How to Respect Yourself

Getting in the Right MindsetTaking ActionConducting Yourself Appropriately

Edited by Dave Crosby, evolvinConstant, Flickety, Sondra C and 55 others

Developing a strong sense of self-respect can help you fulfill your potential, develop
healthy relationships, and make everyone around you see you as a person who is
worthy of respect. If you truly want to respect yourself, then you have to accept yourself,
and work on becoming the person you always dreamed of becoming. If you want to
know how to feel happy with who you are and make the world treat you as you deserve
to be treated, then see Step 1 to get started.

Part 1 of 3: Getting in the Right Mindset

1.

1
Get to know yourself. The more you understand about yourself, the more you'll see
and appreciate how unique you really are, and the more you'll respect yourself. Discover
your principles, personality, and talents. Stop pandering to other people's approval and
start developing your own standards. Someone else might respect a fancy title, but you
might respect creativity. Whose opinion matters more, in this case? It can take a while to
complete this exciting process of self-discovery, but you'll quickly see that it was worth it.
Once you get to know who you really are, you can be better at learning

which people are not helping you move forward, and how to seek your own goals, which
can lead to more happiness.

2
Learn to handle criticism. To truly have self-respect, you have to be aware of the
person you really are, and to know that nobody is perfect. If someone gives you helpful
and constructive feedback, whether your boyfriend is telling you how you could have
been a better listener when he really needed you or your boss is telling you that your
report could have been written more carefully, it's important to really listen to the things
people are telling you and to be able to use the feedback for self-improvement.
o

If you truly respect yourself, then you see yourself as a person who can be
even better. Constructive criticism can help you achieve those goals.

Of course, if someone is just being mean or trying to hurt you, then you
have to learn to throw that feedback out the window. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the
difference between someone who tells you something that is true in a harsh way and
someone who tells you something mean in a "nice" way; it takes discernment to be able
to tell the difference.

3
Forgive yourself. If you want to respect yourself, then you have to be able to forgive
yourself for anything you've done in the past that you've been less than proud of. Admit
that what you did was wrong, apologize to others if necessary, and then work on moving
forward and on to becoming the person you want to be. If you're too hard on yourself for
making the wrong decision or saying something hurtful, then you'll never be able to
move on.
This doesn't mean you should ignore the fact that you might have hurt

people in the past, but it does mean that you can only admonish yourself so much
before you start feeling terrible about yourself.

4
Accept yourself. You need to be comfortable in your own skin and to learn to love and
accept the person who you are. This doesn't mean you have to think that you're perfect,
but you have to learn to embrace yourself, flaws and all. Be happy with all of the things
you love about yourself, and be okay with the parts of you that are less-than-perfect,
especially the ones you can't change. Stop making excuses for yourself or saying you'll
love yourself if only you lost twenty pounds, and start loving the person you are right
here, right now.
o

Work on building your confidence. You won't be able to accept yourself if

you're not happy with who you are, how you look, or what you're doing. Start by
maintaining positive body language and good posture, smiling more, and thinking at
least three good thoughts about yourself each hour. Though building true confidence
takes a lot of work, you have to start somewhere.

5
Maintain a positive attitude. A positive attitude can make or break your success in life,
as well as your thoughts about who you are. Even if things aren't going your way, be
confident about the fact that something good is bound to happen eventually, and be
pleased with your everyday life and all that it can offer you. If you feel overly negative
about everything and only imagine the worst in every situation, then you're bound to
never feel good about who you are or to give yourself the respect you deserve.
For example, if you applied to a job you really want, don't say, "There's no

chance I'll get it. There are so many more qualified applicants." Instead, say, "It would
be so exciting to get that job. Even if I don't get asked for an interview, I'm still proud of
myself for applying."

6
Stop trying to keep up with everyone. One of the reasons you may be lacking selfrespect is because you feel bad that you're single while all of your friends are engaged,
or that you feel inadequate that you don't make as much money as other people you
know. Instead, maintain your own standards and work on achieving the goals you want
to achieve instead of doing the things that you think would impress your Facebook
friends or give you momentary bragging rights. It's much more impressive to succeed at
doing whatyou want to do instead of following the path that everyone else has taken.
o

Along with trying to maintain your own standards for happiness, you
should work on casting your envy aside. Stop wishing you had what others have and
work on achieving what you really want. The feelings of bitterness and resentment that
come along with jealousy will only make you dislike yourself and wish you were
someone else.

