1.1(]NK!

Instrumentauon
Two versions are availabie: a €"piece and a 9-piece version
ACT ONE Music

6 p!9!9
Scele One
Reed (Flute / Clarinet / Alto Saxophone)
Music No. 1 A POULTRY TALE
Trumpet / Flugeihorn
(Drake,Ida, Turkey, Henrietta, Cat, Gnce, Maureen)
cuitar (Acoustic / Electric,u Steel)
Keyboard / Piatro Conductor
h beginning of a Elonoa'
is the &ry o t in tlE country. The cotn r goldm
vLloo, the aax are sr*n and
'unnd\
the hay is stacked up in the neadal$. Standing in the
shndrd Drum Kn t&J
iunsb;ne is an oA famhouse, and bebind the famhouse n a sligbtb nalE
tlisbe*lkd. part of the fam, is a lahe. nrck beds of b reba sutound th kke aith
their s&t heads lihe siant ciga$ pointing sh\rd'd. The watet\ alge b a faaonte
neetiA pldce fat d ldietJ offam aninah, anl it k bere tnat @E dncoLv DLAKE
sixing ii\
Lvsid" tbe udter. He rs soon joined lry bk spott*, IDA' GMCE
TURKEY, HENRIET/A, MAUREEN, and tte CAT
Bell
Dorble B*s / Bas Guitar DRAKE: IN THIS BACK\(ATER OF ENGLAND
\qHERI THE PACE OF I-IFE IS SLO\IT
9'pi€ce AND THE LIIIES ON THE LAKI
ARE BROAD AND LUSH
L Reed 1 (Flute / Piccolo / Alto Saxophone) \rc'RE ALL LTVING HERE IN CLOWR
2. Reed 2 (Claliret / Bass Clarinet / Barirone Suophone) AND THE MATING SEASON'S OVER
3. Horn SO TI]ERI VON'T BB CAUSE
4. Tmmpet / Flugelhorn FOR ANYONE TO BLUSH
5. Gr:itar (Acoustic / Electric / Steel) IN OI ]R LAND SOTH GREEN AND PLEASANT
6. Keyboard / Piano Conductor tvl RY BANTA]\,1, DUCK A\D lr{l A5ANT
IF THEY I-'.{D THEM,
shnd*d Drun Kit/,r \flOULD BE \TALKING ARM IN ARM
FOR OUR IIIE IS GOOD AND STEADY
TILL \/T'RE PLUCKED AND O\EN READY
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOI-K DOWN ON THE FARM
Be
THF,RE'S A TURI(EY \v,ITH A GOBBLE,
Cello
Double Bss / Ba$ cuitar TURKEY enter'.

VATCH HIS !(ATTLE START TO \flOB}LE

ri{/HEN THE ROOSTER COCK'A'DOODLES
TI'IE AI-ARM
 HONK! HONKI

(DRAKE) \flE'VE GOTPT]LLETS, \I/E'VE GOT CHICKENS, CAT: }IAIHO\(THEYFLATTERTHEMSELVES

I NEVER SHO\(/ MUCH INT'RIST
HENRIETTA .nte$, dainE her nonins detohts, unth ),IAURLEN, who b)ng: iN THIS GROUP
glJis for the 'bab shouo'. I ADMIT IM QUITE A GLUTTON,
tsUT THIS FEATHERED FORM OF MUTTON
w[ \ r coT QUAI] 5. \(OULDN'T EVEN MAKE A FALATABLE SOUP
AND\OHAT THE DICKENS
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
BUT \(HEN THOSE LITTLE DUCKLINGS IIATCTI
OF FOLK DO\(N ON THI FARM
TFIAT'S A FLAVOUR YOU \flON'T MATCH
THEY'RE DELICIOUS
AND I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH
VHAT A GORGEOUS \ISION THIS IS AS A FELON \{HO IS FELINE
I'I'S D{, \HF \ MY MI\SUS, YOU \(]LL SEE ME MAKE A BEELINE
SO FORGIVE ME IFTM LAYING ON TI"IE SMARM, FOR THOSE TENDER LITTLE
SHE GOES IN FOR HEATED QUACKING JUICY BALLS OF FLUFI!
TO POINT OUT THE SKILLS fM LACKING
7he folk@ing cdroPhonl of squd@hins prcmpx the CAT ta bde himelf again
+ IDA/HFN./
MAI,'REEN/ BO,GER.DOC.A.DER. BO.GER DOC-E-DER
MAUREEN:
Tl IRKFYT rT,S A POULTRYTALE
BO,GER.DOC.A DER. BO.GER.DOC-E-DER
OF FOLK DOVN ON TI.IE FARM

COME ON DOWN A]\ID DON'T BE STN"\NGERS DRAKE: \/AH \flA.UHI \(AHI \(/AF{! \(/AH! \(/AH!
IN OUR DUCKYARD OF FRIE-RANGERS
IT'S A POULTRY TALE IDA: \7AH!\qAHI
OF FOLK DO'WN ON THE FARM
MAL]REEN/
MATIREEN/ HEN,: BOC BO.GA-DER! BOC.BO.GA DER!
HEN.: HERE \GIERT WATERFO\(/L I{A\E \(/ADDLED
LITTLE CHICKS ARE MOLLY.CODDLED T{-]RKEY: GOBBLE! GOBBLEI
FOR THE CAT \{OULD LIKE TO DO THEM
ALL: \/AH, BUilR, mBBLE /s,..,
GR]EVOUS HARM
HF'S OIIR ONLYSOURCE OF VORRY
IDA/HEN./
FEATHERS RARELY GET TO FLURRY
DRAKE/
+ HEN./ TUR]GY: IN OI JR \/ATERFO\(/L REGATTA
TURKEY/ THERE'S A MOORHEN FOND OF CHAfiER
DRAKR: IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOLK DO\\N ON THE FARM + MAUREEN: AND A MANDARIN \OITH ORIENTAL CHARM
YOU'LI FIND EVERY GOOSE OR GANDER
The CAT nict?r his head up
fion berind d cl'n? of bubutus
 HONKI HONKI

GRACE dter.
DkaKE entets
'heEtihu.
GRACE: THOUGH OF COTIRSE fM RATHER GRANDER
(IDA' And ft doesn\ do for a duck to look sheepish, it confuses

+ IDA/HEN./
DRAKE/ Flow's it golng, Ida? You sdll sitring) I duolo, it's alright
DRAKE:
TIIRKEY/
MAT]RF,EN: IT,S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOLK DOY,N ON THE FARM the sound of n so nuch why don't you
IDA: \(ell if you liLe
take a turn on the nesr? And wipe your websl I just did the
\./E MAY STR]KE SOME CLASSIC POSES
floor thi morning.
\ND \/F AIL IIAVF I {RSON'S NOSES
BUT TI]AT DOESN'T MEAN
DRAKE: Oh ldr, I'd love ro h:"e a crack :]i sitring on the eggs for a
YOU'LL HEAR A SINGIE PSALM
bir, bur you look so confonable up rhere it seems a shame
FOR ALL REVERENCE IS REJECTED
BI,ATANT FOIifi, PI,AY IS SI IS?FCTFD
IT'S A POULTRY TAI-E
IDA: Huh, and whar about rhat extension you pror sed to bLrild
OF FOI-K DOIflN ON THF FARM
on the nestl lt's going to be very cramped when the litde
ones arrive - especialLy v irh th* one big egg in the clutch,
+ CAT: COME ON DO\X4{,A {D DON'T BE STRANGERS
goodnes knows nhat size th;n chick is going to be.

ALL: IN OIJR DUCKYARD OF I Rlf RANCLRS

DRAKE: Yo. koow. I reclor rh"Lmrgbrbe:'ur[1 'egg.
IT'S A IOULTRY TALE
IDA: Oh, Drake!
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
N'S A POULTRY TALE ny
DRAI{I: I hrd the same problem with ex.
OI FOLK DO\/N ON THE FARM
A-ARM-A,ARM
IDA: l{uh, here ve go.
}GAD.EHR!
DRAKN: Ifle had a whole pack of troubles with rhe young ones I
IMusic No. 1a " POULTRY PI-AYOUT can tell you. Thq;'re afrald of the wrter. She had me
Optional Instrumentall
running up and down rhe bank shouting 'Bernard
Maahews" and they still wouldn\ go in!
At t e eni of the song delyone flshes ofstage and wc are W @nh a dad of
featbos da.endins eound IDA, @ho tidie' p alarnd. hel nest. l6L protr"llins ir
aba\,e lhc pd!? of ,np @ a"e
lDAl DnLe, how would a mrkey egg get to be my nesrl Musr
1ta ohe es, aad a h/8" b"au n ,sz. tDA ,po: be your side o{ rhe family.
DMK.E of'tale

IDA: DRAI(E: \{re'll just have to wan ard see who he rakes afrer, won't
DrakelDrak€!Ir's no good paddling aw3y,I've ses, you.
 HONKI I.IONK!

IDA: bcinUYes,dear. ODA' VALKING ROUND IN A LINE

rLL DO \fIIAT ANY OftIER MOTHER WOULD
DRAKF: Anlryav, nL- 0\. TO TRY TO DO MY BEST AT BRINGING UI MINE
IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
MusicNo.2 THEJOY OF MOTHERHOOD THOSE LITTLE PERJ$
(tda, lraureen) THAT MAKE IT AIL SEEM \(ORTHWHTLE
rLL DO \{'IIAT A\ry OTHER MOTHER \(OULD
I promised the Rooster thar I'd help him count his TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
chickens. Shall I seeyou brck here) AND LIVING IN STI'I-E

IDA: \reJl where else do you suppose I'm going to be? l,,t AUREEN, the chee1f,l, neryhkurb noorben, enter betb.
DRAKE dils. IDA let mes tittinean bet erq$, t*isneA tu bd lat. MATTREEN: Morning, Ida.

AS A DUCK IDA: Morning, Maureen.

\(HEN YOU'RE STUCK
SAT SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR NEST MAURIEN: How is rhe nothert be?

TIIEN AT BEST
YOU GET BORED . . . IDA: She'd be better il the father-who-was was berter at being
TFIERE GOES DRAKE rhe farher-vho'is. I somerines think I'd hate been bener
ON THF T,AKF, off pairing with a decoy duck
I CAN SEE HIM THROUGH THE RUSHES
AIL THE TIME MAUREEN: I'm sure Drake will nake r mmellour darl when the
FEELING I'M lamily arrives.
JUST IGNORED
IDON'T PRETEND ]TIAT THIS IS ALI HIS DOING IDA: Not him. Duck by oame and duck by nature'ducking out
I'M A SUCKTR FOR THE BILIING of his responsibikies. pbe shrfts position) Ooh.t say it btns
AND THE COOING vere meant {or sirthg on eggs all &y, rhen they should
have been designed with vhopping great dimples in thert
BUT \{HEN YOU HEAR THAT PITTER PATTER
OF TINY FEET IT DOESN'T MATTER MAUREEN: Ooh, Ida, the rhought. How nuch longer do you
HO\/ LONG IVE HAD TO SIT HERE have to go?
MINDING MY BROOD
THOSE LTTTLE HEADS SO SOFI AND DO\XNY IDA: Vell, by my reckoning they should be ort by now. I went
THEIR BAtsY BODS Arl- GOLDEN BRO\{AIY to all of ny ante"natai hatching clarses, ro by drar self-
TFIE BEAKS CONSTANTLY OPEN snisfied Stork, and she said about r fonnight, but wo
II/AIIING FOR FOOD

rT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERFIOOD MAIJREBN: Oh wel1, rhe best rhingscome to those who wair.
THOSE LITTLE DUCKLINGS
 IJONKI HONKI

I don'r ktrov. v/hy do lJe pu! ourselves rhrough Every IDA: IT'S THE JOY
spring ir's exactly the same.
BOTH: IT'S THT IOY
Bur ju$ rhink of rhe rewards - al1 those lorely lirde
ducklings. IDA: IT'S THE JOY

All those beals to feed. MAUREEN; JOY,

MALIRBIN: VaLing you up at a1l houn. IDA: JOY,

IDA: Gening inro deep water. MAUREEN: JOY,

trLAUREEN: Attracting unwanted admiren . .. IDA: JOY,

BOTH: (in bushed tones) . . .llke the Cat. rifihy do we pur ourselves ROTH: IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
thrcugh irl THOST LITTLE PERKS
THAT N'I-\KE 11 ALL SEEM \flORTH\flHILE
'COSVHTN YOU HEAR THAT DIBBLE DABBLE I'LL DO WHAT ANY OTHER MOT'F{ER \{OULD
YOU'RI PROLTD TO SAY
.HEY, THAT'S MY RABBLE" TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
IDA:
THEN \TATCH THEIR MAIDEN VOYAGE AND I.I\']NG IN STI'I"E
OUT FROM THE BANK
MALIREEN: TO GET THOSE DUCKS DICKED OUT
LIKE CHAMPAGNE CORKS AND LI\']NG
YOU'IL SEE TIIEM BOBBING
IDA: TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
ACCOMPANIED BY MOTHERS SOBBING AND LIVING

RTLITVED, THANKS BE TO NATURE, BOTH: IN STI'I-E

NOBODY SANK
IDA t"ms to het n*t f ll oJ DUCKLINGS.
lT's TFIE JOY . . .
IDA: My babiesl
MAI,IREEN: Oh, prepare yourself, Ida.
The four DUCKLINGS BILLY, BEAKY, DOWTY anl FLUFF, bop down Jion
.
ft1 dlp i4th,pted b a .bippns .ond a ,he e:rs. jtan rc ha^h n hc ne,t. tDA the nen.Inttinlb thet laah confued, not sure uhicb ofthe two adalt ktds is Mum'
do5 b( bpdhtl| ptp"titet i't p'ppd"ah@ !o" rh bnh. Fau. pai^ al tcg, appa. . bxt hUL|REEN points nthrcastbdlb dt IDA.
dDo@ tbp..tse a/ltc ie' aad wad a-o"ad n ,np o'hnusi, hhe.v,hron,sd
(IDA:) QuacLr Quackl
 \
HONK! 1l

DUCKLINGS: Quack!Qua€k! FLUFF: Egg-cellentl

MAUREEN: Oh, Ida. They're the loveliesr little ductlings I have ever BEAKY: How come he got.such a big egg?
set my eyes on. They're the image of their farher.
BTILY: Yeah, we all got cranped into a regulu shell, but that one
IDA: Thanksl spealing of Daddy, Maureen would you be a dear got a queen-sized osrrich job.
rry Lo find him ior n e? He. probrbly rrkdB wive'
"nd
down at rhe local watering hole. DO'VNY: ICs not fair, Mama.

MAUREEN: Abighi (fo DUCKLINGS) Auntie Maur-Maur is off now, BEAKY: No, Mama, ir's nor hir.
I'11 see you later.
A seneral connotion b,eak' out. IDA climk brck olto tbe hg e&. DRAKE re.
MAUREEN e.itt.

BEAKY: Auntie Maur-Maurl Vhal a weird name. DRAKE Hi, kids. rn your Dad.

FLUFF: Vhat a big world it is. IDA: Take a good look ar hirn because you probably wonl see
him that ofren. Vell, true to form you missed it, the pftrer'
BILLY: patter of perire paddles.

DO\(}{Y: I was getting scrambled inside that egg. DRAKE: \(ell I'm here now. oK, kids, , ,ho's for r swim?

IDA: Don't go thinking rhar this is the whoie world!stretches lt DMKE bsues each of the DUCKLINGS v,ith a r"bb ing each bedring an 'L'
far beyond the other side oI the lake right into the vicarage
- rhough I've never been that far myself.

Ito /r.4, \ haCs th€ matt€r) All that siting around taLen it
BEAKY: \flicled - 1et s explore. out of you)

IDA: Vait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wair, q,ait. There are one or IDA: There's srill one to harch, Dumb-Cluck. The Big One
rwo nest rules before you paddle off. Nurnber One, no wer
webs in rhe nesq Nuber Two, you musr fearher your DRAKE: lrt me see that egg again.
ovn ne$ €very noffins; Number Three, no quaking
afEr sunseti Number Four, no piankton bets-eer meals;
Number I-... wair I minu,.. 1ou re nor rll bae.
Ittdefinnely r turkey. You'Il never get it to go in the
FLUFF: Hey guys, ere s going to be another rnember of rhe gang. warer. Just leave it. (l rrc to the DUCKLINCS e,ho arc
nasing about) Oy, cut th^t out. (Bdch to IDA) Con]r' 3J'd
IDA: (peering into the nat) Oh, qtack! And itl the big one. reach rhe other ones to swir:n properly.

BILLY: Look at the shell on thar!

 HONKI HONK! t3

You teach the orher ones to swim properly. I migh 3s well UGLYI HonLI
sit for a bit longer. I've sat for so long a few dals more
wonl make any difference. IDA: \6ais wrong wifi your quackl You're not like your
brot hen ud rlte-s. r\eyie . . ec"tulpt . . . nd, . . . tee upl
DRAKE: \(rhatever you say, dear. 17o the DUCKLINGS) Come or.,
last one to the lake's : Coot. fhe DUCKLINGS n*b afi)
He1 wait for rne! UGLYI HonL!

