Chapter 3

Understanding the Self: Self-Concept

1. What is a Self-Concept?
a. Self-Concept: stable ideas about who you are. It is your identity: your understanding
of who you are.
b. Self-Concept Are Multifaceted
i. The self is a collection of smaller selves, each representing only one aspect of who a
person is.
1. Can by broken down by name, physical and social categories, skills and
interests, relationship to others, and self-evaluations.
ii. All the different ways you would describe yourself are pieces of your overall self-
concept.
iii. One way to think about your self-concept is to distinguish between aspects of
yourself that are known to others and aspects that are known only to you.
1. 1955, American psychologists Luft and Ingham create the Johari Window, a
visual representation of the self as composed of four parts. Each part is not
necessarily of equal importance for each individual or relationship. The
areas can also change as a person or a relationship changes.
a. Open area consists of characteristics that are known both to the self
and to others.
i. Ex: name, sex, hobbies, academic major
b. Hidden area consists of characteristics that you know about
yourself, but choose not to reveal to others.
i. Ex: emotional insecurities or past traumas
c. Blind area consists of characteristics that others know about you
but you dont recognize in yourself.
i. Ex: others might see you as impatient of volatile
d. Unknown area consists of characteristics that are not known either
to you or to others.
i. Ex: what kind of parent you will be, or how you would handle
sudden wealth
ii. Never know exactly how large this component of self-concept
is.
c. Self-Concepts Are Partly Subjective
i. Many aspects of our self-concept are subjective rather than objective. Subjective
means that theyre based on our impressions of ourselves rather than objective
facts.
ii. Its often difficult to judge ourselves accurately or objectively.
1. Ex: people with high self-esteem tend to minimize the importance of negative
feedback, treating it as fluke or a random event.
d. Self-Concepts Are Enduring But Changeable
i. Self-concept develops slowly over a lifetime.
1. It is influenced by:
a. Biological makeup
b. Where we were raised
c. Who we spend our time with
ii. Once we develop self-concept we tend to seek our others who will confirm it by
treating us as we see ourselves.
1. When you associate with people who see you as you see yourself, your self-
concept is continually reinforced, and it becomes ever more resistant to
change.
iii. Self-concept can change in response to developmental changes and significant life
events.
1. That doesnt mean that every significant event changes a persons self-
concept. Overall, however, an individuals self-concept generally does not
change dramatically over adult life.
2. How a Self-Concept Develops
a. Personality and Biology
i. Personality: the pattern of distinctive ways you tend to think and act across
most situations.
1. Biology plays a role in shaping our personality.
a. Ex: identical twins are much more similar in their personality than
fraternal twins.
ii. Trait: a characteristic that describes you in most circumstances.
b. Culture and Gender Roles
i. Gender also matters when it comes to the self-concept.
1. Most cultures expect men to exhibit more stereotypically masculine traits,
such as assertiveness and self-sufficiency.
a. Achievement and competition may be more important to the self-
concept of a masculine person.
2. Conversely, the expect women to exhibit more traits that are stereotypically
feminine, such as empathy and emotional expressiveness.
a. A feminine person may place a greater emphasis on having strong
equitable relationships.
c. Reflected Appraisal
i. Reflected Appraisal: the process whereby our self-concept is influenced by
how we think other people see us.
ii. Charles Horton Cooley early 1900s looking-glass self used to explain how
reflected appraisal works each person imagines how we appear to others then
each person imagines how others evaluate their image self-concept developed
based on those evaluations
1. In general the more important someone is to us, the more his or her
judgments will affect the way we see ourselves.
2. The effects of reflected appraisal arent confined to childhood. Can have
lasing effects into adulthood.
d. Social Comparison
i. Social Comparison: observation of how we compare with others.
ii. Reference Groups: the people we use to evaluate our characteristics.
1. In most cases, our reference groups are our peers.
2. Sometimes people pick unreasonable reference groups when they evaluate
themselves can be frustrating and dangerous
a. Ex: Many people develop negative body images when they compare
themselves to models put pressure on themselves to achieve an
unrealistic body leads to eating disorders
3. Awareness and Management of the Self-Concept
a. Self-Monitoring
i. Self-Monitoring: an individuals awareness of how he or she looks and sounds and of
how that persons behavior is affecting others.
1. High Self-Monitor: pay attention to how others are reacting to them, and they
have the ability to adjust their communication as needed.
a. Find it easier to put people at ease in social situations.
b. May have a hard time relaxing and living in the moment because
they are constantly aware of themselves and others.
2. Low Self-Monitor: people on the low express whatever they are thinking or
feeling without paying attention to the impression theyre creating.
a. Spend less time and energy thinking about their appearance and
behavior, so they are probably more relaxed
b. Often more straightforward communicators may be seen as more
genuine or trustworthy
c. Frequently appear unsophisticated or socially awkward more
likely to make a poor first impression
d. Autism can inhibit self-monitoring abilities
b. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
i. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: a situation in which a prediction causes people to act and
communicate in ways that makes that prediction come true.
ii. Sometimes our expectations influence our communication behavior.
1. When we expect our relationships to fail, we behave in ways that sabotage
them.
2. When we expect to be socially rejected, we perceive and react to rejection
even when it isnt really there.
iii. Research has shown that other peoples expectations cause us to behave in
expectancy-confirming ways across a range of situations, including the management
of our relationships, our ability to heal from illness, and even our productivity on
the job.
iv. For a prophecy to be self-fulfilling, its not enough that you expect something to
happen and then it does. Rather it has to be your expectation that causes it to
happen.
1. Ex: You expected to rain yesterday and it did. Not a self-fulfilling prophecy
because your expectation did not cause it to rain. Your expectation was
fulfilled, but it was not self-fulfilled.

Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem (your subjective evaluation of your value and worth as a person)
1. Benefits and Drawbacks of Self-Esteem
a. Self-Esteem and Social Behavior
i. People with higher self-esteem are generally more outgoing and more willing
to communicate. More comfortable initiating relationships.
1. They dont necessarily have more friends that people with lower self-esteem.
ii. Researchers have speculated that lower self-esteem is related to antisocial behavior,
especially among adolescents and young adults.
1. Research hasnt supported these ideas though. In fact, aggressive people
tend to have higher self-esteem. Those with higher self-esteem are also
prone to be sexually active and engage in risky sexual behaviors.
a. Those with high self-esteem are more prone to ending relationships.
2. Some research has indicated that problems associated with lower self-
esteem (depression, anxiety, and loneliness) can lead people to use the
Internet as a way to escape those troubles.
b. Self-Esteem and How We See Ourselves and Others
i. Research shows that people who have high self-esteem are happier with their lives
than are people with low self-esteem.
ii. People with high self-esteem have a lower risk of depression and an enhanced
ability to recognize and manage emotions, a skill researchers call emotional
intelligence.
iii. People with low self-esteem tend to be more judgmental of others than people with
higher self-esteem. They are also more likely to speak poorly of others and to
express racial prejudices.
c. Self-Esteem and Performance
i. After trying and failing at a difficult task, people with high self-esteem try harder to
accomplish it a second time.
ii. Many people have argued that high self-esteem gives students the confidence to
work hard in school and achieve academic success.
1. Parents and educators have implement policies to boost students self
esteem.
a. One approach has been to reduce or eliminate opportunities for
competition among students.
b. Research that these efforts have had little effect. Found there is really
no correlation between self-esteem and academic performance.
c. Evidence suggests that self-esteem is also largely unrelated to
performance on the job.
i. Provides no advantage to performing arithmetic tasks or tasks
that require sensitivity to nonverbal behaviors.
2. Culture, Sex, and Self-Esteem
a. Culture and Self-Esteem
i. African Americans have reported the highest self-esteem of all U.S. ethnic groups,
including non-Hispanic Caucasians.
ii. Because individualistic cultures emphasize the importance of the self, they create a
strong link between happiness and high self-esteem.
iii. Researchers believe that socially marginalized groups use three general strategies
to maintain their self-esteem.
1. Value things at which they excel.
2. Tend to attribute their problems to prejudices in society rather than to their
own behaviors or decisions.
3. They compare themselves with others in their own group more than with
people from other groups.
b. Sex and Self-Esteem
i. Sex does not by itself appear to affect self-esteem.
1. No scientific evidence that girls suffer from a shortage of self-esteem.
a. Among ethnic minorities, self-esteem is higher for U.S. females that for
U.S. males.
i. Some experts have suggested that for ethnic minorities,
experiences of racial discrimination are more damaging to the
self-esteem of males than females.
b. There is no sex difference among non-Hispanic Caucasians however.
3. The Self and Interpersonal Needs
a. Interpersonal Needs Theory
i. Social psychologist Will Schutz proposed that self-esteem interacts with three
important interpersonal needs to affect our communication with others:
1. Need For Control: our motivation to maintain some degree of influence
in our relationships.
a. The higher a persons self-esteem the more likely that individual feels
in control of the events of his or her life. However, we can also feel
overwhelmed by the responsibility of too much control.
b. We are often most satisfied with a moderate amount of control.
2. Need For Inclusion: our need to belong, to be included in the activities
of others, and to have positive human contact.
a. People can experience mental and physical distress when their need
for inclusion is not met.
b. People with higher self-esteem tend to be more outgoing and
extroverted than people with low self-esteem.
i. Therefore, they might be more motivated to seek out
relationships that meet their need for inclusion.
3. Need For Affection: we need people in our lives who love and appreciate
us and who communicate their affection to us. We also need to give love
and intimacy to others.
a. The more affection people give and receive the happier and healthier
they are.
b. People with high-self esteem tend to be more expressive of their
affectionate feelings.
ii. The greater these needs are the more motivated we are to seek and form
relationships with people who can help us meet them. People with high self-esteem
dont necessarily have stronger needs, but they do appear to be more successful at
meeting those needs through their communication with other people.

