That One Special Girl

By Tony Depp

I found an interesting post on Skilled Seducer, the Girls Chase

forum.

If you’re not yet a member, it’s a great place to go for guidance,

to make friends, or share what you’ve learned on your journey.

If you join, you might get personalized advice from guys like
myself, Alex, Hector, or even Chase.

I'll use this post to highlight a ubiquitous and unfortunate

problem for a great many men, who find themselves pining
away, waiting in vain:

The problem of that one special girl.

Solving this problem means rescuing yourself from the chain

of torture, paralysis, and perpetual waiting for things that never
come to pass.

A SAD TALE OF DESPERATION

By a man who suffers over the perfect woman.

Our forum member writes: A forum member spends over a year pining over a
girl he likes yet never talks to. What can he finally do
to get things moving?
“Hey, fellas…

I was going to write a long story about this girl in my class that I can’t stop thinking
about, but I’ll try to make it quick:”

Whenever there’s a girl a guy can’t stop thinking about, it’s never quick.

“So, for a year now, I’ve had an “obsession” for this girl. I met her in my class at
university. She’s the most gorgeous girl there. From what I can tell, she’s similar to me
in several respects.”

A year? That’s the first mistake.

THE RULE OF FIRSTS

Whenever you can be the first, your chances of victory are much higher.

If it’s at school, and you enter a new class, introduce yourself to the hottest girls right away. In new social
situations, women will almost always attach themselves to the first people they meet.

It’s in women’s nature to want a tribe. They feel safer in numbers. So, make sure you’re one of the first guys
she meets.

I’ve learned this on film sets when I’d work as a background actor. As soon as I arrived on set, I’d place
myself next to the hottest girl, ask her where I could find the wardrobe tent, or have some coffee.

When I stay in hostels, new girls are always arriving. I’m always there, so the first person they meet in this
new place is me.

If you’re the first person they meet in a new situation, you will be their “friend.” That doesn’t mean you’re in
the friendzone yet.

These situations operate a little differently because they are already warm, not cold approaches. You’re in a
community together.

It might be:

The college community

The film community

The traveler in a foreign land community

Since girls prefer to date people they already know, you want to get that out of the way immediately. Don’t
worry about being nervous or saying something wrong. Just meet her.

DOES SHE KNOW YOU EXIST?

Learning how to approach women can be time-consuming and emotionally draining. However, the payoff is
a life where you don’t suffer like most men do — over women they’re too afraid to approach.

Let’s read on.

“Although I wish I were more like her — which interestingly, is how I used to be in
some ways. And also, she has the best body. She’s my type of girl.”

THE PEDESTAL
You are already raising her above you.

Be wary of how much you build a girl up in your mind. It can only lead to disappointment. When you find out
she’s a coke head, racist, slob, or about as fun to talk to as a tree stump, it can be a bitter pill to swallow.

If you base your attraction on her lofty beauty, you will always place yourself beneath her. This position is
not seductive. Ideally, she should see you as being above her, as a man to desire.
Her desire is based on how you behave, even more than how you look. So, always do your best to project
confidence. That starts with the approach and your internal belief system:

That you are a desirable man, and you know it.

“She started eye contact with me for several days.”

Then you need to talk to her, or she will lose interest.

Men always worry about their approach coming off as creepy. But what’s creepy is staring at a girl and not
approaching her. That’s the stuff of serial killers.

“I didn’t talk to her.”

So, she lost interest at best and labeled you a creep at worst.

“She went cold on me.”

Beautiful women will give you a green light. If you fail to take it, the window will close and remain shut.

For a woman, it doesn’t make sense that a man would pass up a chance to meet her. She might interpret
this as you not being into her or lacking courage. Either way, it’s not good.

Think of procrastinating on your approach like digging a pit. The longer you wait, the deeper your hole, and
the harder it will be to climb out.

“Months later, I managed to do a group project with her in class. It was the first time I
talked to her. I was super nervous when I interacted with her. The conversation was
nothing special. I was almost in ‘pea brain mode’ when I talked to her. I felt I was a bit
cold toward her.”

At this point, you’ve built her up to be the Goddess of Light, the Wonder Woman of Olympian standards.
You must have been crapping your pants.
 The longer you take to talk to her, the more you'll build her up in your mind

“Didn’t want to show that I like her, right? Somehow, she restarts giving me signs of
interest later.”

THE FAMILIAR FACE

Once you’re in a girl’s circle of familiar faces, you become a “safe” option for dating. Too bad it took
months and fate’s intervention for you to finally introduce yourself to her. You could have farted near her
and excused yourself, and been in a better starting position.

Remember, the best starting strategy is to let her know you exist. But if you do it on your own, it also shows
bravery, which is a very attractive masculine quality.

