later, in the chapel, praying gently and quietly, it seemed that at rst my devotion had for its object the Trinity, then it took me elsewhere, for example to the Father: in this way I felt within me a wanting to communicate with me from dierent directionsso that eventually, while arranging the altar, my feelings found voice in the prayer, Where do you wish to take me, Lord? I repeated this many times:[100] my devotion increased greatly, drawing me to weep. // Later, while I prayed on vesting, I oered myself, very moved and with tears, to be guided and taken, etc., through all these stages, wheresoever He might take me, being over me. A er I had vested, I did not know where to begin. Then I took Jesus for my guide; I also appropriated to each Person His own prayer; in this way I said a third of the Mass receiving considerable grace to assist me, a warm devotion and a great satisfaction of soul. There were no tears, nor (so I believe) any disordered desire to have them: I contented myself with the Lords will. However, I did say, turning to Jesus, Lord, where am I going, or where . . . etc.? Following you, my Lord, I cannot be lost. // From then on, during the Mass, many tears, also good heart and spiritual vigor. The greatest of the visitations had the Blessed Trinity as its principal object, then in lesser degree, Jesus, and nally, in much lesser degree, the Father. On the other hand, my condence about my reconciliation with the Blessed Trinity increased continuallyto such a pitch that a er Mass, while I prayed with tranquility and rest of soul, on wanting to reconsider the ma er to a certain degree, I could not; I was unable to bring myself to see or feel any past disharmony or unpleasantness. I found myself in the state of a tired man[101] who rests, his mind tranquil,
out).
[99] [100]

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The Spiritual Diary

(2) {112} (2) (3)

{113}

(2) {114} (2)

{115}

(3)

(2)

(3)

and felt that I was being guided (added, then crossed out). The autograph is full of corrections at this point, and Iparraguirre justly remarks, Nearly always when Ignatius adds many corrections to a phrase it is because a special mystical grace is being mentioned (p. 350, note 208).
[101]

and this even occurred again, once or more times (added, then crossed

Fascicle I

<Mass> of the Trinity. No. 11. 34. Thursday <Mar. 6>During the customary prayer I had no trouble in nding devotion, but rather the contrary: later it increased greatly, being most gentle and clear with a clarity mixed with color. A er I had dressed I experienced new devotion and the call to even more, all directed to the Blessed Trinity. // During the preparatory prayer, I drew closer to the Blessed Trinity, in greater quiet and spiritual serenity; I felt the impulse to greater devotion and almost to weep: I wanted to, but could not, see anything of the past with reference to the reconciliation. // In chapel, great quiet devotion: on arranging the altar, the devotion grew with certain feelings or new impulses, as if to weep. Later and on vesting, and I think even before, during the other periods, certain thoughts and queries suggested themselves: What did the Blessed Trinity wish to do with me, that is, by what way would It take me? Then as I conjectured on the manner and way They would choose, I wondered to myself and thought that perhaps the Trinity wanted to make me content without visitations of tears, with my not being avid for Them nor inordinately a ached. I began Mass with an interior, humble satisfaction, and proceeding as far as the Te igitur, continued to experience a very deep and very gentle devotion which at times came most delicately: so so ly in my soul as to make me weep. // On pronouncing the words Te igitur, I felt and saw, not obscurely but brightly, in full light, the very Being or Essence of God, appearing as a sphere, a li le larger than the sun appears; from this Essence the Father seemed to be going or deriving, so that when I said, Te, that is, Father, the image of the Divine Essence came to me before that of the Father. During this representation and vision of the Being of the Blessed Trinity, I could not distinguish or have sight of the other Persons; my devotion to what was being disclosed was very intense and I experienced many impulses and a ood of tears. In the same way, as the Mass proceeded, if I considered or remembered or if I saw it anew, the tears owed copiously and my love for the Being of the Blessed Trinity was greatly increased and very intense: I did not see nor could I distinguish
Prayer.
[102]

devout, visited. // This repose continued later while I sat by the re, {116} and on other occasions when I remembered. At night as I prayed to the Father, I did not nd <it>, but there were revealed to me new devotion and impulses, all directed to the Blessed Trinity. {117} (2) {118} {119}

55

(2)

(2) (3)

{120}

(2) {121} (2)

(3)

The rst words of the former Canon of the Mass, now the rst Eucharistic

could I distinguish or have sight of the other Persons; my devotion to what was being disclosed was very intense and I experienced many impulses and a ood of tears. In the same way, as the Mass proceeded, if I considered or remembered or if I saw it anew, the tears owed copiously and my love for the Being of the Blessed Trinity was greatly increased and very intense: I did not see nor could I distinguish any Persons except that, as I said, I could see the goingforth or derivation of the Father. As I was nishing Mass, the tears and spiritual visitations were very abundant; I could see no obstacle to the reconciliation, even though I paid a ention. I felt a great security. I could not doubt about what had been shown and seen; rather, when I turned to investigate and reconsider it, I felt new interior impulses, all taking me to love what I had been shown. Indeed I seemed to have more clarity of vision, reaching beyond the heavens, further than anything I might like to think of with my understanding on this earth; all was illuminated for me there, as I have said. // A er I had unvested and was praying at the altar, once more the same Being and spherical vision allowed Itself to be seen: in some way I saw all three Persons as I had seen the rst, viz., the Father in one part, the Son in another and the Holy Spirit in another, all three coming forth or having their derivation from the Divine Essence, without leaving the spherical vision. On feeling and seeing this, new impulses and tears. // Later when I visited St. Peters and began to pray before the Blessed Sacrament, the same Divine Being showed Itself in image to me, always in the same shining color, and for my part I could not but see It. Later when I began to a end the Mass said by Cardinal Santa Cruz,[103] I experienced the same manifestation and vision, accompanied by new impulses of soul. Two hours later I went down to the same chapel of the Blessed Sacrament with the desire of having the same experience as before but, though I sought it, I could not regain it. // Later at night, several times while I was writing this, the same manifestation occurred; on this occasion the understanding saw something, though by far the most part was not so clear, nor so distinct, nor as big: it was like a fairly large spark; it represented something to the understanding, or was drawing it to itself, and showed that it was the same.

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(3)

{122} (2) {123} (2) {124} (2) (3) (2)

{125}

[103] Here in the autograph appear the shorthand signs s. +., which are usually interpreted as above; the holder of the title de Santa Cruce in 1544 was Cardinal Cervini, later Pope Marcellus II (cf. MHSI 63, pp. XCII-XCIV).

<Mass> of the Trinity, No. 12. 25.[104] Friday <Mar. 7> I began the customary prayer with considerable devotion; despite my desire[105] I did not adapt myself to increase my devotion by looking upwards. From halfway through my prayer, the devotion was very great and continuous, full of a shining clarity, warm and very gentle; it continued the same a er this prayer. // Later, during the preparatory prayer, my mind was quiet and recollected: the same in chapel. Later on vesting, new impulses to weep, also to conform myself with the Divine Will that He might guide and carry me, etc. Ego sum puer, etc.[106] I began Mass with great devotion, internal reverence and impulses to weep. So also when I said, Beata sit sancta Trinitas,[107] and throughout I experienced a new sensation, a fresh and greater devotion and a desire to weep: I did not raise my understanding to the Divine Persons, in so far as they are distinct or to be distinguished, neither did I lower it to the le ers <in the missal>: yet this visitation seemed to be interior, midway between their seat on high and the le er.[108] // Then, as I proceeded step by step with many tears all the time, it seemed to me that I had no permission to look upwards: and my not looking upwards, that is my looking midway, caused an increased intensity of devotion and intense tears. The submission and reverence I already possessed for the visions from on high increased. At the same time I gained some condence that permission would be granted me or that a manifestation would be made to me at the right time.[109] // During these periods I felt the visitations in an imprecise way (indiferenter): they had for their object now the Blessed Trinity, now the Father or Son; at times Our Lady and at others the saints, even individual saints; tears were abundant. Later, when half or more of the Mass was said, i.e., after the Hanc igitur oblationem, [110] the

Fascicle I

{126} (2) {127} (2) (3) (4) {128} (2) {129} (2)

57

[104] This number is a mistake for 35, the rst of several errors made by Ignatius in the numbering of the entries. [105] to see once more what I saw yesterday (added, then crossed out). [106] Jer. 1:6. [107] He is quoting (incorrectly) from memory the opening words of the Introit: Benedicta sit sanctaTrinitas (Mass of the Blessed Trinity). [108] Ignatius has found a middle region in which to keep his a ention oating, avoiding both the presumption of forcing a revelation of the Trinity, and the despondency of clinging to dead le ers: it is the state of true indierence, poised to respond to Gods will. [109] without my procuring it (added, then crossed out). [110] The prayer before the consecration in what is now the rst Eucharistic Prayer.

