​The Excellent Wife

By Martha Peace
Study Guide Questions
Written by Wendy Wood

Chapter 1 The Excellent Wife - Who Can Find?

1. Think back to when you first said “yes” to your marriage proposal. What were you expecting
and desiring your marriage would be?

2. How would you describe your prayers for your marriage? How much is self-centered rather
than desiring God’s glory and honor?

3. What should be the greatest priority in the Christian Wife’s life? See Matthew 6:33

4. What should be her second greatest priority? See Genesis 2:18

5. What gets in your way of keeping these two top priorities?

6. Define “sin” (see page 6)

7. How has God “granted us everything pertaining to life and godliness”?

8. Write your own prayer as you begin this study. What do you need to confess and commit to
God? Ask God to give you a soft, teachable heart to respond to His calling.
Chapter 2 A Wife’s Understanding of God - God’s Protective Authority

Take some time and evaluate your thinking and beliefs about women and their roles and value.
As you read each section, stop and think about your reaction to Scripture and what the author
says. Where has our culture influenced your thinking away from God’s word?

1. In the section, “What Wives Need to Know About God”, which of the 5 statements do you
struggle to believe? What wrong thoughts go through your head?

2. In the section, “What Wives Need to Know About Their Works and Themselves”, which
statement do you struggle to believe? How has the world influenced your thinking?

3. Re-read the section, “God’s Protective Authority” starting on the bottom of page 14 through
the middle of page 15. . How does this change your view of God’s designed role for women in
marriage?

4. From the section, “Why Does the Wife Need Protection?” - Where have your thoughts
strayed from what scripture says? What does our culture teach about women?

5. What do your thoughts and feelings about women’s roles reveal about what you think about
God?

Memory verse: 2 Corinthians 5:9

Chapter 3 A Wife’s Understanding of Sin - God’s Provision

1. Briefly, write out your testimony of how you came to know Christ. Do you have any doubt
about your salvation?

2. Keep a thought journal this week about your husband. Every few hours, jot down what you
have been thinking about. Pay attention to the times when you are “less busy” - doing dishes,
driving, sorting laundry - times when your mind is not actively involved in conversation or work.
Where do your thoughts go. Be really specific here. We will be tracking thoughts many times
throughout this study. Proverbs 23:7 says “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he”. Our thoughts
determine a lot about us.

Thoughts on Monday -

Thoughts on Tuesday -

Thoughts on Wednesday -
 Thoughts on Thursday -

Thoughts on Friday

Thoughts on Saturday

Thoughts on Sunday

3. Evaluate your thoughts. Where do you thoughts tend more toward worldly thinking rather
than lining up with God’s Word? Next to the ungodly thought, write out a truth from God’s word
that combats that worldly thought.
 4. What thoughts do you need to repent of? Take time to talk to God about your thoughts and
confess (agree with Him where they are sinful) and repent (commit to God to turn away from
those thoughts on put on godly thoughts).

Memorize Proverbs 23:7 “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he”

Chapter 4 A Wife’s Understanding of Relationships - God’s Pattern

1. Review the Y-chart diagram.

You will be focusing on the “decision point” as you keep a journal this week of choices you
make. At the end of the day (or during the day if you have time), think back through 1 to 3
situations where you make a response. Answer the 5 questions for each of those situations.

Keep the journal for 1 to 3 situations each day. See the following pages for an additional chart.

Look for a “struggle”, or a time when you feel anxious, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, or a general
unease in your spirit.
*For the first question, just describe the situation. What was happening when you experienced
the emotion?
*Then, describe what you are thinking and feeling in that moment.
*Box 3, what was your outward reaction? What did you say and do?
*4 Box starts to examine the heart. What were you wanting to have happen? What would have
made you happy and relaxed at that moment?
*The last box is simply, how did the situation resolve.

See chart on next page.

2. Where did you exalt yourself? What situations were you concerned about getting your way
and living for yourself? What situations were you focused on God and others?

