Lectures to Parents

Lecture 1
GENERAL CONDITIONS FOR BRINGING UP A
FAMILY

Dear Parents! Dear Soviet citizens!

The most important part of our lives is bringing up

our children. They are the future citizens of our
country and of the world. They will create history!
Our children are the future fathers and mothers who
will, in their turn, rear children. They must grow up
to be good citizens and good fathers and mothers.

And this is not all -- our children are our old age --
if they are well brought up we will have a happy old
age but if they are badly reared we will experience
sorrow and tears. We will suffer before other people
and before our country for our guilt.

Dear parents, above all remember the great

importance of this matter of child-rearing and your
responsibility for it...

Now let us turn our attention to some questions of

general significance. First: to bring up a child
correctly and normally is much easier than to re-
educate him. It is really not as hard as some people
seem to think. Any parent is capable of bringing up
his children rightly -- if he really wants to. And what a
joyful, pleasant, happy task it is! Re-education is a
different matter. If you have done a bad job, been
thoughtless, lazy or neglectful, much will have to be
done over again, corrected. And this task requires
more wisdom and patience than we find in every
parent. So again we advise you, parents, do your task
well from the very beginning....

Many mistakes are made because parents forget

what period of history they live in. Out in the world,
they seem to be good Soviet citizens, members of the
new socialist society. But at home, with their children,
they live in the old ways. Of course not everything in
the pre-revolutionary family was bad, much should be
taken over. But do not forget the major differences.
We live in a classless society...our children must grow
up to be active and conscious builders of communism.

Parents must remember too, that in the pre-

revolutionary family the father had great power;
children lived completely under his will, there was no
escape for them from parental authority and some
fathers treated their children cruelly. Government
and church upheld their power -- it was convenient in
an exploiting society. In. our family the organization
is very different. Our daughters do not have to wait
for their fathers to find them a husband!

The feelings of the children rule. Obviously, if

parents are to have influence now, they must find new
methods, the old ones may no longer be used.

In the old-type family everyone belonged to some

class and the son of a peasant was a peasant too, the
son of a worker, a worker. Now a broad range of
choice opens before our children. Their decisions
need not be made according to the economic situation
of the family but on the basis of their own capabilities
and preparation. Both parents and children
understand this. Under such conditions, parental
decrees are impossible. Guiding must be done by
wiser, more subtle and cautious means.

Our family is no longer a paternal one. Our women

enjoy the same rights as men, mothers have rights
equal with fathers. The Soviet family is a collective,
not a group under one-man rule. Yet in this collective
the parents have certain recognized rights. From
whence do they derive them?

In the old days, it was believed that paternal power

had heavenly sanction, that it was pleasing to God.
Parental repression was based on the Ten
Commandments.

Now we do not deceive children. Our parents are

responsible for their children before Soviet society
and Soviet Law. They have great power, therefore,
and must have authority. Although a family is a
collective of equal members of society, children and
parents differ from one another. Parents guide the
family, the children are being brought up in it.

Parents must clearly understand that they are not

the sole, uncontrolled bosses but must act as the
older, responsible members of a collective. A clear
concept of this will be very helpful in the task of
bringing up children....

The structure of a family is important. This is, in

the main, within our control. Even if a family has
material problems, it should not limit itself to one
child. An only child becomes the center of attention
and receives more care than is normal or beneficial....
Often an only child becomes a real despot -- parents
find that they have brought up an egoist whether they
wanted to or not.
 A large, well-organized family accustoms the
children from infancy to mutual relationships, gives
them opportunities to experience love and friendship
in various forms between older and younger children.
In such a family, children learn that necessary tasks
cannot be carried out alone but must be done
together. They experience life in a collective at every
step, in play and work. This is essential for Soviet
children. In bourgeois society it was less important
because that society was constructed on egoistic
principles...

Incomplete families, where the parents have

separated, have an unhealthy influence on children's
bringing up. The children may become the subject of
dispute between parents who detest one another and
do not hide this from their children. We advise
parents who, for some reason, decide to separate to
think first of all about the children, to hide their
hatred and resolve conflicts tactfully. Parents who
truly love their children will try to prevent their
mutual differences from reaching a complete break so
that their children will not be placed in this difficult
situation. Obviously, if the father has left his family he
cannot bring up his children. If his influence is bad,
better forget him. That is the honest way to do. Of
course, he must continue as before to carry his
material responsibilities for the care of the
children.....

Our next question is the matter of goals.

Some families never think about this. Parents just

live beside their children and hope that things will
take care of themselves. They have no goals,
noprogram. Results, under such conditions, will be
casual, haphazard. Parents are often surprised to find
that their children have grown up badly... No one can
do a job well unless he knows what he wants to
accomplish. You must clearly understand your own
desires. Do you want to bring up a true Soviet citizen,
an energetic, honest, learned human being, one
devoted to his country, to the revolution, work-loving,
kind and courteous? Or do you want your child to be
narrow-minded, greedy, cowardly, some kind of
crafty little business man? Think this over carefully...
Then you will see what mistakes you are making and
what is the best path to follow.

Remember! You did not bring your son or daughter

into the world for your own pleasure alone! And
always remember that a future citizen is in your
charge. If you fail, the grief will not be yours alone.
The whole country will suffer. And do not brush this
aside! Do not consider this a tiresome argument! If
your factory turned out damaged goods you would be
ashamed. Isn't it much more shameful for you to give
your country a spoiled or bad human being?

Family affairs cannot be separated from the affairs

of society. Your activities at home or at work are
reflected in your family. They should see you as a
politically, civic-minded person and not separate this
image from their image of you as parent. Whatever
happens in our country will reach them through your
feelings and thoughts. They should know what makes
you happy or sad, what is going on at your plant, what
kind of community activity you are involved in. They
should be proud of your successes and your service to
society. This will not be healthy pride, however, if it is
only pride in your good clothes, your automobile or
your hunting rifle.
 Your own conduct is decisive. You are constantly
educating your child -- even when you are not with
him. Your manner of dress, how you treat your
friends or enemies, even what you laugh at -- read in
the paper -- all this has great meaning for the child.
You may not even be aware that your thoughts are
affecting him in unseen ways -- a change in your
voice...

If you are coarse or boastful at home or -- much

worse -- if you are insulting to mother, there is no use
thinking about bringing up your children. You are
already bringing them up badly and no advice will
help you.

The parent's own self-discipline -- control at every

step -- this is the most important method of bringing
up children correctly.

We often meet parents who believe that some sort

of clever prescription exists for bringing up children
and that they must find it. In their opinion, if they
find this prescription they may bring up work-loving
people, honest citizens. If only they can get it into
their hands they will be able to work miracles and
their child will grow up rightly.

There are no such miracles. No prescription will

help if the personality of the person rearing the child
has great faults. First pay attention to these faults.

There are no pedagogic tricks. Unfortunately some

people believe in them. One thinks up punishments,
another some kind of prize, a third plays the clown at
home to amuse the children, a fourth bribes with
promises.
 Bringing up children requires a serious, simple and
sincere attitude. -- Laziness, cynicism, frivolity will
doom your work to failure. -- Tricks prevent parents
from seeing the real tasks, confuse them and waste
time.

And how many parents love to complain about lack

of time! Of course it is a good thing to be with your
children. It would be too bad if you did not see them
often. But this does not mean that parents should
never take their eyes off the children. This sort of
thing develops passivity, accustoms children too
much to adult society, may result in precocity.
(Parents like to brag about precocity but later they
find that they were wrong to do so.)

