Carlos Xuma - Secrets of The Alpha Male

SecretsOfTheAlphaMan
HowtoGetRidoftheNiceGuy
andGetLaid
ByCarlosXuma
SECRETSOFTHEALPHAMAN
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2
Man,Iseeinfightclubthestrongestandsmartestmen
who'veeverlived.Iseeallthispotential,andIseesquandering.
Goddamnit,anentiregenerationpumpinggas,waitingtables;
slaveswithwhitecollars.Advertisinghasuschasingcarsand
clothes,workingjobswehatesowecanbuyshitwedon'tneed.
We'rethemiddlechildrenofhistory,man.Nopurposeorplace.
WehavenoGreatWar.NoGreatDepression.OurGreatWar'sa
spiritualwar...ourGreatDepressionisourlives.We'veallbeen
raisedontelevisiontobelievethatonedaywe'dallbe
millionaires,andmoviegods,androckstars.Butwewon't.And
we'reslowlylearningthatfact.Andwe'revery,verypissedoff.
- TylerDurdenFightClub
LONDON, England (Reuters) 7/2003 -- Geniuses and criminals may
not seem to have much in common but they both do their best work in their
30s -- and mainly to impress the opposite sex.
WhenSatoshiKanazawa,oftheUniversityofCanterburyinNewZealand,studied
biographiesofprominent,mostlymalescientistshediscoveredthattheymadetheirkey
discoverybeforetheirmid30s,aroundthesameagethatcriminalbehaviorpeaks.
Hebelievesthemalecompetitiveurgetoattractfemalesisadrivingforceforthe
scientificandcriminalachievements,accordingtoNewScientistmagazine.
"Theydowhatevertheydo"inordertowinthesexualattentionofwomen,Kanazawa
said.
Headdedthatthecompetitivedrivedecreaseswithageandasmen'spriorityshiftsfrom
competingforwomentotakingcareoftheiroffspring.
"Kanazawaalsofoundthatmarriagedampensthedriveinbotharenas,"themagazine
added.
(Reprinted from CNN.com)
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When women go wrong, men go right after them."
Mae West.
"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."
HL Mencken
"Even if man could understand women he still wouldn't believe it."
AW Brown
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is
the difference between the sexes.
Oscar Wilde
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Introduction.........................................................................................................13
Whydoweneedthisbook?............................................................................14
MyStory..............................................................................................................23
AFewWordsAboutChange...............................................................................25
IMPORTANT:YouBetterFindYourPainAndUseIt..........................................29
Anger...............................................................................................................31
PartI:TheScienceofAlphaBehavior................................................................34
ALPHA.............................................................................................................34
MoreAlphaDefinition......................................................................................35
AlphaManCharacteristics...............................................................................36
FamousAlphaMen.........................................................................................38
STARTREKisGoodforYou...........................................................................40
BetaGuys........................................................................................................43
Self-defense....................................................................................................44
A.M.P..................................................................................................................47
Dominance......................................................................................................47
Submission......................................................................................................48
ThePeckingOrder..........................................................................................49
Congruency.....................................................................................................52
AskingForWhatYouWant.............................................................................55
SurvivorInstinct ...............................................................................................56
NavySeals...................................................................................................57
BushidoTheWarriorWay.............................................................................60
SummaryTraitsoftheAlphaMan...................................................................63
NothingIsNeutral...............................................................................................64
PartII:HowtoCompensateforYourShortfalls..................................................65
YourAge.........................................................................................................65
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YourHair.........................................................................................................67
YourMoney.....................................................................................................68
YourCar..........................................................................................................68
ForgetAboutTheSizeofYourDick................................................................69
YourIntelligence..............................................................................................70
YourLooks......................................................................................................71
YourJob..........................................................................................................74
YourPhysique.................................................................................................75
YourSelf-Confidence......................................................................................76
Comfort............................................................................................................79
Accountability..................................................................................................80
WhoCaresWhatTheyThink?.........................................................................80
YouMaketheRules........................................................................................82
Risk-Taking......................................................................................................83
Persistence.........................................................................................................86
GivingUpTheException..............................................................................87
GenderRoles..................................................................................................90
WaystoDevelopYourAlphaPower................................................................92
AlwaysHaveASay......................................................................................94
LearntoLOVEaChallenge.........................................................................95
Long-TermVisionvs.ShortTermRewards.................................................95
StateofMind.......................................................................................................97
PlayfulnessandSophistication......................................................................102
PhysicalDominance......................................................................................105
Tallness......................................................................................................106
Physique....................................................................................................107
Diet............................................................................................................107
BodyLanguage.............................................................................................110
TheAlphaHandshake...................................................................................112
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WomansIntuition..........................................................................................112
EyeContact......................................................................................................116
Relax! ................................................................................................................118
ShynessTheAlphaInhibitor..........................................................................120
ImpatienceTheAlphaKiller...........................................................................121
SocialStatus/SocialPerception........................................................................124
YouBetterBeAbletoWalkAway.................................................................125
ThePoliticsOfHaggling............................................................................125
Hyper-vigilance.................................................................................................129
Obsession.........................................................................................................130
Monogamy,Polygamy,whatthesewomendotome....................................132
NeverAskforPermissionORForgiveness....................................................135
NeverApologize................................................................................................136
ForgetYourself..................................................................................................138
TheConversationalStyleofanAlpha...............................................................141
DontAskQuestionsThatCanBeTurnedDown...........................................143
DontArgueWithRhetoric.............................................................................145
DontListenTOOMuch.................................................................................151
Frustration.....................................................................................................152
VoiceExercises.............................................................................................160
PainThreshold..................................................................................................165
MaleEmotionalStrength...............................................................................165
PerceivedValue................................................................................................166
AlphaLifestyle...................................................................................................170
Yin-YangandBalance...................................................................................171
AlphaSocialization............................................................................................174
Networking.....................................................................................................175
GetUsedToSayingThingsYouMightNotMean.........................................175
AlphaThinking..................................................................................................177
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BrainLanguage.............................................................................................177
ReviseYourRules.........................................................................................179
Earlyfailuresinlifearelearnedlimitationsnottruelimitations...................182
Preparation....................................................................................................183
GettingRidofFear........................................................................................185
EmotionalIntelligence.......................................................................................190
Emotions.......................................................................................................190
HowanAlphaManUsesEmotions...............................................................194
CopingSkills..................................................................................................196
OrganicProblemSolving...............................................................................198
AutogenicTraining.....................................................................................199
PainAndPleasureMotivators...........................................................................204
Don'tIgnoreReality-ItHasTeeth................................................................205
ProactiveNature............................................................................................212
DisclaimerforCrazyWomen.........................................................................214
PASSION..........................................................................................................216
Goals.................................................................................................................219
TheBoobTube..............................................................................................223
DISTRACTIONSFocusandBalance.........................................................225
Bravado,Boldness,Cockiness,Confidence,Self-esteem................................227
AlphaSelf-Confidence......................................................................................229
StopDefiningYourselfinHerEyes...............................................................232
QuantumLeapMethod..................................................................................234
VerbalSparringwithWomen............................................................................238
ConsistencyandInconsistencyTesting......................................................243
AdventureandDangerTheAlphaManasBadBoy....................................245
PartIII:POWERTheAlphaManLightSaber.................................................250
DependencyTheoryOfPowerandBargaining.............................................254
DontMisunderstandthePowerofMoney.....................................................257
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FindYourPower............................................................................................259
GreatLeadershipTraits.................................................................................259
EmotionalSelf-Control......................................................................................267
EmotionalCaregiving.................................................................................269
EmotionalMaturity.....................................................................................270
BatteriesareFull ...............................................................................................271
PurgetheBetaWelcomeintheAlpha........................................................273
GetRidofThoseWhineyShe-ManBoyfriendsofYours...............................274
HangWiththeOtherAlphas......................................................................274
Indirectvs.DirectAttractionHowitWorks.....................................................275
WhyWomenWantandNEEDResistance........................................................279
MakeitHard...............................................................................................280
DontBeFooled.............................................................................................281
Subordination................................................................................................282
LetHerFallInLoveFirst...............................................................................286
MixedSignals................................................................................................287
Y.A.S.S.RecognizetheChickPlayers.......................................................290
NoStringsAttached.......................................................................................293
Mystery..........................................................................................................294
Marinade....................................................................................................295
TheThreeDomainsofInteraction.................................................................296
BuyingTemperature..................................................................................296
Peacocking....................................................................................................297
LipstickTactic................................................................................................299
HowtoMakeComplimentsWork..................................................................299
TheSimplestSure-fireOpenerEver..............................................................301
OpeningSets.................................................................................................302
IsolatingYourTargetFromtheSet................................................................306
LighterFluid...............................................................................................306
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ACaveatforGoodLookingGuys......................................................................308
AlphaManRe-Framing.....................................................................................309
HowtoTellWhenaWomanisLyingtoYou.....................................................311
Jealousy............................................................................................................313
Fun=SexinaWomansMind..........................................................................316
SexualChemistryTheMissingFactor........................................................317
DancingThePowerOfRhythm..................................................................321
WhatSexMeanstoEachSex..........................................................................322
StayInControl..................................................................................................324
HowtoKnowWhenYoureInControlReadtheSigns...............................324
WhatSheDoesntKnowHelpsYou..............................................................325
HowtoKnowWhentoLeave........................................................................326
AlphaHumor.....................................................................................................328
WhataWomanIs..............................................................................................332
SheCantBeYourBestFriend......................................................................334
RapportTheCriticalSuccessFactorofSeduction.........................................336
GetRidOfTheInfatuationUpFront.................................................................339
CSFs.................................................................................................................344
ANoteOnOvercomingObjections...................................................................348
DiagnosingYourGameWithWomen...............................................................350
Step1:TheIntroduction................................................................................350
Step2:CloseforPhoneNumberorEmail.....................................................352
Step3:Phonecallformeeting/CloseforMeeting..........................................353
Step4:Firstmeeting/Rapport........................................................................355
Step5:FirstKiss...........................................................................................356
Step6: FirstSex...........................................................................................357
DefuseYourEnemies.......................................................................................360
Cockblocker...................................................................................................360
HecklersDance.........................................................................................364
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TameYourDemons..........................................................................................367
AlphaTraitReview............................................................................................371
Self-Development..............................................................................................373
TheMeaningOfLife..........................................................................................376
TheAlphaManCode........................................................................................378
YouKnowYoureAnAlphaWhen.................................................................379
APPENDIXI:HowtoSexHerRight..................................................................381
Makeitcomfortable.......................................................................................382
UseVarietyattheRightTime........................................................................382
APPENDIXII:HowToStayWithAWoman......................................................384
APPENDIXIII:REQUIREDALPHAMANLEARNINGMATERIALS.................386
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GetYourGameFaceOn
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Introduction
HaventyoualwayswonderedwhatitwasthatcertainmenGREATmenhad
thatmadethemsosuccessfulinlife,howtheymanagedtorisetothetopoftheheap?
Youveprobablyevenheardandunderstoodthatthemenwhogetthemostout
oflifethemostwomen,themostmoney,themostsuccess,betterjobs,themostsex
andsatisfactionoverallthosemenwereofaslightlydifferentbreedthan,say,the
clerkatthe7-11ortheCircle-K.Theyhaveacertaindominanceaboutthem.Yes,they
areassertive,butitsmuchmorethanthat.Theyhavesomeinnatecharacterquality
thatallowsthemtobemoreconfident,persistent,andgenerallygetwhatevertheygo
after.
ItscalledAlphaMalebehaviorinscientificterminology.WellcallitAlphaMan
behaviorfortheworkwereabouttodo.
ThisqualityiswhatIvestudiedforyears,andnowIwanttopassalongthe
secretsofittoyou.Yousee,thefantasticthingaboutthisbehavioristhatitsnot
somethingyouhavetobebornwith,asitisintheanimalkingdom.There,ifyourea
submissivemale,youwillonlybetheanimalthatgetsthescrapsoffood,thejobof
defendingandbowingdowntotheAlphaMan,andyoullprobablyneverevergetany
sex.Now,ifyoubehavethiswayinthehumanworld,asasubmissivemale,youllget
thesameresults.Butyourenotcondemnedtothisfateifyouhavetheabilitytolearn
therightbehaviors.
Thatsright.Youcanchangeyourstatusintheworldfromtheneedytothe
wanted.
WhenIwasyounger,Iknewthatsuccesswithwomenwasimportant,butitreally
reflectedahigherlevelofstatusinotherareas.Gettinglaidwasreallyanoffshootofa
confidentandaggressivemalepatternofbehaviorthatmeantsuccessinALLareasof
mylife.Ifyousucceedwithwomen,youhavetheseedsofgreatnessforsuccesswith
yourcareer,yourfamily,yourfriends,yourhobbies.
Askyourself:WhatwouldyougivetoknowwhattheAlphaManismadeof?
Well,Imabouttoshowyouhowtofindout.
SomeoftheareasIveresearchedinthecreationofthisbook:
- BiologicalcauseandaffectoftheAlphaMan
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- Sociologyinfluencesreinforcingourpatternsofbehavior
- Humanmotivationalpsychology
- Datingandseductionofwomen
- Bodylanguage
- NLP
- EssentialLeadershipAbilities
- Charisma
- EasternPhilosophy
- MartialArts
- Negotiationandpersuasion
- Sales
IveinvestigatedtheseandmanyotherareasofhumanpotentialsothatIcould
discoverwhattheAlphaManwasallabout,andhowIcouldmodelthisprodigalmanfor
otherstostudyandlearnfrom.Notjusttounderstand,buttomakemassivechangesin
beliefsandbehaviorstoturnyourlifearoundandmakeitwhatyouwant.
Theworldhaschangedquiteabitoverthelastcouplehundredyears.Whatonce
wasafairlystablelandscapeofmale-femaleinteractionandbehaviorhasevolved
(thoughnotinthesamewaywehaveevolved)intoarockyterrainofuncertaintyand
despair.
Whydoweneedthisbook?
Men,morethanever,havelosttheirway.Theyvefallenpreytoapopularmedia
thattellswomentheycanhaveitall,beliberated,andtheythinkthatthisisnowtheir
birthrightandentitlement.Womenareactingmorelikemen,anditsonlybecausemost
mendontactlikemen,sosomeonehasto.
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WomenneedmentobeAlphaMennow,morethanever.TheydontneedNice
Guys.Theyalsonolongerneedmenforthereasonstheyoncedidhuntingforfood,
protectionfromrivaltribes,physicalstrength,etc.Theycanbuytheirmeatsafelyina
Safeway.TheycanpaytheirtaxesandhavetheArmy,Navy,AirForce,orMarines
protecttheirhomeland,aswellasthelocalpoliceandfirementobeoncallfortheir
emergencies.Theycanhireamantomovetheirstufforfixtheirappliances.
Theynolongerneedustosurvive.
Sonowawomanisfreetofeelattractedtothespecificbehaviorsthatsheonce
usedtodecodewhichguywouldbegoodforherandwhichguywouldnt.
Dominantmalesinoursocietyareintheminority.
Thetruthis,theyalwayshavebeen.
Haveyoueverwatchedoneofthosenatureshowswherethemaleliongetsto
sirehisoffspringwithmanyfemalesasmanyashecanfindtimetobangbetween
naps?
Well,Ihatetotellyouthis,butreallifeforhumansworksmuchinthesameway.
Themenwiththegenesthatgrantthecharacteristicstobemostsuccessfulintheir
environmentarethewinnersinthisrace.Note:Thisdoesnotmeanthestrongest,or
thesmartest.
Justthefittest.
Allorganismsinthisplanethaveoneimperativethatoverridesallourother
consciousthoughts.Whenitcomesdowntoit,theonethingwewillalwaysstruggleto
doistosurvive.
Rememberonething:ThisisacourseinDOMINANCE,notaggressiveness.
Theyarenotthesamething.
Imgoingtoteachmostoftheseconceptsfromaparticularvantagepointthat
ofthesinglemanthatwantstodateandsleepwithsinglewomen.However,Imgoing
tobranchoutfromjustthisoneareaandshowyouhowAlphaManbehaviorsare
demonstratedinmanyotherareasofyourlife.Illtouchonyoursphereofinfluencein
theworld,whichincludes:
o Yourjob
o Yourfriendships
15
o Yourgoals
o Yourfamily(andweknowthereisntalwaysalotoffriendship
there)
o Yourhobbies
Consideringthatpopularcultureandmediachannelstodaywouldhaveyou
believethatifyoufeelbad(oh,myheartjustcriesoutforyou,woundedsoul)youneed
tobecoddledandnursed.
Thisbookwilldonosuchfuckingthing.
Youregoingtogetsomeseverelystraighttalkhere,myfriends,andifmyuseof
thewordfuckisoffendingtoyou,thatwillbetheleastofyourworriesaswedive
straightintothebehaviorsyouhavethatmayundermineyourAlphastatusandweseek
toridyouofthem.
Youhavetostopbeinganiceguy.Itstimetofindyourmalepoweragain.
FeminineisattractedtoMasculine.Thatisthewayoftheworld.
Thinkofthisbookasabig,stingingBITCH-slap(becauseifyourenotanalpha
Man,youreabitch-wannabe,andyoudeservethewake-upyoureabouttoget.)We
arenotgoingtopullpuncheshere.IfyouveeverseenthemovieFullMetalJacket
andyourefamiliarwithR.LeeErmeysportrayalofthedrillinstructor,youvegotagood
ideaoftheroleIllbeplayinghere.
Dontconfusemyattitudewithsomeout-of-touchmisogynistdinosaurwhohas
noideatorelatetothewomenoftoday,andthereforetakesapositionofmale-angerin
ordertofurtherhisagenda.
Imnotnearlythatclever.
WhatIamisaguywhohasgonefromoneendofthespectrumtotheother
assholetoniceguyandbackagain,andfinallyfindingmyinnerAlphaMan.Ilostmy
hate(asweallshould),butIkepttherightamountofpissedofftofuelmyforward
progress.
YoullhearthisseveraltimesGetalittlepissedoff.Ifyouthinkthatlifeisabout
achievingthisNirvanastateofpeaceandharmony,youredeadwrong.Lifeisa
constantdynamictensionbetweentheemotionalforcesthatmoveus.Theonlyperfect
satisfiedandmellowstateiswhenyourelaidoutinacoffinasworm-foodinthelocal
cemetery.Youcanrestthen.Untilthen,itstimetolive.
Enjoylife!Enjoytheturmoilandtheshit-stormsthatlifethrowsatyou!Thisis
howyouretested.Thisishowyoursoulischiseledtoperfectionforthenextlifeor
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whateveryoubelievecomesnext.Thechallengesinlifeareajoywhenyourealizethat
withoutthem,wedallbefrightenedandlostwithoutthesetrials.Hardshipgivesourlife
meaning,andletsyouknowwhenyourereallyaccomplishingsomethingofvalue.
Youregoingtoneedtotakeactiontochangeyourstateofbeing.Youregoingto
havetostartgettingdisgustedwiththewaythingsareifyouwantthemtochange,so
Imgoingtogiveyouthestepsforyoutodojustthat.Illgiveyouexercisesandother
real-lifeexamplesofhowyoucanbecomeanAlphaManinyourworld.Allthosesappy
self-helpbooksontheshelvesofthebookstoreslovetotrytoexplainthisstuffand
neverreallygiveyouanycourseofactiontotake.Notthisbook.Youregoingtogetthe
informationandtheactionyouneedtochange.
Itisbettertodieonyourfeetthantoliveonyourknees
Thisbookiswrittenbyaman,aboutmen.Myexamplesareofmaleexcellence,
notfemale.Iappreciatethegreatstrideswomenhavemadeinsociety,andthatthey
havealongwaytogotoachievetrueequality.Iamallforbreakingtheglassceiling
forwomen,sothattheycanholdthesamejobsforthesamepay.Iwantyouto
understandthatIdidnotwritethisbookfromanangry,woman-hating,chauvinistic
standpoint.Itrulybelieveinwomenasequals.
ThisisallaboutMaleEmpowerment.
Thereisaneedtorecognizecertainthingsaboutmenandwomenthatatfirst
glanceappeartobenotverypoliticallycorrect.Iwillcovertheselater,butsufficeto
say,Iwanteverymanreadingthistounderstandthatthisbookisintendedasmale
empowerment,notwoman-bashingorpromotingangerattheoppositesex.EverythingI
tellyouisforthesolepurposeofbuildingupmenastheleadersandmasculineroles
theyaremeanttoplayandoncedid.(ForyouEnglishmajorsoutthere,Iwillusethe
participleheinsteadofthetrendynon-genderspecificheorshe.)
Everythinginherecomesfromastandpointofpro-man,notanti-woman.Were
heretobuildupourbesttraitsofourgender,notsmotherthewomans.Thetwoare
radicallydifferentagendas.
Womenwanttobeledbymen.Therearesomewomenwhoarecapableofgreat
leadership,butitsnotalwaysnaturalforthem.Whenitcomestorelationships,women
wantmenwhoareAlphasandstrong.
Youmustbealeader.YouarebecominganAlphaManwithhiseyesonthe
horizon,thefrontofthepack,nottheassofthedoginfrontofyou.Evenifyourenotin
17
thelead,youneedtostartlookingforthegapsbetweentheotherdogsandplanyour
passingstrategy.Sneakafewpeeksatthemountainsinthedistance.Getmotivated.
Thepathislong,butthegoalisworthwhile.
Infact,forsomethisgoalisallthemeaningyoulleverneedtohaveinyourlife.
Amidlifecrisishappenstoamanbecausehewimpedoutatsomepointand
gaveuphisAlphaManbehaviortobeashe-mantenantinhiswifeshouse.Theylost
touchwiththefactthathumansarethedominantspeciesonthisplanetpartlybecause
ofmalestrengths.Sohegoesoutandbuysasportscar,orbangsatwenty-something
galtoregainhislostsenseofmasculinity.
Iwantyoutorememberthisthenexttimeawomantriestoshameyouforbeing
aman:
Allgreatupwardthrustsincivilization,byandlarge,havebeenaccomplishedby
menandmeninleadershippositions.Menwithdesireandpassion,andthat
aggressiveAlphaqualitythatpushesustoachieve.Womendontusuallyhavethe
samedriveswedo,andthatsokay.Theyarenotasaggressivelydrivenasweare,or
astorturedbytheirneedtoaspireandbemore,competeformore,andsoon.Fortheir
jobs,fortheirart,fortheirwealth,fortheirfamilies.
DoyourememberthatlinefromthemovieWallStreet?Itwaspartofthe
famousspeechbyGordonGecko,MichaelDouglasscharacter:
Thepointisladiesandgentlementhatgreed,forlackofabetterword,isgood.
Greedisright.Greedworks.Greedclarifies,cutsthroughandcapturestheessenceof
theevolutionaryspirit.Greed,inallofitsforms-greedforlife,formoney,knowledge-
hasmarkedtheupwardsurgeofmankind
Irememberhearingthatspeechandthinkingthatitwasacleverlie,butnow,
yearslater,Ibelieveitismostlytrue.Maybenotforthecriminalbehaviorthathewas
involvedinthemovie,butitistrueabouteveryAlphaManyoullevermeet.
Wehaveakindofgreedinourgenes.Callitselfish,callitwhatyouwill,butitis
necessarytous,anditwillnotbeeliminatedinyoursormylifetime.Therearealotof
peopleouttherewhodreamofUtopia(asdoI)whereniceguysgetthefairendof
things,andpowerisnotallweseek,norisitwieldedblindly,butthatsnotthewayitis.
18
Weneedtoworkinthatdirectionwhilestillsatisfyingourprogrammedandcompletely
normalneeds.
SincethefirstdayswefelloutofthetreesinAfrica(orlefttheGardenofEden,if
thatswhatyoubelieve)wehavealwaysbeeninabattleforresources.Mengatherthe
resourcessothatthosewhoallythemselveswithhimwillsurvive.(And,ultimately,
womenareanotherresourcetous.)
Survivalhasgottenquiteabiteasiersincethoseearlydays.Butdoyouthinkthat
ourtechnologicalprogressofthelastcenturycancelsoutthousandsofyearsof
evolutionthatquickly?
Doyouthinkthatwemightstillcarrygenesthatdemandthatwedowhateveris
necessarytogetourgenesintothenextgenerationofhumans?
Youbetyourasswedo.
AllyourNintendosandPlasmaScreentelevisionsarejustmoresophisticated
entertainment.Technologyisactuallynothingmorethanthetoysthatmakeyoufeel
theillusionofsuccessinyournervoussystem.Thecoolergadgetsyouhave,theless
desireyouhavetogooutandpursueyourrealpassionsinlife.
WhatIwantyoutorealizeisthattheresapartofyouthatwillneverbetotally
satisfied,nomatterhowmanyshinytoysyouacquire.Youhaveneedsthatcannotbe
simulated:
YouNEEDtobeanAlphaMan.
YouNEEDtoachieve.
ItsyourmostinherentAlphacharacteristic.
Winningiseverything.Winninginyourpersonallife,spirituallife,professional
life,sexlife...allofit.Thatsaying,abouthowitsnotimportantwhowinsorlosesbut
howyouplayedthegame,isjustawayofmakinglosersfeelbetter.
Winningisallthatmatters.
Andthisisntthewinningthatrequiressomeoneelsetolosesothatyoucanwin.
Itsthekindofwinningthathelpseveryone,anddoesntrequireyoutohurtanother
person.
19
HeresanothergreatlinefromthemovieTheRock:
Yourbest?Losersalwayswhineabouttheirbest.Winnersgettogohomeandfuck
thepromqueen.
Rememberthat.Therewardsinlifedonotcomefromtakingiteasyonyourself
allthetime.Theoneswhoreapthegoldarethosethathavethearmortowithstanda
littlebattle...andthencomebackformore.Dontdiscountthevalueofwinning.
ImgoingtopresentthismaterialasholisticallyasIcan,butsincemostmen
judgetheirmasculinitytheirAlpha-nessbasedontheirsuccessorfailurewith
women,Illgofrequentlyintoexamplesthatpertaintodating,seduction,andsex.(Is
thereanyareamoreimportanttomen?Idontthinkso.)
Asweprogress,youllseethatthesametraitsthatenablegreatsuccesswith
womenareonlyasmallpartofthelargerwhole.Whenyouexperiencetheabilityto
attractwomen,youllalsoseehowyourAlphaManPowertranslatesintojustabout
everyareaofyourlife.Yourabilitytoseducewomenisapowerandproductofyour
skillsatpersuasion,sales,dominance,self-developmenthell,rightondowntodieting
anddressingright.
Tiredofbooksthatgiveyouabunchofgreatinformationbutnowaytoreallyuse
it?Well,yourenotgoingtohavethatproblemhere.
ThisbookwillprovideAlphaStrategies,thosegoalsyoushouldconsiderpartof
yourprogresstowardsbecomingastrongerAlpha.IllalsogiveyouAlphaTacticsto
usewhereverpossible.Thesearethepracticalactionsyoucantakeinrealsituations.
YouwillalsoseeAlphaExercisestogetyoumovingintherightdirection.Takethetime
todothem,foryourowngood.
Donttrytobethesmartguy,whojustsmilesandnodsashereadsthrough,
thinkingcleverly,Yeah,Iseewherehesgoingwiththat.Yougrowbydoingthese
exercises,notbyshortcuttingpastthem.
Thisbookisanactivemanual,meaningthatyouregoingtobeaskedtodo
thingstoimproveyourabilities,insteadofjustsittingthereandpassivelyreadingthis
book.Icanmakeyoufeelgoodallday,butwhatwebothwantisforyougetmore
successwithwomenandlifeasanAlphaMan.
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Watchforthesestrategies,tactics,andexercises,andtakethemveryseriously.I
didntinventthemasfiller.Thedifferencebetweentheguyswhogetsomeandthose
whogetnoneismadewhenyoustopandtakethetimetodothework.
Icantpossiblygiveyoueverycleverphraseandanswertoeverysituationinthis
bookthatwomenthrowatyou,butIcanteachyoutherightskillstodevelopthatwill
allowyoutohandleanything.
Theresasaying:Giveamanafish,feedhimforaday.Teachhimtofish,and
youfeedhimforalifetime.
Ibelievethatallmenhavedoneandachievedthroughouthistoryhasbeenan
offshootofourdrivetosurviveandsucceedforwomen.Ourmatingdriveiswhat
pushesustodothethingswemust.
Putinevensimplerterms,amandoesntfeellikeamanunlesshecanget
himselfsomeassnowandagain.Sowhiletheexamplesandcontentwillhelpyouinall
areas,Illbehighlightingthosethathelpyougetlaid.
Amancandoalmostanythingifhehasastrongenoughwhydrivinghim.The
needtoperpetuatethespeciesisaprettybigwhy.Imgoingtoaskyoutolookatthis
asbeingsecondary,though,inthegrandscheme.Whatcomesfirstismakingyouthe
AlphaManyouarecapableofbeing,andthenallthosehotchickswilljustlineupfor
you.Becomethemanfirst,andthewomenwillfollow.Nottheotherwayaround.
Ultimately,Ifoundthatguyswereouttherelookingforthemagicwords,orthe
perfectintroduction,orthetrickortacticthatwouldmakethemasuccesswithwomen.
Letmestatethisfortherecord:
Noactionworksonawomanunlessitcomesfrom
thebeliefsystemofanAlphaMan.
Inotherwords,youcansaytheexactsamewordswiththeexactsamewoman
thatanAlphaManusedtoattracther,andhiswordswontworkforyou.Why?
Becauseofhisbeliefsystem.Theconfident,AlphaMancomesacrosswitha
congruencythatinsecureandmostaverageguysdonothave.Congruencymeansthat
theiractionsandwordsappeartomatchtheirinnerbeliefs.(Moreonthisinabit.)
21
ThatswhyIchosetoaddressthefoundationandfundamentalsherethatwill
helpyoubesuccessfulwithwomen,withmoney,withyourfamily,withyourcareer,and
somanymorethings.Becauseallthetipsandtacticsintheworldwontworkforyouif
youhaventtakenthetimetodevelopandcultivateanAlphaManattitude.
22
MyStory
Itypicallydontusuallyliketosharetoomuchofmyownbackgroundwithpeople.
Asaresult,Imthoughtofasbeingveryprivateandreserved.Thatschangedalotfor
meinthelastcoupleyears.InowthinkthattellingyouaboutwhatIvegonethrough
mighthelpclarifywhatyoumaybegoingthroughinyourownlife.Iusedtobelieveit
wasegotisticalandself-absorbedtotalkaboutyourself,andIfeltself-consciousofit.
WhatIrealizenowisthatliferequiresustoexposeourselvesandtakethoserisks.
Inthelatepartof2002,Ilostmymothertocancer.Itfirstshowedupinher
parotidglands,andshewastreatedbysurgeryandradiationtherapythatlefther
withouttheabilitytoproducesaliva.Later,thecancerreturnedinherspine.Again,they
treatedwithradiation,andthatseemedtostoptheprogression.However,inJulyof
2002,atesthadcomebackshowingthediseasehadspreadtoherlungsandliver.She
wasputonachemotherapytreatmentimmediately.Unlikemosttreatments,thisdidnot
leaveherfeelingnauseousoranyoftheotherharshside-effectsnormallyassociated
withchemotherapy.Shefelthopefulthatthetreatmentswereeffective,butthiswasto
beshort-lived.Hernexttestshowedthatthecancerhadnotbeenstopped.
Shewasgivenalifespanofnomorethan5years,accordingtothedoctors,but
theywereunwillingtomakeanyestimationregardingthesicknessorherabilityto
overcomeit.Fiveyearsactuallyshorteneddowntojustthreemonths.
ShediedinourcareatmyauntshouseinUpstateNewYorkinOctober.Her
fathermygrandfatherwhohadfallenillaroundthesametime,alsodiedtwodays
later.Afewmonthslater,mygrandmotherontheothersideofthefamilypassedaway.
Aroundthissameperiodinmylife,Ihadlostmanyofmyclosefriendsaswell,
duetorelocationoutofthearea.Shortlyafterthedeathofmymotherandgrandfather,I
fellintowhatsomemightcallaslightdepression.IdidwhatIcouldtoworkthroughthe
issuesandkeepapositiveoutlook,butIfoundmyselfwithoutenthusiasmorpassion.It
waslikethelifehadbeensuckedrightoutofme.
TherelationshipIhadwithmygirlfriendcametoanendaboutthissametime.
Then,mybestfriendmarriedandmovedabout40milesaway.Shortlyafterthat,my
ItaliangrandmotherpassedawayfromcomplicationsduetoAlzheimers.
Soundslikequiteabitofhardship,eh?
Itellyouthisstorynottodepressyou,ortogainyoursympathyorpity.Iwanted
totellittoyousothatyoucanunderstandthatthereisawillinallofustosurviveeven
23
themosthorrendousofevents.Ibelieveitsoursurvivalinstinct,andthatifyoucantap
intothisenergy,thisdrivetolive,youcanfindthisAlphaMan.
Theresapositivefootnotetoallthatsufferingthatmayhelpyouseewhatthe
pointis.Afterthatexperience,Ipulledmyenergytogetherintowritingthesee-books
andstartingthiscompanydedicatedtobringingyouthebestinformationforgetting
successwithwomen.
Survivalisouronlyimperative.Yourwillingnesstodowhatittakestostayaliveis
whatultimatelyhasthemostpositiveaffectonthegenerationsthatfollowyou,because
youractionsensurethattheywillgettoprosper.Thatsthebenefitofyourgreed.
IdontwanttosoundlikeaGloriaGaynorsonghere,chantingandclapping
abouthowIwillsurviveUltimately,youwillsurviveifyouareasurvivor.(Moreon
thislater.)
Andthebeautyaboutbeingamanahumanmanisthatyoucanchooseto
beanAlphaMan.Wearetheonlyspeciesonthisplanetthatiscapableofmassively
alteringitsowndestiny.Wecanchoosewhowewanttobe.Otheranimalsmustsettle
fortheirstatusatbirth,andtheydonotdeviatefromtheirnaturalcourse.Wehavethe
powerofreasonandthought,andthatallowsyoutobreakfromthemoldofmere
genetics.
Ibelievethatwemaynotbeabletochangeourentirespecies,butwecan
consciouslychangeourselves.Therearesomethingsthatyourgeneticblueprinthas
decidedforyou,butthereareothersthathavenot.Thesearetheoneswecanchange.
(Ifyoudoubtthis,IstronglysuggestyouwatchthemovieGattaca.Avery
movingexperienceandamessageIdontthinkyoullsoonforget.Illbepointingouta
lotofmoviesasexamplesinthisbooktohelpyouvisualizethebehaviormodelthat
yourelookingfor.)
Reachdown,andgrabyourballs.Thosearefigurativelyandliterallyeverything
aboutbeingaman.Ifyoursarealittleshrunkenandtuckedaway,weregoingtopull
themoutandinflatethemtothesizeofbasketballs.Thenweregoingtobronzethem.
Itstimetoroar,guys.
24
AFewWordsAboutChange
Ijustwanttobemyself.
Idontwanttochangetosuitotherpeople.
IonlywantwomenandotherpeopletolovemeforwhoIam.
Thisishardlyanewconcept,butIhavetore-statethemostcommonofall
fallacies(Icallthesephallus-ies)regardingthemythof"beingyourself."Imrelatingthis
tomenssearchforawoman,butitalsoappliestoallrelationshipsintheAlphaMans
life.
Youarenotbeingyourselfwhenyouinsistthatitsmorenaturaltoactwimpy
thanbeanAlphaMan.
Inotherwords,mostmencopouttothe"Idon'twanttohavetodoX,Y,andZto
getawomaninterested,"andthenthey'llactself-righteousabouthowmuchbetterthey
arefornot"playingallthosegames."
WhatitamountstoisBULLSHIT.
Hey,Iusedtosaythesamething.IusedtobelievethatDamnit,I'mgoingtojust
bemyselfandnothavetodoalltheselinesandmagictricks,andwomenwillwantme
forwhoIam.
I'mheretotellyouthatawomandoesnotwantyouforwhoyouare,butwhoshe
imaginesyoucanbeforher.
Awomandoesnotlovetheman,butshelovesthemanthatmakesherfeelthat
sheisspecialandunique.Yousee,yourfriendsdonotwantyousolelyfortheperson
youarebuttheenjoymentthatyoubringintotheirlives.
Iknowitsoundsterriblyselfish,butitsalwaystrue.Yourethesameway.When
apersonbecomesmoreofapainthanapleasure,youavoidthem.Weredrivenby
selfishneeds.Letmesayitonemoretime,simply:
Peopleonlyloveyouforhowyoumakethemfeel.
Nooneislovedbasedstrictlyontheirownvalue,butthevaluetheytransfuseto
others.Theyarelovedforthefeelingstheyinstillinthepeoplearoundthem.
25
It'sacommonmistaketobelievethatyoucanjustopenyourkimonoand-"Ta-
da!Loveme,ladies,forTHISiswhoIam!"Thisleadstobitterness,especiallywhen
peopledon'tgiveyoubackwhatyouthinkyou'reentitledtogetforbeingthisreally
greatperson.
Soyoumustlearnhowtobetruetoyourself,butselectivelypresentthoseparts
ofyouthatmakeotherpeoplefeelgoodaboutthemselves.
Soundcomplicated?Itsnot.
Irecentlytookanonlinetestthatdeterminesmyparticulardatingprofile.You
know,theygothroughallthepartsofyourdisposition,yoursexualtastes,your
introversion/extroversion,etc.,tofindoutwhowouldbeagoodmatchforyou.Ithought
itmightbeanotheroneofthoselametestsdreamedupbyarelationshipexpert,butit
actuallyturnedouttobefairlyinsightful.ThemostimportantpartIgotoutofit,though,
wasthatthistestreflectedthatIwascompatiblewithabout90%ofwhatwomenwantin
relationshipqualities.
Now,weallknowthatwhatwomensaytheywantandwhattheyactually
respondtoareoftendifferentthings,buthow'sthisforanassumption:IfIamwhatthey
saytheywant,thenwhynotalsodemonstratetheattractionqualitiestheyneedandwin
frombothsides?Afterall,whydon'tthose90%ofallwomenjustbeatdownmydoor
togetwithme,especiallyifIamwhattheysaytheywant?
That'swhatalltheseskillsandtechniquesareherefor,gentlemen.Becausethe
realproblemindatingandseductionisn'tthatwemenaren'tgoodenoughforthemin
anyrealway.Theproblemisgettingpastthebehavioralbarrierstheyputupsothatwe
cangetthemtoseehowgreatwecanbeforthem.It'sthenecessarymatingdance,
andit'sagamethatmustbeplayed.Womenscreenusoutbecausewerepresenta
disruption-weintroducechaosandchangeintotheirorderlylives.Unlesswepresent
themwithenoughpleasuretowarrantit,theywouldratheravoidthepainwe
represent.(Moreaboutthisdelicaterelationshipofpain/pleasurelater.)
Thismayseemlikeadebateoverweirdphilosophicaldetails,butit'snot.These
skillsyoumustlearndonotchangeyouinanywayfortheworse,aslongastheperson
youareisnotbadtobeginwith.That'sthebeautyofaddingthemtoyourreserveof
seductionabilities.
Solet'sgetoffthehighhorseof"Ijustwanttobeme"andunderstandthat
growthentailslettinggoofthosepartsofyouthatarenotservingyou,aswellasadding
NEWpartsthatwillgetyouwhatyouwant.
Don'tdefendyouregosculptit.
26
Beingself-righteousabout"justbeingyou"isanotherwayofsaying,"I'mokay
withlosingalittlebitlongersothatIdon'thavetochange."It'sacop-out,andnoteven
agoodoneatthat.Stayentrenchedinthesameoldlamebeliefsystem,andyouwillget
exactlywhatyoudeserve.
AndIalsodon'tbuythelineof"IfIgetlaidless,sobeit."(It'sarationalizationfor
self-imposedcelibacy.)Weallwantmoresex.Evenwomenwantmoresex.Everyman
whothinkshe'smakingsomegreatstatementofhonorbypretendinghe'sgotintegrity
fornotchangingislyingtohimself.Hesjusttryingtomakehimselffeelbetterabout
nothavingtogothroughthepainofgrowthandchange.Thinkingyourenoblefornot
changingisreallyjuststubbornness.
Emersonsaiditbest:Afoolishconsistencyisthehobgoblinoflittleminds.
Here'sathought:Whynotdomoregoodtotheworldbygivingwomenwhatthey
want,getmoreofwhatyouwant,andletgooftheneedtoserveyourownself-image?
Thatseemstometobeawin-win.
Noonewilleverrememberyouafteryou'redeadforthehobbiesyouhad,oryour
otherwinningcharacteristics- onlywhatyoudidforotherpeople.Lookatevery
memorablepersonthatiscelebratedthroughhistoryandyou'llseethisiswhatthe
ultimatevalueofamanis.
Stopputtingsomucheffortbehindnotchanging.Onlytheinsecurerefuseto
change.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Getoutasheetoflinedpaper.Listdownthelefthandsideallofyourpositive
qualities.Ontherightsidelistalltheareasyouneedtoworkon.Behonesthere.Thisis
whereyoucanshowrealvirtuebyhonestlyappraisingyourstrengthsandweaknesses.
Onthebackofthepage,Iwantyoutowriteaparagraphthatdescribeswhoyou
thinkyouareasaperson.Detailallthepartsofyourpersonalitythatshowswhoyou
are.Everythingyoucancomeupwith,including:
- Age
- Appearance
- Personality
- Hobbies/Interests
27
- Currentlifestyle
- Futuregoals
Thislistshouldessentiallybeallthereasonsawomanwouldwanttobewith
you.Now,ifyoucantcomeupwithanything,youregoingtohavetoworkatthismuch
harder.Everyonehasplentyofpositivetraitsthatawomanwouldwant.Itsyourjobto
digthemup,polishthemup,andfindthebestwaytoputtheminyourstorewindowso
thatshecanfindwhatyoureselling.Ifyoukeepthisstuffhiddeninthebasement,youll
nevergetanybusiness.
Youshouldalsokeepaneyeoutforthingsthatmaynotbeattractivetoother
women,orevenmostmenforthatmatter.IusedtoplayDungeonsandDragonsasa
kid,andIevenlistenedtodiscomusic,butthosearentthetraitswomenaregoingto
findveryattractive,sotheystayinthecellar.
Keepyourlisthandy,becauseitwillcomeinhandylaterinthisbook,aswellas
inyourownpersonaldevelopmentplan.
28
IMPORTANT:YouBetterFindYourPainAndUseIt
Youareabouttoreadabookthatwillchangeforeveryourperceptionsofmen
andwomen,andagreatmanyofthephallus-iescreatedinthetwentiethCentury.
Startinginthesixties,menstartedtoadoptagreatmanychangesinresponsetothe
empowermentofwomen,andfewofthemweregood.
Mensoftenedaswomenhardened.Weaccommodatedastheydemanded.We
gaveinastheybegantoflaunttheirsexualcontrol.
PleaserememberthatImnotsomewoman-hatingdinosaurIgenuinelybelieve
intheequalityofwomen.Butwevebeenchanging,andnotforthebetter.
Now,whatsmostimportanttoyouandmeatthismoment,asyourescrolling
throughthisbookandwonderingwhatyoureabouttolearn,isthatyoufindyourpain
andbegintouseittoyouradvantage.Imgoingtodedicateawholechapterofthisbook
tounderstandingthepowerofthisconceptinbringingaboutchangeinyourlife,butI
wantedtocoverthisbrieflyrightnow,beforeyougottoofarinandfeltthatdraining
weaknessfloodoveryouwhenyouthoughtabouttheprospectofchange.
Youhavetofindyourownreasontostartovercomingyourlimitingbeliefsand
makethechangesImabouttoproposetoyou.Youvegottoreachdeepintoyoursoul
andfindyourpersonalreasonsorthisinformationwillonlyservetoenlightenyou
notchangeyouorimproveyou.Ifyoucantfindtheblood-boiling,teeth-grinding,
someone-just-stole-your-girlfriendreasontogetmotivated,youllnevergetwherewere
going.
Imseriousaboutthis.Takealookatyourlife,andhavetheballstofaceit
squarely.Youvebeeninthesandboxandhaddirtkickedinyoureyes?Whatwashis
name?Isthereenoughpentupangeratthatassholetofuelyourwillingnessto
change?TogetDominantandAlpha?
Useit!Usethisangertoovercomeyourlimitations.
Pardonme?Yourdadbeatyou?Great!Usethatangerathimtochangeyour
behavior,nottospendyearsintherapytryingtounderstandwhatitallmeans.
Whatsthat?Yourwifecheatedonyoufortenyearswithyourbestfriend?And
thentheypublishednudepicturesofyouwithyourfistupacowsass?Yourepissedoff
aboutthat?SPECTACULAR!
Abso-fuckin-lutelymarvelous!
29
Nowwhatareyougoingtodo?Sithomeandcryaboutitasyoureadthrough
anotherself-helpbookabouthowtohealyourspirit?Areyougoingtoloafaroundand
watchtelevisiontoignorethepainanddullyoursenses?
No.
Youregoingtotakethoseinsults,thoseabuses,thoseinjustices,andyoure
goingtorecyclethemintoabetterYOU.Thatsallyoucaneverdotowinoverthe
peoplethatdidthesethingstoyouinthefirstplace.
Hey,maybeyoureaprettyaverageguy.Youdonthavealotofaggression.No
oneseverreallyfuckedwithyouthatbadly.Youvehadafewtoughbreaks,andwho
hasnt.Lifesokay.Noonebeatyouoryelledatyou.Youjusttakeiteasy.Youmight
eventhinkyoureaniceguy.
Illtellyousomething:Yourestillangryintheresomewhere.
Itsmansnaturetobeangry.Werepissedaboutsomethingfromcradleto
grave,mygoodman,andeventhemosteasygoing,stonedsurferIknowhadanugget
ofGRRRRRRRRinhissystemared-hotchilipepperofFuck-Youshoveduphisanus
thatcouldturnthisgentledudeintoaravingCharlesMansonifyouknewwhatbuttons
topush.
Forsomeofyou,yourparticularangermayrequiresomerealprofessional
psychologicaltreatment(andthereissomeofthatoutthere).Ifso,youshouldjust
deciderighthereandnowthatifyouwasteanotherdayrecyclingthisbitternessinstead
ofgettingonwiththerealworkofbeingthepersonyouwanttobe,youarepissing
awayyourlife.
Understandthis,mybrothers:
YouarenotputheretodiscoveryourselfyouareheretoCREATEyourself.
Forgetthosehead-monkeysthatwantyoutogothroughyearsofendlesshours
ofpointlesstherapytodredgeuptheangerofyourchildhood.Youalreadyknowwhat
wasfuckedupaboutit.Nowitstimetomoveon,andusethisknowledgetodowhat
youknowyouneedtodo.Therapistsarereallyjustexpensivefriends.
Sweartoyourselfrightthisminutethatyoullreadthisinformation,andletitget
youangry,frustrated,ormotivated.Letitdoanythingbutallowyoutocalmlyandtiredly
scrollthroughthesepages.
Getfiredup!YouvegotworktodotobecomeAlpha.
Iworkonthisstuffeverydamndayofmylife,andImstillnotthereyet.Butthe
bestpartisthatIstarted.AndImalotfurtherdownthepath.MeanwhileIwatchfriends
30
andfamilyflushyearsoftheirlifedownthecosmictoiletastheyhopetheycanmake
theirpasthurtsbetter,iftheycouldjustunderstanditorlearntoforgive.
Youonlyhavecontroloverthisminute.Rightnow.
Thepastisover.Done.Forgetit.
Youcantchangeit.
Thefutureisonlygoingtoarrivebecauseofwhatyoudointhismoment.Youare
decidingyourfutureasyousittherereadingthesewords.
IhopeyoureasexcitedasIamaboutthis.Stayenergized!
Angerisexcitement.Loveisexcitement.Envyisexcitement.Lustisexcitement.
Greedisexcitement.Takeallthecardinalsinsandmakethemyourhigh-octane,
spitfire,explosivePOWERtodowhatyouwantwithyourlife.
TheonlythingthatseparatesusAlphaMenfromtheSheepoftheworldisour
actionorientation,andthatstartswithourinternallevelofexcitement.Harnessitand
useitforyourself.
Anger
Getintouchwithyourpissed-offside.
Angerissounfashionableinoursocietytoday,butitstillplaysanessentialrole
intheAlphaManspersonality.
Itsnotcooltohaveatantrum,orthrowthings,orlashoutatothersviolently.But
youbetterfindthethingsinlifethatgetyoualittlemadandstartusingthemtoyour
benefit.Angerisnothingmorethanaformofnegativepassion,anditsapartofour
makeupforareason.
BackintheStoneAge,ifyoudidntgetalittlehot-under-the-collarthatyour
womanwasgettingbangedunderherloinclothfromGrok,anothergruntingcaveman,
youdprobablypussyoutandcrybythefire.Youdloseshaggingrightsforever.And
thenGrokgetstohavebabiesandyoursorrygenesdontgoanywhere.
Ifyouhaventseenit,therecentmovieHulkbyAngLeeshowshow
uncontrolledfurycanreachunmanageableproportions.Dr.Bannerbecomesthe
poster-boyforrage.ThisisapartofallmodernmenthatIfearislurkingaroundundera
calmcivilizedexteriorforcedonusbysociety.Withoutconstructiveoutlets,ourrage
canboiloverandturnusintodysfunctionaltools,justliketheHulk.
31
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Getoutapieceofpaper.(Ihopeyouvegotthatnotebookready,becauseyoure
goingtoneeditforalltheexerciseswellbedoing.)Takealittletimeandwritedownall
thethingsthatpissyouoffinthisworld.Notthethingsthatjustthrowyouintoablind
rage,butallthethingsthatannoythelivingshitoutofyou.
Heresalistofsomeofmine:
- Idiotswhotrytogetontheelevatorbeforeotherpeoplegetoff.
- Moronswhodontuseturnsignals.Howhardisittoflickyourleftthumband
movethatstickbehindthesteeringwheel?Cmon!
- Womenwhowhineaboutbreakinganail.Getoverit,doll-face.Itllgrowback.If
youwanttotalkaboutsomething,letstalkabouthowthosepantsmakeyourass
look
- Telemarketers.LikeIreallyneedasubscriptiontotenmagazinesandevery
fuckinnewspaperinthecity.Stopcallingme!
- Thosepeoplethatleaveamessageonyouransweringmachineforsomeone
thatobviouslydoesntlivethere.Didnttheyhearthevoiceonthemessagethat
saidCARLOS,pea-braineddorks?TheresnoPercylivinghere.
- Thosepeoplewhocrossfivelanesofexpresswaytraffic,causinghavocand
confusionjustbecausetheyalmostmissedtheirexit.Takeyourmedicineand
takethenextexit.Dontmakeusallpayforyourmistake.
- Theassholenextdoorthatdecidesthatsincehesbeenhomealldayandall
night,11:34PMissuddenlythebesttimetostartpracticehisdrums.Good
thinking.
Andheresarandomlistofthingsthatoughttopissyouoffiftheydont:
- Terrorists
- Flakeywomen
- Obscenelyloudmotorcyclesat3:00AM
- Peoplewhojustwontstoptalking
32
- Womenwhojustwontstoptalking
- WhatdoyoumeanyouforgottotakethePill?
- AnotherdamnJenniferLopezarticle
Dontletanyonekidyouyouneedthesethingsinyourlife.Weneedthem
becausetheytemperusandtestus,andtheyalsogiveusenergy.TheresalotofNew
Agenonsenseaboutlettinggoofallyouranger.Youshouldcontrolyouranger,butan
AlphaManneedsacertainamountofangerwithhimtokeephimonhistoes.Tofeel
alive.
Sure,Ipurposefullyaddedalittlehumorinmylist,asyoushould,too.Iturn
thoseannoyancesintosomethingIcanjokewithwomenabout,too.
Thisisactuallyareallyfunexercise,becausealotofthiscanbeturnedinto
greatconversationandhumorwithwomen.Ialsousethisangryenergytofuelmein
thosetimeswhereImwornoutorrunninglow.Ireachintomybackpocketduringa
workoutandrememberthosechicksthatsaid,letsjustbefriends!andIgetawhole
newburstofenergy.AndImalsoabletoturnitintogoodfunandhumor.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
GetafewofDennisMillersRanttapes.Dontjustbuythebooks,becausethen
youllmissthefullforceandimpactofhisstuff.Dennisisabitontheedgyside,andyou
havetohaveaheadfulloftriviatocatchsomeofhisobscurereferences,buthehasa
waywithcynicismthatalmostmakesyoufeelgoodbythetimehesdonerantingat
you.Youllalsolearnawholebunchofstuffthatwillteachyouhowhiskindofangry
humorworks.
33
PartI:TheScienceofAlphaBehavior
Manyguysdontrealizejusthowestablishedmalewimpinesshasbecomeinour
culturetoday.Itsanepidemic,andifwedontactsoon,weregoingtobecomeextinct
asaresult.
Wow.Coulditbethatimportant?
Yes,ifyoulookattheimpactofsexualdynamicsbetweenmenandwomenand
howwearedrawntogetherfromcertainbehaviors.Menareneededforthequalities
thatmakethemmenandmasculine.Thatswhatattractswomen.Maybewedont
havetomarryawomanrightoutofhighschoolanymorejusttosaveherfromajobasa
secretarylikeitwasbackinthe1940sand1950s,butwedohavetoprovideforthemin
otherways.
Andifmenandwomencantfigureoutthisgameofhowtoplayourgenderroles
correctly,wellbemorelostthanever.
Theresascientificreasonforhowwebehaveasbothanimalsandsentient
(thinking/reasoning)beings.Imgoingtoexplainthisinsomedetail,sothatyoufully
understandtheconcepts.Ifyoudonotwholeheartedlybelievethatthiskindof
evolutionarybehaviorisgoingon,yourenotgoingtofullyaswellasemotionally
understandthenecessityforyoutotakeonthseAlphaManbehaviortraits.
ALPHA
ThisbookisallabouttheAlphaMan.WhatisanAlphaMan?
Well,thescientifictermAlphaMaleisusedlargelyinanimalresearch,where
themoredominantandaggressivemalesinanyspeciesweretheonesthathadthe
mostinfluenceontheevolutionofthatspecies.Theyweretheonesthatgotto
reproduceandgettheirtraitsandgenespassedalongtothenextgeneration.
TheAlphaMaleisatermthatreferstothemaleatthetopofthesocialpecking
orderofthepackorgroup. TypicallytheAlphaMaleisthephysicallystrongestmalein
thegroup,thoughnotalways.Heistypicallythemostclever(whichdoesnot
necessarilymeanintelligent,aswewillexplore.)TheAlphaMaleinvariablyhasthe
strongestselectionamongthefemales;hehastheultimateadvantagefroman
evolutionaryperspective.Thisadvantageturnsintotherealityofgettinghisgenetic
traitspromotedforwardintothenextgenerationofthespecies.
34
TheAlphaMaleignitesaninstinctiveattractionformostfemales,whoseeinhim
thepotentialforavaluablemate.However,thoughappealinginhisownway,thebeta
maleisalwayssecond:asafe,civilizedshadowoftheAlpha,afollowerversusa
leader.He'sthemanawomanmighttakehome,buthesnotherfirstchoice.
Theattractivenessofalphatypesisacertificationofbiologicalquality,(likea
stampofapprovalfromMotherNature)takingintoaccountsuchfactorsasbilateral
symmetry(theextenttowhichabodyexhibitsbalanceinitsfeatures)and
weight/muscledistributionascuesthatthismanisfreefromharmfulgeneticproblems.
SomethingthatyoumightfindinterestingisthattheAlphaanimalinother
speciesisnotalwaysthemale.Inhorses,forinstance,theoldestmareistheleader.
Theoldeststallionmalehorseonlyownstheherdandmaintainsrank,aswellas
runningoffintrudersandpredators.Hisphysicalprowessdoesnotmeanheisthe
leader.(MoreonthisinDominance.)
Remember,theAlphaisnotbasedsolelyonstrength.Itisyourcourageandwits
thatwillgetyoutothatstate.
Forthesakeofthisbook,IusethetermAlphaMantoindicatethedominant
humanAlphaMalethatcombinesallourinheritedmasculinetraitswithourimproved
Alphathoughtsandbeliefs.
YouareanAlphaManbasedonyourabilitytolook,think,andbehavelikethe
powerful,dominantmale.Theleader.
MoreAlphaDefinition
Alpha:ThefirstletteroftheGreekalphabet.Mostoftenusedasanadjectiveto
describemalesandfemalesofspecies(e.g.,AlphaMale,etc.)whorankfirstwithina
group.Insomespecies,theAlphaMaleistheonlyonewhomates.Whileinothers,the
AlphaMalerarelymatessinceheissoaggressivethatheattacksfemalesorspends
toomuchtimedefending(andwinning)hisresources.(Yes,itispossibletobetoo
Alpha.)
Ontheotherhand,sometimestheAlphaMalehardlyfightsatall,simplybecause
noonechallengeshim.Onehastobecarefultonotautomaticallyassumethatthe
AlphaMaleistheonewhoisfightingallthetime(i.e.,themostaggressivemale.)
35
ThereisalsoanAlphaFemale,whogetsherpowerbymanycommontraits
physicalstrengthandbeautyasreflectionsofgeneticstabilityandpositiveenvironment.
Socialstatusortheacquisitionthereof.Intellectualability.Emotionaldepth.Nurturing
ability.
BacktoourAlpha:heholdsaprominentsocialpositionwithinhis"pack"or
societyasawhole,duetoacombinationofhisphysicalprowessandhiscompetence
andcopingskills.Hislargephysicalcapacityfordestructionisoverlaidbyanequalor
strongerforceforconstructivenessagentlestreak. Wheninsociety,forceisused
onlyoutofneedorcircumstance.Hisintellectisconsiderable,anotherexampleofgood
breeding(inaphysicalsense),andheisawell-honedweapon.Hedoesnotusehis
mindforfantasyandunproductivedreaming;hiswordsarethoughtover,weighed,
deliveredwithacontrolledforce. ThecivilizedAlphaManholdsself-controlinhigh
esteem.
Emotionally,theAlphaManisusuallyextremelyself-disciplined,ananimal
formedbysocialrulesandstructure.Hisemotionsaregenerallyrepressedorusedonly
astools.Thoseemotionssuchastenderness,affection,orlovethatarenotdirectly
indemandfortheprimaryAlphaMalegoalofdominancetendtobeheldback.
Youlloftenhearwomencomplainaboutthatlastone,anditseasytomistake
thisformeaningthatheneedstobeemotionalandsensitive.Itsnotnecessaryto
overcompensate.Hedoeshavetodemonstrateemotionalcapacity,butgivingawoman
emotionalsensitivitydoesnotmeanthathehastobeawoman.Wellcoverthisfurther
inthesectiononEmotionalIntelligence.
AlphaManCharacteristics
- Shortontime:TheAlphamanhasplacestogo,peopletosee.Hedoesnot
have3hoursforphonecalls.Hedoesnothavethetimetowaitonawoman
morethan15minuteswhensheslate.Hedoesnothavemorethanaminuteto
waitforhertotalktosomeoneelseoncallwaiting.(Ihanguponwomenthat
leavemedanglingoncallwaitingorhold.Ifthatothercallissoimportant,they
cancalltheotherpersonback.Whenwasthelasttimeyoureallyhadan
emergencyphonecall?)
- Self-interested,firstandforemost:Thisisnottobeconfusedwithselfish,orself-
centered.ItonlymeansthattheAlphaManslifeandhisfuncomefirst.Ifhe
doesntacttoensurehisownsatisfactioninlife,helldieamiserablemartyr.
36
- Createshisownreality:AnAlphaManrealizesthathecannotbedependenton
anyonetomakehislifefun,sohemustdoithimself.Hecreatesabubbleof
happiness,fun,andgoodspiritsaroundhimself,sothatwhenheencountersa
newpersonhesconfidentthathewillbeinterestingjustbytheauraofpowerhe
exudes.
- Useshiswitsfirst,thenhisbrawn:AtrueAlphaknowsthattodaysman
doesnthavetofightandhuntforhissurvivalthewayourancestorsoncedid.We
nowhavetheluxuryofforginganewkindofdominantmanthatdoesnotneedto
physicallyoverpowerhisenemies.Heknowsthatusinghissmartsandhis
instinctsaremostimportant.
- Doesnotneedothersapproval:TheAlphaknowsthathisownwayoflifehas
beencreatedforhimself,andheknowsthatsincehehasdefinedhisethics,his
ownrulesofbehavior,andcodeofhonor,hisconfidencehasalreadybeen
established.Whatotherpeoplethinkofthisissecondary.Hedoesnotneed
anyoneelsetogiveastampofapprovalforthewayhechoosestolivehislife.
- Isgentleandempathic:Andheknowswhentoreininhisemotionstoservethe
greatergood.Heknowsthatyoudonthavetobeahard-assallthetime,and
thosementhatthrowtheirweightaroundareusuallytheleastconfident.(Theres
asayingTheemptybarrelmakesthemostnoise.)
- Isdefiniteaboutwhathewants:TheAlphaknowswhathewantsfromlife,and
heisactivelypursuingit.Hesetsspecificgoalsandplansfortheirachievement.
Heknowshowtomakedecisionsquickly.
- Understandstheroleofriskinlife:Heisawarethattheunhappiestlifeisthe
onethatendsinregretofthethingsnotdone.Heknowsandunderstandsthe
sayingThedreamsofyoutharetheregretsofmaturity.Heknowsthatlifeisa
greatadventureornothing.
- Doesnotbetmorethanhecanaffordtolose:TheAlphaMandoesntrisk
morethanhecanaffordtolose,andheunderstandswhencautionisrequiredfor
balance.Heunderstandsriskandreward,andhowtoassessthem.
- Forgiveshimselfforhisfailures:Heknowsthattheonlymenwhodonotfail
arethosethatdonottry.Failureispartoflife.Hurryupandfailsoyoucangetto
successquickerishismotto.
- Growseveryday:TheAlphaManknowsthattheonlywaytostayattheheadof
theevolutionarypackistolearnandgrowtohislimits.Thosewhoarenot
growingaredying.Hereadsbooksandliteratureeverysingleday.Hesets
attainablegoalsandfocuseshisdriveandambitiontowardtheirachievement.
37
Theresplentyoftimetobemellowandrelaxedwhenhesdead.Lifeisvery
short,andhesgotplentyofworktodohere.
- KnowsthatWomenareaSecondaryGoal,neveraPrimaryGoal:Women
andsexareanimportantpartoftheevolutionarydrive,buttheyarenotafocus
fortheAlphaManslife.Womenwillbethesidebenefitofalifethatisfullylived,
andconfidentlynavigated.
- ControlshisPassionsandhisDemons:TheAlphaManknowswhathis
strengthsandweaknessesareinlife,andheusesthemtohisbettermentand
success.Hispassionskeephimmovingforwardwithpurpose,andheknowsthe
valueofbalanceinthispursuits.Healsoknowshisvulnerabilities,andhe
cultivatestheself-disciplinetonotletthemgetthebetterofhim.
- Hasawell-developedsenseofhumor:TheAlphaManknowsthatnothingin
lifeisthatserious,andheknowshowtolaughathimself,aswellastherestof
theworld.Hemakesotherslaughandfeelgoodaboutthemselves.
- RecognizesthatTimeisthemostvaluableasset:Evenmorethanmoney,
timeispriceless.Asthesayinggoes,youcanttakeitwithyou,andyoudont
wanttowindupattheendofyourlifehavingpursuedwealthandthenhaveno
timetoenjoyitin.Nooneontheirdeathbedwishestheyspentmoretimeatthe
office.Timeisallyouhavetospend.Never,everletyourselfkilltime.Thats
reallykillingyourself.
- Ismatureandconfidentenoughtoputhisegoaside:TheAlphaknowsthat
hisegoisjustafigmentofhisimagination.Whenhemakesitaprioritytoprotect
hisimage,hewillinevitablyfallpreytothedisillusioningaffectofpride.Only
insecuremenneedtoprotecttheiregoattheexpenseoflearningandgrowing.
- Focusesonthelong-termvisionratherthantheshort-termgains:Guys
haveapropensityfortunnel-visionwhenitcomestocertainenticementsinlife,
likemoneyandwomen.Heknowswhentodelayshort-termgratificationtoserve
hisgoals.Wellcoverthisinmoredetailinalatersection.
FamousAlphaMen
Hereareafewexamplestogiveyouanideaofwhatyourelookingforinarole
model:
38
- JamesBond:Youreprobablysicktodeathofhearingthisone,buthereally
doesstandoutasthetotalAlphaMan.Betteryet,youshouldwatchhowthe
actorswhoportrayedhimdemonstratedtheirAlpha-ness.Thesubtletiesoftheir
performance,thewaytheylookatwomenthroughthecorneroftheireye,the
bodylanguagetheyuseallofthisshouldgiveyouaclearideaofwhatitmeans
toactAlpha.Now,ofcourseJamesBondisalsogoodlooking,butdontthinkfor
aminutethatthisistheonlythingthatgetshimlaid.Mostofthewomenare
reluctantandresistanttohiminitially,thinkingthathesaplayer.Itshisconfident
AlphaManbehaviorthatgetshimwhathewants.
- MelGibson:SaywhatyouwantaboutolMel,buthesamansmanthroughand
through.HedemonstrateshischarminghumorintheLethalWeaponmovies,
hisstrengthandheroicpersonainBraveheart,andasinthemovieMaverick.
Hisstrong,silentcharacterinTheRoadWarriormoviesisalsoatestamentto
ruggedAlphaMen.Hisreallifeexploitsarealsoworthnoting,takingtheinitiative
(animportantAlphatrait)togethismoviesmade.
- GeorgeWashington:Thefatherofourcountrywasntalwayssuchagreatguy,
buthefinallygrewupandgothisshittogether.Hebecametheconsummate
heroandAlphaMan.Heledourcountrysrag-tagforcestopoundtheBritishinto
submission,andthenbecameourfirstpresident.AndImsurehehadballsthe
sizeofcoconuts.
- AbrahamLincoln:Justreadanybiographyofhimtounderstandhowhecame
fromadversitytogreatsuccess.Heovercamefailureafterfailureafterfailure,
andbecameoneofthemostrenownedfiguresinAmericanhistory.Hisown
standforhonestyandcharacterisalessonforeveryman.Anddontforget,he
provesthateventheugliestdudecanstillgetlaid.
- RichardBurtonYougottalovetheoldopinionated,smoking,drinking,rugged
individualist.IsawaphotoessayinamagazineshowingRichardnextto
ElizabethTaylor,andyoucouldjustseetheattitudeonhisface.Thetitleunder
thepicturesaidthatheexudedcomplete,uttermanliness.Nobetterphrasefor
it.Andwhentheysplitup,Richardwasstillamanthroughandthrough.Watch
WhereEaglesDareforagreatexampleofhisattitude.
- CaptainKirkOh,yeah.ThereisalottobelearnedfromJamesTiberiusKirk
fromtheoldStarTrekseries,anditsnothowWilliamShatnerover-acts.Ill
coverthisinthenextsection,sinceyouwontbelievehowmuchyoucanlearn
aboutpickingupwomenfromStarTrek.
39
ALPHATACTIC:
EverytimeyouidentifyanAlphabehaviorinsomeoneorasituation,makeanote
ofitsomewhere.Writedownallthethingsaboutthatbehaviorthatyouthinkepitomize
thetraitsofanAlphaMan.Storethemaway,andusethemyourselfwhenyouneeda
reference.Takespecialnoteofhowthesebehaviorsaffectothers.
WhenyoutuneyourmindtoobservingevidenceoftheAlphabehaviorsinyour
world,youllhavestartedyoursubconsciousmindonaquestthatwillkeepyoufocused
onthegoal.
Also,usethislistasaguidetoyourowndevelopmentofcharacter.
Intheend,we'realldeadmen.Sadly,wecannotchoosehow,orwhen.Butwhat
wecanchooseishowwedecidetomeetthatend,sowearerememberedforever
asmen.
- Gladiator
STARTREKisGoodforYou
Imgoingtotellyousomethingthatyouguysweresecretlyhopingwastrue...
StarTrekcanhelpyougetlaid.
Now,Iknowalotofguysaresaying,"AreyouKIDDING?ThelasttimeI
mentionedthemovietomydateaboutwhenSpockdiedandKhanfoughtKirk,she
wenttothebathroomandnevercameback."
No,no,no.Notthebattlesortheunknownspaceanomalies.
Therearethreecharactersthatyouneedtoreintroduceyourselfto.Theycan
teachyouahellofalotaboutseduction.(Forthesakeofthisarticle,I'mgoingto
assumeyouarefamiliarwithboththeoldseriesofStarTrekaswellasTheNext
Generation.Ifyouarent,gooutandrenttheDVDs.)
Andifanyofyouguyssayyouhaven'tseenanyoftheoldStarTrekshows,I'm
goingtotellyoutwothings:
1)Liar!
2)Keeptellingthewomenthat.
40
ThefirstcharacteryouneedtoemulateisCaptainJamesT.Kirk.Now,whydo
youthinktherewassuchareputationabouthim?Itwasn'tjustbecausehewasout
therebangingeverygreen-skinnedalieninthecosmos(andhewas.)Itwashistake-
no-prisoners,take-no-sh*tattitude.
Yousee,ifthereisonethingKirkwas,itwasboldandconfident.Howcouldhe
notbe?Oneminutehe'sfacingdownaKlingonattack,thenexthe'sescortinga
diplomattosometreatysession,orfightingforthehumanraceonsomedesertedplanet
withapurplesky(andthosesamestupidrocks.)
OneespeciallyrelevantepisodeyoumustwatchtofullygraspKirk'sabilityto
seduceistheonewherehehastoescortsomebitchyprincessacrossthegalaxyto
somemeeting(ELAANOFTROYIUS).NotecarefullyhowKirkstandsuptoherand
letsherknowthatheranticsarecompletelyunacceptable.Whenshelashesoutin
prima-donnafashion,heputsherbackinherplace.Intheend,hetamestheprincess
andevenscoressomemoreinterstellarnookie.
Kirkisalwaysconfident,cocky,andwentafterthewomenhewanted.Hemade
noexcuses,nordidhegiveintowomenmakingdemands.Heboldlywentwhereevery
manwantstogo.(Iknow,thatwasbad,butIhadtoputthatin.)Womenneverwalked
overhim.
ThenextcharactertowatchandlearnfromisWillRikerfromStarTrek:The
NextGeneration.Picardwassuaveandcharming,butRikerwasmore'Bad-boy'inall
thebestways.WatchhowRiker'sattitudemorecloselyemulatesKirkfromtheold
series.He'sabittooeasytogetriledupandangry(youwanttomaintainemotional
control),buthedemonstratesiteffectively,notafraidtoletawomanknowwhenshe's
displeasedhim.And,hedoesn'tletthemmanipulatehimbyhisemotions.
Rikeralsoisn'tafraidtostepinandletawomanknowwherehestandswithher.
Hewillgrabherbythearm,pullherclose,tellherthathereyesarelikeArcturian
moonstones,andthenslipherthetongue.Hedoesn'thesitatetoprojecthissexualityto
women.Andyoushouldn'teither.It'showyoudoitthat'smostimportant...
ThelastcharacterIwantyoutoconsiderisDeannaTroi,theship'scounselor.
Whyher?
Well,ontheshow,shehasagift:she'sempathic,meaningthatshecansensea
person'semotionalstatetelepathically.She'softenprettyheavy-handedwithher
observations- "Captain,Isenseyourdeepdislikefortheanalprobeyougotwhenyou
werewiththeBorg...tellmemoreaboutit..."Butsheisobservantandintuitivewiththe
peoplesheencounters.
41
Whenyou'rewithawoman,youshouldtuneintoheremotionalfrequencyas
closetothisasyoucan.Useyourempathicabilitytoreadherthoughtsandfeelings.
Sensetheemotionsunderneathwhatshesaystoyou.Whenshetellsyou:"I'm
justnotsureifIwanttotakethatpositioninaccounting."Yousay:"Well,Icandefinitely
understandwhatyoumean.Isensethatyou'reabithesitant.Isitthatthejobis
challenging,or...istheresomethingelse?"Andyousaythatlastpartasifyoufeel
theremightbe.Youdon'tactuallysaywhatitis,butyouimplyyouknowwhatitis.
Then,eitherway,youwereright.
Takeallthecredit.You'resointuitive!
Onewordofcaution,however:Donotletyourselfstartfeelingtheseemotions
withher.Youneedonlyobserveandcommentonthemasifyouknowwhatshesgoing
through.Awomandoesn'tneedyoutofeelthesameemotions,onlytounderstandthe
onesshehas.
Inmostcases,youdon'thavetobeanempathtoreadpeople'semotionalstate.
Youjusthavetopayattentiontowhattheysayandtheirbodylanguage.Doalotof
people-watchingandyou'llgetgoodatreadingthis,too.
Oh,thereisonecharacteryoushouldwatchjusttoseewhatNOTtodowitha
woman,andthat'stheengineeronStarTrek:TheNextGeneration,GeordiLaForge.
Geordiisasineptastheycomewithwomen,andhe'saguyIthinkwecanallrelateto.I
usedtobethisway,andIsuspect95%ofallguyshavebeenatsomepoint,too.
Geordican'tscoretosavehislife.Hecanrunafuturisticwarpengine,buthe
can'tfigureouttheinnerworkingsofawoman.ThinkofGeordiasyourtypicalhigh-tech
guygreatwithmachines,terriblewithpeople.Theshowevenmakesapointof
highlightinghowGeordi'stechniqueswithwomenareineffectiveinaveryrealisticway.
There'sascenewherehe'sonadatewithawomanontheHolodeck,insomesuper
"romantic"setting,onthebeachunderthemoon.He'sfumblingforwords,obviously
clueless,andhegoesinforanawkwardarmaroundthewoman.Shethenproceedsto
tellhimthatshe"justwantstobefriends."
Overthecourseofmanyepisodes,helearnsalittleconfidence(notmuch
cockiness,buthey,hegotbetter.)
Pleaserememberthat,yes,itwasjustadorkysci-fiTVshow,butitdoes
exemplifysomethingsthatguystodaywoulddowelltoimitate.Maybethen,bythetime
wegettothe23rdcentury,menwon'tbesodamnwimpy.
Justdon'ttellyournextladyfriendthatyoulearnedyourbestmovesfromStar
Trek,orshe'llejectyourwarpcorebeforeyoucansay-"Makeitso..."
42
BetaGuys
ThebetaanimalistheonethatissecondarytotheAlpha.Inmanygroupsof
animals,thisindicatesonlythenextrankdownfromtheleader.Inmyterminology,and
fortherestofthisbook,BetareferstoanymanwhoisnotanAlphaMan.(Alsoknown
astheBetaGuy.)
WhyarethereonlytwokindsAlphaMenandtheneveryoneelse?
Inmyopinion,thereisonlyONEplacetobeatthetopoftheheap.Accepting
anythinglessissettlingforalifehalf-lived.SuperBowlwinnersareremembered,not
theDivisionChampions,eventhoughtheSuperBowlwinnersonlywononemoregame
thanthem.
Wimpy,non-Alpha(orBetaGuy)behavior:
- Can'tmaintaineyecontact
- Hasslumped,submissiveposture
- Fidgetsnervously
- Givesawayhispower
- Looksforattentionandapprovalfromothers
- Dateswomenthatchoosehim
- Lacksgoalsordirection
- Unabletofocushisenergyonanyonetasktocompletion
- Afraidofcompetition
- Createsintricatementalillusionstoavoidtakingactioninhislifehe
rationalizeslosing
- Afraidtolead
- Afraidtofight
- Doesnotdevelophisstrengthsorworkonself-improvement
- Changestogowiththeflow,accommodatingotherpeoples
schedules
- People-pleasingespeciallywomen
43
- Defusingconfrontationsinnon-assertiveways,avoidsanyconflict
TheBetaGuyismuchhappierlettingsomeoneelsedirecthislife.Hesgenerally
capableoflivinghisownlife,buthesmostlyhelplessonhisown.Somethinginhis
upbringingstolethefireofpassionfromhimandturnedhimintoaquiveringjellyfish.
Now,Imnotaskingyoutojustjumpineveryonesfaceandstartfights,orbea
generallyabusiveprick.ThatsnotbeinganAlphaatall.Infact,atrueAlphaknowsthe
politicsofthemoment,andheissmartenoughtoholdbackhisopinionandavoid
conflictwhenitsuitshimbest.Thepointisthatitisneverdonefromaplaceof
weaknessorfear.
Self-defense
AsIsaidabove,avoidingconflictconstructivelyisanAlphaMantrait.Contraryto
whatyoumightthink,thefirstguytojumpintoafistfightisnotalwaystheAlphaMan.
Thefirstruleofself-defenseinaphysicalconfrontationisthatyoutrytoavoidafightif
possible.However,whenpushedtothenextlevel,youmustbepreparedtoact.
SotheAlphaManwillseektodisarmwithhiswitandhiswordsbeforeanything
else,andthenhewillresorttophysicalpersuasionasalastresort.ThisiswhyIpreach
thatallmen(oralmost-menwhoaspiretobeAlphaMen)needtotraininaself-defense
techniqueormartialart.Attheveryminimum,youmustbeabletodefendyourself
physically,andthenyoullbeabletoprotectthepeoplearoundyou.
Thereareamultitudeofprogramsouttheretosuitanypersonalityorlifestyle.
EverythingfromAsianfightingartstoboxingtosoftTaiChiforms.Youcanlearn
modernstreettechniquesaswellaskick-boxing,orjusthowtohandleagoodold
fashionedbare-knucklebrawl.
IstudyasystemcalledShaolinKenpo.ThisoriginatedintheShaolintemplein
China,andhasamixtureofelementsthatcoverhardstrikes,rapidcircularmotion,
grappling,andotherprinciples.Ivealsotrainedtouseweapons,suchasthesword,the
sais,nunchaku,andthebostaff.
Thebenefitsoftheseprogramsarealmosttoonumeroustolist.Attheveryleast,
youlldevelop:
- Staminaphysicalfitness
- Coordinationandagility
44
- Awareness
- Balance
- Power
- Speed
- Confidence
- Humility
- Spiritualcentering
DontjustgotothelibraryoraBarnes&Noblesbookstoreandpickupastreet
fightingfordummiesbookandexpecttobeeffective.Ittakessomededicatedtraining
tolearnrealtechniquesandfacerealconfrontations.Youshouldtrainforatleastsix
monthstoayearormoreinatleastonediscipline.Ifthefirstoneyoufinddoesntsuit
you,lookaroundforanother.
Iencourageyoutoinvestigatetheprogramsinyourareaandseeifanyofthem
makesenseforyou.Self-defenseskillsareacriticalpartoftheAlphaManslife,and
therewardsyoureapintheknowledgethatyouarepreparedforasituationwhereyou
mayhavetodefendyourlife(orthelifeofalovedone)willjackyourself-confidenceup
throughtheroof.Thiskindoftrainingisinvaluableandessentialforyourgrowth.And
afteryouvesparredwithaguytwiceyoursize,youllseethatconfrontationsare
actuallykindoffun.
Itwillalsohavetheaddedbenefitofattractingwomen,sinceyoullbetakingon
thearchetypalroleofwarrior.Iknowthatwomenhavebeenmorethanjustalittle
turnedonwhenIdemonstrateafightingformforthem,aswellastrainthemintheirown
self-defense.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Getyourselftrainedinself-defense,evenifitsjustboxinglessons.Learnhowto
throwapunch.Learnhowtoblockapunch.Learnhowtoreadaggressivemale
behavior.Getcomfortablewiththepossibilityofphysicalconfrontation.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
45
MartialArtistsalwayswatchpeopleandassesstheirthreatlevel,andyoushould,
too.Makeagameofwalkingdownthestreetandthinkingabouthowyouddealwith
thatoldwomanifshecameatyouwithhercane.Howwouldyouhandlethatkidthat
lookslikeagangmember?Whatwouldyoudoifhetookaswingatyou?Whatwould
youdoifhepulledaknifeorgun?
Remember,theonlytimeyoudonothingisiftheyrejustrobbingyou.Givean
armedrobberwhathewantsifitsjustyourmoney.Butifitgoesfurther,youdbetterbe
preparedtodosomethingtosaveyourlife,orthelifeofsomeoneyoucareabout.
Agreatmartialartistonceusedanexercisewherehewouldclosehiseyesand
meditate,imagininghewasdoingbattlewithasnow-whitetiger.Heimaginedhowhe
woulddefeatsuchaferociousbeastwithnothingbuthishandsandhiswits.Hedlose
manytimes,butafterawhile,hefoundawaytowin.(Andyourenotdoingthisexercise
correctlyifyoudontlosemorethanyouwinatfirst.)
Imagineyourownfierceopponent.Maybeitsamonster,oratiger,orevenyour
father.Imagineeverydetailofthearenawhereyoufinallyconfrontyouropponent,
readytodobattle.Letyourselffeelthefearyouwouldinreallife,andturnthatenergy
intotheforceyouneedtoovercomeyourenemy.Imaginetheinjuriesyousustainfrom
thebitesandthepunchesandthekicks,andfocusingthatexcruciatingpainintoyour
attacks.Youseeeverythingwhileseeingnothing,controllingyourtemperandfighting
fromthecalmcenterofyourconfidence.
Andwhenyouredone,walkinguptoabeautifulwomanwillseemtameby
comparison.
46
A.M.P.
ImgoingtohighlightapatternofbehaviorinthisbookthatIcallA.M.P.This
standsfor:
Alpha
Man
Power
Youregoingtotapintothisboundlessreserveofenergywhenneededtobring
outthebestpartsofyourpersonalitytoyourbenefit.
Yousee,yourealreadycapableofbeingamanwomenwouldwant,right?We
bothknowthat.Theproblemiswhenyougetinasituationandthattonguegetstied,or
yourmindfreezesup,andyoucantseemtofindtherightwordstosay.
Isthattherealyou?No.Thatsjustaconditioncreatedbythenervousnessyou
feel.WhenyoufindyourAMPs,youlldobetter.Andthemoretimesyoudobetter,youll
beabletoshakeoffthenervousness,andsoonitwillbeathingofthepast.
Usethisacronymtohelpyouwhenyoufindyourconfidenceisalittlelow.Chant
ittoyourselfifyouhaveto.AMPitup,AMPitupItsjustlikethoseyellswegivetoa
footballteamtohelpthemfocusandfeedfromourenergy:DE-fense!DE-fense!
Cheerforyourselftohelpyouovercomeslipsinyourconfidence.
Dominance
Dominanceisadisplayofpower,oneanimaloveranother.Sometimesthis
powerisimpliedandnotdisplayed,thoughmorelikelythisstatuswillbechallenged
constantlydependingonthespecies.Inthehumankingdom,yourdominanceis
challengedjustabouteverydayofyourlife.
Dominanceactuallyhasverylittletodowithstrength.Dominanceisallabout
wisdom,guile,smarts.Thecleverestanimalisoftentheonethatdominatesinthe
herd.Especiallyinthehumanherd,wherewenolongerfighttohuntdownournext
mealanymore.
47
Inagroupofturkeys,forinstance,signsofdominancearestrutting,attackingthe
lowerorderturkeys,aswellasbeingthefirsttogobbleinthemorning.(Considerthat
thesameneedforyoutobethefirsttogobbleortalktothewomanyouspotinabar
orothersocialsituation.)
Dominationiswhereyouensurethatyouareheard.Thatyougetyourwaywhen
itcomestothethingsyouwantfromlife.
WhenIwaslookingtomovetoanewflatintheSanFranciscoarea,Ifocusedon
findingtheplaceIwanted.ThenImadeabidandaggressivelycontactedthesellerto
findoutwhatwasgoingon.(Withoutbeingpushy,ofcourse.)Igotoffthephoneafter
thefirstcallandrealizedthatIdidntmakemyofferstandoutfromtheotherstheyd
received.SoIcalledbackandsweetenedthedealabit,aswellasaskedwhatother
offerstheywerelookingat.Asitturnsout,theywereabouttooffertoanothercouple.I
counteredtheirofferandgottheirhesitationsoutintheopen.Theywereleeryof
acceptingadogowner,soIofferedahigherdeposittoeasetheirmind.Intheend,Igot
theflat.IwaspersistentandImadesureIdominatedinthenegotiations.IfIhadletit
goatmyfirstcallandoffer,Iwouldnthavegottentheflat.
Dominanceisalsoacombinationofpersistenceandwisdom.
And,ultimately
Dominanceisallaboutknowinghowtooutsmartandoutwitthosewhowould
seektodominateyou.
Submission
Submissionintheanimalkingdommeanstheactofbackingdownfromthose
thataremoredominant.Confrontationsthatputanimalstogetherinevitablyestablisha
peckingorder(seemorebelow)bywhichthemoredominantmalesbecomemore
status-separated.
Beingsubmissiveinourtermsmeansbeingsupplicating,obedient,and
dependent.SubmissioninthecontextoftheAlphaManandthepeckingordermeans
thatanymanwhosubmitstoanotherisforfeitingtheirAlphastatus.(Exceptthosethat
dosoasaclevertrick,sothattheycanretaintheirAlphastatus.)Submissionor
appeasementwillbecomeclearlyexplainedaswegothroughtheconcepts.
Allapeslearnthedelicateartofappeasement.Therearenumerouswaysto
appeaseanirateAlpha,andallofthemareneeded.Groomingisagoodbet,butthe
48
symbolic"presenting"ofyourbackisalmostguaranteedtodefuseAlphaanger.What
youaresayingis,"See?Iknowyou'resuperiorandI'minferior.Really."Andninetimes
outoftenitworks.
Humanshavesimilarappeasementgestures.Whetherconsideringaformal,17th
centuryJapanesebow,whereeverycentimeterofbendingwasdulynoted,oracurtsey
beforeaQueen,orasalutetoaseniorofficer,wehaveourownassortmentof
appeasementgestures.(Showingyourhands,palmuporforwardisanothermethodof
demonstratingappeasement.)Allofthemmean,"See?Iknowyou'resuperiorandI'm
inferior.Really."Istherereallyadifferencebetweenasubmissivechimpanzeebending
toshowhisinferiorstatus,andahumanbendingtoshowthesamething?
Watchthebehaviorofmenyouknow,andwatchhowoftentheyacttoappease
ratherthantoexpresstheirowndesiresandneeds.Mostmenexpresssubmissionand
appeasementtowomenthesedays,andthisisoneareathatneedstobecorrected.IfI
hearonemoremarriedmansay,Igottacheckwiththeboss,Iwillprobablyfreakout
andscream.
Appeasementissometimesnecessary,butnotasmuchasyoumightthink.You
winmorerespectbyknowingwhentotakeastand.Especiallywithwomen.Ifyou
haventdoneanythingwrong,becarefulabouttryingtoappeaseawoman.Thisisa
manipulativetacticthatputsyouonthedefenseandwillsetyouupforabaddynamic.
Womendonotwantmentobowtothemortreatthemasauthorityfigures.They
occasionallyenjoytheprincesstreatment,butthatsnotappeasement.Thatsaform
ofnurturingtothem.Whenyouputawomanonapedestal,shellneverliveuptoit,and
shellrunfromthatkindoftreatment.
ThePeckingOrder
Thepeckingorderisdefinedasthesocialhierarchyinaflockofdomesticbirdsin
whicheachbirdpeckssubordinatebirdsandinturnsubmitstobeingpeckedby
dominantbirds. Thisoccursinallspecies,suchaspigs,dogs,horses,humans,but
wasnamedfromthestudiesofbirdnests.Itwasobservedthatthedominantorstronger
oftheyoungchickswouldaggressivelyattacktheweakmembersofthenest,by
peckinganddeprivationoffood.Manybirdsarealsoshovedoutofthenesttotheir
death.
In1922,[ascientist]showedhowevenstarvinghensalwaysallowedtheir
leader(the'alpha'hen)toeatfirstanddidnotdareinterfereuntilithadfinished;howifit
49
wasremoved,thehensstilldidnoteat,butwaiteduntil'beta'hadhaditsfill,andsoon
downtheline.Thepeckingorderofhenswasrevealedtobeasrigidasinanyarmy,to
suchanextentthatwhentakenawayforafewweeksandthenreturnedtotheiroriginal
flock,eachimmediatelyresumeditsownrank.Therewardwasthattheflocklivedin
peace,didnotfightoverfoodandproducedmoreeggs.Thepricewasinjustice.Those
atthebottomofthehierarchynotonlygotlesstoeat,buthadfeweroffspring,suffered
fromstress,deterioratedphysicallyandinmomentsofdanger- whenfoodranout,
whenthepopulationbecametoodense- weremadescapegoatsandmercilessly
attacked.Thesameprincipleswereobservedinothercreatures:thechildrenof
dominantrabbits,wolves,rats,tendedtobecomedominanttoo;baboonshad
aristocraticdynasties.Natureseemedtobesayingthatequalitywasimpossible,and
thatonlythestrongcanhopetoberespected.
- TheodoreZeldin,AnIntimateHistoryofHumanity.
Somemightconsiderthiscruelandreprehensible,butkeepinmindthatthisis
MotherNatureatwork.Innature,thereisnogoodorevil,onlythecircumstancesof
survival.Ashumans,weliketothinkthattheresadifferentstandardinplaceforus,but
manyofthesamebehaviorsfollowedusthroughourgenetichistoryandallowedthe
dominanthumanstoflourish.
Theresahumanpeckingorderineveryformoforganizedendeavor.Theresa
peckingorderatwork,aswellasinyourfamily,oratthelocalsinglesbar.
Thinkabouttheconceptofseniority.Thenewpersontoanyjoborpositionis
alwaystheonetogettheworsttasks.Theresariteofpassage(otherwiseknownas
payingyourdues)inanyfield.Thisensuresthattheresanappreciationforthosethat
havegonebeforeyou.Thewordsenseiinmartialartsliterallymeansonewhohas
gonebeforeoronewhowasbornbefore.
Noonelikestheguythatassumeshesentitledtospecialorpreferential
treatment,especiallybythosethathavealreadybeenthereforawhile.Ifyouveever
experiencedthisresentmentfirsthand,youknowwhatImean.Thinkoftheterms
brownnoser,orteacherspet.Theyaregiventosomeonewhohasbeengiven
specialtreatmentorwhoexpectsfavorswithoutdemonstratinghisability.
Whenyouwereakid,Iguaranteeyouthatyouhadapeckingorderinthegroup
ofpeopleyouhungoutwith.Onekidwastheleader,theAlphaKid,andtheothers
respectedhisabilitiesinsomeway.(Usuallyitwastheabilitytokicktheshitoutofyou.)
Everysooften,someonewouldchallengehisauthorityandpossiblyevenbeathimup
inafight.Afterthat,thevictorwasthenewAlpha.
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Mensconversationalstyleisbuiltaroundthis.Weputeachotherdowntobuild
ourselvesup.Ourconversationsarestructuredarounddemonstratingsuperior
knowledgeorauthority.Onethingwomenrarelygraspisthatwhenyoutalktoaman
youdonotbelittleorbruisehisegoinanyway.Theworstsininamansconversationis
tomakehimwrong,andinawomansconversationtheworstsinisnottohaveheard
heroutandunderstoodherfeelings.
Amanatthebottomofthepeckingorderisgoingtohaveafragilesenseofself-
esteem.Ifyoureinasituationwhereyourauthorityislimited,andyourpowerand
controlofyourlifeisverysmall,youregoingtohaveafeelingofangerfloatingjust
underthesurfaceofyourotherwisenicedemeanor.Thiswillalsoreflectitselfinyour
abilityandattitudewithwomen.Youhavetofindyourpowerandauthorityinlifeand
exerciseit.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Alwaysworktoincreaseyourlevelinthepeckingorder.Themenatthebottom
arethesubjugated,whipped-dogsoftheworld,andtheirattitudestendtoshowit.Its
toughforaguytobelaidbackandcoolwhentherestofhislifeisbeingmanagedby
others,andheneverexertshisdominanceandcontrol.Strivetoachieveapositionof
powerinyourlifesothatyoufeelliketheforceactingratherthantheonebeingacted
upon.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Makealistofallthepeopleinyourlife,andplaceyourselfinthatpeckingorder.
Makesuretoincludepeopleyouhaventmetaswell,suchasthePresidentofthe
UnitedStates,BillyBobThornton,orevenMetallica.Makesureyouincludeyourboss,
yourmomanddad,othersinyourfamily,andyourcircleoffriends.Rankyourselfin
termsoftheirstatusinthepeckingorder,andmakeanoteofwhyyouputthemabove
orbelowyouinstatus.
WhenIdidthisexercise,InotedthatthepeopleIrankedabovemewereonly
therebecauseofthegrantingofsomekindofofficialauthority.Ihonestlydontbelieve
therearemanymenthatwouldbeabettermanthanme,unlesstheyhaveahigher
qualityofcharacterandamorenobleabilitytolead.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
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Makealistoftheplacesinyourlifethatyoufeelsubservientorsubmissive.
Placeslikeyourwork,thecrowdoffriendsyouhave,orevenwithyourfamily.Makea
listofpeople,byname,andhowtheytreatyouthatmakeyoufeelthisway.Beas
specificaspossiblewiththesituations,andstartwiththeonesthataremostfrequent.
Next,notehowyoulasthandledthatsituation.Thenwriteoutaplanforhowyouwould
handlethatifyouweretheoneincharge,orawaythatyoucanhandleitthenexttime
sothatyouwininthepeckingorder.
Obviouslycertaininteractions,likewithyourboss,aregoingtohavetobe
handledmorediplomatically.Youcantjustbeatyoursupervisorovertheheadwitha
baseballbatwhentheygiveyouacrappyassignment.Butyoucanfindwaysofusing
yourwitssothatyoueithergetitre-assigned,oryoucompletethetaskinsuchaway
thatitsetsyouupforabetterassignmentinthefuture.Ifyouvedonethatinthepast,
thenitsprobablytimeyouspokeupandtoldhimorherthatyoupaidyourduesandits
timeyougotabetterassignment.Sometimesitmightevenmeanquittingthejobyou
havesothatyoucanstartsomewherefreshandgetridofthebaggage(butthats
usuallythelastresort.)
