Ben Rafoth Tutor's Guide Chapter8
Ben Rafoth Tutor's Guide Chapter8
Ben Rafoth Tutor's Guide Chapter8
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Tutors
Guide
HELPING WRITERS
ONE TO ONE
ND
EDITION
edited by B E N R A F O T H
Boynton/Cook Publishers
HEINEMANN
Portsmouth, NH
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Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
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Tutors need to learn from international students in order to help them,
and international students need to learn from tutors in order
to become better writers in English. Making contact is
where it all begins.
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Acknowledgments
I would like to thank many people for their support and encouragement along
the way, but most especially the contributors to this book, who made it all possible. Thanks also to the National Conference on Peer Tutoring in Writing,
especially the 1998 conferees at SUNY Plattsburgh, some of whom are represented in this collection, to Katie Bailey and Doug Tucker for help with typing and proofreading, to Jen Ritter for website design and typing, to Lisa
Luedeke, my editor at Heinemann Boynton/Cook, whose encouragement and
guidance have been invaluable, and to my family for love and kindness always,
Mary Ann, Henry, and Paige.
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Introduction
This second edition of A Tutors Guide builds on the strengths that made the
first edition so well received among tutors. One-third of the book is new material. Five new chapters add themes readers will appreciate:
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Further ReadingRecommends helpful and interesting follow-up readings and provides a short description of each selection and its relevance
for tutoring.
Notes and Works CitedA complete list of notes and references at the
end of each chapter.
The authors who have contributed chapters to this edition of A Tutors
Guide have written for readers who are undergraduate or graduate students
working part-time in a writing or tutorial center, students enrolled in undergraduate or graduate courses focused on teaching and tutoring writing, or writing teachers who are looking for ideas to improve writing conferences or peer
review sessions. Most of all, the authors tried to imagine readers who can envision the tremendous potential of peer tutoring to help students become more
engaged and thoughtful writers.
We all know that every tutoring session is unique, and that what works for
one tutor or writer may not help at all in a different set of circumstances. Even
the way in which tutors and writers define help will vary. And yet, it is remarkable how much similarity does exist from one session to another, and how
much agreement there is about what constitutes effective and ineffective tutoring practices. These chapters in A Tutors Guide build on this agreement. They
create a motivating dissatisfaction, a desire to help tutors meet the challenges
that arise when they sit down to help writers.
A final note Wendy Bishop, who contributed the chapter Is There a Creative
Writer in the House? died on November 21, 2003. During her distinguished
career, Wendy wrote more than twenty-two books and numerous articles,
poems, and short stories. She was Kellogg W. Hunt Distinguished Professor of
English at Florida State University and, before that, worked in the writing center at the University of Alaska. She was a keynote speaker at writing center
conferences and was a friend to hundreds of tutors, students, writers, and
teachers. Wendys chapter appears unchanged from the first edition.
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Shifting Gears
Business and Technical Writing
Carol Briam
After setting out on a summer bicycle trip in the Rocky Mountains, our
group of twelve did not take long to break up into two campsthe tourers
and the racers. We tourers would take our time cycling to our new destination every day. Sometimes we would take unpaved roads off the main
route or sit down awhile to dip our feet into an inviting stream. The racers,
on the other hand, would speed off to the days destination, arriving there
before noon.
Different motivating factors were obviously at work. While tourers enjoyed
a leisurely pace and the opportunity for friendly banter, the racers were motivated by a personal challenge or perhaps simply the desire to savor a good
meal at mid-day and thus avoid the tourers lunch fare of peanut butter sandwiches by the roadside! Neither group was better. Our cycling style differed . . .
but we were all cyclists.
And so it is with business and technical writing. It is no better and no
worse than other types of writing, but its style differs from other types of writing that tutors and students may have been taught. Readers of business and
technical material are motivated by the need to get a job donethey are not
lolling on a beach reading a novel. In fact, readers of work-related documents
have some points in common with the Lance Armstrong wannabes in my
cycling group.
