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I SING MY HOLLY-JOLLY, CANDY-COATED CHRISTMAS SONG OF VINDICATION

by SUFJAN STEVENS
ads come and go; fashions fade; What is the secret of the Christmas Season’s Endur- mas is what you make of it, and its songs reflect mystery warm bed, a full stomach, a pair of shoes, a feast for
governments corrode, combust, or give ing Captivation of Black Magic that casts its spell on our and magic as expertly as they clatter and clang with the the table, and a conscience clear of all the calamity of
way to revolutions; and the phantom hagridden selves? Year after year, winter upon winter, most audacious and rambunctious intonations of irrever- missteps, misunderstandings and mistakes I’ve made in
public exercises its ideological fickle- the inescapable, inexorable Gay Old Yuletide rears its ence. And all its silly-putty, slippery-slope, slap-dash the past.) My song is steadfast; my song is forgiveness;
ness with the flimflam incongruity of annual headache with the same mortifying gong-show menagerie of subject matter (be it Baby Jesus or Babes my song is justice; my song is solitude. And so, in this
an amusement park ride, but Christmas is forever. of cultural paralysis, and we find ourselves (like Pavlov’s in Toyland) readily yields itself to the impudent whims of canopy of Christmas music, I summon the company of
Civil laws are bent and beaten, rendered irrelevant dogs) possessed by a fervent, celestial fever, psycho- its contemporary benefactors, myself included. angels, the helper elves, the shepherds keeping flock,
or painfully amended while planets turn their lonely logically distended, emotionally upended, physiologically The most enduring songs of the Christmas canon the innkeepers, the coupon-clippers, the marathon
gravitational ellipses surveying the solar system with conquered, psychically squandered, beaten, broken, jingle-jangle their everlasting promises not only of ginger- runners, the cross-country skiers, the bottom feeders,
reckless abandon awaiting the collapse of the red busted, maladjusted, reduced, in fact, to that clammy, bread cookies and sugar-plum fairies, but also of peace the grocery baggers, the toll both ticketers, the bridge
giant, but Christmas is forever. Marriages dissolve, are pre-pubescent Christmas wish-list spoiled brat kid of on earth and good will toward men, conjuring a fantasy and tunnel drivers, the construction workers, the ice
absolved, or simply withdraw into those empty mental our insatiable childhood, throwing an empirical fit on weekend getaway vacation where confectionery figurines cream makers, the street sweepers, the community of
passageways of regret, but Christmas is forever. Wars Santa’s lap, faced with the hard-candy facts of reality, and military nutcrackers commingle with the parliamen- saints, the Virgin Mary, the Holy Spirit, the Prince of
are waged as with the convenient paraphernalia of knowing for certain we will never really get what want tary peacekeeping forces of the United Nations. You Persia, and all invisible hosts of heaven to assist me in
board games while world peace resides in the dusky for Christmas, or in life, for that matter. This is the true can have your angel food cake and eat it too, for the this absurd cosmic adventure, pursuing holly-jolly songs
colors of the unattainable horizon, but Christmas is horror-show-tragic-comedy-slap-stick-community-theater, Christmas message ultimately mollifies our cosmic anxiety of hope and redemption with a sacred heart for the
forever. James Joyce-fundamental-catharsis-of-the-holidays: the (who am I?) with a celestial-seasoning, body-massaging, enduring love of the holidays, for the forgiveness of
Hairstyles, nail colors, necklines and skinny ties unflappable, existential emptiness that perseveres in the hypoglycemic consolation of soothing conclusions: that if sins, the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the
come and go (as expedient patrons of a whorehouse), heart of modern man as he recklessly pursues his absurd God is with us, who can be against us? And still we rattle world to come. Amen.
but Christmas is forever. Soft drinks and culinary search for happiness and comes up empty handed. Happy our New Year’s noisemakers with the fierce combustion Fortunately, I’m not alone in making a scene. I’d like
treats, best-sellers, paperback page-turners, block- Holidays to you, too. of the living dead, irritably aggrandizing our exponential to acknowledge my co-conspirators (“et tu, Brute”),
buster Hollywood thrillers, chart toppers, record shak- And yet, I continue to sing my song of Christmas, in litany of Christmas wishes. God saved the world, but the who’ve willingly indulged in this feverish tradition over
ers, heroic capers, championship makers and personal spite of certain failure, in spite of the plague of locusts, world is not enough. We simply want more. These are the the years, participating in all the late-night pageantry,
heartbreakers recede into the vast oblivion of memory political ennui, natural disasters, stock market crashes, greedy anthems of the post-modern Christmas. These are hand-clapping, hocketing, harmonizing, guitar-strumming,
as each whimsical woe-begotten trophy moment is fanaticism, fundamentalism, bio-terrorism, entrepreneurial- the greedy anthems of humankind. scat-singing, tambourine shaking, booty-breaking,
successively surmounted, supplanted, dumbfounded, ism, alcoholism, didacticism, high blood sugar, heat-seek- And what of the pop indulgences proliferating the gingerbread baking, hallelujah-happy-holiday-Christmas-
blessed, buried and put to rest, but Christmas is ing missiles, hernias and hypertension, money, masochism, easy-breezy Christmas songs of the 1950s and 60s, madness, god-forsaking merry-making, including: Aaron
forever. We may climb onto various bandwagon fads mislaid plans, police raids, riots, marches, role-reversals, where sleigh bells jingle over hill and dale, where chest- Dessner, Bryce Dessner, Richard Reed Parry, Clara
of the new millennium, trending new-wave dream pop, rickets, parking tickets, tax abatements, credit card nuts roast on open fires, where cheeks are rosy-comfy- Claus, Olivier Manchon, Marla Hansen, Raymond Byron
post-ironic afro-punk, big-band beach jam, shoe-gaze statements, anachronism, catechism, cancer, cannibalism, cozy, where mistletoe hangs advantageously overhead, Raposa, Gabriel Kahane, Daniel, Elin, Lilly & Ida Smith,
summer blues, bi-polar boy band bonanzas, disco dub, Mount Etna, Morse code, diastemas, holy wars, carcino- inspiring sex, lies and videotape? Christmas music does C.J. Camerieri, James McAlister, Casey Foubert, David
chill-wave, spoken-word poetry rave, Ethiopian jazz sarcomas, celebrities, Chia pets, naturalism, narcissism, justice to the criminal, marrying sacred and profane, Stith, Alex Sopp, Vesper Stamper, Cat Martino, Sayard
fusion, dreadlock drum circle, Delta-basin blues, folk- nepotism, nuclear war, fast food, slow food, square dance, bellowing obtuse prophecies of the Messiah in the same Egan, Rosie Thomas, Sonya Hofer, Sebastian Krueger,
metal friend-rock faux pas, speed metal social network happenstance, saw tooth, shark attack, Mac attack, heart- blustery breath as a candy-coated, holly-jolly, TV-jingle Nathan Lithgow, and Brian Wolfe. We sing the body
disaster, krunk, punk, skunk-pop, teen-bop, hip-hop break, broomsticks, Bic pen, red hen, dogmatism, fatalism, advertising a string of lights and a slice of fruitcake. The electric. Am I forgetting anyone?