3. How would you rate your marriage in “oneness”. As you think through sharing thoughts,
present and future desires, aspirations, goals, struggles, spiritual insights, are you in oneness
with your husband? What are 3 things you could do to improve oneness with your husband?
Mark the 3 you plan to do. Do at least one this week and be ready to tell your group about it.

Ideas:
Set aside a “talk time” at least once a week to discuss the week
Ask your husband how you can be praying for him
Encourage and edify you husband every day
Share your ideas with humility and honesty
Take an interest in your husbands hobbies
Invite your husband to do an activity with you
Ask your husband about his day and make eye contact and be a good listener
Seek forgiveness for your own sin regularly
Be quick to offer forgiveness for his sin
Come up with your own. Look for something that is special to your husband.

Memorize: Philippians 2:3-4

Chapter 5 A Wife’s Understanding of Marriage - God’s Purpose

1. How do you usually deal with sin in your marriage? If you sin against your spouse, what
do you do?

2. Think about time when someone pointed out sin in your life. What was your response? How
does this line up with what God says about a wise, humble person or a foolish, proud person?

3. How have you dealt with your spouse’s sin? What have your tone of voice, words, and body
language looked like as you have let him know of his sin? What would be different if you
“restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself” as Galatians 6:1
says.
 4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how teachable (responding wisely to reproof) do you rate yourself?
(10 being VERY teachable) How do you think your spouse or children would rate you? What
changes do you need to make to receive correction wisely?

5. 2 Corinthians 5:9 says that “Whether at home or away we make it our aim to please God”.
What motive of the heart would honor and glorify God as you receive correction? What motive
of the heart would honor and glorify God as you give correction?

6. Practice the Ephesians 4:22-24 walk of sanctification: (See notes from week 1 teaching)
Choose ONE of the following areas that you need to put off. Look at and study the verses for
the ONE area you choose to work on this week: (see Addendum B on page 261 for more
details if you are interested)

Put off ​ enew Your Mind

R ​Put on
Harsh words Proverbs 15:1, Romans 12;18, Kind words
James 3:1-11, 17-18

Impatience/easily angered 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, Patience

Proverbs 19:11, 16:32

Discontentment/complaining Philippians 2:14-16, 1 Thess 5:18, Contentment

 1 Timothy 6:6-8, Proverbs 17:22

Lack of forgiveness Psalm 103:8-13, Ephesians 4:32, Forgiving spirit

Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-35

Argumentative Proverbs 25:24, Hebrews 12:14, Gentle/Peaceful

James 3:17-18, James 4:1-3

PUT OFF - for the ONE sin you chose to work on...
Write out what you learn from the verses you just read and studied. What does God’s word say
about the sin you need to put off?

How have you been sinning in this way? First, how does God view this sin? How has your sin
been against our holy God? Second, what people have been impacted by your sin? How has
your sin hurt each of these people?
Repent - talk to God about your sin. Agree with God that you have violated His Word and have
not brought Him glory as you should. Ask God to forgive you and trust in His amazing grace
through faith in Christ’s completed work. Ask God to help you put on the Christlike
characteristic instead. Commit to God that you will work on this area of your life. Write a prayer
here.

Renew Your Mind

Read through your set of verses over and over. Every day review them. Commit one or two to
memory. For the longer passages, know the truth that is in them even if you can’t memorize the
whole passage.

PUT ON
Be specific! What would change in your thoughts, beliefs, words, and actions if you lived by
these verses. What would change in your responses to God and to people as you put on the
Christlike attribute. Write out specific examples of situations where you tend to sin in this area.
Create a plan for how you respond the next time the situation arises.

Pray! Have a plan to continually renew your mind in God’s truth.

Memorize: Ephesians 4:22-24

Chapter 6 A Wife’s Understanding of Her Role - God’s Perfect Plan

1. When you think of the word “helper” what comes to your mind?

2. Being an image bearer of God, what are you responsibilities?

3. How is the harmony in a marriage between God, man and woman suppose to be a picture
of the Trinity with God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit?
 4. In Genesis 2:18, God says “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a
helper fit for him.” The Hebrew word for “helper” used in this verse is “ezer”. Look up Psalm
33:20 and Psalm 70:5 and write them out.

