I

am grateful to my family for their help and support that was provided to me during the making of this
little writing.

My father, wife and children dedicated.

P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.



Copyright 2016 by Jack Oliver - All rights reserved.

This document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information in regards to the topic and
issue covered. The publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to render
accounting, officially permitted, or otherwise, qualified services. If advice is necessary, legal or
professional, a practiced individual in the profession should be ordered.




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Content

Part I. – Introduction
1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
2. History
3. Theory

Part II – Variety of Cognitive Therapy
1. Rational-Emotive Therapy
2. Cognitive Therapy
3. Training Self-Instruction
4. Therapy Methods Hide Simulation
5. Coping Skills Training
6. Anxiety Control Training
7. Treatment Methods of Solving Problems
8. Resume

Part III – Cognitive Therapy of Aaron Beck
1. The Methods of Cognitive Therapy
2. Cognitive Therapy Technique

Part IV – Cognitive-Behavioral EXERCISES
1. Anxiety Treatment: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
2. Exercises to Overcome Fear
3. Exercises to Relieve Stress
4. Exercises Based on Techniques of Psych Synthesis, Assagioli developed..
5. Exercise Emergency Psychological Self-Help ("The mental dialogue with the mirror").
6. Exercise for "Recharging Cyanogenic Dominant" (therapeutic and supportive exercise applied
after the "coding").

Conclusion
Author


Part I – Introduction

This book is the result of many years of research and clinical practice. Her appearance on the light is
made possible through the efforts of many, many people - clinicians, researchers and patients. Paying
tribute to the contribution of individuals, I suppose also, that in itself cognitive therapy is a reflection of
the changes that have for many years taken place in the field of behavioral sciences and only took shape in
the leading trend in recent years. However, we can’t accurately assess the role played by the so-called
"cognitive revolution in psychology" in the development of cognitive therapy.

Clinical observations, experimental and correlational studies, as well as ongoing attempts to explain the
data, Contradictions of psychoanalytic theory led me to a complete rethinking of the psychopathology of
depression and other neurological disorders. Finding that depressed patients do not have a need for
suffering, I began to look for other explanations of their behavior that only "look" as the need for
suffering. I wondered: how else can you explain their relentless self-flagellation, their steadily negative
perception of reality and what seemed to be told about the presence of auto-hostility, namely their suicidal
desires?

Remembering his experience of the "masochistic" dreams of depressed patients, which, in fact, was the
starting point of my research, I began to look for alternative explanations for the fact that depressive
dreamer constantly sees himself in the loser dream - he either loses some valuable thing, or It can’t
achieve some important goals, or appears defective, ugly, repulsive. Listening to how patients describe
yourself and your experience, I noticed that they systematically reinterpreting the facts for the worse.
These interpretations, shaped similar to the number of their dreams, made me think that depressed patients
is inherent in a distorted perception of reality.

Thanks to several studies, we filled up our knowledge about how depressed patients evaluate their
current expertise and its prospects. These experiments have shown that under certain conditions a series
of successfully completed jobs can play a huge role in changing the patient's negative self-concept and
thereby eliminate many symptoms of depression.

Cognitive therapy is constantly used in certain phases of the psychotherapeutic process in combination
with other techniques. The cognitive approach to defects in the emotional sphere transforms the point of
view of individuals to their own identity and problems. This type of therapy is convenient because it
seamlessly blends with any psychotherapeutic approach orientation, is able to complement other methods
and significantly enrich their effectiveness.

 1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - This approach is intended to change the mental images, thoughts
and thinking patterns in order to help patients to overcome emotional and behavioral problems. It is based
on the theory that behavior and emotions are partly due to cognition and cognitive processes, change that
can be learned. Traditional methods of psychotherapy. Always recognized the important role of cognition
in behavior and emotions, but cognitive behavioral therapy is different from the previous insight-oriented
approaches in that it is only the material of cognition, there is a "here and now". Working with these
cognitions held more systematically than in other methods of psychotherapy. It uses the principles of
behavior modification to detect existing cognitions and identify those that are problematic. Behavioral
techniques are used to eliminate unwanted cognitions, offers new thinking patterns and ways of thinking
through issues and to support these new cognitions.

These techniques include:
a) registration of desirable and undesirable cognitions and fixing the conditions of their appearance;
b) modeling of new cognitions;
c) use of the imagination to visualize how new cognitions can be co-related with desirable behavior and
emotional well-being;
g) The use of these new cognitions in practice in real situations, so that they become a common way of
thinking of the patient.

Cognition, which change may be required, include separate opinions and beliefs and their systems, as
well as thoughts and images.
Man organizes and uses of cognition by means of cognitive processes.

These processes include:
a) methods of evaluating and organizing information. about themselves and the environment;
b) information processing means. to fit in life and problem-solving, and c) methods of prediction and
evaluation of future events.

 2. History

Cognitive-behavioral therapy as an independent direction separated from the field of behavior
modification and behavior therapy. Behavioral therapy 1960s. I tried to explain and treat emotional and
behavioral problems by using the same laws of operant (et al.) of conditioning, which are successfully
used in the study of the behavior of lower organisms, infants and those with mental retardation. However,
it was found that even a very powerful external manipulation often could not change the natural behavior
of the adult study. For example, in the treatment of depression can, in principle, support "happy"
behaviors and punish "depressive". However, if the patient's cognitive processes include the tendency to
self-incrimination or the vision of himself as a failure, the external manipulation will be ineffective.

Interest in self-control or the ability to independence from immediate rewards and punishments to achieve
the objective contributed to the transition of many behaviorists from the concept of external control of
behavior to theories postulating the possibility of using individual cognitive skills to solve problems in
the environment. The thought process began to attach important role in determining the behavior and
emotions.

Albert Bandura's monograph Principles of behavior modification ("behavior modification principles")
has become an important event for many behavioral therapists who were in search of a more integrative
model because it represented the theoretical interpretation of operant and classical conditioning, while
stressing the importance of cognitive processes in the regulation of behavior.

 3. Theory

Cognition is never addressed in the work with the lower animals. Human life is so complicated and we
get through the voice channel so much information that cognition and cognitive processes can create
something that is not an accurate reflection of the reality surrounding the individual. These cognitions can
cause improper, unwanted behavior and / or emotions. The same environmental conditions may cause
some people fear or depression and not cause any reactions in others.

People learn to meet their needs, observing the outcome of events and behaviors. On the basis of these
observations they occur expectations about what will happen in the future and their own ability to act in
such circumstances. They also show that a certain course of events causes certain emotional reactions.
They compare themselves with others and form value judgments about their behavior and the behavior of
others. Thus, our behavior is determined not only by external conditions, but also the decisions that we
make on the basis of our cognitions about these conditions. So, cognition may cause unwanted behavior or
emotions, depending on what the individual cognition learned to use in different situations. If people learn
to think of themselves as losers, they may become depressed. If they start thinking that they can not cope
with the situation, they will try to avoid it. The goal of cognitive therapy is to change the erroneous image
of the patient's thinking about himself and his teaching skills necessary to deal with problematic
situations. The therapy involves teaching experience, which aims to change the cognition of this, at once,
to make them more appropriate and do not interfere with social or emotional development.



Part II – Variety of Cognitive Therapy

1. Rational-Emotive Therapy

Albert Ellis found in their patients the presence of irrational beliefs such as "I must be perfect" and
"everyone should love me." These beliefs are accompanied by the concerns of the patient with the way
people around him think about it. Any deviation from the reality of these beliefs the patient interprets as a
terrible event. Because the reality rarely corresponds to irrational expectations of depression becomes
probable. The therapy is based on the fact that patients are encouraged to adopt a more rational cognition
by modeling appropriate thoughts. Patients are encouraged to monitor the quality of your thoughts,
conscious registration frequency of their occurrence and impact on emotions.

 2. Cognitive Therapy

A. Beck described how people can become depressed when they use distorted thinking. Examples of such
thinking include fixation on failure rather than success, the belief that one failure is a total failure, and
others. Cognitive tendency of seeing yourself in a negative light. Therapy consists in recognizing these
trends and homework for production of successful experience. The patient demonstrate examples of more
adaptive, positive cognitions, which he uses in practice as long as they do not replace old-style thinking.

 3. Training Self-Instruction

D. Meichenbaum considered cognition as a self-instruction used in the development of behavioral skills.
These instructions were at the level of consciousness in the early learning behavioral patterns. After the
training instructions disappear from consciousness and behavior takes place automatically. Memorizing
abnormal instructions may lead to undesirable behavior. If the instructions are incorrect or incomplete, the
patient will experience anxiety due to the possibility of inadequate behavior. The therapy is to teach by
modeling a new self-instruction. The patient, relying on your imagination, imagine using a new instruction
system for the new behavior of the system. This therapy is used mainly with aggressive children and exam
phobia.

 4. Therapy Methods Hide Simulation

J. Kotel explored ways to teach people coping with stressful, anxiety-causing situations, offering them
mentally rehearse the desired behavior. Patients learn to imagine what will happen as a result of their
behavior and what actions they can take to deal with the situation. The patient also uses relaxation
techniques. Thus, anxiety and stress do not prevent the implementation of the plan. This method was used
in the treatment of phobias and self-doubt.

 5. Coping Skills Training

This therapy is described M. Goldfridom, similar to the hidden modeling. The patient imagines a stressful
situation, and then coping with anxiety. However, coping skills training (coping) imaging is performed in
a series of increasingly frightening images. Using the technique of muscle relaxation allows you to carry a
higher level of anxiety at each subsequent stage. Thus, the anxiety will never interfere with the patient to
continue to work to improve coping behavior. It can also be practiced in role-playing problem situation.
This therapy has been used in the treatment of phobias exams and helping people in coping with their own
indecision.

 6. Anxiety Control Training

This therapy is described by R. Sweeney and F. Richardson, it has similarities with other methods in the
sense that it uses the mental representation of events that cause anxiety. The doctor teaches the patient to
recognize the symptoms of anxiety and use as a signal for the use of coping strategies such as muscle
relaxation or mental patterns, focused on success. This model is considered to be important to use a wide
variety of imaginary situations, in order to better prepare the patient to a variety of real-life problems. It
is commonly used with individuals who can not operate successfully in certain situations due to excessive
anxiety.

 7. Treatment Methods of Solving Problems

This kind of therapy is based on the fact that the resolution of the problems of life requires a set of
cognitive skills such as the ability to select appropriate solutions means to obtain the expected results, to
find alternative solutions and anticipate the results of these decisions correctly. In the absence of these
abilities can arise behavioral and emotional problems. Under option behavioral therapy method for
solving the problems developed Dzurilla T. and M. Goldfridom, patients are trained to clarify their
problems, find possible solutions and best use of them. Patients register their own process mapping tools
solutions and the expected results and the ability to evaluate their own behavior. This therapy has been
used in the treatment of children with behavioral problems and adults with deficiency problem-solving
skills.
M. Mahoney postulates that people are better able to adapt to life, if they are regularly used sequence of
procedures for finding a solution like this, it makes a scientist or engineer. These procedures are:

a) specification of problems,
b) collection of information,
c) identification of the cause or the situational patterns,
d) analysis of options,
e) the restriction of the number of these options and their probing the,
f) a comparison,
g) the extension and revision of the options based on the results obtained.

