Business Writing

Scenarios
Writing from the Inside
Business Writing
Scenarios
Writing from the Inside

Jon Ramsey
For Bedford/St. Martin’s Vice President, Editorial, Macmillan Higher
Education Humanities: Edwin Hill Editorial Director, English and Music: Karen
S. Henry Senior Publisher for Composition and Business and Technical Writing:
Leasa Burton Executive Editor: Molly Parke
Developmental Editor: Beth Castrodale Associate Editor: Rachel C. Childs
Editorial Assistant: Evelyn Denham Production Editor: Lidia MacDonald-Carr
Assistant Production Supervisor: Victoria Anzalone Associate Marketing
Manager: Sophia La Torre-Zengierski Project Management: Books By Design,
Inc.
Director of Rights and Permissions: Hilary Newman Senior Art Director: Anna
Palchik
Text Design: Books By Design, Inc.
Cover Design: William Boardman
Composition: Books By Design, Inc.

Copyright © 2016 by Bedford/St. Martin’s.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, except as may be expressly
permitted by the applicable copyright statutes or in writing by the Publisher.

1 0 9 8 7 6
f e d c b a For information, write: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 75 Arlington Street,
Boston, MA 02116 (617-399-4000) ISBN: 978-1-3191-1716-0 (EPUB)
Acknowledgments
Acknowledgments and copyrights appear on the same page
as the text and art selections they cover; these
acknowledgments and copyrights constitute an extension of
the copyright page. It is a violation of the law to reproduce
these selections by any means whatsoever without the
written permission of the copyright holder.
Contents

Preface
About the Author

1 The Purposes and Concepts of This Book

To become an effective business writer and colleague,
you need to imagine your way inside a wide variety of
business situations. This chapter explores the
fundamentals of this approach.
Understanding the Nature of Business Writing
Previewing the Basics
An Example of Unspecific, Unfeeling Business Writing
An Example of Specific, Empathetic Business Writing
The Foundations of Effective Business Writing
Imagining Your Way inside Business Situations
The Scenarios in This Book
Sample Scenario: A New Employee Introduces Herself
Sample Scenario: A Manager Politely Declines a Colleague’s Request
Writing to Build and Maintain Relationships
Choosing the Medium
Factors to Consider
Examples of Selection Strategies
Writing to Achieve Your Purpose—and Get Results
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a Workplace Disruption
The Challenges of Explaining the Disruption
An Ineffective Explanation of the Disruption
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 1-A: Explain a Workplace Disruption
An Effective Explanation of the Disruption
 Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a Former Colleague Who
Wants Confidential Information
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 1-B: Respond to a Former Colleague Who Wants
Confidential Information
Looking Ahead

2 An Overview of Business Writing

Before you begin composing any piece of business
writing, you will need to consider your role and authority
within the business organization, your purpose in writing,
the audience you must reach, the strategy that is most
likely to achieve the desired goal, and the best medium
for your communication purposes. This chapter examines
these important factors.
Understanding the Central Concerns of Business Writing
Seeing the Big Picture
Starting with You as Person, Employee, and Writer
Understand Your Level of Authority
Look before You Leap—and Stay Alert for Opportunities
Familiarize Yourself with Your Organization’s Principles and Values
Keeping Your Purpose in Mind
Understanding Your Audience and Audience Psychology
Determining a Communication Strategy
The Importance of Evidence
The Importance of Tone
Paying Attention to Details
Using Clear Vocabulary
Proofreading
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a Policy Change
A First-Draft Explanation of the Policy Change
A More Detailed Explanation of the Policy Change
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Weighing the Costs and Benefits of
Conciseness
A Brief, Formulaic E-mail
A More Developed E-mail: Example 1
 A More Developed E-mail: Example 2
An E-mail That Offers Specifics and a Longer, More Detailed Document
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 2-A: Inquire about Office-Space Needs
Application 2-B: Seek Volunteers for a Nonprofit Organization
Application 2-C: Coordinate Accounts Receivable Information

3 Résumés, Cover Letters, and the Job-Search

Process
Knowing how to draft an effective résumé and cover
letter is key to your success in securing a position and
advancing in your field. This chapter gives practical
advice on creating these important documents — and on
succeeding in the job search.
Understanding the Application Process
Assessing Your Abilities: What Do You Have to Offer?
Investigate Campus Resources
Ask Yourself Questions
Identify Your Research Skills
Assembling Your Credentials
Finding Open Positions
Unadvertised Opportunities
Advertised Openings
Dos and Don’ts
Improving Your Odds in the Application-Review Process
Surviving the First Cut
Increasing Your Chances of Success
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an Effective Résumé
A Problematic Résumé
Revisions to the Résumé
The Final Product
Résumé Tips
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an Effective Cover Letter
A Problematic Cover Letter
Revisions to the Cover Letter
Cover Letter Tips
 Exploring Additional Examples of Résumés and Cover Letters
A Résumé and Cover Letter from a Liberal-Arts Student
A Résumé and Cover Letter from a Business/Economics Student
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 3-A: Create Your Own Cover Letter and Résumé
Getting from the Application to Success
Following Up on Your Application Materials
Acing the Job Interview
Interview Tips
Starting and Pursuing a Rewarding Career
Checklist: Overview of the Job Search

4 Business Document Design, Formats, and

Conventions
As a business writer you want to create documents that
are as aesthetically pleasing as they are easy to read and
understand. This chapter covers design basics, as well as
important document formats and conventions.
Understanding Key Features of Document Design
Previewing Design Basics
Melding Structure and Purpose
Elements of Effective Design
An Example of a Clearly Designed Memo
Why the Design Succeeds
Exploring Common Formats for Business Documents
The Business Letter
Standard E-mail Format
Common Memo Format
Incorporating Visual Materials into Your Text
Avoid Do-Nothing Graphics
Provid Context
Designing Longer Documents
Following Other Style and Format Conventions
Salutations, or “You Lost Me at Hello”
Type Size and Style
Margins
Text Breaks
 Bullets
Pagination
Headers
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Improving a Poorly Crafted Memo
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 4-A: Revise a Poorly Crafted Memo

5 Writing to Colleagues within the Organization

It is important to address colleagues as valued partners
in a shared enterprise. This style of communication will
help foster a culture of cooperation, productivity, and
respect that is crucial to any organization’s success.
Understanding the Challenges of Writing to Colleagues
Keeping Special Issues and Controversies in Mind
Respecting Co-workers across Business Cultures
Some Good News about Workplace Dynamics
Potential Consequences of Angry Communications
Responding to Discourteous Communications
Distinguishing Friends from Professional Colleagues
Conveying Negative News
Negative News Pitfalls
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad News about a Holiday Gift
An Off-Putting Message about the Gift
A More Thoughtful Message
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad News about Medical Benefits
The Background
The Basic Facts about the Benefits Changes
Advice on Conveying the News
An Effective Memo about the Benefits Changes
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 5-A: Revise an Off-Putting Request for a Promotion
Application 5-B: Request Information about Office Supplies
Application 5-C: Revise a Poor Communication about Office Space
Application 5-D: Revise a Poor Communication about Child-Care Policies
 Application 5-E: Revise a Poor Communication about Flexible Work
Schedules
Application 5-F: Revise a Poor Communication about Holiday Office
Coverage
Application 5-G: Revise a Poor Communication about Employee Parking

6 Writing to External Constituencies

External audiences with whom you communicate will
view you as a representative of your organization, so it is
important to make a good impression on them. This
chapter will help you communicate effectively with such
audiences, even under the most challenging
circumstances.
Understanding the Challenges of Writing to External Audiences
Knowing That Word Gets Around
The Pluses and Minuses of More Open Communications
Legal Implications of Problematic Communications
Principles of Respectful Communications
Providing Information Clearly and Persuasively
An Effective Response to an Information Request
An Ineffective Alternative
Keeping the Human Touch in Big-Business Communications
Avoiding Business Liabilities
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a Customer Complaint
The Complaint
One Effective Response to the Complaint
Another Effective Response to the Complaint
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 6-A: Respond to an Information Request from a Potential
Investor
Application 6-B: Write a Company Mission Statement
Application 6-C: Create a Return Policy for a Retail Store
Application 6-D: Resolve a Complaint about a Catering Fiasco
Application 6-E: Resolve a Complaint about Customer Service
Application 6-F: Revise an Angry Complaint about a Cleaning Service
Application 6-G: Revise a Letter That Delivers Bad News Insensitively
Application 6-H: Respond to a Request from a Privileged Alum
 Application 6-I: Write a Rejection Letter
Application 6-J: Invite a Distinguished Guest to a Campus Event
Application 6-K: Disinvite Participants to a Focus Group
Application 6-L: Reassure a Nervous Customer
Application 6-M: Buy Time in a Tricky Situation
Application 6-N: Request Permission from an External Constituency
Student Responses to Selected Applications
Responses to Application 6-E: Resolve a Complaint about Customer
Service
Responses to Application 6-H: Respond to a Request from a Privileged
Alum
Response to Application 6-J: Invite a Distinguished Guest to a Campus
Event

7 More Complex Business Writing Projects

As you advance in your career, you may be called on to
develop longer, more complicated documents, such as
grant proposals or business plans. This chapter will
introduce you to the fundamentals of these more
complex pieces of writing.
Understanding the Challenges of More Complex Writing Projects
Identifying Key Considerations of Complex Projects
The Situation or Scenario
The Audience
Background Research and Preparation
Document Design
Previewing Longer Writing Projects
A Business-Travel Reimbursement Policy
An Ethics Advisory Memo
A Request for Proposals
A Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full Grant Proposal
A Grant Proposal
A Business Plan
Being an Effective Part of a Team
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 7-A: Draft a Business-Travel Reimbursement Policy
Application 7-B: Write an Ethics Advisory Memo
Application 7-C: Write a Request for Proposals (RFP)
 Application 7-D: Write a Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full Grant
Proposal
Application 7-E: Write a Grant Proposal
Application 7-F: Write a Business Plan for a Start-Up
Student Responses to Selected Applications
Response to Application 7-B: Write an Ethics Advisory Memo
Response to Application 7-C: Write a Request for Proposals
Response to Application 7-D: Write a Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full
Grant Proposal
Response to Application 7-E: Write a Grant Proposal
Response to Application 7-F: Write a Business Plan for a Start-Up

8 Business Writing Gaffes in the Real World

Even highly experienced business professionals make
communication errors at times, and you can learn from
their mistakes. This chapter provides examples of some
especially glaring gaffes to avoid.
Reviewing Key Causes of Writing Gaffes
Touring a Gallery of Gaffes
Getting the Job the Wrong Way
Kicked out of Harvard
Dismissed as Admissions Dean
Fired as CEO of Yahoo! Inc.
Insulting Co-workers
Issuing an Apology without Acknowledging Any Responsibility
Correcting the Record . . . Sort of
“Spinning” a Bad Public-Relations Situation
E-mailing Your Way to a Legal Loss
E-mailing Your Way to Disgrace—and Bankruptcy
Confusing the Issue with Too Many Details
Sending an E-mail to the Wrong Recipient—and Jeopardizing a $1 Billion
Settlement
Mass E-mailing Your Way to an Embarrassing Mistake
Mass E-mailing Your Way to a Financial Mess
Making Confidential Business Information Public (via E-mail)
Making Personal Information Public (via E-mail)
 Writing in Code—with Potentially Detrimental Effects
Posting Your Way to Disgrace
Botching Communications from the Top: Hewlett-Packard
Botching Communications from the Top: Netflix
Making (Expensive) Punctuation Mistakes
Making Serious Social-Media Errors
Complaining about a Customer through Reddit
Complaining about a New Job on Twitter
Insulting a Key Client (and Others) on Twitter
Mixing Personal Expressions with Company Communications
Timing a Tweet Poorly
Exploiting a Bad Situation
Final Advice: Refer to Social-Media Guidelines

9 Leadership Values in Business Writing

In this chapter, we’ll take a closer look at leadership
qualities that you can foster in yourself to become both a
better communicator and a better colleague.
Reflecting on Leadership Values in Business Writing
Realizing That Many Leadership Skills Can Be Learned
Identifying Leadership Qualities
Clarity of Mind and a Commitment to Evidence-Based Decisions
A Commitment to Customer or Client Satisfaction
A Clear View of Long-Range Goals with a Readiness to Change
Equanimity in Troubled Times and an Ability to Operate above the Fray
A Willingness to Consider Others’ Ideas and Credit Their Contributions
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Application 9-A: Request Volunteer Help
Application 9-B: Lead Colleagues in a New Direction
Application 9-C: Convey Disappointing News about Health Benefits

Where to Find Scenarios and Applications

Preface

Human beings organize themselves into complex social,

cultural, political, and business units. Effective
communication practices are essential for sustaining these
social, civic, and professional structures and for advancing
their interests. At its heart, Business Writing Scenarios:
Writing from the Inside is about business communications
in this broader sense. The book centers on the human
relationships facilitated or negotiated through written (and
other) communications, which can help businesses thrive
over time or, in other instances, leave them in a weakened
state. Business Writing Scenarios also examines the value
systems, thinking patterns, and communication strategies
that are the hallmarks of successful leadership across a
variety of organizational structures.
Central to this book are the scenarios of its name: real-
world business situations that students are likely to
encounter as they pursue their careers. The scenarios
immerse students in challenging writing situations — for
example, having to convey disappointing news, to explain a
major policy change, or to respond to a difficult customer
— and show how writers addressed these situations
effectively or ineffectively. After analyzing the scenarios,
students apply what they’ve learned through activities
(“applications”) that ask them to respond in writing to
similar business situations. The applications provide advice
on how to address the particular challenges of each writing
situation, helping students focus on their purpose and
audience and on the most productive communication
strategies. As they analyze the scenarios and complete the
applications, students build the thinking and writing skills
that will serve them for years to come in any professional
situation.
Business Writing Scenarios also helps students avoid
writing gaffes, which can have serious consequences and
which, thanks to the rise of digital communications, have
never been easier for others to discover and disseminate.
Throughout the book, students will learn to communicate
clearly and without wasting words and, thus, their
audience’s time. They will also learn to develop nuances of
tone, learn how to marshal sufficient evidence, and learn
how to understand audience psychology — in other words,
to assess what will achieve a particular purpose based on
audience needs and expectations. All of these skills are
essential in complex business writing situations. This
approach to business writing, and the focus of this book,
asks students to imagine their way into business and
leadership roles that most of them have not yet
experienced and to think creatively and strategically as
they write their way toward persuasive communications.

Get the Most Out of Your Course with Business

Writing Scenarios
Bedford/St. Martin’s offers resources and format choices
that help you and your students get even more out of your
book and course. To learn more about or to order any of the
following products, contact your Bedford/St. Martin’s sales
representative, e-mail sales support
(sales_support@bfwpub.com), or visit the Web site at
macmillanhighered.com/businesswritingscenarios/cat
alog.

Choose from Alternative Formats of Business Writing

Scenarios
Bedford/St. Martin’s offers a range of affordable formats,
allowing students to choose the one that works best for
them. For details, visit
macmillanhighered.com/businesswritingscenarios/catalog.
Paperback To order the paperback edition, use ISBN
978-1-4576-6707-7.
Popular e-book formats For details, visit
macmillanhighered.com/ebooks.

Select Value Packages

Add value to your text by packaging one of the following
resources with Business Writing Scenarios. To learn more
about package options for any of the following products,
contact your Bedford/St. Martin’s sales representative or
visit
macmillanhighered.com/businesswritingscenarios/cat
alog.

LaunchPad Solo for Professional Writing

macmillanhighered.com/professionalwriting1e
Digital resources to enhance your professional writing
course.

LaunchPad Solo for Professional Writing offers online

tutorials on today’s most relevant digital writing topics,
from content management to personal branding, and allows
students to work on whatever they need help with the
most. Students develop the professional writing and
communication skills they need to succeed both in the
classroom and in the workplace, and can explore today’s
technologies in clickable, assignable learning sequences
organized by popular professional writing topics.
LaunchPad Solo for Professional Writing features:

Digital Tips.
Step-by-step instruction for using technology to support
workplace writing includes guidance for synchronizing
data, assessing software and hardware, creating templates,
and organizing productive online meetings.

Sample documents.
A wide range of effective professional writing models
provide students with e-mails, résumés, cover letters,
reports, proposals, brochures, questionnaires (and more) to
emulate.

