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Why Do Men Shut Women Out?
By relationship coach Slade Shaw

Author of Why Men Pull Away
www.meetysMail.com/go/whymen
Introduction – Answers at Last!
Why do Men Shut Women Out? Get the honest truth from men themselves and
a relationship coach!
Have you ever felt like your man suddenly shut you out of his life or his inner,
personal life? Or maybe, you felt him starting to pull away and shut you out, but
you still thought there was hope.
It leaves you wondering, did you do something? Is it something in the relationship

that changed?
It can go something like this:
Megan and Josh had been together three months, spending time together almost
every day. They both had a lot of fun, she thought, and shared all kind of things.
Several months later, however, even though they still spent time together, Megan
felt like the relationship had stalled out. She realized they had stopped getting to
know each other and getting closer.
In fact, it felt like he was simply shutting her out of his emotional life.
Thinking back, she could see it started after the three month mark.
But nothing had changed, as far as she could see. Well, the way Josh acted began
to change. He didn’t share personal details and stories. He just seemed to pull
away.
Megan was understandably hurt and confused. Because the relationship was in its
early stages still, she wasn’t sure how to talk to him about it.
What if he just didn’t like her anymore? Or he wanted out of the relationship and
this was his way of getting her to end things.
And the truth was, if Megan didn’t care so much for Josh, she might have ended
things. If she also felt she was losing interest, or they weren’t a good match, it
would be much easier to accept that it wasn’t working out.
But she hadn’t lost interest, and he seemed to still care about her. So what on
earth was going on? And was there anything she could do to fix it?
At this point, many women talk to their friends and research online. They want to
uncover the reasons, and then they start trying to fix it.
As I’ll show soon, the articles online share very different reasons than the ones
offered by the 700 men I talked to.
So if you go on the wrong assumptions, you’ll use the wrong solutions and make
things worse.
Men don’t always like to share how they’re feeling. Sometimes they don’t
understand it. But, as I’ve discovered, they often do know. They just don’t want to
tell you and hurt your feelings. Or maybe, they have told you and you haven’t
really heard them.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could read his mind? Or at least read his cues?
What if you could learn what makes men get bored, frustrated, hurt, or angry,
making them distance themselves?
How I can help you read your man...
My name is Slad Shaw. I’m a relationship coach and the author of Why Men Pull
Away. I’ve seen relationships from the inside out, and I’ve heard men talk about
why they pulled back from their woman.
I also conducted an anonymous survey of 700 men called “Why do Men Shut
Women Out?”.
This survey was different from the usual questionnaires out there. How so? I
didn’t give men questions with preset questions labeled A through D.
If I did that, I would have asked, “If you ever pulled away while in a relationship,
why?”
And then they could have chosen an answer that I, a woman, created, such as:
A. You fell out of love

B. You met someone else
C. You discovered she had too many traits you didn’t like
D. You weren’t ready for a relationship
That would have been me guessing, going on what women usually think. And
those answers would be wrong. Those weren’t the answers given to me in this
survey.
For this book, I surveyed men with questions and let them answer however they
liked. That’s right. I asked questions and read through all of their answers.
Do you want to know what surprised me the most from the results?
I simply could not believe how completely HONEST the men were. They wrote
candid answers that they would never share with their woman.
Do you want to read some of the actual answers? And get into men’s heads?
Part of what I do in my research is 'cross over enemy lines' to learn EXACTLY what
men say and think about women. The men in this survey were given the chance to
share in confidence, without judgment, why their relationships have been lacking.
The information in this book is the honest truth that most men can’t tell their
women, not this way.
I went straight to hundreds of men themselves to get the brutal and honest
answers to all sorts of questions like 'why do men shut women out?’ and ‘if they
cheat, why?'.
Then I reveal those answers to you!
A quick note, due to the brutally honest nature of these answers, you might think
men are pigs. Yes, they can come off that way, especially if they’re telling us what
women do wrong, just as if they’re talking to another man. But they’re sharing
because I asked them to.
This book isn’t about putting men down, but instead understanding them and
their needs.
This book will give you an inside look into what makes men tick, what makes them
stay in love, and what makes them excited about a relationship.
There are a lot of really good men out there, and they think the same thing as the
men in this book. Do you want to know what they would tell a woman if they
could be completely honest? Then read on!
About the Survey
Men of all ages answered questions for this study, giving us perspective across the
board. The answers were surprisingly similar, which tells us that the issues making
men pull away are pretty much universal across age groups.
Men basically always have the same relationship needs.
The respondents included single men who had never been married, single men
who were divorced, happily married men, unhappily married men, widowers, and
of course single dating men.
Before we get into the actual results, let me share something else that surprised
me.
So we’ve all read the articles online about why women pull away, right? You
might have read some before getting this ebook.
The answers out there are wrong!
I’ve read them too, and the reasons they list, such as:
Men pull away because they really like you. Not true according to this survey!
Men have a commitment phobia. Again, not true! They want relationships just as
much as women do.
Men aren’t challenged in the given relationship. This didn’t come up as an

answer in our survey. Interesting, right?
Men need their own identity. This one sounds right, but men didn’t say that in
the survey. Actually, some men said they wished their partner had her own
identity and ambition instead of being clingy or needy. While this one may be
true, no one listed it as a reason for pulling away, breaking it off, or shutting a
woman out of his life.
You slept with him too soon. I’ve had this one drilled into me. You’ve heard it a
lot, too? Guess what? It didn’t show up as an answer. Not once.
Now that we know a few reason that aren’t really true, let’s dive into why men
actually do shut women out of their lives.
Why Men Lose Interest
Losing interest is a big reason why men will pull away from a woman and then
shut her out. But I looked past that to see why men lose interest in the first place.
I not only asked men if they have lost interest, I asked them why. And, oh boy, did
the floodgates open.
Remember how I said the men’s honestly shocked me?
With this question, I was taken aback by how emotionally honest and raw the
men were. These men who had pulled away were very hurt, sometimes angry,
and bitter.
But often they were still in the relationship, so it seems that they were holding
out hope for things to turn around.
The big negative issues that men list.
These are fixable issues in most of the cases. Here’s 7 short responses that do a
good job of summing up much of what men had to say. Men lost interest
because:
• She didn’t offer any support.

