Provided by Liberty University Digital Commons
Provided by Liberty University Digital Commons
Provided by Liberty University Digital Commons
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY
By
Farid Awad
April, 2010
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GRADE
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MENTOR
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READER
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ABSTRACT
Farid Awad
within and outside the church walls. While sex and sexually explicit images saturate our
daily lives, God continues to call His people to be holy as He is holy. Freedom from
pornography addiction can be achieved only through intimate relationship with Jesus
Christ and by accepting the atoning work of His cross for all believers. This thesis will
redefine pornography through the lens of the Scripture and primarily focus on cognitive
lies regarding oneself and others, which are crippling and ensnaring men into the trap of
pornography. This study seeks to expose and correct such lies through God’s Word. This
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION…………………………………………………………….... 1
Biblical Perspective………………………………………………………. 33
Beyond Addiction……………………………………………..……...…... 57
OUTWARD HOSTILITY……..…………………………………………………... 89
Counseling……………………………………………............................... 89
Spouse Support……………………………………………………...……… 99
BIBLIOGRAPHY..................................................................................................... 105
VITA.......................................................................................................................... 114
1
INTRODUCTION
On October 11, 2008, a pastor from First Baptist Oswegatchie New York was
arrested for pornography misconduct. Tragically, the theme of pastors struggling with
pornography is common in the media. A 2001 Christianity Today survey revealed 51% of
pastors said cyber-porn was a possible temptation and 37% said it was a current struggle.
As goes the shepherd, so goes the sheep. An estimate of 50% of Christian men and 20%
congregation attend Sunday morning worship, lead Bible studies, assist in youth and
children ministries, and become deacons and leaders while the bondage of lust grips their
hearts and eyes like a deadly python. Since the Spirit of the living God refuses fellowship
with darkness, one must assume that our churches are void of God’s Spirit solely due to
men dappling in their lust. If the Church of the living God is to experience another
revival, Christian ministers on every level must seriously address the issue of
pornography.
The phrase “sex sells” has gained a new meaning encompassing the big screen as
well as television screens, computer screens, numerous magazines, console and computer
games. Our world is saturated with sex and sexually stimulating visuals to advertise any
and all products. Semi-nude bodies are no longer confined to strip clubs but are the casual
scene of everyday life, as women’s clothing conceals less and less and exposes their
sexuality. Today’s average heterosexual male is bombarded with sexually explicit visuals
with every turn of the eye. Casual pornography watching leads many into a natural
consequence of addiction. The easily accessed Internet provides sexual fantasies and
satisfaction beyond anyone’s imagination. No area is taboo, and no desire is rejected. All
2
are welcomed in the chat rooms and websites of promiscuous women and whoremongers.
Sexual addiction and bondage transcends all socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic groups.
Christians are not exempt of this sexual-addiction epidemic, yet God’s Word commands
us to be holy as He is holy. The Church and its spiritual leaders must define pornography
addiction and provide a place and methodology for dealing with, and finding healing for,
the lust of the eyes. This research will focus on Christian, heterosexual males whose lives
are disrupted by their addiction to pornography and who are seeking freedom.
The thesis will venture to define, diagnose, and prescribe remedy through
cognitive therapy based on God’s Word so that every man can present his body as a
living sacrifice that is pleasing to the Lord. This author’s ultimate goal and desire is to
equip pastors and Christian counselors in making their way alongside those entrapped in
their addiction in order to navigate the trenches to walk out into sexual purity. As an
Army military chaplain and having previously served in a pastoral role, this writer met
and continues to meet godly men who struggle silently with their addiction while fighting
daily to maintain the mask of perfection demanded by their church, family, and others.
While discussing the issue of lust may understandably not come easy to many pastors,
this intellectual approach through cognitive beliefs will provide a tangible perspective
whereby ministers can unveil and correct deceptive lies that are destroying the lives of
many.
An online survey was conducted during the months of December 2009 and
February 2010 whereby potential participants were invited to participate through popular
3
websites such as Facebook and Myspace.1 The researcher collected data on Internet
concerning self and others and their potential association concerning the issue of
pornography addiction. The survey was limited to males 18 years or older who were
willing to be honest and open concerning their beliefs, faith, relationship styles, and their
pornography use. The first five questions inquired general information such as age,
marital status, religious affiliation, education, and military status. Based on their answer
concerning their military or civilian status, the survey directed military members to
military-specific questions concerning branch, active duty status, current separation from
spouse due to deployment or overseas assignments, and their time of separation from
spouse over the past three years. This specific portion of the survey intended to observe
The remainder of the survey was completed by all participants, civilian and
military, concerning their pornography use during the past six months and their self-
survey specifically asked the bases for their conclusion. While many may consider
1
The survey was conducted through Surveymonkey.com ©. The method of collection was
accomplished through sending an invitation to participate in the survey through www.facebook.com and
www.myspace.com where 250 individuals were personally invited and were encouraged to forward the
invitations to all their male friends who were 18 years or older. Surveymonkey.com is a great resource that
for 20 dollars a month allows researchers to construct their survey through a user-friendly process with
multiple types of questions and options for answering. The researcher can ask an unlimited number of
questions and receive up to 1,000 participants. Its greatest benefit, however, is its ability to analyze
responses with various custom-made variables that allow the user to view more than 1,000 responses in
chart and graph forms in seconds.
4
who, for the purpose of this research, are not genuine disciples of Christ. The following
question included ten statements, to which the participant answered ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Those
statements are included in “From Casual to Bondage” in order to filter those who are
addicted versus those who casually stumble into the sin of pornography. Those
responding ‘yes’ to five or more questions were considered to potentially suffer from
addiction. The following question asked the participants to ‘strongly agree,’ ‘agree,’ state
‘neutral,’ ‘disagree,’ or ‘strongly disagree’ with 10 statements that expose their cognitive
perception of women.4
Thirty men responded to the survey. Their answers reflect the opinion echoed by
Christian males elsewhere. As indicated by the survey, Christian men are deceived into
constructing their worldview concerning sex and sexuality through a secular perspective
rather than biblical truth. While 80% (21 men) of men taking the survey identified
themselves as Christians, over two-thirds agreed or strongly agreed with the statement,
“Viewing pornography is normal and hurts no one.” About 45% of men agreed or
strongly agreed that viewing pornography is a sin and 60% disagreed or strongly
2
For the purpose of this research, nominal Christians are those who base their Christianity upon
anything other than a personal confession and acceptance of Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.
The survey selected some cultural beliefs that many adopt as bases for their Christian status such as:
attending church services, being raised by Christian parents, or through their own works. All of the
mentioned reasons for one’s Christian status are considered as cultural Christianity.
3
Genuine Christians, for the purpose of this research, are those who base their faith upon their
personal relationship with Jesus and their personal acceptance of such reality. The purpose of forcing the
individual participant to choose the bases of their belief is to maintain the integrity of the survey so that
correlation of addicted genuine Christians is not inflated.
4
For full details of the survey, please refer to Appendix 1.
5
adultery.” Our society has produced Christian men who build their worldview upon
secularism and not upon the Word of God. A Christian counselor who is attempting to
come alongside and navigate through the trenches of pornography addiction with his
This author’s pastoral experience and the research indicate the obliviousness of
men concerning the abusive lives endured by women employed by the adult
entertainment. Some 50% of men answered neutral regarding the statement, “The women
participating in pornographic movies enjoy their job,” while 35% agreed or strongly
agreed and only 15% disagreed or strongly disagreed. Ironically, 92% agreed or strongly
agreed concerning the statement, “Women should be treated with dignity and respect.”
The dichotomy between respecting women and dehumanizing them as sexual objects is a
creates a perversion whereby men simultaneously believe they should respect women
while supporting an industry that objectives women into body parts to be used for
The first delimitation was that the research was selective in sexual orientation.
Homosexual men dealing with pornography addiction were not considered during
conducting this research. Secondly, while the males surveyed in the research present a
wide variety of backgrounds, culture, and ethnicity, they are military men who possess
unique characteristics, which will be identified in the research, that are different from the
civilian population. Thirdly, the research addresses men who profess, or are willing to
profess, Christ as their Lord and Savior and who desire spiritual freedom from sexual sin.
Therefore, men who are un-submissive to Christ’s authority and His atoning work on the
6
cross will find little to no aid in the thesis. Finally, wives were not interviewed or
discussing therapy. While some psychologists believe that pastors are inadequate in
counseling people, Christian counselors argue that psychiatrists and psychologists have
usurped the work of preachers.5 Psychology is a highly complex field of study dealing
with both human and animal behavior.6 Scientific psychology developed thorough
research tools for studying human behavior and professional journals for sharing the
findings. It simply provides a means whereby the Christian counselor can assess, identify,
unchanging Word. While such methods adequately address the psychological dimension
of a client, God’s Word deals with the spiritual element. Incorporating psychological
methods in Christian counseling equips the counselor to comprehensively deal with the
client’s struggles. Integrating reliable psychological findings does not demean the
Scripture; on the contrary, the field empowers the Christian counselor by providing
means whereby holistic therapy is incorporated into every session. Collins states, “Let us
accept the fact that psychology can be of great help to the Christian counselor.”7
one dimension of the individual will result in inadequate counseling. Theology is simply
the study of God that “encompasses what we believe about God and his existence, his
5
Gary R. Collins, Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide. (Dallas, TX: Word Publishing,
1988), 22.
6
Ibid., 21.
7
Ibid., 23.
7
nature, his attributes, his influence, and his involvement in our lives.”8 The spiritual root
inward, outward, and corporate disciplines.9 The spiritual dynamic of individuals enables
them to resist temptation, engage in edifying disciplines, and grow in their knowledge of
God. The powerful influence of nature, genetic heritage, and biomedical forces that shape
a client’s life cannot be ignored.10 A Christian counselor, therefore, must also incorporate
and address the biological needs of their clients. While some may view biological traits
as destiny, Christian counselors must affirm that, while critically important, they are not
destiny. Biology is simply a vehicle of treatment that can “contribute to the growth and
at the nurture side of our “nature-nurture-spirit quest.”12 It is in this area of nurture that
cognitive therapy finds its roots. What a Christian holds true about self, others, sex, self-
worth, God, and a host of other perceived realities shapes his or her decisions and
behaviors. This thesis will examine how psychosocially professed truths influence the
pornographically entangled Christian males, while providing truth in the theological and
In the literature surveyed, many authors have defined the issue, but little is said
about setting men free. There are numerous sexual addiction therapies in existence; yet,
the secular world does not necessarily view pornography as a sexually inappropriate
8
Tim Clinton and George Ohlschlager, eds., Competent Christian Counseling. (Colorado Springs,
CO: WaterBrook Press, 2002), 93.
9
Ibid., 120.
10
Ibid., 156.
11
Ibid., 140.
12
Ibid., 156.
8
excitement in marriages. While maintaining scriptural integrity, the research will utilize
cognitive therapy in order to address the mind, soul, and spirit of the client while
Specifically Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction and The Pornography Trap
interpret sexual addiction through scriptural lens, thus providing godly counsel regarding
setting individuals free from sexual bondage. Through personal experience, extensive
Addiction provides insight concerning the downward spiral of addiction and various
family dynamics influencing the process. The author exposes various lies adopted by
psychological perspective, Neil T. Anderson focuses on spiritual warfare. His two books,
Freedom from Addiction and The Bondage Breaker provide ample evidence of spiritual
warfare concerning the soul of the addict when the latter is attempting to break the
bondage of addiction. What this writer appreciates about both authors is their respect and
high esteem of the Scripture. They suggest two vital ingredients in providing deliverance
and healing for men wrestling with pornography addiction. While Laaser focuses his
addresses the spiritual conflict that can be won only through Christ, who is our spiritual
commander and chief. Combining the two dramatically increases the effort of setting
sexual addicts free. This project will venture to engage both the cognitive and the
9
spiritual dynamics of an individual in providing biblical answers for those struggling with
Both Gary Thomas’s and Gardener Allan Tim’s books, Sacred Marriage and
Sacred Sex, have greatly contributed to redefining sex and sexuality within godly
marriages. Christian community, by and large, has the impression that sex is bad, dirty,
and something to be avoided. At best, it is a necessary evil that is kept in secret. The
it as a heavenly gift for marital relationship, is far removed from most churches. Because
most pastors and Christian leaders are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, their
seems to saturate our daily lives and causes countless marital unions and divorces. Both
authors, while not bashful, candidly discuss the biblical teaching concerning sex and
sexuality. Their revolutionary and honest presentation encourages husbands to seek the
love and affection they desire from their wives. It re-beautifies the marital sexual
experience and deems its context as the only means by which a man can satisfy his sexual
desires. In other words, their books encourage the husband’s sexual desires and fantasies
lens of the Scripture while unveiling the horrific reality and impact of porn. Linguistic
disease, adultery vs. lust will be examined. The “Historical Perspective and Current
Severity” will provide a brief history of sexually explicit materials and their influence on
both culture and people. The research will review the digression and relaxed morals of
10
television over the past 50 years, the effect of modern technology, and availability of the
high-speed Internet and the consequences of all that. A portion of the research will delve
into the current epidemic of pornography both in and outside the Church. The “Biblical
Perspectives” section will examine what the Scripture teaches about sexuality and lust. It
will reorient the Christian male into correct understanding of God’s Word concerning his
The second chapter examines the digression of addiction and surveys various
beliefs that lead men into sexual traps. “From Casual to Bondage” will paint a portrait of
the downward spiral of men who refuse to walk in light of God’s truth and the price they
pay for following the lust of their eyes. While no man desires to be ensnared in the
relentless trap of porn, almost every male this author has counseled echoed the same
phrase, “I have no idea how I ended up like this.” The next section, “Beyond Addiction,”
will examine common lies that men believe that may aid in their addiction. A survey has
their basic beliefs about their sexuality in order to determine the correlation between
struggling male will begin his journey to freedom through genuine internal desire for
change. “Holy Dissatisfaction and Repentance” will begin the journey of healing through
one’s discontentment with his current spiritual bondage and the godly desire necessary
for change. “Walking in the Spirit – Holy Sex” will provide practical spiritual actions for
Christian men to grow spiritually and commune with their holy God without the sin of
While taking actions for internal change begins the healing process, other
variables play a vital role in the individual success of recovery or their relapse. Chapter
Four discusses ways to protect the inward change though outward safeguards to ensure
maximum results. “Fortify the Wall” will empower men through tools such as
accountability, support groups, and computer filters that will strengthen their spiritual
wall in the arena of sexuality. Finally, spouse support is vital in reassuring and
encouraging the husband in breaking the chains of pornography. While the task is
difficult, the thesis will equip the wives with various helping tools to encourage and uplift
their husbands as the latter reclaim their freedom in Christ and reestablish priesthood in
their homes.
12
CHAPTER ONE:
CHALLENGES OF PORNOGRAPHY
For the Christian counselor, pastor, or chaplain to adequately navigate through the
trenches alongside their counselee, parishioner, or military member, the addiction must
be clearly identified and its parameters defined. While many use the word “pornography”
as a predefined term, Thornburgh affirms vagueness of its definition. What the public
Potter Stewart acknowledged the complexity of its definition during the Jacobellis vs.
Ohio case in 1964 by stating, “I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of
pornography]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it
when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that.”13 The term has
certainly evolved since 1964, and what once was considered improper and pornographic
is now acceptable and embraced. Hollywood movie ratings, for example, demonstrate
such reality. In many cases, motion pictures that 20 years ago would have been rated ‘R’
misrepresent its true identity. In its infancy stage, pornography was packaged under the
umbrella of art and artistic expression. The same issues of higher criticism in literary
writings are forced upon the so-called artistic expression in pornography. The familiar
discussions are carried out in English scholastic classes, whereby the reader attempts to
13
Dick Thornburgh and Herbert S. Lin, Youth, Pornography and the Internet (Washington D.C.:
National Academy Press, 2002), 21.