Tutorials.
Screen captures walk students through maximizing free
online tools to access projects across platforms, design
dynamic presentations, develop podcasts, manage their
personal brand, and build common citations in APA and
MLA styles.

Adaptive quizzing for targeted learning, skills

practice, and grammar help.
LearningCurve, a game-like adaptive quizzing program,
helps students focus on the writing and grammar skills in
which they need the most help.

The ability to monitor student progress.

Use our gradebook to see which students are on track and
which need additional help with specific topics.

LaunchPad Solo for Professional Writing can be packaged

at a significant discount. Order ISBN 978-1-319-07313-8
to ensure your students can take full advantage.
Visit
macmillanhighered.com/professionalwriting/catalog
for more information. For technical support, visit
macmillanhighered.com/getsupport.

Team Writing by Joanna Wolfe,

University of Louisville, is a print supplement with online
videos that provides guidelines and examples of
collaborating to manage written projects by documenting
tasks, deadlines, and team goals. Two- to five-minute videos
corresponding with the chapters in Team Writing give
students the opportunity to analyze team interactions and
learn about communication styles. Practical
troubleshooting tips show students how best to handle
various types of conflicts within peer groups.

Join Our Community!

The Macmillan English Community is now Bedford/St.
Martin’s home for professional resources, featuring
Bedford Bits, our popular blog site offering new ideas for
the composition classroom and composition teachers.
Connect and converse with a growing team of Bedford
authors and top scholars who blog on Bits: Andrea
Lunsford, Nancy Sommers, Steve Bernhardt, Traci Gardner,
Barclay Barrios, Jack Solomon, Susan Bernstein, Elizabeth
Wardle, Doug Downs, Liz Losh, Jonathan Alexander, and
Donna Winchell.
In addition, you’ll find an expanding collection of
additional resources that support your teaching.
Sign up for webinars
Download resources from our professional resource
series that support your teaching
Start a discussion
Ask a question
Follow your favorite members
Review projects in the pipeline
Visit community.macmillan.com to join the conversation
with your fellow teachers.

Acknowledgments
While I have benefited greatly from the insights of many
people who have published books and articles on business
writing, Business Writing Scenarios: Writing from the
Inside is based largely on my longtime experience as an
administrator who faced countless organizational
opportunities and challenges that required a written
explanation, proposal, or defense. At least as important as
the experiences I brought to this book are the wonderful
administrative and faculty colleagues with whom I have
worked over the years. Their wisdom, equanimity, clear-
minded assessments of complex challenges, commitments
to improving the organization and the lives of the people
who worked in it, and superb writing abilities have
enhanced my communication skills tenfold. The college and
university students who have enriched my teaching
experience have also made huge contributions to my
understanding of what works in the classroom and what
does not. They have graciously given me permission to
include some of their business writing in this book, and
their contributions are acknowledged by their names.
In particular, I want to thank my former colleagues at
Skidmore College, especially Phyllis Roth, Ann Henderson,
David Porter, Fran Hoffmann, Susan Kress, Terry Diggory,
and Sarah Goodwin. In their leadership and teaching roles
they have been an inspiration. They probably never knew
how much I learned from them about thinking, writing, and
leadership. In their various roles they conducted a good
deal of “business” for the college, and they always did so
with deep respect for the views of others, with an
unflagging commitment to fostering the interests of the
entire organization, and with a quality of insight that time
and again led us in the best direction during both
prosperous and challenging times. Skidmore College also
generously provided a grant to support my research for this
book.
 My more recent teaching, in the Writing Program at the
University of California, Santa Barbara, has especially
enriched my understanding of business writing pedagogy.
My generous-spirited and talented colleagues in the
Writing Program have given me every imaginable
encouragement for my teaching and various academic
projects. The fabulous mentors who enhanced the
effectiveness of my business writing courses have included,
especially, Jeff Hanson, Gina Genova, Janet Mizrahi, and
Patrick McHugh, and on countless occasions Chris Dean
has shared his teaching insights with me. Indeed, all of my
colleagues in writing at UCSB deserve my deep gratitude
for sustaining a truly supportive and stimulating work
environment and for caring so deeply about our students’
education. The inspired leadership of Linda Adler-Kassner
has held all of these great qualities together for all of us. I
also appreciate the help of my colleague Auli Ek and her
students, who supplied the sample business plan for
Chapter 7.
I also want to acknowledge my appreciation of the
reviewers who commented on my proposal and manuscript:
Bethany Lee, Purdue University North Central; Huatong
Sun, University of Washington–Tacoma; Jennifer Veltsos,
Minnesota State University, Mankato; Rochelle Brooks,
Viterbo University; Stephan Byars, University of Southern
California Marshall School of Business; and one anonymous
reviewer.
Thanks also to my students, who contributed many of the
examples in this book: Brittany Berin, Cameron Brinkman,
Alexandra Kambur, Andreas Nitsche, Courtney Steele,
Michael Cipriano, Sheena N. Joseph, Alyssa Kianidehkian,
Andrea Michaelian, Gregory D. Leyrer, Lisa H. Newton,
Nick Kohan, David Love, Jennie Stodder, Scott Pantoskey,
Ally Diamond, Laura J. Francis, Martha Grimes, Xiangdi
(Sandy) Wang, Daniel Levens-Lowery, Jenna Thompson,
Kara Gorman, Anne Holston, Maher Zaidi, Nicolas Tomei,
and Hovig Axle Wartanian.
The guidance the staff at Bedford/St. Martin’s has
provided over the last couple of years has been
extraordinary. Thanks go to Leasa Burton for seeing value
in this project in its earliest stages. I have been blessed
with very discerning editorial advice from Beth Castrodale
and Kate Mayhew, who on hundreds of occasions have
improved my writing, filled in my blanks, and made expert
strategic recommendations on the scenarios and other
educational apparatus of the book. Evelyn Denham and
Rachel Childs shepherded the book with great skill through
its final phase. Thanks also to Lidia MacDonald-Carr and
Nancy Benjamin for guiding the manuscript through
production, to Kathleen Benn McQueen for the meticulous
copyediting, and to Janis Owens for the design work.
Finally, I want to thank my wife, Kitty, not only for her
constant encouragement as this project moved forward but
also for her very insightful corrections and clarifications.
Throughout my professional life she has been one of my
most trusted guides.
About the Author

Jon R. Ramsey was an Associate Professor of English and

the Dean of Studies at Skidmore College until 2004. His
career in administration and teaching continued through
2014 at the University of California, Santa Barbara, where
he was the Director of Policy and Publications for the
Graduate Division and a continuing lecturer in the UCSB
Writing Program. He has published a number of articles
and book chapters and has co-edited two books on
literature, writing, and administrative issues. As an
administrator and office director he has been especially
involved in the creation and implementation of new
programs in the United States and abroad and the
construction of a wide variety of policies frequently
requiring complex written negotiations with a myriad of
internal and external audiences. He earned his BA at San
Diego State University and a PhD at the University of
California, Riverside.
Chapter 1 The Purposes and Concepts
of This Book

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Nature of Business Writing

Previewing the Basics
An Example of Unspecific, Unfeeling Business Writing
An Example of Specific, Empathetic Business Writing
The Foundations of Effective Business Writing
Imagining Your Way inside Business Situations
The Scenarios in This Book
Sample Scenario: A New Employee Introduces Herself
Sample Scenario: A Manager Politely Declines a
Colleague’s Request
Writing to Build and Maintain Relationships
Choosing the Medium
Factors to Consider
Examples of Selection Strategies
Writing to Achieve Your Purpose—and Get Results
Explaining, clarifying, or providing information.
Defending.
Negotiating.
Appeasing, mollifying, ameliorating, or apologizing.
Persuading, requesting, or marketing.
Constructing policies and procedures.
Proposing new or modified organizational practices and
directions.
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a Workplace
Disruption
 The Challenges of Explaining the Disruption
An Ineffective Explanation of the Disruption
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 1-A: Explain a Workplace Disruption
An Effective Explanation of the Disruption
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a Former
Colleague Who Wants Confidential Information
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 1-B: Respond to a Former Colleague Who
Wants Confidential Information
Looking Ahead
Understanding the Nature of
Business Writing
You already engage in business writing in many of your
routine and more formal interactions with others — you
just might not know it. You might, for example, write to a
faculty member about crashing her course or about an
upcoming assignment, negotiate by e-mail with a team
member in your class, or lobby in writing against
anticipated tuition hikes at your university. In all of these
situations you are considering what you want to make
happen, the audience you are addressing, and the best
strategy for writing clearly and persuasively.
Even to enter into the world of work, you need to rely on
your writing skills to craft effective cover letters and
résumés and to communicate effectively with
representatives in human resources. Once you’ve been
hired and you become a member of a professional
community, you then might have to communicate
persuasively with an unhappy customer or client, provide
clear financial information to a supervisor, or help write a
proposal for a new product or service. Whether in person,
in print, online, or over the phone, it’s important to
consider the tone and message you wish to convey, your
audience, and the appropriate medium for communicating
that message.

Previewing the Basics

To begin our discussion of what distinguishes effective
business communication from poor business
communication, let’s start with some everyday examples.

An Example of Unspecific, Unfeeling Business Writing

During the summer of 2012 I stayed for three days in a

London apartment. On my first morning in the apartment
there was no hot water, and I had to endure a cold shower.
I wondered, was this a problem for the individual
apartment or for the entire apartment building? I made my
way to the lobby, where the supposedly 24/7 porter was not
on duty. Several longterm tenants had also gathered there
to learn the cause of the problem. Posted to one side of the
front door was a handwritten message:

The plumbing problem will be fixed tomorrow.

There was no date or time on this concise message (which

none of us had seen posted until that morning), no way to
determine whether “tomorrow” meant today or the next
day. And even if the next day were the target repair date, if
the plumber arrived in the afternoon we would all face yet
another morning of cold showers. The other residents in
the lobby expressed various degrees of amusement and
anger about the situation. Given the ambiguity, I was
prepared to abandon my apartment and move into a B&B
hotel around the corner.

An Example of Specific, Empathetic Business Writing

Had the building manager added some context to the

plumbing notice and shown some empathy for our
situation, the other tenants and I would have felt reassured
that the problem was being addressed:
Plumbing Problem—Wednesday, September 21
We are very sorry for the lack of hot water this morning
and have notified our plumber. He believes he can repair
the boiler and restore the water supply before noon today.
Any further updates will be posted in the lobby.

The revised plumbing notice would have prevented a lot of

confusion and irritation. Both examples should remind you
that the crafting of clear communication is not just
reserved for major documents. The author of the terse note
did not think about the likely frustrations of his or her
audience, did not provide a context for the problem or a
time line for the repair, and never hinted at any sympathy
for the shivering tenants; thus, the attempt to communicate
was comical at best. The manager’s poor communication
could hurt business; because the tenants had no idea when
the plumbing would be fixed, some of them might have
decided to leave and stay elsewhere. (By the way, the end
of the London story is this: The plumber rang the phone in
the unattended lobby, which I decided to answer, and he
assured us that he would attempt to repair the problem
that very day, but he needed the porter to unlock the
basement. The porter did show up a couple of hours later,
and the plumbing was repaired.)

The Foundations of Effective Business Writing

Whether you are a student learning more about business

writing, a professional in the field, or a business owner who
needs to let his or her tenants know that the plumbing is on
the fritz, it’s important that you step inside the situation in
order to craft an effective response. The scenarios in this
book will help you do just that: by entering these real-world
business situations, you will learn to carefully examine the
circumstances you are facing, identify the purpose or goal
of your communication, consider your audience and the
best medium to use when communicating with them, and
anticipate the long-term impact of fostering good
relationships within the workplace as well as with clients,
customers, and other external constituencies.
If you are like most undergraduate students, you have
held jobs in retail, at restaurants, or in deliveries. Some of
you may have held office positions of more complexity and
responsibility and can use your experience to good
advantage in a business writing course. Yet even those of
you with office experience might not have written business
communications as a company representative — documents
that can have an enormous impact on an organization’s
reputation or prosperity.
Regardless of your employment history, you have had to
communicate with friends, family, and teachers on
complicated matters. You have probably also interacted
with happy or disgruntled people in a job setting, whether
online, over the phone, or in person. In all of these social or
business interactions you needed to take into account your
purpose or goal in speaking with or writing to another
person, your tone of voice, the persuasive strategies you
could use, and the expectations of your audience. This
common set of experiences actually provides a good
foundation for many of the challenges of business writing.
In daily communications, most of what we say (or
perhaps tweet or text) is pretty spontaneous, not planned
out carefully. That is one big difference you must consider
for effective business writing: professional writers need to
think carefully about their purpose in writing (what they
want to achieve), the role they occupy in their company
or organization (for example, their level of authority and
areas of responsibility), the situation, or scenario,
confronting them that requires a piece of writing, and the
often elusive psychology and strategy that will work
well for a particular audience. As they become more
experienced, business writers comprehend these
complexities more quickly and with more assurance. That
should be your goal as well: to increase your familiarity
with various business genres and the writing strategies
that are likely to get the desired results in different
situations.

Imagining Your Way inside Business Situations

If you have limited experience with writing for business
purposes, you will need to imagine your way into another
world — to write from the inside. You will need to play
“what if” and “let’s suppose” in order to respond effectively
to the business situations you are likely to encounter later
in your professional life. Even experienced business
professionals perform these imaginative acts every day, but
over time the process becomes automatic for them — as it
will become for you. And as mentioned earlier, you can also
draw on many of your personal experiences and
interactions when considering how to respond in many of
these business situations.

The Scenarios in This Book

The business situations, or scenarios, presented throughout

this book will ask you to step outside the limiting
boundaries of your own experience and put yourself in the
shoes of an insider who is facing an actual business task. In
the “application” activities accompanying the scenarios,
you will be asked to assume, for example, the voice and
outlook of a customer-relations representative, a human-
resources assistant, an assistant director of finance, or
even a chief executive officer (CEO). While most of the
scenarios in this text are hypothetical, very soon you will be
immersed in a career in which these or similar situations
might become commonplace.
 In responding to the scenarios, you will write as part of,
or as the person in charge of, a decision-making process, in
every case considering the audience and the best possible
method for communicating (such as through e-mail or by
memo) before crafting a response. You will be challenged to
negotiate, explain, defend, request, appease, apologize, or
promote a cause through your professional writing.
Because they are intended to build strong business
writing skills, the applications in this book offer no easy
way out. For example, you cannot pass a business problem
onto someone else in the company, you cannot claim
ignorance to make an unhappy client go away, and you
cannot postpone bad news that will just make the recipient
of the news even more displeased later on. In every case,
you will have to take responsibility, even if you or your
company is at fault and even if a cloudy or euphemistic
response might make you more comfortable for the time
being.
As you study the scenarios and respond to the
applications, keep in mind that in an actual business
setting the content and character of your writing can have
a significant effect on how colleagues, customers, and
clients perceive you and the company as a whole. Through
clear, effective writing you may garner respect and
opportunities for growth within a company and beyond.
Serious errors, however, could lead to a demotion or even
to termination.
In addition, in your business writing you will have to
consider your level of authority and role in the
organization, company policies, ethical and legal issues,
and the possible effects on both your reputation and your
company’s, positive or negative, if you write with a
particular tone and strategy. You will always have to
anticipate the needs and concerns of your audience.
Let’s prepare to step outside your more familiar personal
and business experience by looking at some effective
responses to business writing scenarios.

Sample Scenario: A New Employee Introduces Herself

In this scenario, a student worker has just been hired to

provide computer support to a 39-member university
writing program, and she wants to introduce herself and
inform staff of her schedule. Here is the e-mail she sent to
the faculty as they prepared to return for the fall 2016
semester:

Hi everyone,

My name is Brittany Berin, and I’ll be your Computer Tech Support for
the upcoming year. I just figured out my work schedule and wanted to let
you all know that I’ll be stationed in the 1515 computer lab every week
this quarter at the following times:

Monday 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. & 1:00 p.m.

– 3:00 p.m.
Tuesday 2:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Wednesday 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. & 1:00 p.m.
– 3:00 p.m.
Thursday 2:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.

Please feel free to stop by the lab at those times if you have any questions
or computer troubles for me, and, of course, I’m always available by e-
mail.

I’m looking forward to working with you this year.