Remember:Theresalwaysawaytogetwhatyouwantfromasituationifyou
workatithardenoughandsmartenough.TheAlphaManfindsawaytoclimbupthe
peckingorder.
Congruency
You'vemayhavediscoveredsomethingthathappenswhenyoustart
understandingthetruthaboutwomen:Youstarthearingconflictingadvice.
Ishouldsmile
Butdon'tsmileallthetime.
Actfriendly
Butactabitaloof.
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Ishouldteaseher
Butnotbetoomean.
Thiscanbeabitconfusinggiventheapparentcontradictions.
Letmeclearthisupforyourightnow:
Thebestplacetoapproachwomenisfromwhereverworksbest.
Ordoingwhateverworksbest.
Butbesureit'sreallyworkingthewayyouthinkitis...
Yousee,alotofguyswilltrydifferentmethods,thinkingthattheyaregettinga
certainresult,butthey'renot.Theyrefoolingthemselves.
Forinstance,alotofguyswilltrythe"cockyandfunny"or"teasetoplease"
approachandnotquitegetthefeelofitthefirstcoupletimes.Thentheygetaweirdor
badresult(perhapsnotknowinghowtodiagnosetheproblem)andassumeitsimply
"doesn'twork."
Theproblemusuallyisn'tintheuseofthestrategy,butinthehowcongruentthe
man'sbehavioris.Congruencemeanshowwellaman'sactionsmatchwhathereally
appearstobethinkingandfeelingontheinside.
IfIweretowalkuptoawomanandstartaconversationwithher,tellingher
aboutmybraveexploitsandhowgreatIwasinbed,andthewholetimemyhandsare
shakingandIcan'tmakeeyecontactformorethanasecondortwo,whatdoesthattell
her?
Shesmells"wimp"alloverme,likeIjustrolledinit.
IfItrytotellafunnystory,butIdon'tactlikeIthinkImfunny,ormyvoiceshakes
andIbreakintoasweat,willshelaugh?
Probablynot.Because,again,I'mnotappearingasifIbelieveinwhatI'mdoing
orsaying.Ilackcongruence.
Youseethisalotwhenacomediancan'tkeepittogether.Hestartstolosehis
controlontheaudience,andyoucanseehisconfidencefallapart.Andtheaudience
stopslaughingasmuch.Andheslidesdownwardfromthere.
53
Sheprobablywon'teventhinkthisdirectly"He'snotbeingcongruent!Idon't
thinkthiswouldwork.She'lljustgetafunnytelltalesignalinthebackofherbrainthat
says,"Uh-oh!Danger!"Andthatsignalwillblockanyattractionshemightstarttohave
foryou.
(Thissignalisalsopartof"FemaleIntuition"bytheway.Guyshaveit,too,it's
justthatwedon'treallylistentoitordevelopit.)
Yousee,agirlstartsworkingonherwimpintuitionfromthefirsttimeshestarts
talkingwithboys.Fromthenon,shelearnstotrustthatsense,becausetheguysthat
don'tactcongruentlywiththeirwordsareimmediatelyspottedas"notright"andshe
knowsthattheydon'tturnheron.Thefirstinsecuremomentthatcomesalongand
theseguysareseekingapprovalandturningintoGradeAwussiesatthedropofahat.
Thesecretisthis:
Itdoesn'tmatterWHATyoudo...it'sHOWYOUDOIT.
Everythingworksifyoudoitacertainway.Youcansmileandcomplimenta
woman,andthatwillworkifyoudoitacertainway.Youcouldactlikeaniceguyif
youwant,butyouhavetodoitacertainway.
Theproblemwithmostguysisthatifyoudothosemethods,almostnoone
exceptaverygood-lookingguycanpullthatoff.Theyjustdon'tknowthewayitworks.
And,Idon'tknowaboutyou,butI'mnoPierceBrosnanorHughJackman...
It'sallinhowyoubehave.
That'swhyImgivingyouthetechniquesandtheproperunderstandingofyour
attitudeandposturesothatyoucanactcongruentwithawoman.LikeanAlphaMan
does.
Theeasiestmethodtoattractawomanistostartfromapositionofconfidence.
Thatwayyoudon'thavetoworryaboutwhethertosmileornotsmile,orleaninornot
leanin,orallthelittlenitpickydetails.You'lljustdowhatfeelsrightinthatsituation,
withoutactingfromdesperation,orafraidthatshewillrejectyou.Itellguystoleanoff
thesmilingbecausemostofthemeitherdoitwaytoomuch,ornotatall.Afewsmiles
arefine-ifyoudoitright.
Howdoyoudoitright?
54
- Don'tleaninandsmileasifyou'reavampirelookingathislastmeal.
- Don'tsmileatherasifyou'relookingatthelastopportunitytofertilizeanegg.
- Don'tsmileatherasifyou'rehopingshe'llapproveofyou.
- Don'tsmileatherasifyou'retryingtoimaginehowsquishyherboobsare.
- Dosmileatherasifyou'regenuinelyinterestedandamusedbyher.
- Dosmileatherasifyouthinkyoumightapproveofher.
Andyouknowwhat?
Don'teventhinkaboutthistoomuch!
It'seasytoobsessifyou'retryingtodoeverythingjustright,asiftheactions
themselvesarewhatwillworkornotwork.Well,theydowork,butnotifyou'rethinking
andobsessingaboutthemallthetime.Crazy,huh?
Thesimplestwaytolookatthisis:Ifyoucomeacrossasthoughyou'retryingto
manipulateherwithyouractions,they'llprobablyfail. Butifyouactasifyou'rejust
comingfromyourownplace,yourownreality,andyoudon'tneedher,you'llprobably
succeed.
Ultimately,you'rejustbeingyourself,whetheryouthinkyouareornot.I'mgiving
youtoolsandanunderstanding,andyouhavetofillintherestwithyourown
personality.
Thekeyisthatyourpersonalitydoesnotincludedesperate,needy,insecure
behavior.Andthatswhatthisbookisguidingyoutowardsthroughthegoalofbecoming
anAlphaMan.
AskingForWhatYouWant
Theresalittleknownprincipleinlife,thatifyoutryit,Iwillguaranteeyouget
100%morethanyouregettingoutoflifetoday.
o Askfordiscounts
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o Askforphonenumbers
o Askforajob
o Askforthedate
o Askformoremoney
o Askforfavors
Mostoftheguysouttherewhoareshyornicedontgetthis.Theyarefartoo
intimidatedbywhatotherpeoplethinkaboutthemtoaskforwhattheyreallywant.They
fearthatotherswillthinkthattheyaregreedy,orimposing,orarrogantthelistgoes
onandon.Theyreafraidofinconveniencingtheirfriends,andthenbeingdisapproved
of.
Remember:
Noonecanmakeyoufeelinferiorwithoutyourpermission.
Theonlythingstandingbetweenyouandwhatyouwantfromlifeisusuallyyou.
Havethegutstoaskforwhatyouwant.Theworstthingthatcanhappenisthattheyll
sayno.
Andtheycantevensaynoforever.Youllbeamazedathowmanywillsayyes
rightaway,justbecauseyouweretheonewhohadthegutstoask.
SurvivorInstinct
Ioncegotintoadiscussionwithamentorofminebackintheearlydaysofmy
career.Heaskedme,Ifyouwereoneofthoseguystrappedupinthemountainswith
nofood,andallyoucoulddowasresorttocannibalismtostayalive,wouldyoudoit?I
saidthatIwasntsure.Itwastoughtoknowwhatapersonwoulddointhose
circumstances.SurelyIdwaitaslongaspossiblebeforedoinganythingsodrastic.He
nodded,andthenhesaid,Ideat,ifitcamedowntoit.Imasurvivor,andIdhaveto
eat.
Hiswordsdidntimpactmethatmuchatthetime,butovertheyearsIvegone
backtotheunderlyingassumptionofthatstatement,anditshelpedformoneofmykey
beliefsinlife.
Eitheryoureasurvivor,oryourenot.
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Iknowthatlifeisrarelyeasilydistilledintosuchasimplestatement,butthis
holdsalotoftruth,andisespeciallyimportantforanAlphaMantounderstand.
AlphaMenaresurvivors.Wedowhatittakestostayalive.
Wouldyoueat?
Afterawhile,youknowwhenyourewithawomanwhoissurvivorandwhen
yourenot.Iwasdatingayoungergirlforawhilethat,whileshewasundeniablyhotand
adorable,aswellasveryinnocent,shewasnotasurvivor.Theslightestinterruptionin
hershelteredandnaveexistenceandshecrumbledtotears.Sheoncehadtopullover
andcrybecauseawomanbitchedheroutontheroad.Iknew,deepinside,shewould
neverbeasurvivor,andthereforeshecouldneverbealong-termmateforme.Iknew
thisbothintellectuallyandinstinctively.AndIknewitalsohadtoend.
Ivegotafewacquaintancesthatmayormaynotbesurvivors,butthepeople
thatIgravitatetoinlifeaslong-termfriendshipsarealwayssurvivors.Theyvehad
theirownchallengesinlifetobearupunder,andtheykeepsmilingandlivingonno
matterwhat.
AlphaMenaresurvivors.
NavySeals
TherearealotofgreatbooksoutthereonNavySealsandtheirexploits.I
encourageyoutoreadthesebooks,notbecauseoftheglorificationofwarortheirkilling
skills,butthesheerintensityofwhattheygothroughtobecomethiselitefightingforce.
ManyofyoumayhaveseenthemovieG.I.JanewhereDemiMooregoesthroughthe
sametrainingtoproveherselfanequaltomenintheNavySeals.Theirtraining
illustratesthesurvivorinstinct,aswellasthesurvivalofthefittest.Theydidntwantjust
anyoneinthisforce,theywantedthebest.Evenmore,theywantedthetoptenpercent
ofthebest.
Theresascenewheretheyallgetbackfromtraining,andtheyredogtired.
Theyregiven5minutestoeat,andthentheytossoutwhattheycantfinishinthe
garbage.Theythengobacktotrainsomemore,undermoregruelingconditions.Now
theyrealmostdeadtired.Whentheygetbacktoeatagain,thecooksarestanding
thereopeningthegarbagecansforthenextmeal.Thesoldierswhoweresurvivors
shruggedandreachedrightin,eatingthescrapsandhalf-chewedbitsfromtheprevious
meal.Othershesitatedandlettheirsocialconditioninggetintheway.
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NavySealstrainingisbasedonthebeliefthateverypersoniscapableof
withstandingtentimestheamountofphysicalpunishmenttheythinktheycan.Theycan
alsodotentimesasmuchastheythinktheycan.
Ibelieveyoucandotentimesbetterinyourownself-developmentaswell.The
onlythingis,nooneistheretobarkordersinyourear,soyoullhavetodotherealhard
workofmotivatingyourself,soldier.
Inthemovie,therewasabellonthetraininggrounds.Ifyouwantedtogiveup,
youwalkedoverandrangitandyouwereoutoftheNavySealsprogram.
ThereisnobellforthiskindofAlphaMantraining.Andyoucanneverbelieve
thereisonethatyoucanring.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Makealistoftheworstsituationsyoucanpossiblyimagineinyourlife.Then
imaginehowyouwouldhandlethemintheeventofthemcomingtrue.Startwithsome
simplesituations,likeaconfrontationwithsomethugs.Thenimaginewhatyouddoif
youwerestuckinthewilderness.
Rememberthatguyafewyearsbackthattookafallinthemiddleofnowhere,
andhehadhisarmpinnedunderarock?Hecuthisowncrushedarmoffwithadull
pocketknife,tiedoffthestumpwithhisbelt,andhikedmilesbacktocivilization.
Nowthatsasurvivor.
Also,imaginehowyouwouldtakecommandofagroupinasituationwhereyou
werelookedtoprovideleadership.Howwouldyoumanageconflict?Howwouldyou
demonstrateyourleadershipabilities?
Thisexerciseisntaboutmakingyouanegativethinkerorparanoidthatallthe
worstdisastersaregoingtobefallyou,butitgivesyouasenseofconfidencetoknow
thatnomatterwhatsituationcomesup,youcanhandleit.Andthatyouwillnotonly
survive,butthrive.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
58
Getafewbooksonsurvival.Youmayormaynotthinkthatyourlifeisvery
threatenedeachdayinthismodernworld,butifthepowerweretogooutfora
prolongedperiodoftime,ortherewascivilunrestwhereyouareinthecountryorthe
worldyouwouldchangeyourmindveryquickly.
Learnbasicfirst-aidskills.Learnsimplesurvivalabilities.Doyouknowthatyou
canliveforweekswithoutfood,butyoucanliveonlyafewdayswithoutfreshwater?
Whatwouldyoudotogetwaterifyouwerecutofffromcivilization?
Again,thisisntaboutbecomingoneofthosecrazypeoplethatbuysagenerator
andcutthemselfofffromsociety.Itsaboutpreparedness.Ihaveasupplyoffoodand
wateronhandintheeventofanearthquake(averyrealpossibilityinCalifornia).OnceI
letpeopleknowthatIhavethisonhand,theyjokeaboutit,buttheyalsosaythatthey
thinkitssmart.Itsalsoproactive.IalreadyknowwhatitisSurvival.
ALPHAEXERCISE3:
Createabug-outpackandanevacuationplan.
Abug-outpackisabagorbackpackwithallthenecessitiesforsurvival,likea
compass,somefood,matches,cleansocks,aknife,aflashlight,afirstaidkit,some
freshwater,etc.Intheeventofanemergency,youneedaplanforescapeandsurvival.
Getamapoftheareayouliveinaswell.Ifyouhadtoleavetownbecauseofanatural
disaster,couldyoudoitquickly?
Youdbeamazedathowfewmenhavejustasimpleflashlightonhandforwhen
thepowergoesout.Theydstumbleinthedarklookingformatchesandacandle.
Planningnowletsyouresteasylater.
ALPHAEXERCISE4:
SurvivingWomen.
Whatisyourrecoveryplanwhenyouhaveabaddatingexperience?Ifshe
dumpsyou,whatsyourplanforrecuperationandrejuvenation?
What?Youdonthaveone?
Youneedto.
59
Mypersonalplanhasalwaysbeenthis:
- Watchseveralmoviesratherthangoingouttoosoonafterthebreakup,andthen
gettingabadattitudebecauseIwasneedy.Andonlywatchpositive,manly
movies.Preferablywithbeerinanice-coldmug.
- Gooutandshopforguystuff,likeelectronics,comics,andgoodheavymusic.
- Getsomenewclothes.Thisalwayseasedthetransitionbacktoreality,thatthere
werenewthingstobehadinlife.
- Callupsomefriendsandgotodinneroraneventwiththem.Sometimesitwas
goodtohaveafemalefriendtotalkrecoverywith,butmostlyyoushouldrelyon
yourmalefriendsandsupportsystem.
- IfIhadafuck-buddy,orfriendwithbenefits,Idgiveheracallandseeifwe
couldhookup.
Thepointistohaveasolidplanforregainingyoursenseofselfandyourself-
confidence.Ifyouusetheplanregularly,evenwhenyourewithawoman,youllkeep
thatsenseofindependence.
Overall,thisabilitytothinkaheadandplanforeventsinahealthywaytranslates
intobetterthinkingwithwomen.Whenyouhaveasurvivalfocusinyourlife,youcome
fromamoreresourcefulplace.
BushidoTheWarriorWay
AsastudentandteacheroftheMartialArts,Ivereadmanybooksonthethought
behindmilitaryandfightingarts.Themartialphilosophyisalmostasinterestingas
learningthetechniques,inmanycases.
InJapanesesamuraiculture,Bushidowastheirwarriorphilosophy,theirwayof
life.YoumayhavebecomefamiliarwiththisconceptfromthemovieTheLastSamurai
withTomCruise.TheJapaneseSamuraiGeneralhebefriendstriestoexplainBushido
toTominaveryindirectway,usingtheblossomsonthetreesasametaphor.
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Bushidowasacodeofhonoramongthesemen,andawayoflife.They
understoodthattheirdutywastheirservice,andthattheywerepreparedtogive
everythingincludingtheirlivesforthathonor.
Ipersonallyfollowmuchofthiscodeaspartofmylifestyleandpartofmymartial
artstraining.Ivealwaysbelievedinmyowndutytoacallingthatwasmorethanjustmy
ownpersonaldesiresormyselfishwants.Idonttrytoover-glamorizethiswarrior
mindsetasanythingbeyondwhatitisapersonalphilosophythathasbecomean
importantpartofmylife.
EveryAlphaManhasasenseofthisBushidocodeinhislife.Herearesomeof
thecorevirtuesofBushido:
Fidelity
-Fidelitytowardsmaster(lord)andfatherland
-Respecttowardsparents,brothersandsisters
-Assiduousness,steadiness/Politeness
-Respectandlove
-Modestyandcorrectetiquette(formality)
Virility
-Valor,courageandbravery
-Hardnessandcoolness
-Neverloseself-control
-Patienceandendurance
-Promptness(alwaysbepreparedtofight)
Truthfulness/Veracity
-Sincerityandstraightforwardness
-Senseofhonorandjustice
Simplicity
-Simplicityandpurity
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Ofcourse,therearemanymorethanthesevirtuesintheidealismofBushido,but
yougetthepicture.Theessenceistoseekoutthegoodandhonorabletraitsandto
makethesepartofyourcharacter.No,youdonthavetocommitseppukoritual
suicideforyourmistakes,butdoconsiderwhatyouholdsoimportantthatyou
wouldntallowanyonetodishonorit.
Yourfamily?
Yourfriendships?
Yourname?
Mentodayarenotraisedwiththissenseoftheircharacter,ortoevenunderstand
theneedforit.Tomany,itmayseemthatanoldcodefromsomelong-obsoletewarrior
casteissimplydatedandunnecessary.
TheancientBushidocodewasbrutalandperhapstooquicktosacrificethelifeof
thewarrior,buttherearenoblebeliefsherethatcanbeliftedtoapplytotoday.The
worldwouldbeafarbetterplaceifweallhadacodethatwecouldbelievein,andthen
wecouldstoprunningaroundtryingtogetgetgetasmuchaswecanjusttomake
ourselvesfeelbetterabouthowunfairtheworldis.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Takethetimetowritedownyourcodeofhonor.Doyouhaveprinciplesthatyou
believein?Doyoupracticethemeveryday?Doyouworktoimproveyourselfaccording
totheseideals?
Makealistofthethingsyouvaluemostinlife.Thereareplentyofbookson
virtuesanddevelopingcharacteroutthere,andallyouhavetodoislookthroughafew
anddecideonthepersonyouwanttobe.
Mostguysdonotrealizethatiftheyweretosimplycommitthemselvestoacode
ofhonorandbehavior,theywouldbetentimesmoreattractivetowomenjustforthis
onething.
Amanwhostandsfornothingwillfallforanything.
62
SummaryTraitsoftheAlphaMan
- Displaysdominance
- Mateswithmanyfemalesratherthanone
- Leadsothers
- Controlshisemotions
- Isnotafraidtogetangrywhenitsnecessary
- Wouldratherbeoutspokenandwrongthanmeekandright
- Asksforwhathewants
- Demonstratesprosperityandprovidercapacity
- Protective
- Goaloriented
- HedoesntaskHetells
- Neverapologizesforwhoheisorwhathedoes
- Doesntcareaboutwhatotherpeoplethink,anddoesnotlettheiropinions
steerhislife
- Seekspower,butinhealthywaysthatfurthershisgoals
Getbackontopofthefoodchain!
63
NothingIsNeutral
Giveupontheconceptofneutralityinanythinginlife.Thereisnothingthatis
trulyin-betweenpositiveandnegative,orthatdoesnothaveachargeinonedirection
oranother.Evenacarthatisinneutralispre-engineeredtogoforward,withseveral
gearsreadytoengage,andthemotorspinningtotransferthepower.(Reverseisjust
anafterthought,atemporaryre-directionofforwardenergy.)
Thereisgoodandbad,butnoneutral.
Everythingyoudohasaneffectonyourworldaroundyou.Eventhechoicetodo
nothingisstillachoice,anditwillimpactyourenvironmentandyourlife.Youmustbe
willingtotakethecontrolsofyourlifeandsteerinonewayortheother.Itslikeacar
thatisunderyourcontrol.Evenifthealignmentisperfect,youcannotstaystraight
whentheroadcurvesoutfromunderyou.
AnAlphaManreachesoutandtakeswhathewants.Ifhewantsakiss,hegoes
forakiss,andifshepusheshimoff,hecanapologize(ornot.)Butheneverseeks
approvalforhisactionsorforgivenessiftheyturnouttobewrong.
64
PartII:HowtoCompensateforYourShortfalls
Weallhavefaultsandweaknesses.Nomanisperfect,nomatterwhatyoumay
think.Whatyouseeontheoutsideisonlyamomentaryreflectionofwhothatpersonis
andwhattheirproblemsare.Itsonlynarcissismthatmakesusthinkthatourproblems
andourlifeissuesareanyworsethanotherpeoples.Everythingseemsmoreimportant
tousthantoothers.
Wealsohaveuniquestrengths,anditsourjobsasAlphaMentousethemto
ouradvantage.Thereisnomanwhoissounderprivilegedthathedoesnthaveafew
AlphaStrengths.(Andifyouthinkyoudonthaveanystrengths,yourprimaryweakness
isprobablyjustlowself-esteem.)
InthissectionIwillcoversomeoftheclassicareasinwhichmentypicallyjudge
themselves,especiallyintheeyesofwomen.Thesearealltheclassicexcusesmenwill
usetojustifytheirsenseoflowself-confidence.Icantattractwomenbecauseis
thewaythesentencestarts.Whatmostoftheseguysdontrealizeisthateverymanis
flawed.
Yourflawsarenotimportant.Howyouovercomethemandsucceedinspiteof
themis.Foreveryoneoftheseyouthinkisalimitation,Icanshowyoutenguyswho
aredoingwellinspiteofit.
YourAge
IhearalotofguyscomplainbecausetheyreXyearsold,orYyearsyoung,and
thatbecauseoftheiragetheycannotgetlaid.
Yourageisaconvenientcrutchtohangyourtroubleson,butitdoesntholdup
underscrutiny.Youngermenareonlyunattractivewhentheirattitudesgiveawaytheir
maturity.Youngerguyshavesexualenduranceandexuberance.Youhavepositive
attitudesandenergy.
Usuallyolderageimpliessomematurityandconfidence.Andifyourealittle
older,Ihopeyouvegottentothepointinlifewhereyouareatleastarestartingtoenjoy
thefruitsofyourage.Byyourlateryears,youshouldhavebeeninvestingandplanning
alittleforthelaterpartofyourlife.Youvealsogotmoreunderstandingoflife(wisdom),
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whichwomenwantfromus.Nottomention,youhavesexualpatience,whichisabig
turn-onfortheladies.
Whenyoutalkaboutagewithwomen,youshouldfirstpointoutthosebenefitsof
youragewithouttellingheryourexactbirthyear.Andtheconversationshouldalways
bestructuredinawaythatmakesitclearthatherageistheissue.Afterall,yourea
pickyman,andyoudontwanttowasteyourtimewithinexperiencedlittle22-year-old
girlswithnobedroomskills.(Frankly,someofthesegirlsgiveheadliketheyrenotsure
ifyourpeckerisgoingtobitethemback.Iwantawomanwhoknowshowtoperform.)
- Howoldareyou,honey?Really?Dontyouhavetogethomesoon?I
mean,itsawfullylate,andIwouldntwantyoutogetgrounded.
- Letmeguessyoure19?Oh,wait,Ibetyourenineteen-and-a-half,
huh?Letmeseeyourlicense.
Makeheragetheissue.
Besides,areyouawareofhowmanywomenareouttherewholoveoldermen?
Somearejustlookingforthatdaddytheyneverhad,butothersarelookingtogetsome
ofthatexperienceyouvebeenaccumulatingalongthepathoflife.
Thebestwaytogetaroundthequestionofageistofocusonyourbirthday,not
theyear.Talkaboutyourastrologicalsignandgethertotalkabouthers.Youtakethe
focusoffyourageandputitonsomethingshelovestotalkaboutdestinyandfate.
YoudontreallycarehowoldIam.YoujustwanttoknowifImaTaurus,dont
you?
Asalastditch,youcansaythisifshessuspiciousaboutyourage:
ImnotworriedImtoooldforyou.Imjustnotsureyourereadyforamanofmy
experience.
Andifyourelookingobviouslyolderthanyouryears,youshouldtakeafew
minorstepstoimproveyoursituationcosmetically.Idontmeanplasticsurgery,either.
Ifyouregray,getalittlehaircoloring.Ifyouregettingafewwrinkles,usesomeskin
creamordosomebo-tox.Getawardrobework-overtomakeyoulookalittleyounger.
Getamoreflatteringhairstyle.Ditchthoseold-fartglasses.
66
Therearelotsofsmallimprovementsyoucanmaketolookyounger.
YourHair
AsIstatedabove,ifyouregoingabitgray,theresnothingwrongwithcoloring
yourhair.Justabouteverywomanyoumeethascoloredherhairinsomeway,andI
betitsforthegraythatiscomingin.
Asforbalding,well,thereyoullhavetobemorecreative.Asmanymenrealize,
yourhairisalimiteddurationasset.Itwilleventuallystarttoshowupmoreonthe
bottomofyourshowerdrainthanthetopofyourscalp,soyouhavetobeabletomake
thebestofitwhileyouhaveit.
Firstruleofbaldingcomb-oversdontlooksogood.Youcanpartyourhairin
cleverwaysforthefirstfewyears,buteventuallyyouwontbefoolingher.Takealook
atDonaldTrump.Yuck.
Secondruleofbaldingwhenitgoes,letitgo.Ifyourejustthinningalloverwith
nopatchesofbaldness,thencutyourhairdowntothelowestlevel.Ifyouvegotthat
monkspatchonthebackofyourhead,thenshaveitalldowntothethinnestlevel.
ThirdruleofbaldingToupeesandwigsneverwork.Ever.Dontevenbother.A
womancantellyourewearingarugamileaway,andshellseeitasinsecurity,not
vanity.Womenlaughtheirassoffatguyswhothinkthattheycanttellitsfake.
Intheend,getastylethatflattersyoursituation.Foralotofguysthesedays,
shavingitalloffisanoption.SomegofortheCaptainPicardlookthatPatrickStewart
managedtoturnintoasexystatement.
Andifyourhairissomethingthatyouarentwillingtoletgo,thenconsiderusing
themedicinalsupplementsthatyoucangetbothontheshelfandover-the-counter.
Theycanhelp.Asalastresort,youcanevenconsidersurgerytoreplaceit.
Whateveryoudo,choosetoacceptthesituation,evenifitsnottheoneyou
wouldchoosetohave.Byfightingtheinevitable,youtakeahardertollonyourself-
confidencebyperpetuatingafalsesenseofself.Yourhairlineisntyou.
67
YourMoney
Moneyispower.Moneyalsosymbolizestheabilitytoprovidetoawoman.There
arealotofgold-diggersoutthere,andtheyarenotthewomenyouwant.SowhenI
hearalotofguyscomplainingthathotwomenonlywantguyswithmoney,Islapthem
(twice)andthenremindthemthatevenifthiswastrue,wouldtheywantthesewomen?
No,youdont.Andyoucanstillhavethehotwomenwithouthavingalotof
money.
How?
Youdemonstratewhatmoneyrepresentstowomen:Confidence,success,the
abilitytoprovide.AllofwhichyoucanshowwithoutbeingrichanddrivingaFerrari.
Firstofall,asIdetaillaterinthisbook,learnaboutmoney.Learnallabouthowit
works,andyoullfindyourselfwellonthewaytomakingmoreofityourself.Only
carelessmenlearnaboutmoneywithoutincreasingtheirwealthalongtheway.Avoid
debt,andinvest.Thatsmoreadvicethanmostmenevergetoruse.
Second,cultivatethepowerfulpresenceofamanwhohasmoney.Youllnotice
manyattitudesofthemanwhohasmoneyarejustthat.Attitudes.Iknowofaclothing
designerwhohasagold-diggerwife,andhisbusinessisfailing.Everyoneknowsthat
whenhismoneygoes,sowillshe.Theonlybankruptmanisonewithoutthecharacter
toearnitallbackagain.
Third,learnhowtomakewhatyouvegotworkforyou.Learnhowtobefrugal,
notcheap.Youcanmakealittlemoneygoalongwayifyouchoosewell.Buyhigher
qualitythroughoutletstoresandsales.Stylecancoverupwhereyoumaylack
financially.Youcangetalotofolder,classycarsforverylittlethesedays.Youcandoa
lotwithalittleifyouuseyourhead.
YourCar
YoudontneedtodrivethelatestBMWorMercedestoattractwomen.Mostguys
thinkoftheircarunderthesameheadingashavingalotofmoney.Nonicecarmeans
nohotwoman.
Again,nottrue.
68
Ifyouareabsolutelydeterminedtohaveaprestigiouscar,thenlookintothe
certificationprogramsforusedvehiclesatmanyofthedealerships.Youcangeta
previously-ownedluxurycarformuchlessthanthepriceofanewone.Ifyoutakesome
timetodoyourresearch,youcangetagreatvehicleforlessthanhalfitsoriginalprice
bylookingupthemodelsthatyoureinterestedinanddoingsomeresearchonthe
internet.(Note:Mostcarslosehalftheirvalueinthefirst3yearsofdepreciation.)
Donna,afriendofmine,usedtocallmyfriendKevinsMustanga$40,000penis
extension.Shewasntfaroffthemark.Womenaresmartenoughthesedaysto
understandthatmenoftenusephysicalobjectsasvalidationsoftheirmasculinity.
Getyourdickoutofyourgas-tank.Stopshowingyourmasculinitythrough
penis-extensionsbywayofpossessions.Themosteffectivewaytodemonstrate
AlphaManbehavioristhroughyouractionsandattitude.Onceyouhavethisdown,you
caneventuallygettheseotheradditionsandaddtoyourgame.Butitdoesntworkthe
otherwayaround.
Andspeakingofpenisextensions
ForgetAboutTheSizeofYourDick
Iknow,itstempting.Yougetahundredemailsadaytellingyouyourcockistoo
small.ThatyoucanaddthreeinchestoyourmanhoodwithamagicalherbfromOuter
Mongolia.
Firstofall,itsallbullshit.Ifitwaslegitimate,whydotheyhavetospamyou?
Wouldnteverymanbespreadingthewordofthismiraculousdrug?Dontbeagullible
dork.(SkepticismisaveryAlphatrait.)Youdontneedanyofthepotionsthatyousee
everydayonline.Theydontwork.
Second,itstotallyunnecessary.Unlessyouhaveamedicalconditionwhere
yourpenisislessthanfourorfiveincheserect,youreallydontneedtobeconcerned.
Lessthan2%ofthemalepopulationhasadickthatsnineormoreinchesinlength,and
around83%ofmenhaveonethatssmallerthan7inches.Theaverageisbetween5
and6inchesinlengthandaround4-5inchesingirth.(Source:KinseyInstitute.)
Andevenifyoudidhaveabiggercock,whatwouldyoudowithit?Beatoff
more?No,thatdoesntgiveyougamewithwomen,andtheywontdateyoujust
becauseyouhaveathickermember.Seehowfarbraggingaboutyourtrousersnake
getsyou.
69
Somehowmenhavebeenbrainwashedintothinkingthattheirdicksare
equivalenttotheirmanhood.Maybeitstoomuchjokinginthelockerroom,orwatching
pornoflickswithunrealisticcocksbeingpokedeverywhere.Therealityisthatmostof
theguyswiththebiggestpeckersarethebiggestpeckers.
Andasanywomanwilltellyou,thereissuchathingastoobig.Womendont
buydildosandvibratorsthesizeofahorsescock.Theygetthemintheaveragesizeof
theaverageguy.Thosehugeonesarenothingmorethannoveltyitemsthatgatherdust
ontheshelvesofsexstores.
Iwontbelaboryouwiththosegoofysayings,like:Itsnotthesizeofthewand;
itsthewaythemagicianusesit.Butitreallyistrue.
Whatyoushouldworkonaremoreadvancedforeplaytechniques.UsetheStop
andStartmethods,aswellastheotheronesdetailedlaterinthisbook.Forgetabout
yourdick.Theresareasontheycallitatool,andthatsbecauseitstillrequiresan
experiencedhandymantowielditeffectively.
Givingherpleasureisabout90%ofyourgamewiththeladies.Learnhowtofuck
therightway,andwiththerightfocus,andyourmanhoodwillbemoreabouthowmany
womenyouhave,notwhatkindoffreakishsideshowpeckeryouvegotstashedinyour
pants.
Womendoanddonotcareaboutthesizeofyourpenis.Theydocareifthatsall
theyreafter,butmostofthetimesizeonlymatterswhentheresnothingelseto
entertainthem.
YourIntelligence
AnAlphaManissmart.ButthatdoesntmeanyouhavetohaveaPh.D.in
Neurosurgery.Lifeiseducation,andyoushouldseizeeveryopportunityyouhaveto
learn.Youcanlearnahellofalotfromtheeducationaltelevisionstationsifyoupay
attention.WatchtheHistoryChannelandyoullhaveadozengreattopicsof
conversationwhenyouwanttotickleherbrain.
Mostofthewaysyoucanimproveyourintellectareabsolutelyfree.Thesource?
Yourlocalpubliclibrary.Makeitanewhobbytogettothelibraryonceamonthtopick
upafewbooks,andnotjustfiction,either.Theyhavebooksontape,referencebooks,
movies,magazines,andeveryformofreadingmaterialyoucouldeverdesire.They
evenprovideInternetaccessfortheunderprivileged.Takeadvantageofthisfantastic
resource.
70
AndspeakingoftheInternet,therearesomanywebpagesoutthereforevery
subjectimaginable,andmostofthemarefree.Chancesareyoucameacrossthise-
bookpurelybyusingtheInternet.Useittoyouradvantage.
IusedtoalwayspaycloseattentiontotheinterestsawomenlistedwhenIwas
doingalotofonlinedating.IdlookupsomethingtheymentionedintheirprofilesthatI
didntrecognize,likesomeobscureauthororamusician.ThenIcouldalwaysthrowout
someinformationlaterthatwouldbuildrapportwithherwhenwemet.Theydbe
amazedIknewwhattheyweretalkingabout.Suddenlyweweremorealike.
LearningisawayoflifeforanAlphaMan,becauseheknowsthatinthismodern
agehewillnotlikelyhavetofightamanhand-to-handasmuchasmind-to-mind.
Amindisnotavesseltobefilled,butafiretobelit
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Makeitahabittolearnatleastonenewthingeachday.Setaneducationalgoal
toworkonyoureducation.Maybeyoudontneedorwanttogetacollegedegree,but
therearemanycertificationsthatallowyoutoincreaseyourcredibilityinmostanyfield,
andwillputyouonapathofhigherlearningintheprocess.
Takeaweekendclassorself-improvementseminar.Youllbeamazedathow
manywomenattendthese,bytheway.Youllfindmanynewprospectsasyoudevelop
yourself.
YourLooks
Iftheresonethingmostmenarehungupon,itsthattheybelievetheirlooksare
whatgetsthemlaid.Thisisabsolutelynottrue.
Whilewomenwillbemorequicklyinterestedinagood-lookingguy,thisdoesnot
meantheyllsleepwithhim.
Thereisthefirstkindof"looks"whichisyourphysicalattractiveness.Doesthis
matter?Sureitdoes.Nooneisgoingtoarguethatgoodlookswon'thelpyouinlife.
71
That'safact.However...Yourlooksareonlygoingtogetyourfootinthedoorwith
women.(Fact:haveyoueverseenfoodthatlookedgreatbuttastedlikeshit?Think
aboutit.)
LookatKidRockandPamelaAnderson...
LookatBillyBobThorntonandAngelinaJolie.
LookatDianaKrallandElvisCostello.
Lookatjustaboutanycoupleyouknowthatmakesyougo,"HUH???"
Thesecondkindoflooksisyourappearance.Howneatdoyoudress?Doyou
haveniceshoes?Agoodhaircut?DidyoutrimthoseDaddy-Longlegshairsthatwere
sproutingoutofyournoseandears?Youcanimproveyourappearanceimmediately
withafewwell-plannedtripstothemallwithafriendthatknowsgoodclothes.
Thethirdkindoflooksistheauraofconfidencethatyouproject.Thisisthe
mostimportantkindoflooksyouhave!You'llgetlaidmoreoftenwithagoodattitude
andadecentappearancethanyouwillwithphysicalattractivenessalone.
Re-readthatuntilitsinksin.Isuspectmostofyoualreadyknowthis,butit's
easierforsometokeepfrowningandsulking,kickingthegroundandwhiningabout
howallthegoodlookingwomengoforthegoodlookingguys.Gosh,it'sjustnotfair.
Waaaaahhhhh.!
Theirgood"looks"help,butit'stheirAlphaManbehaviorthatprojectsthis.What
theseguysgotwasalittlecockyandconfidentabouttheirabilitywithwomenbecause
theirgoodlooksgavethemaheadstart.Andthenthisexperiencewasreinforcedover
time.Thatexperienceincreasedtheirconfidence.Andsoonupthespiral.
Illsayitagain.You'llgetlaidmoreoftenwithyourattitudeandposturethanyou
willwithphysicalattractivenessalone.Ifyouhavelooks,great.Butyoustillneedmore.
Ifyoudon'thavelooks,great.Youcanovercomethiswiththerightattitude.
NEWSFLASH:Ifyouthinkyourlooksareholdingyouback,thenguesswhat?
TheyAREgoingtoholdyouback.Subconsciouslyandconsciously.
Ontheotherhand,ifyouactasthoughyourlooksarenotanissue,theywon't
be.Yourattitudewilljumpupacouplenotches,shewillsenseit,andyou'llstartgetting
72
laid.Thenyou'llgetyourproofthatlooksarejustavisitor'spass.Eventhebestlooking
guysgetdroppedfastwhentheyactlikewimps.
HenryFordsaid:"Whetheryouthinkyoucanoryouthinkyoucan't,you're
probablyright."
Ihappentothinkhesright.
Oh,andonemorethingtocontemplateWhatifitweretruethatwomenwent
forbetterlookingguys?Askyourself:Whatifitweretrue?
Therearetwokindsofguysoutthere:
1)Thekindthatwouldacceptthisbeliefandpissandmoanaboutit-usingitas
theirsoleexcuseinlifefornotbeinganAlphaManandgettingwhattheywant."I'mnot
gorgeous,sogorgeouswomenwon'twantme.Boo-hoo."Handhimatissue.
2)Thekindthatdowhattheyneedtoinordertogetwhattheywant.They'dfind
awayaroundit.Iftheydon'tseethecircumstancestheywant,theymakethem.
Thenumber2guysoutthereunderstandthatthisattitudeisenoughtogetthem
successfulwithanywomantheywant.
So,weveestablishedthatjustbeinggoodlookingdoesnotassureyouof
successwithwomen.Infact,itwilloftenleaveyouatadisadvantage,sinceyoumay
getanearlysuccessortwoandnotrealizewhatyoudid,orhowtorepeatit.
Letmeuseafriendofminewhohadthesamesituation,though.Hisnamewas
Jack.Jackwasagood-lookingguy.Womendeclaredhima"hottie,"andherarelyever
hadanyproblemsgettingapositivereactionfromwomenwhenhetalkedtothem.Mind
you,thisdidn'tmeanthatJackknewwhattodowithwomen.Sure,he'dgottenlaidquite
abitinhispast,butitwasn'tbecauseofhisskillasmuchasitwasrandom
circumstances,andhehadacertainlevelofassumedcompetencewithwomen.
Yousee,hedidn'thaveacluewhathewasdoingtogetlaid.Hejustassumed
hissuccessandability,andthatledtowomenfeelingcomfortablearoundhimandhim
gettingwhathewanted.Heassumedhedidn'tneedtohaveanyplanorstructuretohis
seductions.
Lateron,though,whenJackhitadryspell,hehadnoideawhatmethodsto
practicetogetoutofhisslump.Withoutafirmgraspofthebasics,hemessedupalot
ofdatesbasedonsimplemistakes.Helosthisself-confidence,andittookhimyearsto
regainit.
73
AsIalwayssay,bewareeasysuccess.Youneverlearnfromitthesameway
youdothroughthedifficultsuccesses(orthefailures.)You'reneverforcedtoanalyze
what'sgoingon.And,asaresult,yourbadhabitsstickwithyoualotlonger.
Beinggoodlookingisadouble-edgedsword.Yousee,initially,ithelpsyou
becauseyouhaveanimmediate"chemistry"withmorewomen.Theyhaveahigher
interestandattractionlevelinyourightoffthebat.
Ontheotherhand,yourlooksworkagainstyouwhenwomenwonder:"Ishejust
aplayer?Doeshereallywantmeorjustanotchinhisbelt?"And,asyou'veseen,it's
moredifficulttounderstandwhatbehaviorisworkingforyou(oragainstyou.)Just
becauseyou'vegotthelooksdoesn'tmeanthey'relininguptojumpinbedwithyou
basedonthatalone.Youstillhavetodotherightthingsintherightamount.
Thebalanceofthisbook,infact,isdevotedtodevelopingtheattitudethat
overridesanylooks(orlackof)thatyoumayhave.
YourJob
Everyguywantsaprestigiousjob.Ourthirstforpowerensuresthatmenare
rarelysatisfiedasjustworker-bees.Mostofusaspiretobemanagers,evenifwerenot
surethatwedbegoodatit.
Again,asitiswithlooks,yourjobisntwhatwillgetyoulaid.Whatyoucando,
however,islearnhowtodescribeitinwaysthatwillhelpyougetlaiduntilyougetthat
CEOpositionyouvebeeneyeing.
First,comeupwithsomefunnyalternateoccupationstotellawomanwhenshe
inevitablyasksyouwhatyoudo.IusuallysaythingslikeImasealtrainer,oranude
ass-doubleforoldactors.SometimesImanalligatormud-wrestler.Orarm-candyfor
womenwhojustcantgetridoftheirhusbands.
Next,haveauniquelydescriptivewayofpresentingwhatyoureallydo.Iusedto
knowaguythatchangedthefluorescentlighttubesatalocalcollege.Hecalledhimself
alightinginstallationtechnician.
Youreajanitoratahighschool?Notanymore.Nowyoureafacilities
coordinationtechnicianforalocaleducationalfacility.
Yousayyourearoadworker?Nope.Nowyourearoadandhighway
constructiontechnician.
74
Bus-boy?TryFoodservicequalitytechnician.
Faceit,everybodyisatechnicianinsomeway.
Andyoumayfindthatintheprocessofre-engineeringyourjobdescriptionthat
youalsore-engineeryourattitudetowardthatjob.Youllbecomemoresuccessfulwhen
youtreatyourroleasifitisthemostimportantjobontheplanet.
Dontforgetthatyoushouldalsohaveastatementofyourvisionforyourwork
thatyoucancommunicatetoanywomanyoumeet.WhenItellwomenImamartial
artsinstructorandrelationshipadvisorformen,Ithentellthemaboutmyvisionof
improvingthequalityofcharacterofmenandwomeneverywherethroughbetter
relationshipsandbetterphysicalfitnessandconfidence.IletthemknowthatIvegota
spectacularvisionforwhatIdo.
Yourvisionmeanstentimesmoretoherthanthejobyoucurrentlyhavetopay
thebills.
Shareyourdreamwiththem
YourPhysique
AnAlphaManworksonhisphysicalstatureasmuchaspossible.Ifhesobese,
heworkstochangehisdietandimplementsanexerciseprogram.Ifhesonthe
scrawnyside,heworkstoaddmusclemassbychanginghisdietandaddingsome
weighttrainingtohisexerciseregimen.
Keepinmindalsothatsmaller,thinnerguys(ofwhichIamone)haveiteasier
thanotherlargeguysinmostrespects. Wecansneakunderthedefensiveradareasier
withwomenbecausetheydonthaveasmuchphysicalintimidationfromus.Wereless
ofaphysicalthreat.Bythetimeawomannoticesthatshesfallenforyoucompletely,
thesizeissuewillhavedisappeared.Plus,thinnerguyswhohaveawirybuildalsoadd
muscleinmoreattractiveways,anditstandsoutmuchquickerthanlargeguyslooking
toloseweight.
Iwontgointodetailsherebecauseitstoomuchtocover,andthereare
hundredsofbooksandprogramstoloseweightandgetfit.Butifyouareoneofthe
millionsofpeoplewhohaveaweightproblem,youneedtofocusonyourdietand
exerciseimmediately.Youllnotonlyfeelbetteraboutyourselfwhenyoureingood
shape,butyoullincreaseyourlifespansothatyoucanexperiencemoreofwhatthis
fantasticworldhastooffer.
75
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Findafitnessfacilitynearyouassoonaspossible.Checkintotheir
memberships,andbewillingtohaggleforalowerrate.(Youcangetreallycheap
membershipswhenyoujoinforseveralyears.)
Thenmakeacommitmenttogetyourselfinshape.Ifnotforyou,thendoitfor
yoursexlife.Womenarentasappearanceconsciousasmenare,buttheycanstillbe
prettycriticalwhenitcomestoweightandfitness.
YourSelf-Confidence
AnAlphaManalsoworksonhisself-confidence.Itsalifetimeproject.
Nowifyouredisappointedbythis,thinkingthatyoudbeabletojustachievethis
greatsuperself-confidenceandneverhavetodoanythingmorefortherestofyourlife,
wellyourepartlyright.Onceyougettoacertaincomfortlevelwithyourself,you
inevitablycankeepthatlevelgoingforquiteawhile.Butifyoustopreinforcingyournew
senseofvalue,youcanslidebackward.
Itsjustlikeabatterthatslosthisconfidenceattheplate.Youcanpracticallyfeel
hisfearofstrikingout.Andeachtimehisfoundationshakes,hecantgetitoutofhis
head,andthatmakesitmorelikelyhellscrewupthenexttime.Somepeopleneverget
itback.
IhadaslidelikethiswhenIwasinmymid-twenties.Iwasdoinggreatallthe
wayupuntilthatpoint.IgotlaidsooftenIcouldntwakeupwithoutwonderingwhat
womanIdfindinbednexttome.ThenIstartedreadingalotofbooksonrelationships,
tryingtounderstandhowthegameworked.
Now,thatwasabadidearightoffthebat,because90%ofthepeoplewhowrite
thesebooksdonthaveaclue,andcouldntgetlaidtosavetheirownlives.AsIstarted
tobelievetheirbullshit,IwasgettingbrainwashedbywhatIwantedtobetruerather
thanwhatwasreallytrue.BythetimeIwentthroughseveralfailedromances,Iwas
reallyonabadlosingstreakandIwentawholeyearwithoutdating.Itwaskillingmy
confidence.Iwasluckytomakeitback.Andsomeguysneverdo.
Thatisalotofwhatthisbookisabout.Nomatterwhereyourconfidenceisright
now,itcanberaisedhigher.
Whatsthatyousay?Youreattheverybottom?AtotalBetaGuy?
76
Noproblem!Thatsgreat!Thatmeansyoucanonlygetbetter.
Self-confidenceissomethingthatwillvaryfromdaytoday,andfromweekto
week.Ifyoukeepworkingonthethingsthatmattertoyou,andyoukeepreinforcingthe
principlesyoulearnhere,youcanraiseittonewandunbelievablelevels.Butitdoes
takework.(NOTHINGworthwhileinlifecomeswithoutwork.Acceptthatrightnow.)
Thatswherealotoftheexercisescomein,somakesureyoupayattentionandcommit
yourselftothispath.
Well,ImsureIhaventcoveredeverypossiblemaleproblemoutthere,buteven
ifIhavent,Ithinkyougetthepoint,dontyou?Thereisnomaleweaknessthatcannot
beovercomeandturnedintoanattitudethatgetsmorewomen.
Well,thereisonethatcannotbeovercome
Unwillingnesstotry.
Andthatswhatitboilsdowntointheend,whenallyouvegotleftareyour
excuses.WhenamansaysIcantgetwomenbecauseof(insertconvenientexcuse
here),whathesreallysayingisthis:
IvegotmyconvenientExcuse,andImgoingtouseitlikeaget-out-of-jail-free
card.IvebecomesoattachedtomyExcusethatIwonttry.Itsmucheasierthisway.I
canusethisExcuse,andallmyfriendswillnodandgoalongwithme,becausetheyve
allgottheirExcuses,too.ThiswayIdonthavetoriskchanging.ThiswayIcanstay
comfortable.
Theonlymanwhosgenuinelycomfortableisonethatssixfeetunderinapine
box.
GetridofyourExcuse.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
77
Everyguyhasahiddenreasonthathethinkshedoesntdowellwithwomen.We
allhaveit,andweuseitasourexcusefornotdoingwhatwefeelwecouldwithoursex
life.
Mineusedtobethis:Womenaresoconfusing.Theyrenotconsistent.Imdoing
whattheyallsaytheywantbeinganiceguybuttheyloseinterestrightaway.
Theyrescrewedup.
MyExcusewasbasicallythatIwasntwillingtotakethetimetofindoutwhatdid
workwithwomenandjustdoit.IcouldntletgoofthemythoftheNiceGuythata
womanwouldjustwantmeifIbecameeverythingshesaidshewantedsensitive,
caring,etc.
OnceIletgooftheneedtokeepdoingwhatwasntworking,Ifoundoutwhatdid
work.Idippedmytoesin.IexperimentedwiththetacticsImsharingwithyou,andI
sawthattheyworked.ThenIjumpedinthepoolallthewayandgotsuccessful.
Bigtime.
SowhatsyourExcuse?
Doyouthinkyouretoofat?Toothin?
Tooold?
Toopoor?
Toodumb?
Whateverreasonyoucancomeupwith,Icancomeupwithscoresofguyswho
havethesamelimitationbutovercameit.
Ifyoufindyourselfholdingontoyourlimitationsasawaytodefineyourself,
youllbeinforalifetimeoffailuresbecauseofthem.Ifyouletgoofthem,youcangive
yourselfpermissiontoexcel.
Writedownallthereasonsyouthinkareholdingyoubackfrombeingsuccessful
withwomen.Then,rightafterthem,comeupwithatleastthreemethodsthatyoucan
usetoovercomethatlimitation.Then,buildaplantodoit.
Example:
IcantbesuccessfulwithwomenbecauseImshort.
Overcomingit:
78
1) Wearliftsandtallershoestogivemeanextrainchortwo.(Thereareelevator
shoesthatgiveupto3.5inchesofaddedheight.)
2) Makealistoffamousmenwhoareshort,butstillgetwomen(TomCruise,
DustinHoffman,RobinWilliams,EarlBoykinsNBAguard,only55).
Beforeyousay,Yeah,buttheyrefamous,rememberthattheywereshort
beforetheygotfamous.Thinkaboutit.
3) Dressincolorsandpatternstoaccentuatemyheight.
4) Developmyhumorandpresentationtosweepwomenofftheirfeetwithmy
wit,givingthemtoomuchtobeattractedtoratherthanfocusonmyheight.
5) Findthewomenthatarelookingforamanmyheight.Thereareplentyof
womenthatareshorterthananyman,soIllhuntthemdown.
Okay,Igaveyoufourwaysthere,butIknowtherearealotofguyswiththis
concern.Iwantedtoshowyouthatthereisawaytoovercomeyourperceived
limitation.
Ready?NowitsyourturntogetridofyourExcuse.
Comfort
BewarethatbeastcalledComfort.Hellneverhurtyou,buthellalsonever,ever
helpyoutoyourgoals.
WeareaworldthathasbecomeaccustomedtoComfortandConvenience.
Whenwecanthavewhatwewant,webecomeangrylittlechildren,stompingourfeet
thatitisntfastenough,oreasyenough,orgoodenough.
Inordertoachievewhatyouwantinthisworld,youllhavetoacceptsome
inconvenience.Thebestthingsinlifewontcometoyoueasily,orcomfortably,or
conveniently.
Thatswhytheyrethebestthingsinlife.
Anythingworthdoinginthisworldwillnotbeeasy.
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Accountability
AccountabilityisalargepartoftheAlphaMansconsciousnessfromdaytoday
becauseitassignsproperresponsibilityforhisactions,whilemakingsurehesawareof
whoheneedstoanswertoforthoseactions.Ultimately,anAlphaManisaccountable
tohimself,firstandforemost.Heknowsthathehasapersonalcodetoliveupto,and
hedoesnotcompromiseitforanyone.
Withoutasenseofaccountability,amanwillnotbemotivatedtodotheright
thingsattherighttime.Westartoutourlivesaccountableonlytoourparents,anditis
throughthemthatwelearnedhowtobehaveandwhatthingswereimportantinlife.
Sometimestheydidnotteachusinthebestway,butmuchofourdevelopmentisa
resultoftheirexample.
Asanadult,amanmustcreatehisowncodeofconductandmakethishis
patternforlife.Heunderstandsthateventhoughheisstillaccountabletocertainfamily
membersandfriends,heultimatelymustdecidehisownpath.
Ifhedoesntachieveagoal,thatishisfault.
Ifhedoesntworktogrowandimprovehimself,itishisfault.
Withoutaccountability,amancaneasilydecidethathecandowhateverhelikes,
wheneverhelikes,aslongasitswithinthelimitsofthelawandsocialconvention.
Therearenorealrepercussionsforthethingshechoosesnottodo,likecontinuehis
education,improvehischaracter,orseekhigherlevelsofachievement.
Withoutthataccountabilityframework,amanwilloftenslipintobadhabits,
laziness,andnegativethinking.Insteadofachievingwithhistalents,hewillsquander
hisgiftsandtakemostofhislifeforgranted.
Keepyourselfaccountable!
WhoCaresWhatTheyThink?
Oneofthemostsignificantreasonsthatmanypeopleneverachieveintheirlives
isthattheyareaddictedtotheapprovalofothers.Formanyofus,thiscameas
conditioningfromourparents.Allchildrenwantisacceptanceandlove,andwelearned
thatifwedidwhatmomanddadapproved,wesometimesgotthatlove.Well-meaning
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parentsknewthattheycouldmanipulateourbehaviorthroughtheiruseofgranting
approvalandlove.
Sowhathappenstothepoorkid?Hegrowsuptothinkthathesonlyvaluableif
hesareapprovedof.
Ifyoudogood,Johnny,welllikeyou,andthatmeansyoullbeworthsomething.
Otherwisewell,yourejustwhatyouwanttothinkyouare.
Thethoughtsofotherpeoplehavenorealimpactonyouifyouhaveastrong
enoughsenseofself.Letmegiveyouanexample:
Letssayyouhadagreatchildhood.Youhadalotoffriendsthatyouconsidered
greatfriends.Theyservedasafoundationofyourhighself-imagethroughschool,and
youwentontomoresuccessincollegeandinyourfirstcareer.
Onenight,yougetacallfromJohn,theonepersonyouconsideredyourclosest
friendovertheyears.Johntellsyouhesbeenhavingproblems,andhistherapist
suggestedhecallyouupandtellyouhistruefeelings.Johntellsyouhewasneververy
fondofyou.Hethengoesintoallthethingshehatedaboutyouandwhyheactedlike
yourfriendjusttostaypopularwithotherpeople.Infact,Johntellsyou,nooneinyour
groupoffriendslikedyouthatmuch.Attheendofitall,Johnhangsuponyou.
Whatdoyoumakeofthis?
Wasyourentiresenseofselfbasedonanillusion?Areyoureallynotwhoyou
thoughtyouwereallthoseyears?Everythingyoudidbasedonthatassumptionthat
thesewereyourfriendswasamistake?Alie?
OrcouldJohnhavebeenlyingaboutit,distortingthingsthroughthelensofhis
ownmentalproblems?
Whatstheendresult?
Evenifyoubelieveyourfriend,youdstillbethesameperson.Youdstillhave
accomplishedthesamethingsandthesamesuccesses.Onlynowyoucanseeeven
moreclearlythatwhatotherpeoplethinkaboutyouisntwhatmatters.Itswhatyou
thinkaboutyou.
Now,therearetwoextremestothisbehavior.Onthefarrightendiswhereyou
dontcarewhatanyonethinksandyoudoonlywhatyouwant.Youbecomea
sociopath,withnorealbarometerofwhatrightandwrongis,actingpurelyoutofself-
interest.
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OntheleftendofthespectrumiswhatIcalltheapproval-seekingtoadie.Hesa
guywhoissototallycaughtupinbeingapprovedofusuallybecausehisself-esteem
wasneverbuiltupbyhisparentsthathewilldoanythingjusttobeliked.
Theplaceyouwanttobeissomewherejusttotherightofthemiddlebetween
thesetwoextremes.Youhavetobeabletofitintosocietyinsomeway,butyoushould
notlettoomuchofthismajoritythinkingdecideyourlife.Thevastmajorityofpeople
donotaspiretotheheightsyouare,soyoumustbewillingtostandoutandbe
different.Ifthismeansthatafewpeopledontlikewhoyouareorwhatyoudo,thenso
beit.
Oh,andifyouthinkyoucanmakeeveryonelikeyou,youreinforabigsurprise.
Nomatterwhatyoudoinlife,therewillalwaysbepeoplewhodontlikeyou.Getused
toit.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Niceguysoftenfallpreytohiddenbehaviors.Theydothingsthattheydont
wantotherstoknowabout,andasaresult,ittakesatollontheircharacter.
Dontfallvictimtothistrap,either.Ifyouredoingsomethingbehindthescenes,
itstimetoclearitoutofyourlife.Whetheritssurfingporn,orprankphonecallingyour
family,orstealingpeoplesmailjustfindawaytopurgethiskindofbehaviorfromyour
life.Ifnecessary,seekprofessionalhelp.
Thisgoesalongwithhidingyourflaws.Dontbeafraidtoshowotherswhoyou
are,andworktogetridofthingsyouwouldntwantotherstoknowabout.
YouMaketheRules
Rememberthatlifereallyhasnorules.Youcanusesomeoneelses,oryoucan
createyourown.Youcanchoosetomakelifeagame,orperhapsjustajourney.
Itsuptoyoutodecidewhatsuccessisforyourself.Dontletothersdecidewhat
youshouldorshouldnotwant.
Youaretheultimatejudgeofwhatconstitutessuccessinyourlife.
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Becarefulnottoletimagesfromthemediaconfuseyouastowhatyoustandfor
orwhathasrealvalue.Whatyouseeiswhatlooksgood,thesuperficial,notwhathas
lastingandrealworthintheworld.
HeresanequationIwantyoutomemorize:
Resourcefulness=Flexibility+Creativity
AnAlphaManistheonewhomustpavehisownroadofsuccesstotravel.Your
resourcefulnesswilldeterminehowyoumakethatjourney.Andyourflexibilityand
creativeabilitieswilldeterminethatoutcome.
Youmustwriteyourownrulestothisgamecalledlife.Thatswhatwillearnyou
admirationfromyourpeers,andgetyoutherespectfromwomenyoudeserve.
Risk-Taking
AlphaMenarerisktakers.
Period.
Noifs,ands,orbuts.Youhavetoacceptacertainlevelofriskintoyourlife,or
youllbedeadwaybeforeyourheartstopsbeating.YousimplyMUSTlearntostart
enjoyingriskevenromanticizingit.
However,youmustalsolearnhowtoadequatelyassessReward.Riskwithout
rewardisstupidbravado,andyoudeservetogetyourheadhandedtoyouinthose
situations.
Partofrisk-takingisconsequenceaccepting,whichwediscussedearlier.Once
youcanacceptthatyouareaccountableandresponsibleforyouractions,yourebetter
preparedtotakeontherisks.Also,whenyoucanaccepttheoutcomeofasituation,no
matterwhatitmightbe,youcanalsofeelbetterabouttherisk.Themanwhocan
acceptthatthereisariskthatthewomanhestalkingtowillnotbeinterestedinhimwill
alwaysbemorewillingtoapproachwomenthantheguywhojustcantdealwiththat
outcome.
Yourself-confidenceyourAlphaConfidencewilldeterminehowmuchyou
arewillingtorisk.Ifamanhasalowself-esteem,hewillnotbewillingtoriskmuch
becauseheperceivesthepossibleconsequencestobefarmorepainfulthanthe
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rewardwouldbepleasurable.Soyourwillingnesstoriskwillbeafunctionofhowmuch
painyouarewillingtoaccept.
Manyguysinterpretthepossibilityofawomansrejectiontobeahighpain
situation,andtheyholdthemselvesbackfromtalkingandinteractingwithwomen.The
problemwiththisperceptionisthattheyvedefinedpaininawaythatkeepsthemfrom
succeeding.Thepainofnotactingwindsupbeingtentimesmorepainfuloverthelong
runthanthepossiblerejectionintheshort-term,butweignorethecumulativesituation.
Thinkthroughtheconsequencesofanyriskyoutakeandaskyourselfifitreally
isthatbad.Couldyoulivewiththeoutcome?Inmostcases,Illbetyoucould.
Dontlivelifeplayingnickelslotswhenyouknowyoucanstepuptothebig
moneytableandgettherewardsoflifethatothersget.
Lifeisrisk.Whenyouwalkoutthedoorinthemorning,youriskathousand
possibleconsequences.
Sowhatsafewmore?
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Makealistofthesituationswhereyoufeelthemostthreatenedbyriskwith
women.Aftereachsituation,writedowntheworstsituationthatcouldhappen.Illgive
youanexamplelist,butyoursmayvary.
1) TalkingtoawomanMightberejected,insulted,shewalksaway.
2) TeasingawomanMightgetherpissedoff,shewalksaway.
3) TryingtokissawomanMightbepushedaway,shemightbeangry.
4) TryingtotouchhersexuallyMightgetpushedaway,maybeslappedor
yelledat,orshelltellmetoleave.
Thenaskyourself,Howbadwouldthatconsequenceactuallybe?Couldyoulive
withit?Wouldithurtyouphysically?Emotionally?Financially?Socially?
Thenaskyourselfwhatthatparticularpenaltywouldactuallymeanonceyouve
acceptedthatyoucouldhandleit.Ifyouwalkupandtalktoawoman,andthenshe
walksaway,andyoucanacceptthispain,whatwoulditreallymeantoyou?
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Tome,itjustmeansonelesswomanIhavetoapproachtofindoneIwantinmy
life.Andifshewalksaway,shemadeiteasierformetofigureoutifshewasworthmy
timeandenergy.Betternowthanafterafewexpensivedinners.
Next!
AndthatshouldbeyourattitudeaftereachofthosepossiblefailuresNEXT!
Nowsitdownandwritedownyourlist,exploringwhatyoureallyfeelthe
consequenceofafailuremightbeinthosesituations.Onceyoureallyunderstandand
accepttherisk,youllbemuchmorewillingtotakeit.
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Persistence
AlphaMenarepersistent.
Wedonotgiveupatthefirsthintofanobstacleorafailure.Thisisoneofthe
mostimportanttraitsofanAlphaman,becausepersistencewillalwaysbringyou
success.
Always.
Everysingletime.Youmayhavetoredefineyourmethodsandevenyourgoals
slightly,butifyouarepersistent,youwillwin.
Ioftenquotethestoryofthesquirrel-proofbirdfeederasaprimeexampleofthis.
Thestorygoessomethinglikethis:
Amanhasabirdfeederinhisyardthathehopeswillattractsomeinterestingand
exoticbirds.Sohestocksitwithfeed,buthediscoversthatasquirrelisstealingthe
foodeveryday.Heconstructsanintricatecontraptiontotryandstopthesquirrelfrom
gettingtothefeeder,butsomehowthesquirrelalwaysovercomestheobstaclesand
stealsthefeed.Themantrieseverything,fromputtingnailsontheposttochicken-wire
barricades.Buteverytime,thesquirrelgetsinandeatsthebirdfeed.
Finally,afterhestotallyfrustrated,hegoestoastoreintownandasksthemif
theyhaveabirdfeederthatcanstopsquirrels.Theytellhimtheydoinfacthavea
squirrel-proofbirdfeeder.Itsonly$99.99.Hegladlypaysthemoneyandtakesthe
birdfeederhome.Hesetsitupandfillsitwithfood.Thenextday,thesquirrelhas
cleaneditoutofallthefoodfromthefeeder.
Themanisfurious,andhepullsthefeederoutofthegroundandtakesitintothe
storewhereheboughtit,demandingtoseethesamesalespersonwhosoldittohim.
Hey!hesays,frustrationrisinginhisvoice.Iboughtthisbirdfeederfromyoubecause
itwassupposedtobesquirrel-proof.Wellthesquirrelgotintothisone,too!
Thesalesmannodsandsays,Ofcourse.
Themanisfuriousbynow.Whatdoyoumean,Ofcourse?
Thereisnosuchthingasasquirrel-proofbirdfeeder,sir.
What?Nosuchthing?Whythatsthatsfalseadvertising!Icouldsueyou...I
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Thesalesmanwaveshishands.Sir,pleasecalmdown.Wellbehappytorefund
yourmoney,butletmeaskyousomethingfirst.Canyoutellmehowlongyouspend
eachday,onaverage,thinkingofhowtokeepsquirrelsoutofyourbirdfeeder?
Themanstopsforaminuteandthinksback.Well,alittleoveranhourorso,I
suppose.
Thesalesmannodsandsays,Letsbegenerousandsayitstwohours.Some
daysmore,somedaysalittleless.Now,letmeaskyouthis:Howlongdoyouthinkthat
squirrelspendsthinkingabouthowtogetintoyourbirdfeeder?
Themanstoppedandwrinkledhisbrow.Well,uhmm
Thesalesmansmiledandsaid,Everywakingmomentofhislife.
Thepointofthisstoryisclear:Nogoalcaneludeamanwhocanfindthefocus
andpersistencethatthesquirrelhad.
Persistence!
Nevergiveuponyourgoals.Nevergiveuponpursuingwhateveritisyoudesire
inlife.Theonlymanwhofailsisonewhogivesuptoosoon.
Neverquit.
GivingUpTheException
ThereisonesituationwhereIwilltellyouthatyourefarbettergivingupthan
persisting.Thisisinthedreadedsituationwhereyoufindthatyouwanttowinbacka
womanyoulostbecauseyouscrewedupinactinglikeanAlphaMan.
IhearaboutthismostofteninthehowdoIwinherbackquestionsIgetdaily
viaemail.Thehorribletruthisthatyoucannotwinbackawomanyouvelostbyacting
likeaBetaGuy.Ifyouslippedintowimpymodeandlostherinterest,youcantgether
backbyanyothermethodexceptlettinghergo.
Guyshatetomakemistakesthatwecannotfix.Ibelievethatmenarehonorable,
andpartofourevolutionarydesignisthatwewanttomakethingsright.Thismeansthat
whenwescrewuparelationship,wewanttogobackandfixit.And,ifthewomanis
suddenlynolongeravailabletous,wethriveonthechallengeofthehunt.Theproblem
withthisisthatwegetlockedintotheseno-winscenarioswherewepursueawomanto
ourownharm.
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Thedilemmaofthissituationisthatifyoutrytowinawomanback,anywayyou
doityoullenduppushingherfurtheraway.
1) Youcouldgetanewwomanthatyoucankeepbybehavingtherightwayfor
10%oftheenergyyouwouldhaveusedtowinherback.
2) Shebecomestooimportanttoyou,andobsessionstartstocreepin.Youre
focusedonher,convincedthatshessuddenlyspecialoroneofakind.
3) Theobjectofyourdesirepicksuponthiscreepyfocusanditspooksher.
4) Youfeelherslippingawayevenfaster,soyoudoubleyourefforts,andwind
updoublingtheinevitableresultsshedisappearstwiceasfast.
5) Andshesreallynotasfantasticasyouthought.Wetendtodistortand
amplifythevalueofsomethingwecannothave.
Yousee,Hollywoodhasbrainwashedmenintobelievingthattheycanwin
womenbackbysuddenlybecominglittlepussiesthatrelentlesslypursuewomenwith
flowersandpoems,andeventuallyshellgivein.Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.
Thewomenthatcomebackaretheonesthatrealizeontheirownthatthereasonsthey
missyou.Notbecauseyouconvincedthem.
Ifinditinterestingthatmostguyswhowanttowinbackagaltheymesseditup
withbecomeconvincedthatsomehowthiswomanistheOneforthem,andshesnow
superspecial,completelyunique.ThisisadistortioncreatedbytheIhadher,Ilosther,
nowImgoingtobeatmyselfupoveritinsteadofmovingonsyndrome.
AnAlphaManknowsthattheonlywomanhecanwinbackistheonehedrops
completelyoutofhislife.Whydoesthiswork?
1) Ifshesgoingtobeattractedtoyou,itsbecauseyouarentobsessedwith
her.Bydroppingheroutofyourlifecompletely,shellbewondering,Whats
hedoing?Andwhoshedoingitwith?Andwhyisnthebeggingmetocome
back?Ifyourunintoheratthestore,youwonthavealost-puppylook,and
shellwonderwhyyouredoingsowellwithouther.
2) Youcanclearyourheadofallthenonsensethatshestheonlyoneforyou,
andothercraplikethat.Onlybygettingsomedistancefromherwillyousee
theTruththatshesjustanotherwoman.AndthereareBILLIONSmoreon
thisplanet,chum.(Remember,thereisnoscarcityofchicksonthisplanet)
3) Youllactmuchmoreconfidentlyandcongruentlywhenyouvegotoptions.A
manwhohasoptionsisonethatfeelsfreeandconfidentthathecanhave
whathewants,andthatthereisnoscarcity
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Withoutthelastwomanaroundtoturnbackto,yoursexualenergywillbeturned
intocreativeenergytofindanewwoman.
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WannaFight?
Irememberreadingsomewherethatmostmenhaveneverbeeninarealfist-
fight.Ifindthatthisismorelikelytoday,wherechildrenareencouragedtoworkouttheir
differencesinamuchmorecivilizedmanner.
Letmebeclearaboutthis:Iencouragethenewthinkingthatchangedour
approachtoanger-managementfromlashingouttoworking-it-out.Itsastepintheright
directionforkids.
BUT
Thereisalsoaplaceinoursocietyforaconstructiveuseofhostility.Wevegone
toofarinthewrongdirection,brainwashedbyamessagethatfightingisimmatureand
bad.Hey,asIsaidbefore,Iencourageworkingoutproblemsbeforeitreachesthepoint
ofphysicalassault.However,youalsohavetodothiswithoutbackingdownfromwhat
youbelieveisright.
ThereisanexcellentbookIsuggestyouread,anditslistedinthebackofthis
book.ItscalledTheLuciferComplex,anditdescribeshowmenarehardwired
throughourDNAtobewarlikeandoccasionallyviolent.Imsureatsomepointwemay
beabletoevolvebeyondthisneed,butforthetimebeingatleastourforeseeable
lifetimesitsafactofhumanexistence.Therealityisthathumansdonotevolve
withoutsomemethodofcultivatingskillsthatensureoursurvival.
Sometimesyouneedtostandupforwhatyoubelievein,andsometimesthat
meansgettingalittlephysical.
GenderRoles
Menarenotallassholesandviolentrapists.Womenarenotallemotional
wrecks.Menwhoaspiretoachieve,toclimbthecorporateladderandsucceed,arenot
jerksorassholestheyaremerelyfulfillingageneticneed.Wedohavecertaindesires
inusthatareautomaticbecauseofoursex.
Wearealsoresponsible,toacertaindegree,tofulfilltheseroles.Whenwedeny
whowearebytryingtobesomethingthatisnotinournature,wewindupwith
confusion.Witnesshowmenhavebeenconvincedtolosetheirmasculinebehavior.
Whenamantriestobemoresensitive,caring,andromantic,hesturnedintothe
onethingthatwomendonotwantawimp.
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Women,ontheotherhand,arealmostalwayslookedattobemorenurturingand
feminine.Aggressivewomenarenotattractivetomen,exceptthosethatarealready
havingalittleproblemwiththeirowngenderidentity.
Letmehelpyouunderstandhowyouropinionsofwomenhavebeenshaped
anddistortedbythemedia.Askanyoneaboutthedifferenceinthewagesbetween
menandwomenandtheylltellyouthatwomenearn(onaverage)lessthanmen.But
haveyoueveraskedyourselfwhythisis?
Thecommonassumptionisthatwomenearnlessthanmenbecauseof
discrimination.Weimaginethattherearealltheseass-slappingchauvinistsincorporate
Americaholdingwomenback.
Butthatiscompletelyfalse.
HerestheREALDEAL,AlphaMen:
RecentstudiesbyEconomicsprofessorJuneONeillfoundthatamongworkers
ages27to33whoveneverhadachild,womenearn98%ofwhatmendo.Menand
womenalsoearnsimilarmedianstartingsalariesacrossmostdisciplines.
Whattheyalsofailtotellyouisthatwomenearnmorethanmeninmany
vocations.Femalebankingofficersout-earnmenby$15,000ayear,andfemalehealth
industrymanagersmake$18,000moreperyear.
Sowhataccountsforthewagedifferenceinallthosestatisticswheretheysay
thatwomenonlyearn76percentofwhatmendo?
1) Women(generally)havefeweryearsofworkexperience,workfewerhours
peryear,arelesslikelytoworkafull-timescheduleandleavethelaborforce
forlongerperiodsoftimeoftenforfamilyreasons.
2) Womenarealsolesslikelytopursuedegreesthatleadtohigh-payingjobs,
suchasthoseinlaw,medicine,engineering,computerscience,math,and
scienceeducation.
3) Womentendtolosealotofproductivityduetoleavingthelaborforcetobear
children.Notthatwomenshouldbepenalizedforthis,ofcourse,butthese
absencesfromtheworkforcewillhaverepercussionsontheirearningpower
andprofessionaldevelopment.
Huh.Howaboutthat.
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Ultimately,thiswholetopicofwomenearninglessthanmenisabunchofbunk.
Sure,therearesomecasesofdiscriminationoutthere,Imsure,butonthewhole,the
reasonsforthestatisticsyouhearfromthemediaaredeliveredinawaythatiseasyto
misinterpret.Itsalsoeasytotakethatkindofmisinformationandletiterodeyoursense
ofmasculinity.Afterall,withalltheseBadMenouttheredoingBadThingstowomen,
whatrightdoyouhavebeingaMAN?YoumustbeBad,too.
Dontletitundermineyourcockymalebehavior.AlphaMenneverhavetoresort
todirtytricksordeceitfulbehaviortokeeptheirplaceonthefoodchain.Honoristhe
wayoftheAlphaMan.
WaystoDevelopYourAlphaPower
ThisbookisallaboutharnessingyourAlphaManPower.WhatistheAlpha
Power?Well,letsseewhatyourAlphaPowerdoesforyou:
o Decidesyourincome
o Decidesthequalityofwomanyouattractandkeep(includingthe
amountofsexyouwillhave)
o Decidesyourfriends
o Decidesyourhealthandhowlongyouwilllive
o Decideswhetheryouwillliveyourowndreams,orsomeoneelses
o Decideshowhappyyouwillbeoveryourlifetime
o Decidesyourstandingandpoweratwork
Areyoustartingtogetthepicturenow?Areyoustartingtoseehowyoucannot
affordtofallintoalowerlayerofthesocialpeckingorder?
Inmylifeandfrommyobservation,thereseemtobesomelayersofhierarchyin
oursocialpyramid,butthereisreallyonlyoneimportantdistinction:Eitheryourean
AlphaMan,oryourenot.
AndifyourenotanAlphaMan,youarenotthefirstchoiceforwomen,oreven
thefirstchoiceforajob,orthefirstchoiceforthedodge-ballteam,ormuchofanything.
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YoumightthinkyoucanstilldowellbysettlingforBetastatusormaybeevensome
otherlowerlevel,butthatsahugechunkofhorseshitthatwillkeepyoumediocrefor
therestofyourlife.
Dontsettle.
Aspire!
Theleadsleddoggetstheview;alltherestofthedogsgettoseeisass.
Yourveryexistencedependsonlearningandacquiringthebehaviorsofthe
AlphaMan.Infact,iftheresanythingyoucandotoimproveyouroverallqualityoflife,
itstoincreaseyourAlphastatusintheherdcalledhumans.
MoreexamplesofAlphaMen:
o JohnF.Kennedy
o MartinLutherKing,Jr.
o ArnoldSchwarzenegger
o AlexandertheGreat
o Maximus(fromGladiator)
o WilliamWallace(Braveheart)
o IndianaJones
o DonJuan
o Aragorn(LordoftheRings)
YoudonthavetolikeanyoftheseguysforthemtobeAlphaMen,butyoubetter
believetheystilltypifytheprimalmaleessence.
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Ishallbeclosertoyouforthenextfewdays,whichwillbethelastofyour
miserablelives,thanthatbitchofamotherwhofirstbroughtyouscreaminginto
thisworld!Ididnotpaygoodmoneyforyourcompany.IpaiditsothatImight
profitfromyourdeath.Andjustasyourmotherwasthereatyourbeginning,I
shallbethereatyourend.Andwhenyoudieanddieyoushallyourtransition
willbetothesoundof...[clapshishands]
Gladiators...Isaluteyou.
-ProximoGladiator
AlwaysHaveASay
OneofthebestwaysyoucandemonstrateyourAlphaMancharacteristomake
surethatyouhaveinputineverysituationthatcomesyourway.Youmaynotgetto
decide,butyoushouldalwayshaveasay.Nevergoalongjusttobeeasygoing.
(Bytheway,mosteasygoingguysarenotrespectedfortheirrelaxedattitudeby
anyoneotherthanotherguys.Womendontfindtheslackerattitudeattractive.
Easygoingoftenlooksjustlikewimp.)
Youmusthaveaninfluenceonyourworld.Insomesituations,especiallythose
withwomen,youmustdisplaytotalcontroloverthesituationsyouencounter.Barnone.
Thisdoesntmeanyoucompletelydisregardawomansinputwhenyouare
makingplanstodosomething.Itmerelymeansthatyounevereverletherdecide
theplansforyouwithoutanyinputfromyou.
Hereswhatyousaywhenthisbehaviorshowsitself:
Dear,Iappreciateyourenthusiasminplanningthisoutforus,butinthefuture,I
wantyoutoconsultwithme,too.Ineedtohaveinputontheseplansaswell.Okay?
Great.
Dontwaitforanansweroragreement.Assumeit.Dontbeadick,butdontbea
mushypileofyes,dear,IhopeIdidntangeryou,dear...
Ifyoumakeaplanandshetriestochangeitslightly,Irecommendthatyou
changeitslightlydifferentthanherrequestathirdalternative.Earlyon,anyways.After
youhaveestablishedyourAlphaMandominancewithher,youcanthenallowherto
makechangesthatareconscientiouslyaccommodating.Dontappearinflexible,but
appeardecisive.
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If,ontheotherhand,shemakesachangetoyourplanthatisdrastically
different,youmustputyourfootdown.Thisisafemaletest(alsocalledashit-test)
andmustbestompedoutimmediately.Youletherknowthatradicalchangestoyour
plansareunacceptable.(YouregoingtousethatwordquiteabitasanAlpha,sostart
usingitnow.)Youtellherthatyoucaneitherfindsomeoneelsetosharetheplanswith,
orshecangoalongwithyou.
HeresanotherphraseIthinkyoushouldaddtoyourmantras:
Thistopicisopenfordiscussion,butclosedfordebate.
Thissimplymeansthatyoucantalkaboutthedecision,butitstandsasgiven.An
AlphaManputshisfootdownoncertainsubjects,andwomenrespecthimforit.
LearntoLOVEaChallenge
TrueAlphaMenabsolutelyloveachallenge.
Thinkaboutwhatusuallyhappensinmostsituations:Onceanobstacleisfigured
out,oryoulearnhowtohandleit,thereisusuallynomorefun.Itslikebeingableto
solveoneofthosepuzzleswheretherearetwointerlockedmetalringsinafunnyshape
thatyouhavetofigureouthowtoseparate.Onceyouknowthesecret,itsnolonger
anyfun.
Solearntolovetheprocessoffiguringoutthepuzzlesinlife.Womenarea
puzzle.Successandovercomingyourpersonalobstaclesisapuzzle.Lifeisonebig
puzzle.Thatsallwehavetodoforourentirelivesisfigureoutcleversolutionstothe
challengesyourepresentedwith.
Learnhowtoenjoythem,becausewithoutchallenge,thisworldisincredibly
boring.
AlphaMenwillnotsacrificetheirself-esteeminthepursuitofachallenge,but
theyarepersistenttotheend.
Long-TermVisionvs.ShortTermRewards
Canadianpsychologistshavedoneastudythatshowedthatmenwhowere
shownpicturesofbeautifulwomenweremorelikelytoacceptasmallershort-term
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rewardthanalargerlong-termreward.Themenwhowereshownpicturesofaverage
womenwerewillingtowaitforalargerreturn,withanindefinitedeliverydate.
Whatdoesthisprove?Well,weknowthatthereareenticementsthatmenfind
morevaluableintheshort-term.Wechooseareallyhotwomanwithabitchypersonality
overadecentwomanwithagoodpersonalitybecausewerehard-wiredtodesirehot
women,evenwhenitsnotthemostadvantageousthingtodo.Thesimplefactisthata
goodwoman,oneyoucanstandtobearoundlong-term,isalwaystheonewiththe
relaxedandflexiblepersonality,neverthebitch.Low-maintenanceisthewaytogo.
Butsometimesaquickfixofpleasureismoreinterestingand,unfortunately,
addictive.Thisisthesamekindofrisk/rewardbehaviorthatgamblersfallpreyto.
Therearetwokindsofpleasuresinlifetheshort-termcottoncandypleasures,
andthelong-termfulfillingpleasures.Knowingwhichiswhich,andknowingwhento
choosethemisoneoftheAlphaMansmostimportantskills.
Thelongeryoucandelayyourgratification,themoresuccessyoullfindinlife,
andthemoresatisfyingtheresultswillbe.Youneedtofocusonyourlong-termgoals
inlife,andkeeptheshort-termstepsinfrontofyouallthetime.Ifwhatyouwantright
nowconflictswiththosegoals,thenyouregoingtowindupsabotagingyoursuccess.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Alwaysengineershort-termpleasuresintothegoalsyousetforyourself.When
youcompleteapartoftheoverallgoalplan,makesureyourewardyourself
appropriately.
Backinanothercareer,whenIwasgettingcertificationsfordifferent
technologies,IwouldmakesuretogooutandbuymyselfsomethingIwantedasa
rewardafterIpassedthetestandgotthecertification.(Dontrewardyourselfbefore
thefact,oryoudestroythepowerofthisstrategy.)
Yournervoussystemwilllearnthatdoingtheworkgetsyouthegoodies.
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StateofMind
Inordertobeincontrolofyourlife,youneedtobeincontrolofyourmind.A
largenumberofthepeopleouttherearerunningaroundasslavestoemotional
impulsesintheirlives.Self-discipline,akeytraitoftheAlphaMan,istheabilitytostop
andchooseyourreactiontoevents.Whatmakesthistasksodifficultisthepresenceof
moodsinyourlife.
Moodsarethetemporaryupanddownstatesofyouremotions.Youcantreally
controlthem(because,bytheirnature,moodsareoftenunpredictable)butthatdoesnt
meanthatyoushouldnthavesomeskillstocounterbadmoodswhentheycomefrom
timetotime.
Occasionally,weallloseourHappyThought.Lifeisnotalwayskind,or
convenient.Butamansabilitytogowiththeflowofthings,notbeingtooshakenupby
lifesmoreunfortunateevents,issomethingthatawomanwillalwaysfindattractive.
Keepinmindthatwomenaremuchmoresubjecttotheupsanddownsoftheir
emotions.Theyrelookingforamanwhocanserveasanislandinthestormyseasof
theirturbulentmoods.Theydontneedorwantamanthattheywillhavetotakecareof.
(Whichiswhyyouneedtohaveyourshittogetherbeforeyouenterthesingles
marketplace.Noonebuysdamagedgoods.)
Soyouneedtofindyourownmethodstoattainacalmnessandpeacetoyour
lifethatyoucanthenprojectforothers.ThesenextAlphaExerciseswillgiveyouafew
waystodothis.
Iwanttoemphasizethatyoumusttakethetimetoperformtheseexercises.No
otherworkyoudowillbeasimportantaslearningtofocusanddisciplineyourmind.
Memorizingafewcleverthingstosaytoawomanwontdoyouabitofgoodifyoucant
deliverthemfromastableandgroundedplace.Youllhavealltheeffectivenessofa
badactorreadinglineshedoesntbelieve.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:Meditation
Meditationisoneofthemosteffectivewaysofcalmingthemindandstabilizing
youremotionalstate.Peoplehaveclaimedsomewildphenomenahashappenedto
themduringpracticedmeditation,butyouneedonlyfocusontheverypracticalbenefits
97
ofcontrollingyourthoughts.Thoughtsarelikecats,andcanbeasdifficulttoherd.Itsa
skill,actually,anditsoneyoumustdevelopwithalittlepractice.
Someofthepositivebenefitsofmeditationare:
- Focusedattention
- Spiritualpeace
- Lessfrequentmoodswings
- Loweredstress
- Higherperceptiveability
- Morepositivethinking
- Improvedcharacter
- Heightenedwillpower
- Self-discovery
- Developyourlatentmentalabilities
- Improvedathleticability
Andsomuchmore,includingimprovedseductionabilitywithwomen.
Allofthesemeditationsrequireyoutositinacool(notwarm,youllfallasleep)
room,inacomfortableposition.Youcansitonacushiononthefloor,butdonotsitina
chairwithabackasyouwilltendtoslumpyourposture.Thereshouldbenonoiseor
distractionsintheroom.Unplugthephone,andturnoffyourcellphone.Alsowear
someloose-fittingclothessoyoudonthavetoadjustyourselfeveryminuteortwo.At
notimeshouldyoufallasleep,thoughthismayhappenfromtimetotimeasyoulearn
howtorelax.Trytokeepyourmindawake,butasblankaspossible.
Onceyouvegottencomfortable,youcanbeginwithoneofthesemeditation
methods:
1) SimpleCountdown:Closeyoureyesandbreatheslowly.Deepbreathsin
andout.Properbreathingcomesfromthediaphragm,orstomachbreathing
asitssometimescalled.Youllknowyouredoingthiscorrectlywhenyour
stomachpuffsinandoutmorethanyourchest.
Trytoclearyourmindofallthoughts.Whatyouwilldoisstartat20andcount
downtozero.Eachtimethatyoudo,youmustseethenumbersasyou
count,20,19,18Ifyoucatchyourselfthinkingofanythingelsebillsyou
haventpaid,orpeopleyouwanttocall,ormoviesyouwanttosee
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whateverthethoughtis,youmuststartoveragainat20andcountdownall
overagain.Keepdoingthisuntilyoucancountdownallthewaywithno
distractingthoughts.
Itwilltakesometimetobeabletocompletethis.Dontbesurprisedifyou
cantcountdowntozerothefirstseveraldozentimesyoutry.Ittakesquitea
whiletocalmyourthoughtsandletgoofthedistractions.
Whenyouvebeenabletocompleteacountof20,starttryingtodothesame
from50and100.Prettysoonyoullfindyourselfabletodothiswithouthaving
tousethenumbers,instantlyfindingthatcalmplaceinyourthoughts.
2) WaterBubble:Imagineyouresittingcross-legged,floatingonthesurfaceof
asmoothlake.Youstarttosinkthroughthesurface,butthewaterdoesnot
wetyourskin.Youreenclosedinaperfectbubbleofairthatallowsyouto
breatheasyoufloatdownward.Fishandotherlifeswimaroundyou,butyou
keepfloatingdown.Thefurtheryoufloatdown,themoreyourmindclears,all
thedistractingthoughtsevaporate.Bythetimeyousettleonthebottomofthe
lakebed,yourmindiscompletelyblank,butaware.
3) OpenEyes:Forthismeditationyoullactuallybedoingitwithyoureyes
open.Findsomeobjectyouwanttocontemplate.Itcouldbeastatue,ora
plant,orapicture.Placeitinfrontofyouinapositionthatdoesntrequireyou
tomovetoseemostofthedetail.Chooseonepointtofocuson,andstareat
ituntilyourmindisblank.Lookattheobjectandjusttakeinasmuchofthe
detailasyoucan.Thenmovetoanotherpartofitandcontemplatethatpart.
Keeplookinguntilyouseebeyondtheobvious.Theobjectivehereistoletgo
ofallthethinkingthatnormallystopsyoufromseeingthetruedetailand
beautyofanobjectthatyoumightnormallytakeforgranted.
Thestateofmindyouwanttoachievehereiswhereyoucantakeontheroleof
anobservertothethoughtsthatflickerthroughyourmind.Youcantreallystopyour
thoughts,butyoudonthavetoholdontothem,either.Thepointistoletthempassby,
likewaterrushingbyyouinariver.Youdontgrabontoanyofthemorgetdistracted.
Thisexercisewillhelpyoukeepyourcoolinjustabouteverysituation,because
youllhaveanewframeofreferencetounderstandwhenyourthoughtsaregetting
carriedawayfromyou.Youllalsobeabletocontrolthosemomentsofmalepanicand
anxietythatmayappearfromtimetotime.
99
ALPHAEXERCISE2:Mr.Popular
Thisisanotherwayofchangingyourmentalstate,anditworksgreatbeforea
dateoranymeetingwhereyouwanttobeatthetopofyourgame.Hereswhatyoudo:
Closeyoureyes.(Youdonthavetogothroughallthestepsyoudidfor
meditation,buttrytodothisinareasonablyquietplace,likeinyourcar.)Imagineyoure
walkingdownthestreet,andyoupassbythewindowofafewvideorentalstores.
Theresaposterofyouinyourlatestmovie,standingnexttoahotwomanandrunning
fromsomeexplosionandarmedbadguys.Thetitleatthebottomsays,(Yourname)is
backformoreinthebestactionmovieoftheyearNominatedfortwelveOscars
Eightthumbsup!Youchuckleandkeepwalking.
Youthenlookupandseeabillboardwithyourpictureonit,andyourewearinga
tux,endorsingthelatestmodelPorsche.Hmmm.Theystillhaventpaidyoufortherest
ofthatadvertisingcampaign,youremember.Youllhavetogetyouragentonthatone.
YoupassanewsstandwhereyoureonthecoverofTimemagazineastheMan
oftheYearforallyourworktosupportcharities.Awomanisstandingtherereadingher
copyofit,andshelooksupatyouanddoesadouble-take,smiling.Sheasksyoufor
yourautograph,andyouhappilyobligeher.
Justthen,yourcellphonerings.Themayorofthecityisholdingapartythat
night,andhesinvitedyoutoattend.Hementionsthathesalsoinvitedafewpeople
thataredyingtomeetyou,likeQuentinTarantino,PamelaAnderson,JanetJackson,
PierceBrosnan,Metallica,andothers.Youtellhimyoullbealittlelatebecauseyoure
workingonafewmoresongsbeforeyougoontourthismonth,butyoulltrytogetthere
sometime.
Now,thismayseemalittlefar-fetched,butifyouletyourselfbelievethatthis
couldbeyourlifestyle,youcanreallyjackupyourself-imageafewlevels.Iusedthese
examplesbecausetheyappealtome,butyoucanuseanysituationthatmakesyou
feelmoreconfidentaboutyourself.Themoreyouimagineit,thelesssillyitbecomes,
andthemoreyoustarttobelievethatthiscouldreallybeyourlife.
Asimplerversionofthisistojustimaginethesituationyoudfeelthemost
powerfulin,andimagineitcompletely,witheverydetail.Forexample,ifyoudfeelmost
confidentinathree-piecesuit,onewomanoneacharm,walkingintothemost
expensiverestaurantinNewYorkCity,thenimaginethat.
Seeeverydetail.Seethetexturesofthesuityourewearing,andthezipperson
thewomensdresses.Youseethelittleflowertattooononeoftheirankles.Yousmell
100
thefreshlobsterandfilletmignonsastheyarebroughtfromthekitchen.Youhearthe
jazzquartetplayingafewofyourfavoriteFrankSinatrasongs.Youcanfeeltheheatof
thebreathofthewomannexttoyouasshewhisperstoyouthatyoulookgorgeousand
wantstogodownonyouduringdessert.
Involveeverysenseyoucan,andmakeitalmosttooreal,sothatyoubelieveit.
Turnuptheintensityofthelightandcolors,andmakeitsuper-real.
Nowhowdoyoufeel?Illbetthatyouvegotabiggersmileonyourface.Illalso
betthatifyouwereinabadorlowmood,yourefeelingalittlebetter.Youmayeven
haveforgottenforaminuteallthosereasonsyouhaveforfeelingbad.
ALPHASECRET:
Yourmoodiscreatedentirelybythethoughtsyouarefocusingon.Youcantbe
inabadmoodifyourthoughtsareonallthegoodthingsinlife.Youcantbeinagood
moodifyourethinkingaboutallthedespairandtragedy.
Youcantfeelconfidentifyourethinkingaboutallthemistakesyouvemade,or
couldmake.Youcantfeelworthlessifyouthinkaboutalltheaccomplishmentsyouve
hadinyourlife.
Youdeterminewhatyourmoodisbywhatyoufocuson.Whateveryouthink
aboutwillbecomeyouremotionalreality.
RememberthatthedifferenceinmindsetbetweenanAlphaManandalow-
statusmaniswhathefocuseson.Theresasaying:
Twomenlookedoutfromtheprisonbars.Onesawthemud,theotherthe
stars.
Takethetimetocomeupwithyourownempoweringpicture,andthencommitit
tomemorysothatyoucanrecallitquickly.Youmayfindapointwhereyourecallitfast,
butitdoesntseemtohaveanaffectonyourconfidence.Thisisonlyanindicationthat
yourerushingthroughthedetails.Dontgotoofast,andmakesurethatyoufeelevery
sensationyoucanthataddsuptothefullimageoftheconfidentAlphaManyouwantto
be.
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NOTE:Ifyouhaveemotionalproblemssuchasdepression,excessiveanxiety,oranyotherconditions
thatarebeyondtheaveragefluctuationsofmood,youshouldseekprofessionalhelp.Theseexercises
arenotmeanttobeasubstituteforqualifiedprofessionalcare.
PlayfulnessandSophistication
TherearetwofacetsofAlphaManPowerthatamanshouldunderstandwhen
dealingwithwomen,andtheyarewhentoemploythetechniquesofplayfuland
sophisticatedflirting.Thesecanbemixedinyourownpersonalrecipeofseduction.