• When a woman starts neglecting my needs, I respond the same way. If this
does not change I lose interest.
• She didn't appreciate me, or anything I did for her. She failed to give
anything towards our relationship.
• Woman want everything, and a man to do it for them.
• Loss of interest in me.
• It seemed she became only interested in what she wanted and not we
should have done as a couple.
• She was inconsiderate, looked after herself and neglected me at every
chance.
Now remember, these are real responses from real men. They’re anonymous so
the men felt they could share honestly, openly, and bluntly. That means the
answers aren’t sugar coated. It was their chance to dish on their truth without
their woman arguing about it or getting mad at them.
Do those answers surprise you?
If you’re like me, you might have expected men to say, “She stopped liking sex
and gained weight.”
I’ll talk about those soon, but these issues came up much more. It sounds like a
much bigger issue, too, and actually includes the issue over lack of sex or less sex
than in the beginning.
Actual Answers...
You probably want to hear from the men. After all, this is your chance to get
inside their brains and see what they really think about their relationships, their
woman, and what is making them pull away.
Here’s one very insightful answer: “I pulled away because I felt like I was giving
more to the relationship then my partner. I’m not saying she did anything wrong
but we all have emotional needs, not just physical. I just felt the balance wasn’t
right and she felt it too, love is a two way street and you both have to be going
the same way. It’s not about falling out of love but when you stop doing the little
things, someone in the relationship will lose interest.”
As you can see, men aren’t concerned with only sexual needs. That’s something
that women often think, that men just want sex.
Lack of sex was a reason given, and while women don’t always like to hear that,
it’s part of a relationship. People form a romantic relationship so they have a life
partner, someone to confide in, have fun with, lean on when needed, and fill
physical needs. Those needs include cuddling, hugging, kissing, and yes, sex.
But how many men cited lack of sex as a reason for pulling away? Only around 65
out of 700, or about 9%.
Some men said “sex” but many listed intimacy by itself or both intimacy and sex.
One man puts it this way: “I believe this applies to both men and women. Why
anyone shuts anyone else out is a function of intimacy. Most people think
intimacy is equated with sex. That is only part of intimacy. There are several other
layers of intimacy. I believe that when anyone shuts someone else out it is
because they are primarily afraid of intimacy or they do not perceive intimacy in
the relationship. The problem is that intimacy is what everyone needs to thrive,
but runs away from because intimacy on all levels requires us to be vulnerable to
someone else and it seems counterintuitive to us as humans to find strength in
vulnerability. So we hide our deepest fears from those we would wish to share
them with and we fail to ask for help carrying those burdens. Again this applies to
both men and women.”
The phrase “no desire for intimacy” came up again and again.
People just want to feel close to their partner. Isn’t that what you’re seeking too?
Often, when men said things like “her inability to reciprocate the love given to
her”. In most cases, it’s not a lack of just sex, but a lack of all the physical caring
that people crave.
Now, in men’s defense, it’s not always the male who feels sex is lacking. Quite a
few women get frustrated in relationships because their husband or boyfriend
isn’t interested in sex anymore.
If you haven’t ran into this, you might not believe me. Try searching online “my
boyfriend isn’t interested in sex anymore” and take a look at how many forums
focus on this issue!
I shared that just because I don’t want you thinking men have a one-track mind
focused on sex in relationships. They have a variety of needs, and they can get
hurt and bitter over many other things.
Let’s take a closer look at some of those things.
Some things were very negative, and it’s completely understandable why those
men pulled away. They listed things like:
• Could not stand her jealousy.

• Acting disrespectful, secretive, arrogant
• Cheated
• Lying all the time
• Constantly arguing
• Constant negativity
• Overbearing and jealous
• No confidence
• Talking bad about herself
• She micro-manages me
A few men shared that the sex was great but her negative traits weren’t worth it.
Men seek to be accepted, and another negative trait was trying to change them:
“She wanted me but she wanted me to be someone or something else... She
wanted me changed so I was no longer me but her ideal of me.”
Quite a few men sounded very bitter about how things had gone in their
relationship, especially married men. They expressed how their partner
demanded a lot while getting lost in her own life.
Here’s an explanation from a particularly bitter man:
“Yes. I see a relationship/marriage as a partnership. Two people working together

