FHM Philippines (June 2015) HQ PDF

THE NO.
1 MAGAZINE IN
THE PHILIPPINES
J U N E 2015 www.fhm.com.ph
MEET YOUR
WINGWOMAN
#fhmohmymaria
DIVINE MAITLANDSMITH KNOWS THE

LADIES SO WELL!
IF WE CAN DO
STAN D-UP
C O MEDY
SO CAN YOU!
HOW WE TICKED ONE
OFF OUR BUCKET LIST
O N P. 7 4
CHEAT
LIFE
JAMES BONDS
WOMEN
APPS TO GET
THINGS DONE
I N S TA G R A M B A B E S
THE POSH NEW
T O Y O TA A L P H A R D
Y O U R D A I LY
P R O B L E M S S O LV E D
B Y G O O D O L
COMMON SENSE
OLD SKILL
+ NEW
SKILL
= BETTER JOB
PROSPECTS *
* OR, WHY YOU COULD GET FIRED SOON
IF YOURE A ONE-TRICK PONY
CHEESY
SONG
W ISDOM
THE SECRET TO
GETTING LAID:
DECODE THE
LY R I C S !
P 15 0
Dreams do ce ue!
MARIA O Z AWA
18+ CONTENTS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS
INSPIRING
ENGAGING
IGNITING
W W W. S U M M I T M E D I A .CO M . P H
C O NT E NTS 06 / 1 5
40
MARIA
OZAWA
Believe the hype Asias most
revered former AV idol is for
real! We have solid proof (and
were not letting go of it)!
62 HACK IT IN THE PH
Make your life a tad less
complicated with these
certified wais Pinoy
shortcuts.
66 HOOKING UP
LESSONS FROM CHEESY
POP SONGS
Cant seem to read your
ladys mind? Dig deep into
that Taylor Swift or Britney
Spears ditty and you just
might find the answer to all
your questions.
70 KNOCKOUT CAREER
COMBOS
Stun potential employers
with a jaw-dropping mixture
of skills and stay in demand
for the rest of your life.
74 STAND-UP COMEDY
FOR NOOBS
Sure, our managing editor
looks funny. But can he make
a roomful of people laugh
with his journo-style jokes?
80 RANIDEL DE OCAMPO
PHOTOGRAPHY: WESLEY VILLARICA
Will the Talk N Text Tropang

Texter score double digits in
the Man Test playoffs?
www.fhm.com.ph
82 GIRLS ON
INSTAGRAM
Karina Velez, Vanessa
Golub, and Tianna Gregory
just sent you a direct
message!
facebook.com/FHM.ph stwitter.com/fhmphil sfhmphilofcial
JUNE 2015 FH M 3
ACCESS
GIRLF RI END
Dragons and airships are

a go in Final Fantasys
latest sequel.
Heres a woman who can

make you feel good about
sticking Hello Kitty decals
on your car.
28 HEAVENSWARD
30 SO BAD THEYRE
GOOD
Meet the girls who make the
third season of Orange is
the New Black worth
the wait.
32 ARNEE HIDALGO
The Voice PHs sexy
momma will have you
down on your knees.
STARTER
LOUNGE
This is how your favorite

international cosplay and
comic-con bombshell looks
like when shes left all her
costumes at home.
Divine Maitland-Smith
delivers relationship advice
like no other.
12 HOLLY T. WOLF
22 NEW COLUMN:
WINGWOMAN
26 LADIES'
CONFESSIONS
Our latest batch of
contributors easily gains
our trust.
104 ANNE STOCKTON
UPGRAD E
108 TITO TRAVELS

Whether its you or your
old man who likes some
peace and quiet, heres how
to book a hassle-free trip to
the countrys most
popular getaways.
36 STEREODEAL
112 GET THAT DADBOD

IN THREE DAYS
When geeks do rock n roll,

expect it to be a riot of
some sort.
or less, with our guide

to looking like a true
lady-pleaser.
STYLE
97 STAY DRY
Slip into the right footwear
and keep your toes mold-free.
113 HOW I DID IT

Size Matters JR De La
Paz believes there isnt
a dreamor a sausage
burgertoo big.
98 JAPANESE STYLE
How to blend in with the
crowd in case one day you
decide to follow our covergirl
all the way to Tokyo.
114 TOYOTA ALPHARD

The ultimate family van of
the modern times comes at
a price, but its worth
every cent.
116 WORKOUT BUDDIES

Every tness buffs dream
gearsorted.
16 SEVERAL GIRLS
GALORE
118 PRODUCTIVITY
APPS
James Bond has had more

ladies than you will ever
have in your lifetime. We
have the exact number.
Tap download.
Get the job done.
20 TRUE STORIES
Cheers to your boo-boos!
18 CHEAT LIST
The cunning tactics
generations of students
have done to get good (or
good-enough) grades.
20 BAR ROOM JOKES

Funny meter dropping low?
Time to stock up on
some gags!
4 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
PHOTOGRAPHY: JAYTABLANTE, EJAY LEUNG, KENCH GENATO; ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES, GILBERT DAROY
C ON TENTS 06 / 15
THE TEAM: WH AT FHM ers HAVE BEE N U P TO T HI S M O N T H

There are two things
that a man will do
with his hands when
confronted with a
legend like Maria
Ozawa. Thankfully, no
one did the other one
during our covershoot
with her! Ikeee!!
(videographer Marlon
was suspiciously
close though).
The Chief with Coleen

Garciaunfortunately
not taken during an FHM
covershoot. Maybe you
could help us do some
prodding? Everybody,
Coleen for FHM 2015!
Stuffed our bellies full over a scrumptuous

lunch buffet after winning second place at the
Summit Media Rocket Awards. Heres to more
achievements...and even more buffets! Cheers!
Tried to shed poundage

from the celebratory
lunch by running. Bye
dad bods! Sniff, sniff.
Publisher Aeus pursued

his emceeing dream at
the FHM Boracay Grind.
Learn more about multiskill sets on page 70.
EA Chise claims hes now

a fan of the UFC. Said he
wanted to try grappling
but only with these girls.
Mens Healths Wayne

Tulio and Allan H. teamed
up at the Volkswagen Eco
Fun Run.
Basta driver, sweet lover! FHM covergirl

Phoem heating things up behind the wheel at
the 2015 Vios Cup 1h Cebu.
While everyone thrashed the beaches during

Labor Day weekend, FHM associate art
director JL and managing editor Allan H. took
on the roads from Manila to Laguna on their
rst bro-cycling marathon.
6 FH M JUNE 2015
FHM.com.phs BA
welcomed another
addition to his cute
bunch of mini-mes:
Ma. Cassandra Brielle.
#BabyNumberThree
I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . .
Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos
Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez
Art Director Paul C. Villariba
Associate Editor Alex C. Paita
Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan
Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar
Assistant Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay
Editorial Assistants, Pong M. Castillo, Chise A. Alcantara
Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera
A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . .
Managing Editor BA Borleo
Associate Section Editor Gelo G. Gonzales
Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas
Staff Writer Neps N. Firmalan, John Paulo Aguilera, Mary Rose A. Hogaza
Video Production Specialist Engelheart V. Jarilla
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM...
Words Gelo Gonzales, Anton D. Umali, Kate Alvarez, Toni Antiporda,
Vince Sales Illustrations James Andres, Mikke Gallardo, Louis Areas,
AJ Bernardo, Carlo Maala, Gilbert Daroy Pictures Jay Tablante,
Mark Jesalva, Ejay Leung, Aaron Ebio, Heidi Aquende, Wesley Villarica,
Dairy Darilag, Chris Lucas, Rey Trajano, Yves Truong, Kench Genato
Styling/Makeup/Hair Kristine Toribio, Debra Bernales, Julie Ebio,
Jear De McCuttac, Badj Genato, Sam Potenciano, Hannah Kim,
Charli Manapat, Anne Castao, Iya Yujuico, Jigs Mayuga, Melanie, Togo,
Ria Aquino, Carissa Medved, Angelu Hernandez, Cristine Lopez,
Rhoy Cervantes
F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R K
International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director
Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard
International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content
Executive Ryan Chambers International Digital & Content Executive
Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild
International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech
Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs,
(Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard Sam
Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin
Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia)
Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic,
(South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee,
(Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes
SUMMIT MEDIA
President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Edna T. Belleza
VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Junior Associate Publisher
Aeus Kevin Reyes Digital Publisher Adel De Jesus Deputy Group
Digital Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business Operations Manager
Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production
Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno
Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Graphic Artist Louis
Arenas Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin
Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel
ADVERTISING
Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-Key
Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco Key Account
Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar,
Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print)
Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager
(Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Melinda
Kitane-San Diego, Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del
Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Adv. Executive Assistant
Rita Barbacena Key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla,
Chinggay M. Cabit Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago
Adv. Trafc Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe
E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T
Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing
Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano,
Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili
M E D I A R E L AT I O N S
Media Relations Manager Grace Enriquez Media Relations
Associate Nicole David
TRADE MARKETING
Trade Marketing Ofcer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing
Associates Caz Marino Trade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda
Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod
Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem
C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S
Editor-in-Chief Dondi Limgenco Team Art Director Jaykee Evangelista
Art Director Cleo Serevilla Associate Art Directors Jerome De Dios, Carlo
Maala Editorial Assistant Miguel Escobar
C I R C U L AT I O N
Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation
Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada
Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution
Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera
Key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group
Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores
Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang
Key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen
Sescon-Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep,
Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor SpecialistNorth Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon
Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert
Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena
Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan
Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA
John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription
Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo
Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation
Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation
Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant
Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias
www.fhm.com.ph
Get in touch!
LETTERS 06/15
FACEBOOK.COM/
FHM.PH
INS TAGR AM@

FHMPHILOFFICIAL
IN THE
TWITTER.COM/
FHMPHIL
NAVY
@reaikennethsalvador
Bought some books for
boys #topgearphilippines
#fhmbubblyarny @iamarnyross @
lj_reyes
FHM TOWER
Heres my FHM collection, which I
started in my college days in 2002.
Konti na lang at makukumpleto ko
na. Sino ang may alam kung saan
ako makakabili ng issues one to 27?
Naghanap na ako sa Recto, pero wala
eh. Thanks and more power, guys!
Ito yung FHM collection ko na mas
mataas pa kaysa bunso ko.
Christian Estable, via Facebook
Fan Page
GOLDEN BOY
SEXY IS BACK
My husband is an avid fan

of your magazine. He's
currently on board. He will
turn 50 on the 17th of June.
Hes been wishing to see his
picture in your magazine.
I hope you grant his wish.
HBD, Maestro Dantoy Baba!
Love you!
Guianina, by email
My wife and I are

subscribers of your mag. I
hope you can publish the
picture of my wife as a late
31st birthday gift to her last
May. Thank you so much.
We love you, guys!
Nio Aise Barrientos, via
Facebook Fan Page
@karlkoga
Bilang supportive talaga ako. Ha
ha. Sabi ko sayo @iamarnyross,
bibili ako e. #FHMBubblyArny
CHEERS TO HER
BACHELOR!
My boyfriend is a fan of
FHM, so I want to surprise
him with this message
on our 21st monthsary
on June 18, and his 21st
birthday on June 19. He
will then be a certied
bachelor. Im proud to tell
the world of my love for
him. I love you, my dearest
Leoven. I know this will be
the greatest present ever.
Long live FHM!
Kathleen Jill, by email
TOP-NOTCH
@cortezjayel
My breakfast for today. Good
morning! #TGIF #may8th
#fhmbubblyarny
@andreaeliza
Traveled all the way to the
Philippines just to have this @
fhmphilofcial issue. (Kidding!)
8 FH M JUNE 2015
FHM@SUMMITMEDIA.
COM.PH
6F & 7F ROBINSONS
CYBERGATE CENTER
TOWER 3 PIONEER
COMPLEX, PIONEER ST.,
MANDALUYONG CITY 1550
This is my anniversary
gift to the best girlfriend
in the world. The most
beautiful, understanding,
patient, sweet, loving, sexy
woman Ive ever met. I
love you more than youll
ever know, more than
anything else in this world.
I will always be with you,
forever. I promise. I love
you so much, baby! Happy
anniversary!
Man of Steel, via Facebook
Fan Page
www.fhm.com.ph
LETTERS
GALLERY
MASTERMIND
JUNE BABE
My girl and I are fans
of yours! Hopefully,
my hot and beautiful
girlfriend will be
included in your June
issue. Thank you and
more power!
Justin, by email
Ito, pang UFC Ketchup.

Bong Lucas, via Facebook
Fan Page
Sana ma-publish din ito sa magazine

niyo. This was taken in 2008 pa.
Thanks, FHM!
Kish Kho, via Facebook
Fan Page
FROM ITALY
WITH LOVE
HERES TO THE
FUTURE!
NEO BREED
Good day! I started
collecting FHM when the
Diana Zubiri comeback
issue came out last year.
The next covers were just as
notable with Rachel Anne
Daquis, Myrtle Sarrosa,
and Andrea Torres. I also
think that Tricia Santos
has a good shot at the FHM
100 Sexiest list this year.
Thanks, FHM, for featuring
the likes of Ann B. Mateo
on FHM.com.ph,Yuri Choii,
Asia Gomez, Debbie Garcia,
and many more. Special
shoutout to your May 2015
covergirl, my kababayan
from Dasmarinas, Cavite,
Arny Ross! Ibang klase
ang 2014 and 2015 issues
ninyo. Ngayon lang
ako nakakita ng ganun
karaming naggagandahan
at nagse-sexyhan na mga
babae, ha, ha! More power
FHM!
Presenting the class

valedictorian. Ms. Russell
Mae Dimla! She nally
nished grade school and
now shes looking forward
for the much anticipated
secondary level. We wish
you all the luck ! Never
give up, heads up, do not
compete but rather take
every day as a simple
challenge. Beauty and
brains, indeed. We love you
so much!
Batman_21, by email
It's been a while since I

last sent you a letter, I
think that was in April
2014, when I was in Sochi,
Russia. After that, I was
not able to get your digital
copies, so now I subscribed
again so I can catch up
on my collection. Its so
difcult being far away
from my homeland since I'm
traveling here in Europe.
It will be my birthday this
coming June 13 so it will
After six years, I nally

graduated from my masters
studies. Thank you for
being one of my motivations
to nish my thesis.
Hope you can
post this as I
celebrate
my 26th
birthday,
and 53rd
monthsary
with my
girlfriend.
I love you,
Dadai! Thank
you, FHM!
Laurence, by
email
be a very memorable one

for me if youll include my
letter and see myself once
again in your upcoming
issue. Please make my day
a memorable one. Here's
my photo while enjoying
my well-deserved break
while I'm in Italy. I visited
the world-famous Leaning
Tower of Pisa. Thanks for
educating men from across
the globe with your worldclass magazine. You never
fail to surprise us every
time. Mabuhay kayo, guys!
Anthony, via email
WOW!
OU!
THANK Y
PS: Kay Sir Chise Alcantara,

nakakatawa ka talaga!
Jigz Padillo
10 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
STARTER
WI S D O M YO U
S H O U L D NT
L E AVE H O M E
WIT H O UT
12 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
HOT!
M
M
M
BA
M
en! Lay down your

mint-condition comics
and gurines and
take a look at this
geekgasm-inducing
stunner. Holly T.
Wolf will have you
feeling kilig all over
as she talks about your favorite anime,
comics, and video games while also
making you feel something else all
over as you see her wearing next to
nothing in the spread we have of her.
Make sure to cover your waifus eyes
so she doesnt have to see you getting a
naughty nosebleed.
You have really interesting looking
outts in your photo shoots. Do you
prefer wearing this type of geeky
clothing rather than the regular
designer outts models usually wear?
I do actually really enjoy wearing geeky
clothes over normal apparel. I love the
culture, and it does invite awesome
conversations about my love of anim
and video games.
Whos your favorite among the
characters youve cosplayed so far?
I would have to say Asuna from Sword
Art OnlineI just love SAO. To wear
Asuna for the rst time really gave me
the feels. She is such a pretty character!
How do you pick the characters
you cosplay?
I need to like them as characters, people
who I relate to and love watching,
and of course its easier if I already
somewhat resemble them.
Does cosplay require a certain type of
body gure?
Not at all! Its easier if you resemble
the character, but cosplaying is such
YEP, COMIC-CON GODDESS

HOLLY T. WOLF IS FOR REAL!
an amazing hobby, and I feel cosplay

is for everyone. Its a fandom. Anyone
should be able to cosplay without
negative commentary.
If you could date any character, who
would that lucky ctional guy be?
I would say Kirito from Sword Art
Online. Hes a huge sweetheart and he
loves girls who can cook! Ha ha! And
hes so badass with his dual swords.
Do you get a lot of creepers at events?
Hmm, one guy literally did his own
commentary of me walking around
for 30 minutes. You get some funny
characters walking around at
comic cons.
Whats the weirdest thing youve
bought at one?
I buy a lot of cute undies, ha ha! I
have the most adorable ones with chibi
vampires and other types of characters
on them!
We would like to see those undies
next time for research purposes. Will
we be seeing you in the esh anytime
in the near future?
Yes! I am actually planning on
celebrating my birthday in the
Philippines in September. Ill do some
more amazing cosplay shoots, see all
my amazing friends here and make
new ones! I actually would also love to
have a condo in Manila.
Do you have any plans of doing
cosplay group shoots with our FHM
cosplay covers, Alodia Gosiengao or
Myrtle Sarrosa?
I did spend a day at Alodias when
I was in the country last time, and
I would love to cosplay with her
in the futureshe is the biggest
sweetheart! Same with Myrtle, too, she
is gorgeous! And I love doing group
cosplays! FH M
WHO IS
SHE?
Name: Holly T. Wolf

Age: 26
Born in: Toronto
Favorite food:
Broccoli and
cheesecake!
Favorite color:
Blue
Favorite movie:
LOTR trilogy
Dream vacation
spot: Palawan
Favorite body
part: My bum!
Something you
wont leave
home without:
My headphones
PHOTOGRAPHY:
JAY TABLANTE
INTERVIEW:
CHISE ALCANTARA
STYLING:
KRISTINE TORIBIO
MAKEUP:
CHARLIE MANAPAT
JUNE 2015 FH M 13
HOT!
MEANWHILE...
T
FIGH
TIONS
PREDIC
BY H O L LY
14 FH M JUNE 2015
BATMAN
VS
SUPERMAN
Superman. Come on now, Batman is a

regular guy with some expensive gadgets,
ha ha! Superman is basically immortal, so
unless Batman nds kryptonite he isnt
winning that ght.
IRON MAN
VS
CAPTAIN
AMERICA
Its a guy with money and cool gadgets

against someone who was genetically
altered. Iron Man is slightly handicapped
already, so I think Captain America would
win that ght. I also have a soft spot for
both the Captain and Bucky, ha ha!
www.fhm.com.ph
HOT!
COSPLAYING IS
SUCH AN AMAZING
HOBBY, AND I FEEL
COSPLAY IS FOR
EVERYONE. ITS A
FANDOM. ANYONE
SHOULD BE ABLE
TO COSPLAY
WITHOUT NEGATIVE
COMMENTARY
www.fhm.com.ph
JUNE 2015 FH M 15
No contest, the
best name a Bond
girl has ever had.
WO RDS:
C H I S E A L C A NTA R A
I L L U S T R AT I O N S :
JAMES ANDRES
RENCH
AT
HON
EY RYDER
THUMP
ER
DIA
MIS
(19
LO
TH
A N O VA
T I TA N I A
MR
PUSSY GA
UK
ASTERSON
KISSY SUZ
TILL
INGER
(1964)
ILL
FA N Y C A SE
MASTERSO
TIF
MBI
F
GOLD
Just how plenty

were Lana Woods
tools in Diamonds
are Forever? The
answer: two.
Google them.
BA
71)
IE
FRO
(19
AR
ER
WI
EV
IA
OR
OR
EF
USS
ND
OOLE
OM
MO
Y
OT
VE
PLENT
ARO
ST
AR
3)
Ursula Andress is a bit

saggy now at 79 (still
hot, if youre into that ).
She was 26 when she
appeared in the rst lm,
Dr. No, wearing that
iconic swimsuit.
SYL
1962
NO (
.
R
D
Maria Ozawa is a
good name, but
Kissy Suzuki is way
better.
YOU
BR
LIV
I TA
ONL
Y
HELGA
ET
AND
BON
E(
96
AK
DOMINO
N
CIA
LA
No one remembers
him. Lets all move
on, then.
FEARING
FIO
NA VOLPE
PAU LA CAP
THUNDERBALL (
1965)
CY
AN
O
ENZ
TRACY DI VIC
ART
BY B LETT
No spy movie
should ever have
a girl named
Nancy.
RU
A N EW B O N D M OV I E , S PE CTR E , COM E S
O U T T H I S Y EA R AN D BY TH E N 007 WI LL
HAVE HA D 7 1 WOM E NALL B OM B S H E LLS
W I T H G R E AT NAM E S!
PUSSY
GALORE
& CO.
ON HER MAJESTYS SEC