highland scotch square dance, line dance, break dance, journalism, scholasticism, jumping spiders, baby back ribs, incarnation of God is a troubling metaphor, but what of I would also like to acknowledge those who have la-
funky house, future garage, Gamelan gender bender, plastic bibs, feast or famine, floods, fault lines, flesh- the various contemporary manifestations of pop culture bored in the design, illustration, and production of this
glam metal, glitch wave, grind core, girl band, boy-toy, eating bacteria, flying monkeys, pragmatism, populism, further cluttering the Christmas crib? Rudolph, Jack album, investing time, energy, and creative fortitude
heavy metal, jitterbug jungle, reggae, soul, slow-mo, superstition, Jersey Shore, Wheel of Fortune, wainscot- Frost, Suzy Snowflake, Santa Claus, Scrooge McDuck, for the love of Christmas, including: Jessica Dessner
scatter-ska, skittle core, riddle core, fiddle horror ing, wire tapping, Tom Cruise, Vanessa Redgrave, Lindsay the Grinch, Heat Miser, Dominick the Donkey, Old Man (“Ornament in Space” and “Christmas Unicorn” pencil
grind-gore, soft-shell pole-dance, role-play-Canto-pop- Lohan, Albert Einstein, and the worse case scenario, Winter, Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman, Snoopy, drawings), Christian Acker (cover typography), Matt
romantic-slow-dance-stutter-core, and bang-on-a-can i.e. quicksand. In spite of my best judgment, in spite of Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Gordon (Apocalyptic Tableau pencil drawing poster),
new music marathon, all the subterranean, cross- public opinion, in spite of common decency, in spite of Blitzen--these feisty protagonists play host to a psyche- Karl Jensen (Star Ornament and directions), Clara Klaus
cultural, multi-media, interdisciplinary, death-defying, seasonal affective disorder, mental disease and Christmas delic Christmas pageant eradicating the sanctimony of (barn owl painting), Kevin James Stone (“I Am Santa’s
cross-over, genre-bending multiplicity of music fashions fatigue, I’ve continued the musical tradition (ever onward the saints by grab-bagging, arm-wrestling, pigeon-holing, Helper” cover), Vesper Stamper (various clip art gone
instigating cultural fatigue faster than the speed of forever amen), in pursuing all the inexplicable songs of water-boarding, conning, conniving and confiscating their wild), Ellis Ludwig-Leone (chord charts gone wild),
sound, but Christmas is forever. the holidays, season after season (without rhyme or way to the frontlines of holiday fever, waging an all-out and Stephen Halker (who designed the Christmas tat-
We may find ourselves surreptitiously savoring the reason), relentlessly humming, strumming, finger-picking, cultural war on Christmas. toos, Christmas stickers, “Let It Snow” airbrush cover,
critical-mass, fever-pitched, media frenzied Fashion Fu- ivory-tickling, finger-licking, soul-searching, fact-finding, Am I alone in fighting off this impetuous adversary “Christmas Infinity Voyage” cover, airbrush unicorn, and
ries propagating their everlasting offspring of clothing corporate ladder-climbing, magic hatter rabbit hiding, of unrighteousness? (Or am I part of the problem?) For various clip art gone wild, etc.). We sing the body
disasters, soap-boxing the renaissance of bell bottoms, rapping, slapping, super-sizing, miming, grinding, flexing, whatever reason, here I sing, army of one, holed up in electric. Am I forgetting anyone?
skinny jeans, jelly bracelets,tight-rolled soft pants, perplexing, plucking and strumming all the celestial strings my room, surrounded by hymnals, oratorios, music charts, Of course! Last but not least: Thank You, Kind
baggy knickers, halter tops, V-necks, high-waisted mom of merriment with utmost Napoleonic fever. This tradition sacred harp books, paper-clipped-photo-copied Readers Reader, Courageous Listener, and Faithful Companion.
jeans, dad’s plaid jackets, brother’s cleats, sister’s will not die. Digest Christmas catalogs--all the sanctimonious weap- Your love is better than silver and gold. May all your
slippers, pocket pleats, tweed suspenders, cut-off half- What is it about Christmas music that continues to onry of Yuletide incantations, the impeccable canon of dreams come true.
shirts, Hasid chic, neo-grunge, corduroy, tie-dye, hippie agitate my aging heartstrings? Is it the substance of Christmas carols--sounding my barbaric yawp above the
halter top, mash-up fashion disaster-on-ice, and yes, we things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen? Or the snowy rooftops. My song is love; my song is hope; my Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
may even endure the black-hole apocalypse of corn- boundless Potential Energy inherent in this bastard holiday song is peace. I conjure the fruitcake world of my own And many happy returns of the day!