towards a common goal. My wife is very selfish. She cares more about her
hobbies and interests than she does her husband and son. Monday through
Friday she arrives home from work and finds the meal I have created for her
waiting on the table. This became the practice, and once she was done eating she
is off to do "her thing" and doesn't want to lose any of "her precious time"
waiting for something to cook. For that half hour, my son and I get to feel like we
are a complete family. Then she is off again attending to her desires, her goals,
none of which include either of us. I attempted to join with her in her hobby, a
competitive and expensive interest. I became successful, maybe more so than her
for a short time and she lost interest in that venue and took up another. To excel
in the new venue, she took her old gear and mine and sold/traded it for new gear
for her to use. She has many animals. Something about a twisted perspective in
the natural maternal instincts of a woman. Each of her pets is her ‘baby’. It makes
my son and I both feel less worthy as she spends more time caring, snuggling and
playing with her pets than she does her human family members. I have totally lost
interest in this woman who entrapped me into marriage now 17 years ago by
lying to me about birth control. I have done the best I can to be a caring husband
and father for 17 years. When my son turns eighteen I will be able to be free.
People have told me to leave years ago; but I wanted to be there for my son and I
know she would have only used the laws and child support money to spend on
her own interests, leaving his out in the cold.”
It’s sad and ironic that so many men pulled back because they felt they were
pushed away. To them, it feels like the woman pulled away and stopped caring
about the relationship.
What does that look like early on?
A man might subtly let you know that he’d like time together or attention. You
have a million things going on in your life, and you don’t notice.
Remember our story about Megan and Josh in the opening of this book? What if
she felt the relationship was secure and stopped investing as much time, effort,
thought, and affection in the relationship and Josh?
It could have been one of many things listed in this chapter. Perhaps she started
pointing out things that he could change or improve, or she started sharing
negative thoughts about herself and thus revealing a lack of confidence.
Here’s another sad story about a couple growing apart: “The lack of sex and
intimacy are the two greatest factors in my situation. There is no joyful
anticipation in coming home. My wife still spends time on fixing herself up to look
pretty but it is only a routine of habit. She stays up until 1 or 2 am watching her
musical series that she watches all day long. I do most of the house keeping. I do
still love her but now from a distance.”
I still love her but from a distance.
Wow.
What if your man loves you, but he feels that you don’t care anymore? Maybe he
has no idea how much you do care!
In fact, the most common answer to why men pull away centered around the
woman not caring anymore. At least, the men couldn’t tell that their partner
cared.
“I’m tired of putting all the effort in and feeling like I’m not a priority. Eventually I
started to shut her out to protect myself from being let down and hurt as a
result.”
Some men simply listed “no appreciation” as their reason for pulling away. That
can happen early on in a relationship, when you get together, and then you take it
for granted. Essentially, you stop dating the person you’re with.
Respect is Huge to Men
Respect came up too. Men need to be respected. In fact, many experts say that
men need respect while women need love. In truth, it seems men feel loved when
they are respected. When a woman starts putting a man down, he loses interest.
Take a look at this answer: “I pulled away due to lack of respect, mental and
physical abuse and no interest in sharing her life with me. No sexual connection
for many years.”
I find it interesting that this man said “sexual connection.” That might be the
heart of the matter for many men when they say “lack of sexual interest” is the
reason they pull away. It’s a real need to many people, and when someone
ignores your needs, it feels like they don’t care.
You lose that connection. The physical connection is a part of a bigger picture that
includes mental and emotional connections as well.
Women often need the emotional connection before sexual, so when they don’t
feel close, they don’t want sex. Men sometimes operate the other way around.
In short, why do men lose interest?
Whether in a new relationship or a long term one, they feel that the woman is
putting less into the relationship than they are, or as completely given up.
You might be shaking your head, thinking that you do try. But if you seemed to
pull back, and then you criticized or became hurt and angry, it might have created
a cycle.
Maybe after a few months, the woman stopped dressing up and doing her
makeup. The male took that as her caring less, and not trying to look nice for him.
So he pulled back a little. She got hurt, and started making verbal jabs at him.
Now should a woman feel like it’s her fault when a man pulls back? Should she
always look her best and be “perfect”?
Not at all. Many men love it when a woman feels comfortable around him and
they start spending “down time” together—breakfast in bed, watching TV, or just
having a lazy day in pajamas.
And this doesn’t apply to just how a woman fixes herself up.
Men have emotional needs, and they want to feel respected, appreciated, and
taken care of. They want a little doting on them too.
It could be that you’re hurt about him not doing the little things for you. What if
you stopped doing them for him, and are waiting around for him to make a grand
gesture?
In a new relationship, when we’re in love, it’s really about how that person makes
us feel. Come on, you love that too!
Think back... You were giddy, excited, and felt energized, right? You finally met
someone who liked you for you, who wanted to spend time with you, who
thought about you during the day.
What if you could bring that back? Imagine if you remembered a little thing you
used to do or say, and did something like that? Try it and see what happens!
How Nagging Kills Relationships
I wanted to know if men had been “nagged” but I didn’t stop there. I asked them
what they were nagged about, and how it made them feel.
Before we jump in, let’s talk about why women nag. Many men say that women
do, and it’s been proven through studies and surveys. But is it just women
wanting to pick at their man?
It usually goes down like this: the woman has unmet needs or there are things
that her man says he’ll do, but he doesn’t. He might also have some shortcomings
that need to change.
Women tend to be helpers – we often take care of the home, the people in it, and
make sure everyone has the things they need. It’s our job, in many homes, to
remind people about chores, homework, and things to pick up.
Boyfriends and husbands appreciate help. They ask us to remind them about
things, and even to do little things for them.
If you’re like me, you probably take care of those requests right away. He needs
help picking up an order from a store? Sure, I’ll drop by during the day and get it.
Men... They’re not so naturally inclined to hear a request and act on it in a timely
manner. No offense, men, but it’s often true!
One quick and telling answer was “Yes, often, some of it my fault, some of it not. I
usually turn off”.
This man admitted it was sometimes his fault, but it sounds like he turned off
either way. No one likes to be criticized.
Maybe there is something to the fact that it’s a woman nagging him, and that it’s
someone he’s close to and cares about. Remember how men need respect?
“Whenever you are nagged by a woman you fell worthless. Then you prefer to be
alone.”
Ouch. It can really hurt a man to be nagged because he ends up feeling useless
and not respected. It’s like telling him he’s not being the man and taking care of
his family. (I know, you’re thinking he’s being a big drama queen, but we’re trying
to understand how they feel here.)
Men aren’t just shallow jerks about it. Some answers were very reflective, like this
one:
“I think this is a weird question because 'nagging' is not just confined to women.
My wife calls it 'managing' and both men and women do it. You are only nagged if
you feel nagged. It can be humiliating, shame inducing, arouse a sense of
injustice, and angry defensiveness. The ego feels under attack. It can be a good
lesson in nonattachment. More often than not it is related to my less than ideal
behavior.”
Again, another man admitted he knew he had shortcomings. (My less than ideal
behavior.) He also says the ego feels under attack.
Men feel the need to get away from those bad feelings:
“Yes, and it felt awful. It was a prime reason for beginning to shut her out, just to
get away from the nagging and from the bad feelings. We eventually became
friendly, but never close friends and I never considered getting back together. We
haven't seen or talked to each other for several years, as we travel in different
circles now.”
This man actually shut her out of his life for nagging! (More on the topic of why
men shut women out in the next chapter.)
Another man put a humorous spin to the topic:
“Yes I have been nagged, and it made me want to distance myself from that
person. Men love to be praised and appreciated. Especially by the woman we love
most. Try either doing the task with them, or start flirting with them, while
looking sexy and then make it appear as though you need their manly muscles or
manly abilities to complete it. :)”
Why do Men Hate Nagging?
You probably understand by now that nagging a man makes him feel worthless.
We can also see that it does not get them to do what we’re asking.
Do men understand what’s going on? Take a look at this answer:
“All nagging is a negative way of saying ‘you're not paying attention’. The
unintended consequence of nagging usually exacerbates the problem. Men hate
to be nagged as it reminds them of their mother (or sister). Not terribly sexy
memory for most men. It results in learning to tune out. Ergo: more nagging
results in less attention: less attention results in more nagging. Once you're on
this cycle very difficult to get off.”
Whoa! Nagging reminds him of their mother and sister.
This man understood that the nagging was the woman’s way of telling him he
wasn’t paying attention, but he knew it made the problem worse.
A common thread ran throughout the men’s answers about why they hated being
nagged. It was, of course, how it made them feel unwanted and not good enough,
but they could also see the source of the nagging: their woman was unhappy
about a bigger picture or her life, and fixating on something small to express her
irritation.
In short, the men couldn’t fix the problem! And they knew it. Take a look at what
this man said:
“I was nagged about working too hard and doing too much overtime to support
my family and accused of cheating when all I was trying to do was work to give
my family a better life. It felt like I was busting my arse for nothing and she
couldn't see the bigger picture.”
If you think about it, when people nag, are they addressing the issue that needs
fixed?
Sure, if you’re upset with your partner for never taking out the trash, you might
be nagging about something specific and fixable.
But if you’re nagging about issues that have been resolved for a long time, or
something about him that he doesn’t want to change, the nagging won’t help
anything.
Even if you’re right, it won’t help! See this next answer:
“I look back now and see that she was right. It felt annoying to be nagged though.
Nagging doesn't do much to help a man think to change. It's like a bird chirping in
your ear. If you really want to get your point across to a man, don’t nag. Just have
a damn conversation first, ask about his day and grab his attention, warm him up
first, then get into things you'd like to work on together. Nagging just makes a
man out up a shield and go I to defense mode.”
So nagging can really make a man shut a woman out.
When Men Completely Shut a Woman from Their Life
The questions we’ve all been waiting for: why do men shut women out of their
lives?
I was surprised that men often said they shut a woman out for cheating. You can’t
blame them for that!
But, because you’re reading this book, I’m guessing you want a happy relationship
and aren’t doing something like that.
There were other things that annoyed or angered men that weren’t as bad as
cheating. This man didn’t say why he was angry, but he did say:
“Yes, it was to the point where I didn't know how to talk to her without her
getting mad so it was easier to shut her out since I've never been good with words
anyway. So I eventually just shut down because it seemed easier.”
“Controlling” came up quite a bit too.
Related to that is nagging.
I already shared this answer—given for the question about nagging—but it really
applies here too:
“Nagging was a prime reason for beginning to shut her out, just to get away from
the nagging and from the bad feelings. We eventually became friendly, but never
close friends and I never considered getting back together. We haven't seen or
talked to each other for several years, as we travel in different circles now.”
It seems, when a woman just becomes too negative, men back away and shut
them out, as this man said:
“It was namely: overly critical, nagging, never seemed to be happy, judgmental,
never said anything nice, always pointing out my flaws and mistakes,
misinterpreting situation in her favor (she's right I'm wrong), not wanting to listen
to my side, brings up past, never lets go of things.”
Whoa! You’ve more than likely heard a man complain about how women just do
not let go of things. They’ll hang onto it for years.
You can’t argue – we’ve all heard it, and maybe we’ve all done it at least once.
I had a friend who was married for over 17 years, and had been divorced for
several years when I met him. His wife had collected reasons to be angry and
bitter at him throughout the marriage, but one big reason was the fact that they
didn’t wait until their marriage night to be together. She held that against him the
entire marriage.
That’s an example of something big and meaningful to someone. There are many,
many examples of women holding onto something said during an argument, or
something the man didn’t do, or something that happened.
Women will hang onto these things even after the man has apologized many
times and taken action to make up for it.
Now, I don’t want to tear women down, but sometimes it does seem that we
want our man to be a certain way, and we want to “make them pay” for not being
that person, and for things they did that we won’t let you. We somehow take the
relationship for granted and believe our man will stick around despite that.
Many of the answers in this survey reveal that men have been deeply hurt and
that made them become bitter and guarded in future relationships.
Again and again, men said women didn’t care about the man’s feelings:
“I've shut a woman out for repeatedly ignoring my feelings but wanting me to
honor hers or bring overly selfish.”
It sounds as if they want the same thing as women: to be valued, respected,