13
one interpret a classical poem, for example, from one’s perspective, or does the author’s
intent trump whatever interpretation is experienced by the reader? Likewise, many claim
that nude pictures and sculpture were designed with an artistic intent in mind, not to
sexually arouse the viewer. Therefore, they claim, such artistic forms are not
gender, political, cultural, and religious orientation of those who use the expression. The
term seems to largely fall into one of three spheres of interpretations: depictions that elicit
or are intended to elicit sexual arousal; materials that include degrading and
dehumanizing images of women; and depictions that are violent in nature.14 Historically,
the terms “obscenity” and “pornography” were used interchangeably. Starting about 20
years ago, the term “pornography” began to be used by feminist scholars to refer to a
concept quite distinct from the legal concept of “obscenity”; this feminist concept
The etymology of the word stems from “description of prostitutes,” from Fr.
pornographie, from Gk. pornographos “(one) writing of prostitutes.” The root of the
Greek word comes from porne “prostitute,” originally “bought, purchased” (with an
original notion, probably of “female slave sold for prostitution,” related to pernanai “to
sell,” from PIE root per- “to traffic in, to sell,” cf. L. pretium “price”) + graphein “to
write.” Originally used for classical art and writing, the modern application of this term
14
Antony S. R. Manstead and Miles Hewstone, The Blackwell Encyclopedia of Social Psychology
(Oxford, UK: Blackwell Publishing, 1995), 447.
15
Thornburgh and Lin, Youth, Pornography and the Internet, 86-87.
14
began in the 1880s. The main modern meaning “salacious writing or pictures” represents
a slight shift from the etymology, though classical depictions of prostitution usually had
this quality. “Pornographer” is earliest form of the word, attested from 1850.
government of Rome during the first half of the 10th century by Theodora and her
daughters.16
“Sexually explicit material” means various things to various peoples and cultures.
The infamous National Geographic pictures of naked women casually walking through
the dirt-filled streets of Africa illustrates the different perspective the Western world
seems to have concerning nudity compared with their far neighboring primitive African
tribes. The Middle East, on the other hand, represents the opposite extreme, where the
seduction. While cultural upbringing and desensitization will certainly shape one’s
trumps all other opinions and culturally acquired behaviors. In other words, an
previously learned behaviors are examined in light of the newly gained revelation. In his
letter to the Romans, Paul challenges believers to stop conforming to this world and be
If the Church of Jesus Christ will effectively deal with the issue of pornography,
we must clearly identify what is pornographic based on God’s Word, rather than the
opinion of depraved people who pervert the truth for their own satisfaction. Paul clearly
16
Etymonline, s.v. “pornography.”
15
warns against any addictive behavior, whereby any believer would enter into bondage
being controlled by such thought or action. Clinton and Hawkins state, “Pornography
Interestingly, this author counseled a married woman and her husband a few years
ago who were dealing with a unique situation that might clearly illustrate the various
forms of pornography pending the individual’s sexual makeup. This middle-age couple
was struggling with their intimacy with no obvious culprits responsible for their current
state. Upon investigation, the wife revealed she daily spent numerous hours reading
romantic novels containing provocative scenarios where vivid images are painted with
the author’s pen depicting words as real as live videos. Upon pondering the situation, this
writer arrived at an interesting conclusion. Since men are enticed by sight, they seek
visual images to stimulate their sexual desires. Women, on the other hand, are aroused by
feelings and tender words; therefore, this particular wife, while not participating in what
may traditionally be labeled pornography, was robbing her marriage and husband from
literature. Since one’s sexual makeup is as diverse as our DNA, pornography, therefore,
may simply be defined as any avenue whereby one is obtaining sexual gratification aside
from that which is ordained by God as holy. Sexual appetite can and should only be
satisfied in the confinements of marriage; thus, any other form of satisfaction deprives
and insults that marriage and sets one’s affection on things below, rather than things
above.
17
Timothy E. Clinton and Ronald E. Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide:
Personal & Emotional Issues. (Forest, VA: AACC Press, 2007), 190.
16
The pornography epidemic has brought into question the very definition of
intercourse between married man and someone other than his wife or between a married
woman and someone other than her husband.”18 The viewing of hardcore pornography
whereby others are engaging in sexual acts have challenged and divided people over what
constitutes adultery. The distinction between fantasy versus reality and pixels versus flesh
are ever growing blurry as men spend more time seeking sexual pleasure from their
favorite porn star and less time enticing, romancing, and communicating with their own
wives. Men are spending more money on their cyber mistress than on dating their wives
and anniversary gifts. In his article “Is Pornography Adultery?” Ross Douthat writes,
“The whole point of a centerfold is her un-attainability, but with hard-core porn, it’s
precisely the reverse: the star isn’t just attainable, she is already being attained, and the
user gets to be in on the action.”19 On the other hand, men like Dan Savage respond to
18
Merriam-Webster’s, s.v. “adultery.”
19
Ross Douthat, “Is Pornography Adultery?” Atlantic Monthly, October 2008: 83.
20
Dan Savage, “Savage Love,” The Stranger, September 25, 2003,
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=15715 (accessed October 21, 2009).
17
Questioned concerning the issue of adultery, Jesus raised the religious bar of the
Pharisees by declaring lustful thoughts equal to adultery. Since the heart produces one’s
thoughts, meditations, affections, and actions, Jesus introduces adultery of the heart as
woman does not constitute pornography, rather, the meditation and sexual desires
aroused from such experience are deemed pornographic since they lead one to adultery of
the heart.
contemporary women.21 While one-fourth of the women viewed porn usage by their
loved ones as a form of betrayal and infidelity, the majority of women were neutral and
partner’s pornography use is perfectly normal” may illustrate how mainstream and
acceptable pornography has become in our society. Yet, many women interpret their
husband’s indulgences in porn as adultery. While their husbands never met nor touched
another woman, wives wrestle with feeling ashamed, isolated, and betrayed. The same
research depicts the broken heart of women over their husbands’ unfaithful behaviors.
Those who interpreted their husbands’ Internet indulgences as infidelity felt they lost
their partner to the images. Forty-two percent of participants indicated that their partner’s
use of pornography made them feel insecure. Their discovery brought an adverse effects
21
A. J. Bridges, R. M. Bergner, and M. Hesson-McInnis, “Romantic Partners' Use of
Pornography: Its Significance for Women,” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 29 (2003): 1-14.
18
on their sense of being a couple (29%), negative effects on their relationship (39%),
feeling more like a sexual objects (30%), and felling less attractive (41%).22
In their research, Jill Manning and Wendy Watson found confirming evidences.
More than 68% of the women whose husbands were sexually addictive or compulsive
resembles a reaction to adultery, not a normal behavior. Debra Laaser, who experienced
the shock of a lifetime 15 years into her marriage after her husband had been fired for
initiating sex with several female clients, describes her experience in a book titled
Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed. If the
title does not convey the broken heart of a broken marriage, her questions certainly do,
“Will I ever feel like letting him touch me again? Will I ever be able to trust him again?
What do I tell the three kids? Have I been exposed to sexually transmitted diseases? Do I
really know everything that happened?”24 A biblical perspective will be discussed later in
the dissertation; for now, it suffices to acknowledge that while viewing porn is not
identical to having physical intercourse outside of marriage, its results can be devastating
to one’s relationship and will manifest in similar issues of mistrust and betrayal
22
A. J. Bridges, R. M. Bergner, and M. Hesson-McInnis, “Use of pornography,” AACC.net,
December, 6, 2005, http://www.aacc.net/2005/12/06/use-of-pornography/ (accessed October 21, 2009).
23
Jill C. Manning and Wendy L. Watson, “Common Factors in Christian Women's Preferences for
Support When Dealing with a Spouse's Sexually Addictive or Compulsive Behaviors: The C.A.V.E.D.
Theory,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 15 (2008): 241.
24
John W. Kennedy, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” Christianity Today, March 2008: 34.
19
The debate over sin versus disease has long been argued over among
resting the weight of the problem upon addiction, chemical imbalance, unhealthy family
all human psychological issues through the lenses of sexuality. He wrote, “The most
immediate and, for all practical purposes, the most significant causes of every case of
neurotic illness are to be found in factors arising from sexual life.”27 Christian counselors,
on the other hand, define the root of human psychosis through a biblical perspective,
whereby sin stands as the cause. Ever since Adam and Eve rebelled against God and ate
of the forbidden fruit, sin has entered into the world causing man to continue in his fallen
state by continually disobeying the creator and fallowing after the flesh and its desires.
shortcoming, transgression of the law of God, or a vitiated state of human nature in which
the self is estranged from God.”28 The Easton’s Bible Dictionary defines sin as:
25
M. R. McMinn, Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling, (Wheaton, IL:
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1996), 131.
26
Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion. In J. Strachey (Ed. and Trans.), The Standard
Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud. (London: Hogarth Press, 1961).
27
Sigmund Freud, Sexuality in the Aetiology of the Neuroses, vol. 3. In The Standard Edition of
the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, (London: The Hogarth Press and the Institute of
Psycho-Analysis, 1905), 263.
28
Merriam-Webster’s, s.v. “sin.”
20
nor of the system of things, but an offence against a personal lawgiver and
moral governor who vindicates his law with penalties. The soul that sins is
always conscious that his sin is (1) intrinsically vile and polluting, and (2)
that it justly deserves punishment, and calls down the righteous wrath of
God. Hence sin carries with it two inalienable characters, (1) ill-desert,
guilt; and (2) pollution.”29
There are nine different Greek words in the New Testament which present sin in
παραπτοµα, ἀγνοεµα), and hettema (ἑττεµα).30 Of the nine, hamartia (ἁµαρτια) is most
frequently used. The pagan Greek used the word of a warrior who launches his spear and
misses the mark. It is used of a traveler losing his way. In the moral sphere, it had the
idea of missing the right and of going wrong. Its classical usages of dominating
significance carried the idea of missing what is right and going wrong was brought over
into the New Testament.31 Similarly, the Old Testament, with very rare exceptions,
translated the word sin from the derivative Hebrew word Chatha ()אטח, which originally
signifies “to miss the mark.” Both words depict failure, or coming short of the aim that
God intended for His people.32 In other words, when a professing Christian male, whose
purpose and target in life is to glorify God and be Christ’s example on earth as the salt
and light of the world, entangles himself in pornography, the Bible would emphatically
29
M. G. Easton, Easton's Bible Dictionary (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.,
1996, c1897), s.v. “sin.”
30
Kenneth S. Wuest, Wuest's Word Studies from the Greek New Testament: For the English
Reader (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1997, c1984), 95.
31
Ibid.
32
Robert Baker Girdlestone, Synonyms of the Old Testament: Their Bearing on Christian
Doctrine. (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1998), 77.
21
Deciding which aisle one stands on concerning the issue of pornography addiction
will determine their preconceived notion, course of treatment, and their perception
concerning relapse. If the counselor perceives the client as a sinner, they presumptuously
assume his or her ability and will to repent and change their behavior. If, on the other
hand, the therapist interprets the addiction as illness, all control is removed from the will
of the client.33 While the latter option relieves the addict from his responsibilities, the
former may overwhelm the client with guilt and shame, rendering him helpless and
despondent.
Sexual addiction is both sin and disease. Both sexual addiction and disease
inherently contain observable symptoms and natural digression whereby, if left untreated,
they will deteriorate and eventually cause death. Dr. Laaser defines sexual addiction as a
disease consistent with the definition of sin: Sin has a cause—man’s depravation; sin has
the Scripture clearly teaches the digression and deviations inherently accompany
continuous sin.34
Undoubtedly, one cannot divorce the sinful act from its psychological and
biological impact. Allowing lustful images into one’s soul is sinful; however, they carry
greater consequences upon the individual than merely their soul. Therefore, while
engaging in lustful images is deemed a sin, this author does not ignore its ripple effects.
33
Natasha P. Levert, “A Comparison of Christian and Non-Christian Males, Authoritarianism, and
their Relationship to Internet Pornography Addiction/Compulsion.” (Ph.D. diss., New Orleans Baptist
Theological Seminary, 2005), 23.
34
Mark R. Laaser, Healing the Sexual Wounds of Sexual Addiction. (Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan, 2004), 24-25.
22
The fifth chapter, “Beyond Addiction,” will examine the biological and psychological
impact upon pornographically addicted men and incorporate them in the healing process.
While most computer users enjoy the luxury of their small and compact laptops or
desktops, many forget the first programmable computer of 1945, which weighted 30 tons,
had 18,000 vacuum tubes and occupied 1,800 square feet of space. The computer became
the most important technological development in history, even more significant than the
printing press of the late 1400s.35 Likewise, the television screen has come a long way
since its very large structure with only a few black and white channels that operated for
hardly any hours a day. Apple© has recently released its smallest laptop ever, weighing a
few ounces, and the television industry is introducing thinner, wider, and higher-
unbelievable rate begging the question, “What is next?” With great technology come
marketing new technology, they never accompanied their product with a moral manual to
assist their customers in setting boundaries while utilizing the highly advanced
technology.
The great King David, who slaughtered the mighty Goliath in his youth and led
God’s people, Israel, as king, fell into adultery because the lust of his eyes. His story with
Bathsheba is recorded in the Second Book of Samuel and provides godly insight into
man’s weakness of the eyes and the catastrophic consequences thereof. Interestingly, the
Holy Spirit does not void David’s adultery with Bathsheba in order to portray a perfect
35
Levert, “A Comparison of Christian and Non-Christian Males,” 23.
23
man whom God labeled, “A man after my own heart.” God’s Word also demonstrates
vulnerability of any man who fails to guard his eyes and the inevitable consequence of
sin that leads into the trap of sexual bondage. David’s problems began in the spring after
the rains ended and it was customary to resume military activities. The Bible is careful to
point out it was the time for kings to “go out to the battle” (2 Sam 11:1).36 David,
send Joab and his servants with him, and all of Israel. The writer of Samuel sought to
underscore this fact so emphatically that he mentioned twice in the opening verse of
Chapter 11 that while the king should have been with his army, “David remained at
Jerusalem” (2 Sam 11:1). David’s complacency cost him dearly. His bored eyes found
entertainment on the roof as they lusted after a bathing woman named Bathsheba. After
abusing his power as king and coursing her into his chambers, David made Bathsheba
pregnant. Much like those who fall into the downward spiral of lust, David found himself
leaping from one sin to the next to conceal the previous one. Before it was over, the king
lusted, committed adultery, lied, deceived, killed, and severed his relationship with God
for an entire year before Nathan the prophet confronted his sin.37
inspired Word of God is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction
in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16). Had David placed himself in the place where God
ordained him to be during the time of battle, temptation would not have consumed his
wondering eyes as he casually strolled on the rooftop. As we examine the historical moral
36
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, New King James
Version, copyright © Thomas Nelson Publisher: Nashville 1982. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
37
The story of David’s adultery with Bathsheba is found in 2 Samuel 11 and his restoration is
recorded in chapter 12.
24
Church, we cannot ascribe the entire problem of pornography to a singular cause, but
rather a laissez-faire attitude that ignores the subtle assaults of our enemy. Men who
dapple with Victoria’s Secret magazines or are entertained by some lustful and
inappropriate television shows are tap-dancing with sin and are risking being caught in
Television, in particular, has lured many eyes into the world of seduction and
enticed the sexual appetite to hunger for more. In his book Media Sex, Barrie Gunter
investigates the sharp increase in sexual images portrayed by the media on television
screens beginning 1970 until today. Franzbalu, Sprafkin, and Rubinstein analyzed 61
prime-time U.S. network programs from one full week in October 1975, where they
intercourse) to more casual behaviors (embracing). The behaviors that appeared most
often were kissing, embracing, aggressive touching, and non-aggressive touching. The
most controversial acts, such as intercourse, rape, and homosexual behavior, had virtually
no behavioral appearance.38 Within five short years from 1980 to 1985, sexual content on
prime television increased by 103%. The study estimated the average adolescent
American viewer in 1985 was exposed to between 1,900 and 2,400 sexual references on
television.39
38
Barrie Gunter, Media Sex What Are the Issues? In LEA's communication series. (Mahwah, NJ:
Erlbaum, 2002), 22.
39
Ibid., 23.
25
sex in American Family Hour television in 1996 with figures for 1986. Such comparison
can only be possible for the three longest-established television networks, ABC, CBS,
and NBC. Analyzing 128 network family-hour programs in 1996 from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.,
Kunkel found that “talk about sex” increased by 59%, “sexual behavior” increased by
61%, while shows with no sexual depictions decreased by 75%.40 Interestingly, male
actors were depicted as the aggressors in contrast to their passive female partners.41
Consequently, the effects are tragic and overwhelming. Young people are fashioned after
lustful gods who mature into apathetic men oblivious to Satan’s enticements. Their eyes
have been trained to overlook the lustful images, which they find themselves bombarded
with. The numbness of their eyes inevitably oozes its way into the heart, infecting the
Today, innuendoes are coming through the television screens under the guise of
what used to be called family hour, targeting young minds in order to twist and diverge
any holistic idea of sexual purity. According to Nielsen rating, ABC’s Desperate
Housewives is the most popular broadcast-network television show with children aged 9-
12. In 2004 Super Bowl, according to Nielsen, 6.6 million children, ages 2-11, were
watching at about the time of CBS’s little halftime fiasco when Justin Timberlake ripped
off a piece of Jackson’s bodice, exposing her right breast to a nationwide audience.
