Researches and Proceedings of

The 22nd General Conference

FAMILY PERVERSION:
THE ISLAMIC PANACEA
BY:

DR. KAMIL KOYEJO OLOSO,

SECRETARY GENERAL,
GRAND COUNCIL FOR ISLAMIC AFFAIRS
IN NIGERIA

Preamble:

We feel particularly honoured by the invitation annually extended to us to

attend this auspicious international gathering at the behest of our indomitable
Minister of Awqaf and Head of Supreme Council of Islamic Affairs of Egypt, Prof.
Mahmoud Hamdi Zakzouk in the same vein, we convey to His Eminence, the Grand
Imam and Rector of Al-Azhar, Grand Sheikh Mohammad Tantawy who graciously
deploy to our mosques in Nigeria Hufaz al-qur’an every Ramadan free of charge.
Both His honour and His Eminence do this for us with the permission and under the
overall tutelage of His Excellency, President Mohammad Husni Mubarak. I pray
Allah Subhanahu Wata`ala to reward all of you and the ever-loving people of
Egypt (Mother of the world) abundantly for all the kind gestures and this
wonderfully fruitful global assemblage. I bring to you the felicitation of Aare
Musulumi of Yorubaland, Alhaj Abdul Azeez Arisekola Alao (CON), the President-
General of Grand Council for Islamic Affairs in Nigeria whom I am deputising in
my capacity as the Secretary- General of the Council.

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Introduction:

The family is the social institution that an individual encounters and as a

social unit is much enhanced in the catalystic role of religious behaviour of
individuals in the family either positively or negatively.

Although one can not say there is a standard definition of the word ‘family’,
yet each definition will relate to the culture of the society in question. However,
what is clear is that family is present in every civilized society.

Americana (1997), described family as “A group of persons related by birth

or marriage (ordinarily parents and their children) who reside in the same
household.”1

Oladele (1997), also said “that family is the smallest unit of human social
organization which is the product of fan important institution called marriage.”2 A
family can also be said to be an institution of the society which serves as the nursery
for the larger society. The phenomenon ‘family’ is a major environmental agent
contributing to not only the formation but also the development and sustenance of
religious behaviours in the society.

The Family Concept:

In the Islamic social order, the family is the first and real unit of humanity
and the real cohesive force which makes civilization possible. A family is
established through marriage and then it grows through ties of kinship into groups
of tribes, clans, and nations. It is the family which prepares and trains, with love and
affection, the members of the young generation to discharge their social obligations
with devotion, sincerity and enthusiasm and to maintain and develop human
civilization. It earnestly desires that the future members of society be better
educated, better trained and better equipped than themselves so that they can
maintain, develop and guard the cultural heritage of mankind.

Thus family is truly the fountainhead of progress, richness and strength of

human civilization. And all this owes its existence to marriage; without which, there
would be no family and no ties of kinship to unite the different members of
humanity, and, therefore, no civilization. It is the family which holds humanity
together and thereby makes human civilization possible. It is because of the
family’s importance that Islam pays special attention to the social problems relating
to the family and makes every effort to establish this primary social unit on firm,
strong and healthy foundation (Afzahur Rahman, 2003).3

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Marriage is the bedrock of parenting, based on strong Islamic foundation and
sound rules relating to the selection of spouse. The importance of marriage and
principles are: it satisfies the human needs, suits the desires of life, attributes the
children to their parents, frees the society from libertinism and fatal diseases,
achieves cooperation between spouses and gets the sentiment for parenthood
burning. The selection criteria of spouse in Islam according to degree of importance
are as follows:

1. Choice based on religion;

2. Choice based on noble birth and honour
3. Choice based on beauty
4. Choice based on riches

Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, An-Nasai and ibn Majah related that Abu-
Hurayrah said that the Prophet (SAW) said “It is axiomatic that woman is sought
for marriage for four reasons: her richness, her noble birth, her beauty, and her
religion, so look for the religious one and strife for getting her” (Ulwan, 2001).4

The most important dividend of marriage is having progeny. One of the

woman’s (merits) is to bear children, and that is why the Prophet (SAW) paid a
glowing tribute to Khadijah when he mentioned that “she gave him children while
others did not” (Ulwan; 2001).5

The very beginning of family formation in Islam stems from an ideal

marriage built on selecting the righteous wife and husband as applicable. By doing
so, the Muslim family is formed and the faithful generation; righteous progeny and
virtous breeding follows.