loved, and taken care of.
They want to be around a positive woman too. The answers for why men shut
women out boiled down to:
• She was always negative and complained all the time

• She was overly critical and judgmental
• She was controlling
• She cheated
• She ignored my feelings while demanding that I focus on hers
It was often a combination of the same patterns that forced men to shut her out:
“She began to always manipulate my life. My choices and path were never good
enough. She would criticize and second guess most decisions I’d make. I
understood some of my decisions weren’t the best, but I had my own individual
needs. I began to shut her out. I didn't like being alienated.”
A smaller percentage of men cited lack of communication, but the controlling,

nagging, and negative behavior really dominated their answers to this question.
One man even came out and said he shut a woman out for “SELF PRESERVATION”.
After reading this far, are you wondering if you push your man away, and make
him want to shut you out?
To discover the truth about whether or not you are missing out on the love,
romance and affection that you deserve, take this 60 second quiz:
http://www.meetysMail.com/go/missingout
PLUS, you’ll receive a free, personalized quiz assessment and a free video
presentation that will show you how to attract the love of a man.
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, or married, this survey and the results
will help you attract your man!
What Would Men Change about Women?
Men love women. After reading this far into this book, you might be starting to
think otherwise. And in the beginning of a relationship, most men tend to think
the woman is perfect. They’re excited and in love, and it’s also true that everyone
puts their best foot forward at first.
But you want to know what men think as the relationship starts making its way
out of the honeymoon stage.
One man did us a huge favor and summed up his perfect woman:
“I would love my wife to have good smiles for me, normal romance and sex,
caring and respect in public, welcoming, and dressed smarter in the body and in
the mind!”
Really, he might be asking for what he saw in the beginning of a relationship.