rows, bajas, kulats and shoulder pads, but Christmas is so fitfully exploited, subverted, confounded, expounded, imagination with steadfast affection for the unattainable XXOO--S.S. (Christmas 2012)
forever (and always in fashion). adopted and adapted with no regard for decency. Christ- bliss of Christmas promises. (I want a perfect body, a

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 A BRIEF EXPOSITION ON ADVENT & THE END TIMES by PASTOR THOMAS VITO AIUTO

e live in an age where our concep- heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, moon and the stars...people fainting with Nelson Darby have cultivated that uneasy school
tion of history is profoundly “telic,” or and the earth and the works that are done on it fear and foreboding of what is coming on of “dispensationalism” in the mid-19th century,
goal-directed--that is, we live in the will be exposed.” 2 Peter 3:10). Because Jesus was the world...They will see the Son of Man an apocalyptic strain of evangelicalism that mines
belief that there is an end, a “telos,” raised (Easter) and ascended to glory (Ascension), coming in a cloud with power and great glory. biblical texts to predict exact dates and particulars
towards which all things are inevitably so the world would someday be raised to new of the approaching Rapture, when believers will be
moving. This makes us a people consumed with life (“...a new heavens and a new earth in which In Advent sermons we see apocalyptic rumina- “caught up in the clouds” to meet their judgment
looking both backwards (in order to make mean- righteousness dwells.” 2 Peter 3:13). This new tions broiling with exuberance, such as this homily (Tim LaHaye’s popular “Left Behind” series provides
ing from what has gone before) and ahead (so as narrative calendar upended the circular repetition from St. Gregory the Great: “As our adorable a tabloid explication of this process in no fewer
to discern where we might finally arrive). Yet, in of history to suggest a singular, divine power (Alpha Saviour will expect at His coming to find us ready, than sixteen novels). The residual doomsday-fever
the cosmic scheme of things, this is a character- & Omega) with a cosmic story to be told (begin- He warns us of the terrors that will accompany in America is a pervasive and undeniable force,
istically “new” perspective, for in antiquity it was ning, middle, end). the latter days in order to wean us from the love not only in Baptist pulpits and Pentecostal pews,
believed that history was cyclic, and that “time” But among the seasons of the Christian of this world...”. Even the musical sequences but also in the Zionist persuasions of our politi-
was an empty medium lacking meaning in and ecclesiastical year, Advent is the paradox, the crux, are foreboding (“Vox clara ecce intonat” [“Hark! cal leaders and in the cataclysmic exploits of our
of itself. In some sense, there was no such thing a cataract perched between Christmas (December 25) A thrilling voice is sounding”] and the 13th Hollywood films. How many times have we reveled
as “history,” since the Greco-Roman mind gave and “Christ the King Sunday” (the Sunday that falls century “Dies Irae” [“Day of Wrath”] resound in the blockbuster theater of destruction, witnessing
itself to truths outside of time. Their concep- between November 20 and 26), the celebration of with apocalyptic intonations). The familiar the annihilation of our cities and national monuments
tion of reality derived its essence from what was the enthronement of Jesus as the King of the Cosmos pleasantries of most Christmas hymns (“Away In in the wake of alien invasion, meteorological
stable and observable (as opposed to the arbitrary (“Christus Pantokrator”). But Advent’s location A Manger,” et al) are easily undone by the far retribution, or the wrath of God? For Americans, the
vagaries of the actions of humans): consider the between the birth of the Messiah and His prospective more devastating doxologies of Advent. Charles end is near, and we love it that way.
ever-repeating flow of seasons, the visible order enthronement has acquired for this season an Wesley’s “Lo! He Comes With Clouds Descend- But all these attempts at augury may well deny
and beauty of the universe, sunrise and sunset, uneasy character, a tension-filled existence mar- ing” is especially vivid, describing the Messiah’s the true purpose of our eschatological inclinations.
growth and decay (hence the Stoic theory of rying the joyous (and even sentimental) anticipa- “dazzling body...robed in dreadful majesty” amid Perhaps the inevitable “conclusion of catastrophe”
the cyclic destructionand recreation of the tion of a new birth, and the fearful expectation restless exhortations (“Come to judgment! Come explicitly conveyed on our movie screens speaks
world). Abstraction was for them the vehicle of of judgment. The early appearance of Christmas to judgment!”). These Advent materials cast their not of a cosmic conundrum with universal
truth and salvation. carols on our radio stations is just one sign of our eye to what the Old Testament prophets simply ramifications, but of something much more personal.
On to this landscape arrived Christianity desire to dwell upon that lighter mood of Advent. called “The Day.” Might it be that the obtuse imagery of the bible’s
(building upon the foundation of Judaism) with a But we have not (nor cannot) evacuate it of all its It’s hard not to think of Advent function- apocalyptic texts (St. John’s psychedelic drug trip
conception of a personal God creating the cosmos terror. Even in its connection to Christmas, Advent ing centuries ago much as horror/thriller movies in the Book of Revelation, the Hollywood blockbuster
“ex nihilo” (out of nothing), making human beings foretells the arrival of the Christ who came to the do in our culture (“The Day The Earth Stood Book of Daniel, the UFO tracking of Ezekiel) are not
in his image, even deigning to use human beings world for terrible judgment (“I came to cast fire on Still,” “The Day After Tomorrow,” “Independence merely esoteric puzzles to be solved or obtuse
to move the world along a narrative culminating in the earth, and would that it were already kindled!”). Day”), a ritualistic way in which one can imagine events to be feared, but jagged fragments of a
the salvation of the universe. Within this paradigm, Even its name prohibits any sentimental focus one’s own demise (and/or even the annihilation of divine imagination captured in dreams (and books,
time now had a beginning, middle and an end, and exclusively on the birth of Christ. “Adventus” is a the entire universe) before the actual event. This and movies) illustrating something rather simple:
people played a critical role in the divine drama. Latin translation of the Greek “parousia,” the same preoccupation with mass extinction is fundamental that since we are part of creation, we must also
Time ceased to be cyclical (and perpetual), word the New Testament uses to speak of the to Christian eschatology and, perhaps, inherently defer to its ultimate end--that of destruction.