 8. Resume

The importance of mental processes as the possible causes of emotional and behavioral problems have
long been recognized in all psychotherapy. approaches. However, the relationship between thinking,
emotion and behavior is often attributed to abstract theories, making it difficult to understand their patients
and empirical researchers estimate. In response to this bias in favor of the invisible and mysterious
processes of behavioral therapy was limited only visible the external events. It was only later cognitive-
behavioral therapy focused on thoughts as human behavior.
However, cognitive-behavioral therapy is not a return to the traditional insight therapy. In contrast to
earlier approaches, cognitive behavioral therapy systematically explores the inner material, categorizing
mental processes and linking them to external events in the careful observation of thoughts, feelings and
behavior in the course of time.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is aimed at training - through training - specific skills of direct relevance to
the existing problem. In CBT the emphasis on the acquisition of skills and the patient's own responsibility
for the results of the application of these skills can help improve the patient's self-control and ability to
cope with difficulties. If in the end will be confirmed the effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy as
a treatment method, it will mean the successful application of the scientific method to the analysis and
correction of our invisible thought processes.



Part III – Cognitive Therapy of Aaron Beck

The term cognitive-behavioral therapy in modern psychiatry implies a whole range of methods. Each of
them is based on the scientific belief that all possible violations in the psyche of any individual is the
result of dysfunction of any view of the world and, consequently, violations of behavioral reactions.

First founder of this method, and the one who created the expected pattern of cognitive thinking, was
Aaron Beck. It was he who in his work stressed the fact that the basis of psychological disorders and
personality disorders may lie constant negative thinking. In his view, the perception of reality and its
interpretation comes about in the next few stages: external stimuli affect the cognitive system which
processes them in a certain way, creating a message, the result of which has already become a certain
emotion, action, or a combination thereof.

On this basis, the scientist also suggested that people's thoughts cause a number of their emotions, the
same. In turn, dictate the specific sequence of behavioral reactions, which subsequently have a place in
society. Position Aaron Beck expressed as: "Not the world inherently bad, and people see it as such." If
there is a dissonance between the inner world and interpretation of actual events taking place, and may
develop a mental disorder. The basis of his works Beck put personal experience of observation and
treatment of patients with neurotic depression.

During his research, he was able to identify three categories of thought, following which the individual is
most often comes to the development of depressive disorders:

a) Always predominant negative look at what is happening around. In other words, such individuals
often have focused only on the negative aspects of any event or condition. While that life can
provide them with exactly the same experience that brings pleasure to others but they are able to
find in it only something bad and overwhelming.

b) Constant immersion in despair. The individual, thinking about your future, do not see it in
perspective and any purpose. Such a condition stems from the previous one, but it deals
specifically with the objective perception of the individual of their future, rather than taking
place at the moment the event.

c) The same "negative attention" but aimed at its own "I". This condition is often called low self-
esteem. Such individuals see themselves as weak, helpless, not independent, are not capable of
anything.

He developed a system of cognitive therapy was based on this experience. It became a kind designed a
method that is not only able to identify and highlight specific problems in the psyche, generating negative
thinking, but also allows them to be transformed into the desired direction. Thus, cognitive therapy Beck
still occupies a leading position among all the family and safe techniques in psychiatry.

Most often it requires no more than 30 sessions, which in time may not be too lengthy. In many ways,
everything depends on the therapist. For example Aaron Beck himself suggested that physician-
psychologist must appearance and judgments of the image to represent the standard to which the patient
will seek.

 1. The Methods of Cognitive Therapy

Today, developed and widely used many of the techniques of cognitive therapy. Of course, the most
important of these are techniques aimed at combating the tendency to negative thinking, based on the
change in the position of looking at things, rethinking of previous experience, a traumatic event from the
past, childhood. It is also often used techniques based on imagination and self-suggestion by the patient.
As a rule, the main objective is always forgetting the past and present negative experiences, and
adherence to new beginnings.

Psychotherapy, based on such positions is aimed at suppressing the patient's desire for constant negative
thinking, whether it is conscious or unconscious. This technique is most acute in the case when it comes to
depressed patients. Such people, for example, at the recollection of past events can say that have forgotten
how to be happy. When the therapist practicing cognitive therapy, it does not accept such statements
without any comments.

From the point of view of the methodology, the expert encourages the reflection of the patient and his
appeal to the past, but is trying to suppress thinking in a negative way. For example, in this situation, the
patient can be asked about how to remember the situation when he felt happy and he gets overcome
depression. In this direction, the main step is individual psychotherapy treatment to your inner "I", an
objective assessment of their own judgment and discernment of the thoughts that are the cause of negative
emotions.

 2. Cognitive Therapy Technique

Such an approach in the treatment of compulsorily requires the formation of a cognitive mental status.
This in turn is achieved by regular structured approach to learning, the creation of internal systems,
training in the aspect of appropriate behavior.

The ultimate goal of the approach is to simplify the individual achievements of the following qualities:

a) The calculation of personal "negative" thoughts and reasoning.
b) Finding a permanent relationship between the type of your thinking, generated knowledge and
experience and, of course, moving action.
c) Finding all the facts "for" and "against" certain pop-conscious settings.
d) Finding the most reasonable and appropriate explanation for the fact of their appearance.
e) Separate calculation of thoughts and beliefs that cause disruption of the inner self, as well as
their transformation and "destruction".

As is clear, this approach allows time thinking in any situation to discover the way of thinking, which
distorts and suppresses individual skills. Also, cognitive psychotherapy thinking can identify in a timely
manner to allow suppressing thoughts, fear, or even prevent panic attack. Most often, an exercise in which
the patient is able to achieve certain knowledge and skills include relaxation, ability to ignore and
suppress the flow of thought.



Part IV – Cognitive-Behavioral EXERCISES

1. Anxiety Treatment: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

This article discusses the main methods of treatment of anxiety. If you are prone to panic attacks or
obsessive thoughts haunt you and unrelenting anxiety, this may indicate the presence of anxiety disorder.
There is no need to live in fear and anxiety. In overcoming these problems can help the treatment, first of
all therapy. Especially effective are its views as cognitive-behavioral therapy (cognitive behavioral
therapy) and exposure therapy (exposure therapy). They will teach you to control the state of anxiety,
restless thoughts and overcome fears.

Therapy will help to identify the underlying causes of your anxiety and fears, learn to relax, to see the
situation in a new, less intimidating light, to develop problem-solving skills. Therapy gives you the tools
to overcome anxiety and learn to use them.

Anxiety disorders are a few varieties. Therefore, to show you some kind of therapy. With obsessive-
compulsive disorder (obsessional neurosis) treatment will be different than the panic attacks. The
duration of treatment also depends on the type and severity of anxiety disorder. However, most types of
therapy are not long-term. According to the American Psychological Association, many patients feel a
significant improvement after 8 - 10 therapy sessions.

In the treatment of anxiety, there are different types of treatment, but the leading role is given to cognitive
behavioral and exposure therapy. Each type of treatment can be used alone or in combination with other
views. anxiety treatment may be individually or in a group of people with similar problems.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most widely used in the treatment of anxiety. Studies confirm
its effectiveness in panic disorder, phobias, social anxiety and generalized anxiety syndrome, among other
states.

Cognitive therapy is studying the effect of negative thoughts, or cognitions, the state of anxiety.
Behavioral therapy examines your behavior and reactions in situations where you experience
anxiety.

The basic principle of cognitive-behavioral therapy is that no external circumstances and our thoughts
determine what we feel at one time or another. In other words, the situation determines your feelings, and
your understanding of this situation. For example, you are invited to the big gala event. You can come to
different thoughts about this invitation, which will generate the corresponding emotion.

Situation: A friend invites you to a special event.

Thought # 1:

Festive event - it's fun. I love to go to parties and meet new people!
Emotions: You are happy and animated.

Thought # 2:

Parties - it's not my style. I would have rather stayed at home and watched a movie.
Emotions: Neutral

Thought # 3:

I never know what to say or do in front of other people. If you go and find myself in an awkward situation.
Emotions: Anxiety and sadness

As you can see, the same event triggers different emotions in different people. It all depends on the
individual expectations, attitudes and beliefs. Negative thinking people with anxiety disorders cause
negative emotions of anxiety and fear. The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy - to identify and correct
negative thoughts and beliefs. The idea is that a change of thinking, you change the feeling.

Casts doubt on the validity of the previous thoughts in cognitive-
behavioral therapy

Cognitive restructuring - it is the replacement of negative clichés of thinking that are of concern, the
positive, realistic thoughts. It includes three stages:

1. Identification of negative thoughts. When anxiety disorder situation is more dangerous than it
actually is. Take a person with a fear of germs, for example. For him to shake someone's hand
- like death. Identify your fears is not so easy, even if you understand their irrationality. One
method - ask yourself what you were thinking when we felt a sense of uneasiness.

2. Tucked questioning negative thoughts. In the second step should be to assess the thoughts that
caused concern. You must analyze your negative beliefs, consider whether there is evidence of
the truth of your fearful thoughts. Think are the chances that what you are afraid of, in fact,
happen.

3. Replace negative thoughts realistic. Defining irrational assumptions and negative disturbances
in your thoughts, you can replace them with true and positive. Make a realistic, calm
statements that you will pronounce himself in the face, or in anticipation of a situation which
usually causes anxiety in you.

Here's an example of how the process works replacing mental stamps in cognitive behavioral therapy:

Maria does not use the subway for fear of losing consciousness. Then, in her opinion, everyone will
consider it abnormal. The psychologist asked her to write down your negative thoughts to determine
erroneous or cognitive disorders and a more rational interpretation. The results are shown below.

Negative thought # 1: What if I lose my mind in the subway?

Cognitive Disorder: Waiting for the worst
A more realistic idea: I've never fainted before. It is unlikely that this will happen to me on the subway.

The negative idea # 2: If I lose my mind, this is terrible!

Cognitive Disorder: exaggeration, dramatization of events.
A more realistic idea: Even if I lose my mind, I'll be a few seconds. It's not so terrible.

Negative thought # 3: People find me abnormal.

Cognitive Disorder: to jump to conclusions that are not based on facts.
A more realistic idea: Most likely, people will worry if I'm okay.

Not so easy to replace negative thoughts more realistic. Negative thoughts often are long since formed
stamps consciousness. It takes practice and time to break the habit. Therefore, in cognitive-behavioral
therapy includes mandatory homework.

The systematic reduction of sensitivity to disturbing situations /
objects

Exposure therapy is not shown to start with the big fears. This could injure the patient. Usually they start
with a simple situation with a gradual increase levels of anxiety. Such a step by step approach is called
systematic reduction in sensitivity to frightening situations / objects. This gradual desensitization allows
step by step to improve self-confidence, acquire skills panic control.