R
ET S
ERV
ICE
(19
69
7)
ERV
AL
WI
C
starter infographics
16 FH M JUNE 2015
The Bond prototype,

although creator Ian
Fleming said Sir Connery
looked nothing like his 007.
His women had to endure
getting buried in all that
chest hair.
PAT R
SEAN CONNERY
GEORGE
LAZENBY
www.fhm.com.ph
AND
LIVE
SS
MI RUSO
O L I TA I R E
AV
POLA
I VA N A NO
74
IL
19
85
KI
JO M
AN
AND D
LY
BER S
NE
A
RE ERS
TIMOTHY
DALTON
ABI
G C IRL
G
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OMI
MO
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RA
LINA
ME VELOCK
81)
A
SOL
CAMILE
8)
(200
ERRY- F I ELDS
NN
STRA
PA
LY
OL AS H
L
SPE
OR
LD
IS
15
RIN
20
BON
DS LOVE
SKY
ALL
(2
012
TRE
(
LUC
By this time, no
one is trying hard
with names.
SV
HO
G O O D HL L
CORINE
DUFOUR
EL
ANU A
MOONRAKER (
1979)
QUANTUM OF S
OLACE
ELEINE
WAI
NO
TE
RA
NOU
KING
)
1999
GH (
RIS
NES
MAD
EW
SOR TR O M
S
EVE
NTES
CIARRA
TH
CC
(19
MO
EYPENNY
LIN
(19
LY
FELI
XENIA
ON
89)
V E S P E R LY
E DIMITRIOS
ON
TH
TMAS JO
PROF
ES
INGA BERG
TOM
OR
RO
IES
LICENSE
TO KI
LL
2)
CAROL
DAH
ES
P
ES
200
CA
RIS RVE
EY
YW
ISL
S LH LA F
LUPE LA
The coldest
Bond of them all.
ND
Y(
NG
PA
BOUVIER
L
HO
LO
DA
DR. M
WA R MF
NE
V
ER
Picks up where Roger

Moore has left off to
good effect.
CH
PIERCE
BROSNAN
DANIEL
CRAIG
C A S I N O R O YA L E ( 2 0 0 6 )
ER
JINX
9
(19
OCTOPUS
TH
DA
AN T
OS
MI
FR R
E L EKT
7)
LOV
MAGDA
DI
PEACEFUL FO
OF DES
Her name strangely

sounds like Janet
Lim Napoles calling
her daughter
Jeane.
www.fhm.com.ph
KA R A MI
OU
AT O P P
N A T A LY
O N O VA
SIM
NO
ON
INE
TS (
198
7)
OR
Y
BIBI
HA
EA
995
TA I N S
UN E
IR
GO
(1
EYE
Xenia
Onatopp of
what?! Of her!
N
DE
OCTOPUSSY (1983)
L I NDA
AS
MIS
GOODN S
I
SAIDA
NCA
A N YA
AMASOV
THE LIVING
D AY L I
GH
COUNTE
VON SC S
(1977
D ME
OVE
The second
best name for a
Bond girl.
WIT
SU
BIA
THE M
AN
GHT
ACY
ST TO N
T
H TH
E
GOL
No one
remembers him
either. Move on.
WA
N(
AK
Sir Connery was the

stylish Bond, but Roger
Moore had that more
70s action star vibe.
Was he the better
bond? The debate
hasnt ended yet.
L(
DEN
TO
DA
19
IEW
M AY
CA
ROGER MOORE
R O S IEER
RV
CA
VA
GU
IE (1973)
LET D
JUNE 2015 FH M 17
starter skill
CHEAT!
F O R T H O S E WH O AR E SAD LY I LL-E QU I PPE D TO G ET TH R OU G H
S CH O O L A N D YE T S U RV IV E WITH PR I D E , WE SALUTE YOU! N O D OU BT
YO U VE U S E D ON E OR ALL OF TH E KOPYA/ KOD I G O S CH E M E S LI STE D
H E R E . K U N G NAN G OPYA KA AN D YOUR E N OW COM PANY CE O OR
T H E MAYOR OF YOU R TOWN, WE D OU B L E SALUTE YOU!
BARKADA
PROF
The social dynamic of
cheating.
An Inom tayo, sir! is
usually the only thing
you need to get buddy
buddy with your profs.
Doesnt guarantee
high grades, but
experience does say a
failing mark could be
salvaged by playing to
your profs whims.
THE HIDDEN
CALCULATOR
For the youngest
cheater, when it was
all still multiplication
and division, and
calculators were not
allowed. The most
devious kids carved
the insides of books
to hide the calculator
from view. Think we
made this up? Ask this
rags senior editors!
QUIAPO-MADE
TERM PAPER
o l dl e
sty
WO RDS:
C H I S E A L C A NTA R A
P H OTO G R A P HY :
M A R K J E S A LVA
18 FH M JUNE 2015
The original mill of

instant knowledge still
does a good job at it,
because enterprising
students are still
willing to sell done
work. A caveat: buying
work already bought
countless times
before. A hit paper!
TAKING
PICTURES OF
OLD TEST
PAPERS
This is a story from
FHMs very own
managing editor, who
is telling their
companys HR that this
happened more than
23 years ago and can
no longer be used
against him: I didnt do
it, I just planned it. I
gured out where the
high school chemistry
teacher hid the test
paper after he did a
random sampling in
class. I got a camera
with lm in itgave it to
two female classmates
willing to do the job,
who took a pic of the
test. We developed the
lm and answered in
advance. We kept
ourselves to about ve
wrong answers to keep
it real.
www.fhm.com.ph
FOR GRADED
R E C ITAT I O N
REHEARSED
Q&A
FELLOW
STUDENTMADE, TERM
PAPER
Lacking some
participation points
for that graded
report? Help each
other out by
providing the answer
key beforehand.
s
cl as
FULL SCREEN
NOTE PAD
ics
THE KODIGO
Still the best and most
effective (depends on
the cheaters skill, of
course). Its key
requirements are so
simple it stands the
test of time: A small
strip of paper and a
place to hide. Taped
around a ballpen,
inside a calculator
pocket, under a desk,
that math formula will
be used.
EMERGENCY
BATHROOM
BREAK
Lean back to avoid

that computer screen
glare and youre all set
to condently read
that copy-pasted
Wikipedia answer your
friend just researched
for you.
But why stop at selling

the term paper? Sell
the skill! There are
genius, really-got-hissh*t-together
classmates who,
bored after nishing
all their requirements,
sell their writing skills
for kicks and extra
money.
With the utterance of

Hindi ko na kaya,
maam, you have
about three minutes till
they get suspicious.
Factor in the allotted
time to wet your hands
because attention to
details count!
TESTS TO FB
GROUP
A little bit of a bola
and a tiny hint of landi
go a long way with
upperclassmen. Get to
know the right
senpais to be well
equipped for the
whole school year.
new
ool
h
sc
WOOD
CARVINGS
Yet another timeless
ploy that needs only:
1) a deskwood or
plastic, doesnt matter
and; 2) something to
carve the desk with.
The legacy of
upperclassmen who
carved ax2 + bx + c =
0 on your desk will
live on.
STAY
CONNECTED
Add little Ms. Cute
Fresh Grad Professor
on Facebook; follow
her on Twitter; swipe
right next time,
because any swipe
can change your life,
and quite possibly,
your nal grade.
www.fhm.com.ph
JUNE 2015 FH M 19
starter jokes
BAR R IO
JOKES
Mathugot
Teacher: Find the value

of X.
Juan: Aysus! Ma'am hindi na
dapat hinahanap ang value
ng X, X na nga eh! Dapat ang
ituturo mo po sa amin, kung
paano mag-move on!
Butchiki via Facebook
Power of prayers
Nahuli ng titser na may
kodigo sa exam ang pupil.
Maam: Ano etong
nakatagong papel sa
kamay mo?
Boy: Maam, prayers ko lang
po yan.
Maam: Eh, bat may mga
sagot dito?
Boy: Maam ang tawag dyan,
answered prayers!
Father Ferrer via
Facebook
Sm art- assery in every

shape an d c olor
System error
A husband and wife are trying to
set up a new password for their
computer. The husband puts,
Mypenis, and the wife falls on
the ground laughing because
on the screen it says, Error. Not
long enough.
Ginebra via email
Oops
A teacher wanted to teach her
students about self-esteem, so
she asked anyone who thought
they were stupid to stand up. One
kid stood up. The teacher was
surprised. She didnt think anyone
would stand up so she asked
him, Why did you stand up? He
answered, I didnt want to leave
you standing up by yourself.
Origatoto via email
Scream to go up
An airliner is fully boarded and
ready to push-off from the gate,
when two blind pilots enter
the main cabin. Both pilots are
20 FH M JUNE 2015
wearing dark glasses; one is

using a guide dog and the other
tapping his way along the aisle
with a cane. Nervous laughter
spreads through the cabin, but
the men enter the cockpit, the
door closes, and the engines
start up. The passengers glance
nervously around for some sign
that it's a practical jokenothing.
The plane moves faster down the
runway and the people sitting
in the window seats realize
they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though
the plane will plough in to the
water, panicked screams ll the
cabin. At that moment, the plane
lifts smoothly into the air. The
passengers relax, secure in the
knowledge that the plane is in
good hands. In the cockpit, one of
the blind pilots turns to the other
and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of
these days, they're gonna scream
too late and we're all gonna die."
Origatoto via email
A girls
best friend
A mother is in the
kitchen making dinner
for her family when
her daughter walks
in. Mother, where do
babies come from?
The mother thinks for a
few seconds and says,
Well dear, Mommy
and Daddy fall in love
and get married. One
night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and
hug, and have sex.
The daughter looks
puzzled so the mother
continues, That means
the daddy puts his
penis in the mommys
vagina. Thats how you
get a baby, honey.
The child seems to
comprehend. Oh, I
see, but the other night
when I came into your
room you had daddys
penis in your mouth.
What do you get when
you do that? Jewelry,
my dear. Jewelry.
Jao via Facebook
DIRTIEST JOKE
SHE
K N OWS
ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO
BAR R O O M
JOKES
Boy: Chicharon ka ba?

Girl: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi ang ingay mo
kapag kinakain kita.
Joni, 21, law student
www.fhm.com.ph
I L WI R USOH DVXU H
PREMIERE ULTRA THIN
8OWUDWKLQFRQGRPVIRUD
PRUHVHQVLWLYHIHHO
N EW N!
UM
CO L
LOUNGE
LETS SLIP IN
PHOTO GR APHY:
EJAY LEUNG
O F MIDNIGHT BONKERS
STY LING:
DEBRA BERNALES,
ASSISTED BY
MADE L DOD OYCO
MAK E U P :
ANNE CASTAO
HAIR :
ANGELU DOMINGUEZ
WINGWO MAN BACKPATCH AND LOGO :
AUGGIE FONTANILLA
BUT FIRST,
WHATS
A
A wingwoman
is a lady friend
that helps you
pick up other
ladies. Help
meaning Im
easing the
girls by letting
them know
youre not a
creep, and by
me boosting
your A game.
Thats the kind
of wingwoman
I am.
E
U
G
N
O
T
E
M
O
S
aitland-Smiths
ss
M
e
in
iv
D
t
r
e
p
ex
rench ki
s
F
n
o
ti
a
la
e
h
-r
t
i
le
a
w
s
Your new fem
senseles
r
e
h
k
c
o
n
hackk
e
m
a
g
t
s
fir
LOUNGE WINGWOMAN
I E togetherwith your special

H
C
N
E
R
F
E
H
T
O
D
and tongues dance
enchie! But
is just having your lips
to call it, doing the Fr
e
French kissing
re with at the time. I lik ove, I came up with different
u
yo
or
av
l
ia
ec
sp
at
someone, or th
, so to help you impr
ne
yo
er
ev
r
fo
e
under?
m
sa
e
which type do you t
s
Frenchies are not th
ve
el
rs
ou
ith
w
st
ne
be ho
types of kissers. Lets
1 THE WET AND SLOPPY KISSER
Youre using way too much tongue and

using it as a weaponstabbing your
partners gums and tonsils, and banging her
cheeks from the inside like a drum! Doesnt
sound attering at all, does it?
How to improve: Swallow your damn
saliva! Nobody wants too much of that in
their mouth! Keep it steady and simple.
When youre moving your tongue around:
think stroke, not stab.
DIVINE STRESSES!
Do NOT lick over the lip line unless you
know she wants things to get a little messy
and spicy.
2 THE FACE EATER
The problem with this kisser is that by

the time youre done, your girls teeth are
cracked, chipped and broken. Her face
is not a slice of pizza, and her lips arent
pepperoni. Please dont eat it.
How to improve: You dont need to go
in teeth rst then lips second. Lead with
your lips, it may look like youre ridiculous,
but at least youre not leading with your
teeth. Your lips are there for a reason.
DIVINE STRESSES!
Please do no eat the other persons face.
3 THE SLEEP-ZONE KISSER
The name says it allZzzzz! Boring! You

want to be remembered, right? You want
the girls whove kissed you to say great
things about your skills, right? Dont be this
guy.
How to improve: Try and include a
naughty nibble on the lip and tease her
with your tongue by licking her bottom lips
gently. Hold her close and feel her hair
while youre kissing..
DIVINE STRESSES!
Give her a little pull on her hair while youre
kissing her and give her some gentle kisses on
her cheeks and neck. No girl can resist that!
Longest time in
liplock:
I would have to say
probably a few hours.
Of course, we werent
only kissing at times.
*Wink*
Favorite object in
the mouth while
kissing:
Other than my tongue
ring, ice is fun to play
with while kissing. If
you havent played with
ice yet, play away and
go wild with it!
Favorite drink to
have just before
kissing:
Uh, mouthwash? I
dont drink it of course,
but I love knowing my
mouth is clean and
ready to go.
Eyes closed or eyes

opened: Closed
while kissing, yeah!
Favorite types
of kissers: My
girlfriend.
NOT JUST ABOUT

THE SMOOCH
What our wingwoman
suggests you do with your....
HANDS
Wrap your arms around
her. When you start moving
your hands lower to her
waist, let her feel the
pressure of your ngertips.
If youre looking for a more
sensitive style, run your
ngers through her hair
and place your hand on
the side of her face while
kissing her.
BODY
Under no circumstances
should you cross your
arms. You dont want her
to feel unwanted and
uncomfortable. That wont
get you anywhere!
She has to feel youre
giving her 110%always
face her and always have
open body language. This
allows her to trust you and
get more comfortable with
you after.
VIBE
Think positive about the
situation. Be outgoing
and friendly. You must be
condent, and trust your
own moves.
Take charge of the
situation and take the lead.
LOUNGE
LADIES
CONFESSIONS
Female encounters with
toothpaste, early emissions,
and the usual frisky stuff
MODEL: AMANDA MCCOY; PHOTOGRAPHY:AARON EBIO

STYLING, MAKEUP, HAIR: JULIE EBIO
MODEL APPEARS FOR ILLUSTRATION PURPOSE ONLY
JUST FRESHENING UP
My guy and I havent been
having as much sex lately. We
were both usually tired after
work and just went straight
to bed. One night I was in
the mood so I asked him if he
wanted to do it. He said he was
really tired and wanted to sleep
so I just got ready for bed. I
was brushing my teeth when
he came into the bathroom to
get something. I stopped when
I realized. I realized that he
ALWAYS HERE
TO LISTEN,
LADIES!
Keep sending
your escapades to
fhmladiesconfessions
@gmail.com
I saw his thing

go up as the
foam from the
toothpaste dripped
down my chin
26 FH M JUNE 2015
was staring at me while I was

brushing my teeth. I saw his
thing go up as the foam from
the toothpaste dripped down
my chin. I told him, Grabe
naman yang fetish mo. I was
almost done and was ready to
gargle out the toothpaste when
he stopped me from doing so.
He pulled out his hard cock
from his boxers. He guided my
head down to his crotch and I
sucked on him with toothpaste
soaping him up. I could see
the bubbles form on his pubic
hair. He tensed and came in my
mouth. His cum mixed with
the toothpaste and I felt really
dirty. He told me, Ayan
pwede ka nang mag-gargle.
And I did. We had sex right
after and I swear, my pussy
felt a lot fresher.
Shelly, via email
CLOSET CALL
I was on a date with a guy I
met online. The date went well
so I let him take me home.
When we got to his room, we
shed our clothes and started

kissing each other. I bent
down and placed my hands on
the bed so he could pound me
from behind. It felt so good
that I started moaning really
loudly. I was really enjoying
the moment when he suddenly
asked me to keep quiet for a
second. I was pissed at him
at rst but then we heard
the front door of his house
close. He said it might be his
mom so I better get dressed.
We frantically searched the
entire room for my clothes
but we couldnt nd them. His
mom knocked on the door. He
got dressed so that he could
answer. He told me to hide
in his closet but the doors of
the closet got jammed so we
couldnt close them. I just sat
inside the open closet, naked.
He answered the door. He
acted like nothing horrible was
happening but his mom went
in anyway because she saw a
plate of leftover food on his
table. He tried his best to block
www.fhm.com.ph
LOUNGE CONFESSIONS
threw it on the ground and

thats when I saw his erection
through his pants. He looked
at me with remorse, but I
just smiled at him. I started
rubbing his crotch through
his pants with my hand. I
unzipped him and started
tugging on his penis through
his boxers. His moans made
me shiver. As I went faster and
rougher, I could feel the shape
of his shaft take form through
the fabric. The cloth was the
only thing separating us. He
let out a grunt and I saw a wet
patch forming on his boxers. I
tugged one more time and saw
some white seep through. He
said sorry. I told him I needed
to go home and left him on the
bench; I wasnt cleaning up
that mess.
MissOutstandingInConduct,
via email
PRAYER CAMP
his moms line of vision to the

closet. I was praying really
hard and was almost crying at
that point. They kept talking.
After what seemed like ages,
his mom nally left the room.
He saw me on the oor all
red with embarrassment. He
laughed. We were both shaking
and full of relief. I will never
go to a guys house again
unless I know for sure that he
lives alone. Ha ha!
Isa, via email
NOT CLEANING
UP A MESS
Sometime ago, my professor
asked me to stay after class
to talk. I was curious what
he was going to say after I
gave him an untimely erection
the other day. I nished my
student council duties and
then met with him. There were
only a few people left in school
so he asked if someone was
going to fetch me. I said I was
walking home, and he said he
would walk me.
www.fhm.com.ph
We talked about the incident

that happened the day before.
About how horny I got when
my hand accidentally landed
on his penis. I told him how I
ngered myself afterwardsI
lied that yesterday was the
rst time I ever masturbated.
I told him how guilty and
naughty I felt, and how I didnt
care because it felt so good. I
saw sweat form on his forehead,
I thought, Ang cute naman,
pinagpapawisan na siya.
He kept quiet during our
walk. I asked him to take a
shortcut through the park
and sit on a bench near us. We
sat in silence for a while. I let
out a sigh. He started to talk:
Im really sorry about what I
did and how it confused you.
We can talk to the guidance
counselor if you want. I
replied, Sir, wag na. Baka
mapagalitan pa kayo. I moved
closer, and took his hand.
I saw his thing bulge from
his khaki pants. He wanted
to cover it with his bag but I
MEANWHILE,
IN LADY
PARTS I.Q.
Lactic
tolerance
Human breast
milk is thinner in
consistency, and
sweeter to the
same species
taste buds, than
cows or
formula milk.
My parents enrolled me in
a prayer camp last summer.
They said I needed the lords
guidance since my grades
dipped last semester. I never
had the motivation to study so
I guess it showed.
When I got to the prayer
camp, all of them were singing
and dancing praise songs
while I awkwardly clapped.
I wasnt really interested in
anything except for this weird
guy who was showing as much
enthusiasm. I talked to him
and he seemed kinda cool. We
both enjoyed the same bands.
I was feeling really bored
and rebellious so I asked him
to sneak out with me. We got
out of the auditorium while
the nuns werent looking. We
talked for a while underneath
a tree, and he suddenly put his
arm around me. The next thing
I know I was unbuttoning his
pants. I started touching his
soft dick. He moaned really
softly. He started grabbing my
boobs while I was tugging on
him. After a while I noticed he
wasnt getting hard. I asked
him what was wrong and
he asked me to put it inside
my mouth. I did and started
sucking on his accid penis.
Nothing worked. After about
10 minutes of trying, I gave up
and told him to suck it himself.
He said sorry and asked if he
could have one more try. I said,
Pagdasalan mo na lang yan,
left him there, and went back
to the boring prayer stuff.
Dear Sister, via FB
JUNE 2015 FH M 27
ACCESS
JUNE
2015
YO U R
M O N T H LY
VI P PASS
01
REACH FOR THE SKIES

FINAL FANTASY XIV BECOMES FLYING FANTASY WITH HEAVENSWARD
MMOs are chock full of things to do, but its also been
two years since the launch of Final Fantasy XIV, so
your level 50 Black Mage may have nally run out of
things to set on re. Well, Heavensward, the games rst expansion
pack is here to make sure you remain well entertained until 2016
or whenever it is Square decides to release FFXV.
They didnt call it Heavensward for nothing because this
expansion gives players ying mounts for the rst timefrom cute
black chocobos to armored dragons and personal size airships.
Meanwhile, player guilds can also build full size airships as a group
28 FH M JUNE 2015
effort and parade around in the sky. It would be boring to use all
this airborne stuff to go from point A to B on the ground as usual
hence the new areas included in the game that you nd oating
high in the air!
So, if you still havent considered joining an MMO and throwing
your life away, why not try this now that Ragnarok Onlines servers
have nally shut down and all.
www.fhm.com.ph
WORDS: ASH MAHINAY
GAM E S
02
F I LM
ANIMAL
HOUSE
OUT
JUNE 10
YOUR FIELD GUIDE TO THE TOOTHY

THINGS IN JURASSIC WORLD
DIMORPHODON
PTERANODON
Scientists never learn!