5. Who is the “helper” or “ezer” in these verses?

6. How does that change your view of the description God gives to woman? What does it
mean that we share that calling with God Himself?

7. As an image bearer of God, women are called to point to the greatness of God in imaging
His “Helper” attribute. Do your thoughts about being a helper to your husband glorify God and
bear the image of God?
 8. Does your life glorify God in your attitude about being a helper to your husband?

9. Do your actions in being a helper to your husband point to God’s image as our helper?

10. On page 55 and 56 are listed 18 ways a wife may be to the glory of her husband. Honestly
assess yourself when these situations arise. Are there thought, attitudes, words and actions
that you need to repent of? Write out THREE specific things you will commit to change so that
you are a “fit helper” for your husband.

11. Keep going on your “struggle journal”. It will begin to reveal to you what you are treasuring
in your heart more than glorifying God. After recording several more events, what are you
learning about yourself?

Memorize: Psalm 37:4

Chapter 7 Christ - The Wife’s Heart

1. Define an idol (see page 59).

2. As you have been keeping the struggle journal - question 4, “What were you wanting?
What were you desiring to have happen or to get?” - begins to reveal your idols. List the idols
you are beginning to see in your heart? Look at page 60-61 for some possible examples. List
what you are seeing in your own heart.

3. Remember, your desire may have started off as a good desire, but it became a deceitful
desire and idolatry when you were willing to sin to get it or to sin if you did not get it. Read
James 4:1-2. The passions that are at war within you are the things you want too much! How
has your idolatry affected your marriage? Think of some specific examples where your
response to not getting what you wanted affected your relationship with your husband. How has
your idolatry been harming your relationship with your husband?

4. What emotions do you feel when you are not getting what you idolize? Remember, your
desire may have started off as a good desire, but it became a deceitful desire and idolatry when
you were willing to sin to get it or to sin if you did not get it.

5. What “false saviors” do you tend to run to when you are seeking comfort and relief?
 6. Write out 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Make a list of 3 things every day that you are thankful for
about your husband. Begin to cultivate a thankful heart for the spouse God has given you.

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

7. Put the list of “right desires” from page 69 on index cards and put a verse from Psalm 119
on each one that corresponds to that desire. Read through them every day.

Memorize Psalm 86:11

Chapter 8 Home - The Wife’s Domain

1. What is the atmosphere of your home? Is it optimistic, joyful and calm or is it more negative
and chaotic? Are there times when it flips between the two?

2. What do you think of when you hear women are to be “workers at home”? Where have you
been influenced to think and feel this way?

3. How does your view align with God’s word and where have your thoughts been influenced
by other sources?

4. Is your housekeeping (however you do it) a blessing to your family or a hindrance and
cause of strife?
 5. Would you describe yourself as a lazy person, a self-disciplined person, or a perfectionist?
Is there something that you need to do differently so that the daily routine runs smoothly? Is
there something you need to change so that you can trust God when your perfect plans go
awry?

6. Choose 3 ways that you can set a tone of joy in your home. Choose one the author listed
or come up with your own.
1. Meditate on God’s goodness in scripture
2. Don’t fret when trouble comes, trust in a good and sovereign God
3. Express interest in husband and children
4. Love your family with patience, kindness, and self-sacrifice
5. Demonstrate meekness with a quiet, confidence in God working all things for good to those
who love Him.
6. Use gentle words and gentle tone of voice
7. Seek forgiveness when you sin against your family

Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Chapter 9 Love - a Wife’s Choice

1. Describe and define “agape” love.

2. Describe and define “philandros” love.

3. What is “one flesh” love?

4. Your husband is your closest neighbor. How does the love you show for your girlfriends
compare to the way you show love to your husband? Who gets more of your effort?

5. How does God’s grace play a role in you loving your husband?
 6. Love is a choice. Take some inventory of your thoughts this week about your husband.
What are you saying to yourself about your husband? Read Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23
about renewing your mind. What new thoughts need to replace old thoughts.

Unbiblical Wrong Thoughts

Biblical Right Thoughts

7. Stop and think about your thoughts again. How much time do you spend thinking about how
you can SHOW love to others? How much time do you spend thinking about how you can GET
love from others?