Of course a parent should know what his child is

doing, where he is. But the child must have freedom
so that he will be subject to a variety of influences.
Don't think that he can be fenced off even from
harmful or negative ones. For, in life, he will meet
temptations, strange and evil people and
circumstances. A hothouse upbringing will never
develop the ability to withstand them and to struggle
against them. ---

Children must have help and direction from time to

time.. but this does not mean that they should be led
by the hand... So for bringing up your child it is not
more time that you need but correct use of the little
time you have.

The essence of child rearing does not....consist in

your conversations with the child, in direct effect on
him, but rather in the organization of the family, of
your own life and the life of the child. In this matter
there are no trifles... Good organization consists in
not brushing aside small details...These details of life
act as an influence regularly, daily, hourly... To guide
and organize life is your responsible task.

In summary:

Try to bring up your child correctly so that you will

not have to re-educate him, which is much harder.

Remember that you are leading a new Soviet family.

As far as possible achieve the right structure of the
family.

Set yourself a goal and program for the task of up-

bringing.

Remember that the child is not only your joy but a

future citizen and that you answer to the country for
him. Above all a good citizen yourself and carry your
civic feeling family.

Make severe demands on your own behavior.

No need of hunting for tricks and formulas. Be

serious, simple and sincere. Guide the child but do
not protect him from life.

The main thing in the work of bringing up children

is the organization of family life with careful attention
to details.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 2
PARENTAL AUTHORITY
 Our fathers and mothers are commissioned by
society to bring up future citizens of our country.
Their parental power, their authority in the eyes of
their children, is based on this.

However, it would be awkward in a family situation

to prove parental authority by continual reference to
such social responsibility. Children's training begins
at an age when logical proof and presentation of
general social rights are impossible. Yet children
cannot be brought up without authority. The very
idea of authority consists in the fact that it demands
no proof, that it is an attribute of older people that is
taken for granted. Its strength and value lie in the fact
that it is self-evident in the child's simple eyes.
Mother and father must have this kind of authority in
their children's eyes.

One often hears the question: "What is to be done

with the child when he does not obey?" This "does not
obey" is a sign that the parents lack authority.

Usually, parents whose children "do not obey" are

inclined to think that authority is inborn, is a special
gift, that if you lack this talent there is nothing to be
done about it. You can only envy those who do
possess it. Such parents are mistaken. Authority can
be acquired in every family. Unfortunately, one does
meet parents who base their authority on faulty
premises. Their aim is to have children obey. This is a
mistake for obedience cannot be the goal. Obedience
can be only one of the means toward bringing up the
child. Parents who do not think about goals want
obedience for obedience' sake. If children obey,
parents are tranquil. This very tranquility is really
their aim. Authority established on such false
premises is quickly destroyed. Some parents achieve
obedience by sacrificing all other aims and their
children grow up obedient but weak.

There are many kinds of false authority and we will

examine some of them in more or less detail.

Authority by Suppression

This is the most frightening kind of authority

although not the most harmful. Such authority is
usually exercised by fathers. If father always roars at
home, is always angry, raises a storm over every trifle,
is always reaching for a stick, answers every question
rudely, punishes every transgression -- this is
authority by suppression.

Such paternal terror keeps the whole family in fear,

not only the children, mother, too. It does harm not
only by frightening the children but also by reducing
the mother to a mere cipher. Such authority only
teaches children to keep their distance from terrifying
papa; it develops lying and cowardice, and at the
same time teaches the child cruelty. From oppressed
and spiritless children develop either drivelling, good-
for-nothing people or petty tyrants avenging, all their
lives, the oppression suffered in childhood. This most
savage sort of authority is exercised only by
uncultured parents and, happily, is now dying out.

Authority by Aloofness

There are fathers and mothers who are really

convinced that in order to have children obey they
must have very little conversation with them, must
keep their distance and only appear as superiors.
Father retires to his office and seldom shows himself,
like a pontiff. He dines apart, amuses himself apart,
his orders are transmitted to the family through
mother. It also happens with mothers. They carry on
their own lives and interests and the children find
themselves in the care of a nurse or domestic worker.
This kind of authority is useless, such a family is
irrationally organized.

Authority by Swaggering

This is a special variety of "authority by aloofness"

but perhaps even more harmful. Although every
citizen of the Soviet Union serves his country, some
people consider their own service specially important,
they point this out to their children at every step, puff
themselves up and boast at home that they alone can
do this or that job, harp on their achievements and
are overbearing to other people. Impressed by such
behavior, the children too, often become boastful with
their comrades and brag, "My father is this, my father
is that, my father is a writer, my father is a
commander, my father is a celebrity." In this
atmosphere of pompousness, the "important" father
does not know where his children are headed.

Sometimes we find this attitude in mothers, too. A

special dress, an important acquaintance, a trip to a
resort, all this gives an excuse for boasting, for
separating oneself from other people and from one's
own children.

Authority by Pedantism

In this case parents pay attention to children, work

with them, but they work like bureaucrats. They
believe that children must accept their every word
with trepidation, as holy. Orders are given in a cold
tone of voice and once given, quickly become law.
Such parents fear most of all that the child may think
papa is mistaken, that papa is not a strong man. If
such a papa says "Tomorrow it will rain, one can't go
for a walk" and if tomorrow there is good weather --
all the same one may not go for a walk! Papa does not
like movies -- so he forbids the children to go to the
movies, even to good ones. Papa punishes the child;
then finds that the child's fault was not as bad as it
seemed. But papa does not change the punishment:
"Once I have said it, so it must be." For such a papa
there is always something to busy himself about. In
every act of the child he sees some infringement of
law and order and continually badgers the child with
new commands and directions. The life, the interests,
the growth of the child go unnoticed, he is concerned
with nothing but his own bureaucratic command of
the family.

Authority by Reasoning

In this case parents literally gnaw at children with

endless instructions and talks. Instead of saying a few
words, perhaps in a jocular tone, the parent will sit
the child down facing him and launch into a boring
and garrulous speech. Such parents are convinced
that pedagogical wisdom consists of preaching. There
is very little joy and few smiles in such a family. The
parents strive with all their might to be virtuous. They
want to appear faultless before the children. But they
forget that children are not adults, that children live
their own lives and that one must respect this life.
The child lives more emotionally, more passionately
than an adult. The habit of thinking comes to the
child gradually and quite slowly and the constant
verbalization of the parent, the incessant nagging and
chatter passes by the child's consciousness. Parents
will never develop authority by this method.

Authority Through Love

Many parents are convinced that children obey if

they love their parents. To gain their children's love
they pour tender words, caresses and endearments
over them in a flood. Whenever the child disobeys
they say "Don't you love papa?" Such a family
becomes submerged in a sea of sentimentality.

Parents jealously look into their children's eyes

demanding tenderness and love. Mother will say to an
acquaintance right in front of the child: "He loves
papa and mama just terribly. He is such a loving
child."

There are dangers in this direction. Soon children

realize that they can deceive mama and papa when
they please, it is only necessary to seem to be loving.
From an early age the child may begin to understand
that one can get around people, to calculate coldly
and cynically. On the other hand, the child may look
on everyone but the parents as strange and
unsympathetic, not loving, since he does not
understand comradeliness. This is the most
dangerous type of authority. It develops insincerity
and egoism. The first victims are often the parents
themselves.

Authority by Kindness

This is the most stupid kind of authority. Obedience

is called forth by kisses and flattery, by giving in,
being soft and good. Father and mother appear to the
child in the guise of angels of goodness who permit
everything, are not stingy. They are remarkable
parents. They are afraid of any kind of conflict and
prefer peace in the family. They are ready to sacrifice
anything so that everything will run smoothly. Pretty
soon it is the children who are dictating to the
parents. Parental non-resistance opens the door wide
to all the child's desires, caprices and demands.
Occasionally the parents permit themselves some
small resistance but by then it is too late.