Brittany Berin

The author of this message — the new tech-support

specialist for the coming year — knew that the faculty she
was addressing were pretty informal and would treat her as
a colleague, so she could afford to be casual in her
communication. Note how clearly she presented the
information needed for the faculty. She also chose to
introduce herself through e-mail — a good tactic for a tech-
support specialist because now those instructors who might
need her assistance throughout the year have her e-mail
address. This simple e-mail presents the writer as a person
who is organized, clear-minded, and eager to fulfill her job
responsibilities. By carefully considering her audience and
the role she will play in the larger organization, she has
already made a positive first impression.

Sample Scenario: A Manager Politely Declines a

Colleague’s Request

Even casual communication between colleagues can

present some challenges. Consider this fictional scenario:
JT is writing to you, a manager with whom he has a friendly
relationship in the office (though only in the office setting).
You have received a confidential draft memo from Finance
because you are a manager at the company (JT is not). The
memo outlines emerging plans to “reconfigure” the
workforce at Armitage Brothers, which means that some
employee positions may be redefined in status and
authority, assigned to other areas, or even lost. JT wants
you to share this information so that he might plan ahead
for the worst-case scenario:

Hey there,

Could you get your hands on the memo that old Birtie in Finance
circulated to the managers last week? I know it’s supposedly hush hush,
but I need to see whether the position of my assistant is going to be
eliminated as we move toward the stupid “reconfiguration” of the labor
force at Armitage Brothers. If you don’t have the memo, maybe you know
who does? Thanks a million.

JT

Consider how you might respond in this situation: To

start, who is JT as an audience? Unlike you, JT is not a
manager and was not involved in reviewing the confidential
issues under consideration. On the other hand, JT is a
valued colleague, and you want to retain a good working
relationship with him. For this reason, even as you decline
his inappropriate request, the tone of your response should
be respectful. Your role is that of a manager, and you need
to address JT as a valued colleague while also honoring
your relationships with other managers (in this case, an
agreement of confidentiality).
It might seem tempting simply to give JT the information
he has requested, but consider some of the possible
consequences. You can be pretty sure that other employees
and managers will find out that you leaked confidential
information. Some staff will then seek the same favor from
you, and your fellow managers will stop trusting you to
participate in decision-making processes. Further, the early
release of the draft document might send shock waves,
unnecessarily, through the staff ranks.
Then again, you might just tell JT that you have not seen
the memo. But that white lie will be easily discovered when
JT approaches another manager. JT will no longer trust you
and might not work as cooperatively toward your shared
goals in the future.
Another approach would be to just kick the can down the
road, so to speak: send JT back to “old Birtie” or to another
manager for the information. If you use this strategy,
however, your manager colleagues will resent that you took
the easy way out, pushing the issue onto them. You will
have failed in your leadership, in your managerial role.
Still another tactic would be to adopt JT’s jaunty tone in
a friendly reply, echoing JT’s assessment of the “stupid”
planning process (to which you contributed) and blaming
the confidentiality on “old Birtie.” If you fall into this trap,
however, you can bet that JT will share this juicy e-mail
with someone else, and pretty soon Birtie will discover your
true colors, which will only damage your reputation as a
manager and a co-worker.
As you can see then, there are a number of potential
pitfalls in this situation. You must embrace your role as a
manager and decline JT’s request while somehow retaining
his allegiance and respect. The approach you take should
imply your friendly concern and also provide the basic
reasons why the report needs to remain confidential until
the decision-making process is completed. At the same
time, you should not preach ethics to JT, which could
provoke his resentment.
On the following page is one example of a successful
student response. Notice the writer’s friendly tone
balanced with firm resolve, his sympathy for JT’s
anxiousness, his respectful characterization of the
reconfiguration process, and his nonpreachy explanation of
his reasons for saying “no.” The strategy used is essentially
“I wish I could, but I can’t because . . .” This e-mail meets
Cameron Brinkman’s managerial obligations and will
probably retain JT’s respect, but it sends a firm and friendly
signal to JT regarding future company processes.

Hi JT,

I appreciate the fact that we have been good pals here at Armitage
Brothers for quite some time now, and I would love nothing more than to
help out a friend in need, but unfortunately my hands are currently tied.
I’ve been given strict instruction from Finance to keep that memo
confidential until all the details of the reconfiguration have been
concluded. I realize this process can be somewhat painful, and I
understand your desire to plan ahead, as the work environment here at
Armitage Brothers has grown a bit hectic recently due to the various
reconfiguration rumors. That being said, I can reassure you that
management is currently doing all it can to conclude the details of this
reconfiguration in a timely fashion. Again, I wish I could divulge more at
this time, but my responsibilities require my silence. I will be sure to fill
you in on the details of this matter just as soon as I’m permitted.

Best Regards,
 Cameron Brinkman

Writing to Build and Maintain Relationships

The previous scenarios highlight a central tenet of effective

business writing: the importance of interpersonal
considerations. Whether the purpose is informational or
persuasive, business writing always involves people writing
to other people. While a computer algorithm might be
responsible for generating millions of “thank you” or
“sorry” messages to, for example, Amazon or Verizon
customers, it was a person or a group of people who
originally crafted the message. When you receive these
generic notices, you know you are not being addressed
personally, but you do care about the tone and clarity of the
messages. And well-run companies care a great deal as
well. (See Chapter 8, “Business Writing Gaffes in the Real
World,” for examples of how smart professionals sometimes
fail in their mass or individual communications.)
In every business writing situation, you will need to ask
yourself how you will achieve your purpose without
alienating your audience. How, for example, do you take a
firm stand with a co-worker without disrespecting or
insulting him or her? How do you convey bad news to
colleagues in a way that says “we can face this challenge
together”? How do you persuade members of your
organization to move in a new business direction without
slighting established company traditions or practices? How
do you respond to an angry client or customer with honesty
and reassurance but without exposing the organization to
further liabilities? How do you tell the story of your
organization effectively in a grantwriting process? How do
you request a special service for the company (for example,
a keynote address or an endorsement) from a well-known,
influential person? These are but a few of the daily tasks of
writers representing business organizations.
In the case of JT’s request, you were asked to resist the
temptations to pass the buck, to fabricate face-saving (and
only temporarily effective) excuses, or to respond in a
euphemistic or vague way. It would have been easy to
simply say: “Sorry, but I can’t give you that information.” In
a busy professional setting, sometimes such abrupt or
dismissive communications are necessary. Many
professionals have found, however, that their addressing
colleagues and customers with concern and respect builds
relationships that have an enormous positive impact on
how individual professionals, and the company’s overall
character, are perceived.
Yet there will be times when you do need to hang up the
phone, compose a terse and unequivocal message, or reply
to some number of people with the generic “we appreciate
your concerns and will give them all the attention they
deserve.” For example, a customer might have repeatedly
and aggressively made his point, and you need to end the
ongoing interactions. Or you might need to make clear that
a company decision is final and needs to be implemented
immediately, regardless of whether the employee or
colleague approves.
So “whenever possible” is a good rule to follow for the
respectful tone recommended throughout this book for
business communications and for human relationships in
general. Whether addressed to colleagues within your
organization or to customers or clients outside it,
respectful writing (and speaking and behaving) is good
business. Even when the situation is tense and contentious,
you should try not to burn bridges — whenever possible.

Choosing the Medium

In addition to identifying a communication strategy that
suits your purpose and audience, you need to choose the
communication medium most appropriate for a particular
business situation. Specifically, you should consider when a
person or group is best addressed by a telephone call, a
printed letter or memo, an e-mail (with or without an
attached document), a text message, or some combination
of these methods.

Factors to Consider

Sometimes the urgency of a situation, or the importance of

the colleague or client with whom you need to interact,
suggests that a phone call, which is more prompt and
personal than other methods of communication, is
indicated. You might then follow up with an e-mail or a
pertinent document because the information you need to
convey is too detailed or complicated to provide over the
phone. In other situations, a more formal printed document
will serve your purpose better — perhaps to establish a
genuine paper trail for contractual or legal reasons, or just
to suit the convenience of the receiving party.
These questions of the best medium to use might also
depend on the personal preferences of the recipient. You
might have a supervisor, for example, who prefers to
receive digital versions of nearly every communication or
document. Or the company for which you work might have
established policies on the formats or media to be used for
different genres of communication.
Any professional whose work has spanned the past 20
years or more would testify that e-mail and digitally
transmitted documents have rapidly displaced at least 80
percent of the hard-copy communications that used to fill
endless binders, file cabinets, and company warehouses.
(It’s interesting to consider that a $10 flash drive would
now probably hold all of the text ever produced by a
businessperson over his or her 30- or 40-year career.)

Examples of Selection Strategies

If the organization for which you work does not have

guidelines on when to use a particular medium of
communication, the choices will depend largely on your
growing experience with various audiences and scenarios.
Here are examples of how you might choose a medium
based on various purposes, audiences, and situations:
A printed invitation might be mailed to a keynote
speaker for your company’s upcoming celebration and
then followed up with a phone conversation to explore
expectations with the invitee.
An important client who is unhappy with his recent
order might require an immediate phone call followed
by an e-mail with a further apology and reassurance.
An announcement of revised sick-leave or travel-
reimbursement policies might be introduced in a brief
e-mail to all employees but with the actual policy
document circulated as an attachment to the e-mail.

Writing to Achieve Your Purpose—and Get

Results

Much of what you have written in college has been

produced for individual courses or instructors and for
academic purposes appropriate to various disciplines.
Consequently, the impact of your writing has generally
been limited to teacher feedback and grades. In a business
writing course, you are still writing to meet your teacher’s
expectations, and it is likely that your audience will also
include your peers. But your most crucial audience will be
the colleagues or external constituencies specified in
writing assignments, assignments like the “applications”
included in each chapter of this book. These activities will
give you practice in writing to the types of readers that you
will encounter in the real world of work — for example, a
potential investor, a favor-seeking client, an angry
customer, an invited dignitary, or an anxious colleague.
While your teacher remains an important audience, he or
she will be assessing your effectiveness in addressing
business-related issues and audiences.
In each application, you will gain practice anticipating
the consequences for your choices as writers that extend
beyond the university’s more traditional academic
outcomes. You must carefully consider your audience, the
most effective tone to adopt, the organizational goals to be
achieved, and the most essential information and evidence
to deploy to achieve the goals of all involved.
Some of the purposes or goals that inform different
genres of business writing are sketched below. While the
list might appear long and daunting at first glance, you’ll
find that many of the categories overlap, and some of the
examples could fall into more than one. This list of
purposes will suggest what you will need to determine
before you compose a business communication — or at
least before you press “send.”

Explaining, clarifying, or providing information.

The writer’s purpose here is not to persuade the client or
customer but simply to provide clear information. For
example, the writer might want to
explain to potential investors just how mutual funds
differ from exchange-traded funds (ETFs).
clarify the policies and procedures for employees
requesting travel reimbursements.
explain the different types of medical plans available to
employees.
 provide clear directions for assembling or activating
the company’s product.
compose a fact-based research report on employee
productivity over a period of time.

Defending.
Here, the writer’s purpose is to defend a company policy,
practice, or decision. For example, the goal might be to
defend the organization’s practices or policies against
an emerging legal challenge.
defend a colleague who has been wrongly faulted.
justify a controversial financial decision to a board of
directors.

Negotiating.
This is an element of many types of written
communications, but especially those seeking to settle an
area of dispute or to resolve competing claims and
interests. For example, the writer might want to
grant or decline employee requests for promotion and
to do so according to consistent criteria.
seek an agreement between employees and
administration regarding a disputed policy on sick
leave.
state clear guidelines that delineate exactly when, by
whom, and by what means a contract can be
renegotiated.

Appeasing, mollifying, ameliorating, or apologizing.

This is a frequent necessity of many organizations in their
efforts to sustain a company policy or practice in the face of
special concerns from important constituencies. For
example, the goal might be to
 decline a “legacy” college admissions request from an
influential alumna or alumnus.
retain the loyalty of an important customer when he or
she has a complaint concerning company service.
retain the commitment of a valued employee while
declining her or his promotion or vacation request.
offer a special favor to an aggrieved customer as
compensation for an actual or perceived company
error.

Persuading, requesting, or marketing.

Here, the writer’s effort is to present organizational goals
in a positive light to achieve a particular outcome. The
purpose might be to
gain the interest of a prospective employer.
invite a distinguished person to a company event.
acquire funds through grant writing.
construct an accurate and inspiring mission statement.
market the products or services of a company.

Constructing policies and procedures.

This is a type of explaining and persuading that defines
organizational goals (and potential missteps) and devises a
pathway for achieving the desired ends. Policies and
procedures tend to be used within an organization, and
they might seek to
describe employee eligibility for company medical and
other benefits.
clarify travel-reimbursement policies and procedures.
construct grievance procedures.
devise guidelines for the personal use of company
phones, office machines, and Internet connections.
Proposing new or modified organizational practices
and directions.
In the same vein as constructing policies and procedures,
the purpose of proposing modifications is to shift important
company decisions in a particular direction and to promote
new initiatives within the organization. These
communications might seek to
propose a new program that benefits the health of
employees while also reducing the cost of medical
benefits.
gain traction for improving the company’s product or
service.
make a case for reorganizing the workforce in a way
that allows for more flexible time commitments.
move colleagues toward a new business model that
responds to customers’ environmental interests.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
Let’s apply a few of the purposes and strategies outlined
previously to the following scenarios.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a

Workplace Disruption
Imagine that the water in your workplace needs to be
turned off for two full workdays, and the CEO (you) needs
to alert employees of this disruption, anticipate what
impact the announced water shutoff will have, and plan
ahead for employee needs and concerns.

The Challenges of Explaining the Disruption

Since this situation affects the entire workforce, not just

one or two individuals, you will need first to do some
strategic thinking: what are the definite and possible
effects of there being no water available, and how exactly
will you accommodate your colleagues’ needs and comfort
during the days without water? After you have figured out
these impacts and the needed remedies, you can craft a
memo that both acknowledges the inconveniences that will
be created and reassures employees that you have
anticipated their needs and concerns.

An Ineffective Explanation of the Disruption

The following CEO memo condescends to employees,
placing the author and other “bosses” on a level above
them; it fails to anticipate the problems that will arise for
employees working without drinking water or lavatories;
and it only vaguely describes the need for this interruptive
repair:

Digital Services Incorporated Fox Creek, Idaho

DATE: September 19, 2016

TO: All Employees
FROM: [Your name], Chief Executive Officer
Subject: Water Shutoff

The bosses and I need to alert you that the water will be turned off in our
section of the building this coming Wednesday and Thursday to remedy a
major plumbing problem. We are sorry for the inconvenience and know
that you will meet your work responsibilities as usual. Any special
problems concerning the water shutoff should be reported by tomorrow,
Tuesday.

Have a nice day.

Applying What You’ve Learned

The following activity asks you to improve the Digital
Services memo above by applying the advice offered earlier
in this chapter.

Application 1-A Explain a Workplace Disruption

Write a much friendlier and more strategically sound memo

than the one just presented. Here are some tips:
Assuming you are the CEO, first think through the
actual effects of having no water available for two full
workdays and devise strategies for addressing these
problems before they arise.
 Consider how to develop a tone that treats employees
as colleagues, not as peons being ordered about by the
bosses. You will need to compose a communication that
relays sympathy for the workers as they face the water
shutoff.
Clarify any vagueness surrounding the reasons for the
water shutoff. Employees will be more understanding of
the inconvenience if they know that there is a serious
need to repair the plumbing during work hours and
that, in the long term, the repairs will benefit them.
Here are further suggestions on how to craft a memo
with better tone and improved strategic planning:
Plan ahead for the various consequences of the
employees’ having no water in the usual drinking
fountain, lavatory, and break room. Your simply asking
them to do without the drinking water and lavatories
would not meet ordinary health and labor codes and
would, obviously, make for an impossible two workdays.
Consider the level of detail you need to describe the
plumbing problems in order to convince employees that
the shutoff is necessary (some might suspect
management bad faith or incompetence). Adults want
to know why things are necessary; they are not
satisfied with “just because” assertions.
Make arrangements with a business in the same
building to use its lavatories and drinking fountains.
Supply bottled water or bring in portable water coolers.
If possible, provide exact locations for these resources
so that you don’t need to send out a second memo on
“where” and “what.”
Ask if any employees have special needs regarding
drinking water (for example, taking medications or
needing frequent hydrating) or require frequent
lavatory visits. Provide the name and phone number or
 e-mail address of the person employees should contact
with any special needs or concerns. (Don’t add to
colleagues’ irritation by making them look up the phone
number or e-mail address of “Ed” in Human
Resources.)