8. What does God say about love? Write out the following verses:
 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 5

Philippians 2:3-4

Matthew 20:28

John 15:13

9. On a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being completely selfless and complete sacrificial love and 10
being completely focused on yourself - how does your love rate?

10. How does your view of love need to change?

11. What manifestations of bitterness do you see in yourself?

12. Pray through Psalm 139:23-24 every day for the next week.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”
13. How has your bitterness affected your marriage? What responses in words, actions or
thoughts and attitudes, do you need to take responsibility for? Write them out and work through
the contemplation, confession and change process with God and your husband.

14. Look at the “bitter thoughts” expressed on pages 94-96. Which ones are thoughts that
repeatedly go through your mind?

15. Look up the verses that correspond with the “kind, tender-hearted, forgiving thought” for
each bitter thought that plagues you. Write those verses out completely below.

16. Read this statement from page 96-97 over three times.

“There is nothing that your husband has done that God cannot forgive and you cannot forgive!
Let me repeat for emphasis, if you are bitter and will not forgive, then you are being wicked.”

What is your response to this?

If your husband is doing something harmful or abusive to you, if you are not safe in your home,
please contact me so we can work together to get the help that you and your husband need!

17. Read 1 John 4:18-19, Psalm 27:1-3 and Romans 8: 31. How does fear contrast with trust
in God?

18. What fears do you have about your marriage? What is God’s truth about those things?

19. Choose 2 of the “putting on love” attributes that you need to grow in. Write out 3 things for
each one that you will “put on” over the next week and practice.

20. Choose 1 of the “loving thought” that you need to spend time thinking about. Put it on a
3X5 card and read it 10 times every day!

Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:6-7 (practice all 4 verses together from last week)
Chapter 10 Respect - The Wife’s Reverence

1. Look at the list of adjectives used to describe “respect” in the amplified version of
Ephesians 5:33 listed on page 109. Define each word using a dictionary.

a. Notices him

b. Regards him

c. Honors him

d. Prefers him

e. Venerates him

f. Esteems him

g. Defers to him

h. Praises him

i. Loves him

j. Admires him

2. What does it mean to respect the position of husband? How is this a disposition of the heart
and not just behavior?
3. What do your words, tone of voice and countenance reveal about your heart for respecting
your husband? Ask your husband what he thinks?

4. Think about your motive in reproving or correcting your husband. Is your motive often to
make your life easier and not have to deal with your husband’s sin? Or is your motive out of
love for your husband for him to grow in His relationship with the Lord? If we are loving others,
we will offer correction that shows compassion, kindness, and love.

5. What are the dangers of being a disrespectful wife?

6. Take the “self assessment” on pages 115 -117.

7. Work through the contemplation, confession and change process with your sin of disrespect.
Think about the ways you have disrespected your husband and how that has impacted your
marriage and your relationship with God. Confess it to God and your husband. Ask God to help
you change and then start practicing the attributes of respect that you defined in answer 1.

Memorize Proverbs 14:1

Chapter 11 Intimacy - The Wife’s Response

1. Think about your view of sex. How was sex dealt with in your family when you were
growing up? Who taught you about sex? Was it a comfortable topic of discussion or did the
topic of sex seem “off limits”? How did your family’s view and treatment of sex impact your
thinking and believing?

2. How does your view of sex compare to what God’s word says about sex?

3. On a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being very unsatisfied and 10 being very satisfied, what would you
rate your sexual intimacy with your husband? What do you think you could do to increase the
intimacy in your marriage? Ask your husband to rate his satisfaction level? Ask him what you
can do to increase his level of satisfaction with sexual intimacy.

4. How “others-oriented” are you in sexual intimacy? Are your thoughts about yourself, your
convenience, your timing, your needs, your body? What are 3 things you can do to focus on
your husband and his wants, his desires, his happiness, his needs?
 5. Do you have sin you need to confess to God in the area of sexual intimacy? Take time to
talk with God about your sin, repent and ask Him for help to change. Renew your mind in the
truth of God’s plan for sexual intimacy in marriage.