Another 7.3 million teens, 12-17, were tuned in at that time, as well.42
Our society’s lustful appetites are unquenchable, and many people are willing to
spend their hard-earned money satisfying their hungry beast. In 1996, Americans spent
40
Ibid., 24-31.
41
Ibid., 34.
42
Parents TV, “Media Facts.” http://www.parentstv.org/ptc/facts/mediafacts.asp (accessed April
14, 2008).
26
more than eight billion dollars on hard-core videos, peep shows, live sex acts, adult cable
programming, sexual devices, computer porn, and sex magazines—an amount much
larger than Hollywood’s domestic box office receipts and larger than all the revenues
generated by rock and country music recordings. Americans now spend more money at
strip clubs than at Broadway, off-Broadway, regional and nonprofit theaters, at the opera,
the ballet, and jazz and classical music performances combined.43 Sex seems to be
included high risk. One would have to travel to a video store and enter behind a curtain
into a small room filled with filthy movies or visit a pornography shop, risking the
embarrassment and others’ discovery of his sexual habits. Today, one has to travel no
further than the living room and take the minimum risk of self-disclosure to diverge into
insurmountable amount of sexually explicit material that falsely promises to fulfill their
every desire. In 1996, Americans spent more than 150 million dollars ordering adult
movies on pay-per-view44 from their living rooms, virtually taking no risk and indulging
in their lustful appetite from the very home God has employed them as high priests.
While the temptation maybe old, the technology is certainly new. The high-speed
Internet has opened a new world of pornographic endlessness and ease. Cyber-porn is
giving rise to a new form of sexual compulsiveness. As of 2003, there were 1.3 million
pornographic websites with over 260 million pages. The industry’s revenue, as of 2003,
spiked from its previous 8 billion dollars in 1996 to 13.3 billion dollars in the United
States and 97 billion worldwide. More than 70% of 18- to 34-year-old men visit a
43
Eric Schlosser, “The Business of Pornography,” US News and World Report, February 10,
1997.
44
Ibid.
27
pornographic site in a typical month. Playboy's website, which offers free glimpses of its
playmates, now averages about five million hits a day.45 The faceless community of the
Internet’s chat rooms and cybersex has become the playground for escape, fantasy,
Twice, the wisest man to ever live, King Solomon, warns against lifestyles that
seem profitable but end in destruction. The Book of Proverbs clearly states, “There is a
way that seems profitable to a man, but its end is the way of destruction” (Prov 14:12,
16:25). Yet, men continue to seek that which is right in their own eyes, and,
consequently, the humanity suffers, as the Internet has become the crack cocaine of
sexual addiction. Pornography addiction affects not only the individual involved, but also
encompasses their personal life, professional life, family, and children. The following are
statistics depicting the consequence of humanity’s disregard for God’s Word and
people’s uncontrollable lust of the eye: 15% of online-porn habitué’s develop sexual
behavior that disrupts their lives. A study by Nielsen Media Research indicated heavy
traffic into the Penthouse website from corporate networks. Use of this website did not
taper off at all during office hours. In just one month, employees from IBM, Apple, and
AT&T visited the site 12,823 times. Compaq Computer dismissed approximately 20
employees, each of whom had accessed sex-related websites more than 1,000 times.46 At
a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350
divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in
the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such
45
Safe Families, “Statistics.” http://www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php (accessed May 11, 2008).
46
Schlosser, “The Business of Pornography.”
28
cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorces just seven or eight years
ago.47
Tragically, the temptation and influence of pornography did not spare the elect
who know and preach God’s Word. Christians and pastors have chomped at the bait of
sexually explicit images, rendering themselves slaves to the harsh master of pornography
addiction and void of God’s anointment to accomplish their task of bringing freedom to
the captive. Pure Life Ministries, a ministry helping Christians with pornography
addiction for the past 22 years, estimate that 50% of Christian men are addicted to porn,
20% of Christian women struggle with pornography, and 47% of Christian families said
that pornography is a problem in the homes.48 A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of
their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with
pornography within one week of attending the event. Also, 51% of pastors say cyber-
porn is a possible temptation and 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today,
pornography last year. Roger Charman, of Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Ministries,
reports that approximately 20% of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for
help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior. In a 2000
Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit
website. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in
the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and
47
Divorce Wizards. http://www.divorcewizards.com/divorcestats_porn.html (accessed April 20,
2008 ).
48
Pure Life Ministries. http://www.purelifeministries.org/index.cfm (accessed May 10, 2008).
29
more than once a week. Moreover, 29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally
acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group).49
“sense of security in anonymously discussing sexual thoughts and desires without fear of
unappreciated, ministers feel entitled to some pleasure and escape found through the
Internet. Rather than seeking God for fresh anointing, today ministers are more frequently
ensnared in the trap of pornography, searching for joy and satisfaction, which can only be
found in the presence of God who called them into the ministry.
“Triple A Engine.”52 Accessibility refers to the ease with which one can attain sexual
images from anywhere. Almost every home in America has at least one computer and
many resemble an Internet café with a wireless router and multiple laptops throughout the
house. Affordability through creativity has allowed men to chat and request sexual videos
from others for virtually no cost. Most pornographically designated sites offer a free tour
of their picture and movies. Anonymity is perhaps the “Triple A” engine’s most powerful
49
Safe Families.
50
Robert J. Baird, “Clergy and Cybersex: A Motivational Study” (Ph.D. diss., Union Institute &
University Graduate College, 2004), 7.
51
Ibid.
52
A. Cooper, “Sexuality and the Internet: Surfing into the New Millennium,” Cyber Psychology
and Behavior 1 (2000): 181-87.
30
cylinder. Christian men and ministers who would never consider entering x-rated
establishments can easily access the material without the fear and embarrassment of their
This author’s previous four years as an enlisted air force airman with two
pornography use among Christian males. A great deal of any army chaplain’s role is to
counsel his soldiers on various issues dealing with their wellbeing. With no exception,
this writer has counseled and discovered the prevalence of x-rated material among
deployed military members and the impact on their already strained relationships. The
discovery was surprising, overwhelming, and provoked a righteous anger regarding the
impact of lustful entanglement upon the member and their families. Some men have
drives! While we recognize the hardship placed upon military members, as couples are
separated by war for twelve months or more, one cannot escape the influence of the
constant eye-saturation of pornography. Oftentimes, upon returning home these men find
their wives unattractive and undesirable. Any soldier, sailor, airman or marine who is
entertained by watching porn stars for an entire year’s deployment will inevitably be
disappointed upon his reunion with his wife. In creation, before seeing his bride Eve,
Adam has never seen a woman because none has been formed by God’s hands. Adam has
thus only seen aardvarks, sea bass, lions, and other animals, but never a woman. Eve may
or may not have been beautiful, but for Adam, she was glorious. Beauty, therefore, is not
to be objectified, but rather it is simply to be one’s wife. In other words, every husband
31
should find his wife as the glorious counterpart whom God created for him. Mark
Driscoll writes, “Pornographic lust exists to elicit coveting and dissatisfaction that no
woman can satisfy because she cannot be tall and short, endowed and waifish, black and
white, young and old, like the harem laid out in pornography.”53
stumble upon their husbands’ extramarital cyber affairs find their world traumatically
altered by surgically enhanced women whom they could never compete with. Essential to
every romance are key ingredients that embody the relationship: Respect, commitment,
and exclusivity top the list. In other words, a person who believes they are being loved
relationship. They entrust their partner to place them in a position of exclusivity. When
their partner’s secret lives, such as pornography addiction, are unveiled, the relationship
greatly suffers.
hundreds of letters from women whose romantic partners are heavy users of
pornography. In every case, the user had been either unable or unwilling to cease his use
except temporarily in some instances. These women further reported their partner’s usage
interfered significantly with their relationship and work. In marital relationships, for
example, the user had become sexually disinterested and emotionally withdrawn.54 The
research discovered that women feel their relationship has been violated. Exclusivity
53
Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation.
(Seattle, WA: Mars Hill Church, 2009), 115.
54
Raymond M. Bergner and Ana J. Bridges, “The Significance of Heavy Pornography
Involvement for Romantic Partner: Research and Clinical Implication,” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy
28 (2002): 194.
32
vanishes as the majority of women use words such as “betrayal,” “cheating,” and “affair”
fascination with porn stars disinterests their sexual appetite with their soul mate or leads
into sexual overdrive. As a result, the women describe themselves in the process of
lovemaking as, “No longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is
not really with me, not really making love to me when we have intercourse. He seems to
The wife no longer feels special and unique regarding her husband’s sexuality, but
infiltration has occurred as she discovers websites, images, videos, and even personalized
messages from strange women who have invaded her restricted sexual space.
Unconditional acceptance through the absence of shame is what Dr. Tim Gardner
husband’s Internet secrets confirms the wife’s insecurities and bona-fide her
apprehensions about her capacity to sexually satisfy her husband. Doctors Bergner and
their partners’ preference for pornography left them feeling sexually undesirable and
perceiving themselves as “fat,” “ugly,” “old,” and “repulsive.”57 Women also thought of
55
Ibid.
56
Allan Tim Gardener, Sacred Sex. (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2002), 77.
57
Bergner and Bridges, “Significance of Heavy Pornography,” 198.
33
Jennifer Saul affirms the objectification of women whereby people are treated as
their own ends without due respect to the thing’s own end. While such behavior is
perfectly acceptable with objects, it is unacceptable concerning those whom one claims to
love. Using a vehicle to reach a desired destination without any concern for the vehicle’s
own end, as vehicles lack ends and intrinsic value, is acceptable, but it is offensive with
people since people have their own ends and intrinsic value. A man objectifies his wife
whenever he fails to take into account her own needs and desires, treating her as a mere
means to his own sexual gratification.59 If a Christian husband claims the Scripture
authority within his home, he must respect the wife whom God has entrusted him with.
Exploiting her sexuality as a means to gratify his sexual deviances is unbiblical and
stands in contrast to godly sexual union as prescribed by God. Restoring the sacredness
of sex within marriage will be discussed in the third chapter, for now it suffices to
Biblical Perspective
worldview and perspective through the Scriptures. Our world’s bombardments of lustful
images have fashioned men who are oblivious to the sexual temptation lurking at every
corner. Men’s hearts have become callous and rediscovering God’s Word concerning the
issue is of vital importance if healing should occur. Hosea the prophet attests that God’s
58
Jennifer M. Saul, “On Treating Things as People: Objectification, Pornography, and the History
of the Vibrator,” Hypatia 21 (2006): 45.
59
Ibid., 47.
34
people are perishing because of their lack of knowledge (Hos 4:6). Today, numerous men
are perishing because they lack the knowledge of God’s Word concerning pornography
while allowing the world to dictate and shape their convictions concerning their sexual
The existing issues of undermining and revising God’s instructions are anything
but contemporary. The issue is as old as the fall of God’s first children. The Bible begins
with the creation account recorded in the Book of Genesis. After creating all things
through His spoken word,60 God fashioned Adam in divine likeness and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life (Gen 2:7). While God ended every day’s work of His creation
with the same phrase, “It was good,”61 there was an issue in the Garden—man was
without companionship. Although God previously noted the issue, “And the Lord God
said, ‘it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to
him’” (Gen 2:18), He waited for Adam to recognize his personal need for a companion.
After Eve’s creation from Adam’s side, the Garden was faultless. The newlyweds were in
perfect fellowship with one another and with their creator. Yet with all the perfection of
creation surrounding the couple, the tempter found a way into their home.
The temptation and fall of man illustrates the danger of adding or subtracting
from God’s instruction for living and transcends time, culture, class, race, or condition.
Granted the privilege of free will, humanity possessed the ability to obey and disobey
60
While God spoke all things into existence (Gen 1:3, 6, 11, 14, 20, 24, and 26), only man
deserved God’s special attention and details whereby God used His hands to form Adam from the dust of
the ground and the unique breath of God into his nostrils (Gen 2:7).
61
Gen 1:10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31.
35
knowledge of good and evil rested upon a daily self-conscious decision. James Smith
explains, “Plants have unconscious life, and animals have conscious life; but man alone
possesses self-conscious life. He thus is superior to all other life forms created by God.”62
Likewise, every male who claims Christ as their Lord and Savior inherently possesses the
ability to walk in purity or walk after their lustful desires. Daily crucifying the flesh and
its desires become vital in winning the war of holiness. Accomplishing this imperative
Scripture as that supernatural and evil creature known as Satan, the adversary.63 His first
temptation and victory provides those struggling with pornography vital intelligence and
insight into the enemy’s tactical assault upon humanity. Among his arsenal, Satan
attacked when Eve was alone, handpicked the battlefield waiting until the woman was in
full view of the tree, employed ambiguous and obscure language, and he pretended to be
seeking the best for his victim.64 Most notably, Satan brought into doubt what God has
commanded His firstborns. The serpent did not question what God said; instead, he
questioned what God meant. He interrogated the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You
shall not eat of every tree of the garden?’” (Gen 3:1). He blatantly contradicted God’s
decree, “You will not surely die” (Gen 3:4), and deceived Eve into thinking that God was
withholding a blessing, “For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be
opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen 3:5).
62
James E. Smith, The Pentateuch, 2nd ed. (Joplin, MO: College Press Pub. Co., 1993), and Gen
2:28-30.
63
Rev 12:9, 15; 20:2; 2 Cor 11:3; Matt 12:29; John 8:44; Acts 10:38.
64
Smith, Pentateuch; Gen 3:1-5.
36
Today, the fruit offered is different, but the tactics employed to win his cause are
indistinguishable. Satan’s plague of lustful images upon godly men accompanies similar
tactics. When a Christian, for example, reads Jesus’ commandment to not lust after the
opposite sex, Satan is quick to deceive the individual and romanticize the mandate into an
unattainable goal that cannot be reached on this side of heaven. Again, when God’s Word
instructs men to holiness as their Father in heaven is holy, Satan releases his ancient
venom, bringing the Christian into doubting and questioning God’s clear and simple
demand. Satan whispers, “God understands” or, “You are only human, God does not
expect you to be perfect.” As a result, humanity continues to suffer and pay the
has long ago arrived at complete sexual freedom and liberty. Old-fashioned fornication is
quite accepted by parents as normal for their youngsters. It is reported that only 5% of the
girls and 2% of the boys go with their purity to the marriage altar. Their moral
deterioration is perhaps reflected in their suicide rate as Sweden continues to have the
While the serpent was deducting from God’s Word, Eve was busy augmenting the
truth by adding her own commandments, “And the woman said to the serpent, ‘We may
eat the fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of
the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die’’” (Gen
3:2,3). While God prohibited the eating of the fruit, He never restricted its touching.
Conceivably, after Eve having to touch the tree in order to retrieve the fruit and seeing no
65
Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations : A Treasury of Illustrations, Anecdotes, Facts
and Quotations for Pastors, Teachers and Christian Workers. (Garland TX: Bible Communications, 1996,
c1979).
37
consequences, she was willing to partake of the fruit. Likewise, Jesus’ contemporary
religious leaders, the Pharisees, continued to add to God’s Law, making the
commandments of God unbearable for the people. Men whose home training included a
hefty dose of guilt and shame concerning sex and their sexuality have developed a ‘don’t
touch’ attitude, where they are uncomfortable with the topic. Confused and ashamed,
they satisfy their desires in the secrecy of the worldwide web. The truth of the matter is,
God created man’s sexual makeup to procreate and enjoy in the context of marriage.
Tragically, now, as then, humanity believes Satan’s lies about what God meant, while
fabricating their own version of the truth, pretending to finish God’s incomplete
standards.
God, on the other hand, clearly warns against such behavior. Through wisdom,
and perhaps personal experience, King Solomon predicts the end result of a lustful life.
Instructing his son to wisdom concerning the seductive woman, he writes, “For the lips of
an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But in the end she is
bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps
take hold on hell; lest you ponder her path of life: Her ways are unstable; you do not
know them” (Prov 5:3-6). Notice that the author does not simply disregard the appeal of a
seductive woman, but rather, informs the hearer of an unforeseeable end—death! Lust
satisfies the eyes for a season, but the inevitable destruction comes. While the sin of
pornography may feel like honey and oil for a season, its conclusion is bitter, predictable,
and fatal.