People do change, but wouldn’t it be nice if they kept the good qualities you fell
for?
What do men in relationships think?
I asked men in a relationship which trait they would change in their girlfriend or
spouse. I got a big surprise. Many men said they wouldn’t change anything!
Apparently the men staying in their relationships were fairly happy. Makes sense,
right?
Others said even if there were things to change, they shouldn’t want to change
someone else.
We had some thoughtful men respond to this survey. While quite a few men
didn’t want to change their significant other, some listed a short answer. (The
other survey questions got much lengthier answers!)
What did men say? What would they like to change?
Confidence was mentioned often. Men like women who know what they want
and feel confident in going after it.
Men also like women who feel good about their body. That doesn’t mean you
have to be perfect, but comfortable in your own skin.
Related to this, men like a woman who can be independent. Men like to feel
needed, but in today’s world, they also like a woman who can take care of herself
when needed.
As one man put it, when asked what he would change about his partner, he said,
“That she would be more independent. I feel like being alone sometimes make
you strong. If you always feel the need that you have to be around people that
can lead to bad situations and decisions. Take time for yourself!”
Some men cited patience. They didn’t like having a woman with a short fuse. That
makes sense—no one likes walking on egg shells or feeling like their partner
might get mad at any second.
A common answer was “more understanding”. That’s something we often see,

isn’t it? Women can have a certain standard they expect from men, and often in
an area where men aren’t typically strong, such as always remembering dates or
doing everything perfectly and the way the woman likes it.
Men want to be respected, and when they mess up, it’s hard to admit it. So if
their woman comes down on them hard instead of focusing on the problem
(which offers understanding) then men become less likely to talk about it with
their wife or girlfriend.
“Understanding” also applies to being open to other points of view. Some men
said they would like it if their woman was more open-minded.
And a little surprise...
Men want more romance and attention.
A few men answered that they’d like their woman to feel more happy. (Ahhhhh...)
Interestingly enough, men often wanted their wife/girlfriend to work on

themselves, for their own happiness and to make the relationship stay strong.
One man put it this way:
“Wanting to grow and become better than you were the day before-- that’s my
motivation. A stagnant woman is a woman who will hold you in place. She won’t
be excited about the new opportunities and new things that you're learning in
your life. I would change that.”
Another cited he wished she would have more professional ambition. So it’s not
all about pleasing a man to make them happy!
What did other men wish for, the trait that she’d like to see in their partner?
• Open and sincere

• More communication
• Empathy
• Honestly
• Show affection
• Positive attitude
• Positive feedback (not just negative feedback and criticism)
Some men also listed things they wanted less of, such as:
• Stop nagging
• Be less of a control freak
• Less intense mood swings
• Less jealously
• Less “self centeredness” (a common one!)
The issue of sex didn’t come as much under why men pulled away, but it did show
up here, when I asked men what they would change. Some men wanted their
partner to be more interested in sex or more adventurous in the bedroom.
Women know that when the relationship suffers in other areas, they have trouble
connecting sexually. Men might not realize that, and they see the lack of interest
as the problem. This is where communication can really help.
With that in mind, it might not be surprising that one man said, I wish she would
“talk more about her emotional needs that I do not meet. And listen to me about
my needs as well.”
And although it’s not a trait, several men mentioned that they wish their wife
cared more about her appearance. Sometimes the wife has gained a lot of weight
or simply doesn’t dress up or do makeup anymore.
Many of the men that made this comment also mentioned that they go to the
gym and are active, and wished their wife did too. Maybe it could be a team
effort. If your man spends time working out or makes sure to look nice, consider if
you have too. If not, see if you can find a way to exercise together.
On a funny note, one man said he wished his wife would stop buying handbags!
But I doubt he would push her away or shut her out over that.
I didn’t just look at what men would change about their current partner. Another
question had them look back at an ex.
Does that change their answer?
What would men change about an ex
Looking back gives men more perspective, and it might even be that they are
more honest because they’re thinking about a relationship that’s over. The warm
and fuzzy feelings are gone.
Surprisingly, to me at least, is that 11% of the respondents didn’t want to tell me

about their ex, choosing to skip this question.
And many men who did answer said they wouldn’t have changed an ex, either
because there “wasn’t anything to change” or the man didn’t believe in trying to
change people.
Maybe, because men are less likely to try to change a woman, that’s why they
tend to pull away and shut the woman out. It might also be why they cheat.
When I asked men what they would change about an ex, I went beyond that to
ask what would have made things better.
One man voiced what we were thinking when he said, to what he’d change:
“Having an understanding of how men think and the other way around.
Understanding each other's needs.”
That’s exactly the point of this book! I want you to see what’s going on inside
men’s heads so you can better understand why they pull away, shut women out,
and even cheat.
So are you ready for the shocker?
I didn’t believe this at first, because it seems to be the opposite of what we all
think.
It’s completely counterintuitive...
10% of the answers mentioned one thing—which is a lot considering the men
wrote their responses instead of picking out of 4 choices.
10% of the answers said the men wanted better communication.
Men... asking for better and more communication!
They said they wished their ex had shared more, talked to them, been honest and
open, more sincere, and trusting.
The word communication came up again and again.
One man put it, “Communication! Communication! Communication!”
Surprised? Here we are, trying to figure out why men shut us out, and what we
can do about it. Turns out, most men shut women out of their lives due to lack of
communication.
That tells me that it’s not really the woman that pushes the man away. You know,
we’re always wondering how to change ourselves. But it’s how women kept
secrets, share with their girlfriends instead of their boyfriend or husband, and
hold back.
Men felt like their woman didn’t trust them, and that’s why she didn’t share
more.
They wanted more of their woman.
One said offered a little advice: “Women are beautiful, amazing, mysterious,
unique, mystical beings. If women could own all that on their own individual
level.... the question becomes.. when will I meet a man with the confidence to
love all of me as I am. Be honest with yourself, accept yourself (darkness too), be
patient and never settle!”
Just a reminder – you can see if you’re repelling men by taking the survey “Are
you Repelling Men? (...And missing out on the love, romance and affection you
deserve?)”
Why do Men Cheat?
You might be asking why men cheat to understand something that already
happened, or to understand the issue to prevent it. Or you might just be curious.
People always wonder about the opposite sex and why they do what they do.
Men are all over the place on the topic. One end of the spectrum has men who
say “No way!” or “I’ll never cheat”.
Quite a few men said they were a “one woman man” or that they would leave a
relationship instead of cheat on the woman they’re with.
One said stated, “If you feel the need to cheat, why be in the relationship?”
The spectrum also included men who said they don’t consider flirting and even
kissing cheating, and some men that went as far as to say that sex isn’t love, so
they can love the person they’re with and still have sex with other people. These
were a minority, however.
Some men admitted that they were young and stupid before, and got pulled into
a one night stand. It sounds like it didn’t become a habit for them because they
regretted it.
Some simpler reasons...
Again, men were brutally honest when sharing, and some gave answers that we
might not want to hear:
• Sexual variety
• The opportunity was too good to pass up.
• Just to get away with someone who wasn’t moody.
• Because of her jealous (a self fulfilling prophecy?)
• I was drunk.
• Adventure.
• Fear of commitment (I guess we’ve heard that one before.)
• Pure irritation and disgust due to nagging and self centered behavior.
Cheating Due to Past Hurts
Cheating can be due to a cycle too. One man said: “I had been cheated on and
wasn't needed by the current wife. I was seduced by someone that needed me
and enjoyed my company.”
So he had been hurt, and then in his current relationship he didn’t feel
appreciated. Being cheated on in the past, even by other people, can lead to men
trying to protect themselves by cheating.
Many men revealed that they knew their woman cheated on them, so they
returned the favor. I was actually surprised by how many had been cheated on
and then did the same thing.
And ironically, men cheat for the same reasons that they shut women out of their
life, such as:
• My needs were not being met in the relationship.