{134} <Mass> of the Trinity. No. 13. 26. Saturday <Mar.8> During the customary prayer I had great satisfaction of soul from the beginning to the end, although the great
[111] Many have interpreted the reference to the re here as metaphorical, but Ignatius always uses the word fuego to mean the brazier except on one occasion (64), where he makes it quite clear that a simile is being used. [112] The paragraph division suggested by Giuliani (starting with the words once Mass was nished) and not improved by the later Iparraguirre edition, is an unhappy one, but they have been misled by the way in which the editio princeps incorporated into the text words added by Ignatius in the margin, viz., por no hallar al Sacramento; como quera dar n. These are easier to interpret if taken with what follows rather than with what precedes. [113] and reasonings (added, then crossed out). [114] The words en peso here seem to be the equivalent of en contrapeso, but others suggest that the phrase qualies the words todo el da to mean the whole of all that day.

visitation ceased. At times, I was troubled by the <heat of the> re[111] with the water <thrown on it>. Because I could not nd out during the Sacrament, // as I wanted to bring the ma er to a conclusion, once Mass was nished I went over to the re for a long time. I did not know what to decide, whether I should stop these Masses, or when. Later it occurred to me that tomorrow I would say a Mass of the Blessed Trinity to nd out what I should do, or to nish once and for all. At that I experienced many impulses and tears; and from time to time, during a long period, I continued to receive great impulses, sobs and many oods of tears, all drawing me to a love of the Blessed Trinity. // With many colloquies[113] I came to see that if only I would wait, all was ready for ever greater enjoyment of these intense visitations. I humbled myself with the thought that it was not I who should determine when the end was to be; instead I should wait until it was disclosed to me and I had been visited. So I prepared myself resolutely to nish, and to enjoy the enjoyment I should nd. // The thought struck me, What if God should put me in Hell? Two considerations occurred: on the one hand, the suering I would endure there; on the other, how His name was blasphemed there. As to the rst, I could neither feel nor see any suering <in that>and so it seemed to me that I was shown that it would cause me more pain to hear His most holy Name blasphemed. // Later, when I sat down to eat, the tears stopped but balancing[114] that a very deep and warm devotion continued throughout the day.

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{130}

[112]

(2) (3) (2)

{131}

(3) {132}

{133}

Fascicle I

grace assisting me ever increased and I experienced a devotion, clear (2) and full of light and warmth; when I began the preparatory prayer and was in the chapel, I had considerable contentment. // On vesting, {135} new impulses that continued to the end together with still greater ones and considerable tears. I was shown a great humility not yet to (2) look up to heaven, and the more I shrank from looking upwards, humbling and lowering myself, the more delight and spiritual visitation did I feel. // I began the Mass and continued throughout with {136} greater inner devotion and spiritual warmth, not without tears. The (2) devotion and the readiness to weep continued with me. During these periods, even though I intended not to raise the eyes of my understanding upwards and to try to be content with everything (indeed I was imploring that if it were equally to Gods glory, He would not (3) visit me with tears),[115] nevertheless, on the occasions when my understanding unintentionally mounted upwards, I seemed to see something of the Divine Being that at other times, even though I want to see it, is not in my power. <Mass> of the day <2nd Sunday in Lent> 27. Sunday <Mar. 9> The customary prayer was similar to the past. A er I had dressed, during the preparatory prayer, new devotion and impulses to weep, directed principally to the Blessed Trinity and Jesus. // On entering the chapel, greater impulses, more tears, all directed to the Blessed Trinity, and also, at times, to Jesus; at times the two were united or almost united, in such a way that my having Jesus as the object of my prayer did not diminish my devotion to the Blessed Trinity, or vice versa. This devotion continued until I vested; at times there were tears. // Later, during Mass, I felt an exterior warmth that was cause for devotion and lightheartedness. There were few movements or impulses to weep, yet I was more content without tears than I had been at times with many tears. I seemed to understand that although I experienced no intuitions, no visions and no tears, in some way God Our Lord wanted to show me a way or manner of proceeding. // All day my soul was quite content. At night I found I was turning in devotion to the Blessed Trinity and to Jesus so that they manifested themselves to my understanding, allowing me to catch sight of them in some way. For my part I wanted to adapt myself to the Father, to the Holy Spirit and to Our Lady, but in that direction could nd no devotion and no vision. The intuition or vision of the Blessed Trinity and of Jesus continued for a while.
[115]

59

{137} {138}

(2)

(2) {139} (2) {140} (2)

Ignatius is here pu ing into practice the third degree of humility, as outlined in his Spiritual Exercises, 167.

<Mass> of Our Lady {143} 29. Tuesday <Mar. 11> Throughout the customary prayer I felt great devotionclear, shining and as though warm. I had tears in (2) chapel, at the altar, and afterwards. My devotion had for its object Our Lady although I did not see her. Throughout Mass, devotion; at times impulses to tears. Afterwards devotion once more. During (3) these periods, I partly[116] saw many times the Divine Being, and (4) sometimes with the Father as objec, i.e., first the essence and then (5) the Father. When in chapel before Mass, I seemed to receive something like a permission to turn my glance upwards because it occurred to me that to look upwards was a remedy against my being disturbed by what was low. At that I was moved, and tears came. Later I tried to look upwards and whether I saw anything or (6) not, I found devotion and a remedy against taking my attention too easily from what was my duty all during Mass. <Mass> of the Holy Spirit {144} 30. Wednesday <Mar. 12> During the customary prayer considerable devotion: from the middle onwards, the devotion was great, clear and shining, as though warm. In the chapel, as I had seen peo(2) ple coming down the stairs, and doing so very hurriedly, I was unable to bring myself to say Mass. I returned to my room to adapt myself to say it and amid tears recovered my composure. The tears
[116]

<Mass> of <the Holy Name of> Jesus {141} 28. Monday <Mar. 10> During the customary prayer, considerable devotion especially from the middle onwards. Before the preparatory prayer, I experienced a new devotion: I thought or (2) decided that I should live, or be, like an angel to perform the duty of celebrating Mass: very gently some water came to my eyes. // Later in the chapel and during Mass, devotion for the same <rea- {142} son> : I conformed myself to what the Lord commanded, with the thought that His Divine Majesty would supply for my defect, turning everything to good, etc. During these periods I occasionally (2) saw in some way now the Being of the Father, i.e., first the Being and consequently the Father, i.e., my devotion turned first to the essence and then to the Father; now it was otherwise and without such a clear distinction.

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Knauer and Iparraguirre interpret en parte in a purely temporal sense (i.e., part of the time), but the parallels cited (142, 153, 176) are not very convincing.

continued as I walked to the chapel and began Mass: during part of it, my devotion was considerable and occasionally I felt the impulse to weep. During the other part I was very often battling about what should be done to bring the matter to an end; for I could not find what I sought. During these periods, no signs of visions or intuitions. After Mass and later in my room, I found myself completely bereft of all help, unable to find delight in the mediators, or in the Divine Persons; I felt as remote and separated from them as if I had never felt their influence in the past, or was ever to feel any of it in the future. Instead I was beset by thoughts, now against Jesus, now against another, and quite bewildered with a variety of schemes, to leave the house and hire a room to escape the noise, to fast, to begin more Masses, to place an altar upstairs: nothing satisfied me and yet I wanted to put an end to the affair with my soul in a state of consolation and complete satisfaction. // At last I considered if I should proceed further. On the one hand, I seemed to be wanting too many signs, and wanting them during certain periods or during Masses ending[117] in my own satisfaction; the question itself was clear; I was looking not for more certainty, but for a finishing touch that would be to my taste. On the other hand, I thought that if I were to cease entirely at this juncture, in a state of such exile, later I would not be contented, etc. // At last I considered whether, as the problem did not concern the election itself, it would please God Our Lord more were I to conclude now without waiting and searching for futher proofs, or whether I should say more Masses for them. To settle the matter I made an election[118] and felt that to conclude would be more pleasing to God Our Lord. I felt myself wishing that the Lord would condescend to my desire, i.e., that I might finish in a time of great visitation. Then as I became aware of my own inclination and, on the other hand, of the good pleasure of God Our Lord, I began to take notice and wanted to follow the good pleasure of God Our Lord. At that the obscurity began gradually to lighten; tears came. As they increased I lost all desire to say more Masses to this end; when it occured to me to say three Masses of the Trinity in thanksgiving, it seemed to me to be a suggestion of the evil spirit.
[117]

Fascicle I

61

(3) {145} (4)

(2) (3) {146} (2) {147}

(2) (3)

{148}

Perhaps the word terminadas here is a malapropism for determinadas, in which case Ignatius is emphasizing his personal choice of the number and times for the Masses, [118] and judged (added, then crossed out).