Systemic desensitization includes three parts:

Learning relaxation skills. Initially, the psychologist will teach you relaxation techniques, such
as progressive muscle relaxation or deep breathing. When you learn how to counteract your
fears, you will use this technique to reduce the physical reactions to anxiety, such as tremor or
hyperventilation.

Creating step list. Record 10 - 20 disturbing circumstances in order of their rise. For example,
if you are afraid of flying, begin by viewing photos of flying planes, and at the end try the real
flight. Every step you take must be clear and precise, and have a specific purpose.

Work on tasks. The psychologist will help you go through all the steps established list. The aim
is to be in a frightening situation for as long as your fears do not subside. Gradually you will
come to understand that things are not as bad as you imagined in the mind. Each time with the
appearance of disturbing sensations, switch to relaxation techniques. Relax, you can once
again return to the situation. Your step by step efforts will certainly bring the final positive
result.

Anxiety Treatment: Overcoming Fear of Flying

Step 1: Look at photos of planes
Step 2: Check out the video of the aircraft in flight
Step 3: Look at the rise of the aircraft
Step 4: Buy a plane ticket
Step 5: Pack items
Step 6: Go to the airport
Step 7: Sign up for your flight.
Step 8: Wait for landing
Step 9: You go in the plane
Step 10: Fly

Additional treatments for anxiety

You can also try additional methods of treatment of anxiety, which are aimed at reducing the general level
of stress and achieving peace of mind.

Physical exercise - it is a wonderful natural counterbalance to stress and unrest. Studies show
that exercise three to five times a week lasting just 30 minutes will allow you to greatly
improve your emotional state. The maximum effect is achieved with a daily hour of aerobic
exercise.

Relaxation techniques. Remarkable results are achieved with regular use of relaxation
techniques such as meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, controlled breathing and
visualization.

Biofeedback. The use of sensors allows to control the physiological functions of the heart,
breathing and muscle tension. Biofeedback shows your body's reaction to anxiety and gives
you the ability to control them using relaxation techniques.

Hypnosis. For the treatment of anxiety is sometimes used hypnosis. While you are in a state of
deep relaxation, the hypnotherapist uses various therapeutic techniques to show you, what are
your fears and teach you how to look at them differently.

If you find that have not used all my feelings or not realized some part of your body, repeat the exercise,
focusing on the fact that you missed.

Every time you start to feel anxiety, perform this exercise stay in the present.

 2. Exercises to Overcome Fear

If you are involved in an emergency, if you are in trouble and you have overcome fear, you can help a few
tips to get rid of painful thoughts, thoughts and various fears associated with the situation.

Fear, as you know, is inherent in all animals, without exception, and people who in one way or another
are exposed to various stresses, dangerous or emergency. But the fear and become your assistant in such
situations, since triggered self-preservation instinct. But how not to succumb to the animal instinct to
panic and learn how to control yourself and your own? What should be done and what your actions in the
first moments of contact with the fear?

It is best to start with, do not succumb to it. And most importantly - do not give in to the strongest,
"deferred to fear." In the first minutes, the fear is usually not so strong: he does not have time to learn
quickly and completely human, it helps you resist the inertia of the previous state. But then, often after the
disappearance of a specific threat, we have to seriously. But you can cope with that fear.

To do this, we must first learn how to switch easily, not "stuck" on the already over-past situations not
"chew" them for too long, repeatedly returning to the same events. In addition, just ... do not be afraid.
Especially do not be afraid, the probability of which is not so great. By the way, very often people, in
contrast, can not be afraid of something to be feared.

One of the rules that normally helps to cope with fear - the ability to properly assess the reality and extent
of the threat, as well as the opportunity to receive assistance. Never cover the eyes of fear - on the
contrary, they try a little wider open and look around.

However, if you do not have coped with them, succumbed to fear and were temporarily "blinded", then try
to quickly deal with it. It is useful to know at least the most simple psychological techniques.

For example, there is a most simple psychological trick: to feel fear: start slowly and breathe deeply: a
deep breath - slow breath. Once again, even once more. And so at least ten times. Even if her purse
snatched, and is far from the offender fled, it will help you quickly recover and raise the alarm. If the
threat created is a different character (for example, it is not about to pull out her purse criminal, and
requiring a ransom for your child terrorists), and developments are not so much fast, then this kind of
"oxygen sedation" will have even greater meaning. This way you can effectively use the time available to
fully adapt to the situation which has arisen to include in the work were stunned consciousness. And there,
staring, awakened mind already he will come up with something useful.

Another very good reception is designed for more complex situation. Let's say that you were under the
rubble in an explosion. Around the debris of concrete, and between them - a small niche, and in it - you.
The situation is complicated, first of all - its uncertainty and instability. Succumb to panic, start to
"twitch" in different directions - you start moving around the concrete slab, and the current relatively
tolerant position has become unthinkable. Hence, it is necessary first of all to reassure themselves - so as
not to make unnecessary involuntary movements.

For this very useful sometimes just to talk to himself, and calling several times by name. Talking with a
useful in that it translates into an external plan interior often confusing experience - he had them as it
unravels, builds into a coherent chain of cause-and-effect relationships, explains himself what happened,
and in what position you were. Such a measured conversation with himself soothes, normalizes heart rate
and other autonomic manifestations. Calling himself by name, you are referring to the childhood memory -
it was in my childhood, we maximize protected, are safe, and that as a child they call us by name.

There is another useful technique. Think of a Woman Julia Description E. Izard: she was angry at the
offender to snatch her handbag, and all the fear went somewhere.

Angered harder at something or someone: the situation for themselves and the other person. Anger
replace fear, you will want to act immediately, and then you will no longer be afraid.

Fear can displace fear. Here is an example of a somewhat different scope, indicating the possibility of
such effective displacement.

Example: A former military intelligence officer, was distinguished by his colleagues believe that
"absolute fearlessness", told us that after the first stay among the enemy (in the role of one of them), he
was afraid that one day may be exposed. "Once, when I was preparing for the next to throw the enemy
territory, a feeling of uneasiness was particularly strong. Then I began to deliberately enhance it, assuring
himself that I ever will definitely exposed and die. Napa feelings of fear, it was so strong that I kind of
experienced in the thoughts and feelings of his own death. After that, I have no fear. Twice, when I was on
the verge of failure, my equanimity embarrassed by my opponents and gave me time to get away from
danger. "

There are ways to Zen (Ch'an) training, leading, in particular, to the elimination of anxiety and self-
control through the experience in the thoughts and feelings of his own death.

Techniques of this kind are quite complex and a great pleasure, but they are often quite effective.

Several ways how to overcome fear

1. The very first thing you must learn to do is to openly express their fear.

2. The next step in the fight against terror - is ... learn to be angry right. More precisely, to
express anger and aggression. Here he writes about anger and aggression Everett Shostrom in
his book "Anti-Carnegie or human manipulator." "Hatred - is frozen hostility. Hate - means to
communicate their energy. In order not to destroy itself by hatred, it is necessary to pay in
anger promotes contact ... ... Anger. Do you want to fight. The body tells it - frequent pulse and
respiration, muscle tone increases. And the worst thing that you can do - is to suppress their
physiological needs, to drive into the emotion. "

Now that the two most important areas (learn to show fear and learn to show anger) work with fear
scheduled, you can talk about how to work with fear.

Exercises to overcome fear

1. Start with the acting technique: take facial expressions, posture is very frightened man - hide
his shoulders, squeeze, bend your knees and try to feel or to restore the feelings experienced in
a situation where fear. If the fear of aggression, remember this case, imagine yourself there
again. Add a sense of fear. Yet! The more clearly you will feel fear, so much the better.

Now, straighten your shoulders and take the pose of a happy man, smiling from ear to ear, laugh.
You have to really feel the joy.

Now become the aggressor - act out hatred, growl, hate. Now fear again, fuller, more clearly feel
the fear. Now the aggression again, this covering all the senses. Flows of emotion in the emotion.
First, the transition will be slow. Then almost instantaneous.

2. Play with a partner, let him show you fear, and you show aggression. Then switch roles. If you
do martial arts, try to play it in the ring.

3. Beat the other many and terrible as to be broken. Go to the boxing section. In shooting, this fear
worked out shooting the photos that personally disgusts me, but shooting requires the
destruction of the enemy, and it usually is needed in situations where there are several other
rules.



 3. Exercises to Relieve Stress

All methods, sparing people from the effects of psychological stress, based on a single mechanism - the
achievement of a particular psycho-physiological state, aimed at psychological relief (stress relief) and to
switch brain dominant. To this end, we developed a variety of exercises, which are based is of
psychoanalysis that helps achieve the state of harmonizing.

In today's dynamic life, stress is our constant companion. Life in a non-stop, filled with countless
responsibilities and challenges that inevitably leads to tension and stress. Sometimes stress is a positive
role - motivates us and helps us in the process of learning and acquiring new skills. However, most of all
stress has a negative role on us - creates a constant feeling of anxiety and panic, provokes chronic fatigue
syndrome, a negative impact on physical and mental health.

The search for effective methods for relaxation and exercise is crucial for a stable and happy life. Feel
that stress disturbs the harmony of balance in your life? Then try to follow the recommendations below to
relieve tension and stress.

With the help of the psychological impact on your body, you can restore emotional instability. To do this
systematically perform relaxation exercises, preferably in the morning. Exercises allow after only a few
days to feel the changes in the body: the acquisition of self-confidence, a burst of energy, increasing
vitality and mood.

Exercise №1- "problem" - to relieve the emotional psychological state should find a problem that
affected his appearance. After removing or dulling of the stimulus necessary to perform, the actions that
help achieve inner peace: to be a comfortable position, relax, and imagine my side problem. An effective
way in this situation is to compare the painful problem with global catastrophes worldwide, which will
allow it to minimize;

Exercise №2- "inner light" - you need 5 minutes to relieve stress in this way. For this exercise, use the
visualization technique, aimed at representation of a light beam that appears at the top of your head and
slowly moving downward, illuminating the face, hands, shoulders, nice warm glow. Represent should not
only light, but also its beneficial effects: the disappearance of wrinkles, the extinction voltage, charging
the internal power;

Exercise №3- "mood" - helps to cope with stress after a quarrel over the 15 minutes. To perform the
necessary pencils or markers by which you must present his state on paper, choosing appropriate colors
and images. After drawing can express emotion words by writing them on the reverse side of the sheet.
After graduating express their mood, "masterpiece" should break up, getting rid of negative emotions.

Win stress is not easy, especially alone. However, there is an opportunity to restore their emotional
instability and strengthen the psychological state with the help of specially designed exercises and
techniques aimed at combating and prevention against negative emotions.

7 simple exercises to relieve stress and nervous tension.

Gymnastics against stress.

1. Stretch the shoulders. Stand up straight and place your hands on his shoulders. At that moment,
when you breathe in, lift the elbows hands as high as possible, and tilt your head back. On the
exhale, return to starting position. Repeat this exercise several times to relieve tension in the
neck, shoulders and back.