acquiring a pronounced directionality marking a Second Coming of Jesus, the event the Bible says human. But do other religions invest as much While the apocalyptic portion of Advent may
straight line from the six days of creation to a will bring a violent end to all things. existential weight in the end of the world? Of be an articulation of those vivid images (inherent in
single day of judgment, the great and terrible Day This connection between Advent and the end course Ancient Egypt (famous for its mummies) our anxious and anticipatory hearts), it is also much
of the Lord. of the world is an old and deep one. Although the reveled in the particulars of each man’s death more than just an expression for the living. It is
This novel view that history was, in fact, church year now begins with Advent, in the early (“The Book of the Dead” is as meticulous about ultimately a call to participate in a regular rehearsal
a story, compelled the early Christians to see medieval period, when the liturgical cycles were spiritual judgment as it is about embalming rituals), for death itself, through meditation, contemplation,
within (or impose upon) the ever-repeating Julian still in flux, mass-books began the church year with but its religious texts make no mention of a uni- and self-examination. For even as we soldier through
calendar another way of marking time, a calendar Christmas, making Advent the conclusion of the year, versal doomsday. The Hindu concept of “samsara” the corporate commodity of Christmas consumer-
celebrating the life-story of the God-Man, Jesus: securing for it a decidedly eschatological character. (the continuing cycle of life, i.e. reincarnation) ism, for even as we cozy up to hot cocoa and Bing
his birth, life, death, resurrection and Second The four weeks of Advent were given over to emphasizes a perpetual world that has no end. Crosby, for even as we make the yuletide gay (mail-
Coming. And because Christians understood Jesus consideration not of bucolic scenes of rosy- Even the presumably apocalyptic “Long Count” of ing family photo cards, fruit baskets, and Christmas
to be representative of humanity as a whole, this cheeked cherubs singing sweetly to the shepherds, the Mayans (predicting 2012 as the final year of newsletters), for even as we participate in all the self-
new ecclesiastical calendar (celebrating the linear or children sledding the snow-capped hills of existence) turns out to be misunderstood: that sanctifying rituals of the Advent season, we miss the
shape of that one human life) bestowed upon the Currier & Ives, but of the Four Last Things: the Mayans lived through (and explicitly reveled obvious: that Advent is ultimately about death.
earth a new and uniquely narrative self-descrip- Death, Judgment, Heaven, and Hell. Fittingly, much in) multiple Long Count culminations casts doubt on The end is near.
tion. Because God himself had a birth (Christ- of the early liturgical content that the church an exclusively “doomsday” reading of their calendar. You are going to die.
mas), so the world was understood to have been compiled for worship during the season of Advent Indeed, Christianity, with its vast literature of Happy Holidays.
supernaturally birthed (“In the beginning, God cre- was related to the Last Judgment, giving little prophecy, and its relentless obsession with the
ated the heavens and the earth...”). Because God accommodation for the maudlin idylls of the newborn narrative arc (creation, fall, redemption), seems to
suffered death and destruction (Good Friday), so baby. In Advent lectionaries we find apocalyptic have maintained an unfortunate monopoly on the
the earth would someday come to an end (“But texts like Luke 21:25-33: End Times, for better and for worse. From what
the day of the Lord will come like a thief...the And there will be signs in the sun and the other fertile ground could the famed futurist John

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 AN EXAMINATION OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE FETISH by SUFJAN STEVENS

hat are we to make of this vicarious Stanley Kubrick’s movie set (to the consternation of Ne- of a “World Tree” in multiple ancient mythologies (from it’s no accident that Christmas corresponds both to the
conifer hacked at its base, severed from anderthal Man) in “2001: A Space Odyssey”? In what odd American Indian to Mongolian) suggests that tree worship winter solstice and the festival of Saturnalia, the most
the wild, ceremoniously hauled into the historical space does this fickle tree reside? was the phenomenon of a collective unconscious moored important Roman feast in honor of Saturn (the god of
comfort of our homes, decorated like a For those who vote Pagan, the evidence is boundless. to a residual tree fetish inherited from our primate ancestors agriculture), commemorated by revelry, banquets, and
birthday cake, v e n e r a t e d w i t h p o p c o r n a n d f l a s h - Oak cults, Yule logs, and Bacchanalian pageants incorporating residing in the forest canopy. But let’s be honest: a Paleolithic gift-giving. Romans marked December 25 as “Dies Nata-
i n g l i g h t s , fashioned with bangles and baubles and various evergreen paraphernalia suggest the predecessor to reading of anything is speculative smoke and mirrors at this lis Sol Invictus,” or Birthday of the Unconquerable Sun.
industrial tinsel, magnified with carols, grandly perched the Christmas tree is an amalgamation of a multitude of pagan point. So let’s jump ahead to the evergreen itself, a plant The “everlasting” boughs of the pine tree symbolized
beside the hearth, honored and adored with all the best props, and a full recuperation of all sources would unravel celebrated for its constant fertility, a symbol of steadfast prosperity, virility, and new life (resolutely green in spite
intentions of Christian idolatry: the gatekeeper of gift- a grab bag of pantheism, occultism, and witchcraft. (It’s a life. Its mysterious vigor had special significance in most of the sun’s absence), and were widely used in rituals of
giving, the Tree of Life, the icon of Christmas com- pagan tree, Charlie Brown!) Early church leaders branded primitive tree cults, and its enduring characteristics were worship during this time, and as ornaments in the home.
modity? What is the real story of the Christmas tree?
the custom idolatry as readily as American Puritans, who, still being celebrated by the time of the ancient Romans. Holly sprigs (like bulbs of garlic) were thought to repel
In my own disruptive childhood home, we observed
in 1659, outlawed the celebration of Christmas altogether The “pinea silva” (sacred pine groves) attached to pagan evil and illness. As the evergreen’s distant cousin, the
the veneration of the tree with unrepentant holiday fever,
as good Americans. Our tree of choice was a Douglas (Puritans in England described the holiday, and its pagan Roman temples resembled the modern Christmas tree farm. mistletoe’s romantic association was made sublime by its
fir, the cheapest one on the lot, with its confident tree, as “wasteful and immoral.”) So how has this tree On holy days, Roman priests — c alled “dendrophori” (“tree- dual association with mortality (death) and progeny (sex).