7
Believe in your choices. If you want to respect yourself, then you have to believe in the
decisions you've made. It's okay to ask other people for advice, and this can actually
help you gain a more balanced perspective, but you shouldn't spend your time doubting
yourself, thinking that what you've done is all wrong, and wishing that you had done
something else. You have to be firm in your beliefs and make an effort to understand
yourself and to know what will really make you happy. Give yourself the reward of a
decision well-made and stick to it, no matter how difficult it may be.

Don't let others get to you. Though it may sound impossible, your sense of self-worth
and happiness should come from yourself, not from the people around you. Sure, some
compliments or rewards can make you feel better, but at the end of the day, your
happiness and self-satisfaction has to come from within. Don't let other people tell you
who you are, make you feel small, or make you question your beliefs. If you want to
respect yourself, then you have to trust that you've made the right decisions, and learn
to let the haters hate.
o

If you're always letting people change your mind or make you rethink your
decisions, then people will think that you don't have strong convictions. Once you find
things you really believe in, it'll be harder to let all of the negative people in your life
really get to you.

Part 2 of 3: Taking Action

1
Respect others. If you want to respect yourself, then you have to start with respecting
the people around you, not just the people who have more experience or are more
accomplished, but all of the human beings on this earth who have not caused you harm.
Of course, certain people don't deserve your respect, but you should work to treat
people like you want to be treated, whether you're talking to your boss or the check-out
girl at your local grocery store. Here are some basic ways to respect others:
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Be honest with people.

Do not steal from, harm, or insult them.

Listen to what they say, consider their opinion, and avoid interrupting them.

2
Treat yourself with basic respect. We often do things to ourselves that we would
never dream of doing to someone we care about. (Whens the last time you called a
friend ugly, told them they werent good enough, discouraged them from following their
dreams, or sabotaged their happiness?) Whatever you believe to be respect, apply it to
yourself. Don't harm yourself and don't insult yourself, no matter how bad you're feeling
about who you are. This kind of treatment is only bound to make you feel worse. Here
are some other ways to treat yourself with basic respect:

Don't steal from yourself (like recklessly putting everything on credit; you're

essentially taking money from your future self, because you'll have to pay up eventually).
Be honest with yourself instead of being in denial about what you really

o
want.

Think for yourself by developing your own sources of knowledge and doing

research, instead of just following the opinions of others. It can help to become a
skeptic, questioning the world around you.

Recognize when people disrespect you and take steps to stop it. A person with self
respect doesn't allow others to treat them badly, and would rather not associate with
someone who is disrespectful. This might seem obvious, but there are many times when
we accept being treated badly (in both big and small ways) because we believe the
person doesn't know any better, or because we're not willing to let that person go, or
because we're too down on ourselves to believe we deserve better. When someone
doesn't give you basic respect, you must learn to let that person go.
Nobody said it was easy to turn your back on someone who has clearly

disrespected you, if you care about that person a lot. But once you break the bad habit
of associating with someone who makes you feel terrible, you'll feel your self-respect
soar.
o

Learn to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship. It can be

hard to see when a person close to us is being disrespectful, especially if they're subtle
and sneaky and it's been going on for a long time.

Stop being needy. Many times in dating or friendships, we let people walk
all over us because we feel needy. Learn to face the fact that you do not need to depend
on someone else for your happiness.

Stop being a people pleaser. Paying attention to everyone else's needs but
your own is a classic sign of low self-respect.

Learn to practice nonviolent communication. When you do confront

someone about their disrespectful behavior, try to stick to positive and productive
communication guidelines.

4
Take care of your body. A person who neglects his health fails to see how lucky he is
to be alive. When you make an effort to keep your body in good working order, you'll not
only feel better physically, but you'll also feel a sense of pride. Respecting your body
also means not insulting it for what it is, naturally. Make an effort to get fit and stay
healthy, but don't trash yourself over the things you can't control, like your proportions.
Focus on the things you can change and improve, and do it because it feels good, not
because you think you're not "good enough" the way you are.

This doesn't mean that going to the gym and looking amazing will

automatically lead you to have high self-respect. But it does mean that if you don't put
any time or care into your appearance, that you'll start to lose respect for who you are.
Even the basic effort of maintaining good hygiene shows the people

around you that you care about yourself enough to maintain your appearance.

5
Forgive others. If you want to respect yourself, then you have to learn to forgive the
people who have wronged you. This doesn't mean that you have to be BFF with them,
but it does mean that you should mentally forgive them and learn to move forward. If
you're spending all of your time thinking about all of your grudges and resentments, then
you won't be able to think clearly or to live in the present. So, do yourself the favor of
forgiving people so that you can move forward.
Even if someone has done you unspeakable harm, you need to work on

moving on from the experience and the person. You can't let yourself wallow in anger
and resentment forever.