Authority Through Friendship

Quite often, even before the children are born, the

parents make a pact: our children will be our friends.
In general, this is, of course, very good. Children and
parents must be friends. But parents must remain the
older members of a family collective and the children
the younger members being brought up. If friendship
goes beyond these limits, the child begins to bring up
the parents. We find this most often among the
intelligentsia. The children call the parents Peter or
Maria, mock at them, interrupt them rudely, argue at
every step. This is not real friendship, for no
friendship is possible without mutual respect.

Authority By Bribery

The most immoral kind of authority exists when

obedience is bought by gifts and promises. Parents
say: "If you obey, I'll buy you a toy horse. If you obey
we shall go to the circus." Of course, some
encouragement is necessary in a family, something
like a reward or prize, but in no case should the child
be rewarded for obedience or for good relations with
parents. He may be rewarded for studying well or for
carrying out some specially difficult work. But even
then the reward must not be announced beforehand
to stimulate the children to do their school work or
other tasks.

We have considered several kinds of authority and

there are many more; authority by being jolly, or
erudite, by acting with children as "man-to-man."

Some parents do not think about authority at all.

They just live anyhow, bringing up the children
haphazardly, inconsistently. One day the parent
punishes the child for a trivial thing, next day
promises a bribe, on the following day again punishes
the child. Such parents are always in an uproar and
run about like chickens with their heads off;
completely impotent, lacking in any understanding of
what they are about. The father may exercise one kind
of authority and the mother a different one. Their
children must become diplomats and wind their way
between father and mother.

Do not forget that the main basis for parental

authority is the life and work of the parents, their task
as citizens, their behavior. If parents are living
rationally, if they have clear and significant goals, if
they are fully conscious of their actions, they need not
hunt for any other basis or seek anything artificial.
They will have authority n their family.

As soon as children begin to grow up they are

interested in the work mother and father are doing,
where they work, what their social conditions are. It is
important that children see their parents' work as
socially valuable, not isolated but against the
background of the whole country. The children
should feel not boastful but good Soviet pride in their
parents; at the same time they should know about the
great men and women of our land so that their
mother and father appear as participants in the same
great comrades endeavors. Children should know
about their parents and their achievements, too. True
Soviet authority...is that of a member of the collective.
If you have succeeded in bringing up your son so that
he is proud of the whole plant where his father works
and rejoices in its successes -- then you have brought
him up correctly.

But parents are members not only of their collective

but of a socialist society and must appear as
participants in this life in the eyes of their children.
International events, literary achievements -- all this
should be reflected in the thought and feelings of
father. Only parents who live a full life, citizens of our
country, will have real authority in their children's
eyes. Please do not think you can live such a life "on
purpose" to startle the children with your abilities!
You must be sincere and really live such a life. Rest
assured -- they will see for themselves what they need
to.

But you are not only a citizen. You are also a father.
It is your business to be the best possible one. You
should know what the child is interested in, likes and
dislikes, wants and does not want, who the child is
friends with, plays with and what the games are, what
he reads and how he reacts to what he reads, how he
studies at school. Parents should know his relations
with the teachers, what his difficulties are and his
behavior in class. You should know these things from
the earliest years. Then you will not be suddenly
surprised by difficulties, conflicts or unpleasantnesses
but anticipate and prevent them.
 This does not mean, however, that one may annoy a
child with constant questioning, cheap and insulting
spying. From the beginning, arrange matters so that
the children themselves will tell you what they are
doing and be interested in your knowing. Invite your
son's friends, visit them, get acquainted with their
families. This does not need much time, only sincere
attention to the children and their lives. Your interest
will be noticed by the children. They love this
attention and respect parents for it....

Giving help to the child strengthens your authority.

Every child needs advice and help sometimes. He may
not ask for help -give it when needed. Sometimes the
help can best be given by a joke, or some directions or
suggestions.

Parents' help must not be obtrusive, tiresome or

boring. Sometimes it is best to let the child overcome
his difficulty himself, only resolve problems too
complicated for him. He must learn to overcome
obstacles but not be allowed to get in despair about a
problem. Be sure he can solve it himself. Let him see
your faith in his strength and ability. The child should
feel you by his side, your wise care, but at the same
time know that you demand something of him, that
you do not intend to do everything for him and relieve
him of responsibility.

The child must never think that your guidance of

the family is only for your own pleasure but
understand that you are meeting your responsibility
to society....Even in early years the child on a desert
island.

In conclusion, real authority is necessary in a

family. Real authority rests upon the parent's social
activity, social feeling, and the parent's knowledge of
the life of the child, and his acceptance of
responsibility.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 3
DISCIPLINE

The word discipline has several meanings: rules of

behavior, habit training, obedience.....

Sometimes a man is called disciplined who is only

obedient. Of course, in the majority of cases, exact
and swift fulfillment of directions from a superior
organization or an individual is expected. In Soviet
society, however, simple obedience is by no means
sufficient indication that a man is disciplined. We
cannot be satisfied simply with obedience and still
less with the blind obedience which was expected in
pre-revolutionary schools.

From a Soviet citizen we demand more complicated

discipline. We demand that he not only understand
why it is necessary to fulfill this or that order but that
he actively try to carry out the order in the best
possible way. More, we expect that he be prepared to
fulfill his duties at any moment without waiting for
directives or orders but using initiative and creative
will.....

We call a man disciplined only if he knows how,

under all circumstances, to conduct himself in the
right way, the best way for society, and if he is strong
enough to carry through tasks to the end in spite of
difficulties and obstacles....

A disciplined Soviet citizen is developed by the

whole sum of correct influences among which
political education, general education, books, papers,
work, social activities, and even play, relaxation and
recreation, will have a place.....

So discipline is not developed by special measures

but by all the circumstances and influences which
affect children. Understood this way, discipline is not
areason, a method, or a means for bringing up
children correctly, but the result of it......

But there is a narrower department of educational

work which is very near to discipline and is often
confused with it -- that is, regime.....If discipline is
the result of upbringing, regime is the means......

The family regime must not and cannot be the same

in varied situations. The age of the children, their
abilities, surroundings, neighbors, living conditions,
the road to school, the life on the street, and many
other things will influence and change the character
of the regime. One regime is suitable for a large
family and a completely different one for a family
with only one child; one suited to younger children
may be wrong for older ones. Older girls require their
own special regime. So we must not understand
regime as something permanent and
unchangeable.....

In some families this mistake is often made; Piously

they hold on to a regime undertaken for a special
purpose, holding it inviolable to the injury of
children's interests and their own. Such an inviolable
regime becomes a dead thing, useless and even
harmful.

Regime cannot be permanent just because it is a

method of upbringing. Everyone bringing up children
has a definite aim; however, this aim always changes
and becomes complicated.

In early childhood, for example, parents have the

task of teaching the child cleanliness. Toward this aim
they set up a special regime: baths, correct toilet
habits, keeping the room clean, the bed and table
orderly. Parents must never forget about this, must
see that it is carried out, help if necessary, demand
good work. If this is all well organized, it will be very
useful and finally the time will come when the child
has acquired habits of cleanliness, when he himself
will not sit at table with dirty hands. This means that
the goal has been reached. The regime needed to
achieve this end now becomes superfluous. It must
gradually be changed to another..... So we see that the
regime is only a method....and we cannot recommend
a regime to parents. They must choose the one suited
to their circumstances.

In spite of the variety of possible regimes there are,

however, certain characteristics that should always be
present. First of all, the regime should be consistent.

The regulations chosen for family life are followed

not because someone else has adopted them or
because they somehow make life pleasanter, but
because they are necessary to achieve your chosen
and well-understood goal. This goal should, in most
cases, also be known by the children. If you insist that
the children sit down to dinner at a certain hour, then
the children must understand that this order is
necessary in order to lighten the work of mother or
the domestic helper and also so that several times a
day the whole family may gather together to exchange
ideas and experiences.....