Thefirstkind,playfulflirting,iswhenyouregressawomanintomorebasicand
primitiveinteractiontogetherexcited.Thisisalotlikethesandboxinteractionyou
learnedwithkidsontheplayground.Someofthetypesofplayfulflirtingare:
1) Ticklingwhenyougetphysicallyfrisky,getherlaughingwithalittletickling.
Makeitagametofindthespotswheresheisticklish.
2) TeasingWhenyoufindharmlesstopicstoteaseherabout,shewill
respondbyfeelingchallenged.Shelllowerherneedfortrustwhilelookingfor
reasonstogainyouracceptance.
3) Playwrestling-Physicaldominationofawoman(notbyhitting)butby
wrestlingandplay-fightingisthebestwaytogetintosexualcontact.Abigkey
togettinglaidisgettingawomantoplay-wrestlewithyou,becauselotsof
goodthingshappen.Firstofall,youaregettingphysicalyouaregetting
closer,skin-to-skin.Second,youreallyhavethechancetoletthemknow
who'sincharge.Third,itsagameofdominationandadisplayofpower.If
youcanpinher,youcanstartmanyofherattractionmechanisms.
Don'tbetoorough,butdon'tbeshytoreallypinherdownandsmackthatass
onceortwice.Andlastly,wrestlingandsexaresimilaractivitiesandlotsof
sexualtensiongetscreatedduringthem.LOTS.
4) Thumb-wrestling/hand-gamesthisshowsthatyourenotallserious,and
youcanembracethefunofbeingakidagain.Italsogetsyouinphysical
contactbyholdinghandswithher.Itseasytoboosttheenergyofthethumb-
wrestlingandturnitintoplaywrestling,too.
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Theotherkind,sophisticatedflirting,iswhenyouappealtohermorerationaland
romanticsideintellectualintercourse,inamannerofspeaking.Thisisthetraditional
romance.Youturnheronwithforeplaytoherbrain.Someexamplesofthisare:
1) Talkingaboutsexinadetachedandoffhandway,andtheneasingitinto
morerevealingspecifics
2) WittyandplayfultalkWhenyougetintoverbalsparringwithawoman,you
areabletoteaseandticklehermind.Thisiscoveredinaspecialsectionlater
inthebook.
3) DemonstrationsofPower(Palmistry,astrology,coldreading,handwriting
analysis,magictricks,anykindoffortunetelling)Womendontalwayslike
toadmitit,buttheygoape-shitoveranyformoffortune-tellingordivination.
Nowthereasonthisturnsherontothemanperformingthemisthatit
demonstratespower.Foryoutotellherthesethingsaboutherselfmeansthat
youhaveapowerfulskill,andthatmovesyouuptheAlphaManstatusladder
afewrungs.
4) DemonstrationsofKnowledgeHavingaspecializedknowledgethatcanbe
usedtoyouradvantageispartoftheexpertpowerthatwellreviewlateron
whenwecoverpowerinmoredetail.Youshouldbeawarethatknowledge
correctlydemonstratedisasourceofintellectualturn-onforawoman.
Thereareafewwaysthatyoushouldnotdemonstrateyourknowledge:
- BraggingNeverdemonstrateknowledgetoimpress.Instead,casually
referenceyourunderstandingandthendeflecttheconversationbacktoher.
Whenyoubrag,youdemonstrateinsecurity.
- Toprovesomeoneelsewrong,ortomakeyourselfrightThereisa
sayingthatamanconvincedagainsthiswillisofthesameopinionstill.Iwill
addthatawomanconvincedagainstherwillwontsleepwithyou.Ifyou
haveaneedtoproveyourselfright,youshouldjoinadebatecluband
practiceyourargumentskillsthere.Inanyothersituation,womenandmen
willnotreactpositivelytoyourneedtobeintheright.Guysdobattlein
conversations,womenseektobeheardandunderstood.
Now,whenyoumixthesetwoPlayfulandSophisticatedFlirtingintheright
quantities,youllbeabletobreakawomandownandgetpastherdefensesbyusing
themattherighttime.
103
Forinstance,whenawomanappearstohaveastuck-upairabouther,Iusually
approachwithsomeSophisticatedFlirtingtogetmethroughthedoor.Ifshesdrinkinga
redwine,Illgiveherglassalookandask,ThatlooksalittlelikeaSyrah.Whatareyou
drinking?Now,IstructuredthequestionsothatIwinnomatterwhat.Ifshesays,No,
itsaMerlot,IstilllookknowledgeablebecauseIdaredtoguessaredwinevarietythat
fewpeoplechoosewhentheyreoutatabar.(MostoftenwomendrinkaCabernet
Sauvignon,Zinfandel(Zin),oraMerlot,andsometimesawhitewine,likeaPinot
Grigot.)ThenIcanalsothrowbackacockytaunttoher:Well,Isaiditlookedlikea
Syrah,notthatitwasaSyrah.Thatwouldbedeliveredwithamischievoussmilethat
letherknowIwasntoffendedorgettingdefensive.
Afteralittletalk,ifshepersistsinputtingonairs,orisactingtoostiff,Illstartto
breakherdownbygentlyteasingherabouthowlongitmusttaketogetlacedintoher
corset,orIllchangethesubjectandstarttoaskhersomegoofyquestionstobringher
intothePlayfulFlirtingmode:
HaveyoueverwonderedifMickeyMouseandMinnieMousesleepinthesame
bed?Imean,woulditshockGoofyifhecameoveroneafternoonandtheresMinnie
withthatafter-sexmesseduphair,andMickeysgotthatIjustgotsomemousetail
lookonhisface?
Ofcourse,usethisaftersomerapporthasbeenbuilt.
UsingPlayfulFlirtinghasmanypurposes,butoneofthespecialusesIhaveforit
istodetermineifawomaniscapableofhandlingsomeedgyhumor,orifshesuptight.I
haveabsolutelynotoleranceforwomenwhoarentfun,anduptightwomenarethe
epitomeofnotfun.Notfun=dull.Itsunacceptable.Theyrescaredtogetrealwith
people,andifyoucantgetrealwithme,Imgoingtodropyoulike1
st
periodFrench,
honey.
(Oh,andfromexperience,uptightchicksarenevergoodinbed.Themorelaid-
backandrealawomanis,thebettersheisbetweenthesheets.)
Sothebestuseofthesetwostrategiesisalwaystogether.Startwith
SophisticatedFlirtationwhenyourejustgoinginandhaventfiguredheroutyet,and
thenbridgeintomorePlayfulFlirtingasneeded.StaywithPlayfulaslongaspossible,
becausethiswillhavethemostdirectaffectonhersexualattractionmechanism.
Sophisticatedflirtingisgoodforgoinginindirectly,orwhenyouwanttobuildalittle
anticipation.
104
PhysicalDominance
Oneofthecriticalfactorsofbeingaphysicalbeingistheabilitywehavetoaffect
andchangeourenvironment.Wedothisthroughtheuseofourbodies.
TodayssocietydemandsthattobeanAlphaManyoumustputoutmuchmore
energythanyouusedtoinordertoreachpeople.Societyinsulatesitselffromthe
interestofothers.WewalkaroundwithiPods,sealedinourcars,lockedoffin
conversationwithpeopleonourcellphones.
Youhavetoactivelyreachintopeopleslivestoconnectwiththem.Thisisthe
truepowerofanAlphaMan.
Inhumans,AlphaManbehaviorandcharacteristicsarestillnoticeablealthough
thesemayvarybysocialcontext.Inasurvey,womenwereshownaseriesofhead-only
photographsofmen.Theypickedthosewhowerefinanciallywealthyas"attractive"in
betterthan90%ofcases.However,wealthisnottheonlyAlphaMantraitthatisstillin
vogue.
Heightisoftenregardedasverydesirable.Tallmenhavebeenproventobeboth
moreattractivetotheoppositesexonthewhole.Similarly,physicallyfitmendobetter
thanunfitmen.Actualvaluesofbeing"good-looking"aresosubjectiveastobe
practicallyuselessfordemographictesting.Butstudieshaveshownthatsomelevelof
facialsymmetry(theproportionandplacementofeyes,nose,etc.)isregardedas
desirableinandbybothsexes.
TheAlphacanbephysicallypowerful,hisgoalbeingdominancethrough
acquisitionandthenprotection.Researchhasshownthat,regardlessofcultural
background,amalewhoexhibitsthetraitsofstrongjaw,broadchinandimposingbrow
willbefoundattractivebyfemales.Hisheightandweightarevisualcluestohisgenetic
background,andtothepositiveenvironmentalfactorsofhisinfancyandyouth.Upper
bodystrengthasevidencedbywideshoulders,deepchest,andwell-toned
musculature,proclaimhimcapableofsuccessthroughaggressiveforce,self-defenseor
theprotectionofwhatis"his"(broadshoulders,stronghands).
Trimhipsandlonglegsshowthelowerbodystrengththatallowshimtotravel
quicklyandfaronfoot,indicationsofendurance.MostoftheseAlphatraitsare
indicativeofhealthylevelsofthemalehormonetestosterone.Beyondallthese,any
othercuesforhealthy"animal"traitsaredesirable,suchasstrong,whiteteeth,clear
eyes,andasharpattentionandwit.
Amonghisotherfeatures,theAlphaManisabornbreeder.Thisiswhymenwho
cheatareforgivenmoreeasilybywomenthanthosewomenwhocheat.Menare
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expectedatageneticleveltoneedtoseducemanywomentoensurehisdominant
andsuccessfulcharacteristicsarepassedontofuturegenerations.Itmaynotbe
sociallyacceptable,butitisafactofourgender.
Welayeralotofrationalthoughtontopofourbasicimpulses,butthefact
remainsthatwestillhavealotofunconsciousmotivationsandneeds.Womenneedto
feelthatamanisagoodmateanddesirable,notjustthinkitorrationalizeitlogically.
Toreview,whenitcomestophysicalattractiveness,therearesomefeatures
thatwillmakeyoumoreimmediatelyvisuallyappealingtowomen:
- Tall
- Goodphysique
- Strongfacialfeatureschiseledface,strongchin
- Piercingeyes(thisonecanactuallybelearned,andwellcover
itlaterinthebook)
- Fittingatypeshemayhave
Nowletsclearupthemisperceptionsaboutthesetraits.
Tallness
Wecoveredthisinaprevioussection.Whilebeingtallisagoodphysicaltrait,
notmanyguysrealizewhatthistranslatestoinawomansmind.Whenamanis
physicallytallerthanawoman,thisprovidesasubconsciousreassuranceofprotection
forher.Shefeelsbetteraroundtallguysbecausetheyimplyphysicalsecurity,aman
thatcanprotecther.
ThiscanbeovercomebyAMPingupthoseotherqualitiesthatgiveherafeeling
ofsatisfactionandsecurity.Yourconfidenceandoverallfitnesscanovercomethis,as
wediscussedearlier.
ALPHATACTIC:
Herearetwomorewaysofcompensatingforheight:1)developyourphysical
bodyasbestyoucan,and2)developastrongsexualcommunicationstyle.
106
Gettothegymandworkout,aswellaspickupaself-defenseskill.Thereisno
excusefornotbeingingoodphysicalshape.Ifyoudonthaveenoughtime,whatyoure
sayingisthatyourenotwillingtomakethetime.
Astrongcommunicationstylewillreplaceyourheighttoherasawaytoprovide
comfortandsecurity.Whenyoucancommunicateyourvaluewithoutwords,youll
attractwomenonasubconsciouslevel.
Physique
Icantellyouofnobetterwaytoimproveyourself-confidencethantogetin
shape.Nottheshapeofanorangeorapear,mindyou,butthetonedshapeofaman
thatwomanareattractedto.Iwouldnormallynotconsiderthisanadvancedtopicworth
covering,butImcontinuallyshockedathowlittlemencareabouttheirappearance.
Womenareactuallyforgivingofmensphysiquestoapoint.Aslongasyoure
notextremelyoverweight,orscrawny,yourbuildwillprobablynotpresentamajor
obstacle.However,thebenefitsofachievingthekindofphysicalpresenceyoudesire
willaddanincredibleamountofconvictiontoyourattitudeoverall.Knowingthatyoure
fitandstrongwillgiveyouacockinessthatjustcannotbeimitated.Itcomesfromthe
heart,andwomensmellitonyou.Nottomentionthattheresatiebetweentestosterone
productionandexercise,whichisliterallycommunicatedthroughpheromonesandother
behavioralcues.Realmenhaveloadsofhormonespumpingintotheirbloodstream.Not
tothepointofstupidbrutishbehavior,liketheHulk,butenoughtopushthempastsome
oftheirwimpybehaviorsandbemoreassertiveandaggressivewhereneeded.
Anddontforgetnatureswonderfulopiate:Endorphins.Theseareproducedasa
resultofexerciseandgiveyouthatliftinyourmood,calmnesstoyourthinking,and
razor-sharpfocus.Thisisthebestsideeffectofgoodhealthyoucanpossiblyimagine.
IvealreadymadeapledgetomyselfthatIllbearoundandingreathealthin
fortyormoreyears,sothatwhentherestoftheherdisdyingoff,Illstillbearound
gettingallthepussytheyleftbehind.
Diet
Americansarepigs,notwowaysaboutit.Weeattoomuchofthewrongthings
atthewrongtimes.DietandexercisearetheTwinPowersofyouroverallhealth,both
physicallyaswellasmentally.
107
Thatsayingaboutyouarewhatyoueatisactuallyveryliteral.Eatalotoffat,
andyougetfat.Eatalotofjunkfood,andyouturnintojunk.Nottomentionthemental
benefitsofthefoodyoutakein,whichcanhelpyourbrainfunctiononthejobandoff.I
attributealotofmymentalsharpnesstoeatingfoodsthatdontslowdownmymind.
Ivehadabagoffattypotatochipsthatmademefallintoacomainthemiddleofthe
day,whereanapplemanagedtobringmyenergylevelbackfromthedead.
Itsnothardtofindadietthatworksforyou.Takethetimetogetabookfromthe
libraryonbasicnutrition.Learnhowyourbodyworks.Andifyouneedmotivation,have
areadinamedicaljournalaboutthehorribleproblemsyoullhavelaterinlifefrom
nutritionalproblemsandobesity.Ortalktosomeonewhoshadangioplastyorsurgery
totrytofixabadlifestyle.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Sitdownandplanoutsomeexerciseanddietgoalsforyourselfoverthenext
year.Planthemout,monthbymonth.Makesureyousettargetsfor:
- Weight
- Bodyfatpercentage
- Dietarybalanceofmeals(carbs/protein/fat/sugars)
- Timesatthegymperweek
- Timeexercisingaerobically(acceleratedbreathing/heartrate)
versusnon-aerobicexercise,likeweightlifting.
- Mixinginfunexercise,liketeamsportsorlearninganewsport
likeracquetballorvolleyball.Thereareplentyofamateurgroups
inanymetroareatogetinvolvedwith,oryoucanstartyour
own.
ALPHATACTIC:
- SubscribetoMensHealth.Byfarthisisoneofthebestmens
magazinesavailable.Theycovereverythingfromdiettofashion
toexercisetosex.
108
- SetasidesometimeTHISWEEKandcheckoutthegymsin
yourarea.Stopputtingitoff.
Anddonttrytoconvinceyourselfthatyouregoingtobeableto
workoutbyyourselfathomeunlessyouareextremelyself-
disciplined.Andifyouwere,youdprobablyalreadybedoingit,
wouldntyou?
- Cutbackonsodasimmediately.Drinkingacanortwo(orten)of
Cokemaybeabitofanaddictionyouvedeveloped,butonce
yougetfreeofthesugar,yourbodycanadjustandstart
workingforyouinsteadofagainstyou.
- Starteatingmorefrequentmealseachdayandinsmaller
quantities.
- Cutbackonyourcaffeineintake.Alittlecaffeineactuallyis
greatforconfidenceandliftingyourmood,butbewarethe
Mega-super-motherfuckersizesyougetfromthelocalcoffee
shop.Youonlyneedabout30-60mgofcaffeinetofeelan
effect,andthesesuper-sizecoffeescanrangefrom100to600+
mg.(Andevenalotmore)
- Cutbackonthebooze.Alcoholwillalsoworkagainstyousince
therearemorecalories(yes,incarbohydrates,foryouAtkins
nuts)intherethanyouthink.Cutbackandfindalternateways
ofgettingyourbuzz.Youmightthinkyouneedacoupleshotsof
liquidcourage,butyourealsoriskingtheextremeaffectsof
beer-gogglesandassholebehavior.Nothingmakesyouscrew
upaseductionfasterthangettingtoobuzzed.Youthinkyoure
Mr.LifeoftheParty,buttheythinkyoureanidiot.
- Makeitapointtogetyourselfagoodbookonnutritiontolearn
howyourbodyprocessesthefoodyoueat.Learnaboutthe
ATPcycle,andhowmusclesrespondtodifferentformsof
exercise.Learnabouttheuseofproteins,fats,and
carbohydratesinthebody,andhowtheyrestored.
ALPHASECRET:
Ifyoujustdietwithoutexercising,youllprobablyendupgainingmoreweight.
Mostpeopledontrealizethateatingfewermealsmeansthatyoureteachingyourbody
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thatitcantknowwhenthenextrechargeisgoingtocome,soyourmetabolismslows
downtocompensate,holdingontoreserves.Youburncaloriesslower.
However,ifyoueatmorefrequently,butsmalleramountsandcalories,youll
trainyourmetabolismthatitdoesnthavetoworryaboutthenextmeal,anditcankeep
burningenergyallthetimebecauseasnackisalwaysjustaroundthecorner.
Remember:Hungerdoesnotmakeyouloseweight.Itjusttellsyourbodys
systemsthatyoureinfaminemode,anditneedstoholdontowhatitsgot.The
optimumplanistoexerciseanddietformaximumbenefits.Onedoesntworkwithout
theother.
BodyLanguage
Amansbodylanguageisaverypowerfulcommunicationsmechanism.Yougive
offwavesofinformationaboutyourselfbythewayyouwalk,andbythewayyoustand
still.Justbythewayyouchoosetofaceaperson,youcancommunicateyour
personalityandfeelings.
Ifyouweretowatchtwomenwalkingdownthestreet,oneaveryconfident,
successfulplayer,andtheotherafairlyquietaverageguy,atfirstglanceyoudthink
theylookedprettymuchthesame.ButtakeanotherlookTheyarenotasmuchalike
astheymayappear.
Theseslightdifferencesinpostureareallverysubtle,andtheyspeakvolumes
aboutyour:
- Levelofconfidence
- Mood
- Self-concept(opinionofyourself)
- Focus(areyouintrovertedorextroverted)
Therehavebeenstudiesperformedonwomenwithrespecttovictimization.One
ofthefindingsofthesestudiesisthatwomenwhowererapedcommunicatedtheir
victimstatusbymeansoftheirbodylanguage.Therapistsknewhowtopicktheir
targetsbythewaytheycarriedthemselves.Theycouldactuallyfigureoutwhichwomen
wouldandwouldnotfightback.
NOTE!
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Iamnotstatingthattherapewasthevictimsfault,orthatsheaskedforitin
anyway.WhatIamtryingtocommunicateisthatsomewomenappearasmore
accessibletargetstomenwhoareabletosensethisvictimbodylanguage.Justlike
theruthlesspredatorsofthewild,theycanpickoutatargetfromapackbythesignals
theygiveoff.Hunchedshoulders,ameekortimiddemeanorallthesesignalsare
thereforthewould-besexualpredator.
AnAlphaMansbodylanguageisalwaysstrong.Herearesomeofthetraitsyou
mustdisplay:
- Headhelduphigh,notlookingdownattheground
- Standsstraight,withanerectspine.Noslouching.
- Makeseyecontactstronglyandregularlywitheveryonehetalks
tooranywomanhepassesonthestreet.Nonervous,darting
eyes.
- Reasonablyquickgait,nothurriedbutwithintentionand
purpose.
- Slowhandgesturesifyouweretoobservehimexplaining
something,youdbecaptivatedbythewayheuseshishandsto
illustrateaconcept
- Smilesoccasionally,butnotinthemannerofagoofballoridiot.
Whentalkingtowomen,heknowswhentosmileandwhento
keepaseriousexpression.Toomuchsmilingcancomeacross
assupplicationorapprovalseeking.Hedoesntsmilefor
approval;hesmilestoshowhisapproval.
- Breathesdeeply,fromthestomachordiaphragm.
- Isconfidentenoughtostandwithhisarmsathissidewhile
waitingorstandingcasually.Avoidscrossinghisarms,asthisis
aclosedstancethatkeepspeopleaway.
- Leansbackslightlywhentalkingtowomen.Leaningtowardher
seemstooeager.
- Notafraidtomakeoccasionalphysicalcontact(momentary
touching)withwomentoletthemknowhesconfidentand
secureinhissexuality.
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- Avoidsnervousticks,likeplayingwithhishair,orfidgetingwith
apen.Heholdsapurposefulstancethatdoesntappear
nervous(evenifheisnervousinside.)
TheAlphaHandshake
AndAlphaManhasastrongandconfidenthandshake.Whenyoushakehands
withmen,yousqueezefirmly,nottobreakhishand,buttolethimknowthathedoes
notintimidateyou.
Whenyoushakehandswithawoman,youstillhavetoshakeherhandfirmly,
butlessthanyouwouldwithanotherman.Dontlethergetawaywithalimpfish
shake.HerestheAlphaManhandshakeforawomanyourejustmeeting:
Takeherhandandclaspitgentlyintheoneyouinitiallyofferher.Thentakeyour
otherhandandgentlyclaspitoverhersforjustonesecond,sandwichingherhand
betweenyours.Thenpullbothhandsaway.(Onlydothisifyourhandsaredryand
warm.Alwayswarmupyourhandsifyouknowyouregoingtobeintroducedtoa
woman.)Claspingherhandsendsanenormousmessageofyourdominancewhen
executedcorrectly.
Thewayyoupartwithawomanattheendofanevening(*justthefirstnightyou
meetawoman,sayatapartyoroutonthetown)iswithaquickhug.Theymayoffer
youtheirhandagain,butyoujustmoveinandgivethemashortbutsincerehug.I
alwaysusetheexcuse,Oh,comeon,ImItalian,weneedhugs.Theyalwayslaugh
andgivemeawarmhuginreturn.
WomansIntuition
Nowthinkaboutwomenforamoment.Theyhaveexceptionallyrefinedsenseof
intuition.
Intuitionisactuallyjustahigh-performingsenseofattentiontodetail.Whena
womansaysshesusingherintuition,mostlyshessayingthatsheispickingupa
millionsmalldetailsofbehaviorandwords,andhersubconsciousmindisprocessing
themtotellherwhattodo,ornotdo.
112
Whenshetalkswithaman,shestakingdownmentalnotesabouthowhelooks,
whereheputshishands,howhestands,howheleans,wherehelooks,whattoneof
voiceandwordsheuses,andsoon.Aftertallyingupalltheseindicators,shethen
makesadecisionofwhattodowiththisguy.Doesshegooutwithhim?Sleepwith
him?Ditchhim?
Basedondozensoftheseinteractions,shewillrefinethisskillintoanabilityto
readguysbasedontheirvisualandsub-visualcues.Ifshehasabunchofbad
experienceswithguyswhoseemniceatfirst,butlaterturnouttobeboringandun-
challenging,shenowassociatesthatprofilewithNoway!Ifshehasabunchofthrilling
andhighlychargedexperienceswithguyswhoteaseherandshownoneedforher
approval,herassociationwiththattypeis,Yeah!Bringiton!
This,fellowAlphaMen,iswhatwomensintuitionreallyis.
Sohowcanamanavoidfallingvictimtoheruncannyabilitytoreadtheir
intentionsandbehaviors?
Firstoff,recognizethat95%ofallguysareunbelievablyobviousabouttheir
intentions.Theythinktheyrebeingallcoolandclever,buttheyrebeingsoblatantly
stupidwiththeirbodylanguageandsexualcommunicationthattheydontevengetto
firstbasemostofthetime.
ImgoingtoreviewsomeofthebodylanguagethatanAlphaManshouldstrive
for,andIlltellyoualittleaboutwhatsheseesinthesebehaviors.
1) Uprightposture.Headup,lookingstraightforward.Chestout.
Shewantstoseeamanwhohasagoodpostureandshowsphysicaltraits
indicativeofamanwhocanprotectheraswellasherchildren.
2) Purposefulwalk.Nottooslow,butnotspeedwalkinglikeoldpeopleinthe
mall.
Abriskwalkshowsintentionandthatyouvegotsomewheretobe.Yourenot
justaimlesslywanderingthestreetslookingforsomethingtocometoyou.
Youreoutgoingafterwhatyouwant.Findastrutthathelpsyou
communicateyourpresence.
3) Directeyecontact.
IftheresjustoneofthesethatIcouldhighlightasbeingimperativeforyouto
workon,itsthisone.Theeyestrulyaretheseatofthesoul.Eyes
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communicateanimmenseamountaboutyou.Fromwhereyoulooktohow
longyouholdhergaze.Welldiscussthisagainlaterinthissection.
4) Smoothnessofgestures.
Whenstandingorinteractingface-to-face,useveryslowmotionsofthe
hands.Thebodyshouldmovelikeliquid.Avoiddarting,fastgestures,as
thesecommunicateahurriedness,aninsecurityaboutyourself.Slowness
communicatesassuredness.Calm.Poise.
5) Facingangledirectness
Alotissaidaboutapersonsinterestbythewaytheyfacesomeone.When
youstanddirectlyacrossfromsomeone,withyourbodycompletelysquare
withtheirs(faceisforward,bodyisfacingthem,andtoesarepointedatthem)
youarecommunicatingcompleteattentionandfocus.Thisisoftentoomuch
forawomanyouvejustmet,sinceitover-statestheobviousthatyoure
interestedinher.
Ontheotherhand,facingtoofarawayfromthemwillcommunicatethatyou
arenotinterestedatall.Youseethiskindofcommunicationfromwomenwho
areplayingthetraditionalgameofhard-to-getwithguystheyaretestingfor
inferiority.Theywilllookovertheirshoulderwhentheytalktoyou,or
somehowavoiddirecteye-contactorturningtoomuchinresponsetoyou.
Thisisherwayofsaying,Igetthisallthetime,soyoubetterbedifferent
thanthelastfewguysorImnotgoingtoreallygiveyouanyattention.
Irecommendyougetafeelforthisanduseittosendthesamesignalsback
towomen.Hereshow:
Atabar,youwalkuptogetadrink.Theresahotblondegigglingandjiggling
withherfriendnexttoyou.Youlookoveryourrightshoulderatherandsay:
Hey,doyouhavethetime?Nosmileoroverly-friendlybehaviorfromyou.
Hereswhatthislookslikefromabove:
114
Bar
Asyoucansee,bykeepinganangle,youdonttelegraphyourintentionstoher.
HotBlonde
Friend
YOU
Thisiswherealotofguyscomeontoostrongwithreallyhotwomen.Compare
thistothediagrambelow:
Bar
HotBlonde
Friend
YOU
Oreventhisone:
Bar
HotBlonde
Friend
YOU
Whichisalotworse,primarilybecauseoftheovertattentionplacedonher.In
somecasesthisattentioncanbefine,asinasituationwhereshemayhave
calledyouover,orseemslikesheisgivingyouclearIOIs(IndicationOf
Interest).
Butforthereallygorgeousbabes,thiswillnotwork.Theyvegotmore
attentionthantheylleverneed.Youcanonlyseparateyourselffromthepack
115
bycommunicatingsuperiorityandvalue.(Andwhenthetimeisright,youwill
maneuveryourselfmoredirectlyintoherlineofsightandspeakdirectlyto
her.)
Whatkindofmancasuallyasksforthetimeoverhisshoulder?Thekindof
manwhoisntdesperateforwhatshesgot.Andthat,myfriend,willsparkher
curiositylikenothingelse.
6) Interactionspace
Whenyoutalkwithotherpeople,wheredoyoustandinrelationtothem?Are
youatadistance,outsidearmsreach?Orareyouinclose?
Muchofthisisdecidedbyyourculture.Insomecountries,itisconsidered
rudetostandtooclose,whileinothers,itsrudetostandtoofaraway.Inthe
UnitedStates,weobserveacertainpersonalbubblearoundpeoplethatwe
stayoutsideofasarule.Itwouldbeconsideredstrangetowalkupandstand
withinafootorsoofapersoniftherewasntaneed,orafamiliaritywiththat
person.ThetypicalpersonalbubbleforanAmericanisarmslength.
AconfidentAlphaMancansenseawomanscomfortzoneandstayjust
insideit.Ashegainsrapportandfamiliarity,hecanmoveincloseras
needed.Thebestaffectisachievedwhenhelearnshowtomoveinclose
enoughtogethercurious,thenpullawayforatimetogetherwantingto
knowmore.Thisisanextensionofthepush-pullsystemcoveredlater.
7) Touch
Afterworkingwiththespacebetweentwopeople,youshouldlearnhowto
usetouch.AlphaMenknowthatinawaywhattheytouch,theyown.Its
asubtlecommunicationthatonlymenwhoareleadersandcommandersof
otherswilldo.Mostmenaretootimidtotouchwomen(andothermen,for
thatmatter.)Youmustlearnhowtotouchbothmenandwomeninwaysthat
expressesyourpowerandinfluence.
EyeContact
Thewayyouuseyoureyesisaprimaryindicationofyourstatusinthepack.If
youcanholdprolongedeyecontact,youimmediatelycommunicateAlphastatus.
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Eyesareaprimaryfocalpointofapersonspresenceinanyconversation.We
centerourattentionthere,becausethatiswheremostofusexperiencetheworld.We
takemostofourexperiencesthroughthem,andwelookatotherseyesasanindicator
ofwhattheirexperienceis.
Animals,forexample,useeyecontacttodeterminealmostimmediatelyif
anothermaleisgoingtocompetewiththemfordominance.Ifyouveeverbeentoazoo
withapenofmalegorillas,youknowthattheytellyounottomakedirecteyecontact
withthem,becauseyouriskagitatingthemandsendingthemintoafury.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
PracticeEyecontacteverysingleday.Herearesomegoodwaysofdoingthis:
1) Lockeyecontactwithyourselfinthemirror.Youmightfindthatyoucanonly
dothisforafewminutesatatimebeforeyoubreakintoagrinandhaveto
lookaway.
Iusedtoavoidlookingmyselfintheeye.Then,afterrepetition,Istarted
holdingastare,andIgotprettygoodafterawhile.Youshouldaimforholding
yourownstareinthemirrorforatleastacoupleminuteswithoutchanging
yourexpression.
Heresalittleinterestingtriviaforyou:Didyouknowthatyoucantseeyour
eyesmoveinamirror?Tryit.Youhaveablindspotinyourvisionthat
preventsyoufromseeingyourowneyesmove.(Youcanfakeitbymoving
yourheadinsteadofyoureyes,butthatscheating.)
2) Practiceonpeopleyoupassonthestreet.Firstwearmirroredsunglasses.
Trytomakeeyecontactwiththem,safeintheknowledgethattheycantsee
youreyes.Watchhowotherpeoplemanagetheirowneyecontact.
3) Lockeyesforreal.Withoutanysunglasses,trytomakeeyecontactwith
everywomanyouseeonthestreet.Holditforaslongasyoucan.Givethem
anodandasmileifthathelps.Youshouldpracticethisuntilyougettothe
pointwhereyoucanlocklookswiththemuntiltheybreakitfirst.Inmost
cases,shelllookdownfromyourstare,whichisasignofsubmission.(Not
alwaysasignofinterest,mindyou,butitisagoodsignofyourdominance.)
Learntoenjoyitwhenawomanlooksawayinembarrassment.Iloveitwhen
Icanprovemydominancebylaser-beamingmypresenceintoawoman.
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Relax!
Imabouttoimpartuponyouthemostimportantfoundationofconveyingself-
confidencewithwomen(andanyone,forthatmatter.)Ofallthethingsyoucanpossibly
dotoenhanceandimproveyourimageasanAlpha,thisonethingwillhavethemost
impactacrosstheboard.
Youhavetolearntorelax.
Now,Ithinkalotofguysouttheremaythinktheyknowwhatrelaxationis,and
mayevenbelievethattheyaregenuinelyrelaxedaroundwomen,butthefactisthat
mostallofushavetoconsciouslyforceourselvestorelax.Itisnotanaturalstatefor
menwhentheygetaroundwomenorintosituationsthatseemrisky.Butyousimply
must.
Whenyourerelaxed:
o Youarealert,moresothanwhenyourejumpingaroundand
bouncingoffthewallswithtoomuchattention.Ifyourmindisracing
toofast,youwilllosecontrolontheturns.
o Youareincompleteemotionalcontrol.Ifyouarerelaxed,her
wordsmaytestyourstateofmind,butyouwillnotbeprovokedto
emotionaloutburst.(Anemotionaloutburstisabsolutelythelast
thingyouwanttohavewithawoman.)
o Yourbodylanguageismuchmorefluidandpoetic.Youwillbe
moreseductiveandrelaxed,andshewillpickuponthisenergy,
whichwillinturnputheratease.NotehowJamesBondmovesin
allhismovies:heisalwaysrelaxedandcontrolled,evenwhenhe
hastomovequickly.Hisbodylanguageisneverspastic.
o Yourmindismoreattunedtothepresentmoment.Whenyouare
withawoman,youneedallyourfacultiesfocusedonthesituation
infrontofyou,notdaydreamingorzippingaroundthecosmos.If
shedoesntfeelyourattentionisinthepresent,itwillalsopushher
away.Theresatermusedbyjetfighterpilots:Situational
Awareness.Itmeanssimplythatyouunderstandwhereyouare,
whoandwhatisaroundyou,andwherethreatsmaybelocated.In
thisway,youcanalwaysberesponsivetothecircumstancesthat
maypresentthemselves.
118
o Amanwhoisreactingfromhisstressresponseisalwaysata
disadvantage.Stresswillforceyoutoresorttothemostprimitiveof
reactivemechanisms.Yourlizardbrainwillbemorepronetofight-
or-flightbehaviorthanitwillbetobreakingdownthesituationand
actingonitintelligently.Youllalsoabandonalltheskillsyou
learned.
o Whenyourerelaxed,youfeelmoreconfident.Thetwoare
synonymous.Ifyouarenervous,youlackconfidence,andyoullbe
broadcastingthatthroughyournervoussystemandouttoher
throughyourmannerisms.
UsethemeditationmethodsIdescribedearliertobringyoutothisrelaxedstate.
Especiallyfocusonthecorrectbreathingpatterns.Thisnextexercisewillhelpyoutake
themeditationtothenextlevelmentalrehearsal.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Youmaywanttoenhancethistechniquewithmusicofsomekind.Obviously,
technoordeephousedancemusicisprobablynotgoingtoachievethedesiredresults.
SomethingNewAgeorlightJazzwillhelpyougettherightmindset.Isuggestyouuse
thesamemusiceverytimesothatyoucanconditionyourselftofallintothisstatemuch
faster.
Sitinanuprightchair,onethatisnttoocomfortable.Thiswillhelpyouavoid
fallingasleepduringtheprocess.Shutoffthephoneandanyotherdistractions.
Whatyoudoisthis:Imagineyourselfinasituationofhighanxiety,onethat
causesyouagreatdealofnervousness.Formostguys,asituationwhereyouhaveto
gotalktoabeautifulwomanwhoiswithherfriendsisoneofthemoststressfulaguy
canimagine.Picturethescenecompletely,fromthegigglingofthegirlstothecolorof
theirdrinksandfingernails.Picturethemasclearlyandrealisticallyaspossible.
Nowimagineyourselfwalkinguptothem,buttheyarenotawareofyour
approach.Youaretotallysafefromdetection.Youcanevenstandwithinafewinches
ofthemandnotfeelafearofdiscovery.Youcanhearwhattheyretalkingabout,and
youcanevensmellahintoftheirperfumefromhere.
Ifatanypointinthisexerciseyoustarttofeelthenervousnessthatusually
accompaniesthissituation,takeamomenttocheckyourposition.Areyourhands
tensingup?Relaxthem.Areyoubreathingfaster?Slowitdown.Isyourmouthdry?
119
Takeasecondtosipsomewater.Youdontwanttore-enterthementalstatewithout
bringingyourselfdowntoalevelofcalmrelaxation.Youshouldfeelnodifferentthan
youwouldifyouweretalkingtosomeofyourfriendsfromwork.Imagineanythingyou
needtoinordertokeepthesewomeninperspectiveinsuchawaythatyoudontfeel
theusualstressornervousness.
Nowimaginethattheyareactuallyawareofyourpresence.Pretendthatyouare
aguardian,orabodyguardsenttoensuretheirsafety.Theyrenotignoringyou,but
theyrejustcomfortablewithyounearby.Theywerejusttalkingaboutoldsixties
comediestheyliketowatchoncable,likeGilligansIsland,orTheBradyBunch.You
takethisopportunitytoaddsomethingtotheconversation.DoyougirlslikeBewitched
orIDreamofJeaniebetter?youaskthem.Oh,yeah,oneofthemsays.Iloved
Bewitchedsomuchmore.Andtheothergirlsmilesandwinksatyou,wigglinghernose
likeSamanthadidontheoldTVshow.
Didyoufeelthatwarmthrillofacceptancewhentheytookyouintotheir
conversationandstartedtalkingtoyou?YOUgeneratedthatfeeling,notthem.
Rememberthat,becauseyoucansummonthatfeelinganytimeyouneedinorderto
giveyourselfacceptanceatanytime.
Extendthisexercisebychangingthesituationtoprogressivelymoreandmore
uncomfortableones.Ioriginallystartedoutyearsagowithjustthemeetingscenario,
andnowImatthepointwhereIimaginehowIdhandleitifIjustappearednakedinthe
middleofTimesSquare.Prettysilly,huh?Butcanyouimagineamoreheart-pounding
situation?Ifyoucanhandlewalkingnakeddownacityblockandreducethatfearto
whereyoucouldactuallyhandleit,yourewellalongthepathtoAlphaManhood.
ShynessTheAlphaInhibitor
ThisisperhapsthemostlimitingAlphaBlockerthereis.Shynessisanimagined
stateofmindthathasnoplaceintheAlphaManscharacter.
Whatisshyness?
Itstheirrationalfearofotherpeoplebasedonafeelingofinsecurityinyourself.
Someparentsandothersourceshavetriedtomakeshynesslooklikeacute,
positivetraitinlittleboys,butitisnot.Shynessistheonethingthatwillturnaguyintoa
whimperingmaggot,anddenyhimthecompanyofawomanformostofhislife.
120
Harshwords?Maybe.ButIwanttostompanypossibilityoutofyourmindthat
yourshynessisanendearingorattractivetraittowomen.Itisnt,andneverwillbe,no
matterwhatyoumayhaveheardfromotherwell-meaningfemalesoutthere.
Idontknowhowthisbeliefgotstarted,orhowitperpetuated,butitsabsolutely
unattractiveinaman.Itpaintshimasunabletoexerthismasculineforce,andbrands
himasaguyawomanwouldhavetoworkontogettoanacceptablelevel.Some
womenwilldothis,butwhatendsuphappeninginmostcasesisthattheytakeoverthe
maleroleandowntherelationship.
Myfatherrecognizedthisinmeatanearlyageanddidhisbesttopullbeoutof
myshellofshyness.Imgladhedid,becauseIcouldhavebeenareallostcauseifI
didntfindawaytoprojectmypersonalityandovercomeit.(Again,thisissomething
thatweneedmalerolemodelstohelpuswith.)
NoteveryAlphaManhastobeacrowd-pleasingextrovert,butheshouldhave
anacceptablelevelofconfidencethatallowshimtointeractinmostsocialsituations.
ShynessisnotapartoftheAlphaMangameplan.
ImpatienceTheAlphaKiller
Oh,ifIcouldjustdemonstratethisonepitfallthatallmenfallintoandhowitkills
yourchanceswithwomen.
AspartoftheDatingDynamicsandSeductionMethodoperations,Iregularly
answeremailsfromcustomersduringtheprocessofansweringquestionsorhandling
anynumberofothercustomerserviceissues.Onethingthatdistressesmemostisthe
levelofimpatienceIencounterinmydealings.Icanliterallytellbytheemailstheysend
meandthetoneofthewritingastowhatisscrewinguptheirgamewithwomen.Its
alsotheotherhalfofthelastissuewecovered,relaxation.
Yousee,mostguysarentrelaxedaroundwomen,andtheycomeacrosswithan
airofimpatience.Youfeelitinwavesfromthem,intheirattitudesandtheirwordsand
theirintentions.Andwhenawomanfeelsimpatience,shecantranslateitintothenext
fewdateswithyouwithamazingaccuracy:
- Youllcalltoooften
- Youllaskheralotofquestionstotryandfigureoutwhereyou
standwithher
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- Youllbetouchy-feelytoomuchandtoosoon
- Youlltrytokissherbeforeshesready
- Youllpushherforsextooearly
Shecanmapthiswholethingouttothelastframeofthepicture,theonethat
readsTheEnd,andsheknowsthewholeplotinbetween.Shesgotnoreasonto
watchthismovieagain,soyoullgetturneddownbeforeanythingcanevengetstarted.
Impatienceiscommunicatedinsomanywaysthatyoullneverbeabletospot
themall.Infact,ifyoususpectyoumightbeimpatientattimes,chancesarethisisa
problemareaforyouwithwomen.Startlearningthegoldentraitofpatiencewith
women,becauseitwillpayyouinsomanydividendsthatyoucannotimagine.
Now,abetterwaytodescribethisistoturnthisnegativeintoapositiveforyouto
grabonto:
AlphaMenareunbelievablypatient.
Now,patiencecomesfromasecureattitudetowardlife.Wewontfeeltheneed
toactimpatientlyifweresurewellcomeoutontopnomatterwhat.Ifwereinsecure,
wellwanttolocksomethinginandgetitforsureasquicklyaspossibletoovercome
ourinsecurity.Ontheotherhand,ifweresecure,weknowthateverythingwillworkout,
andstressingaboutitnowwillonlymakeourdesiredresultthatmuchhardertoobtain.
ThinkabouttheguysyouknowwithgoodAlphaManattitude.Areanyofthem
runningaroundworriedthattheyrenotgoingtogetadatewiththiswomanorthat
woman?Hell,no!Theyknow,deepundertheirskin,thattheyvegotthegoods,and
anywomanthatdoesntrecognizethisistheloser.Soheactswithsupremepatience.
Hewasgoingtocallheruptheotherday,butitjustkeptslippinghismind.Hesnot
stressedaboutanyonewoman,sohecanjustwaititoutacoupledays,callingwhen
hesready.
Theimpatientguy,ontheotherhand,getsaphonenumberandhewantstocall
herrightaway.IfhesbeenluckyenoughtogetthisAlphaMantraining,heknowsthat
heshouldnt,sohewaitsaday.But,ohman,doesthatdayseemtotakefor-fucking-
ever!Hecountstheminutesuntilhecandialhernumber,andbythetimehedoes,hes
sowiredfromrestraininghimselfthathestrippingoverhiswords,rushingtoaskher
out.
Astheyusedtosayonthatoldtelevisionshow,Kungfu:
Patience,grasshopper!
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Thiskindofanxious,gotta-get-it-quickattitudeisthemarkofaninsecureman.
OtherwiseknownasNOTAlpha.
Itsreallyveryhardtowaittoolongwithawoman.Sure,onceyougetthehang
ofthis,ifyouslipandletsomethingslideforacoupleweeks,youreboundtolosea
womansinterest,butintheenditwilldosomuchmoreforyoutogotothisextreme
thantheotherextremewhereyoucallhertoosoonortoofrequently.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Experimentwithdelayedgratification.
Thenexttimeyouhavetheopportunitytopounceonsomethingthatyouwant,
experimentwithholdingbackfromitforawhile.Forinstance,whenIgetsomethingin
themailthatIvebeenwaitingon,Imakeitapointtoputitonthetableandwalkaway
fromitforawhile.Itrynottoopenitforacouplehours.Imean,Ivealreadygotit,right?
Icanwaitalittlewhile.
IalsodothiswhenIgotothestoretopicksomethingupthatIreallywanttobuy,
likeamoviethatsjustcomeoutonDVD.Illwalkpastitandnottouchit.ThenIllpickit
uplaterandputitback.ThenIlldeliberatelywaituntilsomeoneelsehaspickedoneup
andtakentheirsbeforeIgetmycopy.
Smallexerciseslikethisteachyournervoussystemthatitcanbemorepatient.
Thelongeryoucanwait,themoreself-disciplineyoureinstillinginyourmind.
Then,thenexttimeyougetaphonenumberfromahotbabe,youcanlearnto
waitacoupledaysbeforecallingher.Youdontneedtorushrighthomeandstart
planningforthedate.Justtakeitonestepatatime.
Eventuallyyoushouldbeabletodelayyourneedforrewardlongerandlonger.
Andthatisoneofthemosteffectiveindicationsoflong-termsuccessinanyarea,from
businesstosuccesswithwomen.
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SocialStatus/SocialPerception
Anotherimportantconceptforyoutoacceptandutilizeisthatawomanwilllook
atanAlphaManforhissocialstatusandtheirplaceinthepeckingordertodetermine
howshesgoingtobeattractedtohim.Inotherwords,allotherfactorsbeingequal,a
womanwantsamaninproportiontohiscurrentlyperceivedsocialstatus.
Ifyoureajanitorearningminimumwage,awomanisgoingtohavesome
reluctanceatthinkingofyouasrelationshipmaterial.(Ifthatswhatyourelookingfor.)
Menarejudgedontheirsocialstatusasharshlyaswomenarejudgedfortheirlooks.
But,luckilyforus,perceptionscanbechangedandalteredbybehavior,andawomans
lookscanonlybechangedorimprovedwiththreeormorebeers.
Thekeytothisistoalwaysdriveupawomansattractionforyouwithother
Alphabehaviorbeforeshegetstolearnwhatitisyoudoforaliving.Ifyouwantto
hookagoodwoman,youneedtogethercrazyforyou,enoughthatitdoesntmatter
toherifyouhaveajobtransportinghazardouswasteorrunninganinvestmentbank.
(Infact,Ihaveafemalerelativewhowasinthisexactsituation.Shemarrieda
guythatdidhazardouswastecleanup.Howdidhenabher?BybeingarealMAN,and
notcaringaboutanyofhisshortfalls.Heneverthoughtshewasoutofhisleague.)
Ifyoulookclosely,youllseethisfromtimetotime.Lotsofwomenfallforguys
theymightnothavelogicallychosenasmates,buttheyknowthattheywereattracted
byhisotherAlphacharacteristics.
Now,someguysmayarguethatyoucantbeatrueAlphaManifhes
employedinalow-statusposition.Idisagree,aslongasthemanisworkingon
aspirationstoraisehimabovethelevelofhisjob.Youhavetohavepassionsthatdrive
youbeyondyourstationinlife,andalsoareactivelyworkingonattainingthem.The
busdriverthatjustdreamsofthatgreatnovelorgoingbacktonightschoolisnotan
Alpha.Hesadreamer.Dreamsneedactiontotakeflight.
Oneoftheside-effectsofthisAlphaManworkyouredoinginthisbookisthatif
youmakemanyofthechangesIsuggest,youllfindyourowndissatisfactionwithyour
positionwillappearandyoullbegintowantmoreoutoflifeforyourself.
Now,keepthisinmind:Awomandoesnotfeelattractionforamanthatshe
sensesislowerinstatusthanher.
Or,putanotherway,Awomanisattractedtoamanshefeelsismore
powerfulthanher.
124
Shewantstofeelthatyouhavemorepowerthanher.Thisreassuresherthat
yourecapableofprotectingandprovidingforher.Italsodemonstratesthatyouhave
bettergeneticsthantheotherguysoutthere,andthatshesbetteroffbondingwithyou.
YouBetterBeAbletoWalkAway
Illslipinonemoreprincipleherebeforewemoveon:Ifyouwanttoplaywiththe
bigdogs,youhavetobewillingtoplaywiththesamestakestheydo.TheAlphasnever
sitdownwithawomanwithoutthetotalandimmediateabilitytogetupandwalkaway
atanytime.
Itsthesameprincipleaswhenyouwanttohaggleoverthepriceofsomething.If
thesellersmellsthatyouwanttheitemhessellingenough,heknowsyouwontreally
bluff.Youcanthaggleunlessyouarewillingtowalkawayemptyhandedatany
moment.Otherwise,theyknowyoureplayingscared.
Andyoulllose.
Womencansmellthistentimesbetterthanthestreetmerchants,soyouhaveto
worktobuildyourabilitytojustwalkawaywhenthetimecomes.
ThePoliticsOfHaggling
In2004,ItraveledtoChinatotakepartinsometrainingandceremoniesatthe
ShaolinTempleinChina.Iobservedsomethingveryinterestingonmytripthatrelates
toyourbuyingpowerwithwomen.
Duringthetrip,Igottodosomefunhagglingwiththestreetvendorsandsmall
shops.TheysellthesetrinketslikefakeRolexwatchesandsomegenuineNorthFace
gear.Now,I'msureyouknowthatyoucannegotiatepricesdownjustaboutanywhere
youshop(includinghereinAmerica).Iwasgettinggreatdealsonnamebrandstuff.
Yeah,andtherewassomejunk,too...
ButwhatIfoundverycoolwasthatthedynamicofinteractionwiththesevendors
illustratesmanyconceptsthatareapplicablewithwomen.Here'sashortlistofthingsI
discoveredwhileperfectingmyhagglingability:
125
1)Don'tshowtoomuchinterest.
Ifyoufoundsomethingyoulikedatabooth,youhadtobecarefulnottoshow
themhowmuchyoulikedit.Ifyoupickeditupandshowedalotofinterest,theyknew
youwerehookedbeforeyouevenstartedhagglingovertheprice.
Iwatchedoneguywhohadmadethismistake.Hepickedupacouplebookshe
wantedandproceededtotryandworkthepricedown.Youcouldseebyhowheheld
thebooksthathehadalreadydecidedtobuythem,whichmeantthatthevendorcould
bealotmoredifficultwiththeprice.Helookedasifhealreadyownedthebooks,sothat
meanttheguysellingthemdidn'thavetolowerhispricemuchatall.
Thebesttacticwastopretendasifyouwereactuallyonlyslightlyinterestedin
whatyouwantedtobuy.Iwenttoseveralboothsandjustscannedmyeyesoverthe
merchandise,notlettingonwhatitwasthatIactuallywanted.Icasuallyworkedmyway
aroundtotheitemsIwasinterestedinwithoutlettingthemknowIwaslookingtobuy
them.ThemoretheythoughtIwasjust"looking,"themoreinterestedtheywerein
sellingtome,becauseImightmoveonatanysecond.
2)Youhavetobewillingtowalk.
Wejustcoveredthisone.Ifyoucan'twalkawayfromthetableandrisklosingthe
thingyouwant,youcannotgetthebestprices.Inevitably,avendorwouldlowerhis
priceifyouputdowntheobjectyouwereinterestedinandstartedtomoveaway,asif
youhadlostinterest.Theywouldalwayscomebackwithanotherloweroffertokeep
youthere.
Thepersonwiththemostdesirewouldloseinthebattleofthewills.
3)Letthemlowerthepricefirst.
Ifyouletthesellerstartthebiddingfortheitemyouwant,they'llsetapricethat's
anywherefrom2-10timesasmuchasyoucangetforit.Thefirstthingtheywantto
knowaftertheytellyouthepriceiswhatyouwanttooffer.Onceyouofferanumber,
youreallycan'tgolowerthanthat,andthey'llknowhowtodealwithyou.Itpreventsyou
fromgoingtoolowonthem.Andmostpeoplewillfeelbadaboutofferingtoosmalla
price,evenifit'sthemostfair.
Butifyougetthemtopushthepricedownbeforeyoumakeanoffer,you'reina
farbetterposition.You'vedemonstratedthattheyarewillingtoreducetheprice,aswell
asputyourselfinapositionofpower.
126
So,Ialwaystreatedthefirstofferingpriceasifitwastotallyunfairand
unrealistic.IgotthemtoseethatIwasn'tinterestedinapricethathigh,andthey'dhave
toworktogetmeinterested.ThisgotthemtounderstandthatIwasn'tasucker.
4)Letthemknowyoucangetthesamethingsomewhereelse.
Weworkedoutabuddysystemthathelpedusgetalowerprice.Wheneverwe
sawafriendhagglingoveranitem,welistenedfortheirlastoffer.Then,weswoopedin
andsaid,"Hey,noway,dude.Ijustpaidonly$25overthere.C'mon,I'lltakeyou."
Andrightthen,thevendorwouldjumpinwithacompetitiveprice.Theyknewthat
theyhadtomatchitorrisklosingyou.
5)Thesellersalwaysletyouthinkyougotawaywithadeal,evenifyou
werepayingthreetimeshigherthanthelowesttheywouldhavegone.
Valueisaperception.Theywouldmakeyouworkhardtomakethemlowerthe
price,andevenifyouonlytalkedthemdownafewdollars,youfeltlikeyougotamuch
betterdeal.Also,ifyouletthevendorfeellikeitwasagonypayingwhateverpricethey
offered,theywouldlowertheirs.
Theprocessofhagglingandworkingdownapricewasactuallyaverysimple
game.Ifyouknowwhatyou'redoing,youcanapplytheseprinciplestoyourdatingand
seductionapproach.
Here'showtousethesestrategies:
1)Don'tshowtoomuchinterest.
Awomandoesn'twanttofeellikeyoujustfellinloveatfirstsight.Shewantsto
knowyou'reinterested,andyou'llhavethemostsuccesswhenyoucanholdbackon
lettingherknowhowmuchyouareinterestedinher.
Thisiswheremostguysscrewitupwithbeautifulwomen.Theyshowtoomuch
interestandlosetheirvaluebecausethey'renochallengeatall.Ifshethinksyouwant
hertoomuch,you'regoingtoloseyourleverage.
2)Youhavetobewillingtowalkaway.
127
Youneedtobeabletowalkawayfromanywoman.Thisincludestheoneyou're
datingorevenmarriedto.Apersonvalueswhattheyhavemuchmoreiftheyknowthey
couldloseitatanytime.Theyalsorealizethatapersonwiththeabilitytoleaveis
someoneworthholdingonto.
3)Letherlowerherpricefirst.
Ifyoupayheraskingprice(throughherlevelofmaintenancethatshe
demonstrateswithherbehavior)you'llbelockedintoasituationwhereyouhaveno
power.She'llownyoubecauseyouarewillingtopaywhateversheasks,andthisisjust
likedesperation.Whensomeoneagreestooreadilytoyourprice,youarealwaysleft
wondering,"Wouldtheyhavepaidmore?"
Gethertolowerherprice(maintenancelevel)beforeyoueventhinkabouttaking
ownershipofalosingsituation.
4)Letthemknowyoucangetthesamevalueelsewhere.
Neverbeafraidtoletawomanthinkyou'vegotother"products"you'reinterested
in.Thiswillchangeherperceptionofyourvalueasabuyer,aswellasherperceptionof
herownvaluewhensherealizesthatyouhaveoptions.
Ifshethinksthatyouthinkyou'reinascarcitysituation,sheknowsshehasthe
supply,andallyouhaveisdemand.Butifthereiscompetitiongood,healthy
competitionyouwillstandamuchbetterchanceofkeepingsomelevelofpostureand
dignity.
5)Neveractasifyou'retheonegettingthe"deal."
Youalwaysactliketheotherpersonistheonegettingthegreatdealinthe
transaction.Ifyouaretoohappytobestandinginhershadow,you'reobviouslynotan
Alphatoher,andshe'llpickuponthisandgetridofyou.Youhavetobecompletely
confidentthatyou'llgetwhatyouwantfromthisdeal.
Usingthesehagglingprinciples,wewereabletogett-shirtsforaround$1or$2
each,anamebrandoutdoorjacketforabout$8(insteadofover$100),andother
bargainstoonumeroustomention.
Ifyouusetheseprincipleswithwomen,youcangetthesamekindofbargainsin
thedatingandseductionworld.
128
Hyper-vigilance
Ooh.Thatsabigword,huh?
Whatdoesthatmean?Hyper-vigilance?
Thisisafancywayofsayingthatwhenmenbecomeawareofhowthisgameof
seductionisplayed,theytendtogetalittleparanoidthattheyredoingtherightthingsat
therighttime.Itseasytostartwatchingeverysinglemoveyoumakeandgetting
worriedthatyouredoingthingsrightorwrong.Thisisnotthepositionyouwanttobein.
ThisrelatesbacktowhatIexplainedaboutrelaxation.Youneedtomaintaina
balancebetweenself-observationandyourcomfortlevelinanycircumstance.Iwont
promiseyouthatitseasy,butitiscriticaltoyouroverallgame.
Letmeexplainwithanexample:
Iplayedguitarformanyyears.Iusedtolearnalltheheavymetalstufffromthe
1980s,youknow,thefastguitarsolosthatweresocooltowatch.Igotprettyfast
myself,andIlearnedthatthereisauniqueframeofmindyouneedtobeinwhenyou
playasolo.Firstofall,youreworkingwithscales,whicharenotesthatfitinwiththe
keyofthesongyoureplaying.IntheCMajorscale,thereisnoD#(Dsharp)note,so
playingitorthechordwouldsoundoutofplace.Thatswhyabadsingercanreally
makeyouwincewhentheydonthittherightnote.Itstandsoutlikeanakedladyata
dogshow.
Whenyoureplayingtheseguitarscalesveryfast,youhavetoturnoffthepartof
yourmindthatismonitoringthenotesyoureplaying.Ifyoutrytothinkaboutevery
singlenote,youllfindyourselftrippingupandslowingdown,andbeforeyouknowit
yourewayofffromthesong.Youjusthavetobewilingtoletflywithaflurryofnotes,
andhitasmanyon-keyasyoucan.Youmaynotgetthemall,butafterawhileyour
confidencegrows,andyoustopthinkingaboutavoidingthebadnotes,andyoujustgo
afterthegoodones.
Itreallymeansonceagainthatyouhavetorelax,letgoofyourneedto
watcheverythingyoudo.Letgoofyourneedtomakeeverythingperfect.Mistakeswill
happen,andyoullneveravoidthemall.Infact,theonlywaytoreallyhandleamistake
istohaveanattitudethatsaysyoudidntcarethatyoumadeit.
Getit?
129
Sowhileyoureadthisinformation,keepinthebackofyourheadthatyoure
goingtogetreallyexcitedaboutthenewtacticsandstrategies,andyoureevengoing
tospotalotofthingsyouvebeendoingwrongallthistime.Thatsokay.Youllprobably
stillkeepmakingalotofthosemistakesevenafteryoufigurethemoutanddoalotof
foreheadslapping.
WhatIdontwantyoutodoisbecomesoself-awarethatyoufreezeupand
second-guesseverythingyoudo.Itsbettertogetinthegameandmakealotoferrors
thanitistositonthebenchandavoidallofthem.
Obsession
Hereisanotherofmansgreatfailingswithwomen.Whenawomanhasher
Alphagametogether(rememberthatwomencanbeAlphas,too),andshechallenges
usinjusttherightwaybeingdistantandaloofwhilestillgivingushopewebecome
obsessedwithhavingher.
IheariteverydayintheemailsIreceive.TheonequestionIgetallthetimegoes
somethinglikethis:
Imetthegirlofmydreams!Shesperfectforme.Wewentoutafewtimes,but
nowshedoesntreturnmycalls.Shesentmeanemailtellingmeshejustwantstobe
friends.HowdoIgetherback?
AndIhaveadentinmyforeheadwhereIkeepslappingit.Menareobsessed
withgettingtheonethatgotaway.Menloveachallengeasmuchaswomendo,but
theydontknowwhenthechallengeisunhealthyinsteadofharmful.
Whenyoufailtoattractawomanintherightway,fromtheverystart,youlose
theopportunityyouhadwithher.Herfeelingschangefrominterestedtoforgetit.Its
likehavingmilkthatyoudidntdrinkfastenough,andnowitsgonesour.Youcantun-
sourthemilk.
Therealdangeristhatmanywould-beAlphaMenkeepchasingthesewomen.
Thetruthisthattheenergytheyusetokeeppursuingthesewomen,eveniftheywere
abletototallycleanuptheiractandstartbehavingsecureandinterestingtoher,would
betentimesasmucheffortastheyneedtoattractanewwomantherightwayfromthe
start.Themostdangerouspartofthissituationisthattheirobsessionactuallyhurtstheir
Alphaabilitiesoverthelongrun.
130
Theobsessiontakeshold,andmakesthemclingandattachtoonewoman,
drivingheroff.Thisheightenstheirfeelingsofpanic,andthecycleisreinforced.Youve
probablyhadthishappentoyou.Ithinkeveryguyhas.
Youmighthaveevenheardthisphenomenondescribedastryingtoohard.This
isthelowerendoftheobsessionspectrum.Whatshappeningisyourepayingtoo
muchattentiontoher.Itcomesthroughinsubtleways,likeleaningtooclose,touching
hertoosoon,keepingtoomucheyecontact,sendingemailsthatsoundtooeager,etc.
Thepointofavoidingtheobsessedappearanceistogotheotherdirectionto
almostlookasifyoudontcare.Ifyoucancomeacrosssothatyourpersonaandtalk
soundeffortless,youllbegettingabigpartofthepuzzlefiguredout.(Remember,you
mustrelaxtomakeitseemeffortless.)
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Whenyoufeelthefirstpullsofobsessiontuggingonyou,youneedtofinda
distraction.WellcoverthispartofanAlphaManslifeinthesectioncalledPassion,
butfornowyouneedtohaveahobbyorinvolvingactivitythatyoucanfallbackonto
pullyourattentionawayfromher.Itdoesntmatterifitsgoingtothegym,watchingold
movies,writingsongs,orevenifitsshopping.Theimportantthingistonotletyour
minddwellonher.Themoreyouthinkabouther,themoreyouarebecomingattracted
toher,becauseyouarentfocusingonthenegativesabouther,onlythepositives.No
onedaydreamsaboutawomanbeingdisgustingorbadinbed.
TherealAlphaManknowsthatyouhavetoreversethisprocess.Youneedto
getherthinkingaboutyoumorethanyouthinkabouthersothatherattraction
developsandkeepsyouinbalance.
Thebestwaytodothisistomakesureshegetsremindersofyoufromtimeto
timethatdonotrequireyoutomakepersonalcontactwithher.Youcansendemails,
butmakethemalmosttooshort.(Ifyouspendtoomuchtimewritingthem,itsendsan
obvioussignaltoherthatyoureinterestedandprobablyobsessing.)Youcancallher,
butmakethemseductiveandenticingvoicemessages.
Beverycarefultoholdbackintheearlystages,andyoullgiveherthespaceshe
needstofeelfreetomoveinonyoumuchsooner.Dontspoilthisforher!Shewantsto
havethegutwrenchingdoeshewantmegameplayedallthewaytotheend.
131
Theprimarydifferenceyoumustaccommodatetoseducewomenisthis:
WOMENwanttofeelemotionaldepthandconnectionfirst,whichmakes
themfeelsafeenoughtowantsexualpleasurelater.
MENwanttofeelsexualpleasurefirstwhichmakesthemfeelsafeenough
towantemotionalconnectionlater.
Monogamy,Polygamy,whatthesewomendotome
Remember,anAlphamandoesnotimmediatelyfocushisattentionsonone
womantooquickly.Itsadistortingandillusion-creatingphenomenon.Hereshowit
works:
- Amangetsinterestedinawoman
- Hestartsbecomingfocusedononlyher,perhapsduetoguilt
aboutdatingmorethanonewoman,orhesafraidshell
disapprove
- Shebehavesinwaysthattellhimhesnottheonlyoneshes
seeing
- Hebeginstoobsessabouther
- Hepaystoomuchattentiontoherandstartstobecomeclingy
andneedy
- Shesensestheextraattentionandlosesalittleinterest.Atfirst,
itsnotenoughtoputheroffhimentirely,butshedoesfindthat
sheneedsabreak.
- Hesensesherpullaway,andthenworryandfearstarttonagat
him.Uh-oh,hethinks.Whatsgoingon?Whydidntshereturn
mycall?(Thisistheofficialstartoftheobsession.)
- Hestartstoincreasehisattentionandstepsincloseragain.
Heslookingforasignthatshesstillinterested.
- Shebacksoffmorewhenhemovesincloser.
- Hemovesinevenclosertomakesurehedoesntloseher.
132
- Shegetssmothered,scared,andcompletelydisappears,not
returningphonecallsoremailsforseveraldays.Sometimes
shellevenno-showonadate.
- Hemakesafewurgentcallstofindoutwhatsgoingon,leaving
voicemailmessages,evensendingtextmessagestohercell
phone.Whywontsherespond?
- Shefinallycallshimandtellshimshesnotinterestedinseeing
himanymore.Theyshouldjustbefriends.Sometimesshell
evensaythatshesmetsomeoneandshejustwantstoseethis
newguy.
- Hescrushed.Hecantsleep.Hewantstowinherback,and
helldoanythingtogether.Shesperfect.Whathappened???
Theuglypartaboutthissituationisthatallofthiscanhappenbetweenonereally
greatmeetingwithawomanandbeforethenextdate.Sometimesjustadayortwo.
Itsthatquick.
Sometimesthisobsessionissosubtleatfirstthathebelievesthathesbehaving
normaltoher,butshecansensetheextraattentionandhowavailableheis.Itmight
startoutasrespondingtophonecallsoremailstooquickly.Ormaybehemakesone
toomanyphonecallsoverthecourseoftheweek.Itbecomestoodifficultforhimto
leaveheraloneandignoreheralittlewhilebecauseshestheonlythingonhismind.
Focusingononewomantoosoonisalwaysthekissofdeathforaman,exceptin
thosesituationswherebothofthemaresoinsecurethattheirsuddeninfatuation
satisfieseachoftheirneedsforattention.Theyneedtobeneeded,sotheirclingyand
needytendenciesfeellikelove.Thisisnotagoodsituation.
However,inmostcases,themanjustloseshisperspective,thinkingthatan
apparentlyniceandnormalgalissuddenlythemostunbelievableandperfectwoman
forhim.Hehasnorealframeofcomparison,sothisisanotherillusioncreatedbyhis
distortedthoughts.Heknowsnothingabouther,butfallssohead-over-heelsthathe
convinceshimselfthatshestheone.
(Itsnotjustmenthatdothis.Womenalsogetobsessiveandclingy.)
Thefactisthatmonogamyisadouble-standardduringthedatingprocess.
Womenbehaveasiftheyreonlyinterestedinmenthataremonogamous,butthe
truthisthattheyareattractedtothemanthathasmanywomeninterestedinhim.And
shellfighttogettheoneshewants.Societytellsusthatwomenaresupposedtobe
133
morewillingtosettleforoneman,buttherealityisthatitssupposedtobeokayforher
toseeasmanyguysasshewants.
WhatyouhavetodoasanAlphaManisavoidthistrap.Youhavetoalwaysbe
datingatleasttwowomentokeepyourattitudefreshandyourairofindependence
strong.Youwouldntdreamofbuyingthefirstcaryouwalkuptoonalot,sowhywould
youwanttosettledownwiththefirstwomanyoudate?Doyouhaveonlyonepairof
shoes?Onetie?Doyouonlylookatonemovieadwhenyouretryingtodecidewhatto
gosee?
Youhavetohavemanyoptionsinthebeginning,andthen,asthewomenshow
theirtruenaturetoyou,youcanthenbettermakeadecisionastowhoyouwouldwant
asasteadygirlfriend.Yourfavoritewillrisetothetopofthebunchnaturally.Andyoull
bekeepingahealthyperspectiveintheprocess.
Usuallythisobsessivetendencycomesfromafearofloss,andabeliefthatthe
womenwhowantyouarescarce.Themoreyoubelievethatyouhavelimited
opportunities,themorelikelyyouaretosettle.Andthissensethatyouhavelimited
opportunitiesusuallycomesfromafearofintroducingyourselftothemanymillionsof
womenallaroundyou.Onceyouovercomethehurdleofmeetingthesewomen,youll
findaradicalturnaroundinyourattitude.
134
NeverAskforPermissionORForgiveness
TheresagoodsayingthatIliveby:Itseasiertoaskforforgivenessthan
permission.Meaning,itsbettertodowhatyouregoingtodoandgetitdone,risking
disapproval,thanitistoaskforpermissioninthefirstplace.Because,chancesarethat
ifyoutrytogetpermissionfirst,youllbeturneddown.
Lifeisfilledwithopportunitiesmissedbecauseofalackofinitiative.Towaitfor
otherpeopletogiveyoupermissiontoliveyourlifeislivinglikeaslave.Nooneelsewill
haveyourbestinterestsinmindthewayyouwill.Youmustalwaysrememberthat.
AnAlphaManwillnotwalkuptoawomanandaskherpermissiontositdown.
Askingforpermissionisseekingapproval.Whatyourereallysayingwhenyouaskher,
CanIsitnexttoyou?isIneedyourpermissionbeforeIwillactonmydesiretobe
nearyouandshowyouthatImaman.
Youdontask,youjustsitdownandstarttalking.
CanItalktoyou?anotherguyasks.
Oh,geez,anotherdamnwimp,shethinkstoherself.Oh,uh,sure,shesays,
becauseshestoonicetosaynoandhurtyourfeelings.Butshellmakeanexcuseto
leaveatthefirstopportunity.
Doyouwanttogosomewherealittlemorequiet?anotherguyasks,insteadof
takingherhandandsaying,Cmon,letsgetoutofhere.Ifsheaskswherehestaking
her,hesays,Dontworry,itllbefun.
Itswhenhebehaveslikehesdoingsomethingwrongfromthestart,actinga
littlenervousthatshemightseethroughhisintentions,thatshestartstogetnervous,
too.
AndanAlphaManalsoknowsthatheshould
135
NeverApologize
EarlierIsaidabovethatIlivebythesayingitseasiertoaskforforgivenessthan
permission,butIhadtore-thinkthelastpart.BecauseIvefoundthatitsjustas
importanttoknowwhennottoaskforforgiveness,evenwhenyouover-stepyour
boundaries.Sometimesyouhavetoknowthatitsokaytobewrongandnotseek
anyoneelsesforgiveness.Theabilitytoforgiveassumesthattheyhavepowerover
you,andanAlphaMandoesnotacceptsomeoneelsesauthoritytoforgivehim
anything.Onlyhehastherighttoforgivehimself.
AlphaMenknowthatapologiesarealmostalwaysalosingstrategy.Inmostof
thesituationsthataBetaGuywillapologize,heisworkingagainsthisvalueasaman.
Nowdontinterpretthistomeanthatifyoudosomethingthatisterriblywrong
thatyoushouldntoffersomesortofapologyfromtimetotime.Imnottalkingabout
that.Unlessyoureatotalidiotorasociopath,youllknowwhenthesesituationscome
up.Ifyouspilladrinkonher,apologize.Thatwasdumb.Ifyouwreckhercar,that
wouldprobablydemandanapology.
WhatImreferringtoareallthetimesyousayyouresorrywhenyoudontneed
to.NiceguysBetaGuysaresimplywaytoodamnapologetic.
Imsorrytohearthat
Imsorryyourdaywassobad
Imsorryyourgirlfrienddidntcall
Imsorryyoureinabadmood
Sorry,sorry,sorry.
AlltheyareisSORRY.
Youneedtopullinthereinsonthissorrybusinessbeforeyoustartapologizing
foralltheatrocitiesofmankind.
Imsorrymenarerapists.
Imsorrymenaresoviolent.
Imsorrymenareonlyaftersex
136
Imsorryforlookingatyourbreasts.
Imsorryformybonerpokingyouintheleg.
Itsadefensiveone-downposturethatwillensurethatyouneverbecomean
AlphaMan.Youstarttotakeonthecollectiveguiltoftheentirehumanrace,and
somehowyoufeelthatyouareatfault,oratleastpartoftheproblem.Andby
apologizingyouloweryourselfinstatus,implyingthatthepersonyouareapologizing
toohasthepowertograntforgiveness.
Iseethismostofteninthefacesofmenwhogrewupwithamotherorfatherthat
beatdowntheirself-esteemfromtheearliestage.Ortheyhadparentsthatnever
workedtoincreaseit.Ormaybetheywereeasilyshamed.Thesearesmartguyswho
haveasensitiveemotionalnature,butwithnorealfightinginstincttoturnitintopositive
AlphaManenergy.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Turnitaround.
Whatyouhavetodoislearntowithholdtheimpulsetoapologize.Mosttimes,
menwhoareapologizingaredoingitforthewrongreason,whiletheoneswhodont
apologizeareactuallydoingallthethingsthattheyshouldbesorryfor.
AnAlphaMandoesnotmakeexcusesorapologizeforhisbehavior.Itsnever
necessary.Illgiveyouanexample:
Iwasoutmeetingawomanfordrinksonce,andIgottothebaraboutanhour
early.Iwantedtogetabeerandrelaxalittlebeforeshearrived.Imadesuretogeta
goodcoldbeerthatIcouldmakelastforawhile,andIwatchedabasketballgameon
thetelevision.
(Alwaysbedoingsomethingelseifyouhavetowaitonawomanforanyreason.
Youwanttobedistractedwhenshearrivessothatyoudontlooklikeyourejustwaiting
onher.)
Theplacegotfairlycrowded,andagalnexttomestartedupaconversation.I
noticedshehadaweddingringon,soIwasntgoingtopushitanywhere,andIstill
didntknowwhenmyotherwomanwasgoingtoarrive,butIalsoknewitwasagood
ideatobetalkingtootherwomen.Notinanobviouscome-onfashion,butpurely
friendly.
137
Well,themarriedwomanwentofftofindherfriends,andInoticedthatmydate
wasstandingabouttenfeetaway,butshewasntapproaching.Iacteddistractedagain
withthetelevision,butfinallyIhadtowaveherover.Shesaidthatshesawmetalking
totheotherwomananddidntwanttointerrupt.
Nownineoutoftenguyswouldprobablyhaveapologizedatthispoint.Ididnt.I
didnthaveareasontobesorryfortalkingtosomeoneelse.IsaidthatIhadbeen
talkingaboutlayoffsandthewholejobsceneinSanFrancisco,andIleftitatthat.I
knewthatmydatewasalittlejealousofthisotherwoman,butIwasntgoingto
apologizeforit.Firstofall,itwasntmyfaultthatthewomanwaschattingmeup.
Second,itwasntmyfaultthatmydatedidntcomeovertostakeherclaim.Andthird,I
knewthatwhileanapologymighthaveseemedlikethenicethingtodo,itwouldalso
haveruinedmyposturewithmydate.Deepinside,shedidntwantmetoapologize,
evenifshewasmad.Herangerwasherownproblem.Shewasntangrywithmefor
beingrude;shewasangrywithherselffornotbeingtheonetalkingtomeandstarting
myinterest.(Ilethermakeituptomelaterthateveningbyhercar.!)
Apologiesarerarelynecessary,unlessyouvedonesomethingreallybad,like
makeajokeabouthermotherwhojustdied,ortoldherthatherbodyremindsyouofa
liposuctionarticleyoujustread.Imgoingtoassumethatyouvegotaboutanounceof
commonsenseandcanavoidthiskindofscrewup.Bepolite,butbestrong.
ForgetYourself
Generallyspeaking,IcansumuptheAlphaMansmentalstateinoneconcept,
butitsalittlecomplicatedtoexplain.WhenIfinallyunderstoodthis,though,itpointed
meclearlyinthedirectionIneededtoaiminmyjourneyofself-improvementand
growth.
Theconceptisthis:
Whenyoureachastatewhereyouarenolongerconcernedaboutyourselfthatis,
whenyouforgetyourselforyoucantakeyourownsafeexistenceforgrantedyouwill
haveachievedastatethatwillallowyoutobesuccessfulwithandinfluenceother
people.
138
Considerwhatmostpeopledoalldaylong.Theythinkaboutthemselves.They
worryaboutthemselves.Theyreafraidfortheirinsecuritiesandtheirshortcomings.
Theyaretoopreoccupiedwithkeepingthemselvessafe.
Narcissismisthedelusionthatwearemoreimportanttotheworldthanwereally
are.Manypeoplehavemistakennarcissismforself-centeredbehavior,buttheyrenot
thesame.Selfishbehaviorisjustafocusonyourselfthatdoesnttakeotherpeopleinto
account.
Truenarcissismisthebeliefthatothersareasattentivetoourbehaviorsand
faultsasweare.Thattheyseeourmistakesandareallsecretlytakingpleasureinour
problems.
Thinkaboutthisforabit.Weallthinkthateveryoneiswatchingusandmaking
judgmentsaboutusalldaylong,buttherealityisthateveryoneelseistoobusywell,
thinkingabouthimself!Noonereallythinksaboutusasmuchaswemightliketo
believe.
Theresastoryaboutamanwhogoesintoarestaurantwhenhewasina
particularlybadmood.Asheswaitingtoorder,heseesawomanlookathimwitha
nastystare.Hethinks,WhatdidIdotoher?Thatbitch.Ivegotagoodmindtotellher
off.Andhegoesovertoaskherinarudevoice,Whatwereyoulookingat?Shelooks
athimasifhejustpoppedoutofacan.Whatdoyoumean?shesays.Iwaslooking
atthewaiterbehindyouwhohasnttakenourordersyet.Ashamed,theman
apologizesandreturnstohistable.Helearnedrightthenthatasmuchashewantsitto
beso,heisntnearlyasimportanttootherpeopleashethought.
Itmaycomeasabigdisappointmenttosomepeople(eventhoughitshouldbe
reallyliberatingandasourceofjoywhenyourealizethis),butnoonereallygivesa
crapaboutyourfaultsoryourinsecurities.Whohasthetime?Andthatsagoodthing,
becauseitdoesntmeanyouhavetobesoconcernedaboutwhatotherpeoplethink
aboutyou.Youcanputasideyourfearofrejectionwhenyourealizejusthowother
peoplesopinionsdontactuallycarryanyweight.Sure,thecopwhopulledyouover
mighthaveanimportantopinionofyouandyourspeeding,andyouwantyourbossto
thinkfairlywellofyou,butmosteveryonesopinionaboutyouiscompletelyandutterly
worthless.
Hopefully,thepointofthisisclear.Thelessyoufeelyouneedtoprotector
defendyourself,themoreattractiveyouwillbetootherpeople.Youwontfeelthe
needtoarguewiththeblondewhomakesasassycommenttoyou.Thelessyoullfeel
theneedtogetintoaconfrontationwiththeguyinlinefortherollercoasterwhojust
cantseemtoshutup.
139
WhentherestoomuchYOUtotakecareofandprotect,youlosetheabilityto
payattentiontoothers,andthatswhereyourabilitytoinfluenceotherpeoplewill
ultimatelycomefrom.Thatswhereyourseductionabilitycomesfrom.Thatswhere
yourpowertopersuadeasaleaderwillcomefrom.Becauseyoullbeabletoabandon
yourownpointofviewtoseethingsfromanotherpersonsperspective.
Thelessyoufeelyouneedtoprotectordefendyourself,themoreattractiveyou
willbetootherpeople.
140
TheConversationalStyleofanAlpha
Thelanguageyouusedeterminesmoreaboutyourlifethanyourealize.In
severalstudiesofsuccessfulmen,thesinglemostrelevantindicatorofincomefora
maninlifeisthesizeofhisvocabulary.
Thatsright.Nosinglefactoreducation,upbringing,race,etc.moreclearly
correspondedtohisprosperitymorethanthepowerheholdsoverwordsandtheir
meaning.
Whyisthis?
Well,themostimportantreasonisthatwethinkinwords.Everyconceptyou
createinyourheadismadeupofwordsandlanguage.Therefore,itmakessensethat
themorewordsyouknow,themorecomplexconceptsyouareabletovisualize.Itslike
havingasetofLegoswithonly10blocks.Youcanmakeafewthings,butnotaheckof
alot.NowgivethatsamekidahugebucketofLegos,withallthedifferentsizesand
configurations,andnowyoucanmakeawholespacestation,oracity,oraracecar,or
anything.
Thepossibilitiesarelimitless.
Themoralofthisstoryistwo-fold:
1) Youwanttogiveyourselfthemaximumpotential,andthatmeansexpanding
yourvocabularyasmuchasyoupossiblycan.
2) Youwanttotakecontrolofthewordsyouuseinsteadoflettingthemcontrol
you.
Isubscribetoadictionaryemaillistthatsendsyouanewwordeveryday.Ive
foundthisistheeasiestwaytoexpandmyvocabulary.Itsnotsomethingthatyoucan
dopassively;youneedtousethisnewwordsomehowtomakeitstickinyourhead.
Otherwise,itwilljustfalloutofyourshort-termmemoryandyoullloseitforgood.Find
awaytoputnewwordsintouseassoonasyoulearnthemtoensuretheirretention.
AnotherwaytokeepyourvocabularyupistoREAD.Readasmanybooksas
youcangetyourhandson.Anotherstudyofcollegegraduatesfoundthatafterleaving
school,most(80+%)ofallpeopledidnotreadasinglebookafterwards.Evenmore
distressingisthatonlyasmallpercentageofreadersevergetpastthefirstcouple
chaptersofanybook.
141
TheAlphaManunderstandsthathecantsurviveinastagnantpool.Hehasto
keepimprovingandgrowingandexpandinghishorizons.Thismeansexposingyourself
tolearningateveryopportunity.Scanthewebforresourcesdedicatedtosubjects
youreinterestedin.Youdbeamazedathowmuchfreeinformationthereisoutthereif
youjustknowwheretolookandhowtosearchforit.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Imgoingtotakethisopportunitytoadviseyouoftwoofthebestwaystoadd
timebackintoyourlifesothatyoucanaccomplishthesenewactivities,andthereby
addmoretimetodothethingsthatimproveyourlife.Theextratimewillallowyouthe
opportunitytofindawomanthatcomplementsyourlifestyle.Theextratimewillletyou
learnmore.Theextratimewillgiveyouthechancetodatemore.Youllhavethetimeto
dowhatyouknowyouneedtodoonthisplanetintheshorttimeyouhave.
Thefirstchangeissimple:Getuponehalf-hourtoonehourearliereveryday.
Youllgain7hoursaweek,28hoursamonth,andover350hoursayear.Thatsover8
weeksofextratimeforyoueachyear!Dontwastetimesleepingyourlifeaway.(As
longasyouregettingaround7-8hoursorsoeachnight,chancesareyouregetting
enough.)Takebacktheextratimeandaddittoyourmorningsorevenings.Usethe
timetodoyourplanning,yourimproving,yourreadingyourAlphaManwork.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
Thesecondchangeissimple,butnotnecessarilyeasy:
Turnoffyourtelevision.
Theaveragepersonwatchesover7hoursoftelevisioneachday!Thats
incredible.Youcandowithalittlelesstelevisioninyourlife,trustme.Ihaveahome
theater,butnocable.Iindulgeinabout3or4movieseachweekmaximum.Iusethe
remainderofthetimeIdbespendingwithFriendsonTVandspenditwithreal
friends,instead.AndIdalsobeabletodoalltheworkonmygoalsanddevelopment.
Hey,Iunderstandweallneedourrelaxationtimeafteralong,harddayatwork.Its
temptingtoturnontheTivoandtuneintosomeoneelsesmoreinterestinglife.Butif
youcanjustcutthattelevisiontimeinhalf,youllgainmorethanjustyourtimeyoull
reclaimyourlife.Youcanchooseyourownlife,orsomeoneelses,butnotboth.
142
DontAskQuestionsThatCanBeTurnedDown
Oneofthemostimportantrulesofpersuasion(especiallyinsales)isthatyou
havetobecarefulhowyouaskforthings.Youhavetoputmorethoughtintohowyou
askquestionsofpeople.
Forexample,imaginewhathappenswhenyouaskawomanthis:
Doyouwanttogooutonadatewithme?
Firstofall,youregivingherayes/noquestion.Verybad.
Youregoingtohavetolearntoguidepeopletothedecisionsthattheywantto
make,andthatyouwantthemtomake.Stopassumingthatlifeisgoingtogivetoyou
withoutalittlementaleffortonyourpart.Theonlythingsthatseparatethewinnersfrom
thelosersinlifearetheamountofefforttheyputinandhowsmartlytheyuseit.
Think.
THINK.
Thinkthinkthinkthinkthink.
Useyourheadformorethanahat-rack,asmyseventh-gradeSocialStudies
teacherusedtosay.
Ifthereisonethingamanwillgotoanylengthtoavoid,itsthinking.
Soyoushouldalwaysconsiderwhatyoureasking,andwhoyoureaskingitof.
Insteadofaskingawomanoutdirectly,startbytuningintoherfavoriteradio
station:WII-FM.WhatsInItForMe?
Thatswhatshesalwaysasking.Whatsinitforme?Remember,peopledont
wanttobearoundyousolelybecauseyoureagreatperson.Theyrearoundyou
becauseyoubenefittheminsomeway.Theylikeyourlooks,oryourpersonality,or
yourmoney,oryouradvice,orsomething.Theyarewithyoubecauseofwhatsinitfor
them.Andyouhangoutwiththemforthesamereasons.Itsnotselfish,itsjusttheway
peopleare.
143
HeresabetterwayofaskingthatPrettyBlondeoutforadate:
Hey,youknow,IheardtheresgoingtobeareallygreatsaleonCDsoverat
Amoebas.Imgoingdowntherethisweekend,andIknowyoulllovetheirselection.
Theyvealsogotagreatcoffeeplacenextdoor.Wouldyouliketomeetmethereon
SaturdayorSunday?
Letsbreakthatdown.
Firstofall,hepointedoutbenefits:asaleatthestore,greatselection,shelllike
theirstuff,greatcoffeeplace.AllthethingsthatmakeherthinkYes!Yes!
Second,hedidntaskheraquestionthatiseasytodeny.Hegaveherachoice:
WouldyouliketomeetmethereonSaturdayorSunday?
Shenowhastogooutofherwaytoturnhimdown.Shesgottomakeherself
moreuncomfortableifshefeelsshehastosayno.And,hesalsogivenherachoice
thatisYesorYes,notYesorNo.
Andthird,hemadeaverylow-keyoffertoher.Itwasntascarydinnerdatewith
amovieafterwardswheretheysitinthedarkandhopetheresnoembarrassingsex
scenes.Hemadeitlightheartedandfun.
Smart,huh?
ThisworksinalmostALLsituationswhereyoumustposeaquestionto
someone.Ifyouaskyourbossforthedayoff,dontask:CanItakeadayoff?Instead,
ask:Ineedtotakeadayoff.Irealizeyoureshortforstaff,soIthoughtIdmakesure
thingsworkedoutinadvance.Fridayislight,soIchosethen.OrwouldyouratherItake
Mondayinstead?
Notethatnowhereintheredidheaskforpermission.Heassumedhewastaking
thedayoff,anditwasonlyamatterofchoosingwhen.Mostguyswhostrugglewith
theirAlphaManPowercaveintoothermen.Thisisdisplayingsubmissiveness.You
mustassumeyourabilitytotakethepowerforyourself.
Ihadafriendatwork,Steve,whohadtoshareanofficewithanothermanager,
Jeff.Sinceonlyonepersoncouldworkinthereatonetime,theyhadtoagreeona
schedule.SteveaverylowlyBetaDogwentupandaskedhim:Jeff,whendoyou
needtousetheoffice?Jeffsaid,withoutmissingabeat,MondaythroughFriday.Eight
toFiveOclock,andwentbacktohispaperwork.Stevespostureslumpedandyou
couldseehistaildropbetweenhislegs.Oh,hesaid.Stevecoweredandwalked
away.
Withalittlecoachingfromsomewomenintheoffice(nevermindhowutterly
humiliatingthatheactuallyhadtobeadvisedonAlphaManbehaviorfromwomen),
144
Stevedecidedtotryagain,onlytobemoreassertive.HewentbacktoJeffandsaid,
Jeff,Ineedtousetheofficeatleasttwoorthreedaysaweek.Howdoyouwantto
workthis?Jeffjustshruggedandsaid,IlltakeMondayandTuesday.
Justanotherexampleofteachingotherpeoplehowtotreatyou.Stevesquestion
cutrighttothewin-winanswerhewanted,andthatstheonlyalternativehegavehim.
Hisfirstquestionwasweakandsupplicating.Hisnewquestionreframedthesituationin
awaythatJeffknewhehadachallengetoanswer.
Insituationssuchasthis,peoplelikeJeffrarelyputupafightwhentheyknow
theyrenotgoingtobeabletowalkovertheiradversaries.Moreoftenthannot,their
Alphabehaviorisaweakbluff,anditblowsawayatthefirstsignsofresistance.
Rememberthisrule:
Womenwanttofeelslightlyoverpoweredbyaman,andtheyllfeelunconscious
attractionforamanthattheyfeelpossessespower,inanyform.
Womenareturnedonbypower.Thesmellofitisintoxicatingtothem.Whydo
youthinkawomanlikeJacquelineKennedyOnassishookedupwithmenlikeJohnF.
KennedyandAristotleOnassis?Whydoyouthinkhotfemaleactressesonlyget
togetherwithotheractors?Whynotthehotbodybuilder?
HINT:Power.
Womenwanttofeelthatyouhaveapower,somethingthattheycanattachto
anddrawfrom.Wellcoverpowerinmoredetaillater,alongwithbuildingagameplan
foryoutofindanddevelopyourown.
DontArgueWithRhetoric
Def:RhetoricalQuestion- aquestionaskedsolelytoproduceaneffect
(especiallytomakeanassertion)ratherthantoelicitareply.
Thefirststepinavoidingatrapistobeawareofitspresence.
145
OneofthemosteffectivegamesawomanplayswithguystotesttheirAlpha
abilityistousethepowerofrhetoricalstatements.Letmeillustrate:
GINA:Didyouseethat?Hepulledherchairoutforher.Nancysboyfriendisso
nice.Heevencallsherallthetime,andbringsherflowers.Hessoromantic.
TOM:Hey,Icallyouallthetime.Imnotanasshole,youknow.
GINA:Whatdoyoumean?Whosaidyouwereanasshole?
TOM:Youjustdid.SotellmehowItreatyousobadly?
GINA:Youjustdontgetit.Youdontevenknow,doyou?Yourealwaysout
withyourfriends,andyounevercall.*
TOM:Youreoncrack,skirt.Icallyoueveryfewdays.
(Uglyconfrontationalshoutingmatchstartshere)
*Note1:Theargumentstyleofawomanisalwaystopresentherfeelings,which
arerarelybasedinfactonlyherfeelings.Ifyoutrytoarguewhateverevidenceshe
presents,youautomaticallylosebecausesheonlydoesittomeetamansneedfor
examples.Avoidgettingintoafactsvs.feelingsargument.Itsadeadend.
*Note2:Awomanwilltendtouseabsolutesinargumentstomakehercase
seemstronger.YoualwaysorYouneverThisisatacticthatwillputyou
immediatelyonthedefensive,whichisalwaysalosingposition.Ifyouargueoverwhat
shestated,thatmeansthatyoureimmediatelyguilty.
Didyounoticehowthisargumentstartedandprogressed?Shestatedsomething
withoutmakingadirectaccusation,althoughitsimpliedinherwords.Tomtookthebait
andassumedshewasaccusinghimofnotbeingasgoodasNancysboyfriend,thus
startingtheargument.
Ofcourse,Imadethisexampleabitmoresimplisticthanitmightactuallyoccur,
andIdonotwanttogetintoadrawn-outanalysisofhowwomenandmenargue.Iuse
thisexampletore-statethatthebestwaytoavoidargumentsistonotgetdrawninto
theminthefirstplace.Andthisisoneofawomansprimarytacticsforbaitingaman
intoargumentsthathecannotwin.Knowthetrapisthere!
Here,ontheotherhand,isabetterandconfidentwaytohandlethis:
146
TOM:(Silence.Cricketschirp.Feettap.Tomisattendingtohisownthoughts.)
GINA:Didyouhearme?
TOM:Yes,Iheardyou.
(Continuestoeathismeal,pourshermorewine.)
GINA:Hesjustsonicetoher.
(Moresilence.Somewhere,faraway,leavesrustle.Moresilence.)
GINA:Tom?DidyouhearwhatIsaid?
TOM:Didyouaskaquestion?Ordoyoujustwantaconfirmationthathesa
goodguyforNancy?
GINA:Oh,nevermind.
I,personally,avoidthetrapofreactingtoanotherpersonsrhetoric.Thisisa
tacticfromsales,whereoftentimesapotentialcustomer,wantingtohagglewithyou,will
pointoutsomethinginthehopesthattheycangetyoutoreactdefensivelytotheir
statementandgivethemareasontoeitherbackout,ordriveyourpricelower.
IheardthatAndersonsplaceisofferingthesamedealfor$280insteadof
$300.
Alotofplacesthrowinafreemembership.
Ithoughtitwascheaper.
Alotofwould-bepurchasersusethistacticofmakingstatementsinthehopes
thatyoullrespondindefense.Itseasiertomakeanunsubstantiatedclaimthanitisto
askforwhattheywantandbeturneddown.Itsawayofputtingfeelersoutthereand
nothavetoworryaboutrejection.
Intheexampleabove,Ginamayormaynothavebeentryingtomakeapoint
aboutNancysboyfriend,butifyourespondtoitasacomparisontoyou,youllalways
feelasifyourestartingoutinadefensivesituation.Youllhavelostbeforeyoustarted.
147
Remember,neverletyourselfgetbaited.Ifyoucanavoidthistrapbeforeits
sprung,andavoiditenoughtimes,shewillstoptestingyouasfrequentlywiththisone.
Shelllearnthatyoureincontrol,andshellhavetobemoredirectwithyou.
ALPHATACTIC:
Learnhowtoavoidbeingbaitedlikethis.Startrightnowtoconditionyourselfto
pausebeforerespondingtowhatawomansays.Mostguysdonttakeenoughtimeto
craftaresponsebeforeheanswerswithsomethingoffthetopofhishead.Asaresult,
hegetsdrawnintoconflictswithherrhetoric.Womenareexpertsatsocialmanipulation;
thatsoneoftheirstrengthstheydevelopedoverthemillennia.