Finished. When I sat at table, after 1:30 p.m.,[121] for a long while the Tempter did not succeed, but pretended to succeed in making me have doubts. Suddenly, yet calmlyas if to a beaten enemyI said to him, Get to your place. I was strengthened by tears and a complete sense of security about all I had decided. // A quarter of an hour later, I awakened to a new fact: I realized or saw clearly that when the Tempter suggested thoughts against the Divine Persons and Mediators, he was putting, or trying to put, doubts into my mind on the subject; and on the contrary, when I experienced visitations from, and visions of, the Divine Persons and Mediators, all was firmness and confirmation on the matter. This realization was accompanied by spiritual delight, and water came to my eyes: in my soul a great sense of security. // When I said grace after the meal, the Being of the Father partly disclosed itself, also the Being of the Blessed Trinity, while I felt a spiritual impulse moving to devotion and tears, such as I had not felt or seen all day, although I had often sought for it. Todays great visitations had no particular or distinct Person for their object, but in general, the Giver of Graces.
[119] [120]

I decided to say no more Masses: and then my love for God (2) increased, the tears streamed down my face and I broke into sobs with spasms.[119] I knelt for a long time, then I walked, and once more I knelt, arguing along many, varied and different lines of (3) thought.[120] I felt great internal satisfaction. Although this great visitation (so great that my eyes ached painfully) lasted for about an hour, more or less, at last the tears ceased and I was uncertain if I should conclude at night with a similar flood of tears, if such occurred, or now. // Although the flood of tears was over, I {149} thought it best to conclude at once. To seek further and wait for the evening was only to want further proof, when it was not needed. And so I made my declaration before God Our Lord and all the Heavenly Court, etc., thus concluding with the matter: I would not (2) proceed further. Even as I made this last declaration, I felt interior impluses, I sobbed and wept; although this was a period of great floods of tears, I considered everything ended, and decided to await no more Masses or visitations, but to finish today. {150} {151}

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(2) {152} (2) (3)

{153}

(2)

fuerzas (literally, forces.). razonamientos (literally, reasonings,) means here the process of internal colloquy: cf. 46. [121] after 19 hours had struck in Ignatiuss reckoning.

<FASCICLE II, ff. 1-8, plus 4 unnumbered folios>

I TOOK THESE FOUR DAYS TO AVOID CONSIDERING ANY POINTS IN THE CONSTITUTIONS

{154}

Second Week in Lent (1544). The interpretation is difficult because the verbs tener and no tener may refer to the having of tears (sic Knauer and Giuliani) rather than of income and other possessions. The present entry replaces an earlier one: . . . to the Divine, and < reflected > that for me it would be something of a rest to say Mass without searching for tears and not having them. During. . . , where there is clearly no reference to anything but tears. On the other hand, the verbs mentioned are a sort of shorthand for the list of pros and cons used in the previous election period, and if Ignatius did decide to stop weighing up the phenomenon of tears, the entries for the following three days make very odd reading. Incidentally, there are signs that he wrote up the entries for these three days all together on the Saturday. [3] The editors of the editio princeps have shown that these letters were used to signify: a tears before Mass; l tears during Mass; d tears after Mass.
[1] [2]

{156} <Mass> of the Holy Spirit 2nd a.1.d.[3] Friday <Mar. 14> Many tears before, all during and after Mass, sometimes out of devotion to the Father, at others out of devotion to the Son, at others, etc.: so also with the saints; no vision except in so far as my devotion had for its object at different times now the one, now the other. During all this time, before, dur(2) ing and after the Mass, I was inspired by the thought, which penetrated to my very soul, of how much reverence and submission should be shown on going to Mass when I had to pronounce the name of God Our Lord, etc. Not tears were to be sought, but this submission and reverence. // So convinced was I of this that when {157} tears came, as I repeated acts of submission, before Massin my room and in the chapeland during Mass, I at once restrained them in order to attend more to submission. As far as I could tell, this realization of the submission due to God our Lord was not the effect of my own initiative; it always increased my devotion and

<Mass> of the day {155} 1st Thursday{1} <Mar. 13> During Mass I conformed my will to the Divine, to have no tears: it would be like a setting aside of my (2) labors and a rest for me if I stopped searching and considering about possessing or not possessing.[2] During the rest of the day, my (3) soul felt content and delight.

63

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tears. At length I concluded that this was the way the Lord desired to show mefor during the past days I had thought He intended to reveal something. Indeed, as I said Mass, I became more convinced that I esteemed this grace and knowledge more highly for my souls spiritual advancement than all the other past graces. <Mass> of Our Lady 3rd Saturday <Mar. 15> During part of the Mass I felt a certain interior submission and reverence; during the greater part nothing to enable me to feel within myself either submission or reverence.

The Spiritual Diary

(2) (3)

{158}

<Mass> of the day 4th a.l. Sunday[4] <Mar. 16> Many tears before and throughout the Mass; the devotion and tears had for their object now one <Person > now another, without clear or distinct visions. I prayed in my room before Mass for the gifts of submission, reverence and humility; as for visitations and tears, I prayed they might not be given me, if it were equally to the service of His Divine Majesty, or, if they were given, that I might enjoy them with purity of intentionwithout self-interest. // So, later, all my spiritual visitations brought with them this feeling of submission, not only towards the Divine Persons, as I named or remembered them; but even as I bowed to the altar or treated with reverence the other things used at the sacrifice,[5] I refused tears or visitations whenever I thought of them or felt the desire for them. In this way I paid attention to submission firstthe visitations coming nextbecause I judged that to do the opposite, i.e., to pay more attention to the visitations than to submission, would be bad. Thus I was of the same opinion as on Friday last, and felt confirmed in it.[6] HERE I BEGAN MY PREPARATION AND FIRST CONSIDERATION CONCERNING THE MISSIONS[7]

{159} (2) (3) {160} (2) (3) (4) {161}

Third Sunday in Lent. Giuliani draws attention to the use of the word sacrifice instead of Mass at this point: 182, 185. [6] Ignatius added, then crossed out: also that to follow this path was to walk surely in the service of God Our Lord: and this I valued more highly than all else. [7] A reference to the parts of the Constitutions dealing with the papal
[4] [5]

<Mass of> the Trinity 3. l. d. Wednesday <Mar. 19> Many tears throughout Mass; the same after Mass. During Mass I often lost the power of speech: all causing submission and reverence with many interior feelings. <Mass of> Our Lady 4. a.1-- Thursday <Mar. 20> Tears before Mass, and some during it; also different interior impulses, causing submission. <Mass of the Holy Name of> Jesus a-1- Friday <Mar. 21 > Not without some tears before and during

<Mass> of <the Holy Name of> Jesus 2. a - 1 d-[8] <Mar. 18> Tears during Mass; before and after Mass they were not lacking; all causing submission and reverence.

< Mass > of Our Lady l.a.l. Monday <Mar. 17> Tears before Mass and during it, so many that at times I lost the power of speech. All this visitation had for object now one Person, now another, in the same way as the previous day, and with the same effect. It confirmed my previous experience with regard to the submission and reverence, viz, that I had found in these the way I was intended to see. I considered it the best of all ways that I could be shown and felt that I should follow it for ever. // Occasionally before Mass, as I recollected myself in my room, I felt none of this submission and reverence having any influence or producing relish within me. Indeed I felt incapable of finding it and yet I wanted to possess or find it. // Some time later, in chapel, I thought it was Gods will that I should make an effort to search for it, and find it; I failed. And yet to have made the effort seemed a good thing: to actually find was not in my power. Later, the Giver of Graces provided me with such abundance of knowledge, visitation and spiritual relishthat mentioned abovetears, continuing for so long. (making me lose at times the power of speech), that every time I mentioned God, Dominus, etc., I seemed to be penetrated so deeply, with a submission and reverent humility so admirable that they seem to defy description.

Fascicle II

{162}

65

(2) (3)

{163}

(2) {164} (2) (3)

{165}

{166} {167} {168}

missions, i.e., the readiness to be sent wheresoever the Pope desires: cf. Constitutiones, Exa. Gen., 1.5; V 3; 3C; VII, I; trans. G. E. Ganss (St. Louis (1970), pp. 79-80, 239, 267-271. [8] This sign indicates that the tears were less copious.

66

<Mass of> the Holy Spirit 6. l.d. Saturday <Mar. 22>Throughout Mass, a gentle flow of tears, very copious; the same after Mass: before Mass I felt the impulse to weep and felt or saw the Holy Spirit Himself; complete submission.[9] <Mass of> the day 7. a.l. Sunday[10] <Mar. 23 > Many intense tears before and during Mass; all causing submission. <Mass of> the Trinity 8. 1 Monday <Mar. 24>Tears several times during Mass, causing submission.

Mass, causing submission, also some interior impulses.

The Spiritual Diary

{169}

{170} {171} {172}

<Mass> of <the Holy Name of> Jesus 10. a 1- Wednesday <Mar. 26>Tears several times during Mass; before Mass, not without the impulse to tears. Until the Secret[12] of the Mass, not only could I feel no interior submission, but I could not even find any aptitude that would help me. This led me to infer and recognize that I could not be of any assistance to myself in the acquisition of this submission: when I said the Secret, and after that, I experienced the spiritual visitation which caused submission. <Mass of> the Holy Spirit 11. a.l. Thursday <Mar. 27> Tears before Mass; very many during Mass; all causing submission; with vision of the Divine Being in the form of a sphere as on other previous occasions.[13]
[9] [10]

<Mass of> Our Lady 9. a l d Tuesday <Mar.25>Tears before and after Mass; very copious during it; vision of the Divine Being, with the Father as object, in the form of a circle on several occasions,[11] all causing submission.

(173}

(2) (3)

{174}

Ignatius added in the margin the sign for a vision. Fourth Sunday in Lent. [11] Once more the marginal sign for a vision. [12] The Latin term Secreta was used until the Second Vatican Council for the prayer over the oblation said by the priest immediately before the beginning of the Preface. [13] In the margin the sign for a vision.