Despite all the disaster
and mangling of
humans in the previous
lms (22 years ago in
movie time, which also
TRICERATOPS
happens to be when
Jurassic Park came
out), the suits at Masrani
Global Corporation
have turned Isla Nubar
VELOCIRAPTOR
into a Disneyworld
for dinosaurs. Owen
Grady (Chris Pratt), a
behavioral researcher,
is busy living the dream
training velociraptors
EDMONTOSAURUS like dogs; when the local
genetically modied
hybrid dinosaur breaks
loose and starts eating
tourists. Its up to the
raptor whisperer to
catch the big bad with
help from lovely park
operations manager
Claire (Bryce Dallas
SUCHIMIMUS
Howard). The movie
is a much-awaited
homage sequel to the
rst one, but honestly,
the trailer had us at
trained velociraptors.
GALLIMUS
INDOMINUS REX
EEN
N E V E R SE !
BEFOR
MOSASAURUS
www.fhm.com.ph
WORDS: ASH MAHINAY; ILLUS TRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS
T-REX
JUNE 2015 FH M 29
ACCESS
PIPER
CHAPMAN
TE LEVI S ION
BAD,
BAD
GIRLS
THE BABES TO WATCH
FOR IN THE THIRD
SEASON OF ORANGE
IS THE NEW BLACK
Whats so nice about TV seasonenders? The unwritten promise

that the next season will be extra
entertaining, thats what. Orange
is the New Blacks second season
nished off with a prison lockdown,
a fatally ill prisoner escaping,
and the notorious inmate Vee
(hopefully) dead after being run
down by a van. Were not sure
where to put our nger on whats
going to happen next, but things
are looking pretty exciting with
these ladies
RED
Played by Kate
Mulgrew
Wait for her to
recover from
that serious
beating that
Vee (Lorraine
Toussaint) gave
her, and this
redhead is sure
to serve a good
case of revenge.
In the kitchen, in
the greenhouse
put her
anywhere and
shell prove every
bit a lady boss.
Played by Taylor
Schilling
Shes not so
happy about the
budding romance
between her
ex-anc Larry
(Jason Biggs)
and ex-best
friend Polly
(Maria Dizzia).
Her self-serving
plan of action:
have Alex Vause
back in prison.
Besides, dont we
all love seeing
them in action
together?
04
SUZANNE
WARREN
aka CRAZY
EYES
Played by Uzo
Aduba
She pisses on
peoples oors
when shes
upset, so just
imagine what
she might be up
to now that shes
inconsolable with
Vees escape
(and possible
demise). Things
can only get
crazier from
there.
WORDS:
PONG CAS TILLO
30 FH M JUNE 2015
STELLA
CARLIN
Played by Ruby
Rose
As if the lustlled affair
between Piper
and Alex is not
enough reason
to get us hooked
in this series,
more eye candy
joins the cast to
make everything
extra interesting.
We hear shell
play love interest
to both P and A.
Were tuned in!
STORIES THAT MAKE

US SCARED OF
OURSELVES
IN HIS COLLECTION OF SHORT
STORIES, OUR DARKEST HOURS,
JOSE MIGUEL ARGUELLES
COMBINES A UNIQUE BRAND OF
DARK COMEDY TO CHALLENGE
OUR SENSIBILITIES AND MAKE
US REALIZE WHAT WE ARE TRULY
CAPABLE OF IN OUR DARKEST
HOURS
TRUE COLORS
He felt it unfairThey all had
their perversions. Sammy liked
crush videos, Jojo liked leather and
bondage, Oliver liked Japanese
women who dressed up like
robots But it was Paul who got
caught and his desire was the most
normal. Melons, p.57
We cant judge a hormonal teen
like Paul for feeling weird whenever
he sees the owering fruits of his
classmates. But when the school
nds out about his perversion, he
gures he's got nothing left to lose.
FORBIDDEN DESIRES!
We know you liked touching them,
Mario said. We saw you touching
their thighs. Men, women, children
Art had indeed done those things.
He liked the coolness of their skins.
One of Them, p.77
Art has been curious of the sounds
coming from the morgue late at
night. Mufed moans from behind
steel doors, and creeping smiles
from his co-workers as the body
of a 15-year-old girl gets wheeled
in. When peer pressure and
curiosity overwhelms shaky morals,
swallowing your guilt feels a lot
smoother.
ALEX
VAUSE
Played by Laura
Prepon
Well see more of
her this season
as she returns
an inmate to
Litcheld, and
if she and Piper
will rekindle their
infamous love
affair.
BO OK S
Ou
J U N t on
E 10
LIFE OR DEATH!
Mahmoud remained cool. He spit
on the creatures face, drew out a
jungle knife and plunged it into the
creatures head We ever encounter
any of these things; we hit them on
the head. They all nodded grimly.
No One Else But Us, p.111
Fate tests the resolve of a father
wanting to protect his family against
corpses coming back to life. Abdullah
with his men venture out to nd
supplies for their village. Will Abdullah
buckle under all the pressure?
www.fhm.com.ph
WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA
03
ACCESS
05
M US IC
KILLER
REFRESHER
ARNEE HIDALGOS SULTRINESS WAS NO SECRET TO
90S BABIES. IN CASE THAT WENT OVER YOUR HEAD,
HERES THE LATEST TINGLING UPDATE
PHOTOGRAPHY: EJAY LEUNG OF

MIDNIGHT BONK ERS
INTERVIEW: KHYNE PALUMAR
S T Y LING: JE AR DE MC CU T TAC
M A K EUP: I YA Y UJUICO
HAIR: CRISTINE LOPEZ
Lets ignore briey that the woman

youre looking at was the same reason
the re-did version of Cold, Summer
Nights six years back made you tingly
or that her patently sexy-raspy-hushed
way of singing songs made you feel
unquestionably humid. Lets also overlook
the fact that Arnee now has kids and two
last names (which she thankfully doesnt
openly use, so as not to rub it in your
face).
But even if you didnt catch her in this
season of The Voice being referred to as
a sexy momma, its easy to do a quick
once-over and deduce the woman has
oodles of sex appeal. You dont need to
be told this, so weve arranged for these
photos to happen to make sure everyone
gets the full picture
Did it take a lot of prodding from

friends or producers to get you to do
the blind auditions for The Voice?
Friends have been telling me since
Season 1 to join The Voice of the
Philippines, but it was my brother Jeffrey
who really convinced me. Im blessed to
have people who believe so much in my
talent. Although I was really hesitant at
rst, Im glad I took the chance.
ACCESS
But that wasnt your rst time onstage.
Do you still get nervous?
Its true Ive been singing for a while now, but
joining a competition is a whole different ball
game. It was a crazy rollercoaster ride that
even with experience, I still feel the nerves
and excitement. And I loved the stage, so
I just enjoyed every second of my entire
journey in the show. It was a huge step out of
my comfort zone, but it was worth it.
Is FHM outside of your comfort zone?
It is, denitely. Showing a little more skin is
something I dauntlessly gave into this time.
The rst layout is always the hardest, but
after seeing how the shots were tastefully
sexy, and as the photo shoot progressed, I
felt more comfortable. The team was amazing
and I know we came up with some kickass
yet denitely classy material. I believe this
I THINK ITS ABOUT HOW YOU

CARRY YOURSELF ONSTAGE
WITH CONFIDENCE. WITH
SONGS AND PERFORMING, I
THINK ITS THE BEAT THAT
MAKES THE SONG SEXY, AND
ITS HOW THE PERFORMER
FEELS THE MUSIC ON STAGE
THAT MAKES IT EVEN SEXIER
feature is still something in line with my career
as an artist.
Speaking of careers, you have a new single
out. Are you back in the loop with albums
planned, or are you just winging it?
Im back to share my music again. We dont
have a schedule in terms of how many albums,
but I have new materials Im working on, and a
new sound. My new single BYS (Be Yourself)
is the kind of music I envision for myself,
which aims to empower and inspire women
to feel good about themselves and have the
courage to be whoever they want to be. Its the
perfect jumpstart to a new recording career.
You did a lot of dancing for the music
video. Was that tricky or just a lot of fun
for you?
It was both tricky and fun. Im not a born
dancer, but once I got the hang of it, it was
super fun that I didnt mind dancing all day in
my stilettos, ha ha!
What else do you enjoy about
performing?
I enjoy a lot of thingsfrom recording new
songs to making music videos and doing live
performances. I love singing in a big stage
with a live band and a huge crowd, as much
as I enjoy intimate crowds, with just me and a
piano or a guitar. And most especially, I love
doing photo shoots.
34 FH M JUNE 2015
Coach Bamboo said you have a really

sexy voice. Have you gotten used to
people saying how sexy your voice is, or
just how sexy you are?
When people give me those compliments, I
feel thankful and still get attered no matter
how many times I hear the same thing. They
even gave me the moniker sexy momma in
The Voice of the Philippineswhich Im trying
to own right now.
Does it have to do with how you look
more than how you sing a song?
I think its about how you carry yourself
onstage with condence. With songs and
performing, I think its the beat that makes the
song sexy, and its how the performer feels the
music on stage that makes it even sexier. It
just exudes when the emotion comes from the
inside. And like I said, Im just trying to own it.
We all know what type of music you sing
onstage. But what songs do you sing in
the shower?
Basically the same thing I sing on stage!
I usually play new songs Im learning or
memorizing in the shower on repeat mode,
and I sing with it. I multitask! Ha ha!
How is married life treating you, by
the way?
Its a precious gift. Its wonderful to wake up
every day knowing you have a partner right
beside you to celebrate success and share
problems with.
What advice can you give husbands
when it comes to, well, pleasing
their wives?
To quote Meghan Trainor in Dear Future
Husband: Tell me Im beautiful each and
every night. Dont take it literally, but its always a
boost to women when they get the appreciation
they deserve. It helps make us even better
wives, if you know what I mean FH M
www.fhm.com.ph
FORMULA OF FRESH
ADVERTISING FEATURE
Lets face it: were not all blessed with maiden-melting mugs.
For most men, it takes a little extra effort to get gwapo.
Luckily, we can always enlist a little help from science!
One perennial grooming problem that plagues men
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FEND OFF
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Deny it all you

want, but clear,
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and a cleanlooking mug are
important. Thats
where the Kojie San regimen comes in handyuse their
products together as part of your grooming habit to achieve
maximum effect. Their products and soaps are loaded with
natural ingredients to keep your skin looking great.
KOJIC ACID
A chemical agent
formed by the
koji fungi, used
to lighten skin
and treat skin
illnesses. Its also
used to keep fruit
and seafood from
discoloration.
B
BODY
WASH
A nourishing
llather that
keeps skin
k
ssupple,
healthy, and
h
rradiant, while
a
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body odor
GLYCOLIC ACID
SHEA BUTTER
An acid found in
sugarcrops and
used to reduce
wrinkles, acne
scarring, and
pigmentation. Its
also known to help
with other skin
conditions.
An extract of the
nut of the African
shea tree, used as
a moisturizer or a
salve. Its use dates
as far back as
Ancient Egypt as
protection against
the sun.
PEA EXTRACT
A botanical extract
from the seeds
of peas. It keeps
enzymes from
degrading collagen
and elastin,
ultimately keeping
skin rm, stretchy,
and supple.
WHITENING SOAP
The whitening action of
Kojic Acid and Glycolic
Acid with Pea Extract
and Shea Butter helps
restore healthier, clearer,
softer, and smoother
skin
ACCESS
M US IC
CAUGHT IN A STATE
OF BECOMING
aff
Solenn Heuss
ff
@solennheussa
STEREODEAL: ON DEALING WITH THE BANDS UNSURETY
SINGULARITY
Stereodeal
Stereodeal
probably isn't
like your typical
radio-friendly x
but what they
do promise is
an experience.
Even the band
members have
trouble describing
their music
because their
styles change
in almost every
song. The thing
that pulls the
album together
is how the songs
resonate with one
another. Like sonic
booms of sound
that answer one
another through
reverberations and
electronic loops,
the songs mesh
into one electronic
organic mess.
:
Adrian Arcega
r,
ita
gu
ls,
ca
Vo
s
electronic loop
Kahit kalagitnaan na siya

pumasok sa album namin,
hindi mo mahahalata na
iba yung drummer sa
ibang kanta. Ganun lang
siya kagaling.
Marie: Even when I was
just sessioning with them
before, na-feel ko na
yung complexity of the
music... It always leads me
out of my comfort zone.
How does this feeling
of uncertainty affect
your bands sound?
Adrian: We encourage
being out of our comfort
zones. The moment we
become too comfortable
with an arrangement
Dax G: boring na eh.
Thats why no two songs
in our album sound
the same. Sabi nga ng
kaibigan kong nakinig
sa album, Uy, bagong
banda ba yan?
So what motivates
you to play even
if youre unsure of
where youre headed?
Dax B: Being in a band
isnt as glamorous as
people might think. Its a
whole lot of waiting for
other bands to nish and
waiting for your turn on
stage. Its tiring but worth
it. Those three seconds
ET
ME E
TH D
BAN
of high you get while

playing is incomparable.
Dax G: Everybody in
the scene is still trying
to feel their path around
this modern way of
consuming music. So
in a way, everybodys
unsure. I dont know
why I go to our gigs
sometimes but I still do.
Whats your favorite
part about band life?
Dax B: Geeky-ness
is our approach. Right
before gigs, we usually
talk about our favorite
series, and the comicons
we should go to.
Adrian: Were into
Doctor Who, Fringe, so
may ganung effect din
sa mga kanta namin.
How does this show
up in your work?
Adrian: Our album
cover was inspired
by the CERN (the
European Organization
for Nuclear Research)
logo. The concept of our
album, Singularity, is the
presence of everything,
and then it explodes into
different permutations.
Its like the Big Bang,
and we dont know
whats going to happen
next.
an:
Marie de Guzm
ll
wa
e
th
Drums,
36 FH M JUNE 2015
Dax Balmeo:
Synthesizers,
guitar
Ashley Rivera
@itsashley
07
WEB
DUBSMASH IN
NUMBERS
THE MANY WAYS THIS
DUBBING APP IS TOPPING
THE CHARTS
The only app developed by

the small team of German
developers Mobile Motion
GmbH.
1
7
Its just 7 months into the

market, yet already has
over 10 million mobile
users downloaded on
Google Playstore and
iTunes App Store.
1.1 and 2 million

1.1 million Facebook Page Likes,
and over 2 million Instagram posts
worldwide with the #dubsmash.
INTERVIEW: CHISE ALCANTARA ; PHOTOGRAPH Y: HEIDI AQUENDE
Dax Gonzaga:
Bass, vocals
What makes
Stereodeal,
Stereodeal?
Adrian: In terms of
sound, were aiming for a
more sophisticated one.
More on tension, texture
and rest. We try to elicit
a certain feeling from the
audience. Its a heady
sound that makes you
think.
Dax B: Before I joined, I
was already listening to
them as a fan. I think the
best way to describe us
is through our dynamics.
The band has had its
fair share of drummers,
which made it difcult for
to gel. I guess you could
always catch the band in
a state of unsure-ness.
How does the band
handle the constant
ux in the lineup?
Dax G: Thats why its
been difcult for me to
adjust. The drums and
bass (should) connect.
Its like I feel how Marie
(De Guzman) feels while
playingwhether shes
tired or enthusiastic
while playing and we play
differently.
Adrian: When Marie
came in, na-temper
kami in a lot of ways.
Sam Pinto
@sampinto
17,000
In the Philippines alone, there are
over 17,000 Instagram posts with
the #dubsmashph.
Smart
phone and
tablet users
can install it for free with 22MB
phone memory requirement.
22MB
www.fhm.com.ph
WORDS: PONG CAS TILLO
06
ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN! WERE LOOKING FOR THE
SEXIEST WOMAN ON EARTH AND TURNING TO OUR READERS
FOR THE ANSWER: WHOS THE HOTTEST?
ITS EASY TO VOTE!

REGISTER
ONLINE
FILL
OUT
OR
Fill out ballots and mail them to FHM 100

Sexiest Women 2015 Poll. Summit Media
Ofce, 7/F Robinsons Cybergate Tower 3,
Robinsons Pioneer Com plex, Pioneer St.,
Mandaluyong City 1550. Only original
ballots will be accepted.
Register and log on to

www.fhm.com.ph/100sexiestwomen2015
where you can vote for ten
(10) women per day
The FHM Philippines Sexiest winner is the woman

who garners the most votes in the nationwide poll.
Voting period is from April 1 to June 5, 2015.
Votes will be tallied by FHM and results will be
announced in a special 100 Sexiest Women in The
World 2015 supplement bundled together with
FHMs July 2015 issue.
FHM Philippines reserves the right to block/
prohibit/exclude votes entered through
unscrupulous means such as electronic
manipulation. Votes cast through these means will
not be honored in the ofcial tally.
CO-PRESENTED BY:
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YOUR DETAILS
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IN COOPERATION WITH:
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Signature:
o z a w a
w a s
h e r e
Mia Ozawa
P H O TO G R AP H Y
WESLEY
OF
VILLARIC A
PARAL L AX
STUDIO
I NTER VI EW
GELO
GONZALES
S TYLI NG B A D J G E N A T O
M A K E U P J I G S M A Y U G A USING MAC COSMETICS
H AI R J U S T I N E N A V A T O
S P E C I AL
S H O T
MAXI MS
TO M A R G A
TH ANK S
A N D
HOTEL,
JOY
O N
V AR G AS
ANDRADE
LO C ATI O N
RESORTS
AT
WORLD
M AN I L A
Seeing your wildest

fantasy come to flesh is
like drowning in the
throes of ecstasy.
Maria Ozawa,
were still tingling
all over...
Mia Ozawa
Mia Ozawa
Mia Ozawa
t was a Monday night like any

otherunspectacular, devoid of
importanceuntil it wasnt.
On that evening of April 27,
news had broken out that Maria
Ozawa, AV idol extraordinaire
(for the uninitiated, thats how
Japan calls its porn stars), was
here. She was on the radio show
Boys Night Out as its guest of
honor for that nights episode.
And like a hive mind operating
in complete unison, everyone
concerned immediately sent
off signals to the rest of their kin
(men, mostly) to attend to the said
disturbancethat is to drop whatever
it was they were doing, and tune in.
The men would understand.
For those that didnt, including the
girlfriends of the said men, who might
not have an idea about who this Ozawa
woman was, perhaps a little context
would help: The AV actress debuted in
the Japanese porn industry in 2005,
and became one of its top stars on the
way to making over 150 AV lms until
her retirement in 2011. To put things
lightly, she was adventurous in her
roles, a fact encapsulated by the rise of
the phrase Akala mo Maria Clara, yun
48 FH M JUNE 2015
pala Maria Ozawaessentially the

millennial, broadband-era version of
Nasa loob ang kulo.
The night after the said
#RadioGuestingOfTheCentury, we
got even luckier. The woman of the
moment, here on a business trip, had
decided that shed like to appear on
the cover of FHM Philippines, much
like she had done so in the May 2009
issue of FHM Taiwan. By the number
of FHM staffers that attended the
shoot, its easy to believe that this was
the #CoverShootoftheCenturythe
cavernous hotel suite lled by dozens
of men, all giddy in the presence of one
woman. It was a microcosm, a small
sampling of how far Filipino men
might be willing to cram themselves in
a venue to breathe the same air as the
former queen of AV, one whos always
been a reliable companion for lonelier
nights. We could make a case that we
were the luckiest guys in the entire
country at that point in timebrief as
it was, since the shoot lasted all but
two hours.
Inside the hotel room, the situation
was, in some ways, not at all dissimilar
to the scenes we usually see in her
lms: In one room was a luxurious
bed tted with pure, white sheets, and

just outside the door, a luminescent,
rectangular pool. And everywhere
else: just men. We swear weve seen
this somewhere before, except there
were no lm crews. In their place was
a photographer sniping away at this
surreal creature whose beautiful mix of
Japanese, French, and Canadian blood
was even more enchanting up close. Her
ability to speak uent English, a fact
that can be traced to her upbringing at
the Hokkaido International School
and the fact that she didnt have any
qualms speaking in true and honest
termsmade her even more endearing.
Finally, here was a beautiful Japanese
girl that we can actually talk to, and a
cover girl who wasnt afraid to talk as
nakedly as she acts.
Sharing the room with Maria
Ozawa was not unlike seeing a myth
come to life. From knowing her
as this screen guremere bits of
data captured with a video camera,
transported via presumably huge
Internet cables running from Japan
to the Philippines, and displayed on a
computer screenthe shoot made her
real, a real person whose skin we can
actually brush up against.
www.fhm.com.ph
Somehow, that thought lit