There are parents who insist that children be silent

at the table. Children submit but neither they nor the
parents know why such a rule is followed. When the
parents are asked about it, they explain that if one
talks at table one may choke. Of course, this is
senseless. Everybody talks at table and nothing
unfortunate happens.....

Every regime must be regular.... If one's teeth must

be brushed today, they must be brushed tomorrow; if
one's bed must be made today, it must be done
tomorrow also. The youngster does not make his bed
once - twice. Should one make a fuss about it?
Parents say, "It's only a trifle, one must not make the
child nervous." Such reasoning is wrong for there are
no trifles in education. An unmade bed means the
beginning of slovenliness, disregard for an
established regime.

The fact that a regime is obligatory and definite can

be harmful if parents themselves are insincere, if they
demand that children conform but themselves live in
a disorderly fashion. Certainly the regime of the
parent will differ greatly from the child's. But the
difference should not be in principle. If you say that
children may not read at the dinner table then you
yourself must not do so. Similarly, if the children
must wash their hands before eating, don't forget to
do so yourself. You can make your own bed, it is not
really difficult!....
 A time must be established for going to bed and for
getting up. The allotment of the child's working hours
must be carefully regulated, especially when he goes
to school. Hours for eating, playing, going outdoors,
etc, should also be established for younger children....
There must be regulations about cleanliness,
changing one's clothes, behavior at table.... Children
must learn that everything has its proper place and
after work or play leave everything in order......

Children need more activity than adults, of course,

but do not think that the child must run and scream a
great deal in order to use up energy. One must bring
up the children so that they will know how to control
their activity. Usually, there is no need of running
about in the house. For this there is the playground,
or garden, out of doors.....

One should also teach children to control their

voices screaming, shrieking, loud crying - all this is a
sign of disorder. It shows more about the unhealthy
nerves of the child than about any real need. Parents
themselves are to blame for tense, screaming
children. They are tense themselves and instead of
creating an atmosphere of secure calm and quiet in
the family, raise their own voices to a shriek......

Parents should learn, as early as possible, to use a

calm, friendly but decisive tone in giving directions.
Children at an early age should be accustomed to this
tone, to taking directions and fulfilling them willingly.

Be as affectionate as you like with the children,

laugh and play with them, but when the necessity
arises, know how to give orders briefly, in such a way
and in such a tone that there will be no doubt in your
child's mind of the rightness of the order and the
necessity for carrying it out.

Parents should learn how to give instructions very

early, even when the first child is only a year-and-a-
half old. It is not at all difficult, it is only necessary to
meet the following requirements:

---Instructions must never be given angrily, loudly,

irritably; but they must not sound like an entreaty or
appeal, either.

---The order must be within the child's power,

fulfillment of it must not demand too great an
exertion.

---The order must be reasonable and not go against

common sense.

---The order must not contradict those previously

given by you or by the other parent.

When instructions have once been given, they must

be carried out without fail. It is a very bad thing to
give directions and then to forget about them.

What shall one do if the child fails to carry out

directions? Above all, try to see that this does not
happen. If the child does not obey the first time,
repeat the order in a more official and colder
tone....Having given the order again and seen that it
has been carried out, find out why you had to repeat
it. No doubt, you are the guilty one, you did
something wrong, there was some oversight. Try to
avoid your mistake.
 It is very important that the children do not get the
habit of disobedience.....

If the regime has been correct from the very

beginning and if parents have been careful,
punishment will not be needed. There are no
punishments in a good family. But there are families
where because of neglect and errors, parents cannot
make headway without punishment. In such cases,
parents often resort to punishment unwisely and spoil
more than they help. Punishment certainly is a
difficult matter. It requires great tact and care; that is
why we urge parents, as far as possible, to avoid using
punishments and to try to bring up their children by
using the right kind of methods. Of course, this takes
time, one must be patient, and quietly await results.

In exceptional cases, one may employ some kind of

punishment. For example, withhold a treat or
entertainment, postpone a trip to the movies or the
circus, withhold pocket money if it is usually given,
forbid going out with friends. But once more, parents
must remember that if the regime is wrong,
punishment will be of no use. If the regime is correct,
one may do without punishment, only be patient......

Be cautious, too, in using encouragement. It is

never necessary to announce awards or prizes ahead
of time. It is best simply to limit oneself to praise and
approval. Childish joys, pleasures and entertainment
should come to the children not as a reward for good
conduct, but in the natural order of things as the
legitimate satisfaction of their needs.

That which is necessary to the child must by all

means be given to him, regardless of his merits and
that which is not necessary or is bad for him must not
be granted in guise of a reward.

In summary, discipline is the result of education

and regime is the means. Therefore, regime is of
various kinds, depending on circumstances. Every
regime must be consistent, definite, exact...... The
main aim of a regime is to provide experience in
disciplined action. With a correct regime, punishment
is unnecessary and, in general, should be avoided, as
should excessive praise. It is best to rely on a correct
regime and patiently await results.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 4
PLAY

Play has the same significance for the child that

activity, work and service have for the adult....As
children are in play, so by and large, they will be in
work when they grow up.....

There is really no great difference between work

and play. Good play is like good work, bad play is like
bad work.....Every type of good play requires physical
and intellectual effort. If you buy the child a
mechanical mouse you may wind it up all day; the
child may look at it -- in this sort of play there is
nothing good! The child is passive. If your child is
occupied only with such games he will grow up
without initiative, not accustomed to undertake new
tasks or work, or to overcome difficulties. Play
without effort, play without activity, is bad play. In
this respect, play is very like work.

Play brings the child happiness. This will be

creative happiness, or joy in achievement or aesthetic
pleasure...and here is a resemblance to good work.....

How does play differ from work?....Work is the

participation of man in social production, in the
creation of material, cultural or social values....Play
has only an indirect relation to social goals......

Parents often make mistakes in guiding play. Some

of them are simply not interested or think that
children know best how to play. Other parents pay
attention to their children's play, too much so! They
interfere, point out, discuss, set problems in games
and resolve them before the child does - they are
enjoying themselves!.....If the child builds something
and has difficulty, father or mother sit down beside
him and say, "Don't do it that way. Look, this is how
you should do it...." The child can only listen and
imitate. He gets used to the idea very early that only
grown-ups know how to do everything well. Such
children grow up with a lack of confidence in their
own strength and fear of failure. ....

Some parents think the most important thing is to

have a quantity of toys. They spend a great deal of
money and shower the child until the children's
corner is like a toy store! Children at best become
collectors of playthings and at worst, go from one toy
to another without any interest, play without
enthusiasm, break and spoil their toys and demand
new ones....
 Children's play passes through several stages of
development and each demands a special kind of
guidance. The first phase is play indoors with toys.
This continues until about five or six years of age
when the second stage begins. This first period is
characterized by the fact that the child prefers to play
alone or, rarely, with one or two friends. He loves to
play with his own toys rather than with strange ones.
This is the very time when the individual capacities of
the child are developing. There is no need to fear that
because he plays alone the child will grow egotistical.
He must be given the chance to play alone! The child
is not yet able to play in a group, often quarrels with
comrades, does not know how to find collective
interests. Give him freedom for this individual play;
there is no need to force companions on him. This
only destroys his play mood, makes him nervous...
The better the child plays alone when he is young, the
better he will be later with companions. At this age
the child is aggressive and in a certain sense is a
"property-owner." Playing alone the child develops
his own abilities, his imagination -- skill in building,
organizing, and this is useful.....