6. This week: What will you do to honor your husband in sexual intimacy?

7. We are called by God to a love that is giving to others. “For God so loved the world that He
gave….” How are pornography, sexting, and masturbation selfish? How are these sins against
God and against your spouse?

Memorize: Hebrews 13:4

Chapter 12 Submission - The Wife’s Joy

1. Read Ephesians 6:1-4, Hebrews 13:17, Romans 13:1-2, and Ephesians 5:28-29. How did
God establish order in the world He designed and created?

2. “Joy results from trusting and obeying God’s word”. In what areas of obeying God in
loving, respecting, and submitting to your husband, are you just knowing what God says but still
doing life your own way? What areas are you believing God but still doing it your own way?
And what areas are you really trusting God’s sovereignty, wisdom and love and living out the
proof that you trust God?

3. “Joy can result from knowing that God is working to accomplish His purposes even in
difficult circumstance.” Again, think through the know - belief - trust teaching. Where would you
place your view of suffering in marriage on that spectrum? Where does your thinking and
believing need to change? Read Romans 5:1-5 to help you think through this.

4. “Jesus,... who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame… (Heb
12:2) and Jesus “when He was reviled, He did not revile in return: when He suffered, He did not
threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Are you
finding joy in following Jesus’ example in suffering? Are you knowing - believing - or trusting
God’s plan to use difficult times for our good? What needs to change?
 5. Take some time this week to express gratitude to God regardless of your circumstances.
Take time to thank God that He is always at work, even (or especially) in difficult times. LIst 10
things to about your marriage that you are thankful for…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Memorize 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Chapter 13 Biblical Submission - Basis of a Wife’s Protection

1. How is a wife’s role to be submissive to her husband like Christ’s role in being submissive
to God the Father?

2. What is God’s purpose in creating order within marriage?

3. Make a list of the “practical examples of showing love”. Practice 2 of them this week and
write down what you do specifically.

4. How do you need to replace fearful thoughts with “doing what is right”?

5. If your husband is an unbeliever, how can you demonstrate the love of God to him in your
marriage? Read 1 Peter 3:1-2 again. Are your actions likely to “win” your husband to the Lord
or push him away further? What needs to change in your responses and actions toward your
husband so that you are honoring God in this way?
 6. How is submission to your husband really a reflection of your relationship with God? What
does your submission to your husband reveal about your heart towards God?

7. Look at the list of 11 ways wives fail to be submissive to their husbands. What changes do
you need to make in your life?

Memorize 1 Peter 3:1-2

Chapter 14 God’s Provision - Resources for the Wife’s Protection

1. What does it look like to communicate biblically?

2. What is one thing you need to change about the way you communicate. Write down a Bible
verse that corresponds with what you need to change.

3. Overcoming evil with good is not a human idea! We can only do it with God’s strength.
Take a minute to pray and ask God to help you see where in your marriage you need to practice
this, and then pray that God would strengthen you to take this action. Commit to God to begin
overcoming evil with good. Remember, we can trust God’s way of living life since He is the
author of life! Because of what Christ has already completed for us on the cross, we can
choose to obey Him out of gratitude!

4. Look for a situation this week where your husband sins against you. Take time to pray and
take your thoughts captive and then act in a way that blesses your husband. Record here what
you did.
 5. Write out the 7 conditions of a biblical appeal. What heart motive would honor God in
making an appeal to your husband? What heart motive would not honor God when making an
appeal?

6. Explain why it is important for a wife to offer biblical reproof to her husband?

7. Explain when it is better to overlook an offense and when it is better to give a reproof?
Write out a scripture or two to support your thinking.

8. What should you do if your husband responds sinfully to your biblical reproof?
 9. All of us have responded to foolishness with folly at times. Is this an ongoing issue in your
marriage? What sins are you responsible for in responding like a fool? What would it look like
to respond bibically?