something up in us; as if her relative
proximity opened up the possibility
of completely closing the distance
between us, and into something
resemblingwhatever situations
weve seen her in. That was at least,
the fantasy. A very electric one. That
we had been completely sold to that
fantasy says something about what
she has accomplished through her
body of work. The love for a gure
such as her had always been done in
hushed tonesjust bubbling under
the surface, but never truly, for the
lack of a better term, exploding. But
her arrival had changed all that. She
came, and mentally, psychologically
we all probably did that night too.
She has moved on to doing other
things now, chief of which is a
burlesque theater show shes putting
up in July in the Philippinesyet her
ability of turning a Monday night, a
Tuesday, or any night for that matter,
far less unspectacular seems to have
carried over from her days as an AV
queen.
Is she here? Is the Maria Ozawa
really here? we asked then. These
pages ahead certainly dont lie.
www.fhm.com.ph
You auditioned to be an AV idol at the

age of 18. What motivated you then?
Well, my friends were doing it, and
that kind of made me want to do
it. And then after that, I wanted to
continue doing it because I wanted to
be the No. 1 in the industry. It was
also out of curiosity. Getting famous
was a part of it too, but curiosity was,
by far, the biggest reason.
What went through your head when
you got your rst contracta contract
that essentially meant that you were
going to have sex with all these men
for a living?
At rst, I was really nervous. I was
really scared. Like any rst job, I didnt
have a real idea of how to do it. But I
guess what propelled me was the fans.
The more I did it, I started to slowly
realize that there were a lot of fans that
were looking forward to my work. That
made me happy. As Ive said, the fame
was a big draw, too. So when I started
seeing the fans, I just went, Okay, I
want to do this. I have to do this. I was
really strongI had to be.
Were there people around you telling
you not to go through with it?
Yes, of course. Its funny because
when I look back at it, half of my
friends were supportive, but the other

half, they were, like, No. Thats bad.
Youre bad. You know? Naturally, my
parents were against it, tooand my
boyfriend as well.
What did you tell them?
I just told them, No, this is what I
want to do. So, Im doing it.
Did you ever imagine that doing it
meant that youd become this big?
No, no, no! Not at all! I have no real
idea why, out of the many, many
actresses in the scene, Id be able to
build up a following such as this. It
truly surprises me every day.
Were you aware that a good portion of
your fans comes from the Philippines?
I didnt know at all, as well. Because the
last time I came here was eight years
ago. That was in Cebu, though. Its my
rst time in Manila. Some of them knew
me, but it didnt feel this big. Im actually
surprised that they still remember me.
I think the people here are very warmhearted. You know, if you go to Japan,
people dont really seem to smile at
one another, like when they pass each
other by at the grocery or some other
public place. Here, people seem to have
this naturally warm, welcoming vibe to
them. Its a nice feeling.
JUNE 2015 FH M 49
Mia Ozawa
Mia Ozawa
52 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
What are some of your impressions

on your visit now?
Great. Its been super good. This is
my third day, but every day has been
so great, and the people have been so
kind and loving. The food is great, too.
The job has beenI havent been doing
radio tours and magazine shoots for
such a long time that it feels like Im
trying out new opportunities. Its a
great feeling, and its very exciting. In
2009, I actually did the cover for FHM
Taiwan. Im excited. It feels familiar,
but at the same time, since that has
been so long, I cant help but feel a
little bit nervous.
You said youve been enjoying the
food. Whats been your favorite so far?
I love adobo. Adobo is the best. Ive
been eating it for two days in a row
now. The rst time when I arrived
here, and then that was my breakfast
on my second day. Ive actually asked
for the recipe, but theres no way I
could make that in Japan. I wouldnt
be able to get the ingredients for it in
Japan.
Do you remember making your
rst video? What details do you
www.fhm.com.ph
remember from your AV debut as

they call it in Japan?
Yes, I remember being really, really
nervous. I remember telling myself,
Okay this is what I want to do. And
thats true; thats what I wanted to
do, but the night before the shoot,
I remember not being able to sleep.
I was so nervous, I couldnt sleep.
But that feeling went away when I
entered the studioand saw that the
people involved in the production
were friendly and very professional.
The rest is really history, but I know
I wouldnt have been able to stay 10
years in this job if the people that I
got to work withsome of whom have
felt like family to me over the years
were very pleasant to work with. You
know, in my rst two years, it was
really out of curiosity and I wanted to
get famous. But as I made more lms,
what kept me going was the love I
felt from the people who watched my
works. It made me want to stay in the
industry, so I just kept trying to give
more. The fans response to my videos
was part of the job satisfaction I felt.
Can you keep track of the number
of movies youve made in your

career?
Ha ha! Over a hundred for sure, but
not past 200. I think. Maybe 150 to
200.
Now, youve graduated from AV.
As opposed to some adult video
actresses that fade away, why
do you think youve been able to
transition to doing other forms of
performances?
You know what, I think its really
just about being open to new
experiences and new things. Right
now, I have my own bar in Japana
business that keeps me occupied, so
thats good for me. Ive gotten into
dance performances in Japan, too.
Overseas, in China, Taiwan, and
other countries, Ive tried out acting
in movies and television, and doing
magazine shoots. I think dipping
my toes and expressing myself in all
these other mediums have been key
to keeping things fresh. Its whats
kept me going, too. Here in the
Philippines, the radio interview with
the Boys Night Out guys was quite
the experience, too.
JUNE 2015 FH M 53
Mia Ozawa
Yes, that interview. It was probably
the most important moment in
Philippine radio history, and it was
how this countrys men were able
to nd out that you were here. How
was the experience?
It was so much fun. They were so
funny, the three guys. The one that
surprised me was, okay, I have an
Instagram account, and I have, like,
7,000 or 8,000 followers. But then
after that interview, it went over a
million. I was so surprised! There are
so many fake accounts online. So, one
time, I asked one of those accounts
to stop pretending to be me. And that
person was like, No, youre the fake
one! Ha ha! I was shocked, so Ive
stopped messaging these proles.
What would you say are your
favorite types of scenes in your AV
movies?
Oh, there are just so many, and not

just the main scenes involving sex.
There are several scenes where we
just talk, and do those little interview
scenes. There are those solo gravure
beauty scenes, where they just sort of
highlight the women. But you know
what my favorite kind of scene is? I
like the scenes that require us to go
to foreign countries. We used to go to
Guam and its beaches to shoot some
of our movies, so that becomes sort of
like a mini-vacation as well. Thats my
favorite type of scene.
When you perform in a movie, how
do you ease yourself into having
sex with a co-actor that youre not
exactly acquainted with yet?
Oh, it just comes naturally as you
start lming. The getting-to-know
process just happens as the scenes
go along. As I continue to do a scene
with another actor, the more I get to
know them, and the more comfortable
I become in doing scenes with them,
and it becomes easier. When you look

at my acting, my face gets, like, softer
as the lm goes along.
You said in your Boys Night Out
interview that all your sex scenes
are 100-percent genuine and that
none of it is faked. How do you think
were you able to sustain getting
genuine pleasure out of the sex
when its something that you do for
a living?
Oh, no, no, no. Acting in adult videos
is really not something that you
can do successfully merely to make
a living. There has to be some real
passion. Passion is everything. In
my case, I was really very curious to
begin with, and I think the industry
kept me curious through the years,
and thats why I was able to sustain it.
Acting in adult videos? You cant do
it forever. My advice would be to do it
for a few years or for as long as you

canhow do you say it?keep the re
burning.
One trademark weve noticed in AV
movies is the loud high-pitch noise...
Ha ha! Thats like the big thing in
Japan! Its really a Japanese thing.
And the fans, they just like it. The
louder a girl is, the more pleasure
a girl is feeling, or the better the
orgasm. And I think its because
we have girls that look so young.
They all look so very, very young.
So thats why they try to make them
not scream, but do more of this highpitched, schoolgirl-like squeal.
In your days as an AV idol
performer, how were you able to
maintain sexual relationships
outside of the movies?
At rst, I had trouble, well not trouble,
but it was like hard for me to nd
a decent person. When I went out

clubbing or go to the bars, there was
a feeling that the men just wanted to
take advantage of me. And I didnt
like it. But then, nanka, you kind of
get used to it. (Eds Note: nanka is
a Japanese term for emphasizing a
statement, like sobra.) Likewise, when
I was working, I was so busy I didnt
want to do it outside of the lm. But
now, you know, everythings ne.
Weve seen all manners of fantasies
and fetishes in your body of work,
but outside of the studio, what turns
you on? Do you have specic fetishes
that you truly enjoy?
Well, in Japan, there are lots of fetish
bars. So, I would go there with my
friendsand just for drinking. And
then theyll have, like, a show time,
an SM show. SM in Japan is really
a big thing. There are so many girls
that would like to be in one of those.
All the girls, they all love it.
SM, as in sado-masochism?
SM as in ropes. Thats really big
in Japan. They even have bars
specically for those shows where
guys drink and girls watch the show
on the stage with the ropes, candles,

and stuff like that. Sometimes, when
I get really stressed out, I go to
those kinds of bars. Its an art too.
Its fetishism. Watching that kind of
art is good, too. Its an expression of
sexuality and love. Lots and lots of
love.
If youll ever settle down, what kind
of man would you go for?
A gentleman...but more like the wild
kind of gentleman. Polite-looking on
the outside, but wild on the inside.
That kind of stuff. I like the strong
type of personality. Physically, if hes
taller than me, maybe 54, 55 I have
no problem with that. And he has to
be a little bit buff. Not too much. Not
Schwarzenegger-buff. I like the sporty
guy. Id like a guy I can go to the gym
with. Thats romantic. Going hiking,
jogging, play sportsthose are things
Id love to do with a guy.
Mia Ozawa
Whats the sweetest thing a guy has
done for you? How does a guy woo you?
A romantic dinner, of course. But more
like a normal date, even, at a park. I dont
know; I have enough of those romantic
dinner parties, and like, traveling. So Im
leaning more toward a date thats really
simple but, like, loving.
You mentioned traveling. Do you have a
dream destination in mind?
You know, Ive never been to Europe. So, I
want to go there and visit their churches.
I even went to Macau to see the churches.
That sounds kind of ironic...
Really?!
We mean, theres sort of a disconnect
between your former line of work and
your interest in churches.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe thats why I
like it...because its so separate from me.
Is it true that theres a shortage of male
porn stars in Japan?
Yes, there is. Actually, the male porn
stars are getting more famous than the
girls because the older women in Japan
are aiming toward the younger guys.
So, they started this new industry that
features these cute, young guysand
all these women, that are kind of older,
will buy their works and will become
their fans. As for the girls, there are all
these new girls coming in every day,
every week, every month. I think the
recruitment process has become really
simple. In the past 10 years, its become
so simple that its like anybody could
come in. But the weird thing is, of the
thousands of girls coming into the
industry every month, many of them
never last. Its difcult to stay focused on
one thing for over ve yearsthats why
they need to keep on bringing in new
talents to this industry.
Do you think the Japanese porn
industry would mind taking in Filipino
guys to compensate for the male porn
star shortage in Japan?
Oh! Ha ha! Yeah, of course. There are
Afro-Americans doing porn in Japan. So,
I think Filipino guys can get in, if they
wanted to. My advice would be, youd
have to be super kind to the girls, because
theyre all about themselvesme too,
when I was in the industry, I was so, so
selsh. Youll have to shower them with
attention!
What would your message be to all
the Filipino fans, whose lonely nights
youve made so much more, erm,
memorable?
You know what, we were just talking
about that. What was it again? Wait, Im
trying to remember those words...
Mahal kita?
Mahal ko kana!
Kayo!
Kayo!
Okay, one more time!
Okay, okay. To all my Filipino fans,
mahal ko kayo! FHM
Mia Ozawa
Mia Ozawa
I

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A LIFE MADE EASY IS JUST A MATTER OF MAKING A FEW ADJUSTMENTS,

INTELLIGENT DECISIONS, AND LIGHT OF YOUR TRIVIAL DILEMMAS
WORDS: ANTON D. UMALI
ILLUSTRATIONS: AJ BERNARDO
Some 9 to 5 problemssolved
Or what most of us call applying for
necessary documents
THE DILEMMA
ITEM TO USE
THE SOLUTION
WHEN APPLYING FOR A

U.S. VISA
Your computer
keyboard is collecting
muck from your libag
and pasmado hands
Post-it notes
Use the sticky end of a post-it note

to clean out dirt stuck in between
all the hard to reach nooks and
crannies of your keyboard.
You keep on losing

shirt buttons during
your commute to work
that you look like you
were mugged prior to
client meetings
The missuss
nail polish
A tiny swash of your girlfriends

clear nail polish on top of your
polos buttons will act as a
glue that prevents half-assed
stitching from revealing your
budget for wardrobe essentials.
Too many wires! Just.

Cant. Deal.
Female
co-workers
hairclip
Using an old chuk-chak (ask

your girl co-worker what it is, shell
know), organize stray cords and
wires to avoid unnecessary tangling
that can hinder productivity.
Your phone keeps on

butt-dialing because
it just doesnt t well
into your pants pocket
Old cassette
tape case
If you havent chucked out your

old Eheads and Rivermaya
cassette tapes, turn their cases
into a recycled cellphone stand
that easily decorates your
workplace and alleviates the
problem of having your phone
bunched up in your pants. Mother
Nature would be so proud.
P R O-TI P: CLEAN U P
Y O UR SOCI AL ME DIA
A C COUNTS
Although you arent really
sure if the US Embassy stalks
your Facebook, Twitter, and
Instagram proles prior to your
interview, it wont hurt to delete
any pics of you smoking from
a bong, getting trashed at a
party, or engaging in anything
considered remotely illegal.
Hide those anti-Uncle Sam
hate rants as well and consider
making all your accounts
private.
P R O-TI P: APPLY AS
A F A MILY
Although theres no guarantee
that dragging grandma and
your two younger sibs during
your application interview will
get you an approval, the We
just want to visit Disneyland
reason seems to y...so long as
you can prove you can afford it.
WHEN APPLYING FOR A

DRIVERS LICENSE
P R O-TI P: WEDNE SDAYS
A N D THURSDAYS FTW!
According to our source MC*,
these are the best days to apply
for a license because of the low
volume of trafc. Want to nish
early? Get in line by 7a.m. to
ensure youre out before 4p.m.
P R O-TI P: OPT FOR
S A TELLITE BRANCHES
F O R RENEW ALS
Check malls like Robinsons
Galleria and SM Megamall for
renewal centers to avoid the
hassle of battling long lines at
regular ofces.
WHEN BANKING
P R O-TI P: DO I T ONLIN E
Everyone constantly bitches
about having to line up at
banks to pay their bills, deposit
checks, and make transactions
when a lot of banking activity
can now be done over the
Internet. Thank you, modern
technology!
Show the ladylove that you can be handy around the house and
shes bound to return the handiness as a favor
T h e problem : The once-shiny
stainless steel sink is full of ugly stains
H a c k it: A mixture of baking soda
and vinegar can address the muck
thats dirtying your kitchen sink. Put the
ingredients in a small bowl and stir until
there are no more lumps. Dip an old
toothbrush in and scrub away the grime
in no time.
T h e p roblem : You go through bottles
upon bottles of ketchup and its burning a
hole in your pockets
H a c k it: When about two-thirds of
that bottle of red goodness has been
consumed, add a little water into the
bottle. Shake, and youve extended
the lifespan of your condiment without
sacricing the quality of its taste...well,
maybe just a little bit.
T h e p roblem: All that icky oil in the
peanut butter you just purchased keeps
pooling at the top of the jar
H a c k it: Leave your jar of peanut butter
ipped upside down overnight. The
oil will collect itself on the bottom
end, making your peanutbutter-spreading experience
mantika-free!
Th e prob lem : When soaps are wilted

down to an awkward size after daily use,
theyre neither big enough to clean your
body nor small enough to jbe thrown away
Hack it : If you have two bars of soap
that are in this state of uselessness,
stick them together to create an instantly
bigger/functional suds-maker.
P ESS T I N P E A C E
Debugging your household need
not be expensive
T h e p ro b lem : Cockroaches,
some even of the ying kind, are
invading your kitchen
H ac k it : Leave some bay leaves in
the areas they frequent to ward them
off. If that doesnt work, spraying the
little creepers with soapy water will
render them lifeless
T h e p ro b lem : Flies buzzing
about are annoying you while you
eat
H ac k it : Wrapping crushed mint
in paper towels and hanging them
around problem areas will help
give you some peace of mind.
T h e p ro b lem : An army of ants
is quickly claiming your home as
their own
H ac k it : Identify where theyre
coming from and sprinkle the area
with a mixture of cinammon
and black pepper.
T h e p ro b l e m :
Youre getting itchy
from eas living
on all surfaces
of your
furniture
H ac k i t :
Scatter baking
soda on
your
carpets
and
couches.
LIFE HACKS
Some driver/commuter tips to make

your daily trek through the urban jungle
swift, safe, and comfortable
HAP P Y JO U R N E Y
*Puke in the car?
Leave a bag of
coal in your ride
overnight to suck
up the rancid
smell.
*Using Joy
dishwashing
liquid stains
on your car
windshield is a
tried-and-tested
cure for annoying
sticker stains.
*Amoy tokpu in
the MRT? Apply
some Tiger Balm
under your nose
deect unwanted
kili-kili powers.
*When
commuting with
a good sum of
money, roll what
can t and hide
it inside your
socks.
*Fog on your
windows? If your
de-mistier isnt
working properly,
sacrice a
cigarette by
breaking it in half
and rubbing it
on the affected
areas for a better
view.
*Skinny jeans
are the perfect
anti-dukot wear
for snatchers.
Not your style?
Your expensive
smartphone is at
risk.
*Someone
hogging two
lanes? Turn up
your high beam
and drive fast
in his direction.
Watch him as he
gives way and
stays on one lane
like magic.
COUL D P O S S I BLY
I NST I G AT E R O A D R A GE
You cant spell fun without screaming, FU! at small obstacles
BOT T LE CAP BUST ER
T HE SELF-MADE SELFIE S T IC K
F o r: When a friend needs to wash

down the harsh realities of life with a
cold beer but theres no bottle opener
in sight
Y o u r s o lu t io n : Lighter it up! No
bottle opener, no problem.
S T E P 1 : Find a drunken friend in
need of more beer to impress with
your inuman-sesh man skills. Grab
his unopened drink and hold it around
the neck, the cap protruding from the
circle formed by your index nger and
thumb.
S T E P 2 : Take out your lighter
and hold it where the metal is so the
bottom part is what youll use to pop
the cap.
S T E P 3 : Position the lighters
bottom end on top of your nger and
let it rest under the cap.
S T E P 4 : Squeeze your thumb
and index nger tight so you feel the
lighter pressing harder against the cap.
Remember this is more about
pressure rather than
force.
S T E P 5 : Push
the lighter down so
its bottom makes
the cap bend open.
Follow-through on
that action till the cap
ies off and revel in your
usefulness. Repeat, tagay,
repeat until appropriately
inebriated.
F o r: Taking IG-worthy group seles

when you cant afford to drop 500
bucks for an overrated metal pole
Yo u r so lu t io n : Convert your
garden-variety dustpan into a hip
monopod. No one will know the
difference.
S T E P 1 : Get a dustpan and hold it at
the highest end of the handle.
S T E P 2 : Place your smartphone at
the base of the dustpan with the front
end of the phone leaning on the at
surface, the camera facing the party.
S T E P 3 : Set your smartphones
camera on timer mode (because
dustpans rarely come with Bluetooth
remotes), hold the self-made sele
stick far enough to capture the
whole group. Smile. Click. Memory
immortalized.
A T ALL GLASS OF GOO D M U ZA A A K