For some children earlier, and others later, an

interest in friends, in group play, begins to
appear....0ne must help the child to make this rather
difficult change....it is good if an older child in the
yard helps to organize the little ones....This second
stage is harder to guide, for the child is now in a
broader social arena. This stage continues to the age
of 11 or 12, including part of the school period. School
brings a wider circle of friends and interests....the
child is already a member of society but a child
society of social control and discipline.
 School helps them to reach the third stage...ht this
stage they are members of the collective, not only for
play but for study and work. Now play becomes
sport...collective discipline appears.

At all three stages the parent's influence is of great

importance....

In guiding children's play it is important: (1) to see

that the child is really playing, creating, building,
combining; (2) to see that the child does not go from
one thing to another without carrying through his
activities to completion; (3) to see that each plaything
has value and is cherished. There should always be
order, cleanliness, in playland. The child should not
break toys, should love them.....(But he should not
suffer too long either if they are spoiled or broken.)....

If the child is in difficulties or if the play is

uninteresting, give him help; set up some interesting
problem, bring new material or play with him....When
the child goes outdoors and meets groups of
youngsters, parents should know what kind of
children these are and how they play....The care and
initiative of one of the mothers or fathers will often
help to change the life of a whole group of children for
the better.

At this second stage, the relation among parents of

the children is important....Sometimes every parent
may be dissatisfied with the children's outdoor
activities yet not discuss it or consider how they may
improve matters...and this is not at all hard to do. At
this stage the children are already organized in
something like a collective; it would be a very good
thing if their parents gave them organized guidance.
 At this stage children often quarrel and complain
about each other. It is a great mistake for parents to
take sides with their children quickly and get into
quarrels with parents of the offender. Even if your
child comes to you in tears, hurt and angry, do not
rush to attack the offender and his parents. Quietly
question your son or daughter and try to get a clear
picture of what happened. Guilt is seldom all on one
side. Probably your child lost his temper, too. Explain
that it is always necessary and possible to find a
peaceful solution to conflicts. Try to reconcile your
child with his "enemy" - invite him to your home as a
guest, talk with him, get acquainted with his parents,
clear up the affair.

The most important thing is that you see not only

your own child but the whole group of youngsters and
that you and other parents cooperate in bringing
them all up.....Let the child see that you are not
carried away by family patriotism, but activated by
social motives; then he will see in your behavior an
example for his own.

Later, at the third stage, leadership of play is in the

hands of the school or sport organization. Parents,
however, can exert a good influence on the child's
character...They must see that sport does not become
an all-absorbing concern for the child and they should
develop other types of activity....They must stimulate
pride not only in personal success but in the success
of the team or group.

Boastfulness must be checked. Educate the child to

respect his antagonist's strength, to pay attention to
training, organization and discipline on his team.
Teach him to be calm in victory or defeat. At this
period of the child's development it is a good thing for
parents to be intimately acquainted with his
comrades on the team or in the sports club. Parents
must see that play does not absorb the child's whole
spiritual life but that, at the same time, his work
habits are developing correctly.

To sum up:

Play has great significance in human life, it is

preparation for work and must gradually change to
work.

Many parents do not give enough attention to

guiding play and either leave the child entirely to
himself or surround his play with too much care and
too many toys.

Parents should apply different methods at different

stages of play but always give the child the chance for
independence and correct development of his
capabilities, not refusing to help in difficult
situations.

In the second and third stages one must guide not

play as much as relations among children and to their
collective.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 5
THE FAMILY ECONOMY

Every family has its economy. In distinction from

bourgeois society, our family has only a work
economy which can not have exploitation of people as
its aim. This economy may grow and increase not
because some member of the family receives profits
but only as a result of increased wages for some one
in the family and by family economies....0ur economy
consists only of things for individual use, means of
production can not be included since these, in our
country, belong to all society....

Naturally, every family tries to improve its standard

of living, but this we can do not by plundering
exploitation of other people but only by labor
participation of members of the family in the general
life and work of the whole Soviet people. Riches in
our family do not depend as much on the strength of
the family as on the successes of the entire country,
on its victories on the economic and cultural front.

Every child, as member of a family, is to a degree a

participant in the Soviet economy. Our children must,
therefore, be brought up to be not only participants in
the family economy but to be working
citizens....Everyone will take part in the governmental
economy and the better prepared a person is for this,
the more useful it will be for all Soviet society and for
himself....

Family economy is a fertile field for developing the

dualities needed for a good working citizen and
manager....

Collectivism

In simple terms, collectivism means the solidarity

of man with society. Individualism is the opposite of
collectivism. In some families, because of lack of
attention to this question, children are brought up to
be individualists. If a child from earliest childhood
does not know where the family means come from, if
he is to satisfy only his needs and does not notice the
needs of other members of the family, if he fails to
relate his family to all Soviet society, if he grows up
greedy, demanding - then he has been brought up an
individualist. This may be harmful to him and to
society.....The child should know as young as possible
where his parents work..., what they do, what they
produce, and what u their product is to society. They
should meet the parents' coworkers and hear about
their work too......

It should be explained that the money parents bring

home is not only something pleasant to spend, but
something that has been earned by much socially
useful work....

As the child grows up, they should tell him about

projects in other parts of the country....If possible, the
child should be shown the factory, the process of
production should be explained.

If the mother does not work in industry or some

institution, but as a housewife, the child must know
about her work, respect it and understand that this
kind of work too requires strength and effort.

Even a very young child should know about the

family budget. He should know how much his parents
earn and be involved in family discussions of
finances...When the question of purchasing items of
general use, such as a piano or radio are under
consideration, he should be involved.....

If the family is well-off the child must be taught to

understand that wealth is no reason for
boasting....When there is a surplus, money should be
spent not to satisfy the desires of the child alone but
for the whole family. Better to buy books instead of an
extra suit!

If the family is, for various reasons, having a hard

time financially, one must see that the child does not
envy other families. He should understand there is
more to be proud of in the immediate struggle to
improve living conditions than in having superfluous
kopeks. In such a family one must develop the child's
patience and ability to look forward toward the better
future which is being prepared in our land, and the
ability to share joyfully with his friends. Parents
should never complain or whine in the child's
presence but be cheerful and emphasize the bright
side of things as they try to increase their earnings
and so improve the family situation. Every
improvement should be emphasized and pointed
out.....

Honesty

Honesty does not fall from heaven! It has to be

developed. Dishonesty can also be developed in the
family, it all depends on correct parental methods.
What is honesty? It is an open, sincere attitude.
Dishonesty is secret,...If the child asks for an apple,
this is honest. If the desire is secret and he tries to
take it without being seen - that is dishonest. If
mother gives the child an apple and keeps it secret
from the other children... she is developing a secretive
attitude - consequently, dishonesty.

From earliest years, parents must teach children

not to take anything without asking, even if it is in
plain sight...Very precious things should not be
hidden but the child should learn to treat them
carefully....(This means that the family must be
orderly)....

If the child has been sent to shop, ask for the

change, check with him....Do this until the time when
he has worked out strict rules of honesty. This
checking must be done very tactfully so that the child
will not think that he is somehow suspected.

Care

...A good manager must learn to notice ahead of

time what needs to be replaced or repaired, must
learn to buy only what is really necessary, not buy
casually what he sees in the stores or someone's
home....Not all care is good....0ur kind of care must
be relaxed...the ability to choose what is needed...to
look ahead. It must not be like greed. The child
should display this care more in relation to other
members of the family than to himself and especially
in relation to things of general family use. In this care
there is an important beginning of planning,
foreseeing. Parents should teach their children to
plan...from time to time, they should discuss various
needs of the family and work out a plan for satisfying
them.