Fascicle II

<Mass of> the day 14th a. 1 d Sunday[15] < Mar. 30 > Many tears before Mass, in my room, in the chapel, and as I made my preparation; they were very abundant during Mass, continuing throughout; afterwards they were very intense.[16] // At this period of time it occurred to me that my humility, reverence and submission should be not of a man who fears but of a man who loves. So strongly did this impress itself on my soul that with great faith[17] I said, Give me a lovers humility, and so also concerning my reverence and submission. As I said the words, I experienced new visitations. So also I tried to check the tears in order to attend solely to this loving humility, etc. // Later in the day I felt great joy when I remembered this. I resolved not to stop there but afterwards to entertain the same sentiment, viz., that of loving humility, etc., towards creatures, unless on occasions it were for the honor of God Our Lord to conduct myself differently; as it says in todays Gospel,Similis ero vobis, mendax.[18] // During these periods several times I had the vision of the Divine Being in the form of a circle as before.[19]
[14]

<Mass of> Our Lady <13.>[14] Saturday <Mar. 29> No tears before or during Mass and no sign of them: during the customary prayer I received a special, or rather a most special grace: during the greater part of the Mass, I experienced much gentle devotion, as I thought that it was more perfect to be without tears, and to find, like the angels, internal devotion and love; during another part, I felt no less satisfaction than yesterday, or even more.

<Mass of> the Trinity 12. a- 1. Friday <Mar. 28 > Tears during Mass: not without them before Mass.

{175} {176} (2)

67

{177} {178}

(2)

(3) {179} (2)

{180}

The manuscript has been slightly damaged here and the signs at the start of the entry have been lost. [15] Fifth Sunday in Lent. [16] The word for vision is in the margin. [17] The word used, fientadamente, is a puzzle (MHSI 63, p. 131, note 11), and may mean (or have meant to mean) frequentlyor constantly. [18] I should be a liar like you, Jn. 8:55 (where the context well repays examination). [19] Cf. 121, 123, 124, 125, 172. 174.

<Mass of> the day {183} 17. a.1. Wednesday <Apr. 2 > Tears during the customary prayer, also later in my room, in the chapel, and while I vested: very many during Mass.[20] During these periods I occasionally had (2) the vision of the Divine Being, sometimes with the Father for object by means of that representation of a circle:[21] many intuitions and much new interior knowledge. // During periods of greater knowl- {184} edge, or of greater visitations, I recognized that I ought to be equally content if not visited with tears, and to believe anything to be for the best, according to how God Our Lord acted or willed, visitation or no visitation. At times when I was not enjoying these great visi(2) tations, to act in this way seemed to require such perfection that I doubted, or feared, if I would be able to gain this grace. // Later, on {185} another occasion, while enjoying a great visitation, I thought I was finding satisfaction in this, viz,. in believing it to be best if I were not visited by God our Lord; because the reason for not being vis(2) ited would be either a lack of disposition and preparation on my part some time during the day, or my having permitted thoughts that distracted me from the words of <the> sacrifice and from His Divine Majesty. In such cases, when I was at fault, I thought it (3) would be better for me to enjoy no visitations: it is for my spiritual profit that God Our Lord (who loves me more than I love myself) arranges things in this way. Thus it was to my advantage to follow (4) the correct course of action not only during the sacrifice, but all during the day, in order to receive visitations. All this was in accord (5) with what had been hinted at the previous day when I had experienced these and similar intuitions, but then they had been so delicate that I have neither the memory nor the understanding to explain or expose them.
[20] [21]

<Mass of> the day {182} 16. 1. Tuesday <Apr. 1 > Many tears during Mass, causing a loving humility, etc. It occurred to me that, in order to possess this humility during the sacrifice it is necessary to profit from it all during the day allowing no distractions.

<Mass of> the day {181} 15. .1 d. Monday <Mar. 31 > Tears during and after Mass, causing a loving reverence, etc.; at times I realized that neither love nor reverence, etc. were in my power.

68

The Spiritual Diary

In the margin the word for vision. Cf. 180, with note 19.

{187} <Mass of> the day 19. a.l. Friday <Apr. 4>Tears before Mass; very many during Mass, with many intuitions and interior feelings; the same before (2) Mass. When one does not achieve a lovers reverence and submission, one must seek for the submission of one who fears, considering ones own faults, in order to gain the submission of love. {188} <Mass of> the day 20. a.l. Saturday <Apr. 5> Tears before Mass: many tears during Mass.

{186} <Mass of> the day 18. Thursday <Apr. 3 >I had no tears before, during or after (2) Mass: at the end I felt more content without them and also affection, judging that God Our Lord did this for my greater good.

Fascicle II

69

<Mass of> the day 23. 1. Tuesday <Apr .8> Tears during Mass. 25. Thursday <Apr .10> No tears. 26. <Apr. 11>[23] 27. <Apr. 12>
[22] [23]

{190} <Mass of> the day 22. 1. Monday <Apr. 7> Many tears throughout Mass, drawing me to conform my will to the Divine. {191} {192} {193} {194} {195}

{189} <Mass of> the day 21. a.l.d. Sunday[22] <Apr. 6> Tears before Mass: during the Mass, (2) after the Passion, they were abundant and continuous: they led me to conform my will to the Divine; so also, tears after Mass.

24. 1. Wednesday <Apr. 9> Tears during Mass.

Palm Sunday, 1544. Two numbered, but blank, spaces appear here; in 1554 Good Friday and Holy Saturday, when no private Masses are celebrated, fell on those days. Ignatius separated the spaces from the other entries with two lines.

<Mass of> of the day 28. l.d. Easter Sunday <Apr. 13 > Many tears during Mass; and tears after it.

70

The Spiritual Diary

{196} {197}

<Mass of> the day 29. Monday <Apr. 14>I felt a great interior and exterior warmth: it seemed to be more supernatural: no tears. <Mass of> the day 30. Tuesday <Apr. 15> No great consolation, nor desolation; no tears.

{198} {199} {200} {201} {202} {203} {204} {205}

<Mass of> the day 31. .l.d. Wednesday <Apr. 16> Many tears during Mass; and tears after it.

<Mass of> the day 32. a.l.d. Thursday <Apr. 17> Tears before and after Mass; many during it. <Mass of> the day 33. 1 Friday <Apr. 18> Tears during Mass.

35. a.l. Sunday[24] <Apr. 20> Tears during and before Mass. I began my preparation.[25]

<Mass of> the day 34. a.l. Saturday <Apr. 19> Tears during and before Mass.

<Mass of> Our Lady 36. a.l. Monday <Apr 21 > Tears during and before Mass. I must begin, because after a few days I left it.[26] <Mass of> All Saints 37. a.l.d. Tuesday <Apr. 22 > Tears before and after Mass: many and continuous tears during it.
[24] [25]

graph.

In the autograph appears, with lines drawn around it in an oblong, the solitary word, Preparar: it seems to refer back to the heading to March 17, 161. [26] Similar lines as above; see note 25.

First Sunday after Easter; the lines separating 203-207 are in the auto-

38. Wednesday <Apr. 23> No tears. From today, inclusive, I left {206} it.[27] 39. Thursday <Apr. 24 > No tears. <Mass of> St. Mark 30.{28} a.l. Friday <Apr. 25> Tears during Mass and before it. {207} {208} {209} {210} {211} {212} {213} {214} {215} {216} {217} {218} {219} {220} {221}

Fascicle II

71

<Mass of> the Holy Spirit 31. Saturday <Apr. 26 > No tears.

<Mass of> the day 32. a.l. Sunday[29] <Apr. 27> Tears during and before Mass. <Mass of> the Trinity 33. a.l. Monday <Apr. 28> Tears during and before Mass.

34. l Tuesday <Apr. 29> Tears. 35. l Wednesday <Apr. 30> Tears. 36. l Thursday <May 1> Tears. 37. Friday <May 2> No tears. 38. l Saturday <May 3> Tears. 39. l Sunday <May 4> Tears. 40. l Monday <May 5> } I think I had tears. 41. l Tuesday <May 6> } 42. Wednesday <May 7> } I think I had no tears. 43. Thursday <May 8> } 44. Friday <May 8 } 45. 1 Saturday <May 10> Many during Mass. 46. a.l Sunday <May 11> Tears before Mass; very many and continuous tears during Mass; the internal loquela {30} of the Mass
[27]

See the two previous notes: in all three cases it is impossible to say precisely what Ignatius had in mind. He seems to be referring to some point of the Constitutions. [28] Ignatius repeats the numbers 30-39; similarly below he writes 40 instead of 60 after 59, and then continues 41, etc. All of these seem to be simply errors. [29] Second Sunday after Easter. [30] The first mention in the Diary of this mysterious loquela (a Latin/Italian word that means speech, discourse, talking): the commentators discuss its possible classification among the mystic gifts mentioned by St. John of the Cross, and the editors of the editio princeps refer to the Imitation of Christ (III 13). There is a fascinating psychoanalytical comment in L. Beirnaerts article (see Christus 42 [1964]: 195-208). References to it stop after May 28.