• I became part of the furniture.
• Being taken for granted.
• She didn’t want sex from me.
• Her anger and negative comments.
• Because she was making me feel unimportant to her.
• She disrespected me.
We did get a longer explanation from this man who wanted to show how men
think:
“Once a woman gets comfortable in the status of her relationship with a man she
usually lets her guard down and stops doing all the things that she did to Elevate
her status in the relationship in the first place. The man still looking for that
catering treatment will then look outward in another woman for that treatment.
A woman that's willing to deal with a man in a relationship caters to him way
more than the woman in the relationship because she's fighting for The Other
Woman’s position.”
Cheating due to unmet needs
We’ve talked about how men have emotional and physical needs, and I was
surprised at their level of emotional need. Maybe they don’t like to advertise that,
but they shared honestly for my survey.
Their answers revealed that when they feel a lack of respect, they might stray.
When they feel their woman no longer cares or she’s ignoring him, he might look
elsewhere.
Some men are happy in their relationship or marriage besides the sexual aspect.
I’ve met men who shared this problem with me. He loved his wife, had no desire
to leave her, and yet was very sexually frustrated. In fact, he was actively looking
for a mistress, thinking that he could satisfy those needs that his wife wasn’t
interested in while maintaining a relationship with her.
Was he justified? Well, the point of this book isn’t about what men should or
shouldn’t do, but what they’re thinking when they do it.
Men need to feel close to their woman, and that comes from a combination of
emotional and physical support, as one man said:
“I cheated because of the lack of emotional support, lack of physical intimacy, lack
of sex. I need and crave physical touch and my spouse doesn't, she went so far as
to say that she wishes she had an older man whom she didn't have to do all the
touchy feely things with.”
This man wasn’t just missing sex. He wanted “touchy feely” stuff too.
All that touching lets him know you care about him. It also usually helps women
feel closer so they’re more open to moving the touching to sexual relations.
When thinking why he cheated, another man said, “Lack of sex from her and no
imagination or willingness to try new things. Cheating made me feel desirable
again instead of just a workhorse and provider of her wishes and desires.”
Many men simply put it as “Lack of intimacy”.
To sum up the majority of reasons why men cheat, according to themselves, it’s
usually because:
• They were young and stupid (a few men said this)

• Their own issues.
• Their woman lost interest or wouldn’t have sex with them.
• They were no longer appreciated, respected, or cared for.
• They felt sure their woman was cheating on them. (A big reason!)
• Lack of caring, affection, and intimacy.
At this point, you might be very surprised that I didn’t say men cheated because
they fell in love with someone else.
But isn’t that what most men say? They met someone and accidentally fell in love.
They didn’t mean to... It’s very interesting that when men got the chance to share
honestly, they admitted that their relationship was lacking and that’s why they
looked elsewhere.
The Top 10 Traits that make men fall and stay in love
So far we’ve seen what men don’t like, and what makes them shut women out of
their lives. But part of getting into their heads is learning what they do like.
The answers included a lot of variety, but there were some winners that pulled
out ahead too.
A note about the numbers first. I asked an open ended question once again, so I
didn’t come up with the traits. These numbers for each trait are probably a little
low because sometimes men expressed things a bit differently or in a longer way
such as “physical touch” or “cooperating nature”. That said, we still get a good
idea of what men value most in women.
I’ll share some longer answers soon to illustrate more what men are thinking.
Love is #1. Things related to love and being affectionate totaled 329! This is way
more than any other answer by a long shot. Here’s a breakdown of what they
listed and how many times:
• Love 90
• Loving 75
• Caring 76
• Affection 26
• Warm 16
• Kindness 42
On a surface level, it doesn’t seem shocking that men want love and affection
more than anything else. It’s a big reason why anyone wants a relationship, right?
I was, I have to admit, surprised that they didn’t list sex as number 1. But maybe
that sexual connection is something men need along with feeling close through
care and physical touch. These qualities, however, are much more about how a
woman treats a man.
I also expected to see honesty higher on the list, which was very important to
them in other questions.
Looks came in #2. Men will be men, after all. They’re visual creatures. Attributes
related to looks was listed 279 times, under a few different names:
• Beauty 78
• Looks 57
• Beautiful 29
• Body 26
• Sexy 19
• Attractive 39
• Smile 31
A note on these results: men sometimes said “inner beauty” or “beautiful on the
inside and out.” So about 15% weren’t talking simply about outward appearance.
Listing “smile” hints at wanting more than just a pretty face.
Also, men who expressed “beautiful” in different ways also listed traits like grace,
self confidence, faithful, kind, loving, and many other positive traits. So even
though they have some kind of beauty or appearance related trait in their top 3,
men aren’t looking for only physical appearance.
Honesty came in #3 with 200 votes. And “honestly” I expected it to be higher

because it’s one of the main reasons that men shut women out.
#3 is still pretty high, showing that men greatly value a woman who will be open
and truthful to them.
Intelligence or being smart came in #4 with 123.
Men like it when a woman can challenge them.
One man who didn’t list “intelligence” listed: “Her looks. The way she speaks. Her
funny side. How she can converse. Her attitude.” I found it interesting that he
said, “Her funny side. How she can converse.” He wants a partner who offers him
good conversation, along with a sense of humor. You could look at that as
another way of saying intelligence.
Another man said, “Personality. Brains. Conversations. Beauty”. He listed beauty