Listentowhatherwordsaresaying,andthenpracticepausingbeforeyougivea
response.Agoodwayofhandlingthisistoturnaroundandaskheraquestionright
awaytogethertoclarifywhatshemeant.
TOM:Doyouconsiderthatimportant?Thatheshouldcallherallthetime?
GINA:Well,notallthetime,buteverysooften.
TOM:(Nodding,decidestoputhisownrhetoricalstatementoutthere.)Cool.Im
doinggood,then,sinceIcalledyouthreetimesthisweek.Hewinksandlooksaway,
notwaitingforherresponse.
Alsolearnthisdisarmingtacticthatwillalmostalwayssoftenherbackup.Icallit
actingconfidentlyhurt:
TOM:(pausing)IhavetoapologizethatIvebeensuchapoorboyfriend.Imust
bedoingsomethingterriblywrong.
(Knowingfullwellthisisnttrue.RememberthatwomenareaddictedtothatWalt
DisneyFairytaleRomancetheyweresoldaslittlegirls,sotheyseeallthenew
romancearoundthemanddreamofthewineandroses.)
148
GINA:(alittleshocked)Whatdoyoumean?
TOM:Well,youcomplimentNancysboyfriend,soImustnotbedoingagood
jobatpleasingyou.Imsorryforthat.
GINA:Oh,no,itsnotlikethatatallIjustwantedto
TOM:Imean,ifthisisntworkingforyou,letmeknow.Itsoundslikeyoure
reallyunhappy.
GINA:No!Notatall.Yourefine!Iwasjustnoticinghowhetreatsher.
Sometimeshecanbekindofmeantoher,too.
Andlistenasshestartstore-sellherselfonhowyourenotabadboyfriend,shes
notappreciative,shessorry,andthenshellbeabletotellyouwhattherealmeaning
wasbehindherbringingitupinthefirstplace.
Thebestwaytodemonstratetoabeautifulwomanthatyouarethebestthingfor
heristoshowherhowreadyyouaretogetupandwalkaway.Womenalways
appreciatesomethingmoreifitiseasytolose.Theywillalsoworkhardertokeepit.
Themostcriticalelementofpullingoffthisdisarmingtechniqueisthatyouhave
tobeabletodeliverthatstatementaboutapologizingforbeingapoorboyfriendwithout
soundingwhineyorcry-baby.Ithastobedeliveredwithconvictionandconfidence.
Eveninyourapologyyoucansaywithcompletecongruencethatyoudontreally
believeyoureabadboyfriend,andthisisacompleteshocktoyou,andyoureeven
preparedtoacceptitifitistrue.But,ofcourse,inside,youknowitcantbe.
Partofpullingthisoffisnotlookingtohertoconfirmordenywhatyousaid.You
madetheinterpretation,andyourenotlookingforherapprovalofyourstatement.Just
goforwardandactasthoughyouvemadeadecisionandthatanotherdecisionmay
beimminent:Thatyoumayhavetowalkawayfromhersinceyouarentgivingherwhat
shewants.
Feelmehere?Ittakesalotofself-focusandconvictionsothatyoucomeacross
withjusttherightlevelofbelievabilityandsureness.Evenifyoufoundoutyouarea
loser,yourepreparedtotakenecessaryactiontoremedythesituation,andthatyou
wouldntactlikeawimpyloserevenifthatwaswhatyoufoundyourselfouttobe.
Doesthatsoundtricky?Itsnotreallythathard.Youcanseetheoccasional
exampleofthistechniqueinthemoviesifyouwanttoseehowthisworks.Inthemovie
WallStreet,CharlieSheengetsinanargumentwithhisfather,MartinSheen,inthe
elevator.Hetellshisdadthatatleasthehadthegutstogooutintheworldandstake
hisclaim.MartinSheenjustglaresathimforasecond,andthenhesays,Well,ifyou
149
thinkthat,Imusthavedoneaterriblejobasafather.Andhelooksappropriatelyhurt,
butyoucanalsoseeinhiseyesthatheknowsthisisnttrue.
Thewayhedeliversthislineissimilartohowyouactconfidentlyhurtwhena
womanimpliessomethingaboutyou.Womenrarelytellyouexactlywhattheyre
thinking(infact,almostnever.)Andthatstheirtactictogetyoutodancetotheirsong.
Youhavetohaveyourowntactictoavoidbeingpulledintothiskindofdefensive
stance.
Thewaytowinanargumentwithawomanisnottowinoverher,butinsteadfocuson
notlosing.
ALPHATACTIC1:
Thewayyouresuckeredintoanargumentiswhenyouask,Whatswrong?
andshesays,Nothing.Butyouknowdamnwellthereis.Thenyoukeepasking,
becauseyouknowshewantsyoutokeepaskingandmakeitallbetter.Andifyoudo,
shesmanipulatedyouintoadefensiveposture.YourenowdancingtoHERmusic.
Everyguyouttherewhosdatedawomanforlongerthanafewmonthsknowsthistrick
byheart.
Instead,whenawomanpullstheNothingapproachwithyou,yousether
straightlikethis:
Okay,Imgoingtoaskonemoretime,andweregoingtogetthisclearedup.If
yousaytheresnothingwrong,thentheresnothingwrong,andIwontaskagain.I
wontplaythenothinggame.Youreabiggirl,andyoudontneedmetopryitoutof
you.So,onelasttimeisthereanythingwrong?
Thenletherexplain.Dontbecomeherpsychologist,askingquestionsand
pullingtheinformationoutofher.Shehastolearnhowtocommunicatelikeabiggirl,
andyoucanhelpbybreakingherofthesebadhabitsshelearnedfromdatingBeta
Guys.
ALPHATACTIC2:
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Whenawomancomestoyouandsays,Weneedtotalk,youreinforanother
defensivesituation.Shesimmediatelyputyouinthehotchairsothatwhateverissaid
putsyouonthedefense.Dontletthishappen.
Hereswhatyousay:
No,notrightnow.Ifyouhavesomethingyouwanttotalkaboutit,youjuststart
talkingaboutit.Ifyouevercomeuptomewiththatphraseagain,Iwonttalkwithyou.If
youvegotsomethingtosay,youcanjustsayit.Doweunderstandeachother?
Yousee,bycomingtoyouinthatway,itsanothercleverpsychological
manipulationshesusingthatmakesyouthebadlittleboythathastobetalkedto
aboutsomething.Youronhertermsanddancingtohersongagain.
DontListenTOOMuch
Bewaretheadvicethatsaysyoushouldalwaysbelisteningtoawomanon
dates.Sometimeswegetintoanegativecyclewiththechatterboxwomenoftheworld
bylettingthemdominatetheconversation.Youshouldpayattention,butnotgivehera
licensetoownallthetalk.
Youshouldalwaysbesuretohaveyoursayinaconversation.Dontletonlyher
conversationalissuesdominatethetalk.Therearealotofwomenwhowontgetaround
toaskingyouaboutyou.Theyjabberonandonandonabouttheirjob,theirfamily,their
problems,sometimesjustoutofnervousness.Andintheend,whenshethinksback,
youstillwanttobesureyoucommunicatedalittleofwhoyouaretoher.
- Dontletherinterruptyoutoomanytimes.Demandyourequal
spaceintheconversation.Ifsheinterruptsyou,say:Hangon,
letmefinish,andthenfinish.Dontbecontrolling,butbefirm.
- Dontletherchangethesubjecttoofarfromwhatyouwere
talkingabout.Pullthingsbackaround,becausethatwillshow
heryouhaveagoodsenseofcontrol.
- Completeyourthoughts,evenifshedoesntletyou.Youhave
tobesuretogetalittleofyourownpointofviewacross.Dont
betooaggressive,butbeassertive.Makeitclearyouvegot
yourownpointofview.
- Ifshereturnstoatopicyoudonotwanttodiscuss(ora
questionyoudonotwanttoanswer),youmustbeclearthatyou
151
arenotgoingtotalkaboutit,andwhy.Again,dontbeadick,
butmakeitclearwhatyourfeelingsare.
Frustration
AnAlphaManunderstandsthiscriticalprincipleofmale-femaleinteractions:
Womenlovesexualtension,asitraisestheirfeelingsofexcitementandnovelty.
Yousee,mostinteractionsbetweenmenandwomentendtofollowthesame
pattern:
1) Boyseesgirl
2) Boysayshitogirl
3) Girlsayshibacktoseewhatboywilldo
4) Boyborestheshitoutofgirl
5) Girltellsboyshesgottogo,orshesgotaboyfriend,oranythingshecanto
gentlyletthisguydown,withoutsaying,Youboredtheshitoutofme!
FrustrationiswhatanAlphaManinjectsintoconversationandinteractionswith
womentoletthemknowthat:
A) Hesincontrol-Shesnotgoingtobeabletoownhim
B) Hesconfidentenoughtotakethelead
C) Heknowshowtopleaseherbyteasingher
Frustrationdoesnotmeantauntingheruntilshegetspissedoff.Itsavery
preciseamountoftensionthatyouraiseinhersothatsheshavingenoughfunwiththe
interactionthatshegetsmoreinterestedinyou.Youinjectthisfrustrationbyusing
severaltechniquesdesignedtobuildupthesexualtensionoverthecourseofa
conversation.
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Yourconversationswithwomenshouldcontainatleastthefollowing:
1) TeasingThisiswhereyoubustherchopstoraisehersexualfrustration
level.Whenmenbecomefrustrated,webecomeangry.Whenwomen
becomefrustratedinapositiveway,theygetsexuallyexcited.
2) PausingLearnhowtohesitatetogiveyourselfarealpresence.
3) UnansweredquestionsandunfinishedstoriesThusleavingherhanging
andwantingmore.
4) SexuallysuggestivetopicsofconversationButwithoutmakingherthe
subjectofthem.Onlyrefertootherpeopleandsituations.USEWITHCARE.
5) Drama,drama,drama
6) Humor,Humor,Humor
Andleaveoutthefollowing:
1) ComplimentsOnlyonecomplimentshouldbegivenearlyinthemeeting,
andthatsforherappearance,ifshelookslikesheworkedtomakeherself
lookniceforyou.
2) DirectstatementsofyourinterestinherDonottellheryoureallylike
her,orthinkshesgreat,oranyofthat.Shewouldmuchratherfindout
fromyouractions,notyourwords.Ifyoutellher,youreaneasykill.
3) FeedbackhooksAlotofguystrytogetawomantotellhimshes
interestedinhimbydroppingcleverhintsorsuggestivecomments.Hemight
saysomethinglike,Yeah,wellevenifyourenotinterestedinme,thats
okay.Whichisaloserwayofsaying,Nowyouresupposedtosay,Oh,no,I
reallyaminterestedinyou!
Dontgothere.Youllappearinsecureandchildish.
4) DiscussionofyouroldgirlfriendsObvious.
5) DiscussionofheroldboyfriendsObvious.
6) ToomuchdetailaboutyouThewaytogetawomaninterestedinyouisto
leaveoutmorethanyouputin.Lessismore.Thelessyoutellheraboutyou,
themoremysteryiscreated.Dontmakeitridiculouslyhard,butdontgiveup
allthejuicydetails.Menwhotalktoomuchhavenomystiqueandnoself-
control.(Thisalsoincludesbragging,bytheway.)
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Frustrationisconstructive,andyoushouldworktoputitineveryconversation
youhavewithawoman.Bewarethatyoudontmistakecertainformsoffemale
frustrationforangerandvice-versa.Womensometimespoutandstomptheirfeetto
gettheirway,justlikelittlebrattygirls.(Thisismostcommonwithreallyattractive
women,bytheway.)Youcantgiveintoherinthesesituations.Itsatestofyour
boundaries.Awomanfeelssafewhenthereareboundariessetaroundherthatshe
knowswillbeheldinplace.Thisishowsheestablishestrustinyou.
AlphaMenalwayspassthesetestsbynotgivingintoawomansanger.A
womanwantstoknowthatyouvegottheconfidencetostandyourground,andthats
whatherteststrytouncover.
Now,letscoverthe4itemsIlistedabovethatyouneedtohaveinyour
conversationstojackupthefrustration:
1.Teasing
Thinkabouthowyouuseyourowncreativeenergy,oryourphysicalenergy.We
sometimesputthisenergyintoourexercise,suchasTriathlonsandweightlifting.Or,
youmaybelikeme,afrustratedwriterthatneedstopourhismindoutonpaperasa
formofmentaltherapy.
Whataboutsexualenergy?Anyguythat'sspentacoupleweekscelibateknows
whatImeanbythiskindofenergy,andyouknowit'sreal,too.Therearedaysofsexual
frustrationwhereyouwakeupandshutoffyouralarmwitharoundhousekick,andthen
yougotoworkandbeltoutaboutthirtypagesofspreadsheets,upgradethe
workstationsonfivefloors,andit'snoteven7:30inthemorning.
Forawoman,sexualenergyislessaboutimmediateanddirectgratification.
MostofthewomenIhaveknowndonotget"horny"thewayaguydoes.Shelldothis
onlyaftershesbrokendownsomeofhertrustbarrierswithamanandcanfeelsafe
andsecureaboutputtinghermoreprimalphysicaldesiresoutthere.Whenawoman
getshorny,itsstillagame,anditsoneshefeelsincompletecontrolof.Sexual
attractionisaswitchforwomen,anditsanavalancheformen.Shecanturnhersoff
quickly,butonceyougetgoing,bubba
Now,thinkaboutfrustrationforaguy.Whenaguygetsfrustratedfromhisgoal,
whathappens?Whenyoufindyourselfthwartedateveryturn,whatemotionbeginsto
rearitshead?
Yougetangry.
Menarehardwiredbythetestosteroneintheirbloodstreamtofeelaggression
whentheyareheldbackfromtheirdesires.Theygetpissed,andthentheyareproneto
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getveryaggressive.Now,luckilyformoderncivilization,wedon'talwaysactonthis
feeling,butifyoulookaroundyouIthinkyou'llagreethatwestillletthatfrustrationfind
itsnaturaloutlet.Igetfrustratedatcertainthingsinmylife,andI'llfeeltheoldIncredible
Hulksyndromestarttokickin.(EvenifIcan'tturngreenandkickasmuchassasthe
Hulkcan.)
Howdowomenreacttofrustration?
Haveyoueverwatchedawomanwhenshegetsflusteredandteased?Haveyou
seenhowshebehaves?I'llbehonest,it'salmostembarrassinglyprimitiveandchildish.
First,thewomengetsexcited.Itlooksalotlikeanger,butit'snot.It'sadelicious
cocktailofemotionalenergy.
Andthenthewomangetsturnedon.
Shedoesn'tevenrealizeit,butit'sthere.Yousee,womenhaveanentirely
differentreactiontotheirfrustration,andit'snotlikeourmaleaggression.It'saformof
femaleaggression,calledsexualexcitement.Shecan'tgetridofherfrustratedenergy
anyotherway.
HeresanexamplefromafieldreportthatIsentoutinanewslettersometime
ago.Itsatextbookperfectexampleofhowtoraisetheleveloffrustrationtogeta
womanhotforyou:
Iwascelebratingabirthdaypartywithsomefriends,andIgotthechanceto
interactwithagalI'dnevermetbefore.Cute,young,redhead,perky,withagreat
outgoingattitude.Herasswasnice,too.
Shewasaprimecandidatetohiton.Ididn'treallyhavetheopportunitytofollow
throughwithaseductionbecauseIwastherewithanothergirl,butIwantedtoseewhat
Icoulddowiththisredheadtoturnheron.Iusedsomethingthatworkedlikeacharm
withher,anditdemonstrateshowpowerfulbustingawoman'schopsorteasing
reallyis.
Shetalkedaboutwhereshegrewup(Germany),andthatshehadjustrelocated
toSanFranciscofromtheMidwest.Shealsomentionedthatshe'djustboughta
Subaru.Now,IalwaysjokewithwomenthatI'veheardthatSubarusareownedmoreby
lesbiansthananyothergroup.Theyfindthisfunnyandjustweirdenoughtogoalong
withme.
(AndpleasekeepinmindthatI'mnotbashinggaypeopleatallwhenIusethis
asateasingpoint.)
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Well,Icouldseethatshewasalittleconcernedabouthersexualself-image,soI
keptcomingbacktothetopic,jokingandbustingherballsonit,hard.Ifoundher
teasingpointandleanedinonher.
"So,areyougoingtogetarainbowstickerfortheback?"Iaskedher.(Thegay
flag.)She'dscowlandhitmyarm.Thisisasure-fireindicatorthatawomanisdigging
you,bytheway,whensheplay-fightsandplay-slapslikethis.
AndIkeptbuildingitup:"Well,sinceyoucameoutherefromtheMidwest,toa
placelikeCalifornia,youmusthaveknownyoucouldhangoutwithmoreaffectionate
womenhere.Youknow,thekindthatwouldn'tmindexperimenting.Justdon'ttrytoget
meinathreesome."
Shelaughedalongwiththisandwewentontoothertopics.Somehow,though,
thediscussioncamebackaroundtofour-wheeldrivevehicles.
"IsupposetheairbaginaSubarudeploysintwosections,"Isaid,holdingmy
handsinfrontofmychesttoindicatethatthey'dbelikebreasts."Itwouldbelikebeing
nurturedinawoman'sbosoms."
Shereplied,"Okay,youneedtobackoffontheSubarunow."ButIcouldsee
thatthiswasworkingonher.Shewasn'tusedtoaguyputtingheronthedefense.A
womanwillseemirritatedasawaytotestyouandseeifyou'llcaveinwhenshegets
madatyou.(Andyouflunkifyoudo.)
"Hey,"Isaid,"It'sokayifyou'rehavingafewissuesfiguringoutwhichgenderis
theoneyouwant.You'vecometotherightcitytoworkoutyourfeelings.There's
nothingwrongwiththat.I,forexample,amaflamingheterosexual.Whichprobablyputs
yououtoftherunningformyattention,butI'msureIcanhookyouup."Iwinked,letting
herknowIwaslookingforawomantopairherupwith.
Andagain,Icouldseethatshewasinheaven-heavenlyfrustration,thatis.
Whenawomanfeelsthatleveloffrustration,shecannotactonitthewayamandoes,
whichistogetpissedandstartafight.
Whenawomangetsfrustrated,shegetsenergized,andifyoulearnthis
techniquethoroughly,you'llknowhowtodivertthatkindofexcitementandtensioninto
sex.Keepitfunandshe'llplaywithyouforlongtime.
2.Pausing
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Pausesareawayofdemonstratingconfidence.Whenyouplaceaconstructive
pauseinyourspeech,youshowthatyouarethoughtfulandcontrolled.Youdontjust
throwwordsaboutlikesomeonetossingconfettiintheair.
Practicethisbyfindingplacesinyourconversationtostopdeadandleave
spacestohaveanaffect.Oneplaceisrightafteryouaskheraquestion.Sodoyou
wanttoknowwhatshesaidtohimthen?Shesays,Yeah!Andyoujustsmileand
lookintohereyeswhileshefidgets.Shellbeontheedgeofherseat.Andyouwaituntil
shesays,Well???!!
Buildupthetensionintheconversation,andletitgowhenyoufeelitsaboutto
explode.Itsliketakingoneofthosetoycarsyourubonthefloortogetthewheels
going,andrevvingitupuntilthewheelsarescreaming,thenyouputitdownandletit
raceoff.
Pausesgetheremotionallyinvolvedandjustalittlefrustrated,onceagain.
3.Unansweredquestionsandunfinishedstories
Justlikethepauseabove,youcangetherconstructivelyfrustratedbyleavinga
reallyinterestingstoryunfinishedandjumpingtoanewonethatisinteresting,oreven
jumpingtoanotheractivitylikereadingherpalm.
Whatyoudoistellherareallyinterestingstorythatgetshercuriousand
involved,andthenfindawaytointerruptit.Maybeyouhavetogousetherestroomin
themiddle.Oryoudecideyouwanttoorderabeer.Thisgivesheraspaceto
psychologicallyreachouttoyou,likeabeggarsaying,Giveittome!
Unfinishedquestionsworkmuchthesameway,onlyyoujustrefusetoanswera
question,orrefusetotellhersomeimportantfactthatyouvebeenteasingherabout.
Youknowwhyyoushouldneverwearperfumeontheinsideofyourelbows,dont
you?Shesays,No,why?Andyoujustsmirkandshrug,asifsheshouldknow.Oh,I
justcantbelieveyoudontknowthat.Andyouholditbackforawhile.
ShellprobablypulltheFine,Idontwanttoknowtacticonyou.Butyouhaveto
keepbringingitupandteasingherwiththeendingshewantstoknow.
Stackingiswhenyouleaveonestoryunfinishedtostartanother,andmaybe
evenathird,andthentieupthelooseendsbyfinishingthemonebyone.Thisone
takessomeadvancedskill,andyoushouldonlystartwithonestory,thenworktotwo
stories,thenmorelater.Youcaneasilykillanyinterestifyouputtoomuchoutthere
andnotresolveittherightway.
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(Bytheway,Idontreallyhaveareasonfornotputtingperfumeontheinsideof
elbows,butthewomendontknowthatandIllbetyouwerewondering,too!)
4.Sexuallysuggestivetopics
Thisonehastobehandledwithcare.Alotofguysbringupsexfartooearlyin
conversationswithwomenandblowthemselvesrightoutofthewater.Idsuggestthat
anyguyswhodonotfeelsecureintheirnewAlphaManshellholdbackfromusingthis
oneifpossible,becauseyouactuallystandmorechancesofturningheroffthanonif
youscrewitup.
However,ifyourereallywillingtoplaywiththefire,youneedtousethis
techniquetoraisethetensionlevel.
Firstofall,makesureyouveachievedadecentlevelofrapportwithawoman
beforegoingintothisterritory.Ifyouvejuststartedaconversation,orthingsarent
genuinelywarmbetweenyouandher,dontusethis.Youllkillyourseductionright
there.Getadegreeofwarmthandtrustfromher,aswellassomeIndicationsofInterest
(IOI)fromher,likehertouchingyourarm,orpositivebodylanguage.
Whatyouredoinghereisindicatingyourcomfortwithyourownsexuality.Ifyou
canbringupsexualtopicsinawaythatdoesnothintthatyouwanttosleepwithher,
butshowsthatyouareasexualmancapableoftalkingaboutsex,shellbemore
interested.Thekeytothisoneistosteerclearofsayinganythingthatmightbe
consideredasuggestionthatyouwanttotakeherbacktoyourplaceandgetherinto
bed.
Whatyoudoisbringupasexuallychargedtopic,almostreluctantly.Startby
sayingsomethinglike,Ivebeencuriousaboutsomething,butoh,uh,nevermind.I
betternot.Nowwhatwillshedo?Shellbugyoutotellher.Putupalittlefake
reluctance.
HIM:Oh,IdontknowifIshould.
HER:Oh,comeon.
HIM:Idunno,yourealittleyoung.Youmightbeoffendedbymature
subjects.(Alittletease.)
Thispartiscritical,becauseonceshepushesyouformore,shesgettingthe
ideathatitmightbeahottopic,andthisishergivingyoupermissiontotalkaboutit.
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Thenextstepistobringupasexualsituationofahypotheticalfriendofyours:
Ihavethisladyfriendofminewhoiscomplainingthathercurrentboyfriendisnt
uhm,givingherenough(whisper)oralsex.Shethinkshemightbeshyandisnt
takingthehintenough.Howdowomenhintthatsortofthing?
Andthenwatchherreaction.Ifsheopensupandtalksfreely,youvejust
succeededingettinghertoacceptthethoughtofsex,anddiscussingitwithyou.Shell
eventellyouwhatyouneedtoknowwhenshewantsitfromyou.
Mostwomendontwanttoevengonearthesubjectofsexwithapersonthey
dontfeelcomfortablewith.Soifshesteersoffthetopic,orseemsuncomfortable,letit
goandswitchtoafunsubjectagain.
Mosttimes,however,youcantakethisconversationintosomereallysexually
chargedareas.Justmakesureyoudontpushtheconversationinthatdirection,and
nohintdropping.Justleadherthere,andletherpullyoualong.Eventakethe
opportunitytoteaseherforhavingadirtymindwhileyoureatit.
5.DRAMA,DRAMA,DRAMA
Conversationsaremostinterestingtowomenwhentheyvegotdramainthem.
Whatisdrama?
Dramaisemotionallychargedconflictortension.
Itcanbeassimpleastalkingaboutacelebritysituationinthenews.Orevena
situationwhereafriendofyoursischeatingonsomeone.Orsomeoneisinvolvedinan
officeromance.Orastoryaboutsomeonethatsstalkingafriendofyours.Iftherewas
acelebrityinvolvedandyoucouldpublishitinatabloidmagazine,itsdrama.
Dramaisallaroundyou.Youjusthavetotakesomethingofhumaninterestand
magnifytheemotionssurroundingittomakeitmoreinteresting.Theresdramainthat
womanthatwasyellingatherkidsinthestorecheckoutline.Theresdramaintheguy
thatsingsoperafromacrossthestreeteveryday.Itsuptoyoutofindthepartsthat
appealtohersenseofinterest.
Justlistentowhatwomentalkaboutallthetime.Takealookatthecoversofthe
womensmagazines.Readthegossipcolumnsaboutcelebrities.Thisisstuffshecan
sinkherteethinto.Shesnotinterestedinthelatestplasmatelevisionsbecausetheres
norealdramathereexceptmaybeinherabilitytogetoneandputitinher
apartment.Shedoesntcareaboutthetechnology,butshemightcareabouthavingone
ofherownifshethinksitscool.
159
(Secret:Womendontdesirephysicalpossessionsexcepttoobtainthestatus
andfunctionthatthosepossessionsprovideher.Withtheexceptionofclothesand
shoes,ofcourse.)
Alotofguystendtosteertheconversationtoblack-and-whitefactual
conversationsratherthanthefuntopics,theoneswhereyoucaninterpretthingsin
differentways.Thatsdrama.Womenlovethosesubjectsmorethananyother,and
dramafulfillsthatneed.
Youshouldsteerfarawayfromherownfamilydrama,oranypersonalemotional
dramaofhers,becausechancesaretherearealotofnegativeemotionshidinginthere
thatyoudontwanttouncover.Sticktootherpeoplesdramatohavetherightaffect.If
shestartstellingyouherpersonaldrama,changethetopicbeforeyoubecomeher
therapist.
6.HUMOR,HUMOR,HUMOR
Thisonegoeswithoutsaying.Makeyourconversationwithwomenasfunand
funnyasyoucan.Injecthumorateverychance.Womenlovehumor,andtheyloveto
laugh.
Allowmestatethisinanotherway:
Humor=Fun.
Humorturnsheron.
Humorwillgetyoulaid.
Andasenseofhumorcommunicatessomuchmoreaboutamanthatsheneeds
toseeandfeel.Wellcoverhumoragainlaterinseveralsectionsofthisbook.
VoiceExercises
AnAlphaManprojectshisconfidencethroughthecarefuluseofhisvoice.Dont
neglectalittlewarm-upbeforeyougoouttomeetwomen.Yourvoiceisaninstrument,
andyoushouldtreatitwithrespect.Hereareafewexercisesthatwillgetyourvoice
andspeechprimedfortheevent.
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ALPHAEXERCISE1:TongueTwisters
Youwanttokeepyourtongueaslooseaspossible,andnotgettrippedupover
yourownwords.Yourmouthneedswarmingup(especiallyifitsgoingtobeworkingon
Ms.HotLipslater).WhatIdobeforemeetingupwithawomanistogothroughaseries
oftonguetwisterstogetmyspeakingabilityuptopar.HerearetheonesIuse:
- Shesellsseashellsbytheseashore
- RubberBabyBuggyBumpers
- Thebigblackbugbledblueblood
- Tommytoldtwotalltales
- IsawSusiesittinginashoeshineshop.Whereshesitsshe
shines,andwheresheshinesshesits.
Runthroughthemafewtimesandyoullfindithelpsyoutokeepfromtripping
overyourownwords.(Andgethertosaythematsomepoint.Itsanotherwaytoget
herlaughingandhavingfun.)
ALPHAEXERCISE2:Stretches
Betweeneachofthetongue-twisters,stretchyourtongue,lips,andmouthout.
Makeexaggeratedexpressionsinthemirrortoloosenupyourface.
- Pullyourlipsbacktightly.
- Pushyourtongueout.Workitaround
- Makeexaggeratedyawningexpressionstoloosenthemuscles
ofthefaceandneck.
- Pushyourjawoutandpullitbackinseveraltimes.Workitside-
to-side.
ALPHAEXERCISE3:Resonance
Takeaminuteortwotowarmupyourvocalchords.Starthummingalongwitha
songyourefamiliarwith.Noticehowyouautomaticallyhumupinyourmouth.Now,
pushthehummingdownintoyourthroat.Feelthedifferenceinthedepthofthesound
andtheresonance.
161
Then,whenyouvegottenthehangofhummingfromyourthroat,pushitdown
evenfurtherintoyourchest,allthewaytoyourdiaphragm.Youshouldnowfeelthe
hummingfromthecenterofyourchest.Thesoundwillstillcomefromyourvocal
chords,butyourchestwillvibrateslightlyatapointjustbeneathyourlungs.
Whenyoureabletostarthummingfromthispoint,youwillalsobeableto
deepenyourvoice,avoidinganynasalovertones.Youwillsoundtentimesmore
commandingandpowerfulwithadeep,resonantvoice.Ifyouhaveto,Ievensuggest
youtakeafewvoicelessonsfortraining.Whenyoucanspeakwithapowerfultone,
youllgetmanymorewomen(andmen)topayattentiontoyou.
ALPHAEXERCISE4:Projection
Agoodvoiceshouldbeabletoprojectacrossaroomwithoutsoundinglike
youreshouting.Thiscomesfromthesameplacethatyouusefortheresonance
exerciseabovethediaphragm.Itsalsoabittrickiertocontrolbecauseitseasytofind
yourselfyellinginsteadofprojecting.
Thisisacombinationoffocusingyourvoice(aimingit),raisingthevolume
slightly,andusingyourresonancetogiveyourvoicesomedynamicrange.Thisisbest
practicedwitharecorderofsomekind,withamicrophoneplacedatadistance.Practice
talkingindifferentvolumesthatworkforyourvoiceuntilyoucanfeellikeyourenot
yellingasmuchaspushingyourvoiceout.
ALPHAEXERCISE5:Animation/Emphasis
Partofwhatlivensupyourpresentationwhenyouspeakisyourphysical
animation,aswellasthewayyouvarythetoneandemphasisofyourwords.Youwant
touseyourbody,hands,gestures,tone,etc.,toaccentuatecertainportionsofwhat
youresaying.Itaddstotheemphasisandtheinterestleveloftherecipient.
Thiswillsoundsilly,butonewaytopracticethisinvolvesadogorcat,ifyou
haveone.Whatyoudoistalktoyourpetaboutsomethingthatyoumightdiscusswitha
woman.Useyourhandsandvocaltonetomakeitasinterestingsoundingasyoucan.
Youhavetokeeptheattentionofyourpetforatleastfiveminutesorso.Ifyourdogor
catwalksoffinmid-sentence,youflunkandyouneedtostartagain.
Petsarenotoriouslyeasytobore,andshortonattentionspan.Ifyoucanmaster
thisabilitytokeepapetinterested,especiallywhentheyreallyonlyunderstandvocal
emphasisandvisualcues,youllhavereallydevelopedapowerfulstyleof
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communication.Youllkeepanyaudienceinterestedineventhemostboringstoryifyou
usetherightcombinationofgesturesandvocaltone.
(Anddonttellmeyoudfeelembarrassedtalkingtoyourdogorcat.Wealldoit.
Itsjustnotsomethingwerevealtoourfriends.Dontworry,Iwonttell.)
Avariationonthisistogetarecorderofsomekindandtapeyourvoice.Review
therecordingandgradeitonthevoicecharacteristics.Ifyousounddulltoyou,thinkof
whatshemustbegoingthrough.
Youshouldalsouseavideocameratorecordyourappearance.Watchfor
nervousgesturesandvocaltics.Youwanttosmoothoutyourpresentationsothatyou
couldevenpresentthenightlynews,ifyouwereeverasked.Thinkofitasauditioning,
andletyourselfgetfreaky.(Justbesuretoerasethetapebeforeyourfriendsputitup
ontheInternet.)
ALPHAEXERCISE6:Pausing/Pacing
TheresaZensayingthatitsnotthenotesthatmakemusicitsthespacein
betweenthem.Itsnotthebarsthatmakeaprison,itsthespacebetweenthem.
Itsthesamethingwithyourspeech.Properpacingisessential.Youwantto
speakslowlywhenyouretalkingwithwomen.1)Becauseyoullseemmorethoughtful
andintrospective,2)Youllseemmoreincontrol,3)Youllseemlikeyourenotina
hurryoranxious/nervous.
Itreallyiseasytogetexcitedwhenyoutalktowomen.Yougetthissurgeof
energyjustfrominteractingwithagood-lookingbabe.Yourheartspeedsup.Your
breathingbecomesshorter.Youfindyourselflickingyourlipsandyourmouthdrying
out.Youhavetogetoverthisperformanceanxietyandrelaxtobeeffective.
Getoutabookormagazinewithafewparagraphsthatyoucanreadaloud.As
youreadthem,trytofindtheplaceswherepauseswork,andstickthemin.Maybeeven
makeanemphasiswithyourhands.Then,alsofigureoutwherethebestplacesareto
speedupforasecond,thenslowbackdown.Repeattheseparagraphsseveraltimes,
untilyoucanreadthemsoconvincinglythatsomeonewouldswearyouweremakingit
uponthefly.
Usethistechniquewhenyourewithawomanandyouwanttoimpressherwith
yourabilitytopresentyourself.Insertingpausesisawayofbuildingdramatictensionin
yourwords,andallgreatspeecheshaveusedit.
(GoonlineandsearchforanaudioclipofWinstonChurchillsfamousspeechto
theBritishaboutWeshallfightthemonthebeaches.Listentothewayheuses
163
pausesinthisgreatspeech.ListentospeechesbyMartinLutherKing,Jr.Infact,listen
toanygreatspeakerandyoullgettonsofexamplesofthis.)
164
PainThreshold
Iwasatthedentistrecentlytogetmyteethcleaned.Myteethareinverygood
conditionoverall,butoneofmybackgumshadbeguntobleedalittle.Theyofferedto
useatopicalandalocalanesthesiaforthecleaningprocessbecauseitmightbealittle
uncomfortable.Idecidedagainstit,partlyoutoftheaddedcost,butmostlybecauseI
thoughtthatitcouldntbethatbad.Anditwasntreallypainfulatall.
Duringthecleaning,thedentistaskedmeseveraltimesifIwasokay,amIall
right,etc.Ididntfeelthatmuch,notreallyevenasting.Whenitwasover,Iwondered
howmanypeopletheyadministeranesthesiatounnecessarily,orjustoutofplain
wimpiness.Oh,Iknowthattheresalotofdentalworkthatyoubetterbeknockedout
for,butalotofitisroutineandprettytame.Thedentalcrewattheofficeactedasifmy
decisiontoavoidtheheavyanesthesiawassomekindofheroism.
Thepointtomystoryisthatyoushouldunderstandthatamansthresholdof
painmustalwaysbeashighaspossible.Yourthresholdisthepointwhereyouwave
yourhandsandsay,Enough!Orwhereyoucallinthedrugsoranesthetic.AndImnot
talkingaboutphysicalpainasmuchasmentalpain.
Youshouldbeabletoholdupunderagreatdealofemotionalandpsychological
painaswell.Oneofthemalegenderrolesthatwehavetobearisthatmenmustbe
muchmoreresilientintermsofouremotionalendurance.Wehavetobepreparedto
supportnotjustourownlowmoods,buttheotherpeopleinourlifeaswell.Awoman
lookstohermantoprovidesupportandstrength.
MaleEmotionalStrength
Therearealotoffeel-goodbookstoretherapistsouttherethatwantyouto
believethatyoucanandshouldembracethefemininesideofyourpersonality.Show
yourfeelings,theysay.Tellherhowyoufeel.
Thereisaplaceforustoexperienceourfeelings,andweshouldnotstriveto
suppressthem.Ifthepressurebecomestoomuch,eventhestrongestbottlewillcrack.
However,itisuptoyoutomonitoryourownreleasevalvesothatthisdoesnothappen.
Dontgetcaughtupinthepropagandathatsaysthatmencannowgiveupon
thebehaviorsthathavekeptthemaliveforcenturies.Theyneedtorememberthatthe
thingswevebeendoingforcenturiesthatattractedwomentousdidntbecome
obsoletejustbecauseofthechangeswevemadeinsocietyandwomensequality.
165
Womendidntsuddenlychangetheirinstinctualneedforarealmanovertoamale
pussyinthelastthirtyyears.
However,thisdoesntmeanthatwemendontlearnhowtoadapt.Thereason
thedinosaursbecameextinctwasbecausetheycouldntadjusttochangesintheir
environment.Mentodaymustalsoadapttobecomemoreintelligentandsavvy.Women
aresmarterthanever,andmenneedtosharpentheirwitsaswell.
Somemalebehaviorswillhavetochange.Forexample,itsnolongeracceptable
tomakesexualjokesintheworkplace,orappreciateasecretarywithafirm,open-
handedslaptothebuttocks.Youhavetoobservenewstandardsintheworkplace,as
wellasinsocialsituations.
Justbeconfidentenoughtorecognizewhatawomanreallyrespondstoinstead
ofwhatshejustsaysshewants.
GiveherwhatshereallyneedsanAlphaMan.
PerceivedValue
Ifthereisonethingthatwillultimatelydetermineyoursuccesswithwomen,I
wouldhavetosteerawayfromtheusualclichyouhearaboutitbeingyourself-
confidence.Iwouldnormallytellabeginneratthisgamethatitsallaboutconfidence,
butnowthatyoureseekingadvancedanswers,Ineedtogiveyoualittlemoretothis
truththanyouveheardbefore.
Youhaveself-confidencewhenyouhaveafirmlydeveloped
senseofyourownvalue.
Intheend,womenobserveyourbehaviors,listentoyourwords,andtheymake
subconsciousandpre-consciousdecisionsabouthowtheyfeelaboutyoubasedonthis
evidence.Deepinthedarkestpartofhermind,shesevaluatingyourvalue,andthat
willbetheprimarydeterminantinhowattractedsheistoyou.
IcallthisPerceivedValue,orPVforshort.Anditworkslikethis:
LetssayDaniswalkingdownthestreet,andsomeonewalksuptohimwitha
flawlessten-caratdiamond.TheguysayshellsellDanthisdiamondforwhatever
moneyhehasinhiswallet,ORhellsellhimalunchbagoffoodandwaterhescarrying
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forthesameamountofmoney.Danwouldfirstwonderifthissellerwasoutofhismind,
buthedbeinterested.TheybothwalkovertoadiamondappraiserwhotellsDanthat
thisisagenuinediamond,ofthehighestqualityandcut.Heevenmentionsthatits
worthoveramilliondollars,asis.
Danpullsouthiswalletandgladlyhandsoverthe$20hehadinhiswallettothe
sellerandhewalksawaywithhisfind.Hesarichman,anditcosthimnexttonothing.
Nowletschangethecircumstancesalittle.
Danisstrandedinthedesert,ahundredmilesfromanyvillagesorsettlements.
Hesbeenwithoutfoodorwaterforseveraldays,andheknowsthathistimeisrunning
out.Thesameguyappearsmakingthesamecrazyoffer.HellsellDanthisdiamondfor
whatevermoneyhehasinhiswallet,ORhellsellhimthelunchbagoffoodandwater
hescarryingforthesameamount.
Knowingthatthefoodandwaterwillmakethedifferencebetweenlifeanddeath,
Dangladlyhandsoverthemoneyinhiswallettohimforthelunchbag.Hefeelsalittle
sadthathecouldnthavegoneforthediamond,butrightnowthefoodandwaterare
goingtosavehislife.
Iaskyou,whichwasmorevaluable,thediamondorthelunchbag?
Ofcourse,youdhavetosaythatitdepends.TothestarvingDan,thefoodand
waterwerevaluableinfactpriceless.TotheDanwalkingonthestreet,thediamond
wasvaluable.
Thisiswhatasknownasperceivedvalue.Ourconceptofwhatsomethingis
worthisanindividualexperience.Itissubjecttocircumstances,aswellasindividual
needs.
Withwomen,however,thereareconsistentbehaviorsthatcommunicatethis
perceivedvalue.Forexample,whichdoyouthinkisperceivedasmorevaluabletoa
woman:
o Amanwhobarelymeetshergaze,stutters,andhasnosenseof
humor
o Amanwhotalkswithanairofassuranceandpoise,andmakes
everyonearoundhimlaugh
167
Ano-brainer,right?Thesecondguyobviouslyhasmorevaluetoawoman.
Howaboutthisone:
o Amanwhocallsawomaneverydayandtellsherhisfeelingsand
howmuchhelovesher
o Amanwhorarelycallsher,oftenleavingherwonderingwherehe
isandwhathethinksofher
Itsalittlebitofatrickquestion,butIthinkbynowyouknowhowthisworks.The
secondguyisperceivedasthemostvaluabletoher.Heisobviouslyaloof,challenging,
andleavesawomanguessing.Whileshewouldneveradmitthis,sheknowsthathe
appearstentimesmorevaluabletoherthantheotherguywholeavesnothingtoher
imaginationandnochallenge.
Yourjob,myfellowAlphaMan,istoalwaysradiateahigherlevelofPerceived
Valuetoawoman.EverythingyousayordowillcommunicatethisPVtoawoman.And,
asyouincreaseyourabilitytoA.M.P.thingsupbybeingmoreofanAlpha,youwillbe
astoundedathowwomenwillpickuponthistransmissionofenergyandflocktoit,like
mothstoaporchlight.
ThereareactionsthatincreasePV,andthesearepositivePVfactors.Thereare
thingsyoumightdothatdecreaseherattraction,andasaresultyourPVwilldrop.
ThosearecallednegativePVfactors.
SomeofyouractionswillhaveanimmediateaffectonyourPVwithher.Others
willbedelayed.Somewillbeobvious;otherswillbehidden.Butyoumustalwaysbe
focusedonpositivePV,everysingleminute.Thehigheryoudrivethisperceivedvalue,
themoreshewillalsoforgiveyouforthosetimesyoumayslipupandactlikeachump.
Caution:SomeofthethingsthatappeartohaveapositiveaffectonyourPVin
theshortterm(suchascomplimentingher)actuallyhaveanegativeaffectinthelong
run.Shemayblushandthankyou,butyoumustnotbefooled.And,conversely,some
ofthethingsthatappeartonothaveanyaffect(suchasstandinguptohershittests)
andevenappeartohaveanegativeaffect,actuallyworktoyourfavoroverthelongrun.
Thisisoneofthebiggestmistakesguysmake,whentheymisunderstandtheultimate
affectoftheiractions.
ThinkofPerceivedValueasbeinglikeabankaccount.Whenyougotoopen
yourPVaccountwithDonna,thebartenderyoulovewiththenatural38Ds,sometimes
youstartoutwithasmallbalance(ifshesanicewomantobeginwith,orifyourea
168
veryphysicallyattractiveguy).Othertimesyoumaystartoutwithabsolutelynothingin
theaccount.YouwanttokeepthedepositsgoingintodrivethePVvalueup.
Thefunnythingaboutthisaccountisthatitsnotyoumakingthedeposits!Sheis
theonejackingupthevalueofthisaccountbecauseofyourbehavior.Youdo
somethingright,sheputsin$10.Youdosomethingcharmingandfunny,sheputsin
another$10.Youdosomethingalittleneedyandinsecureandshetakesout$15.
Asarule,rememberthatnegativePVactionsalwaystakeoutmorethanyour
positivePVactionsputin.
Whyisthis?
Eversetupalineofdominoes?Soyoucanpushoneoverandawholelongline
ofthemwillfall?Ifyourhandisnotsteadywhenyouresettingthemup,youtendto
knockovermorethanjustoneortwo,ifyoudontendupknockingthemalloverby
mistake.
Itsthesamethingwiththehotbabesoutthere.Theyrealotofworktogetthem
linedupwhereyouwant,butonecarelessactioncanknockoverallthosedominoes
wayearly,leavingyoufurtherbehindthanwhenyoustarted.Andmorethanlikelyshe
wontwaitaroundforyoutosetherupagain.
Youhavetoworkatthiswithoutseeminglikeyourereallyworkingatit.ThePV
shehasforyoucanreallyonlybeincreasedbydoingtherightthingsattherighttime.
YouraiseyourPVbygivingheraquickseductivelookatthebeginningofthedate.You
loweryourPVbytryingtosneaklustypeeksathertitsandass.YouraisePVifyoutell
herthatshesgoingtohavetocomeupwithafunnystoryifshewantstostanda
chanceofgettingakissattheendofthenight.YoulowerPVagainifyoutryforthekiss
withoutestablishingtherightgroundwork.
YourprimaryskillinraisingPVisjusttobetunedintothemomentandadjusting
yourapproachaccordingly.Beflexible,andadjustdependingonhercurrentstate.Dont
useatechniquejustbecauseitworkedtentimesbefore.Youhavetopayattentionto
themoment.
169
AlphaLifestyle
AnAlphaManknowshowtosatisfyhisbasicneeds.Withoutsoundingtoomuch
likeastereotype,herearesomethingsthatareclassicallythoughtofasGuyStuff:
- Beer
- Football,oranycompetitive,aggressivesport
- Actionmovies,especiallyBraveheart,TheMatrix,andThe
Godfather.
- Dogs
- Porn/Picturesofnakedwomen/Stripclubs
- Hardrockmusic
- Pizzaandbeer
- Kung-fumovies
- Playingguitarordrums
- Cigars
- Fastcars/Carraces
- Weightlifting
Okay,someofthemareabitofastereotype,butyougetthepoint.Theseare
thingsthatmostguyshavesomeinterestin.Theyrejustassociatedwithbeingaguy.
Now,theresanothermoresensitivesidetomanyoftodaysintellectualor
new-ageguys.Theseguyslikethingsthataretypicallythoughtofasmorefeminine,
like:
- Classicalmusic
- Art
- Writingpoetry
- Cats
- BalletorOpera
- Gardening
- Films,likeChocolat,Amilie,andShakespeareinLove.
170
- Cooking
- Yoga
WhenIwasakid,ifyouwereinterestedinanyofthesethingsyouwerelabeled
afag.Theresnothingreallywrongwithanyoftheseinterests,aslongastheyre
balancedoutbymasculineinterests.Ilikealotofthesesensitivethings,too,andalot
moremenareopeninguptothemthesedays.Especiallywelleducatedmen.Women
talkalotaboutwantingtofindmenwhoareintouchwiththeirfeminineside.
Justdontgettoofeminine,guys.Youstillhavetokeeptheinherentlymale
thingsinyourlife,anddontgettoofaroutofbalance.
Yin-YangandBalance
Imsuremostofyouhaveseenthissymbolbefore.ItstheChineseiconofYin
andYang.Itsarepresentationofthebalancebetweenmaleandfemaleenergiesinthe
world.Underyangaretheprinciplesofmaleness,thesun,creation,heat,light,Heaven,
dominance,andsoon.Underyinaretheprinciplesoffemaleness,themoon,
completion,cold,darkness,materialforms,submission,andsoon.
Weneedbothtocompletethecircle,andeachsidehasanelementoftheother
insideit(shownbythesmallerdots.)
Themasculineandthefemininemustbalanceeachother.However,accordingto
theancientemperors,Yang,themasculineforce,shouldbethemoredominantfortrue
harmony.Whilethisisprobablyanoldchauvinistview,Ithinkitisprobablycorrect
whereitcomestolivingsystems.However,Ibelievethatdominantinthissituation
reallymeansassertiveoractive.Menaretheleaders.Themasculineistheinitiator.(I
donotbelievethatdominantmeansthatmenshouldruleoroverpower.)
171
Thissymbolalsorepresentsyourneedtounderstandthebalancebetween
forcesintheuniverse.Youdonthavetobelieveinanycrazyspiritualhokumtofollow
thisprinciple.Thisismerelythebeliefthatthereisabalancingforceforeverythingin
theuniverse.Foreverysummer,thereisawinter.Foreverylight,thereisadark.For
everyfire,thereiswater.Wevebeentaughtthisthroughoutourlivesinvariousforms.
AnAlphaManhastokeepalevelofbalanceinhislifewithrespecttohis
interests.Ifhestoomuchonthemasculineside,herunsthedangerofbeingvery
shallowandtwo-dimensional.Hewontkeepawomanthathasmoresophisticated
interestsveryexcitedunlesshehassomedepthtohim.Ontheotherhand,ifhestoo
muchonthefeminineside,herunsabigdangerofbeingacompletewuss,or
becominganiceguy.
(Note:Thetermwussyisacrossbetweenwimpandpussy.)
Thekeytokeepingthisbalanceisthatforeveryfemininethingyoureinterested
in,findatleasttwomasculinethingsyouareinterestedin.(Foreverywomanoutthere,
Isuggesttheyfindonemasculinethingforeverycoupleoffemininethingstheyenjoy.)
Dontdenyyourselftheguythingsbecauseyoulookdownonthemasbeingvulgaror
primitive.Thisissocialbrainwashingthatthemediahasbeenhandingtousforyears.
Ivefoundthatguyswhostartlookingdownonallthethingsthatguysenjoytobe
moreofwhattheythinkwomenwantareusuallyfardownpathtobecomingsexless
NiceGuys.
Ididthismyselfawhileback.IgotintoalotofBuddhistandTaoistteachingsthat
madealotofsense,butIneglectedthefactthatthesephilosophiesareideals,andnot
thewaytheinstinctualpartofusworks.Ifoundmyselflookingdownonthoseguyswho
weregivingothermenabadnamebybeingjerksandtreatingwomenbadly.Icast
asideallthethingsthatIenjoyeddoing,likewatchingagoodfootballgameoranything
thatwomengenerallyfoundasbeingtypicallymale.Itriedtodissociatemyselffromall
thosebadmen.
IalsothoughtthatifIdidntdoallthethingswomencomplainedabout(leaving
thetoiletseatup,talkingaboutfeelings,neveraskingfordirections)thattheywould
recognizemeasasuperiorman.WhatIdidntknowwasthatwomenarentreallyable
toputintowordswhatreallyturnsthemontoguys.Womenhaveaneedtocomplain
aboutguys.Itsnotbadatall.Itsabsolutelynecessary.
Womenrespondtotheanimalpartofmenmostreadily.Eventhemost
intellectual,sophisticated,smartchicksreallyrespondtothemen-being-menbehavior
themost.Notgrunting-and-scratching-your-ballsorignitingyourfartswithaBiclighter,
butthekindthatshowshesgotastrongsexualcharge,andisntafraidtocommunicate
it.
172
Sowatchoutasyoutraveltheroadoflifeanddiscoveryourabilitytogrow.While
therearemanyopportunitiestoembracethefeminineandsoftpartsofculture,besure
youhaveafirmgroundinginthosethingsthatmakeyouanAlphaMan.Itseasytobe
suckeredoffthepath.
173
AlphaSocialization
AlphaMenunderstandthatastrongandopensocialcircleisnecessaryforthem
todevelopandadvanceintheworld.Agoodnetworkoffriendsandassociatesisthe
clearestsignofahealthyAlphaLifestyle.
MakesureyourenotjustoutonarabidhuntforMs.Perfect.Yourdatinglifeis
important,butwhenyouabandonyoursociallifeforit,thenyoullbecomeunbalanced.
Thisismoreofadetrimenttoyouinthelongrun.
Dontmakethemistakeofneglectingyourfriendships,especiallywhenyoudo
findyourselfarelationshipwithawoman.Toooftenmenfocustoomuchonthewoman
theyrewith,notmaintaininghealthytiestotheirfriends.Especiallytheirmalefriends.
Someofthereasonsyoullwanttokeepyourfriendshipsandsocialnetwork
active:
1) Youllfindamuchmorebalancedsenseofselfwhenyouhavefriendsto
keepyouactive.Yourself-esteemwillstayhigher.
2) Itseasiertokeepfromobsessingoverawomanwhenyouvegothealthy
distractionstokeepyoubusy.Again,balance.
3) Youllkeepwomeninterestedlonger.Shewantsamanwhosgothisownlife
andcircleoffriends.
4) Youllmeetmorewomenoverallwhenyoursocialnetworkislarge.(At
parties,socialfunctions,etc.)
5) Yourfriendscangiveyouperspectivethatotherscannot.Ourfriendstendto
seeusaswereallyare,andtheiropinionscanbepriceless.
6) Whentimesaretough,youllwantpeopletotalktoandsupportyou.
7) Youlljustplainlivelonger.Itsbeenshownthroughstudiesthatpeoplewith
veryfewfriendshaveashorterlifespanthanthosewithahealthycircleof
friends.
Themoralofthisisthatitisverytemptingtoignoreyourfriendswhenyouthink
youvefoundthatspecialsomeone,butthatstheworsttimetodesertthem.Ithink
wereallfamiliarwiththeguywhotendstojumpintorelationshipsheadfirstandthen
ignoreallhisfriends.Suddenlyhebecomesunavailabletodoanything.Monthslater,
whenhesoverdosedonhisloveaffair,andtheybreakup,hessingleagainand
lookingtohangout.Andthenhewonderswhereallhisfriendswent.
174
Remember,yourfamilyisthereforyoubecausetheyhavetobe.Thatsfamily.
Butyourfriendsarethereforyoubecauseofsincereacceptance,andthatsinvaluable,
especiallytoanAlphaMan.
Networking
Anetworkofcontactshelpsyouinavarietyofways:
- 80%ofjobsareestimatedtohavebeenfilledbyword-of-mouth,
referralsoffriends.Keepingawiderangeofbusinesscontactswill
helpyourprofessionallife.
- Agoodportionofthewomenyoumeetwillbethroughyourfriends
andfriends-of-friends.Keepagoodcircleoffemaleacquaintances
tointroduceyoutotheirgirlfriends.
- Justtokeepagoodrangeofsocialactivitiesinyourlifeyoushould
haveadiversegroupoffriends.Youllgetinvitedtomoreparties,
moreevents,moreeverything.
- Youllfindthatalargesocialnetworkalsohelpsyouinyour
personalinterests.Theotherdayafriendofminecalledtotellme
aboutatelevisionspecialontheShaolinMonks,knowingthatIhad
aninterestinthemandmartialarts.Youllhavepeoplecallingyou
totellyouaboutspecialsalesandotherthingsthatmightinterest
you.Allbecauseyoukeepyourfriendsapartofyourlife.
GetUsedToSayingThingsYouMightNotMean
Someguysgettoapointintheirliveswheretheirdisgustwiththedatinggame
withwomenoverflowsintotheirsociallife.Theystarttoreallyhateallthefakeness
andothergameplayinginlife.Tosomedegreethisisgood.Itsbettertoberealthan
aphonywhojustsayswhathethinkstomakeeveryonehappy.
175
Butthereisasocialskillthatrequiressomeflexibilityinyourstandards.Agreat
dealofthetimeyoullhavetosaythingsthatmaynotbetrue.EverythingfromOh,that
dresslooksgreatonyou,toNo,youremuchbetterlookingthansheis,orNo,those
pantsdontmakeyoulookfat.
EverseenthemovieLiarLiarwithJimCarrey?Youlearnthatacertainamount
oflyingisnecessarytofunctioninlife.Ifwetoldeveryonewhatwereallythoughtin
everysituation,itwouldbetoughtokeepanyfriends.Youcantalwaystellawoman
thatherhairlooksridiculous,evenifitreallydoes.Youlljustalienateherasafriend,
andshellfeelbadaboutherself.(Itsnotyourjobtoimprovehertaste,anyway.)These
kindsofliesareaformofsociallubricant,helpingusallgetalongalittlebetter.
Somepeoplelookatthisasaformofhypocrisyorflawincharacter,wheninfact
itisactuallyagoodthingtobeabletokeepourfriendshappywithafewwell-placed
littlewhitelies.
Thisisoneofthoseareaswhereonlyalotofexperiencewilltellyouwhenits
bettertotellthetruththanthelie.Thinkofwhoitwouldbenefitmosttotellthetruthor
thelie.Ifitdoesntmakemuchdifferencetoyou,dowhathelpsthem.
Youmaynotalwaysliketodoit,butitwillhelpyoursocialanddatinglife
immensely.
Honestyisnotalwaysthebestpolicywhenitcomestohumaninteraction.
176
AlphaThinking
Youregoingtohavetodosomeseriousworkonyourthinking,myfriend.Alpha
Menexercisetheirmindsfardifferentlythantherestofthechumpsouttherewhoare
afraidoftheirownshadow.
Yourthinkingiswhereyouwilldifferentiateyourselffromtherestoftheworld.
Youneedtocultivateadifferentattitudeandwayofmind.Intheend,asEarl
Nightingaleoncesaid:
Youarewhatyouthinkaboutalldaylong.
Andanimportantclarification:
Youarewhatyouemotionalizeaboutalldaylong.
Ifyoufocusonnegativity,youareanegativeperson.Ifyouthinkaboutavoiding
contactwithwomenorrejection,thenyoureshyandfearful.Youremotionalizedissues
arewhatwilldefineyou.
Ifyouareemotionallycaughtupinawoman,youregoingtobesteeringallyour
decisionsaroundthat.Ifyouhaventgotawoman,butyouwantonebadly,youllbe
focusingallyourthoughtsonthatonething.Youllbedesperate.
Youremotionsformtheenergybehindyourcurrentdesires.Welldiscuss
leveragingyouremotionsinabit.
Inthisnextsection,wewillreviewthethoughtpatternsofanAlphaManandhow
hecultivatesthekindofmindthatactivelytakesownershipofhisworld,turningitinto
whathedesires.Notlivingoutsomeoneelsesdreams.
BrainLanguage
Yourmindhasaspecificmechanismtoit.IfyoulearnthesecretsImaboutto
teachyou,youcanovercomeANYlimitationyouhaveimposedonyourself.
177
Oneofthemostimportantfundamentalsaboutyourmindthatyouwilllearnisthe
theoryofcyclicreinforcement.Intheworldofyourthoughtsandyouractions,itisalot
likethesituationofchickenandtheegg.Imsureyourefamiliarwiththisconundrum:
Ifthechickencamefirst,wheredidtheeggcomefrom?Iftheeggwasfirst,wheresthe
chickenthatlaidtheegg?
Whenitcomestothelanguageofyourmindandthoughts,thissituationisthe
same.Ifyouhaveself-confidenceinyourthoughts,wherediditcomefrom?Success
withwomen?Positivereinforcementfromothers?Orifyougetrealsuccesswith
womenexternally,wheredidyougetthementalconfidencetogetthissuccess?
Whichcamefirst,theconfidence,ortherealitythatgaveyouthisconfidence?
Youhavetobewillingtostepoutofyouroldthoughtpatternsandtakeonnew
empoweringmindsets.Now,beforeIstartsoundinglikeanAnthonyRobbinsseminar,
letsmakesureweunderstandeachotheronafewthings
1) Changeishard.Illbethefirstpersontoadmitthat.Butonceyouunderstand
thatitshard,youonlyhavetoaccepttheburdenofthework.Ifyoudowork
atit,youcanchangeanyhabitsorlimitingbeliefsyouhave.Everyonewho
sincerelyworksatchanginghimselfforthebettercandoitwithpersistence.
2) Somedaysaretougherthanothers,andyoullhavetoreallyworkatit.
Weallhaveourupanddowndays,andwehavetoprovetoourselvesby
controllingourthoughtsthatmoodswillpass,andtherewillbegooddays
ahead,too.Again,acceptit.
3) Changetakestime.Idontcarewhatallthoseself-helpgurusouttheresay
(andtherearealotoftheminthefieldofseduction,too.)Dontexpectto
changedrasticallyovernight.Itdoesntworkthatway.Butyoucanchangea
littleeveryday,andafterawhile,thatcanadduptoalot.Smallchanges,
consistentlydone,willstick.Onlyyourwillpowerwilldeterminethis.
Yourneuralpathwaysareprettywellsetbythetimeyoure18(someexpertssay
yourpersonalityissetbythetimeyoure4or5yearsold.)Soyouregoingtohaveto
learnhowtostopdeepeningthosecrazyrutsinyourthinking.
Youcantrainyourbraintothinkinnewways.Itsimplytakesrepetition.Ittakes
21daystoestablishanewhabit,andyouhavetoreinforcethathabiteverysingleday.
Justrememberthisformula:
178
21days=Change.
ReviseYourRules
TheAlphaManmustcontrolhisthinking,aswevestated.Nowyouneedtoknow
theonebeliefthatwillchangeyourentirethinkingifyouletit.
Wedevelopapatternofrulesinlifethatoriginateinourbeliefsystems.Ifyou
modifywhatyoubelieve,yourbehaviorwillchangeaccordingly.Thisissoobviousits
almosttooeasytooverlook.
Thinkaboutit:Ifyoubelieveplanesareunsafe,areyoulikelytofly?
No.
Ifyoubelieveyoureterribleatgambling,areyougoingtomakeakillingatthe
crapstable?
No.
Ifyoubelievethatwomendonttrustyouorarenotreallyattractedtoyou,doyou
thinkyouregoingtobesuccessfulwiththem?
No.
Iaskthesequestionsnottobeflippant,buttoimpressuponyouthatyouwillonly
succeedinlifetothedegreethatyourbeliefswillallowyou.Youcantbeamillionaireif
youdontbelieveyourecapableofit.Youcantwriteagreatsongifyoudontbelieve
youcan.
Itallstartswithbeliefs.
Nowwedevelopedthosebeliefsbyobservingourworldaroundus.Mostofyour
beliefswereburnedintoyourbrainatanearlyage.AsImentionedbefore,experts
agreethatyourpersonalityisalmostcompletelyformedbythetimeyourejust4to5
yearsold.
Notalotyoucandoaboutthat,butyoucanstillmodifythebeliefsyoucreated.
Backtothewayyoulearnedyourbeliefs.
Youlearnedbyobservingtheworldaroundyou,actingonwhatyouinterpreted.
Youthenusedtheexperiencetoeithervalidateyourbeliefsoralterthem.Yourbeliefs
becameetchedinthewoodofyourmindbyconstantreinforcement.
179
Whenyouwerelearningtoskipastoneonapond,youpickeduparoundstone
andchuckeditin.Plumpf.Noskip.Soyoupickedupadifferentrock,andyouthrewit
sidewaysalittlemore,thewayyousawyourfriendsdoit.Plip-plumpf.Yougotoneskip
outofthatone.Thenyouchoseaflatrock.Plip-plip-plip-plip-plip-plumpf.Aha!That
workedevenbetter.Youcametobelievethatroundrockssuckforskipping,andflat
oneswork.
Andsoyoulearned.Youtry,youchangeyourapproach,youtryagain.Untilyou
gettheresultsyoudesired.
Theproblemcomeswhenweformedbeliefswithouteverdoinganythingto
validatethem.Weoftenformsomeofthesebeliefswithoutrealizingwhywebelieve
them.Andweneverquestionthem.(Religiousdoctrinefallsintothiscategory.)
Someofthebeliefswefailtoquestionarethethingsourparentstoldusas
children.
o Donthangaroundthosepeople.Theyreabadinfluence.
o Dontquestionyourteachers.
o Youshouldalwaysrespectyourelders.
o Boysshouldntcry.
o Richpeoplearecrooks.
Andthesebeliefsbecomepartofus,withouteverchallengingthemorvalidating
iftheywerereal.
ThebestanalogyIhaveisthis:Ifyouhadneverriddenabicyclebefore,you'd
havedoubtastowhetheryoucoulddoit,initially.Butwhatmakesyoubelievethatyou
canrideabike?Itsbecauseyouseepeopleridingthemallthetime.Kidseverywhere
rideanddowheeliesandallkindsofcrazystuff.Iftheycandoit,youthink,socanyou.
Now,inreality,whatkindofproofdoyoureallyneedtobelievethatyoucould
rideabike,ordosomethingnewthatyouhaventyetdone?
ANSWER:You'donlyhavetoseeonlyonepersondosomethingtoknowthatit
couldbedone.(Andyoucouldstillbetheveryfirstpersontodoit,too.)
ThetruemarkofanAlphaManiswhenhebelievesinagoalthatnoonehas
donebefore.Thatstheultimatestatementofhispowerandbelief.
180
I'msureeveryoneisfamiliarwiththestoryofRogerBannister,thefirstmanto
runthefour-minute-mile.Foryearsitwasclaimedthatitwasimpossible,thatthehuman
bodyjustwasntcapableofthatkindofperformance.OnMay6,1954,heranthemilein
just3:59.4.Then,duringtheyearafterhisrecord,dozensofpeoplesuddenlybrokethe
samefour-minutebarrier.
Whydidallthosepeoplebreakitsosoonafterhim?Becausetheysawthatit
waspossible.Theybrokethepsychologicalbarrierofthe4-minutemile.Theyonly
neededtoseeonemandoittobelieveitcouldbedone.
(Bytheway,theconditionswerenotidealthatdayforRoger'sattempt.There
werecrosswindgustsof25mph,andhealmostcalleditoff.Furtherevidencethatthe
onlyobstacletoyoursuccessisinyourhead.Hedidnthaveanyproofhecoulddoit,
buthestillbelieved.)
Sohowdoyougetonthisbikeandrideit?Howdoyoubreakyourownfour-
minute-milebarrier?
HeresonebeliefIwantyoutounderstandasyougoforward,notonlylearning
theseprinciples,butingeneralinlife:
Inorderforsomethingtobeachievable,youneedonlyknowthatoneother
personhasdoneittoknowthatitcanbedone.
Furtherifyoubelieveenoughinyourself,youdonthavetoseeanyonedoit.
Youcanalwaysbethefirstone.
Ofcourse,itdoesntneedtobepainfuloragonizingtobethatfirstperson.Most
greatachievementsinliferequireonlythatyouperseverelongenoughtoattainthe
goal.Therearealotmorethingsmenhavetoachieve.Whydontyoubeoneofthem?
181
Earlyfailuresinlifearelearnedlimitationsnottruelimitations.
Anelephant,whenyoung,istiedwithalengthofropetokeepitfromescaping.
Afterstrugglingforawhilewiththis,theelephantsoonlearnsthatitcantbreakfree.But
evenyearslater,whentheelephanthasreachedmassivesize,itstillwontfightagainst
thesamethinrope,eventhoughitcouldeasilysnapitwithjustatug.
Ithaslearneditslimitationsowellthatitnolongertries.
Pullonyourrope,AlphaMan.Ibetitsnotholdingyoubacklikeyouthoughtit
was.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Again,getoutyourpenandpaper.ThisnextlistIwantyoutocreateisalistofall
thethingsaboutyourselfyoubelievetobetrue.
o IcantspeakRussian.
o Imnotattractivetowomen.
o Imnotsmartenoughtogetthatjob.
o Icantbecomeamillionaire.
o Icantsleepwithhotchicks.
Itstimetobustthemdown.Rightbesideeachofthem,makealistofwhyyou
believethemtobetrue,andthenreadthatreasonoverandoveruntilitseemslike
someoneelsewroteitforyou.Starttodoubtthesereasons.
Nowre-writethesamebeliefintheoppositeway,andgiveareasonforit.
o IcanspeakRussian.Itwilltakesometimeandtutoringtolearn,
butitcanbedone.IfmillionsofRussianscandoit,socanI.Itjust
wontbenaturalatfirst.
o Icanbecomeamillionaire.Itwilltakelearningwhattheydoto
becomerichthatwillhelpmedoit.IhavetoreadasmuchasIcan
onthesubjectandlearnallabouthowmoneyworks.
Wheretheresawill,theresaway.
182
Preserveyourcharacter,butdropthosebeliefsthatdontserveyouorholdyou
back.
Preparation
Thefirststepinovercominganylimitationsinyourthinkingistoprepare.
Preparationwillgiveyouthebestopportunitytowin.TheseAlphaExercisesthatIgive
youaremeanttodojustthat.
Letmeaskyou,whenwasthelasttimeyoudidthis:
Afterafewunsuccessfulattemptswithwomen,yousitdownathomewithapen
andpaperandmapoutwhatyou'redoingandhow.Youwrotedownthethingsshe
saidthathadyoutonguetiedandill-prepared.Thenyouworkupafewplanned
responsessothatyoucanhandlethenexttime.Youdothiseverytimeyougoout,
refiningyourtechniquesandpreparingyourself.
Probablynottoooften,huh?
Youprobablyhavenoproblemthinkingofthingstosayafterthefact,butI'dalso
betthatyouhaven'ttakentimetonotethoseclevercomebacksdownlaterandpractice
themforthenexttimeyourunintothem.
Seductionsuccessrequiresalittlework,gents.There'snosuchthingaslasting,
easysuccess,nomatterwhatsomequick-buckartistswouldhaveyoubelieve.The
goodnewsis,though,thatthe'work'isn'tveryhard.Infact,itsprettyfun.
Preparationnegatesmostoftheaffectsoffear.
95%ofthefailuresoutthereinaseductionarebecausetheguyranupagainsta
situationthathewasn'tpreparedfor-andthenhedidn'ttryanythingbecauseheranout
ofammoandchoked.
Howmanydeercanyoubringdownwithanemptygun?
Now,imaginethesituationwhereyousitdownandactuallyprepareyourselfa
bitfortheupcomingnightofmeetingwomen.Sitdownandtakethetimetoprepare
183
somematerialforuse.Feelfreetocomeupwithsomeconversationaltopics,aswellas
teasing/funnylinestouseonher.
Makeityourpersonalgoaltomemorizethree(3)eachtimeyougoout,anduse
them.Intendaysyou'dhave30(THIRTY!)roundsofammothatyoudidn'thavebefore.
Soundlikehardwork?
Itisn't.
Andit'snotnearlyaspainfulasgettingblownoutofthewatereverynightwhen
yougoouttoclubs.Whichdoyouprefer?
Ihearguyscomplainallthetimethattheydon'thaveanythingtosaytowomen.
Theyjustrunoutofgas.Thatswrong.Theproblemisthatyouhaven'tsatdown
beforehandandthoughtupafewthingstohavepreparedforwhenyouneedthem.
Allsuccessinthisworldisprecededbypreparation.
Youhavetobereadyforthecircumstancesthatlifewillsendyoubeforeyou
encounterthem.Thistakesplanningandforesight--andjustalittle,tiny,bitof(oh
boy,doIevenwanttosaythis?)
Work.
Iknowthiswillcomeasashocktomanyguys,butwomenwillnotjust
automaticallyflocktoyouwithoutyourexpendingalittlebitofeffort.Andthisparticular
effortisthetoughestworkofallforsomepeople:It'scalledthinking.Thisiswhat
separatesthewinnersinlifefromeveryoneelse.
(Sure,thereareotherpickupartists"whotellyouthatifyouwhisperninemagic
wordsinherearshe'sgoingtojumpoutofherpantiesforyou,butIknowyouguysare
smartenoughtosmellbullshitfromamileaway.Datingandseductiontakesalittle
effort,butit'sthebestkind,ifyouaskme.Havefun,becauseonceyoulearnthis
behaviorandstartgettingallthesexyouwant,youllwishitwaschallengingagain.)
AlphaMenprepareforsuccess.
Youprobablyalsonoticehowmucheasieritistokeepwalkingpastawoman
thanitistoforceyourselftostopandtakearisktotalktoher.Thisisthesituationyou
mustreverseifyouaretoeverhavelastingsuccesswithwomen.
184
Youmustfeelmoremotivatedtostopandtalktoawomanthanyoufeelthatitis
bettertokeeponwalkingtobreakthisdestructivehabit.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Sitdownandthinkaboutthesituationsyouusuallyencounterwomenin,orplan
to.Thinkoftwofunny,teasingthingstosayineachcircumstance.Writethemdown.
Memorizethem.Stopgivingyourselfanexcusenottoact.Andyou'llneverhaveto
spendtimekickingyourselfaboutmissinganopportunityagain.
Mapoutthreesituationsrightnowthatyoutendtoencounterwomenin.Write
downeveryquestionandresponseyoucanthinkofsothatyouhaveaplanofactionfor
therealthing.Reviewthesesituations,andthenmodifythembasedonyourreallife
application.
Whenyouvegotthehangofthosethree,addmore.Eventuallyyoullhavea
completebodyofknowledgeonthistopic,andnowomanwillintimidateyou.
GettingRidofFear
Imustnotfear.
Fearisthemind-killer.
Fearisthelittle-deaththatbringstotalobliteration.
Iwillfacemyfear.
Iwillpermitittopassovermeandthroughme.
AndwhenithasgonepastIwillturntheinnereyetoseeitspath.
Wherethefearhasgonetherewillbenothing.
OnlyIwillremain."
---FrankHerbert,Dune- BeneGesseritLitanyAgainstFear
185
IlikethisquotefromthebookDune.Itillustrateshowonecantakeanirrational
emotionFearthemostcripplingoneforanAlphaMan,andre-frameitinsuchaway
thathetakescontroloverit.
Fearisdescribedasmanythingstomanypeople,anditshowsitselfinthemost
innocuousways.
Howeverthereisonethingyoumustalwaysremember:
Fearonlyexistsinyourmind.
Fearhasabsolutelynotangiblepresenceintherealworld.Fearisnothingmore
thananemotionalresponsetoournaturaldesiretoavoiddiscomfort.Fearissimplya
responsetoanimaginedoutcome.
Manypeoplegetusedtolettingfearguidethemthroughlife,avoidingthethings
theydonotwanttoface.Fearbecomessomethingelse,wallsthatboxusinandblock
offalternatives.Westoprecognizingfearandstartpretendingthattherearereasons
forwhatwefear.
Idontwanttoleavethisjob.Itsgoodmoney,andIdnevermakeitonmyown.
Fearofchange.Fearoffailure.Fearofpain.
Icantplaytheguitar.Myhandsaretooshortandfat.
Fearoffailure.Fearofeffort.Fearofpain.
Idontthinkshesmytype.Shesgotafunkytattoo,andthatmeansshesoneof
thosehippiechicks.
Fearofrejection.Fearoffailure.Fearofpain.
Icantspeakinfrontofpeople.Ijustdonthaveanythingtosaythatpeople
wouldbeinterestedin.
Fearoffailure.Fearofembarrassment.Fearofpain.
Remember,inaworldwhereeveryonewilleventuallydie,whywouldyoufear
anythingelse?
186
Whatcouldpossiblybeworse?
Fearservesmanypurposes.Firstofall,itgivesyouanindicationthatyoure
venturingintoarealmwhereyoureunfamiliar.Italsotellsyouthatyouareontheedge
ofyourassumedlimitations,andthisisanopportunitytogrow.
HereshowtouseFearforyourbenefit:
Fearisreallyenergyindisguise.Fearprovidesuswithajoltofnaturalenergy
thatwecaneitherignoreandlose(whichiswhathappenswhenyouavoidasituation
youfear),orgrabholdofitandrideitlikeawildtiger.
Doyoufeelthatchargeinyourbrain?Thatrushofenergythataccompaniesthat
fear?ThatstheTiger.
Remember,allmenfeelfear.ThedifferenceisthatAlphaMenuseittotheir
advantageandtopushthemforwardratherthanlettingitholdthemback.
ThefirstAlphaMenwhohuntedthedeadliestpreyknewthattherewasalikely
chancetheydgetinjuredorevenkilledintheprocessofbringingdowntheirnextmeal.
Theyalsoknewthatiftheydidnttry,theydeventuallydieofhunger.Butafterthey
learnedhowtodoitfromtheirtribesmen,theywentoutanddiditanyway,usingthat
fearlikeamassivedoseofdrugsintheirsystem.Andthemoretheydidit,themore
theylearnedthatthefearwouldstillbethere,butitwouldntstopthem;itwouldhelp
themiftheyuseditright.
Thebiggestmistakewithfearisthatwedontusuallyactonourfearsuntilwere
forcedto.Andbythatpointweresocaughtupindoingsomething,thatitrarelyletsus
relaxenoughtoberesourceful.Webecomedetachedfromouractions.Wethinkthat
sincewewereforcedtodosomething,suchasspeakinfrontofagroup,wearentthe
onesdoingit.
Thetruthisthateverypersondoeswhattheywanttodo.Evenifitsjusttoavoid
punishment.
Ifyoudrivethespeedlimit,itsbecauseyouwanttoobeytheauthority,not
becausethesignsaysso,orthepoliceofficersaysso.Theonlythingstoppingyoufrom
goingfasteristhepressofyourfootonthegaspedal.
Ifyouhateyourjobbutkeepgoingindayafterdayafterday,itsbecauseyou
wanttokeepgoingin.Evenifitsbecauseyouthinkyouredoingittosupportyour
family.
Therearemoreoptionsouttherethanwethink.Itsusuallyfearthatblindsusto
them.Weassumethatifoneoptionappearspainful,thatwerebetteroffnotthinking
187
aboutit.Maybe,youthink,itsnotsobadrightwhereIam.Andyourpathof
rationalizationbegins.
Takeyourfearanduseitforwhatitsthereforenergy.
Thenexttimeyourunintoasituationwhereyouknowthatfearisholdingyou
back,stopandconsiderthesituation.Ifthepossiblepenaltyisanythinglessthandeath,
whyareyouscaredofit?
Ifitsjustnotasmartidea,likewalkingthroughadangerouspartoftownlateat
night,thenyouhavereasonforfear.Fearistellingyouthatyouretakingan
unnecessaryrisk,andmaybeyoushouldlistentoit.
Ontheotherhand,ifitsanythingelsethatdoesnotposeseriousphysicalharm
toyou,youneedtounderstandthatfearisjusttellingyouthatyourerunningintoanew
situationthatyouarentpreparedfor.Andtheonlywaytohandleitistoignorethefear
anddoitanyway.
Areyouafraidtogotalktoawoman?
HereswhattheBetaGuythinkssometimeswithoutevenhearingthewordsin
hishead:
Shescute,andIdreallyliketomeether.Butwhatifshedoesntwanttotalkto
me?Whatifshesnotinterestedinme?Whatifshesgotaboyfriendalready?WhatifI
cantgethernumber?
TheAlphaManthinks:
ShescuteandIdreallyliketomeether.Shedlovetotalktomeandseewhat
agreatguyIam.Ifshedoesntgettomeetme,shesgoingtoreallymissout.Andif
shesnotinterested,IllknowthatshesnottheoneIwaslookingfor.IfIdontatleast
try,Illneverknow,andneitherwillshe.Whatistheretoloseexceptafewminutes?
Heregoes.
Inreality,theAlphaManjustfeelsatingleoffear,buthejusttakesitandplugsit
intohisbraintochargeupthecircuitsandgivehimajoltofenergy.Itstopsbeingfear
andturnsintoexcitement.
Justlikethat.Ifhestopstoconsiderthepossiblepenaltiesofthisaction,he
knowshedjustsitinparalysis,unabletomove.Beforeanynegativethoughtscancome
uptoblockhim,hejustjumpsin.
Thefasteryouactinthesesituations,thebetter.
188
Imustnotfear.Fearisthemind-killer.Fearisthelittledeaththatbringstotal
obliteration.Iwillfacemyfear.Iwillpermitittopassovermeandthroughme.
AndwhenithasgonepastIwillturntheinnereyetoseeitspath.Wherethefearhas
gonetherewillbenothing.OnlyIwillremain."
189
EmotionalIntelligence
Asahealthy,functioningAlphaMan,youneedtolearnthelanguageoffemale
thinkingEmotions.Womenexperiencelifethroughemotionsinthesamewayaman
experienceslifethroughlogicandrules.Ifyoudonotlearnhowyourownemotions
function,muchlessawomans,youareatasignificantdisadvantageinlife.
Studieshaveproventhatthesinglemostimportantindicatorofsuccessinlifeis
apersonsabilitytoaccuratelyread,interpret,andmanageotherpeoplesemotional
states.NotyourSATscores,oryourGPA,orevenyourI.Q.Noneofthatmattersnext
toyourabilitytohandleotherpeople.
EmotionalintelligenceissometimescalledE.Q.Wellcoversomeofthebasics
here,butyoushouldgetafewbooksofyourownonthistopicandlearnmore.The
moreinsightyouhaveintoemotionsandhowtheyactuallywork,themoreeffective
youllbewithwomen.
Emotions
Mostemotionsareresponsestooursenseoffundamentalstates:
Yoursenseof Createsfeelingsofbeing
Dignity/Respect/Self-Worth Ashamed,insulted,offended,teased,criticized,
embarrassed,inferior
Freedom/Control Controlled,manipulated,obligated,powerless,
trapped,pressured
Love/Connection/Importance Abandoned,alone,lonely,rejected,unwanted,left-
out,confused,unloved,disapprovedof,neglected
Justice/Truth Cheated,judged,punished,liedto,misled
Safety Afraid,scared,attacked,threatened,violated,
intimidated
Trust Cynical,skeptical,suspicious,untrusted
190
Emotionsareresponsestothreatsagainstyoursecurityinoneormoreofthose
areas.Therearepositivebooststotheseemotions,butweusuallyonlynoticethe
negativethreats.
ImportantemotionsforanAlphaMantounderstandare:
- AngerThisisoneofthemostimportantemotionstounderstand
andcontrol.Itistheultimatetestofyourabilitytomanageyour
emotionalstate.Keepinmindthatangerisnotconsidereda
primaryemotion.Inotherwords,youalwaysfeelanotheremotion
beforeyoufeelanger.Angeristhefuelofourfightorflightreflex.
Sowhenawomantellsyoushesangry,oractsangry,youmustdo
someexplorationtofindoutwhatcausedtheanger.Ifyoujusttry
toaddresstheangerdirectly,youllmissthepoint.Alwaystryto
identifythesourceoftheangerfirst,whetheritsyoursoranother
persons.(Dontgointotherapyforthis,buttakeasecondtothink
andfigureoutthesourceoftheanger.)
- DepressionDepressionisanothersecondaryemotion,inthat
thereisalwaysaprecedingemotionyoufeelbeforeit.Depression
iscomplicatedandcanevenhaveitsrootsinphysiologicaland
chemicaldisordersofthebrainaswell.Itshardforadepressed
persontoexpendmentaleffort,sodontaskadepressedwomanto
explainanythingtoyouordoanywork.Thebestcureistogether
doingsomethingfunthatrequiresnoeffortonherpartanddistracts
herfromthedepressingthoughtsshesfocusingon.Puttingona
fewepisodesofSexandtheCityisagoodstart.Maybetakeher
togoseeamovieorsurpriseherwithahome-cookeddinner.Dont
quizherorinterrogateher,justletherexplainitwhenshesready.
WARNING:Whateveryoudo,dontgetintothegameofcountering
everythingorrationalizingeverythingshebringsup.Whena
womanisdown,everythinginherlifeseemstosuck.Shelltalk
abouthowshewantstomovebackhome,orquitherjob,ora
thousandotherthingsthatmaysoundthreateningtoyou.Yourjob
asanAlphaManistobepatientandjustbequiet.Thestormwill
pass.
- JealousyWefeeljealouswhenwefeeloursecuritythreatened.
Whensomethingwewantisdeniedtous,orsomethingwehave
191
seemsindangerofbeinglost,webecomereactivetothesituation,
tryingtosalvageoursenseofsecurity.Wellcoverthisemotionina
specialsectionlaterinthebook.
- EmpathyThisisacriticalskilltoraisingyourE.Q.Yourabilityto
understandanotherpersonsemotions.Whenyouseeanother
womanfeelingacertainway,youhavetobeabletorememberthe
sensationofthatemotionandhowitfeelsfromyourown
experience.Themoreyouunderstandthefeelings,thebetteryou
willbeatunderstandinghowtohandlethemwithothers.With
women,againyoumustbecarefultonotassumeyouknowtoo
muchabouthowshefeels.Neverreject,judge,diminish,belittle,or
ignorethefeelings.Justacceptthatherfeelingsarerelatedtoa
mood,andthatmoodsalwayschange.
- FearFearcanbebothprotectingaswellasdisabling.Acertain
amountwillbegoodtoprotectyou,buttoomuchcancrippleyou.
Allfearsdisappearwhentheyrebrokendownandunderstood.
Whenthefeariscompletelyrationalized,andtheconsequences
areaccepted,thefearwilldisappear.
- GuiltGuiltisareactiontoviolatingyourpersonalstandards.You
feelthatyouvebrokensomeinternalrulethatshouldbekept.First
ofall,learnself-forgiveness.Whenawomanfeelsguilt,shetends
todisplaceherfeelingswithactionsthatseemunrelated.Ifshe
feelsguiltyforsleepingwithaguytoosoon,shemightbreakitoff
withhimtogetridofthereminderofherguilt.Whateverthecause
maybe,guiltisaverypowerfulmotivator.Itsourowninternal
mechanismforholdingourselvestoourstandardsofbehavior.But
keepinmindthatthesestandardsmightbebrainwashedintous
fromourchildhood,andmayservenopurposeonceweregrown
up.Manypeopleneverstoptoquestiontheirguiltyfeelings.Asan
AlphaMan,youmustbewillingtolookbeyondbehaviorandsee
thisguiltinthebackgroundandrecognizeit.Thebestwayto
overrideawomansguiltistoshowenoughpositiveaffect(i.e.,fun)
thattheguiltdisappears.Donttrytoreasonwithguilt.
192
- Happiness/JoyHappinessisanaturalstateformostpeople.
Whatmostpeopledoisfeelotheremotionsthatblocktheirfeeling
ofjoy.Sometimesjoycancomeaboutjustasareactiontothe
absenceofanegativefeeling,whichisreallyjustrelief.(Youll
noticethatcertainemotionscontrasteachother,andevenenhance
theirstrengthbycomparison.)
Rememberthathappinessisnotadestinationthatyoureach
throughanythingbutgettingtheclutterofallyournegative
emotionsoutoftheway.
Therearemoreemotionsthanthis,ofcourse,andnotenoughspacetoexplain
themallhere.Sufficetosaythatyourabilitytounderstandandmanageyourown
emotionsfirstwillhelpyoudothesamewithothers.
Instudyafterstudy,themostimportantfactorthatdeterminesapersons
successisnthowsmarttheyare,orwhatkindoffamilytheycamefrom,orhowgood
lookingtheyare.Theonekeyfactorforsuccessinlifeishowwellaperson
managesandhandlestheiremotions,andtheemotionsofothers.Andhow
successfulyouwillbewithwomenoverthelongtermwillalsobeafactorofthisaswell
especiallybecausewomenarepredominantlydrivenbyemotions.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Ifyouhaveanynegativeemotionsyoufeelcomingupfrequently,itwoulddoyou
justicetorootthemoutandfindoutwheretheycomefrom.No,Imnottalkingabout
startingtherapy,althoughthatmayhelpsomepeople.Ultimately,Ibelievemenare
fairlysimplewhenitcomestoouremotionalmakeup.Wearecapableoffeelingmany
emotions,butonlyafewkeepcomingupagainandagain.(Angerisoneofthem.)
Takethetimetoworkthroughandgetthesenegativeemotionsundercontrol,
especiallywheretheyaffectyourgamewithwomen.Weknowwheretheyintrude,and
itsusuallywhenamandoesnthavehighself-confidence,andasaresult,hemakes
manymistakesintheinitialstagesofmeetingwomen.Whenyoufeelyourselfacting
fromfearorinsecurity,thatswhereyouneedtoworkonyourAlphaManstrategies.
Itsbeyondthescopeofthisbooktotryandaddressthemall,butmostmenare
capableoffiguringoutwheretheyarerunningintothesameroadblocksoverandover.
ThisbookshouldbeyourguidetoworkingthroughthemandincreasingyourAlphaMan
PowerAMP.
193
HowanAlphaManUsesEmotions
Theresonewaythatmostmenneglectwhenitcomestoemotionalintelligence.
Sincemostmendontengagetheiremotionstothesamedepththatmanywomendo,it
doesntnaturallyoccurtous,butitsimportantnonetheless.
AlphaMenknowhowtouseemotionsasleverage.
Leverageiswhenyouuseamotivationtohaveadesiredinfluenceonsomeone.
WhenItellafriendthatheowesmeforgoingoutonaterribleblinddatewithhis
cousin,Imemployingleverage.(Somecallitblackmailorguilt,butyougetthepoint.)I
usedasmallamountofactiontogetabiggerresult.Leverage.
Emotionalleverageiswhenyouuseahighlychargedemotionthatalreadyexists
togetaresultyoudesire.Thisworkswithwomenandyourself.
Alotofguysusethewrongleverageonawoman,ordonttakethetimeto
educatethemselvestowhatreallymotivatescertainwoman.Ifyouknowawomanis
vain,youknowthatherappearancetoothersisofprimaryimportancetoher.Ifyoucan
castherintodoubtaboutit,youcanhaveastrongeffectonher.Thatswhereteasing
comesintoplay.Youcastabeautifulwomansappearanceintodoubtwithatease
aboutherhairbeinginterestinginsteadofabsolutelygorgeous.Yourenotinsulting
her,yourejustlettingherownemotionsmoveherinthedirectionyoudesire.
Ifawomaniscompetitive,youleverageherbygivinghercompetition.Ifa
womanthinkssheshotshit,youchallengeherbybeingevenmorecockyandarrogant
thansheis.Ifawomandoesntliketolosecontrol,youdanglethecontrolinfrontofher
noselikeacarrot,andthenpullitoutofreachwhenitsuitsyou.
Idontcondoneusingthisabilitytomanipulatepeople.Thosewhodothisare
actuallyweakandimmature,definitelynotAlphaMen.Whatyoushouldusethis
knowledgeandpowerforistogetwin-winresultsforyouandanotherperson.
WhenIusesalestechniquestogetsomeonetosignupforamartialartscourse,
Imnotmanipulatingthem.Imhelpingthemmakeadecisiontheywanttomake.The
problemisthatmostpeopledontknowwhatreallyisbestforthem.Ihelpthemget
whattheywant,aswellaswhatIwant.Thatswhatsalesisreallyallabout.(And
whetherornotyouwanttoadmitit,everythinginlifeissales,myfriends.Especially
datingandseduction.)
So,howdoyouusethisemotionalleveragewithyourself?
First,identifytheresultyouwanttoobtain.Doyouwanttoquitsmoking?Ifthats
yourgoal,thenthesecondthingtodoisfindastrongemotionofyoursthatyoucan
194
use.Areyoualittlesqueamishaboutgrossstuff?Great.Putthetwotogetherlikethisto
leverageyouremotionstoquit:GetpicturesofcancerpatientsofftheInternet.Get
thosemedicalpicturesoflungsthathavebeendestroyedbysmokingandprintthatto
putonyourdashboard.(Theresasayingifsmokingdidtoyouontheoutsidewhatit
doesontheinside,youdneverhavestarted.)
Youhavetokeepusingthesemethodsandkeepuptheintensityofthemso
thatyourbrainmakesthedecisionitmustQUIT.Thatshowrealchangeismade.
Ifyoudontuseemotionstohelpyouinthesesituations,youwontbeableto
change.Youneedtofindastrongemotionthatyoucanusetoachievethedesired
affect.
Doyoureallywanttogetyourselftogoaskthatwomantodance?Thenyou
betterfindsomeemotionalmotivationtodoit,otherwiseyoullkeeptalkingyourselfout
ofit.
Howaboutthisleverageifyourethekindofguythathateshindsightand
regret:
Youknowthatifyoudontaskher,youllendupbeatingyourselfupahundred
timesmorefornothavingdoneitthanifyoudidaskherandshesaidno.Andifyou
dontask,youllgoabsolutelycrazyallweekwonderingwhatwouldhappenifyouhad
askedher.
Andifthatsnotenoughleverage,howaboutthisoneifyoureacompetitiveguy
thathatestolose:
Ifyoudontgoaskher,someoneelsewill,andyoulllosetosomeotherdweeb.
Andthenrememberadozentimeswhenyoufeltthatsickeningsenseoflossbefore.
Feelthatpain?Doyouwanttofeelthatagain?
Inordertomotivateyourself,youhavetofindaforceequaltoandgreaterthan
theforcethatsholdingyouback.
ThatswhereanAlphaManusesemotionalleverage.Hefindstherightemotions
tousetogethimselftoact.Healsoknowsenoughabouthisownmotivationsand
emotionstousethemconstructivelylikethis.
NowTHATisEmotionalIntelligence,andTHATishowyoumotivateyourselfto
actandenableyourselftochange.
195
CopingSkills
TheAlphaManhasauniqueskillamongmen,andithelpshimbethekindof
manawomancanentrustwithherfuture.Hehastheabilitytocopewithlifeshardships
nomatterhowdifficulttheymaybe.Henevergivesup,andhealwaysfindsaway
throughthedarknesstothelightontheotherside.Copingisemotionalstrengthand
control.
Thisessentialcopingskillistheabilitytoassessandunderstandsituations
accurately.Withoutthisskill,anydecisionsyoumakewillbefaulty.Makesureyoure
takingthetimetoreallyunderstandthesituationyouhavetodealwithbeforeyouact.
Therearemanymorecopingskillsyoumustdevelop,andherearejustafew:
1) RelaxationSkillsWevecoveredthisearlier.Youmusthaveawaytostop
thingsbeforetheygetoutofhandandrelaxyourmindandspirit.Youcant
actfromaplaceofAlphaManPowerwhenyoureallwiredupandnervous.
2) ManageyourtimeGetacalendaranduseitreligiously.Dontletyour
scheduleownyou,anddontletitcurbyourabilitytobespontaneous,butfind
awaytotrackyourobligationssotheydontsneakuponyou.Ownand
controlyourtime,nottheotherwayaround.
3) TheabilitytosayNOThisalsomeansavoidingthefeelingthatyoumust
liveuptootherpeoplesexpectations.Youhavetobewillingtostopdoing
whatotherswantforfearthattheywillstoplikingyou.Theywilllikeyoumore
ifyoudemonstratehealthyboundaries.
4) AdaptableandflexibleBeingtoorigidisthemarkofaBetaGuy.Yousee
thisallthetimeinguysthatcantchangetoadapttotheirsituation.Justlike
thedinosaurs,ifyoucantflextoyourcircumstances,youllfindyourself
extinct.Womenarenotattractedtooverlystructuredorinflexiblemen.
Remember,itsalwayseasiertochangeyourselfthanitistochangethe
world.