It’s like moving the first piece in chess. You can make an aggressive move, and it may lose you the game.
But either way, you’ll learn more by playing than by reading chess books or avoiding playing because you
may appear foolish.

Anyway, she probably put you so far out of her thoughts and reality that she forgot you were just the odd
guy she caught staring at her every class. “Why won’t he talk to me?” She thought once, never to think
about it again.
 “I don’t talk to her.”

Sigh.

“I don’t even look at her. I IGNORE her.”

You’re too worried about saying the wrong thing, being misinterpreted, coming off as nervous. You
convince yourself that being aloof is actually playing high value or hard to get.

Seduction is a skill, and the only way to learn is by playing.

“She went cold.”

That’s because you ignored the green light, which is almost a diss. “Why is he sending me mixed signals?”
She thinks, and then doesn’t think about you again.

“We changed schedules. I’m not in her class anymore. I don’t have a chance to see
her by normal means.”

JUST APPROACH HER

Look for her, walk up, and say, “Hi.”

“I keep thinking about her. I get mad about what I did every day. I’m obsessing over
this.”

So nothing has changed. You’re like a dog that chews a bald spot onto its back.
 “How do I get out of this?
I restarted cold approaching after this. I only approached four girls so far. No phone
numbers from any of them, though. Don’t know how it will work out with the
pandemic going on. The one girl I managed to stop and have a longer conversation
with wouldn’t let me give her a handclasp because of COVID-19.
But the main point of this post is this:
Am I turning away from this girl because it’s the rational thing to do, or is it because
I’m STILL being a coward?

I have to change this in myself. I can’t keep being this weak shell of a man. I’ve
disappointed myself and her. It pains me.
How do I get out of this?”

ESCAPE OPTIONS
This is what we call the rationalization hamster-wheel of doom. It just keeps running, spinning that wheel,
wondering why it’s not getting anywhere.

What are your options?

You can’t go back in time and talk to her the first minute you saw her before you went down this horrible
path of self-loathing, fear, and regret.

So, you could get her social media, send her a few messages, build a little rapport, and ask her out. It’s a
long shot but better than nothing. At least you could get rejected and stop torturing yourself.

“She’s in auto-rejection, I’d assume.”

There’s nothing automatic about it. She hasn’t rejected you. Actually, you rejected her by not approaching,
getting her contact, escalating, or asking her out when she gave you the green lights.

“I know rationally that my chances with her at this point are slim. But emotionally I
can’t let this go.”

LETTING GO?
Sure you can. Just stop thinking about it, and move on. Let it go. Go meet more women. That, or contact
her.
 “I didn’t ever give this girl any sign of interest.”

I doubt that. Women are pretty intuitive when reading body language or knowing when someone is
gawking at them from across the classroom.

“I had this idiotic ‘persona of indifference’ the entire time to protect my ego. My
attainability is nonexistent, I think. And since she’s in auto-rejection, so is my value?”

Good that you’re self-aware about your ego.

But she’s not in auto-rejection. That’s a fantasy script for a movie in your head, starring you. Auto-rejection
only exists if you hit on her, and she actually rejects you. Anything else is your ego projecting, like you said.

“Yesterday, I thought of texting her. I got her phone number through my class
WhatsApp group chat. She didn’t give it to me, and I didn’t ask for it either. I could ask
for some class notes to gauge her reaction and try to bridge the gap that we have.”

Okay, so message her!

“But this would be out of the blue. I’m not even a friend of hers. We’re acquaintances
at best. I could ask this of anyone. Am I still being a coward for not doing this? Or is it
the right thing to go cold approaching and try to forget about this girl?”

Again, this is the rationalization hamster, trying to talk you out of it, like it always has, and always will, until
you murder the little bastard.

HAPPY ENDINGS
So, in the end, what happened to our protagonist?

He took some sound advice on the forum, got her social media, and sent her a message.

Now he’s chatting with her, and they might even meet up for a coffee.

That’s it. It only took a year.

Let this tale be a lesson to you, dear reader. If you see your unicorn grazing in her fields, approach her with
an apple, hop on, and ride into the wild.
 Approach her and get on that horse with her

Or at least approach her, make some small talk, and get her phone number. Do something other than
torturing yourself for months.

This guy got a second chance. You probably won’t.

READ NEXT: “Here's Why You Have A Crush On That Girl: And How To Move Forward”

About the Author: Tony Depp

Tony is one of the most veteran day game experts around. He began to pick up
women in the mid-2000s, when he posted on the famed seduction forum mASF...
alongside other old hands like Chase Amante and Alek Rolstad. Over the last 10 years
Tony has coached hundreds of students to meet women during the day. He has two
published books out on seduction: one on his journey, and one on doing awesome at day game.

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