In addition to good strategic planning on the part of the

CEO, considerations of tone and audience are also very
important for this memo to be well received. Certainly get
rid of the off-putting reference to “bosses” used in the
example of an ineffective memo; instead, address the staff
as valued colleagues. Consider providing an employee
“perk” of some sort on the two affected days in order to
boost morale, or perhaps allow certain staff to work from
home. Finally, note the cheery, illogical closing of the CEO’s
memo. It’s not a good idea to mix tonal modes, in this case
presenting bad news and then ending with a seeming non
sequitur: the water-shutoff days will not be a terrible
problem if handled properly, but they will not be especially
“nice” days. A cheerful closing will just irritate your
audience.

An Effective Explanation of the Disruption

Here is an example of how a student of business writing

recast the water-shutoff memo effectively. The writer
presents herself in a relatively friendly way and has already
figured out how to provide the necessary resources for the
two days without water:

Digital Services Incorporated Fox Creek, Idaho

DATE: September 19, 2016

TO: All Employees
FROM: Alexandra Kambur, Chief Executive Officer
Subject: Water Shutoff: Wednesday (Sept. 21) and Thursday (Sept. 22)
 Dear Colleagues:

Last night pipes broke in both of our restrooms, causing significant water
damage that requires immediate attention. Our maintenance crew
informed us that they will need to turn off the water in our section of the
building this coming Wednesday and Thursday (Sept. 21–22) in order
to fix the major plumbing problem.

Unfortunately, on Wednesday and Thursday the restrooms and

water fountains in our section of the building will be closed for
repairs.

Alternative Copy, located on the first floor of the building, has generously
offered to let us use their restroom facilities while ours are being
repaired. To find the restroom, take the elevator down to the first floor
and turn right. The men’s and women’s restrooms are located down the
hallway before the large entryway into Alternative Copy. Drinking
fountains are right next to the restrooms.

We recognize that this is an inconvenience and will be providing

beverages and snacks. There will be bottled water, sodas, coffee, tea,
bagels, and fruit in our break room all day. In addition, we will be placing
a bottle of hand sanitizer in the break room and at the front desk for your
use.

If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Joe Pieper at

extension 2255 or at jpieper@gmail.com. Joe will be happy to answer any
questions and arrange any necessary accommodations.

We are very sorry for the inconvenience and greatly appreciate your
patience and cooperation.

Sincerely,

Alexandra Kambur

The student’s version of the memo is friendlier than the

original, defines the plumbing problem more clearly, and
shows the CEO planning ahead for the needs and lingering
questions of her colleagues. She makes unmistakably clear
when the water will be turned off (for example, there is no
ambiguous reference to “next” Wednesday and Thursday).
Notice that she has used the plumbing problem itself as
the “buffer” to the central negative news, the shutdown of
the water supply for two days. She has arranged for
alternative water and restroom facilities, provided specific
directions to these facilities, and named a staffer whom
employees can contact if they have any further concerns or
special needs for the affected workdays. She has also
decided to offer snacks, sodas, bottled water, coffee, and
tea to support the morale of her colleagues. Overall, the
memo demonstrates not only the student’s ability to
communicate clearly and with care and respect for her
colleagues but also her ability to anticipate the needs of her
colleagues and to arrange for remedies. She has gotten
completely inside the business situation.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a

Former Colleague Who Wants Confidential
Information

Kenneth Sprocket is an old friend through a company you

used to work for, Feldstar Electronics. Feldstar is rumored
to be merging with your current company, Technic Ltd.,
and Sprocket wants a heads-up on the details of the merger
negotiations. Can you help him? What could be the
consequences if you gave him the confidential information
he is requesting? If you decline to share this information,
how can you do so without offending an old friend and
colleague? What else is possibly at stake here?

Dear Jill:

You know I have not asked many favors of you, and our business
relationship goes way back. I hope you can help me out with this. I need
some tips on what your firm is going to want to know at our joint meeting
tomorrow — just so we can get our ducks in a row. I realize this is only a
preliminary meeting on our possible merger, but I think it would aid the
process if we shared some financial and other information beforehand.
Whatever you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thanks a million.

Your colleague-to-be,

Kenneth Sprocket
Applying What You’ve Learned

Considering the advice and examples presented earlier in

this chapter, complete the following activity.

Application 1-B Respond to a Former Colleague Who

Wants Confidential Information

Write a response to Kenneth Sprocket, considering the

serious — perhaps even legal — consequences if you were
to share confidential company information in advance of
the official merger discussions. How can you decline
Sprocket’s request without offending him, particularly
given that you might soon be working for the same
(merged) company? For insights on how to respond
tactfully, you might refer back to Cameron Brinkman’s
communication with JT (see page 8).
Looking Ahead
The following chapters will present more scenarios and
activities that will immerse you in real-world business
situations. Studying the scenarios and completing the
activities, with guidance from the chapters, will help you
become a more effective business writer. Topics covered
include how to

develop writing strategies that suit your goals,

audience, and writing situation (Chapter 2).
craft effective résumés and cover letters and succeed in
other aspects of the job search (Chapter 3).
design visually appealing, reader-friendly documents
(Chapter 4).
communicate effectively with colleagues within an
organization (Chapter 5).
build and maintain positive relationships with
audiences outside an organization (Chapter 6).
tackle more complex business writing projects, like
grant proposals and business plans (Chapter 7).
avoid some common gaffes in business writing (Chapter
8).
strengthen your potential by applying the writing skills
that strong leaders use (Chapter 9).
Chapter 2 An Overview of Business
Writing

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Central Concerns of Business Writing

Seeing the Big Picture
Starting with You as Person, Employee, and Writer
Understand Your Level of Authority
Look before You Leap—and Stay Alert for Opportunities
Familiarize Yourself with Your Organization’s Principles
and Values
Keeping Your Purpose in Mind
Understanding Your Audience and Audience Psychology
Determining a Communication Strategy
The Importance of Evidence
The Importance of Tone
Paying Attention to Details
Using Clear Vocabulary
Proofreading
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a Policy Change
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
A First-Draft Explanation of the Policy Change
A More Detailed Explanation of the Policy Change
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Weighing the Costs and
Benefits of Conciseness
A Brief, Formulaic E-mail
 A More Developed E-mail: Example 1
A More Developed E-mail: Example 2
An E-mail That Offers Specifics and a Longer, More
Detailed Document
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 2-A: Inquire about Office-Space Needs
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 2-B: Seek Volunteers for a Nonprofit
Organization
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 2-C: Coordinate Accounts Receivable
Information
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Understanding the Central Concerns
of Business Writing
Chapter 1 introduced you to the challenge of getting inside
the business writing process. This chapter offers a broader,
more conceptual exploration of the factors that affect the
practice of business communication.

Seeing the Big Picture

The flowchart on the page that follows captures the central

considerations of business writing communications; most of
the points about purpose, audience, and best-practice
strategies will eventually be second nature to you as you
become experienced professionals. As students of business
writing, however, it’s likely that you don’t yet have the
experience to follow these guidelines automatically. Before
you begin to compose any piece of business writing, you will
need to spend some time considering your professional role
in the communication chain, your purpose in writing, the
audience you must reach, the strategy that is most likely to
achieve the desired goal, and the best medium for your
communication purposes. As you craft any communication,
you will also need to pay attention to details and avoid
mistakes that could make a bad impression on your readers.
 Many of these considerations should sound familiar from
your previous courses in writing; now you are applying
these important skills to real-world business situations.

Starting with You as Person, Employee, and

Writer
The box at the upper right corner of the flowchart on this
page (“Personal and Professional Contexts”) suggests a
number of things you need to consider, on both a personal
and a professional level, to communicate effectively. For
example, do your own values for addressing issues and
interacting with others coincide with the character of the
organization for which you are working? If you and the
company are a good fit in these respects, you are fortunate.
If you are asked, however, to communicate in ways that
don’t coincide with your own personal values, what are you
going to do about this dissonance? Finding a rewarding
balance between the company’s purposes and operating
principles and your own commitments is worth considering
throughout your career and, if possible, even before you
commit to a position.

Understand Your Level of Authority

Again in the box labeled “Personal and Professional

Contexts,” note the importance of your level of authority in
the organization. How much authority do you have, for
example, to rectify a particular customer problem? Do you
need to check with your supervisor before you offer a
special discount or guarantee? How much can you actually
share about company policies with an inquiring reporter? To
what extent, if at all, can you require your colleagues in the
next office to abide by a new procedure? Would it be
acceptable for you to draft and submit a revised company
mission statement on your own initiative, or would you need
to get permission from one of the managers or belong to a
certain task force in the organization?

Look before You Leap—and Stay Alert for

Opportunities

The challenge of balancing personal and professional goals

and values is something that every working person needs to
explore individually, but there are a few general principles
that you can broadly consider as you enter the working
world:
Look before you leap. Get to know a bit about the
people and the authority structures at your organization
before you move into an activity not explicitly delegated
to you.
At the same time, be prepared to take some
chances. No one gets very far in work (or in life!)
without exercising initiative and imagination.
Keep alert to new opportunities within your
organization. Selectively volunteer for a group task or
an individual project, even if you’ve never engaged in
this task before.

Regarding the last bullet point, remember that very few

people are actually trained to do all of the things they
encounter on the job. That’s certainly true of professional
business writers, many of whom have not had the advantage
of college courses in business-related writing. So, if you do
know the basics of business writing, and your company
needs, for example, to write a grant proposal, raise your
hand and offer to draft one. Even if you have never written
this type of document, you can easily find samples and
guidance online and in books devoted to the topic. (You
might even read a proposal written previously by someone
at your company.) You can also ask for advice from leaders
in your organization or from colleagues in your field. Taking
the initiative on writing projects and reaching out to others
for advice won’t just give you valuable experience in new
tasks; it will also help you establish valuable connections.
Being alert for and eager to take on work opportunities is
a big factor in job success. If you have confidence that you
possess good writing and critical-thinking skills and that
you can learn and master tasks that you don’t yet know,
then jump in! Even if you are unable to perfectly pull off a
task the first time, your initiative and leadership might be
noticed and rewarded with more opportunities in the future.

Familiarize Yourself with Your Organization’s

Principles and Values

As you can see, your role as a business writer is complex —

even before you start composing. In every instance, you are
writing not just for yourself but rather on behalf of the
company you represent on a particular question or issue.
Business writing is not an opportunity for personal
expression (though your own values are certainly involved
in the process). You must be familiar with your
organization’s guiding principles and values. Is there a
company policy manual that you can peruse, perhaps even a
style manual for different types of print and digital
communications? Can your immediate supervisor outline
your areas of responsibility and authority; alert you to
sensitive histories within the company; and, in other
respects, mentor your early employment experience? Can
you review examples of previous communications from the
CEO, a customer-service representative, and the director of
Human Resources? These samples may not always be the
best models for your own writing practices, but they will
give you a point of reference. They will show you, among
other things, how communication styles are shaped by
different levels of organizational authority as well as by
individual personality traits.

Keeping Your Purpose in Mind

Whether imagining yourself inside the scenarios in this book
or facing them head-on in your first position, you will need
to determine exactly what the purpose of your
communication is before you start to write. The “Purpose or
Goal” box of the diagram on page 21 reminds you of the
myriad things you might want to accomplish with different
documents. For example, you might want to define or
explain a company policy on vacation-day accruals, clarify
the resources available to help employees make investment
choices for their 401(k) retirement funds, persuade your
research team to use a newer technology, defend the
company in a public dispute, reassure and apologize to an
angry client, thank a group of associates for their ongoing
dedication, and so on. (For more information on the various
purposes of business writing, see Chapter 1.)
Many of your documents might actually have multiple
purposes. For example, you might be supplying financial
information on your company while also trying to persuade
the recipient to invest in the company. Or you could be
delivering disappointing news to a job applicant while also
encouraging her or him to apply for future jobs in your
company. Whatever the case, you need to know why you are
writing in the first place: What do you want the document to
accomplish? Do you want to present information as clearly
and concisely as possible and make a persuasive case at the
same time? Prevent a lawsuit through clarification of facts
and convincing reassurance? Persuade colleagues to accept
a difficult policy change that benefits the long-term health
of the company? Writing with a clear understanding of your
goal(s) in view will help you create a well-organized and
effective communication.

Understanding Your Audience and Audience

Psychology
In every type of business writing, you need to keep the
audience in mind. All readers want and need you to
communicate clearly. That said, many other needs and
expectations of an audience vary widely. Here are a few
general guidelines that you should consider before writing:
 If the purpose of your document is simply to explain
something noncontroversial, you must consider,
research, or even directly ask how much your audience
already knows about the topic so that you don’t, on the
one hand, belabor the obvious or, on the other hand,
skip over points of information that are not well known
to your readers.
If your purpose is to persuade readers toward a new
course of action, you need to anticipate why they might
resist your argument and evidence. Anticipate the likely
concerns and objections and respond to them
systematically so that your colleagues will rethink their
original points of contention.
If you want to mollify an unhappy constituent, you need
to consider what prompted the unhappiness, how much
company responsibility to acknowledge, and what to do
to improve the situation. If you think that a placating
measure, such as offering the unhappy party a special
discount or future deal, would improve the situation,
check with a supervisor before moving forward with it.
If you must present negative news to your colleagues,
you need to determine the levels of their reliance on the
resource or opportunity that will be adversely affected,
what company or personal histories might lurk in the
background, and how you will persuasively justify the
necessity of the negative impact.

There are many other audience scenarios beyond these,

and in every case you will need to choose the tone of voice,
types of evidence, and rhetorical strategy that will best
meet your communication goals. You will also need to select
the most effective medium for addressing the situation. For
example, what evidence would you need to convince fellow
employees that the reductions in their medical benefits are
a financial necessity for the company? What would you write
to convince a dignitary or community leader that it’s worth
her while to be a keynote speaker at your organization’s
upcoming event? How would you persuade experienced
managers that newer technologies will significantly improve
the quality of a tried-and-true product?

Determining a Communication Strategy

Now let’s turn to the “Communication Strategy” section of
the graphic on page 21. Suppose that you now understand
the issues surrounding your particular scenario, your goal
or purpose in writing, the audience being addressed, and
the best medium to use when addressing the members of
your audience. Your strategy in composing will depend on
these factors and many other variables as well. Underlying
all strategies will be the desire to communicate clearly, to
offer sufficient evidence and reasons, and to demonstrate
that you are informed and fair-minded.

The Importance of Evidence

One critical choice, especially in addressing a controversial

topic, is the amount of evidence and information you
provide. For example, if you provide too few reasons
regarding the upcoming (unpaid) furlough days affecting
certain staff members, the staff may view the decision as
arbitrary, not as a necessary strategy for the company’s
financial survival. They will likely assume it was an easy way
for the company to save money and will resent the lack of
explanation. However, if you provide extensive information
on the furlough issue, those opposed to it will have more
material on which to base a counterattack. When given too
much information, people often seize upon a few pieces of
information at the expense of the broader picture. For these
reasons, you will need to strike a balance in such situations,
sufficiently convincing your constituents of your point of
view while not overloading them with information that could
provide more fuel for a prolonged dispute.

The Importance of Tone

The tone of the message is extremely important — even a

couple of mischosen words can undercut the effectiveness
of your writing. Tone is the writer’s attitude toward the
topic, toward the audience, or toward both. Tone
determines, for example, whether the message sounds
friendly or angry, decisive or vacillating, caring or
dismissive, supportive or aloof, sensitive or sarcastic, formal
or relaxed. Whenever possible in your business writing,
embrace a tone that implies your fair-mindedness;
professionalism; respect and empathy for others; and
commitment to reason, evidence, and a collaborative
process. For example, consider these individual word
choices and phrases and the different tone conveyed by
each:

1. An accusation from a supervisor vs. a firm reminder of a

staff member’s responsibilities:
a. You have done a terrible job keeping track of the
expenditures . . .
b. An important part of your work is the tracking of
expenditures . . .

2. A top-down decision vs. a collaborative process among

colleagues:
a. The work schedule for the holidays is as follows . . .
b. It’s time once again to come together to figure out the
holiday schedule . . .

3. An abrupt and thoughtless announcement vs. a tactful

and composed statement:
 a. Jack Snow died this past weekend . . .
b. We have received the sad news that one of your
colleagues, Jack Snow . . .