seemed even more divinely granted, as I had prayed for it this very (2) day because during the week I had sometimes experienced the external loquela, and sometimes not, but the internal, more rarely, although on Saturday I found <it> a little more clear.[31] // So also {222} during all the Masses of the week, although I was not so visited with tears, yet I experienced greater quiet or contentment throughout Mass from the pleasure of the loquelas, with the devotion I could feel, than at other times when during part of the Mass I had tears. Those <tears> that came today seemed completely different from (2) all others in the past: they came so slowly, seemed so from within, and were so gentle, without clamor or great impulses. I thought they came from deep inside though I cannot explain it. During the (3) internal and external loquela, I felt wholly moved to the divine love and to this gift of loquela divinely granted; I felt within me a great harmony accompanying the internal loquela, but I cannot express it. ON THIS SUNDAY, BEFORE MASS, I BEGAN, AND RESOLVED TO CONTINUE WITH, THE CONSTITUTIONS {223}

72

The Spiritual Diary

{225} <Mass of> St. Sebastian 48. .a.l d. Tuesday <May 13> Tears before and after Mass; very many during Mass together with the internal loquela which came in a wonderful manner and was greater than at other times. {226} <Mass of> Our Ladys Conception 49. .a.l. Wednesday <May 14> Tears before Mass and many later during it, while the same internal loquela continued. {227} <Mass> of <the Holy Name of> Jesus 50. Thursday <May 15> No tears; some loquela; I was disturbed by someone whistling, but was not so greatly disquieted.
[31]

{224} <Mass> of All Saints 47. .1 d. Monday <May 12 > Many tears during Mass; tears also after Mass. All these were like those of the previous day. I took (2) great pleasure in the internal loquela; at the same time I found it resembling, or myself remembering, the loquela or music of heaven. My devotion and affection increased and I wept as I felt that when I had these feelings or when I was learning in this way, it was due to God.

An ambiguous phrase, aunque el sbado hallaba un poco ms apurado, which some interpret, although on Saturday I found myself rather troubled.

Fascicle II

<Mass of> the Holy Spirit 51. a.1 Friday <May 16> Tears before Mass, and many during it, {228} together with the loquela. <Mass of> the Trinity {229} 52. a.l Saturday <May 17> Tears before Mass; many and continuous during it; with the wonderful internal loquela.

73

<Mass of> the Litanies[33] 54. 1. Monday <May 19 > Tears and loquela.

<Mass> of the day {230} [32] 53. Sunday <May 18> No tears; some loquela, no bodily strength, and also no perturbation. {231}

<Mass of> All Saints {232} 55. Tuesday <May 20 > No tears and no perturbation; some loquela. <Mass of> Our Lady 56. Wednesday <May 21 > No tears; much loquela. {233}

<Mass of> the Ascension {234} 57. .a.l. Thursday <May 22 > Many tears before Mass both in my room and in the chapel: no tears during the greater part of the Mass: there was much loquela. However, I began to have doubts (2) about the pleasure and delight caused by the loquela lest it were due to an evil spirit, seeing that the spiritual visitation of tears had ceased. A little later I thought I was taking excessive pleasure in the (3) tone of the loquela, that is, in the mere sound, without paying sufficient attention to the meaning of the words and of the loquela. At (4) once the tears came, very many and very often, so that I realized that I was being instructed in the method I should follow. And I hoped for ever greater learning in the future. <Mass of> the Ascension 58. .1. Friday <May 23 > Tears. {235} {236}

<Mass of> the Holy Spirit 59. Saturday <May 24 > No tears.
[32] [33]

Fifth Sunday of Easter. Rogation day before the Ascension.

74

{239} <Mass of> the Ascension 42. a.l. Tuesday <May 27> Tears before Mass; also many tears during Mass, together with the internal loquela which gradually increased. {240} <Mass of> the Ascension 43. .a 1 d. Wednesday <May 28> Tears before and after Mass; many tears and the wonderful internal loquela during it. {241} <Mass of> the Ascension 44. a.l.d. Thursday <May 29> Tears before, during and after Mass. {242} {243} {244} {245} {246} {247} {248} {249} {250}

{238} <Mass of> the Ascension 41. l. Monday <May 26> Tears and the internal loquela during Mass.

40. a.l. Sunday <May 25> Many tears in my room, and tears in {237} the chapel, before Mass: very many and continuous tears during Mass, together with the two wonderful loquelas.

The Spiritual Diary

45. Friday <May 30 > No tears. 46. 1 Saturday <May 31> Tears. 47. 1 Sunday[34] <June 1> Tears. 48. Monday <June 2> No tears. 49. Tuesday <June 3> No tears. 50. .1. Wednesday <June 4> Many and continuous tears. 51. Thursday <June 5> No tears. 52. Friday <June 6> No tears. 53. Saturday <June 7> No tears.

{251} <Mass of> the Trinity 54. a.l. Sunday[35] <June 8> Tears, in my room and in the chapel, before Mass; many and continuous tears during it. {252} <Mass of> the Trinity 55. .l.d. Monday <June 9>Tears continuously during Mass; and also tears after Mass.
[34] {35}

Whit Sunday, 1544. Trinity Sunday.

Fascicle II

<Mass of> the Trinity. 56. .l.d. Tuesday <June 10> The same. <Mass of> the Trinity 57. Wednesday <June 11> No tears.

{253} {254} {255} {256} {257} {258} {259}

75

<Mass of> Corpus Domini 60. l Saturday <June 14> Tears

<Mass of> Corpus Domini 59. Friday <June 13> No tears.

<Mass of> Corpus Domini[36] 58. Thursday <June 12> No tears.

< Mass > of the day 61. Sunday[37] <June 15 > No tears.

<Mass of> Corpus Christi 62. 1 Monday <June 16> Many and continuous tears.

<Mass of> Corpus Domini 64. 1 Wednesday <June 18 > Tears.

<Mass of> Corpus Domini {260} 63. .a.l. Tuesday <June 17 > Tears, in my room and in the chapel, before Mass; many and continuous during it. {261}

<Mass of> the Holy Spirit 66. Friday <June 20 > No tears.

<Mass of> Corpus Domini {262} 65. .a. Thursday <June 19> Tears, in my room and in the chapel, before Mass; none during it. {263} {264} {265}

<Mass of> the Trinity 67. 1 Saturday <June 21 > Tears.

< Mass > of the day 68. 1 Sunday[38] <June 22 > Tears.
Feast of Corpus Christi. Second Sunday after Pentecost. [38] Third Sunday after Pentecost
[36] [37]

<Mass of> the Trinity {266} 69. a.l. Monday <June 23 > Many and continuous tears during Mass; tears also, in my room and in the chapel, before it. < Mass of St. John the > Baptist[39] {267} 70. a 1 Tuesday <June 24 > Many tears before Mass, in my room and in the chapel; very many and continuous during Mass. <Mass of St.. John the> Baptist {268} 71. 1.d. Wednesday < June 26 > Many and continuous tears during and after Mass. <Mass of St John the> Baptist 72. 1 Thursday <June 26 > Tears. {269}

76

The Spiritual Diary

74. .a. Saturday <June 28 > Tears before Mass, almost without {271} them during it. 75. .a. Sunday{40} <June 29 > Tears before but not during Mass. <Mass of> the Trinity {273} 76. a.l.d. Monday <June 30 > Many tears before, after and during Mass. <Mass of> the Trinity 77. a.l. Tuesday <July 1> Many tears before and during Mass. {274} {272}

73. .a. Friday < June 27 > Tears before Mass; almost without them {270} during it.

<Mass of> the Visitation <of> Our Lady {275} 78. a.l.d. Wednesday <July 2> Many tears before, during and after Mass.
[39] [40]

This is also the feastday of St. John the Baptist. Fourth Sunday after Pentecost; in 1544 it coincided with the feast of Saints Peter and Paul, and Iparraguirre notes his surprise that Ignatius, despite his great devotion to Saint Peter, makes no mention of it (p. 375, note 342).

<Mass of the Five> Wounds[41] {276} 79. .a. Thursday <July 3> Many tears before Mass, in my room and in the chapel; no tears during Mass. <Mass of> the Trinity {277} 40.[42] a.l.d. Friday <July 4> Very many tears before Mass, in my room and in the chapel, and during Mass; tears also after it. 41. 1 Saturday <July 5> Tears. 42. Sunday[43] <July 6> No tears. {278} {279} {281} {282} {283}

Fascicle II

77

44. .a.l Tuesday <July 8> Many tears before and during Mass. 45. Wednesday <July 9> No tears. 46. Thursday <July 10 > I do not know.

43. Monday <July 7> No tears.

(280}

47. a.l.d. Friday <July 11 > Very many tears before, during and {284} after Mass: completely <resolved> to take pleasure in Christ alone. 48. .a.l. Saturday <July 12 > Very many tears before and during {285} Mass: <resolved> to remain with Our Lord. 50. .a.l Monday <July 14 > Tears during Mass and before it. 51. l Tuesday <July 15> Tears. 52. Wednesday <July 16> No tears. 54. l Friday <July 18> Tears.
[41] [42]

49. Sunday[44] <July 13> No tears.

{286} {287} {288} {289} {290} {291}

53. Thursday <July 17> No tears.

Cf. 89, with note 83. Again an error in the numbering as Ignatius started a new page in the autograph; he has written 40 in place of 80 and then continued 41-79 once more. [43] Fifth Sunday after Pentecost. [44] Sixth Sunday after Pentecost.