Samson, the mighty judge of Israel, forfeited his strength and anointing for the
fleeting lust of Delilah. The bizarre accounts of Samson’s life were adequately described
38
by Warren Wiersbe as, “A riddle wrapped up in a mystery inside an enigma.”66 The four
chapters dedicated to recounting Samson’s history serve as warning and reminder to men
whom God has redeemed, sanctified, called, and empowered for His kingdom but who
Israel were oppressed by the Philistines for forty years; God judging His people is a
prevalent notion throughout the Book of Judges.67 Manoah and his wife were Danites,
from the tribe of Dan, who originally settled at their assigned land, adjacent to Judah and
Benjamin, extending to the Mediterranean Sea according to God’s division of the land in
Joshua Chapter 19. Their bareness and location, for Zorah is about fifteen miles from
Jerusalem in the foothill country near the border of Philistia,68 made them the perfect
candidates for a child who would deliver Israel from the bondage of the Philistines.
Samson was consecrated from birth with a Nazirite vow in accordance with God’s
commandments in the Book of Numbers Chapter 6. The vow included abstaining from
wine or other intoxicating drinks, refraining from cutting the hair, and refusing to touch
dead bodies. Samson was instrumental in judging Israel for twenty years during the
Philistines’ oppression. When the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him, Samson’s
strength was rivaled by superman and comic heroes.69 He tore a lion apart with his bare
Solomon wrote, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning” (Ecc 7:8). The
66
Warren W. Wiersbe, Be Available, An Old Testament Study. (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996,
c1994), 103.
67
Judges 3:7, 12: 4:1-2: 6:1, 10:6-7.
68
Wiersbe, Be Available, 103.
69
Judges 14:6, 19; 15:14, 16:28.
39
“Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” With all the strength and
anointing of God encompassing Samson’s life, lust seeped its way through his eyes and
took root in his heart. Samson was lust-driven because he was a double-minded man who
is unstable in all his ways. Samson was bold before men yet weak before women. He
maxed the bench-press competition but was bankrupt in character. Called to war against
the Philistines, he fraternized with the enemy, entangling himself with their women. After
narrowly escaping his first affair with the woman from Timnah, Samson fornicated with
harlots in Gaza and ended up in the Valley of Sorek and fell in love with a woman named
draw fresh blood into its establishment, making men forfeit their godly strength and
inheritance for the sensual pleasers that never satisfies. Her story is recorded in the Book
of Judges Chapter 16 where, after her pestering and harassing, she extracted the secret of
Samson’s strength as he told of his hair and his vow. While Delilah was blinded by greed,
Samson was blinded by lust, and it eventually caused him physical blindness. He fought
the Lord’s battles by day and disobeyed the Lord’s commandments by night. Ironically,
his name, which means “sunny,” Samson ended his life in darkness, being conquered and
blinded by the very enemy he was called to subjugate.70 As the heart of God breaks over
Samson’s flickering light that lust extinguished and the loss of potential, He mourns over
His men today who, rather than walking in victory and integrity, are entangled in the
worst of ways.
70
Wiersbe, Be Available, 105.
40
Samson’s death forewarns godly men who continue to entangle themselves with
their Internet addiction. Through his downfall, the Israeli judge brought great shame upon
himself and, more tragically, disgraced the name of Yahweh among the gentiles. Upon
seeing their enemy disempowered and humiliated, the Philistines lords offered a great
sacrifice to the Dragon their god and rejoiced. The people joined in the celebration
praising, “Our god has delivered into our hands our enemy” (Judg 16:23-24). Likewise,
today the media salivates as they expose ministers caught in the trap of pornography. The
name of Christ is profaned among the unbelievers because of the poor decisions of
Christians who, like Samson, exchanged the indwelling of the Holy Spirit for their lust.
Blinded, powerless, and bound, Samson became a mockery for the Philistines. Samson,
however, pleaded with God for one last filling of the Spirit in order to destroy his enemy.
Fascinatingly, Samson killed at his death more Philistines than he had killed his entire
lifetime (Judg 16:30). One cannot but remember Christ’s Sermon on the Mount as He
taught, “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is
more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be
cast into hell” (Matt 5:29). Samson’s handicap was his spiritual darkness, not his physical
blindness. He accomplished more with his physical handicap than with his previous
spiritual insufficiency. With his sight removed, so was his spiritual stumbling block and
Imparting wisdom concerning the issue of adultery, Solomon warns against the
lust of the heart as a foundation for further action. He writes, “Do not lust after her beauty
in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids” (Prov 6:25). Remarkably, this
concept of the eye and heart connection is repeated throughout the Scripture. While
41
presenting His manifesto for Heaven’s citizenship, Jesus connects the dots previously laid
out in the Scripture. While Solomon ambiguously draws the connection between lust of
the heart and adultery, Jesus clearly states, “Your have heard that it was said to those of
old, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ but I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to
lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:27-28). Many
adultery of the heart with adultery of the flesh. Consequently, a Christian stands without
excuse of ignorance; indulging in sexually provocative images has clearly been identified
by God’s Word as sin that tarnishes the image of God in the believer and quenches God’s
Spirit operating. This, in turn, renders the believer spiritually impotent. Therefore, in
commands men, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth…be
intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:18-19). A man who constantly entertains images
of other women in his mind will never find satisfaction with his wife. A Christian man
must desire his wife, and his wife only. She, and she alone, must command all his sexual
desires and fantasies. Lust is never satisfied. Solomon writes, “Hell and destruction are
never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied” (Prov 27:20). A man who chases after
sexual gratifications from his computer screen will never find genuine satisfaction that
can only be discovered in his marital relationship. His godly wife should be prized and
protected above gold and silver, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far
above rubies…Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord,
42
she shall be praised” (Prov 30:1, 30). In essence, God highly values marriage and marital
sex. The author of Hebrews writes, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the
marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous”
(13:4). Men must reconstruct their core values concerning the issue of marriage and
marital sex from God’s perspective. The deadly element of Internet pornography
introduces ungodly ingredients into the marriage, which spoils God’s desire for men and
Aside from the righteousness deterioration caused by pornography, there are basic
logistic losses when one is consumed in the habit of pornography watching. First and
foremost, involvement in pornography deprives the individual of his or her personal time
with God. The average 5 to 10 hours spend weekly on the Internet are the hours missed
from devotion, Bible reading, praying, and seeking intimacy with the Lord. Secondary to
one’s relationship loss with the Svior, one begins to experience a similar deterioration in
their most intimate relationships with spouse and children. Sexual fulfillments are almost
impossible with one’s spouse in contrast to the endless filth and unrealistic fantasies
is ineffective in ministering to the body of Christ. Whatever gift or talent was given to
such an individual, it is temporary out-of-order and does not build and edify others.
entanglement with pornography and the personal consequences endured by his family
and ministry. His struggles began at a Christian liberal college where he and his friends
stumbled upon a box full of adult magazines. Although they threw the box in the trash,
they each returned that night to sneak a second peek. The issue seemed history until his
43
long hours as a youth pastor took their toll on his marriage. At their second visit with a
Christian counselor, they received the diagnosis for their marital issues—poor sex life.
Along with their diagnosis they received a deadly prescription. The counselor gave the
couple a sex video to spice up their intimacy. Rather than repairing the marriage, the
video reignited Scott’s lustful passions and awakened a sleeping giant. Within a year,
Scott was addicted to porn, risking everything for the sake of another glimpse. He would
prepare his powerpoint for a sermon in the church’s office and employ the same
computer shortly after to view images of naked women for personal gratification. In
justifying his actions he writes, “I rationalized. I made all the excuses: ‘God, look at all
these things I am doing for you, working with all of these teenagers. Look, I deserve to
have this…because I have a wife who does not care.’”71 Cyber-porn became Scott’s safe
haven, a place where he is always welcomed and never rejected. Describing his false
euphoria, “It was a safe place. I was not going to be hurt. It was a place where I found
fulfillment, where I never found fulfillment anywhere else.”72 False intimacy, false sense
of acceptance, and false joy were the perfect ingredients for Scott’s real awakening.
When the visual enhancement lost their excitement, Scott found himself compulsively
attracted to a young woman at a youth conference where he was the guest speaker. In a
moment of privacy and weakness, Scott touched her inappropriately and she exposed
him. Scott had to break the news to his wife and, in doing so, break her heart and, most
71
Christian J. Gardner, “Tangled in the Worst of the Web,” Christianity Today, March 5, 2001:
42-44.
72
Ibid., 43.
44
CHAPTER TWO:
UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION
correction, the following is an evaluation tool for deciphering those who are dealing with
sin and those who are in bondage to sin. Unfortunately, the lust of the eyes is never
satisfied (Prov 27:20) and its author, Satan, is not content with casual sinners, but longs
to seek, search, and destroy. Like a roaring lion, he roams seeking believers who bare the
image of God upon their souls in order to lure them from their first love into the arms of
seductive images.
Griffiths has argued that the Internet functions as a means to an end. Those who
excessively use the Internet are not Internet addicts but rather employ the Internet to
satisfy their addiction.73 Gambling addicts, for example, spend a great deal of time on the
Internet, satisfying their gambling addictions. Likewise, men with sexual addictions have
opened Pandora’s Box through their laptops or desktops, and their addiction has found an
endless source of fuel. The Internet has provided the means for their addiction that leads
into bondage.
Perhaps the most dangerous aspect of pornography that leads to addiction is its
contained within its arsenal on sexual purity within the Church. Many who fell,
captivated by its empty promises, simultaneously echo, “I am not sure how it happened.”
Our world is saturated with sexually provocative images, designed to ensnare the eyes
73
M. D. Griffiths, “Internet Addiction: Internet Fuels Other Addictions.” Student Brisith Meidical
Journal, 1999: 428-29.
45
and arouse the lust. It is a classic example of what C.S. Lewis calls a “slight downward
slope to hell.” The enticement of seductive women overwhelms every webpage and is
constantly luring the foolish while promising sexual gratification and delivering
with cheap imitation. Unlike drugs or alcohol, the victim cannot directly observe the
consequence of their sin. Like for a man who swallowed poison, the effect is immediate,
but death is gradual. Since the victim cannot physically observe degradation of health,
they mistakenly assume that all is well. It is only when death suddenly arrives that one
recognizes the effect of previously swallowed poison, but it is, tragically, too late.
Likewise, many have mistakenly justified their actions regarding them as ‘hurting no
In his book At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher describes the seven
premises, the author explains the downward spiral in his second chapter, titled “The
Spiral of Degradation.” First, pornographic activity, like many sins, does not glorify God.
Pornography, perhaps more than any other activity, seeks to gratify and glorify self,
rather than the One who is worthy of glory and honor. Rather than remaining in their first
love, pornography addicts long after other lovers and worship the created things rather
than the creator. Secondly, an attitude of ungratefulness seeps its way into the heart of the
believer. Like in the case of the Israelites in the desert, Egypt found its way back into
their heart despite their physical separation from their slave-masters. One becomes
ungrateful for the journey and loses sight of God’s promised land. Consequently, a
darkened heart is born that can barely hear God’s voice and is conditioned to ignore His
46
beckoning to return. Fourthly, one suppresses the truth in order to continue their
indulgences in sin. The author verbalizes such a heart with a familiar statement, “I’m
walking with God. I just have this one little problem.”74 The author clearly states, “No
one who is looking at pornography is walking with God! He is simply flattering his own
Fifthly, the chains are tightened upon the mind and heart of the individual. As the
person continues in pursuit of sexual fantasy, he finds that every lustful thought becomes
the wrench by which Satan tightens the bondage of sin. Every pornography session dims
the heart and deceives the mind. It discontents the participant driving him to seek greater
levels of gratification. Like a person, who enters a dark room, may not be able to clearly
see for a while at first, in time the eyes will acclimate allowing the person to discover
another door leading to a darker room where the process can be continued and repeated,
ultimately leading to total incomprehension of God’s Word and inability to hear His
voice.
The final two stages are the dreadful consequence of a life habitually surrendered
to sinful desire. The most terrifying passages in the Scripture are those where the sinful
reap what they were deceived into believing as being only harmless sin. After habitual
disobedience and disregard to God’s Word, God gives His people what they always
longed for in their heart. He spoke, “You shall eat, not one day, nor two days, nor five
days, neither ten days, nor twenty days, but a whole month, until it come out at your
nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you; because you have despised Jehovah who is among
74
Steve Gallagher, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry. (Dry Ridge, KY: Pure Life Ministries, 2000),
39.
75
Ibid., 39-40.
47
you, and have wept before him, saying, Why did we ever come up out of Egypt?” (Num
11:19-21). The Greek word paradidomai literally means to betray or give someone up.
The picture being painted here is of a traitor being left to the enemy to fend for himself.
They, having deserted the Lord, find themselves being the deserted ones.76
Finally, one finds himself filled with all unrighteousness, unable to even perceive
his circumstances. The cup of iniquity is now full and judgment has taken fruition,
rendering the word of Christ true, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is
a slave of sin (John 8:34). Nate Larkin, founder of the Samson Society, claims that
for relief. The individual begins to create a plan, followed by deception and then the
compulsive sexual act itself.77 As men continuously give themselves to lustful images,
they forfeit their self-control, rendering themselves futile, and deem their impulsive ruler
over their lives. They become men driven from one unfulfilled sexual passion hunt to the
next, chasing their sexual fantasies yet never satisfied but full of shame and guilt.
In his first-century letter, John the Apostle, earmarks salvation by holy living. On
the one hand, he acknowledges that all men have sinned and calls self-proclaimed and
self-righteous men liars, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the
truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). Nevertheless, John draws a clear distinction between
those who sin and are seeking repentance and those who habitually sin without
conviction. Those who habitually sin without repentance are enslaved, or addicted, to sin
and do not belong to God. John writes, “We know that whoever is born of God does not
sin” (5:18). This passage, as in 3:6-9, teaches that anyone whose is unrepentantly
76
Ibid., 44.
77
Kennedy, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” 30.
48
characterized by sin does not belong to the family of God. Following his
acknowledgment of sin, sinners, and sinfulness, John declares a conditional clause, “If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to clean us from all
unrighteousness” (1:9). Because of God’s grace and mercy, repentance and restoration
Every Man’s Battle is probably the most read book by Christian men over the past
eight years. According to the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association, its biblical
and honest approach to pornography helped sell over 500,000 copies only four years after
its release. The overwhelming cry of many Christians who purchased the book clearly
demonstrated the impact of sexual struggle on our culture. In advising their readers to
determine if they are addicted, they provide a simple test that should be included in client
intake.78 After examining numerous online sex addiction counseling centers, there seems
to be a similarity in determining the threshold whereby one crosses into bondage and
addiction.79 Obviously, any sexual thought taking root may become the foundation
whereby other thoughts, meditation, and actions proceed; however, there are common
numbers), one has laid the foundation for addiction. Preoccupation, taking risk in spite of
the possible consequence, repeatedly attempting to stop and failing, and continuing the
78
Stephen Arterburn, et al., Every Man's Battle. (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2003),
26-27.
79
The following are reviewed websites that provided the framework for this research sample
questioner: http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm; http://www.safefamilies.org/amiaddicted.php;
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50823; http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/self-
quiz-am-i-addicted-to-sex/; http://psychcentral.com/sexquiz.htm
49
excessive or compulsive, causes problems in one or more areas of one’s life, causes
distress when not engaged, and often exerts a good deal of control over one’s life.80 In
determining the threshold of sexual addiction, Goodman asserts that chemical and
behavioral addictions can and should be conceptualized and treated similarly. Adopting
from the DSM-IV criteria for gambling, Goodman substituted the word “behavior” for
the term “substance” and “substance use.”81 Goodman’s universal definition applies to all
addictive behaviors and will therefore be employed for this study. Such behaviors are
determined by:
80
Dennis C. Daley. Kicking Addictive Habits Once and for All: A Relapse-Prevention Guide.
(Lexington, MA: Lexington Books, 1991), 4-5.
81
William Bryce Hagedorn, “The Identification of Sexual Addiction Counseling Competencies: A
Study of Professional Addiction Clinicians” (PhD Diss., University of North Carolina, 2003), 11-12.
50
The following fifteen questions can be used to assess clients potentially dealing
with porn addiction. Answering yes to six or more questions does not guarantee their
addictive state, but certainly paints a comprehensive picture of the client’s struggle with
porn and the risk they are willing to take to satisfy their urges.
Sample Questionnaire:
1. Have you used magazines, videos, or online pornography even when there was
considerable risk of being caught by family members who would be upset by your
behavior?
5. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
82
A. Goodman, “What's in a Name? Tenninology for Designating a Syndrome of Driven Sexual
Behavior,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 195-96.