last! It seems men are turned on by a smart woman who they can talk to for
hours.
Another man listed, “Her mind, humility, consideration, independent, beautiful”.
Is there a pattern here? The men who listed personality, brains, and her mind first
listed beauty last.
At #5, men listed sex or sexy 98 times. We have seen how that’s an important
aspect of a relationship to men—you could say it’s critical to most.
One man admitted, “If he’s not getting it from you, he’s getting it somewhere
else.”
There are the exceptions to the rule, such as men who would never cheat and
men who aren’t as interested in sex as their partner. It does happen that some
men aren’t as sexual due to medication, ill health, chronic pain, stress from work
and home life, or other factors.
The top traits reveal that men want a beautiful, sexy woman who still like sex, but
they have a very broad definition of “beautiful.” You’ll really see this in the longer
answers to come.
Being loyal was #6 with 95 mentions. That was a big reason why men shut
women out of their lives. It’s important to most people.
This applied to not cheating, but also to not sharing the couples’ personal life, and
not turning to other male friends for emotional support. It even included letting
her parents influence her too much.
Having a sense or humor (or being funny) was #7 and came in right behind being
loyal with 93 mentions.
Women love funny men, and apparently men love women who like to laugh at
their jokes and have a witty sense of humor as well.
It’s part of being a fun person, and that’s a huge turn on to men.
Many women complain that their man wants that “cheerleader” type, a woman
who wants to always have fun, laugh at her man’s jokes, do whatever he wants
to, and not get annoyed or angry when he wants to do his “man stuff.”
Women will be this woman in the beginning. Later on, however, they often turn
to nitpicking, nagging, and complaining as they try to change their man. That’s
when men look elsewhere and shut that woman out.
It doesn’t have to be that way. The longer answers show how men want a healthy
woman who knows herself. But more on that later...
Showing respect was #8, listed 85 times. That’s a bit interesting because many
bestselling relationship books say that men need respect above everything else,
even love. I’m sure you’ve heard this because it’s almost “common knowledge”.
But here it came in #8!
HOWEVER… On closer inspection, after going back and re-surveying these same
people asking them what they could have (love with no respect, or respect with
no love?), men chose respect.
So what this is telling us is that men want love the most, however, not at the cost
of respect. They are assuming that they go together. Respect is still SUPER
IMPORTANT and if they’re only getting one, then that’s the one they choose,
though like women, LOVE, loyalty and honesty are very important.
Personality and character came in at #9 with 80 mentions.
One man said: “Personality, inner beauty, being competent, clean, intelligent”.
So many men equate beauty with inner beauty.
Lastly, #10. It’s worth noting that Compassion had 40 votes – and men talked
about being valued all through the survey. They wanted their woman to overlook
some of their flaws and have compassion when they did mess up. A part of that is
letting go of things instead of holding onto them and nagging.
I want to share one more thing with you – the longer answers to the question of
what men want in their woman…
What they want, in their own words...
Would you like to see some of the more thoughtful, longer answers? Because
these described each trait more, they tended not to go into the ranked qualities I
listed before.
Sometimes men can be surprisingly insightful and forthcoming when given the
chance! These really give you the inside scoop.
**Communication** skills and style, proactive communication, intelligence,

assertiveness (no pushover, but not a rhymeswithitch), somehow physically
attractive (might be as simple as her eyes or smile).
Don’t you love how he explains what he means by “physically attractive”? I like
this answer a lot because it shows men are thoughtful, and they want a strong,
intelligent woman who also knows what she wants.
Sometimes we think men are pigs, just out looking for sex because it comes up in
surveys so often, but that’s just a small part of what they really want in a
relationship.
Here’s some more:
1. Ability to laugh at herself and not take everything in life too seriously.
2. She smiles (not grimaces) at you.
3. She is not afraid, or ashamed of her own intelligence.
4. She actually takes an interest in my life without feeling the need to control
every aspect of it.
5. She knows when she needs support even when acknowledging her own
strengths. She know how to be a woman to a man and let her man be male when
he has to be, for her.
This list shows how men want a strong woman who also allows the man to have
his own life, opinions, and ways of doing things. It’s about mutual respect.
1. Intelligence, a very high IQ.

2. An awareness that the couple is sacred and not a media-fade, systematically
applying what is seen or heard in the medias or the Jones is a sure recipe for
disaster.
3. A positive outlook on life.
4. Be caring and loyal
5. Be sexually disposed to be with her man.
1. Beauty: the physical features

2. Figure: proportionality
3. Discipline: respect for fellow humans and other creatures
4. Gait: manner of walking
5. Faith: we have to be of the same faith to avoid conflicts of interest.
Manner of walking? That one is a surprise! But some men have a quirky trait that
means a lot to them.
1. Good moral standards, spiritual and intelligent.

2. Respect for you, themselves and others.
3. Loving, kind, lighthearted, happy, and easy to smile.
4. Enjoys being with you and shows it (publicly and privately). Better than a best
friend.
5. Open minded and willing to learn and try new things with you. Life is an
adventure
This one didn’t list any physical attributes. This man is looking for a “moral”
woman who is his best friend, his “adventure buddy.”
1. A mutual respect for each other’s feelings and wishes.