56.[45] a.l. Saturday <July > Many and continuous, before and dur- {292} ing Mass. 57. a.l. Sunday[46] <July 20 > Many, before and during Mass. 58. Monday <July 21 > Almost without them. {293} {294}

78

The Spiritual Diary

59. .a. Tuesday <July 22> Tears before Mass; almost without them {295} during Mass. 60. a.l.d Wednesday <July 23 > Very many tears before and dur- {296} ing Mass; tears also after Mass. 61. .a. Thursday <July 24 > Many before Mass; none during it. 62. .a. Friday <July 25 > Many before Mass; none during it. {297} {298} {299}

64. a.l.d. Sunday[47] <July 27 > Many tears before, during and after {300} Mass. 65. a.l. Monday <July 28 > Very many tears before and during {301} Mass.

63. l.d. Saturday <July 26 > Many during Mass; also after it.

66. a.l.d. Tuesday < July 29 > Very many tears before, during and {302} after Mass. 68. a.l.d. Thursday <July 31> Very many tears before, during and {304} after Mass. 69. a. Friday <Aug. l > Tears before Mass; none during it. 70. a.l. Saturday <Aug. 2> Many tears before and during Mass. {306}
[45] This number is probably an error for 55, which has been inadvertently omitted by Ignatius. [46] Seventh Sunday after Pentecost. {47] Eighth Sunday after Pentecost.

67. a. Wednesday <July 30 > Tears before Mass; none during it.

{303}

{305}

Fascicle II

72. a.1. Monday <Aug. 4> Tears before Mass; very many and con- {308} tinuous during Mass: many times I lost the power of speech. 73. a.l. Tuesday <Aug. 5> Many tears before Mass, and occasion- {309} ally during it. 74. Wednesday <Aug. 6> No tears. 75. .a.l. Thursday <Aug. 7> Many tears before and during Mass. {311} 76. .a. Friday <Aug. 8> Tears before Mass; none during it. {312} {313} {314} {310}

71. l Sunday[48] <Aug. 3> Many tears during Mass.

{307}

79

<78.>[49] Sunday[50] <Aug. 10> I do not remember.

77. 1 Saturday <Aug. 9> Many tears during Mass.

79. a 1 d Monday <Aug. 11> Tears before and after Mass; many {315} during it. 80. a.l Tuesday <Aug. 12> Tears before Mass and many during it. {316} {317} {318} {319} {320} {322} {323}

81. Wednesday <Aug. 13> No tears. 83. Friday <Aug. 15> No tears. 82. Thursday <Aug. 14> No tears.

84. 1 Saturday <Aug. 16> Tears during Mass. 89.[52] Monday <Aug. 18> No tears.

85. a.l Sunday[51] <Aug. 17> Many tears before and during Mass. {321}

90. 1 Tuesday <Aug. 19> Tears during Mass.

[48] [49]

Ninth Sunday after Pentecost. The number was omitted, but a gap left for it. [50] Tenth Sunday after Pentecost [51] Eleventh Sunday after Pentecost. [52] Ignatius seems to have misread his 85 for 88, and thus omitted 86-88.

80

92. a.l. Thursday < Aug. 21 > Very many tears before Mass, both {325} in my room and out of my room: the same continously during Mass. 93. a.l. Friday <Aug. 22> Many tears before and during Mass. 94. a. Saturday <Aug. 23> Many before Mass; none during it. In {327} the intervening period, I was ill and did not say Mass.[53] {328} 100. .a.l Friday <Aug. 29> Many tears before and during Mass. 101. .a 1 d. Saturday <Aug. 30> Many tears before, during and {330} after Mass. {329} {326}

91. a 1 Wednesday <Aug. 20> Tears before Mass and many dur- {324} ing it.

The Spiritual Diary

102. .a 1 d. Sunday[54] < Aug. 31 > The same, continuous and very {331} abundant. 104. .a 1. Tuesday <Sep. 2> Many tears before Mass; some during {333} it. 106. .a 1 d. Thursday < Sep. 4 > Very many tears before, during {335} and after Mass. 107. Friday <Sep. 5> No tears. 108. a.l. Saturday <Sep. 6> Many tears before and during Mass. {337} 110. a.l Monday <Sep. 8> Many tears before and during Mass.
[53]

103. .a. Monday <Sep. l> Many tears before Mass; none during it. {332}

105. .l.d. Wednesday <Sep. 3> Tears after Mass; many during it. {334}

{336} {338} {339}

109. Sunday[55]<Sep. 7> No tears.

August 24-28 inclusive: Ignatius made allowance for these five days in the numbering of his entries. [54] Thirteenth Sunday after Pentecost. [55] Fourteenth Sunday after Pentecost

Fascicle II

110.[56] 1 Tuesday <Sep. 9> Some tears.

111. .a.l d. Wednesday <Sep. 10> Many tears before, during and {341} after Mass. 112. a.l.d. Thursday < Sep. 11 > Many tears before, during and {342} after Mass. 113. .a l d Friday <Sep. 12> The same. 114. .a 1. Saturday <Sep. 13> Many tears before and during Mass. {344} {345} {346} {347} {343}

{340}

81

115. .a 1. Sunday[57] <Sep. 14> The same. 116. .a 1. Monday <Sep. 15> The same. 117. .a 1. Tuesday <Sep. 16> The same.

118. .l d.Wednesday <Sep. 17> Many tears during and after Mass. {348} 120. .a 1 d. Friday <Sep. 19> Many tears before, during and after {350} Mass. 121. .a 1. Saturday <Sep. 20> Many tears before and during Mass. {351} 123. a Monday <Sep. 22< Many before Mass. 122. a Sunday[58] <Sep. 21> Many before Mass. {352} {353} 119. .a 1 Thursday <Sep. 18> Many tears before and during Mass. {349}

124. .a l. Tuesday <Sep. 23> Many before Mass, and occasionally {354} during it. 125. .d Wednesday <Sep. 24> Tears late after Mass. 126. .a. Thursday <Sep. 25> Many before Mass.
Another error in the numbering. Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost. [58] Sixteenth Sunday after Pentecost.
[56] [57]

{355} {356}

82

127. a 1 d Friday <Sep. 26> Many tears before and during Mass; {357} tears also after it. 128. a 1 Saturday <Sep. 27> Many before and during Mass. 129. a 1 Sunday[59] <Sep. 28> Many before and during Mass. {358} {359}

The Spiritual Diary

130. a 1 Monday <Sep. 29> Tears during Mass and many before {360} it. 131. a 1 Tuesday <Sep. 30> Many tears before and during Mass. {361}

<Oct.> 2 a 1 Thursday, many before and during Mass. <Oct.> 3 a 1 Friday, many before and during Mass

1[60] a 1 Today, Wednesday, the first of October, many <tears> before {362} and during Mass. {363} {364} {365}

<Oct.> 4 l.d. Saturday before .o.c.y., and very many during Mass; {366} also after Mass.
Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost. From this point onwards, Ignatius numbers his entries according the date. [61] It is clear that the new dots are those over the letter a, and that they correspond to the letters o, c, y, which now appear in the Diary: they are shorthand for the following: o the first period of prayer, which at this period of his life was usually made by Ignatius before rising, owing to his bad health; c the prayer made in his room preparatory to saying Mass; y the prayer made in the church or chapel also in preparation for Mass. The three dots over the letter a signify that there were tears during all three periods, whereas two refers to only two periods. However, it is not clear what is meant by the reference to dots which will no longer be inserted (MHSI 63, p. cix); probably the signs first used on March 18, 165) are here called dots (puntos). {USA Editors note: since an a with three dots over it exceeds the capacity of the type font being used here, the symbol will be used instead. For the same reason, the symbol will substitute for an a with one dot. On the rare occasions when Ignatius writes an a with four dots atop it, the symbol [] will be used here.}
[59] [60]

HERE BEGIN THE DOTS AND I NO LONGER INSERT THOSE USED BEFORE[61]

<Oct.> 6 1 Monday, before o.c.y., and very many during Mass, {368} making me fear a loss of sight; continuous. <Oct.> 7 1 Tuesday, before o.c.y., and very many during Mass con- {369} tinuous; I knew my sight was in danger. <Oct.> 8 a 1 d. Wednesday, before .o., and during Mass; very many {370} after Mass, and continuous; throughout.[63] <Oct.> 9 . Thursday, very many before o.c.y. <Oct.> 10 a.l. Friday, many tears before .o. and some during Mass. {372} <Oct.> 11 .a l d. Saturday, before, .o. and many during and after. {373} {371}

<Oct.> 5 l.d. Sunday[62] before o.c.y., and very, very many during {367} Mass; often I lost the power of speech; continuous, so that I feared to lose my sight; after Mass more tears.