1. They like good signposts. Cyclists in a hurry do not like to pause to figure
out which way to go, or risk taking the wrong road. As they whiz by a sign,
they want it to tell them clearly what lies ahead. Similarly, busy managers
reading a report, or consumers following an instruction manual, depend on
an informative title and visual cues such as headings to help them readily
understand a document (see Chapter 11).
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2. They like smooth and straight roads. Smooth, straight roads help racers
get to their destination quickly. Racers have no patience for tourers timeconsuming diversions off the beaten path. In the same way, readers of business and technical material want written material that gets to the point in a
clear and concise way.
3. They are human. Sure, racers may look outer-worldly with their aerodynamic helmets and hunched-over riding positions. But they are human and
yes, they too love fresh mountain air and great scenery. Readers of business
and technical documents are also human. They dont want to read documents that sound as if they were written by, and for, a machine.
In the What to Do section, we look at ways tutors can help students with
business and technical writing projects to make sure that their writing has useful
headings and visual cues, is clear and concise, and is human. But first lets get
some common understanding of what constitutes business and technical writing.
Some Background
In todays world of work, poor business and technical writing takes an incalculable toll in the form of lost time and money, misunderstood instructions, or
misguided decision making. Recognizing the importance of business and
technical writing, many universities offer courses in these areas. However, distinguishing between the two types of writing can sometimes be a problem.
Technical writingwhich is traditionally associated with science, engineering, and technologygenerally has these characteristics:
1. It should be clear and concise.
2. It depends heavily on numbers due to the often quantitative subject matter.
3. It relies on graphics, such as photographs, tables, and charts.1
Yet all of these traits are true of business writing, too.
Because it is difficult to make a neat distinction between business and
technical writing, the two types are increasingly referred to jointly as professional writing (or communication) to include all writing and communication
in the workplace.2 In this chapter, business writing and technical writing are
viewed as merely different shades of the same color, with the term business
and technical writing used interchangeably with workplace writing.
Among the many things that business writing and technical writing have
in common, one of them, unfortunately, is a bad reputation. We are exposed to
technical writing every day, whether it be in product inserts for medicine or
instruction manuals for electronic equipmentand everyone seems to have
their own horror story about an especially cryptic set of instructions. As for
business writing, it is notorious for being jargon-laden, sometimes to the point
of being meaningless. In a parody of this trait, one website offers millions of
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What to Do
Tutors may find that students in business and technical writing courses are initially confused by writing requirements for their courses that differ from, or
even contradict, writing guidance they may have received for academic-type
research papers or personal essays. The first thing a tutor may need to do is to
help the writer understand that contrasting assumptions underlie writing done
in a work setting and writing done in a school setting. Two important assumptions in university writing are:
1. The reader (the teacher) is a captive audience. With university writing, we
do not question the fact that the professor will read the students paper. But
in a work setting, there is no captive audience. The readerwhether it be a
boss, a colleague, or a consumercan, and will, run away from the piece
of writing if it is not inviting enough or does not meet a need.
2. The reader (again, a teacher) is the expert. In university writing, the teacher
is the expert, and students must often prove to the teacher that they know a
subject and understand its specialized vocabulary. In English classes, students may feel an additional need to use complex syntax or an expansive
writing style. The assumption that the writer must prove knowledge to an
expert reader can lead people to write more rather than less, and to use complex terms and sophisticated sentences over common words and shorter
sentences. Yet in the workplace, such an approach is the opposite of what is
needed. The workplace author of a document is probably seen as the expert
on the topic at hand. Rather than showing off knowledge, the writer ideally
shares only pertinent information so that readers can readily understand an
issue or carry out a task.
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Once a tutor helps a writer see that the underlying assumptions between
school and workplace writing differ, the tutor can then deal with specific
issues. At one writing center devoted to business writing, tutors show students
who are already excellent writers how to take their writing to the next level
through editing.6 Following this approach, I will edit samples of good writing
to show tutors how the samples can be transformed into good workplace writing. By observing differences between the two versions, tutors can see more
clearly how workplace writing differs from other types of writing. Understanding these differences will prove helpful when tutors try to guide writers
toward effective revision. The writing samples to be edited are taken from
Joseph M. Williams book, Style: Toward Clarity and Grace.