posture, industrious coat, and blue-green needles soft to craze persisted in spite of opposing judgment? Shall we bearers”) would cut a sacred pine, decorate it, and carry In “The Aeneid” the plant is represented as the unique
the touch. As disciples of Steiner (and benefactors of chalk it up to a primordial tick? The ubiquitous tradition it into the temple as an offering to the gods. Of course, gold bough (fertile key) with which the River Styx is
food stamps and WIC), we favored hand-made ornaments: crossed to give Aeneas access to the underworld. To
cranberries, popcorn, and marshmallows joined by needle the Romans, the whitish berries of the mistletoe also
and thread, chains of construction paper glued together represented Jupiter’s genitalia (semen) and were used in
in a geometric mosaic, nativity scenes engineered from fertility rituals. Its feminine complement, holly (whose
toothpicks and cotton balls, aluminum foil as reflec- red berries symbolized a woman’s menstrual blood), was
tive punctuation thrown hither and thither like a ticker used in Celtic rituals to the Goddess Danu, the great
tape parade. Of course, we had the occasional heirloom mother of the gods, whose association with moving wa-
ornament ordered from a Sears catalog: “Baby’s First ters, rivers, and oceans (“The Divine Flow”) suggests the
Christmas,” our grandmother’s retro curios from the age
evergreen’s fertility status was not bound by gender.
of the space race, and a dangling music box that played a
Blood, semen, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. Is the Christ-
horror-film reduction of “Carol of the Bells.” We lined the
tree with light bulbs, oversized and opaque, all the colors mas tree just another metaphorical nymphomaniac?
of the rainbow. The apex was majestically crowned At this point you may be wondering how this ex-
with the archangel Gabriel, resplendent in gold lam é and pository treatise on the Christmas tree has doggy-paddled
a porcelain face painted like Betty Boop. Our tree was so far into the waters of pseudo-sexual theory. These
a thing to behold, a patchwork pageant of kitsch and fertile affiliations are not as obtuse as one might think.
community theater, divinely inspired, no less than Michel- Did you know: the popular German hymn “O Tannenbaum”
angelo’s Sistine Chapel, a magnum opus worthy of reli- isn’t actually a Christmas carol (originally, it makes no
gious worship. It stood there boldly dressed for the prom mention of anything Christmas), but a ballad of unrequited
like some post-pubescent icon lavishing in our reverent ad- love, contrasting the “treu Blätter” (“trustworthy branch-
miration (proud parents with cameras), which we conferred es”) of an evergreen tree with an unfaithful mistress (who
with all the glories of Christendom and capitalism. We presumably runs off with another suitor). Sex sells, and
oohed and awed, gasped and genuflected in its multifarious, the story of heartache pursues the lovesick soul of man.
omnipotent presence: the honorable Yule Tree, our Sacred So why can’t these be part of Christmas too?
Oak, the Tower of Babel, the Maypole, the cosmic fertility They can. Christianity is an odd religion of co-
symbol, the implacable Rod of Righteousness, Our Pagan
option, where Easter bunnies commingle with Passover
Idol, Our Christmas Tannenbaum, Our Holy Grail.
meals, resurrection, vampirism (the blood of Jesus) and
The annual imposition of the natural world (fir
tree) on the domestic stage (living room) at the height Christmas trees, the latter of which is never mentioned
of winter may appear a fraught and frivolous holiday in the bible, of course. But sacred trees abound in scrip-
tradition bordering on madness, the most blatant of ture, and the bible revels furiously in the metaphorical
situational ironies. But the manifold interpretations of significance of its miscellaneous plant life: the cedars of
the Christmas tree may expand far beyond its miscel- Lebanon made up Solomon’s Temple; the leaves of the
laneous color wheel of tacky ornamentation, and I’m fig tree concealed Adam’s nakedness; the timber planks
inclined to invoke a scatological critical theory of my of gopher wood made up Noah’s advantageous ark (and
own invention in order to demystify is coded branches. let’s not forget the olive branch that promised a safe
For every ornament hanging on its limbs there is a story landing). There’s the notorious elocution of a certain
to be told of Man vs. Nature. shrub festooned with unrelenting flames (the burning
Did you know: An estimated 35 million Christ- bush--proud predecessor of the Christmas tree), as well
mas trees are butchered and bedazzled in the name of as the poetic disposition of the “oaks of righteousness,
tradition every year? Am I ruining Christmas for you? a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor”
When distinguishing origins, modern celebrants
(Isaiah 61:3). Of course, the bible begins with a garden
of the Christmas tree may find themselves in two
and ends with a war, but trees play an essential role in
conflicting camps: Pagan or Christian? Good or Evil?
both. Paradise has the infamous Tree of Knowledge of
Paper or Plastic? Is the disembodied tree a sacred,
sacramental symbol or the steadfast relic of ancient Good and Evil, and the Book of Revelation includes a
idol worship? On which side do you stand: ornamented lesser-known “Dozen-Fruit Tree” producing twelve kinds
evergreen as Christian allegory (God’s Family Tree) of fruit for every month of the year (the twelve days
or the enigmatic steely monolith jutting out from of Christmas?): “And the leaves of the tree were for the

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healing of the nations” (Rev. 22:2). If the opportunistic evil augments ever more despondent paths of interpreta- airports, train stations, and shopping malls--ordering onlook- to have a name (and a face) onto which to project our
tree hugger is only occasionally maligned (little Zacchaeus tion. Just as Adam and Eve consumed the fruit of the ers to admire all the corrupted colors of its majestic moral outrage. Yes, the earth abides by reckless laws,
clamoring for better sightlines), the bible’s take on the paradise tree, invoking original sin, so do we, in harvesting splendor: a symbol of progress, innovation, and the unflappable wreaking havoc on our daily lives, upending all manners of
specifically “decorated tree” indulges in condemnation, as gifts, partake of the deadly fruits of Christmas: that of confidence of capitalism. I have no critique for those who civic and social convenience, but it does so most certainly
manifest in Jeremiah’s hostile critique: commerce, commodity and greed--all the flavors of the take offense at the religious imposition of a Christmas tree without deliberate wickedness. It is simply running its
For the customs of the peoples are worth- Seven Deadly Sins fashioned in various garments of wrap- in a public space, but I urge you to consider even more course. (“The sun shone, having no alternative”--Samuel
less; they cut a tree out of the forest, and ping paper. To unravel that handsome facade of Blooming- offensive measures: the Christmas tree as an icon for envi-
a craftsman shapes it with his chisel. They Beckett). Would that we could say the same for mankind,
adorn it with silver and gold; they fasten dale’s gift wrap is to peel back the skin of the apple (or ronmental catastrophe, a prophetic token of the End Times, which is running a course steadfast into oblivion.