In Islam, marriage is the only right form of relationship between man and
woman, for it establishes a family and enables them to undertake and fulfil their
social responsibilities conscientiously, with devotion and sincerity. The purity,
goodness and richness of human civilization depend on the goodness, piety and
purity of the members of the primary unit of the social order, which is the family.
Therefore, Islam lays great stress on it and takes various practical legal and other
measures to build the family on a sound and proper footing.

First, it ensures that social life starts with the establishment of a family
through marriage, for it considers it not only a physical necessity but also a religious
duty. It therefore encourages marriage of young people and condemns the life of
celibacy:
 ‫"وا
ا ا
   واّ 
   دآ وإ‬
..." !"  !ّ‫إن
ا اء
  اا‬

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“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtous ones among your
slaves, male or female; if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His
Grace” (24:32).

The Holy Prophet (SAW) greatly strengthened this institution by

encouraging marriage among young people: He said:
".  )! $ %  &'‫ و ر‬$ % ‫"اّ  ح‬
“Marriage is my way; and whoso loves my conduct should follow my way;
and whoso strays from my way is not for me”.

Secondly, Islam forbids all sexual relationships outside marriage between a

woman and a man and takes measures to stop this happening, by prescribing severe
punishments for the offenders. It condemns adultery in very severe words and takes
preventive measures against it:
."  2‫ أ‬1!
/‫ ذ‬,-.
‫ن و‬+
*‫ "و‬...
They do not commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall
receive severe punishment.6

Women to be modest and lower their gaze and not to display their adornment
and beauty in public (24:30-31).
Free mixing of men and women is forbidden (33:59).

When the crime against the sanctity of marriage occurs, Islam prescribes
very severe punishment to serve as deterrence (24:2-3 and 4-10).

The aim of all these measures is to guide society against all perversions and
such activities which encourage irresponsible behaviour and provide opportunity for
them, so that the family is insulated and consolidated.

Major Causes of Family Perversion:

There are two broad challenges militating against sound parenting; internal
and external factors. Internal factors are challenges within the home, while external
are the ones outside the home.

Internal:
The parents are the most important and influential agents in any family set
up. Thus parents have a primary and lasting influence on their children particularly
when they both live in the same home or environment. The positive as well as
negative parentings have multiplying effects to the nature and character of the
children especially during their formative years.
Similarly, the societal influence on children’s character manifests positively
or negatively depending on the type of training they imbibe from the society.

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External:
By external challenges is meant factors outside the family set up. Some of
these are peer pressure group, electronic technology, school and the larger
community (environment).

Pressure Group: It is the influence which children and youth of the same
age or social status exercise on one another. The influence can either be positive or
negative. Parent should observe the conduct of their children and guide them to
choose good company and peer group with noble manner and sublime behaviour.
Parents should vehemently forbid their children bad company and extremist
ideology.

Electronic and Technology: These comprise of Internet, Television,

particularly play stations, home videos, etc. as they erode morality and self esteem.
Unfettered and unguarded access to them breeds’ spectatorship; stunts imagination,
diminishes enthusiasm for reading, kills creativity, dampens socializing skills,
impairs vision and obstructs worship of Allah (SWT). It makes children not to
distinguish between fantasy and reality. All the above negative consequences
particularly that of globalization, were enumerated by Khamissa (2006).7

School: It is an important unit next to the home for influencing both

character and learning of children in any modern society. Negative influence on
pupils/students sets in a school where teachers who act as authority figures
demonstrate bad example and perverse orientation. The most important lessons in
school is the moral instruction which can be built in all subjects and taught by
Islamically oriented teachers.

Larger Community: This is the immediate or host community of the

children and youth. The community members must provide a peaceful, non-hostile
and conducive environment for the positive development of children and youths.
There has to be mutual partnership between the home and the external
environment, for any effective parenting to yield the desired positive result.

Generally, there are numerous and varied factors that can lead to family
perversion both among adults as well as youths. These are:

The Negative influence of peer groups particularly corrupt companions and

bad mates or colleagues of children and youths lead to their perversion and under-
development. A Hadith narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim said: “The likeness of a
good companion and the bad one, is the likeness of the perfume bearer, and the
bellow blower. So the perfume bearer will give you some, buy from him, or get a

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nice smell of him. But the bellow blower will either burn your cloth, or you will get
a bad smell of him” (Ulwan, 2001).8

The failure of our educational system (schools) to provide correct moral and
character training has compounded the problem of children and perversion. Half
baked or insufficiently tutored youths are ready tools for errands which put Islam in
disrepute and portray Muslims as terrorists.