DMKE altt. IX/e stdt rpitb IDA on the nest. IDA: I{ I say 'Bunerball' does that bother you at all? No? Vhat
about 'water'l How would you like ro go for a swirnl
Music No.3 DIFFERENT (Pre-r€prise)
(td") UGLY; ldlovero...M.rml
\OHAT A ROLE! IDA: Thank heavens for that! fHr.rgg,ng him)I knew yot were
ONLY GOOD FOR KEEPING EGG.SHELLS \fARM one of mine. Now, your father has taken the orhers off for
ON THE WHOLE THEY HAVE AL\flAYS BEEN their fnst swimnring leson. So how about you and ne
MORI 1JNIFORM doing the same, right here at the water's edge. Nothing too
farcy mind just the to get yo',\ sraned. (lDA dips ,1
basics
THTS ONI'S DIFFERENT unb into tbe water) Ooooh. . . itt a bit parky, but we'll
THIS ONE'S DITFERENT FROM THE RIST soon warm up. The imponut thing is nor ro be atuaid of
I DON'T BEUEVE A TUR]<EY'S EGG
COULD FAIL INTO MY NIST
IT'S JUST A FREAK OF NATURE UGLY: I'm not afraid, Mama. Can we swim out to that islandt
JUST A LARGER GRADE
OF ALL THE OTHER EGGS I'VE E\ER LAID , , . IDA: Good gr:cious, no. It's {unher than you think. V/hy, I
THIS ONE'S DIIFERENT havent been out there since your farher and I were coun-
ing . . . aad I didnl rnean to go that fr thenl Now, :re you
Thre i a chipping sourul. readyl

BUT THXRI'S DIFFERINT UGLY: I'm ready.

Thae is a raching sound. IDA: Just do as I do and you should rrle ro ir like a d . . . lootu
dt him) yot shanld rake b h.
AND THERE'S DIFFERENI ,.,
Music No, 4 HOLD YOUR HEAD I.? HIGH
IDA is lirted up on tlrc shaalllm af UGLY ds he enerse, fftn the esc. (Ida, Ugty, Fish)

UGLY: Honk! HOLD YOIJB. HEAD UP HIGH

LIKE THE MOST HAPPY FELLA
IDA: oh my word! \flHILE DOII,N BELOISfr EACH THIGH
 :i:r::i:t.itirir'i.r.ii

HONKI HONK! 15

(IDA' APROIOS A PROPELLER

BOTH: KEEP PADDLING LIKE TIIE CLAPPERS
MUST KEEP PADDLING LIKE THE CI-AP?ERS
JUST KEEP PADDLING \f]TH YOUR FLAPPERS
YOU KIEP PADDLING \ilITH YOUR FU?PIRS TiiTIILE SEEMING TO BE DREAMING AND CALM
\N'} LE SEEMING TO BE DRIAMING AND CALM
IDA: Let'stry a dive.
UGLY: Like this)
\hq dirn und*uater. 'there
fokw an in*mnmta! 'ball,.t' during ulrcb tw go
IDA: ThaCs the way. a4utt liji.
ndenj:ater @hb UGLY dnd IDA into a nagialfurground ofFIsH dnd

BEND YOUR KNTES FISH: OH, OH, AH.

\O SPLASHINC TLEAS!
ne FISH cd out dd libt. ta dttract UGLY ta thir \tall' e.g: "Hook a haop and
UGLY: Sory. uin a ubopper", 'TicHe a troat uxb Jks on d stich', %ddb tddpole' - n bob d
blob", UGLY ts initirlly apprehe$iw.
IDA: AND STEADY, IflATCH THAT EDDY
TO YOIJT. RIGHT . . . IDA: Dont woffy, dear, they're only fish.
DANGER SIGN
UGLY: Fish?
UGLY: Danger sign?
DMtsE dnd DUCKLINGS appwr, noi- y, undzr uam, though do not UGLY
'ee
IDA: THAT'S FISHING LINE
FISH: WHATAGITT
UGLYI Fishing linel IT IS TO D RI]-T
THE TALENT'S IN THE BALANCE
IDAr \fHICH STMNGLES AND THE POISE
IF II
TANGI.ES YOU UP TIGHT! BUT AS FISH
6"/e, HE's A NATUR-AL ITT ONLY I(/ISH
IN A CLASS OF HIS OV,N THAT DUCKITNGS \flOULD TRY SMMMING
VITH LESS NOISE
UGLY: THIS IS I/ONDERFI,']-
I AM FEILING FULL GRO\(/N As the underuater seqaence ends, DMKE dtut tbe DUCKLINGS exit, tlrc FISH
di:perse, and IDA and UGLY Es'fae. h i: dfpdrent that IDA ts noe, exhaustda
IDA: LOOK AT YOU
YOU FIAVE EVIRY R.EASON TO IDA: SLOV THE PACE!

BOTH: HOLD YOUR HEAD T]? HIGH UGLY: BUT I \(ANT TO GO FASTER

IDA: AS IF FRIE
IDA: IT'S NOT A RACE
IROM ALL TROUBLES
YOIJT. BACK STAYS MCE AND DRY
UGLY: IT'S A SKILL I COTJLD MASTER
UGLY: BUT MY BOTTOM'S iN BUBBLES IDA: AND CLEARLY YOU ARE NBARLY FIT
 HONK! HONKI 17

(IDA' TO DROP BOTH; IF YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD IJ? HIGH

UGLY: NO I'M NOT, At the end ofthe sons IDA ,xnd UGLY set ort afthe'@dte'and sbe tries to nake
I COULD CO O\ ALL DAY hin looh morc pmennl,te.
IDA: HA\T A BREAK IDA: There, dear. That lools rnuch betrcr . . .

UGLY: I FEEL FRESH AS A DAISY UGLYI VLat did you mern when you said I'n ror like my
brorhen and sisters? Vhst is different?
IDA: YO1JR LEGS MUST ACHE
IDA: Vell, dear . . . for one thing I'm sure you cu svim much
UGLY: \O THFY DON'T, ANE YOI CMZY: beter rhan they can.
IDA: SO MA)BB NOIf MY BABY lOE SHOULD STO?! UGLY: Do you reail'- think so? And what else)
UGIY: I/OULD ONI I,AP OF THE IAI.E IDA: You musr try to remember, itt whatl inside that martels,
BE OK?
IT'S THE GREATEST TTI]NG not what we lool like.
CAN'T IvE II{}T ONE MORE TRY?
At tbis jrncture DRAKE anal the DUCKLINGS Mun f,em their suim.
IDA: THIS IS KNACKIRINGI
I]E SMMS BITTER THAN I BEAKY: VhaCs Mama laid?

UGLY: PRETTY PLEASE DRAKE: ft! a son of orange preserte often {ound on roxr
IDA: GNE ME STRENGTH BEAKY: No ... whatl Mamr l4(. po;ntinsat UGLY)
,i
UGLY: BEND THOSE KNIES DRAKE: Oh, my cod . . . Ida . . . now lisren very caretully, love. I
vant you !o walk towards me very slowly. No sudden
IDA: JUST ONE LENGTH'IHEN
Instumental dance break IDA: Vhat are you quacLing about?

BOTH: KEEP PADDLIAIG LIKE THE DRAKE

CL{,PERS Theret something behind you. Sonething . . . nor very
J.US'T KEIP PADDLING \']']
H YOUR FLAI,I,LRs nic€.
\x,+{lI I SE|MINIC IO Bf DRTAMINC
AND CA,LM
IDA; This is your son, dear.
IDA;
JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE
YOU MAY STRUGGLE TO GET BY DR,{KE: Arargh... I'vecreateda moruter.
UGLY: BUT NOTHING CAN DETER YOU IDA: Don't be ridiculous. He\ just nor your normal run-otrhe-
m lpond du.k. thafs rll.
 !
HONK!
HONKI 19

i
DRAKE: Thals aiil lda, I have a reputarion. .
" DUCKLINGS. LOOKATHM
IDA: I know, dear, aad I woutdnl brag abour ir i{ LEGS ARE BANDY
Lcre you. AND THE KNEES. ARE KNOCKED
FIUFF: I'm scared. LOOK AT HN4

DRAKE: Ahaush yikd bi ) I @lJ yo,.r he,s a

BILLYI DAD VAS OB\IOUSLY EGG-SHELL-SHOCKED
rurkey.
IDA; He is nor a rurkey. He loves the water. DUCKLINGS: BET THX NEIGHBOIJRS SCRIAM AND HOWL
I(/HEN THEY SEE OUR BROOD
DRAKE: (tuatrc L CLYand ta,nx,r,in. Cranberry wuce. TIE'S THE FOUIEST \/ATXRTOVL

IDA: See. fie djdni e\tr UGLY: \(HY ARE YOU SO RUDE?
nin.ht Now. l wlnl you
alt ro ser
sP'1rcPo up. n rLe orhs m"noen or *e
d.uc \ ard rnd be eduured jn rhe wa1 , or rhe wortd. DO\/NY: Oooh, rouchy
DraL.el
I,AUREEN enters hwrbd.l1.

, Muric No.5 LOOK AT HIM

rldr. D,rl<e. Ugty. Henriefla, fukey.
Clr. G?ce. \,t"ureen.
IDA: Hello, Maureen.
Dr-.trtinp7
DUCKLINGS: IOOKATHIM! MATIREEN: Hello, Ida. Hello, Drake. Ifhat a splendid brood. Did the
big egg hatch out alrigh . . .
IDAI NOTJf THT\ CHILDREN,
IET'S NOTMAKE A FUSS Sln sees UGLY
Ard!
DUCKLINGS/ LOOK AT HIM
DRAKEI IOOK AT HIM! COME ON, IDA, TELL ME \OHAT \(/ENT \(/RONGI
LOOK AT tsIIM
DRAKEj ARE YOU SUR.E HE'S RIALLY ONE DID YOU LTAVE HIM IN THE EGG TOO LONG?
OF US?
IDA: }AMILY LIKENXSS ISN'T STRONG IDA: I ADMIRE YOU FOR YOUR ?IUCK
STIIL YOU \flON'T I'OKE FUN STRICTIY ENTRq NOUS
ALL OF YOU MUST GET AIONG HE MAY BE NO PIN,UP DUCK
HE'S A'SPECL{L'SON NEITHIR, DEAR, ARE YOU!

Come :long. Jt of yoL, nor. fo ow me. Bur na) Lto"e ro

MAT'REEN: \(elM mr.rst be going. I head the children from the
me /r rlt llmej or vou Try ga trodden on. And farmhouse are throwing French bread into rhe water. It
oewrre oI
sor:nds trAs chic . . . I don't want to miss out.

Tbey @dddlc arfin yocession n \choot,.

I'4AUREEN of rioing UGLY a wide beltb.
'c"nies
UGLY: LOOK {T ) OL, I OOt\ {T ME,
 HONK!
21

(UGLY:) I/II4T'S IT MA'ITER?

o{ENNETTA:) LooK AT HIM, BOIHR
DOVNY: DON'T GENITICS DO TIIE STRANGEST THINGSI
THERE ARI TIMES YOU HA\T TO BE
UGLY: VHY DO I MAKE YOU ALL LAUGH ANb SCOFF) CRTJEL TO BE KIND
IF YOU GAVE THE CAT HIS TEA
BEAKY: Have you see you renecdon? NOBODY \flOUI-D MIND
UGLY: BOEHRI
\i,IJY DON'T WT PIAY VITH THE FISIIES?
DUCKLINGS: BECAUSE YOU'D SCARI TIIEM OFF In bi rcb as Heddndrtet the TURI"EY cajoks tlx DUCKLINGS into d ?ase rcadl
qarShin| q,a, h) \.
AI',.xtAH. '0/A H, \(AH.,wAH for a school phaosaph. Tln CAT ente6, und* the bood of an old-fa:hioned
\fAH. \fAJf, \(AH, \(/AJ-I. \(AH. lVAH caneta diserised ns the kbaol Photosrapbet.

fte.D^UCKLINC\ uke theit ptzte. in the iksrcon,. TURN.EY: Line up everyone, shon ones at th€ fronr.
ruRkry a, Hud"rdrea,
a"d Ht NRtEn 4,a, rcrd"!, o,Edatre lhenpaftake.
'.hoot,d LOOK AT HIM
DRAKE: LOOKATHIM HE'S AN UGLY ONE THERI IS NO DOUBT
YOU ADMII HT IS A BIT EXTREME) LOOK AT HIM
DOES HE HAVE HIS GETETS INSIDE OUTI
DUCKLINGS: NOV OUR PARENTS \li?]LI START \(IHAT ELSE VOTJLD E)CTAIN HIS I OOKS
etiIBBLINc
BEING QTNTE SO ROUGH)
IDA: LOOK ATHII,I HO\fl ON EARTH \fl]LL GOTIRMET COOKS
IUST A VAR]ATION ON A THEME KNO\(I \IHICH END TO STI,TFI
DUCKLINGS: HE'S A TRUTY UGIY SEUNG
DUCKLINGS/
IDA: IDON'T \TANT TO SEE MY SON TTJRI{XY/
LEFT OUT ON A LMB HENNETTA: LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT US,
!'HY IS IT THAT EVERYONE }IAS TO SEE THE DNFFERENCE
JEERI LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT US,
DRAKE: THERI'S YOIIR ANSI/ER, DEAR WHERE'S TFIE MATCHI

+DUCKLINGS/ :..
TURKEY/
OTHERS: LOOK ATHTI4 HENRIFJTTA: SOMETIMES WI FIND II IS KINDER
IF SOME EGGS NEVER HATCH . . ,
HENNETTA: PECKIpECKtpECKtPECKI :
I HATE TO BE PICKY W cdneh flashs, nerrone fre€zes'. I'lE caT enerye'llorn beneath tlE bood.
BUT THE DUCK, PECK! PECKI
LOOKS A LITTLE BIT DICKY .. CAT: Now rhat's what I call a snacL!
LOOK AT HIM, BOEHR
DID YOU EVER SEE A ?IG I'TIII MNGS) LOOK AT HIM
i STILL A DUCKLING

i
1l
 HONK! HONK! 23

(cAT:) BUT THERss sO MUCH MORH

LOOK AT HIM
GRACEI
LOOK AT HIM
MOTHER NATT]RE MUST IIAVE HAD A I-AUGH
FINIST CAT FOOD THAT I EVER SAT/
BETTTR STIIL HX WON,T BE MISSED
IDA: IN A \(/AY HE'S QUITE APPBALING
THIY THINK HI,S A FLOP
MAYBE TIJEY'IL LIT ME ASSIST
Tlft krds slxtlrer dssres'i@ly drornd UGLY
GIV]NG HIM TIIE CHOP

A DRAKE/
lecond fu.h fun lhc Gnaa unf.rcza' evcnone as tte u r hu:ta benatb ttp TTJRKEY/
hood acdrL 1te TURKEy i ba4dee tre ,choot
;horcs,aph. HENRIETTA/
MAUREEN: LOOK AT HIM
Now, in r,rn66sj1 y6,.wilt be prernred ro Her
Gn.e,
rhe mosr d\rinsuished ducl on rhe take.
S]re w,s onc€ DUCKLINGS: (taanting UGLY) LOOK l\T HINL
pr'red wirl a m;ndar;n. Aod you wil nortce
r€d band ot cioth roudher les. . .
rhrr s]e ha r fNA, NA,NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NAI
I

GRACE enters ds Scboot GamoL

GRACE: I A Rf,TATIONONE SHOULD SEVER

TTIR-IiEY; DRAKE/
lh.. c'l.,la
di,Lin,tjon a dLrck cd €njoy. rr
:1.
meanslhi"
dur ,he ; looked up ro b1 borh
TI,'RKBY/
me, rnd rnimals. HENR]ETTA/
MAUREEN: A REI,ATION ONE SHOULD SE\GR
b"iad,, Noy darl t rurn vour toe, in, iusr bow your
P li pol'rely
herds and sey .eurck,! LOOK AT HIM!

ne DUCKLINGS DUCKI.INGS: LOOK AT HDdl

?aldde pdst GMCE in tam, each bowing and ,quclins,.
NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA!
DUCKLINGS: (indiz,id dtUvAH.\ytAH. vAH. rflAH.
ALL: HE IS GA\II(Y IN WHATEVER
h comes to the t'.m HE DOTS, OH
of UGLY . . .
HE REAII-Y IS AN UGIY OISEAU
UGLY: HONK!
UGLY k nw cleaiy ups*.
GMCE reacts e,ith hofrlr 7he DUCKUNGS take
TURKEY
ttx lchoot photogtaph
fam IDA: HE,S MY SON AND I LO\ts HIM
DO YOU SEE VHAT YOU'VE DONE?
DUCKLINGSI IOOK AT HIM YOU'RE TO BLAME
THIS DUCKYARD'IflOULD BE SO BORING
NOV HE'S RUINING OIM PHOTOGRAPH
II\(/E ALL LOOKED THE SAME
IDA:
JUST IMAGI]VE HO\i/ HE'S FIEIING 7herc n much dbasreenmt roitb thir last rema*, kconpanied br cluck, q"dchs
 HONKI 25

GROUP A
IHEN./GRACE,/ ALL: THAN A GLMPSI OF THIS w]MP OF \rIMPS
MAT]REEN,/ LOOK AT H]M!
TURKEY/
DRAKEI: LooK ATHn4 DMKE Wrcacte' TURKEv sAiao*s\.

DUCKUNGST LOOKATHTM DRAKE: Oy, Turkey. You been messing around wnh my rnisus?