it with hammer and nails so it will not totter. pomegranate, or quince), inviting all manners of damnation the impending death of our planet. As a tragic testimony to The fact is: nature has no intention, nor force
Like a scarecrow in a melon patch, their onto your oblivious path of unrighteousness. Have I ruined man’s dominion over the earth (the domestication of plants
of will. It does not seek to manipulate nor orches-
idols cannot speak; they must be carried Christmas for you? and animals), the Christmas tree has become nothing more
because they cannot walk. trate its cause for self-gain through the calculations
The Christmas tree’s affiliation with wealth, power than a symbol of environmental bondage, illustrating all the
This is as close as we get to a Christmas tree in the of conscience, that inexplicable gene of the Divine Mind
and commodity are not an unfortunate coincidence, for negligent ways in which man has taken possession of the
bible and it’s an incriminating declamation, rousing firm supposedly relegated to humans, failed stewards of cre-
the rise in popularity of this seasonal home furnishing (in world in order to destroy it. Transcending all the ordinary
believers to speculate the worst case scenario: is this America, at least) coincided with the spread of industrial- regulations of nature, man has conquered the earth--through ation. Lacking self-consciousness, nature’s consciousness
diligent tree fetish of ours just one more contemporary is cosmic--that of the universal order of creation (before
ism, the emergence of the middle class, and an infatuation extraordinary arrogance, heedless manipulation, voracious
faux pas instigating our eternal damnation in hell? (Are “logos”)--allowing it to participate (without judgment) ac-
with British royalty. In Post-Reformation Europe, only the exploitation, and industrial design--ravaging the vast capital
we entertaining idols unawares?) cording to the laws of perfect disorder--entropy, acci-
wealthiest of Protestants procured trees for the holidays of her domain in the name of progress. Captured and com-
But no, let’s first consider the most legendary of dent, and chaos--echoing the wilderness of the furthest
(Catholics still preferred the quaint Christmas crib, and modified, ridiculed and raped, the Christmas tree inhabits
religious trees, where Christ was crucified--the cross at galaxies, the immeasurable vast pandemonium of outer
the Vatican wouldn’t unveil its first Christmas tree until our homes with emasculated terror representing the worst
Golgotha--decorated for death with an ornament of thorns. space, the unknown wasteland of our conception, the
1982). German immigrants may have brought the tradition case scenario: that of an indentured servant, or, worse, a
How does the tree of Calvary equate with the tree of
to America in the 1700s, but the Christmas tree didn’t be- stuffed animal (taxidermied safari trophy), propped up in the “void hovering over the waters,” the ephemeral, chemical
Christmas? Could the Christmas tree (celebrating all
come a countrywide institution until the mid-19th century, corner, representing the most reprehensible of environmen- sludge from whence we came (or, the Big Bang, if you
the sentimental pageants of Christ’s birth) be nothing
and only when prompted by a minor media blitz. A widely tal disasters. In a word: the Christmas tree is our bitch. Pardon prefer advertising catch phrases).
more than a harbinger of his gruesome death on a different
distributed woodcut of Queen Victoria’s Christmas tree in my language, but the social and ecological implications are A vast portion of our universe is, in fact, incon-
sort of tree: the wooden cross for public execution, and an
an 1850’s issue of “Godey’s Lady’s Book” (the most widely tragic. The proliferation of the Christmas tree (with its cor- ceivable, and therefore incommunicable, but the giving
icon for universal salvation? (Incidentally, the Greek word
circulated magazine of its time) captivated the public respondence to industrialism, corporate greed, and exponential tree is the most righteous of observable objects, and its
for cross--“stauros”-- literally translates as “a wood stake”
imagination and sent thousands of Americans on a chop- population growth) follows an inverse correlation to the decline concrete modifiers are governed by love--steadfast, stoic,
meant for impaling meat [the Lamb of God] as it cooks
ping spree, hell-bent on emulating Her Majesty’s Christmas of the natural world. This is no unhappy accident. For even as deeply rooted, unself-conscious, palpable and present, the
over a hot fire. Meditate on that next time you deck the
Booty. By then, the wounds of the Revolution were but glaciers recede, ice caps melt, and oceans rise, our stomachs tree is a biological saint. Its song is of a generous, medita-
halls with boughs of holly.)
faint echoes, the Civil War a looming affliction on national get fed, our stockings get stuffed, and our Christmas trees tive tone, for it only seeks to give itself over to you in
But of course, these morbid excavations do no
justice to religion, nor do they fully explain the ulte- identity, and Hollywood’s galvanizing Golden Age a century get fitfully framed with ever more useless and immeasur- fullness, offering shade, fruit, beauty, air, aesthetics, per-
rior motives of that oblivious evergreen affixed like a away, so America, in need of celebrity salvation, looked able Christmas commodities wrapped in ribbons and foil, an
fumes, oils, sweet syrups, aromatherapy, energy and fuel,
Christmas scarecrow in our living rooms. Could more across the ocean to an oblivious royal tree and found a insatiable surplus of extraneous waste fated for the bowels
to name a few. Lacking willpower, it is antithetical to
recent history shed greater light on its origins? Protestant convenient pop icon. (The first Christmas tree farm arrived of your local landfill, glazed with rainwater, beside the white
mankind. Shirking chaos, it is antithetical to the void. In-
mythology would have us believe Martin Luther concep- 50 years later, adding cost and convenience to the escalat- chickens. Have I ruined Christmas for you?
