Overcoming I Can't: Download Article As PDF

Overcoming I Can’t
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In this recorded audio newsletter with my friend Akrura, we discuss how to coach a devotee
who is trying to forgive. We focus much of the talk on dealing with the obstacle of thinking,
“I just can’t forgive.”
We also discuss how you benefit the most when you let go of resentment. Why? Because
devotees with deep issues of resentment usually find it more difficult to open their hearts to
Krsna. Forgiveness requires compassion, and a compassionate heart is necessary for spiritual
progress.
This conversation lays down many principles of forgiveness that you can practice
immediately, and also encourages you to seek personal guidance of qualified devotees if you
have more difficult or troublesome issues to deal with.
We also detail what forgiveness is not. For instance, forgiveness can exist even if you take
legal action against a person. Or you may choose to distance yourself from that person even
though you have fully forgiven him or her. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning a wrong
action; it means releasing ill feelings.
Akrura is a transcendental coach and works as a coordinator for a counselor system for care
and guidance for devotees. He received professional training for coaching from New Castle
College. For the past eight years he worked with over 300 ISKCON devotees. He has helped
devotees succeed in such areas as health, sadhana, relationships, service, and leadership
I am impressed with the work Akrura is doing and how he is so effective in helping devotees
become more productive, successful and satisfied in their Krsna consciousness.
I have personally listened to this talk many times, each time gaining new benefit and insight
from it. The link to the conversation is found at the end of the email.
Below I outline some of the main points of our conversation.
May you always think of Krsna,
Mahatma das
___________________________________________________________________________
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I can’t
“I can’t” is an obstacle that arises not only with forgiveness but in many areas of life.
Embedded in “I can’t” are habitual excuses we make. A good beginning to explore why we
feel we can’t do something is by asking ourselves the question, “Why do I think I can’t do
it?” The answer to this question increases our awareness of the excuses we make, and how
these excuses prevent us from achieving our desired results.
To break the pattern of making excuses, recognize that you are a spirit soul and by
connecting properly with Krsna, anything is possible. Even if you feel that you cannot forgive
someone immediately, at least dream of what things will be like when you forgive. And
always remember that it’s possible to go beyond your modes of nature when Krsna helps you.
Imagine you are a world expert

It’s important to view your situation as a third person. Stand away from your issues and look
at them more objectively. For instance, you can imagine yourself to be a world expert and
think of a solution for a person who comes to you with your problem. This will help you
change your perspective on the situation. Often times devotees have come up with amazing
solutions to their problems. So you could ask yourself, “If I were a world expert on
forgiveness, what would I tell someone who came to me with the exact problem I have right
now.”
Cultivating a strong sadhana

When we regularly read Srila Prabhupada’s books we develop a greater ability to see that
everything is a gift from Krsna. Nothing happens by accident and there are lasting lessons to
learn even from bad experiences. There are gems embedded in misfortune. Krsna is in control
of our lives and He is placing various situations in front of us so that we learn specific
lessons. Plus, a devotee always feels that he deserves worse than what he is receiving. Srila
Prabhupada often quoted the verse SB 10.14.8,
tate te ‘nukampam su-samiksamano
bhunjana eyatma-krtam vipakam
hrd-yag-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jiveta yo mukti-pade sa daya-bhak
A devotee thinks that he deserves worse but that Krsna has sent just a token reaction for his
misdeeds.
Accepting higher guidance

When we approach a guide or a coach they will help us get beyond our comfort zone and
think beyond our perceived capabilities. With this kind of help we will be able to move
beyond our obstacles and forgive more easily.
Forgiveness is a choice
When we are hurt, we usually feel there is no choice but to be angry, resentful, etc. But we
can always choose how we respond to any situation. No matter how difficult the situation, we
can always respond in a better way. Forgiveness is a choice.
Akrura explains that,” Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our
freedom to respond and thus lies our happiness and growth.”
What are the costs?
What is the cost of not forgiving? Does it really benefit us to hold on to our resentment? We
actually pay a very high price to hold onto resentment.
Ask empowering questions
We can always ask ourselves disempowering questions like, “Why me?” or we can ask
ourselves empowering questions like, “Where is Krsna in this situation?” “What will please
Krsna in this situation?” “What lessons are there for me?” Don’t think why you can’t do it;
think how you can do it. Asking empowering questions is a powerful tool for moving
forward.
Giving up the negatives

It’s common to have issues with authorities (temple leaders, spiritual leaders, bosses, parents,
etc.). It’s also common to allow these issues to go unresolved. If you you have unresolved
emotional and psychological problems, it can make it difficult to open your heart fully to
Krsna. Plus, when we give up our resentment, it frees up energy that can be used in Krsna’s
service.
Practice forgiveness
When a devotee approached Prabhupada and told him that he didn’t like to bow down,
Prabhupada asked him to bow down anyway, explaining that if you do eventually you will
feel like bowing down. If we do not feel like forgiving, we should still practice forgiving.
Then we will begin to appreciate the benefits of forgiving – and possibly even begin to see
the good in those who hurt us.
What Is Forgiveness
1) Forgiveness does not mean that we must have a relationship with the person who hurt us.
We can maintain a distance if that’s what needed to maintain a healthy attitude towards that
devotee.
2) We can learn that we are not going to allow ourselves to be exploited again.
3) It may be necessary to punish, but we still must maintain a forgiving heart.
4) When we forgive, we do not have to tell the other devotee or person who has offended us
that we have forgiven. Often times the “offender” does not recognize that they have offended
us.
5) Forgiveness means to take responsibility for how we feel.

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Overcoming I Can’t

Download article as PDF

Below I outline some of the main points of our conversation.

May you always think of Krsna,

Imagine you are a world expert

Cultivating a strong sadhana

bhunjana eyatma-krtam vipakam

hrd-yag-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te

jiveta yo mukti-pade sa daya-bhak

Accepting higher guidance

Giving up the negatives

3) It may be necessary to punish, but we still must maintain a forgiving heart.

5) Forgiveness means to take responsibility for how we feel.

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