2. Reach for the stars. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. During inhalation, stretch your
arms up and stretch as if you are trying to reach the stars. On the exhale, let go and shake hands,
take a starting position. Repeat 5 times. For greater effect on the exercise, try to breathe deeply
and spread wide his fingers in that moment, when you drag to the top.

3. Foot Girth. Sit up straight in a chair without wheels. Push the legs to him so that his toes were
on the edge of his chair, and his chin was between his knees. Clasp your hands and feet very
much to push yourself. In this position, you need to spend about ten seconds, and then abruptly
loosen his grip. Repeat this exercise 5 times. This exercise will relax the muscles of the back
and shoulders. Exercise is recommended to do in the morning after a heavy night out or a long
sleep, if you feel the weakness in the muscles.

4. Child Pose. Sit on your heels and bare knees outward. During a deep breath and put your hands
up a little stretch. Then exhale already put his hands to his knees, and then on the floor in front
of you as far as possible and hold in this position 30 seconds Try to breathe in this position
deeply and evenly. Return to starting position, repeat this exercise 5 times.

Breathing exercises to relieve stress

5. The slow inhale and exhale. To breathe in slow start, assuming that to 4, then when you count
to four, hold your breath for 5-6 seconds and exhale slowly. Repeat this exercise 5 times - 6.
Just this exercise you can do before going to bed in order to then make it easier to fall asleep.

6. "Breath" belly. The first thing to do - is to sit in a comfortable position for you. Straighten your
back and lift the chin slightly up. Make a slow full breath through the nose so that the first air-
filled stomach and then the chest. Briefly hold your breath. Next is to first exhale relax and
lower your chest, and then gently draw the stomach. Perform 10-15 cycles, while being careful
to do as far as possible breath.

7. Inhale and exhale through different nostrils. Adopt a relaxed posture for you and close your
eyes. This exercise is very simple. Plug the thumb left nostril and inhale through the right, hold
your breath and exhale through the left plugged with the right nostril. Then keep your right
nostril closed and inhale through the left nostril. Inhale through the left nostril, exhale through
the right nostril make closing with the left nostril. Repeat this exercise several times. It is not
recommended to do this exercise before bedtime.



 4. Exercises Based on Techniques of Psych Synthesis, Assagioli
developed..

.1. Exercise "self-correcting behavior by self-analysis" (on D. Reyuorter)

Focus on your body.

- Check all your physical sensations experienced. Note, for example, that you feel when you touch the
chair you are sitting, your feet rest on the floor, in what position are your hands.

- Identify areas in which you are experiencing stress or discomfort, but do not do anything to relieve these
feelings.

- Observe your breathing.

When you feel that it is enough to focus on the body, go to the next step. Following the procedure of psych
synthesis to do this to impress me: "I have a body, but I - it's not the body."

Now focus on your feelings. Your goal - to remain an outside observer himself, therefore, aware of their
feelings, you should stand idly by them, not to sink into their experience.

- Ask yourself, which of these feelings you experience in life more often. What are the positive and
negative aspects of these feelings? When you're ready to move on, you tell yourself: "I have a feeling, but
I - it's not the feelings."

Turn attention to their desires.

- List the main aspirations that drive you in life, treating them as neutral as before to the senses. Instead of
thinking about the importance to you of each of them, just look at them one by one, and when you are
ready, on the "five say to yourself:" I have the desire, but I - it does not desire. "

Now it's time to go to the thoughts.

- Observe how one thought comes to mind, and then gives way to another. Do not worry about the fact that
you are doing something wrong. Even if you think that you have no thoughts, then it is thought - and watch
her. In conclusion, exercise tell yourself: "I have thoughts, but I - this is not thought" (on D. Reyuoter).

 .2. Exercise "Who – I?" (By T. Youmens).

Select a place where no one will disturb you. Take a sheet of paper, put the date at the top and write:
"Who am I?". Below, write down your answer to this question: the answer should be more open and
honest as possible. Then, making periodic breaks, continue to mentally ask yourself this question and
record the answers.

Sit down and relax. Close your eyes. Try not to think about anything. Again, ask yourself the question:
"Who am I?" and try to grasp the answer in the form of a mental image. Do not think or talk about it, let the
image to appear in the mind. Then open your eyes and how to detail describe the image; also indicate
what feelings you have in connection with any and what it matters to you.

Stand so that you had some space to move. Close your eyes and ask yourself again: "Who am I?" This
time, look for the answer in the movement of his body. Trust his wisdom, and let the movement itself
developed as long as you do not feel that it was completed.



 4. Exercise Emergency Psychological Self-Help ("The mental
dialogue with the mirror").

Retire 10-15 minutes.

- Adopt a comfortable position, close your eyes and try to visualize yourself from the side - like his own
reflection in the mirror. (It is important to notice how experienced you are currently unpleasant emotions
are reflected in your mind's representation of itself - the image of "I" - on facial expressions and other
features of appearance).

- Bring attention to bodily sensations and find among them those manifestations of physical discomfort that
are associated with experiencing emotional discomfort.

- Mentally, referring to an imaginary reflection in the mirror as an interlocutor - about the same as the
children interact with their toys - say to myself, those unsaid words in real life that you actually want to
hear in your address. This may be a recognition of your rightness, praise in your address, or the
compliments of comfort - in short, all that tells you the intuition - that should your sincere belief calm you,
to cheer, to stop the obsessive regret and self-blame and recover your dignity; invest in them so much
feeling, so much emotional pressure as if you wanted to bring your words to a real interlocutor; mental
image of "I" - your imaginary interlocutor - will serve as a sensitive indicator of its "response" will show
whether your words have reached the goal.

- Once again, turn your attention to bodily sensations associated with emotions. (If the eye respond to your
mental dialogue, the physiological manifestations of negative emotions will also begin to subside).

Repeat these steps several times, as long as there will not disappear all manifestations of emotional
bodily discomfort.



 5. Exercise for "Recharging Cyanogenic Dominant" (therapeutic
and supportive exercise applied after the "coding").

- Relax, sitting on a chair in a quiet secluded place with your eyes closed.

- Figuratively imagine therapist created "dominant health, recovery" - psycho-energetic source generates
healing bioelectrical (preferably with the help of a doctor that "dominant" to portray, draw).

- To make a point self-massage on the forehead, said psychotherapist. Imagine if this process of
development of biotite, directed to "the dominant healing" for it’s charging, improve psycho-energetic
potential.

- Accompany psycho-energetic self-massage targeted formulas beliefs (pronounce them better in a
whisper). For example, after "coding" for alcoholism, it is recommended to say:

"I - man, divine creation of nature, and not a slave to the bottle - weapons of Satan.

I - a real man, not a limp creature.

Let punish me destiny, if I commit sin, break an oath (signature ...).

I am proud of the manifested will be coded and support (if necessary) of its healing, about alcohol effects.

Once again, I deserve respect and love…

I (name) - well, I manage myself."

My motto is:

"I - a reasonable person, not an enemy to your health and happiness"

"No I will not go astray sobriety" or

"I feel their superiority over those who continue to drink"

"I was a spiritual awakening."

 Read the exercise repeatedly, until it creates a smile and a confident sense of confidence. Be healthy!

Conclusion

Several studies have examined the effectiveness of cognitive therapy, depending on the type of coping
strategies and styles and customer protection. Externalities depressive patients showed better results in
cognitive therapy; internality patients more supportive therapy shows where an active role in the healing
of the patient plays. Over the sensitive to the cognitive impact and were less protected patients. The
authors conclude that, firstly, it is necessary to take into account the psychological type of the customer's
identity when choosing the type of treatment and, secondly, that cognitive therapy is indicated for the
externalities and defenseless (low-resistance potential) customers.

Colleagues believe that in the next 5 years will see an incredible increase in the proportion of cognitive
therapy in the overall structure of psychotherapeutic care. For cognitive therapy, they see the growing
popularity of its integrative (eclectic) and empiricism (scientific nature). The strength of cognitive therapy
is that it does not fight "for the purity of rows" and ready to interpenetration with other approaches.

Author

My name is Jack Oliver and me the goal is to make your life easier in the perception. All you need is
knowledge that will help you get out of a stressful and depressing situation. I like to help people. I hope
my work was not in vain.

P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.


I also want to recommend you a high-quality material by KENSUKE NAKAMURA. It will immerse you
into the world of meditation and you can clear your mind for a while.

Just try it for yourself…

ZEN MEDITATION GUIDE

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My new book:

Social Confidence

Simple Strategies to Overcoming Social Anxiety, Maximize Your Social Likeable and Boost Your
Charisma

Jack Oliver



2016 Edition



Dear reader!

If you choose this book to enhance self-confidence, you are not alone. Millions of people lack
confidence and most of them are worried, not least because it is difficult to increase the confidence of
their own accord. The good news - low confidence less problematic than it seems.



Copyright © 2016 by Kate Murray. All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems, or transmitted by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recorded or otherwise without written permission from the author.

Printed Edition
ISBN-13:978-1537503356
ISBN-10:1537503359




I am grateful to my literary agent Julia Burke and Anthony Green, and for assistance in presenting
my ideas and the fact that this book took place; my wonderful research assistant Kate Murray, Victor
and Julia White’s for the support they have given me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; as well as my
wife Drew Oliver for having tolerated me while I worked on this project.

Content

Prelude

Part I – What is Confidence?
Part II – Confidence Charisma
The main quality of a charismatic personality
Part III – Gaining Confidence
1. Competence
2. Professionalism
3. Reliability
Part IV – Overcoming Negative Thoughts
7 Steps to Overcoming Negative Thoughts
Part V – Overcoming Fear & Anxiety
Type’s fears
How to get rid of fear and anxiety
Part VI – Social Confidence and Ability to Communicate with People
How to establish positive contact – Psychologist
Exercise "Learning mute projection"
Exercise "Break the barriers of communication"
Part VII – How to Use Low Social Confidence to Improve Social Competence
Path 1. Pessimistic realism
Path 2. Self
Path 3. Motivation
Part VIII – All You Need - a Little Will Power (and low confidence)
Part IX – Take Your Low Confidence
Part X – Final Thoughts

Epilogue
About the Author
View my other books

Prelude

Confidence – it’s assumed that you can, competence - being able to do, but how are they related? Too
many people ignore this problem and simply take it on faith that the high confidence - in itself an
advantage. Although this assumption on anything not based, it gives rise to unthinking and often
destructive pursuit of high confidence. Of course, in almost all the Western world, particularly in the
United States, it is estimated that the greater the confidence, the better the. If not for this belief, you would,
perhaps, this book did not read. Yet there is no reason to hesitate low confidence.

If you are concerned about your low self, this book will teach you how to deal with it. The main thing that
I want to convey, - we should strive not to high confidence and a high competence, and I'll show you how
it's done. Gain confidence is easier if you are able to back up its real achievements (but then it is better
not too conceited).

