Running head: RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 1

Resilience Project: Children Coping with their Parents’ Divorce

Thien Do

Chapman University

CSP 500

Fall 2019
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 2

Masten (2014) defines resilience as “The capacity of a dynamic system to adapt

successfully to disturbances that threaten system function, viability, or development” (p. 10). In

other words, despite the challenges and threats an individual experiences, he or she can adjust to

these obstacles and function properly. Protective factors are things that help mitigate the effects

of threats. Some of these protective factors include a positive support system, such as positive

role models or close friends, good problem solving or coping skills, and engagement with the

community, such as school, church, etc. On the other hand, there are risk factors that increase the

likelihood that an individual engages in behaviors with negative consequences, such as substance

abuse, violence, school dropout, or delinquency (Fertman, Delgado, & Tarasevich, 2014). 

Esmaeilian, Dehghani, Dehghani, and Lee (2018) define divorce as “the legal termination

of duties and responsibilities of a marital union” (p. 1052). According to Chen and George

(2005), forty to fifty percent of married couples are getting divorced. Not only does the divorce

affect the couple, but it also affects their children. Approximately one million children will

experience parental divorce each year (Rodgers & Rose, 2002). This statistic is steadily

increasing every year. Many children do not understand the reason why their parents are

separating and are left in disbelief (Sviggum, 2000). Risk factors of divorce include high inter-

parental conflict, diminished support and contact with one or both parents, and loss of economic

resources (Jolivet, 2011). Other disruptive life events that result from divorce include moving,

changing schools, and additional parental marriages and divorces (Amato, 2000). Because of

these risk factors, research has shown that divorce has “enduring detrimental effects on the

development of children” (Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 1999, p. 129). Children of divorced

parents are more likely to develop externalizing disorders such as antisocial, aggressive, and

noncompliant behaviors, or internalizing disorders, such as anxiety and depression (Hetherington

& Stanley-Hagan, 1999). Compared to children in non-divorced families, children of divorced

parents are “less socially, emotionally, and academically well-adjusted” (Hetherington &

Stanley-Hagan, 1999, p. 131). They are also two to three times more likely to drop out of school,

become pregnant, or engage in antisocial and delinquent behaviors. Furthermore, children of

divorced parents are less likely to attend or complete college, be employed, and have financial

resources (Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 1999).      

 Despite experiencing such a traumatic event in their life, some children can remain

resilient. According to Bezuidenhout, Theron, and Fritz (2018), many children can recover from

short and long term effects associated with parental divorce. These children “do not suffer from

major psychological problems; have achieved their education and career goals; retain close ties

to their families; enjoy intimate relationships; have not divorced; and do not appear to be scarred

with immutable negative effects from divorce” (Kelly & Emery, 2003, p. 357). The question that

this study explores is: How are children of divorced parents able to remain resilient? Among the

participants of the study, it was found that a strong support system, effective therapy, and

positive personality traits are some of the reasons why children of divorced parents can remain

resilient.     

Literature Review

Support System

According to Leon (2003), support systems “alleviate parenting stress and buffer children

from negative outcomes associated with parenting stress” (p. 265). Social support includes

friends, teachers, neighbors (Rodgers & Rose, 2002), extended family, day-care providers (Leon,

2003) and grandparents (Butler, Scanlan, Douglas, Murch, & Robinson, 2002). Children of

divorced parents confide with their friends for emotional support, especially with others who
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 4

have also experienced divorce, since they “speak the same language” and can relate with one

another (Butler et al., 2002, p. 94). Having one friend can help moderate the effects of stressful

transitions from divorce. Teachers who are supportive and have rules that are firm but fair may

provide consistency and predictability to children of divorce whose home life may be stressful or

seem out of control (Rodgers & Rose, 2002). Because of this, children exhibit lower levels of

externalizing behavior. Children of divorced parents who have internalizing behaviors may

confide with teachers to seek help with coping with their depression or low self-esteem.

Neighbors can help these children from negative outcomes by providing outside familial support

or role modeling. However, building relationships with neighbors may be difficult for those who

“experience more residential mobility” (Rodgers & Rose, 2002, p. 1034). If parents can maintain

a good relationship with each other after their divorce, then their children will be able to remain

connected with their extended kin network on both sides of the family (Ahrons, 2007).