51
8. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
12. Have important parts of your life (such as job, family, friends, leisure activities)
been neglected because you were spending too much time on sex?
13. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
14. Has sex (or romantic fantasies) been a way for you to escape your problems?
15. Have you engaged in unsafe or “risky” sex even though you knew it could cause
you harm?
use five-item simple checklist, abbreviated MOUSE, when dealing with potential facets
of Internet compulsion:
Unsuccessful: Do you find futile your attempts to reduce the amount of time you
spend online?
others?
52
Excessive: Are you overwhelmed with anxiety and preoccupied with unrealistic
for longer than intended or using more of the addictive substance than intended, repeated
attempts or desires to cut down or stop, obsession or preoccupation with the addictive
substance or behavior, changes in tolerance, withdrawal, problems resulting from the use
Along with personal discernment, there are warning signs for spouses and others
that help detect Internet problems: Change in sleep patterns, demand for privacy,
household chores ignored, evidence of lying, personality change, loss of interest in sex,
sexual compulsives who use the Internet for sexual purposes, doctors at Sweden have
discovered the effect of time spent surfing and sexual addiction. Sexually compulsive
individuals were three times more likely to spend 3-10 hours online per week or 13 times
more likely to spend more than 15 hours online per week. Significant differences were
found between those who spent more than 15 hours online per week regarding the online
sexual activities they engaged in. Such individuals were primarily looking for a partner,
83
Andreas G. Philaretou, Ahmed Y. Mahfouz, and Katherine R. Allen, “Use of Internet
Pornography and Men's Well-Being,” International Journal of Men's Health 4, no. 2 (2005): 150.
84
Daley, Kicking Addictive Habits, 14-18.
85
Levert, “A Comparison of Christian and Non-Christian Males,” 37.
53
replying to sex ads, chatting with people with the same interest, buying sex products, and
contacting prostitutes.86
probability of employing the Internet for their sexual gratification. Approximately 32% of
the non-sexually compulsive respondents reported to never have read adult magazines
and to never have viewed adult movies, while only 16% of the sexual compulsives have
never viewed pornography offline.87 Therefore, a Christian male who indulges in offline
pornography must be cautious while utilizing the Internet, lest they find themselves
indulging and satisfying their sexual sin by means of video streaming and picture loading.
Unpacking James’ message to the Church, Bruce Wilkinson produced the seven
stages of every temptation in his book, Set Apart.88 James writes, “But each one is
tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has
conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death” (James
1:14-15). The first stage, the look, opens the door into the land of temptation. James,
following the lines of Judaism, borrows the words “drawn away” (ξελκόµενος) and
“enticed” (δελεαζόµενος). Only here, in the New Testament, these two words are
metaphors from fishing and hunting context, whereby a fish or an animal is lured from
their place of safety into an area where traps have been set.89 It begins with a simple look
at an attractive female jogging or crossing the street that lures the man into an unsafe
86
Kristian Daneback, “Characteristics and Behaviors of Sexual Compulsives Who Use the
Internet for Sexual Purposes,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 2006: 59-60.
87
Ibid., 61.
88
Bruce Wilkinson, Set Apart: Discovering Personal Victory Through Holiness. (Sisters, OR:
Multnomah Publishers, 2003), 122-38.
89
Marvin Richardson Vincent, Word Studies in the New Testament. (Bellingham, WA: Logos
Research Systems, Inc., 2002, S. 1:729).
54
world of temptations. The client must recognize his individual triggers that lure him into
seduction. Recognizing the triggers allows the individual the possibility of fleeing the
The second stage is the lust. When the porn addict refuses to accept responsibility
for his actions and blames his wife, for example, by claiming, “If my wife would lose a
few pounds, I wouldn’t have to look for satisfaction elsewhere,” he must be reminded of
James’ truth, “Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires.”90
Mistakenly, many conclude that if their circumstances were different, their lustful desires
would vanish. If someone, something, some place, or some thought would cease to nip at
their heels, all would be solved. Mark Laaser believes anger and entitlement are the
primary reasons Christian men commit sexual sin. He comments, “They are angry at
God, angry at their spouse, angry at church…they feel abandoned.”91 Yet the Scripture
clearly depicts one’s heart as the source, rather than the external temptations, luring the
individual into sin. Each one has his own peculiar lust, arising from his own temperament
and habit. Lust flows from the original birth-sin in man, inherited from Adam.92 The
cause of sin is ourselves; even Satan’s suggestions do not endanger us before they take
During the third stage of “lure,” desires grow from a tiny spark to a burning
flame. Proverbs 6:25 portrays a similar imagery. Solomon writes, “Do not lust after her
beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.” Interestingly, Solomon
warns against the internal lust of the heart as well as the external enticement of her
90
Wilkinson, Set Apart, 123.
91
Kennedy, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” 31.
92
Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset, and David Brown, A Commentary, Critical and Explanatory,
on the Old and New Testaments. (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997, S. Jas 1:14).
55
beauty. Wilkinson well illustrates his point, “Stage three occurs as dry wood is thrown by
others onto the smoldering fire of your desire…feeding the flames of desire until you
don’t care what it costs you to attain the object of your desire.”93 Addicts know well the
overwhelming feeling that overtakes their desires, compelling them to focus their entire
First, the temptation draws away; then your desire responds; then enticement fans
the flames of your desire. The fourth stage of conception occurs when one makes the
decision to sin. When desire has completed its task, it conceived a choice. During this
stage, the individual experiences relief from warring against the temptation by releasing
the pressure and is now occupied with committing the sin. Self-talk digresses from
statements such as, “I cannot view pornography; I am a child of God” to, “God
understands. It has been a very trying week.” Self-talk becomes the hinge on which the
fourth stage rests. If self-pity and selfish desires overwhelm and consume the individual,
sin is inevitable. Covenantal agreements can play a vital role in overcoming this stage.
Job made a covenant with his eyes to not look upon a young woman (Job 31:1). Making
covenants made before the Lord can persuade our hearts to obey the righteousness of God
and reject the conception of deception that produces sin and, as James will conclude,
death.
The next three stages are the natural consequences of a disobedient heart
determined to embrace lustful desires and ignore godly conviction. The birth, growth of
sin, and death occur inevitably like a snowball rolling down the side of the mountain.
Between the conception and birth of the sinful act exists a very small incubation time for
93
Wilkinson, Set Apart, 127.
56
the Holy Spirit to convince the believer to refrain from sin. God, the Holy Spirit, pleads
with the sinner’s heart to abort their sin and repent. Mercy and grace inundate the heart in
a last attempt to entice the individual back to the Father’s safety. Pornography addicts
know the place of conviction well; yet they have mastered the art of silencing the Holy
Spirit’s. As He speaks, their desires scream for satisfaction. As He romances them into
God’s chambers, lust allures them into danger. As He invites the sinner into the holy of
hollies, their heart’s desire grows unquenchable, yearning for more. When conception
comes to full-term and gives birth to sin, it ultimately grows, demanding more. Soft porn
no longer satisfies, hard-core porn grows old, and sin’s appetite grows requiring more
than before to attain satisfaction. Wilkinson writes, “Every sin you commit digs your
grave deeper…Every sin strengthens itself against you for the next time.”94
James, the first-century church leader who was one of the three pillars of the
Church,95 issued a clear warning that is displayed through those who wrongfully assume
that pornography is an exception and harmless. Sin can never find rest with simple
dabbling, but rather seeks the life of its victim. Addiction simply begins when a
following interview excerpts are intended to show the social psychological intricacies of
self-disclosure illustrates the subtle entrapment of sin and the inevitable bondage
resulting from dabbling in pornography. Evidently, the individual suffers from what the
94
Ibid., 133-34.
95
The passage clearly depicts James as a pillar in the first-century Church. Galatians 2:9, “And
when James, Cephas, and John, who seemed to be pillars, perceived that grace that had been given to me,
they gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship, that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the
circumcised.”
96
Gallagher, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, 19.
57
unashamedly discusses his porn habits, his conscience convicts him concerning his
marital unfaithfulness and the consequence if his wife would to discover his secret
addiction.
Beyond Addiction
behavior. The mere fact that an individual is chemically or behaviorally addicted reveals
their heart condition. Many pastors and Christian counselors become occupied with the
manifested addiction, rather than addressing the heart of the problem. In other words,
pornography addiction, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, etc. are the outward symptoms
97
Philaretou, Mahfouz, and Allen, “Use of Internet Pornography,” 159.
58
of their “real” issue. Frank Pittman, the author of a book on infidelity, says,
“Unfaithfulness is a sin of the heart as much as or even more than the body.”98 This thesis
will examine lies about self and others which are crippling and ensnaring men into the
trap of pornography and will seek to expose and correct such lies thorough God’s Word.
This inward focus to produce outward change approach is what Christ prescribes when
dealing with religious Pharisees whose outward appearances reflected a form of godliness
while their inner most parts were full of dead men’s bones, death, and filth.
Inevitably, the issue of scriptural integrity and biblical authority will confront the
client. While this dissertation will not attempt to resolve the ongoing discussion
concerning the authority of the Scripture, it suffices to affirm the authority of God’s
Word as God breathed and God directed. There are plethora of books, articles, and
dissertations tackling that very issue. A Christian counselor must acknowledge the
authority of the Scripture as absolute truth lest one should fall into the ambiguity of
relativism whereby all truth is subjective and absolute truth is non-existent. The entire
concept of subjective truth would consequently annul the exposure of lies and upholding
anything beyond one’s own experiences. In essence, one must determine the benchmarks
of life whereby all other truths are compared in light of those unmovable and unchanging
fundamentals of one’s faith. This research, and obviously this author, holds the Scripture
in highest esteem whereby all other realities are contrasted in light of God’s Word.
Therefore, a Christian male who has adopted worldly perspective regarding his sexual
behavior must denounce such perceived realities and renew his mind through God’s
unchanging Word.
98
William Cutrer and Sandra Glahn. Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel,
2001), 170.
59
among the most empirically studied, well defined, and widely used approaches.99
Cognitive therapy assesses the development of one’s beliefs about oneself, his or her
and one’s eventual reliance on the behavior. It assumes that behavioral addictions are in
large part learned and can be modified by changing one’s cognitive behavioral
processes.100 Jesus utilized cognitive therapy as He exposed the lies of Pharisees and
others who believed to know truth, yet their learned truth contradicted God’s Word and
reflected worldly concepts and human philosophy. Jesus taught his disciples, “If you hold
to my teaching…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31, 32).
A typical addictive cycle begins with one’s beliefs activated whether anticipatory
or relief-oriented, i.e. “I deserve to look at porn” or “It is better than cheating.” This
produces automatic thoughts, “Lust” and “Look at porn,” resulting in urges and
cravings.101 When a Christian adopts lies within their core self, he grants permission to
sin thus gratifying the lust of the flesh which demands more without satisfaction. Because
each individual is distinct, understanding and unveiling the client’s core beliefs is
essential for the change of behavior to occur. Basic beliefs about self and others are
imprinted from early life experiences through family, social, cultural, and financial
99
Richard J. Frances, Sheldon I. Miller, and Avram H. Mack. Clinical Textbook of Addictive
Disorders. (New York, NY: Guilford Press, 2005), 475.
100
Ibid., 476.
101
Ibid.
102
Ibid., 477.
60
An entrapped Christian seeking freedom must confess and turn from lust, repent
for believing that sexual lust can bring lasting satisfaction (Eph 4:22; 1 Pet 2:11) without
earthly or heavenly consequences (Gal 6:7,8) while hearing God’s word and disobeying
Him (James 1:22). He must reaffirm that his name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life
and announce his new covenant with Christ that supersedes all other desires. He must
commit himself to know God through the Scripture and submit himself to the leading of
God’s Holy Spirit, who has sealed him with Christ. He must recognize his denial of
reality and adaptation of ungodly worldviews. He must address his emotional insulation
concerning his spouse and children whereby withdrawing from people and regressing
away. Above all, he must accept responsibility and stop rationalizing his behavior by
embraced by Christian males who ignore scriptural teaching. The following chapters will
harmless while degrading woman and hardening the hearts of men to their Savior and
their families. The Bible clearly teaches the inescapable fate of those who indulge in
pornographic images, assuming that no harm is committed. Jesus clearly equates lustful
thoughts with adultery, therefore rendering the act sinful. Every male participating in the
survey agreed that men’s watching pornography is a normal activity. And while men
have embraced pornography as a norm, God’s Word commands godly men to act not like
103
Neil T. Anderson, The Bondage Breaker. (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Pub. 1995), 207-13.
61
the world. A Christian seeking freedom from the bondage of pornography must embrace
Fortunately, the stigma of sexual sin is slowly departing and men are availed the
opportunity to address their struggles in the spiritual hospital known as the Church. As
reported in 2005, one of the growing trends in the Christian marketplace has been a
abuse, and infidelity. Many books have been directed toward that very issue, attempting
to provide men with godly tools in breaking their sexual bondage.104 The following
Laaser traces all forms of addiction, sexual and otherwise, to problems with
Clinton and Gary Sibcy examine the underline reasoning behind the actions men and
women take throughout their lives. They venture to answer an ageless question that bears
the name of their book, Why You Do the Things You Do? Early stages of life lay the
foundation whereby future healthy or unhealthy relationships styles are constructed. They
with his or her caregiver predetermines the manner in which they will perceive
104
Jana Riess, “Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder,” Publishers Weekly, March 2007: 8.
105
Mark R. Laaser and Ralph H. Earle, The Pornography Trap. (Missouri: Beacon Hill Press,
1984), 9.
106
Timothy E. Clinton and Gary Sibcy, Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy
Relationships. (Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers, 2006), 16.
62
child’s later propensity for addiction. Interested in Bowlby’s research, Mary Ainsworth
utilizes four questions concerning one’s belief about self and others in determining their
relationship style. How an individual measures his or her self worth and their own ability
to do what is necessary to receive love, and their perception of the reliability and
willingness of others to meet their need, determines their placement in one of the four
men dealing with pornography addiction tend to be avoidant. They find contentment and
security in building relationships with inanimate objects rather than untrustworthy people
who are unpredictable and unsafe. Rather than investing their energy in repairing the
marriage or investing in their sexual union with their wives, men find pornography
disfigurements in our inner most parts. Such wounds foster unhealthy reactions and are
of unhealthy communication that may occur as a result of soul wounds.107 Once again,
early childhood experiences, healthy or unhealthy, form the foundation from which one
views self and others. The closeness and structure of families determine the outcome of
wounds acquired by its members. Interestingly, those who have a healthy home recover
107
Ibid., 41.
63
A 2008 survey concerning one’s paternal closeness and its effect on married
men’s sexual behaviors, marital, and family satisfaction confirms the association of
Protestant Christian men, completed a National Survey examining their father’s closeness
and its effect on adult marital and non-marital sexual behaviors, specifically for our
research viewing of pornography. Results indicate that men reporting higher levels of
father closeness engage in significantly fewer non-marital sexual behaviors and have
significantly higher levels of marital and family satisfaction than those reporting lower
Chris Prentiss proposes an interesting thought in his book The Alcoholism and
Addiction Cure, which perceives all addictions as mere symptoms of underlying issues.109
According to the author, most counselors and support groups seek to resolve the
addiction rather than deal with the root problem causing the addiction. They are
distracted by the symptoms rather than addressing the disease. He proposes four
underlying causes for all addictions. Chemical imbalance may be the hidden cause for
many who seek drugs or alcohol. Their slower metabolism, the author suggests, are the
cause of their search for an upper or a downer. Some individuals cannot simply have a
cup of coffee in the morning to get going, but rather need drug stimulation. On the other
hand, some suffer from a high metabolism rate and cannot easily rest or relax, therefore,
their bodies desire soothing drugs to accomplish what the body cannot naturally achieve.
108
Ryan Hosley, Ken Canfield, Susan L. O'Donnell, and Gale Roid, “Father Closeness: Its Effect
on Married Men's Sexual Behaviors, Marital, and Family Satisfaction,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity,
2008: 59.
109
Chris Prentiss, The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure, (Los Angeles, CA: Power Press, 2006).
64
Secondly, one’s past can cause their addiction. Abuse, learned behavior, parent-
child relationship are some of the many tools forming the soul of a person who is a
potential addict. One’s unresolved failures may also lie behind the addictive behavior of
many. Disappointments and failure are common ingredients in the recipe of life. Not
everyone, however, knows how to cope with life’s displeasures. The failing student, the
deteriorating career, the devastated divorcee husband or wife are a few of the numerous
examples of those who deal with failures in various stages of life. Not able to handle their
failures, life seems hopeless and without a cause. While many will never seek addictive
behaviors in dealing with their failures, many more will find comfort in pornographic
caused by a failing husband who cannot successfully excite his wife, who, in turn, after a
long day of functioning as part mother/ part maid is disinterested in turning into his
sexual fantasy. The frustrated husband soon discovers the labor required in sexually
turning his wife on in contrast to the ease of seductive women awaiting only a mouse
click away.