TLN.KEY: Vhat do you neanl (I,aak' at UGLY and realises the

GROUP A: AND BE THANKFI]'], THAT
HE'S NOT YOUR KID sisniJidnce of DRAKI'' qaedorl I look noth;ng like him.
I'm a self-basting, self-boasring fine prime specimen with
DUCKLINGS: BUT !?I,VE GOT HD4 AS
A BROIFTER wonderful spurc. As for that, well, I wouldn'r use ic to stuff
a dwet with. (lDA ovelhedn tbis L* inwlt)
GROUPA: LooK AT HIM
IDA: Talking of .ruffing, I don r .uppo.e you w ll be qLite so
DUCKLINGS: LOO(ATHIM itll of yourself come Chrismx.
GROUP A: BOuND ?O GO THE !(Ay
THE DODO DID
TUR]GY: (aincins) Ooh,r hate that word.

DUCKLINGS: AND HE,s IToRsE THAN ANY TURKEY erits,Jlustercd, ds GRACE ?ushes ber aqrfotutl to tdlb wih IDA.
oTHER
Ihe DUCXLTNGS arc sltut GRACE: Congratulxtions, Ida,rheyledelightlul.
afrttbl tookfion IDA, dnd hct
it nocent,.
GROUP A: IDA: Thank you, your Grace.
BOD'I'WORK DESIGNED
TO SHOCK
DUCKUNGS: lA,
GRACE: bonfnentuW Tell me, that big chappie at the bacL,
LA, LA, tA,IA whatever happened there? He's not eracdy your clasic
Beatri:r Potter is he)
GROUP A: PROSPECTS pRITfy DIi\4
IDA: I wish the othea wor:ldn't pick on him so. He'I1 rurn out
DUCKLINGS: l-{,1A, LA, LA, LA alright as he gets older.

GROUP A: HE SHOULD FORM A GRACE: Vell the othersare r triumph, rny &ar. I only wish I could
SOIO FLOCK
hrve produced a brood of my own this year.
ALL:
f-roor ar mra, IDA: I wx sory ro hear about fiat, your Gnce, you
I rooK ATME, miss him
so
teribly.
musr

JLOOKATYOU,
I YOU'II AGRFF GRACE: He vas a fine duck, the mandarin, but alas he became
A N"\,,,m-I[R'E youLooK\!{{| rl
I BE LFcs cRrM crispy and aromatic before his time. Sdll, life goes on.

J
roox ,rr una urnr
rentc i Nov, vhere has Maureen got to wfth that French breadl
LHI5 NECK JUST MADE TO \I,RING ,1
I4AUREEN rc.mten trirnphdnny wield.ing a hrge pizce of Frmch .
I 'tik.

:
 HONK! 27

TaJrl I You hrve ro rry ,r - ir\ much betrer

rh,n Lhe u,:al
srull - even rhe cruss are nice. (UGLY, Qu.. o*r Qu.. onHQu.. onk!

I'tl give ir a dabble. Failingmiserb, he ghvs up trying

(t?c'ttundI rr,'v,e rhave room for a Iinle sobblejobble. Music No, 6 DIFFERENT
(uelv)
HEN.: Ioughr rorry.rome, my ance+on were French
you krow,
rrom rhe Twelve Diys ofChrismus.
II THEY KNE\T JUST HO\( DEARLY
Stop saying that word. I \flOUlD LOVE TO QU . . . ONK!
BUT IT'S TRTJE I'M A BIRD
r'/hat? \I}IO SEEMS TO TACK THE KNACK
French?

DRAKE: No. Chrhtrnas. IM JUST DTFFERENI

TURKEYI I'M JUST DIFFERENT FROM THE iTST
Ooh, nor :gain.
AND IOHO CAN BI-AME THEM \fANTING ME
IDAI Oh. ye.. t\4rueen. ir.s d"trcjous. come TO FIND ANOTHER NEST?
Jons. children. rry BUT DIFFERINT ISN'T NAUGHTY
lhtr.
DITFERENT ISN'T BAD
Al the RtRDs Ea*n amhad he haad. UCL. tne, to g,r nea, rc tt e b_ead SO \vHY SHOUI"D BEING DIFFERENT
kee?s getting knocked hhE. He buL
ts pecked and buliul, MAKE ME SADI
GRACE: Mahe way for the Red-Barded Duck. Hepik up tbe tuw hdtaes afthe pboto and bold' then t ethet.

Hod<l
I'MJUST DIFFERTNT
GRACE; Ida. you realty are goins ro have ro ]I-IEY'RT IIKE PEAS FROM THE SAME POD
do NO \?ONDER THEY MAKE FUN OF ME
LIFE'S HARDER \T'HEN YOU'RE ODD
MAUREEN: bointincofstaee)Ooh,looklcro;ssal!.sl BUT DIFFERENI ISN'T SCARY
DIFFERENTIS NO THREAT
EWRYONE except UGLY in
exit, tbe dircctian oJ the croisnni. AND THOUGH TM STILL THEIR BROTHER
BEAKY: THEY FORGET
Ger brck. You re too bigfor you age aJready.
Th DUCKL-TL p",bes UGLy I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO I"OOK THIS WAY
back atd ,h,aut t"e . boot ptotog,aph at
I DIDN'T \(/ANT TO BE III..IIQUE
I DON'T I IKI. THTSE GRUBBY I-CA fHI.RS
UGLY: ft's no! Iair. I'm hungry too. Vhy are AND I I{A7I MY STTIBBY BEAT
you picking on cre?
THER€'S A RTAII IN EV'RY LITTER
Y|l,\"::^
puc ce h6 q
^4: *," "cpd.atefio nc s,otap. t1 a pruate nonmt tr rna rc ONE BLACK SHEEP IN EV'RY FLOCK
^h'. BUT WHEN YOl' KNO)/ TT'S YOIJ
SOMEHO\fl YOUR EGO TAXES A KNOCK ..

i
 t
HONK!
HONK! 29 i

(UGLY' I'M JUST DIFFERENT

BUT I HAVE A SINSE OF PRIDE Music No. 6A FRENCH TING!
MY IOOKS MAY VELL BN FLTNNY (Insrumenml)
BUT I HLT.T THE SAME INS]DF
DIFFERTNI ISN'T SPITEFUL CAT: Mrrun. A l ormse. Do yoL, nern ro 'ry rhl rhey didni lcr

DIFFERINT ISN'T !'RONG you have any?

SO lJ(4ry IS 1T SO HARD TO GET ALONG)
I ONLY I/ANT TO GET AIONG UGLY:

The DUCKLINGS mn in dnd td nt tJGLy ds ifpretendin| CAT: Vell that setrles it rhen. Lunch n in . . . on me.
they are going to
play uith bin. Then $eJ nn away tnt4lhing at
hin
UGIY: Do you mean it) You really are a friend.
DIFFERENI ISN'T HATEFUL
DIFFERINT COULD BE S\iELL CATI of course I am. Now, just follow me.
,, ,
DIFFERENT IS JUST , . .
1&TLL . . .
UGLY: I'd betrer rell my mother.
DtrFERENT
CAT: oh no, you musn't. I-ook, she is talking to Her Grace.
At the mcl of tlx song the CAT apped\ and Dont you know a duckling shouLd never intenupt anyone
sidtes te next to UGLY
who is talking ro Her Grace.
cAn Hello, Duckyl
UGLY: I really think I should.
iti UGLYI
TIn CAT hiles as the rat of the FAMILY, togdber witb GRACE,ILAUREEN,
CAT: I'm your friend. HENRIETA and TURKEY rc.nt4 aiaoiously wbLdtng lario s bakrd. goo*.

UGLY; I haveni gor anv friends. tveryone hxe. ne beci$e I.m IDA: \vhai a feastl

uglv
GRACE: A lirtle on rhe qaleside. but one mu.rni g'umble.
cAn * roo, roo, loo.too cruer. r rhink UGLY: M,na?
3"1"i:1;l

UGLY: \iihar did you

IDA: Yes? Excuse rne, Your Grrce. Beaky, dont stand on
say?
Downy's {oot 'she keeps going round in circles.
CAT: I.said poultry can be so malicious. Look at rhem
guzzling UGLY: Mama? I've been invited. . .
all rhat bread.

UGLYI It's supposed to be really nice,

IDA: Just a moment, sweethean. Billy! Not such big mouthfuls,
itt French.
and soak it in water first or you'll choke.

UGLY: Vould it be alrieht if I . . .

 HONK! 31

ilr
riril r m sure . . . FtLrIf. I hope you ,rre no,
.ulrdrs ,6. oit ,n* o,, ,lr. DRAKE: I thought he was with you.
l

7he CAT pops np again be,id, UGLy IDA: He i/as, ju. a nor\enr ago.

be gone ror long. \ DRAKE \ ell, if he's got any serxe he'll have gone ro find a bag to
Ifl*,"
yoL, re l*,
hu,gry. rren.r youl
hJr hxm can 1 do?
pur over his hea<l.
^no
Yes, I am.
IDA: Drake! Thacs enoughl

Well. rha, mrke, rwo or us.

Come rtong. DRAKE Calm down,love, he cant be far away.
\lrell .. . iiyouie sue.
TDA: He ira! trying to ask me something . . .
lliii CAT: Oh. t.m qdire ,tlre.
ll DRAKE; probrbly jusr wardered back to the lake, you know
So he's

hfftr;f if, " *, v/e pih ,,p or a conv%a,on

how he loves swimming.
ri baunn ,AURLT tt
IDA: Not i.irhout telling me, he wouldnt. rPzdc, \(/heret he
L{A UREEN: h., Idr I jreJ ton} ,or. How gone?
"he manrged ro lay r he e8s i, .
never Lnow. Maj,e. ny ey* *"
* i*, ,l i"r.c ,b*ff. DRAKB Oh, for goodnes sake. Alright, Tukey, you go that way
HENRIEfiA: I rhink ir..iu", pur, our q.on8 mesage n:vins .omeone and look along by the milking shed; Maureen and Hen,
he
rookins like,hr pa_aded r-*aL. rd*a. ",,. rietta check around the henhouse. Ida, we'll take the duck-
"111L;,]". lings down to the lake.
(onlteuinp Do pu nind.
Thrr i, mv son vor
:bor-r. rhere is norhirg w-"e GRACE:
i;"""'-'" ";j '"lli"e
ta
And I'll co ordinate opertions from the gninstore.
IDA t"1ns to thene'nbel ofthe f
ducblard in gene/at. Antd u,ia* da ol'L gb , And a h nnh IufrnE al kdtu?s and scrat.hi,E aJ

IDA: Jee a,eryone se'rch6 in LvnJbr rhedrckln2.

He jrx took. a bn diferen,. rhrr\
hrn rcffmne rr
rlt. r rhintlnl mrke,
her .pecu Scene Two
CMCF: \Velt \a,d. Idr. I dFee wirh
\ ou. And i, r rsrce
rlen every_
Ltgt"t',one up ta .euol lv CA r. w|h UtJLy, ia t$ ki,. Therwt renitscnt
bo,ry,$ees. r rhink rn Jpor"o ot d tdc+J W.ook. p,ag-dnnc. Tl,p ht inJ,des ua/iaus hnsiLs and .oahng
i, _ o.a.,i?"_
ii, *..r_ '
Music No. oB DO IELL
A^,^'"*'"f ,- """'
MAMA I
CAT: (to tlft dadiznce, as flre'enting a TV shoa) \telcome to the
I
kitty-cat snack shack. F:st food for famished felines.
!frait a minute, where,s he gonel it
.
UGLY: It's a nice place you've got here.

I
a
 HONKI l3

CAT; t,;",i3*r,"p", 6,, r thint< of it as home.

|.!{
Lli;,'1 fn" a,!a,*,,""p" Now . . (cAr) ONE PHRASE THAT LEFT ME
;;" ;;;i;,.;
.
b*; SINGI]I-ARI,Y SMI'| -f F,N
t!;11j
.. c^,";;;';r ;il{' ;;iffi
tr';
ryd
*":,"'.',;;;'il#;:
.
Sj:"* ?xn ".1 il:Toi_ s,,*,
YOU CAN PLAY \{ITH YOIIR FOOD
x1:;3*"
Duck ) t'Orange. lt"** ''r,r, "i,,'i,"i,{'?iiiJ
BTFORT YOL IATIT
YOU CAN CHIWY YOLR CHO\(
UGLY: BIFOR.E YOU CHE'i/
\6at are we having?

CAT: I'nt having you for iunch. YOU CAN PLAY MTH YOTJR FOOD
YOU CAN'T BEAT TT
UGLY: SO DUCKY LET ME PIAY \(/Tft] YOU
Yes, I i<now we are. I mean
whar are s/e going ro earl YOU CAN PTAY \7ITH YOUR FOOD
CAT: BEFORE YOU BITE IT
Oh, lI whip sometliq up. A surprise.
YOU CAN TOY \i,lTH YOT]R TUCK
UGLY: BEFORI TIIE CRUNCH
y,r,:::*i.-,n1": *:n rhinl,ing ofsomeone €j,e. sbe YOU CAN PTAY \!TTH YOUR FOOD
rolo me to bevre of rhe C.lr. 1
/HY FIGHT IT?
CAT: Ah.-br, nr IT'S A CRAZY LITTLE GAME CALLED LTJNCH!
_ .. btes I"r. l\4orlen rre alt rbe vme, tor.ome
;, . p,n or therr ioo cres, rip ion
I:i::,11,".:TJ: '1,1lun. Nor
*'.?T ha!,ns rny morh*
Sorell me, Ducky, what would you like to playl It en be
_"^":p
no. \ne $^ drflennr. Do
rhoust. on anphing. I wont tell your mother.
1ou krow sh"r she ued.ro srv
UGLY: Anlthin*...vell...
D nne helolouaaB aunbo tx
C,4 t
"un" rc rcncbakatJ pryd,e upredtent,
lor urc U,ck ; I Ord a4e tJG Ly is obl iviors ID LIKE TO PADDLE IN TI IE PT]DDLES
of l.e CAn, r,*ri;;;i;;;;;:;:,,' i DABBLE IN THE MT'D
Music No. Z pIAy VITH YOUR TICKLE STICKLEBACKS IN THE SHALIO\(S
FOOD i THEN MAYBE F THER.E'S TIME
{Car, Usiy) GO SLIDING IN THE SLIME
YOU CAN SCMTCH TOTHEMARSH:
fiF AN IIQI E I-LRMTURI
\OHERE YOU FIND MARSHMALLO\(/S
I'LL GO AND SI,AY A DR AGONTI,Y
].O-SH CRIEN UP } OLR
CLAWS VATCH \fATER BOATMEN RACE
(_AN
L{CFRA,I}
:uu
IT^YOU,RE
THI- cuSHloNs TO SAY THAT CATS ARE DANGEROUS
}WR SHUT INDOORS
Y-OU CAN DIC IS CLEARLY NOT THE CASE
t,T ALL THE FIO\T,RS
FROM THE FMSHIY PLANTED
BED, CAT: I'D RATFIER PI,AY A (]AMF.
AND v{TH ARTICLES OF
CLOTHING THAT'S SHARP AND VTITY
IT S OK TO PI],]-L SOMT TIIREADS
BUT I REMEMBER AS A AND PREFERABLY l|(lITH SOMETHING
KINDTRGARTEN KITIEN IN THE KITN
!
i
 AdOft@ HONKI J5

(CAT' YOU CAN pl Cy \t?'tTH I OLR Foon

(cAT' YOII CAN PI-AY IJcTTH YOT]R FOOD
BIFORE YOU NIBBLF
YOU CANFST v4IH YOITR IOINT
BEFORE YOU EAT IT
YOU CAN CHIWY YOUR CHO\(
BEFORE YOU ST ICF
BEFORE YOU CHE\fl
YOU CAN PLAY \4TH YOUR FOON
YOU CAN PLAY \{TTH YOUR FOOD
BT'T DON'T DREBI F
YOU CAN'T BEAT IT
MY I,T,AMA GAVE TTIE BEST ADVICI
SO DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY,
YOU CANPLAY WTTH YOUR FOON
DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY,
BIFORE YOU GULP IT
DUCKY, LET ME PLAY \!TIH YOU
YOU CAN MESS wTflJ YOT,T. MEAT
YOU CAN PLAY \(/ITH YOUR FOOD
dbfORT YOU MLINCH
BEFORE YOU BITE IT
YOU CANPTAY WTIH YOI]R FOOr,
YOU CAN TOY VTIH YOUR TUCK
THEN PI]IP I.l.
BEFORE THE CRTINICH
IT'S A CR.{ZY LITTLE GAME
CALLED LTJNCH! YOU CAN PIAY \{'ITH YOUR FOOD
\flT.COULD GO \flHY FIGM N?
R USH]-\JC IN THI RI
ShTS IT'S A CRAZY UTTLE GAME , . .
DASFI]NG DO\/N A DITCH l
:lP.t 5|D or rLq.cE \,/ruRE n.s BoLcY
I HEN MAKT A LIfTLE CAMP
I Do you like oranges?