Fascicle II

83

<Oct.> 12 l.d. t[64] Sunday[65] before .c.y.; many during Mass; and {374} many later after Mass. <Oct> 13 1 Monday, many during Mass. <Oct.> 14 Tuesday, many during .c.y. {375} {376}

<Oct.> 15 1 Wednesday: until the middle of the Mass I felt a warmth {377} and the desire to weep; later, due to the consideration and clear realization that, in the midst of my desires. God was on guard,[66] I wept and the tears continued during the Mass. <Oct.> 16 a 1 d Thursday, before .y. and many during and after {378} Mass. <Oct.> 17 . 1 d. Friday, before .c. and many during and after Mass. {379}
Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost. The words the day are probably implied. [64] The letter t (used only here) seems to mean tarde ( = later in the day). [65] Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost. [66] This seems to be the meaning of the cryptic en guarda: cf. MHSI 63, p. 150, note 30.
[62] [63]

84

<Oct.> 19 1. d. Sunday,[67] before .c.y. and many during Mass.

<Oct.> 18 a.l. Saturday, before c., and some during Mass.

The Spiritual Diary

{380} {381}

<Oct.> 23 1 d Thursday, tears before .o.c.y., and very many con- {385} tinuously during Mass; tears also after Mass. <Oct.> 24 .a.l. Friday, before o; and many during Mass. <Oct.> 25 1 Saturday, before .o.c.y; some during Mass. <Oct.> 27 1 Monday, before .c.y; and many during it. {386} {387} {388} {389}

<Oct.> 22 1 d Wednesday, o.c.y; and very many continuously dur- {384} ing Mass; tears also after Mass.

<Oct.> 21 1 d Tuesday, c.y; and very many continuously during {383} and after Mass: I feared for my eyes. I begged that when no tears came, I might have contentment without conflicting thoughts, etc.

<Oct.> 20 1 d Monday, before c.y. and very many during and after {382} it.

<Oct.> 26 1 d Sunday,[68] before .o.c.y; and many during Mass.

<Oct.> 31 ..l.d. Friday, before o.c.y; very many continuously dur- {393} ing Mass; also after Mass. l 1 Saturday, the first of November; before .o.c.y; very, very {394} many continuously during Mass.
[67] [68]

<Oct.> 30 . 1 Thursday, before o.c.y.; very many tears continuous- {392} ly during Mass.

<Oct.> 29 . 1 d. Wednesday, before o.c.y; many continuously dur- {391} ing Mass and after it.

<Oct.> 28 .a 1 d Tuesday, before y; and many tears during; some {390} also after Mass.

Twentieth Sunday after Pentecost. Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost.

Fascicle II

<Nov.> 2 1 Sunday,[69] before .o.c.y; very many continuously dur- {395} ing Mass. <Nov. > 3 .l.d. Monday, before .o.c.y; very many continuously dur- {396} ing Mass; tears also after Mass. <Nov.> 4 1 Tuesday, before .o.c; many during Mass. <Nov.> 5 l Wednesday, before .c.y; and during Mass. {397} {398} {400}

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<Nov.> 6 a 1 d Thursday, before .o; and during Mass; many after it. {399} <Nov.> 8 1 d. Saturday, before .o.c.y; many continuously during {401} Mass; tears also after Mass. {402} <Nov.> 7 1 Friday, before .o.y; many continuously during Mass.

<Nov.> 9 1 Sunday,[70] before .c.y; many during Mass.

<Nov. > 10 a 1 d Monday, before .o.c.y; very many during Mass; also {403} after it. <Nov.> 11 1 Tuesday, o c y; very many continuously during Mass. {404} <Nov.> 13 Thursday, before o.c. <Nov.> 12 1 Wednesday, .c.y; some during Mass. {405} {406}

<Nov.> 17 . l. Monday, before .o.y; very many continuously during {410} Mass.
Twenty-second Sunday after Pentecost. Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost. [71] Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost.
[69] [70]

<Nov.> 16 1 d. Sunday,[71] before o.c.y; very many during Mass; so {409} also after it.

< Nov.> 15 .l.d. Saturday, before .c.y; very many continuously dur- {508} ing Mass; also after it.

<Nov.> 14 1 d Friday, before .o.c; many during Mass; also after it. {407}

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<Nov.> 18 .a. Tuesday, before .o.

The Spiritual Diary

<Nov.> 19 a.l. Wednesday, before o. and many during Mass.

{411} {412}

<Nov.> 20 a 1 d Thursday, before .c. and many during and after {413} Mass. <Nov.> 21 1 Friday, before o.c.y., and during Mass; at times I could {414} not speak. <Nov.> 22 1 d Saturday, before .o.c.y; many during and after {415} Mass.

<Nov. 23 1 d Sunday,[72] before .o.c.y., and very, very many during {416} Mass; very often I was deprived of the power of speech: tears also after Mass. <Nov.> 24 1 Monday, before o.c.y., and many during Mass. <Nov.> 26 I did not say Mass. <Nov.> 25 1 d Tuesday, many during Mass; tears also after Mass. {417} {418} {419}

<Nov.> 27 1 d Thursday, before .c.y; many during Mass; tears also {420} after it. <Nov.> 28 1 d Friday, before .o.c.y; very many during Mass, and {421} so also after it. <Nov.> 29 1 d Saturday, before .o.c.y; very many during Mass, {422} and so also after it.

<Nov.> 30 1 d Sunday,[73] before .o.c, and during Mass; also later {423} after it. 1 l d Monday, the first of December; before .o.c.y.; many during {424} Mass; also later after it.
[72] [73]

Last Sunday after Pentecost. First Sunday in Advent, 1544.

Fascicle II

< Dec. > 2 l d Tuesday, before o.y; very many during Mass, and so {425} also after it. <Dec. > 4 l d Thursday, before .o.y; many during Mass; tears also {427} after it. <Dec.> 5 l d Friday, before .o.y; some during Mass; also after it. <Dec.> 6 l d Saturday, before .o.c.y; tears also during Mass, and {429} many after it. {430} {431} {432} {433} {428} <Dec.> 3 Wednesday, before .o. {426}

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<Dec.> 9 1 d Tuesday, .c.y; many during Mass; and after it. <Dec.> 10 1 Wednesday, .o.c.y; very many during Mass.

<Dec.> 8 l d. Monday, o.c; very many during Mass; and after it.

<Dec.> 7 a 1 Sunday,[74] before .c, and many during Mass.

< Dec. > 11 l d Thursday, .o.c.y; very many during Mass; also later {434} after it. <Dec.> 13 l d Saturday, .o.c.y; very many during Mass; and after {436} it. <Dec.> 14 l d Sunday,[75] .o.c.y; very many during Mass; and after {437} it. <Dec.> 15 l Monday, c.y; many during Mass. {438} {439} {440} <Dec.> 12 l d Friday, .o.c.y; very many during Mass; and after it. {435}

<Dec.> 16 1 Tuesday, .c.y; also during Mass.

<Dec.> 18 l d Thursday, .c.y; many during Mass; tears also after it. {441}
[74] [75]

<Dec.> 17 l Wednesday, o.c.y; also during Mass.

Second Sunday in Advent. Third Sunday in Advent.

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<Dec.> 19 a l Friday, .c; very many during Mass.

The Spiritual Diary

<Dec. 20> l d Saturday, .c.y; very many during Mass; also after it. {443} <Dec. 21> l d Sunday,[76] c y; many during Mass; also after it. <Dec. 22> a c. I did not say Mass.) <Dec. 23> a c I did not say Mass.) <Dec. 24> a c I did not say Mass.) {444} {445}

{442}

<Dec.> 25 [] I I.d[77] Thursday, c.y. and during Mass; c.y. and very {446} many during Mass; some during the third; also afterwards in my room. <Dec.> 27 1 d Saturday, .o.c.y; very many continuously during {448} Mass; also after it. <Dec.> 28 1 d Sunday,[78] c.y; many during Mass: also after it. <Dec.> 29 1 d Monday, .o.c.y; very many continuously during {450} Mass; also after it. {449} <Dec.> 26 Friday, .c.y. {447}

<Dec. > 31 1 d Wednesday, .o.c.y; very many continuously during {452} Mass; also after it. 1 1 the first of January <1545>, Thursday, o.c; and during Mass. {453}

<Dec.> 30 1 d Tuesday, .o.c.y; very many continuously during {451} Mass; also after it.

During this period <i.e. January 2-10, incl.> I did not say Mass; tears every day with one exception.
[76] [77]

Fourth Sunday in Advent. The four dots and two Is refer to the extra Masses, with their respective periods of preparatory prayer, celebrated on Christmas Day. [USA Ed.: limitations of font here require 2 as, with 2 dots over each; Ignatius himself wrote one a with 4 dots over it.] [78] Feast of the Holy Innocents.

Fascicle II

< Jan.> 12 .l.d. Monday, before o c y and very many during Mass; {455} also after it. <Jan.>20 1 Tuesday, before o.c.y., and very many during Mass. <Jan.> 21 1 Wednesday, before .c.y., and during Mass. I did not say Mass <i.e. January 13-19, inc.>. {456} {457} {458}

<Jan.> 11 [][79] 1 d Sunday,[80] before o c y., and very many during {454} Mass; also after it.