5) MaintainyourphysicalhealthandfitnessYoumustfollowahealthydiet
andexerciseprogram.Avoidabuseofalcoholanddrugs(includingnicotine
andcaffeine),aswellascertainbingebehaviors,likeeatingalotof
196
unhealthyfoodsduringacrisis.Exerciseiscriticaltokeepahealthybodythat
wontfailyouwhenyouneeditmost.
6) PrioritizationAgoodAlphaMancancopebetterwhenheknowswhatis
importantandwhatisnot.Ifwegetcaughtupinthegameoftryingtodo
everything,welosesightofwhatsreallyimportant.Dontgetcaughtinthe
trapofworkingontheseemingurgenttasksfortheonesthatarereally
important.
7) SimplificationKeepingyourlifesimpleandfreeofclutterisanessential
skill.IfoundthisoutmanyyearsbackwhenIdiscoveredthereweretoomany
thingsinmylifeslippingbetweenthecracks.Idmisspayments,orfind
obligationspilingup,andIwasreturningthingslate.
Takethetimetothrowthingsouteverymonth.Getridofalltheextrastuffin
yourlifethatsweightingyoudown.Themorepossessionsyouown,themore
theyownyou.Lifeiscomplicatedenoughwithoutaddingtothepile.
8) ProactivedispositionThismeansthatyouactbeforebeingactedupon.In
militaryterms,thisislikeapre-emptivestrikewhereyoutaketheinitiative
bybeingfirsttoact.Moreonthisinalatersection.
9) Self-relianceTothedegreethatamancandependonhimselftohandle
theimportantproblemsandcrisesinhislife,heisabletocope.Ifyoufind
yourselfrelyingonfamilyorfriendstogetyouthroughthings,youarenotwell
developedforcoping.Keepinmindthatawomanwantsamanthatshecan
relyon,andsheknowsthatshecantrelyonamanthatcannotrelyon
himself.Shehastobelieveinhimasthestrongfoundationshecanleanon
whensheneedsto.
10)FindaHealthyRitualOneofthebestwaystokeepyougroundedwhenit
seemsthateverythingaroundyouisgoingtohellistohavearitualthatkeeps
youfocusedandcentered.Somepeoplekeepthosestressballsontheir
desktosqueezewhentheyhavetodealwithsomeemergency.Iusedto
bounceaballoffthewallofmyofficewhileplayingsomeBeethoven.There
areallkindsofgoodritualsyoucanadopt,andtheyrethegoodhabitsto
have.
197
OrganicProblemSolving
Themostadvancedformofproblemsolvingistheabilitytothinkthroughtoa
solutionforasituationthatischangingeveryminute.Thisiscalledafluidsituationin
militaryterminology,onewheretheparametersforstrategicvictoryaregiven,butthe
tacticsthatareusedcanchangefrommomenttomoment.Thedefinitionofvictory
mayevenchange.
Doesthissoundfamiliar?Itshould.Thisiswhatitistoencounterwomenonthe
battlefieldofdatingandseduction.
o Youneedtobeabletothinkonyourfeet.
o Youneedtobealerttochangingconditionsandenvironmental
variables.
o Youneedtomodifyyourapproachtomeetthesechallenges.
o Youneedtocontrolfrustrationinordertogettothegoal.
o Youneedtobeabletodetachyourselffromemotionstolookat
yourmistakesandfailureswithanobjectiveeye.(Emotionsalso
getinthewayofyourwillingnesstotryagainafteranerror.)
Theselasttworeallytestyouremotionalintelligence.
Thebestwaytolearnthisskillistheonlygoodwaythroughexperience.
Engageonthebattlefieldandlearneverystepoftheway.Inthiskindofpracticethere
isnodefeat,onlylearning.Youhavetobehungryfortheknowledgeyougainthrough
theexperience.
Thiscomesupfrequentlyformeinmartialartsinstruction,whenIfindIhaveto
dealwithanewpersonandtheirparticularwayoflearning.Whenyoucometoan
obstacle,liketryingtofigureouthowtotrainthemforacertainfootorfistposition,itsa
newchallengeeverytime.Andthesamepersonwilloftenlearnindifferentwaysat
differenttimes.
Thisiswhatitslikewhenyoureoutwithwomenandtryingtokeepupwiththe
dynamicsofthesituation.Youhavetotrainyourselftothinkfromacertainperspective
(DominantAlphaMan)sothatwhenyourepresentedwithchallenges(hertestsand
questions)youknowhowtorespond.
198
Heresanexampleofnon-organicproblemsolving:
HER:Areyouaplayer?
HIM:No,noway.
(Shelosesinterestandmoveson,orkeepstestinghim.)
Thenexttime,hedoesthesamethingalloveragain.Hedoesntunderstandwhy
womenloseinterestinhimwhenhesjusttellingthemthetruth.Womenaresohardto
understand.Whatdotheywant?
Andheresanexampleoforganicproblemsolving:
HER:Areyouaplayer?
HIM:Nope.
(Shelosesinterestandmoveson,orkeepstestinghim.Herealizesthisanswer
isntworking.)
Butthenexttime:
HER:Areyouaplayer?
HIM:Isthatwhatyouwant,aplayer?
HER:Imlookingforamanwhossecureinwhoheis.
HIM:Wellthentonightsyourluckynight.
Shesmilesandwarmsup.Helearnsthatitsnothisanswertoherquestionas
muchastheattitudehecommunicatesintheconversationthatgetsthingsmoving
forward.
Organicproblemsolvingisaboutlettinggoofyourprejudicesandself-esteem
concernsandseeingwhatishappeninginfrontofyou.Itsknowingthatthereisalways
asolution.Thebiggest,mostindestructibledoorstillunlockswiththesmallestofkeys.
Thisdoorwillopenforyouifyourewillingtolookforthekeyinsteadofareasontobeat
yourheadagainstitinfutility.
AutogenicTraining
199
Thistechniqueisoneofthemosteffectivemethodsfoundtoimproveapersons
abilitytoperform.Itswidelyusedbyathletesandmartialartiststoimprovetheirability
toexecutetechniquesandimproveaccuracy.Youmayhaveheardthistechnique
describedasmentalrehearsal,also.Itsbasedonthepremisethatyourminddoesnot
knowthedifferencebetweensomethingyouactuallyexperienceandsomethingyou
vividlyimagine.Studieshaveshownthatathletesandotherperformershaveusedthis
techniqueextensivelytoimprovetheirabilitiesjustbyimaginingtheirperformancein
theirthoughts.
Itsalsothebestkindofpreparationandtrainingyoucanuseforpickingupand
seducingwomen.(Orevenjustlearninghowtocontrolyouranxietiesaroundbeingwith
women.)
Step1:Relax
First,findacool,quietplacewhereyoucansit.Dontmakeittoocomfortable,
becauseyoudontwantthistobenaptime.Thisispracticetime.
Clearyourmind.(UsethemeditationtechniquesIdetailinthisbookifitwillhelp
getyourmindundercontrol.)Breathedeeply.Breathein,fillingthelowerpartofyour
lungs,andthenexhalethreetimes,untilyouaresureyouemptiedyourchestofallair.
Youshouldfeelalittleacheinthecenterofyourchestwhenyouredone.Thenbreathe
backinagaindeeply,andagainbackoutthreetimes.
Step2:Imagine
Imagineyourselfinasituationwhereyoufeellikeyoureunsureand
uncomfortable.Thisisamoredetailedversionoftheexercisewedidearlierinthebook.
Wellusetheexampleofmeetingawoman,sincethistendstobethemoststressfulfor
mostmen.
Imaginethatyoureinabar,sittingonastool,sippingyourbeer.Acrosstheway,
youseeabeautifulwomansittingalone.Yougetupandwalkover,completely
confidentthatyoullhaveagoodtimetalkingtoher.Sheevensmilesasyouapproach,
asiftowelcomeyou.
Imaginewhatyouwillsaytohernext.Perhaps,Hi,there.Youlooklikeadamsel
indistress.LuckyyouImintownforaHumphreyBogartconvention.Whatsyour
name,sweetheart?
Tryoutvariouslineswithher.Getascrazyasyoulike.Remember,thisisyour
simulator.Youcontroltheoutcome.Youcantfail!
200
Eventually,shetellsyouthatshehastogo,butshethoroughlyenjoyedyour
company.Youaskherforanumbertocallher.Comeupwithseveralvariationsofthis.
Youcanevenimaginetherealfeelingofnervousnessasyoudoit.Thenrewindthe
tapeoftheencounterinyourheadanddoitoverandoveruntilitseemseffortless.
Nowyouneedtoimagineherpossibleresponsesasclearlyasyoucan.Hereare
justsomeoftherepliesyoumightget:
- Yeah,great!Andshehandsyouhercardwithemailandhome
phone.Howdoyourespond?
- Yeah,sure.Andshegivesyouanemailaddressorphone
numberyoucanbarelyread.Whatdoyoudonext?
- Yeah.Andshewritesdownanumberforyou,butyougetaweird
vibe,likeshesnottotallyintoit,andyoususpectthisnumberis
bogus.Whatdoyoudo?Doyouconfrontheronit?
- Umm,Idontknowyouthatwell.Andshemakesnomotionto
leave.Howdoyoureact?Whatdoyousaynexttogetthenumber?
- Nah,Idontknowyouverywell.Andshegetsupandstartsto
leave.Howdoyoustopher?
- No,Idonthaveaphone.Whatdoyousaytothat?
- No,youvegotcooties.
- Andsoon
Afteryouvedonethisenoughtimes,youllbereallygoodatthementalrehearsal
part.Butwhatyoudontknowishowmuchthishelpstherealworldpart.Ifyougo
throughthisexerciseandputsomeimaginationinit,youregoingtoloseyourfearof
introducingyourselftowomen.Youllhavegonethrougheveryresponse,andknowhow
tohandlethemall.
Changethesituations.Makeithardereachtime.Throwinsomevariables.
- Whatifsheturnedintoabitchpartwaythroughtheconversation?
Whatwouldyoudo?
- Whatifagangmembercomesoverandsayshewantstocutin?
- Whatifanotherwomancomesoverandtriesblockingyourgame?
201
- Whatifthiswomanwasinagroupofmenalreadytalkingtoher?
Howwouldyoubreakin?
Thekeytothisexerciseishowvividlyyoucanimagineit.Geteverydetailyou
can,fromthesmellofcigarettesorbeerintheair,tothemusiconthejukebox,tothe
feelingofthewoodofthetableyouresittingat.Seethedetailsinherdress.Seethe
unevenplaceswhereherhairiscut.Seeherhandmotions,andthewayhereyes
move.Themoreyoucanvisualize,themoreyourbrainwillbelieveyouandgetridof
thefear.
Thinkthinkthink.
Step3:Perform
Tocompletethecycle,younowneedtoperformtheactivityagain.Ifyouvedone
step1and2correctlyandvividly,youllinevitablyfindthatyouhaveincreasedyour
abilitytorelaxandperformunderthereal-lifesituation.Significantly.Thisworkslike
nothingelsetomakeyoumoreconfidentintherealworld.Whenyougooutanddoit
forreal,youllprobablyrunintonewsituationstotakebackintoyoursimulator.And
youllwelcomethem,becauseafterawhileyoullbesogoodthatyoullwanta
challenge.(Yes,youreallycangettothisstageofboredom.)
Underidealconditions,youwouldactuallyperformtheskillfirst,andfeelthe
actualexperience,physicallyaswellasmentally.Maybeevenexperienceanon-
success(whatyouusedtocallfailure.)Thenyouwouldretreattoaplacewhereyou
couldperformthisexercise.
Inarealseductionsituation,whereyoureoutatabarorclubworkingyour
magic,yourenotalwaysgoingtohavetheopportunitytogosomewherequiettore-
imagineyourperformance.However,theresnothingstoppingyoufromrevisitingthis
laterthatnightorthenextday(aftershesgottendressedandleftyourhouse,of
course.)ThecloseryouperformtheAutogenicTrainingtoareal-lifeperformance,the
better.
Thisalsoworkswellinadvanceofaperformance.Takeafewminutesbefore
yougointoacluborsinglessituationtocollectyourthoughts.Closeyoureyesand
relax.Visualizeafewencounterswithwomenaheadoftime.
Iusethistoimaginesparringwithotheropponentsbeforeanevent,orbeforeI
havetoactuallyperformakata(martialartstrainingform.)Ifindthatitgetsmymind
202
readyandintherightmode.EvenifIdontperformwellinthereallifeportion,Inow
haveabasistocomparetoandIunderstandwhereIneedtomakecorrections.
203
PainAndPleasureMotivators
Iamaverybigproponentofthepain/pleasuretheoryofmotivation.Wevehiton
thisindifferentwaysinthelastfewsectionsonemotion,andyoumaywonderwhyIm
coveringithereagain.Iamgoingtogointothedetailthatyouneedtounderstandto
leveragethismotivationforrealchangeinyourlife.Togettowhereyouneedtobeas
anAlphaMan,youhavetounderstandhowtheseforcesdriveyouinyourlife.Iwill
relateitspecificallytoyourquesttobeadominantAlphaMan.
Usetheunderstandingofpaintopushyouawayfromyouroldwimpybehaviors.
Understandtheforcesthatyouusetokeepdoingthethingsyouaredoing.
SourcesofPAIN=
o Notgettingdates
o Notgettingsex
o Beingdominatedbyyourfellowman
o Knowingyouhaveatonofability,butnotbeingabletouseit
Letsexploreoneofthesepainscenariosincompletedetailsothatyoucanreally
feelwhatImtalkingabouthere.
Oneofthemostpainfulsideeffectsofwimpybehavioristhatyouwillnotgetas
manywomeninbedasyouwouldifyoudemonstratedtrueAlphaMancharacteristics.
Yousimplywontgetlaidasmuch.AnddependingwhereyoufallonthescaleofWIMP
toSTUD,ifyourewayoverontheWimpend,youregoingtosufferthemost,and
youllprobablygetlaidaboutasfrequentlyasyougetmistakenforbeingElvis.Ifyou
getanysexatall.
Now,howdoesthisfeel?Iwantyoutoreallythinkaboutthisandtellme:How
doesitfeeltobeashy,wimpy,niceguywithnosex,jerkingoffinyourhandmorethan
youcomeinarealwoman?
Rightaboutnow,ifyourelikemostguys,youarestartingtofeeldenialcreepinto
yourthoughts.Yousee,yourmindistryingtoprotectyoubyblindingyoutothese
deeplyburiedfeelingsandassociations.Yournervoussystemdoesntwanttovisitthat
pain,soyoucreateadefensemechanismthatblotsitoutandmakesyoufeelbetterby
204
denyingtheanguishyoufeelfromthatquestion.Itsyourmindswayoflookingaway
fromsomethingthatitfindsparticularlyunpleasant.
Whoahthatstoomuch,manIgottalookaway
Imgoingtoaskyoutohangonforaminuteandnotdismissthesefeelingstoo
quickly.Weregoingtoseehowyourmindtriestostopyoufromseeingreality.
Letsexplorethisabitfurther
Don'tIgnoreReality-ItHasTeeth
ThemostdamagingthingyoucandotoyourselfistodenytheRealityallaround
you.
No,ImnotquotingMorpheusfromtheMatrixmovies.
WhatdoIactuallymeanbythis?
Well,it'sacommonlyheardconceptinEasternphilosophiesthatalloflife's
sufferingisattributabletothedesireforthingstobeotherthanthewaytheyreallyare.
TheunhappinessyoufeelisameasureofthegapbetweenRealityandwhatyouwishit
actuallywas.
Idon'tthinkthisisalwayssuffering,though,sinceweneedacertainamountof
calculateddiscontentinourlivesinordertostriveformore.It'sbeensaidthatthe
humanexistenceisnothingmorethanthesearchformore,better,ordifferent.
Intheworldofwomen,dating,andseduction,yourRealityisdefinedbythe
resultsyouget.Andyoucantgetbetterresultsuntilyouacknowledgetherealityof
whereyouare.
Ihearalotofguystalkaboutwhathappensontheirinteractionswithwomen,
andit'softenbrutallyclearthatthey'renotbeinghonestwiththemselves.(Andlet'sbe
clearthatIbelieveallfearsmenhaveaboutwomenboildowntoonethingfearof
rejection.)
Irememberoneguythattoldme,"Igavehermyphonenumber,andshesaid
she'dcallmethisweek.
Thereisalotofrealityignoredinwhathesaid:
205
1) Whydidn'thegetherphonenumber?Whywasnthetheoneintheposition
ofpowerinthesituationbytakingthelead?Heshouldhaveaskedandgotten
hernumber.
2) Whydidheevengiveherhisphonenumber?Becausehewassohappywith
herconsolationprize?(Whenawomanasksforyournumberinstead,thats
whatitis.Herwayofnotmakingyoufeelsobadforbeingrejected.)Her
havingyourphonenumberisaboutasusefulasabeerenema.
3) Shesaidshewouldcallhim?Whenwasthelasttimeaguygavehisnumber
toawomanandsheactuallycalledhim?Itdoesnthappenenoughtowarrant
attention.Mostguysareawareofthisbynow,butseemtokeepforgettingit.
There'satermI'dliketointroduceyouto,andit'saprettyimportantoneifyou
addittoyourempowermentvocabulary.
Thetermis:LACUNA.
Alacunaisamentalblindspot.It'sadefensivementalgapinyourawareness.
Lacunasdivertyourattentionfrompainfulareasofreality.
I'msureyou'veexperiencedthistovariousdegreesinotherareasofyourlife.
Haveyouevertriedtoremembersomethingparticularlytraumaticfromyourchildhood,
suchasthedeathofapet,orabadfalloffyourbike.Theeventitselfmaybeinyour
memory,butnotmuchaboutthedetailsusuallyreturnontheirownunlessyouforce
yourselftothinkbackandrecallthem.
Thisisoneofthementaldefensemechanismsthatyou(unconsciously)useto
protectyourself.Thisisthewayyourmindhelpsyoudealwiththreats.It'sanecessary
partofyourinnerworkings.Whererealproblemsariseiswhenyoustartchoosingto
overlookthesethreatswhenyoureallyneedtobepayingattentionandactingonthem.
I'mproposingthatyouareprobablycreatingyourownlacunasblindspotsin
yourawarenessmostlyfromhabit.
Afterall,it'saloteasiertoignorerejectionandmistakesinyourinteractionswith
womenthanitistofacethemandcorrectthem.Wemendothisallthetime.Sometimes
it'soutofpride,andthat'sthemostlethalofallrationalizationstouse.
"No,sorry,Idon'tthinkIwanttocomebacktoyourplace,"shesaysasshe
walksaway.
Hethinks:"Huh.What'supwithher?Mustbealesbian."
206
She'snotalesbian,dude.Youjustwanttoshifttheresponsibilityawayfrom
yourselfbecauseherlackofinterestissomethingyouperceiveasathreattoyourself-
image.Youprotectyourselfbythinkingthatifshesnotinterestedinyou,itmustbe
becauseshesnotinterestinmen.Itseasiertothinkthisthanacceptingthatyoudidnt
doagoodjobofgettingherattractionstarted.It'salsoeasierforyourmindtoblockthe
fearofwhatyouthinkwasrejection.
Whatyouhavetobewillingtoaskis:
Whatdidn'tyoudoupfronttogetherinterestedenoughtogowithyou?
Thatsthemostimportantthingforyoutoanswertoimproveyourabilitywith
women.Thepowerliesinthequestionsyouaskyourself.
Anotherquestioninevitablycomesup:Ifalacunameansyoublockthesethings
outhowdoyouknowwhatyoudon'tsee?Ifyourbrainishidingthisstuff,howdoyou
everknowitsactuallygoingon?
Theanswertothatliesinyourwillingnesstolookatwhatyouexperiencewhen
youdon'tsucceedwithwomen.Ifyougetturneddownwhenyouaskforthephone
number,whatdoyoufeel?
Yes,IknowI'maskingyoutoventureintothatdangerousterritoryoffeelings
hereforaminute,butIthinkit'saworthyexploration.Iwon'taskyoutospendtheday
here,justlongenoughtogetsomeperspective.
Whatdoyoufeelwhenyou'rerejectedorturneddown?
o Doyoufeelinsecure?
o Doyoufeelthreatened?
o Doyoufeelpissedoff?
o Frustrated?
o Sad?
AndthenyoushouldaskyourselftheBIGquestion,theonethatsofewguys
everask.
- WHY?Whydoyoufeelthatway?
207
Remember,alotofemotionsyouexperiencearenotprimaryemotions.Theyare
causedbysomethingelse,anditsuptoyounottolosetrackofthat.
Mostmenwillneverhavethegutstofacethisinthemselves,choosingtoblame
theirfailuresonwomeninstead.Theywillgothroughtheirwholelivescomplainingthat
womenarejust"tooweird"or"tooconfusing,"whentheyareignoringtheRealitythat's
rightinfrontofthem.Theywillgototheirgraveshavinggivenuponwomen.
There'sacorereasonyoufeelwhateveryournegativeemotionis,anditusually
goesbacktoyourcorebeliefaboutwhatawoman'sopinionsaysaboutyou.
Ifyoucanfindthisbelief,almosttentimesoutoftenyou'llstarttorealizethatit's
aloadofcrap.Italwayslookssillyinthelightofday,andthat'swhythesetricky
assumptionshideinyourlacunas.
Inmostmen,thefearisusually:"Awoman'sopinionaboutmeisreal.I'mafraid
thatwhenshedoesn'twantme,it'sareflectiononmyvalueasaman."
Andwhenyouaskyourself"WhydoIthinkthat?"youusuallyendupfinding
thosecorebeliefsyouhaveaboutwomen.
Soheresyournewinterpretation:
ThereisnowomanontheplanetwhocanjudgemetobelessthanthemanIam.
Or,putanotherway:
Thereisnowomanwhocanchangemyvalueasaman.
I'lltellyouthis:Ifyoucanbuildthisbeliefsosolidlythatyouneverevenflinch
whenyousayittoyourselfinthemirror,you'rewellonthepathtobeingabad-asswith
women.Becausethiscorebeliefmustbeintheresomewhereorshe'sgoingtobeable
tosniffyououtfasterthanadogcanfindanassconvention.
Don'tavoidthetruth,anddon'tbetooafraidtoshinealightonthoselacunas.
Realityhasteeth.
Andifyouignoreittoolong,itwillbite.
208
Now,backtoourscenario.RememberwhenIaskedyoumyterriblequestion:
Howdoesitfeeltobeashy,wimpy,niceguywithnosex,jerkingoffmorethan
youpokearealwoman?
Letyourselfthinkaboutallthenastydetailsthatcrowdintoyourmindwhenyou
imaginethisstateofbeing.
o YourehomealoneonSaturdaynightwithnothingbutalame
moviefromBlockbuster
o Youseeabeautifulwomanonthestreetbutdontknowhowtotalk
toher
o Yourealwaysthethirdwheelwhenyougooutwithyourfriendand
hisgirlfriend.Shesaysthingslike,Youresonice,youshouldhave
agirlfriend.
Letyourselffullyimaginethepainoftheconditionweretalkingabouthere.
Okay,nowheresanotherpainforyou:ThepainofREJECTION.
Ooooh.Bigword.Rejection.Soundsliketheendoftheworld.Yourerejected.
Someonecomesalongwithabigrubberstampandputsthatonyourforehead.
Reject.
Letslookatthisonealittlecloser:
Letyourselfthinkabouttheworstthingthatcouldhappenwhenawomandoesnt
respondtoyouafteryouapproachher.
Yousay,Hi!
Shelooksatyoulikeshesmeasuringupsomepondscumandsays,Beatit,
loser.Shelooksatyouindisgust,spitsonyourshoes,andgoesbacktoher
conversationwithotherwomen.Theystartlaughingatyouandwhisperingviciouslittle
insultsyourway.
Now,admittedly,thatsabouttheworstcaseanymancanpossiblyimagine.
(Although,Imsuremanyguysactuallyimaginemuchworsewithouttryingtoohard,but
theyresituationsthatjustdonthappenintherealworld.)Ifyoucanimagineandhandle
thatworst-casesituationwithoutflinching,youllhavethewholefearofmeeting
womenthinglicked.
Butheresthegoodnews:
209
Norejectionscenarioyouimaginehaseverbeenasbadasyouhave
imaginedit.
Letsmakeitmorereal,becausethisexampleistheworstyoullusuallyever
experiencewithawomanwhenyougototalktoher:
Yousay,Hi!
Shesmilesandsays,Hi!backtoyou.
Fromhere,sheactsabitaloofanduninterested,meaningthateitheryoufailed
tosparkherattractionphysically,oryoufailedtosparkitmentallybyyourapproach
style.Youwalkaway.
Thatsit.
Bigfuckingdeal,huh?Notashorribleandgruesomeasyoumightthinkifyou
watchguysgetallworkedupovergoingtotalktoawoman.
Now,herestherestofourlittlethoughtexperiment:
Whichoftheseoptionsismorepainfultoyou:
o A:Thepainofawomansuninterestedrejection.(Rememberthat
itsNEVERasbadasyouimagine.)
Or
o B:Thepainyoufeltwhenyouthoughtaboutsittinghomeallalone
fortherestofyourlife,beatingofftothesameoldpornmovie,
lettingothermentakethewomenyoudeservetohave.
Whichoneismorepainfultoyou?
Idontknowaboutyou,butoptionBisabouttheworstthingIcanimagine.
IfyoufeelthatoptionAismorepainful,youllprobablyneverdowhatittakesto
meetmorewomenandgetmorepussyinyourlife.IfyoufeelBismorepainful,you
needtokeeprememberingthatpaineverytimeyourefacedwiththechancetomeeta
womanandyoufeelyoumightweaseloutoftalkingtoher.Infact,allyouhavetodoto
motivateyourselftoactionishaveaready-madementalimageofthepainyouwillfeelif
youdontdoit,andthensummonituponcommand.Imagineitwithallthegorydetails,
sothatyouconvinceyourselftofinallydosomething.Imaginethatpain,andthenturn
upallthefactorsthatmakeitintenseforyou.Nowthatsmotivating!
210
Whataboutthepleasuresideofthis?youmaybeasking.
Howdoyouusethepleasuresideoftheequationtoyourbenefit?
Well,thesadfactoflifeisthatwearemoremotivatedbythepossible
punishmentfornotdoingsomethingthanwearebythepleasurewereceivefromdoing
it.Itsmucheasiertoseethepainofasituationthanthepleasureofit.Painismuch
morevividandmotivating.Now,Idontrecommendyoumotivateanypeoplethatmight
workforyouthisway,becauseitisntagoodlong-termmethodofmotivation.However,
whenitcomestomotivatingyourself,itsveryeffective.
Whatyouwanttodo,ultimately,istousethepleasurablefeelingsofthesituation
youwanttodoalongwiththefeelingsofpainofnotdoingittogiveyouthemostpush
towardyourgoal.Thepushfromonealongwiththepulloftheother.
Letsrunthroughacomparisonofthepleasuressoyoucanseehowthisgoes
andcompletethemotivation.
Doyouseehowyoucanleveragethistoyouradvantage?
Anysituationyoucancomeupwithhasapain/pleasurefactorbuiltintoit.Allyou
havetodoisfindoutwhattheyareandrememberthefeelingsofeach.
Now,thecompletemotivationyouuseforyourselfisthis:
Iwillhavenoproblemgoinguptothatblondewiththestellartitsandperfect
ass,becauseIknowthatifIdo,Iwillfeel:
o thethrillofhavingovercomemyfears
o thepossiblethrillofmakingoutwithher,leadingeventuallytosex
withher
AndIwontfeel:
o thepainofbeingalone
o theneedtojerkoffintoahankyagain
o thepainoflettingmyshysideholdmebackfromexperiencingthe
world
211
Prettyexplicit,huh?Moreimportantly,prettypainfultoexperiencethosenegative
feelings.Iknow,guys.Ivebeenthere.Ivefeltthisfirst-hand.Letmesharesomeofthat
painsoyoullknowthatIvespilledthesamebloodinthesamemud:
Manyyearsback,Idreachedthebottomofthepitinmydesperationtogeta
girlfriend.IdjustrelocatedtoanewcityforawomanIthoughtIwasinterestedin.(Big
mistake.WesplitupamonthafterIarrived.)Ihadanewjob,butnofriends,andthere
wasnoonetosharemylonelysituationwith.Iremembercallingandtalkingtomy
motheronthephone,feelingthatdespairoflonelinesswashoverme.
Iendeduponmybalconythatnightinfitful,sobbingtears,nearlytearingmyhair
outthatthingswerenotworkingoutforme.Icrossedalineinmyheadthatthiscould
notcontinue.Ithadtostop.AndIwouldnotletthissituationcrushme.Igotso
disgustedthatIcrossedoverintoanewwayofthinking.
Ipulledmyheadoutofthewatersofmisery,andIwentonanon-stopplanof
actiontowardmygoals.Idatedwomenfrompersonals,anddatingservices,and
friends,andsoon.Ivolunteeredatachildrenshospitaltogivemesomeperspective.I
tookaparttimejobthatgavememanynewfriends.Ipushedmyselfoutintotheworld
andintonewexperiences.Igotanewjob,andwiththatcamesomenewconfidence.I
gotalotmoremoney,andmoreskills.Iexpandedthecircleofmyinfluenceonmy
world.Iregainedsomeofthatcontrol.Istillscrewedupquiteabit,butIalsostarted
seeingsuccess.IalsonoticedthatifIstoppedfrombeingtooobsessivewithsomeof
thewomenIwasseeing,Ididsomuchbetter.AndIgotlaidahellofalotmore.
Pieceswerestartingtofittogether.AllofitcamefromtheactionIstartedtotake
togetawayfrommypainandgetonthepathtothepleasuresIwanted.
Now,Iwantyoutotakethepainofwhateverexperienceisholdingyoubackand
compareittotherelativelyinsignificantpainofrejectionbyawoman.
Thingsalwaysfeelbetterwhenyouremovingtowardyourgoalswithpurpose.
Letthepainpushyoutowardwhatyouwant,andreinforceitbyimaginingthepleasure
ofgettingwhatyouwantoutoflife.
ProactiveNature
AnAlphaManrecognizesthataproactivestanceisalwaysbetterthanareactive
stance.Youhavetobewillingtotakeactiononsomethingfirst,evenifitispotentially
painfultoaddress.Thiswillsaveyoutruckloadsofproblemslater.
Anexample:Firingabademployee.
212
Ultimately,itsnevereasytoletsomeonegofromtheirjob,butifyouknowthat
someoneisnotsuitedfortheirwork,andtheirperformanceshowsit,youhaveadutyto
letthemgoassoonasyoucan.Thatmakesitallthatmuchsoonerthatyoullbeableto
findsomeonerightforthejobandsoonerthatthepersonyoufiredcanfindaposition
thatisrightforthem.Everyonewins.However,itsalwayseasierintheshorttermto
ignoretheproblemandhopeitwillfixitself.
Itneverdoes.
AnAlphaManknowsthatjustbecauseyourenotrockingtheboatintheshort
termthatyourenotnecessarilykeepingthingshappy.Infact,itslikeignoringaholein
thesideofyourship,andbeforeyouknowit,youcouldbesinkingtotheoceanfloor.
Aproactivestanceisbest.Ifyouseesomethingthatcanbefixednow,youneed
tofindawaytotakeactionnowratherthansufferinglater.Ifawomanyouredatingis
actingstrangeandsketchy,dumphernow.Saveyourselfmoretroubledowntheroad.
Ifawomanstartsgentlynaggingyoutochange,youmustaddressitnow,beforeit
becomesherhabitandyourtorment.Ifsheneverreturnsyourcalls,dropherright
awaybecauseyouknowsheseitheramajorgameplayerorshesnotinterestedin
you.
Badhabitsstartwhenyouseparatethecausesfromtheeffectssothattheydont
seemconnectedanymore.Ifyourewheezingandcantdoanythingphysical,youve
probablydisconnectedthissituationfromthefactthatyouresmokingtwopacksof
cigaretteseachday.Theynolongerseemrelatedtoeachother.
Youmightthinkthatjustbecauseawomanisntcallingyouthatshesverybusy,
justlikeshemighthavetoldyou.Buttherealityisthatwefindthetimeforthingsthat
areimportanttous.Bewarethisillusion!
Almosteverythingyoudoindatingandseductionhasaneffectsomewheredown
theroad.
213
DisclaimerforCrazyWomen
Imsharingwithyousomedeepstrategiesforgettingsexwithwomeninthis
book,butthereissomethingyouneedtobeawareof:
Thesestrategiesonlyworkwithwomenwhoaresane.
WhatImeanbythisisthatifawomanismentallystable,meaningthatwildmood
swingsorotherneuroticandunpredictablebrainproblemsdonotcontrolherbehavior,
theseprinciplesaretrueandshouldworkjustfine.
If,however,sheiserratic,pronetoextremelyunpredictableandemotional
behaviorsbecauseshesdamaged,chemicallyunbalanced,didntgetenoughattention
frommommy,sawapictureofanerectpenisinher3
rd
grademathbookWHATEVER
youmustbewillingtoacceptthattherearenoconsistentrulesthatwillhelpyouwith
her.
Womenarecomplexemotionalcreatures,andaremorepronetopsychological
problemsthanmenduetotheirmakeup.
ReadthisfromtheNationalAssociationonMentalIllnesses
(http://web.nami.org):
Clinicaldepressionaffectstwiceasmanywomenasmen,bothintheU.S.and
inmanysocietiesaroundtheworld.Itisestimatedthatoneoutofeverysevenwomen
willsufferfromdepressionintheirlifetime.Additionally,womenexperiencehigherrates
ofseasonalaffectivedisorderanddysthymia(chronicdepression).Whiletheratesof
bipolardisorder(manicdepression)aresimilarinmenandwomen,womenhavehigher
ratesofthedepressedphaseofmanicdepressionandrapid-cyclingbipolardisorder.
Womenhaveamuchmorecomplicatedinternalandemotionallifethanmen.
Womenlivealargeportionoftheirlivesinsidetheirthoughts,whilementendtolivein
theworldofactionoutsidetheirheads.No,notallwomenarecrazy.Buttheyare
usuallymuchmorecomplicatedthanmen,andthatswhymenlosetheirpatienceand
failtolearntherightwaysofhandlingwomen.
Soifyougetwithawomanwhoactsinconsistently,erratically,orjustdownright
weird,dontsayyouwerentwarned!ThethingsIadviseyoutodointhisbookwillhave
inconsistent,erratic,andweirdresultsonwomenwhoarenotstableorsane.
214
Itshouldgowithoutsaying,butavoidunstablewomeninyourlife.Ittakesan
uncommonlyAlphaMantotamethiskindofproblemwoman,andeventheMegaAlpha
Menknowwhentofoldbeforetheylosetheirshirt.
215
PASSION
OneofthemostimportanttraitsyoucanacquireasanAlphaManispassion.
Whatispassionexactly?
Passionisacreativefireofpositiveenergythatyouharnesstoachieveinyour
life.Itsareservoirofpowerthatyoucantapintowhenneeded,butmoreoftenitslikea
strongwindatyourbackthatyoucannotresist.
Thinkofthepassionatemeninhistory,whofoundtheirprimemotivatingforce,
andcouldnotresistit.Infact,theyactuallybecamethatforce.
AlexandertheGreat.Ghandi.NelsonMandella.StephenSpielberg.MartinLuther
King,Jr.SteveJobs.AbrahamLincoln.Michaelangelo.Socrates.JesusChrist.Buddha.
BruceLee.
Thelistisendless.Theirimpacthasnotalwaysbeenpositive,asinthecaseof
thebrutalandthecorrupt,suchasAdolphHitler,buttheirpowerofcharismacombined
withtheirindomitablewillmovedthemtogreatheightsinhumanachievement.
Someofmensgreaterpassionsare:
- WomenandSex
- Sports(Competition)
- Work
- Wealth
- Building/Creating
- Adventureandexploration
- Religion
You,too,mustfindyourgreatpassionandpursueitwithfocusedpurpose.And
thatprimarypassionshouldnotbewomen.Youhavetohaveotherpassionsthatkeep
youwholeandgrounded.Thepassionforwomenistoooftenadysfunctionalneedto
reclaimsomeloveyounevergotasaboy,ortofixsomeinsecurepartsofyourself.
216
Therearemanydistractionsintheworldtoday,andtheyallloweryourlevelof
powerifyourenotcareful.Therearesometheoristsouttherethatsaythat
governmentsareultimatelyresponsibleforprovidingjustenoughdistraction
(entertainment)sothatthepeopleremainpassiveandneverpursuetheirpassions,like
questioningourleadersorthreateningthepowerstructure.Thatmaybefar-fetched,but
theresabitoftruthtoit.
Watchoutfordistractions.Theyprovideeasyexcusestoneveraccomplishthe
thingsyouwantinlife.Beforeyouknowit,yourepushing50andyoufindyoustill
haventdonehalfthethingsyouthoughtyouwouldwhenyouwere20.
Findingthedrivetoaccomplishintodaysworldisnoteasy.Ourtimeisusedup
intheprocessofworkingourfortyorfiftyhoursperweekinjobsthatweareonlymildly
interestedinmuchofthetime.Whenyouredonewithwork,mostpeopleturnto
recreationforwhatevertimeremains.
Happyhours.Ballgames.Movies.Escapingfromourselves.
Veryfewmeneverfindthatpartofthemselvesthatscreamstobereleased.Ina
lotofcasesitsprobablyforthebetter,sincetoomanyrevolutionarieswouldmakeour
livesprettychaotic.However,allmenhavepassionsthatcanbelivedonthescaleof
theirowndesire.Youjusthavetomaketimeforyours.
Thereare168hoursinaweek.Ifyouwork,say,40hours,sleep50,commute5,
eat,shower,etc,foranother10hours,youstillhave63hoursinyourweektouseas
youplease.Thatsmorethanenoughtoaccomplishwhatyouwantwithyourlife.
(Unlessyoudratherwatchtelevisionallthetimeandwasteit.)
Askyourselfrightnow:
WhatwouldIdaretodoifIknewIcouldnotfail?
- Wouldyougobackandfinishyourdegree?YourMasters?YourPh.D.?
- Learntheguitar?Drums?Keyboards?Playinaband?
- Writethatnovelyouvebeenthinkingaboutforyears?
- Rebuildacarinyourgarage?
- Learncarpentry?
- Becomeanactor?
Letmetellyousomethingaboutmypassionsthatyoumightrelateto
217
EveryyeararoundDecemberIgetpumpedupforthesnowboardingseason.I
liveforthosemomentsontheslopesofLakeTahoe,offinthewoods,lostinsomegully
wheretheresnothingbutme,thesnow,andthewindinmyface.Therereallyisnothing
likeitforme.
Ialsolovetowriteelectronicmusic,andIspendeveryhourIcaninmyhome
studiolearninghowallofitworks,composingandrecording.EvenifIneverget
releasedonalabel,Isharethebeststuffwithmyfriends.Theactofcreatinggivesme
joy.
AndIlovepracticingthemartialarts.Ienjoythefeelingofvibrancyfrom
performingthekatasinprecisemovements.IlovegoingoutbythelakewhereIliveto
practiceusingthesaisandthebostaff.Iespeciallyenjoythefeelingofdiscipline,
power,andconfidencethisinstillsinmeintheprocessoflearningandpractice.
Thesearethekindofthingsthatyouneedtofindinyourownlife.Lifeisfor
experiencing,notobserving.Ifallthewomenintheworldweretodisappeartomorrow,
Idbeabitunhappyaboutthesituation,butIdhaveplentytodotokeepmebusy.
Whateveritisyouwanttodoinlife,itsonlytoolateifyouneverstart.Grandma
Mosesstartedpaintingwhenshewasinherseventies,livingwaypast100yearsold.
Passiongivespurposeandmeaningtolife.
Thedreamsofyoutharetheregretsofmaturity.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Makealistofallthethingsyouvewantedtodobutneverhadthetimetodo.
Everythingfromplacesyouwanttotraveltothingsyouwanttotry,likerace-cardriving,
orjumpingoutofaplane,orfinishingyourdegree.
Whatwouldyoudoifyouknewyoucouldnotfail?
Then,beneathitonthesamepaper,makealistofthingsyouredoingthatyou
couldgiveupifyouhadmoreimportantgoals.Thingslikewatchingtelevision,goingout
todrinkeveryWednesday,Thursday,andFriday,etc.Findthethingsthatyoucancut
backontofindthetimeyouneed.
Weregoingtocarrythisoneoverintothenextsectionon
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Goals
Thepathtorealizingyourdreamsandpassionsisthroughtheuseofgoals.
Goalsaremilestonesalongthehighwayoflife.Theygiveyouameaningfulindicationof
whereyouare(orarent).
Imaginedrivingonahighwaywithnomarkers,nolocationsigns,andnoreal
indicationofwhereyouare.Youdonthaveagasgauge,soyoudontknowwhenyoull
runoutoffuel.Youdonthaveaspeedometer(though,oddly,itseemslikeyourcar
keepsgettingfaster.)Youdonthaveamap,oranyrealclearideaofwhereyoure
going.Youjustdrive,andhopethatyoudontrunintoadeadend,orthatyourcarwont
breakdown.Sometimesyouseeexitsignsforplacesthatsoundinteresting,butyoure
unpreparedforthemwhentheycomeupsoyoumissmostofthem.Everytimeyoulook
intherear-viewmirror,youseeallthesegreatopportunitiesthatmighthavebeen.And
staringbackisamanwhoisgettingolderandolderasthedrivegoeson.
Someofyoumayhavecaughtontomysimpleanalogy.Yourlifeisthatcar.You
arethedriver.Andwhetherornotyouwanttobelievethis,yourcarisnoworsethan
anyoneelses,oranybetter.Weallstartoutwiththesamevehicle,butsomeofustake
thetimetogetamapofwheretheywanttogo,andtheyplanforit.Theycharttheir
course,andtheirgoalsbecomerealasaresult.
Theexercisestofollowarethemostimportantexercisesinthisbook,designed
togiveyoumuchmorecontroloverwhereyourlifeisgoing.Followtheseexercises
completely,becausethereisnothingmoreimportantthansettingtherightgoalsfor
yourselfandachievingthem.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Takesometimetodream
Getoutanewsheetofpaper,andmakeacompletelistofallthethingsyouwant
todoinlife.Dontstopuntilyouvegotatleast20thingslistedthatyouwantto
accomplish.Dontjustchoosethingslikegooutrunningtomorrow.Agoalisalarge
milestone,soitshouldbemoreontheorderof:Runamarathoninthenextyear.(A
sub-taskofthismightbeGorunningeverydayforanhourtobuildupendurance.)
Reallydreamupallthethingsyouddoifsomeonegaveyoutheopportunity.
o Doyouwanttoearnenoughmoneytogivetothepoor?
219
o Feedhungrychildren?
o Contributetothearts?
o RaceinNASCAR?
o Walkonthemoon?
o RunforGovernor?
o Starinamovie?
o Tourwithyourownband?
o Writeabookofpoetry?
o Paintlandscapes?
o Becomeahairstylist?
o Drawcartoons?
Makealonglistofallthethingsyouwanttoaccomplishbeforeyoudie.Dont
holdback.Dreamalittle.Imaginewhatyoucoulddoifyouknewyouwouldnotfail.
Daretothinkbeyondyourowncurrentlimitations.Getcrazy.Putdownanythingfrom
thesmallesttothewildestdreams.
Rememberthatlifewillgivetoyouonlywhatyouaskofit.Sobewillingtoaskfor
whatyourheartdesires.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
Categorize
Therearemanydifferentkindsofgoalstobeaccomplished.Youcancategorize
theminanywayyoulike,butherearesomeofmyownthatyoucanstealfrom:
- PhysicalDietandexercisegoals
- MentalEducationalgoals
- SpiritualInternalfulfillmentgoals
- Family/RelationshipFamilygoals
- RecreationVacationorfungoals
- CareerMonetaryandoccupationalgoals
- ContributionCharityworkandgivinggoals
220
EachmonthIwouldsitdownandwritethesegoalsdownonpaperineachof
thesecategories.SometimesIdonlyhaveafewnewgoalsinanycategory.IfIfailedto
meetoneofthepreviousmonthsgoals,Idcarryitovertothenextmonthuntilitwas
completed.
Youthenplanoutforthenextsixmonths,1year,5years,10years,andlifetime
ineachofthesecategories.
Justtheactofwritingthisstuffdownhasanincredibleaffectonyour
subconsciousmind.Youllfindthatyourmindwillstarttoworkforyouonceyoudefine
whatitisyourelookingfor.Infact,ifyouweretojustwriteyourgoalsdownforthenext
yearonapieceofpaperandstuffitinadrawer,youdfindthataftertheyearwasup,
youdachievedmanyoftheonesyoudwrittendown.Thatsthepowerofyour
subconsciousmind.
Sotakeapieceofpaperoutrightnow(indexcardsworkreallywellforthis,too)
andplanoutyourgoalsforthenextyear.Thenbreakthemdownintochunksthatyou
canstartworkingonthismonth.Thenbreakitdownintosomethingthatyoucando
todaytogetstarted,evenifitsonlycallingsomeplaceforinformationtobesenttoyou.
Forexample,ifyouhadagoaltogetyourfirstthreebeltscompletedinTae
KwonDothisyear,youdworkbackwardstofigureouthowyoudaccomplishthis.The
firstmonthwouldprobablybededicatedtolocatingaschoolyoucouldattendandget
enrolled.Thenextmonthwouldbetolearnallthebasicsbygoingthreeorfourtimesa
week.Thenextwouldbetogetyourfirstbeltintwomonths.Thenthenextinanother
threemonths,andthenextfourmonthsafterthat.
There,youvecompletelymappedoutarealisticplantoattainyourgoal.Nowall
youhavetodoisgetbusyonit.
Manisagoal-seekingmachinebydesign.Hemustbeintheprocessof
pursuingaworthwhilegoaltofeelcompleteandactualized.Oncethatgoalis
completed,hecelebratestheachievement,andthenmovesontothenextone.
ALPHAEXERCISE3:
Reinforce
Putyourgoalsonanindexcardthatyoucarrywithyoueverywhere.Refertothe
cardeverychanceyougetsothatyoukeepthesegoalsonthefrontofyourmind.Post
acopyonyourrefrigeratorandbathroommirrorsothatyouseethemallthetime.(And
221
forgetaboutwhatotherpeoplethink.Thesegoalsareyourlife,nottheirs.)Thisdaily
reinforcementwillspeedtheattainmentofyourgoals.
ALPHAEXERCISE4:
Tellyourfriends.
Ifyourereallyseriousaboutreachingagoal,likeperhapslearningtospeak
Italian,thenletyourfriendsknowthatsyourgoalfortheyear.Bydoingthis,youmake
acommitmenttothegoal,andbymakingitpublicknowledgeyouholdyourself
accountable.Theyllbecheckingwithyoutoseehowitsgoing.Andyoullfindit
embarrassingifyouhaventmadeanyprogress.Dontignorethevalueofalittlepeer
pressuretohelpmotivateyou.
ALPHAEXERCISE5:
Review
Setadateeverymonthtoreviewandreviseyourgoals.Iusedtodothisonthe
firstofeverymonth.Idkeeptheminaspreadsheetthatmadeiteasytoreviseandre-
printthem,aswellastracktheprogressofthem.Re-readthemandadjustthemas
necessary.
ALPHAEXERCISE6:
Now,setgoalsforyourperformancewithwomen.
Makesureyousetgoalsformeetingwomenaspartofyourgoalsettingwork.
Settargetsfor:numberofwomenyouintroduceyourselfto,phonenumbersyoucollect,
andeventhetimeyouspendworkingontheexercisesinthisbook.Themoreyoustick
tothiskindofplanfromthestart,thebetteryoullgetatit,andthemoresuccessyoull
havedowntheroad.
ALPHAEXERCISE7:
Getsomeofthenecessarybooksavailableongoalsetting.OnebookIhighly
recommendisAnthonyRobbinsAwakentheGiantWithin.Thiswasthebookthatgot
mestartedonthepathtogoalsetting.BrianTracyalsohasanaudioseriescalledThe
UltimateGoalsProgram.Eitheroftheseisanexcellentwaytogetstartedonthe
process.
222
Havefunwiththisstuff,andtrytonottakeitsoseriouslythatyouburnoutand
stopdoingthework,buttakeitseriouslyenoughthatyouachievethegoals.Itsthe
mostimportantworkanAlphaMancanundertake,anditsuptoyoutodo.Nooneelse
willsetgoalsforyourlifeexceptyou.
Bytheway,goal-settingworklikethisisimmenselyattractivetowomen.Imake
surethatIletthewomeninmylifeknowaboutthegoalsImpursuing,andinevitably
theybecomeveryinterestedandimpressed.Theyknowthatamanwithgoalsisan
Alpha.
TheBoobTube
Thisnexttopicmayormaynotstrikeanerve,butitneedstobeaddressed,and
itssomethingyouneedtohear.Idontwanttogetpreachy,butIcantavoidtellingyou
thetruth,either.AnAlphaMandoesnotcloudhismindwithself-delusion.
Theaveragepersontodayspendsover4hourswatchingtelevisioneachday.
Thats28hoursaweek,or2monthsofnon-stopviewingperyear.Ina65-yearlife,that
personwillhavespent9yearsinfrontofatelevision.(Source:A.C.Nielsen,Co.)
IsuspectthatwiththeadventofTivoandotherentertainmentdevices,this
numberwilllikelyincreaseslightly.Considerthis:anaveragechildsees30,000
televisioncommercialseveryyear.
Heresanotherstunningstatistic:Ofall4-6yearoldswhowereaskedwhether
theywantedtowatchtelevisionorspendtimewiththeirfathers,54percentpreferred
television.
Unbelievable.
Kidstodayidolizerapmusicstarsandathleteswithquestionablecharacter.Their
idolsarethegangstasandthepeopletheyseeonMTV.
Somemenwhoarereadingthismayalreadybemarried,and/orhavechildren.
Evenifyoudoordonthavechildren,Iaskyouthis:
WhydontYOUbeyourkidsheroinstead?Oryourwomanshero?Andwhat
kindofamansitsidlybywhilehiskidschooseothermenasheroesinsteadofhim?
Whatdoyouthinkitisthatattractswomentofiremen?Itsbecausefiremenare
playingtheroleoftheHero.JustlikeKingArthurandPrinceCharming,theseguysare
223
theprototypesofheroes.Theyrestrong.Theyremanly.Theyrewhatwomenwantina
man.
Nowbacktotheproblemwithtelevision.
Look,Illbethefirsttotellyou,IwasacompletetelevisionaddictwhenIwasa
kid.IgrewuponBewitched,HogansHeroes,TheLoveBoat,FantasyIsland,Star
Trek,SaturdayafternoonGodzillamovies,Dallas,you-name-it.Ivegotagreatpop-
culturetriviabackground,butlittleelsetoshowforthosecountlesshoursIspentinfront
ofthetube.IthinktheonlysavinggraceIhadwasthatIdevelopedaloveofreadingat
anearlyage.(AndIdevelopedaperceptionaboutwomenandmoretraditionalviewof
male-femaleroles.)
Buttodaystelevisiondeadensyou.Thecomediesareoccasionallyfunny
maybebutwhatareyouleftwithafterthatsweetcottoncandytaste?Nothingbuta
blankstareandadullmind.Theresnolearning,nogrowth.Thefewshowsthatactually
deliveranyentertainmentvaluearentworthsiftingthroughtherestofthecraptofind.
Studieshavebeenperformedthatdemonstratethatyoulosementalsharpness
bysittingandwatchingtelevision.Braincellsdie.I,forone,dontdoubtthisonebit.The
newsrelatesonlystoriesofviolence,tragedy,andpain,becausethatswhatgetsthe
ratings.Realitytelevision,thelatestfad,isanythingbutreal.Ironic,isntit?
Televisionalsosabotagesyourdrivetogetoutthereandmeetwomen.Afterall,
whygooutandriskrejectionwhenyoucangetyourcomfortabledoseofhappiness
rightthereinyourlivingroomchair?Atleastyoucancontrolyourexperiencewiththe
remotecontrol.
Butintheend,youjustwindupsittingtheredreaminganotherpersonsdreams
whilethesponsorsbrainwashyouintobuyingabetterbrandofcolaordetergent.
Cutoffyourcableorsatellitedish,oratleastreduceyourserviceandviewing
timedrastically.Takeaweekwhereyouunplugyourselffromthenumbinginfluenceof
televisionandexperiencewhatlifeislike.Ifyoucouldregainjustafewofthosehours
eachweekfromwatchingtelevisionandusethemtopursueyourgoals,justimagine
whereyoudbeinayear.
224
DISTRACTIONSFocusandBalance
Theworldisfullofdistractionstokeepyoufromreachingyourgoals,likethe
previouslymentionedinfluenceoftelevision.Weliveinaworldwhereoneofthemost
commondiagnosesmadeisADHD,orAttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder.Ibelieve
thatoursocietyhasconditionedustorespondwithashortenedattentionspanandvery
littlepatience,soADHDisntamedicaldiagnosisasmuchasastatementofournew
mentaldevelopmentprograms.
Fromthevideogameskidsarebroughtuponthatteachyoutohavetwitchy
thumbsandemptyheads,tothenewsstoriesthatareonlya5secondsound-bite.We
evengetthisinthemovies,wherehyper-fasteditingkeepschangingthecameraangle
everysecond.Itgivesyouaheadachejustkeepingtrackoftheaction.
Whatmakesthedifferencebetweenanaverageguywhogoestohisgravewith
fewaccomplishmentsandtheAlphaManwholivesacompletelifeisthequalityofhis
FOCUS,andhisBALANCE.Whetherthatshiswifeandchildren,orhiscareer,orhis
hobbies,orhisfriends,theAlphaknowshowtoapplyhimselftoataskallthewayto
completion,aswellashowtogiveequalattentiontothethingsthatmatter.
Sometimesyouhavetoswingwayoffbalanceforashortwhiletoobtainthe
balanceandresultsyouwantlater.Itswhenyoubecomeobsessedwithanyonegoal
totheexclusionofallelsethatyouceasetobeofvaluetoothers.Youmaywinthe
battle,butyoulllosethewar.Askthemillionsofwork-a-holicsouttherewholosetheir
friendships,theirfamilies,andtheirself-respectjustbecausetheycantlearnthe
essentialroleofbalanceintheirlives.
Sobewarethoselittlethingsinlifethatsteeryouoffcourse,becausetheyllpop
upallthetime.Sure,youmightwanttoturnonthePlaystationforafewhoursoffun,
butaskyourselfifthatsthebestuseofyourtimerightnow.Doyouneedsome
downtimeafteralongdayofworkingtowardyourgoals?Thengoahead,havesome
fun.Butifyouremoreinterestedinplayingbeforetheworkisdone,youllfindyourself
constantlydistracted,andneverreachingyourgoals.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Takeoutanotherpieceofpaperandmakealistofallthethingsyouhavetodo
today.MakeaTo-dolistforeverythingyouwanttoaccomplish.Then,whenyoudo
thingsthatarenotonthislist,makeanoteofthem.Attheendoftheday,reviewthe
list,andseehowmanythingsyoudidthatyouhadntplanned.Andthennotewhat
prioritytheywere.
225
Someofthemaregoingtobeurgentthingsyousimplyhavetoattendto.Abillis
latethatyouhavetogodropoffthepaymentfororyourelectricitywillbeturnedoff.Or
yourdoggetssick.Thesearethingsyoucantavoidinterruptingyourday.Buttakea
goodhardlookatthethingsthatkeepcomingupanddistractingyou.
Sorry,watchingtheseasonfinishtoSurvivordoesntcount.Nordothingsyou
shouldhaveplannedfor,suchasfinishingyourtaxes.Moreoftenthannot,youllfind
thatthedistractionsandurgenttasksarethingsyoucouldhavesaidNOto,orplanned
andscheduledatadifferenttime.
Rememberthateverythingyoudohasanopportunitycost.Thismeansthatfor
everythingyouchoosetodo,youarechoosingtonotdosomethingelse,andthats
youropportunitycost.Youcouldgotoseeamovie,oryoucouldfinishthatbookon
investingyouvebeenreading.Youcouldgooutwiththeboringgirlfromlastweek
again,butthatmeansyoucantgooutandbemeetingothernewwomenthatwould
probablybemoreinteresting.
Choosewell.Theamountofsuccessyouexperienceinlifewillbeadirectresult
ofthechoicesyouvemade.
Makethisadailyexercise,afifteen-minutereviewthatyoudoeachmorningas
youreviewyourgoals.Makethishabitrealandyoullfindyourselfachievingmorewith
everydaythanyoueverimagined.
226
Bravado,Boldness,Cockiness,Confidence,Self-esteem
Thesetermsallmeansomethingcompletelydifferent,andallhaveaplaceon
ourslidingscaleofdemonstratingAlphaManbehavior.Letsputthesebehaviorsona
scale:
Bravado Cockiness Boldness Self-Confidence
Arrogance TrueHighSelf-steem
Ononeendthefarleftyouhavetheleastdisciplinedformofman,whoisa
slavetohisinsecuritiesandtoothersopinionsofhimself.Onthatsameend,wehave
Bravado,whichisafalseconfidencethatdoesntknowhowtohandleitself.Itslike
havingamachinegunthatsincrediblyloud.Undisciplinedandpoorlycontrolled,only
wantingtodrawattentiontoitself.Alone,itmightwinyousomewomen,butitwilllikely
turnoffatleastasmanyasitimpresses.Women(andmen)cansmellthedifference.
Bravadoisfakeself-confidence.
Furthertotheright,cockiness,whichisamoreconfidentkindofBravado,is
morelikeamachinegunwithpooraim.Itdoesntcarewhoithits,butitsgotamore
controlledsoundtoit,soitsveryimpressivetowomen.Thewayitsusedonthisscale
isthatafteryouhavebecomebraveenoughtodosomething(askawomanout,askfor
araise,etc.),youbehavealittlebitself-assuredinajokingwaythattellsothersthatyou
deserveandexpectittobeyours.Cockinessisstillanact,butonewithenoughhumor
thatitisntmistakenforarrogance.
YouneedBoldnesstokick-startyourengine.But,againitsstillundisciplinedit
needsafoundation.Boldnessislikeagrenade.BOOM!Itexplodesandisprettyflashy
andimpressive,butimpersonal.Youuseboldnesswhenyouwanttorevupyourengine
whenyourenthusiasmorenergyislow.Thisiscalledfakeittilyoumakeit.Itsa
differentkindoffakethanBravadoorCockiness,becauseyouareboldinordertoget
yourenergyuptothelevelofrealizingyourtrueconfidence.Itsmerelyatransition.
Boldnessisamorerealisticconfidence,showingthatyouhavecourageand
control,withanabilitytoshowoffintherightwaysthatyouhaveconfidence.Boldness
islikeashinyrevolverinahipholster.Reliable.Neverjams.Andmakestheright
statementaboutyourabilities.
227
Thencomesself-confidence,whichisreallyyouroverallabilitytodisplayyour
self-assuredness.ItstheoutwarddisplayofyourTrueSelf-esteem,thelasttrait,and
alsothemostinternal.Self-confidenceisthesniperrifleinyourarsenal.
Self-esteemishowyoufeelinsideyourownskin.Itswhatyoureallythinkof
yourself.Itdoesntneedtobeexternalized,butbyvirtueofitbeingthefoundationof
yourbehavior,itwillfinditswayout.Lowself-esteemalwaysgivesyouawayalongthe
restofthespectrum.Self-esteemisthegunpowderineveryoneoftheseweapons.If
youdonthaveenoughself-esteem,yourweaponpowerisgoingtobelimitedtothe
fakeformsofconfidencefoundovertotheleftside.
Whenyougetarealsenseofwhoyouare,andyoucandemonstratethis
constructively,youllbeabletomovefurtherandfurthertotheright.Ifyougotoofarto
therightandlosesightofyourhumanqualities,youcanwindupbackoveratarrogance
again,sobecareful.Truehighself-esteemislikeatenth-degreeblackbeltinKung-fu,
whereitsnotvisibleonthesurface,buttheabilityisthere,waitingforuse.
WhatyouarespeakssoloudlyIcanthearwhatyouresaying.
228
AlphaSelf-Confidence
CompleteAlphaManConfidencecomesfromaspecialplace,whereamanhas
definedhimselfcompletely.Heknows:
- Whatheconsidersrightandwrong,andhedoesntletotherpeople
changehisopinionswithoutcarefulcontemplation
- Whatheconsidershisownvaluestobe,andhedoesntchangethem
withoutlongandcarefulthought
- Whohewantsinhisworldtoaccentuateandenhancehisjoyouslifestyle
- Whathisgoalsareinlife
Generallyspeaking,thepeoplewhoaretheleastdefinedinwhattheybelievein
andwhattheystandforaretheoneswhoarethemostinsecureinoursociety.Theyare
morepronetofallintosomeoneelsesworldviewthantakethetimetothinkanddecide
theirownopinions.
Thisiswhysomanypeopleoflowself-esteemfallintocultsandgangs.These
organizationsgivethemapurposeandadirectiontheycantfindintheirownlives.
Theythinktheyfindtheirplaceandbelongingwiththegroup.
Makesureyouaretheonetodefineyourself,notthroughothersopinionsor
plans.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
1) Takeoutapieceofpaper(orstartupawordprocessorfileonyourcomputer)
andmakealistofyourcorebeliefs.Startwithwhatyoubelievetoberight
andwrong.Thinkintermsoftheseareas:
-Abortion
-War
-Guncontrol
-Freedomofspeech
-Homelesspeople
-Drugs(legalization)
229
2) Whatareyouropinionsofthesetopics?
-Honor
-Dutytoyourfamily
-Loyalty
-Relationships
-Happiness
-Women
3) Whatareyourcorevalues?Whatdoyoubelieveismostimportanttostand
forinlife?
HeresalistofmycorecharactervirtuesthatIseektoworkoneveryday:
Love - Compassion
Faith - Humility
Honor - Courage
Balance - Temperance
Generosity - Kindness
Self-discipline - Patience
Passion - Enthusiasm
Heresmylistofpersonalvalues,whatmakeslifeworthwhile:
Time
Independence
Income
Social connection
Organization/Simplicity
Relaxation/Recreation
Peace of Mind
4) Whatisyourlifephilosophy?Doyoubelieveinliveandletlive?Everyman
forhimself?Theonewhodieswiththemosttoyswins?Seeyouatthetop?I
likemycoffeeasblackasdeathandasbitteraslife?
Takeafewminutestofigureoutwhichkindofpersonyouwanttobe.You
donthavetobethatpersonyet,butyouhavetoknowwhoyouare
becoming.Remember,withoutadestinationinlife,anyroadwillgetyou
there.(Andnoneofthem,too.)
230
5) Whatisyourmissionstatementforyourlife?
Mosteverycompanytodayhasamissionstatement,abriefsentencethat
tellswhatthebusinessistherefor,besidesmakingmoney.Takethetimeto
thinkaboutwhatyourmissionstatementis,andhowyouwouldwriteyour
own.Illgiveyoumymissionstatementsoyoucangetanideaofhowthis
works:
MISSION: Because I can do what others won't, I will strive for more
growth and interconnectedness, never looking down upon others, and
achieving with my gifts.
6) Whatistheonecorebeliefthatmotivatesyou?Whatonethingkeepsyou
believinginyourselfandgoingwhenthegoinggetstough?Again,heresa
sayingthatIusethatsummarizesmylifepurpose:
The only life worth living is the adventurous life. Of such a life, the
dominant characteristic is that it is unafraid. It is unafraid of what other
people think It does not adapt either its pace or its objectives of its
neighbors. It thinks its own thoughts, reads its own books, it develops its
own hopes and it is governed by its own conscience. The herd may graze
where it pleases or stampede where it pleases, but he who lives the
adventurous life will remain unafraid when he finds himself alone.
- Raymond B. Fosdick
7) WhatareyourRulesforwomen?Whataretherulesthattheymust
understandandrespecttobeapartofyourlife?
Again,herearemy3cardinalrulesforwomen:
1)Theymustneverlietome,eitheroutrightorbyomissionofinformation.
2)Theymustneverdisrespectmeinanyway.
3)Theymustnevertakemeforgrantedormistreatmeinanyway.
Iexplainthistowomenearlyon(notonthefirstmeeting,mindyou,butwhen
itsappropriatetoeducatethem.Iftheybreaktheserules,theyreout.
231
Decidewhoyouareandwhatyoustandforrightnow,andyoullfindthatpeople
willrespectyoumore.Theylllooktoyouasaleaderofmen,whichistheultimate
statementoftheAlphaMan.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
HarvesttheEnergy
YouhavetolearnanimportantbelieftobuildthefoundationofyourAlphaMan
behavior,anditsonethatalltheAlphashave.Itsnotanoption.
Everythingintheworldisworkingforyou,notagainstyou.
Youmustfindthereasonstotrulybelievethateveryoneandeverythingthat
comesintoyourlifeisaforcetoassistyouinsomeway.Findawaytoderiveforward
momentumandenergyfromeverysituationyouencounter,evenifitseemslikean
obstacleorsetback.
Therewasabusinessexecutivewhousedtoanswereverysinglebitofbad
newswith,Thatsgood!Hesaiditrightoffthebatwithouteventhinkingaboutit.Then
hewascommittedtofindingareasonthatthebadnewswasactuallygood.Youdbe
surprisedhowwellthisreallyworksforyourattitude.
Youhavetotakeeverysituationanduseittoyouradvantage.Dontbelievethat
everypersonyoumeetisouttogetyouorpissyouoff.Theyrereallythereasguides
andteachers,helpingshowyouthewaytosuccessandenlightenment,evenifitsonly
incontrasttotheircompleteandutterstupidity.
Theworldisworkingtohelpyou,ifyoulljustletgoofself-pitylongenoughto
seetheopportunityineverysituation.
StopDefiningYourselfinHerEyes
Thereareaboutamillionsickeninglovesongsouttheretodaythatactuallymake
menthinkthattheydonthavemeaningexceptinanotherwomanseyes.
Ineedyourloving
WhatwouldIdowithoutyou
YoureallIlleverneed
232
Iwanttospendmylifeandmoneylovingyou
Lifesnotworthlivingunlessweshareourbloodsupplyandakidney
Thesesongsmisleadmenintobelievingthattheyshouldgivethemselvesoverto
awomansopinionofthem.Mostofthesesongswerewrittenbyguysthatneverreally
hadtoworkforawomanoncetheygotfamous,sotheydontreallyhaveacluewhatit
takesformenwithoutfametogetwomen.
AlphaMendonotdefinetheirvaluebywhatawomanthinksofthem.
Toomanymenouttheretodayfeelthattheyhavelowself-confidencebecause
theycantscorewithwomen.Thisissuchadangerousbelief,becauseevenifaman
eventuallybecomessuccessfulwiththeladies,hestillfindsanemptyholerightinthe
middleofhimselfthathecanneverfill.
Andtheoppositesituationisusuallytrue:Mencantscorewithwomenbecause
womencanseethatthemendontreallybelieveinthemselves.
ThatswhyitssoimportanttodevelopyourAlphaManPower.ThemoreAMPs
yougiveher,themoreshebelievesinyouandwantsyou.Itallstartswiththisbeliefin
yourselfbeforeyoutrytomakeawomanbelieveinit.
Dontbelievethosesillylovesongsyoucandojustfinewithouther.Infact,the
onlyguyswhodiefromlosingawomanaretheonesthatkillthemselves.Andthats
calledthinningtheherdinAlphaManlanguage.
233
QuantumLeapMethod
Theresacommonerrormadewithrespecttobuildingupself-confidenceand
self-esteeminmen.Itstypicallymadewhenamandecidesheneedstobuilduphis
confidence.Heusuallyassumesthathemusttakehisconfidencefromwherehethinks
itis(attheverybottom)andraiseituptoahigherlevelwherehecanbelieveinhimself.
Therealityisquitedifferent,infact.
Letmestartbydescribingaprinciplefromphysicsthatisapplicablehere.Its
calledtheQuantumLeapTheoryofself-confidence.
Rememberthoselittlemodelsofatomsyouhadinschool?Theyhavethose
concentricringstorepresenttheorbitsofelectronsaroundthenucleusofanatom.
Somethinglikethis:
A
B
Thelittleorbitswheretheelectronsspinaroundthenucleusarecalledshellsor
orbitals.Forelectronstogofromoneshelltoahigherone(likefromAtoBinthe
picture),theyhadtogetenoughenergytomoveup.Then,whenanelectrongotenough
boosttomakethejump,itgottoorbitinahigher-levelshellandenjoyallthatnew
energy.Woo-hoo!
Butthefunnythingabouttheseshellsisthatoncetheelectrongotitsboostof
energytomakethejump,itdidntjustfloatupthroughspaceandstartmovinginthe
neworbit.Itactuallydisappearsfromoneshellandreappearsinstantlyinthenextone.
Prettytrippy,huh?Forashortperiod,theelectrondisappearsfromtheuniverse,
andthenreappearsinthenextorbital.Nomovingupbysteps.Noslightincrements.Its
all-or-nothingforMr.Electron.Onemomenthesinhislow-energyorbitrightaroundthe
nucleus.Thenextmoment,hesboostedbyseveralvoltsofpowerintohisnewhigher
orbit.
Thisexampleishowyoumakethebigjumpfromwhereyouaretowhereyou
aregoing.Forgetallthesmallstepsinbetween.
234
Makeaquantumleap.
WhatImabouttosaymaysoundcontrarytowhatyouvebeentaughtabout
maleself-confidence,butitsimportantyouunderstandhowthisworks.Youhaveto
unlearnthisbeliefthatself-confidenceisbuiltuporraisedinchbyinchfromalowlevel
toahighplace.Andofcourse,asIvetoldyou,youlldomuchbetterifyouworkto
shoreupyourbeliefinyourselffirstthroughothergoalsandpursuits,andthenlater
throughwomen.
Thebestwaytogetyourselftothelevelofself-confidenceyoudesireistojump
there,withnostepsinbetween.Youhavetolearntoassumethelevelofconfidence
youwant,imaginewhatthisfeelslikeinbothactionsandthoughts,andthenjustbethat
man.Noworkingupcourageorbabysteps.
BANG.Yourethere.
Yousee,theotherwayofbuildingyourself-esteemrequiresyoutoworkatevery
stepoftheway,andthenplaceallyourhopesandbeliefsineverysmallstepyoutryto
make.Ifyoustacktoomanyofthesesmallstepstogetheratonce,youriskhavingit
collapseonyoulikeahouseofcards,andthenallthatworkwillbefornothing.Youfeel
likeyourefightinguphilleverydayjusttogetyourselftoalevelofself-acceptance.
Foranotheranalogy,itsjustlikeworkingyourwayupawet,muddyslope.One
slipandyoucomeslidingbackdownagain.Howmanytimesdoyouthinkitwillbe
beforeyougiveuponthat?Andifyourelucky,youllonlygetafewsmallgainsinself-
confidencebeforeyoubecomeexhaustedfromfightingupthisslipperyslopeofmud.
Imagineyourlevelofself-confidenceisonascale,fromAtoS:
ABC DEF GHIJKLMNOPQRS
LOW HIGH
TherealproblemisthatmostguysassumethatbecausetheyareatpointA,and
theywanttobeatpointRorpointS,wherethereallyconfidentguysare,thattheyhave
tostruggletopointB,thentopointC,pointD,pointE,andsoon.
Whydoesntthiswork?
Because99%oftheguyswhoareatpointR,orpointS,oranyofthosehigh
levelsofself-esteemneverworkedthroughtheotherlowerlevelstogetupthere.They
eitherassumedthathigherlevelofconfidencerightaway,whentheywereyounger,or
theymadeabigjumpafterseveralsuccesseshelpedboostthem.
235
Askanyguywithhighself-esteemhowhegotthere,andalmostnoneofthem
willtellyouthattheywokeuponedayfeelingreallycrappy,andthendecidedtowork
everydayfromthenonwithtinybabystepstowardhigherself-confidence.
(Andtheonesthatdosaythisprobablydidntreallydoitthatway.Theymade
muchlargerjumps.Atthetimeitseemedlikeitwasmoregradualthanitactuallywas.)
Mostguysdontsucceedbysmallincrements,becauseitstoomuchworkfortoo
littlegain.Theymakebigquantumleaps.
Howdoesthisworkwithwomeninreallife?
Letssayyoureoutonyourowngoingtoasingleseventatabar.Asyoudrive
uptotheplace,youfindyourthoughtsstartturningtonervousnessandalittle
shakinessaboutthesituation.WhatifIchoke?youthink.WhatifIcantkeepthe
conversationgoing?
Thisiswhereyouneedtouseafewoftherelaxationtechniquesandstop
thinking.Yourememberallthetimesyoujustfeltincalmcontrolofthesituationbefore,
andhowtheenergykeptfeedingyou.Evenwhentherewasaslip-up,youkeptyour
coolanddidntletdoubtscreepin.
Yourealizethatinthisstate,inthisloworbit,youdonthavetheenergytopulloff
averyAlphaappearance.Soyouuseyourmentalrehearsaltechniquetoremember
thatfeelinginthebiggershell.
Whatwouldyouactlikeifyouknewtherewerewomeninheredyingtoknow
you,andallyouhadtodowasfindher?Whatifallthewomeninherewantedyou?
Howwouldthatmakeyoufeel?ImaginewhatColinFarrelloranyotherhotmalemovie
starfeelswhenhewalksintoaparty.Reallyfeelthisconfidencerunthroughyou,like
electricity.
Youevenreviewyourbeliefsforamoment,knowingthatthesearewhatdefine
you.Ifyoucandemonstrateaplaceofcalmsecurityinthem,womenwillwanttoknow
moreaboutyou.
NOWyoureinthathigherorbital.Noneofthatworkingupyourcourage
nonsense.Youjusthavetokeepyouractionsandthoughtsinthishigherenergystate.
Sure,youmayhavetojumpbackupthere,butitgetseasierandeasiereachtime.
ThedangerinusingtheQuantumLeapmethodisthatamancansuddenly
underminehisnewstatebyfeelinglikeafraudwhenheisfacedwithachallengeora
lowmoodthatshakeshisconfidence.
236
Thesecrettomakingthisworkistomakeyouroldsenseoflowself-esteemfeel
sorepugnant,sovileandhorrible,thatyoucantstandthethoughtofbeingthatperson
everagain.Youhavetohatethatfeelingofinsecuritysomuchthatyouunplugitfrom
yourself.Throwitawayinyourmentaltrashpile.Whenyoufeelthoseinsecurefeelings
tryingtostealyourmojoaway,youmentallyyellBREAK!anddisruptthepattern.Push
thosefeelingstotheside,regainyourcomposurebyrememberingthevisualizationof
thenewstateinyourhigherenergy,andkeepgoing.Dothisenoughtimesandthe
habitwilltakehold.
Itslikebreakinginanewpairofshoes.Rightnowyoufeelsocomfortableand
safeinyourcurrentpairoflowenergy,lowself-esteemshoes.Everynewpairyouput
on,whethertheyaretheonesatlevelB,levelC,orfurtherupthespectrum,feel
uncomfortabletoyou.Youllhavetoputthemonandreallycommittowalkinginthem
forafewweeksbeforetheystopchafingyourheel,orleavingblisters.Theseshoesare
goingtobedownrightfuckingpainfultowearforawhile.Butonceyougetusedto
them,thenewoneswillbejustascomfortableasyourcurrentshoes.
Andifyouregoingtohavetobreakinanewpair,whynotgostraightforthegoal
andweartheminonlyonce,ratherthanadozenormoretimesinbetween?Chances
areyoullgetsosickofmakingthosesmallstepsfromlevelBtoCtoD,thatafterlevel
ForGyourereadytogiveup.Thisiswaytoomuchwork,andyoufallwayshortof
yourgoal.Nowondersomanyguyshaveaproblemraisingtheirself-confidence.
Isuggestthatyoutrytodomoreworkinbiggerjumps.Forgetthisniceguywimp
youknowisntyou.Instead,imagineandfullycreatethisnewman,atrueAlphaMan
thatwillbeabletocommunicatehisnewAlphaManPower.JumpfromlevelAtoLevel
Grightaway.Getusedtomakingthatsignificantjump.ThenstayatlevelGforaslong
asyoucan.Youllslipbackfromtimetotime,butLevelGwillseemmoreandmore
familiarandrealtoyou,untilyoufindyourselfthere.YouwontfallbacktolevelA
anymore.Andthenyoucanthenjumpagain,maybetolevelNthistime,anddothe
samething.
Babystepsareforbabies.Ifyoufindyouvebittenoffmorethanyoucanhandle,
thenbackoffalittlebit.MaybeshootforlevelFinsteadofG.Justrememberthanany
stepyoumakewillbeuncomfortable.Thatcantbechanged.ButaQuantumLeapwill
getyoutherefaster,andmoresuccessfully.
237
VerbalSparringwithWomen
Oneofthemosteffectiveseductiontechniquesyoucandevelopistheabilityto
sparwithwomenusingonlyyourwit.Itsalittlelikedoingimprovisationalcomedy,ina
lotofways,butyoucandevelopthisskillfairlyeasily.
Womenareveryeffectivewithbothoralandbodylanguage.Theybecame
expertsatthiswhentheywerekids,whentheyhadtointerpretwhatothergirlsand
boysmeant.Boysweregoodatthis,too,actually.Theycouldfigureoutwhattheir
parentswerereallysaying,evenifitwasadulttalk.Butboysdontcontinuetodevelop
thisskillasmuchintheirteenageyearsbecauseinteractionwithotherguysisntas
complicatedasitisforgirls.Womenhadamorecomplexwayofinteractingthat
demandedthatshebesharpandunderstandthesubtlecuesthatwerebeinggivenin
conversations.
Amanwilltellanotherman(orwoman)prettydirectlywhathemeansandis
thinking.Evenwhenitseemsindirect,amanisstillcommunicatingverycloselywhatis
goingon.Women,ontheotherhand,communicateindirectly,becausesayingexactly
whatshemeansisconsideredrudebyotherwomen.
Thisishowwomenliketocommunicate,andhowyoullhavetocommunicateto
themifyouwanttohavesuccesswithwomenoverthelongrun.Herearesomesimple
rulestothisgameofverbalsparringsothatyoucangetstartedandnotfeellikea
completemoronwhenyougetinthering.
- Dontbedirectwhentalkingtowomen.
Youshouldalwayshideyourtruemeaningunderneathsomewordsthat
shewillhavetointerpret.Usewordsthatevadetellingherthewholestory.
Example:
Iwasoutdrivingandmetupwiththatguyfriendofyours,Gary.Wehada
beerandatalk.Itwasinteresting.Shellpesteryoufordetails,andyou
canjustkeepsayingthingslike:Oh,hetoldmesomethingsabout
you.Itwilldrivehercrazy,butinalltherightways.Nevergiveawomana
directansweraboutanythingintheearlystagesofdatingher.
Also,whenitcomestodateswithwomen,youshouldalwayshavea
concreteplanandadefiniteideaofwhatyouregoingtodo.Butthat
doesntmeanyouhavetotellheraboutit.Infact,oneofthethings
womenconsiderromanticiswhenaguyplanssomethinginadvance
andthenhekeepsitasecretfromheruntilthatday.Aslongasyourenot
238
scary,orcomeupwithaweirdsurprise,youllprobablydrivehercrazy
withdesire.
- Setitupasatransaction.
Whenyougetawomangoodandfrustrated,andsheknowsshecantjust
getyoutodowhatevershewants,makeitworthyourwhiletogiveitto
herwhenthetimecomes.Forexample,intheabovesituationwhereyou
talkedtoafriendabouther,andshebugsyouforseveralhours(ordays)
afteraboutwhathesaid,youhavetoteaseherrelentlessly.Whenyou
feelthetimeisright,yousay,Well,Icouldtellyoualittleofwhathesaid
aboutyou.ButIhavetoknowwhatsinitforme.Letherknowthatyou
expectsomekindofpaymentfortheinformationshewants.Shellplay
withyou.
- TeaseherCONSTANTLY.
Womenneedtofeelplayedwith,andverbalsparringrequiresthatyou
learnhowtogiveherahardtime(beforeshellletyougiveittoherhard.)
Themostcriticalelementofverbalsparringislearninghowtoteaseherin
therightways.Justrememberthatteasingisnevermean,neverabout
thingssheissensitiveabout,anditsmosteffectiveonhotwomenwho
areusedtohavingmenliedownandletthemwalkalloverthem.
Heresanexampleofagreatuniversalteaseyoucanuseanytime:When
shedoessomethingyouwanttotease,tellher,Thatsnotbadfora
girl.Itwillbejustplayfulandchallengingenoughtogetherexcited.
- NEVERpromiseunlessyouintendtofollowthrough.
Thebiggestbreachoftrustwilloccurwhenyoufailtofollowthroughwitha
promise.Youneverusethewordpromiseunlessyoureallymeanit.If
youbreakit,youstandtoloseallthegoodfaithandtrustyouvebuiltup.
- Changetherulesonher.
Awomanhastoknowtherearelimits,andthatshecantjustkeepplaying
thesamegameoverandover,becausethatwouldbeboring.Youhaveto
changetherulesofthegameinthemiddle.Ifyousaidyoudtellherabout
whatyourfriendsaidaboutherifshegivesyouasoulfulkiss,youcan
alwaysholdtheinformationbackalittlelonger.Hey!sheyells.Yousaid
youdtellmeifIkissedyou!Yousay,Ichangedtherules.Mans
prerogative.
239
Becarefulhowyoudothissothatitdoesntseemlikeyourebackingout
onapromise.Sometimesapromiseisimpliedwithoutsayingtheword
promise.
Thewaythisworksbestiswhenyougetintoaback-and-forthteasing
eachother,andyousensethatshesstartingtofeellikeshescontrolling
youbykeepinguptheteasing.Allofasuddenyoujustsmileatherand
endthematchbysaying,Ooh,Ilikeitwhenyougetallhotformelike
that.Dontlethersetupthepattern.Ifshecanpredictit,shellgetbored.
- Knowwhentoignoreher.
Youdonthavetoanswerorrespondtoeverythingshesays.Infact,ifyou
do,youlllowerherattractionforyougreatly.Learnwhentostaystrong
andsilent.Whenyourefusetogiveherwhatsheexpectsorwants,andat
therighttime,yourefeelingthetruerhythmofverbalsparring,andyoull
makeherincrediblyhotforyou.
HeresanexampleofgoodwittybanterfromthemovieNotorious,starring
CareyGrantandIngridBergman:
Bergman:Thisisastrangeloveaffair.
Grant:Why?
Bergman:Maybethefactthatyoudontloveme.
Grant:(Afterapausetotalkonthephoneandanotherkisswithher)WhenI
dontloveyouIllletyouknow.
Bergman:Youhaventsaidanything
Grant:Actionsspeaklouderthanwords.
AndIngridBergmangivesasatisfiedlaugh,leaningintokisshimseveralmore
times.Shescompletelyhookedonhim,andshespendsthewholemovietryingto
reclaimhislove.
DidyouspotthetestthatIngridBergmangavehimthere?Shehithimwiththat
Youdontlovemetothrowhimoffandchallengehim.Nowmostguyswouldhave
answeredhertestwithsomethinglikemaybeIdoloveyouorsomethingstupidthat
killstheromantictension.NotCarey.Heknowsthatthemostimportantpartofthe
240
exchangeisinnotgivingheradirectanswer,continuingasthoughheisincontrol,and
beingachallengetoher.
ItssaidthatIanFlemingmodeledJamesBondafterCareyGrant,anditsnot
hardtoseewhy.CareyexudestheessenceofAlphaManbehavior.*
*Yes,IrealizetheresawidelyheldbeliefthatCareywasgay,butnothingwaseverestablished.
Imsureitspossible,buthesstillamovieiconwhowasanAlphaManonthebigscreen.Andevenifits
amovie,itsmoretruetowhatwomenwantthantheridiculousexamplesintodaysromanticmovies.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Someofthebestfictionandscreenwritersacknowledgethatthemostimportant
skillinwritingcompellingdramaisgooddialogue.Youknowwhenthedialogueisgood,
too,likeintheoldHumphreyBogartmovieswherehesstandingdownabeautiful
woman.
ThemodernequivalentwouldbeQuentinTarantino.Witnessthefantasticscene
inPulpFictionwhenVincentVega(JohnTravolta)andMiaWallace(UmaThurman)
areatJackRabbitSlims.Youcantelltheressexualtensionthere,butyoureafraidto
thinkofwhereitmightgo,orwhatMarcellusWallace,herscaryhusband,mightdoto
Vincent.
Whatyouhavetogetinthehabitofdoingisinventingyourownwittydialogue.
Whenyoutalkwithwomen,youhavetoworkalittletoflexthismuscle,butitsworthits
weightinconversationalgold.
Sitdownwithapenandpaper(orcomputer)andplanoutsituationsthatyourun
intomostfrequently.Forexample,youmightmeetwomenregularlyatamusicclub
whereyougomostSaturdays.Planout5thingstosayinthese5situations:
1) Thecleverintroduction
2) Thewittypresentationofyourjobdescription
3) Theinterestingsituationalcome-on(whereyouaskherawildquestionto
showthatyourenotb-o-r-i-n-g.)
4) Thenumber/emailclose
5) Theeject(whenyouforceyourselftoleave)
241
Now,Imgoingtogiveyouafewofminesothatyouhavesomeideasofwhat
youcando.(Butthesedontcounttowardsyour5!Youhavetocomeupwithabunch
ofyourownresponsesthatfeelgoodtoyou.)
1) ThecleverintroductionHi,Iwaswaitingforthemusic,andmyfriends
wantedmetoaskyouifyoudeverbeeninagirlband.Isaidifyouwere,
youdprobablybethedrummer.WasIevenclose?
2) ThewittyjobdescriptionIworkinretailmoneylaunderingforthemob.
Well,actuallyIworkforaninvestmentbankfirm,butthatsprettyclose,isnt
it?
3) TheinterestingsituationIvegotaquestionforyou,andIneedawomans
opinion.Ivegotarelativewhoisalwaysfixinguppeoplewithwomenfrom
wheresheworks.Theproblemisshesnotverygoodatit.Wewanttohelp
heroutbytellinghermoreaboutwhatwomenwantinaman.Whatdoyou
lookfor?
4) Thenumber/emailcloseYouknow,Ineedtogetbacktomyfriends.Itwas
greattalkingtoyou,Christine.Shakesherhand.Almostturnsaway.Hey,
youknowwhat?Wegottatalkagain.Handsherhispenandapieceof
paper.Writedownyournumber/emailforme.Andnotthatfakeoneyou
handouttothedorks,either.Smile.
5) TheejectWell,Ihavetobailbecauseabunchofsupermodelshavebeen
stalkingmeandbeatingupwomenImseenwith,butitwascooltalkingto
you.(Wavethenumberoremailshegaveyouintheair.)Welltalkagain,
Christine.
Now,thosearejustsomeofthesituationsthatguysusuallyfindthemselves
strugglingwith,andyoushouldreallyextendtheexercisetoincludeanysituationyou
normallyencounterandenduptongue-tied.Andwhenyourunintomore,addthem.(I
especiallyadviseyoutothinkupplentyof#3,theinterestingsituations.Theywillhelp
youthemost.)
Ifyourealreadyfastwithyourwit,youllfindnoproblemimprovisingthisstuff.
Butthenagain,youwouldntneedthisbook,either.Mostguysfindittoughtotalkto
beautifulwomen.OnlyanAlphaManknowsthatifhehasthismaterialready,hellfeela
lotlessnervousaboutapproachingawomanwhenhesgotsomethingtosay.Anditwill
beeasiertothinkuphisownstufflater.
242
ConsistencyandInconsistencyTesting
Womenwilltestyoutofindoutyourlimitations.Itsafact.Shewillpushyour
buttonstoseehowyoureact,becauseshewantstoknowifyourereallyanAlphaMan,
oroneofthosephonyguysshemeetsallthetime.Yourjob,asanAlpha,istopassher
testswhenshegivesthemtoyou.
Oneofthemostcommonteststhatwomenwillputyouthroughistherunning
hotandcoldtest.Thisiswhereshewillsuddenlychangeherattitudetowardsyou,
sometimesinthesameevening.Oneminuteshesallflirtyandsexy,thenextminute
shesacoldfish.
Itsinthesecircumstancesthatyoumustbeconsistentwithyourattention.You
see,thetestshesgivingyouiswhetheryouwillREACTtoherchangeintone.Most
guyswilleitherbecomecoldinresponsetohercoldness,ortheyllcomeoneven
strongerhopingtowarmherup.Youhavetokeeptreatingherthesame,almostasif
youdontseeanychangeatall,andthatifyoudo,yourenotgoingtoletitaffectyou.
Dontactlikeyoureignoringher,butactasifherattitudeisnotgoingtoimpactyours.
Youmustleanbackandbreathe,realizingthathersuddenchangeofattitudeis
notyourfault,anditdoesnotmeanthatshedoesntlikeyouanymore.Shesjust
subconsciouslytestingherholdonyou.Thisiswhenyoumustbethemostconsistent
withyourattention.Whatsheslookingforisyourreactiontoher,whichtellsherthat
youareeasilymanipulatedbyhermoodorbehavior.Ifyoureact,sheknowsyouare
notanAlphaMan.
Now,thetimethatyoumustdotheoppositeandbeadventurousiswhenshes
beingconsistent.Thatswhenyoucanbeinconsistentjustalittle.Thiswillhavethe
sameaffectonherthatitwouldhaveonyou.Itslikerevokingapproval,andshellwant
togetitback.Rewardherwhenshegivesyoutherightattitude.
Themoralofthestoryisthis:
Whenshesmostinconsistentinhermood,youmustbeconsistentwithyour
treatment.Youareunflappable.Keepupthesameattitudeanddonotacknowledgeher
change.(Unlesssheisobviouslydisrespectful,inwhichcaseyoumustputherinher
place,evenifthatmeansblowingheroutofyourreality.Disrespectistotally
unacceptable.)
Andwhenshesmostconsistentinhermood,youmustbeinconsistentwithyour
treatment,justsothatshesnotsurewhereshestandswithyou.Donotbepsychoticor
243
actcrazy,goingfromoneextremetotheother,butdontbeafraidtoignoreheralittle
andbealooforcold.
Thecoldshouldertestwillcomeup,andyoumustbeprepared.Thisisthemost
commonofhertests,also.
244
AdventureandDangerTheAlphaManasBadBoy
OneoftheattractivequalitiesofanAlphaManishiswillingnesstojumpinand
takelifebytheballs,notplayingitsafe.Awomancansenseifamanisthekindwho
willbefuntohangaroundbecauseheseitherouttherepushingtheenvelope,orhes
workinginthemailroomlickingenvelopes.Adventureanddangerarenostrangersto
theAlphaMan.
Asyouareaware,theBadBoymyththatwomensleepwiththedangerous
guysouttherehassomeelementsoftruthtoit.Noteverywomanisattractedtothis
typeofman,buteverywomanisattractedtocertainpartsoftheBadBoypersonality.
Letsreviewthesetraits:
- Adventurous:Whetheritsdrinkinguntil4:00am,bungee-jumpingoffof
bridges,snowboardingwhatever,theBadBoyisoutdoingriskythings.
Hesnotdrivingastationwagonunderthespeedlimit;hesdrivinga
motorcycleathighspeeds.Hedoesntplayitsafe,andheneedsnew
experienceseveryday,orlifebecomesboring.
- Opinionated:Evenifhisopinionsareabithardtounderstandand
sometimesimmature,theBadBoyhasnoproblemtellingyouwhathe
thinks.Somepeoplecallthisastrongpersonality,buthesjustableto
tellyouexactlywhatsonhismind.Hesnotafraidtodisagreewith
anyone,either.
- Self-interested:TheBadBoyhasagreatdealofself-interest,which
makeshimchallengingandinterestingtootherwomen.Hehashisown
hobbiesandpassions,andthesetranslateintoafulfilledexistencethathe
canthenpassalongtootherpeople.(Womensensethatthisalsomeans
hellhavetheskillstheywantinbed,too.)
- Joker:Hissenseofhumorisalmostalwayswelldeveloped,andthis
drawstheladiesin.Heknowshowtomakewomenlaughandenjoy
themselves.Hesgotasharpwit,andakeensenseofwhatsfunny.He
doesnttakethingstooseriously.
245
- Independent:Abadboydoesntwanttobetieddown.Hedoesntneed
otherpeople,andhenevergivesoffthevibethatheslookingfora
womantoleanon.Hecandojustfinewithorwithoutawoman,whichis
whatmakeswomenwanthimevenmore.
- Fun:Abadboyisalwaysfun.Hesneverdull,becausehesalwaysgot
somenewplacetoexplore.Hesthrillingtothenervoussystemofa
womanbecausehessodifferentfromtheboringguysoutthereshe
usuallyencounters.Heknowsthatawomanwantstoenjoyherselfmore
thananything.Andshewillrepaythemanthatgivesherthatfunalongthe
way.
- Unpredictable:AwomanlovesaBadBoybecausehessohardto
predict.Oneminutehemightcallherathomeandtellherhesthinking
aboutdatingotherwomen,thenextnightheshowsupatherplaceand
makeslovetoheronthekitchentable.
Oneofthemoststimulatingexperiencesforawomanistonotbeableto
predictamansbehavior.Startdoingthingsthataredifferentjustto
experienceit.Dresssignificantlydifferentforhereachtimeyouseeher.
Callherataweirdtime.Emailherareallyfunnypicture.Growyour
whiskersin.Weardifferentsunglasses.
Dontgotooweirdwiththevariationshere.Youdontwanttocome
acrossasalunatic.Justmakesomesubtlechangesinyourbehaviorthat
tellsheryoureaninterestingguy,notboring.
HerearesomeclassicwaystospottheBadBoy:
- Hisrefrigeratorhasacarbattery,beer,andChinesefoodfromlastweek.
Whenitscleanedupandstocked,itsfullofspicydishesandquickfood,
alongwithbeerandGatorade.
- Thewallsofhisapartmentarecoveredinartrangingfromhotwomenin
swimsuitstoJamesDeansmokingacigarette.