F o r: When fancy portable speakers
are but a pipedream but youre hosting
a shindig in need of some audio-driven
entertainment
Yo u r so lu t io n : An empty glass,
your phone, and the magic of science!
S T E P 1 : Pull out a glass large
enough to t your phone/music-player
from your pantry.
S T E P 2 : Choose a song or playlist
and press play before dropping the
player speakers-down into the glass.
S T E P 3 : Fist-pump, twerk, and
head-bang as you celebrate your
audiophile-approved DIY sound
system. FHM
HOW TO GET
HOWTOGET
Hi d d e n so me w h ere within
t h a t ch e e k y T a ylor S wif t
l y r ic co u l d b e t he k ey to
A-l e v e l h o o k i n g up . We
gi v e th e m g i r l y p op song s
a s e c o n d l i ste n and , with
t h e h e l p o f a p anel of
t r u s t e d e x p e r ts, d ecod e
t h e d a ti n g se crets that
ne it h e r Ka n y e nor And rew
E. h a s e v e r ta u g ht us
WORDS:
PONG CASTILLO
GENIE IN A BOTTLE
SOMETIMES
C hr i s ti n a A g u i l e r a
B r i tn e y S p e a r s
She sings:
If you wanna be with me
Baby theres a price to
pay
Im a genie in a bottle
(Im a genie in a bottle)
You gotta rub me the right way
She sings:
I wanna believe in everything
that you say
Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
Theres things about me you just have to know
What she really means: Christina

was every bit convincing when she sang
these words in 1999, cute cropped
tops and all, telling the then-adolescent
men of today that all it really takes is,
well, some rubbing. In other words,
lambing and foreplay can go a long
way. Foreplay stimulates all the senses
and helps heighten interest in doing
the deed. You must fully indulge in the
sensual before you can fully enjoy the
sexual, says author Jeni West in her
books, Porn Star Secrets of Sex. No
woman wants to feel forced into faking
it, Lagdameo adds. Do we really have to
keep reminding you?
What she actually means: Bunagan says

women have to be wary and sniff out false
advertising by men. From an evolutionary
psychology standpoint, its just how their brains
are wired. Sometimes Mr. Paasa is shrouded
as Mr. Right Guy, so girls hold their guards up
and play hard-to-get to nd out if the guy can
be trusted. Our lady experts all agree that one
of the last things a girl wants to be labeled as is
easy to get. So as with all good things, it pays
to be patient, bud.
THE GIRL
THEGIRL
OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS

Kay Bunagan, MA, RP
Founding partner at
Better Step Psychology
Marla Miniano
Author
Mich Lagdameo
Managing editor,
Cosmopolitan Philippines
NO SCRUBS
CANDY
I REALLY LIKE YOU
T LC
M and y M o o r e
Ca r l y R a e J e p s e n
She sings:
A scrub is a guy that
thinks hes y
And is also known as a
buster
Always talkin about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)
She sings:
Im so addicted
To the loving that youre feeding
to me
Cant do without it.
This feelings got me weak in the knees
Bodys in withdrawal
Every time you take it away
Cant you hear me calling
Begging you to come out and play?
So baby come to me
Show me who you are
She sings:
Its like everything
you say is a sweet
revelation
All I wanna do is get
into your head
Yeah, we could stay alone, you and
me, and this temptation
Sipping on your lips, hanging on by
thread, baby
What she actually means: Shes

not actually judging you for your
money (or lack thereof), but rather
your ability and initiative to produce
some. A stable income means youre
doing a good job, literally, and that
youre willing to work for the things
you want, says Miniano. And to clear
things out, a girl wins when they end
up with a man with a good head on his
shoulders when it comes to nances.
Lagdameos take: That doesnt make
women materialistic; in fact, that
makes us realistic.
What she actually means: Shes addicted

to your loving. And what does that mean? One
word, bro: winning! But try not to overthink;
just enjoy it while it lasts. But a fair warning,
care of Lagdameo: Just be ready for whatever
crazy scenario shes prepped for you in the
bedroom. Pray its something youre man
enough to handle.
What she actually means: Girls

appreciate your skills in the bedroom,
but when the action stops, you have
to nd ways to hook her into you sans
all the physical panlalandi. Engage
her in honest conversations about
yourself so she will be comfortable
to return the favor. As to playing the
mysterious man: Mysterious men are
extremely attractivebut only if theres
actually something going on beneath
the surface, says Miniano. Stop the
pa-deep one-liners and stay saktong
friendly and chatty and you might nd
her staying for coffee at your kitchen
counter the morning after.
DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

Me gh a n Tr a in o r
She sings:
After every ght
Just apologize
And maybe then Ill let you
try and rock my body right
Even if I was wrong
You know Im never wrong
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?
What she really means: Women can
come off as egoistic as men, you know,
but wed rather let the petty stuff go,
says Lagdameo. It doesnt matter who
was truly wrong (chances are it was you,
anyway. Ha ha!), but were more about
moving forward and resolving it ASAP.
Miniano says that petty ghts are like
litmus tests for couples: The reason
behind them rarely even matters, but the
way theyre dealt with speaks volumes
on your character and compatibility.
RUDE BOY
Rihanna
She sings:
I like the way
You touch me there
I like the way
You pull my hair
Baby, if I dont feel it
I aint faking
No, no
BLANK SPACE
Tay l or S w i ft
Sh e s i n g s :
Cause were young
and were reckless
Well take this way too
far
Itll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
Theyll tell you Im insane
But Ive got a blank space, baby
And Ill write your name
What s he r e a l l y m e a n s : Hi p s t er meg a babe R ac h a e l F i n l e y of s t e a k t o o t h .
com once s a i d , W e k e e p f o r g e t t i n g
that gi rl s d o a l l t h e s h i t t y t h i n g s
guys do, t o o . S o met i mes g i r l s
are j ust malabo ; t h e y r e n o t b e i n g
careful o r p r o t e c t i n g t h e ms el v e s
or whate v e r , t h e y r e j u s t s t r i n g i n g
you al on g b e c a u s e t h e y r e n o t s u r e
i f they l i k e you e n o u g h t o mak e
a move o r r e c i p r o c a t e . Mi n i an o
advi ses: Do n t b e i n t i mi d at e d b y
strai ghtf o r w a r d g i r l s b e c a u s e t h e y r e
so much b et t e r t h a n t h e o n e s w h o
can t ma k e u p t h e i r mi n d s .
What she really means: One DJ Alvarado

immortalized in a song her tipo ng lalake:
maginoo pero medyo bastos, who sometimes
plays better than Mr. Mysterious in the dating
department. More than the unpredictability,
women like variation in bed. Were not saying
you play Christian Grey, but you can take some
pointers maybe. Just saying.
68 FH M JUNE 2015
FACEBOOKCOM&(-PHsTWITTERCOMFHMPHILsFHMPHILOFlCIAL
EH, EH
Lady Gaga
She sings:
Boy, weve had a real good time
And I wish you the best on your
way
Eh eh
I didnt mean to hurt you
I never thought wed fall out of place
Eh eh, hey ey
What she really means: Its either shes
playing pakipot to extend enjoyment of your
being extra nice and giving before she makes
you her boyfriend, or paliguy-ligoy because she
just doesnt know how to break it to you. Take
cues from her gestures and choice of words,
and let us know if the odds were even in
your favor.
MATERIAL GIRL
Madonna
She sings:
They can beg and they
can plead
But they cant see the
light, thats right
Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right
What she really means: A guy
showering girls with gifts he can barely
afford is a red agits usually more
about boosting his image and less about
generosity and thoughtfulness, says
Miniano. Gifts are welcome, of course,
but if I had to choose Id rather my guy
save up for and spend on things we can
experience together, like a nice meal or a
trip somewhere. I can buy my own stuff,
thank you!
www.fhm.com.ph
C H E E K Y PO P SONGS
CALL ME MAYBE
PEACOCK
Ca r l y R a e J e p s e n
Ka ty P er r y
She s i ngs :
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Dont be a chicken boy, stop acting like a bee-yotch
Im a peace out if you dont give me the payoff
Come on baby let me see
What you hiding underneath
Wh a t sh e re a lly means : O ur l ady experts agree t h a t w o men s e c r e t l y
like peacocking men, for the purpose of mas ki n g maj o r , c r i p p l i n g
ins ecurities . A nd for the thi ng you re hi di n g u n d er n e a t h , L a g d a meo
claim s that al l women wi l l agree that no ma t t e r h o w b i g you r
package is , if you don t know how to use i t, t h en w h a t s t h e p o i n t ?
BUTTONS
She sings:
Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But heres my number
So call me maybe
Its hard to look right at you baby
But heres my number
So call me maybe
What she really means: You know whats
crazier? Shes straightforward even on your
rst dates, because these days, a rst date is
rarely the beginning of a story, says Miniano.
Prior to that, youve already stalked each other
online, so by the time that the actual rst date
rolls around, you probably already know each
other well enough to decide whether its going
anywhere. And sir, she just spared you that
awkward hey-can-I-get-your-number moment.
Youre welcome.
Pussyca t D o lls
She sings:
Typical
Hardly the type I fall for
I like when the physical
Dont leave me asking for more
Im a sexy mama (mama)
Who knows just how to get what I wanna (wanna)
What I want to do is spring this on you (on you)
Back up all of the things that I told you (told you)
What she really means: Bunagan explains
that, passion is closely linked to novelty and
stimulations, which means that surprising
your girl in the bedroom (and out of it) evokes
the deepest of emotions. But for your romp
sessions, never hesitate to ask what she wants
done and how she wants it done. Sex is not a
one-way show of your skills, says Lagdameo.
Dont talk dirty unless she asks; be gentle
unless she roughs you up rst. Let her take the
lead. Youre both still winning at that anyway.
BANG BANG
A r i a n a G r a n d e ft. J essie J
She sings:
She mightve let you hold
her hand in school
But Im a show you how
to graduate
No, I dont need to hear you talk the talk
Just come and show me what your
momma gave
What she really means: Jessie J
wants you to cut the crappy pambobola
and just walk the walk because some
girls already know what they want and
how to get it, and they wont be waiting
around for you to gure out what youre
next move will be. I think its a win for
everyone overall because if women are
more communicative about what they
want in a relationship, then theres less
drama, adds Lagdameo. So whatever
that is your momma gave, show it off, itll
work. Or we can hope it will.
WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA
ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
FUTURE-PROOF
Worried that your not-so-impressive resum will just end up as the HR staffs scratch paper? Dont fret! We came up with these unusual
CELEBRITY
POWER FORWARD
SMALL FORWARD
MR. PLAYMAKER/
MR. GAME CHANGER
As a 610 18-year-old, NBA
2015-16 possible top draft
pick Ben Simmons was likely
meant to be a power forward
or maybe even a center. That
is, until they see him play. Not
content with just playing the
role of a big man in the paint,
Bens been working on his ballhandling skills with his dad and
other brothers ever since he
was a little kid. Golden State
Warriors center Andrew Bogut
categorized Ben as a hybrid
small forward/power forward.
With the kind of passes and
plays he makes, hes sure to
change the game.
CHEF
MR. MAKE-ALL-THEWOMEN DROOL
Other than having an
overwhelming amount of tikas
and a killer smile, Chef
Tristan Encarnacion says it
doesnt take a lot to become
a celebrity chef. You should
know your stuff. I always have
to study up on my cooking,
because people usually ask me
stuff during shows and I dont
want to be caught off guard.
Catering to people should
be your number one priority.
Catering to them not just with
good food but actually relating
with the people and their tastes
on a personal level. Chef Tristan
says, I dont really see myself as
a celebrity chef. I think that just
builds a wall between the people
and my cooking. I just want them
to get to know me, that
Im just Tristan.
NETWORK ENGINEER
FHM MODEL
DOCTOR
BEAUTY, BRAINS
WITH SOME PERKS
ON THE SIDE.
Everybody loves a girl that can
keep you happy in both mind
and body, thats probably why
jaws drop when people nd out
that Dr. Shanna Solideo is
actually a full-edged general
medical practitioner. Dr. Solideo
tells us that being an FHM
model actually comes with a lot
of benets in the medical scene.
They give me special treatment
sometimes! she quips. My
patients always get their referral
rst and get to surgery faster.
Shes very proud to be a doctor
and a model. It helps build
awareness that FHM models are
more than just pretty faces and
sexy bodieswere professionals
with brains.
TECH SUPPORT
SPECIALIST
HARDWARE/SOFTWARE
MASTER
The IT industry now drives
the world of workunless, of
course, if work happens to be
cut off from the rest of the wired
world like, say, farming; but tell
that to the farmer using his
smartphone. If you happen to
be a fresh grad looking to work
in the tech eld, how do you set
yourself apart? Bas Antonio,
Human Resources IT Specialist
of Summit Media, says that
more hands-on IT people have
the edge. An IT Administratora
fusion of a network engineer
that links all the computers in an
ofce, and a technical support
specialist that knows the ins and
outs of computer programsis a
one-man team that can handle
emergency malfunctions in the
sites assigned to him on the spot.
YOUR SKILL SET

but logically sound and impressive-looking skill combinations that all the companies will keep their eyes out for in the future
POP STAR
COMEDIAN
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER
TOTAL ENTERTAINER
We think Dwayne Johnson is
a genius for switching careers.
We miss seeing the most
electrifying wrestler of all time in
the ring but its equally awesome
seeing him on the big screen
kicking ass carrying a gatling
gun around (woops, Fast 7
spoiler). And besides, no one in
his or her right mind would tell
off The Rock when he makes a
joke. We dont know about you
guys but wed rather cough out
a laugh than cough out blood
when a Peoples Elbow lands on
our throats.
FASHION ICON
TRENDSETTING
FASHOWNISTA
From Madonna to Lady Gaga,
weve noticed that to be
successful in the music biz you
dont just appeal to peoples
ears; you have to be easy on the
eyes, too. Most musicians these
days are more like products
and models people admire and
fans copy. Being a trendsetter is
almost a prerequisite nowadays.
So aspiring musicians should be
ready not only to rock the stage
but also own that red carpet!
Given, youre a guyyou cant
do Lady Gaga. Hey, remember
bands like Poison and Motley
Crue? They were far prettier
than Gaga.
MUSICIAN
LAWYER
WRITER
NON-STARVING ARTIST
Being a writer-lawyer seems to
make sense on paper with both
being meticulous when it comes
to details and analyzing stories
given to them but with both
jobs being so taxing physically,
mentally, and emotionally, you
wonder where famous lawyerwriters like John Grisham, David
E. Kelley and many others nd
the superhuman strength and
will power to keep going. What
Judge Simeon Dumdum Jr.,
an accomplished RTC Judge
and ve-time Palanca awardwinning writer, recommends.
If you love writing poems, you
should write poems no matter
your station in life. its simple as
that. Never put down your pens,
guys. Just write.
TEACHER
SIR/MAAM COOL
One of the greatest trials a
teacher must face is keeping
her students attention. When a
students attention is diminished,
his learning rate drops from 80
percent down to 45 percent
and, yes, we did pull that statistic
out of our ass. Roselyn Ko,
a former math and science
elementary teacherand
currently a violin instructorsays
teaching through the use of
song helps children remember
lessons better. The Skeleton
Song and the Magnet Song
are a few of her secret weapons
in her cool teacher arsenal.
From intimidating and difcult
subjects, her students learned
how to love and appreciate
them through music.
FUTURE-PROOF YOUR SKILL SET
COMPETITIVE EATER
PSYCHOLOGIST
FITNESS BUFF
ADVERTISER
DENTIST
METABOLIC BIONIC!
THEATER ACTRESS
SUBLIMINAL MARKETER
PHOTOGRAPHER
Love eating but hate getting

fat? Rix Francisco, co-holder
of the Guinness World Record
for Fastest to Eat a 12-inch
Pizza, gives you the pros and
cons of his lifestyle. I enjoy
eating and also expanding the
capacity of my stomach, says
Francisco. Hes won numerous
eating contests, which allows
him to eat A LOT of food for
freeMura akong ka-date, ha
ha! This lifestyle is a win-win for
him since after he chows down,
he goes straight to the gym to
make use of his #Gainz, lose
that excess fat, and turn the rest
into muscle. Rix says, Its not
healthy to eat a lot if you cant
burn it. All it takes is a lot of
dedication and munchies.
GAMER
An advertisers job is to know

how to get the attention of his
or her target audience, and what
better way to do so than getting
into their heads? According to
Walter D. Scott, Assistant
Professor of Psychology in
Northwestern University in his
article on modern advertising,
an advertising psychologist
analyze[s] the human mind
[and breaks it down] into its
various activities, then analyze[s]
advertisements to discover what
there is in them that may or may
not awaken the activity desired.
Advertising psychologists make
use of Mental Imagery (using
data we see through our eye
to awaken as many different
classes of images as possible)
to inuence us into buying their
products through making use of
pictures and texts that relate to
our senses. Hmm, maybe thats
why our compulsion to buy and
binge on fastfood never ceases.
FLASH THAT
KILOWATT SMILE!
Who needs a camera ash
when you have pearly whites
that could light up the whole
town? Meet Dr. Ejay Leung,
FHM photographer, and certied
dental practitioner. Even if my
two jobs arent that related, they
help me balance out my worklife in terms of the creativity of
photography, and the science
behind dentistry, he says. When
asked if being a dentist gets
him more clients, In a way, yes. I
have treated a few of my models
in the clinic. Theres nothing like
a model who can light up the
room with a smile, and if they
cant do it themselves, then it
would be awesome if we could
get a little hands-on with the
cleaning.
A TRUE ROLE-PLAYER
Sometimes its difcult to
distinguish between performing
on stage and beating them in
computer games when you rock
so hard at doing both. When
youre undertaking a character,
you cant just act the character,
you have to believe you are that
character, says actress a parttime gamer-host Arya Herrera.
Switching from her regular self
to her persona, a spunky sassy
bombshell named Gwenny
Chant, seems like second nature
to the experienced actress.
Both jobs require the person to
get lost in different worlds to
truly appreciate and enjoy what
youre doing.
formula
for disaster
EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT US THESE COMBOS JUST DONT WORK
FHM MODEL
TRAFFIC ENFORCER
PRETTY ROAD HAZARD
This wouldnt be a great story
if we didnt add some of our
own blunders in the past, would
it now? Well just toss this up
as one of our inuman session
ideas. But, really, it wasnt our
entirely fault; if our models
werent so eye-catching and the
motorists could have just kept
their eyes on the road instead of
staring at the sizzling hot women
wearing almost nothing and
posing sensuously on the side
of the road then okay, maybe
thats asking a bit too much.
Yeah, our bad.
CONGRESSMAN
RACE CAR DRIVER
PROFESSIONAL BOXER
BUS DRIVER
ISNT QUITE THE

POWERHOUSE IN THE
CONGRESS
HUNDRED CAR PILE-UP
Unless youre gunning for most

absences in House of the
Representatives meetings, we
dont think you should really
be branching out into another
profession that has absolutely
nothing to do with your prior
one, Mr. Peoples Champ. There
are other ways to help your
province, for example, giving
to charity and projects, starting
your own fundraiser, being a
civilian-model your kababayans
can look up to, or something
as simple as not running for a
political position at allever.
ACTRESS
SINGING DIVA
WANNABE SONGSTRESS
Leave your karaoke singing in
the shower room please. Yes,
we do all transform into Mariah
Carey while were washing
our hair and singing with our
showerhead microphone, but
once we step out of our fantasy
world, we should just accept
reality, not only for our own
sakes but also for the good
health of other peoples ears!
But you have to admitthe onstage wardrobe choices of some
of these ambisyosas arent too
bad on the eyes.
Kaskasero from your worst

nightmares. The Fast and
the Furious meets
Edsa trafc. There are
some things you just shouldnt
try because of the sheer
douchebag-ery they would
entail. Just imagine these giant
six-wheelers drifting, feeling all
Gran Turismo, lane to lane. Save
yourself the pocket change for
paying off the trafc enforcers
and hang up them keys on the
shelf, road-rager.
L o o k , ma n , Im t u r n in g 4 0 t h is y e a r .
I ve bee n d o in g t h is FHM g ig f o r 1 5 y e a r s , a n d t h a t s
a s lo ng a s t h is UK-b a s e d m e n s m a g a zin e h a s b e en
a ro und in t h is c o u n t r y . T h e wa y I s e e it , d o in g FHM i s
k ind o f lik e b e in g a m e m b e r o f Ku y a Ge r m s s Thats
Entertainment t h e r e c o m e s a t im e wh e n y o u h a ve t o g i ve
up whe n y o u g e t o ld e n o u g h . Yo u c a n t b e 4 0 a n d still
a sk wha t wo m e n wa n t . All t h o s e y e a r s wa s t e d , y ou d a t
le a st ha ve h a d a n it t y b it o f in k lin g . Su r e , t h e y d o n t
re a lly a ll o w y o u t o f ig u r e it a ll o u t , b e c a u s e if t h e y d i d ,
t he n FHM wo u ld s u d d e n ly f in d it s e lf wit h o u t a r e a so n
t o e xist , a n d FHM is s t ill a r o u n d b e c a u s e we r e s t i l l
f iguring ou t wh a t t h e h e ll t h e y really wa n t .
Im turning 40, and I cant still be

guring it all out. Weve got young
dudes in the nuthouse now who can do
a better job embarrassing themselves.
So Ive got a bucket list of things
I want to be when I grow, not up, but
out. That is, a new skill set when I
become uselessly old and obsolete in
this business. We all have our bucket
lists. Yours probably has travel the
world or buy a sports car or some
other thing you should be doing other
than the thing youre doing right now.
Mine happens to have be a rock
star and do stand-up comedy. Im
not kidding. If Im going to be doing
something else, I might as well keep
my list amusing.
Thing is, Ive been trying to be a
rock star for 24 years now, damn since
high school. But it will never happen.
Its never going to happen because Im
an up-in-my-own-ass elitist. I like music
that no one has heard of, so Ive been in
and out of bands that no one cares to
listen to. First band was a death metal
band that played slow death metal; then
a goth band once followed by 15-yearold girls, some professing to have had
thoughts of killing themselves. Both
bands sound criminal.
But I could be a stand-up comedian.
No, really, I can. How hard could it
be?
Im not about to give you bullshit
here. Right off, I will not say Im
funny, because thats not for me to
decide. But at least thats what I try to
be every time I commit words to this
rag. Its probably more right to say I
know whats funny.
Im not good at talking in public,
but Im not good at shutting up either.
Matigas ang mukha ko if I really put
my mind to it.
Then one editorial meeting, the
story pitch FHMs Road-Tested Daily
Stand-up Comedy Routine came up.
The idea was to help the everyday guy

be funny with his friends and the girls,
and to do that we would seek the help
of seasoned stand-up comics to thresh
out materiala full scriptthat we
could then put to practical use.
FHM team editor Allan Madrilejos,
whos 46 and may or may not be hard at
work on his own list of other things he
should be doing instead, sort of threw it
back at me, like fecal matter.
Why dont you do stand-up?
Yeah, why dont I do it myself? Tick
one off the bucket list. How fucking
hard could it be?
Thats how I got into this mess.