habiting boundless beauty and indefatigable resource, the
tualized the first Christmas tree after perceiving the ing tree craze.) Post Civil War, America flexed its industrial For those of you offended by this expository sacrilege
muscle, exploiting landmass and natural resources to run rampant, let me assure you: I still believe in the integrity of giving tree is a symbol of strength, a monument to gen-
stars through the boughs of evergreen trees at night. The erosity, and a testament to the unsurpassable power of
Germans bequeathed us many traditions (hamburgers, hot leverage its status as a global superpower. As the middle the Christmas tree, in spite of free-enterprise (and all its evil
class loosened its belt to privilege (and disposable income), machinations), in spite of my psychobabble (and all its worst love imbued in all of creation. And perhaps this is why
dogs, Easter eggs, and yes, Yule trees), but there is no
the Christmas tree joined a host of other icons of Ameri- intentions). I am a man of convictions. And I believe the tree we cannot shake that vainglorious Christmas tree obses-
factual evidence to support this sentimental anecdote.
can democracy: baseball, cars, apple pie, and Coca-Cola. The speaks of a simpler, quieter, self-evident truth far more sion: inherent in our urgency to seize the natural world,
The earliest incarnation of a Christmas tree may pos-
Bolsheviks outlawed the Christmas tree in communist Russia mysterious than that of Christian tradition, Capitalism, Pagan- slaughter its young, and haul its unfortunate corpse into
sibly be found in the Paradise Plays of the Middle
Ages, theatrical pageants narrating the fall of Adam and in 1917, but by the 1930s, Santa Claus was cozying up with a ism, or Coca-cola: that of unconditional love. Forgive me for our living rooms like some Christmas cadaver (dressing
Eve (whose feast day incidentally falls on December 24). Coke and a Christmas tree in the soft-drink’s infamous maga- the sentimental U-turn, but have you read Shel Silverstein’s it up like a drag queen) there exists a latent (if somewhat
These plays implemented a singular prop--the paradise zine ads, urging Americans: “Thirst Knows No Season.” “The Giving Tree”? Perhaps this is an unfashionable stand- dysfunctional) desire to pay homage to (and participate in)
tree, decorated with fruit--meant to represent the Tree of So long, winter of our discontent: money transcends nature. by, but the profound mystery of that story is undeniable: that guiding light of goodness residing in the tree itself. We
Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden, the The first national Christmas tree didn’t arrive on the nature, uncorrupted by selfish causes, gives itself over to may honor its merits with paper chains, festive baubles and
horticultural object from which all the sins of humanity lawns of the White House until 1923, and only then at the the world, generously, and without fault, in spite of common popcorn balls (and all the pageants of American consumer-
evolved: a tremendous burden for a plant of any size. urging of a former GE employee (the tree was decorated sense, in spite of certain death, in spite of the alleged an- ism), but can we stop for a moment and consider the price
This theological association poses a few interesting prob- with more than 2500 electric bulbs). Rockefeller Center tagonism of Darwinian Theory-- survival of the fittest. Nature of such artifice, and examine our hearts, contemplating the
lems for modern man: are we meant to ponder the scope erected its first tree ten years later, a soaring Norway loves you. God loves you. I love you. And, even now, standing consequences of our actions, and be inspired to love (un-
of Original Sin as our sons and daughters plunder their spruce, but still no match for the contiguous skyscrap- proud in your living room, the Christmas tree loves you, too. controllably), to serve the natural world (unconditionally),
bounty under the Christmas tree? As a symbol of “that ers clamoring above it. Now shaded by the trophy high-rises of Of course, naysayers (and industrialists) will brand us as ideo- and to give (generously) to all mankind (your brothers and
hereditary stain,” is the Christmas tree merely a reminder venture-capitalism, the Christmas tree began to shake logical hippies, pointing out the prevalence of violence and de- sisters), without finding fault?
of the cosmic division between man and his Maker? Or, to off any remaining residuals of religious sanctity (pagan or struction in the natural world around us--the injustice of the For the sake of the earth (and of our souls),
put it more poetically: as once we strolled confidently in otherwise) to embody its new status symbol as corporate food chain, the antagonism of predator and prey, illness and I certainly hope so. In the meantime, have yourself
the balmy air of the garden of Paradise in God’s abundant commodity: an emblem of industrial power and prestige. disease, the meteorological havoc of earthquakes, hurricanes, a merry little Christmas.
fellowship, are we now, as defectors of human depravity, And you thought nature always wins. floods and droughts. But these, of course, are misrepresenta-
left to contemplate the first existential tragedy--the Fall Today, every December, the Christmas tree is tions of evil. Our inclination to personalize, anthropomorphize,
of Man--in the lonely shadows of a balsam fir, glazed with as ubiquitous as McDonald’s, advertising its entrepreneurial and categorize environmental malevolence is a na ï ve error.