- HisCDplayerisalwayspackedfullofPinkFloyd,AC/DC,LedZeppelin,
Eminem
- Hisbathroomcabinetisstockedwithcondoms,cologne,aspirin,anda
sparetoothbrush
- Hesgotatattooand/orpiercedear
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- Hesgotaleatherjacket(REALleather)
- Hesaysthewordfuckregularly,andinthemostcreativeways,like
abso-fuckin-lutelyandthatsassi-fuckin-nine.
- Heknowsatleasttengoodjokesinvolvingedgytopics,likesex,group
sex,andfellatio,andafewofthefarmersdaughtervariety
- HesubscribestoPlayboyoranotherqualitymensmagazine
- Hehasapairofgoodshit-kickingboots
- Hestillhasenoughstyletolookcoolevenwhenheswearingasports
coatandslacks
- Hehasalighter,evenifhedoesntsmoke
- OneminutehestalkingaboutridinghismotorcycleacrosstheGreatWall
ofChina,thenextminutehestalkingabouthiscrazyunclefrom
MinnesotaandinvestinginabusinesssellingthenextViagra
- Hesgotadog,anditsafunone(largerthan15pounds)thatknowsat
leastonetrick,likefetchthebeerbottle
- Hesgotafewcoolstickersonwhatevercarhesdriving.(Butdefinitely
NOTthestickerofCalvinfromCalvinandHobbestakingapee.Thats
justdumb.)
DontmistaketheBadBoyfortheJerkstereotype.TheBadBoyisclosetoa
jerk,butlesspronetothoseabusiveandarrogantbehaviors.TheBadBoyistheguy
womengotoforcrazyadventureandwildsex,knowingthattheyarefreetowantonly
thisfromhimandnotexpectcommitment.Hestheirsafeoutletwhentheywanttojust
havefun.
TheBadBoyisalsoawickedchallengetoawoman,becausehestheopposite
oftheneedyguysshetendstorunintomostofthetime.HegivesoffanIreallydont
giveashitattitudewithoutcomingoffasrudeorimpolite.Iftherewerejustthreetraits
tousetosummarizethepartsawomanfindsinterestinginanymanespeciallythe
BadBoy,theywouldbeunpredictable,independent,andfun.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
UsetheBadBoypersonatohelpgetyoulaid.ThinkaboutthebestBadBoys
youveseenandknown,andincorporatealittleoftheirwildnessintoyouridentity.From
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theattitude,totheclothes,totheedgierpartsoftheirlifestyles,youshouldbelookingto
stepoutfromtimetotimeintoamoreadventurouspartofyourpersonality.
FamousBadBoys:SeanPenn,ColinFarrell,FredDurst,JamesDean,Bon
Scott,GaryBusey,KidRock,DennisRodman,etc.
FamousNOTBadBoyswhoyoumightmistakeforBadBoys:BenAffleck,
ChristianSlater,KelseyGrammar,WillSmith,anyoftheguysonFriends(sorry,
havingadrugoralcoholdependencedoesnotmakeyoubad,juststupid),Keanu
Reeves,etc.
ALPHATACTIC:
Findafewareasofyourlifetogetmessy.Ifyourealwaysthegoodreliableguy,
breakoutofthatwornouthabitandfuckaroundalittlebit.Dosomethingnotsonice.
Callachickat3:00AMjusttomesswithher.WeararudeT-shirt.Lookatawomanand
thinkaboutnothingbutwhathertitsfeellikeinyourhands.
Goahead.Iwonttell.
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
GetBad.
Getoutandbuysomethingtowearthatyouwouldntnormallywear.Geta
motorcyclejacket,oracoolcowboyhat,orapurplesuit.Maybeevenatattoo.Ivegota
wildbikerjacketandaniceStetsonhat,andalsoatrippywatchandsomerings.Allof
thesecanbeusedforpeacocking.(Wellcoverhowtodothislater.)
Again,ithelpstohavefemaleguidanceonthis.Askawomanforheropinionon
whatyoucouldaddtoyourlooktogiveyouthatedge.Itwillhelpkeepyoufromgoing
toofar,likebuyingaHarleyDavidsonifyoudontlookthepart.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
UseyournewBadBoymentalitytohelpyouputsomeedgeinyour
conversation,too.Thinkofriskyorcontroversialsubjectstomixinwithyourusualtalk.
Usethisonfemalefriends,family,anddates.Throwitinsuddenly,foralittleshock
value.Thingslike:
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- Haveyoueverseenapornmovieandwonderediftheygetpaidbythe
moan?
- Haveyoueverhadacrushonacousinorsomeoneelseyouwere
relatedto?
- Howmanysextoysdoyouhave?Doyouthinkadildoshouldbehugeor
averagesize?
- ImthinkingaboutsellingeverythingIownandjustgoliveonthestreets
ofItalyforafewyears
- Ihaveawildfantasyaboutme,BettyBoop,andWilmafromThe
Flintstones.Whatsyourweirdestfantasy?
Andthenchangetheconversationrightbacktosomethingnormalagain.This
kindofunpredictabilitystimulateswomensattraction.Italsomakesyoutentimesmore
interesting.
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PartIII:POWERTheAlphaManLightSaber
Everythingthatattractspeopletoyouinvolvespower.Power,asHenryKissinger
oncesaid,istheultimateaphrodisiac.Andthebeautyofpoweristhatitcomesinso
manyformsthatyoucanalwaysfindyourownpersonalpowertodemonstrateit.
Womenareintuitivelyandintrinsicallyattractedtomenofsuperiorvaluewhich
iscommunicatedbytheirlevelofpower.
Thisisthemosteffectivesexualattractor.
Poweriswhatshesensesatalllevelsfromyou,whetheritsyourmoney,your
attitude,yourfame,yourjob,yourstatus,oryourlooks.Everythingamandoesreflects
thelevelofpowerhecommandsinlife.
Therearebasicallyfivekindsofpower,andwewillrevieweachandhowthey
areused:
1) Legitimate:Thisisthekindofpowerthatisoftengrantedtotheauthoritiesin
ourlives,suchasthepolice,governmentofficials,andouremployers.Thisis
alsoformalpower,usuallybestowedasafunctionoftitle.Itcanalsocome
fromthechainofcommandinanyorganization.Foranotherpersontofitin
thisorganization(acompany,themilitary,etc.)theymustobeythosein
higherformalpositions.
2) Referent:Thisispowercreatedbyassociation,orreference,suchasthe
pleasuregainedfromaffiliationwithaperson.Someonewhohasstrong
charismaandcharmfallsunderthiscategory.Ifyouwere,say,Harrison
Fordsautomechanic,itisnthardtogetpeopletocometoyoutohavetheir
carsworkedon,eventhoughtherereallyisnolegitimateauthoritythere.
Peoplewillflocktoyoujustbecauseofyouraffiliations.
3) Expert:Thepowerofexpertiseisonethateverybodycandevelop,andits
myhopethateverymanreadingthisdemonstrateswithhisskillsand
confidence.
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IexperiencedthisparticularbrandofpowermyselfrecentlywhenIsignedup
togetcableInternetaccess.Iwaswaitingathomeforthecableinstallation
guytoarriveandhecalledmeearlyinthemorning.Hesaidhemightbe
comingbylaterthanexpected.Hedtrytoswingbyearlierifhecould,he
said,buthewouldmakenopromises.Well,knowingthatthiswouldalmost
surelymeanhedbelate,Iwentouttoshopforsomethingsformynew
place.Anhourlater,asIwasstandinginlineinthefurnishingsstore,Isaw
hisnumbercomeuponmycellphone,butImissedpickingitup.So,Icalled
himbackwithintensecondsofthecall,andhe(conveniently)didntanswer.I
thencalledhimuntilhedidanswer,whenhetoldme,Oh,Iwasatyour
place,butyouwerentaround.Ihadtomoveon.Imightbeabletomakeit
backtherelaterintheday.Now,youcanimaginehowpissedoffIwas,but
whatwasItodo?Icouldntinstallthecablemyself.Ineededhisexpert
assistance.Tomakealongstoryshort,Iendeduprushinghomeandsweet-
talkinghimintocomingoveranddoingthejob.Icouldfeelthepowerheheld
overme,andhetookacockygleeinusingthatpower,butIcoulddonothing
aboutit.
ThetechnicianheldexpertpowerovermebecauseIwantedsomethingthat
onlyhewasinapositiontoprovide.Heusedthispowertofeelalittlecontrol
inhissmalllife.(Healsousedalittleofthecoercivepowerdescribednext.)
4) Coercive:Coercivepowerisknownasthestickinthesayingthecarrot
andthestick.Itmeans,simply,thatthereisanexpectationthatthereisa
negativeimpactorpenaltyfordisobeyingthispower.Yourparentsused
coercionwithyouwhentheythreatenedgroundingyouifyoudidntcleanyour
room.Coercionalsoreferstothethreatofhumiliationandthethreatof
withholdinglove.Thesearenotalwaysthoughtofaspunishments,butthey
arenegativeconsequencesheldagainstsomeonetomanipulatethem.
Womenwilloccasionallyusethismethodofexertingcontrolinsubtleways.
Sometimesshewillseemtobepromisingyouanintimateorsexualfavorto
getyoutodosomething,butinrealitythatisnotarewardasmuchasitisa
threatofnotgettingherfavor.(Clevergamessheplays,eh?)
5) Reward:Rewardpoweriswhatisknownasthecarrotinthesayingthe
carrotandthestick.Therewardcanbeanythingfrommoneytoemotional
acceptance.Ifyouexpectarewardfromsomeone,andcometoneedthat
rewardinsomeemotionalwaytofulfillyourself-image,youllobeytheperson
thatcangiveittoyou.Thisisthekindofpowerweoftenexertoverourpets
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whenwetrainthembygivingthemtreatsforgoodbehavior.Oftenthispower
isusedincombinationwithcoercivepowertoensurethatcontroliscomplete.
Tomultiplytheeffectivenessofthispower,inconsistentlyrewardingsomeone
worksevenbetter.
Youcanseepeoplewieldingandusingtheirpowereveryday.Clerksandtraffic
patrolstaffdoitallthetime,andtheytakejoyintheirlittlecompensationforan
unfulfillinglife.Theylovethepowerofputtingpeopleundertheircommand.Thepeople
towatchoutforarethosewhodonothavethegoodcharacterfoundationforthepower
theyhave.
Theneedtoexertpoweroverotherpeoplecomesfromadeficiencyfromwithin.
Thesepeoplehaveareasintheirownliveswheretheycannotcontrolthings,sothey
findanotherplacetogetthesatisfactiontheyvebeendeprived.Youseethisallthetime
inpussy-whippedmenwhohavenopowerintheirmarriages,sotheyexertitoverthe
peopletheyworkwith.YoualsoseeitintheeyesoftheweaselclerkattheDMVwho
takesdelightintellingyoutogotothebackofanotherline,knowingthatyouhaveno
choicebuttoobeyifyouwantthatregistrationrenewed.
Ofalltheformsofpowerthatwillworkforyou,expertandreferentwillhelpyou
themostindealingwithwomen.Whenyouaregrantedlegitimatepowersuchasa
managerialpositionatwork,youshouldalwaysseektobackitupwiththeexpertand
referentpower,sincepeoplemostoftenresentthepersonwhoisgivenaplaceof
authorityiftheyfeelitwasntdeservedbytheircharismaorabilities.Gettingthisexpert
orreferentpowerwilltakelongeranditwillbeharder,butultimatelyyouwillbeabetter
person,andotherswillfollowyouwithmuchmoredevotion.
Therearealsothreeresponsestopower:
1) Resistance:Weresistthethingsthatareforceduponus.(Anotherofthe
manyreasonsthatNiceGuystendtofinishlast:Theyfailtoseethatnoone
findssomethingdesirableifitisforcedorpusheduponus.)Resistanceisa
commonreactiontothepowerofCoercion,andsometimestolegitimate
power.
2) Compliance:Wecomplywhenwearejustgoingalongwithsomething.
Typicallythisistheresponsewehavetotherewardandlegitimatepowers.
Thisisbetterthanresistance,butitisstillabitlacklusterwhencomparedto
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thenextresponse.
3) Commitment:Commitmentistheidealresponseyouwantfromanyuseof
yourpersonalpower.Commitmentspeaksofapersonsindividualdesireto
sacrificeforyou,aswellasgivingyoutheirall.Youmaythinkthatthepower
ofrewardwouldleadtocommitment,butthatsusuallynotenoughtokeepa
persondedicatedtoacauseortask.Justlistentoallthestoriesofpeople
whoearnedahugeincomeatsomejobjusttogiveituptodosomething
worthwhile.(Thisauthorisoneofthem.)
Peoplewillcommittoyouwhentheyhavenomaterialreasonto,andthatis
oneofthefundamentalprinciplesofpowerthatmanynewmanagersand
leadersforget(iftheyeverknewitatall.)Expertandreferentpowersleadto
commitment.
Therearealotofwomenwholovetoexerttheirpowerovermen,typically
throughtheuseofreferent,coercive,andrewardpower.Theydonothavelegitimate
authorityorpowerovermen(exceptwhenoneisyourboss),andtheydonothave
expertpowerexceptwheretheyusetherulesofthedatinggametooutsmartyou.
Mostofthetime,awomanwillplayonyourreward/punishmentresponseaswell
asyourneedtofulfillyouraffiliationdrivetogetwhatshewants.Ofallthese,thereward
poweristhemostapplicabletowomen.
Whenamandoessomethingthatawomanwantshimtodo,andshesenses
thatshehasthepowertomakehimhappy,shewillrewardhimwithaffectionandsex.
Now,beforeyougetthewrongidea,Idontproposethatwomenaredoingthisallthe
time.Infact,mostofthetimeitsoccurringwithoutherevenrealizingshesdoingit.She
justsensesfromyouractionsthatshehasthepowertorewardyouwhenyouactas
thoughshehasthetreats.
Rememberthathavingthepowertocausepain(asawomandoeswithher
abilitytodenypleasure)issomethingthatpeoplerespondtoverystrongly.Itsthesame
withyourbossatwork.Managershavethepowertofireyou,buttheyalsohavethe
powertogiveyouaraiseorbonusincentive.
Ifyoucanseethatsomeoneisresponsivetoego-strokingorpraise,youllknow
immediatelyhowtoinfluencethemtobehavethewayyouwant.Itsnodifferentfor
womenthanitisformen.
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DependencyTheoryOfPowerandBargaining
Letsreviewhowdependencyworksinthemarketplacesothatyoucanbetter
understandhowitworksinthedatingandseductionmarket.
Inourexamplebargainingrelationship,personA(Amy)willtrytoconvinceparty
B(Martin)thatsheismorepowerful.Inotherwords,AwillattempttoconvinceBthat
theresourcescontrolledbyAareimportanttoB.
Martin,indesperateneedofanewcar(hiscurrentcarhasjustblewitsengine
andhismechanictellshimthatitcannotbefixed),enterstheshowroomatSeduction
Motors.Asheenters,heisgreetedbyAmy,SeductionMotorspremiersalesperson.
Amyhopestogaintheupperhandthepowerintherelationship.AmyasksMartin,"I
seeyou'rewalking.Iguessyourcarmustbebrokendown.Doyouneedacartogetto
work?"
Martinnowfeelsthepainofloss,aswellasthegapthishascreatedinhislife.
Amynowhasthepowertofixtheproblem.
ALPHASTRATEGY:Trytodeterminehowimportanttheresourceistotheother
personasthisreflectshowmuchpoweryouhaveoverhim/her.
Powerisalsoafunctionofthescarcityoftheresourceinquestion.
Martin(averysmartseductionstudentwhopaidattentionduringthischapteron
power)recognizesAmysstrategy.IfheadmitsthatgettingtohisjobinLosAngeles
fromhishomeinOrangeCountyisdifficultwithoutacar,thenAmywillknowexactly
howimportantthepurchaseofacaristohim.Shewillthenknowthatshehasadegree
ofpowerintheirrelationship.Martinsays,"Mycarisingreatshape.I'mjustshopping
aroundforacarformyparentsontheiranniversary."
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AmynoticesthatMartinisattractedtoaniceHummerSUV.ShesaystoMartin,
"ThosenewHummersarereallypopular.Ifyou'reinterestedinbuyingoneofthem,
you'dbetteractnow.Theoneyou'relookingathereisthelastonewehaveatthis
dealership.Iheardthroughthegrapevinethatthemanufacturerhasstoppedmaking
thismodel,andnooneelsehasbeenabletogetanyinformonths.Areyouinterested
inputtingadownpaymentonthisvehicle?"
ALPHASTRATEGY:Trytoconvincetheotherpersonthattheresourcethey
desireisscarce.Thescarcertheresource,themorepoweryouhave.Scarcityisa
matterofperception.
Iftheresourcedesiredbytheotherpartyhasnosubstitute,thenyouhavepower
overthatparty.
Again,MartinseesthroughAmysstrategy;shewantshimtobelievethatthe
Hummerhe'sbeenlookingatisscarce.Inordertorestorethepowerbalance,Martin
responds,"Actually,IhappenedtoseethisverymodelatadealershipinOrange
County."
Amyrespondsbysaying,"TherearesomedealersintheL.A.areasellingthis
brand.However,ourdealershipistheonlyonethatwillgiveyoua100%service
warrantyforthefirstthreeyearsthatyouowntheSUV.Icansay,withconsiderable
pride,thatourservicedepartmentisthebestanywhere.Withoutthiskindofservice,
youcouldfindyourselfinarealbindwhenyoubreakdown.We'reoneofakind!"
ALPHASTRATEGY:Trytoconvincetheotherpersonthatthereisnosubstitute
fortheresourcetheydesire.
IfwhatAmyhadsaidaboutthewarrantyweretrue,shewouldhaveshiftedthe
relativepowerbalancetheresourceMartindesiresbecomesanirreplaceable
commodity.Martin,notsureofhisfacts,butfeelinguncomfortablethatthepower
balanceseemstohaveshifted,liestoher.
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"Oh,comeon,Ihappentoknowthatthethreeyearwarrantyisstandardwithall
dealershipssellingthisbrandofcar!"
TheverbalsparringbetweenAmyandMartincontinuesastheyattemptto
establishpowerintheirrelationship.TherelationshipendswhenAmymakesthesaleor
whenMartindecidesthathewillnotdealwithSeductionMotors.Thenatureofthedeal,
ifMartinbuys,willalsobeafunctionoftherelativepowerbalanceasperceivedby
MartinandAmy.Themoreequallytheyestablishpower,thebetterdealMartincanget
fortheHummer.
Itisveryimportanttonotethatthisisamatterofperception,notreality.For
example,Amymayneverknowhowimportantthepurchaseofacarreallywasto
Martin,thathiscarhadjustblownupovertheweekend,andhesgottohavesomething
soon.Ontheotherhand,AmymayfigureoutthatMartinisnotsureaboutthewarranty
issueshethenconvinceshimaboutthescarcityofherresource,theexcellentservice
theyhave.
WhileIsaythatitsperception,notreality,Idhavetoalsosaythatperceptionis
reality.Yourperception,nomatterhowclearordistorted,alwaysseemsthemostrealto
you.Inessence,thebattleofpowerbecomesabattleoverperceptionswhenitcomes
tomanyhumaninteractions.Especiallywhenitcomestodatingwomen.AndImsure
youcanseehowtheexampleabovecaneasilybeturnedintoasexualsituationwhere
thecarMartinislookingatisreallyAmyoradatewithher.
Sohowdoyouexertyourpowerwithwomen?
Firstofall,youneedtoreduce(ifnoteliminate)yourabilitytobecontrolledbya
womansgrantingorwithholdingofapproval.Oncesherealizesshedoesnothavethis
controloveryou,yourvaluetoherskyrockets.Youappearanexpertatbeing
confident.Somethingshefindsthemostvaluableofall.
Next,youmustincreaseyourreferentpowerwithwomenbyincreasingyour
socialvalue.Thisisdonebyfirstlearningtheartofpersuasionandcharisma.Your
qualityofcharacterandthepeopleyouinfluencethroughyourcharmwillbeyour
greatestally.Youveseenthis,nodoubt,innightclubswhenwomenwhoseeyouwith
otherwomenwillbecomecattyandpossessive.Thisiseventruewhenamoderately
confidentguyhangsaroundarealstud.Youbecomevaluablebyvirtueofyourfriends
andaffiliations.
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DontMisunderstandthePowerofMoney
Alotofguysmisunderstandwhatmoneyreallymeanstowomen,andasaresult
theydiscounttheirownvaluebecausetheymightnothavealotofit.Trustmeonthis
Ivebeenwithoutmoney,andIveearnedwellintothesix-figures,andneithersituation
gotmelaidmorethantheother.Womenneverknewthedifference.
Moneyisjustanotherperceptionofpower.Itsyourabilitytoprovide.
Therearesomanyguysaresohunguponthis,itsawondertheirballsever
dropbeforetheyearnmorethanminimumwage.
LetsalsoberealaboutthisIfyouhavealotofmoney,youllgetlaidjust
becauseofthat,becausetherewillalwaysbethoseshamelessleechwomenwhowant
tofeedoffanyguywhowillprovideforthem.Butthatsnotwhattheyresleepingwith
overthelonghaul,Iguaran-fuckin-teeyouthat.
Idatedawomanwhohaddivorcedarealestatesalesman(withadoctorate)who
droveexpensivecars,andownedpropertiesvaluedinthemillionsinSanFrancisco.
Shedumpedhim,andshesleptwithme.Why?Because,inherprecisewords,Hewas
suchaniceguy,buthedidabsolutelynothingforme.Iwishedhewouldjustbean
assholejustonce.Youknow,itwouldhavebeenbetterifhewouldvejusthitmeonce.I
wishhewasaman.
Whatmoneyrepresentstowomenisapowertoprovidethingsforthemfood,
gifts,security.Butthesethingsarenotsexuallyappealingtothem.Womenarenot
turnedonbyaguyswealth.Theydonotdevelopfeelingsforamanbecauseofmoney.
Wealthisjustbait.
YoucansimulatethepowerofmoneybydevelopingyourA.M.P.inseveralways
sothatshefeelslikeyouhavemoneywithoutyouactuallyhavingtohaveit.Heres
how:
1) Understandhowmoneyworks.Youneedtounderstandasmuchasyou
canabouthowthestockmarketfunctions,aswellascompoundinginterest,
investments,insurance,bonds,realestate,taxliencertificates,brokering,
moneymarkets,andalltheintricaciesofthemoneygame.Honestly,itsnot
difficultatall.Ihighlyrecommendyoustartwithafewofthosedummies
booksoutthereandbuildupyourbasics.Youlllearnthingsthatyouwould
neverhaveexpected,likethefactthat95%ofallpeopleretirebroke,withno
savingstoliveoffof.
Sofewwomenunderstandmoneyandfinancesthattheywilllookonwithyou
withreverenceifyoujustdemonstratealittleunderstanding.(Justdontgo
crazyandfloodthemwithyournewexpertise.)And,justbyknowingabout
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money,mostwomenwilljustassumeyoumusthavesomemoney,too.
2) UnderstandhowtodemonstrateAlphaManPowerwithouthavingto
flashmoney,bragaboutmoney,orspendwhatlittlemoneyyoudohave
around.Learnhowtoavoidthedatinggamebynottakingwomenondates.
IvecoachedfromthestartthatBetaGuyssetthemselvesupforfailureby
theirlackoforiginalthinking.Doyouwanttogotodinnerandamovie
sometime?Thatsthemostboringwaytostartupapotentialromance.Tryto
comeupwithsomethingbetterthanthat.Everywomanintheworldhasbeen
onthiskindofdate,andbeenletdown.Ifyoustartoutonthatfoot,you
betterknowhowdeepthequicksandisbelowyou.Yourbestencounterswith
womenespeciallybeautifulwomenarethosewherenomoneyneedsto
changehands.
3) Learnhowtogivewomenwhatmoneynevergivesthemexcitement.A
womanlivesforthebestfeelingsshecangetinlife.Agiftonlyhasvalue
whenthereissomeanticipationbuiltupforit,orthereis
emotional/sentimentalvaluetiedtoit.Whenguysgivewomenstuffinan
efforttobuyheraffections,theydontrealizehowineffectivethegiftis
withoutcontext(i.e.,previouslyestablishedattraction.)Ontheotherhand,if
yougiveawomananexcitingandinterestingtime,shellhaveamemory
imprintoftheemotions,theexperience,andyouallrolleduptogetherinher
mind.Nowthatislastingpower.
Moneyisattractivetowomen,butitsnotexciting.Itsonlybait.Noonewantsto
feelthestabbingpainofabarbedfishhookpokingthroughtheircheekwhentheyrealize
thattheyjustgotsnaggedonthewrongfishermansline.Yourjob,ifyouwanttogetthe
chicksthatyouthinkwouldonlybeattractedtomoneyistoshowthemamanwhohas
realAlphaManPower.Ifitsonlyaboutthemoney,youbetterrunawayasfastasyou
can,brother.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Getsomebooksonmoneyandinvesting.Learnhowthestockmarketfunctions,
andwhattheterminologymeans.Dontjustlearntheboringterms,either.Learnthe
reallydramaticpowerofdescribingmoneymovingaroundintheeconomyinawaythat
awomancangethotover.
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WatchthemovieWallStreetforagreatprimeronthewaystocktradingworks.
Ifyoufindthisconfusing,lookupthetermstheyuse,becausethemovieactually
capturesalotoflingolikegreenmailandoptions.Iliketoaskawomanwhatshe
does,andthenjokewithheraboutanyinsiderinformationshecanpassalong.Of
coursemyintentisnottoillegallytradestocks,butgetintoheruh,portfolio.
Itsahotone,babyyoubetterjumpalloverit
FindYourPower
Amanwhohasbeenhelddowntoalowerstatusforalongtime,orfacedthe
brutalfrustrationofbeingatthemercyofotherpeoplespowerfortoolong,will
inevitablyfinditdifficulttoattractwomen.Hisattitudewillreflecttheyearsofabusehis
maleegohastaken,andawomanwillsensethisonhimlikerancidcologne.
Amanmustfindaplaceofpowerinhislifeorhewilldieinside.Itsanessential
elementofhealthymalefunctioningthatcannotbeignored.
Youmustfindaplaceinyourlifewhereyoucanexertyourownpersonalpower.
Manyguyswillneverwindupmanagingagroupofpeople,whetherforlackof
skills,oralackofinterestintheprocessofmanagement.However,thereisalottobe
learnedfrombooksonethics-basedmanagementprinciples,becausetheyshowyou
mostclearlywhatittakestobealeaderthroughtheuseoftherightmeans.Stephen
CoveysfamousbookTheSevenHabitsofHighlyEffectivePeopleillustratesthis
withprinciplesthatspeaktothecoreofeffectiveself-management.
Iurgeyoutostudythegreatleadersinhistoryandfindoutwhatmadethemso
effective.GreatmensuchasMartinLutherKing,AbrahamLincoln,CheGueverra,
Ghandi,andsomanyothershadmanyeffectivehabitsandbehaviorsoftheirownthat
broughtthemtopositionsofpowerandpositiveinfluence.EventyrantssuchasStalin
andHitlerusedmanyoftheircharismatictraitstorisetopowerandinfluence.
GreatLeadershipTraits
Someofthegreatleadershiptraitsyoushouldseektodevelopare:
1) Vision:Toseewhathasnotbeendoneandenvisionthewayitcanbe.This
isoneofthemoremysticaltraitsthatisdifficulttodevelopwithoutguidance.
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Yourvisionwillbeafunctionofyoursmartsandyourknowledgeofyourfield.
Visionistheabilitytoseewhatisnotthereyet,butcouldbe.Itsthedream
thathasntbeenrealized,waitingforyoutotakeholdofitandmakeitreal.
2) Passion:Passionisnothingmorethanexcitementforlife.Whenyoure
pursuingsomethingimportanttoyou,youhavepassion.Andpassionisall
thereissometimeswhenthereisnootherfueltorunon.Youmayhavethat
visioninyourmind,butithastobeyourdesireorpassionthatgetsyouthere.
Passionisnotautomatic.Itdoesntjustappearforyou,anditcan
occasionallydisappearwhenyoureexhaustedfromthelaborofpursuit.Butif
yourestforafewmoments,youllfindthatitwillreturnagain.
Womenareapassionformanymen,anditswiredintoourDNA.Thehuman
racewouldnotgooniftherewerenodrivingforcetokeepuscomingbackfor
more.Butyouneedtofindmorethanwomenasapassion,becausewomen
areinevitablydrawntomenwhodonothavesexandwomenastheirprimary
reasonforliving.Thereisasayingthatwomeninspirementocreate
wonderfulworksofartandarchitectureandthendistractthemfromever
completingthem.
3) Discipline:Thisisoneoftheprimarybehaviorsthatwilldecidehowmuchof
theotherleadershipskillsyoucandevelop.Withoutthedisciplinetopursue
yourgoalsanddevelopyourskills,youwillflounderendlesslyfromonething
tothenext.Youhavetobewillingtoholdyourselftochoicesthatwillbe
uncomfortabletopursueattimes.Characterisdescribedasthewillingnessto
dowhatyousaidyouwoulddo,longafterthespiritofthemomenthas
passed.
4) Persistenceandfocus:Andevenwithalltheothers,youhavetobewilling
toseeitthroughtotheend.Thatispersistence.Yourfocusisthesingle
mindedapplicationofyourdisciplineandpersistencetothegoalyouhave
laidoutforyourself,notallowingyourselftobedistractedbythemultitudeof
thingsthatcomeuptoblockyourprogress.
5) Empathy:Themostinfluentialmenknowhowimportantitistorecognizeand
understandotherpeoplesemotions.Thisabilityisveryrareinmen,aswe
arenotattunedtotheemotionsandfeelingsofothersasmuchaswomen.Do
notmistakethisabilitytomeanthatyoumustfeelexactlywhatothersare
feeling.Butyoumustdeveloptheabilitytounderstandtheiremotional
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outlook.(Again,yourEmotionalIntelligencewilldictatethis.)
Unfortunately,sofewmenareactuallyabletolookpasttheirownemotional
lensestoseethroughtheyeyesofothers.Ourowninsecuritiesgetintheway
ofseeingwhatotherpeoplesexperienceis.Andwhenitcomestowomen,
thiscanbeoneofthemostbeneficialskillstodevelop,notonlyforseduction,
butforarelationshipifandwhenyoudecidetocreateone.
6) Balance:Allthingscanbetakentoexcess,soyoumustbecautiousnottogo
toofarwithanythinginyourlifeatthedamagingexpenseofanother.Allthe
womenintheworlddontmeanathingifyouneglectyourhealth,or
jeopardizeyourlifetoHIVbysleepingaroundandnotpracticingsafesex.
Ithasbeensaidthatsomepeoplecanteventakemoderationinmoderation.
Soitisnecessarytoalsounderstandthattherearetimeswhenyoumust
swingwildlyoutofbalanceforatimetogetbackinbalancelater.Thisiswhat
happenswhenyougotocollegeforseveralyears.Youdevoteanotherfour
yearsofyourlifetopursuingmoreschoolingwhenyouhaveachoicetojust
getoutintotheworld,butyoumakethissacrificesothatlateronyouwill
haveaneducationtofallbackuponandusetobuildyourcareerlater.Short-
termpainforlongtermgain.Butalwaysremembertoregainbalance.
7) GrowthLearning:Youhavetobeabletosharpenyoursaw.Makeita
pointtoABLalwaysbelearning!Eachnightyoushouldnotbehappygoing
tobedunlessyoulearnedsomethingnew.Ideally,youshouldhaveasetof
goalsmappedouttoprovideyouwithablueprintofongoinglearning.For
example,onmylearninglististolearnelementaryRussianandChinese.Im
alsostudyingtheinfluencesandlineageofMartialArtsandtheirdifferences.I
haveagoalforlearninganddeveloping.
Remember:Aplantthatisnotgrowingisdying.
Apartofgrowthandlearningistobecomeascompetentasyoupossiblycan
attheskillsthatmattertoyou,whetherthatsseductionorskateboarding.Ata
certainlevel,youlltakeconfidenceandturnitintoexcellence.
8) Integrity/HonestyCharacter:Itsdifficulttoaddressthesequalities
becausetheyareusuallyalreadydeterminedbyacertainage,anditsrare
thatapersonwillchangefrombeingapersonofpoorcharactertooneof
integrityandgoodness.But,itdoeshappen.Imadeadecisiontodothis
whenIwasabout20yearsold.IwassittinginmyrentedroominVirginiawith
apileofstolencarstereos,tryingtofigureoutwhichonetobuyfrommy
friend.Ihadwhatsomepeoplecallamomentofclarity,whereIrealizedthat
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ifIkeptgoingdownthispath,itwouldjeopardizemycharacterandmy
future.Igavethestereosbackandwentoutthenextdayandboughtanew
stereoinstead.Thatwasaturningpointinmylife,andsincethenIvestayed
trueandhonesttoeveryoneinmylife,includingmyself.
Sure,itmightsoundcorny,butlifeiscorny,isntit?Allittakesisadecision
onyourparttonevercompromiseyourintegrity,andworkonthevirtuesthat
youfeelarerequiredtobethepersonyouwanttobe.Youdonthavetobea
saint,butyoushouldhavethequalityofcharacterthatwarrantsattentionand
appreciationbyyourfellowmenandwomen.
9) Positive,upbeatattitude:Ivesaiditbeforeifyoudonthaveacheerful,
upliftingattitudeaboutlife,alevelofoptimism,youwillnotgetveryfarinlife,
orwithwomenforthatmatter.Nothingismoredetrimentaltoyoursuccessin
anyendeavorasanegativeattitude.Itstealstheenergyfromalltheother
traits.Itde-motivatesothers.Itreplaceshopewithfutility.
Evenifyouarenotthemostcheeryandpositivepersonintheworld,youcan
worktomakethischangeinyourlife.
First,stopwatchingthenewsandmistakingitforreality.Newsandthemedia
willnotgiveyouthebright,positivestoriesoflife,sodontlookthere.Takea
lookattheseheadlines:
IsraelichildrenkilledinGaza
Toddlers'bodiesfoundinTexasfloods
Saudis:Oilworkerskill6
Cancerpatient'sparentsget10yearsforneglect
Mankilledinrollercoasterfall
Gunsafetyteachershootshimselfinclass
Imnotkiddingthatallsixofthesestorieswereatthetopofonepopular
Internetnewssite.Isthiswhatyouwanttofillyourheadwithdayafterday?
Remember:Whateverreasonyouarelookingfor,youwillfind.
Second,stophangingaroundnegativepeople.Nomatterhowmuchyoumay
likesomeone,Iguaranteeyouthatitsnotfortheirnegativeattitude.Nothing
ismorecripplingthannegativity,andyoullneverachievewhatyouwantin
lifeifyoulistentothosewhotellyouitcannotbedone.
Third,fillyourlifewithinspiration.Readaboutpeoplewhofillyouwithhope.I
recommendyoureadViktorFranklsbook,MansSearchforMeaning.This
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shortbookdetailshowJewishmenandwomenfoundhopeandhappiness
whilewaitingfordeathatthehandsoftheNazisduringWorldWarII.The
subjectmaysounddepressing,butthemessageisnot.Thesepeoplewent
throughthemostunimaginablehorrorsandmaintainedtheirdignityand
happiness.Thereisalessonthere.
10)ConfidentandSecure:Self-confidenceisessentialforeverymaninevery
partofhislife.Inmanyways,menneedtohaveasurplusofconfidence,not
onlyforthemselves,butforthewomenintheirlivesaswell.Womenarenot
asnaturallyconfidentasmenareinmostsituations,andthisisoneofthe
waystheylooktousforvalidationandsecurity.Self-confidenceoneofthe
mostimportantqualitiesforamantodevelopforlong-termsuccessinhis
career,hislovelife,andanythinghehopestoachieveinlife.
Yourachievementsinlifewillonlybeashighasyourself-confidence.
11)GoodcommunicationskillsListeningaswellastalking:
Communicationskillsarenottaughtinskill,beyondthemostprimitivebasics.
Yourenottaughthowtopaceyourspeech,structureyourverbal
communications,orevenhowtousetechniqueslikemirroringandreading
bodylanguage.Allofthisyoumustlearnonyourown,byexperienceorby
study.Iurgeyoutodevelopyourabilitiesinthisareaasmuchaspossible,as
itwillbeyourprimarytoolforinfluencingotherpeople.Withoutgood
communicationskillsyoucanneverreallycommunicateyourvalue
effectively.Thisislikehavingatreasure(yourself)todisplayforsale,but
havingnoabilitytodemonstrate(communicate)thistoothers.Noonewill
knowwhattheyremissingoutonifyoucantshowthem.
12)Courage/cautionintelligence:Knowingwhentobecourageousandwhen
todemonstratecautionisaleadershipskillthatyoumustdevelopaswell.
Somepeoplehavecalledthisskilltemperance,ortoleranceforrisk.What
itreallyboilsdowntoisthatyouhavetoknowwhentobebraveandriskand
whentostepbackandwaitforanotheropportunity.Thistalentisnoteasily
developed,butworththeeffort.Whereitcomestowomen,havingthe
couragetoactismostofthegame.
13)Flexibleandadaptive:Wementionedthisbeforeincopingskills.Thisskillis
bestcombinedwithpersistenceintherightmeasure.Sometimeswecanbeat
ourheadsagainstthewallonlysolongbeforewegiveup.Thekeyisknowing
whenandhowtochangeourapproach.Thisskilliscriticalwhenitcomesto
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datingwomen.Youllhavetolearnhowtoflexyourapproachtofither
personalityandthecircumstances.Youwouldntwanttoteaseaninsecure
womantoohard,orcomplimentabeautifulwomantoomuch.Knowingwhat
rulestousewhenisthemosteffectivestrategyofseductionyoucanlearn.It
takesanintelligentperceptionaswell,inordertoseewhatishappeningand
makethechangesnecessarytoovercomeobstacles.Itsjustlikerunningan
obstaclecourseinathletictrainingyoullneeddifferentskillsfordifferent
kindsofchallenges,andyoullalwaysfindnewsituationstoprepareand
adaptto.Thatswhatmakesseductionaterrificchallenge.
14)Senseofhumor:Yougottabeabletolaughatyourself.Mostguystake
themselvesandtheworldwaytooseriously.Intheend,itsallgoingtoend,
sobalanceyourseriouseffortwithanabilitytochuckleattheridiculousness
ofitall.Dontmakefunofyourselftoothers,butkeepyourownlimitationsin
ahealthyperspective.
Seethehumorineverydaysituations,andthenlearnhowtocommunicate
thattoothers.Thisisagreatwayofdisplayingyoursenseofhumorto
women.Thebestkindofstressreliefintheworldislaughing,andthatswhy
itssosoughtafterbywomen.
15)Problemsolver:Areyouthekindofpersonwholikesachallenge?Doyou
enjoytheabilitytothinkyourwaythroughasituationtoasolution?Doyou
findovercomingobstaclesasarewardingexperience?Ifyouansweredno
toanyofthosequestions,re-thinkyourstateofmind.Youhavetobean
activeproblemsolvertobealeader,andespeciallyifyouwanttoattract
morewomen.Thedatingandseductionsituationsyouwillfindyourselfin
demandalotofcreativeproblemsolving.Thinkingistheeasiest,andhardest
workforamantodo.
16)Generosity:Givingtoothersispartofourdebtforexistingonthisplanet.
Therearealotofpeoplewhothinkthatyoucangetbywithoutsharingyour
wealth(whetheritsmaterialorspiritual).TheytrytolivewithanIgotmine
yougetyoursmentality.Intheend,theyneverrealizethatyoucanhave
everythingyouwantinlifeifyoujusthelpenoughotherpeoplegetwhatthey
want.
Akeydistinctionhereisthatgenerositycanneverbesincereifthegivingis
withtheexpectationofgetting.Itdoesntworkthatway.Thatsmanipulation
andnottruegiving.Givewithnoexpectationofreturn.
Wherethiscomestowomen,youhavetobechargedenoughtohavethe
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energytogive.(Iamabsolutelynotsuggestingyougivematerialthingsto
womenwhoyouarenotinalong-termrelationship.ThegivingImreferringto
hereisanemotionalgivingthatallowsyoutobeaseffectiveaspossible
duringyourseductions.WellcoverthislaterinBatteriesareFull.)
17)Charisma:Thisonequalityhassomanydifferentmeaningsthatfewwould
agreeonacommondefinition.Mypersonaldefinitionofcharismais:The
qualitiesofcharacterthatmakeapersonattractivetootherpeople.Itisnota
superficialquality,oranythingtodowithlooks,really.Itsaboutyourabilityto
drawpeopleinpurelythroughthereferentandexpertpowersofyour
personality,alongwithyourgeneralattitudeforlife.Youhavetobealittle
inspirational,mixedwithconfidence,mixedwithhappyandhumorous.
Youcouldsaythatcharismaisthepartofyouthatpeoplewanttobearound.
Charismaisrarelypursueddirectly,butitcanbeachievedthroughthe
cultivationoftheotherqualitiesofleadership,alongwithconstantworkonthe
virtuouscharactertraits.
18)Initiative:Imsureyouvehadenoughofmywisesayings,butthisparticular
leadershiptraitequatestotheearlybirdcatchestheworm.Theresalsothe
saying,Yousnooze,youlose.Thepersonwhotakesactionfirstwhenits
prudentwillusuallybetheonetobenefit.Imsureyouveseenthisatwork
intheclubswhenapackofbeautifulwomencomesinandtheguysstartto
swarm.Youfeelintimidatedaboutapproachingthemandmakingyourmove
whenalltheothercockblockersaremakingtheirfeebleattemptsatpicking
womenup.Whenthetimeisright,youhavetobewillingtojumpin.Luckis
nothingmorethanwhenpreparednessmeetsopportunity.
19)Responsibility:AbusinessassociateofmineandIwerediscussingthe
shortcomingsofaninstructorweknow.Heisunabletokeephisbusiness
goingbecauseheconsistentlyshiftstheblameforhisfailuresovertohis
excuses.Untilhelearnshowtotakeresponsibilityforhisownlackofinitiative
andaction,hewillcontinuetobeafailure.
Theresasaying:Excusesarelikeassholes.Everyonehasthem.
Noonecanimproveiftheyfailtotakeresponsibilityfortheirchallenges.
However,anotherkeyelementofthisunderstandingisthattaking
responsibilityforthingsthatarenotyourfaultorthatyoucannotcontrolwill
leadyoutoasimilarstateofdisempowermentanddisillusion.Learnthe
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differencebetweenwhatyoucanandcannotimpactinyourlife,andchoose
toactonthemaccordingly.
Now,ifyouhappenedtogothroughthatlistanddecide,Geez,thatsalotof
work.Imnottryingtobealeader.Idratherbeafollower.Letmeremindyouthat
everyoneisaleaderinsomepartofhislife.Whetheritsatyourchurchorinyour
familyoratyourwork,youhaveanabilitytostandoutandexcel.Whatelsewouldyou
wanttodowithyourtimehere?BeatthenextlevelonyourX-boxgame?Memorizethe
Dr.EvilspeechfromthefirstAustinPowersmovie?(Okay,IlladmitIdidthatlast
one)
Andjustincaseyouwerentaware,everyoneofthosequalitieslistedabovewill
makeyoumoresuccessfulgettinglaidwithwomen.Maybeyoushouldgobackandre-
readthemagainandgiveitsomemorethought.
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EmotionalSelf-Control
PerhapsoneofthesinglemostimportantpartsofAlphaManbehavioris
developingtheself-controlthatwillkeepyoualivelongenoughtowineveryencounter
yougetinto.WhatImeanisthatifyouhaveenoughself-control,youwillgiveyourself
thespacebetweenstimulusandresponsetothinkaboutyournextaction.(Theresthat
wordagainthink.)Thisspacewhereyouthinkiswhatshapesyourdestiny.
Remember,theAlphaManisnotalwaysthestrongest. Infact,youcanbean
Alphawithoutanyrealphysicalability.Butyoudohavetobethemostshrewdand
cleverofthetribe.
Oneofthewaysinwhichyouremotionalself-controlwillbechallengedasan
Alphaiswhenyouchallengeyourself.
Seeifthissituationsoundsfamiliar:
YoumeetJenniferonablinddateonFriday.Youshowyourdominanceforher,
youbeatyourchestinafinedisplayofsuperiority,andshesturnedontoyou.Youboth
haveagreatnight,stayingoutdrinkinganddancinguntil2:00AM.Youfinishthe
festivitiesoffwithagreatkissingsessioninthecarthatleavesasmileonyourfacefrom
eartoear.Yougethomeandkickback,feelingprettygood.
Saturdaycomes.Uh-oh.Nothinggoingon.Figureyoullrentamovieat
Blockbusterandjustrelax.Youdosomeshoppingandchores.Rentalamemoviefor
thenight.Relax.Butalldaylongyourethinkingaboutthatdatelastnight.
Geez,Jenniferwasacutie-pie.Thosekissesweretasty.
Theafterglowisstillwithyou.Andshesaidforyoutocall.HmmYoullcallon
Monday.Thatshouldbeenoughtime.
SoyouhanglooseonSaturday,andthenSundaycomesalong.Uh-oh.Nothing
reallygoingontoday,either.YoumeanttocallsomeofthoseMatch.comchicksback,
butnoneofthemseemsasgoodasJennifer.Yum.Youcanstillrememberherlips
Gottastopthat.Youknownottogettoocaughtupinheryet.Youknowbetter.
Soyoufindawaytohangloose.Yougoforawalk.Youworkout.Youcallsome
friends.
Noonrollsaround.Hmmm.WhynotgiveJenniferacall?Afterall,itsbeena
coupledays.(Technically,one-and-a-half,butthisiswherethemalemindstartsto
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exaggeratetime.)Youstarttolookforhernumber,andyouevengosofarastopickup
thephone.
Wait!Youcatchyourselfbeforeyoudialandforceyourselftoputthephoneback
inthecradle.Notyet.Maybelater.
Dinnertimerollsaround,andyourewondering,Whatstheharm?Afterall,its
beenawhile,andshedidsay,Callme,right?Soyoupickupthephone,dial
Jennifersnumber.Youwaitforasecond,yourheartfeelingabitlooseinyourchest,
likeitsjustdanglingaroundinthereonastring.
Hi,itsJennifer.LeavemeamessageandIllcallyouback.BEEP.
Hey,uh,Jennifer.Itsme.Howareyou?ImjusthangingbackandthoughtId
touchbasewithyou.Uh...Yeah.Sogivemeacallwhenyougetin,okay?Later!
Youhangup,feelingthatLater!mayhavebeenjustabittooenthusiastic.And
youdidntsaywhomewas.Thatwaspresumptuous,wasntit?Andshouldyouhave
saidyouwerejusthangingback?Shouldntyouhavebeenbusydoingsomething?
Sigh.
Nowwhat?Youstartfixingdinner,butnowyoustartglancingattheclock,too.
Whatifshewasonadatewithsomeoneelse?Whenwouldshecallback?
STOPTHAT!Youtrytosilenceyourthoughts,buttheyrestartingtorunaway
fromyou.Itslikeherdingcatstogetthemundercontrolagain,too.Nomatterwhatyou
do,youstartthinkingabouther.Herkissesandherlips
Argh!Grrrr!
Andthatshowyoulosecontrolofyourselfintheprocess.Onesmallstepwill
pushyouoverfromsorta-confidentintototallyjealousandinsecure.Thisisjustlikethe
obsessionproblemwespokeofbefore.
Self-controlisthestrengththatkeepsyoumovingintherightdirection.Itsalso
self-discipline,todothethingsyoumaynotwanttodo,butyouknowyoumustdo.
Amanputsoffanauraofinsulationwhenhetriestoprotecthimselfandhis
feelingstoomuch.Thisisoneofthereasonniceguysgetstompedonsobadly.You
havetobewillingtoexposeyourselfandriskthatkindofopennessforawomanto
openherselfupandtrustyou.Ifyoucomeacrosswithadefensivestance,waitingfor
hertoshowyoutheinvestment,youllwindupdisappointed.Thisiswhyyoumust
developyourowninnersourceofstrengthsothatothersopenuptoit.Youllbeableto
holdbackwhenyouneedto,andactwhenyoumust.
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EmotionalCaregiving
Animportantfacttorememberisthathumanbeingsarenaturallydissatisfied.
Witheverything.Ifyougetanicenewcar,youllloveitatfirst,butafterawhileyoull
startbeingcriticalandfindingallthefaults.Ifyoumovetoagreatnewapartment,a
monthafteryoumoveinyoullstarttofindallthethingsyouwishedyoucouldchange
aboutit.
Wehaveanaturaldrivetoimproveourcircumstances.Menandwomen.Which
leadsmedirectlytomynextpoint:
Awomanisnevercompletelysatisfiedwithherman.Andbyalwayshavingthis
dissatisfaction,shemanagestokeepyousatisfiedwithherbecauseyourealways
workingtostayinhergoodgraces.
Inotherwords,youmaynotbeentirelysatisfiedyourself,butifthewomangets
theinitiativeinpointingthefaultsouttoyou,youllactuallyperceiveherasbeingmore
wonderfulthansheactuallyis.Shellappearmoredesirablebecauseyoulook(and
feel)abitflawedinhereyes.
Itsapsychologicalgamethatkeepsyouinastateofchallengebecauseofher
requirements,andyounevergetachancetoquestionwhethershesasgoodacatch
asyouthinksheis.
Yes,gentleman,tosayitnicely,thatsjustplainfuckedup.
Noteverywomanislikethis,mindyou.Therearesomewomenwhohave
emotionallymaturedenoughtorealizethattheirdreamman,theirPrinceCharmingisa
completeillusionthatwasbrainwashedintothembyyearsofDisneyprogramming.
Mostwomen,however,aregoingtonaturallyfindfaultsandareasthattheywantto
changeinyouandyourrelationship.Theyreneversatisfied.
ItstheAlphaMansjobtokeepaboundaryaroundthoseatalltimes,because
itsalosingbattletogetintoabattleofperceptionsovercreatingtheperfect
relationship,ortheperfectmate.Theydontexist,andifyougetcaughtupintheself-
improvementhellthatsomewomensteertheirrelationshipstowards,youllwishyoud
joinedaBuddhisttemple,shavedyourhead,andstayedacelibatemonkfortherestof
yournaturaldays.
Womenwillalwayshavesomethingtobitchabout.Itsnotbadorgood,itjustis.
Womenarenotnaturallyhappy.Theiremotionscycleaswildlyastheweather,and
justasillogically.
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Whatyoumustneverdoisgetcaughtupinthegameoftakingonthesole
responsibilityforpleasingawomanormakingherhappy.Thatsnotwithinyourpower
asanAlphaMan.ToomanyBetaGuysgetintothegameoffeelingthatawomans
emotionalstateisadirectreflectiononthem.Ifshesnothappy,orsaysshesnot
happywiththerelationship,amantakesitveryseriously,asifhehasdonesomething
wrong.
Unlessyouremistreatingherinsomeway,herstateofmindisnotyourfaultor
yourproblem.TheonlyroleanAlphaManhasinthissituationisasapatientear.To
nurtureawomaneffectively,youonlyneedtomakesureshefeelsasthoughshecan
ventandtalkaboutheremotions,nomatterhowcrazyandirrationaltheymaybe.Ifyou
getcaughtupinhermentaltornado,youllbepickedup,rattledtopieces,andthrown
milesaway.
Thisdoesntmeanyoushouldeverwithstandemotionalabusefromawoman,
however.SomewomenthinkthatbecausetheyhaveexcruciatingPMSorother
emotionalbaggagethatifyouareawillinglisteneryoucanbeabusedbyher
constantly.Youhavetohavethebackbonetostandupandyell,Enough!
Whenyouvebeenpatient,shownagoodleveloftoleranceforhermood,then
youmustalsobewillingatacertainpointtoputherfirmlybackinherplace.Thisis
especiallytruewithexceptionallyattractivewomen.Thewayyoukeepwomenhappy
overthelongtermistokeepaconfidentlevelofpowerthatsheknowsisnotaffected
byheropinion.
Realizethatthebestwayyoucancareforawomanemotionallyistouseyour
patience,andprovideanopenlisteningabilitythatshecannotabuse.
EmotionalMaturity
Awomanwillmakealotofjudgmentsaboutyoubasedonwhatsheperceives
youremotionalmaturitytobe.Evenifsheissomewhatchildish,shewillexpectaman
todemonstrateanequalorhigherlevelofmaturitythanher.(Thisiswhymostwomen
prefertodateoldermen.Theyassumethatmostmenmatureemotionallylaterthan
womendo.)
Emotionalmaturityisdemonstratedwith:
- Self-control/Self-discipline
- Self-confidence
- Consistency
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- Independence
Maturitymeansonethingmostofalltoawomanthatyourecapableof
handlingyourownlifejustfine.Yourenotlookingforanewmommytotakecareofyou.
Womenarenotlookingtofillthatroleforyou,unlessshesextremelyneuroticandco-
dependent.
Onceagain,AlphaMenunderstandthattheyareindependentbecauseitspart
oftheirnature.Alphasdontneedtoleanonotherwomen.Infact,itsjusttheopposite:
Theyarestrongenoughtohaveothersleanonthem.
Soasawayofdemonstratingyourmaturityandindependence,besuretodrop
somecluestoherthatotherpeoplelookuptoyouforguidance.WhenItellwomenthat
Iamaninstructor,bothinmartialartsaswellasinhelpingmenandwomenhavebetter
relationships,theyareimmediatelydrawntothat.Theyseeamanwhosabletotake
careofhisownlife.AmanwhoteachesshowsAlphastatusbecausehesgotpowerto
spare,andthathesgottheexpertise(expertpower)inanareatosharewithothers.
Emotionalmaturityalsomeanstheabilitytopausebeforeyoureact,andalevel
ofcool,calmpoise.Alphamendontreact.Theydonthaveemotionaloutbursts.
Theyredeliberateandwell-composed,evenwhentheyreunbelievablypissedoff.
(Alphasdogetmad,buttheydontlosecontrolofthatfury.NiceGuysjustrepress
theirangerandpretendnothingiswrong.)
Inshort,theyreeverythingawomanwishesshecouldbewithrespecttoherown
emotions.
BatteriesareFull
YouvegottohaveafullchargeinyourbatteriestobeabletodemonstrateAlpha
Behavior.Thismeansthatyouvegottofeelsosureofyourselfthatyoudontneedto
constantlynurtureyourself-esteem,andyouvegotveryfewareasofinsecuritythat
comeupinnormalday-to-dayinteractions.
Dontexpecttobeatyourbestifyourefeelingdrainedoremptyofenergy.Men
needtospendtimealonetorechargetheirsocialandpsychologicalbatteries.Women
tendtodothisrechargingbybeingaroundotherfemalefriends.Whateveryourmethod
is,besureyourekeepingyourbatteriesfullycharged.
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Therearecertainsituationsthatwilldrainyoutowhereyouredrainedand
unlikelytobeveryAlphawithwomen:
1) Justafterabreakup
2) Whenyouvehadalonglosingstreak
3) Youvegotalotofdramaanddrainagecomingfromyourimmediatesocial
circleorfamily
4) Youresufferingfromboutsofdepressionoranxiety
5) Youvesufferedalargesetbackorloss,suchasajob,agoodfriend,your
business,yourdog,oryouvecrashedyourcar
Justrememberthatyourenotgoingtohavethesameattitudeasifthingswere
allgoingyourway.YouhavetorechargebeforeyoucanregainyourAlphaMan
effectiveness.
Thisisespeciallytruewithattractingwomen,becausetheyareadrainonyour
levelofcharge.Womentakealotofenergyfromaman,andtheydontreturnalotof
thatenergybacktoyouuntilfurtherdowntheroad.Soyouhavetobestrongand
confidentenoughfortwopeople,notjustyourself!
Keepyourbatterieschargedbykeepingyourownpassionsalive,andfinding
thosethingsthatreturntheenergybacktoyou.Whenyouverecapturedthatpower,
youllfinditmucheasiertobeeffectivewithwomenandseduction.
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PurgetheBetaWelcomeintheAlpha
Oneofthebestthingsyoucandoinyourlifeisaplannedandcontemplated
change.Apartofthatissweepingthroughyourlifeanddeterminingwhathasaplacein
yournewAlphalife.Whatbelongscanstay.Whatdoesnotbelongmustgo.
Thingstogetridof:
o AnythingrelatingtoanoldgirlfriendThisjunkjustholdsyour
attitudebackandkeepsyoulivinginthepast.Youcanbe
sentimentallater,withthejunkyougetfromanewgirlfriend.
o AnysadCDsthatmakeyouweepyandemotional.
o AnyclothesthatdontfitwellorlookgoodonyouYoumustbe
uncompromisingaboutyourappearance.
o Anythingthatremindsyouofnegativeemotionsortimesfromyour
past.Ifthatcouchofyoursissomethingyouboughtwhenyou
movedoutfromyourgirlfriendafewyearsback,maybeitstimeto
getanewone.
o Anythingyoumightownthatcouldbeconsideredderogatoryto
womenortoanyoneforthatmatter.Nohardcorepornographyor
paintingsofwomentakingitinthebuttfromademon.
o Anyemotionalormentalbaggagethatyoumaybeholdingontofor
anotherwoman.Ifyouvegotanywomenthatyouvebeenholding
outfor,oranywomanthatyouthinkyoucangobackto,youneed
toletthemgo.Thatsclutteryoudontneed.
o Anythingyouownthatdoesntfitintoapictureofatogether,mature
maleadult.ThoseStarWarssheets?Gottago.ThoseSuperman
comics?Hidetheminthecloset.ThosePenthousemagazines?
Getthemoutofsight.Trytokeepupaneat,coordinated,well-
decoratedplacetolive.
o Getridoftheywhiney,man-bitchfriendsyouhavethattrytodrag
youdowntotheirlevel.(TheressomuchtosayonthisonethatIm
dedicatingthenextsectiontoit.)
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GetRidofThoseWhineyShe-ManBoyfriendsofYours
Mostguysarerunningaroundwithaboatanchorsaroundtheirneck.These
anchorsaretheirnegative-attitude,got-no-game,man-bitch,whining,wimpyboyfriends.
Dontgetcaughtupinthegameofrehabilitatingyourfriends.
Iknowthatpeergroupsareoftendifficulttoseparatefrom.Honestly,ifyoufeel
thatitstoopainfultogetridofcertainfriendstogettothisnewstate,thenyoullnever
doit.Youlljustsitbackthereinthepack,kissingtheassesoftheAlphaDogsinfrontof
youthathavenoproblemblazingtheirowntrail.Youllallcryoverthesamebeerabout
thewomanthatdoneyouwrong,andneverlearn.
Iknowthissoundsharsh,butjustliketheSerengeti,thejungleisreal,anditsall
aroundyou.Itsjustcamouflagedbythesmilesandcleverdevicesofcivilization.
Rememberthatitsokaytohaveacquaintancesofallkinds.Butyoumustbe
ruthlesslyselectiveaboutyourfriends.Getridofthepeoplethatareholdingyouback,
orattheveryleastyoumustreducetheirinfluenceonyourlife.
HangWiththeOtherAlphas
Youneedtogetpositivemalerolemodelsinyourliferightaway.Onceyourid
yourselfofthenegativeinfluencesinyourworld,youneedtoreplacethemwithstrong,
upliftingguysyoucanhangwith.Thisisreplacementofabadhabitwithanew,better
habit.Ifyoudontselectyourfriends,youllendupindefaultwithwhoevercomesalong,
andthatsnotacceptableordesirableifyouwanttoclimbtheAlphaladder.
MakesureyoufindasmanyotherAlphaMentohangaroundwithasyoucan.
Observetheirbehavior.Studytheirabilitieswithwomen,becauseyoulllearnthemost
aboutrealAlphatraitsthisway.Infact,youlllearnmuchfasterasyouseeexamplesin
therealworld.
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Indirectvs.DirectAttractionHowitWorks
Therestwowaysyoucantrytoinfluencepeopletoinyourlifeindirectlyand
directly.Now,whenIsaydirectly,Idonotmeanwalkingupandtellingaperson:
Iamconfidentandhonest.Ideserveyourrespectandattraction.Youlikeme
now.
Theydtakeonelookatyou,concludethatyoureacompleteidiot,andwalk
away.ThisiswhybeingaNiceGuydoesntwork.Youretryingtotellpeoplehowgreat
youarethroughactionsthataredirectinthewrongway.
Directlyinfluencingattractioninanotherpersonmeansthis:
Youmustbehaveinwaysthatreachtheirinnerpsychologicalattraction
mechanismsthefastestandmosteffectively.
Therearetwowaystodosomething:Thewayyourationallythinkitmightwork
best,andthewaythatactuallynetsyouresults.Sometimesthesearethesame,but
withhumanbehavior,theyrarelyare.
Iwantyoutotattoothisonyourbodyinaplacethatyoucanrefertoiteveryday
untilitsinksin:
Ipreachthisinallmybooksandaudioprograms.Perhapsthesinglemost
frustratingpartofhumanexistenceistotakeactionsthatwebelieveshouldworkbut
actuallydosomethingcompletelydifferent.
Iamnotsuggestingthatyouthrowyourgoodwilloutthewindow,orbecome
instantasshole.Iamtellingyou,however,thatifyouthinkbeingnicetoeveryone,or
non-intrusive,ornon-demanding,ornon-assertivewillgetyoumorefriendsorfurtherin
lifeandlove,yourehorriblymistaken.
Buddhistmonkscomeupwithsomeincrediblygoodinsightandspiritual
enlightenmentwhentheyrecoopedupinamonasterymeditatingallthetimeandnot
gettinganypussy,butyouandIwholiveandinteractwithotherrealfleshandblood
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peoplehavetoabidebyadifferentlawofthejungle.Begoodtootherpeople,butbe
completelyfirmandclearaboutgettingwhatyouwantoutoflifeforyourself.
Iconsidermyselfadevoutlyspiritualperson(notreligious,mindyou),butIdonot
believeforoneinstantthatGod,Allah,oranyotherdivineentityisgoingtointerveneon
mybehalfandmakethingshappendownhere.
Ifitistobe,itisuptome.
Theresanoldjokethatgoeslikethis:
Afarmerwasstrandedoutontheroofofhishousewhenaflashfloodcameand
trappedhim.
First,amanonaraftfloateduptohim.Hey!Jumpon!Icangetyoudownstream
tosafety.
Thefarmersaid,Thanks,buttheGoodLordwillsaveme!
Themanontheraftshruggedandwentontofindothers.
Then,apowerboatcamebywithsomerescueworkers.Theysaid,Hey!Jump
in!Wecantakeyoutosafety.
Thefarmersaid,Thanks,buttheGoodLordwillsaveme!
Andtheboatwentontofindothers.
Next,ahelicoptercameby.Theysaid,Hey!Wellsendaladderdown.Climbup
andwecantakeyoutosafety.
Thefarmersaid,Thanks,buttheLordwillsaveme!
Andthehelicopterwentontofindothers.
Thewatersroseandrose,andeventuallythefarmerdrowned.Hearrivedatthe
gatesofHeaven,whereGodwassittingandwaitingforhim.
Thefarmersaid,Lord,whydidyouforsakeme?Iwaitedforyoutosaveme,and
younevercame?
Godshookhisheadandsighed,saying,Isentaraft,aboat,andahelicopter.
Whatmoredidyouwant?
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Themoralofthatlittlestoryisthatyoubetterrecognizewhenopportunityis
knockingatyourdoor,evenifitdoesntlookwayyouwouldhavepicturedit.
Youcangothroughyourwholelifeandnevertakeastandforyourself,winding
upbitterandfaithless.Oryoucanmakeyourownreality,whilestillupholdingyour
religiousandspiritualbeliefs.
Dontprayforanyotherspiritualentitytochangetheworldforyou.Doityourself.
Faithgivesusthepowertodowhatwemust.Ibelievefaithistheconduitofpowerfrom
theall-powerfultous.
Startwithfaithinyourself.
Backtoourtopic.
Howdoyoudirectlyattractpeopleasopposedtoindirectly?
Directlymeansthatyoushowthatyouwantsomeonewithyourobvious
languageandactions.Thisisntveryattractivebecauseyouexpressaneedthat
doesntshowanybenefitsfortheotherperson.
Indirectlyattractingsomeoneiswhenyouattractsomeoneclosertoyouby
methodsthatdonotobviouslyshowthemthatyourejusttryingtogetyourownneeds
met.Itswhenyousaywithyouractionsthatyouwantsomeoneasyourfriend,butby
showinghowgoodafriendyoucanbe,insteadofshowinghowmuchyouwantorneed
themasyourfriend.
Indirectlyisbetter.
Wearealldrivenbyself-interest.Ultimately,peoplehaveacertainlevelof
charitytheyrewillingtogive,butweallneedtosatisfyourowndesirestoacertain
level.Imwillingtobeyourfriend,butnotjustbecauseyouwantmetobeyourfriend.
Whenyoushowmethebenefitsofbeingyourfriend,Illbealotmoreopentoit.
Somepeoplemaysaythatthisiscynical,thatwerenotallthisself-motivated.
Butthatsalittlenaveandignorant.WearealltunedintoW.I.I.FM,ourfavorite
station.WhatsInItForMe?
Keepyourobjectivestoyourself,anduseindirectattractiontogetwhatyou
desire.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
ReadthebookHowtoWinFriendsandInfluencePeoplebyDaleCarnegie.
Thisbookisabitold,butitsstillthebestofitskind.Youlllearnhowtogetpeopleto
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wantwhatyouwantbyappealingtotheirowndesires.Thisbookisfullofpriceless
waystocultivateawinningcharismawithotherpeople,andittakesalotlesseffortthan
youthink.
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WhyWomenWantandNEEDResistance
Bynow,ifyoureastudentofseductioninanyway(whetherthatsfromThe
DatingBlackBook,TheSeductionMethod,orothermaterials),onethingyouknowis
thatplayinghardtogetworks.Whatyoumayormaynotbeawareofisthatitworks
betteronwomenthanitdoesonmenifitsusedcorrectly.
Whydoeshardtogetwork?
Hard-to-getimpliesvalue.Ifyouredifficulttoget,youreobviouslyindemand,
andthereforevaluable.Onceyouveestablishedthatyoureindemandfromyourhard-
to-getbehavior,thenextstepistoshowthatothersvalueyou.Weallwantwhatother
peoplewant.Ifyouwerenotworthwhile,otherpeoplewouldnotwantyou.Itssocial
proofagain.
Thinkaboutthisforaminute:
Women,generallyspeaking,donotgettodisplaytheircompetitivesidesinways
thatguysdo.
Wemencompeteintheopen,inthefootballstadium,orinagoodold-fashioned
bare-knucklebrawl.Wecompeteforpositionandpower.Wereoutoftheclosetwith
ourcompetition.
Women,however,donothavetheluxuryofdisplayingaggressionorphysical
competitionnordotheyderivepleasurefromthoseforms.(Menareactuallyturnedoff
byaggressivebehaviorbetweenwomen.)Womenaredistinctlypolarizedagainst
violence.Whattheyprefertodoismuchmoresubtleandintricate:Womenpreferto
competeforresourcesandtheabilitytosurvive.
Yousee,womenneedtohavechallengestoovercome,too.Theyhaveacertain
setofgoal-seekingbehaviors,andinorderforthemtohaveasenseofaccomplishment
(aseveryoneneeds)theymustbegivenobstacles.Womenalsowanttoletoutsomeof
theiraggression,andpartofthisoutletisbreakingoutofthestrictsocialrulesthatshe
mustdealwitheveryday.Shewantstochase,butshehasnorealavenuetodoit.She
hasnodesiretochaseifamanmakesiteasyforherallthetimebygivingherwhatshe
wantstoworkfor.
Thatswhereyoucanhelpher.
Youmustalwaysbeawareofherneedtonotberunoverwithyourenthusiasm.
YouwillleadhertoyoubyvirtueofyourAlphabehavior.Dontdenyherthesatisfaction
oftakingapartinthechase.Youcanleadawomanwhereyouwantherbygivingher
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theopportunitytocomeafteryou.Dontdefusethisenergybydoingalltheworkof
chasingherinthecourseofyourseduction.
MakeitHard
Remember,awomanalsowantswhatshecannothave.
ThinkaboutwhatthemostsatisfyingtensioninyourlifehasbeenAnticipation.
Waitingforsomethingthatyouwant.Dreamingofitatnight.Thatbuildsintoafever-
pitchuntilitsallyoucanthinkabout.
Andnowconsiderwhatisthebiggestlet-downaneasywin.
Everplayedabasketballgameandwonbyfortypoints?OrwatchedaSuper
Bowlwhereoneteamwasaheadby31pointsathalf-time?Itsnofun,andyouloseall
interest.
Themostunsatisfyingexperience,themostdisappointingfeeling,iswhenyou
getsomethingyouwantwithlittleornoeffort.Thisiswhyyouabsolutelyshouldnot
makeittooeasyforawoman.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Makeanotherlist.Thisonewillbealistofallthewaysinwhichyouhavemadeit
tooeasyforawomantohaveyou.Itwillprobablyincludethingslikethefollowing:
1) Beingtooavailableansweringthephoneeverytimeshecalled,oralways
beingavailabletogooutonanynightshesuggests
2) Tellingheryouloveherassoonaspossible
3) Answeringemailsrightaway,andmakingthemtoolong
4) Callinghereverynight
5) Writingherloveletters/poems
6) Givinghergiftstooearlyintherelationship
7) Introducinghertoyourfamilyassoonaspossible
8) Lettingherkeepstuffoveratyourhouseafterafewweeks
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Thinkaboutthisoneforawhile,andyoullprobablyfindlotsofwaysthatyou
haventbeenputtingupenoughconstructiveresistancetoher.Onceyouveidentified
thewaysyouvebeentooavailable,startcomingupwithwaysofchallenginghermore.
Giveyourselfanopportunitytobehard-to-getforonce.
DontBeFooled
Womenhaveaspecialmodeofbehaviortheyuseintherealworldthatiseasyto
misinterpret.Theywillcomeoffwithacool,detached(almostbitchy)attitude.Yousee
thiswhenyoumeetawomaninpublic.
Whydotheybehavethisway?First,thinkaboutthebenefitsitcarries:
- First,itputsmenonthedefense,sincetheyfeeltheyhaveto
worktogetherapproval.
- Itmakesthemseemunattainableand,hence,morevaluable
- Itputsthemincontrol
- Itmakesthemseemconfidentandstrong
Inevitably,mosteverywomanthatcameoffwiththisultra-coolattitudewhenI
metherhasalwaysbeenanemotionalandself-esteemmesswhenIgottoknowher
reallywelllater.(Afteryoudateawomanforafewmonthsorevenlessshellstartto
revealthingsaboutherselfthatyouwishshewouldhavekeptsecret.)Itsararewoman
thatisbroughtupwithagenuinesenseofself-esteemandsecurity.Thesegoodwomen
dontneedtokeepupabitchshieldallthetime.
Hereareafewtruthstorememberthatarelurkingunderawomanswell-
practicedveneerofbehavior:
- Shesnotnearlyascoolasyouthink.Infact,shesnervousand
afraid90+%ofthetime.Shesafraidhermakeupisrunning.
Shesafraidherpantsmakeherlookfat.Shesafraidherhairis
messy.Shesafraidherboobsaretoosmall
Thelistgoesonandon.
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- Shedoesntliketheotherwomeninhercircleoffriendsnearly
asmuchasyouthink.Womenareexpertsatworkingthat
girlfriendattitude,thattheyrereallycloseandloyal,ashardas
theycan.Recognizethatunderneathitall,shesjealousand
criticalofthem,justlikeeveryoneelse.Shelivesherlifein
comparisontoallthewomenaroundher.
- Shesindeathlyfearoflosingherlookseverysingleday.
Youveneverseenasoldierfightabattleharderthanawoman
fightinganotheryearofgettingolder.Especiallyinhermid-to
late-thirties.
- Whenawomandoesntknowwhattosayorhowtohandlethe
attentionofaman,shehidesbehindherbitch-shieldfor
protection.Whatyoumisinterpretasdisinterestisusuallytotally
nervousandcluelessbehaviorshefallsbackonbydefault.
Rememberthisthenexttimeyouwanttogooverandtalktoawoman.Shes
morenervousandfearfulthanyouare.Thatshouldtaketheedgeoffyourownfear.
Subordination
Deepintheheartofmosteverywomanisaneedtofindamanthattheycanlook
upto.Womenhaveevolvedtolooktoamantobeasourceofstrengthforthem.They
wantandneedamantheycanrespectand(ideally)revere.
Theevolutionarycausesshouldbeobvious.Anywomanthatwantedtoensure
protectionforherselfandheroffspringwouldhavetochooseamanthatwasanAlpha.
Hehadtohavestrength,alongwithsomesavvy.Hehadtobeconfidentenoughtotake
theupperhand(overthewomansstatus)intheinterestsofsurvivalevenifitmeant
herdisapproval.Anymanthatallowedthewomantomakebadsurvivaldecisionsmight
notlive,norwouldhiswifeorhischildren.
Imgoingtomakeaverycharged,controversialstatement,butitsoneyouwill
understandthetruthofifyouvebeensuccessfulinyourworktoridyourselfofthe
Nice-Guy-Wimp-Thinkingthatmostoftodaysmodernmenhave.Thinkaboutthis,and
thenrelateittoexperience.Notjustyourownexperiencedirectlywithwomen,butwith
themenyouveseenwhohavehadthemostsuccesswithwomen.(Bytheway,this
doesntnecessarilymeanpeopleyouknowthataremarried.Marriageisnotan
indicatorofsuccesswithawoman.)
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Mystatementisthis:
Womenneedmentodominatethem.
Youheardmeright.
Notinabarefootandpregnantkindofway,orevenanythingresemblingabuse
ofanykind.Ibelievethatwomendeserveallthesocialrightsandequalitiesthatmen
havetoday.WhatImtalkingabouthereisthenecessarykindofcommandingand
nurturingdominionthatmenhavealwaysprovided.
WhenIsaydominate,Imean:
- Amanwhocanassertively(notangrily)tellherwhenshes
actingupandcorrecther
- Amanwhohastheabilitytoabandonher,butchoosesnotto
forthedurationthatshecanmeethisneeds
- Initiatetakethefirststepsofanynecessaryactiontoensure
thatthejobgetsdone
- Provideguidanceandsupportforawomantoensureshemeets
thegoalsshehasset
- Demonstratesuperiorpowerandvalue
Awomanneedsamanshefeelsismorepowerfulthanher.Or,statedanother
way,awomancannotremainsexuallyattractedtoamanshefeelsislesspowerful,ora
manshefeelsshestooequal-to.
Doyourememberwhenthemarriagevowsusedtosay,Love,honor,and
obey?Thentherewasthisbigfeministuproarovertheinclusionofobey,anditwas
droppedfromtheceremony.Whatthatvowwasreallysayingwastheunspokenreality
thatforalong-termrelationshiptowork,therehastobeapointwhereamancan
commandauthorityoverawoman.Ifhedoesnot,thenshewillloseherfeelingof
securitywithhim,andhersubconsciousattractionmechanismwillpointherawayfrom
himandtowardsamanthatcanprovidethatfeelingofemotionaldesire.
Womenwantmenwhomakethemfeelinstinctuallysafeandvalued.Theyalso
knowatthatinstinctuallevelthattheonlymenthatcandothisaretheonesthatcan
takechargeandtakecontrolofsituationswhenneededandthesearemenwith
superiorpower.
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Awomanwillfeelasexualattractionforamanthatraisesherprimaldesires
withoutraisingheremotionalwarningsignals.
SoyoumustdevelopthisAlphaConfidenceandAlphaManPowertothelevel
thatyouarenotafraidtoplaythisrole.(Yourprimaryobstacletoachievingthiswillbe
yourfearofangeringawomanorbeingrejectedbyher.)Youhavetoraiseyourown
levelofconfidencetothelevelthatyoucantakecontrolwhennecessary,andalsogive
controlwhenrequired.Sometimesyouhavetogiveuppowertoshowyourown
confidencethatyouhavepower.
Andrememberthatthekindofwomanwhodemandscommandandcontrolof
youisnotonethatyoucanforgeareliablerelationshipwith.Goaheadandtry.Ive
seenmenendupmiserableandbeatendownfromtrying,andthatsnotwhereyou
wanttoliveouttherestofyourlife.Thesearetheguyscommonlyreferredtoaspussy
whipped.Andifyouveeverseenoneofthesecouples,neitheroneofthemishappyat
thesituationtheyrein.
TakecontrolandstayAlphafromtheverystartandthisdoesnthavetobeyour
fate.
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DemonstratingAlphaManBehaviorWithWomen
Ifyouwanttogetarealwoman,youregoingtohavetoshowherarealman.
HerearesomeofthewayswevediscussedthatyoudemonstrateAlphaManbehavior
toawoman:
o Neverleaveamessagewithawoman
o Neverletawomangetariseoutofyou
o Neverignoreawomanstests
o Neverbetmorethanyoucanaffordtolosewithawoman
o Neverlettingawomanbossyouorcommandyouaround
o Neverexpectingawomantomakeallthemoves
o Alwaysshowingheraconfidentman
Ilearnedatanearlyagethatwomenholdalotofpoweroverus,andtheyare
veryawareofit.IremembermeetingupwithagirlnamedKatrinawhoIhititoffwith
rightaway.Igottogetherwithheracoupletimes,andonthesecondmake-outsession,
shebrokethenewstomeshewantedtobeabletoseeotherpeople.Atthatage,I
hadntencounteredthisbefore.Iwasdevastated.Howcouldshenotwantmeandonly
me?
Welltomakealongstoryshort,Irealizedthatshewasonlyplayingmefora
sucker,andIdroppedherasquicklyasIcould.Irememberwatchingwhenmybest
friendspentacouplehoursgoingthroughthissamedevastationwhenhisgirlfriendtold
himthesamething.
Themessagethatneitherofusreallyunderstoodatthetimewasthatwefailed
tokeeptheminterestedbybeingAlpha,andthiswastheirwayofbreakingitoffwithus.
Theywereboredofusandwantedtoseeiftheycouldfindanotherguythatwouldlight
uptheirattractioncenterintheirbrain.
ThatwasthefirsttimeIrealizedwhatkindofpowerwomenholdoverus.I
suspectalotofguyswentthroughsimilarexperiencesintheirlives,goingfromletsgo
outwitheachotherinstantboyfriend/girlfriend,totheworldwherewomenwantedto
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seeotherpeopleorjustbefriends.Womenstillusethosephraseswhentheyre
tryingtoletaguydowngently.
Wellgothroughmoreofthestrategiesinthissectionthatwillkeepyoufrom
fallingintothistrap.
LetHerFallInLoveFirst
Now,atfirstglance,alotofyouarethinkingthatthisissomekindofemotional
blackmailtactic.Youvereadalotofthebooksoutthere,andholdingbackseems
manipulativeandfalse.Afterall,arealrelationshipisgroundedintrustandopenness.
Honesty.Ifbothsidesholdout,howwillanythingeverhappenbetweenyou?
Itsnotmanipulativeorblackmailtoletherfallinlovefirst,andletmeexplainto
youwhy:
Thepersonwhogivesuptheiremotionalcontrolfirstistheonethatisthemost
atthemercyoftheother.
Ifyouletyourselffallinlovewithawomanbeforeyouhaveheratthesamelevel
ofinvolvement,youreopeningyourselfuptoadangeroussituation.Shenowhasallthe
poweroveryoursenseofself-esteem.
Womenwanttobetheonestofallinloveandthenfindoutifyoufeelthesame
way.Ifyoudothatbackwardsbytellingherorfallingforherfirst,sheknowsitwontfeel
thesameway,orassatisfying.
NowthetrulypowerfulAlphaMancanfallinlovewithawoman,tellher,andthen
walkawaywithoutneedingtohearifshefeelsthesameornot.Itsalittlelikethoseold
movieswherethemaninthetrenchcoattellsthewomanwhosabouttogetonaplane
thathesalwayslovedher,andalwayswill.Ifshegetsontheplaneandleaveshim,he
justshrugsandwalkson.Ifshetellshimshefeelsthesameandhemustcomewith
her,hejustshrugsandgetsonboard.
Itsnotthemostrealisticsituation,buttheattitudeisright.Becauseeitherway,
itshappily-ever-afterforhim.
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MixedSignals
Oneofthosebehaviorsthatguysencounterallthetimethattotallybafflesthem
aretheincrediblybizarremixedsignals.Hereswhathappens:
JohnisoutandmeetsascrumptiousredheadnamedSuzie.Suzieshot,andit
appearsthatSuziesalsoawareofit.Johnstartstalkingtoher,andtheyseemtohitit
offfairlywell.Suziesmilesandeventoucheshimacoupletimesonthearm.Imin!he
thinkstohimself.Thisisprettycool
Butthen,fornoreasonatall,Suziestartsgivinghimalittlechill.Heaskshera
questionaboutwhereshewenttoschoolandshesaysbackeast.Shesquiet.Andhe
endsuppushingher.Whatswrong?heasks,feelingtotallystrangeforhavingtoask
thissosoon.Nothing,shesays.Johnstartspullingawayandactingdistanttocounter
hercoldness,andsheeventuallymakesanexcuseabouthavingtomeetsomeoneand
leaves.Johnisleftwithshakenconfidenceandanger,unabletogotalktoanother
womanafterthisincident.
Onceagain,mixedsignalsfromwomenarejustparforthecourse.Womenwill
givethemoffjustbecausetheycan,andtheyknowhowdisturbingitisforguys.The
womenthatareusedtogettingtheirwayallthetimeareoftenguiltyofthis.Oneminute
shessupersweet(usuallywaytoosweet)andthenextminuteshesactinglikeshe
couldntcareifyoudroppeddeadofamassivestrokerightinfrontofher.
Letslookatitfromthewomanspointofviewduringthiskindofsituationsothat
youcanseewhatshegetsoutofgivingoffmixedsignals:
JohncomesuptoSuzie,andSuziethinks,Hmm,notbad.Theystarttotalk,and
thingsseemprettypositivelycharged.Then,fornoreasonatall,shedoesntfeelquite
asexcitedaboutJohn,maybebecausehesnotdoinganythingreallyextraordinary,or
maybeshejustfeelsitstherighttimetodropthehammer.Maybeshefreaksandthinks
shescomingontoostrongherself,soshebacksoff.(Thisismostoftenthecase.)
Whatever.So,shestartsactingalittlestand-offish.Now,youstarttofeelthisdistance.
IfyoureanythinglessthananAlphaMan,youbecomeafraidoflosingher.Your
thoughtsstarttorunwild.Oh,no,youthink.Shesslippingaway.Panicstartstorise
upinthebackofyourhead.Youstarttogetalittlenervous,andyoustartchanging
yourbehaviortoaccommodatehermore.Youstopbeingteasingandplayfulandstart
totrytolockthisonein.Someguystrytomoveinfaster,whileothersstarttothrow
outcompliments,orfishforfeedback,orevenbragaboutthemselvesinanattemptto
reelthisfishbackin.InSuzieshead,shesthinking:A-ha!Iknewit.Anotherguywho
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doesnthavealotofself-confidence.Or,sometimestheguyrespondsbypullingaway
asretaliationforhercoldness,thinking,Illshowher.Andhetotallyblowsit.
HowdoesanAlphaManhandlethesituation?Likethis:
Suziestartstobackoff.Maybethereareafewuncomfortablesilences,but
Johndoesntcare.Hekeepstalkingtoher,buthebacksoffjustalittle.Hesperfectly
happyinthesphereofhisownreality.Hesbeginningtowonderifthischickisableto
holdupherpartofaconversation,andifshedreallybeinterestingtodateafterall.She
betterstartdoingmoretoimpressme,hethinks.Meanwhile,hesalsofindingother
waystokeephimselfentertained.IfSuzieiswithafriend,hellstartafriendly
conversationwithher,ormaybeevenorderanotherbeerandtalktothebartenderfora
minute.Oriftheyreinagroup,helljustchatwitheveryone.Hedoesntrespondor
reacttoherbehavior.
Afterafewminutesofabreak,ifshecontinuestokeepsilentorcold,hedecides
shesprobablyeitherrudeorshesmentallyunstable.Therealityisthatawomanwho
hasagenuineinterestinaguywillreturntoshowingherinterestinhimifhedoesnt
giveoffanyneedyordesperatevibesafteralullintheconversation.Ifhesnotpushy,
andheseemsgenuinelyconfident,shellstayinterested.AndanAlphadoesnt
suddenlydoubthismasculinityjustbecausethewomanwithdrawsattentionand
approval.
Someofthepossiblereasonsawomanwillstartactinghotandcoldare:
- Shessuddenlykeenlyawarethathergirlfriendsarethere
withher,andshesreallyouttohavefunwiththem,notget
laid.Infact,shefindsmeetinganewmankindofscary,since
herfriendsareprobablygoingtojudgeher.Soitsbettertoshut
youdown.(Sometimescalledtheanti-slutdefense.She
doesntwanttoappearpromiscuous,soshellrejectyouifshe
becomestooawareshesbeingseduced.)
- Shesyoungandimmature.Mostwomenuptotheageof26
areinthestagewheretheyareruledbytheiremotionsandthe
presentmoment.Hermoodcanchangelikeastoplight,andit
oftendoes.Theonlywaytocombatthisistokeepherattraction
andbuyingtemperaturesohighthatsheignoreseverything
else.
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- Shesnervousandgetstongue-tied.Thisiswhereyouneed
tobeconfidentandkeeptheconversationgoing,tohelpher
throughhernervousness.Alotofguysmisinterprethersilence
asgivingthecoldshoulder,butinrealityshesprobablynottoo
secureherselfandshejustrunsoutofsteam.
- Sheknowsthatshecantestyou.AsinthecaseIdescribed
above,sheknowsshecanlearnmoreaboutamaninaminute
ofgivinghimthecoldshoulderthanshecouldinamonthof
dating,soshellfindherselfdoingitinresponsetoamanwhois
showingherobviousinterest.Sheknowsshesgothisinterest
already,soshesreallynotafraidofturninghimoff.Itsthe
singlebestwaytofindoutwhatamanismadeof.
Thesecrettohandlingthissituation,andalmostallsituationswithwomen,isthat
youmustneverfullyrevealyourinterestlevelinher.Atthesametime,youmustuse
thePush-Pulltechniquetokeepalevelofheightenedsexualattractionbetweenyou.
And,totopitalloff,youhavetobeconfidentenoughtonotletyourcagegetrattled
whentherearesilencesormomentsofdoubt.Awomanwantsamanwhohasenough
confidenceforbothofthem,andcanhelpguideherthroughherownnervousness.She
doesnotwantamanthatgetsuncertainandclingywhenhefeelstheruggettingpulled
out.
ThetrueAlphaManwillalsotakethistacticanduseithimselffromtimetotime.
SometimesImakeapointtoturnmyinterestawayfromthewomanImwith.Notina
rudemanner,butenoughtomakeherwonderifshesgotme.(RULE:Awomanshould
neverfeellikeshesgotyouintheearlystagesofdating.)Wanderoffforaminute,right
whenthingsaregoingwell.Gotalktoafriend,orgotakealeak.Dontdoittooabruptly
orrudely,butwithanairofIdontreallyneedyou.Letmeseewhatelseisoutthere.
Andwhenyoureturn,youllhavemoreofherinterest.
ALPHATACTIC:
Thenexttimeyousensethatawomaniseithertongue-tiedorrunninglowon
juiceduringaninteraction,saythis:
Areyouokay?Youseemalittlenervous.
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Shemightadmitthatsheis,andthenyoucanjustgiveherawinkandapaton
thearmthatitsokay.GivehersomeAlphareassurance.
Ifshesays,No,justsmileandnodather,maybewithasmallchucklethat
says,Yeah,sure.Iknowthetruth.Andthenlaunchanewtopicofconversation.Ifshe
seemsmoredistantthanbefore,shesprobablyabitch,andyoushouldejectfromthe
situation.Giveherafewminutesandyoulleithersensethatshedropshercold
shoulderroutine,orshedoesnthavethesamelevelofinterest.
Thekeytopullingthisoffistonotseemtooarrogant,andtrulyactlikeshesnot
flusteringyouatall.
Y.A.S.S.RecognizetheChickPlayers
Keepinmindthatbeautifulwomen(andespeciallyyoungerwomen)are
bombardedwithattemptstogetthemintobed.Theycanhavetheirpickofthemenout
there,andtheycanevenhavetheirpickoftheAlphas.Itseasytobeledonbya
woman.Especiallyonethatlikestoplaymenfortheattention.
IcallthistheY.A.S.S.syndrome.ThisstandsforYouAreSoSweet!
Imaginethelifeofabeautifulwomanforamoment:
Eversinceshewaslittle,shesbeentoldwhatabeautifulgirlsheis.She
harvestedattentionfromeveryoneinherworld,andheresteemwasbuiltbyallthis
admirationofherlooks.Shelearnedveryearlyhoweasyboysweretomanipulateand
gettodoherbidding.Theyddowhatevershesaidjustfortheopportunitytobewith
her.Whenshewasateenager,shedprick-teasethem,lettingthemthinktheymightget
apieceofherpieatsomepoint,butshealwaysmanagedtogetawaywithout
delivering.Usually,aftershedusedyou,andasshesleavingyouorgoingofftoher
boyfriend,shedsay,OhYouaresosweet!
Andthat,myfriends,istheconsolationprizeshewantsyoutohaveforbeingone
ofhergroupies.Shecollectsguyslikethis,eventhedumbonesthatbuyherthingsand
getnothinginreturn,andgivesthemherbestspeechaboutIfIdidnthaveaboyfriend,
wedbetogether,orsomeotherbullshitlikethat.
Shesanattentionwhore.
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Learntorecognizethesewomenwhentheypopupinyourlife.Theyrethe
womenthatyousenseyoullnevergetanywherewith,buttheyleadyouonlikean
expert.TheyplaytheAlphagamewithyou,buttheyalwaysstayjustoutsideyour
reach.Theycanbeseduced,butyouvegottobetotallysharpandfocusedtogetinto
theirbubbleofillusion.
Thekeytoavoidingwomenlikethis,theChickPlayersandthetimewastersof
AlphaManlife,istorecognizewhenshesreallynotattractedtoyouornotlikelyto
followthroughsexuallywithyou.Herearesomeofthesigns:
- Youaresosweet!Shegivesyouconsolationprizesfornot
comingthrough.Oneistotellyouwhatagreatguyyouare,or
howsweetyouare.
- CondescendingconsolationprizesThisisanotherformof
thepreviousone,butyousmellthembytheirtoneanddelivery
andthewaysheseemstopityyouslightly.Oh,arentyoua
sweetie,shesays,pattingyourarm,orgivingyouapeckon
thecheek.Thisisusuallyaccompaniedbyanexpressionlike
sheslookingatpuppiesinthewindowofastore.
- AttentionshotsShegivesyouattentioninoccasionaldoses,
justtokeepyouaroundandhopeful.Shellbreakawayfromyou
totalkwithsomefriends,andthenturnherattentionbacktoyou
inawaythatalmostsoundsflattering,butshesreallyjustgiving
youalittlemaintenanceattentionsothatyoudonttotallylose
interestandleave.
So,John,tellmeaboutthisplaceyouworkatagain
somethingaboutabankorsomething?Uh,yeah,Iworkat
Oh,hey,heresSara!Yeah,Sara!Woo-hoo!
Shellalsotossyouanoccasionalcomplimentorboosttoyour
maleego,butitsneververysincere.Andyouknowdeepin
yourheartshesnotdiggingyou,butyoukeepplayingher
game.
- UsingyouforfavorsShehasyoubuyherdrinksorgiveher
somekindofbenefitasproofofyoursincerityorworthiness.
Shewillhaveyoudriveherorherfriendsaroundfrompartyto
partyorbartobar.Shesauser.
- LeadingyouonandalwaysbackingoffShellsometimes
beverysexuallyforward,butalwaysmanagetokeepyoufrom
gettinganythingrealfromher,likeadeepkissorsomeheavy
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petting.Justwhenyouthinksheslettingyougetsomewhere,
shefindsadistraction.
Ooh!Lookatthatbeach!sheslapsyourarmandpushesyou
backfromakiss,pointingtothetelevision.
- ConstantlybackingoutofplansThesewomenareaboutas
reliableastheweather.Theywillonlyshowuptodatesor
situationsthatarefavorabletothem,andthisisalwayssubject
totheirmood.Youmightgetthemouttoasocialscene,but
yourenotlikelytogetherisolatedanytimesoon.Nofollow-
through.
ALPHATACTIC:
Oneofthebestwaystogetbeautifulwomenistoknockthemofftheirpedestal
ofsecurity.Themostbeautifulwomenrespondtheleasttoattentionandcompliments.
Whattheyrespondtomostisamanwhoisnthypnotizedbytheirbeauty.
ThefirsttacticyouusewiththemiscalledTheScan.
Whatyoudoisthis:Whenyourewithawomanwhoobviouslyknowssheshot,
andshemakessomekindofcockycommentabouthowgoodlookingsheis,stopthe
conversationdeadtolookherupanddown,slowly,fromheadtotoe.Keepa
completelyseriousfaceuntilyouredonewiththescan,andthenchuckletoyourself
whileshakingyourhead,andthenturnaway.Mosteverytime,shelleitherpullyou
backordemandthatyoukeeptalkingtoher.Dontactmeantoher,butdontgiveher
anylookofinterest.Shellthenproceedtowriggleherwayintoyourgoodgracesand
approval.What?DontyouthinkImpretty?
Thesecondtacticisjustignoringher.Whenshecomesupwithacocky
commentaboutherlooks,wrinkleyourforehead,lookaway,andlaughlikeyoucant
believeyoujustheardthat.Startignoringthingsshesaysonoccasion,includingdirect
questionstoyou.
Hotwomenrespondtothesetacticsthemostbecauseitchallengesher
externallyvalidatedopinionofherbeauty.Shessousedtogettingconfirmationthatany
contraryresponseisgoingtobeachallengetoher.Usethisonthereallyhot9sand
10s.
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NoStringsAttached
Thesinglebestwaytotreatawomanistonevertrytotieherdownorobligate
her.Keepcommitmentoutofthepictureatallcostsforaslongaspossible.Thetrick,of
course,istonotmakeitappearasthoughyourejustanothercommitment-phobicguy.