2. A smile and positive attitude.
3. Kindness, to people animals, waiters etc. Warmth, in her heart and actions.
4. Her actions match her words.
5. Being a wonderful person inside overshadows flaws in looks and body. Healthy
and outgoing,.
Again, here’s another list that is about a healthy relationship between two
healthy people.
1. Intelligence [they don't need to be educated in my same discipline... but I find
conversations with intelligent women who read and continue to learn well after
their formal education was done].
2. Someone that takes care of themselves They don't have to be gym material...
but they need to put some effort into keeping themselves healthy.
3. Positive attitude.
4. Purpose women who have a purpose in life [regardless of whether there is a
man in their life or not] are more attractive than someone who is needy and
clingy. Strange isn't it... I am more attracted to someone who has figured out their
passions and purpose in life than I am someone who wants to focus on me... and
potentially is upset with me later when I don't have what it takes for them to find
fulfillment
5. Honesty, integrity, someone I can trust. A spouse has the legal right to fight for
you in an emergency... or have you unplugged from life support to collect life
insurance. Nothing worse than knowing the person who has this legal right over
you would rather have you dead!!!
This list paints another relationship that sounds healthy and fulfilling for both
parties.
“She has to be smart, at least brighter than average. She has to have interests
outside of me. She has to not need me, at least in terms that she can support
herself. That way she stays with me because she wants too, not because she
needs too. Even though I want someone with outside interests, at the core we
have to have common interests. Most important thing is too have respect and
forgiveness. I recently told a friend (actually an ex girlfriend) that in an argument
there are no winners. In the end, both lose. Unless there is true forgiveness the
relationship suffers, even in small incremental steps.”
Reading these lists, it seems men are looking for a well balanced woman who likes
herself and her life, and wants to share that with someone else who is happy too.
1. A girl who makes feel that you need and can be the best man you can be for
her (emotionally and physically) and the people around you (good community
relationships)
2. Class (Speech, movement, and manners)
3. Intelligence (I don’t need a genius, just a girl who knows her stuff and the world
around)
4. Integrity
5. Kind
1. A woman that makes me melt in 'her' arm's is one that smiles with every part
of her being, usually you can see it in her eyes and you’ll feel it in your heart when
she is really smiling.
2. Is a natural mother. The warmth and gentle soul who genuinely has a kind
heart.
3. A woman that is herself and not trying to be someone else, a woman who is
herself can be intimidating because it is so attractive a goddess like, sitting in her
own power.
4. Someone who is open minded and thinks for herself, intelligent and intellectual
5. FUN- someone who is joyful and wants to enjoy life whether it's looking at the
stars at night, pulling some harmless prank or camping in the woods. It goes
without saying that both genders can be any of the above, but woman with those
5 traits is just OH MY GODDESS!
Well, now we know exactly what men are looking for!
1. Strong, she's certain who she is and not afraid to communicate her desires.
Kind, she has a beauty to her that resonates in her actions towards everyone.
2. Smart, well versed in the world around her and is willing to find out a complete
picture before deciding on a topic she doesn't know about.
3. She can change her mind when new information comes to light.
4. Pragmatic, she leaves the dramas to others. She can sit back and observe
without getting swallowed up in the emotions of any topic in order to keep her
objectivity.
5. Loving, she shows her love with the small things every day; with her words, her
actions, and her kindness.
1. Personality is key in my book. Any woman who has a winning personality will
take priority over everyone else in the room. She can bring a smile to those
around her with her amiable attitude.
2. Her smile. When she can bring a smile to my face just from beaming me a
lovely smile. More so that when our eyes catch and a smile comes across her face,
it just makes the world fall away in that moment.
3. Humor. When she can find a way to bring laughter to myself or the people she
is with.
4. Communication. When she will just tell me if something is wrong or bothering
her. That way I am able to help as I can right away instead of asking in many
different ways what is wrong and agitating her more.
5. Listener/ Patience. I love when she has the time to listen and then give input to
a situation by listening to the whole story. She can evaluate the entirety as a
whole before moving to a conclusion.
Wow, I’m really impressed with what men had to say and what they’re looking
for. After considering these answers, a big part of me thinks that when men said
“sexy” they meant personality, intelligence, humor, class, and a woman who likes
to have fun and leave the drama to TV shows.
Some of the shorter answers in this book could paint men as pigs, but when we
get into their heads and really see what they’re looking for, we see that they just
want to be happy and in love.
Men want a lasting, strong relationship that makes them a better person, and
makes their partner a better person.
Ready to learn more?
Now that you’re armed with all this knowledge, are you ready to take the next
step?
You can learn more about why men lose interest, what makes them stay in love,
and how to improve your love life by watching my free video right here:
http://www.meetysmail.com/go/whymen
Kind regards,
Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away

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What is the relationship between Megan and Josh?

What is the relationship between Megan and Josh?

What are some reasons why men may pull away from relationships?

What are some reasons why men may pull away from relationships?

For the 3 harmless questions that will awaken his love and devotion, follow this link:

By relationship coach Slade Shaw

Introduction – Answers at Last!

It leaves you wondering, did you do something? Is it something in the relationship

It can go something like this:

How I can help you read your man...

A. You fell out of love

About the Survey

Men basically always have the same relationship needs.

The answers out there are wrong!

Men aren’t challenged in the given relationship. This didn’t come up as an

Why Men Lose Interest

Remember how I said the men’s honestly shocked me?

The big negative issues that men list.

• She didn’t offer any support.

Do those answers surprise you?

Let’s take a closer look at some of those things.

• Could not stand her jealousy.

Here’s an explanation from a particularly bitter man:

“Yes. I see a relationship/marriage as a partnership. Two people working together

What does that look like early on?

I still love her but from a distance.

Respect is Huge to Men

In short, why do men lose interest?

Another man put a humorous spin to the topic:

Do men understand what’s going on? Take a look at this answer:

Whoa! Nagging reminds him of their mother and sister.

Even if you’re right, it won’t help! See this next answer:

So nagging can really make a man shut a woman out.

When Men Completely Shut a Woman from Their Life

Related to that is nagging.

It sounds as if they want the same thing as women: to be valued, respected,

• She was always negative and complained all the time

A smaller percentage of men cited lack of communication, but the controlling,

What Would Men Change about Women?

Really, he might be asking for what he saw in the beginning of a relationship.

What do men in relationships think?

What did men say? What would they like to change?

A common answer was “more understanding”. That’s something we often see,

And a little surprise...

Men want more romance and attention.

Interestingly enough, men often wanted their wife/girlfriend to work on

• Open and sincere

Does that change their answer?

What would men change about an ex

Surprisingly, to me at least, is that 11% of the respondents didn’t want to tell me

So are you ready for the shocker?

10% of the answers said the men wanted better communication.

Men... asking for better and more communication!

The word communication came up again and again.

One man put it, “Communication! Communication! Communication!”

They wanted more of their woman.

Why do Men Cheat?

Some simpler reasons...

Cheating Due to Past Hurts

Communication skills and style, proactive communication, intelligence,