According to Butler et al. (2002), grandparents were important because they were another valued

source of support to children and they were seen as “a source of time, attention, and reassurance

during periods of uncertainty” (p. 94). Their homes were also seen as safe or neutral territory in

which children of divorce could take refuge from what was occurring at home. 

Therapy

According to Jordan (2016), the primary objective of the therapist is to create a safe

haven so the child can express his or her emotions and engage in therapeutic work. The therapist

helps the child by helping him or her “understand the divorce and its consequences; disengage

from the crisis and resume normal activities; cope with the loss; deal with the anger; resolve the

guilt and self-blame; accept the permanence of the divorce; and achieve hope regarding

relationships” (Jordan, 2016, p. 431). In the school setting, there are group child-oriented
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 5

programs, in which children of divorced parents often meet to share their experiences, learn

about problem-solving strategies, and offer mutual support. From this form of therapy, children

can have a better understanding of divorce, newly acquired communication skills, and the

support of other students. Another focal point of therapy is to build on the positive characteristics

of the child, which will contribute to improvement and progress (Chen & George, 2005). 

According to Esmaeilian et al. (2018), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for

Children (MBCT-C) enhances emotional resiliency in children with divorced parents. It is a

twelve-week mindfulness training program and its purpose is to assist these children to approach

their lives in a new way by focusing on the present moment and developing a different

relationship to distressing thoughts and emotions. By doing this form of therapy, children can

tolerate negative thoughts, accept strong emotions, and manage difficult situations more

efficiently. Participants in this program show fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and anger.

There is also an increase in optimism and socially competent behaviors in children who

participated in a mindfulness program.

Personality Traits

There are personality traits that children of divorced parents possess that mitigate the

effects of risk factors. According to Eldar, Haj-Yahia, and Greenbaum (2009), optimistic

children are more resilient. Despite experiencing loss from a divorce, these children can look on

the bright side and see what they gained from it. For example, despite having neglectful parents,

some children of divorce describe themselves as being mature. This is because they take on new

roles and responsibilities, in which they become independent from their parents (Rodgers &

Rose, 2002). According to Sviggum (2000), these optimistic children saw their current

circumstances as more important than those in the past. Persistent children are more likely to
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 6

adopt flexibility in coping and perseverance in hardships. According to Chen and George (2005),

lack of persistence leads to externalizing behaviors. Social responsibility and freedom from the

influence of others are other characteristics that help these children to stay resilient. Because of

financial problems after a divorce, some parents are forced to move to neighborhoods high in

poverty. This results in an environment in which there are bad influences for their children. With

social responsibility, these children will be able to avoid going down the wrong path. According

to Hetherington and Stanley-Hagan (1999), children who are intelligent, competent, and who

have an easy temperament, high self-esteem, an internal locus of control, and a good sense of

humor are more likely to evoke positive responses and support from others and be able to adapt

to new challenges and stressful life experiences. 

Methodology

Interviews

Two young adult females and one young adult male were interviewed separately about

their experience with their parents’ divorce and how they overcame this experience. The

interviews ranged from thirty minutes to an hour and took place at the researcher's home to allow

for a confidential environment. Each participant was encouraged to disclose what they were

comfortable with, regarding their experience of their parents’ divorce. The interviewees were

briefed about the purpose of the interview before it was conducted. The interview was a semi-

structured interview, in which the questions can be found in Appendix A. The participants will

be given pseudonyms to maintain their identity.

Participants

Leslie
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 7

Leslie is a twenty-one year old Chinese American female attending a community college

and is currently living with her father. She also has five older sisters who moved out a long time

ago, and they are significantly older than her. Growing up, she knew that her mother did not like

her dad, and this caused a lot of tension within the household. Leslie said that her mom did not

want to interact or talk to her dad, but her dad always made the effort to communicate with her.

Her parents divorced when she was twenty years old, which did not come as a surprise to her.

Witnessing the tension and conflict between her parents while she was growing up, negatively

affected the way she viewed relationships later on. Since she was never really able to observe

what a loving relationship looks like at home, she struggled to understand how people were able

to connect on a deep level. 