4. An unapologetic reply vs. an acknowledgment of error

followed by a correction:
a. Your order is on its way . . .
b. We regret the shipping delay in your last order and
are pleased . . .

5. A negative announcement lacking context and sympathy

vs. a compassionate notice with justification:
a. Your son has flunked out of Troutbeck College . . .
b. Each term the faculty review committee . . . We are
sorry to tell you that your son has not met the
continuation standards . . .

6. An abrupt policy change with no justification vs. a

respectful announcement with evidence provided:
a. All employees must cease immediately from parking in
...
b. Given the serious shortage of parking for our
customers, we ask that all staff park in the areas
designated as . . .

As is true in so many communications, business decisions

regarding tone are complex and situational. While the latter
(b) examples of tone are usually preferable, on some
occasions the more abrupt and more decisive tone of the
former (a) examples might be necessary. For instance, the
supervisor writing in example 1 on the previous page might
have good reason to be stern with an assistant who has
received prior offers of guidance, and warnings, regarding
his or her responsibilities. In most cases, however, you
should cultivate a sense of respect and partnership among
colleagues and clients by choosing a tone that suggests that
you, as colleagues, are all in this together.

Paying Attention to Details

The most effective business writers don’t just concern

themselves with big-picture issues, such as purpose,
audience, and strategy. They also pay attention to details,
such as choosing the right words and making sure that their
writing is error-free.

Using Clear Vocabulary

Clear, accessible, broadly understood words are central to

most business writing. The challenge is, often, to convey
complex issues using a plain, ordinary vocabulary. It’s rare
for even a highly educated CEO or CFO to communicate
with a complex vocabulary laced with Latinate terms (for
example, “loquacious,” “exacerbate,” “propitious,” or
“obfuscate”) or with technical terms not understood by a
broad audience (for example, such financial investment
terms as “Sharpe ratio,” “bid-to-cover ratio,” and
“arbitrage”). In general, technical vocabularies are reserved
for specialists writing to one another.
Consider the plain-English word choices made by William
Clay Ford Jr., executive chair of Ford Motor Company, in this
excerpt from his preface to the Ford Annual Report for
2012. The CEO, educated at Princeton University and the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology, wants to reach a
broad audience of investors, reporters, customers, and
others.

A Message from the Executive Chairman

In 2012 Ford Motor Company continued to go further to meet the needs of

our customers, the challenges of our industry, and the issues confronting
 our world. Our efforts produced strong financial results and our fourth
year in a row of positive net income.

We expect 2013 to be another strong year for our company. We anticipate

our outstanding performance in North America will continue, with higher
pre-tax profits than in 2012. We are refreshing our entire product line in
South America and continuing to invest for growth in Asia Pacific and
Africa. The transformation of our European operations, which is aimed at
achieving profitability under difficult economic conditions, is on track and
ongoing.

We will continue to focus on producing vehicles with best-in-class quality,

fuel efficiency, safety, smart design and value — built on global platforms.
They will help us toward our goal of increased global sales and market
share, as well as support our ongoing commitment to reducing the
environmental impact of our vehicles and operations.

Our strong showing in the electrified vehicle market is a good example of

how great products can help build a strong business as well as a better
world. In 2012 we introduced six new electrified vehicles in North
America, including hybrid, plug-in hybrid and pure battery electric models.
By offering a variety of vehicles, we make it easier for customers to
embrace fuel-saving technologies.

Unless you are writing to specialists who share your

understanding of a particular field of business and its
terminology, opt for a clear and easy vocabulary. For
example, if you are developing a template for responding to
unhappy customers, you would probably not write this:

We regret that your order was not expedited properly and that our
unhelpful representative exacerbated the problem.

The words “expedited” and “exacerbated” are not

mysterious to many people, but they might be
misunderstood by some readers. The next example uses a
plainer vocabulary:

We try always to provide the most efficient service, and we regret the
delays you experienced with your recent order and the unhelpful customer
 service.

Remember, as you craft business communications, tuck

the complex (and certainly enriching) vocabulary away for
other thinking and writing tasks, and use specialized terms
only for specialist audiences.

Proofreading

Typos, misspellings, grammatical errors, faulty sentence

structures, and punctuation ambiguities are not acceptable
in professional writing. Even a few such errors in a
document can discredit the author and distract the reader
from the work’s important content. In longer documents a
number of errors may cause readers to lose focus as they
anticipate the next blunder in the text.
Taking the time to proofread carefully is a critical part of
professional writing. No writer, no matter how well
informed and meticulous, is immune from errors. During all
of your writing you should have a good writing handbook
and a dictionary by your side (or bookmarked on the
Internet). If possible, have another person proofread your
text after you have made your best efforts to correct errors.
All of us tend to “normalize” our reading of our own writing:
that is, we automatically fill in the blanks (of missing words,
for example) and glide right past grammatical and
mechanical errors (for example, faulty subject-verb
agreement or the distinction between singular and plural
possessives) because we know what we meant to say. It’s a
perceptual and cognitive impasse that even the best writers
face daily.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
Drawing on the “Business Writing Overview” on page 21
and the discussion that follows it, let’s see how the
concepts of purpose, audience, and strategy apply to the
following scenarios.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Explaining a

Policy Change
The background.
For the past decade, Media Inc. has been fairly casual
about individual employees deciding when to use their
earned vacation days. This informality has led to
inadequate office coverage —particularly during holiday
periods — and has occasionally delayed important business
decisions because key staff members were not available for
consultation.

The purpose.
The director of Human Resources at Media Inc., Shelley
Seidman, has asked the benefits assistant, Amanda Jaffurs,
to draft an announcement that clarifies employees’ use of
accrued vacation days. Jaffurs has been provided with the
content of the policy changes, and the director will review
and possibly modify Jaffurs’s draft before sending it out
under her own name. Jaffurs’s central purpose is to
construct a clear, accurate, and tactful draft for colleagues
who will undoubtedly have very mixed feelings about
reduced flexibility in their use of vacation days.

The audience.
Even the most dedicated employees value their vacation
days greatly, and in recent years at Media Inc., employees
have enjoyed being able to choose their own vacation
times. Media Inc. has held two open discussions regarding
the need for better coordination of vacation time, so
employees have already heard the managers’ concerns and
have had an opportunity to express their views on the
subject. Most employees understand the need for a more
organized and better-coordinated vacation process, though
a few have been vocal in their objection to losing any
autonomy.

The communication strategy.

The director wants the announcement of the vacation-
approval guidelines to be responsive to the sensitivities
surrounding this issue, to be friendly and respectful, and to
continue to allow for some flexibility in vacation-day
choices.

A First-Draft Explanation of the Policy Change

The first quick draft that follows conveys the necessary

information concisely, but it does not feature the nuances of
tone and context needed to win a relatively positive
reception from the staff:

DATE: July 25, 2016 [DRAFT A]

TO: All Employees of Media Inc.
FROM: Shelley Seidman, Director of Human Resources
Subject: POLICY CHANGE: Approval Needed for Vacation
Days
 Pursuant to our recent discussions of the institution of
vacation-day approvals, management has decided on
the following:

All employees must submit vacation requests to their

area director no fewer than three weeks in advance of
the desired vacation period. The form for this request
is posted on the HR Web site.

We appreciate your cooperation as we institute these

changes. Direct any further concerns or questions to
seidman@mediainc.com.

Immediately, the writer sets a tone of negativity and

inflexibility with the chosen subject line. The capital letters
make it seem as though an announcement has been handed
down from above. Even the first word in the e-mail,
“pursuant,” sounds like legal jargon. The overall tone is flat
and official. No background reminders regarding the
original problem of uncoordinated vacation days are
included; the writer should have supplied this context
instead of trusting that everyone would recall earlier
conversations on the topic. There is no sense in this draft of
a colleague writing sympathetically on an issue that has
serious implications for the personal lives of everyone in
the office — including her own.

A More Detailed Explanation of the Policy Change

After reading the first-draft memo, the director of Human

Resources asked Jaffurs, the HR assistant, to write a more
fully developed draft, one that offers more context for the
issues being addressed and more evidence that the
Director appreciates her colleagues’ concerns. Here is
what Jaffurs came up with:
 DATE: July 25, 2016 [DRAFT B]
TO: All Employees of Media Inc.
FROM: Shelley Seidman, Director of Human Resources
Subject: Coordination of Vacation Days

Our company-wide discussions on July 8 and 10 regarding the need to

coordinate employees’ selection of vacation periods were very helpful to
crafting a revised policy.

Vacation periods are very important to everyone, and all of us have

different individual and family needs regarding periods away from work.
We hope the revised policy will preserve an element of flexibility while
providing much better coordination of staff availability for crucial
company operations.

The new policy, in its basic form, is as follows:

“All employees of Media Inc. should request vacation periods of three

workdays or longer at least three weeks in advance of the requested
period. Requests should be made on the form available from HR to the
employee’s area director, who will consider the workloads and
responsibilities in his or her area before submitting the request to the
director of Human Resources.”

The policy also notes, “Whenever possible, the flexibility of employee

choices will be preserved. The area director and the director of Human
Resources will discuss options with the affected employee(s) before any
request is denied or modified.”

You can find the full text of the policy and the request form online at
www.mediaHR/policies.com. I hope the revised policy balances our
concerns for workforce coordination with the personal importance of
vacation planning. Please don’t hesitate to ask me for clarification if
needed: ext. 6628, or seidman@mediainc.com, or by appointment in office
2233. Thanks very much for your input and cooperation.

Draft B has the human touch, a quality that nurtures

cooperation and respect among colleagues. The subject line
suggests a more positive connotation without sugarcoating
the general message. The writer thanks her colleagues for
their valuable input and shows understanding of their
interests in anticipating and planning vacation days under
this new policy. She includes the basic tenets of the new
policy, identifies the location of relevant materials, then
closes with a second thank-you and an invitation to her
colleagues to seek further information from her if
necessary.
While Draft B will not make everyone like the messenger
or happily embrace the new vacation request policy, at the
very least it will allow readers to feel that a thoughtful
process was conducted, that their voices were heard, and
that the company’s management is not cold and autocratic.
This approach to business communication, repeated over
months and years, helps foster a cooperative and
productive work environment. The more patient and
nuanced the approach (whenever that is possible), the
better off the business will be in the long run.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Weighing the

Costs and Benefits of Conciseness

The previous scenario provides a good opportunity to

examine the most common business writing goal:
conciseness. The traditional argument for conciseness is
often that businesspeople are very busy and thus want, as
quickly as possible, to glean the main point of a piece of
writing. (Consider the colloquial acronym KISS that you
often see in business writing manuals: Keep It Simple,
Stupid!)
Writing concisely is a virtue in business communications
if it means not wasting words — not writing more than is
needed to make your case or to convey the necessary
information. In certain circumstances, however,
conciseness can be counterproductive:
when it leads to communication that readers might
perceive as terse, dismissive, or uncaring
when it means that the communication is short on
evidence or short on the information needed to
 persuade different audiences or to clarify an issue or
procedure
when it leads to writing that lacks reassurance to, say,
a disgruntled customer or to colleagues uncertain
about recommended product improvements

A Brief, Formulaic E-mail

We’ve all received generic e-mail notices like this one:

Dear Customer:

We appreciate your concerns and will address them as soon as possible . .

.

No one is satisfied when he or she receives formulaic

messages of this sort. There is no sense that anyone at the
company actually cares about the customer’s concerns or
that anything will be done about them. The message is
certainly concise, but it is almost worthless as a business
communication.

A More Developed E-mail: Example 1

Now let’s add a thin layer of care and precision to the

message:

Dear Mr. Franklin:

Southampton Mutual regrets the late shipment of your order and the
defective parts you received. A new shipment is being sent today by
FedEx.

This response is a small improvement over the first, in that

a company representative seems to know the nature of Mr.
Franklin’s problem, apologizes for the mishandling of his
order, and is taking steps to correct the problem.

A More Developed E-mail: Example 2

An even more developed message, however, one that would

solidify customer relationships over time, might sound like
this:

Dear Mr. Franklin:

Southampton Mutual has appreciated your business for the past several
years and is very concerned that you experienced problems with your last
order. We sent a complete replacement order to you by FedEx today and
will discount your invoice by 20 percent. The FedEx tracking number is
QR67331890.

Again, we regret the recent mishap and the frustration you experienced
with our service. We are examining our packaging and shipping processes
to be certain this problem does not occur again.

That being said, if you do have remaining questions or encounter a

problem in the future, please contact Dawn Russo, our customer relations
supervisor, directly at 805-666-9999 or by e-mail at
drusso@Southampton.com. We appreciate your patience and look forward
to continuing to serve your business interests.

This longer communication has several advantages: the

company seems actually to care, has promised to resolve
the broader shipping problems, has sent the replacement
order (and provided a tracking number), and has given this
important customer a discount. The communication is
reassuring and respectful throughout and offers specific
company contact information for the customer’s future use.
Crafting communications with just the right tone and
level of detail might take longer, but it also builds stronger
business relationships because it suggests that you care
about the consumer, customer, or other constituent. You
don’t need to construct this message from scratch in every
situation. Many well-run organizations, small and large,
save templates of effective routine communications and
modify the specifics to fit a particular scenario. Some also
build helpful e-links into their customer communications.
(For example, Amazon.com’s communications include quick
links that let you track your order or contact customer
service.) Keep in mind, however, that a communication that
sounds too generic will not please a customer who has a
serious concern. When time allows, try to individualize a
template to address the specific audience situation.
As you respond to business situations in writing, you will
be aided not only by templates (or by previous examples of
similar documents) but also by increasing familiarity with
recurring structural and situational archetypes. For
example, the structure of a longer business report typically
requires data, anecdotes, and other types of evidence to
support the observations presented. It often includes an
Executive Summary (a brief digest of the report’s key
elements), a Background section (a map of the topic’s
recent history), a clear Problem Statement or description of
the current question to be explored, and, often, a set of
Recommendations at the end. The titles of these sections
and what they contain might vary, but in general, longer
reports will feature these same components and other
strong similarities across structure.
As you discover these structural commonalities among
different writing genres, you will also learn audience
strategies that can be applied to related scenarios. For
example, a useful tactic for declining a customer request is
this underlying message: “I wish that I could, but I can’t
because . . .” That formula can guide your response to a
customer complaint, to a colleague’s promotion request, to
an associate’s request for confidential information, or to a
qualified job applicant whom you are unable to hire. The “I
wish I could” component makes clear that a “no” will soon
follow and simultaneously implies sympathy for the
recipient’s interests. The “because” provides a reasonable
explanation as to why the request can’t be fulfilled.
Remember that when you give reasons they should be clear
and persuasive to your audience, not vague or mysterious.
Colleagues generally want to know why something
important is happening.

An E-mail That Offers Specifics and a Longer, More

Detailed Document

Below is another routine communication that is concise but

also nuanced with a respectful tone and useful specifics.
The writer provides the necessary context regarding an
important attachment to the e-mail and mentions that he
will be sending a more comprehensive (and corrected)
document shortly:

Dear Ms. Sanchez:

Attached is the report you requested. Please note that the financial
figures on pages 12–15 are being re-examined, and the revised figures
will be forwarded to you by the end of this week. In other respects, the
report is complete and should answer many of your questions. If I can be
of further assistance before then, don’t hesitate to contact me at 672-559-
1938, or by e-mail at chilcote@acefinance.com.

Sincerely,

Lee Chilcote
Finance Assistant

The previous examples suggest the virtues and

limitations of conciseness in business writing. Certainly, do
not waste words by digressing, by repeating points already
made, by providing more information than is necessary, or
by belaboring the obvious. But do take the time to create
documents that present the necessary information in a
logical order, that show respect for your audience, and that
use the evidence and writing strategies that are most likely
to make your case.

Applying What You’ve Learned

The following activities ask you to apply the broader

principles discussed in this chapter. As you craft responses
to them, think carefully about the tone you want to use,
how you will strengthen (or at least not damage) your
company’s relationship with the audience, and how you will
accomplish your overall purpose.