rainwater beside the white chickens? This theology of assurance in various public spaces--city hall promenades, We eagerly apply identification to tropical storms in order

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VO L. 6 : G LORI A VOL . 7: I AM SA NTA’S HELPER VO L. 8: CHR ISTMAS INFINITY V O Y A G E
V O L. 10 : C H RI S T MA S U N I C O RN
1. S I LE N T NI GH T 9 CHRIST THE LORD IS BORN 32. A
 NGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH
words by Joseph Mohr; melody by Franz Xaver Gruber; music by Leoš Jan áč ek music & words by Sufjan Stevens 50. H
 AVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS
10. C HRISTMAS WOMAN (based on the original hymn_) words & music by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane
English translation by John Freeman Young
2. L UMBERJACK CHRISTMAS/ NO ONE CAN words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) (©2012 Public Domain) (©EMI Feist Catalog Inc./ASCAP)

SAVE YOU FROM CHRISTMASES PAST 11. BREAK FORTH O BEAUTEOUS HEAVENLY LIGHT 33. D O YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? 5 1 . IT C A M E U P O N A M I D N I G H T C L E A R
music by Johann Schop; harmony by J.S. Bach words by Noël Regney; words by Edmund Sears; music by Richard Storrs Willis
music by Aaron Dessner (©2012 ABD13 Music/ASCAP),
Bryce Dessner (©2012 Cortelyou Publishing/ASCAP), and 12. H APPY FAMILY CHRISTMAS music by Gloria Shayne 52. U P ON THE HOUSETOP (featuring Vesper Stamper)
words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) (Jewel Music Publishing Co. Inc. /ASCAP) words & music by Benjamin Hanby; arr. by Sufjan Stevens
Sufjan Stevens (©2012 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP);
13. J INGLE BELLS 34. C
 HR ISTMAS IN THE R OO M 5 3 . A N G E L S W E H A V E H E A R D O N H I G H
words by Sufjan Stevens
words & music by James Lord Pierpont words & music by Sufjan Stevens traditional French carol
3. C
 OVENTRY CAROL (featuring Marla Hansen) 14. MYSTERIES OF THE CHRISTMAS MIST
16th-century English Carol (©2012 Public Domain) 54. W
 E NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS
music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) words & music by Jerry Herman (©Jerryco Music Company/ASCAP_)
4. T
 HE MIDNIGHT CLEAR 35. IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR
15. L IFT UP YOUR HEADS YE MIGHTY GATES 5 5 . H A P P Y K A R M A C H R I S T M A S
m u sic by Aaron Dessner (©2012 ABD13 Music/ASCAP), words by Edmund Sears;
words by Georg Weissel;
music by Richard Storrs Willis words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
Bryce Dessner (©2012 Cortelyou Publishing/ASCAP), and translated by Catherine Winkworth
Sufjan Stevens (©2012 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP); music by Thomas Williams 36. G O O D KING WENCESLA S 5 6 . W E T H R E E K I N G S
words by Sufjan Stevens 16. W E WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS words by John Mason Neale; music by John Henry Hopkins, Jr.
5. CAROL
 OF ST. BENJAMIN 16th-century English carol music: 13th Century carol 57. J USTICE DELIVERS ITS DEATH
THE BEARDED ONE 17. A H HOLY JESUS 37. A
 LPHABET ST. var. & arrangement by Sufjan Stevens
words by Johann Heermann; words & music by His Majesty Prince based on the song “Silver & Gold” by J. Marks
m u sic by Aaron Dessner (©2012 ABD13 Music/ASCAP),
Bryce Dessner (©2012 Cortelyou Publishing/ASCAP), and music by Johann Cr ü ger (Controversy Music/ASCAP) (©St. Nicholas Music Inc./ASCAP)

Sufjan Stevens (©2012 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP);

18. B
 EHOLD! THE BIRTH OF MAN, 38. P ARTICLE PHYSICS 5 8 . C H R I S T M A S U N I C O R N
words by Sufjan Stevens
THE FACE OF GLORY music by Sufjan Stevens words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) “Love Will Tear Us Apart” used by permission
6. G O N I G HT L Y C A RES (©2012 Public Domain)
19. D ING-A-LING-A-RING-A-LING 39. J OY TO THE WORLD written by Ian Curtis, Peter Hook, Stephen Morris, and Bernard Sumner
m us i c b y Jo hn Do wl and
words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) (©Morris, Hook, Curtis, Sumner/Universal-Polygram
7. B
 ARCAROLA (YOU MUST words by Isaac Watts;
20. H
 OW SHALL I FITLY GREET THEE? International Pub Inc./ASCAP)
BE A CHRISTMAS TREE) music by Lowell Mason
music by J.S. Bach; adapted by J. Troutbeck
m u sic by Aaron Dessner (©2012 ABD13 Music/ASCAP), 21. M R. FROSTY MAN 40. T
 HE CHILD WITH THE STAR ON HIS HEAD
Bryce Dessner (©2012 Cortelyou Publishing/ASCAP), and words & & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) words & music by Sufjan Stevens
Sufjan Stevens (©2012 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP); 22. M AKE HASTE TO SEE THE BABY (©2012 Public Domain)
words by Sufjan Stevens music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
8. A U LD LA N G S YN E 23. AH HOLY JESUS (with reed organ)
words by Robert Burns; 24. H
 ARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING VO L. 9: LET IT SNO W
music: traditional Scots folk melody words by Charles Wesley; music by Felix Mendelssohn
25. M ORNING (Sacred Harp) 41. I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
words by Isaac Watts; music by Amos Pilsbury words & music by Walter Kent, Kim Gannon, Buck Ram
26. I DUMEA (Sacred Harp) (Gannon& & Kent Music Co./ASCAP, Piedmont Music Co./ASCAP)
words by Charles Wesley; music by Ananias Davisson 42. S
 ANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
27. E
 TERNAL HAPPINESS OR WOE words & music by J. Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie
music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
(Larry Spier Music LLC OBO Haven Gillespie Music Pub. /ASCAP,
28. AH HOLY JESUS (a capella_)
EMI Feist Catalog Inc./ASCAP)
29. I AM SANTA’S HELPER
words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
43. T
 HE SLEIGH IN THE MOON (featuring Cat Martino)
30. “MAOZ TZUR” (ROCK OF AGES) words & music by Cat Martino
traditional Jewish hymn (©2012 Cat Martino Music/ASCAP)
31. E
 VEN THE EARTH WILL PERISH 44. S
 LEIGH RIDE
AND THE UNIVERSE GIVE WAY words & music by Leroy Anderson and Mitchell Parish
music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain) (EMI Mills Music Inc. OBO Woodbury Music/ASCAP)

45. A
 VE MARIA (featuring Cat Martino)
words by God Himself; music by Franz Schubert
46. X
 -MAS SPIRIT CATCHER
words & music by Sufjan Stevens (©2012 Public Domain)
47. L ET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW!
words & music by Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn
(Imagem Music LLC OBO Cahn Music/ASCAP,
Chappell & Co. OBO Producers Music Publishing Co./ ASCAP)
48. A
 HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS
words & music by Johnny Marks (St. Nicholas Music Inc./ASCAP)
49. C HRISTMAS FACE (featuring Sebastian Krueger)
words & music by Sebastian Krueger
(©2012 Inlets Music/SESAC)

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