Thrift

This is one aspect of care. Care is manifested in the

ideas and thoughts of man, thrift is manifested in his
habits. One may be a very careful manager, yet have
no habits of thrift. Such habits must be developed
early. Even a young child should know how to eat
without soiling the tablecloth or his clothes, know
how to use things without spoiling or breaking
them...This thrift must be applied not only to family
things but those of others and especially to objects of
general use. Never allow the child to be careless with
things on the street, in the park, in the theater.

Responsibility

Responsibility consists not only in the fact that a

person fears punishment, but just in the fact that,
without punishment, he feels uncomfortable if he
spoils or destroys something. This is the kind of
responsibility we must develop in the Soviet citizen
and this is exactly why it is not necessary to punish a
child or threaten punishment for spoiling things, but
necessary that the child see for himself the harm he
did by carelessness and that he be sorry for it. It is
necessary, of course, to tell the child about it, to
explain the result of his carelessness. But it will be
most useful if the child feels the results through his
own experience. If the child breaks a toy, for example,
do not hurry to buy a new one and do not throw it
away. Let it be in sight and in need of repair for some
time. Father or mother should discuss the repair of
the toy so that the child will see that he has given
trouble to his parents and that they are more careful
with his toys than he is....If there is a correct collective
tone in the family, it will not be hard to develop a
feeling of responsibility in the child.

Ability to Orient Oneself

...What is this ability? It consists in knowing how to

see and to understand all the details in a given
situation. If a man is doing something, he must not
forget that behind him are on the other side of him
are people who are also busy. It is not possible to
orient oneself if the person is only accustomed to see
what is before his eyes and not to see or feel what is
being accomplished around him...When doing one
task, the child must not forget all his other business
and the people around him.....To develop this ability,
it is useful to give the child not only one order but two
or three, to give combinations of directions....This
ability is developed by continual exercises in
housekeeping chores, in knowing all the details and
aspects of housekeeping.

Organizational Ability

This is needed to carry out long-term jobs in the

family... Even seven year olds, often even younger
children, should be given very long-term tasks, for
example watering the flowers, keeping the books in
order, feeding the cat, looking after younger brother.
The matter of spending money is very
important....Every family should give the child some
independence in spending money for the satisfaction
of his own and, in some cases, the family needs. Once
or twice a month he should be given a definite sum of
money with exact indication of what it should be
spent for. The list of such expenditures should
depend on the age of the child...For a boy of 14, for
example, the list might consist of buying notebooks,
carfare, buying soap and toothpowder for the family,
money for movies for himself and his younger
brother. The older the child the more complicated the
list.

One must see that the boy or girl carries out the
task, not misuing or wasting money for pleasure and
not for the business assigned....Sometimes the child
does not take his responsibility seriously
enough...Then simply talk with him, call attention to
his mistake and advise him to correct it. In any case,
do not bore the child with continual checking...even
more with continual suspicion.

Every parent can find many varied exercises for

training his children to be good managers...The
family economy should be organized collectively,
quietly, and in a disciplined manner so that there will
be no unnecessary tension or whining and so that
there will be a cheerful, friendly striving to better the
life of the family.

So the family economy is the place to develop:

collectivism, (i.e., real solidarity with the work and
interest of other people, with the interest of society as
a whole); honesty (i.e., an open sincere attitude
toward people and things); care and thrift,
responsibility, the ability to organize and to orient
oneself. The family economy must be the economy of
a collective and be handled quietly, without tension.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 6
WORK EDUCATION

One cannot imagine bringing up Soviet children

without work. Work has always been the basis for
human life, the creator of man's well-being and
culture.

In our country, work has ceased to be exploitative.

It has become a matter of honor, glory, heroism and
valor. Ours is a worker's government and the
constitution states that "he who does not work shall
not eat."

Let us try to analyze in detail the concept and the

meaning of labor in the family.

First, I want to remind parents particularly about

the following fact. Your child will be a member of a
working society, consequently his significance in that
society, his value as a citizen will depend exclusively
on his being able to participate in social labor, how
well prepared he is for this. On this will depend his
material well-being and his welfare.

We know very well that all people are endowed by

nature with almost the same work capacity, but that
in life one works better than another, some can do
only simple jobs, others more complicated and
valuable work. These various work qualities were not
given by nature but were developed during the course
of their lives, particularly in youth.

So preparation for work is preparation:...not only of

a good or bad citizen, but also for a future standard of
living and wellbeing.

Second, one may work because of need....in the

history of man most work has been of this character,
necessary to keep from dying of starvation. But even
in olden times people tried to be not just man-power
but creative power. Under conditions of class
inequality and exploitation this was seldom achieved.
In the Soviet Union all work must be creative work
since it is for the creation of social wealth and culture.
To teach children to work creatively - that is the task
of the educator.
 Creative work is possible only when man
approaches it with love, consciously sees joy in it,
understands its use and necessity, when work
becomes for him a basic form of expression of his
personality and talents. Such a relation to work is
only possible when one has learned to work
intensively, when no labor seems unpleasant if it
makes sense.

Creative work is completely impossible for people

who approach work with fear of exertion, of sweat,
who stop to consider every step to see how soon they
can get away from work and start something else.

Third, for man-power, not only a good worker but

also a good comrade is needed. That is, a good
relationship with other people must be developed -
this will be real moral preparation. The man who tries
to shirk, who uses the fruits of other's labor...is
immoral in Soviet society. On the contrary, mutual
work in the collective, constant helpfulness, is the
only way one can create correct relations among
people.....

Fourth, it is wrong to think that only muscular

qualities sight, touch, manual skills - are to be
developed....The physical element is necessary, of
course....But it is spiritual development which gives
rise to harmonious labor and should be characteristic
of Soviet man, that which distinguishes the citizen of
a classless society from the citizen of a class society.

Fifth, work has not only social-productive

significance, it has also great significance for the life
of the individual. We know how much more
cheerfully and happily people live who know how to
do many things, who succeed at everything, are not
defeated by any obstacles and know how to master
situations. On the contrary, we are sorry for those
people for whom even the smallest difficulty becomes
an impasse, who cannot look after themselves and
always need a nurse. They live under uncomfortable
conditions, disorganized and messy, if no one helps
them......

It is incorrect to think that by work we mean only

physical labor. With the development of machine
production physical labor is gradually losing its
importance. The Soviet government is trying to
eliminate heavy physical work. We see this in
construction of brick houses, in our factories....A real
creative worker, a Stakhanovite, owes success least of
all to his muscles. He organizes his success, adopts
new methods...tools...new devices...

There should be no essential difference in Soviet

training between physical and mental work. In both,
the organization of manpower is most important, its
real human aspect.

In work education, some task should be given the

child that he can accomplish by using one method or
another. This need not be completed in a short space
of time but may take a month or even years. It is
important that the child have freedom in choice of
means and be responsible for fulfilling the job and for
its quality. It is of little use to say, "Here is the broom,
sweep the room this way." Better to entrust the child
with the task of keeping the room clean, let him
decide how to do it. In the first case you are giving
only a physical task; in the second, there is need for
organization, thought. The more complicated and
independent the task, the better from the pedagogic
point of view...

Participation in the work of the family must begin

at a very young age....Of course, the child must not be
over-burdened with work - the work-load of parents
and child should be very different....if there is a
domestic worker in the home, children must by all
means be accustomed to helping her. Parents must
see that the houseworker does not do jobs which the
children could and should do. (If mother and father
are doing the work, enlist the children. )

Remember that when children are studying in

school they are rather heavily burdened with
homework. Of course, this must be considered very
important and take first place. Children must be
helped to understand that in school they are carrying
out not only an individual but a social function and
that they answer for success in school work not only
to their parents but to society as a whole. On the other
hand, it is wrong to let school work become so
important that everything else is brushed aside.
Separating children from the life and work of the
family collective is dangerous. An atmosphere of
collectivism, of mutual help, must always permeate
family life....