TIJAT IS SECREM'E AND DAMP UGLY: I donl know, I've never tried one.
FORMI AND MY I,trATX THE MOGGY CAT:
AND tr THI OTHER DUCKT iNr](
lbe CAr tne af orange into UGLYS mouth.
Y,SII;;?3'^AX'f#8,T-*" slaps a

] U 5TOP CALLING ME IT'S A CI.A.ZY LITTLE GAME CALLED LT]NCHI

NAMES

OH.ILT
On rln last kat of the ang the C"4T pops a lid on the boul ubicb nsw conains
I-IFLP YOU TO FORGFT UGLY Cffitage we bear the tu,nd of CHILDREN plnrine
THE WAY THEY SCOI.DID
JUST AS SOON AS I HAIT GOT UGIY: Vhacs that noiie?
MY NAPKIN FOTDED
CAT: Salivating.
cAr\
ffiIl1;;yT*' ""
intentions, hde' d'
irpwns hideann seeb. 7he
l.
UGLY: It's coming from outside.
CAT: Oh that, it's jusr those wretched children fron the farm
ol.r.", j.
pl/y hide..rnd.*et do yor,? Vhere playing ball. Do they come and play with ne? Do ey
1,^.'" w
youi Am lgerrjng mer?
rre
buflalol I dont suppose they even remember that lhey
ti own a cat. Some people just shouldn't keep animaLs - and
!:;:Wffi":;:r::i tot' t pe ftq'ence
ratk@' rtuing whib,he cAr *izs eight out of ten cats who expressed a preference would

i,
 ActOn(@ HONK! 17

(l inbia| o,t oI tup ball tr \{h x re people)

peopk: Ho. )oL doni wrnr ro UGLY: ohno...
,re
w,rh rnem.,Bid_nesj.
-wbla, ser m,\ed up
rh:r , n h.u people ,i..
) o-Bell lwk). Du.ky. rl-ir t"m going
1*, ,lrl UGLY lookins scdled, ryN in the aryosjte dimtion and linds d ladte pknk in tbe
lo,orre yol. rron vtall ofthe bam. He tips tbroryh it arul the CAT\ lair set
oer navrng ro enrounter rhem 'LivPryan.
nk CAT make' as if to ,aE/ Now, w:rs it right a! &€ cow shed and turn left to the
one af UGLys ennss lpnb a ctedv. henhoue, or . . . oh, no, we pased r pig's trough, thacs
BOY'SVOrCE: Duckt right, I remember the smell, ard there was a *ater-butt
that he wouldn't let me swim in, and . . . no. I'm sure n
Yes, coff€cq nt a duct. -as left prs tfi. ' o" 'hed.
BOY'S VOICE Duck!
'
Vith a sen'e of puaose UGLY af.
CAT: 'et!
Yes, I know it's a ruddy ducL!
I'D iT{€ TO PADDLE IN THE PTIDDLES
UGIY: Acrualy I lhink I'm a ma ard. DABBI-E IN TTII MUD
BOY'SVOICE: Duck! TICKLE STICKIEBACKS IN THE SI]ALLO\OS

t:tk ot,.tkrpits a: of a bathine dos uGLv back onto the stage. He i: now ratha
!!T '?,,.d
re <4 t on ttu bafk ol ge h?")
utntJot rLhet bal utiz,es oa a.1.!,tuQ6
I
The sountr
nnoznd 'care'
a: he doesnl xt'snise an1 landmarh: and dathnas is beginn;ng to fa
BOY'S VOICE S"..y,. I rota y"u ,o . .. oh dear, I think I'm 191.
I know. ) know, doni sry ir . . . bowted for a ducr. :
On the @od'lo't'tln li.ght' sndP fian UGLY onto |1{,AUREEN, )ha ts bdck in the
7he C,tT colkpses antt ducblard tal.hing to IDA.
latts. ttnconsaoas. nto ht< ouabo l. UcLydasn\ hnoa
u,at to do.
Scene Three
BOy'SVOTCE: you brote the
windowt
GIRIS VOICE: The bal,s gone ins;de. It is nolp rwiliebt bdck in tlxe dtcfuard arul tbe fruitks searcb for UGLY has been
uthd qf.
UGLY: Oh no, rhey,re o,ming in.
MALIREENT Lost? . . . (@itucs) ;lrh the Cat? Ida, ducklhgs donl get
Music No. zA LOST 'losr' with cals. You Lrcw that.
&'ety)
(*a tk c4T buide IDA: Ve don't know for sure.
the bout)Thacs a good idea, vou hide in
there r:nritthe heat is ofi rll ." r" fiil;;;;;#:.l FLLTFF: Did rhe Car really eat him, mamal ThaCs gross.
rtrhrp! s";"n F,,. r,,.h ,;;J;";
l:,,he_drl,ldrd
BEAKY: Yeah, fanry earing something as ugly as that.
\be bam d.oot rattlzs
uiolntly.

t-. .
 HOI\Kl
5ga'*A.t one Act One 39
"4""."b

rnr' ,u . I, oo,
I "annr,oL ^r ,L--' ,
I @rn, ,o herr,n^,J
H- -,,.r, ,uc ,"...",.
. _. oa.K nerc h, ..trr qua(k. BUT LOOKTAIG ON THE BR]GHTER SIDT
you are going :: ;:Tl"J*:Tjff;
[: :i -i:,f *::"1':*ffi jT,.ii.il-^--j
to be dce ro r,r,".n"*,
: MEN:
HER NEST IS NO\T MORE ROOMY
f rvr rn n rr n-rtgrn DrrFlct[ .r
Yii!,X'I#:::::,:g':',be DucKLn tGs and o,ho
jil,"l#,;i:;i,:i?:#:,:,"::;;;3;.:1.i, I ro say coNso:--nc rHrucs
!tr:tr.,m::
a""r' e, t"*," ii *i'#. I
". VOMEN: LAH,
TOMGHT THE UGLY DUCKLING SLEEPS
BENEAT}I AN ANGEL'S MNGS
""'"1:'"'-o1x;u"""
AII: TOMGHT THE UGIY DUCKLING SLEEPS
BENIATH AN ANGEL'S \i/]NGS

*Sitffi'il*iffi-
"i

li IDA remains taohing ut into tbe darhness, teatfal but detemind. She is sudctmty
intelrl"?ted l,J W kesenter JACK DAV, togethd ahb a FLOOR MANAGE|.
and. a IILM CAMERALUN from the Crine Shou "Bixtwatch UK-. Ttft FLOOR

,l.;ffii,",i fl:vl,j} ucrY BIRD MAIUGER cord.ons el)errane behind a'police tdpe'.

ff ?L'i*lTlT#+i1ffi NvcHrED FLOOR

MANAGER: Back, bacL, back. Iveryone bacL, please.
l4At RLEN,ne,ogio
lo p,ppd? tDA fo,rhc
@oh! JACK DAW indicat5 to tlk CAMEMTAN thdt IDA * their arga and to natt
MAI]REEN: $efln raninsl

ifi.:,,".T*frf"t[#ki;r*,*nn;,,Ti: JACK DAV: And rolling. So tell me, Ida, ft has been a week now since
your son v€n. missing. How are you bearing upt Can you
manage a rear for the camen)
;"f,xj f. ;:ij:f""ffi ;r,*;x,l$,j j,;;[f *r,"a,,- ll7h...whatl
(tncan',inced)
of coutse he co'Jtd.
DRAkf .akys, ha1ia8.tu,ll.atted he tVm,t.
IDA:
i"#rf :fi "Trfi .; n* DMKE: Oh, good, rhey've arived. Leave rhis to me, love. [o
Hl L :: fr ;:: ffii IACK DA\Y)Now,whih do you think is my best side)
MA UREN huss rDA andfotloz,s IDA:
the other bb& olJjtase
Dnke, t.har is this?
voMENi DAV:
JACK . . . . Zoom in for the head shot. Confrxion. Anguish.
l:,3,L?.-{ji-,1s-ouRsyl\4pArHrrs
J.5} I OOKSSO 5AD
A\fu ULOOMY Matrimonia.l disquiet. I love it. And . . . close,up {or the
 HONKI
Act One **-"r* HONKI 4l

DRAI(EI
IT; 5:;,;",t1,":,":.rrorn'Birdwatcrr rx " ri,'";r" (lDAt BUT IT'S YOUR VOICE THAT I HEAR
i;x^i;w*::,::"":,;-;";;"#[:ffi 'r; ; jff EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE GONE
{:f\KYf;:: ;.*i,:':6##fi ,TiTfi Lff IS A MOMENT DARK AND GREY
';oi c",,.se,
!" H: (: *: al**r-';'i';
\,e ar" sdr i;; ;,;;""|;;7i.:; ;;; ;;)
;i:: ;::::; Pf; !:
E\TRY TEAR A MOTHER CRITS
IS A DREAM THAT'S \(/ASFIED AWAY
IACK DAV ignora DM(\E an(t goes in
for the hitt e,itlj jDA.
(fo the CAMEM\aN) Ger awayt Qo the onkohers) Ga
JACK DAV: Idr, there have been rumours
of famv,,,l :way, all of you.
"""." *,',';ffi #l l:.':tilh i:
I

l't l'ri.'",
nn awry ro escape iisperecutori EVERY DAY \{IIIL SEEM TO BE
IDA: rifhat are you sayingl MORE EMI'TY TFI,A.N ]lIE LAST
EVERYWFITRE THE St]N ONCE SHONE
JACK DAV: A SHADO\(T HAS BEEN CAST
ff:'.1ffi3;',*o;;ibDerensive ver ernotionar. rust a EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE GONE
IDA: IS A MOMENT DAR-I' AND GRTY
!f|y caa,t you leave us a.lonel E\TRY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES
JACK DAV: Nice... IS A DREAM THAT'S \i'ASTIID A\gAY
oh, verynice... feistysells.
DRAKE I(thar about me? Does
noone care about what MAUMEN ent6, catning a pacbed sritcdse fot IDA. IhE enbdce DRAKE
I rhink)
JACK DA'ift
DRAKE: Buq lda, you can't just leave me with the other four.

IDA: You'll mamge, Drake. My mind n made up

tri**lutq**i*ffi
Muric No. c EvERy TL{R A
DRAKE: But you're wasring your time, love, you know yoLr are
Apan {rom which itt dangerou ro go wandering off
beyond the vicarage at rhis rime of year.
MOTHLR Ctur.S
(da)
IDA: I wont be satisfied undl I find the tmth. Try to under'
DRAK-& And dont stan btubbing,
for Godt sake. smnd, dear. A mother knows.
tffiti,1'a;y;zthe assenbbd CRovb DRAKEI
wnh DMIG. rDA conEoses
\0€11 here, you'd better rale rhe mobile.

DMKE exi!.
,'#f"".H5i,Tiil,iffiy- IDA:
TVARYOM MAYCAII EVERY MOMENT SEEMS AN HOUR
MY NAMF E\TRY HOUR LA.STS A DAY
E1ERY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES
IS A DREAM THAT'S VASHED A\(AY
 HONKI HONK! 43

GR,EYLAG: No excuse for bad nuigation. A bird who gets off his
The four DUCKUNGS rm in to htg theit nathet as sbe departs'
flight-path doesn't desene his wings, thar's what I al*ays

(rDA:) EVERY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES

1S A DRIAM THAT'S \{ASHID A\OAY
DOT: (uith feelin! At'Nays, deat.

UGLY: But I can't even lly yet, I've got lost on foor.

Scene Four
GREYIAG: Bah! hfanrry, eh) Messy buiness.

\imp
'','i Dasses. thc seltdash'ns to op"t n'thlond aith a bie aya srt 'ane"ed
t' , ,i-,nE I ib"tto*,'t ro h" oudmce LGLY t'a sousnr DOT: Het only a young*er. Maybe we should direct him.
i,n a**. (nenenbain! Gfte hn his narching orders.

Music No. 9A GOOSE MARCH GR.EYIAG: Bah! Very wel1. Ve're geese, nigrana, you Lnow, birds of
(In*rumental) pasege. Run a tight {leet. \(oul&\ do for us ro lose our

nso GEESE entel. GREI'I'AG has obvioab had a glorious n iary career' DOT'
goose nE Vell dear, there was rhat rime when lre end€d up in de
wha is ratlm gentler, brnows bin s'ueetly. Thev aalk wnh d nihdry
\(a1.ward hlands.
GREYLAG: Now w\e,e hare they gor ro) shaoby tlo. k. I do i;sh r\e)
would ke.p up. No dis. iPline. Lh/r\ the'rouble snh rh' GRF,'I'I-A G: \(indwrrd, dear, 'i/indward. And that vras a dilferent
goslings of today. matter entirely. \feak thernaLs, strong headwhds, blown

Theyre probably tired, dear' Vre have been marching {or

an awfully long tirne.
DOT: So how come my sister managed to ger to Slimbridge?

loppyqglL. would you prefer 'h,r we fl1) wirl- ' 'h^ot GRE}IAG: Yes, yes, yes, qune.

on rhe marsh) I think not. my s*eer This rav'

DOT; Vhere were you trying to get ro?

Tktu way u sundenfu bLach*l t'1' tbe ercrsence of UGLY t'tom hr htding pLace in
UGLY: Back to my mother, on the lake. I rhink it must be ir that
dir€ction. I saw some ducks fllng over a f€v minutes ago.
UGLY: Excuse me. I vonder if you could help.
GRN'I-AG: well. it yoJ did r was probrb'1 l$ flyins ris.ion,
'heir
GRE]']-AG: Keep walLing dear. Eyes front UFO at four o'clock

UGLY:

Tln }EESE co"tinue to ,&aLk pdst. GREYL{G: Havent you heard the ground to air? Bans, bans
+4
HONK! IJONKI 45

UGLY: No. (GRI]']AG) I didnl mean litefilly. Alrighr, e,ves lronr. LeCs hrve a

DOT: There's a shoot on rhe nanh, dear' It,s very d.ugerous-

He prccea* to g;,rE hi: 1rcaps' an in'pection.
UGLY:
Barnacles. . . Brrnacles . . . when I said'eyes lronC I hrd
DOT: \trell, itkpeoplc spon One gtoup of men nove through
a
\opcrl rh;r ro,rr bod, rurld n" urrlh o- r:.irg rr r
the mrsh scxrins ducks irto lhe ir, while 3 second gioup'
with guns, shoot them bacL out of rhe air:gain.
BARNACLES: So[y, \i(hg-Conm3lrdcr.
Atl tbre look at one anoths and sbrug a: tf to sav 'Vhat\ tk point af that'
GREYT-AG: Pinkfoot, you've rrodden in sonethlng . . . how u.uiy
UGLY: The Cat warned me rbout PeoPle.
ovn business? See !o ir.
times have I told you to mind your
The Clrr? Snowy . . . oh, rever mind. Alrighr men, n exse. Now
GREYLAG:
listen very careft,lly, we have received orders to cnbark on
UGLY: Yes, you see I wem off wirh this Cat a very delicrre, nor to sayda4erous, mission.

GRET'I-AG: Ho, his pdents probably wanted to set rid of rhe uglv PINKFOOT: Oh, one of them is it-
blighter.
GRI\'I-AG: Our task is one of reconnaissarce and reunificarlor.
DOT: Didnl l.our nother tell you hov dangerous a cn k)
SNOVY: Oh, here we go. Translation, Dotl
UGLY: \(rell, yes, she did b'n .
DOT: The Ju. kling ' los hi. murn. ble^ irn. :nd re r. goinB ro
GREI|LAG: The enemy. Nasll piece of work. Pull your vishbone find her.

PINKIOOT: Ifthafsvhar he meals why doesn'r hc say it?

UGLY: Bur the Cat said hc was my {riend.
BAITNACLES: You can rlways tetl ;r pompous goose by his pigeon
DOT: You don'r want friends like that, dear. Your mothet wu Enslish.

GREI'I-AG: Alrighr, men. Alrentior! As you know, s,e are abour to

UGLY: take pm in an exercise, rhe likes of which we have not
faced before. You are a fhe body of geese and I know you
Gun Dos batk nearfo. UGLY isftightmed vill sive ol your very best. Good luck, rrer. Qle vlttes
cRE rI-AG: Gun dogs. They murr be staning lhe shoot agri! Time for ttnn)
muoeuvres l had hoped it wouldn\ cone rc tLis, bur I Music No. 10 THE \{/ILD GOOSE CHASE
have no oprion Alright, at ease. (DOT and UCLY sx) (Greybg, Dot, Snowy, Barnacles, Pinldoor, Ugly, Cat)
ComprnY, fa11 inl
\I/E'RE OI.T ON A \\/]LD GOOSE CHASE
Ihe notley squadton ofGEESE drri?e BARNACI-ES, PINKIOOT and SNaIYv
\OE \(]ILL BE NO STRANGER TO DANGER
THE SQUADRON YllIL SHOW NO FEAR
 HONKI HONKI

IiG'RE OFF AND NO MAfiER

DOT: A butrush 'bide' *ns to etlge i\ uay a.].os tbe marb. lye see the CAT, rtrcsseA
\flHERE \(/E ROAM apprc?rLatd] in deenalks antl Barbour jacha, tiptacins along behintt the .bide'.
ALTI IOUGH THE MIND BOGGLES
THTS GAGGLE IN GOGGLES BARNACLES: Ercuse me, Sir. Bulrusha advancing lrom the rerr.
IS SURI TO FIND YOUR HOME
GRIYLAG: vhat? i rhink we,ve spoken before on the subjecr ot your
GRE}']-AG: RUN\(/AY'S CLEAR specracles, Barnacles. Get ,em checked. Bulnshes do nor
PREPARE FOR TAKE OFF DEAR advance. One of rhe things llrey are most Iamous for is
\O']E MUST PLAY OUR PART being roored ro the spot.