Leslie said her junior year of high school was very difficult for her because her mom

moved to Texas. Her mom told her that she moved because of work, but Leslie knew that her

mom left because she wanted to get away from her dad. She said that this made her sad and a

little angry at first, but she understood why her mom did that. She understood that her mom had

to do what she had to do to make herself happy, even if it meant leaving her behind.

She talked about how there were many family issues in which there were a lot of

arguments. According to Jolivet (2011), children do not like getting “caught in the middle” of

their parent’s conflicts because it is stressful (p. 175). Leslie said when there were arguments,

she would be in the middle and her mom and dad would each try to pull her to their side. She did

not like that and said that she felt very uncomfortable. Because of this, she does not go to her

family for emotional support.          

Atticus
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 8

Atticus is a twenty-seven year old African American male who is finishing up the last

semester of his undergraduate studies. He currently lives alone in Long Beach, while his mom

and his younger brother live in Sacramento. His mom went through two divorces when he was a

child; the first one was when he was five years old, and the second was when he was thirteen.

There were lots of arguments between his parents in which there was lots of screaming behind

closed doors. Despite the door being closed, he heard everything they were arguing about.

Atticus said that many of these arguments occurred at night, which disrupted his sleep cycle.

Because of these arguments, he felt uncomfortable at home and did not want to be in a hostile

environment. According to Ahrons (2007), the second divorce represents another difficult major

transition for a child. This was the case for Atticus because he developed a close relationship

with his stepfather.

When his parents divorced when he was five, he felt confused and he did not know how

to grasp what had happened. Since he lived with his mom, he only got to see his dad on

weekends and holidays. He cried every time he had to leave his dad and felt broken inside. 

According to Rappaport (2013), mothers who were in high-conflict marriages were less

empathic, warm, and affectionate and harsher, coercive in their discipline, and rejecting. His

mom was physically abusive and neglected him and his younger brother. She would leave them

at home alone to go on dates which made him feel like he was not a priority to her like the men

she went out with. She also did not support his dream to be an NBA player. This made him feel

discouraged to continue his passion for basketball. 

 He tended to bottle up his emotions because he did not know at the time that it was

healthy to talk about how one feels. He thought that an individual only went to see a psychologist

if they had serious mental issues like schizophrenia. When he did try to reach out to his mother
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 9

regarding his mental health, she interpreted it negatively and told him that he was not special and

that he did not deserve therapy. Because of this experience, he did not go to people to talk about

his issues. 

Atticus described his high school experience as being very unpleasant. He was teased for

having a darker skin complexion and for having a “goofy” personality. Because of this, he felt

anxious and uncomfortable in his skin metaphorically and physically.  While he was at school,

he would “daydream” about committing suicide while sitting in class. Because of this, he knew

he needed to seek help.

Henrietta

Henrietta is a twenty-four year old Chinese American female who is in a graduate

program. She is currently living with her mom and her stepdad. Henrietta was born in China and

stayed there until she was three years old. When she was one year old, her mom moved to the

United States and wanted to raise Henrietta there. However, Henrietta’s dad disagreed and

remained in China with Henrietta. Henrietta stayed with her maternal grandmother in China and

her dad would visit occasionally. However, one day, her dad decided to kidnap Henrietta because

he was scared that the mom would come back to take her away to the United States. He took her

away from her grandma by lying to her that they would go out to do something and kept her at

his house. While she was at her dad’s house, he forced her to watch his wedding videos

repeatedly and ingrained into her mind that he was her father. Henrietta’s grandmother was

worried that her father would not return Henrietta, so she contacted the mom. Henrietta

remembers her mom and her uncles coming to her father’s house and that a physical altercation

occurred. Henrietta’s mom took her back and later filed for divorce. From there, she took

Henrietta to the United States. Her mom married her stepdad when she was four years old.
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 10

With the help of a therapist, she found out that she had a fear of abandonment from this

experience. She said, “The fear of abandonment came from not being able to reach the closest

parts of my family when my dad held me hostage at his house.” This affected her relationship

with her boyfriend whenever they had arguments. Henrietta’s boyfriend needed space after

arguments, and this caused her great anxiety because she thought he would “disappear from the

face of the earth.” 