10. If your husband is critical toward you, even if it is done sinfully, do you take time to
consider the comment and do a “heart check” on yourself? Do you respond biblically to reproof
even if it is done sinfully. See how David responded to Shimei in 2 Samuel 16:5-14)

11. When is it right to seek godly counsel? Who would you go to if you needed to seek Godly
counsel?

12. What is the purpose of church discipline? What concerns do you have about church
discipline? Are you willing to trust God’s plan and design for church discipline as laid out in
Matthew 18?
 13. God makes provision for the protection wives through governing authorities. If you are in
an abusive situation, please contact me. I want to help you!

14. Are you using all the provisions God has given in His word in your marriage? Look back
at the list of 8 resources God provided. What are 3 changes you need to make in your
responses to your husband? Remember, every response we make is an act of worship! See
the Y-chart.

Memorize Romans 12:21

Chapter 15 Honoring Christ - Key to the Wife’s Motivation

1. How is being submissive to your husband a reflection of your relationship with God?

2. What does your attitude about submission reveal about your heart?

3. How can you be outwardly submissive, but inwardly disobedient? Tell about an example
when this was true of you.

4. The author lists 20 motivations to be a submissive wife. Write out the 5 that mean the most
to you. Next to each of the 5, write out the scripture that corresponds to that motivation.
 5. Write out 5 steps you are going to take this week to become more motivated to submit to
your husband out of love for who God is and what He has done.

Memorize 1 Peter 1:17-19

Chapter 16 Communication - Control of the Wife’s Tongue

1. Keep a thought journal this week. Every couple of hours, write down what your mind has
been dwelling on. What did you learn about yourself?

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday
Look back at chapter 3 - do you see God at work in your thought life?

2. Read the article What Were You Thinking?!. Write out one thought for each description
given in Philippians 4:8 that you can dwell on instead of old ways of thinking.

3. Pay attention to your words this week. Are your words “careless”? Are your words being
used for “building up” others and “giving grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29)?

4. What are the patterns of your speech that need to change? What would it look like to
replace those speech patterns with godly, biblical communication? Be specific! This is the “put
off, renew your mind, put on” part of sanctification. Review those notes from the teaching in
week 1.
5. Pay attention to the tone of your voice. Is your tone gentle and loving? Is your tone strident
and harsh and impatient? Ask your spouse and children to give you an honest assessment.

6. Our responses are habits. If you are “in Christ’, if you are trusting in Christ as Lord and
Savior of your life, you have been set free from the reign of sin in your life. This means that we
will still struggle with sin because of our sin nature, but we are also free to be changed by God
at the heart level and strive for holiness through His strength. Because of Christ, you can
change! Pray - confess and repent of your sinful thought and speech. Agree with God that you
have not honored Him in these areas. Ask for forgiveness and trust that He grants it (1 John
1:9). Ask God to help you change your thinking and to take your thoughts captive to Christ and
truth (2 Corinthians 10:5). Ask God to help you purify your speech and tone. Then start putting
new habits into practice as you depend on God throughout the day.

Memorize Luke 6:45

Chapter 17 Conflict - Quietness of the Wife’s Spirit

1. What is the difference between being a peacekeeper and being a peacemaker?

2. Write out Matthew 5:9

3. Which unbiblical thoughts listed on page 196 have hindered you from solving conflict
biblically?

4. As you read through the list of biblical thoughts and the verses that command those
thoughts, how is your view of conflict changed?

5. How has “differentness” has caused conflict in your marriage?

6. What role have you played in the conflict and how does your response need to change?

7. What areas of marriage do you see your selfishness causing conflict?

8. What do you need to confess and repent of and what changes do you need to make?
Again, this is the “put off, renew your mind, put on Christlikeness” of sanctification.

9. How will you make those changes?

10. Does your marriage have conflict due to “righteousness”? In what areas? How should
you respond to these conflicts?

11. Define each word. Write a sentence for each one telling what you need to do to grow in
this area of your marriage. Be as specific as you can be.
 a. Humility

b. Gentleness

c. Patience

d. Forbearance

Memorize: choose a verse from humility, gentleness, patience or forbearance that you need to
meditate on
Chapter 18 The Wife’s Anger - Overcoming Impatience

1. In what situations do you tend to get angry? Think back to your struggle journal.

2. What does this reveal about your heart desires?

3. How do you express your anger at home? For example, are you a person who is given to
loud outbursts, quieter irritation that everyone in the house is aware of, stewing in your mind and
trying to pretend you are not angry, fleeing away from the situation, etc. Seeing how you
respond when you are angry will help you identify anger and deal with it biblically.