Application 2-A Inquire about Office-Space Needs

The background.
In any organization there are resources that many
employees would like to see distributed more liberally or
fairly —for example, salaries, health benefits, tech support,
or office space. In a future job, you may be involved in the
process of deciding how such resources should be
allocated, perhaps asking fellow employees about their
interests and desires. If you do need to gather such
information, you must be careful not to raise employees’
expectations or to imply any promises about future
allocations. Your task instead is to seek colleagues’ input in
order to aid the decision-making process. The final decision
might or might not meet employees’ hopes.
In this application, you are the assistant to Voletta
Williams, the facilities manager for TrustUs Insurance
Company. You have been asked to inquire about current
and anticipated office-space needs among a staff of 55
employees, 35 of whom currently work in cubicles and 20
of whom have private, enclosed offices. The company has
leased more space in the adjacent building and will be able
to expand the square footage in some of the cubicles and
provide separate offices to eight to ten of the employees
currently in cubicles.

The purpose.
Voletta Williams wants you to obtain information directly
from the employees regarding their current work spaces so
that she can devise a space-allocation plan that makes
sense for the daily business activities at TrustUs Insurance
Company. She needs practical workload information and
evidence from each staff member so that she can present a
plan of action to the senior managers. She does not want
you to make any implicit promises regarding office
facilities; she wants you just to gather information.

The audience.
All employees value their individual office spaces, so you
can expect a good deal of excitement and anxiety resulting
from this inquiry. Consider how you will write in a friendly
and reassuring way to your colleagues and at the same
time encourage them to make a fact-based case for their
individual needs and desires. You don’t want to end up with
an inflated, impassioned wish list of little use to your boss.
At the same time, you also don’t want to unnecessarily
incite panic among employees regarding the future of their
space.

The communication strategy.

You will need to provide employees with the basic facts
(background) regarding current space distributions and the
possibility of enhancements to some of the cubicles and
offices. Also let them know about the evidence they should
supply if they are currently in a cubicle and want to be
considered for larger or enclosed work spaces (for
example, a business-related need for privacy, inadequate
document storage, communication patterns with other
cubicles or offices, or technology needs that affect work
space). Be clear that you are gathering the information for
Williams and the senior managers and that you must
receive the information by a particular deadline.
Throughout your memo, cultivate a reassuring tone and a
rhetoric that shows your understanding of the issue’s
importance, but be careful not to make promises or claims
that have not yet been confirmed by your superiors.

Application 2-B Seek Volunteers for a Nonprofit

Organization

The background.
Sometimes a company needs employee volunteers to help
shape a company policy or process or to plan an event. For
example, employees may be asked to join a task force on
emergency preparedness, to plan a major company social
event, or to reexamine vacation policies. Some of your
colleagues will readily volunteer for these above-and-
beyond, unremunerated commitments, while others will not
want to lend even more time to job-related responsibilities.
It’s quite an art to bring volunteers on board for the
general good of the organization and to make them feel
rewarded through the volunteer effort itself.
In this application, you are the coordinator of volunteer
outreach for the nonprofit organization Reading Partners, a
group working to enhance the reading experiences and
literacy of grade-school students. You need to write a letter
to the leaders of a dozen local organizations (such as the
Elks Club, Kiwanis, and the National Organization for
Women) to solicit volunteers to work with your nonprofit’s
after-school programs for children aged 5 to 12 years old.
You are asking the leaders of other organizations to contact
their membership for potential volunteers.

The purpose.
You need to solicit 25 volunteers to engage in reading
activities for children at least twice a week for a total of at
least four hours each week per volunteer. Once you receive
the names and contact information from the volunteers,
your organization will schedule several orientation sessions
to outline expectations, goals, and practical logistics. Your
group will also train the volunteers on your program’s
reading curriculum.

The audience.
Your audience in this case is already oriented toward
community service, but members are also very busy and
will need to be persuaded that reading proficiency among
young children is a serious concern and that the
volunteers’ time will be well spent. (Do a bit of Internet
research so that you can incorporate some key literacy
statistics in your letter.) You should also mention some
special perks for those who successfully engage in the
volunteer service. (For example, they might receive such
benefits as invitations to your fund-raising dinners or
special access to the authors you sponsor each month at
the local library.) Everyone who has worked with volunteers
knows that they are committed to helping, but they also
relish special opportunities to reward their free services.
Keep in mind, too, that you are soliciting these
volunteers through other organizations. You want to make
it easy for the leaders of the other nonprofits you contact to
pass along your message to their own members.

The communication strategy.

Write in the spirit of one nonprofit organization to another;
that is, appeal to the recipients’ established interests in
civic engagement and community responsibility. Provide
enough information (including the childhood literacy
evidence referenced previously) about your program to
appeal to potential volunteers, and provide clear contact
information and the time frame for launching the meetings
and training sessions for new volunteers. Make it worth the
while of the other nonprofit leaders to pass along the
message to their employees and investors. Assure them
that, in similar future endeavors, you would be happy to do
the same.
Write this piece in the block letter format presented on
page 89 of Chapter 4, “Business Document Design,
Formats, and Conventions.”

Application 2-C Coordinate Accounts Receivable

Information

The background.
Businesses often look for ways to make various processes
more efficient; for example, they may seek better
coordination among office functions. Instead of just
announcing new rules or guidelines for improving
efficiency, managers may be better served by first getting
input from employees who handle different parts of a
process that needs reform. This approach is likely to result
in better policies with greater employee support.
The person in charge of gathering such input needs to be
candid about the problem or the improvements needed but
at the same time not point a finger of blame at those whose
feedback is needed for the inquiry to be successful.
In this application, you are the finance assistant for a
medium-sized online retail store specializing in household
goods. An important part of your job is to track purchase
payments, returns and refunds, and payment defaults (for
example, because of faulty credit card information). You
and your boss have discussed a need for better
coordination among some of your colleagues who handle
different parts of this information. Your boss, Jerome Kim,
has asked you to send a friendly e-mail to these associates
to organize a meeting in which attendees will discuss how
to improve information flow.

The purpose.
Kim also oversees the offices to which you will be sending
the e-mail, so his authority stands behind your request, and
he will be cc’d on the e-mail. You want to arrange a
meeting for the coming week among seven key associates
to explore improved links for everyone’s benefit. Kim will
chair the meeting.

The audience.
Let’s assume that the colleagues to whom you are writing
are entirely competent and have experienced their own
frustrations with the current flow of financial information.
Thus, they will be pleased to participate in efforts toward
improvement. They are also busy with appointments and
committee meetings, however, so you will have to
coordinate a number of schedules to find a common
meeting time and place. You will also need to ensure that
your colleagues come to the meeting prepared to share
their experiences and suggestions for improvement.

The communication strategy.

While you are writing with the sanction and support of your
(and your recipients’) supervisor, you still want to write in a
respectful colleague-to-colleague tone. Emphasize that you
are all working with key parts of the larger financial
picture; thus, each of you has a stake in wanting to
coordinate the overall information flow. Offer several days,
times, and a location for the anticipated meeting,
encourage scheduling flexibility, and be clear that you need
to hear back by a particular time.
Chapter 3 Résumés, Cover Letters,
and the Job-Search Process

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Application Process

Assessing Your Abilities: What Do You Have to Offer?
Investigate Campus Resources
Ask Yourself Questions
Identify Your Research Skills
Assembling Your Credentials
Finding Open Positions
Unadvertised Opportunities
Advertised Openings
Dos and Don’ts
Improving Your Odds in the Application-Review Process
Surviving the First Cut
Increasing Your Chances of Success
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an Effective
Résumé
A Problematic Résumé
The overall design.
The header.
Career objective.
Education.
Work experience.
Skills.
Revisions to the Résumé
The header.
Career objective.
 Education.
Work experience.
Skills.
References.
The Final Product
Résumé Tips
Give yourself the space you need.
Create a clear and attractive document.
Be sure that any “goals” or “career objective”
statements serve a real purpose.
Don’t sell past jobs short.
Include the following skills, evidence, and experience,
when applicable:
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an Effective Cover
Letter
A Problematic Cover Letter
Revisions to the Cover Letter
The letter format.
The opening.
The middle paragraphs.
The closing.
Cover Letter Tips
Stay focused on getting interviews.
Pay attention to details.
Get off to a strong start.
Base your letter on concrete evidence rather than on
claims.
Describe some of the relevant content of your
university studies to employers.
Stress throughout the letter what you can offer the
company, not what you hope to gain from being
employed there.
Close the letter with a very brief reminder of your
strongest attributes.
Exploring Additional Examples of Résumés and Cover
Letters
 A Résumé and Cover Letter from a Liberal-Arts Student
A Résumé and Cover Letter from a Business/Economics
Student
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 3-A: Create Your Own Cover Letter and
Résumé
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Getting from the Application to Success
Following Up on Your Application Materials
Acing the Job Interview
Do your research.
Dress the part.
Be prepared.
Expect difficult questions.
Conclude on a strong note.
Stay in touch after the interview.
Interview Tips
Research the company to which you are applying
Dress appropriately
Show up for the interview 15 minutes early
Plan ahead for both the open-ended and behavior-
specific questions
Prepare some insightful questions
Mail or e-mail a thank-you note after the interview.
Starting and Pursuing a Rewarding Career
Checklist: Overview of the Job Search
Understanding the Application
Process
Whether you’re an experienced job seeker or brand-new to
the hunt, knowing how to draft an effective résumé and
cover letter is key to your success in securing a position
and advancing in your field. You need to present your skills,
training, accomplishments, interests, and energy clearly
and persuasively. You need, in effect, to brag about yourself
without sounding boastful: a challenging balance.
Preparing an effective résumé and cover letter will also
involve assessing your background and abilities with an eye
to identifying every advantage you might have over the
dozens (or even hundreds) of other applicants who typically
respond to every advertised job opening. But a well-crafted
résumé and cover letter aren’t the only requirements for
success in the job search. You will also need to identify job
openings that are the best fit for you and to know how to
make a good impression during job interviews. You will
benefit, as well, from an understanding of the application-
review process. This chapter will guide you through all
these aspects of the job search.
You will need to prepare formal applications of this sort
not only at the outset of your career but also if you decide
to apply to graduate school, to change jobs, or to seek a
more advanced position within the same company. The
ability to present your talents and achievements
persuasively, then, is of ongoing value.
Along with enabling you to get a job and earn a living,
the job-search process offers an opportunity for you to
reflect on your interests, skills, talents, and the life you
hope to lead. Work life occupies enormous amounts of our
time and energy over the years — typically, 40 to 50 years
for many working professionals. That degree of
commitment deserves your close consideration, both while
you are seeking employment and periodically during your
working years.

Assessing Your Abilities: What Do You Have to

Offer?
Your first major job after college may prove to be
temporary; ideally, though, you want even that position to
be the beginning of a progressive career path that rewards
your interests and uses your talents. Every job you have
should afford you the opportunity to develop new skills and
to make contacts with others in your field. Even if it’s not
your dream job, you should treat it as an important step in
your career journey.

Investigate Campus Resources

To help establish a positive career direction and to decide

what to include in your résumé, it’s a good idea to create
an inventory of your current skills and interests. First, on a
personal level, the inventory process will help you clarify
the types of work that are likely to be rewarding to you and
that draw on the best aspects of your personality traits,
skills, and cognitive abilities. Second, the inventory will
provide the raw material for your résumé and cover letter.
Your campus career-services office is likely to have self-
assessment tools available for you. See, for example,
whether you can use the Strong Interest Inventory, the
SkillScan inventory, and the Kerwin Values Survey. These
are just a few of the assessment tools that can help you
articulate your job-related interests, values, and skills.
These tools ask a wide range of questions and sometimes
link your answers (as in the Strong Interest Inventory) to
self-assessments provided by people already working in
various fields. Thus, especially with the help of a career
counselor, you can see whether your job expectations,
skills, and interests seem to fit with the experiences of
people working in defined areas. Such instruments may not
always be accurate indicators for you, but they will at least
stimulate your thinking about your employment values and
aspirations. They can also introduce you to job fields and
subfields that you never thought about before — or even
knew existed.
Also find out whether your campus office subscribes to
the annual survey titled Job Outlook, produced by the
National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE).
The NACE survey is considered the best report on what
employers are actually seeking in college graduates. It
might surprise you that verbal and written communication
skills consistently rank near the very top in the NACE
survey — followed by other so-called soft skills, such as the
ability to work in a team, solve problems, plan and
organize, analyze quantitative data, and research and
process information.

Ask Yourself Questions

The good news is that every college major and minor uses
and enhances these in-demand skills to varying degrees.
The following questions will help you figure out precisely
what your formal studies can offer a potential employer:
Have you had the opportunity in your classes to craft
many different types of writing (for example, lab
reports, analytical essays and reports, persuasive
pieces, and proposals)?
 Have you had to present materials orally, whether by
yourself or in a team? Did you use visual aids or
presentation software such as PowerPoint or Prezi?
How much teamwork has been required in your classes,
and what did you learn about group dynamics and
strategies for success?
Have you had the opportunity to lead a group or to
delegate certain tasks to others in a group? What did
you learn from these experiences?
Have you learned how to raise questions about a range
of topics and how to find reliable research resources to
help articulate answers and resolve problems?
Have you, especially in your social science and science
courses, learned how to analyze and present
quantitative information?

Consider your experiences with each of the in-demand

skills, both positive and negative, inside and outside the
classroom. The more diverse your experiences, the more
versatile an employee you will be. Add specific examples to
your inventory to demonstrate how you developed these
skills and put them to practical use.

Identify Your Research Skills

Think especially about the ways you’ve learned and used

research methods and resources in your courses. What
categories of information and ideas have you discovered,
for example, with the aid of Academic Search Complete,
JSTOR, LexisNexis, and Business Source Complete, or
through more specialized data services? How have you
used these or other resources to address a problem, define
an area of conflict, or support an idea or thesis? This
research experience will prove invaluable to your future
employers because ongoing research is imperative to
keeping current in any field. All businesses that hope to
survive and thrive must conduct regular research on their
products, services, clients and customers, competitors, and
emerging trends. The most effective employees at these
organizations must conduct similar research as markets,
technologies, and required skill sets change. At the same
time, ongoing research will help you anticipate the changes
you need to make, or the skills you need to learn, to remain
current, and valued, in your professional field.
Consider also what you have learned and experienced by
taking foreign-language courses, studying abroad, or
gaining other international experience.
taking specialized courses in statistics, accounting, or
other areas of quantitative reasoning.
building technology or software-related skills, through
experience with Excel, database software (such as
Access or SAP Database), Web design and
maintenance, or computer languages.
participating in a research team, as a research
assistant to a particular instructor, or on an individual
research project.
gaining job or internship experience related to your
broader career interests.
gaining leadership experience in a club or organization
or on an athletic team.

Each of these bullet points describes skills or abilities that

are of great interest to potential employers. Be sure to
include these on your résumé and to describe a few key
skills and experiences in greater detail in your cover letter.
Note, too, that you might still have time in your college
career to take courses in a few of these skill areas if you
feel they will benefit you in your job search and future
career. If you don’t have enough space in a busy academic
schedule, consider buying a couple of self-help books that
can teach you, for example, how to use Excel or to design
and launch a Web site. Sometimes having even basic
knowledge in a specific area can mean the difference
between your landing a job or being passed over.

Assembling Your Credentials

As you think about and inventory the skills, training, and

accomplishments that will make you an attractive
candidate for jobs and careers, create a portfolio that
brings all of this evidence together in an orderly and
attractive format.
While this strategy will be easier when you are more
advanced in your career, you can begin now to assemble a
portfolio that contains key materials, such as the following:
letters of reference
a full description of each major job you have held
a full description of any internships you completed
a major piece of research, especially one that is
business related (for example, a business plan, a policy
document, or an industry analysis)
a full description of any study-abroad program in which
you’ve participated
any certificate you have earned attesting to computer
or other technical skills
any record or prize that acknowledges your strong
writing abilities, leadership roles, or general academic
accomplishments

Once you have a scheduled job interview, submit the

portfolio well before the interview day. You can bet that
someone at the interview will have your portfolio in hand;
moreover, he or she will likely ask you some questions
based on the materials you submitted, playing directly to
your strengths. The submission of the portfolio also helps
distinguish you from less ambitious candidates and gives
the interviewers another way of remembering you in a
positive light.
As an Internet alternative to a paper portfolio, you might
assemble similar material on a personal Web site, making
sure the prospective employer receives the Web site link in
an e-mail. Constructing a professional-caliber Web site is its
own art form and will, undoubtedly, rapidly supplant some
of the paper-driven job application processes. (If you have
never created a Web site or online portfolio, you might
check out Portfolio Builder on Facebook, Squarespace.com,
Web.com, Weebly.com, or Wix.com.)
Another Web site strategy, one seldom used thus far, is
for you to film and post your own brief “interview” on your
Web site. You would need to develop a one- to two-minute
script in which you “pitch” your best workrelated qualities.
You would also need to be sure the Webcam filming is
reasonably professional in appearance. Many employers
would very likely take a peek at your online interview as a
convenient way of saving time and money during the initial
screening of candidates. If you can present yourself
effectively in this format, you will have an edge for gaining
an in-person interview.