Treat this book as an unbiased and critical, as far as he could. Do not take for granted that you can easily
pick up and build confidence, or that this is the confidence should be your goal. And do not think that low
self-confidence hurt you succeed.

And if you like to think so, be prepared for surprises.

Part I – What is Confidence?

Confidence in yourself and your own abilities is one of the main skills that allows you to be more
successful and effective in the modern world. Confident people are more likely to achieve success and the
goals, both in social life and in the professional environment. People who do not have this feature more
likely to experience dissatisfaction with life. They are unsure of themselves and because of this, become
dependent on the opinions of others and their evaluation. This encourages them to find ways how to
overcome self-doubt and develop the skills of a successful, confident person. This quality is necessary for
everybody, regardless of gender and field of activity.

Unfortunately for most people, this skill is not inherent. This is due both to the peculiarities of education
and human environment.

Magazines and popular blogs are not far behind, obscene inflating the role of confidence in achieving
fame and success. Here are some tips you can find there:

"Whatever you doing, most importantly - love yourself for what it doing."

"If you believe in yourself, you will achieve any purpose. Without this faith, you have no chance of
success. "

"If you love yourself, life is beautiful."

"We all admire confident people. Confidence - the most important resource in life, it will necessarily
lead to success and happiness. "

"Anyone can learn to be confident, and then all our problems will be solved."

"Self-confident people are ten times more successful than those who do not have enough confidence."

With statements of this kind are connected three serious problems.

1. In the first place, not easy to take and make confidence soared to the skies. Whether it's that
simple, no one would have suffered because of their own insecurities. We would have quenched
it with the same ease with which satisfy hunger or thirst.

2. Secondly, even if we could artificially boost our confidence, no real success is to no avail.
Whatever claimed some biographers and self-proclaimed experts, Barack Obama, not because
the first black president in US history, he was sure of himself; Sir Richard Branson founded the
400 companies not because of faith in their own strength; Madonna has sold 300 million records
not because they kept steadily on the stage; and Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali and Roger
Federer were the best in their sports, not because they themselves enjoy. These highly successful
people are confident because they are extremely competent. It takes a lot of talent and even more
- of hard work to achieve this level of competence. Actually, the only thing that is unusual in the
confidence of the people - that it accurately reflects their competence. This distinguishes them
from the majority of over-reliance, which in fact is not too competent.

3. The third problem, perhaps the most serious. Misunderstanding about the fact that the high
confidence can help us to achieve all that we desire, incredible pressure on us, demanding self-
confidence and self-assurance in the implementation of this success. As a consequence, those
who lack confidence, feel guilt and shame, and those who believe, nourish false hopes that
confidence will help them to achieve their goals. Fee for high certainty is that people are willing
to go to almost all, in order to achieve self-esteem and maintain it, equating good mood to
success. As a result, we have a society that accepts the importance of self-importance and self-
aggrandizement - for greatness, forcing more and more people are interested only in themselves.


Part II – Confidence Charisma

You have probably come across people who can generate interest for a long time to engage the attention of
others. In addition, it's not in their madcap antics and stunning form - interviewees fascinated by the
charisma of these individuals. They had a special gift to excite the sympathy, confidence and desire to
emulate. What is this magical quality? How to develop charisma? These questions are not idle; in fact, it
is often the source of success.

Let's take a look at what is hidden under the term "charisma". This definition implies a set of qualities that
help a person to stand out among others, inspire them to follow him.

But note: the person becomes significant not because of extravagant or even bullying, testifying to the
contempt or even hatred of others, but on the contrary, is able to arouse people's trust and confidence in
their own wisdom and even exclusivity. Yes, I would like to have the charisma of each. Fortunately, this is
not an innate quality - it is acquired through self-improvement, which means that anyone can find it.

So how to develop charisma?

The main quality of a charismatic personality

To have charisma, to be trained and to acquire certain character traits. And perhaps the most important
among them - it is confidence. The charismatic personality has a hardness in the decision-making and
willingness to take its course. Such a person is able to fight for their beliefs, and it is always encouraging
others. Therefore, they are always ready to be there to "catch" a force.

So, on the self-confidence and strength to follow this pledge myself to remember in the first place,
wondering how to develop charisma. The exercises also allow to acquire these qualities, should be kept
to maintain and develop a certain character traits.

1. Appearance will find inner confidence

In order to believe in themselves and in their abilities, you need to find internal support, which will help
strengthen these thoughts, become familiar and develop eventually into a character trait. And this will
help you taking care of their appearance. It has been observed that the most positive impression looking
person flawlessly. No, in deciding "how to develop charisma" Women and men do not have to buy clothes
"haute couture" and to attend the expensive beauty salons (although it does not hurt!). But the basic steps
in this direction unable to perform any. Every day you have to spend time on their appearance and look a
little more elegant than is required, regardless of whether you go to work, to the theater or to the nearest
cafe. And forget about his shortcomings. Stop telling yourself that if you had a different nose, stomach,
legs (and the list goes on), everything would be different. The actor Stallone childhood damaged facial
nerve, but his wry smile has long been a hallmark of self-confident person.

 2. Get rid of complexes

For self-confident human perception by others ceases to be decisive. He does not try to please everyone
(remember, it is a priori impossible!). Charisma assumes your calm and friendly attitude to those around.
That is, you do not need to win the sympathy - behave as if it has already happened. And to your surprise,
you are sure to find a similar response from others. Regardless of who is required to answer the question
"how to develop charisma" (man or woman), everyone should stop thinking about their own shortcomings,
and even more to look for them yourself. Each of us is what it is, and it must be a respect. But critics will
always be, especially if you will succeed. Alas, such is life!

 3. Do not be afraid to make mistakes!

There is not and never existed people who do not make mistakes. Remember this and forgive themselves
the wrong steps that you have already managed to do in life. After all, if you remember them, then they
teach you a lot. And it will agree, very well. Now, having become wiser, you go your way and confidently
move on, wondering how to develop charisma, to improve quality of life. Mistakes make you wiser and
more experienced and charismatic man attractive is this quality. After all, only the wisdom of allowing it
to be tolerant of others' missteps and indulgent to human weaknesses. But at the same time note: do not
turn into a nanny for the unfortunate people and try to help everyone, regardless of whether you have
asked about this. Let those around, to live their lives as they see fit.

 4. Learn how to safely look at what is happening with you

Agree, meditate, how to develop masculine charisma (or female), and at the same time afraid of
responsibility - is illogical. A charismatic person will blame the incident only external circumstances. He
was always aware of the fact that everyone is the creator of his own happiness. And what happens in life
- the result was his choice, not the machinations of the evil uncles and aunts, who hurt him at every step.

In order to come back all the time these thoughts every time you there is something important, ask
yourself: "What am I to do?" At first, you feel like everything inside resists, nodding at the coincidence.
But over time, it will pass - and you will be able to honestly discuss with him the situation. And, mind
you, go away and excessive self-blame - you'll just quietly look for and find a way out. In addition, now
you how truly charismatic person will not be afraid to make it safe and responsible behavior. But do not
go to the other extreme: to be responsible for their actions does not mean that you should be responsible
for the whole world. That is, if you do not go with high temperature to work, your office will not
collapse!

 5. Develop your talents

Charismatic man always knows his strengths and weaknesses. Disadvantages it is able to compensate for
or to turn into advantages. A strong quality - to emphasize and actively apply. Therefore, thinking about
how to develop charisma, it is important to find the talents and develop them. To this end, guided only on
themselves and their hobbies. Try it, do not be afraid that something will come - sooner or later it turns
out that everything goes as well as possible. Do not go on about the "well-wishers". If you want to
discover new stars, and you are advised to warm place to trade - do not agree. After all, you yourself will
feel out of place and success will likely never reach.

A little more about charisma

In thinking about how to develop feminine charisma, or how to make a man of charismatic personality,
remember that it is your personality will be the starting point along the way. Do not be afraid to be
original, like myself and people value their abilities and do not give in to difficulties - all this will make
you a leader, interesting to others and able to lead the.

Dare!

Part III – Gaining Confidence

Do people trust you? Are you able to make an impression on others? Many noticed that trustworthy people
around not so much. We build relationships with friends, colleagues, acquaintances, excluding trust factor.
However, it may be useful quality necessary for communication. Ignore it is not necessary.

The basis of interaction and communication between people is just confidence. It motivates us to do
things, to make decisions. A trustworthy person is able to influence others. Moreover, this effect will be
made their peace, because they trusted.

What is trust? Trust - a combination of three factors. In any case, many scholars hold this view. Trust is
formed from the experience, competence and reliability. If your environment you see in all three
components, which means that there is trust. It turns out that the trust does not depend on you, and the
target audience. It is their perception of you as an individual assessment of your actions will have the
desired impact. And the abilities, skills, actions - all this fades into the background, influences the
formation of the trust only indirectly. The conquest of the authority - it is a complex and time-consuming
process, but its loss - a matter of minutes. Any wrong move or a mistake can lead to a loss of credibility.
It is necessary to elaborate on each component, which helps to gain credibility. So you can not only buy
credibility, but also to keep it.

Competence

Competence - is one of the simplest ways to gain credibility and trust in the work area. If you demonstrate
its capabilities, reliability, provide examples of their competence, it will make it easy to raise the level of
trust in others. You will immediately destroy all the obstacles as soon as the show professional abilities,
skills, declared itself competent person.

An example of how trust is formed on the basis of competence, is Akio Morita - the founder of Sony. He
suggested the idea of a company in the United States - Sony Corporation of America. However, Tokyo
divided leadership is not enthusiastic about this idea. Bosses can’t go against the excellent reputation of
Akio Morita, however, we tried to find objective and compelling reasons not to create a company in the
United States. They looked at all the options, but the reasons for the refusal was not found. Then the
management decided to transfer the responsibility for the decision to Akio Morita. They trusted him; saw
his expertise in the US market of reference.

Professionalism

Professionalism and competence are linked. If you want to win the confidence of the person in a certain
issue, then you need to prove to the exceptional professional. From a technical point of view, you have to
be an expert, and then colleagues will trust you in all respects. Professionalism is based on experience,
conducted business, if your account has many successful projects, gain credibility will be much easier.
Therefore, you can convince others of the correctness of its findings. If the conclusions are based on
professionalism, on specialized knowledge, then listen to it exactly. It is important to have a concrete
experience, rather than an opportunity to present yourself favorably. Even those people who do not try to
put yourself in a favorable light, can gain the trust of his colleagues and even competitors.

You can give an example of the famous philosopher Adam Smith. His book "The Wealth of Nations" has
become one of the greatest in history. At the same time, Smith was no interlocutor, to have conversations
with him was boring. This tells Samuel Johnson. "Even more fun to communicate with the dog," he said.

Smith was a nonprofessional not only on the part of the conversation. He looks unpresentable,
hypochondria, excessive passion for conversation and did not put it in an attractive light. According to the
memoirs of contemporaries, Adam Smith once fell into the pit, when enthusiastically talked about the
economic situation at the plant in Glasgow. However, Smith's opinion, his position and statements were
backed up by reality and common at the time. Now they are not losing popularity, are the basis of
capitalism. Because that Adam Smith was able to win the trust.