Finally, the author suggests lies believed to be true by the individual as breeding
Anonymous, preach ‘once an addict, always an addict.’ When members stand to speak
during their meetings, they must begin the statement with, “My name is _____ and I am
an alcoholic.” Imagine, if you will, trying to treat a cancer patient who believes that HE is
cancer, rather than that cancer cells are attacking his body. A person who believes that
from personal addiction, Mike Quarles testifies, “I had been sucked into the same lie that
65
plagues everyone who is in bondage: the answer to breaking free lies in changing one’s
behavior.”110
The Bible, however, paints a drastically different portrait. God declares that a man
is “the image and glory of God” (1 Cor 11:7). Rather than adopting the mentality of being
the disease, one must declare, “I am not an animal, I am the glory of God. I am not a
pervert; I am the glory of God. I am not an addict; I am the glory of God. I am not a
victim; I am the glory of God. I am not a fool; I am the glory of God.” As glory and
image bearers of God, we must employ the grace of God which, “Brings salvation for all
people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-
controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11-12). Such
immeasurable grace does not enable us to merely hide our sin, diminish our sin, justify
our sin, or accept it as inevitable. Rather, God’s grace enables us to put to death the old
nature in which we were enslaved and to walk in the Spirit of our living God.111
Paul corrects the lie adopted by some believers in Corinth who mistakenly assume
their old nature has accompanied their newly experienced conversion. He writes in his
second letter, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have
passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Cor 5:17). The word “new” kainos
is derived from the root qen, turn out fresh (cf. Lat. recens), and denotes that which is
new in its own way. In secular usage kainos denotes that which is qualitatively new as
compared with what has existed until now, and that which is better than the old.112 The
Greek word is used seven times in the Book of Revelation pertaining to God
110
Neil T. Anderson and Julia Quarles, Freedom from Addiction (Ventura, CA: Gospel Light,
1997), 25.
111
Mark, Porn Again, 28.
112
Dictionary of Old Testament Theology, 1st ed. CD-ROM. (Zondervan, 1999), s.v. “kainos.”
66
accomplishing something new.113 It speaks of the new name written on the stone of
believers, new Jerusalem, new song, and finally new heaven and earth which God will set
on earth. The word in context, while maintaining linguistic integrity, does not indicate
producing the new by refurbishing the old, but rather producing that which is new in
essence. The new creature in Second Corinthians refers to a new man who is no longer
bound to Satan’s influences and control; rather, believers are given a new mind, heart,
and spirit for empowerment in order to glorify God with their lives, as they mirror Christ
in their words and deeds through love by the power of the Holy Spirit.
113
Revelation 2:17; 3:12; 5:9; 14:3; 21:1, 2, 5.
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CHAPTER THREE:
STEP ONE TO RECOVERY – INWARD HEALING
experience, focus on ceasing the behavior by any means necessary. Considering the
collateral damage caused by their behavior, one sympathetically understands the desire of
the client to rid himself of the addiction. Biblically speaking, however, a man’s heart is
the culprit, not his actions. Jesus condemned the heart as the fountain of all evil.
Addressing the masses, Christ states, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed
evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder” (Matt 15:19 and Mark 7:21). Healing
must begin at the innermost part of one’s heart. The crevasses of the heart where secrets
and darkness pollute the individual, causing his or her addictive behavior, must be
exposed and addressed. This inward-outward approach is biblical and long-lasting. In this
other words, rather than being addicted to pornography, one takes on work, drugs, or
Christian must arrive at the spiritual ‘fork in the road’ where a decision must be made.
Joshua, speaking on God’s behalf, declared to Israel the goodness of God and drew a
spiritual fork in their journey, “And if it seem evil unto you to serve Jehovah, choose you
this day whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served…but as for
me and my house, we will serve Jehovah” (Josh 24:15). The first step toward healing is
68
struggling with pornography must recognize the severity of the situation and genuinely
responsibilities of their actions upon whomever they can. One’s problem becomes the
cause of other’s actions. “It’s my father’s fault” or “my wife does not satisfy me” are
familiar statements echoed in attempts to ease the guilt and avoid the sinful heart of the
none. Addressing the problems in the treatment of addiction, Abate, Farrar, and Serritella
addicts.114 Addiction, by its very nature, breeds selfish and self-seeking individuals. To
accept responsibility for one’s action would mean having to come to grips with one’s
addiction and the events that led to his current state. While the authors suggest natural
this thesis offers the concept of a holy-dissatisfaction whereby the individual recognizes
the height of God’s standards in contrast to the depth they have fallen. Accepting
While shifting the blame to anyone within their proximity, pornography watchers
ignore the consequences of their behaviors concerning self, family, and others. The
habitual isolationistic lifestyle breeds individualism whereby one’s actions are divorced
114
Luciano L'Abate, Jack E. Farrar, and Daniel A. Serritella, Handbook of Differential Treatments
for Addictions. (Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon, 1992), 11.
115
Ibid., 13.
69
independence and a blindness to the causes and effects that permeate our relationships.
Those who are individualistic fall short of noticing the interconnectedness of humanity
and the interdependence of the communities in which they live.”116 Inherently interwoven
in the fabric of community and family are the ripple effects of one’s behavior. Most
notable in the Scripture is young Israel’s only defeat in its seven-year campaign to
acquire the Promised Land, recorded in the Book of Joshua. After defeating the mighty
Jericho, Israel was defeated by a lightweight, Ai. While God’s favor, protection, and
direction brought down the walls of Jericho, one man’s disobedience, that of Achan son
of Carmi, brought defeat to the entire nation. Although God clearly defined His
expectation concerning the plunder acquired through battle (Josh 6:18-19), Achan
Demonstrating the truth expressed by James 1:14-15, Achan saw, desired, and
took. He saw the treasure and was attracted through the lust of his eyes, coveted and was
overwhelmed with desire, and finally took what God had forbidden, bringing a great
disaster upon himself and others. Before his tragic story concluded, Achan had caused
demoralization to his nation, the death of 36 soldiers, and his own death along with his
sons, daughters, and animals. Men who dapple in pornography and falsely assume there
are no consequences are ignoring common sense and God’s clearly communicated word.
It has been accurately stated, “Sin will take you farther than you ever thought you would
116
Jeffrey Miller, Hazards of Being a Man: Overcoming 12 Challenges all Men Face. (Illinois:
Baker Books, 2007), 64.
70
stray. Leave you lost, you’ll never find your way; keep you longer than you ever thought
you would stay; and cost you more than you ever thought you would pay.”117
While many men have adopted the worldly propaganda that depicts pornography
as another form of innocent entertainment, consider the conclusion of Mark Laaser who
ministered to hundreds of sex addicts and their families, developed treatment programs
for a variety of hospitals, and authored numerous literature to combat the lustful
epidemic: “Too many times the use of pornography, combined with masturbation, leads
who experienced sexual addiction and as a result lost his ministry in 1987. In describing
her experience and the experience of other betrayed wives, Mrs. Debra Laaser admits,
“Most women are hurt more by the deception than the infidelity.”119 In his book Men’s
Secret Wars, Patrick Means draws a correlation between the 64% of men struggling with
masturbation with the 25% of Christian males who admitted to having had sexual
intercourse with someone other than their wife, while married, since becoming a
Christian.120
important and deviant part in developing child molesters. A research of 341 convicted
offenders revealed that 90% admitted to viewing non-deviant pornography while only
10% were involved in deviant images. According to recent investigations, the predictive
117
Ibid., 70.
118
Laaser and Earle, The Pornography Trap, 6.
119
Kennedy, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” 34.
120
Patrick Means, Men's Secret Wars. (Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 1996), 132-33.
71
associated with aggression, and individuals who view sexually explicit material are more
likely to offend and/or re-offend when they possess such characteristics.121 The results of
examined in confluence with other general and specific risk factors for aggression.122 In
2000, statistics reported by Citizens from Community Values of San Diego revealed that
87% of molesters of girls and 77% of molesters of boys admitted to regular use of hard-
core porn, and that a typical child molester will abuse an average of 360 children in a
lifetime.123
hear or read the chilling final interview of Ted Bundy shortly before his execution. The
convicted mass-murderer was considered one of the nation’s most notorious and feared
serial killers for having beaten, raped, and then murdered at least 30 girls and women
between the ages of 12 and 26.124 His interview with Dr. James C. Dobson was conducted
the day before his scheduled morning execution.125 Although hundreds of reporters
dreamed of interviewing Bundy, he asked for Dr. Dobson to warn the society concerning
the influence of pornography in molding serial killers! Despite his normal upbringing,
Bundy was exposed to soft porn at the age of 12 and progressively evolved into desiring
hardcore pornography depicting sexual violence. The combination of violence and sex,
121
Drew A. Kingston, Paul Fedoroff, Philip Firestone, Susan Curry, and John M. Bradford,
“Pornography Use and Sexual Aggression: The Impact of Frequency and Type of Pornography Use on
Recidivism Among Sexual Offenders,” Agressive Behavior 34 (2008): 347.
122
Ibid., 350.
123
Samadhi C. Longo-Disse, “Sexaholism: A Perspective,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity,
2006: 78.
124
Mark, Porn Again, 35.
125
The Ted Bundy transcript is found on PureIntimacy.org and is taken from the Focus on the
Family Film Fatal Addiction: Ted Bundy’s Final Interview. Copyright © 1989, Focus on the Family. All
Rights Reserved International Copyright Secured.
72
Bundy says, “Brings out behavior that it too terrible to describe.” Bundy affirms the
met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence. Without exception, everyone
Pornography addiction must be taken seriously. Christian males must be diligent and
intentional in ridding self of such bondage lest one reaps a depraved mind where the very
Much of Israel’s bondage was a direct result of their disobedience of the clear
laws and directions of God. Their 40-day joyful journey to the Promised Land was
exchanged for 40 years of disobedience and death. While their feet may have departed
from Egypt, their hearts were enmeshed with their previous idolatry. Likewise, their
offspring disobeyed the Lord and consequently found themselves in foreigners’ bondage.
Like the prodigal son who came to his senses, Israel experienced freedom when they
lamented over their circumstances because of the sins committed. When their cries were
heard by merciful God, their redemption and freedom arrived. Genuine repentance, in
light of the great offense committed toward a Holy God, is the result of conviction and a
holy dissatisfaction that makes one refuse to continue living in darkness and sin. In
counseling, the question must be asked, “How bad do you want freedom from this
bondage?” and the answer must be a resounding, “More than life itself.”
Since pornography objectives women, it is not surprising that most men are
oblivious concerning the women who participate in pornography. Rather than viewing
female in the porn industry as women whom Jesus loves and died for, they are simply the
objects to be used for sexual gratification. Porn stars, like all of humanity, are image
73
bearers who deserve respect and dignity; instead, the sex industry preys on wounded
adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.126 One study found that 35% of strippers have
multiple personality disorder, 55% have borderline personality disorder, and 60% have
major depressive episodes.127 One famous example of the ordinary nice girl-next-door,
raised a good Catholic, was porn star Linda Lovelace. She describes in her book how she
was drawn into a world of domestic violence and porn fame. Her longing for affection
and approval, together with her belief that she was not quite good enough, fueled her own
shamefully sell their bodies before video cameras while the unspeakable occurs—
Christian men provide the cash! Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle
explains how women from the adult industry walk into his church and receive Christ as
their Lord and Savior, yet they have difficulty forgoing the lucrative job of porn,
purchased by those who share the pews. Christian men supporting the adult industry are
crippling and preventing women from leaving the industry. Rather than uplifting our
Speaking to the crowd concerning the issue of adultery, Jesus, after equating
adultery of the heart with physical adultery, says, “If your right eye causes you to sin,
pluck it out, and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your
members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell” (Matt 5:29). While many
126
Henry J. Rogers, The Silent War: Ministering to those Trapped in the Deception of
Pornography. (Arizona: New Leaf Press, 2007), 188.
127
Ibid.
128
Longo-Disse, “Sexaholism,” 77.
74
contemplate and wrestle with the meaning of His words, they simply display an utter holy
dissatisfaction with self and sin so that physical pain of amputation would not compare to
the pain of one’s sorrowfulness over his shattered relationship with God. When one’s
sight is enlightened by the horrible price of their sin, they lament and weep over their
current situation. When a man considers the price of his sin and addiction—when his
relationship with God is severed, his intimacy with his wife vanishes, his time is robbed
in adultery, his passion is lost, and self control is lacking—then, and only then, can
Addressing the issue of lust, Jesus declares the eye as the window to one’s soul
and the lamp of one’s body.129 Christian males who are entangled in pornography and yet
consider themselves full of God’s Spirit are deceived according to the Scripture.
Amazingly, the greatest vindication of the Scripture is the Scripture itself. Men who
driven, crude in nature, and their eyes and body are darkened. What the Bible declares to
be true is, in fact, found true from experience. The Word of God lacks internal and
external contradiction. It has simply been weighted in the balance, tried, tested, and
established validity.
The Scripture prescribes the duty of Christian husbands; even a shallow search
portrays a clear outline of the responsibility ordained by God for men as they function as
husbands and high priests of their homes.130 The Scriptures depict a correlation between
129
Matthew 6:22-23 and Luke 11:33-35 similarly declare, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If
therefore your eye is good you whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body
will be full of darkness.”
130
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall
become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). “Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them” (Col 3:19).
75
one’s vertical and horizontal relationships as they affect one another. A husband’s
relationship with God influences his relationship with his wife; likewise, the husband’s
relationship with his wife affects his relationship with God.131 Christian husbands serve
as heads and high priests of their homes. Naturally, if the head becomes disconnected
from God because of habitual and unrepentant sin, the entire household suffers. Allowing
pornographic images in one’s mind and house walls hinders his relationship with God,
spouse, and children. It disempowers the believer and disarms the husband in fulfilling
In contrast to loving one’s wife as Christ loves the Church, wives discovering
their husband’s pornography affair feel insecure, betrayed, and worthless.132 The
demotion or degradation of self is also projected toward her husband who has excluded
and marginalized his wife as result of his preoccupation with pornography.133 Rather than
perceiving her husband as loving and caring, wives, according to the research, now
perceive their husbands through the lens of their extra-marital pornography affairs. In her
eyes, the husband becomes sexually degraded, a pervert or a sexual degenerate, a liar,
untrustworthy and deceitful, unloving and selfish. She believes that her husband either
has ceased loving or has never loved in the first place and that he is inadequate as a father
and husband. Wives’ perception is, further, that he has exposed his children to
“Husband, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the word…So husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph 5:25-28). “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them
with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet 3:7).
131
This fact is clearly stated in 1 Peter 3:7, where one’s relationship with his wife hinders his
prayers with God. Essentially, God does not hear the husband whose relationship with his wife is
unbiblical.
132
The issue of wives’ self-perception upon discovering their husband’s pornography usage is
discussed in details in Chapter 1, “Search for Definition.”
133
Bergner and Bridges, “Significance of Heavy Pornography,” 198.
76
pornography, damaged and deprived them by continually failing to be available, and has
Pornography’s effect goes beyond the user and marital satisfaction, or lack
thereof. Recent studies reveal the obvious perpetual downward spiral of fathers who
neglect their children and its consequence in future sexual behaviors, marital and family
and a decreased marital sexual satisfaction and intimacy, labeling the behavior as
through “happenstances exposure to pornography, attitudes and actions that portray the
objectification of women, and decreased father involvement due to lost time and lack of
emotional energy.”137 The study also reveals the relationship between father and son
closeness and its positive and negative effect upon children’s future relationships. Simply
stated, involved fathering produces grounded men who are secure in self and others and
associated with childhood problems, insecurity in self and others, and poor adult
relationships. The research concludes that father involvement in their sons’ lives
produces adult sons who have “greater skill and desire to engage in loving
134
Ibid., 199-200.
135
Hosley et al., “Father Closeness,” 64.
136
Ibid., 64.
137
Ibid., 65.