A difficulty that she faced as a child was when she had to try to explain her family

dynamic to her friends. According to Jordan (2016), children of divorced parents feel shameful

since they are different from peers and are confused as to what to tell their friends and teachers.

Since her stepdad is Caucasian, her friends were confused about how they were related. She “felt

out of place and awkward” when she had to explain how they were not biologically related. She

thought that her friends would not be able to understand what she went through and would be

unable to relate to how she was feeling.

Findings

Having a strong social support system helped all the participants cope with the stress that

they experienced from their parents’ divorce. All of the participants mentioned how their peers

were a source of emotional support. Leslie said that she does not have to worry about her family

issues at home when she is with her friends. According to Butler et al. (2002), children can

distract themselves from parental conflict when they are “doing stuff” with their friends (p. 93).

Her friends help her socialize by taking her out to different places, in which she says she is

uncomfortable at first, but has fun being with them. Atticus and Henrietta mentioned how they

had a close relationship with their stepdad. According to Ahrons (2007), a majority of children

report having a good relationship with their stepparents. Atticus talked about how his stepdad
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 11

was his main support system and how his stepdad taught him “the foundation of how a man

should be.” Despite not being her biological father, Henrietta describes her relationship with her

stepdad as being “natural and organic.” She meant that he treated her as if she were his child and

was consistent with his parenting and support. As mentioned before, grandparents are a source of

social support for children of divorce (Butler et al., 2002). Henrietta’s grandmother raised her

while her mom was in the United States and when her dad was busy with work. When they

moved to the United States, Henrietta’s grandmother continued to take care of her and was

someone she could go to for comfort. 

All three participants talked about how they all received therapy for their internalizing

behaviors. Leslie went to therapy for her social anxiety, Atticus went to therapy for his anxiety

and depression, and Henrietta went to therapy for her fear of abandonment. Leslie’s English

teacher noticed that she was being more quiet than usual and referred her to the school

psychologist. From there, the school psychologist gave her tools to help her cope with her

anxiety when it came to social situations. Atticus and Henrietta sought out therapy when they

were in college. Atticus was able to release all the pent up emotions through therapy. Henrietta

said that her therapist helped her increase her self-awareness of her feelings of abandonment and

reminded her that her thoughts were not rational or logical. The therapists that the participants

saw were trying to have them be mindful of their emotions and negative thoughts so that they

could decrease their emotional reactivity (Esmaeilian et al., 2018).

The participants talked about how their personality traits made them resilient. According

to Bezuidenhout et al. (2018), children who are described as “driven” aim to achieve and

accomplish outcomes (p. 498). Atticus described himself as ambitious and motivated, which

allowed him to stay focused in school and that is why he is at the place he is now academically.
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 12

Being religious or faithful is said to be an internal strength that allows children of divorced

parents to be resilient (Bezuidenhout et al., 2018). Atticus also described himself as being

religious, in which he follows the commandments in the Bible and goes to church regularly. He

says going to church helps him with his anxiety. Children of divorced parents tend to be more

mature because they take on more responsibilities in their household (Rodgers & Rose, 2002).

Despite having to give up his dream of going to the NBA to take care of his younger brother,

Atticus saw this opportunity as becoming more responsible and to be a role model for his

brother. Leslie and Henrietta described themselves as being independent because they took

responsibility to learn how to do things on their own.  They also described themselves as being

empathetic. Leslie says her empathetic characteristic allows her to act as a mediator so that she

could see both sides of an argument. This allowed her to understand where her mom was coming

from when she moved away to get away from her dad. Being sociable, Henrietta can open up to

others easily, which allows them to reciprocate. She says that people feel comfortable opening up

to her because she is mindful of emotions and can empathize with them. Because of her sociable

trait, she can expand her social relationships, which increases her support group (Hetherington &

Stanley-Hagan, 1999).