Show your professionalism in the precise issues to be confirmed, it is easy. It should be easy to learn
competent sources, reliable in terms of content. If the discussion you will refer to the authoritative data,
the professionalism, and with it the confidence to rise. It is also important and personal experience. Pay
attention to what is considered a reliable source among your surroundings. These references and should
be used.

If in the eyes of the interlocutor sources are not credible, the confidence in this way, you can’t get. Not
everyone finds valuable information that are available to you. Then you need to provide exactly the
information that surrounds believe.

In introducing the report, the report and other documents necessary to pick up materials, confirming your
words. It will not only be a great way, how to build trust, but also show your awareness and high level of
training. The audience can’t even look at all of these materials, but their presence will make it clear that
you are thoroughly prepared, studied the question, and can now begin to perform work.

Reliability

According to Stephen Covey is the trust can completely change the situation. All obstacles can be
destroyed by the trust. And without it is almost impossible to create something serious and significant.
This is true, but here it is necessary to make the necessary additions.

There are several categories of trust - complete trust, and a relative minimum. Even if you have a
minimum of trust, then it is good. It's certainly better than nothing. The basis of trust allows you to
gradually grow to achieve total confidence on the part of others. This is your reliability should not be
aimed only at people's attitudes. You have to be reliable in all situations, then strap your credibility will
grow. Trust will, even those people who do not know you personally. With each step, the confidence
increases, people no longer recognize you, and learn from the good side.

There are different ideas about trust. For example, the big boss can act from a position of power. This
idea has received the necessary approval and trust, if subordinates are aware that it would be better for
the company, not just for the boss.

Aristotle's Wisdom says: "Just a ruler does not need anything, but working for others." During work on the
project should always concentrate on doing the work, not on the details of the payment, the desire to show
a professional before the authorities, and so on. So the work will involve other people who see your
enthusiasm. They will support and share your ideas.

Building relationships with subordinates should not stick to the totalitarian concept. The head must
generate a sense that the right to vote has each employee. It is essential that you trust, at the same time
taking the proposed ideas.

Trust - an important criterion not only for work but also for everyday life. The authority can be won
without changing their words. If you want your child to stop smoking, you should not only convince him of
the dangers of this habit, but to throw himself. Often the confidence lost in the details. If you give advice
note, if you meet your own words. If your partner has noticed the hypocrisy, he will cease to be taken
seriously you. Trust is formed largely at the beginning. Its level depends on the first impression. Internet
auction site eBay to offer its users a questionnaire where there were questions about the reputation and
credibility of the seller. The basis of the authority was first estimates, which put the customers. Seller
Success depended on the first count. If they are positive, then it has grown rapidly. If negative, the seller
waited failures and problems.

Motivational speech can be heard by many, but who believe more? If you repeat, "Do not despair," that
there is more confidence in those who also once stopped despair and succeeded. Survivors of disasters,
the participants of the war, the victorious coaches. They speak frankly, because themselves were in
situations that describe. They speak in the first person, which means that people no longer trust them.
Therefore, such words have tremendous success with the public. This is the secret trust.

Part IV – Overcoming Negative Thoughts

As it is easy to fall into negative thinking. Often we have negative thoughts that you can play as a movie,
and put yourself pain. This is what I have experienced many times throughout my life.

Negative thoughts rob us of our energy and keep away because what is happening in the present moment.
The more you give negative thoughts, the stronger they become. I like the image of a small ball that rolls
along the ground, it becomes more and more quickly.

This is an example of how one little negative thought can turn into a huge ball of ugliness. On the contrary,
a slight positive thinking can have the same effect, but a blooming beautiful result.

I would like to share with you an example of how a small idea can turn into a very bad experience. Over
the past ten years, he lived alone. Obviously, at that time, used to live in a certain way, I have my menu for
cooking, cleaning days and happiness from how I live.

When we give in to negative thoughts, it is difficult to stop them. And it is easier said than done, to shift
their attention to the positive thoughts. But, it is the only way, especially if we do not want to follow the
path, which is a painful and unnecessary.

Here are 7 steps that I took to help myself overcome the negative
thoughts that you can try:

1. Stop thinking extremes

Our lives for the most part is not black and white, it does not completely this or that, all or nothing. But
negative thinking tends around is not very good to see the worst. For example:

not "something that can’t happen, as we would like," and "would be a complete failure!"
instead of "you need to wait until my business again earn" - "everything will fall apart, and I
will remain with nothing!"
not "I was a little worried when speaking in public," but "I'm going to die right on the podium;
they all hate me!"

Thinking "all or nothing" is missing all the subtle nuances of life. It forces us to see the future in terms of
dramatic calamities, accidents and catastrophes. Of course, accidents happen sometimes, but despite the
screaming headlines at newsstands much of life consists of different shades of gray.

The first step in overcoming negative thinking - this is not "suddenly become positive," and learn to see
these different shades of gray. Let's say you are concerned about your relationship. Instead of "I know it
will be a catastrophe," or even "everything will be just fine" - why not think so: "It would probably be
good and not so good and bad - as in any relationship."

Write everything that you thought negatively. Use the most negative comments, which come to you in the
head. Now write three neutral, "median" scores. Let them not as exciting or "horrific", but they will be
more realistic in relation to the probability of the event. brain more options Processing reduces emotional
tension and clarify your thoughts.

 2. Stop summarize all the negative

Ask yourself: "When there is something wrong, is not it too I generalize Rather, I believe that this is
happening constantly, always and everywhere, than associate it with a specific time and place?"

For example, if someone does not come on a date with you, whether you spread your negativity beyond a
particular place, time and person, saying to himself: "I have never nothing happens!" If you do not pass the
exam, you will say to yourself: "Well, okay, it was not possible at this time, but I will make every effort in
the next time?" Or you overly generalize his failure to "I - stupid" or "I've nothing I can learn?"

 3. Do not minimize the positive

Negative thinking does not allow people to see the positive even when it actually happens. It works like a
filter, retaining all the positive and transmits only what confirms the offset of consciousness towards the
negative. Exaggeration of failure and neglect of success leads to demotivation and suffering.

Get into the habit to treat failure as a temporary phenomenon and the individual, specific, and not
permanent and universal. All of us, as a rule, we find exactly what we're looking for. If you find yourself
negative thoughts about someone, get a habit to balance this negative a positive thought about the same
man? "He's so insincere ... But remember - in fairness - he was very helpful with that project ... and it can
be very funny ... "The positive is always there, you just have to see it.

 4. Stop to read minds

Negative thinking does not allow us to relax in situations of uncertainty. This can lead to a "telepathy":
"She did not answer, so she does not love me!" or "He said it just to reassure me; in fact, he does not think
so!"

The need to "assign" meaning anything to obtain real evidence makes you more inclined to unconditionally
believe your imagination. Termination of "inventing" meaning in ambiguous situations - a key element in
overcoming negative thinking.

When you start to think more positively (or at least a neutral), then your thought is, "I do not know why it
is I have not said ..." You also get the opportunity to consider all the possible causes, and not just the
negative.

Some of these possible causes:

she forgot her phone;
her phone battery is dead;
she ran out of money in the account;
she lectures;
it in a plane;
it is mobile coverage.

Did you catch: none of the above does not related to you and says nothing about its relation to you. And
all these explanations are no less believable than any other.

 5. Stop taking full responsibility

If for any success I found that this is not my merit (even when it's pretty much that way), and others, I
would externalize positive. Or I could externalize the good qualities of his friend, when he does
something good, he told himself: "He did this only to win their favor!" If you (or someone else) do
something good - just accept it.

"Negative," the thinkers usually do just the opposite. They internalize that is blamed myself for everything
negative, although it is very small, or connected with them, or not at all has to do with them. Think, if you
can really control and influence what is causing your negative emotions.

 6. Do not impose its own rules of life

"If he loved me, he would not do it"
"If I was a good mother, I would not come out of themselves"
"People should not do that"
"If I can not do that, then I'm really dumb!"
"He came late - so someone met!"
"These words suggest that he does not respect me!"
"My analyzes yet - hence, they are bad!"

Create strict rules of what should be a reality - a sure way to constantly feel disappointed in myself and
others. This does not mean that we should not expect anything from myself or others, but it is better when
our "rules" are flexible. If you are feeling frustrated, you're waiting for something else. What exactly? Ask
yourself, "Would I have been waiting for something too improbable?"

 7. Stop imagine and believe it

Imagination - a wonderful thing, but not when you use them to scare themselves. Sometimes you need to
be able to "hold your imagination" (quote from Ernest Hemingway, no less). Think about the upcoming
event and hypnotize myself, vividly imagining the worst-case scenario - it would be like to paint a picture
of a hammer. Imagination - is a tool that should be used creatively. When you imagine that everything is
going well, the likelihood that it will be so, increases, you will begin to feel much safer in the real world
and a much better use of their time.

If you are still obsessed with negative thoughts, at least to "dilute" them, imagining and positive, not just
negative. If you suddenly imagine that forget his speech at the upcoming presentation - once "cross out" is
and imagine that everything is going well.

Stopping negative thinking takes time and effort, and in a certain sense, this is a job that never ends. If
you start to follow these tips, they will help you the rest of your days - is not worth it for the sake of
spending now have a little time?

Part V – Overcoming Fear & Anxiety

You know the feeling of fear? When the swarm creeps through your body or if you dip into a vat of cold
water. Horror, nightmare, anxiety - all this is only a species of fear. But is there reason to fear? It so
happens that on the background of experienced stress, chronic emotional wounds, the person becomes
vulnerable to fears that there may be nowhere. But, despair and run to the pharmacy for soothing it is not
necessary. It is necessary to take a deep breath, exhale, and tunes in to the fight with yourself, with all the
fears and phobias. In the meantime, you need to learn more about this unpleasant feeling, because the
enemy need to know in person.

Fear - a protective function of the body. People experience this feeling, to protect itself from the danger -
it is a signal of the flight. Fear turned to us again from our ancestors, such as fear of snakes, spiders, even
plants. Avoiding dangerous situations, poisonous insects and predators helps all living things exist yet.
Instinct allows, besides the looming threat, to avoid potential hazards. For example, the height, the depth
of fear, darkness, help protect themselves in advance of the safe.

Phobias are due to the previously experienced unpleasant situations. For example, a person may be afraid
of insects, because it was once bitten by a bee or height from a bad fall. A panicky fear of performance,
says that once had a bad experience in school boards. It does not mean that every phobia responsible for
experienced trouble. It also happens that it spills over into adulthood for reasons occurring in childhood,
which is already forgotten in the subconscious. But our brain is very clever and he sends human memories
in inaccessible places, which can be extracted with the help of a psychologist or even hypnosis. So often
hard to get rid of a phobia, but if you make an effort and give yourself time, the results will not keep you
waiting.