Awomanisalwayslookingforthebestfunshecanget,withtheleastobligation
orcommitment.Shejustwantstohavefun.Soyoucanneverrestrictorinhibither
abilitytofeelthisfreedom,orshewillrespondbyrejectingyou.
Whensherealizesthatthefunyougiveherisonlyavailablefromyou,shell
becomemoreattachedandmorelikelytostickwithyou.Butremembertoalwaysinsert
apauseoratimewhenyouaretotallyoutofcontactwithher.Thisdemonstratesboth
extremestohersoshecanfeelthecontrast.Givehertheopportunitytomissthefunso
thatshecanrecognizewhatshehad.
Thesecondyoustarttomakeherfeeltieddownorheldback,shellfightagainst
youandpullaway.Sotheonlywaytogetcommitmentfrommanywomenistostayjust
barelyoutsideherreachuntilshepullsyouintoher.
IrealizedthisinmylifewhenIwasdatingawomanthatdidntwanttodatejust
oneguy.Icouldtellthiswithoutherevensayingthewords.Soforover10monthswe
werejustoccasionalpartners,gettingtogetherforsexonceaweekorso,andgoingto
dinnereverysooften.Ikeptseeingmanyotherwomen.Ididhavestrongfeelingsfor
her,butIkeptheratarmslength.IknewthatshednevercommitifIwantedherto.It
wouldhavetobeherdecision.Eventually,whensheknewthattherewereotherwomen
vyingformyattention,shepoppedthequestionandaskedtogoexclusive.
Thattookover10months.Howsthatforpatience?
Thisisthewayyoumusthandleitwithawomanyoufeelmightbeakeeper.
Youhavetobecoy,butnottoounavailable.Justenoughsothatshefeelsthatshehas
toworktokeepyouaround.Eventually,shewillwanttomakeyouherone-and-only.
Butuntilshemakesthatdecision,youcantmakeit.Shehastodecidetomakethis
commitmentfirst.
Themorefreesheistoleave,themorelikelyshewillstickaround.
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Mystery
OneofmyrecentaddictionshasbeenwatchingtheCrimescene:CSIshowon
DVD.Ivealwayshadafascinationabouthowevidencecanbeputtogetherto
formulateapictureofaneventthatoccurred,ortoanalyzesomethingandbreakitdown
intoelementsthatcouldbeunderstood.
Ifyouveeverseentheshow,itsformulaic,butverywellmade.Theyalsospend
sometimeondevelopingthecharactersofthecast,whichgivesitdepth.Thetypical
showstartswithaneventusuallyamurderormysterysurroundingadeathandthe
CSIteamcomeinandcollectevidencetopiecetogetherwhathappened.
Thinkaboutthelastmysterymovieorbookyouread,andthinkaboutwhat
makesamysterycompellingtowatch.Whatkeepsyouinterested?
HINT:Itswhatyoudontknowthatkeepsyouwatchingorreading.
Whenyoufigureoutwhodidit,orwhatthemysteryis,youloseinterest.Im
alwaysexcitedaboutamoviethatcankeepmeguessing,becauseitssorarethatthey
canoutsmartmenow.Andtheresnothingworsethanfiguringitouttooeasily.
Whatdoyouthinkitslikeforawomanwhoisgettingtoknowaman?Illtellyou
rightnow,shewantsthisromancetoplayoutjustlikeamystery.(Everwonderedwho
readsthemostmysterynovels?Yep.Women.)
Whatshelike?
Whereshefrom?
WhatdoeshedowhenImnotaround?
Whatshisstory?
Theseareallthequestionsawomanwantstofindoutthroughherowndetective
work.Notfromyoutellingherdirectly.Theresnofunwhensomeonegivesupthe
clues.Shewantstofindthemoutalittleatatime.
Keepherinsuspense.Thefatalmistakemostwould-beAlphaMenmakeisto
tellhertoomuchtooquickly,hopingthatthemoresheknowsabouthimthemoreher
rationalmindwouldwanthim.(Guesswhat?Itdoesntworkthisway.)
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Familiaritydoesntalwaysbreedcontempt,butitdoesboreherveryquickly.You
havetokeepthingsinterestingforher,andbynotgivinghereverydetailofyourlife,
youshowherthatyouhavediscretionandself-control.
Marinade
Youshouldalsobeawarethatdatingawomanislikecookingagoodmeal.
Marinatingistheprocessofsoakingfishormeatinseasoningorspicestoenhancethe
taste.
Whatyouredoingintheearlypartoftheprocessofdatingislearninghowto
marinadecertainbitsofinformationwithhersothatsheisproperlyseasoned.Youmust
marinadeherintheattentionyougiveher,allowingherspaceandfreedomtothink
aboutyouonherowntime,thusallowinghertosellherselfmoreandmoreonwhatisto
come.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Makesureyoumarinadethewomeninyourlifeasoftenasyoucan.Youcando
thisbycombiningyourpatienceandyourmysterytogivehersomethingshecanthink
aboutwhenyourenotaround.
Ididthisoncewithawomanbyleavingherstickynotesinherhousewithclues
toascavengerhunt.Isentheranemailwiththefirstclue,whichpointedhertothefirst
noteinherhouse.ThesecondnotewashiddenonanEltonJohnCD,andIpointedher
therewithaclueaboutbeingaRocketGirl(insteadofRocketMan.)ThenIpointed
hertoherbookonIndiawithahintaboutgoingtoafarawayland.AndthenfinallyI
pointedhertoherclosetupstairswhereItoldhershemightfindsomethingtomeltin
hermouthuntilshesawmeagain.(Abagofchocolates.)
Igotsomuchmileageoutofthatstuntthatthebonussexwasstillcomingin
monthslater.Ialsotimedthiswithaperiodwhereshewouldntbeabletoseemefora
whileduetoourconflictingtravelschedules,soallshecoulddowasthinkaboutthe
nexttimewegottogether.Allshecoulddowasmarinade.
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TheThreeDomainsofInteraction
Whenyouinteractwithawoman,therearethreeareaswherethingsare
happening.Thereiswhatsgoingoninyourhead,herhead,andwhatshappeningin
betweenthetwoofyouinconversationandinteraction.Youmustlearnhowtojuggleall
threeofthesedomainstoeffectivelyattractwomen.
Youhavetobeabletowatchwhatsgoingoninyourthoughts,andnotletthings
gettoodistracting.Monitoryourinternalfeelingsanddialogue.Youmayfeeloccasional
boutsoffearanddoubt,butyouhavetokeepthemundercontrol.
Then,watchwhatsgoingoninherheadbyheractionsandherbodylanguage.
Learnhowtoeffectivelyreadwomensothatyoudontmisunderstandherbody
language.
Finally,andmostimportantly,youhavetolearntowatchhowtheinteractionis
goingbetweenyou.Payattentiontotheresponsesyouget,andthegeneralflow
betweenyou.Whenshementionedhowthewaiterwashittingonher,didyougetmad,
ordidyounotseemtocare?Andwhataffectdidthathaveonyou?Keepafirmgripon
thevibeoftheconversationandhowthingsaregoingsoyouknowwhentotakethe
nextstep.
Mostpeoplearetoowrappedupintheirinnerworld.Youhavetoturnyourfocus
outwardandincreaseyoursituationalawarenessofwhatsgoingonoutsideinsteadof
inside.
BuyingTemperature
Awomansbuyingtemperatureisherinterestlevelinwhatyouhavetoofferher.
Youhavetowatchthistemperatureasifyouwerecloselymonitoringaprimecutof
steakyouputonthegrill.Ifyoutrytopullitoffthecoalstoofast,youllendupwithan
underdonepieceofbeefthatwontbereadytoeat.Waittoolong,andyoullburnit.
Somewherebetweenthesetwoextremesisyouropportunitywindow,andwhenit
presentsitself,whenhertemperatureisjustright,youmustact.
Youraiseherbuyingtemperaturethroughtheuseofthestrategiesinthisbook,
andthenyoumonitoritbywatchingherresponses,bothverballyandthroughbody
language.Whenyouthinkyouvecookedhertoperfection,youmustbewillingtotake
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heroffthegrillandbacktoaplacewhereyoucanactyourplate.Aslongasyouve
doneyourhomework,yourseductionisreasonablyassured.
Keepyourattentiononthethreedomainsofinteraction,andespeciallyonthe
vibethatisgoingbetweenyoutwo.Thiswillhelpyoudetermineherbuyingtemperature
allthroughtheinteraction.
Peacocking
Alotofguysarentawareoftheimmensepowerofthisstrategytopullwomento
youinsteadofhavingtochasethemaroundeverywhere.Youmaybefamiliarwiththe
methodthatmalepeacocksusetoattractamate.Theyhavebrightfeathersthatthey
fananddisplaywhilestruttingaround,andthisinevitablydrawstheinterestofwould-be
mates.
Hereshowyouuseit.
Youneedtocomeupwithanoutfitthatwillmakeyoustandoutfromtherestof
theguysoutthere.Itcanbeassimpleaswearingacowboyhat,orjustfindingtheright
glasseswithayelloworpinktint.Itcouldbeaflashyshirtwithsequins.Itcouldbea
wildpairofcombatboots,ormaybeashinyearring.
Youshouldfindaveryhipchickthatcanhelpyouinthisareaandgiveyou
feedbackonwhatpeacockitemwouldworkwithyourlooks.Thewrongcombinationwill
makeyoulookbizarreandlaughableinsteadofattractive,sotakesometimetothink
aboutthis.
Oneofthekeystopeacockingisthatyoudontwanttooverdoit.Thereisapoint
wheretoomanyshowyaccessoriesmakeyoulooklikeaclown,andyouhavetodraw
thelineatasafedistance.Irecommendonlyoneitembeusedforpeacocking,unless
thereisaspecificcombinationthatworksforyou.
Theitemyouchooseshouldalsobesomethingthatawomanwouldwantto
complimentortakenoteofinsomeway.Themoreobvious,thebetter.
Ihaveseveralitemsforpeacocking,andtheydependonmyenvironment.The
firstisamotorcyclejacketthatlooksrough,totallyunlikemyappearance.Everywoman
Ivewornitwithsaystheythinkitsacoolfashionstatement.Ialsouseacowboyhaton
occasion(especiallywhenIgouptoTahoeforsnowboarding.)Oneofmymore
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extremeexamplesisat-shirtthatsays,Yourfishsmellslikepussy.Igotthatonefrom
alocalSanFranciscosushibar.
Youllfindthatwomentakenoteoftheseitems,andiftheyreatallinterestedin
youitgivesthemtheexcusetheyneedtocometalktoyoufirst.Otherwise,theyllbe
waitingforyoutocomeovertothem,andIthinkyoullagreewithmethatyoudrather
havethemcometoyou.
ALPHATACTIC:
Getyourselfatleastacouplethingstowearthatwillgiveyoutheabilityto
peacock.Dontbeafraidtostandoutinthecrowd.Womenneedareasontocometalk
toyou,andthisistheeasiestwaytodothat.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Firstgetthepeacockingitem.
Next,planwhatyouregoingtosaytowomenwhentheydotakenoteofit,in
eitherapositiveornegativecontext.Notallwomenwillbenice.Thehotwomenwill
consideryourlookstobeathreattothem,believeitornot,andwilloftentrytoinsult
youalittletotestyou.Nicehat,cowboy,theymightsay.Andyouneedtohavea
responsereadyforthatchallenge.Youshouldtryridingthebullwearingit,sugar.Or,
YourejusthopingIlassoyouup,youwildmustang.Theywillprobablytakethebait
andgiveyouahardtime,butyoucanuseyourverbalsparringtechniquestokeepthe
edge.
Forthepositiveresponses,youneedtoanswerinawaythatpullsthemtoyou
formorediscussion.Hey,Ilikeyourhat!Youreply,Thanks.Doyouknowwhoused
towearoneofthese?Shestopsandwillhavetokeepintheconversation.No,who?
Yougiveheralookofshock.Youdontknow??Oh,comeoverhereandletmetellyou
allaboutthestoryofWildMelvinLeibowitzandhiscrazyostrichranch.Andreachover
toherandpullherclose.YourworkistomakeupafunnystoryaboutMelvin,andpoint
tosomethingonyourhatthatlinksittothestory.Getherlaughing.Thengethertowear
thehat.
Addmorecharm,marinade,andseducetotaste.
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LipstickTactic
Thisisatacticthatwillserveyouifusedintherightway.First,youneedtofinda
womanthatwillhelpyouwiththis.Ifyougotoclubsfrequently,thengetoneofthe
ladiestokissyouontheneckoronyourcollarwithastrongshadeoflipstick.
(Obviouslythisrequiresawhiteshirt.)Ifyouwalkintoaclubwithahotredkissmarkon
yourface,you'llbe"pre-approved"andwomenwillbeintriguedbyyou.Theyllthinkyou
musthavesomethingthattheyshouldwant.Thisisinfollowingwiththesocialproof
theorythatdictatesthatwhenamanisobviouslydesiredbywomen,otherwomenwill
beattractedasaresult.
Whenyoureaskedaboutthelipstickmark,justshrugitoffwithabashfulsmirk
andsay,Oh,thatsjustoneofmygroupies.Ihavetowatchoutforthesewomen.
HowtoMakeComplimentsWork
Anymanthatsmadeitthisfarinhistrainingwithmypreviouse-booksandaudio
coachingknowsthatcomplimentsarethekissofdeathtoanymanofAlphastatus.The
moreattractivethewoman,thelessthepositiveaffectofacompliment.
Toreview,compliments:
- Demonstrateaneedyman.Whatkindofmanwouldgivea
complimenttoawomanhedoesntevenknow?Amanwho
wantssomething,ofcourse.Andsheknowsit.Complimentsare
obvious,andthatworksagainstyou.
- Showalackoforiginality.Anyonecantellabeautifulwoman
shesbeautiful.Buthowmanymencanseethepartsofher
innerpersonalitythatshesdesperatetohaverecognized?
- Areactuallyinsultingwhenitsobviousthatyourejustsaying
somethingtogetwhereyouwantwithher.Animproperly
deliveredcomplimentwillactuallypushheraway.
So,howdoyouusethemtoyourbenefit?
Hereishowacomplimentcanworkforyou:
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- Maketheminsightful.Acomplimentshouldshowhow
perceptiveyouare,andthatyouseewhatothermenhavent
seeninherbefore.Youshouldwaittocomplimentuntilyoucan
findsomethingworthcomplimenting.
- Nevercomplimenttheobvious.Thisshouldgowithout
saying,butifshehasstrikingblueeyes,chancesareeveryguy
ontheplanethasusedthatoneonher.Lookforsomething
uniqueandoriginal.
- Dontcomplimentonappearancesatall,unlessitisdirectly
relatedtosomethingsheswearing.Bycomplimentingher
clothes,jewelry,orotherpartofherappearancethatshes
actuallyhadtoworktoachieve,youlldofarbetter.
- Complimentawomanonherappearancesonlyifshes
probablynotusedtoit.(i.e.,shesabitplainandyoucan
stillbeveryoriginalwiththecompliment.)Ifshesabit
overweight,youcanjustsayyoureallylikethewayshecarries
herself,withakindoffeminineconfidence.Dontbeanidiotand
tellaheavygirlthatshesactuallyskinny.Youlljustlooklikea
kiss-assbuffoonfortryingtodenytheobvious.Justlookfor
whatmaynotappearobvious,ortakesomethingthatmaybe
construedasanegativeandturnitintoapositive.
Heresacomplimentyoucanuseonanywomanwithgoodaffect,ifyoumakeit
sincere:
Hey,youknow,IjusthadtotellyouthatIthinkyouhaveareallyniceenergy
aboutyou.Itslikeaglowaroundyou.Andnodwhileyouresayingthis,asthough
youremoresureofitnowthatyouretellingher.
Thisisacomplimenteverywomanwouldbehappytohear.And,generally
speaking,unlessshesacompletebitch,sheprobablydoeshaveacertainenergy
abouther.Womenespeciallylikeitphrasedinthatsemi-mysticalwaythatmakesit
soundlikeherauraisglowing.
Thereisanotherplaceyoushouldbesuretogiveheracomplimentinbed
withher.Butjustacoupletimes,andmakethemsoundgood.Awell-placedYoureso
sexywhileinthethroesofpassionwillkeepherhappyandsecure.Hey,yourealready
atthewinnerscircle,soitcanthurttopayafewhonestcompliments.
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TheSimplestSure-fireOpenerEver
Imabouttogiveyoutheexactwordstoafoolproofopenerthatyoucanusein
justaboutanysituation.Memorizethisandrepeatituntilyoucansayittentimesfast:
"Hi,I'mjustmeetingnewpeopletoday.Ithoughtyoumightbeinterestingtotalkto.
What'syourname?"
Now,beforesomeofyougetallangryandstartwritingmenastyemailsbecause
Ididntgiveyousixmagicwordsthatwillmakeherwanttohumpyourightthere,Iwant
youtoconsiderthis:Thesinglemostcommonproblemmenhaveinmeetingwomenis
knowingwhattosaytointroduceyourselfandgetthingsstarted.
Ijusttookthatproblemawayforyou.
Yes,itsunbelievablysimple(thebestthingsinlifeoftenare.)Savethe
clevernessforwhenyoureallyneedit.Youdontneedithere.
Butyouknowwhat?Thisintroductionworkswonders.Italmostneverfails.It
worksinbars,inchurch,instores,inparks,indanceclubs,atpartiesyounameit.
Andtheonlytimethatitwouldfailisifyoueitheruseitonarealhardcorebitch,a
super-shygirl,oryouuseitatthemostinconvenientandthoughtlesstime.
Itreallyisthatgoodandeasytouse.Whatsanewomanwouldresist?Evenif
shewasntimmediatelyattractedtoyou(andveryfewwomenareimmediatelyattracted
toanyman,eventhegoodlookingones)shewouldstillbeopentosayinghelloand
talkingwithyouforaminute.
ThetruthofthematteristhateventhoughIvegiventhisphrasetomenleftand
right,thethingthatseparatestheAlphaMenfromtheBetaGuysisthis:Thelower-
statusmenalwaysseemtocomeupwithanexcuseastowhyitwontworksothatthey
canavoidthepossibilityofrejectionandpossiblepain.Theykeeplookingforthemagic
bulletthatwillworkeverytimeforthem,butoddlyenoughtheykeepfindingproblems
witheverysingleintroductiontheycomeacross.Somethingassimpleasthiscouldnt
possiblywork,theywillsay,becauseitsjusttoosimple.Itdoesnthypnotizethemorput
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theminasuggestiblesexualstate.Itdoesntdothis,oritdoesthat.Theresalwaysa
reason.
IhopeyouseewhatImdrivingathere.Theproblemisneverintheintroduction
youusewithawoman;itsonlywiththeattitudeofthedeliverer.Anythingwillworkif
youuseitintherightway.
Andthisonewillworkalmosteverytime,aslongasyoudontgetinyourown
way.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
Memorizethatopener,andmakesureyouknowitcold.Wordforword.
Gettothepointwheretherearenohesitationsorpauses.Ifyoustopinthe
middleforanyreason,youllcommunicatenervousnessinsteadofAlphaMan.Then,
whenyouvegotitdown,memorizeafewquestionstokeeptheconversationgoing
fromthere.
Whatsyourename?
Ifitsafairlycommonname,yousay:Thatsreallypretty.Itseemstosuityou.
Didyourmotherpickthatname?
Ifitsauniquename,yousay:Wow,thatsinteresting.Whatsthestorybehind
that?
OpeningSets
Oneofthekeystomeetingwomeningroupsisbuildingyourskillinopening
sets.Setsaregroupsoftwoormorepeople,andtheymaybeamixtureofwomenand
men,too.Youhavetoknowhowtohandlethesesituationswhentheyarise,andfeel
confidentjumpingintothem.Alotofguysfindgoingupandmeetingagroupofpeople
downrightimpossible,butImgoingtocoversomeofthemosteffectivemethodsfor
openingsetsandgiveyousomespecificexamplesthatyoucanmemorize.
Setopenerone:TheCheater
Thisoneisafavoriteofminebecauseitisalmostguaranteedtogetagroupof
womenintoaheateddebate,ifnotalotofwilddiscussion.Herestheapproach:
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Ladies,Ihatetointerruptyourdrink/lunch/dinner(whatever),butIhavea
questionandIneedafemalepointofview.Doyouhaveasecond?(Theywillmore
thanlikelysayyes.)Herestheproblem:OneofmyfriendswentovertoEuropetogo
toschool.Hehadbeenseeingthisgirlhereinthestatesforaboutayear.Well,whilehe
wasoverthere,hesleptwithanothergirl.Whenhegotback,hefeltterriblyguiltyabout
it,andhetoldhisgirlfriendaboutwhathappened,hopingthatshewouldunderstandhis
regret,andtobehonestwithher.Well,shedumpedhim,andwontreturnhiscalls.Do
youthinkhedidtherightthing?Why?
Makesureyougeteverywomantotellheropinionofthis,especiallythequiet
ones.Thiswayonewomandoesntspeakfortherest,andyoucanwringeverybitof
dramaoutofthesituation.Youcanalsoreversetheroles,makingitthegirlwho
cheatedontheguy.
Andbeprepared:Thewomenwillalmostalwaysassumethefriendyoure
talkingaboutiseitheryouoroneofthepeopleyourewith.Youhavetobereadytotell
themitsnot,andbeconvincing.
Setopenertwo:TheSnoop
Ilikethisonebecauseitplaysupthedramaofsomethingwealllovetodo.
Standardopener:Ladies,Ihatetointerruptyourdrink/lunch/dinner(whatever),
butIhaveaquestionandIneedafemalepointofview.Doyouhaveasecond?
Ihaveafriendwhometanicegalherelastweek.Theywenthometogether,
andthenextmorning,whenshewentouttopickupsomestuffforbreakfast,hewent
aroundthehousesnooping.Hewasjustcuriousaboutwhatkindofgirlshewas.Well,
Shecamebackandcaughthim.Shegotreallypissedoffandkickedhimout,saying
thatsheneverwantedtoseehimagain.Doyouthinkthatwasoverreacting?
Add-ons:
Whatifithadbeenhersnoopingathisplace?Wouldthathavemadeit
right/wrong?
Haveyoueverdonethat?When?Didyoufindanythinggood?
303
Setopenerthree:TheOldRockStar
Usethisoneonyoungerwomen,oradjustyourexamplefortheapproximateage
ofthewomen.
Standardopener:
Mysister(oryourfriendssister)reallylikesTedNugent.Shethinkshessexy.
Doyouthinkheshot?Whatmakeshimsexy?
IftheydontknowwhoTedNugentis,haveacoupleotherstand-bys,likeDavid
Bowie,OzzyOsbourne,MickJagger,etc.Thisonegetsalotofjuicydetailonwhatthey
findsexyandinterestinginaman.
Add-ons:
o Whatifhewasntarockstar?Wouldyoustillwanttodohim?(Ifthey
sayhessexybutactliketheywouldnthavesexwithhim,callthemon
theirlie.Youaresofullofshit!Youwouldsodohim.Stoptrying
tobeingallproper.)
o Doyoufindoldermensexierthanyoungermen?Why?
Setopenerfour:MenvsWomen
Usethisoneonamixedgroupofwomenwithguys.
Standardopener
Myfriendthinksthatmenmakebettermusiciansthanwomenbecauseguys
growupwantingtoberockstarstogetwomen.Doyouthinkthatstrue?
Add-ons:
o Doyouthinkmenarebetteratplayinginstruments?
o (Aimedattheguys):Didyoueverstartlearningtheguitarorjoinaband
togetlaid?
304
Setopenerfive:Trivia
Usethisonewhenyoureinamoreformalatmosphere,orwhentheother
approachesmightbeinappropriate.
StandardOpener
Hey,ladies.Werewonderingifyouknowthenameofthateightiesbandthat
played,Dontdontyouwantme
Choosethetriviaquestiontofitthegroup.Again,iftheyreyounger,ask
somethingmorecurrentthattheymightknow,butmakesurethequestionrelatesto
somethingjustslightlyolderthanthem.(Dontdigintothe1960sand1970siftheyre
only20yearsold.)
Iftheycantcomeupwithananswer,besuretoteasethem.What?Youdont
know?Howoldareyougirls,anyway?Seventeen?RemindmetoneverplayTrivial
Pursuitwithyou.
Whethertheygetitrightorwrong,yougobacktoyourtableandresumetalking.
Giveitaminuteortwo,thencomebackoverwithyourdrinks.Okay,sinceyouwereso
good/badwiththatlastquestion,ladies,wedecidedtochallengeyoutoafewmore
questions.Andthentakeitfromthere.
Setopenersix:Elvis
Usethisonejustaboutanywhere.Itsfun,andifyouwanttoaddsometriviato
thequestion,afteryouredonewiththequestionyoucantellthemitcamefromascene
thatwasremovedfromthemoviePulpFiction.
StandardOpener
Hey,ladies.MyfriendheresaysthatyoucanonlybeanElvisfanoraBeatles
fan,butnotboth.Ifyouhadtochoose,whichonewouldyoube?Why?
Add-ons:
o WhichisyourfavoritesongbyElvis/TheBeatles?Why?
o Whichonemadetheworstmovies?
305
IsolatingYourTargetFromtheSet
Afteryouveopenedaset,youvegottobeabletogettheoneyoureinterested
inawayfromthegroup.Thisisessential,becausewithouthertotallyfocusedonyou,
youllbecockblockedbyallherfriends,especiallyjealousuglyones.
(HINT:Toblockthepossiblecockblockingaffectofherjealousfriends,make
sureyoubefriendallthewomeninthegroupbeforeyouzeroinonyourtarget.You
dontwanttostartoffonthewrongsideofthefenceimmediately.Thiswillgreatly
reduceyourproblemslater.)
LighterFluid
Whenandiftheconversationstartstocooloff,youmaywanttotransitioninto
moreoftheregularpick-upchit-chat,butifitisatoughset,youmayhavetoaddalittle
lighterfluid.Didyoueversquirtalittlefuelonafirethatwasalreadyburningtokickitup
anotch?Thatswhatthistechniquewilldo.Haveafewquestionsthatwillkeepthings
going.
Iusuallyuseagenderswitchonthequestion.Askthem,Yeah,butwhatifthe
roleswerereversed.Whatifhecheatedonher?andkeepproddingthem.Justask
themtoreversethegendersformorefun.
Youlllearnalotaboutthepeopleinthegroupandseehowtheythinkifyoure
listeningtotheirresponses,andwhatdifferencetheythinkthereisbetweenmenand
womenforeachofthequestions.
ALPHATACTIC:
Alwaysprepareforthesituationofopeningsets.Youshouldstartwitha
wingmansothatyoudontfeelsostrangeinthesecircumstances.Hecanjustsitback
andwatchyou,oryoubothcantakethemon,butonepersonshoulddefinitelybethe
lead.Youcaneventag-teamifyoulike,whereoneguyjustintroducesthesetandthe
othertakesoverwiththequestion.
ALPHAEXERCISE:
306
Preparationisthenameofthegamewiththisone.Youvegottohaveafew
reallygoodquestionsmemorizedtohelpyoufeelcomfortableinthesesituations.Based
ontheexamplesIgaveyouabove,Iwantyoutositdownwithapenandanotherpiece
ofpaperandpulltogetheryourownoriginalintroductionquestions.Youcanusethe
onesIgaveyouabove,buteventuallyyoullrunintowomenthatmayhaveheardthem
before,soyouneedtohavesomethatareyourownandinyourownwords.
Then,mapoutthelighterfluidquestionsthatwillkeeptheconversationgoing
andsteeritintherightdirection.Playaroundwiththesituationbyreversingthegender,
oraskingthemiftheyhaveevergonethroughthis.Getthemtalkingabouttheirown
experiences.
Havefunwiththisone,becauseyoucancomeupwithsomeprettycoolmaterial.
Justusetheentertainmentnewsifyouneedasource.
307
ACaveatforGoodLookingGuys
Good-lookingguysneedtoadjusttheirstrategyjustabitforgettingwomen.
Attractiveguysalreadyhaveagoodheadstartbybeingvisuallyappealingtowomen,
asweknow.Butjustbecauseyouvegotlooksdoesntmeanyourgameisguaranteed.
Mostguyshavebeentaughtthatashy,slightlybashfulpresentationworkswith
women,andevenmoresoifyouarehandsome.Thisisanincorrectassumption.What
worksabouttheshyguyroutineisnthisshynessandfalsesubmissivebehavior.
Itshumilitythatworksforguyswithlooks.
Yousee,youhavetoacttotallyunawareofyourownappearance,aswellasturn
downthecockybehaviorafewnotches.Whilecockyandfunnybehaviorwillworkfor
mostguys,theattractivemenneedtoworkonincreasingtheirfunnyside.Thereasonis
thatthecockypartoftheequationpresentsachallengetothewoman,aswellasto
demonstrateAlphaconfidence.Ifyouregoodlookingandyouteasetoohardwitha
woman,itcomesacrossasarrogantandself-important,anditwillturnheroff.
Also,rememberthatteasinginthesesituationsisgoodbecauseittakesthe
focusoffyouandyourbehaviorandontohers.Itsnotthesameasbeingcocky,soyou
cangetawaywithitalittlemore.Justmakesureyoureusingasmuchhumoras
possible.Thefunnieragoodlookingguyis,thebetter.
Sobeawarethatyourlookswillgetyouinthefrontrow,butyoushouldntact
liketheyreabackstagepass.
308
AlphaManRe-Framing
Imgoingtosharewithyouanadvancedpsychologicaltechniquethathasbeen
taughtineveryimaginableway,fromNLP(Neuro-LinguisticProgramming)tothemost
basicformsoftherapy.ItscalledRe-framing.
Re-framingistheskillofreinterpretingeventsandsituationssothatthemeaning
ofwhathappenedworksforyouinsteadofagainstyou.
Heresanexample:
Yougooutonenightandmeettenwomen,butyouonlygetonephonenumber.
BetaGuyinterpretation:
FAILURE.Youhadatenpercent(.100inbaseball)battingratio.Youfeelallnine
womenwhosaid,Nolikepunchestothestomach.Youalsofigurethismeansthatthe
onephonenumberyoudidgetwillbeafailure,too.Nosenseincallingher.
AlphaManre-frame:
SUCCESS.Notonlydidyoudowhatyouplanned,whichwasgetoutofthe
houseandmeetnewpeople,butyougotaphonenumberofawomanyoucancall
back.Ifyoudidntgoout,youdhavehadNONE.Zero.
(Oftheotherninethatyoudidntgetphonenumbersfrom,fourhadboyfriends,
twowerejusttherewiththeirfriends,andthreewerejustscaredtogiveouttheir
number.)
Also,youprobablymadealltenwomenhappierbyinteractingwithyou.Theygot
tomeetacharming,intelligentmanwholeftthemwithanicefeeling.
Plus,yougotalotofgreatpractice.Bytheendofthenight,yousawthat
rejectionlosesitsstingveryfast,especiallybecausenoneofthewomenwhosaidno
reallysaidnotoyou.Theyweresayingnotothemselves.
Nowalotofpessimistsouttherewouldliketofocusonthefactthatwhatwere
doingisjustsemanticsplayingwiththemeaning.Theydsaythatlookingatthingslike
thisisntrealisticandleadstofalsehope.Inreality,however,thisnegativeBetaGuy
interpretationisnomorerealisticthanours.
309
Heresanotherre-frame:
Youareturneddownbyawoman(foraphonenumber,date,sex,whatever.)
Youcandecidethatthismeans:
A) Youreundesirableandherrejectionreflectsonyouasbeing
anunattractiveman,or
B) Shestheonewholostoutbynotbeingsmartenoughto
recognizeagoodcatch.
Thisoneinterpretationtellsyourightawayifyourecomingfromaplaceof
securityandconfidenceinyourself,oradoubtingandinsecureplace.Theinterpretation
isyourperception,andthepessimisticview(A)isnomorevalidthanyourre-frame(B).
Letsbeperfectlyhonest,womenalmostneverrejectmeninameanand
condescendingway.Iftheyturnyoudown,theytrytodoitasnicelyaspossible,forthe
mostpart.Andasforthebitchthatdoestrashyouorinsultyou,shesthekindof
womanIwouldntpissonifherheartwasonfire.Thepersonwhofindsitnecessaryto
trashanotherpersonsfeelingstomakeherself(orhimself)feelsuperior,ortogive
themasenseofpower,arethemostpitifulpeopleIcanthinkof.Thesepeoplehave
suchadamagedsenseofself-esteemthattheirjudgmentisabsolutelyworthlessinthe
grandschemeofthings,andyoushouldlearntorecognizeitforwhatitisareasonto
pitytheirsadlittlelives.
Theirpersonalitydisordershouldnottranslateintoabadfeelingaboutyourself,
right?
310
HowtoTellWhenaWomanisLyingtoYou
Oneofthethingsguysdontreallyunderstandishoweasilywomenfindittolie
tomen.Theywouldmuchrathertellyoualie(oraseverelystretchedtruth)thanrisk
hurtingyourfeelings.Infact,sheseestheendsjustifyingthemeans,soshedoesnt
eventhinkofthisaslying.
Thereasonwomendontwanttohurtyourfeelingsistwofold:1)theyreallydo
feelbadwhentheyhurtanotherguysfeelings,and2)shedoesntwantyoutothinkof
herasbadormeanforrejectingyouorhurtingyou.
Thesecondoneisveryimportantbecauseithighlightstheself-preservation
mechanismpresentinwomenthatkeepsthemsociallyacceptable.Menaremuchless
concernedwithfallinginandoutofsocialcirclesmostlybecausetheydonotrelyon
theirfriendsasmuchforself-validation.Forwomen,however,thelossoftheirsocial
acceptanceisaveryfrighteningprospect.
Soanessentialskillforyoutolearnistoknowwhenawomanislyingtoyou.
Thefirstpartofthisistopayattentionforcluesthatgiveawaythatshesnotbeing
truthful.Oneofthemiswhensherefusestogointodetailaboutasituation,orshe
seemseagertohidethespecifics.Forexample:
YOU:Howwasyournightoutwiththeladies?
HER:Oh,itwasgood.Wejusthadfun.Wehadacoupleofdrinksandcalledit
anight.Howwasyours?
Shedoesntwanttogiveyoudetailsbecausetheycouldtripupherstory.
Rememberthegoldenruleoflying:Alwaysstayasclosetothetruthaspossible.Most
peoplescrewthisupbynotbeingconvincingabouttheirlie.Reallifehasdetails,but
liesarealwaysunbelievablysimpleandvague.Ittakesarealprotogiveatonofdetail
toamadeuplie.
(Noticealsothatshewasquicktoturnthequestionaroundbacktoyoutofind
outhowyournightwas.Thisisacommonevasiontactic.)
311
Thisnexttechniqueyoureabouttolearnisworthitspriceingold.Ifyoususpect
thatawomanistellingyoualie,youhavetobewillingtotesther.Whatyoudoismake
uparedherringsituationthatshewillhavetoacceptorrefuse,andwhatyouwatch
foristhewayshehandlesit.
Heresanexample:
TomsuspectsGinawasoutseeinganotherguyinsteadofhangingoutwithher
friends.Hisgutintuitionjustwontletitgo,sohedecidestotesther:
YOU:Howwasyournightoutwiththeladies?
HER:Itwasfun.WewentouttoComosontheothersideoftown.Wejust
talkedandhadsomedrinksforafewhours.Whatdidyoudo?
YOU:Comos?Oh,wow,Iheardaboutwhathappenedoverthere.Itwasonthe
news.Didyouseethefire?
(Tomnowwatchesherlikeahawktoseehowsheresponds.Ifshestellingthe
truth,therewillbenopausehere.)
HER:Uh,thefire?Itmusthavehappenedafterweleft.(Notethatshedidntact
surprisedintherightway.Shewasfirstsurprisedthatthishappenedbecauseit
complicatesherlie,notthatshemissedoutonthedramaofthefire.Ifshehadbeen
tellingthetruth,herreactionwouldhavebeenmorelike,Afire??Noway!Wow,we
musthavejustmissedthat.Whathappened?)
Anotherpossibleresponsefromheris:Ohmygod,yeah,itwasfreaky.Wejust
leftrightawayafterthat.Andthatsadeadgiveawaythatsheslying.
Firstofall,nowomanwouldwalkawayfromthedramaofafire,unlessshewas
theoneonfire.Second,ifshegoesforyourlie,youknowforsurethatsheslying.Dont
eventrytotalktoherorpointoutthelie.Justgetupandleave.
Watchforapausewhereshetriestofigureouthowtorespond.Thatswhat
givesalieaway.Shehastopausetodecidewhethertoacceptorrefusewhatyousaid
andthendecidehowtorespond.Alsowatchhereyes.Ifsheslying,hereyeswilllook
awayandtothesideasshetriestofigureoutwhattosay.
Ifshestellingthetruth,hergazewillstaylockedonyoursbecauseshealready
knowswhatreallyhappened,andshellchallengeyourstory.Shedsay,Afire?No,
312
thatcouldntbe.Ileftataround10:30,andtherewerenofiretrucksanywherearound.
AreyousureitwasatComos?
Whenallelsefails,youcanbluffherintotellingyouthetruth.Ifyouhaveasolid
gutfeelthatshestellingyoualie,andyoure75%ormorecertain,youcanjustputit
outthereinanon-accusingmanner.
Gina,youwerentatComoslastnight,wereyou?(Besurenottosaythisinan
angryoraccusatoryvoice.Infact,lowerthevolumeofyourvoicetomakeyourselfas
gentleaspossible.Shewilldooneoftwothings:1)trytosavefaceandmaintainthelie,
or2)giveinandtellyouthetruth.
Theactthatsheputsonnextwillbeoneyoullhavetowatchverycarefully.Itwill
eithermeananOscarforBestActressCaughtInaLie,oryouacceptingthatshewas
tellingthetruth.Itsyourcall.Justmakesureyoudontusethistacticunlessyouhavea
prettygoodreasontodoubther.Jealousymakesfoolsofusallatonetimeoranother.
Dontjumptoconclusions.Dontletinsecurityruleyourlife.
(Andforheavenssake,donteverresorttofollowingherunlessyouvegota
reallysolidbeliefthatshesplayingyouforafool.Yourebetteroffjustdumpingherif
youcanttrusther.)
Tosummarize,ifyouwanttosniffoutalie:
1) Presentherwithamade-upcomplicationtoherstory
2) Watchherresponseforhesitationorconflicts.Alsowatchhereyes.
Jealousy
AlphaMenneveractjealous.Whenyouactfromjealousy,itslikeyouvejustlet
itslipthatyourenotthepersonshethinksyouare.Youvedroppedyourspydisguise
andtoldheryourereallyaused-carsalesmanfromBoise,Idaho.
Goahead.Imaginethedisappointedlookonherface.Becausethatswhatshe
feelsinsidewhenamangetsjealousandinsecure.Shesdisappointedthatyouwerent
reallytheAlphaManyoupretendedtobe.
Jealousyisinsecurity.Itswhenyoufearthatyourvalueisdiminishedbecause
someonehassomethingyouwant,oranotherpersonmighttakesomethingyouhave
awayfromyou.
313
Jealousyalsocomesfromaplaceofscarcity.Ajealouspersontendstobelieve
thatthereisonlyalimitedquantityofanythingintheworld,andifhedoesntgetthis
one,hemaynevergetitatall.
Therearesomanythingsinlifethatareininfinitesupply.Successinlifeisnota
pie,wherethereareonlyacertainnumberofslices,andonceitsgone,itsgonefor
good.
AnAlphaManunderstands:
- Therearesomanywomenintheworldthatyoudonthavethe
timetomeetthemall.Neverworryabouttheonethatgotaway.
- ThereisaninfinitesupplyofSuccessintheworld.Itsyourjob
togooutandworktoclaimyourown.
- Ifyouspendallyourtimetryingtodefendratherthanproactively
attack,youllnevergetanywhere.Scarcitythinkingleadsyouto
adefensiveposture.
- Youcannotbemotivatedpositivelybyfearofloss.AnAlphais
motivatedmorebythepromiseofgain.
Dontforgetthatawomanwilloftentestyoursecuritybyseeinghowyoureactto
situationsthatwouldmakeamanjealous.Imaginethisphoneconversation:
HER:Hi,Tom,itsJanet.
HIM:Hi!Thanksforcallingback.Iwasjustthinkingaboutyou.(Heshappyand
upbeat.)
HER:Iwouldhavecalledyoulastnight,butIwasoutatdinner.Hey,thanksfor
thatemailjokeaboutthathorse,itwasfunny.(NotethatJanetdoesntrevealthe
genderofthepersonshewentoutwith.)
HIM:Dinner?Oh.Okay.Yeah,Imgladyoulikedthejoke.(Disappointmentand
fearisstartingtocreepintohisvoice.Whowassheoutwith?Didshesleepwithhim?)
HER:Yeah,IsentittomyfriendinTampa,andshegotabigkickoutofit,too.
HIM:Souh,whodyougoouttodinnerwith?
HER:Justafriendfromoutoftown.(Stillnotdisclosingifitwasamanor
woman.Nowshesstartingtogetabitsuspiciousandcold.)
314
HIM:Oh.
HER:Whatswrong,Tom?
HIM:So,wasitanotherguy?
BZZZZZZT!Contestantnumberoneisoutoftherace.Youdontevenneedto
heartherestoftheconversationtoknowhowitgoesfromhere.Ajealousreactionis
alwaysafailinggrade.
Thebestwaytohandletheselittletests?Ignorethem.Dontevenstartdownthe
roadofwonderingwhosheswithorwhatshesdoingwithoutyou.Iftheguyinthe
previousexamplehadjustkeptuphishappyattitudeandignoredthefirstmentionof
thedinner,hewouldhavepassed.Ifshebroughtitupagain(whichiswhatshelldoif
shestryingtogetareactionoutofyouortestyou),youwouldnotonlyignoreher,
youdfeedhercuriositybysayingsomethinglike,Wow,soundslikeyouhadagreat
timeatdinner.Soletstalkaboutyouhavinganevenbettertimewithmethis
weekend.
Onlywhenyoumakethemcompetitiondotheybecomecompetition.Ifthereis
anotherguy,itsnotyourconcern.Ifyourefocusedonsomeoneelsetakingawaywhat
youhave,yourelookingatthesituationfromthewrongangle.Youneedtoconsistently
betheAlphaMansheneedsyoutobe,andthatmeansthatyouareneverthreatened
byoutsidechallenges.Whenyourejealousandthreatened,youactfromdefenseand
youllscrewuptheplay.
(Imaginewhatwouldhappeninafootballgameifthequarterbackgottheball
andfeltthreatened,andheyelledoutforeveryonetodefendhiminsteadoftryingto
pushforward.Theplaywouldendquicklywithaloss.)
Deepinside,womenknowthatamanwhoisntthreatenedorjealoushas
somethingsomethingshewantstoexperience.
315
Fun=SexinaWomansMind
Thereisaninterestingparallelthatyouneedtobeawareofnowthatyoure
becomingmoreAlpha.Itsaninterestingphenomenonthatmostguysarentawareof,
andiftheywere,theydchangetheirapproachradically.
Inahealthy(i.e.,sane)womansmind,ifsheshavinglotsoffun,laughing,
enjoyingherself,feelinggood,shewillwantsex.Thetwostatesofmindarealmostthe
samethingtoher.Onewillleadverynaturallytotheother.
Thinkaboutmostofthedatesawomangoesouton.Heresthetemplatefor
mostguysinteractionswithwomen:
- Walkupandintroducethemselves
- Askheroutoraskfornumber
Whichisusually98%ofthereasontheydontgetmoredates,becausethisis
wheretheyfirststartwiththeirun-originality.Icallthisthebeattheheadagainstthe
wallapproach,becauseaguyreliesonbruteforcetogetsuccessfromthismethod.
Then,ifbysomemiraculoustwistoffateshedoesagreetoadate:
- Yougotodinner
- Talkaboutjobs,family,television,wheretheygrewup(allthe
mostboringshityoucouldeverimagine,worsethanajob
application)
- Gotoamovieormaybeaclub
- Takeherhome
- Trytokissher,hopingthatshelikedyouforwhoyouare
enoughtoreturnitormaybegetluckyandshellinviteyou
inside
Imheretotellyouthateverywomanontheplanetisboredtodeathofthis
pattern,since90%ofallguyshaveusedthisblueprintforadatewithhersinceshe
firstgotherboobies.
Thisisincrediblydull,andthatswhysheslookingforthemissingingredientand
willdoanythingtogetit.ItscalledFUN.
316
DoyourememberthatsongbyCindyLauper?Girlsjustwanttohavefun?
Whenthatsongcameoutinthe1980sitwastheanthemfortenmillionteenagegirls,
andasthosegirlsgrewintowomen,theystillgothyperandwettodancetoitonthe
80sretronightsatdanceclubs.Then,whentheygotmarriedandsettleddown,these
samewomenhearthatsongandsingtoitwithalonging,farawaylookontheirfacesas
theypushtheirbabystrollersdowntheaislesofTarget,lookingforbargainsondish
soapandrememberingtheircrazydayswhenalltheyhadwasfun.
Thatsongwassoobviousthatguysoverlookedthetruthofthelyrics.Girls(and
women)justwanttohavefun.Andanymanthatcangivethemfunisgoingtogoas
farashewants.
Thisiswhyitisessentialtomakesurethatanymeetingyouhavewithawoman
isupbeatandlight.WhatImeanbylightisnopressure,noexpectations,andnoweird
vibes.Inorderforawomantowanttogettogetherwithyouoverandoveragain,shes
gottohaveareason.Andbygivingherfunandlightheartedexperienceseachtime,she
willwanttorepeattheexperience.Itsakindofconditioning.
Laughingisarequirementforwomentobeseduced.Youcantgoinwitha
super-seriousattitudeandexpecttobangwomen.Youhavetotickletheirfunnybone.
IllcoveralittleAlphaManhumorlater,butfornowyoulljustneedtobeawarethatyou
shouldincludeasmuchlaughterinyourmeetingsasyoucan.Ifyouhavetotakeherto
stand-upcomedyactstogetit,thendoitthatway.Butgetherhavingfunandlaughing.
Itssad,butsofewguysreallyknowhowtobefun.YouhavetoshedthatI
wannagetinbedwithyouagendajustlongenoughtoshowheragenuinelyfuntime
first.
Afterthefuncomesthemissingfactortheonethatmostguysignoreonce
theyveestablishedalittleattractionandinterestonthepartofthewoman.Itscalled
SexualChemistryTheMissingFactor
SexualChemistryislargelyamysterytomostpeople.Whatmakesoneperson
interestingtosomeone,whileanotherpersonthinkstheyretotallyaverage?What
makesoneguytotallyhottoonewoman,whiletheotherthinkshesayawn?
Imgoingtorevealtoyouthetwocriticalpartsofthismysterysothatyoucan
starttouseitforyourownbenefit.
ThefirstpartofSexualChemistryisawomanstasteinmen.Shemighthavea
certainlookthatshegetshotfor,likelonghairandmuscles.Anothermightwanta
317
clean-cutblondehair,blue-eyedguy.Everywomanhasatypethatisashortcuttoher
attractionmechanism,andyoucantcontrolthisatall,sodontgotryingtofindthe
lookthatallwomenwant.Itdoesntexist.Youshouldgetyourlookssetforyoutothe
bestofyourability.Ifyouhaveaweakjawline,youshouldconsiderabeard.Ifyou
haveabignose,glassesmighthelptooffsetanddisguisethis.Justgetyourselflooking
thebestyoucanforyourownfeatures.
Now,awomanstastewassetearlyinlife.Formanywomen,themantheyre
attractedtotheirwholelifeisthespittingimageoftheirdad(whetherornotthe
relationshipbetweenthemwasgood.)Theearlymalerolemodelsaretheonesthat
reallyengrainthemselvesinawomanssubconscious.Forsomewomen,theydevelop
atasteforthementheyassociatedcertainqualitieswithduringpuberty,ortheirearly
sexualexperiences.Thementhatgottheirbloodhotasgirls,whetherthatwasCaptain
Kirkorsomeboy-toyband,theyassociatedtheirearlysexualdesiretothesemenandit
stuck.
Thebadnews,asIvealreadytoldyou,isthatyoucantdoanythingaboutthis.If
youhappentoencounterawoman,andyourehertyperightaway,considerthatan
easykill.Theydocomealongfromtimetotime.Butmostofthetime,youprobably
wontbeherexacttype.
Thegoodnewsisthatevenifyoucantcontrolhertaste,youcanstillsneak
arounditandseduceheranyway.
Howdoesthiswork?
Throughthemiracleofmodernsexualtension.
SexualtensionisaformofPush-Pull,ortug-of-warwithawomanssexual
interestinyou.Itstartedwhenyouusedthetacticsofteasing,negativehits,adding
mystery,andsoonthetacticsyoulearnedhereandinmyotherprograms.
Push-Pullistheoverallstrategyofvaryingyourapproachsothatawomancan
feelthefrustrationlevelrequiredtowanttojumpinbedwithyou.Thisisalsoknownas
theonestepforward,twostepsbackstrategy.Byvaryingalittlepursuitwithabitof
pullingaway,yougiveawomanthespacesheneedstofeelfreetobeattractedtoyou.
(Rememberthatnowomanwilleverbeattractedtoamanbecauseshefeelsshemust
be,orisobligatedtobe.Shefeelsitbecauseshecanthelpit,andshedoesntwantto
resist.)
Heresanexample:
YoureouthavingdrinkswithMaria.Youretalkingaboutbadhairstylesand
makingfunofDonaldTrump,laughingandhavingagoodtime.Outofnowhere,Tony
Lasagnacomesupandstartsaconversationwithyoutwo,obviouslyhittingonMaria.
318
Yeah,Iknowwhatyoumean,Tonysays.Therearesomanyguysoutthere
thatdontknowhowtoreallycombtheirhairovertheirbaldspot.Itspitiful.
Yeah,Mariachimesin,orwhentheywearthoseElvissideburnsthatwentout
inthe70s.
Allthreeofyoujokeforabitaboutthis,anditsobviousthatTonyslookingto
makesomeprogresswithMaria,andshesflirtingbackalittle.Now,mostguyswould
getdefensiveinthisposition,andtheirjealousywouldkickintohighgear.Butyourean
AlphaMan,andyouknowwhattodo.
YouwhisperinMariasear,Hey,youtwomakeacutecouple.Youshouldget
hisnumber.Yousaythiswithasmuchseriousnessaspossible,andnotahintof
jealousyoranger.
Afterafewmoreminutesofconversation,youtellMariaandTony,Hey,Ihave
tomakeaquickphonecallandpitstop.Illberightback.Youkidshavesomefun.You
winkandnudgeMariatowardTonywithyourelbowbeforeyouwalkaway.
Youtakeafewminutestochatwithoneofthebarwaitresses,cuttingitshortso
thatitdoesntlooklikeyourejustretaliatingtoMariaandTonysflirting,incaseshes
watching.Youmakesaquickphonecalltotrytoconnectwithawomanyougota
numberforlastweek.Yousetatimetomeethernextweekandgetrightoffthephone.
Yougotothemensroomandspendafewminutestakingaleak,straighteningyour
hair,andthinkingaboutthetripyouvegotcominguptoJamaica.Youhaveto
remembertopickupsometravelstuffonTuesday,andOh,hey!Youalmostforgot
aboutMaria!
Youfinishupyourbusinessintherestroomandcomebacktothechattyduoof
MariaandTony.Tony,beingthetypicalbore,hasjustlaunchedoffintoadiscussionof
hishotnewsportscarandwherehesgoingtosailhisboatwhenspringarrives.You
arewearingaveryamusedsmileonyourfaceasyoureturn,asifyouknewallalong
thatTonywouldbebraggingaboutthisnonsense.YoucanalsoreadinMariaseyes
thatsheseesit,too.
Afterafewminutes,shesuggeststhatyoutwogetoutofhereandgo
somewheremoreprivate.(Andifshedidntsuggestit,youwould.)YoutellTony,Hey,
bud,wedlovetostayandchit-chat,buttheladyandIhavesomebusinessofour
ownelsewhere.Havefunonthat,uh,sailingtrip.
Now,whatyoujustdidwasthepushpartofthePush-pull.YoupushedMaria
awayalittle,demonstratingyourownsecurityandnon-needinesswhenyousuggested
shehookupwithTony.Ifyoudmadethatsuggestionwithjustaslightlyannoyedtone
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ofvoice,youwouldhaveriskedhavingtheoppositeaffectonher,butyouknewthatif
youdiditfromaplaceofnotcaring,itwouldwork.Anditdid.
WhenMariagotthefreedomtomakeanychoiceshewanted(andthatsallany
womanwantstofeelwithaman)sherespondedbyseeinghowTonywasacommon
braggartandplayer.Shefeltasuddenrenewedattractiontoyou,partlybecauseyou
weretheonewhopushedheraway,andnowshefeltfreetopullyoubackin.
Notealsohowyourmindsetwasbackinthebathroom.Youdidntapplythis
tacticofsuggestingthatMariaandTonygettogether,andthengotothebathroomto
paceandchewyournails,scaredthatyoudloseher.Youcouldnthavecaredless.In
fact,youalmostforgotaboutherinthemidstofyourownplansforyourownlife.You
eventookthetimetomakesureyouhadsomebackupsinthepipelinebysetting
anotherdateforthenextweek.
(Note:Thebesttimetoactonacontactyouvemadewithawomaniswhen
youvealreadygotawomanontheline.Youllcomeacrosswithmuchmore
congruenceandrelaxedattitude,givingyoumorelikelihoodforsuccess.)
And,finally,whenthetimecametoreturn,youconfidentlyandassertively
rescuedMariafromtheconversation,takingherawaytogosomewheremoreprivate.
Doyouseethedifferencethatyourinnerattitudeandcongruencemakeshere?If
youactfromaplaceoffear,youlose.Ifyouactfromaplaceofsecurityandconfidence,
youwin.
Now,letsgointoonemoreexampleofpush-pullwithyouandMariabackather
place:
AfterleavingthebarandtheirfavoritestudTony,Mariasuggestsyougooverher
placeandgetadrink.ShehasaCDthathementionedyouwantedtohear,soit
providestheperfectexcuseforgoingtoherapartment.
Youdontpounceonthissuggestion.Youhesitate,almostseemingifyoucant
goalongwithit.Hmmmyousay,lookingatyourwatch.Yeah,itsnottoolate.I
supposeIcancomeoverforafewminutes.Youdonttrytoholdhergazetogiveher
anideaifyoureseriousornot,youjustnodanddrivebacktoherplace,takingafew
minutestoteaseherabouthowwellshewouldhavelookedwithTonyinhissportscar
orinhissailboat.Sheslapsyourarmandsays,Stop!withagiggle.
Letsbeclear:Aswesaidbefore,sexualtensionisuncomfortable.Itsnota
balanced,comfortablestate,likerestingormeditating.Thewholepointofthesituation
youretryingtocreateistoengineeralittlediscomfortforher.YoureA.M.P.ingitup
withyourteasing,humor,confidence,andcharm.
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Whydoyouwantheruncomfortable?Becauseinorderforhertorelievethis
stateoftension,shesgoingtowanttofindawaytoresolvethesituation.Andifyou
setitupcorrectly,thetensionwillbejustenoughofherthinking:Imfeelingsomuch
frustrationIwonderifhewantsmeIneedtofindoutthatshewillactonitwhenthe
timecomes.Youwanttodriveupthatdiscomfortuntilshefeelssheneedstoresolveit.
FormostBetaGuys,thisisreallytough.Theycantstandthatweirdzoneof
discomfortanduncertainty,especiallywhenitappearsthatshemightevenbealittle
madatyou.Shellhityouplayfullyandtellyoutostop,andsomewomenwillevenpout
andactlikebratstotestyou.
TheAlphaMancanliveinthiskindoftense,slightlyuncomfortablestatewithout
losinghiscool.Heknowsthathesincontroloftheseductionofthewoman,andhes
notafraidtostirthingsup.
Dontresolveherdiscomfort!
ALPHATACTIC:
Fromtimetotime,youshouldthrowoutacontroversialstatementtokeep
womenontheirtoesandtestthem.Iusedtoproclaimmyselfananarchisttooneofmy
oldgirlfriends.Shedgetallexcitedandstartarguingwithme.Why?Youmeanyou
wantacountrywhereeveryonedoeswhatevertheywant?Murderinganybody?
Stealing?
Idjustchuckleandfeedthefire.Yeah.Therewouldntbeanyauthoritytryingto
controlyou.Nocorruptpoliticians.IwantedtomakesureshefeltthatIwascapableof
myownwildlyoriginalthinking,andthatsheknewIwasindependentinmyopinions.It
wasgreatforinsertingthenecessarysexualtension.
Youllbeamazedathowmanywomenyouattractwhenyoustopcaringwhat
otherpeoplethink.
DancingThePowerOfRhythm
Alotofguysareafraidtodancewithwomen.InmyearlytwentiesIwastotally
hungupaboutit.Itfeltweird.Ifeltstupid.Iwasafraidotherpeoplewerewatchingmy
unbelievablelackofbodycoordinationandlaughingtheirassoff.
Therealityisthatnooneispayingnearlyasmuchattentiontousaswedliketo
believe.Everyoneelseissobusyrunningaroundafraidofhowtheylookthattheydont
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havethetimetowatchforeverynuanceofyourbehavior.Noonereallygivesahoot
abouthowyoulookorwhatyoulooklikedoingthefunkychicken.
Sorry.Hatetoburstyourbubbleonthatone.
Dancingisoneofthebestwaystoaccelerateattractionwithawoman.Whether
itsslowdancingtoawaltz,swingingtoswing,orwrithingtotrance,dancingisa
necessaryactivityforanAlphaMan.Itgetsyouclosetoher,anditdemonstratesyour
comfortwithyourownbody.Sheknowsatasubconsciouslevelthatmenwhoare
comfortablewiththeirownbodiesareabletotakecareofherbody.
Doyouwanttogetlaid?Getoutthereanddance.Dancebadly,ifyouhaveto,
butdance.Shereallydoesntcare,aslongasyougetoutthereanddoit.Andaftera
while,justlikeeverythingelseinlife,itwillgeteasier,andyoullgetawholelotbetter.
WhatSexMeanstoEachSex
Guysneedtobeawareofsomethingveryimportantwhenitcomestohowmen
andwomengenerallyviewsex:
Womenviewsexasanindulgenceandabiologicaldesire.
Menviewsexasanaffirmationoftheirmalepowerandvirility.
Inotherwords,womenwantsexasawaytoexplorethemselvesandtheir
pleasure,whilemenneedsextoprovetheirworthandvalue.
Asfortheactofsex,whenyoureactuallydoingit,womenviewthisinmuchthe
samewayasmendoasapleasureexperience.Butwhatitmeansafterthefactis
whatsticksinawomansmind.Andwhatsticksinamansmindiswhatitmeansbefore
theevent.
Heresanotherwayoflookingatwhateachpersonisthinking:
ThinkingBeforeSex
Men Conquest,desire,hormonallust,Iwanther
Women Affirmation,security,trust,Makemefeelhotanddesirable
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ThinkingDuringSex
Men Pleasureme,Icantcometooquickly,Ohyeah
Women Pleasurehim,thenpleasureme
ThinkingAfterSex
Men Sleep,pizza,football,PleasedontaskmewhatImthinking
Women Relationship,Whereisthisgoing?HowwasI?Howwasitforyou?So,
whatareyouthinking?
Rememberthateachgenderwantssexasmuchastheother,andmanytimes
womenwantitmorethanmen(becauseofself-denialandbecauseofwhatitgives
theminemotionalexperience.)Itsthereasonswewantsexthataresodifferent.
AnAlphaManknowshowtofulfillawomansdesiresfirstsothatthewomanwill
bemorethanwillingtofulfillhisafter.Justrememberthatyouregivingheran
emotionallyandphysicallyfulfillingexperience,notjustanorgasm.
ALPHATACTIC:
Validateherdesire
Whenyouretalkingwithawoman,occasionallydrophintsthat:
" Awomanshouldbeabletofeelcomfortablewithhersexuality
" Shecanfeelcomfortabletalkingaboutsex
" Youarentjudgmentalaboutherorwomeninanyway
" Youbelievewomenhaveahighersexdrivethanmen
Thisliberatesherfrommuchoftheself-conscioussocialprogrammingshehas
regardingexpressingherownsexuality.Italsohelpsherfeelacceptedandopen.
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StayInControl
Oneofthemostimportantthingsforyoutodoistounderstandandfeelthe
differencebetweenControllingandBeinginControl.AnAlphaManisalwaysin
controlofhislife,andincontrolofthesituationsaroundhim,tothebestofhisability.
Withwomen,thisisprobablythemostimportanttraittodemonstrate,sinceit
exemplifiesahostofothersub-traitsthatwomenrespondto.Itclearlyshowsthatyou
haveself-confidence.
HowtoKnowWhenYoureInControlReadtheSigns
Womenwillgiveyousignsandsignalstoletyouknowwhenyourehavingthe
rightaffectonthem,anditsimportantnottomisinterpretthem.Mostnon-Alphamenwill
misunderstandthesesignals,ortrytotakethemliterally,andthatswhentheyruninto
bigtrouble.
Forexample:
Youvebeenonthreedateswithawoman,andneartheendofthefourthdate
shesays:Youknow,Ireallyhavefunwithyou.But,itsjustthatIjustcantfigureyou
out.Orshemightsaysomethinglike:Idjustliketoknowmoreaboutwhatyoure
thinking,oreven:Imnotsureaboutyou.Inadditiontosayingthis,shestartstoacta
littlecoldanddistant,justabitaloof,andyoustarttopanicalittle.Uh-oh,youthink.
Imstartingtoloseher.ShesstartingtopullawaybecauseImnotgivingherwhatshe
wants.When,infact,shesjustpoutingbecauseshesnotabletomanipulateyoulike
theother38puppetguysshecutthestringsoffofanddumpedlastmonth.
Letsbeclearaboutonething:Nomatterhowmanytimesawomanmayaskyou
whatyourethinking,orcomplainaboutnotbeingabletofigureyouout,shedoesnot
needtoreallyhearwhatyouthinkorfeelabouther.Thatswhatsheswonderinginher
head,butthatismostdefinitelynotwhatsheneedstoknow.Getit?
Justbecauseshesaysshewantsitdoesnotmeansheactuallyneedsit.
Thisisonefundamentaloffemalebehaviorthatmostguysneverfigureout,and
asaresult,theygetburnedandbitteraboutwomen.ButIgaveherwhatshewanted!
thechumpcomplains.ShesaidshewantedtoknowmoreaboutwhatIfeltorthought
abouther,soItoldherandthenshesaidshewantedsomespace!!??
324
Mostwomenarentevenawareofthisfacetoftheirbehavior,andsotheystill
askusquestionstheydontreallywanttoknow.
Whatawomanisreallysayingwhenshesaysshecantfigureyououtisthis:
- YouvekeptmefarenoughawaythatImstillreallyinterestedinknowing
more(i.e.,youhaventsmotheredherverygood.)
- Youremysterioustome,andyouvegotmyimaginationengaged,which
means
- Imwonderingaboutyouwhenyourenotaround,whichdeepensmy
attraction.(Justlikemoneyearninginterestinaninvestmentthatyoudont
evenhavetowatch.Itjustcompoundsonitsown.)
- Imgettingmoreandmoreaddictedtoyourpresencebecauseyounever
overwhelmme(i.e.,youleaveherwantingmorewhichisexcellent.)
But,again,amanwillhearhersaythewordsandthinkshescomplainingYou
dont,Whydontyou?andsheactstemporarilyaloof,likeabrattygirlwho
isntgettingherway.Themanpanics,thinkingthatsheswithdrawingapproval.
Thisiswhereyourtrueconfidencewillbetested.IfyoureanAlphaMan,youll
ignoreheractingup(shecanthelpit)andresisttheurgetocalmherfearsorreassure
her.
Hercomplaintsareanotherpositivestepthatonlyappearsnegative.Justkeep
doingwhatyouredoing,andobservingtheresultsyouget.Resultsareallthatmatters.
Andbepatientforthoseresults,too.Theyrenotalwaysimmediate.
WhatSheDoesntKnowHelpsYou.
WerebacktoMysteryagain.Mostguysdonthavethedisciplineorself-control
tokeepfromunleashingtheirfeelingsonawoman.Theyrationalizethatiftheywantto
tellherhowtheyfeelabouther,andifsheasks,thenthatisthewaytomakeherfallin
lovewiththem.
Bigmistake.
AnAlphaMandoesnotneed.
325
Period.
Byshowingneedtoawoman,youimmediatelytriggerherinstinctualrejection
mechanisms.Afterall,whywouldamanneedher?Unlesshehadsomefaultor
imperfectionthatmakeshimunabletogetanotherwoman.(Otherwiseknownas
insecurity,andsurvivalincompetence.)
Womenwanttoneedyou,andtheywantyoutowantthem.Wantmeansshe
hassomethingvaluableandunique,somethingworthdesiring.Whereasneedimplies
emotionalweakness,andthatdoesntmeanshesuniqueatall.Ifyouneedher,you
reallyjustneedanywomantofillanemotionalholeinyourlife.
Recognizethattherearethingsawomanwillsaythatsoundnegative,butare
reallytellingyouapositivemessage.Listencloselyandlearntodecipherherencoded
speechsothatyouunderstandthedifference.
HowtoKnowWhentoLeave
Youcouldarguethattherearesomanydifferentwomenouttheresothateach
manhasawomanthatwouldfithim.However,thereisoneindicatorthattellsyou
whetherornotthewomanyourewithissomeoneyoucouldstandtobewithoverthe
longterm.
Howeasilycanshegetrealwithyou?
Inotherwords,howwillingisshetotellthetruth,evenifitmeansthatitdoesnt
makewomensbehaviorlookgoodincomparisontomens?Ifshesgotacomplex
whereshebelieveswomenaresuperiortomen,orcantgetrealwithyouabouthershit
testsorherhard-to-getbehavior,shesnotarationalwoman.
ThewomenIvehadthebesttimewithandfoundtobethebestcompanionsare
theonesthatfullyrecognizemostofthefemalebehaviorIveexplainedtoyouinthis
book.Theyevengosofarastosay,asonewomandid,Idontknowwhymenputup
withourshit,sometimes
Nice.
Afterall,eachsexhasalottoputupwith,butthatsthekeytoourgrowth.
Knowingtherearethingsaboutheryoudontlike,andstilllearninghowtoenjoyherfor
herdifferencesanyway.
326
Butyoucantbehappywhenyourealwaysfightinganotherwomansdistorted
viewofherselforhergender.Ifshethinksthatwomenareasstrongasmenphysically,
orthatwomendonttestmen,oranyoftheotherobviousfactsoffemalebehavioror
shedeniesthatshewantsanythinglessthananAlphaMan,shesnotgoingtoworkout
inthelongrun.
Why?Becauseshesnotintouchwithherownreality,andthatwillmakeitan
emotionalnightmarewhenitcomestimeforyoutoreallygetrealwithher.Shehasto
bedowntoearthenoughtorecognizerealityfromallthefeministbullshitthatthemedia
triestopromote.
Theotherimportantfactorindeterminingifawomanisrightforyouisthis:
Issheagiverorataker?
Agiverhasalotofemotionalstrengthandreservesofherown.Shesnotina
constantstateofAdoreme!Makemefeelloved!Andasaresult,youfinditeasyto
giveheroccasionalattentionandmalenurturing.Shedoesnthavethatsickening
emptinessofself-esteemthatconstantlyneedsfilling.Shesnotadrainonyourenergy
oryourhappiness.Shedoesntrequireconstantemotionalmaintenance.Shereaches
outtoyouandgivesyouoccasionalwordsofencouragement.Shesnotneedy.
Ataker,ontheotherhand,isalwaysaburden.Andyoullbeabletotellvery
quicklyifsheisataker.Itwillshowinsmallways,thewaysheactsemotionallyand
withherfriends.Thewayshetalkstoyouandtreatsyou.Doessheneedgiftsand
thingsboughtforherallthetime?Doessheneedconstantattentiontokeepherhappy?
Trustyourintuitionwhenitcomestofiguringoutwhichoneofthesesheis.
327
AlphaHumor
Alotofguysarerunningaroundwithanunder-developedsenseofhumor.
LetmegiveyoualittleinsightfromwhereIvebeensittingformanyyears,onthe
analysissideoftheequation.Ivewatchedwomenandexaminedtheirbehaviors,and
Ivealsodonethesameformen,observingthewaytheyactaroundwomen.
Mostguysneedtolightenup.Stoptakingthiswholesexthingsodamnseriously.
Thewholegameofseductionismadewaytooimportant.
Really.
Heresanexample:
Ihavedealtwithcustomerservicesituationsinnotonlythesalesofthee-books
andaudioprograms,butinmypastjobswhereIwasinacustomer-facingjob.Ican
spotanuptight,angryguyinaheartbeatbythewayhetreatspeoplehedoesntknow.
Itsoneofthefastestindicatorsofaguyspersonality.Whenaguyisanimpatientdick
topeoplehedoesntknow,Icantellexactlywhatitisthatsmessinguphisgamewith
women.
Nosenseofhumor.Hesuptightandinsecure.
Theabilitytolaughatallofthisistheonethingthatwillkeepyoufromgoing
crazy.(Especiallyinsituationslikewhenyouvegotahotbabewithyouandyourealize
thatyourenotgettinganywherewithher,becausethosearetheultimatetestsofyour
AlphaHumor.)Youhavetobeabletofindthisgameimmenselyfunny.Ifyoutakeittoo
seriously,youcreateabadauraaroundyou,anditsdarkandugly,likeastormcloud
waitingoveryourshoulder.
Infact,oneoftheareasthatrestrainsamanssenseofhumorishisimpatience,
whichwediscussedbefore.Whenyouvegotanagenda,whichiswhatimpatience
indicates,yourenotgoingtobeveryfunny.Itshardtobefunny,infact,whenyouve
gotanyothergoalthantobefunny.Sowhenawomansensesalackofhumor,she
alsosensesanagendaaseriousagendaandthatwillscareheroff.
HumorisanabsoluteAlphaMannecessity.Mostly,itisforhimself.Amanhasto
knowhowtolaughathimselfatleastasmuchashelaughsatothers.Andlaughingto
yourselfisalsoessential.Theworldisalreadypiledhighwithstressandtensionand
angerandnegativity.Theabilitytolaughisasurvivalinstinct,andwomenknowthis.
328
Anyonethatcanusetheirhumorinawaythatmakesherlaughisgoingtoraiseher
feelingsofattractionmassively.
Comedyisnothingmorethantheartofobservationandexaggeration.Yousee
somethingthatotherpeoplemightnotsee,andyoufindawaytopointitoutby
exaggeratingit.Thisisaskillthatrequiresyoutoleaveyourownthoughtsand
insecuritiesbehindandjustlookoutsideatwhatotherpeoplearedoingthatisjustso
obviouslydumbandfunny.Oratleastdumbenoughtomakefunof.
Steerclearofmeanspiritedhumoranddirtyjokesortoilethumor.Womendont
findthosejokesveryfunny.Heresanexampleofajokethatcouldcrossthelineifyou
donttellittoawomanintherightway:
Awomanwasflyingtotheconventwhereshewasabouttobecomeanun.The
planeshewasonstartedmalfunctioning,andoneoftheenginesexploded.Thepilotgot
ontheintercomandannounced,Ladiesandgentlemen,youmightwanttoassume
crashposition.Weregoingdownintheocean.Weprobablywontmakeit.Well,the
womanisterrifiedandyellsout,ImtooyoungIdontwanttodie!BeforeIgoIwant
amantomakemefeellikearealwoman!Justthen,ahandsomemanfromthefrontof
theplanewalksbacktowardher.Heunbuttonshisshirt,revealingabulgingmuscular
chest.Thewomanstartsgettinghotandstandsuptomeethim,preparedtotakehim.
Justasthemanreachesher,hehandsherhisshirtandsays,Youwanttofeellikea
realwoman?Here,ironthis.
Nowifyoutellthatcorrectly,itcomesacrossasagreatwaytomakefunofother
guysinawaythatwomenwilllaughatandappreciate.Ifyouaddoneword(whichis
howIoriginallyheardit)tothelastsentenceHere,bitch,ironthisitbecomes
meanandnotsuitablefortellingtowomen.
Useyourhead.
AnAlphaMannevermakesfunofhimselforhisfaultstogetalaugh.Itcomes
acrossaspitifulanddesperate.Womenaresecretlydisgustedbymenwholowertheir
statusjusttogetalaugh.TheycantellthatitsthelastactofdesperationofaBetaGuy,
anditsembarrassingaswellasuncomfortabletolistento.Thereisarightwayof
makingfunofyourselfwhereyoudontcomeacrossasself-deprecating,butyoure
betteroffleavingthisalone.
329
ALPHAEXERCISE1:
Oneofthetoolsofacomedianstradeisotherpeoplescomedy.Makeitapoint
torentasmuchcomedyasyoucanstand.Watchtheclassics:
- AnythingbyRobinWilliams,inhisstand-upandearlyroles
- EddieMurphysDelirious
- ChrisRockscomedyspecialsandhiscableshow
- Anygoodstand-upcomedianshows,suchasthoseontheComedy
Channel
Absorbasmuchofthisasyoucan.Youllstarttounderstandwhatpeoplelaugh
at,andhowtoconstructyourownhumor.And,whennecessary,stealwhateveryou
can.Youdontalwayshavetobeoriginal.Infact,mostoftheseguysstartedoutby
imitatingothercomedyactsandcomedians.
ALPHAEXERCISE2:
Createcharacters.
Ispendalotoftimetalkingtomyself.Imnotcrazy,justalittlegoofy.Iliketo
workonmycomedycharacterswhenImdrivingorjusthangingaroundthehousewith
mydog.IvegotanArmydrillinstructor,anidiot,abunchoffunnyaccents,anoldman,
CartmanfromSouthPark,apervertedJimmyStewart,adirtyoldlady,alunatic,and
wholebunchofothercharacters.
Thereweresomebrilliantactorsthatcoulddothiswithsuchunbelievabledepth
thatyoustarttounderstandhowthiskindofcomedyisaformofgenius.TakethePeter
SellersPinkPanthermovies.Theyareafantasticexampleofcomedycharacters.The
samewithMikeMeyersWaynesWorldandAustinPowersmovies.IstillusetheFat
Bastardcharactereverysooften.(UsuallyjusttheScottishaccent,becauseonlyguys
findhisbehaviorfunny.)
Studythesemovies.Youllseealotabouthowtobuildacharacterupfrom
nothing.Allittakesisonepersonfromyourchildhoodoranothertimeinyourlifethat
youthoughtsomeonewasjustsuchacharacterofhisownthathedidntevennotice
howridiculoushewas.Maybeitwasthekidnextdoorwhotalkedlikehehadjusthad
anenema.Maybeitstheteacherwhostuffedpencilsinhercurlyhairandlostthem.
Takeanytraitfromthemthatyouthinkisfunny,exaggerateit,andpresto!Youvegot
yourowncharacter.
330
ALPHAEXERCISE3:
Observation
Takethetimetoobservethingsinyourworldthatcanbeturnedintosomething
funny.Likethosesillyspoon/fork(spork)thingsyougetatKentuckyFriedChicken.Or
howeveryoneiscrazyabouttheHarryPottermovies.CantwejustgiveHarryapistol
andlethimshootthatdamnValdemort?Orhowyoustopatanintersectionandtheres
alwaysaguynexttoyoupickinghisnose.Donttheythinkwecantseethem?
Justlookaroundyouattheeverydaythingsyousee,andtheresalwaysawayto
makeitfunny.Youjusthavetoopenyoureyesandwatchwhatsgoingonaroundyou.
ALPHAEXERCISE4:
FreeAssociationExerciseforObservation
Thisexercisehelpsyoufindtopicsofdiscussionwhilekeepingyourhumor
enginetunedup.
Whenyoureoutandabout,lookoutthewindowatsomethingnearyou.Lets
sayyouseetheKentuckyFriedChickensign.Youthink,Whatisitwiththeirspecial
recipe?Wouldntitbegreattomakechickenlikethatallthetime?
Thenyouthink,ColonelSanders.Hewasareallyoldguy.Whatsupwitholder
peopletoday?Theywearallthesecoolfashions,likeIzodandPolo.WhenIwasakid,
mygrandparentsonlyworethatstretchstuffthatcameinfunkyskyblue.Idontwantto
dressweirdwhenImold.
Thenyouthink,Andfashionthesedaysisweird,too.Youevernoticethatno
oneeverwearsthestuffyouseeintheBebeandCalvinKleinads?Iveneverseena
womanwearadresswithherboobshangingoutlikethat.Oraguy,forthatmatter.
Thenyouthink,Andwhatsupwiththosewomenwhogettheboobjobs?Do
youthinktheythinkwedontknow?Theyusuallygetthemwaytoobig,whereshe
lookslikeshedpoprightbackonherfeetifshefellonherface.Hernipplesareupby
herneck,sothatcantbenatural.
Thenyouthink,Andspeakingofimplants,didyouknowthatguysaregetting
buttimplantsnow?Yep,theyregettingbuttjobs.Liketheseguyswanttolooklike
JenniferLopezorsomething.
331
Youseehowthisexercisegoes?Itgetsyouthinkingfromtopictotopic,as
quicklyasyoucan,andtryingtobeaswittyasyoucanalongtheway.Youdevelopa
sharpwit,andanabilitytothinkonyourfeet.(Thisisanextensionofconversational
bridgingaswell,whichwillhelpyoukeepthetalkflowing.)
WhataWomanIs
Iamgoingtopresentyouwithalistofqualitiesofwomensothatyoucan
understandthemalittlebetter.Someofthesedescriptionsmaysoundalittleharsh,but
theyarethereonlytohelpyouunderstandfemalenaturemorecompletely.Remember
thatIlovewomenineveryformandevenwithalltheirweirdness.Butthekeytoyour
gettingawomanofyourownisinunderstandingtheirtruenature.
1) Womenarethesameasmenonlycompletelydifferent.
Alotofguysdontcatchonthateventhoughwomenaresimilarinmanyways
tomen,andwereallydohavethesamegoalsinlife,thesubtledifferencesin
bothpsychologyandphysiologymakeusstrikinglydifferent.Inotherwords,
itsthosesmalldifferencesthatreallymatter.Theyarethe20%thatmakeup
80%ofourproblems.Justrememberthatasmuchasyoumaywantwomen
tobelikeus,theyneverwill.Theywillalwayshavedifferentneedsandgoals.
2) Womenaremorecomplicatedemotionallythanmen.
Irecentlygotintoadiscussionaboutthiswithsomefriends,andoneofwhich
isarelationshipcounselor.Accordingtoherexperience,shethinksmenare
ascomplicatedaswomen.Idisagreewithheronthispoint.Ithinkthatthe
differenceisthatshemistooktheemotionalpainamanexperiencesthe
depthasthesameasthevarietyofemotionalexperiencesawomanhas
thebreadth.
Menare,bynature,mosthappywhenthingsarecalmandunperturbed.
Whenthewatersaresmooth,wereatourbest.Welikeafewwavesand
stormstochallengeus,butonlyonceeveryfewmonths.Wealsodonotfeel
unnervedjustbecausewevebeeninacalmpatchforawhile.(Observehow
awomanneedstostirthingsupwhenthingshavebeengoingsmoothlyfor
toolong.)
Now,theolderawomangets,themoresheappreciatesthecalmwaters.
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Thisisthesignofemotionalmaturityinawoman.Ifyoudateawomaninher
mid-thirtieswithanincessantneedfordrama,rundontwalktothe
nearestexit.
Bythesametoken,theolderamangets,themorecomfortableheshouldbe
withhisownemotionalmakeupandhandlingthecyclesofhisownmoods.
However,therealityisthatamansemotionallifeismuchlessturbulentthan
awomans.
3) Womenneeddrama.
Oh,Icanhearthegaspsintheaudienceonthatone.Thisfollowsrightin
handwiththepreviousstatement.Asaresultoflivinglivemoreemotionally,
womenfindahighersatisfactionwhentheirlivesaremoreemotionally
complicated.
IinterviewedawomannamedCathyformyAdvancedAudioCoaching,and
wediscussedthispoint.Itwasinterestingthatfromawomanspointofview,
theydontseethisneedasdrama.Itappearssonormaltothemthatitsnot
evenviewedassomethingseparate.Itsjustlifetothem.Theygettheir
satisfactionfromexperiencingthecomplicationsoflife,orwhatmencall
drama.Theywontadmittowantingit,butsomehowdramaalwaysseemsto
findthem,doesntit?
4) Womenarenotasself-confidentaboutlifeasmenare.
Onthewhole,womenneedalotofreassuranceandexternalvalidationto
keepuptheirsenseofself-esteem.Therearemorefemaleempowerment
programsandsocialconsciousnessthaneverbefore,highlightingthisneed
forwomen.Theyrenotgettingthesupporttheyoncedidfrommen,sonow
theyregettingitfromeachother.
Womenalsolackthelevelofself-esteemthatmostmenareforcedinto
developing.Manymenassumethatbeautifulwomenhaveahighlevelofself-
esteem,butthecompleteoppositeistrue.Sheknowsthatherlooksare
temporary.Shegaugeshervaluefromhowmuchshefeelsdesired,where
mengaugetheirvaluebyhowmuchtheyareneededanduseful.
5) Womenarelessself-reliantthanmenare.
Youcanseethisintheamountofself-helpbookswrittenforwomen.Notonly
aretheythesinglelargestpurchasersofbooksingeneral,buttheyarealmost
exclusivelythebuyersoftherelationshipandself-improvementbooks.
Menarebroughtuptobemuchmoreself-reliantandindependent,preferring
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tohandlethingsontheirown.
6) Womenwanttonurtureandgiveyouloving,butonlywhenitisnt
demandedofthemortakenforgranted.
Mostwomenarenaturalatthemotheringinstinct.Awomanwantstohelpyou
andtakecareofyouincertainways,butthiscomeslateron,aftershes
foundherfeelingsforyou.ThisrequiresyoutobeAlphafirst.Andthatmeans
notneedinghertokissyourboo-boosforyouorotherwisebeyourmotherfor
thefirstcouplemonths.
7) Womenwanttobechallengedandplaythegamesofemotional
interaction.
Theywanttogothroughtheentirerollercoasterrideofemotionsupsand
downs.Theydontwanttocuttothechase,orbegivenanythingtooeasily.
ItsuptoanAlphaMantogivethemenoughchallengethatshesenseshis
valuethisway.Youmayseeallthoseadsonlineandinpersonalsfrom
womenwhodontwanttoplaygames,butthatsalie.Somegamesare
absolutelynecessary.
8) Womenusetheirsexualattractivenessandsocialskillsaspower.
Earlyinourlives,wegrabbedontothequickestformofpowerwehad
availabletous.Formen,itwasphysicalstrength.Ifsomeonedidntdowhat
wewanted,wecouldforcethemorfightthem.Wephysicallydominated.
Nowconsiderwhatwomenlearnedastheirfirstpower.Theylearnedhowto
understandandmanipulatesocialsituations,andtheyalsolearnedhowto
usetheirlooksandsexualityaspowerovermen.
Remember:yougrabontothepowerthatismosteasilyaccessibletoyou,
andthatswhatformedalargeportionofyourpersonalityasyougrewup.
SheCantBeYourBestFriend
Forawhilethere,andeventoday,womenhavelikedtoproclaimthattheywanta
manwhocanmakethemlaugh,besensitive,andbetheirbestfriend.
Sorry,guys.AlphaMenknowthatwomendonotmakeverygoodbestfriends
formen.Yousimplycannotexpectawomantogetintoalltheguystuffthatyoulike.
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Forinstance,Imabigfanofcomicbooks.IdontbuythemlikeIusedto,but
everysooftenIlovetoindulgeinagoodcomic.AsmuchasIlovethem,Ivenevermet
awomanwhogotintocomics.Infact,Iveoftenfoundmyselfatalosswhenexplaining
toawomantherolethatcomicsplayinayoungboyslife.Theyjustdontgetit.Itsnot
theirfault.Theyjustdonthaveanyneedsthatgetfulfilledbycomics,nordidtheygrow
upreadingaboutsuperheroes.Iftheyreadanycomics,itwasArchieorGarfieldin
theSundaypaper.
Thesamethingoftenappliestocompetitionsports,porn,hardrock,computer
games,StarTrek,fixingupcars,andabunchofotherguythings.Chicksdontusually
digthesethings.
Byitsdefinition,abestfriendisafriend,notalover.Sodontgetcaughtupin
thatfemalemythoftryingtobeherbestfriend.Awomansbestfriendwillalwaysbe
anotherwoman.Infact,youcantevencountonbeinghersolesourceofintimate
sharing.Somethingsshewillhavetosharewithotherpeople,andtherewillbethings
aboutherthatyouwillneverlearn.Tryingtobeeverythingtoawomanisalosing
proposition.
But,keepinmindthatanywomanyouarewithmustalwayshaveyouasher
bestmalefriend.Dontfallforthatshitwhereyourwomangoesoutwithheroldfriend
Jimfromcollegeeverymonthortwo.Unlessyouhavereasontobelievethatshesgota
solidemotionalmaturityandanundyinglustforyou,othermenwhopalaroundwith
yourwomancanposeathreat.*
Stayfrostyandalert,andrecognizethatmale-femalefriendshipsarepossible,
buttheyhaveacertainstructureandspecialboundaries.Theyarenotthesameas
male-malefriendships.Innosituationshouldyoumakeawomanyourbestfriendjust
becauseyoufeelyoucantalktoherortellherthingsyoucanttelltoaguy.Thatsa
goodfriend,butnotwhatanAlphaManneedsforhisgrowth.
*However,aswediscussedinthesectiononJealousy,youmustknowexactlyhowtohandle
thesesituations.MalefriendsofyourgirlfriendorloverareonlyathreatifyouarentanAlphaMan,
alreadyconfidentofyourvalueandpower.Staysecure,butalsostayaware.Ifshehasaflawed
character,orpossiblepsychologicalissuesthatforcehertoneedattentionordrama,youcouldbethe
strongestAlphaaroundandshellstillcheatonyou.(ThisgoesbacktowhatIsaidaboutsanity.)Sobe
sureofhercharacterandqualitybeforeyougetemotionallyinvolved.
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RapportTheCriticalSuccessFactorofSeduction
Iftheresonethingyoulldiscoverwhenyoustarttobuildupyourownsenseof
AlphaManPoweristhattheonethingthatgetsyouintobedwithwomen(oranywhere
withwomen)fasteristheabilitytobuildrapport.
Rapportisawayofsummarizingherfeelingsoftrustandsecuritywithyou.
RapportisawayofgettinghertofeelYourejustlikeme!andevenmoreimportantly,
YourejustlikewhatIwant!
AnAlphaManalwaysgoesforrapportasquicklyandeffectivelyaspossible.Its
theonlythingyoushouldbeconcernedwithwhenmeetinganddatingwomen.Itcomes
beforeanymake-outsessionsormarathonsex.Itsthesolesourceofcomfortawoman
needstofeeltotrustyouandletyouinsidethegates.
RapportisalsoacriticalskillforAlphaMenwhoarelookingtoprogressinthe
businessandprofessionalworld.Sometimesthedifferenceingettingajobyouwant
andbeingturneddownisjusthowwelltheinterviewerfeelsthatconnectionbetween
you.
Herearesomeofthewaysofgainingrapportwithwomen:
1) Mirroring
Studieshaveshownthatifyoumatchapersonsphysicalstance,andeven
theirrateofbreathing,theywillquicklyfallintoastateofsympatheticrapport.
Thisworksonthesubconsciouslevelinmanycases,butitdoeswork.Ifshe
putsherhandsinherlap,youcandothesame.Ifsheleansinonedirection,
youshouldleaninthesameway.Itscalledmirroringbecauseyouactlikea
mirrortoher.Justbecarefultonotmakeittoodramaticorobviousoryoull
riskhernoticingandthinkingyoureeithermockingheroryoureanutcase.
Theoverallaffectshouldbesubtle.
Youllknowyourmirroringisworkingwhenshechangesherposturetomatch
yoursafterawhile.
2) Disclosing
Showherthethingsaboutyouthatmostresembleher.Again,youwanther
thinkingandfeelingthatshesmetsomeonejustlikeher,withthesame
interests.Youtellherthingsaboutyourselfthataresimilar.Ifshecamefrom
acertainpartofthecountry,andyouvebeenthere,evenifjustforavisit,tell
her.Ifsomeoneyouknowworkswhereshedoes,letherknow,andseeifshe
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knowshim/her.Thesesmallbitsofinformationbuildonthatfeelingofrapport.
Rememberthatdisclosingisnotconfessing!
Youdonotwanttostartrevealingintimatedetailswithawomanyoubarely
know.AnAlphaManknowsthatthisA)killsmystery,andB)willfreakherout
ifitdoesnthaveacontextorifsheisntfeelingsomedeeprapportwithyou
already.Youmustdisclosethingsabitatatime.
Oneofthebesttechniquesforconstructivedisclosureisrevealingsomething
aboutyourselfcasuallyandthenturningtheconversationbacktoher.For
example,ifshementionshowmuchshelovestotravel,youmightsay:Yeah,
Iknowwhatyoumean.IrememberhowwonderfulFlorencewaswhenIwent.
Wherehaveyoutraveledrecently?Thisletsherknowyourealsoatraveler
withoutbraggingaboutitandthatyouhavesomethingelseincommon.It
alsogetshermorecuriousaboutyouandthattheresmorehiddendepthto
discover.Byturningtheconversationbacktoher,yougethermorecurious.
HesbeentoFlorence,buthedidnttrytoimpressmewithabunchoftalk.
Whatelseistheretohim?
3) Breakingdownherbarriers
Somewomenarenoteasytobuildrapportwithbecausetheyarevery
defensiveandguarded.Youhavetobewillingtoknockdownthewallsshe
hasputaroundherselfsothatyoucanseewhatshesreallylike.Thistakes
someskill,andsomeverbalability.Youhavetogetrealwithhersothatyou
knowhowtogettherapportyouseek.
Sometimesthisisjusttellingherafewjokestogethertoloosenup.
Sometimesmoredrasticmeasuresarenecessary,likeshowingheryourenot
tobewalkedonwhensheactsbratty.
Bereadytoconfrontresistantbehaviorwhenitcomesup,andworkpastit.
Shesonlyputtingupdefensivebarriers,andsheneedsyoutoworkthrough
themasatestofyourresilience.
4) Effectivequestions
Goodquestionsforawomanarethosethatletherknowyoureinterestedin
her,butinawaythatseemslikegenuinecuriosity.Youalsoaskquestions
thatbringoutpositiveresponses,andalsomovehertowardsparticular
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feelingsofcomfort,security,andexcitement.
Heresabadquestion:Sowhattelevisionshowsdoyoulike?
Heresagoodquestion:SowhichoneofthewomenonSexandtheCity
areyoumostlike?
Heresabadquestion:Sowhatdoyoudoforwork?
Heresagoodquestion:Sowhatareyoudoingtochangetheworld?
Anotherexampleofagoodquestionisonethatelicitshervalues:
Soifyouwonthelotteryandcoulddoanyworkyouwanted,whatwouldit
be?
Thisgetsherthinkinganddreamingalittle.Italsotellsyoualotabouther
personalitybasedonherresponse.Ialsocallthesequestionsinspirational
questions.Herearemoreexamples:
Whatareyoudoingtomaketheworldabetterplace?
Whatsyourfavoritememoryasachild?
Whatisyourbesttrait?
Whatsthemosteroticnon-sexualpartofyourbody?(Usethisonemuch
later)
Doyouconsideryourselfagenerousperson?
Whatdidyoulearntoday?
Questionslikethesesetyouapartfromalltheotherguysandshowher
youregenuinelyinterested.Theyalsoelicithervaluessothatyoucanmake
amorequalifiedjudgmentabouthercharacter.
5) ShowingherFUN
Iwouldhavemadethisone#1,butitsbeenstatedenoughalready.Awoman
feelscomfortablewithaguyshecanhavefunwith.Ifshedoesntfeelthat
click,thenyouvegotanuglyuphillbattlecomingyourway.Rapportisas
muchaboutlaughingandhavingagoodtimeasmuchasanythingelse.If
shesnotlaughing,shesnothavingfun,andyourenotdoingyourjob.
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GetRidOfTheInfatuationUpFront
Infatuation:Foolishandusuallyextravagantpassionorloveoradmiration
Oneofthesymptomsofdatingandseductionofattractivewomenthatafflicts
meniswhatIcallthe"Babe-shock"factor.
Whenyoufirstapproachawomanyoufindattractive,what'sgoingthroughyour
headmostofthetime?
"Oh,wow!Ican'tbelieveI'mtalkingtothishotbabe!Thisisgreat!Iwonderif
shelikesme?"
Andyouproceedtoactlikeagoober,fawningalloverherandcomplimenting
her.Smilingallthetime.Leaningin.Buyingherdrinks.Complimentingher.
TheAlphaManknowsthathesnotsupposedtodothat,buthecan'thelp
thinkingtohimselfwhataluckyguyheisrightnow.Andtheshockofherpresence
leaveshimtrappedunderherspell.Hefumblesoverwords,andhisconfidenceslipsa
fewnotchesbecauseheputheruponapedestal,thinkingthatsomehowheropinionof
himreallymatters.
HesinBabe-shock.Hesinfatuated.
Nowlet'saddsomeperspectivewithanothersituation:
You'retalkingtoanaveragelookingwomanatthegrocerycheckout.You'renot
reallyinterestedinher,butsheseemsveryinterestedintalkingtoyouaboutthedeal
yougotonGuinnessandchickenpotpies.Infact,themoreyoushrugandact
disinterested,themoreshekeepstalkingtoyou.
What'sdifferenthere?
Well,rightoffthebat,yourbodylanguage,toneofvoice,attitude.
I'llbetthatyou:
- Didntturntowardheranddisplayareallyopenstance
- Didntgiveherabigbeaminghappy-to-be-in-your-shadowsmile
- Didntreallycareifyougotherphonenumberoraddress
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- Didntstarttalkingsuggestiveanddidnttrytotouchher
IwasonacruisetoMexicoforavacation,andImetacuteAsiangalatour
dinnertable.(Yourealwaysseatedwiththesamepeople.)Iwasnotinterestedinher
initially,andIknowforafactthatIactedmoreinterestedinmydinnerthanher
conversation.