DOT: HARI( AT IIIM The CAT pops out fran behind tha 'hide' next to UGLY
I FEAR FIIS CABIN LIGHTS ARE RATHER DIM
CAT: I tello, Duck)- - rhought I'd tost rou.
GREYIAG: C}IOCKS A\(AY
OUR AIR DISPLAY MUST START CRI)'I-AG: SraDJ hi.l or Iltpe!k.
BOTH: VT'RI OFF ON A \fILD GOOSE CHASE CAT: Ooh, besLill my quaking legs - l,n goingto be goosed.
AND OUR SMPLE MNSION
?OSITION THE VHERIABOUTS OF YOUR FARM UGLY: vhar are you doing herei
\/E'RE OFF AND UNLESS'VE'RE BLOWN
INTO KINGDOM CO]\'fF, CAT: \(rhat are friends for) I've come ro take you home, your
.i(E \{TON'T BE BACK UNTIL
mother is crrrying on something {ear{ul.
\iT'VE FOT'ND YOUR MT'M
UGLY: My rnother? ... You've seen nry Dorherl
DOT: But we don\ knor" whcre hn farm !, dear. uow ate we
going to plan rhe route? CAT: Of coune. She sent me to Ietch you. Special envoy.

GR[I']-AG: Don'r worry, I'll nrvigate. GREI'IAG: Lisren here, Cat. I'm ln comand around here rnd mv
squadron has taten personat ch:rrge o{ rhe duckLng s saie
DOT: Thaf s what I ms lftaid of. return to his mother.

SQUADI VE'RE OFF ONA \I',II,D GOOSE CHASE CAT: \fle1l, I vd dnl rry flying rr the moment. H.ven'r you
IT'S A T}I-{NKLESS TASK
BUT \/E ASK \(HO COULD DO IT
GRE}'I,AG: \ve will conrnence soon s rhe shoorins
VE'RE OFF.
KEEN TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEMS' CRUX
FOR \flHAT COULD BE GRANDER SNOVYT It's rheirpany bur we'ilfly i{ve watrr ro, ha, ha, he.
THAN HAVING A GANDER
FOR A\(OL MISSING DUCKS? GREYI-AG:
 rt:

48 HONK! }IONX! +9

SNOV'Y: Litde joke, sir. The SQUAD sing the w se.tion @ce to 'Bom' (no unb and paper) xndet
'atto

CAT: Maybe I could be o{ asisrince. I'll go over ro the shoor,

ther I will let you knov when rhey are packing up {or rhe DOT: Good afternoon, Lidies and cend€men. NIy rame ; Dor,
drv. Iam your Senior Flighr Attendmt and, on behalf of
Captain creyixg, I vould like to welcome you to rhis
GREI]-AG: Very well, and no funny business. I knon several ways to afternoon s flight from Boggy Marshland to some ftr flung
frrn\{re ll be cruising at rn ahirude of sever:l feer and
h I rafier xrtractive V formarion. In the unlikelv
flying
CAT: Irt like taking candy from: baby. *"|of a" e-ergency t"nding, we ask that you obse#
rhe sJery proadures that we've been through so manl
'lhe CAT ditr in the dircction of tk mrrv rine. bet"r.. we hope vou have J pleJ",n, ioJrn.r.
suns.
and rhank 1'ou for choosing Goose Air . . . "The Flullj,
SQUAD: \I/E'RE OFF ON A \{,ILD GOOSI CHASE skies'.

DOT: YOU MAY'ilIINK ]T ODD THAT A SQUAD SQUAD: U l- RFOl-i fO I \\URl lHt\ DULKI \C
SUCLI AS OURS CAN PER}ORM THIS ROLE ISNOT SO GLUM
WT \{ON'T BE BACK
SQUAD: \flE'RI OFF AND \(/I'LL PROVE L]NTIL \VE'VE FOUND YOI ]R
TFIAT'S NOT THE CASF,
Tbe CAT rur bach in.
GRE'T'IAG: AVOIDING TFIE ACK-ACK
\(IE'LL SEARCH FOR THIS QUACK,QUACK CAT: The coasr is clear. They are puring away their guns.

ALI-: AND THEN RETURN TO BASE GREYIAG;

GRII'IAG: Companypresent paperl Conp:rny presenr conb! CAT: (dehbsdtebfdlse)on e1aot ny ti\es.

Ihe CDMPANy ddy the LE$e sedion tune on cotnb and paper, olcr abnh GREYI,AG: Good. Alright, men. Fnrd check. Otr, and here's a para-
CRE Ch)es hi: fiMI a.ldres!. chute for you.
''I-aG
We are :bout to face our most periloLrs mksion to dare. I CAT: F...Iorme?
need hardly tell you of rhe rist<s involved or olrhc ultinare
price $ar we may have ro pay. (A paue for a shot conb GREYLAG: You donl rhink I'm golng ro leavc you here wirh the
and PaP As ve fly .,n ro glory I wam you to how drckling do ).oul Oh no, pus, you're coning with us.
how very 'olo).
proud I am of rhis squadron. Keep a sriff upper
beJk. nen. dd ,aa"nbe. ou, nora "\enph r,,ta"i,n CAT: Oh, cst iitter!

SQUAD/DOT/
GRIN,AC: OT,TT M\CS ARL S-TRIAI)
." HONKI , ". uA.t One HONK! 5l

UGLY: SO DON'T DELAY REST: I tou r,*

SQUAD/DOT ltt/nh df'ndl sal te to UGLYtbe Gooe Syudnn take to tln air.
GRNYI-AG: OUR EXCESS BAGS ARE STO\qED A$/AY
UGLY: cood-bye... Good1uck... thank you. ThanL you.
ALL: IT'S TIME TO FLY
A thunneringaollq ofgnnshox ring: out. Ihe sfo darken: with gun vnohe UGLY
SQUAD/DOT/ aatch* in hanv as the nnnbets oftbe Caose SquaAron ate, one b1ane, shot out of
GREYLAG: \OE'RE OTF ON A \i.ILD GOOSE CHASE the air- The sfo tatns ta red. A sinele white feathe/ &ops fran the Jlies
M'T}I A HAPPY INDING MPENDING
IF \rc CAN LOCATE HIS NEST, UGLY: No! No! \fhaCs happening? . . . The Cat! He sdd he was
LOCATI HIS NEST my friend. He said the people had put away their guns. He
WT'RE OFF, CHEERIO, GOODBYE, lied. Oh, nana, what should I do now?
TOODLEPIP OLD CHUM
lYe lrcdv tlft aoie of IDA in UGLYs bead"
UGLY: THEY'RE OFF TO TRY AND FTND THE FARM
AND WHEN THEY'\T FOUND THE FARM Music No. 11 ACT ONE FINALE:
THEY'LL FIND MY MUM Hol-D YoUR HEAD UP HIGH S.eprise)
AND WE wlLL BE TOGETHER EVERY DAY 0d", u81Y)
III BE \fAITING COME WHAT MAY
SO I'I-L SAY GOODBYE. TOODLEPIP OLD CHUM IDA: 10, HOLD YoUR HEAD u? HIGH

\(OMEN: \(/E \OON'T BE BACK TJNTIL UGLY: IT'S NOT AL\fAYS SO EASY TO

MEN: \(/E'WON'T BE BACK UNIIL BOTH: HOI,D YOUR HEAD I,? HTGH

CAT: \(.E \flON'T BE BACKI UGLY: AND APPEAR BRIGHT AND BREEZY
I THOUGHT DREAMS VIRE MADE
GREYLAG/ FOR A RBASON
DOT: \iT, VON'T BI BACK UNTtr- \(/E'VE FOL]]\ID BUT HOPB SBEMS TO FADE
\(/ITH EACH SEASON
SNO\vY: FOT]ND AND MAMA
YOU SEEM SO FAR A\flAY.
:
UGLY: FOUND
I IDA: (appearing bkewhat on her searcb)
BARNACLES: FOUND i HOID YOUR HEAD UP HIGH
a
PINKFOOT: FOUND UGLYI N'S YO1JR VOICE
N'S YOL]R VOICE THAT I HEAR
UGLY: f
l
uv l,nru
+:
 a. .,..
HONKI HONKI

EVERY DAY \li{LL SEEM TO BE ACT T\/O

MORE IMPTY THAN THE L{ST
B\TRY!(HER,E THE SUN ONCE SHONE Sc€ne One
A SHADOW HAS BEEN CAST
E\TRY MOMTNI THAT YOU'RE GONI Music No. 12 ENIRACTI
IS A MOMENI DARK AND GRIY (Iosrrumental)
EVERY TEAR A MOTIISR CRIBS
IS A DRIAM THAT's IVASHED A\(AY
DrinS the Eni'acte, in order to shelw lrom tbe col.d, UGLY slips inside the
coxage As tbe liglts came up ue dircoeet UGLY tentati,xb erploing tk lh)ing
HOLD YOUR FIEAD UP HIGH raan. He is sx*lenly startld to bedr the VaICE oftlre OLD VOMAN d.Lllessing
AND ALL TIIE Ii/HILE h* pets, LOWBUTT tbe hen and QUEENIE ttre cat. He lnmps doan bebind tlx
VANDERING REMINISCING
TKFFI IONDERINC tr SHF'5 MISsINC M[ 'of^
MA\TE IN THE T/AY I MISS HER OLD VOMAN: ffitage) \ar two go on indoors. I'm going to sweep up
the leaves from the front path.
BOTH: JUST KNOMNG THAT YOU'RX OUT THERE
\TLL IIEI"P ME TO GET BY UGLY: Oh no, a people penon!
UNTIL I'(/E'RE RII,\ITED
I \(IILL HOLD MY HEAD UI' HIGH UGLY h les as bestlte can. Tlrc door opens - ue dan't se tln OLD IN/OI[.4N -
LOMUTT and QUEENIE enLq.
UGLY fnds that be ba wandered unwitingly into the flont sard.en of d hne
In tt'e cl.osine bars of the nusic, oe see tln inpui.ng
cottase. of the OLD OLD VOMAN: (ofrtdge) l'l-l Be in lrter ro give you a dish of crearn,
lYtOtlAN approa.^bing In oder to e'cape, {lGLy dan' tbrough 'hadou
the d.oor into the
Queenie, and there will be some corn for you, Lowbua, if
you can lay me an egg {or my lunch. Perhrps a brown one
withspecLles?
End ofACT oNE
LO\(BUTTT Brown I can manage, but I'm fre:h out of specLles.

Ve bear the OLD IYOI4AN walk auay fron tbe coxage and. renain in tlrc launge
@ith LOIY/BUTT dnd QUEENIE. There is a hrye 'liLwl i.fl' settee Mecked @itb
cusbbns and kce covers. On the @aU are thru flying d ck. UGLY nlren
soneuherc ulthin. QUEENIE sxddenly stcps shott.

QUEENIE: VhaCsthat? There's: diny footprint on the shagpile.

LOIWBUTT: Itt alwayrs in a phce where it shows. Some people are so

thoughdess - why cant they srcp on rhe partern€d bit like
civilised folk)

j
tijriL.l:i.::
I'l !,.,.1, ti.
54 HONK! HONK! 55

Qi,'EENIE Never mind a!919 they stepped, my point is that someone LOVBUfi: srcady, Queniq dont upser yourself. He's obviously
has sepped at all . . . in our house. going through rhe nouh. Hormorcs running amok, iffar
ional behniour, nood swings.
LO\(BUfi: And look, rhere, whoever it was hx burst one of the
pillows. UGLY: Vhar of it)

UGLY: I'm, I'm nor a bursr pillow. LO\(BUTT: I don't think I like your tone, youtrg poultry'mylad. And
rnind that! You'll be rnarking rhe antimacassr next!
LOY/BUTT: Oh, my word, h speak.
UGLY: Itr/hat's m amimacassu?
QLIEENIE: Vhat are yor:, animal, vegerable or mineral?
QUEENIE: I donl Lnov bur ft obviously works ' there hasnl been a
UGLY: Duckable... Irnean ducL, duck, Im a ductling. macasar in rhe house for as long as I can remember.

LOVBUTT: Are you s!.r€? Iflas your mofi€! a duck? LOVBUTT: A-ha'ha-ha, oh, Queenie, fiafs avlully good, you are a

UGLY:
QIJ'EENIE Thank you, dear.
LO\(BUTI: \flell she mut have been sick as a parot when she saw
Ioul UGLY: Car? Are... areyou rcar)

QLIEENIE: A-ha-ha-ha oh, Lowbun, thaCs teribly good. QLrEENIE:

TO\/BUTT: Thank you, dear. I donl believe I've ever seen such an UGLY: So . . . so ar€ you going to €at me)
ugly duckling.
QI-EENIE: Don't be disgusting, the very thought. I've never been into
QUEENIB: \fhat are you doing in ou hou.se? the bird bwcheriq business. Couldnl be doing with :ll
rho,e fe.:rhen n. lke e.rring r merl and flo*ing 1ou,
UGLY laak longingb dt the tlfte flring ducks' an tk tall. rceth ar the same time. No, rhe old woman poaches me a
lresh fish.
UGLY: I was sheltering from rhe cold. I saw rhe door was left open
and didat think it vould huft to step inside. UGI-Y: But the old woman is a peron, doesnt she hurt youl And
you, you're a chicken, why is she keeping you shut iruide?
QUEENIE Not hun, not hun? The marls you've lefi on the carper Don't you pre{er it our in the yud?
will drive the old woman round the Berber rwisr. I
I
LO\(RUTT: You must be crazy. All that rratching and scr:ping. I live
on th€ seneer thank you very much. Queenie ad I are
domesticated, you see.
 i'' ; !

56 HONKI HONK!

Music No. lJ IT TAKf,S ALL SORTS QLIEENIE: TO MAKE A I/ORID

(Queenie, Lowbutt, Ugly)
BOTH: ON THAT POINT \ru ARE CLEAR
IT TAKES ALL SORTS
II 'IAKI 5 AII )OR]5
I O MAKT A \(ORLD
QUEENIE: TO MAKE A \i/ORID
ON THAT POINI \ru ARE CLEAR
IT TAKES ALL SORTS TO MAKE A WORLD DON'T \i/ANT 'F.I{ HF,RF
IJ{TE
BOTH: BIJT
BUT \{T DON'T ]i(ANT 'EM HERI
OUR TASTT IS GOOD AND LIBEIAL
OUR TASTE IS GOOD AND LIBERAL
OIIR VII\(S ARE \itsLL,E)ORESSED
OUR VIEWS ARI \rcLL EX?RISSED
IT TAKES ATL SORTS
IT TAKES ALL SORTS TO MAKE A VORLD
IT'S JUST THAT OUR SORT'S BEST TO MAKE A \fORLD
QUEENIE:
QUEENIE: So, you should be gnteful that we are wen borhering to BOTH: IT'S JUST TI]AT OUR SORT'S
enrer inro conversation with riffraff liLe you.rselt You see,
Lowbutq so named because of u obvious deficiency in the UGI-Y: I TT-IINK MY SORT'S
leg depanment, Lowburt is normally most panicular about
whom she chooses to speak ro. The sugar lan4x are added.

Ard I might rell you rhar Queenie n downright snobbish QUEENIE: lsPo[drJust a spldh!
when it cornes to social imercourse with poultry. I count
myself most {onunate rhar or:.r common htere* in needle- + LOY/BUTI: 6nrzg) OUR SORT'S BESTI
point has rendered us such close friends.
UGLY: Bur . . . whar do you do here all &y?
QUEENIE ITHEN ONE EXPLORIS
THE GRIAT OUTDOORS QIJEENIE Ve sit and chat and sit and chat and somedmes I will arch
my brck and let sparls fly from my fur.
ONI FEARS \NHAT ONE MAY SEE

LOVBUTI: \iT'RE NOTJVEAU RICHE

LO\/BUTT: Then ve sit and chai and sit ard chat and sometimes I will
lay an egg.
OIJR PERTECT MCHE
IS HERE ON THE SETTEE
UGLY: And is that !l
QTJEENIE: OUT5IDT THE '0/ORl D KFLPS CHANUING
QTJEENIE: vhar else is there for civilised folL ro do? \frhai do you
IT'S A CONSTANI STATI OF FLUX
do?
LOVBUTT: THAT DOESN'T SUII DOMESTIC FOLK UGLY: \fell, my absolute {avorire thing is swimming. Itk so
II'S
BEST LEFT FOR YOU DUCKS
wonderful lerting the water dose over your head as you
Duringthefo pluge righr down ar the bonon.
o@ing chorus, LOVTBUTT ndhes the tea @;tt QUEENIE s belp.

BOTH: OH IT TAKES ATL SORTS

58 HONK! HONKI 59

QUEENIE hwbutt knovs all about plunging down at the boton, UGLY: Mamrl
donl you, dearl
JACK DAV: Yes, one again, viewers, we are rppealing to you if you
I Ou/Bt n 8w. QUL| \tt a uthmnslooh. have any information. The number is coming up on your

UGLY: Come on,I'll show you.

LovBUfi: fo UGI| Is there sornahing you'd like ro tel us, dear?
LO\(BUfi: Swimming) In the au mn? I've never heard of such a
crazy notion. UGLY: Mama!