Finding Open Positions

There are a number of traditional resources for finding job

openings: your local newspaper; general job-search Web
sites, such as Indeed.com, JustJobs.com, SimplyHired.com,
and craigslist.org; and niche job sites for your particular
field. However, many companies never post job openings to
the public; instead, they rely primarily on internal referrals
from current employees.
 The following sections will help you make the most of
both insidetrack and traditional resources for finding job
openings.

Unadvertised Opportunities

To seek out these unadvertised opportunities, it’s important

to tap your network of peers, instructors, friends, and
family. You can also speak with the counselors at your
campus career-services office. Especially consider the
following strategies:
Talk with your teachers, who might be aware of an
opportunity related to your field of study or among the
staff positions in the department.
Attend career fairs on your campus or in your larger
community. Talk with representatives at these
gatherings, and be sure they know your name and
interests. Collect business cards and write to the
representatives a week or so after the fair to express
your interest — and be sure to include your résumé.
Attend recruiting sessions on your campus. Typically,
the career-services office hosts such visits, and staff
there will be glad to share the schedule with you and
describe the process.
Ask employed family members and friends what they
are hearing about current or emerging job
opportunities at their own companies.
If you currently have a job or internship, ask your
supervisor and colleagues about possible openings at
the company.
Request informational interviews at companies that do
work that is related to your skills and interests (and at
which you might like one day to be employed).
Your ultimate goal is to be creative and proactive in
seeking job opportunities and in making people familiar
with your credentials and abilities. Competition for good
jobs is very likely to remain high throughout your lifetime,
and the slow recovery of the world’s economies since the
2008 recession presents an even more challenging
situation for college and university graduates. The job
outlook is improving significantly, but you will need to be
creative and persistent in your efforts to present yourself to
potential employers.

Advertised Openings

Check first with the career-services office on your campus:

the staff there can familiarize you with any job-search links
or services you can access both before and after you
graduate. Some of these links are free and others are
subscription services paid for by your tuition and fees, so
do your research and get your money’s worth as a student.
When you explore advertised options, follow these
strategies:
Find online postings related to particular professional
areas. Your career-services office can tell you how to
access job-search sites that are best suited to your
particular field or discipline.
Don’t overlook job openings on your campus, especially
as transitional employment or a bridge to other career
paths. These can typically be found online at your
college or university’s employment Web page.
Check the city, county, and state jobs that may be
advertised on local government Web sites.
Look every week (usually on the weekends) in local
newspapers for advertised positions or in newspapers
published in a city where you hope to work.
Dos and Don’ts

Be sure to keep a formal record of all the contacts you

make, of the advertised jobs of interest to you, and of those
jobs for which you apply. For instance, if you made a phone
call inquiring about the status of a particular job
application, make a note of the date and the person with
whom you spoke. If you mailed or hand-delivered a paper
application or submitted materials online, keep a full
record of what was submitted, to whom, and when. A
successful job search is a job in its own right, one that
requires your best managerial and organizational skills.
You need to know when to follow up with a potential
employer and how to do so effectively.
For instance, it’s a potentially serious error to once again
phone a manager with whom you spoke just yesterday or to
send an e-mail that repeats what you already
communicated. The manager might get the impression that
you’ve already forgotten the conversation and eliminate
you as a candidate, assuming you’ll be equally disorganized
and forgetful as an employee. Keeping close track of the
status of your multipronged job-search process will help
you remain visible and determined without becoming
obnoxious to employers.

Improving Your Odds in the Application-Review

Process

What really happens when organizations review the dozens

or even hundreds of application materials they receive for
available jobs and internships? Understanding this process
from the inside allows you to better prepare your materials
for review.

Surviving the First Cut

The initial review of applications, whether made by one
individual or a small group, occurs very rapidly. Often this
process first occurs in a company’s human resources
department — you should keep in mind, then, that your
résumé is unlikely to be viewed by someone in the
department in which you wish to work until it has passed
this initial stage. The initial reviewer might devote no more
than 20 or 30 seconds to a cover letter and résumé — just a
quick glance to see if the applicant is in the ballpark of
what’s required for the job opening. Thus, your application
must grab immediate attention with its solid substance,
relevant education and experience, and attractive
document design. (For a detailed discussion of how to craft
an effective résumé and cover letter, see pages 50–68. For
more on document design, see Chapter 4.)
In a common first-cut process, the recruiters might sort
applications quickly into “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” piles;
sometimes a numerical rating (1–5, for example) is applied
instead. Some larger organizations with online application
systems use computer software to seek terms and
credentials in candidates’ materials that are pertinent to
the specific job opening. For example, an accounting
position might search for “CPA” or for such related terms as
“financial,” “spreadsheet,” and “audit.”
Whatever the system used, the first steps of the review
can be quick and ruthless. Only a few candidates from the
“yes” group will actually be interviewed; the “no” group is
out of the running; and it is rare for a “maybe” application
to eventually migrate to the “yes” pile.

Increasing Your Chances of Success

Knowing how the application-review process works will

help you prepare a résumé and cover letter that will find
their way to the “yes” pile. Here are some key steps to
making that happen:
Make sure that there is a reasonable fit between your
credentials and the advertised job criteria. Read each
job posting carefully to get a sense of the company
culture and what each organization is looking for in a
candidate, and look for positions for which you feel
your expertise is a good fit.
Be certain that this fit is explicit in the vocabulary and
evidence you present in the cover letter and résumé.
Tailor your cover letter to each position to which you
apply. Stretching your reach a bit is fine, but don’t be
unrealistic about the possibilities.
Sell your qualifications strategically, whatever your
major. Job candidates who have degrees in the STEM
disciplines (science, technology, engineering, and
mathematics) are in great demand, as are graduates in
such fields as accounting and actuarial science. But
even job candidates with these skills will need to make
sure that they carefully tailor their application to each
position they seek. Good job opportunities are also
available for humanities and social-science graduates,
though on-campus recruitment efforts for graduates in
these areas are likely to be less active than those for
STEM graduates. If you are in the humanities, the
social sciences, or the arts, make sure that your résumé
and cover letter play up the skills called for in open
jobs. (For an example of a well-crafted résumé and
cover letter from a liberal-arts student, see pages 69–
71.)
Because your goal is to land an interview, be certain
that your cover letter grabs immediate attention and
that all of your materials are designed clearly and
attractively. At all costs, avoid careless errors in
grammar and punctuation, as these are easy excuses to
eliminate candidates. (Winning strategies will be
presented in the next section of this chapter.)
Take into consideration that, despite your good
credentials, an element of luck is involved in the hiring
process. Each reviewer brings his or her own biases to
a review of your cover letter and résumé, and his or her
own time constraints to the process of reviewing stacks
of applications.
Submit several applications simultaneously to a number
of promising job openings. You will usually need to
place your credentials in the hands of five to ten
potential employers in order to receive a positive
response from a few of them, and you can’t waste time
by applying just to one position at a time.
Try not to take any rejections personally. Your not
getting an interview may actually have little connection
to your qualifications. There’s a big element of luck in
the application-review process, because it takes the
right person happening to peruse your materials at the
right time.
If a hiring firm is relatively nearby, consider delivering
your materials in person. You might try to say “hello” to
the hiring manager, but even if you don’t get past the
front desk, the person you meet has now connected
your face, commitment, and energy to your application
materials. You are no longer entirely anonymous, and
he or she might mention a favorable impression to the
hiring manager.
If you are applying online for a position, you may
receive an automated response providing you with
instructions going forward. Follow these instructions
closely. If you are given contact information, follow up
within a reasonable time period, but remember that
reviewers receive numerous applications each day.
They will not appreciate your following up before
they’ve even had a chance to review your résumé.
In general, you should put your best self forward in all
aspects of the job application process. In all of your written
materials and direct interactions with potential employers,
you must try to demonstrate that you are skilled in the
areas needed by the employer, conscientious, energetic,
and creative.
Next, we will examine two components of job
applications in greater depth: résumés and cover letters.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
In the following sections, we’ll examine how two job
applicants responded to the challenge of developing a
successful résumé and cover letter. As you craft such
documents yourself, understand that doing so thoughtfully
will not only improve your chances of getting a job in the
immediate future but also offer you an opportunity to
reflect on what you have already learned and accomplished
at this point in your life (your current qualifications); what
sort of work you hope to be doing in the future; and what
other kinds of education, training, or experience you might
need in order to get there. Thus, this process can be a
great way to think specifically about your career
aspirations and about what you might need to do now to
reach those goals.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an

Effective Résumé

Even though an employer is likely to look first at your cover

letter, the résumé is especially convenient for those
reviewing job candidates. It provides a focused, matter-of-
fact summary of your educational background, work
experience, and special skills. In contrast, the cover letter
allows you to make a case for why your particular interests
and qualifications make you a good fit for the job that you
are seeking.
 Because you probably have written a résumé in the past,
you may already know that this document offers a succinct,
well-organized, easyto-read overview of who you are in
relation to the world of jobs and careers. In some
employment processes, only the résumé is requested (or
even allowed), and it is the document most likely to be in
the hands of those who interview you.
It is often said that a résumé should be no longer than
one page. For most undergraduates, who have
comparatively limited job histories and formal credentials,
the one-page résumé makes practical sense (for you and for
the reviewers). But some undergraduates have fairly
extensive and rich work-related experience to present, and
in such cases you should let the résumé grow beyond the
single page — perhaps even as long as two pages. Let the
substance and extent of your qualifications dictate the
length of the résumé.

A Problematic Résumé

The résumé should be clear, uncluttered, and visually

attractive, and it must represent your talents in sufficient
detail. The Jason Stornk résumé on the page that follows
does not meet those criteria. It is disorganized, lacks detail,
and would almost certainly be discarded immediately by a
human resources representative or other initial reviewer.

The overall design.

At first glance, any reviewer will notice the glaring
inconsistencies in format and design — the varied type
styles and formats (all caps, caps and lowercase, italics,
and so on), as well as the careless organization of content.
In fact, Jason has not taken the time to ensure that any of
the content in his résumé is aligned correctly, rendering it
confusing for potential reviewers. The result is an
unattractive document that suggests the candidate is
careless, not conscientious about the quality of his work.
All of these concerns are aspects of document design,
discussed in Chapter 4. In the case of Jason’s résumé, the
poor design features detract from the content he hopes his
reviewers will notice.

The header.
Notice that Jason’s name and contact information are off
kilter and squeezed into the center of the page, not making
good use of the full space available. His e-mail address,
steelersfan453@gmail.com, is okay for friends and family
but implies that he does not take himself seriously — and
prospective employers won’t either. This address should be
changed to a more professional one for all business
purposes.

Jason L. Stornk
1322 Bridge Highway
Alfonso, PA 22197
453-777-9090
steelersfan453@gmail.com

Career Objective: A challenging position that will enable me to

contribute to organizational goals while offering an opportunity for
growth and advancement.

Education:

Southwest High School Alfonso, PA

Graduated with Honors

UCSB Santa Barbara, California

B.A. 2016
Major: Economics, with emphasis in Accounting
GPA: 3.00; Major GPA 3.58
Relevant Courses:
Economics 101, 117A, 135, 137A-B, 138A-B
Writing 50 and 109EC
 Computer Science 50 and 60

Work Experience:

Sept. 2015–present Worked in the campus

bookstore

June 2014–August 2015 Internship at Cerebral Alfonso, PA

Accounting Services

May 2010–May 2012 Managing paper routes Alfonso, PA

for The Alfonso Ledger

SKILLS:

Great attention to detail

Microsoft Word, Exsell, Power Point, Publisher
Languages: I speak Spanish

REFERENCES:

Available upon request

Career objective.
The career objective in Jason Stornk’s résumé is so generic
that it isn’t worth including at all. His vague generalities
about a “challenging position” and an “opportunity for
growth” could be said by any candidate about any desirable
job. However, you don’t want to make the career objective
so narrow that it says merely, in effect, “I want to work in
your company.” Career objectives are useful on résumés
only when they suggest your suitability for the job(s) to
which you are applying. An effective statement of career
objectives will balance your immediate and longer-term
aspirations in relation to the goals of the company at which
you hope to work. (The improved résumé that follows
attempts to strike this tricky balance.)

Education.
Jason’s educational information is jumbled and vague. For
example, what reviewer would recognize the course
numbers listed or take the time to look them up in an
online catalog? Is Jason’s 3.00 GPA, while respectable,
strong enough to mention here?

Work experience.
The work-experience section is especially vague. Jason
offers some intriguing hints here, but what did he actually
do in his accounting internship? In what respects did he
manage paper routes? Unless human resources
representatives can get a sense of Jason’s specific duties in
each of these positions, they’ll move along to other
candidates.

Skills.
Jason’s skills section includes misspellings — which
immediately belie his claim for “great attention to detail” —
and lacks key information. For example, reviewers will have
no idea how fluent he might be in Spanish, nor will they
understand the extent of his expertise in the software he
has listed. Finally, you may have noticed that Jason
misspelled “Excel” and “PowerPoint.” As a result of all
these problems with his résumé, he will almost certainly be
passed over in favor of other candidates.

Revisions to the Résumé

Let’s tackle Jason Stornk’s poorly conceived résumé,

addressing his problems with content, organization, and
design as we reconstruct the résumé piece by piece.

The header.
Jason’s original header was off center and cluttered. Here
is a more attractive header that contains all of the same
information without appearing overcrowded:
 Jason L. Stornk
1322 Bridge Highway
Alfonso, Pennsylvania 22197

453-777-9090 jstornk@gmail.com

Note how this header makes better use of the space

available and presents the contact information more
clearly. A simple design element, the three-layered
underscore, has been added to clearly distinguish the
heading from the body of Jason’s résumé. Notice, too, that
the unprofessional e-mail address
(steelersfan453@gmail.com) has been replaced by a more
suitable address.
On a related point, be certain also to replace any
obnoxious or frivolous voice-mail messages on your cell
phone or landline. In addition, bearing in mind that
increasing numbers of employers investigate candidates
online and eliminate those who present themselves
unprofessionally, familiarize yourself with the privacy
settings for each social-media account you hold, and ensure
that any photos, videos, or posts that you would prefer a
future employer did not see are kept private or are
expunged. (For more on social media pitfalls and guidelines
in the job search, see pages 234–40 in Chapter 8, “Business
Writing Gaffes in the Real World.”)

Career objective.
Jason’s current career objective is a vague throwaway.
Equally worthless would be an objective like this: “An entry-
level position in accounting at Asteroid Avoidance Inc.,”
which merely restates that Jason wants the job to which he
is applying. As suggested earlier, if you want to include a
career objective, have it suggest that your personal goals
line up with those of the company.

Career Objective: To increase my accounting skills in a dynamic work

environment, eventually to move into financial management.

Education.
If you have significant work or internship experience, that
experience will be a powerful aspect of your job
qualifications. For most of you, however, at this point in
your life your university education is your central, most
compelling credential and must be considered carefully and
presented well. Here is an improved version of Jason’s
educational background:

Education.