From these interviews, all participants provided advice that they wished to pass on to

children of divorced parents. Leslie’s advice for other children of divorced parents is to make

strong connections with friends, siblings, or teachers whom they trust for emotional support. She

emphasized that the quantity of friends is not important, but the quality of friendship is more

valuable. She also mentioned that it is important for children of divorced parents to seek a

therapist for help with their mental health if they need it. Atticus’s message to children of

divorced parents is to have a passion in life. He believes that having this passion will give these
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 13

children a purpose in life and help them to remain hopeful in a dark time in their life. Like

Leslie, he also said that it was important to have a small group of friends to rely on for emotional

support. The advice that Henrietta would give to other children of divorce is “Find your place in

the world and learn to understand that whatever happened does not say anything about yourself.

You get to make your own story.”

Implications for practice and further research

School counselors and school psychologists are responsible for recognizing the warning

signs of the effects divorce has on students. Once identified, there are many ways they can assist

these students. School counselors can advocate for the student by helping the parents in

understanding the risk factors related to divorce by encouraging them to communicate early in

the process and discuss the discrepancies that the children may have about the reasons for the

divorce (Chen & George, 2005). They can also encourage parents to attend school events

together and maintain regular communication about matters concerning their child

(Bezuidenhout et al., 2018). Furthermore, they can collaborate with teachers by equipping them

with skills that they could apply to their classrooms to find ways for students to be open about

their feelings.

School counselors and school psychologists can utilize different techniques in their

counseling sessions to help students cope with their parent’s divorce. Play therapy could be used

to help younger children find meaning and understanding of their new life after their parents’

divorce (Chen & George, 2005). In individual or group therapy sessions, they can support

agency and meaning-making (Bezuidenhout et al., 2018). This will allow students to view their

parent’s divorce from a perspective they understand. In turn, this will help them shift their
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 14

negative perception towards their parents’ divorce, which will help them cope with the

aftermath. 
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 15

Appendix A

1. What does resilience mean to you?

2. How old were you when your parents divorced

3.  What was your parents’ relationship like before the divorce? 

4. How did the divorce affect you?

5.  What qualities do you have that made you resilient? 

6. Who did you turn to for comfort? 

7. Is there an image/thought/person/story that you can think of that can calm you down

when you are facing adversity? 

8. What message or advice would you like to pass on to other people who have gone

through a similar experience as you?

9. How was it like to do this interview?

References

Ahrons, C. R. (2007). Family Ties After Divorce: Long-Term Implications for Children. Family

Process, 46(1), 53–65. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2006.00191.x

Amato, P. (2000). The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children. Journal of Marriage

and Family, 62(4), 1269. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.1566735&site=eds-live

Bezuidenhout, C., Theron, L., & Fritz, E. (2018). Positive adjustment to first grade despite

divorce: Lessons for school psychologists. School Psychology International, 39(5), 490.

Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edb&AN=132115717&site=eds-live

Butler, I., Scanlan, L., Douglas, G., Murch, M., & Robinson, M. (2002). Children’s involvement

in their parents’ divorce: implications for practice. Children & Society, 16(2), 89–102.

https://doi.org/10.1002/CHI.702

Chen, J.-D., & George, R. A. (2005). Cultivating Resilience in Children From Divorced

Families. Family Journal, 13(4), 452. Retrieved from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edb&AN=18352690&site=eds-live

Eldar, A. D., Haj-Yahia, M. M., & Greenbaum, C. W. (2009). Divorce is a part of my life...

Resilience, Survival, and Vulnerability: Young Adults’ Perception of the Implications of

Parental Divorce. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy, 35(1), 30. Retrieved from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=edb&AN=35867616&site=eds-live
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 17

Esmaeilian, N., Dehghani, M., Dehghani, Z., & Lee, J. (2018). Mindfulness-based cognitive

therapy enhances emotional resiliency in children with divorced parents. Mindfulness,

9(4), 1052–1062. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-017-0840-9

Fertman, C., Delgado, M., & Tarasevich, S. (2014). Promoting Child and Adolescent Mental

Health. Jones and Bartlett Learning: Burlington, MA.