The child should learn to carry out even tasks which

seem boring to him at the moment, to understand
that the important thing is not the entertaining
quality of the work but its use, its necessity. Parents
should develop patience and the ability to carry
through unpleasant jobs without whimpering.
According to the child's growth, if the social value of
the work is clear to him, even unpleasant work will
bring him joy.

If there is not enough interest or necessity to arouse

the child's desire to work one may apply the method
of request. A request...offers the child free choice...It
should be made so that it seems to the child that he is
fulfilling the request because of his own good will, not
pushed into it....It is best to use the method of request
only when you know that the child will willingly fulfill
it....

It is true that in our country exploitation of man by

man in production is impossible...0ur children must
be brought up so that no taste for exploitation will be
developed in them at home... Parents must be careful
to see that an older brother does not use the labor of a
younger except in mutual work so that there can be
no work inequalities at home.

Now as to the quality of work. Demand the highest

quality of work which it is possible for the child to
achieve with his strength and understanding.

Do not scold or punish a child for bad work. Only

say simply and quietly that the work has not been
satisfactorily done, that it must be done over or
corrected....We do not recommend either
encouragement or punishment for work. The solution
of a work-problem should give the child
satisfaction...The consciousness of work well done
should be enough reward. Your approval of his
inventiveness and resourcefulness must be enough
recompense. But be careful not to overdo your
approval. Do not praise the child for his work in front
of your friends or acquaintances....It is not necessary
to punish a child for bad work or work incompleted. It
is most important in such a case to see to it that the
work is nevertheless completed.

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 7
SEX EDUCATION

Sex education is considered one of the most difficult

pedagogical problems and there has been more
confusion and more wrong ideas about this question
than about any other. And yet the problem is not
really so difficult in practice; in many families it is
resolved very simply. (Sex education becomes
difficult when it is overemphasized, undertaken apart
from general questions of child education.)

The problems of sex education in the family will be

correctly solved if the parents have a clear conception
of what they are seeking to achieve. If the goal is clear
to the parents, the road to its achievement will also
become clear.

Every human being attaining a certain age, lives a

sex life but sex life is lived not only by mankind - it is
a necessary part of the life of most living substance.
The sex life of man should be essentially
differentiated from the sex life of animals. Sex
education should be concerned with these
differences....

Man has developed not only as a zoological species

but as a social being. During the course of this
development mankind has worked out standards of
morality in many spheres of human relationships
including that of sex. In a class society, these ideals
are often violated. Such violations are inherent in the
very structure of the family in such a society, that is,
in the position of women and the despotic power of
the male. We know that in some countries buying and
selling of women goes on even now; in polygamy
women are looked upon only as objects of man's
pleasure; in such ugly practices as prostitution man
simply buys woman's favor. We know, too, of
situations where husband and wife are compelled to
live together whether they want to or not.

The October socialist revolution freed the Soviet

family from bondage, freed woman from many forms
of degradation by man....Only after the October
revolution could sex life approximate the ideal about
which mankind has dreamed.

Some people wrongly understood this new freedom.

They decided that sex life should be carried on in the
haphazard changing about of married couples, so-
called "free love."

Such sex life unfailingly coarsens human

relationships, vulgarizing them and leading to
disintegration of the individual, to unhappiness, to
the destruction of the family and orphaning of
children....

In his relations with women or men, a Soviet man

may not ignore the requirements of social morality
which always stand guard over the interests of the
whole society. In the sphere of sex, this social
morality makes definite demands on every citizen.
Parents must bring up the children so that they will
become people whose behavior does not conflict with
social morality.
 In matters of sex, social morality demands that the
sex life of human beings, men and women, be in
harmony with two aspects of life: with the family and
with love. Social morality recognizes sex as truly
moral when it is based on mutual love expressed in
the family; that is, in the open civil union of man and
woman, a union which has two aims: human
happiness and the bearing and rearing of children.

The aim of sex education then must be to bring up

children so that only in love will they be able to find a
satisfying sex life, and so that this satisfaction, this
love and happiness, will be realized in the family.....

Correct sex education, like all character training, is

achieved at every step if the general organization of
family life is right, if a real Soviet man is growing up
under the parent's guidance.....

Therefore, some special methods of sex education

are not the decisive factor but the entire point of view,
the picture of the bringing up as a whole. And so by
developing honesty, industry, sincerity,
straightforwardness, habits of cleanliness, of telling
the truth, respect for other people - for their
experience and for their interests - love of country,
devotion to the ideas of the socialist revolution, we
are, at the same time, educating the child in sex
relations. Some of these methods are more pertinent
than others to sex education but all taken together
contribute to your success...to bringing up the future
husband or wife....

There are also special methods particularly

intended for sex education. Some people think only of
these and consider that they contain the greatest
wisdom of pedagogy....Some proponents of these
theories state that all upbringing of boys and girls is,
in essence, sex education....They worry for fear the
youth will not be wisely prepared, will be ashamed,
see something secret in sex life. They say that if the
child understands everything and if all is explained, if
he sees nothing to be ashamed about in sex, he has
been correctly brought up in this sphere....

Such advice must be considered cautiously...True,

the child often asks where babies come from, but the
fact that the child is interested in this question does
not mean that, at an early age, everything must be
made completely clear to him in detail. It is not only
in matters of sex that there are some things the child
does not know....We do not rush to burden his mind
with things beyond his understanding....There is no
special pressing interest in sex questions in the young
child. This arises at puberty...questions about the
"secrets" of childbirth do not contain sexual
curiosity....If we begin to give intimate details about
the relations between men and women we encourage
curiosity about sex and arouse the child's imagination
too early.....

There are other reasons for opposing too early

discussion of sex questions with children: frank and
premature discussion of these questions leads the
child to a coarse, rationalistic view of sex, lays the
foundation for the cynicism with which adults
sometimes so lightly share their very intimate sex
experiences with others. In these discussions, sex life
is presented in a narrow physiological form, not
ennobled by the theme of love....

When talking with an older son or daughter about

sex life, its dependence on love can be established and
a deep human, esthetic and social respect for these
questions can be developed...

Sex education should be education for love, the

cultivation of deep feeling, which beautifies the whole
of life, its strivings and hopes....

How can this kind of sex education be carried on?

Examples are most important. Genuine love between
father and mother, their respect for one another,
helpfulness and solicitude, observable manifestations
of affection and tenderness; if this has been under the
eyes of the children from the first years it will be a
great factor.

Another important factor is the general

development of the feeling of love. If the child has not
learned to love his parents, brothers, and sisters, his
school, his country; if crude egotism has begun to
develop, it is hard to believe that he will be able
deeply to love the woman he chooses. Such people
often appear to have very strong sex feelings, but are
inclined not to respect those who attract them, not to
value their spiritual life or even to be interested in it.
Therefore, they lightly transfer their affections and
are often not far from depravity. This happens, of
course, not only with men but also with women.

Love that is not sexual, friendship, long-lasting

attachments to certain people, experienced in
childhood, love of country instilled at an early age -
this develops the capacity for high social relationships
with women friends, and without such relationships it
is difficult to acquire discipline and control in the
sphere of sex....
 We advise parents to pay serious attention to the
question of children's feelings toward other people
and toward society. Be careful to see that children
have friends - brothers, comrades, that their relations
to these friends is not casual and egoistic...

A boy or girl should be accustomed from childhood

to order, not be indulged in a disorderly and
irresponsible way of life; such habits will be carried
over to the relations between men and women....

Lectures to Parents
Lecture 8
DEVELOPMENT OF CULTURAL INTERESTS

Parents who think that cultural education is the

exclusive obligation of the school and society and that
the family need do nothing in this area are mistaken.
One sometimes sees families who pay attention to the
children's food, clothing and play.... but who say that
the child has enough culture in school....