QUEENIE: \flell, you could use sone *ercise, deu, think of your UGLY touch4 the TV rcreffi.
thigh meat - she's got drumsricLs like an osrrich:
QLtsENIF- Did you run away flom home?
LOVBUTT: \{ell you havent exacdy been a slave ro your step,aerobics
'ht u much as you can do to ger your {lap open. UGLY: No, L..
QLTEENIE: Gracious, Lowbutr, you're missing your proggie! Quick QLTEENIE: Vell, there is only one thing to do. I'11 call from the
s.icks! Ao UC.t She loves watching her Antiques Show. knchen.

LOVBUTT: Vhere's rhe remote? QUEENIE erils. Thde is d ing on tk tloorlrcll.

QI,'EENIE: You'r€ sitting on ir. UGLY: Oh no, tle oLd woman.

QUEENIE stanr b ex;t. TtE W cones on in the niddle of"B*tlwatcb UK". Both LOVBUTT: Shewouldnt ring her own doorbell. Come in.
IACK DA\Y/ and IDA's wica are lftaxl enaMtinsflen the sc.reen.
I$e door swing: open and there stands the C4T druse[ rather bdCb, ,$ Lrake.
JACK DAV: . . . Six montlu on, and still no sighting o{ the ductling,
who, m you will remernber lrom the photograph released CAT: Quack, quack.
at the time, has whar can best be described as a rather
unforgenable appearance. Now, our expens believe that he UGLY: Oh no! \flhat ffi you doing here?
may :lready hrve undergone certain changes md lhey heve
pur togeths thG photofit of whar rhey believe he nighr CAT: Thought I'd cooked ny goose, ehl (,4ctirg)Is that any way
look like today. Sone vievers may find this imge to greet your long lost feather . . . fathert
di*urbing.
LOVBUTI: Your {arher? Ugliness cenainly nrru in the family.
IDA: I'm sure he is still our there somewher€. So. if anvo.e has
seen hin, please call in. UGLY: He's not my father, don't listen to him.
 HONKI
60

CAT: H€ is overcome. Son . . hug your daddv Your mother QUEENIE: (seductiwly) A tam catl
and I have been worried sick.
. Music No. 13a TQM CAT STING
Does he Iook like adu, k)! (Instrurnental)
UGLY: Don\ ler him nerr me

Now, now dear. Folk who live in glashoues shouldnt

LOVBUTI: Don't get any frnny ideas, Queenie. \/e have an armng€-
LOVBUfi: ment, don't for3er.
call the kettle bl:ck . . . or something lile rhit.
It is too kte. QUEENIE dnd tbe CAT anb hdw e!6 fat eacb other. The CaT,
UGLY: He's a car! heae*t doe, not ur"htolovUGL\
'oh.au,ahn.
CAT: Ah, ha, ha, ha, children vill have their tun I'm sorv if he LOV/BUTT: Ohno!There will be rears be{ore bedtime!
has caused you any inconvenience ad l'm most grateful
rhir )ou ve . . . kepr \im rll rn one piece. Come rlong It is appdrent thdt LO\YBUTT will da anytbing she can ta prewnt dry liaisan
Dr.rcky. rhank Lhe nne poul'q rorlooungrfterlou. behseen QUEENIE and the CAT.

Music No. 14 TOGETHER

UGLY: He s i c,'.I rell iou. A 'ly. rrercherous. double.ro*ing
(cat, Queenie, Lowbun)
CAT: ...hungry...
CATr MADAM, I'D BI HONOI,T.ED
conniving ton cat. THOUGH I'M NOT OF YOIJR ILK
UGLY: . . . no good,
IF \i/E COIJ'I,D GET TOGETHER
(re-nterin!7t's no sood,the linet engaged MA'IBE SHAX,T A DISH OF MIIK
QUEENIE:
QTJEENIE TD BE DELIGHTED
STR,
CAT: ve1l, helio.
THOUGH IT'S TRI.'E YOU'RE A SCRUFF
BUT VHEN ONT'S I{AD THINGS EASY
QUEENIE: Mercy - rnother duck, whais th€ malterl Havetrl you got
ONE LIKIS A BIT OF ROUGH

LO\(BUIT: Queeniel You loose cat!

CAT:
CAT/
LOVBUTT: pr9;cio*s/ Shouldnl you be gening brckt You srid hh QUEBNIE TOGETHER ON THE Ttr-ES
nother was si& with worY. \fE VILL TOTTER
TOGETT]ER vT \},ILL SIT
CAT: Meeoow! Meeoow! ON GARDEN \(ALLS
TOGETHER \rc w]LL MAKE TIN ROOFS
ne CAT start' to ftdnti.dlb pll ofhis feathen, beak, aek ac to reveal hinselfas SEEM HOTTER
d cdt to QUEENIE.
LOV/BU:|T: TOGETHER YOU'LL BE THROMNG UP
UGLY: I rold you he wa: a tom cat. FIJ'R BALLS
62 HONK! HONKI 63

CAT/ CAT /
QTJEENIE: TOGETI.IER VE VILL BLNLD OLRSELVES QT]IENIE: TOGETHTR \ E VILL CONQUER
A CAT FLAP ALLBEFORF tiS
TOGETHER AFTER DA},]( \(E'LL FILE IN
TOGETFIER \gE \(/ILL SNUGGLE LOVBUTT: TOGETHER YOU CAN RID HER OF HERILEAS
FOR A CAT NAP
LOWBUTT tumt tn UCLYlir dstistunce.
I,OVBUTT: TOGETHER YOU COULD STRING A VIOLIN
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME OUT
LO\Y/BUTTfarces haself betulell tie lawr and nddre"* QUEENIE IT'S LOOKING ?P.ETTY GRIM
\(HAT \flILL BECOME OF ME
H CD YOt IORCO'I I LN, DFAR) IF II
SHOULD GO \{4TTI HIM?
SI
TT{E CLINIC HAS CONFIRMED SFIE'S GONE ALL GOOIY-EYED
THAT THEY CAN FIT YOU IN AND I AM TERNFIED
YOU N[,ED TO BE DE\(ORMED SHE'LL LIr\w lvlE ON THE SHELI
AND \(,ITH YOLIR LAST ATTACK
YOU ALMOST FILLED A SACK LOWBUTT rel"as UGLY antl uhers hin to tln doar, which sk apms awf prcba
SO MA1BE YOU SHOULD GO tbe beuuazd UGLY to hts freehn
LO\V BUTT nou atlbesses lx C4T. Vell, go on fien . . . run!

IT'S ONLY FAIR TO SAY OH DEAR, ALAS, AL{CK

T}1AT SHE IS R-A.THER PRONE THE DOOR \(AS LEFT AJAR
TO CARRY PAI-A.SITES THE DUCKLING HAS ESCAPED
HER TLts. IS NOT HER O\(IN IIE \(ON'T HAVE GOT TII-{T FAR
AND ON ]1]E I]YGIENE FRONT' IF YOU START MAKING TRACKS
TO BE BOTH IN"\NK AND BLI]NT YOU'RE BOUND TO HEAR HIS QUACKS
IT'S }ETTER YOU DON'T KNO\{/ AND CATCH HIM FOR YOL]RSELF
ALTHOUGH I DON'T VISFI TO GRIPE DON'T LET US DELAY YOUR TRX)
r DON'T THINK SHE'D BE YOUR TI?E }IE'LI- SOON BE \X{THIN YOUR GRI?

The taa loz,en appear to lntotutb taudre ofLo\trBufi\ intenrntion, and cast Tlrc CAT, dwing a slyllsed tango, agnkes ow whaher to uith QUELNIE ot
P'l6ae UGLY He *ops QUEENIE'ta
and m:ba afr ttx
dxchling LAWBUT'|"n@enonio 'b
blpodtidlU trLi to confail the dbandand QUEENIE.
CAT/
QUEENIE; TOGETHER \/E \(/lLL SING LOVBUfi: TOGETHER VE\vlLL OVERCOME
OLIR O\fN CAT'S CHORUS THIS F{EARIACHE
TOGETHER \{E CAN CI.IOOSE TOGITHER WE'\T THE STRENGTH
OUR FAVOL]RITE KEYS TOSEE IT THROUGH
 HONK! HONKI 65

LOWBUIT/ DRAKE: I/ell your father does.

QUEENIE: TOGETHER AS IF NOTHING
REAILY IIAPPENED DO\/\TY: Mum would've let 9s stay our.
TOGETHER \OE \rILL STAY
TOGTTHER llflE \'ILT STAY DRAKE: Mum's nor here you're grounded.
TOGETHER \/E \/IIL STAY AS ME AND YOU
BILLY: Oh, gu3no!

DRAKE And where d'you pick up language like thatl I told you
Scene Two rct to hang aroud with that kingfisho . . . he's so b1ue.

Bach inthe ducklant, DRAKE is nat daing toa @tl at tooking dfd the DUCK' BILLY: Vell, you say it.
LINGS e,hite IDA x away. The DUCKLINGS seen to be Soin1 tlrrc eh that
stdge'. DL4KE u'1its impatbntll for tben to renm afer dn e"Ening ouL DRAKE Thafs different. I say it ir a mture, adult and grown up

Music No. 15 THE COLI-A.GE

@rale, Idr, Company) BILLY: Still means the same thing.

DRAKE AS A Dfu{KE FLLiFF: \flhenk mum coming back)

rr,fY MISTAKE
\fAS LETTING HER GO SEARCHING DRAKBi I dunno, honey. And hrve you preen€d your feathers
FOR MY SON today?
\TAH, THAT ONEI
IT AIN'T RIGHT BEAKY: 'We haven't got on to that yet.
I'VE S?TNT IOEEKS
FILLING BEATS DRAXS: Vhat do you mean you haven'r got on to it yet? \fhat do
HEARING'DADDY, DADDY, DADDY' they t€a€h yo,.r these daysl You know what happens ro
rM DEPRESSTD ducks that don't preen? They sink.
ROI IND THE NEST
DAY AND NIGHT FLUFF: But she is coning backl

71e uttu nore adnlescent DUCKLINGS rctu1n D&{KE I dunno,horey. (fa anotber DUCTLING, And did you eat
rhe pondweed I packed for you.
DRAKE Ad what son of rime do you call this?
DOVt{Y: The moorhens dont have pondweed.
FLUFF: V/e son of lost track of rhe time.
DRAKE: No, the moorhens wouldn't.
The owl didn't give a hoot.
FLIJFF: Vill she find Ugly)
 HONK! HONKI

DRAXE (snaWndt dunno, honey. I . . . I dunno. Now cone along (IDA:) YOU ARI ]\4ISSNC FROM
'J'IIIIf \,fY Ltr}
gang, it's time to roost. Make sure you brush your beaks, IT'SMI \iT]O'S FEELING LOST
and dontrake all the water, my bill\ big enoughl \fiTHOUT YOU I FEEL LOST

Tte DUCKLINGS all etit. 7k rct of the COMPANYfoTW a 'Grceh chans' conmenting on IDA\ ptogres,.
Tlel oaiorc accaatremmts
haue about them a7 props necessdry n ditinguish a tbe
\{'I]EN IDA SAID SI{E'D GO I HAD TO LET 'ER cbaracterr IDA mut' o" hs jo"mey.
A ST{AME, BECAUSE THIS APRON
SUITS HER BETTER Alt.; LOOK AT HER
IT'S A SHAME
\OHERE'S THE JOY IN MOTHERHOOD?. ]1IAT SHI !fON'T FACE THE FACT
AN ENDLESS ROT]ND OF CHORIS LOOK AT HER
THAT HA\,T, TO BE DONE CAN'T SHESEE THE \fiAY
I]]EN \flHEN YOU THINK THE ODDS ARE STACKID)
YOU'\E SEEN THE BACK OF THEM
YOU FIND IN ACTUAL FACT. As IDA cont;nue! hel joumet ue s@ DR 4KE dn l ruRt<EY bach on the farm.
YOU'RE BACK AT SQUARE ONE
THERE'S NO JOY IN MOTI{ERHOOD TURKBY: \fleti, have you heard uyhing from Ida yet?
OR II THERI IS, IT'S SOMETI]ING
CAN'T SEE
I JUST DRAKE No, sltet got the nobile ofi. But the pigeon delivered :
YET IDA SOMEHOW COPES \!{TH ALL OF THIS nore r\is noraing. I1e pnc of papet) tt lust says
unlolds a
AND TIfEN, ON TOP OF T}L\T "I'm here. Pratt's Boaom". I dunno if rhaCs r place or if
SHE PUTS U? VflH ME shet just being offensive.

(ofrta8e)D^d? Bdck to IDA on her io met.

DRAKE: Now vhatl ALLVOMENT IOOKATIIER

Cra's-fade to lDA on het )aume1. The callase mwi.c conttnulr ADMEN: LOOK AT HER

S(ne Thie€ \TOMEN: NOTHING SHAKBS HER

FROM HER STRONG BELIEF
In a collage ofalsnett* "!)e faLla@ IDA on het joume! to trr tufnd UGLY
MEN: NOTHINC SHAN F5 HTRSTRONG BELIEF
ID& I \fLL
SEARCH EVERY POND
I\{'LL SEARCH EVERY STREAM, EVERY RIVER VOMEN: LOOK AT I]ER
AND THE BROADEST OF BAYS
IN THE VIDEST OF LAKES MEN: LOOK AT HER
MUST BE CROSSED
 HONK! HONKI 69

I'/OMEAI: IT'S SO HARD TO COME TO TERMS QLTEENIE: (arydins besde LOIVBU ry Did someone say rom carl
\(/ITH
IDA sets ofa&xin.
AIL: GR]EF
ALL AS EACH SEASON SLI?S AwAy
IDA is in conwrsatirn with GREYLAC dnd DOT botb of whon arc hul,ib SADTY THERE'S A TRIND
bdndaged @nh splintr, crutcht etc COMMON SENSE \(OULD SEEM TO SAY
THERE'S NO HAPPY END
IDA: . . . and he is about so high with a rather characterisric
honk. IDA dppea$ bestde d fnal, dand uindou. Slrc is talhing on the nokh phone arut
pau;ngover GR 'LAG\ mdp.
GREYIAG: Sounds Like thar squaddy. He shot rhrough a while ago. I
say he sho rhrough, it was s! who were shor through. IDA: No, Drale, listen, he vx last seen uavelling in the
Practically brought about ou Tra{algar. direction of Moorhnd Frm

DOn I think you mean Vaterloo, dear. :I be CAT opens the uindow b6ide IDA . sbe d@'n't vt see b;m.

GREYIAG: Here, you can take this, i{ n helps. (t]e han* ber bis map, CAT: ThaCs nonh of here, nn1 itl
tho"shv)ith btu et holes)
'hot IDAI Yes.
sol-o: -LOOKATHER
SO CONVINCID SHE'S GETTING NEAR CAT: How very ineresting.
LOOK AT HER
SHE'S A LNTLE LATE \/E FEAR lDA rtms and sea tlr CAT.

REST: LOOKATHER IDA: Yo!!!

SO CONVINCED TT{AT SHE iS GETTING NEAR
LOOK AT HER ALL cbae of. As oar attentian ir dioaled, PENNY mas, entangbd in fsbing
SHE MAY BE A LITTLE LATE IJ{E FEAR line

lDA al,lxan at the cottdge @indou. LOIVBUTT peers ast. Scene Four

LOVBUTT: And how do we know you're nor a cat. lue catcb @ith UGLY @ho is bdtk in the open fuICs. He htnia along hohing
rtroously "p
auer hi sbo der to chech thdt tlle CAT is not pursuing bim. He stops
IDA: I beg your pardon? uhen he h?an a phinnoe cry. UGLY tum' to ebere the sound is con;g
'ho1t
fron and d{scoaen a beautiful yo'ns lindb s@an, PEI\7\ry, tunglcd in f'bins tini
LO\vBUTT: The last ducl who c:me by Lere rurned out ro be a tom
cat - one of those nasty transfeatherit*.
PENNY: Help mel4r',ll, vop.) Plerse. help mell m caughr.
 HONK! HONKI 71

UGLY: \fto...whoareyou) PENNY: 'fre . . . like I say irl just a stage we al1 have ro go
through.
I'm Penny. Pi€ase, do /ou think you can untangle me)
UGLY: (bdshf,tb le'xntn; hn tush) Exuse rl'e. (He cilcres bd @a^,
UGLY: (self consao u ) t' l, r 1t vy. ... could you Iift your wing upl

UGLY basbfufu ties to fnd an end to tbe fthing lire. He ;: still nesnerisel' PENI.W: My morher always warned ne to avoid the fishing line the
people leave behind.
\t(rh... whar are you?
UGLY: mirc. She us€d ro tett me
@ddenly azthusiastb) So did
(s rprised dt the q"estion) t\ swan. ooh, mind you dont vhen we vere out swimming. (Conpleting his task)
hurt yourself on that hook. No poinr in us Sorh getting There . . . just one more loop around your 1eg.
damaged.
PENNY: lAugi,g L CL\. Oh. thdnL 1ou. Irhoughr I w.$ gouls ,o
UGLY: be left behind and this is no place to spend the winrer
alone. /24rue, \flher€t your !ock?
PEN}.IY: Typical me, my first migration and what happens. . . l
UGLY: I doni l{now. lin lo,r.I \r lrom m1 tmity nd
UGLY: Your int whatl 'eprrrted
rbe more I look for rhem rhe hnher ir ,eeru I wander
PENNY: Migration. The cold wearher is setthg in and we rre
leaving today for the warm lands. PENT.qY: Thacs dreadtul, when did yor: last see them)

UGLY: Leaving? UGLY: In the spring.