This title can be made to be more informative. Depending on the main point
of the document, the title could say:
After: Computer-assisted instruction: Disadvantages outweigh the advantages or How computer-assisted instruction can help us expand our training program
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might discourage reading. Tutors may need to remind writers that they do not
need a topic sentence and a minimum number of sentences for a paragraph to
be a paragraph.
Using bullets can also be a good visual tactic to make information stand out.
In the following example, Williams shows off a sentence with model parallelism:
Before: The committee recommends that the curriculum in applied education be completely revised in order to reflect trends in local employment and
that the administrative structure of the division be modified to reflect the new
curriculum.8
With slight rewording, we can use bullets to make the important information in this sentence stand out more:
After: The committee recommends these actions:
Completely revise the curriculum in applied educationto reflect trends
in local employment, and
Modify the divisions administrative structureto reflect the recommended
new curriculum.
The problem here is that the reader is forced to sift through each bulleted item
to discover how each one differs from the others. A better option would be to
forget the bullets and use a sentence:
After: While complex writing may precisely reflect complex ideas, it may
gratuitously complicate ideas, whether those ideas are simple or complex.
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Before: We set for ourselves two more objectives because seeming clarity in
professional writing is a matter that depends on more than merely a writers
level of skill.10
After: We have two more objectives because clarity in professional writing
depends on more than a writers skill.
Before: Those who experience problems with their writing have to understand that they must approach different causes of bad writing in different
ways.11
After: Those with writing problems must approach different causes of bad
writing in different ways.
In each of these examples, the number of words was reduced by more than
one-third, and in the process the main point of the sentence was made to stand
out better. Tutors can remind writers that such conciseness and clarity can be
a godsend for workplace readers who typically are inundated each day with
bulging inboxes, both paper and electronic.
Even when tutors dont understand a text, they can still offer editing
advice. Consider the following sentence (take a deep breath first!).
Before: When pAD4083 in the E. coli pmiimanA mutant CD1 heterologously
overexpressed the P. aeruginosa pmi gene, there appeared high levels of PMI
and GMP activities that were detectable only when pAD4083 was present.12
Williams says that this sentence is clear to someone who knows the
field.13 Even if this is the case, perhaps we can make the sentence clearer for the
specialist who reads it. As a tutor, you may ask, what can I notice about this sentence even if I dont know what on earth its about?
First, note that the action of the sentencethe passive expression there
appeareddoes not occur until more than halfway into the sentence, after
weve already slogged our way through a lot of complex terms. Second, note
that something significant appears to be reported at the very end of the sentence, but the reader might overlook it because it is last in line behind a string
of weighty words. Wouldnt it be better to bring to the forefront this significant information by means of a separate sentence?
Using this logic, I might edit the sentence this way:
After: High levels of PMI and GMP activities appeared when pAD4083, in
the E. coli pmiimanA mutant CD1, heterologously overexpressed the
P. aeruginosa pmi gene. These high levels were detectable only when pAD4083
was present.
Now, I still dont fully understand what this is saying. But I think tutors will
agree that the edited version conveys its meaning in a clearer way for those
who do understand the terminology. One caveat here: Its always a good idea
when editing material that uses unfamiliar terminology to double-check with
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the author to make sure that errors are not inadvertently introduced in the editing process.
A tutor who demonstrates options for editing writing is motivated not by a
need to nit-pick, but by a desire to show writers concrete ways to attain a whittled down, to-the-point writing style. Such an approach, which emphasizes
product as much as process, can help satisfy a craving by writers for specific
information about workplace genres that may be totally new to them. Martha
Thomas, director of a writing center devoted to business communication, recommends that tutors share explicit knowledge about business forms and conventions,
thus possibly avoiding an unnecessarily protracted attempt to prod struggling
students into discovering the knowledge for themselves.14 Sometimes, says
Thomas, the most pedagogically effective thing the tutor can do may be to turn
on the headlights and stop relying too heavily on the rearview mirror.15
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Complicating Matters
When reading a writers work, tutors may feel as if theyre looking through a
window smeared with petroleum jellyeverything seems a bit fuzzy. Either
the paper refers to subject matter the tutor is not familiar with (such as
accounting terminology), or the writing may be full of jargon or abstract concepts. Rule number one is: Dont be afraid to ask questions. So many times
Ive asked managers about something in their writing: What does this mean?