Theresult?Everycoupleofminutessheaskedaquestionaboutme.Sheasked
formyemail,andsentmepicturesandsentmeherphonenumbers(cellandphone)
withvarioushintsaboutmeetingupwithherifI'mdowninL.A.soon.And,honestly,she
wasn'tveryinterestedatfirstinme,untilImadeitclearIwasn'thittingonher.
Mostguysgiveuptheirgamerightawaywithagood-lookingwoman.
Now,alotofguysalreadyrealizethisaboutthemselves,buttheylackacritical
toolintheirutilitybelttohelpthemcopewithit.Theyneedatoolthatwillhelpthem
keepperspectivewhentheyfirsttalktoanattractivewoman.
Thebestwayyoucandothis(andIbelievethisisaskillthatcomesnaturally
witholdermen,ifthey'vekeptahealthyAlphaManattitude)istoimaginethefutureto
getridofthisinitialbabe-shockintimidation.
WhatdoImeanbythis?
Thinkaboutthelastserious'relationship'youhadwithawomanwhereyou
endedit.Whatwasthepattern?
1. Youmetherandyouwereexcited.Youhadthattingleofnew-ness
-thenovelty.
2. Yougothernumberandaskedherout,andsomehowyougother
toaccept.
3. Youdatedormetseveraltimes,therewasasparkofinterest(from
atleastoneofyou.)
4. Somehow,yougothertokeepseeingyou,inspiteofanywimpy,
approval-seekingbehavioryoumayhavedemonstrated.
5. Youkeptseeingeachother,andeventuallygotinthesackand
bumpeduglies.
6. Afterawhileofseeingeachother,youfelttheexcitementyouonce
hadstarttocooloff.Shenolongerintimidatedyouwithherlooksor
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theprospectofsleepingwithher.Shedidn'tseemasattractive.In
manyways,yougotboredofher.
7. Whentheboredomgotbadenough,andyourinterestinfinding
anotherwomangothighenough,youcalleditquits.(Or,she
sensedyourlackofattentionandinterestandbootedyououtthe
doorfirst.)
There'sasaying:"Youshowmethemostbeautifulwomanintheworld,andI'll
showyouaguywho'stiredofbangingher."
Notverypoliticallycorrect,Irealize,butthere'salotoftruthinthere.Withoutan
emotionalattachment,mostguysarereadytomoveonifthereisn'tanythingnewor
noveltochallengethem.Menhavewanderlustwhenitcomestowomen,andsexisn't
enoughtokeeptheinterestgoing.
Womenhaveevolvedoverthemillenniatobondtightlywithaman(foratleast4
years)sothatshecouldestablishastablesupportsystemifsheweretobearany
children.Sheachievedherbiologicalimperativebyhavingababyandmakingsureshe
andthechildwouldbeabletosurvive.
Theman,ontheotherhand,neededtosatisfyhisneedtogethisgenesintothe
nextgenerationbyhavingsexwithmanywomensincehecouldneverbesureachild
wasreallyhis.(Womenarenotasfaithfulastheywouldhaveyoubelieve.Itsestimated
thatthenumberofwomenwhocheatontheirhusbandsisequaltothemenwhocheat
ontheirwivesaround60%)Byinseminatingmanywomen,amanincreasedthe
probabilitythathewasabletocarryonhisbloodline.Women,ontheotherhand,always
knowwhichbabyistheirs,sincetheyhavetocarryitfor9months.
Okay,excusetheevolutionarybiology,butyouscientisteggheadsouttherewill
understandwhatI'mgettingat.
Thebottomlineofthisisforyoutotakestepsupfronttokeepfromfallingintoa
tranceoraspelljustbecauseawomanisattractive.Thetrickistoimagineallthethings
upfrontthatgotyoutostep5and6intheillustrationIoutlinedabove.Keepinga
healthyperspectiveaboutthefactthatshesreallyjustanotherwomankeepsyoufrom
jumpingoffthedeepend.
Whataspectsofherdidyouignoreoroverlookwithyourstarry-eyeddreaming?
Whatwereyouthinkingaboutthatleftyoubored,disinterested,andjustplain
notattractedtothewomanyouwereseeing?
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Whatwasdifferentattheend,whenyoufinallygotsickofher?
o Thesex,evenifitwasgood,wastheSAMEsex.
o Youcouldseeherfaultsandimperfections.
o Youcouldseeherbadhabitsand"ordinary-ness."(Yes,shehastopoop
andfart,too.Notwhatyouwerethinkingaboutwhenyoumether,huh?)
o Youcouldseehowshe'dageandgrowold,andeventuallyshe'dlooklike
oneoftheblue-hairsyoualwaysseeatbingowithyourmom.
o Lateron,younolongerfoundyourselfwantingorneedingherapproval.
o Attheend,yourmindstartedfocusingontherealityofthesituationwith
herasopposedtothefantasy.
Now,ifyouthinkaboutalltheseunromanticrealitieswhenyoufirstmeetan
attractivewomanandyou'llshort-circuitalotoftheglamourandillusionthatblindsyou
andstartsyoudowntheroadofinfatuation.You'llalsostopalotofthatwimpyapproval-
seekingbehaviordeadinitstracks.Youllrememberthatshesjustanotherwoman.
Insomecirclesthisiscalledaversiontherapy,andit'sveryeffective.Imagine
hersittingonthetoilet.Orwhatshe'lllooklikein30yearsorso,withbluehair.When
youcanpictureherinthemostregularcircumstances,meaningthatyoucanremoveall
theinfatuatedillusionsyouhaveabouther,youllstandamuchbetterchanceof
keepingalevelheadaboutyouractions,andwhathervalueisoverall.Dontgiveher
toomuchcreditbeforeyouvehadachancetomeettherealher.Nowomancanliveup
totheromanticidealsthatamancreatesforher,andtheresonlydisappointment
waitingdowntheroad.
OneofthebestwaysIfoundtouseaversiontherapythiswaswhenIhadto
breakupwithahotgirlfriendwhowasatotalheadcase.Thiswaswayback,whenI
wasyoungandeasilyobsessed.EverytimeIfeltmymindslippingbacktothinking
aboutherormissingher,Iimaginedwatchingherpukingalloverherself.Gross,huh?
Butitworked,becauseIsooncouldn'thavecaredlessabouther.Mymindwas
repulsedwithhermemory,andsoshewassoonforgotten.
Everywomanbecomesordinaryafterawhile.Itmighttakeaweek,amonth,or
ayear,butitwillhappen.Thesooneryouseethefutureandthatshe'sjustanother
person(okay,maybeagoodlookingonewithanicepairofbreasts),thesooneryou
cangetridofyourinfatuation,andyouraloofnesswillworktoyourfavor.Youcanthen
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focusyourenergyonyourpostureandpresentation,whilenotgettingallgigglyand
wimpy.
Whatyou'retryingtodoisgetyourmindandemotionsbackunderyourcontrol
inthepresentmomentsothatyoucangettoaplacewhereyoucandealwithan
attractivewomaneffectively.
Onceyousee(andfeel)theattitudesthatbreedsuccess,youcannevergo
back.It'slikehavingyoureyesopenedtoawholenewwayoflookingattheworld.
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CSFs
CSFsareCriticalSuccessFactors.CriticalSuccessFactorsaretheprimary
skillsyouneedtobeeffectiveatatask.Whenyouhavealltheseskillsdown,youwillbe
aforcetobereckonedwith.Womenwillnotbeaproblemforyou.
Ontheotherhand,ifyousuckatanyoneoftheseCSFs,yoursuccesswillbe
limitedtothehighestlevelofthatability.Inotherwords,yourleastdevelopedskillinthis
listwillbeyourweakestlink,anddeterminethehighestlevelofsuccessyouwillhave
withwomen.
ThesearethesameCSFspresentinsales.WhydidIpicksales?Because,if
yougetrightdowntoit,seductionissales.Salesisseduction.Thetwoarevirtually
identical.Youaretakingyourproduct(you)andsellingittothecustomer(women.)If
youdisagree,takealookatanymarriedcouple.Someonesuresoldsomeonethere,
didntthey?
HerearetheCSFs:
1) Prospect:Prospectingincludesalltheareasofmeetingnewwomen.This
canbegoingtobars,coldcontactsonthestreet,referrals(friendsoffriends),
speeddating,internetdating,singlesparties,nightclubs,thegymyouname
it.Thisiswhereyoufindyourpotentialcustomers.Youneedtogetgoodat
meetingthemandgettingtheirphonenumbersoremails.Period.Youcant
begoodatanythingafterthispointwithoutbeingsomewhatdecentat
prospecting.Andpartofgoodprospectingisfiguringoutwhichcandidatesdo
notmeetyourcriteria,andgettingridofthemearly.
2) Gainrapport:Thisiswhereyoucreateaconnectionbetweenyouandthe
womenyoumeetwhenprospecting.Itshouldbecreatedimmediatelywhen
youmeetthem,andagaineachtimeyougettogetherwiththemortalkto
them.ThereisnogreaterindicatorofanAlphaManssuccesswithwomen
thanthisoneability.Ifyoucantgettoalevelofrapport,thenyouwillonlybe
abletobedthosewomenwithextremelystrongattractionforyourlooks,orif
shehasreallylowselfesteem,orshegetsreallydrunk.(Thosearenotthe
circumstancesIrecommendforguystotrytogetlaidin.)
Thinkofthisasnaturalhypnotism.Yourenotusinganyreallymagicalskills
here.Yourejustbeingcleverenoughtoreachhermostintimatethought
processesandinsertyourselfinthem.
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3) Determineneeds:Thisisaninterestingpartofthesuccessfactorswhere
youbecome,inessence,aspy,apsychologist,aninterrogationexpert,a
masterdetectivejustabouteveryprofessionyoucanimaginethatrequires
arealabilitytounderstandwhatmotivatespeople.Ivefoundthatthispart
becomesfunifyoucantakeontheroleofanexpertwhileyourelookinginto
hereyestofindoutwhatitisshecravesinlife.Youreherlifecounselor,
helpingherfindawaytohergoals.
Weallhavecommoninterestsanddesires,andweallhavethingsuniqueto
usthatmotivateus.Onepersondesiresmoney,andanotherfame.One
personwantstohelpthelessprivileged,anotherwantstorunacompany.
Whateverherparticulardesireis,itsyourjobtofigureitout,andthen
4) Createsolutions:Whenyouvefiguredoutwhatitisthatdrivessomeone,
youthenmustbeabletocreateasolutionthatmeetstheirneeds.Whenyou
candemonstratethatyouvegotwhattheywantorneed,orthatyoucanhelp
themgetthere,youresuddenlyalotmoreattractiveasacompaniontothem.
Letsbeperfectlyhonest.Imnotsuggestingthatyouneedtobeableto
exploiteveryoneyouknowormeet,orthattheycannotbeofvaluetoyoujust
asfriends.WhatImsayinghereisthattheonlyassociationswemakeinlife
arethosethatbenefitusinsomeway.Eventhemostabusiverelationships
fulfillaneedforbothparties,sickasthatmaybe.Itsthewaywerewired,
anditmakessenseifyoureallythinkaboutit.
5) Overcomeobjections:Eventhoughyoumaybethebestguyontheplanet
forawoman,youcannotforcehertorecognizethis.Youmaycreatethebest
solutionintheworld,andevenpresentitprettyconvincingly,butifyoucannot
overcomeheremotionalobstaclesandobjectionstoyoursale,yourebackon
thestreetlookingforanotherbuyer,myAlphafriend.
Understandthatmostobjectionsarejustastall.Weobjecttothingsjustto
objecttothem,toholdofffrombeingputinapositionofcommitmentor
decision.
Andthatiswhythisstagemustbehandledsocarefully,becauseyoudont
gettositthereandpresentherwithaformallegalcasethatwouldmakeJohn
Grishamsalivate.Thatslogic,andthatdoesntworkwithwomen.Youmust
overcomeherobjectionsbyknowingwhentheyneedtobeanswered,
ignored,orsidestepped.
Youovercomeherobjectionsbygettingheremotionsandfeelingsinvolvedin
you,notherlogic.
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6) Closing:Closingistheartofknowingwhentoshutthefuckup.AndIm
puttingthataboutasnicelyasitcanbesaid.Onceyouveovercomeher
objections,theresreallyonlyoneoptionavailableYES.Itdoesnteven
matterwhatthequestionis,theanswerisYES.Soyoubetterhaveanend-
gamepreparedforwhenyougettheYES.
Iveheardfromguyswhohavegottenallthewaytothefinishlinewithababe
theyvewantedfortwentyyears,andtheyendupscrewingupbecausethey
didnthaveacondom.Thatssimplyastounding.(Astoundinglystupid.)
Therecomesapointwhenyoujuststoptalking,stoptryingtoconvinceher
thatyouarehernextsexualadventure,andjusttakeherbythehandand
leadhertothebedroom.Thereyoutwobangawayuntilyoubothneedlotion
foryourswollen,rawreproductiveparts.Thenyouwakeupat4:00AMand
doitagain.
Closingisreallyaboutjustdoingwhatsnecessarytodowhenitstime.Most
guysjustchickenoutoftakingactionbecausetheyreafraidofbeingrejected.
7) Follow-up/Repeatsales:Doyouwanttocomebacktothiswellformore
water?Well,youbettersetitupsothatshellwantyoubackagain.
Itshardtoscrewupthispart,unlessyouwereareallylousylay.
HeresnewsforyouMostguysareareallylousylay.Theyrebad,anda
womanwouldnevertellthemanyotherwaythanneversleepingwithhim
again.
Sometimesthisstepisjustaboutmovingon.Oncewasenough,andnowits
timetosailtonewwaters.Thisshouldnotbeaproblemifyouwerehonest
andstraightforwardwithherinthefirstplace.Youwerehonest,werentyou?
Ifnot,thenyougotwhatyoudeserved.
Justtogiveyouguysanideaofhoweasyitistogetlaid,andhowmucheasierit
canbetoscrewitup,letmetellyouaboutoneofmypastseductions.Well,itreally
wasntthatbad,butIdlovetogobackandfixthisone.
Afewyearsback,Iwasdatingsomeonefairlysteadilybutwithnocommitment.I
gotinterestedinalawyerIhadmetwhilesnowboardinginLakeTahoe.Wewereall
stayingatthesamecabin,andIgotthechancetochatherup.Shewasaboutmyage,
blonde,nicebodyaboutanineoutoften.
Wehititoffwell,andIknewweneededtogoouttogether.Iwalkeduptoherin
thelivingroomofthecabin,putapadofpaperonherlegalworkshewaswrappedup
in,andtoldher,Takeabreakandwritedownyournumberforme.Shesmiledand
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complied,givingmeheremailaddressaswell.Ialsoslippedhermycardinher
hairbrushbeforeweleftonthelastday.
BackinSanFrancisco,aboutaweeklater,Icalledherupandtookhertoplay
poolwithme.Thingsdidntgetveryfaronthatmeeting,butIdecidedthatIdcontinue
thisagainlater.Besides,Ihadanotherwomanontheside,soIcouldgoafterherwith
muchmoreofarelaxedattitude,knowingIdidnthavetoworryaboutwhetheritworked
outornot.
Eventuallywehadafewmoredates,andwegottothedatethatIknewwouldbe
aseduction.Wewenttogoeatatanicerestaurantinherpartofthecity.Thenwewent
toalittledivebarthathadacoolatmosphere(pillowsonthefloor,dark)andwehada
fewbeers.Afterthat,itwasbacktoherapartmentwherewehadsomewineandlita
fewcandles.Thingsgotheavy,andItoldheritmightbebestifIstayed,sinceIdhada
fewtoomanydrinks.OnethingledtoanotherandIeventuallygotherundressedand
intobed,whereIstartedalittletongueactiononhersouth-of-the-border,ifyouknow
whatImean.
Rightthen,inthemiddleofwritinghernamewithmytongue,thephonerang.
Iknewsomethingwasntrightwhensheactuallyleftthebedroomtogoanswerit.
Ivegotmytongueinherholiestofholes,andshehadtogoanswerthephone?What
the?
Thenithitme.Theresonlyonepersonthatwouldcallatthistimeofnight.
Whenshecamebacktothebedroom,afteralengthyconversation,Iproceeded
toaskherwhatwasgoingon.Whydidsheleavelikethatinthemiddleofmydelightful
foreplay?Andsureenough,itturnsoutthatthephonecallwasherex,whoshestill
hadntgottenover.
Well,thatwasamajorbuzz-kill,Iassureyou.Ibasicallylistenedtoherlame
storyoffemaleobsessionoveraguythatmistreatedher(soundfamiliar?)androlled
overandwenttosleepasquicklyaspossible.Thenextmorning,Igotup,chattedwith
hernicely,andeventuallyleftforgood.
Now,whatwasmymajorerror?WhatshouldIhavedoneinthissituation?
Ishouldhavejustignoredtheex-boyfriendbullshitandgottenbacktomy
business.Ishouldnthaveevenletitbothermeintheslightest.Icouldhavelether
whinealittle,andthenmovedrightbackinwhereIleftoffwithalittlewarmingup,of
course.AndImprettydamnsureshewouldhavegoneforit,too.
Instead,Iletherwhinealittleafterhercall,thenIjustrolledoverandwentto
sleep,disgustedthatshewasanotherdumbchickwhocantgetherheadonstraight.I
letthefactthattherewasanotherguyinthepicturerattlemycage.
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Nowthinkaboutthis:Shecamebacktobednaked,andsleptwithmenaked,
andwewokeupnaked.Infact,shecameoutoftheshowerwithhertitsstaringrightat
meforagoodfiveminutes.Wepartedongoodterms,butwenevertalkedagain.
Themoralofthisstory?
Unplugherfuckingphonethefirstchanceyouget!
(Seriously,Idontrecommendtamperingwithherstuff,butyoumightactually
wanttoconsideraccidentallyknockingitoffthehook.)
Actually,therealmoralofmystoryisthatyoushouldputasideyouremotions
andinsecuritywhenitcomestotheseduction.Ignoreallthedistractionsandobstacles.
Everywomanknowsfullwellwhatshesdoingwhenitcomestosleepingwithyou,and
yourenotgoingtohurtherbysleepingwithher.Shestough.Shewontbreak.Youre
nottoblame,norareyoueverwrongortakingadvantageofherforgoingforward.The
onlytruthofthatsituationIhadwasthatIleftthisgalinaworsesituationthanbeforeby
notseducingher.
Worse?Yes,worse.Yousee,bynotseducingher,Igavehermoreemotional
ammunitiontokeepherselfthinkingthatsheshouldstayinvolvedwiththisguy.IfIhad
continued,shewouldhavehadagreatnightoflovemaking,andshewouldhavebeen
givenachancetoseewhatkindofopportunityIhadinstoreforher.Icouldhaveeased
heremotionaltransition.
Thisisalittlere-framing,butitsjustasvalidasmystupidindignantattitude.And
Ididntgetanypussy,either.Well,maybeafewlicks.Lessonlearned.
ANoteOnOvercomingObjections
Ivetoldyouthateverythinginlifeislikesales,andnowhereisitmorelikethis
thanwithwomen.Oneofthethingsyoudealwithregularlyinsalesisobjections.And
theonethingyoulearnisthateveryobjectioncanbeovercomeifyouknowhowto
handleit.
Objectionsaregoingtocomeupintheprocessofdatingandseducingwomen.
Shewillwanttoputupobstaclestotestyou,andtomakeyouappreciatethatshesnot
aslut.Infactsomewomenhaveamentalprocessthatwatcheshoweasytheyre
makingitforyou,andifshesbeingtooeasy,theypullaway.Andtheywonteven
knowwhytheyredoingit.
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Itsnotalwaysimportanttohaveacounterforeveryoneofherobjections.
WhatsmostimportantistounderstandWHYsheobjected.Thenyoucanaddressthe
realcause,becausetheydontalwaysrequireadirectanswer.Awomanisntas
interestedinyouansweringherquestions(andyounevershouldyourcontrolofthe
situationreliesonyoualwaysbeingtheonetoaskthequestions.)Whatsheneeds
addressedishertwofundamentalneedstobewithyou:
1) Attractiondoesshefeelthegut-leveldesireforyoushemusthaveforyou
toseduceher?Shehastowantyou.
2) Trustcanshebelievethatyourenotsomekindofplayerouttohurther?
Shehastobelieveinyou.
Youcouldgetbywithonlyattraction,buteventuallyshewillneedtofeelalevel
ofsecurityandtrustwithyou.
Ifshesobjectingtoyouinanyway,sheneedsmoreattraction,ortrust,orboth.
Theideaistogiveherjustenoughtrustthatsheknowsyourenotdangerousorathreat
tohersenseofcomfort.Afterthatnecessaryamountoftrustisestablished,itmustbe
allattraction,oryoullneverachieveliftoffwithher.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Yourfirststeptohandlingobjectionsisalwaystocomeupwithwaysto
overcomethem.However,ifyourunintoobjectionswithwomenfrequently,itwoulddo
yougoodtostepbackandseewherethoseobjectionsarecomingfrom,andwhatis
triggeringthem.Theremaybeaflawinyourapproachthatneedstobeironedout.
Maybeyourerushingacertainpartofthegame,oryourenotlookingfortheright
indicatorsbeforemovingforward.Watchforrepeatingpatternsthatpointtowardan
areayouneedtoreview,diagnose,andfix.
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DiagnosingYourGameWithWomen
Generallyspeaking,therearesomeverycommonproblemswithwhereguysgo
wrongonthevariousstagesofseductionanddatingwomen.Imgoingtoreviewthe
checkpointsofwhereyoushouldbewithwomenateachpointinthegameandhow
youllknowyourethere.ThenIllcoverthevarioustroubleshootingtechniquestohelp
youfigureoutwhereyoumightbegoingwrong.WellreferbacktotheCSFstogive
youanideaofwhereyouarestrategically,andthenmaptherouteallthewaytothe
Trojanyouvegotstuffedunderyournightstand.
Step1:TheIntroduction
Duringtheintroduction,youhaveonlyonegameplan:Toraiseherinterest
enoughwithyourteasingandhumorsothatshewantstoknowmore.Justwhenyou
thinkshesripe,youeithergetherawayfromthepack(isolateher)oryougether
numberandejectfromthesituation.Thebetteryougetatthis,thefurtheryoucangoin
thatfirstencounter.
Youngerwomen(18-24)needtobemovedonfurtherinthefirstmeetingoryou
mightnotgetthatsecondchance.Theirbuyingtemperaturecancooloffatamoments
notice.Theolderorslightlymorematurewomen(24andup)youcangetawaywitha
longerseductiontimewindow,sincetheirinterestwillholdalittlelonger.
Herearethebiggestproblemswiththeintroduction,andthesolutionsforeach:
1) Youfailtoraiseherinterest.Ifyousensethatshesjustnotdiggingyou,go
forthenumber,butdontexpectanythingelse.Youvegottohavesome
interestfromhertostandanychanceofherwantingtoseeyouagainwhen
youcallher.Gobacktobuildingrapportandusinghumortogether
interested.
2) Whenyoutalktoher,sheactsweirdordistant.Justlikethehot/cold
routine,alotofwomen(youngerwomenandveryattractiveonesespecially)
knowtheycanjustpullanyshittheywantwithaguybecause90%ofthem
dontknowhowtohandleit.Idholdthisagainstwomeniftheywerentright
aboutit.Shecanactanywayshewantswithguys,becausesheconsiders
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herselfthesupply,andyouhavethedemand.Youhavetouseyour
conversationalsparringtechniquestobreakpasthershield.Again,build
rapporttoestablishthatfeelingofcommonality.
3) Shehasabitchshieldup.Thisiswheresheactslikeshesabitchto
keepmenaway.Thisshieldservesasprotectionforherbecausemostguys
donthaveacluehowtogetpastit,andthosethatdontaregenerallynot
worthhertimeanyways.OnlyBetaGuyswillgiveupandwalkawaywiththeir
tailbetweentheirlegs.Thewaypastthisisthesameastheprevious
exampleyouhavetogetverysassyback,onlywitharealsportingsenseof
humor.Sparringisthewaytobreakpastherbarriers.Whensheseesthat
youcanseepasthershield,mostwomenwillbreakdown.Getrealwithher,
andshowherthatyoureaconfidentguy.
Thelastditchistoappealtohersenseoffairplay.Ifyoucantbreakpasta
womanscoldness,youhavetobewillingtocallheronherbehaviorandcast
herownself-imageintodoubt.Almosteverysinglewomanyouwillmeethas
genuineinsecuritiesaboutherself,andyouhavetobesmartenoughtofinda
waytobringthemupinanon-attackingway.
Heresanexample:Well,Maria,Ivebeennothingbutcourteoustoyoufor
thelastcoupleofminutes,andyouvebeennothingbutrudeinreturn.Im
sorryyoufinditnecessarytopaymebackthatway.Perhapsyoucantellme
whatitwasthatIdidthatmadeyoudislikemesostrongly?Now,ofcourse,
thisissaidsoconvincinglythatshecannotinterpretyoutobefeelingdown
aboutyourself,andifitsdeliveredinapleasehelpmeunderstandtoneof
voice,ittakestheheatoffyouandmakesherlooklikethebadguy.
4) Otherpeoplekeepblockingyou.
Sometimesthisisherfriends,sometimesitsyours.Ifitsyourfriends
blockingyou,itsyourfault.Youeitherchosebadwingmen,oryouneedto
cutloosesomedeadweightfromyoursociallife.
Ifitsaguyyoudontknowthattriestointerfere,youneedtode-fusehim.
Thisguyisacockblocker,andwellcoverthisindetailinthenextsection.
Ifitsherfriendsblockingyou,youprobablyforgottomakeyourselffriendlyto
themfirstbeforeyoupickedoutyourprey.Whenawomansfriendsblock
you,itsasuresigntheyseeyouasathreat,ortheyrejustjealous.
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Step2:CloseforPhoneNumberorEmail
Meetingawomanallcomesdowntothebottomline:Didyougetherphone
numberoremail?Anyanswerotherthanyesisanexcuseandunacceptable.Ifshe
says:
1) IhaveaboyfriendSheseithertellingthetruth,inwhichcaseyourestill
notoutofthegame,orshewantsaneasywayoutsoshedoesnthaveto
feellikesheshurtingyourfeelings.Learnhowtoreadherbodylanguageto
seeifitsanexcuse,orjusthitherwiththeall-purpose,Areyouhappywith
him?andseehowshereacts.Ifshehesitates,youassumeno,andkeep
going.Ifshesaysyesfairlyquickly,yougiveherawinkandgoaboutyour
day.
HerearesomeAlphaManrebuttalstotheIvegotaboyfriendexcuse:
-Weknoweachother5minutesandalreadyyouretellingmeyour
problems.
-Imnotlookingforajob.
-What,areyoutryingtosetmeupwithhim?
-Imsureyouvegotacouplepairsofshoes,too.Anditsalwaysfuntoshop
formore,isntit?
-Ifitmakesyouhappy,youcanbringhimwithus.
-Doeshemakeyouhappy?
Ifthiscomesupinconversationbeforeyouvehadachancetoask,ignoreit
thefirsttimeandkeepworkingyourstrategiesonher.Thebestwaytohandle
it,ifyoucangetherlaughingandinterested,istoignoreitandpretendlikeit
isntaconcern.
2) IdonthaveaphoneShesreallysayingthatshehasntwarmedup
enoughtoyouyet.Keepworkingatit.Almosteveryonehasaccesstoa
phoneinsomeway.Taketheopportunitytoteaseheraboutitifsheusesthat
excuse:Nophone?Wow.Doyouhaverunningwater?
3) Idontgiveoutmyphonenumber;givemeyoursClassicstall.Another
nicewayofsayingthereisntenoughrapportyet,orshestestingyou.You
havetohaveyourcounterreadyforthisonerightaway:Now,comeon.
Guysdontstillfallforthatline,dothey?Webothknowyoudnevercall.Go
aheadandwriteitdown.Imnotaweirdo.
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Whateveryoudo,nevergiveheryourphonenumber.Itputsyouina
defensivepositionwhereyoullbewonderingifshellcall,andsheneverwill.
4) IdontknowyouAnothervariationofthestalltactic,butthisonemeans
shejustwantsmoreconvincingthatyoureworthhertime.ProveyourAlpha
Status.
Response:AndIdontknowyoueither,sothisisaperfectchancetogetto
knoweachotherbetter.
Or:Wasthereatimewhenyoudidntknowyourbestfriend?Imaginewhere
youdbenowifyousaidthattoherwhenyoumether.
5) NOIfitsclearthatthisisano,andnotavariationof#4,thensmile,nod,
andgoaboutyourfantasticday.
Heresahigh-techandsneakywaytogetagirlsnumber:Insteadofaskingher
forthenumber,tellhertopullouthercellphone.Whenshedoes,tellhertocalla
specialcellnumberandgiveheryourcellphonenumber.Whenyourcellphonerings,
makesurehernumbershowsuponthecalleridentification.Bam!Youvegotareliable
number.Somegirlsmightnotlikethis,thinkingtheyweretricked,butitsworththe
gambleononesthatyourenotsureabout.
Step3:Phonecallformeeting/CloseforMeeting
Whenyoucallawomanup,makesureyourere-establishingtherapportas
quicklyaspossible.Mostofthetime,yourejustanothernumbershegaveout,andshe
wontrememberyoufromanyoftheotherguys.Itsyourjobtodifferentiateyourself.
Onceyouvere-establishedyourselfinhermindgetherlaughing,remindherof
whereyoumet,etc.thenyouneedtomakethecallshortandsweet,andto-the-point.
Hey,Jennifer,Ineedtogetgoing,butIthoughtyoumightbeafungaltohang
outwith.Letsgettogetherthisweekandmeetatso-and-sos.Wecangetacupof
coffeeandcheckoutthestores.IsWednesdayorThursdaynightbetterforyou?
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Assumethesale,askherforthedate,andthenshutup.(Wereclosinghere.)
Listenverycarefullytoherwordsandwhatshesays.YourerefiningyourAlphaMan
intuition,soyoushouldbeabletosmellthebullshitwhenitcomesyourway.
Ifshesaysnoanddoesntofferanothertimeordate,shesprobablynot
interested.Moveon.
No,really,dude.Moveon.Youshouldbecollectingsomanynumbersbythis
pointthatifanywomanblowsyouoff,youreontothenextone.Nobegging.
Ifshesaysnoandoffersareschedule,hesitateandcheckyourcalendar.Then
youcansayyoumightbeabletofititin.
Ifshesayssure,butwantsyoutocheckwithherlaterintheweek,turnher
down.Look,Jennifer,mytimeisreallyimportanttome,asImsureyoursis.Ifwecant
scheduleitfirmrightnow,weshouldfindanothertime.Whatothertimeworksforyou?
Ifsheinsistsyoucallher,shesreallymakingareadyescapechutethatshecangetout
ofthedatewith.Whatwouldhappeniswhenthetimecomesforyoutocallher,youd
leavemessagesallovertownandneverhearfromher.Dontaccepthalf-hearted
acceptances;theyreaninsult.Eithershesinorshesout.AlphaMendontletother
peoplewastetheirtime.
Ifshesaysyes,great.Gethertowritetheinformationdownwhileyoureonthe
phone.Thengetoffthephonerightaway.Anymoretimeyouspendonthephonewith
herafterthispointjustworksagainstyou.Shecangettoknowyouinperson,notover
aphoneline.
Ifyoufindthatyouregettingturneddownalotonthephoneforthefirstmeeting,
hereareyourcommonproblems:
1) Youarentestablishingenoughrapportwhenyougetthenumber.
Solution:Getmorerapport.Workatit.Youcouldgetahundrednumbers,but
noneofthemwillbeinterestedifyoudontwarmuptheprospecttowantto
meetyouagain.
2) Yourenotpitchingherright.
Solution:Makethenextmeetingsoundunbelievablyfunandlow-key.No
heavydateexpectations.Nodinner-and-moviedatesuntilmuchlater.Your
firstdutyistogetherhavingfunwithyou.Noexcuses.Awomandoesnt
careabouthowyoufeelaboutheruntilshehasafeelingforyou.
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3) Youignoredhernointerestsignswhentheywerefirstputoutthere.
Remember,awomanwontsaySorry,no,toyouuntilshespushedtothe
limit.Sheonlywantstoavoidlookinglikethebitchforrejectingyou,soshe
wantstoletyoudowneasy.
Solution:Watchforthebodylanguageandindicationsthatshesonlybeing
nice.
4) Youmaybecreepingheroutwithtoomuchattention.
Ifyoucalltoomanytimestogetholdofher,ortooquickly,itsaturnoff.
Solution:Youcanonlycallheronceeverycoupledays.Dontleaveany
messagesonthefirstcall,andifyoudontgetanansweronthenext,
considerleavinganupbeat,shortmessage.Ifshedoesntcallyouback,flush
herdownthedrain.
ALPHARULE:
Nevercallherupforadatewithoutadefiniteplanofwhatyouwilldoandwhat
timeyouplantodoit.Shedoesntwanttojusthangout.Sobesureyouhaveaplan.
Step4:Firstmeeting/Rapport
Whenyoufirstgettogetherwithher(notcountingthetimeyoumether,butan
isolateddatemeeting)yourobjectiveistogetthefeelingofrapportgoing.Youhaveto
findthatgroovethatworksforyoubothintermsofconversation.
Dontbeafraidtotrydifferentapproaches.Usesomemirroringtechniques,or
justfindasubjectthatsheappearstoenjoytalkingabout,andthenworkithard.Thisis
aperfectexampleofthatfluidthinkingItoldyouabout.Youhavetobeflexible,and
reallyexploreeveryangletofindthesubjectsthatturnheron.Whenyoufindher
button,youkeeppushingitformoreeffect.
Ifyourenotgettingrapport,yousimplyneedtoreviewtheearliersectionon
rapportandkeepworkingonthoseskills.Itdoestaketimetogettheknackofit.Make
sureyourealsokeepingherlaughingduringthemeeting,becausethiswillequateto
howmuchfunshefeelsshehad.Humorisoneofthecriticalelementsinthewhole
game.
Thenextwaytogetthatrapportgoingisthroughtheuseofquestions.Usesome
oftheinspirationalquestionsIgaveyou,aswellasmakeupyourown.Gethertalking
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aboutherselfandshellbemuchmoreinvolved,andmuchmorelikelytoopenup.
Andsometimesthereisnothingyoucandotogettherapportyoudesire.Some
womenjustdontwarmup,andothersaremoody.Moreoftenthannot,however,you
willfindthatthewomanisworkingtoestablishrapportaswell.
Dontbeafraidtopulltheplugonadatethatsgoingbad,orifshesnotworking
atit.Somewomengoondateswiththegoaheadandimpressmeattitude,orthey
acceptadatefiguringthattheworstthatcouldhappenisthattheygetafreemeal.If
yousensethatthewomanisntdiggingyou,orforwhateverreasonisrefusingtobe
responsive,andyoucanfeelthatshesholdingbackorjustmakingitmoredifficult,say
somethinglikethis:
Look,ImfeelinglikeImputtingalotofenergyoutheretryingtogettoknowyou
better.Forwhateverreason,youdontseemtoointothistonight.PerhapsIshouldtake
youhomenow.
Andthenshutupandlistentoher.Ifshesays,yeah,thatsagoodidea,thenget
ridofherquickly.Ifshesaysshesjusthavinganoffdayorsomeotherexcuse,makea
decisionwhetheryoubelieveherornotandgofromthere.Ifherattitudedoesntmake
amajorturnaround,Isuggestyouendtheeveningandgetridofher.Nothingwilldrag
youdownfasterthantryingtowinanuphillbattlethatyouvealreadylost.Saveyour
energyforawomanthatdeservesit.
Step5:FirstKiss
Theresalotofanxietyfromguysaboutthefirstkisssituation,anditdoesnt
needtobethisway.Theygothroughtheentiredatewonderingiftheyregoingtogeta
kiss,ormore.
First,letsstatethemostimportantfirstruleaboutthefirstkiss:
Ifyoudidntachieverapportandsomesuccessraisingherattraction
duringthefirstdatewithher,thekissisnolongerthepoint.
Shewillprobablyjustkissyoutoendthingsnicelyandtonotmakethings
awkward.Infact,evenifyoudontthinkyougotonsowellwithher,youmaygoforthe
kissandbesurprisedtofindhereagerandwilling.AnAlphaManalwaysendsthedate
withakiss.Soifyourgoalisthekiss,goforit.Youvegotnothingtolose.
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Allduringthedate,youhaveopportunitiestocheckforherwillingnesstokiss
you,andifmanyofthesignscomeupgood,youreingreatshapeforatleastakissat
theend.Allyouhavetodotofindoutistoleaninclosetotellhersomething.Ifshe
doesntchangeherbodylanguageandstanceandevenglancesbrieflydownatyour
mouth,thatsagoodsignshesalreadythinkingaboutthatkissandisreadyforit.
Youshouldalsobewatchingforopportunitiestobrieflytouchherandmake
prolongedeyecontact.Irecommendlearningpalmreadingsothatyoucanappealto
hersenseofmysticismandfatewhileholdingherhandandtracingacrossherskin.
Ifyoureachtheendofthedate,youleaninforakiss,andshepullsawaygiving
somelameexcuseaboutnotkissingonthefirstdate,orifsheevadesyourlipsand
goesforahug,itsgenerallynotworthpursuinganyfurther.Because
Anywomanwhoisattractedandinterestedinyouwillwantanend-of-date
kiss.
Itsthatsimple.Dontrationalizeherbehaviorforher.Ifshewereintoyou,shed
giveyouakiss.
Ifyougettothispointonthedatewithoutakiss,youprobablyignoredalotof
pre-workthatwouldhavemadethissuccessful,soitsalreadytoolate,andtherearent
alotofalternatives.
HeresanotheralternativethatIprefer:Ifyoufeeltherapportisgoodduringyour
timewithher,dontwaituntiltheendofthedateforthekiss.Doitearlier.Thenyoucan
bothrelax.Justwaitforagoodtimetogetcloseandgiveheraquicksmoochonthe
mouth.Notongue,justsomemoistlips.Thenyoucanmakeawittyremarklike,There,
nowyoudonthavetoworryifImgoingtokissyou.
NowthatsanAlphaManapproach.
Step6:FirstSex
Yes,thereareafewstepsbetweenthefirstkissandfirstsex,buttheyremostly
aboutturningupthetensionandheatbetweenyouandyourwoman.Youknowyoure
doingokaywhenyougetthekissandacouplefollow-updates,andthevibeisstill
positiveandupbeat.Youshouldbeworkingtoachieveadeeperlevelofrapportwith
her,includingoccasionalaffectionatedisplays,suchastouching,kissing,andprolonged
eyecontact.
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Bewarnedthatthereisamythaboutthird-datesex.Thegeneralbeliefisthat
onthethirddateyoureeithergoingtogetsomeornot.Idontfollowthismyth,partially
becauseIwanttoleavemyselfpreparedforany-datesex,andifyouactasifyou
thinkyoureentitledtosomeassorsetitupthatwaywithher,youcouldbeinforarude
awakening.Itsanotheragendathatshellsenseandresist.
Youllknowwhenthetimeisrightbyherbehavior.OneofthethingsIliketodois
tosuggestcookingherdinneratherhouse.Thissetseverythingupforthepossible
seduction.Shellbeturnedonbyhavingamancookinherkitchen,andmaybeeven
cookinherbedroomlater.
Ifsheshootsthisideadowninfavorofsomethingmorepublic,shemaybe
delayingthatfirstsexbyavoidinganymisleadingcircumstances,sogowithitand
suggestsomethingelse.Youlljusthavetousethatdatetoyouradvantageandgether
inthemoodlater.
Again,thepointistoleaduptoeachofthesemilestonesintheprogressionfrom
meetinghertogettinghertothebedroom.Youdontmakesuddenjumpstoanyof
themwithoutbuildingupsexualtensionandattraction.Noneofyourmovesshould
seemliketheyveappearedoutoftheclearbluesky.Theyshouldhappenwhenthey
feelrightandwhentheyrewelcome.Bythetimeyougettoanyofthem,youshould
alreadyknowwhatsgoingtohappen.
ToparaphraseSunTzu,thebattleiswonbeforeitiseverfought.
Makesureyoupavethewayforsexinthesameway.Youhavetohavehada
fewsessionsofintensekissingandtouchingbeforehand.Thensexbecomesanext
stepinalogicalprogression.
HereshowanAlphaManhandlesit:
TheAlphaMantakeshistime.Hemovesinslowly,yetdeliberately,butshe
knowshesmovingin.Healsotakestimetobackoffandgiveheramomenttobreathe
andwonderifhewillmovebackinagain.(Twostepsforward,onestepback.)Whenhe
movesbackin,itswhenhesensesthemostpotentialforresponse.Hedoesntmove
hesitatingly,butdefinitely.Whenhekissesher,heputshishandbehindherneck,or
gentlycradlingthesideofherneck.Hemakesitstrongandpassionate,andthenhe
pullsaway.TheAlphaManisthefirstonetoendtheinteraction,sothatshefeelshis
confidenceandself-controlandshesleftwantingmore.Whenhetouchesher,he
doesntgropeorlewdlyhandleher;hecaressesherinawaythatmakesherfeelsexy.
Whenhemoveshertowardsex,hetouchesherslowlyandlovingly.Hesnothurrying
atanypoint,andhesnothesitatingreally,either.
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WhenitcomestimeforhimtomakehisBigMove,hemakessurehegivesher
somuchteasingforeplaythatsheistheonewhowantstoripoffherclothessohecan
bangher.Henevertoucheshervaginauntilshespracticallybeggingforit.TheAlpha
Manisalsothelastonetoundressortocome,becauseheknowsthatifhecan
pleasureherenoughfirst,hesguaranteedtohavehisfun.Sokeepyourcockoutof
sightuntilyoureinthehomestretch.
Seethedifferenceinthemindsethere?Youattendtoherenoughthatsex
becomesagiven.Moveconfidentlyforward.Andifyouarestoppedalongtheway
becauseshesnotsureorshesscared,youjustgiveherasincerereassuring
complimentaboutherbodyandmovebacktokissing.Thenyoumoveforwardagain.
Dontgetintoanydiscussionsatthispoint,likejustifyingwhysheshould,or
aboutyourfeelingsforher.Justkeepitmostlyphysicalwithsomeoccasional
reassurances.Logicwillnotworkhere,onlypassion.
ALPHATACTIC:
Inevitably,whenawomangetsaroused,shellgettoapointwhereshehasto
pee.Ifyouvebeenfoolingaroundonthecouchforawhile,shellneedtotakeabreak,
andyoucanevenbetheonetosuggestthatyoutakeabreak.
Whenshegetsoutofthebathroom,bewaitingforherwithaglassofwater.(Not
rightinfrontofthebathroom,butcloseby,awayfromwhereyouwerejustgettinghot
witheachother.)Thisgetsherrefreshedandshowssomegoodthinkingonyourpart.
Whenshesdrinkingit,sliparoundbehindherandstartkissingherfrombehind.Kiss
herneckandback,rubhershoulders,runyourhandsoverherhips,andsoon.Then,
slowlystarttoworkunderherclothing.Runyourhandsupherstomachtoherbreasts,
andcaressthem.Undoherbrasothatyoucangetyourhandsintherewithouttoo
muchobstruction.Then,moveyourhandsdowntoherbutt.Avoidsqueezing,andjust
rubandcaress.Moveyourhandsaroundfrontandstartteasingaroundherpussy.
Then,aftershesrespondingtothis,starttoundressherpantsorskirtorwhatevershes
wearing.
Afterjustalittlewhileofthis,youshouldbeabletogethercompletely
undressed.Andatthatpoint,shellbeturningaroundtohelpyououtofyourclothes.
Takeherbythehand,myAlphaManfriend,tothePromisedLand
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DefuseYourEnemies
OneoftheessentialskillsforAlphaMen(especiallyhumans)isthattheyknow
howtoavoidthelossoftheirstatus.Thislosscancomeinmanyforms:
- DeathMostprominentintheanimalkingdom
- EmasculationThelossofyourmanhoodintheeyesofyour
socialgroupcanbeasdamningasdeathinsomecultures.This
issocialhumiliation.
- Lossofself-respectanddignityYourownself-imageis
priceless,andyoumustprotectitatallcosts.Youcannotdoubt
yourself.
- LossofpossessionsorincomeYourproviderstatusis
measureddirectlyagainstyourabilitytoearnandsupporta
family.Thisdoesntmeanyouhavetoberichorgiveawoman
moneyandgifts,butyouhavetobeabletoconsistently
demonstrateyourpotential.
- LossofpowerandstatusYoumustmakesurethatyour
powerismaintained.Therearemanypeople(menandwomen)
whowilltrytostealthisfromyoutobuildtheirownsenseofself-
esteemorpower,andyoumusthavetherightstrategiestodeal
withthem.
Youhavetohaveastrategytodealwiththepeoplewhotrytostripyouofyour
power.Oneoftheonesyoullencountermostfrequentlyisthe
Cockblocker
Theseguys(andgirls)arethenewenemyoftheAlphaMan.Theyrepresentan
obstacletoaguywhoislookingtogetwithawoman,andthereforetheyarethe
modernequivalentofthefightfordominanceinatribeorpack.Usually,themalethat
proveshisdominanceandsuperioritygetstomatewiththemostfemales.Heusually
fightsthereigningdominantmaleforhisposition,demonstrateshissuperiorgenetics,
anddefeatshimincombatforhisrole.Thiscanbeseeneveninhistorywherethe
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commandingforcesofavictoriousinvasionrapedthewomenintheirnewconquest,
evengoingsofarastokillotherchildrenbornofthementheydefeated.Humanitycan
bejustasbrutalasintheanimalkingdom.
Intodaysworld,thisisthankfullynotthenorm.Theworstyouhavetodealwith
isapossiblefistfightorshovingmatch,butmorethanlikelyyoulljusthavetohandlea
guywhowantsafemaleforhimselfandwilltrytodemonstratehisdominanceverbally,
orbyblockingyourattemptstogether.
Theonlytechniquetoeffectivelyhandlethissituationistodefusethesituation
withyourwitsbyusingyoursenseofhumor.
AsIstatedbefore,todaysAlphaManisntdefinedbyhisuseofstrengthand
bruteforceasheoncehadto.Now,morethanever,youhavetobeclevertosurvivein
thesinglesjungle.Infact,yoursmartswilldefineyouasanAlphamorethanyourability
tophysicallyoverpoweranotherman.Thatswhyunderstandingtheseadvanced
strategieswillgiveyoutentimesmoresuccessthanjustkillingoffthecompetition.
Now,menarenttheonlyonesthatwilltrytoblockyoursuccesswithwomen.
Therearealotofwomenwhowilldothesame,outofjealousyandinsecurity,mostly.
Womenareverycompetitivewithotherwomenfortheaffectionsofmen.Whenyouare
obviouslyinterestedinawoman,hergirlfriendmayattempttoruinyourgame,
especiallyifshethinksyouhaventpaidthetollwithenoughattentiontoher.
(Note:Whenawomangoesouttomeetmen,orputsherselfinasituationto
meetothermen,shewillnotgowithawomanthatshefindsthreateningoranyserious
competitiontoherself.)
Therearealsounintentionalcockblockers,andtheremotecockblockerslike
cellphonecallsshegetsoverthecourseofthenight.
Sohowdoyouevadeanddefusethesecockblockerswhentheyappear?
First,thewomen.
Womenarenotoriousforruiningagoodseduction.Whathappensisthattheguy
opensasetofwomen,maybewithawingman,andtheyallenjoysomegoodflirting.
Sometimestheotherfriendisanuglychick,butinanycase,youhavetoavoidthe
inevitable.Yousee,thehotchickyourelookingtomackisgoingtofeelguiltyandvery
self-consciousthatherfriendiswatchinghergetsomeaction,andshesnotgoingto
justditchherfriend.
Youhavetodisarmthecockblockingchickbeforeshetrashesyourgame.Heres
howitsdone:
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YOU:(talkingtothecockblockerchick)Hey!Kathy?(Obviously,youhaveno
ideawhatthisgirlsnameis)
Cockblocker:Uh,no.
YOU:Oh,I'msorry,youjustlooksomuchlikeKathy,mybuddyJohnsex-
girlfriend.
Cockblocker:Really?
YOU:Yeah,infact,it'stoobadhe'snothererightnow.He'dbealloveryou.He's
oneofthoseguyswhoalwaysseemstodatethesametypeofwoman,youknow?
Cockblocker:Yeah,sure!(maybesmilingandgiggling)
YOU:Johnsoneofthoseguys.He'sreallygood-lookingandthesewomenare
alwaysafterhim,andthegirlshedatesalwayshavethesamelook.(Giveheraglance
upanddownasifyouapprove.)
Cockblocker:(Thinkingthatyoureflatteringher,shesprobablylooseningup)
YOU:So...whatkindofguysdoyougofor?
Cockblocker:Tall/short/blonde/blackhair,whatevershesays
YOU:(looksurprised)Oh,wow,thatsoundsjustlikeJohn!Exceptforthesmart
part!(laughs)Idefinitelyneedtointroducethetwoofyou.Whydontyougivemeyour
numberandIcangetittohim.
Cockblocker:(givesyouherphonenumber.Thisshouldtakesomeofthewind
outofher.)
Youthenturnyourattentiontothechickyouwereoriginallyinterestedin.
Thisapproachworksbestwhentheotherchickisnotsohot,lessthan7onthe
10scale.Whathappensisthatshenowneedstostayonyourgoodsidetogetashot
atJohn,sincesheprobablyisntgettingalotofactionherself.Youreholdingherfate
withhim,soshehastobenice.
(Also,bygettingthisgirlsphonenumber,thehotchicksheswithwillalsobe
morelikelytogiveyouherswhenthetimecomes.)
Later,ifyouhavetoactuallytellthecockblockingchicksomethingbecauseshe
wantstomeetJohn,justsaythatJohnfoundsomeothergalinthemeantime,butyoull
keepaneyeoutforher.
Now,ifyouarecockblockedbyanotherguy(sometimescalledanAMOG
AlphaMaleOtherGuy)whoiseitherpissedthatyoureinhispond,orhejustwantsthe
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samechickyoudo,hereshowyouhandlethatsituation:
First,rememberthatthebesttacticyoucanuseistobeextremelynicetothe
assholewhostryingtoscamyouraction.Forthesimplereasonthatifyoutrytoscare
orpushthisguyoff,yourtargetisgoingtosmellyourinterestcomingontoostrong.She
nowhastheupperhandbecauseyouvegivenupyourintentionrightoffthebat.Notto
mention,anynegativeactions(likegettingphysicalorturningintoameanasshole)on
yourpartwillalwaysdiminishyourvalueinhereyes.Niceguysdontgetlaid,butmean
andnastyguysareimmediatelydisqualified.Nothingisabiggerturnofftoawoman
thanaguywhoisactinglikeadick.
Soyouhavetotakeasimilarapproachwithmen.Rememberthissaying:
Keepyourfriendscloseandyourenemiescloser.
Youmustpullthisguyintotheconversationandlowerhiminhereyes.Lookfor
anyandeveryopportunitytoone-uphimwithoutlookinglikeitsacontest.Subtledigs
workwell.Forexample:
Cockblocker:IhavethisreallygreatHarleyatmyhouse.Itsovertwentyyears
old.(Obviouslytryingtoimpressherwiththis.)
YOU:Wow,thatssototallycool.Ihadthisfriendwhowasinahorrible
motorcycleaccidentlastyearandlosthisleg.Hewipedoutonacurveandjust
shreddedhislegbelowtheknee.(TurntotheBabe)Yeah,whatdoyouthinkabout
motorcycles?
Babe:Theyresortacool.ButIprefersportscars,likeFerraris.
YOU:Exactly!Yourerightonaboutthat.HaveyouseenthelatestFerrari360
GT?Doyouknowhowfastthatthinggoes?(Looklikeyoureaskingbothofthem,but
turnyourattentiontoher.)
See?Youjusttakewhateverhesays,pushittotheside,andtakeitsplacewith
yourownbettertopic.Andmakesureyoudontmakeanystatementsthatcouldsink
you.Inthatlastexample,youaskherwhatshethinksaboutmotorcyclesbeforegoing
onaboutthathorribleaccident.Sinceshesaidshedoesthinktheyresortacool,you
deflectthisandfollowhersportscarlead.Ifshelovesmotorcycles,youmovebackinto
aquestionaboutcyclesinstead.
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Trustme,afterabouttenminutesofthis,whereyouareusinggenuinerapport-
buildingskillsonher,andcockblockeridiotcantkeepinthegame,hellbackdownand
crawlaway,histailbetweenhislegs.
Youout-Alphatheseguysbymanipulatingtheconversationtokeepyou(and
her)inthespotlight,andyouavoidappearingthatyouredoingthistothem.Ifyoucan
keepupthebanter,youlleasilycockblockhimrightback.
HecklersDance
(NOTE:Advancedtactic)
AnotherwayistodowhatIcalltheHecklersDanceonanyguysthatare
alreadyhittingonyourpossibletargets.
Youreinasituationwheretheresaguythatcouldgetthechickyouwantifyou
donttakesomeaction.Whatyouneedtodoaspartofthisstrategyisstarttoinsulthim
inawaythatthechickwillfindfunny(butnottoomean!)andthenbackoffwhenthe
guystartstogetangryordefensive.Youbefriendhimanddemonstratewithyoureyes
orthewayyouwiggleyournoseatthechickthatyouaremessingwiththisguy.Sothe
objectiveistodancebackandforthwiththecockblockerwhiledemonstratingyour
controlofthesituationwiththeBabe.
Thisisacomplicatedscenario,soheresanexample:
Youwalkintoabarandtheresagroupofhotgirlstalkingtoacoupleofguys.
Youuseoneofyoursetopenersandgetintotheconversation.Yougetsomebuying
signalsfromoneofthegirls,butitsobviousthatoneoftheotherguysiseitherthere
withherorishittingonher.Maybeheruglyfriendsetherup,whatever,youdontcare.
Heresanexampleoftheconversation:
YOU:Hey,dude,(talkingtothecockblocker)thatsacoolshirt.Ihadoneof
themafewyearsago.Wheredyougetit?
HIM:Uh,Idontremember.
YOU:Isthatsilk?(Youreachinandtouchit,thenyoulookdisappointed.)Oh,
okay,itsnot.
HIM:Ithinkitis
YOU:(Shrugging.)Yeah,anyway.(Resumetalkingtothewoman.)
364
LATER
YOU:SowasthatyoudrivingthatlittleToyotacarIsawoutfront?Theone
thatspartelectric?
HIM:No.IdriveaCorvette.Itstheredonewith-
YOU:Areyousurethatwasntyourcar?Ithadthosefuzzydiceandshinyrims.
Itsactuallyniceforatinycar.Probablygetabout80milestothegallon,huh?
HIM:NO,IvegotaVette,man!
YOU:(Laughingandwavingyourhandsathim.)Whoah,itsokay,dude!No
onesinsultingyourCorvette.Whatcoloristhathotsportscarofyours?(Proceedingto
shoottheshitandtalkaboutenginesforawhile.Thiswillcoolhimbackoff.)
Now,afterawhile,youregoingtohavetokeepslippinginsubtleindicationsthat
youvegotthisguysgame,buthesgoingtogetalittlepeevedonceinawhile.Thats
howyouknowyoureout-Alpha-inghim.Youthencalmhimdownagain.
HIM:Man,stopmakingfunofme!
YOU:Hey,itsokay,man.Ilikeyou!Yourelikeabigteddybear.Youremind
meofmykidbrother.(Givehimaone-armhug,andwaitforanindicationthathes
cooledoffagainandfeelsdumbaboutgettingirate.)
YOU:Butdontgetanycrazyideasthere,okay?(Wink.)Inoticedyouhadyour
eyeonmybuttalittlewhileago.Thatsokay.Imnotoffended.
Remembertogetover-friendlywithyourstepsbackin.Whenyougotoregain
thefriendlyairwithhim,youhaveseemalmosttoofriendly,enoughsothatthewomen
pickuponthis,buthejustthinksyourebeingaswellguy.Giveherafewglancesfrom
timetotimetoletherknowthatyourefuckingwithhim.Slipinawinkatherthathe
cantsee.
Youllknowyourepullingthisoffsuccessfullywhenhestartstryingtobefriend
youbecauseheseesthathisactionisslippingandthewomenarestartingtopullfor
you.Helltrytogetonyourgoodgracesbyflatteringyouorbuyingyoudrinks.You
havetowatchout,becausehewilltrytoscrewyourightbackatthefirstchancehe
gets.Hemayevengototheotherendofthespectrumandlosehiscool,whichmakes
youlookevenbetter.Allyouhavetodoisappeasehimagainandpayhimasmall
complimentthathewillbelieve,butshewillseeasbeingalittlepatronizing.
365
Remember,thisisanadvancedstrategy.Youhavetohaveyourshittogetherto
pullthisoff,oryoumightfindyourselfinaseriouslycompromisedposition.Hemightcall
youonyourinsultsandthenyoucouldfindyourselfinthealleyfightingwithsomeguy
whojustgotoutofthestatepenitentiarythatmorning.Youvegottoridetheknifes
edgebetweeninsultanddefusingtheinsultwithanattitudeofImjustfuckingwithyou!
Relax,dude!Youhavetobackoffattherighttime,andevengivefakeapologiesfrom
timetotimetoseemlikeyourenotbaitinghimtoohard.
Butifyoupullitoff,itworkslikeachamp.Hewilllooklikeaprickbecausehes
gettingallangryanduptightwhileyourejusthavingalittlefun.Andthewomenwillsee
this,too.Intheend,helllookliketheassholeandyoullcomeoutsmellinglikearose.
366
TameYourDemons
Firstofall,letmetellyouthatIveneverdonemuchinthewayofrecreational
realityalteringotherwiseknownasdrugs.IguessIwasafraidoftheconsequences
morethananythingelse.Imnotjudginganyonethatusesanydrugs;itsjustthatIve
neverfoundmuchuseforthem.Realityischallengingenough.NorhaveIeverwanted
tobeenslavedbyanothersubstance.
However,Ivealwayshadagoodhandleonmygoodfriend,Mr.Booze.Weve
gonebackalongway,andIvelearnedhowtohandlealcoholinallitsforms.Luckilyfor
me,drinkinghasneverbeenaproblem.Idrink,Igetdrunk,Ifalldown.Noproblem.
No,seriously,folks,Iveneverhadanyrealalcoholicinclinations.Iveneverfelt
theneedtodrinkheavily,oreventodrinkeveryday.Imatthepointinmylifenow
wheredrinkingissocialonlyandlimited.(Ivefoundthatathletictrainingalsoreduces
yourdesire.)
Theresasaying:Betterthedevilyouknowthanthedevilyoudontknow.Well,
Ivestucktojustalcoholbecausethatsmyfavoritedemon,andIknowexactlyhowhe
worksandhowtomanagehim.Ithinkthesecretistochooseyourdemonswell,
becauseeverymanhasoneortwoinhislife.
Mypointhereisthatyoushouldwatchoutforthenegativeaffectsofalcoholand
anythingelsethatyoufinddifficulttocontrolinyourlife.Andthisisevenmore
applicabletomenwhoarestrivingtoachieveamorebalancedsenseofthemselves
andareaimingfortheAlphaMangoalsImputtingforthinthisbook.Thereisabigtrap
intheuseofalcoholasamethodtoreduceyourinhibitions.IcallthistheLiquidBalls
problem.
Therearemanypeople(maleandfemale)whoclaimthattheyareonlyableto
havefunorrelaxaftertheyvehadacoupledrinks.Thereareevenmanymoreguys
whocanonlyseemtoworkuptheircouragetoapproachandtalktowomeniftheyve
hadafew.Iusedtocallthiskindofdrinkingliquidballs.Thisisthedistortedbeliefthat
thebeerormixeddrinksarewhatyouneedtoletgoofyourfearofrejection.Itdoes
workinalotofcases.Theproblemiswhenitbecomesacrutch.
Wheneverwefailtodosomethingthatwewanttodoorknowweshoulddofor
ourbenefit,itsalwaysoneemotioncallingtheshots:FEAR.
Feargrindsyourlifetoahaltandincapacitatesyou.Then,toavoidthepainand
psychologicaldissonancethatthiscreates,youstarttomakeupillusionsandexcuses
astowhyyouredoingwhatyouredoing,sothatyoudonthavetofeelbadaboutthe
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failure.Noonewantstofeelbadabouthimorherself,sowehavetomakeitallrightin
ourminds.
Unfortunately,thisoftenparalyzesussothatwesetourselvesupforlearned
helplessness.
Wegiveup,tryingtoavoidthe(perceived)painoffailure.
Wegiveuptryingtomakeourlivesbetter,becausethecomfortofthe
presentbecomesmoreimportantthanthepossiblepleasureofthefuture.
Wejustplaingiveup.Notjustonlife,butonliving.
Webecomeaddictedtoavoidingpain.
Thatlastoneisoneyoushouldreallywatchoutfor,becausethisisverycloseto
theaddictiontocomfort,andthatdesirewillsabotageallsuccessyoumightwantfrom
life.Nogreatsuccesscomeswithoutdiscomfort,andavoidingthatpainwillloweryouto
BetaGuystatusfasterthanyoucanimagine.
Sowatchoutforyouraddictions,andanyofthedemonsthatmaycomeintoyour
life.Itsnotjustalcohol.Itscocaine,heroin,meth,ecstasy,andanyofthenewdesigner
drugsthatcomeouteveryyear.Itsalsotelevision,rage,bigotry,overeating,sexism,
andgambling.Weallhaveourdemons,andwemaynevergetridofthemcompletely,
butweshouldknowhowtocontrolthemandkeepthemfromhurtingus.
Useyourrisk/rewardability.Lookatthebenefitsyoureceivefromyouractions,
andaskyourselfiftheyreinproportiontothepainthatyouinduce.
Dontwaitforaninterventionthatmaynevercome.
368
WhatsYourMission?
Forthelasttenyears,Ihaveputmymissionstatementonmyresume.A
missionstatement?youask.Isntthatforcompanies?
Companiesusethem,andunfortunately,companiesabusethem.
Faceit,corporationshaveturnedtheconceptoftheMissionStatementinto
somethingofaclich,ajokeofsome1980smanagementfad.EvenDilbert,the
cartoonbyScottAdams,usedtohaveanonlinemissionstatementgeneratorthatused
atonofthosecorporatetermsthatyouhatetohearoruseandtiedthemtogether
randomly:
o Tochallengeouremployeesandourshareholders
o Byproactivelypursuingexcellence
o Andestablishingaforward-thinkingparadigm
o Whilethinkingoutsidethebox
o Blah,blah,blah
Thepremiseisactuallyquitesound,though.Asthesayinggoes,ifyoudont
standforsomething,youllfallforanything.Andmostpeopledontrealizethata
corporationisacompletelyautonomouslegalentity,meaningthatevenifallthe
employeesweretoquitordisappear,thecompanywouldstillexistaslongasthere
werestockowners.Withoutastatementofpurpose,itcouldgetverydifficultforallthe
employeestostayontrack.
Thesamethingappliestoourlives.
Youneedapurposeinyourlife,somethingthatyoucanliveby.Acode,ifyou
will.
Youshouldsitdownandwriteupyourownmissionstatement.Somethingthat
capturesyourpurposehereonPlanetEarth.Justkeepitshortandto-the-point.
Itsbeensaidthatthelongeracompanysmissionstatement,thelesslikelyitis
tobesuccessful.Itendtoagree.Thesameappliestoyourownmissionstatement
Whenyouvegotastatementyoucanbelievein(anditwilltakeseveralrevisions
togetthisright),commitittomemoryandkeepitonacardinyourwallet.Reviewit
whenyoufindyourselfinaslumporlackingmotivation.
369
Rememberthatyoureinyourlifeforthelonghaul,andyouownit.Youcant
tradeitinorsellit.Youcanonlymakeitthebestyoupossiblycan.
370
AlphaTraitReview
TherearealotofcharacteristicsofAlphaMen,andmanyprobablyslipbyyou
eachdaywithoutnotice.WhatImgoingtodoispointoutsomeofthetraitsyoumay
havenoticedseemtocorrespondtomenwhoaredominant,andgiveyousome
explanationastowhywomenfindthemattractive.
ThisiswhywomenthinkthewaytheydoaboutAlphaMen:
- Tattoos:Theuseofbodymarkingsasadefiningtraitofwarriorsgoesback
severalthousandyears.Tattoosarestillpopularasawayofshowingthatyou
canA)handlepain,andB)havethegutstomakeastatementwithbodyart.Just
rememberthattheyarerelativelypermanent,sochooseonewisely.
- BodyPiercing:Yetanotherwayofmarkingthebodyforphysicaladornment.
Piercinghasthebenefitofbeingmuchlessdrasticintermsofpermanence.A
holewillusuallyheal.Itsanotherwayofsayingthatyouarentafraidtostandout
inacrowd.
- Gangmembership:Gangsfulfillalargepartoftheaffiliationdriveofmen,to
becomeapartofsomelargergroup,aswellasfeeltheacceptanceofourpeers.
Findingagrouporgroupsthatyoucanparticipateinisahealthyandimportant
partofbeingaman.Groupsthatyoucanleadareevenbettertodemonstrate
yourAlphaManPower.
- Sports:Astheysay,sportingeventsarereallynothingmorethanlegalized,non-
deadlywarfare.Guyslikesports.Itdoesntmatterwhich(Iwilldrawthelineat
badmintonorsynchronizedswimming)sportyoulike,butyoushouldfindone
thatbringsoutsomehealthymalecompetitioninyou.NiceGuysareafraidto
compete.AlphaMenthriveonit.
- Wealth:Amansfinancialstatusindicateshisoverallabilitytoprovidefora
woman.Upuntilrecenttimes,awomansfuturewasdeterminedsolelybythe
manshechosetomarryandstaywith.Nowthatwomencanaccumulatewealth
aswellasanyman,amanhastofindmorewaystodemonstratehisown
commandofhismoney.Aswespokeaboutearlier,youmusteducateyourself
371
abouthowmoneyandinvestingworks.
- Physicalsize:Again,aswithwealth,awomancouldseehowsturdyamanwas,
generallyindicatinghisgeneticstrength.Alargephysicalpresenceusually
equatedtoamanwhowasmostcapableofprovidingandprotectingher.She
stillequatesthisfeaturewithamanthatshefeelssecurewith.Womendonot
needamantobeburlyandhuge,buttheywantonethatisinverygoodphysical
shape.
- Fame/Popularity:Notmanymenrealizethis,buttheAlphaManstatusisalso
heavilyinfluencedbyfactorsotherthanpurephysicaldomination.Amanwho
cannegotiateandemployhiscunningsocialskillsishighlyvaluedbywomen
andothermen.Fameandpopularityindicateamansoverallsocialabilities.
Theyalsoindicatehisownsecuritywithhimself,sinceinsecuremenareusually
notverywellestablishedinasocialcircle.
- Patience/Attitude:Again,womencanfigureoutalltheyneedtoknowaboutyou
byyourattitudetowardslife.Themoststablemenouttherehaveagoodsense
ofself-confidence,andthebadguysareimpatientandreekofanagenda.
Amansconfidenceisthesamethingtoawomanthatawomanslooksaretoa
man.Whatsinsideyouiswhatreallyattractsawoman.Butsheonlyseeswhatsinside
youbasedonhowyouactontheoutside.Sotakeacloselookatyouractionsandyour
outsideworldandthinkaboutwhatthatiscommunicatingtoher.
372
Self-Development
Mostguysdonotwanttoputintheeffortnecessarytomakethelivestheywant.
Ittakeswork.Anditisinhumannaturetoavoidwork.
Butthinkaboutitforamoment.
Whatelsedowehavetododuringourlivesbutwork?
Ilearnedawhilebackthatthemostfulfillingthinginlifeistodosomuchduring
yourdaythatyoufalldeadtosleepwhenyougotobedatnight.Thatsaboutthemost
accuratebarometerofself-fulfillmentIhavebeenabletofind.Becauseifyouhave
troublefallingasleepatnight,thatgenerallymeansthatyouareprobablyspending
moretimethinkingthandoing.Youretooidle.
Ifyouworkatyourlife,puttingasideallourpettyself-concerns,weeventually
findsomethingworthdoingthattakesourmindsoffourselves.
AndthatistheidealstateofmindoftheAlphaMan.
ALPHASTRATEGY:
Oneofthemosteffectivemethodsofchangeformehasbeenputtingthingsin
writing.ThisincludesnotonlythegoalsImshootingfor,buteveryotherbehavioryou
needtokeepacriticaleyeon.
Youneedtokeepajournal.Thisjournalwillcontainallvitaleventsregarding
yourexperience.Trytokeepitfact-based(notfeelingsbased,thoughyoucanalso
makeanoteofthoseemotionalsituationsifyoucanusetheinformationasamotivation
forchange.)Makenotesaboutdates,seductions,failures,successes,andsetatime
eachweektoreviewtheinformation.
Nextstep:Afteryoudothereview,youmustplannewactions.Thesearethe
thingsyouwillplantodointhecomingweektochangetheresultsyougot.Youwanto
improveforthenexttime.
Forexample,ifyouwentouttothreebarsinthepreviousweek,gottwelvephone
numbers,andgotshotdownonallofthembecauseyoudidntreallyestablishrapport
withthesewomen,youmustnowplanachangesothatyougetdifferentresults.
(Someoneoncesaidthatinsanityisdoingthesamethingsoverandoverwhile
expectingdifferentresults.)
373
Everyweekyouhavetoplanthetimetositdownandreviewthisstuff.Make
sureyoutakeyourownself-improvementunderyourcontrol.
AnotherstrategyistobuildintimetolistentoupliftingandpositivetapesorCDs
everyweek(preferablyeverysingleday,ifyoucanfindthetime.)Iboughtabunchof
tapesfromNightingale-Conantmanyyearsback,andtheyarethesinglemostimportant
factorinmypersonaldevelopment.Iovercamenegativethinking,anger,andsomany
otherobstaclesafterIstartedtolistentorealachieverstalkaboutthewaystomake
thesechangesinmylife.Nothinghashadabetteraffectonmylife.
Youcantgetenoughofthisstuff,andIurgeyoutofindapositiveflowofthisin
yourownlifestyle.Television,newspapers,andthepopularmediaarehappytotellyou
allaboutwhowaskilledtoday,andwhatgreattragediesaregoingonintheworld,but
theyllnevertellyouabouttheupliftingstoriesofhopeandhappiness,orhowtomake
yourselfabetterperson.Youactuallyhavetoworktofindthatinformation,butitsout
therejustthesame.
ThewayIlookatit,Imheretoliveforaboutthesameamountoftimeasmost
everyoneelse.IllbedamnedifImgoingtospenditinapoolofnegativityandself-pity.
Myattitudeisalwaysundermycontrol.
Andguesswhichattitudeismostattractivetowomen?
Note:Guystendtogetreallyhunguponfindingoutwhysomethinghappened,
orthereasonsforit.Weseemtohaveaninnateneedtounderstandthecausesfor
things,andthisoftentripsusup.
Awholebunchofanalysisandtherapymay(eventually)tellyouwhyyoudo
somethingorfeelcertainemotions,butonlyyoucanchangethem.Thishasnt
changedinthefewthousandyearsofcivilization,andisntlikelytochangeinthenext
few.Acceptthisquicklysothatyoudontwasteyourtimeonthefruitlesssearchforthe
reasonswhy.
Theonlythingintheworldthatreallymattersisgettingtheresultsyouwant.
ThisiswhatIrefertotheTherapistTrap.Webecomesocaughtupinthewhy
thatwefailtoseethatitdoesntreallymatterwhy.Wesometimesthingthatknowing
whywillallowustosimplystopdoingonething,orstartdoinganother.Onceweknow
whywedidit,welljustgo,Oh,thatswhy.Well,nowIlldothisinstead.
374
Dontgoforthistrap.Theonlythingthatmattersismakingthechangestodo
whatyouneedtodo.Chasingthereasonswhyisnotgoingtogetyouresults.
375
TheMeaningOfLife
Yes,ImanagedtofigurethemeaningoflifeoutwhileIwaswritingthisbook.
Nicelittlebenefitforallmyhardwork,dontyouthink?
Oh,Iknow,youredyingtoknowwhatitis,arentyou?Yourejustsittingonthe
edgeofyourchair,finallythrilledtofindtheanswertowhywereallhere.
ThesimplestexplanationIeverheardforthemeaningoflifecamefromoddly
enoughthecableshowTheSopranos.Itwasoneofthosethingsthatcouldhave
slippedbyunnoticed(andprobablydidslipbymostpeople)butIhappenedtocatchit,
anditseemstometomakethemostsenseofanydefinitionIveeverheard:
Lifeiseasysomeofthetime,andmostothertimesitsprettytough.Amancopeswith
thegoodandthebadtimes,andhetakeshispleasureswherehecan.
Ialsoheardthislineinamovie:
Anythingworthdoinginlifewillnotbeeasy.
Thatsnotwhatyouwereexpecting,huh?Youwantedsomethingmore
spectacular,like:Youareallmeanttobegoodtoeachother,orPrayeveryday,or
Raiseyourchildrenwell.
Thefactis,thereareasmanymeaningsoflifeastherearepeople.Your
meaningwilldifferwidelyfrommine.Orfromanyoneelses,forthatmatter.
Youdecideyourownmeaning.Youhavetoputyourfootdownanddecidewhat
yourlifeisabout.Andthenlivethatlifeasifitsallyouvegot.
Because,quitefrankly,thislifeisallyouvegot.
Mostmen(andwomen)livetheirlivesincompleteignoranceoftheirown
personalmeaning,mostlybecausetheyweretooafraidtochoosesomethingandstick
376
withit.Theyweremoreafraidofmakingthewrongdecision,andsotheymakeno
decision.
Sowhatsthemostimportantthinginlife?
Theanswerisntimportanttoanyoneelse,becausethereisntjustoneright
answer.
Whatsimportantisthatyouhaveananswer.
377
TheAlphaManCode
Iwantyoutomemorizethislistofaffirmations,andthenIwantyoutoaddtoit.
Thesearebasicallypronouncementsofyourpower,andtheywillreachyourthoughtsat
asubconsciouslevelifyoutakethetimeandefforttoimbedtheminyourmind.
Thefirststepismemorization.Thesecondstepisanchoringthemtoyourhighly
chargedpositiveemotionalstate.Thelaststepisrecitingthemregularlyenoughthat
theyreachyoursubconscious.
Thisisyourcode.Liveit.
1. Imakenoexcusesformyselfasaman,andImINNOCENT,notguilty
2. Everyweekofmylifeisanexciting,action-packedadventure.
3. Thereisnowomanalivewhocanresistmycharmandcharisma.
4. Myconfidenceisunstoppable
5. IhavethepowerandthepassiontomakemylifewhatIwill.
6. Iact.Idontre-act.
7. Icontrolmyemotionseveryminuteofeveryday.
8. Iamnotintimidatedbyanyone.
9. IactswiftlytogetwhatIwantfromlife.Hewhohesitatesislost.
10. Fearisthemind-killer.Iwillusemyfearaspower.
11. Iworkeverydaytoimprovemyself,learn,andbecomemorepowerful.
12. Ilivemylifebymyowncodeofhonor.
13. Myactionsmirrormybeliefscongruently.
14. Imapowerfulcommunicator.
15. Ineverapologizeformyself.
378
YouKnowYoureAnAlphaWhen
HerearesomeindicationsthatyouregettingyourAlphaAttitudeintheright
direction.ThesearesomeoftheprimarysignalsofAlphathinking,andwhenyoufind
thishappeningmoreandmoreoften,youllknowyoureontherighttrack.
- Youforgettocallwomen,ortheyslipthroughthecracks.
Yes,itwillhappen.Eventually,youllhavesomuchactivityinyoursocialandsex
lifethatwomenandfriendswilloccasionallybeforgotteninthemix.Itsjustyour
crazysocialschedule,andthatsallthereistoit.Itsbettertohavetoomany
thingstodoandmissafew,thantoofewactivitiesanddothemall.Imnot
sayingthatyouneglectyourfriends,butifyouwanttoexperiencealifeof
abundance,youhavetobewillingtoletafewthingsslipfromtimetotime.
- Younolongerreacttotheactionsofothermenorwomenwithoutpausing
andstrategizing.
Everymanhastolearntoplaceapausebetweenstimulusandresponse.You
havetothinkbeforeyouact.ThatstypicallythemarkofamatureAlphaMan.
- Yoursex-driveincreases,andyourmasturbationdecreases.
Thatsright,thosesoloadventuresyouhavewithRosiePalmandherFiveBlister
Sisterswillbecomeathingofthepast.Youllactuallyhavelessincentiveto
masturbatewhenyouvegotanactivesexuallife,becauseitssomuchmore
fulfillingwithawomanthanallbyyourself.Infact,youllmisstheoccasional
choke-your-chickensession.Itwillseemlikeanindulgenceaspecialtimefor
youtocatchuponoldtimeswithyourfavoritetrouserpal.(Seriously.)
- Youfindyourselfdoingandsayingthingsthatarecontroversial,andnot
caringwhatotherpeoplethinkaboutyou.
Somethingsthatfallintothiscategoryarecallingwomenontheirbullshit,getting
realwithfriendsandfamilyontheirbehavior,andformingyourownopinions.
Youllstarttofindyourselftakingastandonissues,andbeingwillingtoexpress
disagreementwithoutbeingdefensiveorinsecure.Youllbeabletodefinewhat
yourcodeofhonoris,andstandbyit.
- Yourecognizethewimpybehaviorsofothermen,andcringetothinkthat
youonceactedthisway.
Yes,itwillbeembarrassing,butyoullstarttoidentifythethingsyouusedtodo
379
wrong,andyoullseeitinyourfriendsbehaviors,too.
Thetrickhereistonotbecometoodogmaticaboutyournewfoundawareness.
Dontgetpreachytoyourguyfriends.(Thisistoomuchlikebragging.)Just
demonstratethesuccesstheywishtheywerehaving,andwhentheywantto
knowaboutit,theyllask.Iftheyrenotready,theywontbeabletounderstandor
learnanyway.Whenthestudentisready,theteacherappears.
- Youturndownnearlyasmanywomenasyousleepwith.
TheAlphaManischoosy,notpromiscuous.Thetemptationwillbetheretouse
thisabilitytogetlaidallthetime,butarealAlphaknowsthatnotallhiswomen
arefitforthishonor.Youlllearntoejectthewrongwomenasquicklyaspossible
tomakeroomfortherightones.
- Yourgoalsbecomeapriorityforyou.Youfeeldrawntoyourownfutureasa
path.Youfindthatyourmissioninlifebecomesapriority.
- Womenbecomeasecondaryprioritytoyou.
Isaiditearlier,butyoullnoticeadistinctshiftofyourfocuswhenyouachievea
lifeofsexualabundance.Itsaselfreinforcingspiralthatgoeslikethis:
-BoylearnswhatbeinganAlphaManisabout
-Boycorrectshisattitude
-Boygetslaid
-Boygetsmoreconfident
-Boygetslaidagain
-Boyrealizestheresmoretolifethanchasingskirtandgetsotherpassions
-Girlsgetattractedtoboyevenmore
-Boygetslaidallthetime,seeminglywhenhetriestheleastanddoeswhathe
wants
- Youfindmoresuccessineveryareayourlife.
AsaresultoftakingonmoreAlphaManbehaviors,youllfindthatyouwill
becomemoresuccessfulinyourbusinessandprofessionallifeaswell.Thekinds
ofcharacteristicsthatwevereviewedhere,mostlyinthecontextofgettingmore
women,onceintegratedintoyourpersonalitywillalsohavetheside-affectof
bringingyouaddedfinancialandlifesuccessalongtheway.
380
APPENDIXI:HowtoSexHerRight
AQuickGuidetoAdvancedSexualPerformance
Mostguysarentverygoodinbed.Ask100womenandyoullhearthisfromat
least95ofthem.Eventhewomenthatarentverygoodinbedorhaventsleptwitha
guywillanswerthesameway.Itsbecomesomethingofanassumption.
Theresanoldjokethatgoes:
Sexislikepizza.Whenitsgood,itsgood.
Andwhenitsbadwell,itsstillprettygood.
Obviouslythisisaguyjoke,butitjustillustrateshoworgasm-orientedmostguys
arewhenitcomestogettinglaid.Infact,someguysmakeloveliketheyrejust
masturbatingusingawomaninsteadoftheirfist.
Ihaveasecretrulethathasenabledmetogetglowingreviewsfromevery
womanIvesleptwith.Itseasytoremember,andeasytodo,ifyoucanexercisealittle
self-discipline.
Yourkeytobecomingthekindofloverwomenwantinthebedroomisassimple
ofthis:
Giveheratleastoneorgasmbeforeyourcomethefirsttime,andgiveher
onemorethanyougetoverthecourseofthenight.
Thissoundslikeanoversimplification,butIvefoundthatitworksin90%ofall
sexualsituations.Ifyoushiftyourfocustothisdegree,youllfindyourselfpaying
attentiontoherinalltherightways.
Justdontgettoohungupongivingherpleasure.Besuretogetyourownas
well.NiceGuystendtoworrytoomuchabouthowmuchpleasureshegot.Youhaveto
getyours,too.
Now,thatwasaprettygeneralrule.Imgoingtogiveyousomerealsexual
tacticsyoucanuseonawomantoreallydrivehercrazyinbed,andmakesureshe
remembersyouandwantsmore.
381
Makeitcomfortable
Firstofall,takeagoodlookattheenvironmentyoureinwhenyousleepwitha
woman.Areyoujustgettingashotasyoucanonthecouch?Ordoyoutakethetimeto
makeherfeelalittlepamperedandloved?
- Propherupwithpillows:Pillowsareagreatwaytomakehercomfortable,
whereveryoumaybeslippingherthehotone.Youcanusethemtoprop
herup,ortogiveherawaytorestherhead,oraplacetoscreamwhile
yourethrustinglikeawildcat.
- Lightsomecandles:Getridofanyharshlightingandturnonthefire.
Makethemscented,butdontgocrazy.
- Askheronceifshescomfortable:Dontbetooobsessedwithher
situation,butlookatherbodylanguage.Doesshelookfidgety?Isshe
constantlyshifting?Ifitsobvious,justtakeherbythehandandmoveher
toamorecomfortablelocation.
- Havesomewaterready:Sexisthirstywork.Yousweatalot,andyoure
makingout,whichgivesyousomeseriousdry-mouth.Nottomention,
afteryouvegonedowntown,orshesgonedowntown,youwantawayto
freshenup.
UseVarietyattheRightTime
AlotofguysthinkthatdoingeverypossiblepositionfromtheKamaSutra(an
ancientsexmanual)isthewaytopleaseawoman.DefinitelyNOTso.Infact,onlymen
demandthatkindofvarietylateronwhentheyvebeenwithawomanforsometime.
Ifyoulistentothefemalesideofthings,afewcommoncomplaintspopup.They
firstwant:
- SincerityAppeartobeinbedwithher,andnotsomefantasycenterfold
382
- Focus/AttentionKeepyourmindonyourwork
- PaceTakeitslow,theresnotrophyforFirsttoOrgasm
- ReassuranceHoldoffonthedirtytalkuntilafteryougiveherafew
yourbodyturnsmeoncompliments
- Foreplay,foreplay,foreplayGetherhotfirst,thenpokehercoals
Shewillnormallynotcomplainaboutalittlevariety,either,butitmustcomeat
therighttimeandintherightamount.
Generallyspeaking,waituntilthethirdorfourthsexdatebeforeyoustartflipping
herover,puttingherlegsbehindherhead,andpullouttheeighteen-inchglowingdildo
withanaltickler.Infact,Isuggestyouholdoffonthedildountilmuchlater.Fornow,
youshouldjustgentlymakeadjustmentsinyoursexualpositions.
Rememberthatthedoggie-stylethatwelovesomuchisnotalwaysappreciated
bywomenunlessitssuggestedintherightway.Dontrollheroverwithoutaskingand
thenstartbangingherfrombehind,usingherhairlikeahorsesmane.Youcangether
frombehindifyoumakemanysmalladjustmentstoturnherinthatdirection.Startby
puttingherlegstogether,thenswingingthemtooneside,sothatyourelookingdown
therightorleftsideofherbody.Sheshouldstillbeabletomakeeye-contactwithyou.
Then,whilestillinsideher,youcanjustturnandlaydownbehindher,spoonstyle.After
afewminutesthere,youcanstarttogetbackupandgentlypropheruponherknees.
Ifshedoesntgoverywillingly,orshegetsquiet,gobacktowhereyoulasthadgood
responseandtryagainlater.
Womenconsidersuddenchangesratherimpersonal.Instead,usesomegentle,
coaxingwordstohelpherfeelgoodaboutachange.Youcanusethisphraseformost
anyvariationyouwanttotrywithher:
YOU:(Whispered)Hey,wouldyouliketotrysomethingnew?
ShellusuallyaskWhat?first,orsometimesagreerightaway.Eitherway,you
shouldstillguidehergentlyandletherknowwhereyouregoing.
YOU:(Whispered)Here,turnoverlikethis.
383
APPENDIXII:HowToStayWithAWoman
Ibelievethatdeepdown,mendesiremanysexualpartners.However,wedo
desireeventuallytofindonewomantohaveanintimate,lastingrelationshipwith.As
longasthedecisiontobewithonewomanisnotmadefromastandpointofscarcity
(i.e.,cantdoanybetter,afraidofbeingalone,settling)thisisacompletely
understandablegoalformanyguys.
Ipersonallybelievethatamancanstaywithawomanif:
- Shechallengeshim
- Herespectsher,andsherespectshimequally
- Theybothunderstandtheirgenderroles
- Theyavoidtoomuchfamiliarity
- Canlearntolovethethingstheymightactuallyhateabouteachother
Insimplestterms,Ithinkthelastonesumsitallup,butitsthehardestthingto
understand.Howcanyoulovewhatyouhateaboutsomebody?
Thinkaboutyourfriendsforaminute.Theyrenotperfect.Norisanyoneinyour
familyforthatmatter.Everyonehasflaws.Whenwereyoung,wehaveatoughtime
dealingwithotherpeoplesshortcomings.Onlywhenyoubegintomatureinmindand
spiritdoyoufigureoutthatwehavetolikeourfriendsforwhotheyare,notwhowe
mightwantthemtobe.Youlearnthatthethingsthatyoumightnotlikeaboutthemare
whatmakethemdifferentfromyou,andthosedifferencesarenecessary.Thenyou
realize:Holycrap!Theymightfeelthesamewayaboutme!Theremightbethings
aboutmethattheydontlikebuttheyrefriendswithmeanyways.
Whenitcomestolong-termrelationshipswithwomen,menhaveabigchallenge.
Wedesirenovelty,yetthethingsthatwomendothatwedontunderstandweletget
underourskinratherthanjustacceptingthemandmovingon.Everyoneisguiltyof
tryingtochangesomeonetosuitthematonetimeoranother.
Womenarenevergoingtobemen.ThatswhatIlovemostaboutthem.Idont
needagirlfriendwhogetsintoactionmoviesordigsoldHeavyMetalgroups.Ifshe
does,itsabonus,butitsabitunrealistic.
Soyouhavetolearnhowtotakeherflawsandthethingsyoudontlikeabout
herandlearnhowtolovetheminanoddsortofway.No,youllneverfullyunderstand
384
orcareforallofthem,butwhenshesaysshejustneedstotalkorwhenshecries
whilewatchingamoviewithSusanSarandon,thefeelingsthatcomeupinyouwillbe
forgivingratherthan,Oh,#&$%!,herewegoagain.
Nowiftherearetoomanyincompatibilitiesornegativetraits,Isaydumpher
now.Nomanneedsawomanthat:
- Nags
- Criticizesorisnegative
- Hasmajorsexualoremotionalissues
- Playsmanipulativegames
- Cheatsorispromiscuous
- Hasasubstanceabuseproblem
Oranynumberofotherthingsyoumightfindunacceptable.
Butifshesgood,andyoufindadynamicthatworks,youmaywanttoputthe
workinthatittakestokeepittogether,aslongasthatworkdoesntmeansacrificingtoo
muchofyouridentityorself.Youshouldneverhavetochangedrasticallyforany
woman,norshouldshehavetochangedrasticallyforyou.Butalittlechangeisgood,
aslongasitmakesyouabetterpersonalongtheway.
Agoodcaseinpointofwhatmakesarelationshiplastcanbeseeninthelivesof
themenwhowerepartofthemilitaryduringWorldWarII.Thesementooktherisks,
andriskedtheirliveseveryday.Theirwiveshadtolearntolivewiththepossibilitythat
theirhusbandswouldntcomehome,andthereweresomanythatdidnt.Their
marriageslastedbecausetheytrulyunderstoodwhatmatteredandwhatdidnt,and
howtomakethemostofwhatlittletimetheyhad.
Thereisthesayingthatthehardestpotteryisclayfiredinthehottestovens.
Whatistheperceivedvalueofarelationshipthatcouldendatanymoment?That
iswhatthelifeofanAlphaManisabout.Notthatyougoouteverydaywithahigh
probabilityofbeingkilledinanaccident,butwhenyourealizehowfragileandtemporary
lifereallyis,thereminderisjustasvaluable.
Youvaluethetimeyouhavemostwhenyoubelievethatitislimited.
385
APPENDIXIII:REQUIREDALPHAMANLEARNING
MATERIALS
Abigpartofyourlearningprocessentailsobservingmalebehaviorinthewild.
Afterreadingthisbook,younowhaveanunderstandingofwhattheAlphaManislike.
Expandyourlearningbyreadingthesebooksandwatchingthesemoviesforfirst-hand
observation.Soon,youllbeabletotakeanypersonandfigureoutwhethertheyarea
trueAlphaorBeta.
NON-FICTION
TheSeductionMethod:CarlosXuma(availableatwww.seductionmethod.com)
TheDatingBlackBook:CarlosXuma(availableatwww.datingdynamics.com)
The48LawsofPower:RobertGreene
ThePrince:NiccoloMachiavelli
BookofFiveRings:MiyamotoMusashi
TheArtofWar:SunTzu
PullingYourOwnStrings:Dr.WayneW.Dyer
TheLuciferPrinciple:HowardBloomAnessentialexplorationoftheforces
andtherelationshipamonggenetics,humanbehavior,andculture.Afundamentalbook
thatwillchangehowyouthinkaboutevilandthebasicbiologicalurgesofmankind.
ThePowertoInfluence:PaulMcKenna,MichaelBreen.NightingaleConant
Audio.
The10QaualitiesofCharismaticPeople:TonyAlessandra,Ph.D.Nightingale
ConantAudio.
JustpickupanyNightingale-ConantaudiotapesandCDsets.Getontheir
cataloglistandstartinvestinginyourownself-development.Youcanthavetoomany
oftheseprograms.
386
FICTION
BraveNewWorld:AldousHuxley
Farenheit451RayBradbury
1984GeorgeOrwell
MOVIES
GladiatorRusselCroweistheepitomeofmaleconfidence.Strengthand
Honor!
MaverickMelGibsonscharacterimitateswimpiness,buthesreally
demonstratingthehallmarkcharacteristicsoftheconfidentandeffectiveAlphaMan.
MostalltheJamesBondseries,especiallytheearlySeanConneryfilms.
GroundhogDayBillMurraystransformationfromcluelessjokertobalanced
guyispriceless,butthebestpartiswatchinghimlearntochangehisimpactand
influenceonpeople.
TheEmpireStrikesBackHanSoloisTHEmaninthisclassicandprobablythe
bestofalltheStarWarsfilms.
BacktotheFutureSeeGeorgeMcFly.SeeGeorgeMcFlychangefromalow-
self-esteemwimpintoanAlphaMan.
TheBreakfastClubObservethewayJuddNelsonscharacterdrawsinMolly
Ringwaldbyshowingherwhatafucktheworldattitudeisreallylike.
FightClubHmmtwoclubsinarow.Thismovieisthequintessential
statementoftheangerintodaysmalesociety.Thethemeunderneaththeviolenceand
chaosthesemenwreakisloudandclear.
DangerousLiaisonsWatchtheimmaculatelycleverrakeValmont(playedby
JohnMalkovitch)asheseducesthemostunobtainablewomen.Mostimpressiveisthe
techniquebywhichhesabletofinallyseduceGlennClosescharacter.Someofthe
387
strategiesheemploysfitacertainsocialconventionthatislongpast,buttheunderlying
psychologyisaworkofart.
ThanksforbeingapartoftheDatingDynamicsandAlphaSeductionworld!I
knowyouvegottenanincredibleamountofinformationfromthesee-booksandaudio
programs,andwevegotmoreproductsandmaterialscominginthemonthsahead.
Dontforgettocheckouthttp://www.seductionmethod.comaswell.
Pleasebesuretotellyourotherfriendsaboutthesiteandtheseprograms.Its
timewementookcontrolofourdatinglives!
-CarlosXuma
NorthernCA -2004
BesuretogiveourAdvancedAudioCoachingProgramalisten.Everymonthwe
givementhebestadvancedstrategiesonthetopicofdatingandseduction.Over100
minutesoftop-qualityadvice,withexamplesofphoneconversationsandemails,tactics,
exercises,self-confidencebuilding,andevenself-developmentresourcestoworkon
betweensessions.Youcangetbonussegmentseachmonthforbeingasubscriber
plusyougetadiscountofftheretailprice.
388
Forthoseofyouwhofindtheseconceptsvaluableandwanttolearnacomplete
foundationofskillstobesuccessfulwithwomen,visit:
http://www.datingdynamics.comandhttp://www.seductionmethod.com
formoreinformation.
TheDatingBlackBook
TheSeductionMethod
389
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Toanywould-beinformationpiratesorfreeloaders:Thispublicationisprotectedbylaws,as
evidencedbyallthewarningsyouveseensofar.IwilladdthatIsearchtheInternetforpiracy
ofthisproductinanyform,andIwillseeklegalrecourse.
Dontbethemansittinginfrontofthefireplacewhosays,Firstyougivemeheat,and
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Paythepriceofsuccess,anditwillbeyours.
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