In addition to the instinct of survival and self-imposed fears can experience anxiety in a big city. In
metropolitan life is in a constant bustle, traffic, subway crowds, rush hour and a lot more very negative
impact on the human psyche. I want to run and hide from the noise, close to ten doors and turn off all
phones. But there comes a new day and again the morning bustle, work, household chores, calls. No
wonder that people soon breaks down and turns into a frightened creature. Of course, everything depends
on the inner attitude and methods of relaxation after a hard day. If the right to rest, work and think, what all
the fuss is transformed into pleasant cares.

Type’s fears

Fears share the following qualifications:

Social. They are massive and do not bring a real threat to the project. For example, fear of public
speaking, leadership, getting poor grades, to the responsibility of communicating with strangers, meet new
people, relocation, possible failure or success;

Biological. Such fears are necessary for us to survive, and are nothing more than a self-preservation
instinct. These include: fear of lightning, storms, earthquakes, predators, a volcanic eruption;

Existential. They are mainly biological roots and can not be a complete cure, because there are deep in
the unconscious person object not recognized and do not have a particular content. For example, fear of
the dark, space, old age, death, the future is unknown;

Baby. Once a child feels his mother's mood and can show their emotions (abdominal thrusts) in the
womb. In infancy, the child is endowed with biological fears, fear of bright light, noise, cold, so the
reaction to them relevant - crying. Further develop social anxiety, most of which are inherited. But
everything depends on the atmosphere in which the baby grows, what the relationship between the parents
on how to communicate in the family, number of siblings, relatives and friends. And of course, everything
depends on the child's upbringing. All leaves its mark in people's lives.

The fears are dangerous?

Fears even sometimes useful, but in moderation. Firstly, they help to escape from a dangerous situation,
secondly enters into the blood adrenaline, which is required to man.

Still, excessive and persistent fears of a detrimental effect on the quality of life and human health.
Because of constant anxiety, the person ceases to enjoy life, to communicate with people going out into the
community, to make serious decisions, to achieve your goals. He soon turns into a pariah, with whom it is
impossible to communicate. In addition, amid fears may have a psychosomatic condition, sleep
disturbance. A person becomes a prisoner of his experiences, also frightened people easy to manipulate.
Just think, how many of the opportunities you have given, following the lead of their worries. The main
enemy of success - it's fear.

Tired to be afraid of? Then it's time to get out of this quagmire and start a program to get rid of fear.
How to get rid of fear and anxiety

1. See the fear in his eyes, to stop being afraid of it. What is the fear - it's only reaction to any
situation, chemical signals in the brain. Emotion itself does not pose any risk. So, if you take a
ride in the elevator, or talk to new friends - you precisely nothing happens. Stop fear to trust, not
all actions to be performed, which sends the brain;

2. Think about upcoming prospects. We are not afraid of the future and a sense of fear that arise
during an emergency situation. Maybe it's time to look for the good side? For example, if you are
afraid of losing their job, think about how many opportunities are open when searching for a new
activity. And if the plane gives you a wild horror, think not about the flight, and how you will find
yourself at the spa and spend a dream vacation;

3. Be ready for anything. It makes no sense to convince himself that all will be well and at the same
time shaking with fear. If you have to take the exam, anyway, there's no getting around it. Good or
bad write - in any case, it should take place, be prepared for any assessment;

4. Watch your fear. Look at it from the side, note the time when an alarm occurs, make it interesting
subject;

5. During panic attacks, begin to breathe deeply diaphragm. Take your time, focus on the breath, and
make sure inhalation and exhalation, step back from everything else;

6. Relaxation. It combines breathing. If it is possible - lie down, imagine how every cell in the body
is saturated with oxygen and relaxes;

7. Remember how many times and when your fear is not carried out. For example, you are
constantly afraid of seriously ill, but each time the tests show good results. See, is not that
terrible, nothing terrible has happened;
8. It refers to the fear as a thrill. Adrenaline can be obtained by jumping with a parachute, or
speaking in public. Imagine your fear - it is a kind of acute sensations;

9. Take your own, do not resist him. Self-control is important, but not always work like clockwork,
so feel afraid and here and now, just realize that anxiety will soon be on its own;

10. Do not get attached to things. The man is afraid to lose, then what I used to, so do not need to be
strongly dependent on what or even anyone. If you love money, you are afraid to fail, if you live
for the sake of their children, hard to bear the separation, their relocation. Diversify your life, do
not dwell on just one. In the life of many miracles, but you do not know it;

11. Meditate. Know yourself, feel your ego. As you become more and more easy to understand to
treat everything;

12. Stop imposing someone else's fears. Around are talking about illness, death, natural disasters. But
do not take things personally, yes, of course, we all do not last forever, but whether or not to be
afraid of the natural process every minute. No. There are not many things that need to be afraid,
most importantly personal perception;
 13. Do not avoid frightening situations you. Are you afraid to fly - fly, speak - get ready for a solemn
speech, out in the sun - sunbathing. Nothing gets rid of fear, as the action itself;

14. Strengthens the nervous system involved in sports, find a hobby, drop bad habits, get out of the
house, walk in the fresh air, laugh often. proceed;

15. Shift into more friends and acquaintances. Be open and share their experiences with family, so it
will be easier to cope with the accumulated fatigue and anxiety.

Of course, you need to listen to fear, after all, is our intuition and natural instincts. However, we must
distinguish between justified and unjustified alarm. Avoid dangerous situations, which actually threatens
you, but do not close overall world in his armor. Live and enjoy life, live in the present, do not waste time
on empty alarm and then you all will be on the shoulder.

Part VI – Social Confidence and Ability to Communicate
with People

"The most important component in the formula of success - is the ability to find common language with
people"

Theodore Roosevelt

We all know the role played by the ability to communicate with people in our daily lives, how important
it is to have the skills to communicate effectively in different situations and in establishing contact with
different categories of people.

Any process of communication involves verbal and nonverbal component. In the first case it is used for
communication, and second help us communicate gestures, facial expressions and other body signals. You
thought about what the most significant difference exists between man and other living creatures. This
ability to interact via voice communication.

With such wealth as speech, yet most people have difficulty in establishing a quality contact with other
people. Social Psychology and Personality Psychology amassed a huge database of knowledge about the
styles, the barriers of communication mechanisms, which became the basis for the creation of effective
means of communication. Learning to communicate effectively with people with effective exercise and
psychological advice, which you will find next.

How to establish positive contact – Psychologist

If you want to find a specific answer to the question of how to communicate with people, read the
following proposed psychological advice. They will help you understand how the psychology proposes to
establish positive contact, as well as to understand what mistakes should not be allowed to talk to.

Overcome your subjectivity. Important for you to realize that each individual has in the view of
the world. It is influenced by personal experience of life, which we receive from the outside
world through the senses. Each of us interprets all the events based on their own views and
beliefs. Consider this fact in a conversation; try to consider the subject from different points of
view.

Talk less, listen more. Statistical studies show that most people are much more like to talk to the
person who pays more attention to the other party, not himself. By being in a conversation a
genuine interest in the thoughts and feelings of others, you get the location. You can be sure that
this person in the future will show reciprocal interest you.

Ask open-ended questions. Try to ask more questions, which assume no simple one-word answer,
and give the other party the opportunity to express their opinion. For example, instead of asking,
"Do you like the movie?" Ask "What kind of movies do you like?". Open-ended questions help to
establish contact with a stranger, and in situations where, for various reasons difficult to find a
"common language".

Show that you can be trusted. One of the most effective rules of effective communication is eye
contact during a conversation. Looking into the eyes of the other party, you give him to understand
and feel your interest and honesty. If you avoid direct eye contact or permanently lowers her eyes,
the man sees it as a signal of uncertainty or deception.

My favorite sound - the sound of his own name. An important element of effective communication
psychology calls the appeal to the other party by name. The name is a strong energy boost, is an
element of self-identification. Turning to the man by name, you raise his self-esteem and has to
build better relationships. If appropriate, you can use the name in the diminutive form. Much more
pleasant to hear, "Helen, do you know ...?" Instead of the usual "dry" issue.

Expand your horizons. The comprehensive development of people with a wide range of interests
and deep knowledge in different areas able easier to establish positive contact with people of
different worldviews and professional orientation. This is especially true of people who by
virtue of their activity are faced with many different people.

Relax and trust the other person. Many people are holding back the constant self-control or the
desire to impress in establishing a trusting relationship. The well-known rule of "be yourself" has
not been canceled, so in the process of interaction with other people try to turn its attention to the
interlocutor and his thoughts.

Concentrate on the conversation. During a call, do not make the parallel any more actions: do not
write in a notebook, do not watch TV. Your companion is sure to notice and think that he is
indifferent to you and will regard your behavior as an allusion to hang up.



Exercise "Learning mute projection"

Professional Psychology uses the term "projection", when a person tries to ascribe to other people of
quality inherent in himself. For example, you like the attention of other people trying to make a good
impression. At the same time, you can assume that everyone is trying to do everything to "sketch" in front
of others.

All stereotypes that arise from the inability to consider the situation from a different perspective and deep
understanding of other people.

Suppress the projection can’t be completely, but they can be muted. Whenever you feel that "impose" their
point of view, or in his conclusions based only on the own vision, try to do comprehensive analysis of
another person. It will wash you understand his motives and desires. Learn to analyze the personality as
follows:

Character:
individual character traits, their occurrence;
related to career, work and money;

Abilities:
Creative skills;
intellectual level;
technical skills;

Volitional qualities:
perseverance;
commitment;
a sense of inner freedom.

Interests:
common interests;
hobby;
destructive addiction.

Moral qualities:
attitude to other people;
the ability to love and sympathize;
potential benefits of its activities to society.


Exercise "Break the barriers of communication"

Often in dialogue, we feel a sense of alienation and are faced with the "stagnation" that just do not know
what to say to a specific person. All these disorders are often associated with the fear of socializing. He
is a product of fear of being rejected and misunderstood.

Very often, this encounter people who do business at home, and they need it to communicate with different
people every day. But the more you expand a circle of acquaintances, the faster came the realization that it
is empty fears.

Set a goal for the day to talk to 15 different people with different ways of communication:

4 people - using the phone;
4 people - via Skype (with webcam);
with 5 strangers - in store or on the street;
2 close friends about something very important.

During this exercise, use the tips that you have already learned. This will help you to realize that you
can find a common language with any person, if the own principles of effective communication.

Part VII – How to Use Low Social Confidence to Improve
Social Competence

There are three distinct ways in which you can come from a low social confidence and even social
anxiety (extreme poverty) to social competence.

Path 1. Pessimistic realism

We know that the cause of near-zero correlation between social confidence and social competence is
confident that people systematically overestimate their social skills. People feel insecure in social
situations; on the contrary, tend to realistically judge the weakness of these skills. Consequently, the first
benefits of low social confidence is the ability to accurately assess their social competence. In other
words, the low social confidence equips you a certain amount of pessimistic realism, or the ability to
recognize that you are not as strong in interpersonal relationships, as you would like.