77
Long before articles were released and research conducted, the Scripture clearly
illustrated the consequence of addiction concerning the next generation. The Book of
Kings contentiously speaks concerning various kings, “He walked in all the sins of his
father which he had committed before him.” Scriptural, sociological, psychological, and
nurture evidence clearly indicate the capability of passing one’s addiction. Next time a
pornographer stares into the eyes of his son, he should ask himself, “Do I want him to
For Christian fathers, these findings impose a far greater-reaching impact than
their sociological and social consequence. A Christian father who spends an average of
five hours a week entertaining pornography is robbing his children of intimacy and is an
irresponsible steward of God’s treasure. Children are perceived from the Scripture as a
heritage and an inheritance from the Lord (Ps 127:3). Christ’s stern warning toward those
who harm children illustrates His seriousness concerning those who impact children,
“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better
for him if a milestone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of
the sea” (Matt 18:6). Holy dissatisfaction occurs when the blinders have been removed
and truth is exposed. One’s pornography entanglement impacts not only himself but his
children and children’s children. Christian males must reprioritize their lives according to
the Scripture. Placing anything above God is an idol, placing anything above your wife is
adultery, placing anything above your children is devastating for generations to come.
138
Ibid., 66.
78
one’s current situation profits them nothing if genuine repentance does not occur. The
Bible clearly depicts the difference between remorse and repentance through the contrast
of King David and his predecessor King Saul. David and Saul sinned against God, yet
one was rejected as king and the other was forgiven and restored. Why did God forgive
Saul was commanded by God to go and kill all of the Amalekites and all of their
possessions (1 Sam 15:3). Saul disobeyed God’s commands and did not destroy all the
Amalekites. Besides past disobedience, this was the final act of defiance that removed
him from his kingship. When he returned from battle with the Amalekites, he came to
meet Samuel. The state of his greeting (15:13) was of the highest self-satisfaction and
delight. His success blinded him to the imperfections of his obedience. He had, with his
loose views of duty, preformed the commandment of the Lord.139 When Samuel
confronted Saul with his sin, Saul blamed the bringing of the oxen and sheep on the
people, but credited the success to himself, “They have brought them from the
Amalekites… and the rest we have utterly destroyed” (15:15, 20-21). Saul’s response
depicts a man whose concern for public image and maintaining the status quo
overshadows his divine purpose and calling. Self-will is bad, but self-justification is
worse.140 When God’s judgment was finally declared through Samuel (15:23), Saul was
forced to confess his sin (15:24-26). In his repentance, however, Saul was without any
true sense of ownership and responsibility. Saul looked upon his sin chiefly as it offended
Samuel, not God. His confession was merely for the sake of securing the favor of Samuel
139
Thomas Kirk, Saul First King of Israel (Edinburgh, 1896), 105.
140
Ibid., 106-08.
79
repented of. Saul then turned to Samuel, and with a truly impatient spirit, he was ready to
publicly worship God, “Turn again with me, that I may worship God” (15:25, 30).
Rather than humbling himself under the mighty hand of God, Saul professes to be
pious. His desire to worship was to honor and fame himself as the conqueror of the
Amalekites.141 By seizing the edge of Samuel’s garment, Saul placed cultural pressure in
order to manipulate and coerce the prophet into granting his wishes. His entire actions
perpetually portrayed an individual concerned with others while undermining his sin.
While Saul’s sense of remorse had no doubt been deepened, he lacked repentance. His
reason for making the simple confession originated for the purpose of soothing the anger
and earn the favor of men and Samuel, as he adds, “Yet honor me now, I pray thee,
before the elders o my people and before Israel, and turn again with me, that I may
worship the Lord your God” (1 Sam 15:30). At the conclusion of it all, Saul has lost his
Similarly, David was also made king and anointed by Samuel. He, like Saul,
sinned in the sight of the Lord.142 About a year later, the prophet Nathan came to David
with a story of an unjust rich man and a poor shepherd (12:1-5). When he heard the story,
David screamed for justice and insisted that the guilty man must die until Nathan
declared, “You are the man” (v.7). To a small degree David was made feel what God felt
when David sinned, yet the Lord’s anger and disappointment were magnified because He
knew and loved both parties. His anger burned against the one who would steal another
141
Ibid., 110-14.
142
The story of David’s sin with Bathsheba is discussed in greater detail in “Historical perspective
and current severity.”
80
man’s wife; His heart broke at the thought that one He loved would commit such an
act.143 David’s responses to the words of the prophet personify genuine repentance, “I
have sinned against the Lord” (v.13). David recognized his actions, accepted
responsibility, and appealed to God’s mercy. Unlike Saul, David did not shift the blame
nor attempted to justify himself. He simply recognized his weakness and his desperate
need for forgiveness from God. David made political and moral mistakes but his
perpetual humility made him strong enough to subject himself to the hand of God. This
humility was based on the quality of his spiritual attitude toward God, which is
demonstrated in his Psalms. A repentant heart seeks the approval of God; remorse,
however, may recognize the problem without genuinely seeking mercy and restoration. It
depicts a heart concerned with pleasing the world while grieving God.
In his book The Silent War, Henry Rogers lists 15 easily understood perils of
and always leaves you empty wanting more, devalues sex, creates isolation, facilitates
child molestation, is expensive, shapes attitudes and behaviors, feeds organized crimes,
kills careers, can be passed to the next generation, destroys a testimony, destroys women
in the sex industry, grieves the heart of God, and eventually gives Satan a stronghold in
your life.144 If you are currently struggling with pornography, may you become holy
dissatisfied with your current situation, repent and begin to redeem the time.
Mike Quarles echoes the desperate cry of many Christians dealing with addiction,
143
Mark A. Tabb, Names of Heroes of the Faith. (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 1997), 139-41.
144
Rogers, The Silent War, 177-92.
81
Lord. In the next five years, I tried everything I knew, everything anybody told me or I
proceeds to list the 30 different methods he attempted for five years, such as Christian
Christian and secular psychologist, healing and baptism in the Holy Spirit sessions,
accountability, and willpower, which all ended with the sad conclusion, “Nothing
worked!”146 Writing to the church in Galatia, Paul prescribes a conditional promise for
those seeking deliverance from a life of habitual sin, “Walk in the Spirit and you will not
While engaging in counseling, support groups, and confession are positive steps
toward sexual healing, one cannot maintain his sexual purity apart from connecting in
Christ. Admonishing thieves, Paul does not simply command them to stop, he implores
those who steal to “steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what
is good, that he may have something to give him who has needs” (Eph 4:28). Unhealthy
learned sexual behavior must be replaced with healthy sexual understanding and habits.
Indeed, Christ himself informed his disciples, “I am the true vine…Abide in Me, and I in
you…I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much
fruit, for without me you can do nothing” (John 15:1-5). Walking in the Spirit is simply
abiding in Christ and allowing the power of God’s Spirit to renew one’s mind. It is
recognizing the sin and feeling guilt rather than shame. While convection is the
145
Anderson, Freedom from Addiction, 66.
146
Ibid., 67.
82
awareness that I made a mistake, shame is the feeling that I am a mistake.147 Convection
depression.
Paul’s writings compare and contrast two ways of living that stand fundamentally
contradictory to one another: the former heathen way of life (“In which you once walked
according to the course of this world” Eph. 2:2; walking “according to the flesh,” Rom
8:4; “For you are still carnal…are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?”, 1 Cor
3:3) and the present walk in Christ (“Walk in Him,” Col 2:6; walking “according to the
Spirit,” Rom 8:4; “in the Spirit,” Gal 5:16; “guided by love,” Rom 14:15; “in love,” Eph
5:2; “as children of light” Eph 5:8).148 A person is either walking in the Spirit, or walking
in the flesh. A Christian is either pleasing God or pleasing self. One is either dead to sin
or dead in sin.
It was the Lord himself who employed the term to engage his leaders in a
relationship with Himself. In Leviticus 26:3-4, God proclaims, “If you walk in My
statutes and keep My commandments so as to carry them out, then I shall give you rains
in their season.” Likewise, God spoke to Solomon, “And if you walk in My way, keeping
My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your
days” (1 Kings 3:14). Interestingly, Asaph illustrates the choices laid before God’s people
to walk after their lusts or their God. He writes, “So I gave them over to the stubbornness
of their heart, to walk in their own devices. Oh that my people would listen to Me, that
Israel would walk in My ways” (Ps 81:12, 13). Isaiah portrays the broken heart of God
147
Mark Laaser and Debra Laaser, The Seven Desires of Every Heart. (Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan, 2008), 26.
148
Dictionary of Old Testament Theology, s.v. “walk.”
83
that longs for His people as he penned his message, “I have spread out My hands all day
long to rebellious people, who walk in the way which is not good, following their own
fulfill the will of God. As a previous high school and college wrestler, this author
comprehends the concept of ‘strengthening what you feed.’ What you entertain and train
will inevitably grow in strength and desire. A Christian who persistently provides for his
lustful desire will be overwhelmed and consumed with passion for his covetousness; on
the other hand, if one continuously seeks and dwells in the presence of God, his desire
and passion will reflect the heart of God. Paul admonishes the Colossians saints, “Set
your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is
When a Christian falls into the bondage of pornography, intimacy with Christ is
lost. A man who is intimately involved with Christ is not enticed by the lust of this world.
When one’s relationship with Christ becomes more of a burden and works, rather than
the glorious intimacy it was designated to be, complacency and spiritual dissatisfaction
acknowledges their works but condemns their heart. While their works were adequate,
their hearts were far from God. Their prescription was simply to “return to your first
love” (Rev 2:1-4). Likewise, a husband who is completely in love and is experiencing
marital satisfaction with his wife will not desire extra-marital affairs; extra-marital
utterly satisfied in Christ will view temptations as snares from Satan to entangle and
84
sever the relationship with Jesus Christ. Only through such perspective can one forsake
the world and seek the true intimacy found in Christ. While lustful desires may be real
and enticing, they come short in comparison with the satisfaction and fulfillment found in
walking in the Spirit. The light of Jesus overshadows the darkness of the heart, exposing,
overpowering, and shattering the chains of sin and lust that imprison the believer.
Christian males struggle greatly with reconciling their sexual drive and their
spiritual walk. While most religious systems recognize the merit in procreation for the
preservation and purity of family line and their faith, Christianity has divorced salvation
from bloodline. Jews, for example, consider it a grave insult for a spouse to deny her
husband children.149 In the thirteenth century, for example, Nahmanides penned the
ancient text, The Holy Letter, interpreting sex as a mystical experience of meeting with
God. He writes, “Through the act of intercourse, they become partners with God in the
act of creation.”150 Christian males, on the other hand, perceive their sexuality as a guilt-
ridden burden to bear. Sex simultaneously represents the best and worst moments of our
lives. Most teenage boys received their sex education through stumbling upon their dad’s
it clandestinely makes its way through the school’s hallways like a taboo or forbidden
secret.
concerning the subject. In the second century, Clement of Alexandria allowed un-enjoyed
149
Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 203-04.
150
Ibid., 206.
85
and procreative sex only during night time, but by the Middle Ages, the Church forbade
sex 40 days before the important festival of Christmas, 40 days before and eight days
after Easter, eight days after Pentecost, the eves of feast days, on Sunday in honor of the
pregnancy and 30 days after birth, during menstruation, and five days before communion!
If married couples were lucky enough to avoid menstruation cycles and pregnancies
during the allowed days, they had 83 days of permissible, but not enjoyed, sexual
intercourse.151 Augustine inadvertently equated sex and sin by teaching that sexual
Not surprisingly, Christian men half hazardously manage their sexuality at best
and constantly fear the day it overwhelms and consumes them. Interestingly, the same
teenage boy stumbling into the world of sexuality at the average age of 10 to 12 begins to
manage his sexuality at age 30. That is a dreadfully long time. When explaining sexuality
to his teenage son, James C. Dobson says, “Your sexuality will own you for a season, but
While most pastors, Christian parents, and Christian leaders sheepishly address
the topic of sexuality, God’s Word commands married couples to regularly engage in
sexual union lest Satan tempts them. Addressing the church in Corinth, Paul informs
husbands that their bodies belong to their wives; likewise, wives have no authority over
their own bodies (7:4). Therefore, a married man has no authority over his body; he is
simply a steward over the body that belongs to his wife. Sexuality is holy in the context
151
Ibid., 202.
152
Ibid., 203.
86
undividedly focused on his own spouse. Before their disobedience in the Garden, Adam
was completely satisfied with his wife Eve. Comically reflecting upon Adam’s possible
reaction to his bride, Tim Gardner writes, “Now, feeling very much alone, he (Adam)
woke to find not another furry, four-footed mammal, but a woman—a ravishing,
delightful, completely naked woman. Now, how do you think he reacted?”153 Adam’s
exclusive fascination and desire for Eve created the perfect atmosphere for love and love-
making. Adam recognized that God’s provision through Eve was everything Adam
needed. Adam’s response, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen
2:23), illustrates total and utter satisfaction without criticism or disapproval. In other
words, Adam did not say, “Gee Lord, I wish she was a little taller or shorter, rounder or
thinner, blond or brunet, bigger breasted or flatter abs.” As depicted through the lovers of
Song of Solomon, the desire of every married spouse is, “Put me like a seal over your
heart, for love is as strong as death” (8:6) and “there are sixty queens and eight
concubines, and maidens without numbers; but my dove, my perfect one is unique” (6:8-
9). A woman who owns her husband’s heart will inevitably respect, cherish, and love
him.
In his book The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Gary Chapman expounds on
marital sex in his fittingly labeled chapter, “You mean we have to work at sex?” The
author highlights the common misconception portrayed by Hollywood and the media
where couples misunderstand and misinterpret their sexual relationship. In explaining the
vast difference between males’ and females’ sexual switches, Dr. Chapman enlightens his
153
Gardner, Sacred Sex, 69.
87
readers concerning the physiological mechanics of sex.154 While males tend to be visually
aroused, women are inclined to emotional stimulation. A man simply needs to encounter
the female body with his eyes for sexual arousal; women, on the other hand, are more
are capable of sexual arousal by watching images of nude women whom they established
no emotional connection with. A husband, for example, will engage his wife sexually
short after an altercation whereas the wife will most likely lack sexual desire because
their emotional connectivity has been interrupted by the squabble. Therefore, husbands
who are seeking a godly and robust sexual experience within their marriage must
understand, plan, and execute in accordance with their wives’ sexual desires, not their
own. In other words, if you would like to sexually engage your wife, you must recognize
that sex begins outside the bedroom. A day saturated with emotional connectivity and
non-sexual touch leads to a holy sexual experience. Unlike the cheap imitation of
pornography that only requires a username and password, God offers men the
opportunity to romance and draw their soul mate into a satisfying and binding sexual
encounter.
For the purpose of practicality, Chapman offers suggestions that wives have made
to husbands in order to make their sexual relationship more meaningful: show more
affection and attention throughout the day, spend more time in foreplay, be more
sympathetic when I am really sick, accept me as I am, tell me that you love me at times
154
Gary Chapman, Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishing, 2005) 112-
14.
88
other than when we are in bed, be loving before initiating sex, pray with me about the
Since their fall in the garden, husbands and wives have been separated from and
ashamed of one another and God while attempting to cover themselves with leafs.
Unconditional acceptance will restore sexuality in marriage whereby a husband and his
wife are, once again, naked and unashamed. Tragically, pornography destroys such
ideology, rendering it impossible. A wife who discovers her husband’s porn addiction
feels rejected, unloved, unworthy, and certainly not the title holder of his sexual passion,
desire, and fantasy. A married man entertaining pornography is robbing his wife of what
is exclusively hers. He must redirect all sexual desires and wants toward its rightful—
your spouse. Throughout the Scripture one easily identifies that good sex can only be
shapes, sizes, colors, and plastically engineered women who never reject him nor require
investing time or energy into romancing them into love-making. Yet, as many have
discovered, a “junk food” sexual experience will never satisfy the soul nor meet the
desire for a gourmet meal created by God. That requires the exclusivity of sexual
155
Chapman, Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, 117.