PENNY: You're a funny one, all these quesions. PENNY: In the spring! You've been lost since the springt you poor
thing, you can't sray fier€ for the winter, you'llfreeze.
UGLYI So!ry.
UGLY: No,I'll be alrieht.
PBNNY:
lYe be MOTTIER SVAN ca ingfrom afstase.
UGLY: Everyone calls me Ugly.
MOTHER
PENTIY: Oh, don't lisen to rhem, it's a stage we all go rhiough. s\rAN: (ofndse)Penny.
You should hear some of the things they called me before
rfi- mou|. fennv d"eadful. tenny-plJin. Penny d.opping. &ndzn$ PENt*v has an tlea.

UGLY: (quietb, Prary Pennyt FI.or' could anyone call you namesl
 I .i;r1i,c{l:il;i!:i.;

HONK!
An Two \.. ". " HO\K:

PENI.IY: Come with mel The others won't mind

Muiic No, 16 NO\/ r\T SEEN YOU
spring we'1l return together and I'
help you lind your
faniiy. Y',,
UGLY: IVE SEEN BUTTERFLIES ON BLUEBELLS
oh,I couldnt posibly. . .
DRINKING IN THF, DFIfl
Of course you could. Con€ on, orwe'U neve! catch up.
COB\ LB\ I]',J Tf]l SUr\llCH l, )HININC,
rVI SEEN THEM TOO

Oh, Penny, I'd love to, I'd really love ro, but I can't . . . I
fVE SEEN VOODLANDS N THE AUTUMN
FALLING LEAVES OF EVERY SHADE AND HUE
canl fly, at least not well enough to go with you.
I THOUGHT I KNE\f \(/HAT BEAUTIFUL \T/AS
BUT NOI( TVE SEEN YOU
PEN}.IY: It doesnt maner if you're not x strong x rhe orhen, I'l)
stay back with you and fly at your pace.
T\IE SEEN \(ATERFALLS CASCADI]\'G
SPARKLING IN TIIE LIGHT
It soundr wondelful, but I must keep going, I have ro find
DAMSEL FLIES THAT DANCE THEIR DANCE
my mother. I'rn sure she canl be far away. Maybe when
FROM MORNING TILL MGHT
you cone back ir the spring we can meer up again.
I'VE SEEN RAINBOVS RTACHING SKYI/ARI)
PASS BET\IEEN TI-IE CLOIJDS
I'd lile that. Are you sut, you will be alrightl
THEN FADE FROM VIF,\g
I THOUGHT I KNX\fl \THAT BIAUTIFL,']- \i/AS
BUT NO\(/ IVE SEEN YOU
UOIHLR SlvANanll BEWCK appea mjatically.
AND THOUGH I'VF, SFFN
TFII \(/TLOV'S VTEPING BRANCHES
MOTHER
TTJE MISTY MORNING AIR
SWAN: Pemy, come along, darling, we'll be lare.
A CLEAR AND STARRY NTGHT
FL{S NOTHING TO COMPARE ,,JflITH YOU
I dont like to leave you here like rhis but I really have to
go now. Good-bye md rhank you again, I von'r forset
TVE SEEN SVALLO\SS IN THE SUMMER
\{'T]EELING OVERHEAD
I HA\E SEEN THE SILKVORM
PEN ryh Es UGLY in hq Nit78' tbel LeaM in the dffedion ofthe other swan.
SPINNING GOSSAMER THRIAD
As sbe kat:es, UGLY again lnarc her 'bonk'.
l HAVE SEEN THE GOLDEN SUNSET
OVER THE HORIZON
Hohk!
PAINTING SKIES OF PTNK AND BLUE
I THOUGHT I KNX\(T Y/HAT BEAUTIFT]L \OAS
UGLY doubleaks and kohs ccnfused.
3UT NOV TVE SEEN YOU
NO\f fVE SEEN YOU
OH NO'i/ I'VE SEEN YOU
 HONK! HONK! 75

UCLY becoma dapondent tlft thought .fdwns on him th' loneane as bea
as tifrl UGLY kolzs at the BULLFROGfoT tbelirst tine.
ds PENt\ry,rll not wdnt ta haw anytbinsto do uitb soneone a: ugb a' hin
(BULLFROG:) . . . fiere, see. I qean join rhe do6, if we're ralkins 'ugly'
(UGLY, She von\ remembs me. I bet she doesn't even come they don't come much more aesthetically- challenged than
back. But ifshe does . . . why wouLd she want to have me. J Lnon *h.r yo rlrouble s - you ve been preenins
anlthing io do vith me) yourself too nuch.

Music No. 16a PR.E VARTS I UGLY: \{har do you meal

(Irotrlrnental)

At thdt noment d kge BI |LLFROG hops ap beside UGLY car,ling a rolhd ap

BULLFROG: You've got !9y4 in the mouth. Voo ha, ha, ha. [o
,4UTLNCZ) Nothing. I'm g€tiing nothing.
fupad under bi: am. The BULLFROG placa tbe lib on the soui.l anll hops
onto i. LIGLY tt xrtt anlj couv\, atvming it to be soneone e\e ta ta'nt him UGLY: I want to be left on my own.

BT]LLFROG: Ribbn, ribbn, whoops, pardon rne.

BULLFROG: Now dornright anti-social. Hing on. lcrea^ ,n
thaCs just
t I've gor a hunan in my ttuo r. (Aeain the BULL-
'o',
FROG goes into byst*ics bst non rcali<es that he s kughing
BIIT,FROG: Sorry, Fealhen, I didn'r mean to male you iump. Not that alonel Oh well, I know how you fee1, but you mustn't let
there\ anlthing wrong wirh jumping of course - it son of it depress you. I sraned our as a blob o{ jeily and n's been
mru ir the lamily or junps in the family depending on downhill ever since.

UGLY actual\ kohs as &oush b k @dtnins to tbe BULL.

FROG

BULI,FROG: \(antl I say to myseJf, "I'rn just a hrndsome prince ia frogt

clorhing and one day someone's going to come along and
UGLY: Vell, go on, you might as well get it o{f your chest tell kiss me aod release ny imer beauty". paa@ And chen I
me how ugly I an. say to myself, "Nah, ger rea1, who walts to snog a frog!"

BLTLLFROG: Ugly? TbisJinally gas thrc"sh to UGLY @ho ldask ,itb the BULLFROG tbis time.

UGLY: Th€re. I hope you feel berter now.

You Lnow what our trouble is?

BLTLLFROG: \(/oa, woa, woa. H.ng on a minute. Do you mind if I hop

off and come bacl on aeaio? UGLY: No.

He naku afake e:cir and re.attry. BULLFROG: Our 'inage' isn't in vogue. That's all. It\ a quesion of
r*re. Bur you mrr\ my word.. one dal 'ugll r ill be in
I nean, have a word with yourself, Feathers. \(rho am ! to
call you uglyl Look * me . . .
76 HONK! Aa Two n.- "d r lO\Kl. z

Music No. 17 \(ARTS AND ALL (BI,'LLFROG' SHINE FORTH)

(Bulifrog, Ugly, Froglels, Con1pmy)
UGLY: A MOUTII THAT RUNS FROM EAST TO \rcST
(BIJ'I"LFROGl) tr YOUJUST TIGHT ON YOUR LILI?AD
SIT
IS BOT]ND TO I,{AKE YOU LOOK DEPRESSED
EACH SILLY FAD \NLL PASS IT'S BETTER IF THE CORNERS
TI-IEN THOSE \(HO SPORT
BOTH POINT NORTH
THIS SEASON'S LOOK
.*,ILL FALL FLAT ON THEIR
BULLFROG: That's the idea . . .
ASK-YOUR.MOTI]ER,\ITIAT.IT'S.CALLED
FOR FASHION TS A FICKLE THING
SO DON'T GO INTO HIDING
BUT JUST YOU VAIT AND SEE
T}.IERE'S NO NEED FOR DISGUISE
THE DAY \VILL COME \ITIEN \(T'RI TN sTT'I-E
EVIN SOME IOTATOES HAVE GOT MCE EYES
AND THEN I GUARANTEF .

OUT THEI.E I'm rellinsyou, Fearhen -

SOMEONE'S GON$A LO\T YER

SOMEONI'S GONNA LOVE }'F.R OUT THERE
VARTS AND ALL SOMEONE'S GONNA IOVE YTR
OUI THERE SOMEONT'S GONNA LO\E ]TR
JUST AROI,'I.JD THECORNIR
IN AMONGST THE FA(INA UGLY: I{ARTS AND ALL
SOMEONT'S GONNA FATT FOR YOU
THOUGH TM T\?AI{NOSAURUS REXY BUUFROG: Now you're aorking my language!
SOME \x{LL FIND ME SEXY IN MY \qAY
THOUGH TT MAY TAKE SOME TIME UGIJ: OUT TTIERI
TO FIND 'EM IN A MUDDY PLTDDLE
\{TIEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL SOMEONT NEEDS A CLTDDLE
,COS
OUT THETTI SOMEVHBRE THOUGH THE CH,{NCT IS SMALL
SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
\./ARTS AND ALT BULLFROG: IT'S TRUE]
JUST THINK I(HJENE\TR YOU NEED BOOSTING
UGLY: (entbuiasucatly) Do yor rcally believe thrt? ONT DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTING \ITIH A MATE!
THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME
BULLFRO(;i Of course. If I didn\, I might as well jack ir atl in and
TO FIND 'EM
donate my legs to g*ronomic research. I,n relling you,
\XTIEN YOU DO YOU'IL HAVE A BALL
Feathen, you've got ro iook on the suany side o{ rhe lily
pad. .COS
BOTH: OUT THEfu]
SOME\flHERE SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
THE UGLIEST OF CREATURES
\(ARTS AND ALI,
HA\T A FEli/ REDEEMING FEATLIR.ES
SO V'I]Y NOT LET YOUR BETTER POINTS
 78 FIONK!
FIONK!
79

Theyoxnger nenbers oftle COMPANY, *es'ed FROGLETS, drc @edbd

as (BULLFROG/
UGLY/MEN' TI]OUGI I THE CHANCE IS SMALL IT'S TRUE
BULLFROG: TE1I hiN, Kids!
FROGLtrTS/
I ROULI I s: \( )\1lWHl RF OUI 'tHIRI:
\TOMEN: SOMEWHERE OUT TrIETiE
\/E DON'T KNOW \TTIERI IfIDON'T KNOV \/I IERE
SOMEONE IflLL CARE
sOMEONI Y4T,L CARI
THEY'RE GONNA I-OVE ]'I]R ]i{TARTS AND ATL!
TLIEY'RE GONNA I,OVI YER \i'ARTS AND ALL
SOME\THERI OUT IIIERE sOME\NHERE OUT THERT
\(/E CAN'T SAY \fiIERE
\VE CAN-'T SAY TJ(/IIERE OR 'il/FIEN THOUGII
BU'T SOMEONE IS GONNA FALL FOR YOU
THE CHANCE IS SMAI-L IT'S TRLIT
BULLFROG: THOUGI I TM TY}L\NNOSAIJ']IUS REXY BULLFROG: JUST THN.JK \ITIENEVER YOU NEID BOOSTING
SOME \I.II-L FIND MI SEXY II\'MY \I/AY
ONE DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTING \{l]TH A MA"IF,!
FROGLITS: THEY'LL FIND YOU SEXY UGLY: SOON fLL BE ROOSTING \I/]TH A MATFI
BUILFROG/ FROGLETS/
UGLY: THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME \TOMEN: SOON YOU'LL BE ROOSTING
TO FIND 'EM
\IFIEN YOU DO YOU'LL Ii{VE A tsALL BULLFROG/
UGLY/MEN: TIIOUGII lT MAY TAKI SOtvIE TrME
FROGIETS: IfE KNO\f YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL TO FIND 'EM
\{HEN YOUDO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL
ALI-: 'COS OUT THERI SOME\OHERI
SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE 1TR FROGLETS/
VOMEN: \(/E KNO\{ YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A tsALL,
Ihe Ht ofthe COILPANY, aka drclset d FROGLETS, ter. BALL, BALL, BALL, I|ALL
COMPANY: SOIVIEONE,S GONNA rOVE tTR COMPAI\ry; ,COS
OUT:IHERE
SOME\flHERE SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
BI,'I,LFROG/
UGLY/MENr OUT THEITL SOLO
SOMEONE'S CONIbJA I-OVE YER FROCLET: OUT THERE
SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
SOME\ITIERD SOMIONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
\/ARTS AND ALI
OUT TI IERI COMPANY: OUT THERI
IN A MUDDY PIJDDLT
SOME\OHERE SOMEONT]'S GONNA LOVE TTR
SOMTONE NIEDS A CLDDLE rJfAR'I'S AND AI I,
 -*rys*,,,.
80 HONKI Aa Two ut-*rm HONKT

(COMPANY' VARTS AND ALL

FARMER'S
\(/ARTS AND ALI
VOICE Now, where,s my knife? phew, irt a bit brass monkevs
out here tonighr. Darn, I must've lefr it in my car.
Music No. 17A I/ARTS OFF
(nstrumentd)
W hat lhc FARMU t loot.tep: rerrcaung n ie nud. tfu LaT,udd"at\ pop, up
/lom nauhere an.l I tC I Y i $.
Tte FROGLETS di'pe$e. '@' " ""t
CAN Hello, Ducky. I see rhe macram6 clases paid off.
BULLFROG: Must hop,I,tl be seeing yer, Fe:rhers. And remember, one
day ir vill be us who are the flavou of the month - oops,
UGLY: You again. How did you find me?
what am I sayhgt
CAT: Oh, r lirtle bird told ne.
UGLY: Good.bye. ud rr l ou e.er Lnd
1ou*elf ne;r,he dr,.k1rd
do c&n,I'd Iov€ you ro me* my frmily.
UGLY: Well you're roo 1ate. I'm going to be eten by rhe people.
BULLFROG: ri/ell I hope you find ,em
alright. Sray warm, say cheeriut. CAT: TsL. Such a vasre.
See yer. Ribbn, ribbit.

UGLY: Even if you hdped me ro escape you'd only eat nc your-

Music No. 17B ?OST-VARTS
sel{.
(tnstrumenrrl)
CAT: True.
nv BULUROC hop" ot again. Vu<" .top,. tJLLy toob"s abour htn, not *,e
t:,!tch @a) to ,,m. h u gatins da.k. Suddnb a bBhr rcreh
bcan .hin^ onrc UGLY: Vell you're nor going to get me.
hin. He stares traulxed in ts lp"n
A car door slans sbat.
FARMER'S
VOICE: \frell what have we here) A nice plunp tirtte duckting.
Oh, no. Het coming back.
A net drops oaer UGLY
CAT: Now listen, Ducky. I have what I think you will agree is a
very lemprinS prupo.iion - !hich miglr JJ,r \ru.b u,
both.
UGLY: Hont, honk, honk. UGLY: \/ell,I dont like oruges ifthat'span of the plan.
FARMER S
CAT: If you *ay here ir will be your turn to be a 'dresed duck',
VOICE: I'\.no good you yruSglirg
"nd honkirg. I ve gor a frmity but if you come virh me I will rake you b:ck to rhe fann
ro feed and you'li ruke a fine suoday roisr. -
and you will ger ro.ee yorr morher. . . ior o1e las, ( me.
UGI-Y: HonklHonkl UGLY: Enher way I ger earen, righr?
 .ry."
HONK!

cAn I7e11, you canl have ir borL ways.