Cultural education in the family is easy if parents

believe that culture is necessary - not only for
children!....Where parents themselves do not read
newspapers or books, do not go to the theatre or
movies, are not interested in exhibits or museums,
obviously it will be difficult to carry on cultural
education for the child. Such parents would not really
try to do so, their efforts would be insincere and
artificial; the child would understand that his parents
do not consider this really important.
 On the contrary, in those families in which the
parents themselves are living active, cultured lives,
where papers and books are a necessary part of their
existence, where questions of theatre and movies are
touched upon in a lively way at home, there cultural
education will take place when the parents may not
even be thinking about it....

Cultural education must begin very early, when the

child is not yet literate, when he can only observe,
listen and talk a little.

A well-told story is the beginning of cultural

education. Every family should have collections of
stories on the bookshelf ... Perhaps the parents know
stories heard in their youth. ...The choice of the story
is of great importance. We must throw out stories
about evil forces, devils, baba yaga (witches), goblins,
etc. ...The best stories for the very young are animal
tales... In general one should choose stories which
stimulate energy, faith in one's own power, an
optimistic view of life and hope for the future.
Sympathy for the oppressed must not be
accompanied by pictures of despair...

A significant turning point appears at the time of

learning to read. Usually this happens in the
children's collective - in school. The child enters into
the realm of books and the printed word, sometimes
reluctantly, surmounting the technical problems with
difficulty. We must not force the child, but not
encourage laziness either; we must encourage him to
struggle. Books with large print and many
illustrations must be acquired at home. Even if the
child cannot read them yet, they will stimulate an
interest in study and a desire to learn to read...
 The general cultural tone of the family has a great
effect on the child's school work, on the quality and
vigor of his study...

Newspapers

Even when children can only listen to reading,

newspapers make an impression...Reading the
newspaper should not be done apart from the
children; parents can find material which can be read
aloud and discussed in their presence, even if it is not
especially written for children.

It is even better if the reading is done in such a way

that it does not seem to be directed especially to the
children. They will listen even more attentively if it is
done casually. In any paper there will be international
affairs, heroic achievements of workers....The family
discussion of what is being read should be free, never
formal, or in a special pedantic tone....It is even better
if such talks arise unexpectedly, apropos of some
household event, or one may simply ask what there
was of interest in the paper....

Books

Acquaintance with books must also begin with

reading aloud and later, even when the child can read
well, reading aloud should continue, should be part of
the general family program and should become a
habitual and constant part of both leisure and work
days. If parents do the reading at first, the task will be
taken on by the children later. Reading aloud should
not be done especially for the child but for the family
circle, to stimulate collective opinion and expression
of ideas. Only with the help of such collective study
may we direct the reading taste of the child and
develop in him the habit of reading critically. In
addition to reading aloud one must inoculate the
child with a desire to sit down by himself with a
book....

Parents must pay attention to what their child

reads, even when he is in school....they must know
how he reads...whether he thoughtlessly turns pages
only for the plot...what books he chooses...whether he
takes good care of them...

Movies

In our time movies are an immensely important

educational medium, not only for children but also
for adults. In the Soviet Union all films are made in
government studios and our films are a beautiful and
highly artistic means of education. Nevertheless, this
does not mean that children can see movies in
unlimited quantity or without control....The child may
become accustomed to passive pleasure - the artistic
impression runs over the surface, does not involve
him, arouse any ideas or questions. Such moviegoing
is insignificant and sometimes harmful....We
recommend that children go to the movies no more
than twice a month and see only films suitable for
their age. Before the 14th or 15th year children should
always go with parents or with older brothers or
sisters. This is necessary, not for the control of
behavior, but so that what they have seen may be a
subject for discussion and conversation. The child
should describe his ideas, talk about what pleased
him and what did not please him, what strong
impressions he carried away....If parents see that the
child carries away only external, entertaining aspects,
the adventures of this or that hero, they should, by
the help of one or two questions, bring to the child the
deeper and more important aspects of the film.
Sometimes it is not even necessary to ask questions
but only to express opinions in the child's presence.

To a considerable degree parents should choose the

films they want their children to see....some pictures
may be beyond the child's understanding, some may
arouse wrong reactions....In choosing films, the
child's school work, behavior and condition should be
taken into account.

Theatre

Everything that has been said about movies applies

to the theatres, but the theatre much more often
presents subjects unsuitable for a child. Such plays as
"Othello" or "Anna Karenina" should be absolutely
forbidden for middle school ages. Care should be
taken in recommending ballets also. In our society,
this is achieved by forbidding admission of children
to evening performances before the proper age.

The question of theatre is not difficult, for in many

cities we have special theatres for children with a
special repertoire. Going to these theatres is highly
desirable...

Plays require a very serious and prolonged effort of

attention. They are more complicated than movies....
Theatre-going needs careful planning and even more
than a film a play should be discussed, analyzed....

Museums and Exhibitions

Museum exhibits and art galleries are very

important educational media...They help to organize
the child's intellectual experiences, arouse deep
feeling. One should look carefully in a museum, not
merely gape....Do not try to see too much at one time.

Other Forms of Cultural Education

We have glanced at only the main forms of cultural

education, those organized by the Soviet government.
Parents do not need to be inventive in these areas,
they only have to make the best use of all the cultural
facilities of our land. If parents make full use of
newspapers, movies, books, theatres and museums
they will do much for their children in the sphere of
knowledge and character-building.....

But many parents do even more....Walks in the

country, becoming acquainted with nature, with
towns, with people, reconstruction, building houses,
laying roads, building factories -- all these are
wonderful subjects for a day of leisure. But an
excursion must remain an excursion, recreation -
there is no need to force the child's attention and
compel him to listen to speeches.

During these excursions a few words will reinforce

impressions, a joke, a story drawing a parallel with
the past or a humorous tale will accomplish its
purpose unnoticed...

By all means the family must encourage an interest

in sports and an interest that will not be that of a
frustrated spectator. If your son shouts at every
football match with heated intensity, knows the
names of all those who have made records, and all the
figures of records, but does not take part himself in
even one physical culture circle, does not skate, ski,
does not play volley ball - his interest in sports is
nearly useless and sometimes actually harmful. There
is little sense in his interest in chess if your child
doesn't play it! Every family should try to see that its
children become not only interested but actually
participants in sports. It is better if parents
themselves take part. For older parents, such a
demand may be too late - but young parents have
every possibility and in such cases the road to sports
for their children will be much easier... Our mothers
seldom participate in sport, yet this is very useful for
young women. Also our girls are drawn into sports
less than the boys...

There are also such types of cultural education as

putting on shows at home, producing wall
newspapers, keeping diaries, carrying on
correspondence with friends, participation in political
campaigns, improving the home, organizing children
in the yard for meetings, games excursions, etc.

We must always try to achieve the greatest

participation on the part of the children, to educate
them not only to observe and to listen but also to
hope, want, achieve, aim for victory, overcome
obstacles, and to draw in their comrades and younger
children.

It often happens that the first success in one type of

activity or another arouses an exaggerated idea about
their own abilities, scorn for others; they may expect
quick victories and then will be unable to overcome
obstacles...

Parents should plan for the future activities with the

child and see that the plan is carried out. Reading
books and papers, going to movies and theatre, etc.
should be part of this plan.... Cultural education can
be made very interesting if all these methods are
used...It requires resourcefulness from
parents....Older children should learn to keep an
album of clippings on certain subjects....All this work
should be directed toward political and cultural
activity. Children should, ever more and more, feel
themselves citizens of our land, see its heroic
victories, its enemies, know to whom they owe their
conscious, cultural life.