89
CHAPTER FOUR:
STEP TWO TO SUSTAIN RECOVERY – DEFENSE FROM OUTWARD
HOSTILITY
It has been accurately stated, “It takes a village.” Recovering from addiction
begins at the heart, in the deepest component of the individual, but a village will ensure
the longevity of recovery while diminishing the possibility of relapse. A good seed will
bear fruit when it is planted in good soil and surrounded by essential sunlight, water, and
fertilization. The best counseling offered will fall short if the counselee’s environment is
toxic to his growth. A Christian counselor must assist the client in establishing a
conducive environment for growth and recovery. Blocking and/or removing substances
poisoning the individual will increase their recovery and provide a lifelong living without
pornography addiction. Since the computer screen tends to be most prevalently used in
acquiring pornographic images, employing defense mechanisms will aid the counselee in
resisting his previously learned behavior. The second most valuable asset in aiding the
struggling husband is his wife. Her encouragement, or lack thereof, will determine the
Fortify the Wall – Action Steps: Accountability Software, Group, and Counseling
perimeter. Particularly, ancient cities understood that penetrable city walls meant ultimate
defeat. Today, our military forces erect walls, sandbags, towers, and C-wires around their
compounds in order to deny the enemy access into their camp. Likewise, a Christian man
attempting to shatter the bondage of our enemy, Satan, must fortify the spiritual walls of
When men arrive at the minister’s, the counselor’s, or the chaplain’s office
disclosing their issue with pornography, the first step in their journey of healing is
removing the source of pornography. While discussing the issue of sexual sin, Paul
prescribes fleeing four times throughout his letters to various churches (1 Cor 6:18,
10:14; 1 Titus 6:11; 2 Titus 2:22). While elsewhere Paul commands believers to put on
the full armor of God and fight, sexual sin requires a different prescription. In running
away from sin, Paul commands believers to run toward righteousness. This author’s
access pornography through the Internet are asked to cancel their subscription, assign a
password which only their spouse knows in order to restrict any use alone, or place an
unaltered filter. A person dealing with alcohol, for example, must remove temptations
from his or her life in order to soberly deal with their issues. A bar or familiar drinking
friends, for example, should be removed from the person’s life lest he or she is tempted
and fall. Therefore, blocking the path whereby sexually explicit materials are entering the
sight and feeding the sexual appetite of the individual is the first step in fortifying the
wall.
accountability, and recovery groups. The following is a brief synopsis of such tools,
included for the purpose of providing ministers and counselors with an arsenal to combat
the frailty of their counselees and thwart Satan’s attempts to lure them back into
addiction. The following are by no means an exhaustive list, but provide samples of
use and emails a report of all websites visited for Accountability Partners to view.
Accountability Partners are trusted individuals selected by the member to review reports
and discuss how the Internet is used. Reports are emailed to the Partner or viewed online
from their Member Center. Among their advantages, Covenant Eyes is simple to use,
incredibly effective, and offers an unlimited number of Accountability Partners for free.
Covenant Eyes software may be installed for free on an unlimited number of computers,
and Accountability Partners may access one’s report for free. Partners and users can
easily identify questionable websites, searches, links, and more. The report shows trends
for websites viewed and bar charts that show the times of day and night when the Internet
is used. Interestingly, the software offers a “Panic button” with email notification to
Partners that blocks all Internet usage until reset by their technical support. Uninstalling
Partner(s). The email is the “uninstall notification.” Accountability Partners are notified
when the program is tampered with or when System Restore has been used to bypass
other programs can. Accountability software costs $7.99 a month per user or $84.99 a
Triple X Church offers free accountability software that can be downloaded from
their website (xxxchurch.com) which allows the user two free accountability partners via
emails who are notified bi-weekly of any suspicious Internet usage. X3watch© is a
program that notifies the accountability partners when the individual erases the software
or removes their names from the accountability list. The website also offers a step-up
156
Covenant Eyes, http://covenanteyes.com (accessed December 28, 2009).
92
program that charges $39.99 per month. Safe Eyes© is not only a filter but also has built-
in accountability reports just like x3watch. Covering 35 categories, Safe Eyes provides
the ability to tightly control access to specific types of websites while blocking harmful
content for both PC and Mac computers. Safe Eyes Software includes: flexible content
control that allows the user to select the types of website that are appropriate; program
controls of common activities such as instant messengers, peer-to-peer file sharing, and
other harmful programs; time controls to dictate the amount of time spent online and the
times when the Internet is available; and, finally, alerts to be sent out instantly via email,
Heart to Heart counseling center located in Colorado Spring, CO, offers phone
counseling that is convenient for the individual or couples appointment. A live counselor
trained in the field of sexual addiction and sexual trauma can be reached at 719-278-
concerning their three-day intensive therapy, which focuses on the solution rather than
the addiction. They offer three types of intensives: emergency, sexual addiction, partners
and teens.158
Christian counselors who speak with those facing a crisis and needing guidance and
encouragement. Their office is open Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Focus on the Family does not advocate one particular treatment method over any other,
but does maintain that a healthy spiritual life is essential to any long-term recovery.
157
XXX Church, http://xxxchurch.com (accessed December 28, 2009).
158
Heart to Heart, http//sexaddict.com (accessed December 28, 2009).
93
Focus on the Family and Pure Intimacy resources are available to anyone regardless of
age, race, gender, faith, or creed, but they do approach life and its struggles from a
Christian worldview. They are cautious about any therapy or treatment that does not
adequately account for the role of faith in a person’s mental and emotional well-being.159
addiction flourishes in secret places and loneliness. Many Christians are attempting to
defeat the lust of the flesh alone, convinced that they alone are wrestling with the issue.
The apostle Paul commands the saints in Ephesus, “Walk as children of light” (5:8). In
his gospel prologue, John introduces light as life-giving (1:4). As in creation, the light
created by God’s word gives life and it is displayed in the largest star, the sun. John sees
the incarnation of Jesus as God’s provision of spiritual light and life. For it was God who
at the beginning said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” and who has now “shone the light
of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus.” For John, the true light that
enlightens every man came into the world in the person of Jesus Christ. Since light and
life are closely related, John amalgamates them in Christ. In his sixth sign, John portrays
Jesus as the giver of physical as well as spiritual light. The man born blind was in as
much need for spiritual sight as for physical sight. For John, Jesus is not only able to
restore his physical sight, but illuminate his spiritual life as well; as a result, the man saw
who Jesus was and worshiped Him. Perhaps John’s clearest understanding of the light is
found in Chapter 8 verse 12 as Jesus declares himself to be “the light of the world.” For
John, the light encompasses both the physical and spiritual. Hence, John writes in
Revelation, “There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the
159
Focus on the Family Pure Intimacy, www.http//pureintimacy.org (accessed December 28,
2009).
94
light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign forever and
ever” (22:5).
Light stands in contrast to darkness; the Scripture clearly depicts that the presence
of light overcomes darkness. F.F Bruce writes, “Light and darkness are opposites, but
they are not opposites of equal power.”160 Christians entrapped in lustful sin dwell in
darkness by their own volition. Their infatuation with lust, not the lack of illumination,
ensnares them in darkness. This may be compared with 2 Corinthians 4:3 where Paul
speaks of men blinded by the god of this world “to keep them from seeing the light of the
gospel of the glory of Christ who is the likeness of God.” Therefore, the presence of light
To combat secrecy, one must forsake the darkness and move toward the light. In
offer group therapy for pornography addiction. Pure Community Ministries challenges
people to be sexually sober in mind and body in order to avoid sexual sin, build healthy
relationships, and develop emotional maturity. They distinctly operate upon a Christ-
curriculum only. Based on Proverbs 28:13, the ministry invites those struggling with
sexual sin into a safe environment to bring what is in darkness to light with others who
have similar struggles who can understand and encourage the individual into wholeness.
Their program is self-paced and normally requires 9-12 months of weekly attendance of
the teleconference group, completion of the twelve steps workbook, and monthly
160
F. F. Bruce, The Gospel & Epistles of John. (Grand Rapids, MI: 1994), 34.
95
Operation Integrity© is another community of men who have come to terms with
their powerlessness over specific sexual impulses and practices that are destructive. They
meet in order to seek God, who is willing to do for them what they cannot do for
themselves. Their ultimate purpose is to not simply change their behavior, but to pursue
intimacy with God Himself, allowing Him to draw them into His grace and wholeness.
Personal recovery is strengthened by the unity of each of their small groups. Similarly,
they employ the twelve-step program from a biblical perspective in order to overcome
Mariners Church
5001 Bonita Canyon Road
Irvine CA
Group Contact: 1-818-424-8531
161
Pure Community Ministries, www.higher-calling.com (accessed December 28, 2009).
96
Applying the didactic passage of James, “Confess your trespasses to one another,
and pray for one another, that you may be healed,” (James 5:16) and Solomon’s warning
concerning a man who “conceals his sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and
renounces them finds mercy” (Prov 28:13), one should prayerfully seek a mature person
in Christ whom they can share their struggle with and be accountable to. Selecting an
appropriate person is an extremely important ingredient that requires wisdom and prayer.
Such an individual must be mature to counsel, pray for, encourage, and confidentially
maintain the information without judging while speaking the truth in love. While the
details of such a process are lengthy and have been exhausted by many authors, there
addiction. HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) is an acronym identifying popular triggers
that may lead a person back to their vomit.162 Rather than dealing with these basic
emotions and needs, one finds it much easier to draw comfort and distraction from their
sexual addiction. Therefore, one must identify their main emotional triggers and
prepare an action plan to avoid reverting back into sin for comfort.
Many experts believe that any action employed consistently for 21 days becomes
a new habit. If this is true, years of learned addictive behavior must be replaced with
healthy habits. An individual must examine him- or herself in order to identify his or her
learned behaviors that led to one’s addiction. A man’s eyes, perhaps, may have been
trained to follow every provocative woman in sight showing flesh or tight clothing. This
162
Timothy E. Clinton and Ronald E. Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide:
Personal & Emotional Issues. (Forest, VA: AACC Press, 2007), 194.
98
individual must train his eyes to bounce off, rather than bounce on, the provoking images.
Certain television shows may entice one’s sexual cravings and are therefore agents into
deeper need for sexual gratification; hence, such a person should learn to avoid such
shows. In essence, every man is enticed with various triggers that arouse the lust within;
identifying, denouncing, and emptying their lives of those triggers will allow the
As individuals move away from pornography addiction and toward true intimacy
with God and spouse, their spirit will be nourished and strengthened while their sinful
nature will starve and grow weak. As intimacy with Christ grows deeper and the lust of
the world diminishes, relationships are restored and sin’s bondage is broken by a habitual
life that seeks to please its Maker. Their saturated life in Christ will inevitably result in
godly desires whereby the individual loves the very things God loves and abhors the
Fortifying the wall encompasses the issue of relapse. As with any addiction,
relapse is a reality in the healing process. While this dissertation will not venture in
whereby God commands us to repent and continue the race. Many of those who receive
counsel concerning their recovery are greatly discouraged by their relapse and are
vulnerable to embrace the addiction once again. They confuse sinful acts with a habitual
lifestyle earmarked by sin. Healing is a journey that must be embraced daily. One must
continuously, and without ceasing, put on the armor of God and prepare for the daily
battle. While some days may feel as if we are standing on top of the mountain and are
rejoicing in victory, other days we will find ourselves sorrowful in the valley, pleading
99
with our Savior for forgiveness and strength. Yet, we must embrace a no-compromise
attitude, whereby we will continue to pursue holiness and godliness without retreat.
While some battles maybe lost, we must win the war over our sexuality and be more than
conquerors in Christ.
Spouse Support
When God ordained a husband and wife to become one flesh, it consequently
affects both parties in the relationship. The wife who discovers her spouse’s struggle with
pornography can either condemn her partner or become a support for him. The goal of
receiving no sexual gratification from anyone or anything but a spouse must incorporate
the other person.163 Therefore, while not compounding the issues naturally facing the
emotionally injured wife, may you speak life and freedom to your struggling husband
When a person discovers their spouse’s sexual infidelity of the heart, they
experience similar feelings and process as if the unfaithfulness was physical. The absence
of a real mistress does not belittle the pain of betrayal. “Bonding,” a counseling tool
provided by Dr. Anderson, is defined as “prior behaviors that can weaken the relationship
if not renounced and new behavior announced.”164 Counseling couples with infidelity
issues, the author demonstrates the four stages of bonding in a relationship. Using the
four Greek words for love (eros, philia, storge, and agape), referring to Genesis 2:24,
“For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife and they
163
Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey, and John Fuller, Every Man's Battle. (Colorado
Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2003), 133.
164
Neil T. Anderson, Terry Zuehlke, and Julianne Zuehlke, Christ-Centered Therapy: The
Practical Integration of Theology and Psychology. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 228.
100
will become one flesh,” and echoing the teaching of Jesus, “What God joins together, let
no one separate” (Matt 19:6), the author depicts the intimate stages of a healthy
sinful living, trust is broken, resulting in an unhealthy marriage. The author suggests
reverting to stage one (no physical contact), then first touches, but not directly sexual,
followed by stage three, intimate contact with no direct sexual contact, and finally the
two become naked and unashamed. Such process would obviously mean forgoing of
sexual intercourse for a season between married couples. Regaining proper bonding will
communicate volumes to a hurting spouse, who feels betrayed and may feel emotional
discomfort during sexual union. Following the bonding steps, the offending party will
his sexuality while meeting your needs as well. As previously mentioned, men are
the bedroom, communicate more openly about sex, do not use sex as a punishment tool,
affirmed through words of affirmation.166 Affirming words fuel a husband’s desire for
sexual purity. It meets his godly inherited need for honor and acceptance. Tragically, and
165
Chapman, Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, 112-15.
166
Dr. Laaser and Dr. Chapman discuss the need for men to be affirmed by their wives in their
books, The Seven Desires of Every Heart, 21-25 and The Five Love Languages, 39-56.
101
their husband’s sexual issues. While your husband is struggling with pornography, you
must understand that his issues are not caused by your actions, or lack thereof. As
challenging as it might be, a wife must divorce herself from her husband’s struggle, lest
she perceives herself as the problem and be overwhelmed with anger and bitterness. In
your own human abilities, the task is near impossible, but you are encouraged and must
seek the mercy and grace of God, which is extended to each one of us to love and restore
those who are wounded by Satan and their own foolishness. A wife plays a vital role in
her husband’s recovery. Your role is not easy, nevertheless essential. May you come
alongside your husband and pray for, encourage, and honor him as he seeks sexual purity
APPENDIX (1)
Internet and Pornography addiction Survey Disclaimer
Prerequisites (only take the survey if you meet ALL of the following):
• Heterosexual male 18 years or older.
• You are willing to be honest and open.
Things to Know:
• All information is strictly confidential.
• We make no attempt to know your identity.
• Questions are designed to gain knowledge of your thoughts about your faith,
beliefs, background, and sexuality.
• Take the survey only once.
• Data collected from several hundred individuals will be compiled for statistical
analysis.
Objective of this Research:
• From this analysis, the researcher will collect data on Internet pornography
addiction in an effort to complete doctoral dissertation concerning the subject in
an attempt to discover correlations between attachment styles, foundational
beliefs, and pornography addiction.
Instructions:
• You will be asked a series of questions about your faith, background, beliefs and
sexuality.
• Please read and answer every question.
• Please answer questions honestly and thoughtfully.
• There are no right or wrong answers.
• Don’t spend too much time thinking about a statement, but respond as genuinely
as you can. Your first respond is usually the best response.
• By completing the packet, you give us your consent to collect and analyze the
data for research.
Your gift of time and thoughtful response are valued greatly
Age:
18-21 22-30 31-39 40-49 50 or older
Marriage status:
Single Married Dating Divorced Separated Widow
Religious affiliation:
Agnostic/Atheist Baptist Buddhist Catholic Episcopalian
Hindu Jewish Lutheran Mormon Methodist Muslim
Pentecostal Presbyterian Non-denominational
Other: ___________________
I am:
Military Civilian
Military Brach:
Army Air Force Navy Marines Coast Guard
Military Status:
Active duty Reserve National Guard
I am currently:
Deployed/overseas State side
In the past 3 years I have deployed or been away from my spouse for:
1-4 months 5-12 months 13-18 months
19-24 months more than 24 months
I view pornography:
Never Daily Weekly Monthly Quarterly Yearly
In the past 6 months, how many hours per week did you spend viewing pornography?
None 1 hour or less 1-3 hours 4-9 hours 10 hours or more
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114
VITA
Farid Awad
PERSONAL
Born: November 11, 1978.
Married: Lindsay E. Awad, March, 14, 1980.
Children: Reed Awad, born April 25, 2003.
Semma Awad, born May 28, 2007.
EDUCATIONAL
Th.B., Zion Bible College, 2002.
M.A.R., Liberty University Theological Seminary, 2006.
M.R.E., Liberty University Theological Seminary, 2006.
M.Div., Liberty University Theological Seminary, 2007.
MINISTERIAL
License: January 5, 2005, Chaplaincy of Full Gospel Churches, TX.
August 12, 2009, Grace Churches International, Fayetteville, NC.
PROFESSIONAL
United States Air Force (Engineer Assistant), 2002-2005
United States Army Chaplain, 2008-Present