Early on it was pretty clear what
I had to do: get to an open mic. Id
read and seen enough stuff on the
Internet about Richard Pryor, George
Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, and all the
other American comedians supposedly
among Comedy Centrals 50 best to
know that open mic is where you sign
up to perform in front of an audience.
You dont get paid for it, and you
only get three to ve minutes to make
people laugh, but open mic is where all
great stand-up careers start. Seinfeld
has a $15 million car collection.
Pryor accidentally set himself on re
freebasing cocaine and lived. Carlin
declared God was Joe Pesci.
Wait, I hear scofng in the
audience: We really have stand-up
comedy in the Philippines? The way
Seinfeld and co. do it? Yes, we do. Its
a young scene, a little older than 10
years maybe, but we do. They do clubs,
corporate shows, and most importantly,
they host open mics.
This is where we differentiate things
now. Stand-up technically is not Allan
K. or Vice Ganda doing the comedy bar
circuit. Its not Michael V. improvising
on Bubble Gang. You might have seen

the Porkchop Duo riff jokes onstage in a
town esta years back and thought they
did stand-up, but no. Its not Tito, Vic
and Joey. It might not even be Dolphy
and Panchito. In other words, stand-up
comedy has no tradition in Pinoy humor.
I dont quite get it myself. Ive seen
Pinoy stand-ups bomb ignominously
onstage, eliciting no laughs for joke
after joke after joke. It could have been
the languagethey were talking in
English, and we dont laugh the Pinoy
laugh in English. It could have been the
materialtoo smart, too self-consciously
Pinoy but not talking about the Pinoy.
It could have been the comic himself
just who are you exactly? Its enough to
make you think stand-up comedy just
would not work in the Philippines.
But I had seen one guy who made
it work: Alex Calleja. Youve read about
him thrice here on FHM and hes the
current toast of the Pinoy stand-up
comedy scene, and by that I only mean
hes the guy Ive seen who was able to
elicit real laughter from his audience.
Not polite laughter, but tindahan-sakanto laughter. His materialmostly
mahirap vs. mayaman snippets,
observations on everyday lifestraddles
the line between comedy bar and Comedy
Central. In his circle of comedians, a
group called Comedy Manila, they call
him The Hybrid and The Master.
If I were to plunge headlong into
the assignment, then I had better call
the man and ask him the fundamental
questions: Just how the hell do you do
Pinoy stand-up? Will you mentor me?
Can you sneak my name into Comedy
Manilas open mic?
Good thing Alex had the time.

Outside of his regular gigs
headlining for Comedy Manila, he does
hosting jobs, goes onboard a radio
show, and writes for several TV shows
on ABS-CBN. This is a guy who had
never studied for any of the things hes
doing right now: he graduated college
with a computer science degree, at the
ripe old age of 27, and had previously
worked in the call center industry.
Matigas lang talaga ang mukha
ko, Alex said in a meeting I hijacked,
an hour before he was to go on radio.
What happened was, in the
companies that he had worked in,
he would always be assigned to host
rafes at Christmas parties, and every
time hed made fun of the event and
it was a hit. Then one time, his call
center organized a stand-up comedy
workshop, and thats where it all made
sense to him, what hed been doing.
Hindi ko alam stand-up comedy
na pala yung ginagawa ko, kasi nung
mga panahon na yun, mga late 90s,
early 2000s, wala pa namang cable
nun, di ko pa alam yung Comedy
Central, he said.
I cut to the chase and asked him the
tough questions, because if I was going
to die onstage I sure would want to
know why:
Me: Ano ba talaga yung
pinagkaiba niyo sa eksena sa
Zirkoh?
Alex: Sa kanila hindi solo, may
kasama ka sa stage. Sa amin mas
structured ang jokes, ikaw ang
magsusulat ng sarili mong jokes.
Sila, they use the audience, yung
hitsura nila, mga ganon.
Me: Ang perception sa stand-up
comedy, matalino, nag-Iingles,
kaya di ma-gets...
Alex: Hindi totoo ang perception
ng matalinong joke. Depende
yun sa komedyante. Wala ring
kasalanan ang audience kung
hindi nag-work ang jokenasa

komedyante pa rin. Even if
your topic is high-brow, its
the comedians responsibility to
make the content relatable to the
audience.
Me: What is Pinoy comedy?
Alex: Tama na ang Pinoy
comedy ay sina Dolphy, Tito, Vic,
and Joey...iba lang kami.
Me: So if youre mentoring me,
anong pwede mong ipabaon sa
akin?
Alex: 1. Kailangan malaman
nila kung sino ka, ano ka, at
kung anong sasabihin mo in 10
seconds.
2. Be real. Walang pretention.
So kung taga- FHM ka, eh di
ikwento mo yung mga tungkol
sa FHM. Pero...
3. Kailangan bumuo ka ng
persona that you will take with
you your whole career. Kung
matalino ka, matalino ka. Hindi
pwedeng matalino ka ngayon, sa
susunod nagbobo-bobohan ka.
4. Dont be ambitious. Start
small. Repeat. Repeat. Build on
three minutes.
5. Build a great opener and
closer. Then create a good
middle. After you create a solid
three-part, build another one. Eh
di may three minutes ka na!
I have to admit, they were solid
pieces of advice, even if you could
probably get the same shit online,
because it came from a guy who made
it work.
Next Thursday ang open mic
sa Uno Morato, dun ka sumalang.
Yung open mic namin dun din kami
nagpapraktis ng mga jokes namin sa
Comedy Manila together with the other
comedians. Makikita mo yung proseso.
Im there, I said.
But before heading off to his radio gig,
Alex dropped a piece of his mind about
the whole ordeal. It wasnt anything, just

the way he thought things were.
You either have it or you dont,
Alex said.
Puta naman tong si Alex o.
Im actually here on assignment.

Im Allan Hernandez, FHM
Philippines managing editor.
So my assignment, at least
initially, was to get some tips
from professional stand-up
comedians para makagawa ako
ng sarili kong material, which I
could then put to everyday use,
para pwede namang ako yung
maging kwela sa barkada
tsaka syempre sa chicks
Lagi kaming nag-iisip ng
ways to get down with the
chicks15 years na bale
So hanggang ngayon hindi
pa rin talaga namin alam ang
sagot. Puta 15 YEARS, di pa rin
namin alam...
I started out my ve minutes exactly
this way. Im able to write it down word
for word for you because I wrote my
entire material down, all 1,000 words
of it (see picture) . If Alex had seen my
cheat sheet hed have said hindi article
ang isusulat mo, jokes!
There were maybe about 30 people
in Uno, a cool geeks space about
the size of a shoebox condo unit. A
third of the audience were Comedy
Manilas resident comics trying out
their material, the rest were my hakot:
FHMs Team Editor Allan Madrilejos
and Associate Art Director JL Patulan;
Mens Healths Marc Yazon and Wayne
Tulio; and a photo and video team.
I heeded Alex Callejas advice to
keep it real, so my material was about
my life as an FHM editor, and how I
was probably getting too old for the job:
Ang FHM parang Thats

Entertainmentkailangan pag
tumanda ka na, grumadweyt
ka.
Di bale sana kung si Billy Joe
Crawford o Isko Moreno ako,
ang lawak ng future koyung
isa dating pop star sa Paris,
yung isa vice mayor and future
senator (taga niyo sa bato yan!)
Eh kung si Michael Locsin
o kaya si Brylle Mondejar ako,
wala nasa kangkungan na
ako pupulutin.
Not much laughter there. Alexs
you-have-it-or-you-dont began to ring
in my ear. Some laughs came from the
back, where my entourage was, who
knew all too well what I was talking
about.
I plodded on:
Two days ago we had a shoot.

SI MARIA OZAWA.
I paused here to see if the crowd
would swoon. They didnt. They
thought I was kidding. I wasnt.
Wala ako sa shoot.

Birthday ng anak ko e.
I paused again, to build up the
feeling that I was a hero for not
attending Maria Ozawas shoot. I also
wasnt kidding. I really wasnt there
because it was my kids birthday.
Dun sa birthday, nandun

yung best friend ko na ninong
din nung bunso ko
Sabi niya, wow pare,
ANG TANGA MO!
PINAGPALIT MO SI MARIA
OZAWA SA ANAK MO?!!!!!
Napaisip ako. Oo nga no.
Yung anak ko pag lumaki yan
lalaki ehkay Maria Ozawa
rin mapupunta yan. Baka
pagdating ng panahon sabihin
pa sa akin niyan pag nalaman
niyang hindi ako nagpunta sa
78 FH M JUNE 2015
shoot ni Maria Ozawa

Wow, dad, ANG TANGA MO!!!!
This was where I thought I got a
good laugh. But it was short. Polite
laughter. I riffed some more until I got
to the nal bit of my set:
So you know, after all

these years working for FHM
Im thinking of switching
careers. But I like writing for
magazines. So maybe I wont
be doing this stand-up comedy
bit, lilipat na lang ako ng ibang
Summit magazine
Pwede siguro sa
Entrepreneur
kaso sasama lang ang loob
ko roon. Sasabihin lagi ng iniinterview ko, hard work is the
key to success. Sila mayaman
na, ako hindi, 18 years na kong
nagtatrabaho, tangina
O kaya siguro sa Cosmo
pwede guys dun in the same
way na may girls sa staff
naminkaso parang di rin
ako pwede lumipat don. Mas
bastos pa sa amin yung mga
yun e. Cover line nila: SEX IN
THE A.M. START YOUR DAY
WITH A BANG!
So di na kami
magtatrabaho?!
Sa Candy pwede rin...
This was where I thought I got the
best laugh.
Makakatulong ako dun as

editorial mentorkaso parang
malisa inuman ng barkada
Kumusta yung cover niyo?
Panalo brobatabatang-bata!
Mens Health...
FACEBOOKCOM&(-PHsTWITTERCOMFHMPHILsFHMPHILOFlCIAL
ah ito hindi pwede talaga

You cannot look. Puro abs.
YOU CANNOT TOUCH. PUTA
WAG NA WAG!
That was the end of my set.
Was I funny?
Again thats not for me to decide.
All I can say is that I got through my
material. I wish I hadnt written all of
it and just riffed on the ideas, but Im
glad I wrote it because it made sense
to me at that time. In the crash course
mentorship Alex Calleja gave me, he
mentioned something about laughter
levels: if you get one laugh, thats level
one. You work on moving up the levels.
If you got a level one, and your next
gig got the same level, its a bad gig. I
think I got a level onenear the end.
How hard could it be?
Fucking hard.
Was it the longest ve minutes of
my life?
No. My problem, in fact, was how
to get to the end. Team Editor Allan
Madrilejos said at the end of my sight:
mahaba yung exposition mo. He was
right. Its stand-up, not investigative
journalism.
Would I do it again?
Yes, I would. Im writing new
material now. Short ones this time.
Im testing it when I get a chance to do
another open mic.
Can you watch?
Yes, you can. If you care. For good
measure, Im taking FHM associate
Art Director JL The Laughing Hyena
Patulan with me. Hell fucking laugh
at anything. Youd want him to be your
friend if you think youre funny. FHM
www.fhm.com.ph
The FHM man test
This months challenger...
RANI DE L D E O CA MPO
Will the Talk N Text Tropang Texter and Gilas Pilipinas top cager
score enough points to be an FHM MVP?
Have you ever sniffed
used underwear?
Sa akin ba o hindi? Ha
ha! Pero oo, umamoy
na ako.
Man
Not man
Would you ever carry

your girlfriends purse
at the mall if she asked
you to?
Oo, okay lang sa akin.
Hindi naman siya big
deal para sa akin.
INTERVIEW: PONG CASTILLO; ILLUSTRATION: CARLO MAALA
Man
Not man
Whats the worst thing

you were teased about
as a kid?
Itlog, betlogewan ko
ba, pero yun ang pangasar sa akin dati. Ang
laki-laki ko kasi.
Man
Not man
If you could blow up one

thing, what would it be?
Wala naman, pero
gusto ko masubukan
magpaputok ng baril.
Man
Man
Not man
Which romantic comedy

makes you feel giddy
inside?
Gusto ko yung The
Notebook, maganda
talaga yun tsaka
nakakaiyak.
Man
Not man
What ctional villain

scares you the most?
Wala. Pag mas
nakakatakot kasi, mas
natatawa ako. Mahirap
akong takutin, kahit sa
movies.
Man
Have you ever taken

secret seles?
Huh? Hindi no. Hindi
siya secret. Nag-po-post
pa ako ng seles!
Not man
Man
Not man
Have you ever farted

openly in public?
Ah, oo naman. Pero
depende yan sa mga
kasama ko. Im sure
ginagawa nating lahat
to, hindi lang natin
inaamin kasi minsan
tahimik.
Man
Not man
Not man
Whats the title of the

weirdest porno youve
watched?
Hindi talaga siya porn
eh, sexy lm lang.
Tukso yata yung title
nun.
Man
Not man
If the world were to end

tomorrow, what would
your last meal be?
Kakain ako ng
mga taba ng baboy,
lechon kawali, yan.
Kakainin ko na
lahat ng masasarap
na pinagbabawal at
iniiwasan ko ngayon.
Man
Whats the longest

youve gone without
wearing deodorant?
Kaya kong hindi magdeodorant ng mga isang
linggo. Pag summer
yun ah. Nung nagabroad ako kasama
yung Gilas, hindi talaga
ako nag-deodorant kasi
malamig naman eh.
Presko.
Not man
Can you name one

high-ranking FHM
woman youve had an
unforgettable experience
with?
Meron, si Erika
[Padilla] siyempre! FHM
covergirl pa.
Man
Not man
Have you ever worn your

briefs on top of your
pants and pretended to
be a superhero?
Parang hindi ko pa
nasubukan yun ah. Pero
game naman ako gawin
yan kung kailangan
why not?
Man
Not man
Whats the name of the

coolest pet youve ever
had?
Bravo. Asong Pinoy
askal. Malusog siya at
medyo bilugan, pero
hindi siya katangkaran.
Siksik siyang aso.
Man
Not man
Have you ever had blood

in your hands that was
not yours?
Oo, dugo ng manok.
May nagigilit ng
leeg ng manok,
tapos lumipad yung
manok nang walang
ulo, natalsikan ako
ng dugo sa kamay
kasi sinubukan kong
hulihin.
Man
Not man
13/15
RDO might cry for
sappy romcoms every
now and thenbut if
getting splattered with
decapitated chickens
blood isnt manly
enough, we dont know
what is.
THE MAN TEST
LEADERBOARD
Se f Ca d a y ona
Dan Villegas
Jose Manalo
Ranidel
de Ocampo
Ch i t o M i r a nda
RA Rivera
Gloc-9
Loonie
M e d w i n M a rfil
B r a n d o n V era
1 4 /1 5
1 4 /1 5
1 3 /1 5
1 3 /1 5
1 3 /1 5
1 2 /1 5
1 2 /1 5
1 2 /1 5
1 2 /1 5
1 1 /1 5
The
girls
on
If LFO were
still around
nowadays, no
doubt theyd
be penning
catchy pop
ditties about
girls and their
selfies rather
than falling
for someone
on TV, Some
may say
gramming is
a pointless
exercise
in thirsttrapping
dudes and
promoting
#vanity but
these three
ladies have
shown us
that theres
more than a
little success
in working
those
hashtags!
instagram
Three of the most double-tapworthy ladies in the game!
starting off with...
IG
tianna
Hits
gregory
G I R LS
F HM
OF
Is everyones
suggested user
to follow!
Rey Trajano
Ash Mahinay
Melanie Togo
One of the
undisputed
GOATs in
the game,
she has a following normally reserved for
VS Angels and Hollywood actresses. Look
up Instagram model in the dictionary and
there will be a gratuitously sexy photo of
Tianna in thereyou dont stumble into
fame by posting crappy photos after all.
Play on, playette.
84 FH M JUNE 2015

www.fhm.com.ph
G I R LS
F HM
OF
IG
Hits
snap
chats
In your own words, you are?

Im a model and soon to be
business owner from South
Lake Tahoe.
What keeps you busy aside
from the daily life?
I love to work out, play soccer,
and play with my dogsI am a
huge animal lover! I also love
being outdoors and spending
time with my friends and family.
Did you kick butt in soccer?
I was the play maker and scorer.
I denitely could play with the
boys growing upit was always
fun playing coed.
How does one get to 1.2
million Instagram followers?
It happened over the course
of two years. I met some great
photographer and my career
escalated from there. My
following is pretty spread out and
I get lots of love from all over!
Can I keep him please?
Refueling in between sets
Could you tell me the

right answer please?
www.fhm.com.ph

JUNE 2015 FH M 85
G I R LS
F HM
OF
IG
Hits
karina
velez
Hits the
popular page!
Yves Truong
Chad Mahinay
This 100-percent
Colombiana
babe is steadily
racking up the appearances
thanks to a red-hot
feedits also how we
discovered her and got
her in our pages as well.
Sometimes Internet fame
and magazine features are
a chicken-and-egg deal
either can come firstbut
one thing is for sure: well
never get tired of getting
the favorites from our
feeds into the flesh.
snap
chats
How did you get into
modeling?
Through my love for fashion!
I also love expressing myself
through pictures, and I would say
modeling is more of a hobby with
lots of perks, ha ha!
Are you a Soa Vergara fan
like all the boys?
Yes, absolutely love her! Shes
beautiful inside and out. I love
the fact shes not afraid to be
herself and is genuinely funny.
What kind of lover are you?
Compassionate and romantic
with a little fear of commitment.
What is the sexiest moment
of your life?
Fresh out of the showerso
fresh and so clean!
At the end of the day, what
can your man do to help you
relax and unwind?
Bring me a glass of wine and
kisses!
G I R LS
F HM
OF
IG
Hits
Bend it like Beckham!
Look back game on point
Get to da choppa!
Let this be our little

secret
Sharing is caring <3

www.fhm.com.ph

JUNE 2015 FH M 89
G I R LS
F HM
OF
IG
Hits
...and for the

main event
Vanessa Golub
wins most
supportive
girlfriend ever
by unanimous
decision!
Ejay Leung
of Midnight
Bonkers
Chise Alcantara
Styling: Sam
Potenciano
Makeup: Ria Aquino
Hair: Rhoy Cervantes of
LOreal Professionnel
Special Thanks To
Mirror Management,
www.mirror-mgmt.com
Going batty for this

adorable dude!
Really hoped Manny took

this home :(
Shaken not stirred
My #WCW!
Freezing but still

keeping it hot
G I R LS
F HM
OF
IG
Hits
From the
golden coast
of California
to the shores
of Manila, Vanessa is
bringing the kind of
heat that we like. If you
cant shake the feeling
that youve seen her
before, youd be right
Vanessa played one
of the lovely Tecate
ring muses during the
Pacquiao-Mayweather
mega ght last month.
Fun fact: she landed
the gig because of
her killer IG feedbut
maybe the fact that
she was a former Miss
California contender
helped as well. One
thing is for sure
though: she didnt look
one bit out of place on
the big screen.
www.fhm.com.ph

JUNE 2015 FH M 93
I felt that just because Im a foreigner,

people seem to like looking at me, ha ha!
But other than that, Filipinos that Ive talked
to and been with are really very nice!
We read your blog,
shemovedtomanila. Why did you
move here?
I moved to Manila because my boyfriend
[Ryan Wetherell] will be entering the
PBA draft this year. So I came out here
to be the supportive girlfriend and
enjoy the Filipino lifestyle!
What a lucky guy! How long have you
been here?
Ive been here for ve months so far,
and Ive done a good amount of things
already. I went to Boracay for Holy
Week, which was really fun. We also
went to Tagaytay and visited Bag of
Beans, which has become one of my
94 FH M JUNE 2015
favorite places ever.

Was your family cool with the
big move?
I actually started writing my blog
because of mom, ha ha! She has
been asking me for updates about
how Im doing ever since we moved
here. She stalks my Facebook, blog,
and Instagram religiously. She even
googles my name daily, ha ha!
But does she approve of the idea?
She knows Ive been a good girl all my
life, and as much as she wants me to
be with her in Cali, she fully supports
and trusts my decisions, and she really
loves Ryan, which is really good!