Negative impact of electronic technology such as Internet, television,

particularly play stations, pornographic and crime films, videos and cinemas are
among the great factors and causes of children’s perversion. These make children
and youths nasty, slacking and loose. Also, imprudent magazines and stories read
by children and youths lead to their moral degeneration and under development.

Moral decadence of the so-called modern society allows promiscuity,

lewdness which influence children and youths` and make them insolvent and
deviant.

Poverty and widespread unemployment in the society cause and aggravate

perversions in children and youths. There is tendency for them to resort to leaving
homes to look out for necessities of life such as food and clothing. When children
and youths face abject poverty and deprivation, they abandon home and often seek
what they lack through foul means.

Conflict and discord between fathers and mothers can lead to children and
youths’ perversion, particularly, when the conflict is deep and open. Children and
youths, who experience clashes between their parents, may abandon their
depressing atmosphere and mangle with bad friends.

Negative consequences of divorce and the disunity and separation of parents

and children often lead to perversion. When children are denied the needed caring
and sharing, they will automatically grow up corrupt, wild and perverse.

If children spare/leisure time is not judiciously spent or they are idle, the
devil, as the saying goes, will find them job.

Mismanagement of orphanage undoubtedly makes orphan children reared

there incline to perversion and crime if they could not get good parenting from their
guardians. It is on record that some orphanage attendants give children in their care
sleeping tablets to enable them attend to other matters.

In a situation where children and youths are treated with cruelty, beating,
punishment, tormenting, blame, contempt, scandalizing and jesting, such children

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will have no alternative than to react negatively. Fear of being secluded, isolated
and neglected will reflect in their conduct and deeds for they will become timid and
not confident.

Some parents often forsake the training of their children and youths by
abdicating their responsibility. Parents’ failure to rise up, guide and reform their
children and youths will lead to perversion, under-development and family
degradation.

Perversion and under development of children and youths could be attributed

to lack of proper knowledge of Islam. Seeking of unadulterated knowledge by
parents and children is a sinequanon, after all.
."5‫ إـ اّـ!ـ
ــ‬5‫ـ‬6‫ــ!ـ ـ اـ‬-‫"اـ‬
“Knowledge begins form the cradle to the grave”

No child is born evil or sinful, it is either the home or society that makes or
mars it. This is why the Prophet (SAW) said “Every child is born in a state of al-
fitrah (true faith of Islamic monotheism i.e. to worship none but Allah, but his
parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism …” (Bukhari: 11:467)

Conclusion:

The Islamic family etiquettes which are derived from the Qur’an and Sunnah
constitute the most effective panacea against family perversion. An ideal family
ensues from the amenability of family members to Islamic etiquettes.

An ideal Islamic family is one in which parents relate cordially with their
children and wards and serve as role models to them.

Parents should spend good time together with their children observing them
critically but gently with love tenderness and kindness.

Parents should command their children to practice Islam by worshipping

Allah at the age of seven and discipline them for not praying at the age of ten, and
separate between them (male and females) in bed (Abu Dawud and Al-Hakim) in
Ulwan (2001).9 A good home is one in which the father is the Imam.

Parents should protect themselves and their families from hell fire as
enjoined in the Qur’an:
..."‫ وأه!  را‬9.‫ا أ‬8 ‫
 ءا ا‬7ّ‫"
أ
 ا‬
“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from hell fire”10

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References:

Encyclopedia Americana (1997): International Edition, vol. 6. Dabury: Groller Inc.

Oladele (1997): social Studies for Re-NCE & NCE. Oyo: Bodunrin Press.
Afzalur Rahman (2003): Islam: Ideology and the Way of Life, Perception Zafar Sdn Bhd
(Co. No 97878H) Kuala Lumpur. P. 382
Ulwan N.A. (2001): Path to Paradise. Al-Furqan Publishers, Ibadan, Nigeria, p. 118
Ibid., p. 119
Qur’an 25:68
Khamissa E. (2000): Challenges of Parenting Today. A Paper presented at Islamic
Workshop on Managing for Educational Excellence. Arewa House, Kaduna, Nigeria, 17th August,
2006
Ulwan (2001): op.cit., p. 120
Ibid.,
Qur’an 66:6

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