Presenting the Self: Image Management
1. Principles of Image Management
a. Image Management: the process of adjusting our behavior in order to project the
kind of image we want to project.
b. Image Management Is Collaborative
i. Dan McAdams has suggested that each of us have a life story, or way of presenting
ourselves to others that is based on our self-concept but also influenced by other
people.
1. If others accept the image you portray, theyll tend to behave in ways that
encourage that image.
c. We Manage Multiple Identities
i. We show different parts of ourselves to different people in our lives.
ii. Image management can be difficult for people with invisible conditions (cancer,
asthma, diabetes) and sexual minorities.
d. Image Management Is Complex
i. We may have competing goals in our interactions with others.
ii. Myra Goldschmidt found that when people ask others for favors, they often create
narratives that help to maintain their images while still being persuasive.
1. Such strategies can help preserve your image as a responsible individual
even in a situation where that image might be threatened.
2. Managing Face Needs
a. Face and Face Needs
i. Public Image: a certain way that we want other to see and think of us.
1. Face: term used to describe our desired public image
2. Facework: behaviors we use to project that image to others.
a. Coined by Erving Goffman
b. Face is made up of three face needs: important components of our
desired public image
i. Fellowship: need to have others like and accept us.
1. Part of our identity that motivates us to make friends,
join clubs or social groups and behave pleasantly
around others.
ii. Autonomy: need to avoid being imposed upon by others.
1. Motivates us to be in control of our time and resources
and to avoid having other people make decisions for us.
iii. Competence: need to have others respect us and to
acknowledge our abilities and intelligence.
1. Drives us to seek careers and hobbies that we are good
at and to avoid situations in which we will embarrass
ourselves.
b. Face Threats
i. Face-Threatening Act: fails to fulfill one or more of your face needs.
1. Many people response with a defense mechanism, which helps minimize the
effects of a face-threatening act.
ii. Face threats are common with many marginalized populations.