What does it mean? Carefully studying the negative feedback signals or disapproval from others - which
never make confident people. Socially confident people tend to ignore any evidence that their popularity
is lower than desired, and even neutral interpret evidence in their favor, to convince themselves that they
behave as well as possible in social situations. Less confident people do the opposite: they ignore the
evidence showing that their behavior is perceived as satisfactory, but the focus on the negative. No doubt,
such a focus on the negative aspects can be very painful, but this is the only way to improve the targeting
of their behavior and increase competence. Pay attention to your weaknesses and remember that the
exhaust itself for defects normally. If something causes you anxiety, then we must not pretend that you do
not care, and try to take some action.

Paradoxically, the pessimism that rewards low social confidence makes people more realistic, not least
because the rose-colored glasses of high social confidence considerably distort perspective. And as the
saying goes, "in the land of the blind, and the curve - the king."

Path 2. Self

Have you ever experienced alcohol disinhibition? In dim intoxication (in contrast to the strong), we have
a nice, reassuring feeling that allows you to ignore the fact that sometimes we seem ridiculous. In fact,
alcohol consumption could be significantly reduced if he did not create the illusion of competence. It is
interesting to compare the effects of alcohol exposure to high social confidence: hops allows us to wail in
full karaoke on New Year corporate parties, or start talking in a bar with a man to whom we would never
have approached sober; similarly high social confidence unfetters us and unleashes our natural instincts.
It's great - or is it not?

It is the understanding of any who are sober have seen their own drunken stunt (such as Facebook or
YouTube), alcohol does not have a favorable impact on social competence, except around, knowing our
condition, sometimes there are more forgiving of our antics and forgive us. In addition to being drunk, we
lose strictness to himself, and this is not going to benefit. If drinking did not reduce self-control, people
would not have worked drunken nonsense. In sobriety has a remarkable property: even if she does not
"stay itself", but makes regular exercise self-censorship. You can think of a low social confidence for this
extreme sobriety and social concern - even more extreme version of low social confidence. In addition,
alcohol tends to affect social competence, self-pumping to the state in which we get up to all sorts of
nonsense, even sober us is a shame for them. In short, low self reinforces concern that others think of you,
and it is important to be able to function in society. High confidence, on the contrary, is intoxicating: you
relax and disinhibited, but it only hurts you. Be hard on yourself - self-criticism will help to avoid
criticism from others.

Path 3. Motivation

Social anxiety (extremely low confidence) is not only an objective light, causing the focus on their
behavior and to avoid situations in which you can make a drastically bad impression on others. It is also
the driving force that stimulates the desire to get ready for the upcoming challenging activities that require
voltage and to minimize potential difficulties. If you suspect the possibility of social failure (for example,
before a date, interview, exam, business meeting or presentation, when there is a threat of harm to your
status in the eyes of others), you have the only one consistent plan of action: training, training and training
again.

Given that your low social confidence, probably accurately reflects your lower social competence (even
if you are a little too hard on yourself), it will be an incentive to improve social competence. Of course,
you could stop yourself eating there, but is that someone helped get better? Those who aim to improve
motivated by self-critical realism, are much more likely to improve competence than those who lack self-
criticism and who is not afraid of failure. Although high social confidence can do a good job at runtime
problems, these benefits (minor) neutralized by the lack of adequate training (more importantly) in
socially confident individuals. On the contrary, the less you believe in yourself, the more pessimistic is
your forecast regarding the performance, so you will be especially careful to prepare, and ultra-high level
of training you can even afford to not work in full force.

Think of the most academically classmates or classmates. Surely they worry before each exam, resignedly
said that this will be the most difficult exam, and probably afraid of losing face. Therefore, they are very
seriously preparing. Or take job candidates before the interview or before an important match athletes or
artists, preparing to listen. In any area of competence, you can make the most of their potential good
results only when seriously react to prepare, and your assessment of the necessary training volume back
soon, but not in direct proportion to the level of certainty associated with.

If you want to ignore these towards social competence or reject the idea of the superiority of low social
confidence in social relations, allow me to briefly become the devil's advocate. Almost impossible to
purposefully increase the social competence and the switch from a pessimistic, based on the avoidance of
trouble and self-defense style of presentation on an optimistic, focused on the promotion, uplifting
presentation style. Simply put, if the social relations you try to switch from low to high confidence, you
will be immediately exposed and fail (even if you manage to deceive others, you will most likely not be
able to convince yourself). This is because the characteristic of the style of your self-formed on the basis
of early childhood experiences, and even has a genetic origin.

Part VIII – All You Need - a Little Will Power (and low
confidence)

In the life of almost all "is easier said than done," but the main recommendations, which I give in this
book, it is easy to implement. You do not have to make any radical changes - just need to slightly
reconfigure itself. And in the last chapter explains how and why you will be able to implement it and how,
by and large, should look like the world less confident, but more competent person.

In the V century BC, Socrates came to the conclusion that the key to happiness is to know your true "I".
However, over the past half century, the pursuit of happiness has led to the fact that in large parts of the
western world people replace their real "I" to a new, more confident model. The idea that we are better
than it actually is, can elevate mood, but if the society had failed to achieve their goals, we must console
ourselves by ignoring their failures, then it is a corrupt society, exchanged expertise on confidence and
replace the reality of the illusion of success.

On the contrary, hundreds of psychological studies demonstrate that deliberate attempts to suppress the
negative opinion of themselves lead to the opposite results. For example, attempts to avoid unwanted
thoughts or feelings ( "not to think about the white monkey") only reinforce the negative impact of those
very thoughts and feelings from which we want to get rid of. In fact, avoidance of feelings is an even
bigger threat to mental health than those negative thoughts and feelings that it tries to suppress, or event
that gave rise to these thoughts and feelings. According to Dr. Kashdan and his colleagues at George
Mason University, we are constantly experiencing unpleasant, difficult moments from time to time; we
experience pain, distress and panic. However, these experiences - part of human nature and do not
necessarily carry the problem, and it is impossible to avoid them - all of us sometimes have to experience
the pain and unpleasant emotions.

So, thoughts become unpleasant and disruptive, but when you try to drive them off. Here are a few well-
known examples.

• Decisions by the jury in the court usually affects the information that they specifically ask not to be taken
into account.

The public continues to believe heard in the news stories even after reporting that they do not correspond
to the truth, {238} which is why gossip about politicians or public figures damage their reputation, even
being dispelled.

• People make financial decisions under the influence of factors that are deliberately trying to ignore
(even if they offer money for such neglect). For example, they are likely to buy a product for $ 100. If it is
sold at a discount of 50% than the same product for $ 75. When the discount is "only" 30%.

• Trying to not think about food reinforce the desire to eat to satiety, so for strict diets often to
uncontrolled overeating and a new set of weights.

• Trying to not think about the upcoming surgery increase the likelihood of post-operative stress.

• Suppression of emotions associated with traumatic events, causes more health problems than the
unpleasant thoughts and feelings caused by these events.

• The desire to suppress negative emotions often suppresses the positive and pleasant emotions.

• Trying to suppress negative thoughts saps the mind, just as the "heavy" software eats up computer
memory.

• People who are trying to stamp out racial stereotypes, as a result become even more biased.

Part IX – Take Your Low Confidence

Trying to suppress feelings go sideways and do not provide such important first steps toward self-
improvement. Failure to fully immerse themselves in the unpleasant thoughts and take them greatly
reduces the chances to increase competence and distorts the view of reality and self-image. For example,
if you feel worthless and try to suppress these feelings, you will never be able to do anything to remedy
the situation. On the other hand, with adequate perception of their own negative opinion of himself and
acceptance of the fact that you are not up to the person who would like to be - especially if you are
unhappy with themselves - you will be able to focus on the steps that need to be taken for improvement.
Dissatisfaction - the mother of change, and the only change will make improvement possible.

You do not need much thought to understand which option is best. Targeted efforts to increase competence
will certainly lead to failure and demoralize, and attempts to improve the performance can not only lead
to an increase in competence, but also greatly enhance the confidence. Accordingly, the answer to the
question "What do I do with my low confidence" is simply nowhere:

Take it.

All that we are still talking in this book suggests: do not worry because of their low confidence, do not try
to get rid of it. Low confidence allows you recognize our imperfections, our problems and our
experiences, and this means that it is pushing for change, improvement of living and increasing
competence.

One more tip that 99% tips, which can be found in popular books on self-help. Yes, uncertainty may make
you better - unless you choose to ignore it, for those who do not recognize their own weaknesses, missing
the opportunity to benefit from them. Such little hope; you have the same - if you've read this far - there is
not only hope, but also a real opportunity to turn a low confidence high competence. So, it is time to look
at his uncertainty as a true friend who can, and speak directly into the eyes of not very nice things, but in
fact it has the best of intentions - to help you get better. It is time to understand that the only and the best
antidote to low self - a real boost, i.e. the acquisition of competencies... You want to get a reliable
medicine? There is only one effective recipe - a success.

Part X – Final Thoughts

As the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung, the search for the meaning of life - a defining feature of humanity.
Even if life is hard, meaning to help relieve the pain. But if the meaning of life is dependent on the
artificial construction of self-image, which should help to easier to carry their own failures, we condemn
ourselves to them. As we now know, it is a low confidence leads to success.

How would the world look less confident?

People would be better prepared for each day; It would be less controversial and less errors. Politicians
and military leaders would be in no hurry to send us to war, general managers would be more humane,
and drivers - more cautious. Did not happen to many global disasters of recent decades, the cause of
which was over-confidence. The world would be a much more competent.

According to Alfred Adler, "be a man - means to have a sense of inferiority." However, empowerment
reduces the inherent nature of a feeling of inferiority, at least for a while. In fact, the feeling of inferiority
motivates our desire to achieve. The more weaknesses do you notice in yourself, the stronger the
motivation to improve and so will have to work harder. Low confidence - is the result of the failure, but
the source of success.

Epilogue

So, generally accepted definition of confidence for today does not exist. Most foreign psychological
vocabulary is limited to describing the various approaches to confidence. Sami researchers carefully
avoided articulating the concept of self-confidence (or consider the current level of research problems not
sufficient to give a definition of confidence).

Numerous studies have confidence is not led to date to a clear understanding of the phenomenon and does
not give reliable means of measurement. Most of the existing test of confidence is based on the
controversial "behavioral" understanding of self as a certain set of social skills. At the same time it
assumed the existence of an independent quality assurance, acting as a prerequisite of these skills. Factor
structure of the test to assess the "behavior" of confidence obtained from different samples in different
countries also differ substantially.

Most of the authors of these facts make a conclusion about the multidimensionality of confidence as the
psychological characteristics and reject the hypothesis of the existence of a generalized and stable
confidence.

About the Author

My name is Jack Oliver and me the goal is to make your life easier in the perception. All you need is
knowledge that will help you get out of a stressful and depressing situation. I like to help people. I hope
my work was not in vain.

P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.