6
Address the flaws you can address. Respecting yourself does not mean thinking that
you are perfect and that there is absolutely nothing that you need to work on and
improve. It means being able to accept the things that you cannot change about
yourself, while working to address the things that you need to work on. Take some time
to really think about yourself and to consider the flaws that you'd like to work on the
most; maybe, you know you're not a very good listener, you know you stress out way too
much over the smallest things, or you're too much of a people pleaser. Make a plan to
make some headway in these departments, and soon, you'll be on your way to having
more respect for yourself.

Of course, you can't just address a flaw in a day or two; it takes a big

commitment and persistence. But taking the first steps to become a person that you
respect more will make you feel more confident about who you are.

7
Improve yourself. This is different from addressing your flaws. Improving yourself
means taking the steps to try new things and to open your mind to new possibilities
instead of being completely content with who you are. Improving yourself can mean
taking a yoga class, volunteering, spending more time learning lessons from the elders
you care about, learning to see multiple perspectives about a situation, reading classic
literature instead of trashy tabloids, and always striving to learn new things.
If you feel like you're a dynamic person who is always changing and

evolving, you'll have more respect for yourself.

Part 3 of 3: Conducting Yourself Appropriately

1
Don't demean yourself. If you want to respect yourself, then you should stop
demeaning yourself, especially in front of others. It's one thing to laugh at yourself,
which is a way of showing that you don't take yourself too seriously and that you're not
obsessed with looking perfect at all times. However, it's another to say things like, "I look
so fat today," or "Why would anyone want to talk to me anyway?" in front of other
people, or they'll see that you don't have a high self-worth and will feel uncomfortable. If
you put yourself down, you are encouraging others to do the same.
o

The next time you have a negative thought about yourself, write it down
instead of saying it aloud. If you say it aloud, you'll be more likely to think it's really true.

2
Don't let other people see you do something you'll regret later. This can mean a
range of things, from getting too drunk and acting sloppy in public, to hooking up with
someone at a bar in front of everyone, even if you don't really like that person and just
want the attention. This also goes for any antics that are silly and meant only for getting
attention; stick to doing things that will lead you to be proud, later, not just to get some
cheap laughs.
Try to maintain a consistent image of yourself. It will be hard for people to

respect you as the smartest guy in class if you were dancing around with a lampshade
on your head at a party the night before.

3
Avoid getting overly emotional. It's okay to lose your cool from time to time, but you
should try to avoid letting people see you lose it completely, or they'll lose respect for
you, thinking that you can't cope with your own emotions. If you feel yourself getting
angry, excuse yourself and go for a short walk, get some fresh air, or call someone who
can help you feel grounded, instead of getting all worked up over every little thing. If you
get heated too often, then you may say something you really regret, and people will
think of you as being a rude hothead.
Part of respecting yourself is to learn to be in control of what's going on in

your head. Though nobody is in control 100% of the time, you can work toward it.

Admit when you're wrong. If you truly want to respect yourself, then you have to be
able to know when you've made a mistake. If you've messed up, let people know in a
way that shows that you're truly sorry and that you've put enough thought into the
situation to avoid doing the same thing again in the future. Don't just be in denial about
what you did and hope that everyone can brush it under the rug; give yourself and the
people around you enough respect to be able to admit that you're only human.
If you learn to admit that you're wrong, people will have much more

respect for you and will be able to trust you more.

5
Spend time with the people who respect you. Being around people who make you
feel terrible about yourself is guaranteed to lower your self-respect, because you'll feel
bad not only because of what that person says, but deep down, you'll also be mad at
yourself for letting that person hang around you. Find people who make you feel
positive, good about yourself and the world, and who actually take the time to listen to
you and to help you sort out your feelings.
This is especially true for relationships. It will be close to impossible to

have true self-respect if you're dating someone who makes you feel worthless.

6
Stay humble. Some people think that bragging about how awesome they are will make
people like them more, because it'll show them all of the great accomplishments they've
made. However, if you really want people to respect you and to think you're awesome,
then you should practice modesty and humility, letting other people recognize how
awesome you are instead of telling them so yourself. Nobody likes a person who is
arrogant or brags all the time, and doing so will actually make you look insecure, as if

you don't think people would figure out how awesome you are on their own, without a
little help.
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Part of being humble means learning to take a compliment. If somebody

compliments you on something, don't say, "Oh, I know," and smile smugly. Instead,
thank the person and tell him or her how much the compliment meant to you.