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<Jan.> 22 1 d Thursday, before c.y; very many continuously dur- {459} ing Mass; also after it. <Jan.> 23 1. Friday, very many during Mass. <Jan.> 24 1 d Saturday, before o.c.y; very many during; also after {461} it. <Jan.> 25 1 Sunday,[81] before .c.y., and very many during Mass. I did not say Mass during this period <i.e., January 26-31, incl.>. {462} {463} {460}

1. 1 d the first of February, Sunday, before o c y; very many con- {464} tinuously during Mass; also after it. <Feb.> 2 1 d Monday, before o c y; very many continuously dur- {465} ing Mass; also after it. <Feb.> 3 a 1 d Tuesday, before .o; very many during Mass; also after {466} it. <Feb.> 4 1 d Wednesday, before o c y; very many continuously {467} during Mass; also after it.
[79]

Exceptionally Ignatius seems to have written four dots here, but the meaning of the extra dot is not clear. [See also USA Ed.s remark in note 77, above.] [80] Sunday within the Octave of the Epiphany, 1545. [81] Third Sunday after Epiphany.

<Feb.> 6 1 d Friday, before .o c y; many during Mass; also after it. {469} <Feb. > 7 1 d Saturday, before o c y; very many during Mass; also {470} after it.

<Feb. > 5 1 d Thursday, before o c y; very many continuously dur- {468} ing Mass; also after it.

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<Feb.> 8 1 d Sunday,[82] before c y; many during Mass; also after {471} it. <Feb.> 9 a 1 d Monday, before .y; many during Mass; also after it. <Feb.> 10 1 d Tuesday, before o c; many during Mass; also after it. {473} <Feb.> 11 a 1 d Wednesday, before .o c y and very many during {474} Mass; also after it. {472}

<Feb.> 12 1 d Wednesday, before o c y; very many during Mass; {475} also later after it. <Feb.> 14 a 1 Saturday, .c y; many during Mass. <Feb. > 13 d Friday, before o c y; and later after it. {476} {477} {478}

<Feb.> 15 1 d Sunday,[83] .c y; during Mass; and after it.

<Feb.> 17[84] 1 d Tuesday, c y; very many continuously during {480} Mass; also after it. < Feb. > 18 1 d Ash Wednesday: .o.c.y; very many continuously {481} during Mass; also after it.
Sexagesima Sunday, 1545. Quinquagesima Sunday. [84] The line drawn across the page after this entry in the autograph indicates not the start of a new month (as for OctoberFebruary), but the beginning of Lent.
[82] [83]

<Feb.> 16 1 d Monday, o c y; very many continuously during Mass {479} and after it.

Fascicle II

<Feb.> 19 1 d Thursday, o c y; very many continuously during {482} Mass; also after it. < Feb. > 20 1 d Friday, o c y; very many continuously during Mass; {483} also after it. <Feb.> 21 1 d Saturday, o c y; very many during Mass; also after {484} it.

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<Feb.> 1 d Sunday,[85] o c y; very many continuously during Mass; {485} also after it. <Feb.> 23 1 d Monday, o c y; during Mass; also after it. <Feb.> 24 1 d Tuesday, o c y; many during Mass; also after it. <Feb.> 25 1 d Wednesday, o c y; during Mass; also after it. {486} {487} {488}

<Feb.> 26 1 d Thursday, o c y; very many continuously during {489} Mass; also after it. < Feb.> 27 1 d Friday, o c y; very many continuously during Mass; {490} also after it.

PROS AND CONS IN AN ELECTION

The following lists of considerations were written by Ignatius and used by him in the process of the election recorded in the first fascicle of the Diary: cf. 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 34, 35. Strictly the point in question concerns only the sacristies of churches belonging to professed houses. However, Ignatius widens the issue considerably: the election becomes one of complete as opposed to partial poverty. The term partial income is used in this translation to convey the phrase en parte, in opposition to complete income (en todo); a partial income is one that is stable, but is only to be used for certain limited purposes, e.g., the upkeep of the church.
[85]

INTRODUCTION

First Sunday in Lent.

cA critical edition of the autograph is included in MHSI 63, pp. 78-83; the editors point out that the sheet of paper has been bound wrongly folded into the Codex (A) now preserved in the Societys archives. Ignatius wrote out the Cons and then the pros for poverty in two parallel columns, left and right, on the sheet in front of him, then turned the sheet over and continued to list the arguments pro on the left side, with one (which he crossed out) at the top of the right-hand side; the sheet was eventually folded down the middle, but inside out, so that it looked as if Ignatius had begun with the pros. THE DISADVANTAGES ARISING FROM A LACK OF ANY INCOME ARE THE ADVANTAGES OF HAVING EITHER A COMPLETE OR A PARTIAL INCOME 1st If the Society were to possess a partial or a complete income, it could probably maintain itself better.

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The Spiritual Diary

2nd If such is possessed, <members of the Society> will not cause trouble and disedification by begging, especially as it would be clerics who would have to go begging. 3rd If such is possessed, they will be less troubled and bothered by a disordered solicitude in searching for alms.

4th They will be able to give themselves with greater order and peace to the duties and set prayers.

5th The time spent in asking and seeking for alms could be used for preaching, hearing confessions, and other pious works. 6th The church will probably be kept cleaner and finer, more suited to rouse devotion; also it will be possible to rebuild it.

The phrase gouernando mejor a sus cuerpos literally means keeping better control of their bodies, but the sense seems to be that given above.
[1]

7th Similarly, <members of the Society> will be able to devote more time to study, and so give more spiritual help to other people and take more care of their own health.[1]

Fascicle II

8th On a former occasion, after two members of the Society had examined the point, the others gave their unanimous approbation.[2] THE DISADVANTAGES ARISING FROM THE POSSESSION <OF INCOME > ARE THE ADVANTAGES OF NOT HAVING ANYTHING, i.e.,

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1st If <members of the Society> could possess <such an income>, they would be less diligent in helping people, and less ready to travel and suffer hardships. Also it is not then so easy to win others to true poverty and self-abnegation in all things, as is explained in the advantages of not possessing anything explained below. ADVANTAGES ARISING FROM, AND REASONS IN FAVOR OF, HAVING NO INCOME WHATSOEVER[3]

1st The Society gains greater spiritual strength, and increased devotion, the more it contemplates and imitates the Son of the Blessed Virgin, our Creator and Lord, so poor and so afflicted. 2nd[4] Union with the Church seems to be more affectionate, if all are at one in possessing nothing, thinking of Christ poor in the Blessed Sacrament.
He refers to the first draft of the Constitutions, drawn up in the spring of 1541 by Ignatius and Codure, and submitted for approval to all ten of the first companions; it was agreed that sacristies of churches belonging to professed houses should be allowed to possess income: cf. MHSI 63, p. 35. [3] Ignatius began to add here a new section, but then crossed it out (so that the text is somewhat uncertain): The disadvantages arising from the possession of a partial income (quite apart from being the advantages of not having anything) are the following: 1st, one Superior would have charge over those who are allowed this income, for he would superintend the distribution of it, and he would have charge over those who are not allowed it; also he would have to take from the same house what is necessary for himself or for those of the Society; this does not seem right. [4] The number is repeated in the autograph, probably an error characteristic of Ignatiuss handling of numbers (as appears in the Diary).
[2]

2nd The worlds avarice is put to shame when one seeks no security.

4th This causes humiliation and aids union with the One who humbled himself more than any other. 4th[5] <The Society> lives more oblivious of worldly consolations.

3rd It is easier to put all ones trust in God Our Lord, if one is cut off from everything of the world.

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5th Its hope in God is more continuous, and its work in His Service more diligent. 6th In general, greater edification is given if men see that nothing of this world is being sought. 7th One can speak with greater freedom of spirit, and with more efficacy, of all spiritual things that are for the greater profit of souls.

9th Others are more strongly persuaded to true poverty if that poverty is practised to which Christ Our Lord urges, when he says Everyone who has forsaken father, etc.[6] 10th <Members of the Society > will probably be more diligent in helping others, and more ready to travel and suffer hardships.

8th The daily reception of alms helps and urges one on to give more spiritual assistance to souls.

12th Jesus, the Lord of us all, chose this poverty for Himself, and this was what He taught them, when He sent his apostles and beloved disciples to preach.

11th Poverty that excludes the possession of any income is more perfect than one that admits either a partial or a complete income.

13th When, with complete unanimity,[7] all ten of us chose this <poverty>, we took as our head Jesus Himself, our Creator and Lord, to go forward under his banner, to preach and exhort, as is our profession.
Another repeat; see note 4. Mt. 19:29; Mk. 10:29. [7] Ignatius uses the Latin phrase, nemine discrepante.
[5] [6]

14th It was on this understanding that we asked for, and obtained, the papal bull; similarly after waiting one year for it to be expedited, we kept to our decision and it was confirmed by His Holiness.[8]

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15th Immutability is a characteristic of God; mutability and change are those of the enemy.[9]
.

The editors of the editio princeps are the first to point out that none of the early companions, Ignatius included, ever voiced the opinion that the bull of Paul III raised any objection to the sacristies of the churches of professed houses possessing a fixed income. [9] Ignatius added one more argument, but then crossed it out: 16 There are three ways of maintaining the Society: 1st, all members, or nearly all, should be men of letters; 2nd, some means could probably be found to house and clothe the scholastics, and to pay their traveling expenses; 3rd, for the equipment and other things the Society needs, even some of those who will probably enter could probably help.
[8]