4. How do you express your anger differently if you are out in public?
 5. Look at the Y-chart again from week 1. You have a choice in how you respond when you
are tempted to anger. The choice is always about who you will worship in that moment - yourself
or God.

6. What thoughts do you need to take captive in the situations that tempt you to anger? (Look
at question 1 and the situations that tend to lead to angry response from you. What are you
thinking at that moment and what would be biblical truths to choose to think about instead.) List
at least 2 truths to think about and write a verse supporting that truth. Use the chart below as a
guide.

7. What words do you need to choose in those moments?

8. What actions do you need to choose in those moments?

Example:

Situation​ ​ Old Thoughts ​ ​ ew thoughts​

N ​ Words/actions
Husband is sitting he is so lazy I will choose to be “How was your day?”
on couch not helping the least he could a servant (Phil 2:6-7) Is there something I
with bedtime. do is help I will joyfully serve my can get you?
family and be thankful smile
for extra time with kids Tell him “thanks” for
(1 Thess 5:16-18) working hard today
Your turn:
Situation Old Thoughts New Thoughts Words/Action

Take time to repent of your sin. As you see it more clearly in the weeks to come, go to God and
confess your sin and ask Him to give you a heart that desires to honor Him in your responses.
Commit to God that you will “train in righteousness” and put effort into thinking new thoughts,
and speaking and acting in a godly way.

9. How do you “stir up anger” in your home?

10. Write out 2 of the verses from the chart regarding one who “subdues” anger. Put
these verses on 3X5 cards and read them 10 times a day.
 11.. Pride is not just thinking too highly of yourself, it is thinking about yourself too much.
Whether your thoughts are about how good and right you are, or thoughts about how
sad, lonely and hurt your are, both are prideful! How much time do you spend thinking
about yourself and how others are responding to you? Are your thoughts captive to
Philippians 4:8?

Memorize Philippians 4:8

Chapter 19 The Wife’s Fear - Overcoming Anxiety

1. What fears do you tend to think about?

2. How has fear impacted your life? What other sins has fear lead to?

3. What does your fear reveal about your heart worship? What promises of God are you not
believing and trusting when you are fearful?

4. How is fear selfish?

5. How can you overcome your specific fears with love? (See 1 John 4:18)
 6. Of the 9 biblical solutions to fear, which 2 or 3 do you need to focus on? What do you need
to think differently and what do you need to do differently for each of those solutions to be true
in your life? Be specific with the fears you face.

7. Write a prayer modeling Philippians 4:6-9 regarding your own fears.

8. Write out 2 or 3 biblical thoughts that can help you overcome your specific fears.

Memorize Philippians 4:6-9

Chapter 20 The Wife’s Loneliness - Overcoming Lack of Oneness

1. Do you experience loneliness within your marriage?

2. Which of the sinful causes of loneliness do you identify with? Write out the scripture that is
the biblical response to that sin. Spend time reading that scripture and repenting of the sinful
thoughts, words, and actions.

3. Is intimacy an idol in your heart? Intimacy is a good desire until it has become so important
to you that you are willing to sin to get it, or if you sin when you do not get it.

4. In what ways do you expect your husband to meet your needs that only God can meet?

5. Examine your thoughts and speech, do you exhibit self-pity? Ask your best friend. Do you
tend to complain rather than give thanks?
 6. What does self-pity say about your heart and your view of God?

7. What does it mean to meditate on scripture? Is this a habit in your life? What can you do
to cultivate this habit?

8. Create a “Thankful Journal”. Commit to write at least 3 things every day that you are
thankful for. Look for the blessings that are obvious blessings, but also look for the blessings
that come from difficult situations. God uses ALL things to work together for good for those who
love Him and are called according to His purpose so that we are transformed into being more
like Christ (Romans 8:28-29 paraphrase).