Would she still think youre a good

girl even after todays shoot?
Im sure shell be proud of what I did,
ha ha!
Does that mean you have
mommys blessing to stay with us
forum, ever?
Actually, Ryan and I have plans on
staying here and establishing a life of
our own. I dont really know for how
long, though. It could be two years, or
maybe even ten. The possibilities are
still up in the air.
Anything you nd weird about the
country so far?
Well, I took a stroll down the red light
district, which was pretty interesting.
I felt that just because Im a foreigner,
people seem to like looking at me, ha
ha! But other than that, Filipinos that
Ive talked to and been with are really
very nice!
Since youve been walking the
streets, youve probably noticed that
we love to play basketballoften
right on the street. Do you enjoy the
game yourself?
I do now that Ive been dating
Ryan. I actually learned the game
of basketball. Before I had no idea
what was going on, ha ha! Now I
understand that there is so much
going on in the gameand I love that.
Do you love boxing too? Hence the
ring girl appearance?
I was extremely excited for that, it was
a ght for the history books. Just being
there to watch, let alone being close to
the ring as a ring girl, it was amazing!
So who were you rooting for?
Of course, Pacquiao! Mayweathers too
rude anyway.
Did you have a lot of experience
being a ring girl?
Nope. This is my rst time doing it,
ha ha! A modeling agency scouted me
from Instagram, and they interviewed
and cast me from there.
Were you nervous about getting up
on the big stage and having millions
of eyes watching you?
It was denitely nerve-racking, but
realistically speaking, probably the
worst thing that could happen to a
ring girl is fall onstage and that might
actually give her more publicity, ha
ha! You just have to have a big smile
and cast your energy to all the people
watchingjust have fun and look good,
I guess!
Which sport do you like better:
basketball or boxing?
Well, I like the ghting in boxing
because the feeling that someone
might just go down gets me really
excited. But because Ive grown to
appreciate basketball, I think I enjoy
watching basketball more.
Do we sense a supportive girlfriend
answer there?
So you noticed how I changed that up?
Ha ha! FH M
www.fhm.com.ph
NOW YOU CAN TAKE THE BABES

EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
Download the
*Powered by
. You can access
App now!
using the account you create for the FHM Philippines App.
Style NEWS
WHAT TO BUY AND HOW TO WEAR IT
R*
AL
VE
WA
NE
YS
SOMETIMES
SO LONG SWEET SUMMER

ASH MAHINAY
Walk away from the sun in the right footwear
Thanks for that

blistering summer,
but its time to
move onand that
involves a change of
wardrobe for the
incoming rains. Tank tops
unconditionally go into
the closet for hibernation,
shorts can get the
occasional run out when
its muggy, and a brightly
colored tee wouldnt hurt
on a dull day. What about
the shoe game though?
Heres our guide to
breaking out the heat on
a rainy day.
ALWAYS
SOMETIMES
NEV ER*
A safe bet for downpours is the

Jessie. Boat shoes look the part
all year round (because its
always summer somewhere!) and
its thicker material means actual
protection against splashes and
water spraysso less wet socks
hopefully. Oh wait, no socks is a
thing with boat shoesless wet
toes, then!
P899.75, SM Milanos
Canvass kicks, like the Marice

Lace, are literally cool on the feet
in summertime, but it barely
protects against the elements
not to mention dirty gutter water
will instantly leave marks and
stains on these. If you dont
expect more than a light drizzle
though, its still safe to head out
in these.
P3,395, Lacoste Shoes
You made a kick-ass pair during

Make Your Own Havaianas day
last May? Too bad you only had
one solid month to wear them.
*Obviously, slippers will get your
toes wet in the rain but if were
talking baha then its best to just
give in to the inevitable and save
your shoes the dyaryo treatment
afterwards.
P895+, Havaianas
In honor of our
cover girl, we head
to Tokyo and attempt
to turn Japanese.
Well, in clothes at least.
LINEN SUIT JACKET,

BADJ GENATO.
BUTTON-DOWN
SHIRT, TYLER.
PANTS, UNIQLO.
SHOES, ZARA
CITY
H U NTE R
PHOTOGRAPHY:
KENCH GENATO
STYLING:
BADJ GENATO
MODEL:
KEITA MINODA
WORDS:
ASH MAHINAY
SHIRT AND HOODIE,

UNIQLO. PANTS AND
SHOES, ADIDAS.
IS IT BETTER
(FASHIONWISE) TO
HAVE FOUR
SEASONS
INSTEAD OF
TWO?
100 FH M JUNE 2015
PROS FOR FOUR:

s You can layer
sIts cool enough to
wear a suit 3/4 of the
year
sWalking somewhere
and looking fashyon
is a reality and not a
hard choice between
dressing up to die in
the heat and being
plain but comfy
sYou can actually layer!
PROS FOR TWO:

sYou dont need to buy
new clothes every
four months
s...and 1/4 of your
wardrobe doesnt
become useless for
extended amounts of
time
sMas tipid ang walang
layers
sShorts are always
acceptable
www.fhm.com.ph
style
BUTTON-DOWN
SHIRT, TYLER.
V-NECK SWEATER,
DEBENHAMS.
PANTS, UNIQLO.
SHOES, ZARA.
www.fhm.com.ph
JUNE 2015 FH M 101
style
* a man is not referred to as cute or kawaii

he must be... kakkoi
SHIRT, UNIQLO.
JACKET, CROPPED
JOGGER PANTS,
AND SHOES, ALL
FROM ADIDAS.
102 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
QUICKFIRE ROUND
Sports car or muscle
cars? Sports car. I
hope to own a Ferrari
or a Porsche Panamera
someday.
Front seat or
backseat? Backseat.
Driver or passenger?
Driver. I like to have my
hands on the right places
and be in control.
FH M JUNE
PONG CASTILLO
JAY TABLANTE
STY L I N G : HANNAH KIM
M A K E UP : CARISSA MEDVED
Anne
Stockton
This kitty-loving babe will make you forget
about carsor the fact that you dont drive one
en ock to car shows for

obvious reasons: one,
for their innate love for
anything four-wheeled
and revving; two, for the
chance to be surrounded by car show
models who make such events doubly
fun and exciting.
But car show model Anne Stockton
says its sometimes difcult to catch
car-show goers attention when youre
up against some shiny European or
Japanese auto beauty. So here we turn
the spotlight on Anne, stripped down
of the ashy wardrobe and props,
looking more at ease than youll ever
see her. No cars? No problem.
Stockton sounds Western, yet your
features are Asian. Where do you
hail from?
Ha ha! Its really confusing, I know. Its
my real name. My father is Amerasian,
it was my lolo who was pure American.
Im part Chinese, Filipino, and
American. A little bit of everything!
You kept on saying during the shoot
that you were a little nervous. Are
doing photo shoots a lot different
from doing events and shows?
I nd photo shoots more difcult
because you have to be able to express
yourself in stills, in just a click of the
camera. Events let you socialize and
interact face to face, which I nd easier
because Im a people person.
We take it you enjoy photo ops and
small talk. Any interesting tales
from your recent stints?
There was this one event where I
JUNE 2015 FH M 105
GIRLFRIEND
represented a motor shop and we were
able to earn more than half a million
pesos in two days! Crazy!
What about car shows and events do
you like most?
I like that I am able to meet people
from different walks of life, and some
eventually became my close friends.
But the best part is meeting people
who genuinely admire you. Some
supporters even give us chocolates or
stuffed toys, which I nd really sweet.
Are you a fan of motoring? Girls who
are into that are quite rare to nd.
Yes. I actually love to customize my car
with Hello Kitty decals, ha ha!
Weve actually made friends with
quite a number of car-show models.
What is it about you girls that draw
people in?
I dont think theres much difference,
only its already a plus for men when
they learn that women are into cars,
in general. Plus having a strong
personality helps, too.
And do men who drive nice rides get
instant pogi points?
Honestly, yes. Ha ha! It would be nice to
be driven around the city in a nice car.
It tells a lot about a guyhow he takes
care of things, how he works hard to be
able to buy his own stuff. Theres a sense
of responsibility that comes with owning
a car, or anything, for that matter.
What car would impress you, then?
Say, a guy picks you up at your place
on a rst date
A red Ferrari or some other really nice
sports car.
Would you do a crazy thing in a car?
Nothing too odd. I sleep in my car
sometimes. Ha ha! The magic happens
in other places, of course. I think
hassle lang if we do the deed inside the
car kasi iisipin mo yung mga taong
dumadaan, baka ma-curious sila if they
see the car shake or the windows moist,
and biglang sumilip sa loob ng kotse!
We see that youre very active in your
social media accounts.
Its a convenient tool to promote
events, and an interesting way to make
friends. Updating my accounts is also
my way of giving back to those who
support me.
Whats the most surprising thing
about you that is not posted online?
I was actually a working student
taking up tourism before modeling
took up most of my time. I want to be
a ight attendant. Hopefully I can go

back to school next semester. I was a
self-supporting student.
We like that youre independent. Does
that intimidate men, though?
Well, I hope it doesnt. I believe its
important that a person sets his goals
and works hard to achieve them. I
would want someone who can be proud
of my being independent and driven.
Kailangan may sense of self-fulllment

ka eh.
On a lighter note, what sort of cheap
thrills are you into?
Im a homebody. I actually sleep in a
Hello Kitty room, ha ha! If Im out,
though, youd see me in spas with my
girlfriends. It wont hurt to reward
yourself with little pleasures after a
hard days work! FH M
Annes
life this
month
Feeling blue on the job.
106 FH M JUNE 2015
Sexy in pink! ;)
Me with #NoMakeUp on.
Cars + chicks = winning!
www.fhm.com.ph
WIN AT LIFE
Daddy's
BIG DAY
OUT
Starting to relate more with the

#TitosofManila than the #kidsoftoday? Or
would you simply like to give your old man a
break? Its time to look at the most traveled
local destinations from a different POV
Words and Photos

KATE ALVAREZ
OF WWW.KATEWASHERE.COM
Daddy's
BOHOL
BIG DAY
OUT
Vigan
If youre tired of beaches and would like
something a little more cultural, book a ight
to Ilocos Sur and explore the heritage city of
Vigan. Its the perfect spot to use that DSLR
thats been gathering dust in your house. Calle
Crisologos cobblestone streets and colonial
architecture look great under the sun, but
if you want more dramatic shots, wait until
dawn when the tourists have dispersed and
the skylight is softer. Wear shorts and a good
pair of walking shoes. When you have time,
also visit Ilocos Norte to see the windmills at
Bangui Wind Farm.
B O O K W H E N ? Anytime its dry. Check the
weather forecast before booking a trip.
A V O I D: When its raining, whether its a
typhoon or just scattered thunderstorms. The
rain will keep you stuck indoors and ruin the
lighting of your photos.
BATANES
Way before Toni Gonzaga
and Coco Martin shot the
rom-com Youre My Boss
in the northernmost part
of the country, Batanes
has always been on the
bucket list of travelers
looking for something
outside of the usual. If you
feel like youve seen all
that the Philippines has
to offer, a trip to Batanes
may change your mind.
Its evergreen islands
with preserved ancestral
houses and zero crime
rate will make you feel like
youre in another country in
another time. Because this
place is elusive to budget
tourism, dont be shocked
if your ticket and overall
expenses cost more than a
trip to Hong Kong.
B O O K W H E N? February
to June when the sky
is bright and the sea
is calm. But Batanes
weather is unpredictable,
so be prepared for quick,
scattered rain showers.
AV O I D: Remember that
Batanes is a waypoint for
typhoons, so stay away
from July to October
unless youre there to
witness how their famous
stone houses work.
www.fhm.com.ph
Heres one more virgin you

can conquer. Bohols Virgin
Islands is just a 20-minute
boat ride from Alona Beach
in Panglao, where most
tourists go when visiting
this Visayan province. When
youre done touring the
Chocolate Hills and cruising
down Loboc River, book
an island hopping tour at
Virgin Islands. Wait until the
low tide exposes a white
powdery sand bar that leads
to the main island. Its like
walking toward paradise.
One of the easiest

out-of-town escapes for
Manileos, Batangas has
maintained its multifaceted
vibe for decades. There
are plenty of beaches,
diving spots, elevated
views of Taal volcano,
and hot spring resorts
to choose from. Looking
for something different?
Try The Farm in San
Benito, a ve-star vegan
health resort. There are
happiness programs,
yoga classes, healing
spa treatments, tness
activities, childrens
activities, and even golf
facilities around this lush,
Bali-like environment.
B O O K W H E N ? Dry season
from December to March.
If youd like to stay away
from the overow of tourists,
make sure you book your trip
on weekdays.
A V O I D: Typhoon and rainy
season.
Theres something for

every member of the
family, and youll get plus
points with your healthconscious wife.
W O R ST A N D B E S T
TI M E S TO G O : Unless
there is a typhoon,
Batangas is easy to visit
any time of year.
JUNE 2015 FH M 109
Daddy's
BIG DAY
OUT
If history was your favorite class in school,

Bacolod in Negros Occidental is your spot.
There are many churches, ancestral homes,
and museums to explore, but if your kids are
rolling their eyes at this itinerary, better leave
them with yaya at the hotel pool. Make sure
you spend an afternoon at The Ruinswhats
left of a pre-World War II mansion built by Don
Mariano Ledesma Lacson.
B O O K W H E N? December to February when
its dry, but not too hot for
walking around town.
A V O I D : Third weekend of
October when they celebrate
the Masskara Festival, which
makes tourism extra chaotic.
Unless you enjoy bumping into
merry-making teens and young
adults, better stay away.
EL NIDO
SUBIC
Among the three Palawan destinations

Puerto Princesa, Coron, and El Nidothe latter
is the most laidback albeit most expensive.
Here there are plenty of snorkeling and
lagoon explorations to choose from. Book
hotels where they have entertainment rooms.
Leave the kids there with the yaya for a few
hours while you and the missus hire a boat
and re-enact the end scene of Bourne Legacy
a la Jeremy Renner and Rachel Weisz.
B O O K W H E N ? December to May when the
water is calm.
A V O I D : Rainy season (June to September)
when the sea roils. You wont get to snorkel or
ride a boat.
110 FH M JUNE 2015
The American-base vibe

of Subic may be long
gone, but theres a slew
of activities that your
entire family can enjoy.
For the kids, theres
Zoobic Safari, kart racing,
and Treetop Adventure
Park. The water sports
culture is still thriving in
Zambales, so choose
from kayaking, jet-skiing,
sailing, and surng
adventures. Theres
always a Duty Free shop
nearby to sate your
feeling balikbayan x.
B O O K W H E N? All other
weekends, as long as
theres no storm or
typhoon.
AV O I D: Holidays, sem
breaks, and the peak
of summer. Subic is so
accessible to Manileos,
so imagine the trafc jam
on NLEX.
Your heydays of
Boracay partying may
be long gone, but surely
somewhere along this
four square-mile island
you can nd a spot away
from the noisy, amoykatawan crowd. Feeling
adventurous? Hire an
ATV or buggy with the
kids. Or get a massage
while your kids get rolled
down a hill in a zorb.
When the younguns
start hitting the bars at
night, head over to Red
Coconut Beach Bar,
a.k.a. Husband Day Care.
Youll t right in.
BOOK WHEN?
Late February, right
before the kids
summer vacation
starts, or during
any sunny weekend
during the off-peak
season (June to
September).
AV O I D : Summer
peak season and popular
long weekend holidays
such as #Laboracay,
where the kids YOLO to
their hearts content.
Life According To Tita is a compilation of hilarious lines

commonly uttered by the dear women we fondly call
tita. The book gathers the best tweets from
@TitasOfManila on Twitter and new tita material
written exclusively for print.
Now available in all bookstores, newsstands

nationwide for only P175
UPGRADE
GET
DAD
BOD
HOW TO
G ET A K ID
Doesnt necessarily have to be

a human beingit could be a
dog, a cat, orhell yeaha baby
kambing. Just a
cute, adorable
little creature
to take your
attention away
from yourself.
If youve
already sired an
offspring, then
congratulations;
half of your work
is done.
STICK TO A STRICT
DIET P L A N
Eat lots of protein-rich manmeals such as tapsilog

remember, you need some
semblance of muscles to stick
out. On the other hand, never
think twice about indulging
yourself with some nice dessert
after meals. The idea is to be able
to eat whatever you want, and
stay guilt-free.
DONT SKIP KEG DAY
A man who persistently says no

to invites by his drinking buddies
is not a happy man. Set aside at
least one night a week to chug
beers with your pals and engage
in spirited discussions about
career, sports, and life in general.
This will not only enrich your
mind, but your belly, too.
WORK OUT, BUT NOT

TOO MUCH
Dont work out for the sake of

working out. Rather, strive to
strengthen the muscles you use
in everyday situations (ie., moving
furniture around, carrying grocery
bags)your legs, core, and
arms. Work out at least thrice a
week, but your aim is to be more
functionally t than aesthetically
pleasing.
THAT DR EAM
Have six-pack abs?

Chin up. With FHMs
patented beer-gut
acquiring program, it
will only take a while
to lose that pandesal
and get a body
that will make
all those saladeating sods
envious
DAD WHAT?
The dad bod is a nice
balance between a beer
gut and working out, says
Mackenzie Pearson of US hip
news site theodysseyonline.
com. Apparently the ladies dig it
because it makes them feel like
theyre the pretty ones, and
they actually like them
bellies squishy.
IT HELPS IF YOU PLAY

DADDY SPORTS, TOO
Were talking about golf, tennis,

badminton, and basketballthe
ultimate weekly rendezvous of cool
dads everywhere. Think of these as
cardio for badass men.
WORDS: ALE X PAI TA
112 FH M JUNE 2015
www.fhm.com.ph
UPGRADE
HOW I DID IT
Former waiter makes it big just look
at the size of those sausage burgers
I wont forget the rst time

we discovered sausage
burgers. "ACKTHENMYWIFEWAS
MAKINGSAUSAGESALREADYAND
WEWOULDALWAYSHAVEBARBECUE
COOK OUTSATOURHOUSEON
WEEKENDS7ETHOUGHTOFMAKING
THOSESAUSAGESINTOBURGERS
Its still weird whenever I
see the owner of that burger
chain eating my burgers. )
USUALLYSEEHIMORDERINGAND
EATINGMYBURGERSDURINGTRADE
SHOWSANDSEMINARS(ETOLDME
ONCETHATHEACTUALLYLIKESMY
BURGERS4HATSHOW)KNEW)VE
MADEIT
All jobs will teach you
something, one way or
another.)BECAMEAWAITER
FRESHOUTOFCOLLEGE)TRIEDIT
BECAUSEITWASPARTOFMYCOURSE
-YEXPERIENCETHEREHELPSME
RELATETOCUSTOMERSONADIFFERENT
LEVELBECAUSE)LEARNEDHOWTO
ANTICIPATETHEIRNEEDSSOTHAT
EVENBEFORETHEYASK)CANGIVEIT
TOTHEMALREADY
Being a waiter
also taught me
patience and
understanding.
9OUWILLDEALWITH
ALOTOFDIFFERENT
PEOPLEONADAILY
BASISSOMEARENICE
SOMEAREMAKULIT
LALONAKAPAGLASING
"EINGINTHESERVICE
INDUSTRYWILLREALLY
HELPYOUDEVELOPYOUR
CHARACTER
Even while I was working, I
was continuously looking for
business opportunities. !FTER)
LEFTMYJOBASAWAITER)PUTUPMY
113 FH M JUNE 2015
CV
JR DELA PAZ, 32
Currently:
s 'ENERALMANAGERAT
3IZE-ATTERS
Educated at:
s 5NIVERSITYOF3ANTO
4OMAS(OTEL
AND2ESTAURANT
-ANAGEMENT
Previously worked at:
s 0HILIP-ORRIS
)NTERNATIONAL$EMO
0OWER0HILIPPINES
lRSTBUSINESSASHAWARMASTALL
7EHADTOCLOSEITDOWNDUE
TOGOVERNMENTISSUESAND
SPACEPROBLEMSBUT)STILL
CONSIDERITASUCCESSFUL
lRSTVENTURE
Thats when I realized
I really wanted to do
this)WANTTOCONTROL
MYTIMEANDWORKFOR
SOMETHINGTHATWILLBEMY
OWNINTHEFUTURE)KNOWITS
HARDTOBEANEMPLOYEE)TSALSO
HARDTORUNYOUROWNBUSINESS
BUTATTHEENDOFTHEDAYTHE
BUSINESSISSTILLYOURS
Every centavo is crucial.)REALLY
WORKEDHARDTOSAVEUPMONEYTO
lNANCETHISBUSINESS)COMEFROM
AFAMILYTHATDOESNTHAVEALOTOF
RESOURCES"ACKTHEN)COULDNT
EVENLEAVEMYJOBRIGHTAWAYTO
FOCUSONSETTINGUPTHEBUSINESS
Money is everywhere, its just
a matter of how you get it to
come to you. 4HATSSOMETHING
THATMYUNCLETOLDMETHATREALLY
STAYEDWITHME
Budgeting my salary helped
me save up money to
nance this business.)TCAN
BEASSIMPLEASGETTINGYOUR
SALARYANDBUDGETINGITINA
WAYTHATAPORTIONOFITGOESTO
YOURPERSONALSAVINGSTHENA
BIGGERPORTIONOFITGOESTOYOUR
SAVINGSFORTHEBUSINESSACCOUNT
4HEYSHOULDBESEPARATETHEY
SHOULDNTMIX
Its better to set up a

business while youre still
young. 9OUDONTHAVEAFAMILY
TOWORRYABOUTANDYOUDONT
HAVEALOTOFRESPONSIBILITIESYET
)WASACTUALLYSETTINGUPTHIS
BUSINESSWHILE)WASSTILLWORKING
!FTERWORK)USUALLYDOBUSINESS
PLANNINGWITHMYPARTNERS/NCE
THEBUSINESSWASSETUP)ALSO
HADTOGOTOTHESTOREAFTERWORK
)TWASHARDANDITWOULDEVEN
BEHARDERTODOONCEYOUHAVEA
FAMILYTOTAKECAREOF
I decided to leave my job
when I saw that the business
was growing. /NCEWEHADA
COUPLEOFSUCCESSFULBRANCHES
THATSWHENWEDECIDEDTOEXPAND
4HATSWHEN)ALSOREALIZEDTHAT
THISWILLTAKEALOTMOREOFMY
TIMEANDITWOULDBEUNFAIRTO
THECOMPANY)WASWORKINGFOR
)TWOULDALSOBEUNFAIRTOMY
EMPLOYEESOURPARTNERSANDOUR
INVESTORSSO)HADTOSTEPAWAY
FROMTHATJOBANDTAKEABIG
SACRIlCENOMORETH MONTH
If you really
want your own
business, you
just have to do
it. 4HERESPLENTYOF
OPPORTUNITIESOUT
THERE)FYOUDONT
CHANGEANYTHING
NOWlVEYEARSORTEN
YEARSDOWNTHEROAD
YOUWOULDSTILLBEIN
THESAMEPLACE)F
YOUREANEMPLOYEE
MAYBEYOUDGET
HIGHERPAYANDA
BETTERPOSITIONBUT
YOUSTILLDONTHAVE
YOUROWNBUSINESS
BECAUSEYOUDIDNT
TAKETHATRISK
PAYNOMOREVACATIONLEAVES"UT
ITHASBEENWORTHIT
Youll never really know until
you try, so take that chance.
$ONTBEAFRAIDESPECIALLYIFYOU
THINKYOUHAVEAGOODCONCEPTOR
BUSINESSOPPORTUNITY)TMAYNOTBE
SUCCESSFULATlRSTBUTYOUGETTHE
EXPERIENCE9OULEARNFROMYOUR
MISTAKESTHENMAYBETHENEXT
TIMEAROUNDYOUWILLDOBETTER
www.fhm.com.ph
PHOTOGRAPHY: HEIDI PASCUAL-AQUENDE | INTERVIEW: TONI ANTIPORDA
I really love burgers, WHICHIS