Communicating the Self: Self-Disclosure
1. Principles of Self-Disclosure
a. Self-Disclosure: the act of intentionally giving others information about ourselves
that we believe to be true but that we think they dont already have.
b. Self-Disclosure Is Intentional and Truthful
i. For an act of communication to qualify as self-disclosure, it must meet two
conditions:
1. We must deliberately share information about ourselves
a. Verbal leakage: unintentionally telling another person something
about yourself would not constitute an act of self-disclosure
2. We must believe that information is true
c. Self-Disclosure Varies in Breadth and Depth
i. Social Penetration Theory: illustrates how self-disclosure over time is like
peeling away the layers of an onion: Each self-disclosure helps us learn more
about the person were getting to know
1. For every relationship you have a different onion.
2. Peeling away the layers of to get to know someone requires sharing
disclosures that have both breadth and depth
a. Breath: describes the range of topics you discuss with various people.
b. Depth: measures how personal or intimate your disclosures are.
d. Self-Disclosure Varies Among Relationships
i. Not every relationship is characterized by the same breadth and depth of self-
disclosure.
1. Relationships that involve depth but very little breadth.
a. Ex: Relationships with your accountant and doctor
2. Relationships that involve breadth but very little depth.
a. Ex: Relationships with your casual friends at school or work
3. Relationships that involves both breadth and depth.
a. Ex: Romantic partnerships and close friendships
e. Self-Disclosure Is A Gradual Process
i. Closeness develops over time as two people get to know each other and reveal more
and more information.
f. Online Self-Disclosure Follows A Different Pattern
i. Research shows that the lack of face-to-face interaction in computer-mediated
contexts encourages self-disclosure.
1. Walther explains that the computer-mediated environment encourages not
just personal communication but also communication that is
hyperpersonal, meaning it contains more private information than people
would typically share face-to-face.
g. Self-Disclosure Is Usually Reciprocal
i. Norm of Reciprocity: when someone gives you some type of gift or resource,
you are expected to return the favor.
1. Expectations of the Rule:
a. When we disclose to a physician or a counselor, we dont expect her
or him to disclose back to us.
h. Self-Disclosure Can Serve Many Purposes
i. Although self-disclosure can serve multiple functions, it isnt appropriate in every
case. There are times when it is more important to be discreet and keep
information to yourself.
1. One reason discretion is advisable in professional relationships is that
information a persons self-discloses can later be used against him or her.
i. Self-Disclosure Is Influenced By Cultural and Gender Roles
i. Evidence suggests that women, on average, do self-disclose more than men,
although the difference isnt as large as many people believe it is.
ii. Women are more likely than men to disclose to females, but women and men are
equally likely to disclose to males.
iii. In some cultures, such as those of North American and northern Europe, people are
often encouraged to express themselves and self-disclose to their friend and family.
Other cultures, such as most Asian and Middle Eastern cultures, value discretion and
encourage people to disclose personal information only under more limited
circumstances.
2. Benefits of Self-Disclosure
a. Enhancement of Relationships and Trust:
i. Self-disclosure often helps us maintain high-quality relationships.
b. Reciprocity:
i. When we disclose to others, they tend to disclose back to us.
ii. One way to get to know people is to tell them things about ourselves.
c. Emotional Release:
i. Appropriate self-disclosures can often provide emotional release. They can reduce
the stress of holding onto a secret.
1. Reducing stress can improve both mental and physical health.
d. Assistance to Others:
i. You can self-disclose in ways that help other people, particularly when youre
consoling people who are going through hard times.
1. Many self-help programs, such as AA, use this principle to help their
members realized they are all going through a similar struggle.
2. Some disclosures have the effect of protecting others against threats to their
health.
a. Ex: Someone who is HIV positive discloses that status to health care
providers and potential sexual partners.
3. Risks of Self-Disclosure
a. Rejection:
i. Often the way a person reacts to a disclosure will determine whether its outcome is
positive or negative.
b. Chance of Obligating Others:
i. Disclosing something can lead the other person to feel obligated to disclose
something back to you when he or she might not be comfortable doing so.
1. Such feeling could encourage the person to avoid you.
c. Hurt to Others:
i. It is possible to hurt others with disclosures that are too critical or too personal.
1. Rule for politeness (if you cant say something nice, you shouldnt say
anything at all) meant to reduce the chance that someone will be hurt by a
self-disclosure.
d. Violation of Other Peoples Privacy:
i. Inappropriate disclosures can even hurt people who arent participating in the
conversation.
1. Ex: U.S. teens committed suicide after allegedly being taunted due to rumors
about their homosexuality.
4. Risks of Disclosing Online
a. Recipients can save disclosures made online and even forward them to third parties.
b. Postcyberdisclosure Panic: when people regret or distress about information that they or
others disclosed online.

Attachment Theory
1. Attachment Theory: looks at how interactions with caregivers shape our beliefs regarding the
functions, rewards, and dependability of interpersonal relationships.
a. Our attachment style is developed and set between eighteen months and three years old.
i. You have one primary attachment style. It does not vary from relationship to
relationship.
ii. Shaped by primary caregiver (usually mother or father).
1. Parents are still usually seen as primary caregiver even when the child
spends most of the day in daycare.
2. Attachment Styles:
a. Secure Child: want to say goodbye, be ok when parent leaves and while they are gone, greet
them when the come home, but then go back to play.
i. Positive view of self and others.
ii. Like to be with primary caregiver they enjoy being with them the most they
are sad to see them go, but fine while they are gone ok by themselves.
iii. From a young age secure people feel that they can trust other people and they are ok
with other people.
b. Dismissive Child: Do not care when primary care giver comes or go. They do not see
primary caregiver as having a direct role or interest in their lives. View them as
untrustworthy.
i. Positive view of self, but negative view of others.
ii. See relationships as getting in the way.
iii. Very successful people oftentimes have dismissive attachment styles.
iv. Very self-sufficient and reliant, competent, and they have a negative view of others.
c. Preoccupied Child: Oftentimes in childhood preoccupied child and fearful avoidant child
present in the same ways. Freak out when parent leaves and doesnt calm down until they
come back.
i. Can come from helicopter parents, but there are other possible reasons.
ii. Positive view of others, but negative view of self.
d. Fearful Avoidant Child: Oftentimes in childhood preoccupied child and fearful avoidant
child present in the same ways. Freak out when parent leaves and doesnt calm down until
they come back.
i. Happens most of times in negative family situations.
1. Ex: abusive, alcoholic, kicked out of home at a young age, etc.
ii. Afraid of interpersonal relationships, but the secretly (desperately) want them.
iii. Negative view of self, and negative view of other people.














Positive View of Others

Positive
View of
Self
Secures (60% of the adult
population)
Preoccupied
Negative
View of
Self
Dismissive Fearful Avoidant
Negative View of Others