FEMALE
ty/e heat apprw hine fo o t steps. soLo: sKx s Atrf LREy AND MINA( \u
frA HF
BLTZZARD \0'QU[D
I SEEM CERTATN
Quick. Make up ).our nind. I AND EVENGOOD KjNG Ty,ENCFSIAS
I WOULD NOI DRA\ BACK HISCURTAJN
Alrighl you're on. I
CHORUS:
I MMMAI{.
MMMAH, MMMAH. MMMAH
7be C4T qa;chly slxb* the net @;th h1, cku,. LMMMAH. MMMAH, MMMAH

Aftl don' ,e rny lurn) bbine\. Fpmember rhi, wa)

,r
farr. arr. en
tea:t you ger ro see your morher rg:in. I an. an. aH.
au. au nu.
Music No. 18 TTaERIJZZARD I I
I

(compaq.)
l
Te!u:.d,uchaa dttu" in an tn"r*nnLat. ttu44 aL us*LaLyand
I ve LA t st degh
48 h/ough tbe <noa. ty/e dL",.p tDA ,ttu*tt
t
ry. h,. ,nable rc.ee
7he two hurry of as the light k,1m rcta,rx and sbine, onto the empt! net
i UCLY. throush rhe btirh,tt, d^pitp parst.e neht belie
k^
rtit,W",t"",,i )m"
I
FARMER'S )

VOICE: Vell curdle the cream on my cornflakes ,

I UGLY: I cant see beyond the end of rny beak!
het escapedl
I
Scene Five CAT: Keep going, it mut be close now.
I

c4.r tead u?t y.dwdl: h L bturl,okt ot t<ure. otd IDA: Hellol Are you out therel h anybody out
lc to sno.::-h:!.,t1
by.is
a rhe,cne pros,t*es
AI ncnbe., aJ tup cou"pA w 1",^ ii""f ,t tt
rhere?

lhtt? ue UCLY lbe L4T and tDA tt ugttnsthrcugh the.not " i"i The storm continues to boal
'ft
FEMALE CHoRUS: (sdrcdsticdth)
soLo: THE SI]I\ IS COLD AND VATERY THE \i/EATHER'S TURNTD OUT MCE AGAIN
THE PONDS Aru DEBPLY FROZEN BUT SADTY IOR O1JR HERO
OF ALL THE TIMES FOR TRAVELLING THE \)('.IND CHITL FACTOR TENDS TO KEIP
IT'S NOT \J(/HEN \iT'D HAVE CHOSEN TTIE TEMPIRATURE STJ}ZF,RO

UGLY: Are you sue ro krow your sry bac!, ro + CAT/

rhe ou.Lvrd)
we,eem ro be goins roud in Lircle\. UGLY: THE BITING COLD
THI SMRLING SNO\(/
Shut up. It's &is snow. ft makes everything look rhe same. IT'S HARD TO CATCII A BR.EATH

CHORUS: AND THOUGH V4 HATE TO SAY THE I/ORD

TIITY'RE FACING CERTAIN
 -s1,"' -

IIONK]

(cHoRUS' FAC]NG CERTAIN

IDA paases as she acknoatedges
FACING CERTAIN. ..
$e prcsence of tt{ Stv.ANS.
IDA:
bkes a,e tpt !;.htGtyd\j rtu
M), o,hy i, d d. t,\ rr nrv
Lt:::":
frnea,rh a h,K vo@".:..:" C47 .onrt.etl b*ierl 1.11..,r.,0:
wrnderd rs"1.lron.,hc ne.r ijs .p,ns. rJulr. He
drirq dxemLbte ont.y a tu r :ho,ld h*"
uhohacotkpsedon ttesu.ta,,;,,1;:";;;;,;:',.0' t i dnd tDA 8on:,{e: hln bu,I had h,, o,other. rni,nro.. ,o *,,,
'hc 'nou. coxron I JUn leave ,hem. And r
now. n"q I.n roo hLe
SOLO MALE/ MOTHER SVAN
?aa bq uing anund lDA.
FEMALE: THI \rIND HAS BLO\{A\I
THI SNOT/ IN DRIFTS MOTIIER
TOO BEAUTtrUL FOR \TORDS
$/AN: ( .1. my oe,rr. For r he s
V_ r mrh or a mor he-, rea., crn
thrw rh. sroniesr frosr.
SOLO MALE: IT MAY IOOK GOOD FOR
CI.IR]STMAS CARDS IDA: Oh, if only I couid believe that.
ALI-: BUT NOT FOR CATS AND
BIRDS
BE\/ICIC you must. Fo!
irhar do we h:ve if we don,t have
hope)
IDA.t'atl, ta
Music No. 19 TRANSFORI,IATToN the BMut auj weep, m the snou th
v \tx tun. a@a! I GI
(Jgh rda, penny) rcet^s,, h6 @"n
");:,::, :-'
,,"h,,. BeL,; ;. ;
n te uct y
'oum;- rhe;;;;il:,iii;iffii;",Zfi;":,fr,:;
nr snoa on E_,"1,ared Lpaut{,t,r,n. D, rn nt ja wn i,.
the graand k"gtn: h nett. IDA ,tit\ , t (.ka. b.v+ia8 ^, t cLy,*,;;:.',.A::,;
: rcw ho",l rc, bodj. A, fie .,o" *"t6 ,k ,",;nd Ee^ b *" tn tbe me la? sno@uater,
parion. whe," we i*
nel ton a a a?prcad, bx
_a rlr *r*i i t,i'ii'!"3,1::r::."::;" :.!; UGLY: r'm ... I,m not a duck, I,m nor a duck. I,In a svan!
ic.y,1ane.
As the nasic sodn UGLY proadty
dtsphys hi: new ptunage.
IDA: (zErr quiet\)Honeyt... Oh, no... My baby! Honk!
.t:
)l:i:i
uor r. tt u!:,* ^ Iilb:h
ro toauzl.
ftie. rc s-abbk a, the .to!
<he
vnh"s n he. k*e,,obbitn.
,ta, ,u-a,nd, fuddenb UGLy,ees rDA.

Mama!
No. ror.like rhis. Nor after aU
rhis dme. nerface one anothd in sitence
rnDg,,whar wa n for) \,/}ar qas
rte
lltfle tiiel Ir cant end like rhis. UGLY/
Ir.an,r . . .
IDA: JUST KNO\X,TNG
tDA. rA rHtR \wA^..MotHt R wA\ YOU VTRE OUT THERF.
:::,:aLit.:.,:,,:
Ln.erca behthd ho, ecampanrcd dad Rfv4cx ha.e H!lPID MI TO GET BY
h) pEN/ti:/. AND NOI'/ I/E'RE RITAIITED
FATHER I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP HIGH
SVAN: Nor wil aab,a
n, my dear.
';:r^"lf,l " Fon khnd ,h" oh-.h,cp s,x/A \tr. ptNTw p,.h4
 85 HONK!
HONK!
ili 87
i
PENIIJY: l.\ h:ni lr\ him. rarhtr. t he cygne I rold you abour, rhe
onp whosred mv lile./7o UGl )rDo IDA: {nd lrom wh-r Lenember rhar nerrJy rinnheo
11
me) ne oft-
l?a,Jel oh. come on, say yo, *rn..U.i'ou,emember
tt.hardly .urpri'rng rea]l". trrc" me react-Ee, ,*u
i -.r swim ro

UGLY: /:bbt ot . .. ol cor"rr I remember you. Hoq could I

i
lorBer you) You re rhe rnos beruritut rhing
UGLY: But I want you to come.
t.ve <vd ,een.
I
PENNY: IDA: L an, come wirh you. ml ptr.e i.
\X eJL you.hould rrke took a, brLA on .h" bte q irh
a louown relie. tion.
you, rrth"r. bhs hlm. Thev wy bjrd" ot r ferhenhould
rror k ,oga he! Jnd our pL.e t wjrh
1r

IVE SEIN RAJ\Bo\/s REALHINC 5Kl.wAP.D ) rhe sr rrs nos rndl

thinlr t Lnow
IJASSBETWEIN THE CLOI DS "omeone who\ rurler kF"n ut )ou lhoulo
j TI{EN FADE FROM V]IIr
I THOUGHT I KNITO \NTIAT BEAUI'IFUL
!(/AS IDA kok hno@inety to@ad pE^Ny.
BUT NO1'( T\E STIN YOU
I

PEN}IYl UGLY: Bur I've only just found you. I'm not sure I waft
ro leave
UGLYI AND THOUGH I'VE SEEN THE MLLO\(i5
n ri{EEPTNG BRANCHES
IDA: Of come 1ou do. Now go on.
THE MISTY MORNING AIR berore I ger rI rermt lnd
l A CLEAR AND STARRY MGHT uruffe\Jry bu, rou make .ure you come b/ck md lisir
HAS NOTHING TO COM?ARE V4TH YOU us, r d rhe ducklft. rro the tenate WAN| Laok ahe-
hrm lorme, wonl you)
UGLY: And you knew? You klew r was a swan. MOTHER
PENNY: S\TAN: Cood'bye. my dear. I hi, mu,, be reru
Of couN I did. I hr-\ \ hy I *ked you ro come hrd ror you bur I
wirh u,, if promise he llbe srfe wnh us.
only your wingr had been lrrong Moush.

FATHER IDA: I m sure he wilJ. 6tu 3rres t GLy d fnat b"p wei'. za an
SVAN: thenl tf,r'r see lou fly.
\/e11, now you cu come wirh us and learn our v.",.
UGLY: IDA uatcha.UGLY and ttn SVANS teiLe . okt of
Ard rny nofier) Car she come too? silht of ttre audience. IDA
contimks to shout eicoffilgement.
IDA: OI .ou^e I cant. tm ,rs r b:gg1 otd d. ck, I , an, rea. h
you rhe ways ot rhe swans. Go on you can do itl Take a nur ar it! ThaCs the w:y!

UGIY: l-DA .hp, UGt Y! *..p,,Jut lake ofl a.1(1rDakh\ rlre,wAN\

But you taught me to swim? Jt, of. \hclattau<
then @t!b he, etes and r!)aL", ta ucfy
FIE \/AS DIFFERINT
HI Ii(/AS DIFIERENI
FROM THE REST
 r
HONK!
Act Two ,q*-rm HONK!
--.. 89

OF COURSE HE CAN'T BEIONG \YIIH ME

I KNO\f,I SHOULD I.IAVE GUESSED IDAi Ylu JJe..flJniv rhr.4D,4 t,g,,hen ba rtn\optoud
HE \(ASN'T I,TINT TO MOTHER ol voJ. VeL wh/r rrc qe wriring ror? l
HE Ti/ASN'T MINE TO RF,AR cant vair ro see Drake's reaction. r think he mighi lay an
ANOTHER DREAM GETS \i/ASHED AVAY ess and whar lb!'nisht rurn i"to do"sniU"aithiniing
ANOTFIER DREAM ANOTHER MOTI-IER'S TEAR

l DA,oat M R hl h !,he s rttA \', rh2h, pa, t" lr,tt t,e, pJ^. A, t9 IJ, in thc
ro,
IDA nakes ta leal,e. UGLY boLts bdch.
t
dt'taa,c. at:1t" be sn . Ke/' b 'be audrc nc . tDA tooh< pt ztett.
>"e , iuu, tr",
JbinsswANS. UGLY:

One,two,rhree...! Music No. 19A MELTING MOGGY

(C,t)
At thdt moment UGLY and pE^Nyredppear khind IDA.
I've just gor a little uafinished busines.
Honkt (ltusic stops)\ou <lidnl reaLlv think ld teave vou
behindl UGLY goa orer to the fnzm \nowman, uhich still contuins the CAT. LtGLy
taps the ire ahich drcps away ta re@at tbe CAT.
Oh. bL, you mu,r. You musr rh,n^ rbou, your"ett noo.
It\ vou life udyou belons wirh rhe swan(.
CAT: Flello Du. . . Du . .. Du.. . Swannyt S,n^nny/ (A ld
hkon) svanee (,Jedicdt b.qb) Hov r love y€r, how r tov€
UGLY: But whyl I donl cue whose egg I c:me out of, you v€r . . .
are
my morher. you rrired me rnd r har.. whar , oum,.
YOU CAN ILAY \vITH YOIIR DUCK
IDA: \fell . . LN.{TIL YOU GOOSE IT
YOU CAN CHICKEN YOIJR S\/AN
UGLY: Lt raj<e. .on. ro make r sorlo, and rou ,rid voursef
UNTIL YOU GROUSE
rha' he duckyard would bF borins iI $e dI tooked ,he TOGETHER I(/E COT'LD FRICASSEE
sam€, so, I've deci&d ro come back wirh you , to YOUR MOTHER
be
differenr. IT'SACMZYLI...
IT'SACR{ZYU,.,
\0e are both conring back. IT'S A CR.{ZY LI . .:
THE VEATHER'S TI,T.NED OUT NICT AGAIN
UGLY: To be the firsi swans on tle lake. r,ve been ditferent alt mv IT'S A CN.A.ZY TITTLE GAME CAr$D .. .
l:fe. I p+ dirfe.enr A ducllinp mo nov |t
be yL,,r i.
"
d,lte,Fn, i\ r ,wan. I lile heins nle. I like mv honk. I ]itre I quit! I give up! I sure erl I've been vorLing too hard
beingdif{erenr! ......Aaaarrgh!

1he A I *n" out scrun,ng Th" tdppJ | rc lahSh toEelhe- at i. wt d,anat;,alb

trandtnsarcund rhm ro rhe ducbatd.
 ",.,4ld44eli.tirr,.: .

HONK!

Scene Six
GRACE:
1l)e nhabiknt, of rhe d,cqattt, g t
Iij=; [li.#j sii i"5,i:-",#tg ,:.,;:,i5
led r/,e nau ot
pruao Dr KLt,rc\. u,t
rc l-eet the,tuminr r"*^.r0 r,,, rerrnquEh fi€ Red Band.
"r!irl,"ohi/e .

Music No. 20 ACT TVO FINALB LOOK AT HIM (Reprise) Apptusefion the assenbted.
?a,ttry, st,ltkd b MA IREEN.
(company)
V/err jr $ irh pride, m\ d€ar
DRAKE/
MAUREEN/
b,,.d"",h; j,]i;.*ii;; J:,,"";;;0"*,*
i
n".",
GRACE/
DUCITUNGS:
Mue appkase fron tu UREEN, who suddmg reatkes
that
Hurra\l (Etc) she b ckpping alora.

Ard hr rr b" tnuwn thar. nom

LOOK AT Htr\f rhir dry fonh, rh" Red
Band shatJ be knoq n o the
C) gn"( fnnB,
DID YOU IVER SEE A FINER BIRD
GRACE/
Honk! MAIIREEN,/
lDA/
DRAKE/ DUCKUNGS/
MAIJ'REEN/ DRNKE: LOOK AT Hft,
GRACF/
LOOKATUS,
DUCKLINGS: HARK AT HnvI SEE THE DIFFERINCE

tritr
IN
HffiiltrilH3r
THIS TflHOLE SFIEBANG
srr \E Vr HIARD
DRAKF,:
\!TIY DID vT EVER THINK Hn4
A DLD?

MA}'BE YOU'LI FORGryF IN AIT

AND IOT HO?F
i,t#il"5y,ffitr;s1it#J,
WTIH ENOUGH SOFT SOAP
::":: *,h,"s"d b'*"* rDA and DRAKE rbe ruRKEy
IEAD OLR GANG? creanng"ry
n a state of great exciemmt. ru1x into the

or,o:l:I r.orsNe \ou. I.m iu,r hrppy ro se" TTIRKEY: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
asau. And ,, inuodu(e 1ou
ro, ,q.om"6n'-' I n;. ;, 1,.rn,
:JJ

AIL: \i/har?!
Hello.
TURKEY: I made it through Christm*sll!
DRAKE: (Ec h elou s
h) Het\a, p en ny I
ALI: LOOK AT HIM
GMCE ptxha her uay n thefvt. ALL THE SPLENIDOLIR OF A NOBLE S'O(AN

DUCKLINGS: IOOKATHtM
 HONKl

(DUCXIINGS' AND \iT'VE GOT

HI,I\4 AS A BROTHIR
Music No 21A o.. r*"on*,
AI-L: IOOK ATHIM
FROM A DUCKIING TO A PARAGON
)iffi;;o
MFN: OUT THIRE
DUCKUNGS IOOKATHIM SOMEONT'S GONNA LOVE TTR
.i/E IfON'T SOMEONE'S GO\NVA LOVT )TR
SI(/AP H[4 FOR ANOTHER
!(/ARTs AND ALI
ALL; rHa.r you.Rf BACK oN rHf r AKE OUT TIIERE
f ^lov D\i A MLIDDY PUDDLE
I
GRACE: SOMBONE NEEDS A CTJDDLE
L YOU'RE BACK ON THT LAKE
THOUGFI THE CHANCE IS SMALL
II'S TRUE
ALL:
f lnov'sr vor woN T r EAVF VOMEN/
GRACE:
I KIDSr SOMEWHIRE OUT THERE
LPROMISE YOU VON'T IIAVF VG DON'T KNOW \{lIERF,
ALL: YOIJR EK{MPLE'S THTRE TO SOMIONB \0ILL CARE
TAKE THIY'RE GOAN{A LOVT YER
JUSI BELIEVT rifiARTS AND
IN YOT]RSELF ALL
DON'T BE LTFT SOME\/HERE OUT THERE
ON THT SHELF \ I-CAN"J SAY WHI RT OR \{ Hr\ THOL CH
FETLING THAT ALL HOPE THE CHANCE IS SMALI,IT,S TRI]F --'.
IS DEAD AND GONE
AND YOU MAY FIND
BULLFROG/
IN YOUR OvN \TAY
MEN: JUSI l HTNK !(IIF\E\,TR YOL
YOU'RE A SIOAN NEED EOOS I]NC
oNI DAy yoL LI Sl noo:rNc !0r rH a l\,l,{rrt
Honk!
UGLY: SOON I'IL BE ROOSTING \{,'lTH A MATI!
THE END \/OMEN/
KIDS: SOON YOU'LL BE ROOSTIAIG
Music No.2l C[TRTATN CALLS
(rnsrurnerrat)
BULLFROG/
Music No, 21A "RnD ARRO,'/S" UGLY/MENr THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME
BO!/S MUSC
(Optionat Instrurnenral) TO FIND 'EM
\{TIEN YOU DO YOU'LI HAVE A BAIL

VOMEN/
KIDS: VI KNOr,)r YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL,
BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL
 HONlO I

As nwic goa halftenpa ttn COMpAhy

bo@.

OUT THERE SOMETflHERE

SOMTONE'5 GONNA LO\,T YER
.{/AX.TS
AM) AI I
!/AX.TS AND ALL
T/ARTS AND AIL

lMusic No.21B PLAY-OUT

(bstrumental)l

E,esilrcd. tuil pterce rep.Ee No. )l .Bow

ff{\fg'o'tt