PROBABLYWHY)WASFATWHEN)WAS
YOUNGER"ACKTHEN)HADAFAVORITE
LOCALBURGERCHAIN%VENTUALLY)
NOTICEDTHATTHEQUALITYCHANGED
4HATSWHEN)DECIDEDTOCOMEUP
WITHMYOWNBURGERS
UPGRADE
High
Society
Calling all alta de

sociedad and road
warriors who
want to keep it
classy: your new
Toyota Alphard
has arrived
DESIRABILITY METER
THE BIG QUESTIONS
When you say seven seater,

are we talking about seven fullsized adults?
Make that seven adults raised on
Cherifer, with a baggage allowance
of two pang-abroad suitcases each.
Theres a lot of space to move around,
too. Between the driver and the front
passenger is a partition wide enough
to ultimately prevent jostling for
premium elbow space. (You can even
t a laptop bag on top of the two-way
center console box if you want to keep
your valuables close.) On the second
row, there are two fully automatic,
executive-class captain seats
equipped with adjustable footrests
and a collapsible food and drink tray
in between. And unlike most seven114 FH M JUNE 2015
seater cars, the Alphards third row can

t three grown men comfortably.
Its billed as a rst-class ride. But
isnt the interior made mostly of
plastic like most cars these days?
Oh no, everything you touch inside
feels soft and squishyfrom the
leather-clad seats and steering wheel
to the front panels and power sliding
doors. The interior screams high
society through and through. Off with
basic yellow lamps; the Alphard has
mood-enhancing white pin lights and a
linear lighting that you can change into
16 different hues (for some reason,
we found ourselves highly favoring sky
blue). Its luxurious, or actually pretty
trippydepending on your age group
or how much alcohol youve consumed.
Can my neighbors easily distinguish

this from the previous Alphard?
For sure they can, those nosy
neighbors of yours. Compared from
the previous model, the new Alphards
front chrome grille has been supersized and made to look much more
badass. The larger, wing-shaped taillamps and magnied rear windshield
are telltale signs too. If anyone bothers
to ask, you may tell them this new
model is 45mm longer and 25mm
wider than that secondhand old
Alphard model theyre eyeing on OLX.
But driving this around, wont I be
mistaken for a soccer mom?
Absolutely not. You can tell from its
bold stance alone that this is a true
gentlemans ride. Under the hood, it
www.fhm.com.ph
PHOTOGRAPHY:
IGOR MAMINTA,
ALEX C. PAITA
WORDS:
ALEX C. PAITA
Household
Names
Popular Pinoy
family vans sorted
according to price
THE POPULACE
Power
275Ps@
6,200rpm
Space
Seats
seven
Interior
Leather
power seats,
with lots of
storage bins
and legroom
for longlegged people
Torque
340Nm@
4,700rpm
Engine
Six-cylinder
in-line
24-valve
DOHC with
dual VVT-i
engine
Price
P3.292
million
Top
speed
160kph
Kia Besta/Pregio
Toyota HiAce
Average
economy
9km/L
Mercedes MB100
Hyundai Starex
Honda Odyssey
Suspension
MacPherson
Strut with
Stabilizer
(front); Double
wishbone with
stabilizer (rear)
FTW
Toyota Alphard
Ford E100
Chrysler
Town & Country
WTF
packs a punch with a powerful V6

engine. But what people wont easily
see is, despite its size, its a real pleaser
in the maneuverability department, as
we tested on the punishing roads to
Bicol. Handling steep and sharp curves
like the infamous Bitukang Manok
seemed like a menial task to this steed.
And with enhanced Noise, Vibration
and Harshness (NVH) insulation, it
glides smoothly even at high RPMsa
feature that antukin passengers will,
erm, drool over. That being said, it
wouldnt be a problem if one day mom
decides to borrow this for mahjong
night with her amigas.
I may be able to buy this from
my savings, but will I have
enough money left to gas it up
www.fhm.com.ph
L300
THE ELITE
on the regular?
Normally, the thing with luxury vehicles
like this is, if youre able to afford one,
any of the following holds true: 1) Youre
a high-ranking government ofcial
with gas allowance care of taxpayers
money; 2) Youre a businessman and
are in fact in this issues How I Did It
page; 3) Youre an A-list celeb of Marian
Rivera or Daniel Padilla levels. But
believe it or not, the Alphard exceeded
our low expectations with regard to
fuel economy. Its six-cylinder in-line
24-valve DOHC with dual VVT-i engine
works wonders to log up to 9km/L gas
mileage on the highway. At any cost,
P6,000 for two full tanks is signicantly
cheaper than seven two-way ights to
any destination in the country.
JUNE 2015 FH M 115
UPGRADE
Slim
Fits
T
HO
E TA L
M
Sexy tech wearables for

a newer, sexier you
F IT S
BREAST
!
POCKETS
03
01
02
It knows when youre sleeping;

it knows when youre awake;
it knows when youve been
exercising. So basically, its like
having a health nut Santa Claus
on your wrist. The Runtastic Orbit
is a 24-hour activity, tness and
sleep tracker. Its very useful in
monitoring your all-around health
and lifestyle, and with its data
easily transferable to your smart
phone via bluetoothany lo-tech
caveman/tness buff will love it.
Score for: P7,960.53,
www.lazada.com.ph
Lets you disappear in your

own bedsheet atmosphere,
without having to feel like
you have anything crammed
over your ears. Bedphones
design focuses on maximum
comfort by providing infinite
adjustability to fit your weirdshaped ears, and with width a
fourth of an inch, theyre the
thinnest earphones available on
the market to date.
TheFactoryDepot
RUNTASTIC ORBIT
116 FH M JUNE 2015
P IN G
F O R S L E E E T IT ?
.G
S O U N D LY
While most people have the goal

to slim down, Gionees ELIFE is
already living the dream. It holds
the world record for the slimmest
smartphone in the market, with
a sexy frame thats only 1.8mm
wide. But the phones not only
lean, it also packs a ton of
features that makes it an easy
carry-around gadgetlike its
Glove Mode that automatically
locks its interface whenever
you put it inside your pocket. It
also has a decent camera with a
wide range for taking travelling
pictures and seles.
Score for: P12,499, Gionee
BEDPHONES ON-EAR SLEEP

HEADPHONES
www.fhm.com.ph
WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA; PHOTOGRAPHY (RUNTASTIC): MARK JESALVA
GIONEE ELIFE S5.1
05
06
If you really want to know

more about how your body is
responding to the workouts
youve been doing (or lack
thereof), then the LIBRA is the
perfect scale for you. It measures
weight, body fat and water
percentages, muscle and bone
mass, BMI, BMR, and AMR
(for all you number-crunching
people). It can also sync with your
Runtastic Orbit and recognize
and record up to eight different
people at a time, so theres
a personalized ow to your
development.
www.lazada.com.ph
Ah, the great outdoors! Nothing

but the wind in your hair, the open
eld, the sun shining down on
you, and all the time in the world.
And what better way to keep
track of all that time than with the
Runtastic Watch and Heart Rate
Monitor. This watch can keep up
with the most active of outdoor
lifestyles. With its good battery life,
GPS system, and training zone
monitors, youll probably feel Bear
Grylls spirit take over you.
www.lazada.com.ph
RUNTASTIC LIBRA BODY

ANALYSIS SCALE
RUNTASTIC WATCH AND HEART

RATE MONITOR
THE
SMART
N
S IN T U R O
04
BELTY
www.fhm.com.ph
And the worlds thinnest...

4K TE L E V I S I O N
Bravia X90C
(4.9mm at its
thinnest point)
KE YB O A R D
Libre Wirelest
Backlit
Keyboard
(5.5mm)
LAPTO P
New Apple
Macbook
(13.1mm)
TA B L E T
Dell Venue 8
7000 (6mm)
W AT C H
CST-01
(0.5mm)
ILLUSTRATIONS: MARTIN COSME
Still having
trouble following
your healthy
routine? Buffets
keep ruining your
strict diet plan?
Dont fret! Belty
will make you so
self-conscious
youll never eat
wrong again.
Belty is a belt
(ay, seryoso?)
that automatically
loosens
whenever your
stomach, um,
expands. It also
nudges you to
get up whenever
youve been
lounging on the
couch for too
long, and gives
you health and
lifestyle advice
through an app
that it can sync
with.
Score for: TBA,
emiota.com
JUNE 2015 FH M 117
A
SE ON NOT
LE AP E
CT P
IO
N
UPGRADE
and
just
GTD
**
The A-list of all-important

productivity apps your phone will
ever needfor now
FOR
!
S C IE N C E
FOR
E
EVERYON
TI MEFUL
Timeful is different from other

productivity apps because
it learns your habits and
automatically allocates tasks
to your free time. So if you
regularly binge-watch Daredevil
at midnight, it can schedule every
free night to that. Or you can
tell it to prioritize your 7 a.m. run
over everything else to clear your
schedule like a good assistant
would. Timeful uses research as
well as behavioral science to best
predict how to set up your sched.
Most impressive of all? Google
just bought Timeful. Expect it on
Google Calendars soon, but for
now, you can just download the
Timeful app.
DROPBOX
FOR
MONEY
EVERNOTE
You probably have this app

already, but are you making
the most of it? Evernote has
been around since forever,
and it remains one of the best
productivity tools available. With
it, you can suck up everything:
images, webpages, voice notes
(Note to self, start talking to
phone like goofy, eccentric
genius), documents, you name
it. Then you and the app can
gure out where to go from there.
Its smart. Its powerful. Theres
even a food-centric version called
Evernote Food. You might want to
make a note for that.
118 FH M JUNE 2015
FOR
STORAGE
SAVEUP
VINCE SALES
Some of the apps on this

list have been around for a
long time now, but theyve
grown new superpowers
over the years and
transformed into amazing
new shapes. Some use
behavioral science, turn
you into an unwitting
programmer, or harness
the untapped power of
minimalismor LEGOto
make sure you, well, get
things done.
With a strong Internet connection,

you wont need to harvest a
kidney for that 64GB iPhone 6.
You can just store everything on
the Cloud and access it from your
phone. Got a bajillion photos?
Like having all your MP3s at your
ngertips? Need to collaborate
with the peeps at work? Dropbox
is your answer for all of that. Just
keep uploading. But make sure
youve got strong Wi-Fi or LTE for
best results. Thats the tricky part.
* - shut the f*ck up! ** - get things done
STFU!
Gamication may have been

a buzzword of yesteryear, but it
still works. Take this little app for
example. SaveUp turns saving
money into a game. You earn
credits for making smart nancial
moves like plunking money into
a mutual fund or earning from
the stock market. You then use
the credits to enter contests to
win real prizes (US residents only,
sorry), like the $2 million jackpot.
Or use your saved up money for
real rewards, like buying yourself
a new car.
www.fhm.com.ph
FITOCRACY
TODOIST
You can think of Todoist as a dead

simple, minimalist tool that helps
you get things done then gets
out of the way. Or you can think
of it as a complex web app that
manages to be everywhere you
need ityour browser, your phone,
or anywhereand perform zippily.
IF TTT
FOR GTD
If you have the brain for it, then

this could be a powerful tool for
you. IFTTT lets you create a set
of automated tasks based on
simple If-Then logic. For example,
If Google tags one of my photos
as a Google Favorite, post it to
Instagram. If Mom calls, then
place phone on silent. If theres
a game on, then notify me of the
score. Yes, programmers, youve
got that right: you are creating
scripts for your life. If you like the
sound of that, then get this app.
What? You actually hit the

gym three times this week?
Achievement unlocked, buddy.
Congratulations. Share your
achievement with friends. In a
nutshell, this is what Fitocracy
does. Think of it as gamication
of your exercise routine. It awards
you with points, badges, and
levels in the same way that your
PS4 does to trick your brain into
being rewarded for exercise.
Add a community of like-minded
tness friends who wont let you
lose, and youre well on your way
to achieving your tness goals/
dream bod.
FOR
E
E X E R C IS
E
FOR COD
JU N K IE S
MIC RO S O FT
OF F IC E M O BI L E
Microsofts recent push into

mobile has had a number of
surprising results. One of our
favorites is that Microsoft Ofce
Mobile is shaping up to be an
awesome app whether youre
using it for your average Word
doc or collaborating with your
ofcemates on a project. Its a
massive boon for work, given
that most enterprises choose
Microsoft Ofce.
FOR
S U IT S
FOR
JO U R N A L
KEEPERS
DAYONE
LEGO CALENDAR
Sometimes the answer to

increased productivity is
presentation. After all, when
you enjoy looking at your
calendar and ddling with
your schedule, then youre
halfway there. All you need
to do is show up and GTD.
Enter the Lego calendar. Its
a great way to make use of
the bricks youve collected
over the years, and it allows
you to work and play with
Lego at the same time.
Some folks from Bit Planner
even made a Lego calendar
that syncs with Google
Calendar via your smart
phones camera, but its not
a product (yet). Everything is
awesome.
FOR
ADS
B R IC K H E
Unleash your inner Anne Frank

with this journaling app. DayOne
is like a diary on steroids. It
syncs with iCloud or Dropbox
and backs up automatically. It
integrates with Photos. It even
geo-tags your journal entries.
So if your old Moleskine journal
is gathering dust, its time to go
digital with this app.
I L L U S TR ATI O N: G I L B E RT D A R OY
TRUE
TRUE STORIES
Losing your front teeth and other acts of sablay
STORY
Nika Madrid
This one time I was at a mall with
my friends, a fan approached me
and asked to take a photo with
me. Of course I agreed to it, but I
couldnt stay for a small talk since
the movie my friends and I were
watching was about to screen
already. As I rushed towards the
cinemas, I didnt notice that there
was a Caution: wet oor sign
just behind me. I slipped and fell
to the ground with my skirt up and
my oral panty showing. A lot of
people saw it, including the guy
who asked for a photo with me. I
stood up in an instant and walked
out of the area. I felt so foolish.
Nakakahiya!
Cool tactics
I woke up like this

My bagets tita and I were out having
fun in Subic. I had too much to drink
that night so I passed out right in
front of my aunt. She looked worried
and asked me what we should tell my
parents. I asked why. She handed me a
mirrorI saw a big gash on my lower
Muscle recovery
One night, one of the boys invited
the gang to have an inuman
session at his place. We were
having a lot of fun drinking and
talking about how much bigger
our biceps had grown since the
last time we saw each other. I
was showing off my aesthetically
pleasing body when a sudden
gust of wind knocked me off
balance. I tried to regain my
footing but I failed and charged
head rst into a glass door. I
slowly got up from my fall when I
noticed a pool of blood below my
feet. My boys all instantly became
120 FH M JUNE 2015
lip and one of my front teeth was

missing. Apparently, I tripped while
exiting her car and gracefully landed
face-rst onto the pavement. We
decided to tell my parents the truth.
They just laughed at me.
Apple, via Facebook
sober as they called the nearest

hospital and provided me with rst
aid. I still have glass in my forearm
and a gash on my forehead. It
makes me look really badass.
No ragrets, via Facebook
Shouldve stayed home

Our high school barkada went
to Tagaytay during Christmas
break, and it wasnt the best idea
because it took us seven hours
to get there. We went for a drive
the morning after, and just 20
minutes into the road, we heard
a loud pop from underneath the
car. Some random nails on the
road popped our tire. We pushed

our car to the nearest gasoline
station. Exhausted, we decided
to buy some alcohol. We walked
to the nearest convenience
store because we were too
scared to bring out the car in
that area. On our trip back to the
hotel, we had our headlights on
bright and we drove at 20kph
to avoid any other mishaps.
We arrived at our room; we
spent the night drinking away
our sorrows and failed plans.
We headed back to Manila the
morning after.
Heartless, via Facebook
I hooked up with a girl online.

She was meek at rst, but slowly
got more adventurous. We sent
faceless nudes to one another and
then she invited me to have phone
sex with her on Skype. Seeing a
potential hook up, I agreed.
We called each other. All
she did was gasp for air and
instead of talking, she replied to
me over the chat line. It took a
while before I realized that I was
speaking with a guy. I stopped
the call and thought logically
about my situation. If I got mad
at him, he might expose my nude
pictures so I had to keep cool
and be nice. He apologized over
chat, and told me he just had
trouble meeting nice guys so he
pretended to be a girl.
I replied saying what he did
was wrong but that I understood
why he did it, and played the semiconcerned listener for a while. After
he calmed down, I told him there
were no hard feelings and politely
asked him if we could delete
each other from our contacts. At
least thats done. Whew!
Scarface, via email
www.fhm.com.ph

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THE NO.

DIVINE MAITLANDSMITH KNOWS THE

Dreams do ce ue!

18+ CONTENTS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS

PHOTOGRAPHY: WESLEY VILLARICA

Will the Talk N Text Tropang

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Dragons and airships are

Heres a woman who can

This is how your favorite

104 ANNE STOCKTON

108 TITO TRAVELS

112 GET THAT DADBOD

When geeks do rock n roll,

or less, with our guide

113 HOW I DID IT

114 TOYOTA ALPHARD

116 WORKOUT BUDDIES

James Bond has had more

20 BAR ROOM JOKES

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THE TEAM: WH AT FHM ers HAVE BEE N U P TO T HI S M O N T H

The Chief with Coleen

Stuffed our bellies full over a scrumptuous

Tried to shed poundage

Publisher Aeus pursued

EA Chise claims hes now

Mens Healths Wayne

Basta driver, sweet lover! FHM covergirl

While everyone thrashed the beaches during

INS TAGR AM@

My husband is an avid fan

My wife and I are

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Ito, pang UFC Ketchup.

Sana ma-publish din ito sa magazine

Presenting the class

It's been a while since I

After six years, I nally

be a very memorable one

PS: Kay Sir Chise Alcantara,

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en! Lay down your

YEP, COMIC-CON GODDESS

an amazing hobby, and I feel cosplay

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Name: Holly T. Wolf

Superman. Come on now, Batman is a

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Its a guy with money and cool gadgets

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Just how plenty

Ursula Andress is a bit

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ON HER MAJESTYS SEC

The Bond prototype,

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Picks up where Roger

Dreams do ce ue!