or Can you give me an example of this? And so many times Ive seen that
either they dont truly understand it or have an unclear notion about it. When
questioned, they are forced to explain it in more detail or give examples (and,
in some cases, they must seek answers from their organizations). This probing
for clarification can be valuable because it can bring up helpful information
that supplements or even replaces the original information.
If you dont feel comfortable or your ego risks taking a bruising for asking what is perceived to be a dumb question, not to worry. Try these tactics:
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Further Reading
Bailey, Edward P. Jr. 1997. The Plain English Approach to Business Writing. New York:
Oxford University Press.
A college writing teacher, Bailey says that before discovering plain English, he used to
teach a formal style designed to impress rather than communicate. In his book, Bailey
practices what he now preaches. The book is succinct and user-friendly with many
examples that show how to achieve a writing style that is well-suited to the workplace.
Pfeiffer, William S. 2004. Pocket Guide to Technical Writing. 3d ed. Upper Saddle
River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.
This book is intended as a compact reference for students and on-the-job writers. Pfeiffer
advocates an ABC structurefirst an Abstract of the main points, then the Body of
supporting details, and lastly a Conclusion that wraps up and provides information
the reader needs to act. The book includes a helpful chapter on Graphics and Oral
Presentations as well as numerous examples of formats for different documents, such
as positive and negative letters, feasibility studies, lab reports, and rsums.
Zinsser, William. 2001. On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction. 25th
anniversary ed. New York: HarperResource.
A journalist by profession, Zinsser devotes two chapters to business/technical writing.
One chapter is entitled Science and Technology and another chapter is entitled
Business Writing: Writing in Your Job. Once you pick up this book, though, youll
be hard-pressed to limit your reading to just these two chapters. Throughout the book,
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Zinsser explains how to put into practice his tenets of good nonfiction writing, including two of the most important qualities: humanity and warmth. As books on writing go,
they dont get any better than this one.
Notes
1. Philip Rubens, ed., Science and Technical Writing (New York: Holt, 1992),
xxixxii.
2. Kitty Locker, Will Professional Communication Be the Death of Business Communication? Business Communication Quarterly 66 (3) (2003): 122.
3. Mike Shor, MBA-Writer www2.owen.vanderbilt.edu/mike.shor/Humor/ MBAWriter/,
accessed 7 September 2004.
4. Shor.
5. Frank Griffin, The Business of the Business Writing Center, Business Communication Quarterly 64 (3) (2001): 7778.
6. Deborah Valentine, A Business Writing Center Serves Writing Requirements in a
Pre-professional Program, Business Communication Quarterly 62 (1) (1999):
102.
7. Joseph M. Williams, Style: Toward Clarity and Grace (Chicago: University of
Chicago Press, 1990), 110.
8. Williams, 138.
9. Williams, xi.
10. Williams, x.
11. Williams, x.
12. Williams, 18.
13. Williams, 19.
14. Martha Thomas (personal correspondence, 26 September 2004). Thomas is director of the Center for Business Communication at the Moore School of Business,
University of South Carolina.
15. Thomas.
16. William Zinsser, On Writing Well, 3d ed. (New York: Harper & Row, 1985), 145.
Works Cited
Griffin, F. 2001. The Business of the Business Writing Center. Business Communication Quarterly 64 (3): 7079.
Locker, K. O. 2003. Will Professional Communication Be the Death of Business
Communication? Business Communication Quarterly 66 (3): 11832.
Rubens, P., ed. 1992. Science and Technical Writing: A Manual of Style. New York:
Holt.
Shor, M. 2004. MBA-Writer. Accessed 7 September 2004. www2.owen.vanderbilt.edu/
mike.shor/Humor/MBAWriter/.
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