Memorize Psalm 27:4

Chapter 21 The Wife’s Sorrow - Overcoming a Grieving Heart

Experiencing hurt within marriage is inevitable. The best marriage ever was still a marriage
between two sinners. But, there are some hurts and sins that cause more harm and
devastation than other sins. Please read this chapter with humility and compassion for those
who suffer greatly. God experiences sorrow over the sins that harm marriages also. But
because our hope is in a risen Savior, we can experience joy and peace in the midst of sorrow.
When we are hurt, the temptation to sin is great. This is the time to be extra diligent about how
we respond.

1. Remember that Proverbs 27:3 says “For as a man thinks within his heart, so is he”. Where
are your thoughts when you are sinned against? Read through the list of “sinful thought
responses”, which do you identify with. Try to write out the thoughts you think specifically.

2. Underneath each sinful thought, write a scripture that tells you how to take this thought
captive to the truth of God’s word.

3. Which sinful actions do you participate in?

4. The first step to putting off those sinful thoughts and actions is repentance. Take time to
confess and repent specifically of those thoughts and actions.
 5. Renew your mind in the truth of who God is, what He has already done for you, and what
He promises to do for you now and in the future.

6. What thoughts and actions will you put on instead? Practice these new habits.

7. Your righteous behavior does not guarantee a change in your husband. Why should you
choose to respond in a righteous way anyway?

8. Read through the prayer on page 246

“Lord, thank you for this particular circumstance. Also, thank You that You are in control, that
this is good for me or You would not permit it. Thank You for this special opportunity to glorify
You and magnify Your name. Thank You for what you are trying to teach me. Use me for your
glory even if I must continue to suffer through this experience. Lord, my prayer is that no matter
what happens to me or to my loved ones, I will not become angry at You. God forbid that I
would be anything other than submissive and grateful to You for how You choose to use my life
to glorify Yourself.”

Is this a prayer that you can honestly pray?

 9. Do you believe there is anything in your marriage that is too difficult for God to deal with?
God does not promise to remove your difficult circumstances, but He does promise that
you can experience joy and peace in the midst of what you are facing.

Memorize Matthew 19:26b “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”.
Conclusion and Summary

Philippians 1:6 “ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to
completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged by how much we think we need to change. But,
you have Christ. Christ came to earth and lived as a man. He experienced every form of
temptation that you face, but He did it perfectly. When He died on the cross, He was the perfect
sacrifice which satisfied all of God’s wrath and punishment for sin. When Christ was buried, He
carried our guilt and shame far from us. His resurrection is victory over sin, death and Satan.
Christ has set you free from slavery to sin. As a believer, you can choose to honor Him through
His strength and grace. Christ is now ascended to heaven and is seated at God’s right hand as
your advocate. All of Christ’s perfect life is credited to your account because you are “in Christ”.
REST in Christ’s completed work on the cross. Allow love for Him to permeate your mind and
soul. As you think about the greatness of God, think about His eternal attributes. Look back at
the few you studied and marvel at who He is. Think about what God did by predestining Christ
to die on the cross and suffer in our place. As love for God builds in your heart - this is the
motivation to make changes in your role as a wife because you want to honor and glorify your
Lord. God is at work. He promises to continue the work of sanctification in us and we get to be
a part of that work as we continue to strive for holiness.

What 5 things stood out to you the most in this study?

1.

2.
3.

4.

5.

Begin with prayer. What are you going to commit to pray about your marriage in the months to
come. Write out three areas of marriage that you will pray about daily or weekly and trust God
to be at work in these areas.

It all begins with your thinking and believing. What are you going to do going forward to take
your thoughts captive to Truth?

What are you going to do moving forward to change your speech? Write three specific things
about words and tone and attitude.

What actions are you going to take to bless your husband and do good to him? Write out three
new habits you are going to put into place to show any of the following to your husband - love,
respect, submission, oneness, or intimacy

Who is going to help keep you accountable? Ask a friend (someone from this class would be
great!) to check in with you and encourage you to keep pursuing being an excellent wife.