Hetherington, E. M., & Stanley-Hagan, M. (1999). The adjustment of children with divorced

parents: A risk and resiliency perspective. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry,

40(1), 129–140. https://doi-org.libproxy.chapman.edu/10.1111/1469-7610.00427

Jolivet, K. R. (2011). The Psychological Impact of Divorce on Children: What is a Family

Lawyer to Do? American Journal of Family Law, 25(4), 175–183. Retrieved from

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=aph&AN=67122024&site=eds-live

Jordan, P. H. (2016). Individual therapy with a child of divorced parents. Journal of Clinical

Psychology, (5), 430. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22258

Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and

Resilience Perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352–362.

https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00352.x

Leon, K. (2003). Risk and Protective Factors in Young Children’s Adjustment to Parental

Divorce: A Review of the Research. Family Relations, 52(3), 258–270.

https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00258.x

Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary Magic. New York: The Gulford Press.

Rappaport, S. R. (2013). Deconstructing the Impact of Divorce on Children. Family Law

Quarterly, 47(3), 353–377. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=aph&AN=102824280&site=eds-live

Rodgers, K. B., & Rose, H. A. (2002). Risk and Resiliency Factors Among Adolescents Who

Experience Marital Transitions. Journal of Marriage & Family, 64(4), 1024–1037.

https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2002.01024.x

Sviggum, G. (2000). How children view their parents’ divorce. Family Matters, (55), 62–67.

Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&AuthType=ip,uid&db=aph&AN=3448554&site=eds-live

Reflective Essay
RESILIENCE PROJECT: CHILDREN COPING WITH THEIR PARENTS’ DIVORCE 19

When I was listening to the participants’ stories regarding their parents’ divorce I felt sad

that they had to go through this type of adversity. For example, all of them had to witness their

parents arguing and were caught in the middle of the conflict. I was shocked by the actions some

of the parents did before their divorce. For example, Henrietta’s father kidnapped her when she

was a child. I also felt surprised because they opened up to me about things that I did not ask

them about, such as going to therapy for their internalizing behaviors. I was happy to hear from

Leslie that I was one of the few people that she opened up to and that she felt like she could trust

me. I noticed that in the interviews the participants did not mention their school counselors

helping them cope with their parents’ divorce or internalizing behaviors. This inspires me to be

that school counselor who checks in with students to see if they are doing well and if they need

my assistance with anything. Hearing the participants’ advice that they would pass on to others

who are in the same situation was inspiring because it gives hope to others that they can be

resilient. It was also inspiring to see how they were able to achieve academically despite having

to go through the adversity. A connection that I can make to the people that I interviewed is that I

rely on my support system, which consists of my friends, for emotional support. Another

connection that I can make is that I am empathetic. Like the interviewees, I try to understand

both sides of the argument and try to put myself in the other person’s shoes to understand their

perspective. From the research, I learned that children of divorced parents had to move due to the

economic strain that it caused their parents. I remembered when I had a best friend whose

parents divorced and he had to move away. This was hard on me because I had to find a new

friend but I could only imagine what my friend had to go through with his parents’ divorce and

having to move to another school.

I believe that the skill that I used very well was my active listening skills. I was nodding

while my interviewees were talking, I made eye contact with them, and I sat at the edge of my

seat leaning towards them. I also paraphrased what they said to clarify if I was understanding

them correctly. The interviewees said that I made them feel comfortable to open up by the way I

talked and how attentive I was. I also believe that by empathizing with them made them trust me.

Something that I found difficult was controlling my emotions. I think that I may have shown a

lot of emotion on my face during the interviews. I need to improve on this in the future as a

school counselor and not overreact to what students may reveal to me in the future because it

would give them the wrong message. Something that I could improve on is asking follow up

questions. I felt that I did not want to be too intrusive by asking those questions. However, I

knew that if I asked those questions, then the participants would have been comfortable with

telling me that they would not want to answer that question and we could have moved on. I feel

like I need to be able to be comfortable with taking that risk rather than being hesitant. Another

thing that I could improve on is to focus less on their background and focus more on the positive

things. I believe that it would be better if I have students talk about the positive things in their

lives and how they were resilient rather than focus on what happened and relive the traumatic

events from the past. In other words, I want to be like Insoo Kim Berg and jump into the miracle

question.