University of California, Santa Barbara Santa Barbara,

California
BA expected June 2016
Major: Economics, with emphasis in Accounting
Major GPA: 3.58 (on a 4-point scale)

Relevant Courses:
Intermediate Microeconomic Theory, Law and
Economics, Monetary Economics, Managerial
Accounting, Income Taxation, Writing and the
Research Process, Writing for Business and
Economics, Computer Programming Project,
Introduction to C, C++, and UNIX
Universidad de Salamanca Salamanca, Spain
Fall 2014 study abroad

Relevant Courses:
Intermediate Spanish, Spanish History, The
European Union
 Southwest High School Alfonso, Pennsylvania
Graduated with Honors, June 2012

This revised education section establishes consistent

margins for each place of education, creating a parallel
visual effect. Locations and dates have been clarified, and
the names of job-relevant courses are now listed, including
Jason’s important study-abroad experience in Spain. (As
your career progresses, you will continually add to and edit
your résumé. It’s likely, then, that you’ll eventually remove
earlier educational experiences like high school to make
room for your more current job skills. When you are just
starting your career, however, it’s fine to include this
educational credential.) Jason has now opted to list only his
GPA in the economics major because it’s more impressive
than his general GPA. Please note, however, that he uses
the description “Major GPA.” To suggest that the 3.58
figure is his general GPA would mislead potential
employers. In preparing your résumé, you must decide
whether to list a GPA. Certainly a high GPA will suggest
that you are smart and self-disciplined, have good work
habits, and can meet deadlines. However, since a 3.00 GPA
(or even higher) is about average these days at most U.S.
colleges, you might want to list only a GPA above 3.00. (As
you gain more career experience, you will likely drop all
GPA references from your résumé; your new credentials
will demonstrate your accomplishments in a professional
arena.) Be certain also to list any academic honors, such as
dean’s list, or any departmental prizes or other special
distinctions.

Work experience.
The next section of the résumé is one of the most important
and often presents challenges to students. If you are a
student, you are at a very early stage in your employment
history, and you might believe that the jobs that you have
held so far are of little substance or relevance to your
current career pursuits. You could be concerned that this
section will be sparse because of a lack of real-world work
experience. You need, however, to carefully consider the
work-related and personal skills that you brought to, or
developed during, your job as a waitperson, a cashier at the
bookstore, a retail clerk, or a camp counselor. You don’t
want to make inflated claims that might embarrass you
during an interview, but you do need to tease out the
underlying abilities that made you good at your past jobs
and that will make you an attractive candidate for future
employment. Keep in mind, too, that your employers have
also been where you are — they will recognize the personal
qualities that these jobs require and the skills that they
build. Here is an improved version of Jason’s work
summary:

Work Experience:

September 2015– Cashier, UC Santa Barbara Bookstore, Santa

present Barbara, CA
Mastered all cash-register processes
Greet customers
Reconcile register accounts at the end of each
shift

June 2014–August Intern, Cerebral Accounting Services, Alfonso, PA

2015
Helped chief accountant tally accounts
receivable
Answered routine financial questions for
customers
Prepared accounting information for reporting
of state and federal taxes

May 2010–May 2012 Manager of paper routes, The Alfonso Ledger,

Alfonso, PA
 Organized the routes of 11 newspaper delivery
people
Answered customer calls about missing papers
or late deliveries
Dispatched new deliveries as needed
Helped interview new delivery applicants

Now the skills and care required for Jason to be an

effective cashier, intern, and paper-route manager are
clearly outlined, and recruiters will be able to see how
these job skills can be applied to their organizations. You
want readers of your résumé to say, in effect, “Yes, that job
does involve a complex process, patience, and attention to
detail.” The internship listed now makes clear that Jason
has had significant accounting and customer-relations
responsibilities. He wasn’t just filing papers and answering
the phone. The “managing” of paper routes is now clear as
well: it required good organizational and managerial skills
and the ability to resolve problems and appease unhappy
customers.
The improved work-experience section also illustrates
parallel structure in writing: each verb in the job
descriptions is active and in the past tense, unless it
describes duties performed in a current position. Parallel
structure can refer not only to grammatical or syntactic
consistency but also to the aspects of visual layout we
discussed earlier. In each case, “parallel structure” means
consistency in style and format. It is up to you how you
choose to describe your individual work experiences. You
can use phrases, full sentences, or even a more narrative
style. You should also select an effective design style, using
bullet points or indentations to set off different jobs and job
skills. But once you have made such decisions for yourself
and for your readers, follow the same, parallel format
throughout the section. Also, make sure that the design you
use for your work experience is consistent with the design
you use for the rest of your résumé.

Skills.
The skills section on Jason’s résumé was careless and
vague. Here is an improved version:

Skills:
Great attention to detail, as demonstrated through my accounting
internship
Very proficient in Microsoft Word and Excel; some experience with
PowerPoint and Publisher
Fluent in spoken and written English and Spanish

In this revision, the claim of “attention to detail” is now

supported by the experience Jason obtained through his
accounting internship. (He has also spelled “Excel” and
“PowerPoint” correctly.) As will be discussed later, in the
section on cover letters (see pages 60–68), it is important in
job application materials to avoid broad claims about your
personal skills and character traits. Rather, you need to
support claims with evidence, to demonstrate the existence
of these traits through your work experience and duties. Be
certain as well to indicate your level of proficiency in the
skills you reference, as Jason has now done with his
software and foreign-language expertise.

References.
Finally, the references section — the standard conclusion to
a résumé — is usually a waste of valuable space.

REFERENCES:

Available upon request

No employer will hire a person into a significant position —
the type that you will be seeking at this point in your career
— without asking for at least one reference. Employers
assume that these references are people willing to write a
letter on your behalf or respond to a phone inquiry about
you with praise. It is important, then, during your
undergraduate years, that you make yourself known to a
few teachers or supervisors who can speak well of your
talents and commitments when it’s time for you to submit
job applications. Provide contact information for these
individuals only when requested to do so by a potential
employer, and only after first asking permission from each
reference. To list these individuals in a separate section will
only take valuable space you could otherwise use to
elaborate on your skills, education, and experience.
However, if your references are well known in the field
that you are seeking to enter or are valued associates in
the organization to which you are applying, it’s a good idea
to list them directly on your résumé or to mention your
connection to them in your cover letter. For example, if one
of your instructors is well known in the field of
environmental studies, this would be an impressive
reference to list if you were applying to an environmental
organization. Or if your former internship supervisor is a
manager at the company to which you are applying, you
should list this reference as well. If you decide to include
references in your résumé, give the full name, title, and
contact information for each person.
Finally, if you do have in hand a very strong letter of
recommendation, you should not hesitate to submit it with
your cover letter and résumé. Even if a job posting
stipulates that no letters should be submitted, I encourage
you to ignore this caution. The fact is that the inclusion of a
glowing recommendation can quickly distinguish your
paperwork from a pile of more anonymous materials. The
worst that can happen is that a human resources director
might withhold the reference letter and submit only cover
letters and résumés for further review by an individual or
committee.

The Final Product

Once the improved sections are reincorporated into Jason

Stornk’s résumé, the final product is clear, detailed, and
well organized:

Jason L. Stornk
1322 Bridge Highway
Alfonso, Pennsylvania 22197

453-777-9090 jstornk@gmail.com

Career Objective: To increase my accounting skills in a dynamic work

environment, eventually to move into fi nancial management.

Education:

University of California, Santa Barbara Santa Barbara,

California
BA expected June 2016
Major: Economics, with emphasis in Accounting
Major GPA: 3.58 (on a 4-point scale)

Relevant Courses:
Intermediate Microeconomic Theory, Law and
Economics, Monetary Economics, Managerial
Accounting, Income Taxation, Writing and the
Research Process, Writing for Business and
Economics, Computer Programming Project,
Introduction to C, C++, and UNIX

Universidad de Salamanca Salamanca, Spain

Fall 2014 study abroad

Relevant Courses:
 Intermediate Spanish, Spanish History, The
European Union
Southwest High School Alfonso, Pennsylvania
Graduated with Honors, June 2012

Work Experience:

September 2015– Cashier, UC Santa Barbara Bookstore, Santa

present Barbara, CA
Mastered all cash-register processes
Greet customers
Reconcile register accounts at the end of each
shift

June 2014–August Intern, Cerebral Accounting Services, Alfonso, PA

2015
Helped chief accountant tally accounts
receivable
Answered routine financial questions for
customers
Prepared accounting information for reporting
of state and federal taxes

May 2010–May 2012 Manager of paper routes, The Alfonso Ledger,

Alfonso, PA
Organized the routes of 11 newspaper delivery
people
Answered customer calls about missing papers
or late deliveries
Dispatched new deliveries as needed
Helped interview new delivery applicants

Skills:
Great attention to detail, as demonstrated through my accounting
internship
Very proficient in Microsoft Word and Excel; some experience with
PowerPoint and Publisher
Fluent in spoken and written English and Spanish

Before moving on to the challenges of writing a persuasive

cover letter, let’s review the criteria that apply to all good
résumés.

Résumé Tips

Give yourself the space you need.

While a one-page résumé will suffice for most
undergraduates, let your individual qualifications dictate
the length of your résumé. Some undergraduates have a lot
of technical training, numerous awards for their
accomplishments, dazzling leadership positions in
university organizations or on the athletic field, relevant
military training, or even internships or jobs in their
discipline. A desire for conciseness and efficiency should
not squeeze out such relevant credentials.
If an employer or recruiter actually insists that you
submit only one page, follow that direction. Otherwise, let
the form accommodate to the function and use the space
you need to represent yourself effectively.

Create a clear and attractive document.

Your résumé should be easy for readers to follow and
should demonstrate visually the care you take with your
work. A sloppy résumé suggests carelessness and
undermines any claims you make about your attention to
detail or conscientious work habits. Especially consider
these design components:
Develop clear headings that orient the reader to what
comes next.
Select a font that looks professional and is easy to read.

Use a consistent font style and size for the linked sections
of the résumé. For example, if the “Education” header is in
bold, 14-point type, later headers of the same level (such as
“Work Experience” and “Skills”) should also be in bold, 14-
point type. In addition, use parallel structure in your design
as you align, top to bottom, the various headings,
subheadings, and columns of information. (You should also
use parallel grammatical structures as you detail your work
experiences and skills — for example, use past-tense verbs
such as “mastered,” “created,” and “organized” when
referring to duties from a former position.)

Be sure that any “goals” or “career objective”

statements serve a real purpose.
Most such statements are wasted, vague generalities, or
they are too narrowly geared to the specific job being
offered. To be of any use, a statement of this type must
marry your short- and long-term career aspirations with
those of the company to which you are applying. Otherwise,
the company is unlikely to see how your personal goals
align with theirs and will move on to other candidates.

Don’t sell past jobs short.

Even if you regard the jobs you have held as unimpressive,
describe your duties in each position in enough detail to
reveal the skills you obtained and sharpened through even
the most routine tasks. Look for the underlying professional
or personal skills required for the jobs you have held: for
example, interacting with challenging customers, learning
complex cash-register processes, overseeing a work crew,
organizing information, doing research, and so on. These
accurate and persuasive job descriptors are a key part of a
convincing résumé.

Include the following skills, evidence, and experience,

when applicable:
relevant computer and technical skills (especially with
Word, Excel, PowerPoint, data-management software,
Web site design, social media, and any Web sites or
databases used specifically in your discipline or field)
 evidence of your proficiency as a writer
evidence of your oral communication skills
evidence of your management or leadership
experience, as well as any experience working as part
of a team
international experience (for example, study abroad)
and foreign-language proficiencies (including the level
of ability in each language)
examples of your experience with Internet research or
with other types of research (evidence that you know
how to figure things out in a systematic way, to define
problems, and to seek solutions)

Depending on the job to which you are applying, some of

these key skills should also make their way into your cover
letter. You will learn more about how to write an effective
cover letter to accompany your résumé in the next section.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Crafting an Effective

Cover Letter

While the résumé is a relatively straightforward part of a

job application, the cover letter gives you greater freedom
to write much more persuasively about your qualifications
and interests. The cover letter should resonate with your
energy and personality while also including key evidence of
your career commitments, skills, and accomplishments. In
a sense, it requires you to brag about yourself without
seeming boastful!
Essentially, the cover letter is meant to personalize and
expand on a few key facts presented in your résumé. The
further goal is to convince the reviewer to turn the page in
order to see the résumé’s more detailed descriptions of
your qualifications. Thus, the cover letter cannot be a
generic expression of interest in the job. It must quickly
gain the reviewers’ attention, convincing them to read
beyond the first paragraph and to consider how you would
fit into their organization.
The ultimate goal of both the cover letter and the résumé
is to obtain an interview in which you can expand on your
qualifications and directly convey aspects of your
personality, energy, and commitment. Getting to the
interview stage is key, and seldom will a company hire a
candidate without at least a phone or Skype interview.

A Problematic Cover Letter

Let’s start with a fictitious cover letter that is bland,

nonspecific, and unlikely to persuade the reviewer to read
beyond the opening sentences:

September 12, 2016

Julie Liu
Aces Accounting Services
2455 Milpas Street
Cleveland, OH 44101

Dear Ms. Liu:

I want to apply for the job you are advertising. Aces Accounting Services
is known for its progressive work environment. I would love to learn and
grow in a firm of this sort. I am very detail oriented and have strong
people skills.

My background includes a summer job as a bookkeeper’s assistant in

Cleveland, a job with many responsibilities. I also greeted clients,
answered the phone, and did filing. Especially interesting was the work I
did on the monthly accounts for several local law firms.

I would be available for an interview at any time. My schedule at

Cleveland State is pretty open on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and
Friday mornings. Please let me show you what I can contribute to Aces
Accounting.

Sincerely,

Eva Winslow
There is no energy and little specificity in this letter. After
reading it, the hiring manager, Julie Liu, will have little idea
of who Eva is as a person and will not be sure what skills
Eva can offer as a candidate. Specifically, Liu will have the
following questions:
To what advertised position is Eva applying? Aces
Accounting might have posted several jobs.
Did Eva have more significant responsibilities in her
internship beyond clerical tasks? There is a hint of this
in the sentence about handling “monthly accounts” but
nothing specific to suggest actual bookkeeping or
accounting experience.
What evidence is there that Eva has the people skills
and attention to detail that she claims in the opening
paragraph? Claims must be supported by evidence if
they are to carry any weight in a cover letter or
résumé.

This letter has no persuasive force or compelling detail to

distinguish this applicant from all the others. As a result,
reviewers might assume that Eva has crafted a generic
cover letter to send to employers en masse. Julie Liu is
unlikely to want to hire a candidate who has put no extra
effort or energy into landing a job — maybe that candidate
will show the same apathy once hired.

Revisions to the Cover Letter

Let’s view a revision of this letter — one that develops a

much sharper focus — and then go over the process of
improving it step by step:

1213 Sheffield Road

Cleveland Heights, OH 44112
 September 12, 2016
Ms. Julie Liu, Human Resources Manager
Aces Accounting Services
2455 Milpas Street
Cleveland, OH 44101

Dear Ms. Liu:

Recently I saw your posting for a junior staff accountant on craigslist (Job
Order Number: 01260-109545). Your firm interests me greatly because
Aces Accounting has a reputation for encouraging its employees to
develop their skills and talents. I would bring to Aces Accounting not only
experience from a previous accounting internship but also formal training
from my Economics and Business major at Cleveland State University.

In the summer of 2014, I worked as a bookkeeper’s assistant for Genesis

Financial Services, a job that introduced me to many of the areas listed in
your advertisement: I helped the head accountant review the general
ledgers and correct journal entries, performed rudimentary account
analysis, and reviewed bank statements from several different companies.
I also honed my skills for interacting in person, over the phone, and
through e-mail with a variety of clients.

As my attached résumé makes clear, my major course work at Cleveland

State has included several beginning and intermediate accounting
courses, advanced courses in financial management, and an enriched
context of microeconomics and macroeconomics courses. This formal
training in financial skills and economic theory was put to the test during
my summer internship and has provided me with a solid foundation for
my bookkeeping work thus far and for the new challenge of managing
accounts at Aces Accounting.

I will be graduating this June with a bachelor’s degree in Economics, at

which time I would be available to work full-time in accounting; until
then, I could work for you as many as 20 hours each week. I would bring a
good knowledge base, discipline, and a strong work ethic to Aces
Accounting, and I hope you will decide to interview me. It would be
easiest to reach me on my cell phone (216-666-7788) or by e-mail at
ewinslow@gmail.com. Thank you for considering my application.

Sincerely,

Eva Winslow

The letter format.

Notice that the revised letter uses the full block letter
format (see the template on page 89 in Chapter 4). A
formal letter of this sort includes the sender’s address (on
Sheffield Road); the date; the name, title, and address of
the letter’s recipient (Human Resources Manager); and a
professional salutation (Dear Ms. Liu:):

1213 Sheffield Road

Cleveland Heights, OH 44112

September 12, 2016

Ms. Julie Liu, Human Resources Manager

Aces Accounting Services
2455 Milpas Street
Cleveland, Ohio 44101

Dear Ms. Liu:

Even though many companies post job openings

anonymously to prevent e-mail and phone inquiries, you
should always try to find out the name and address of the
company and, if possible, contact information for an
appropriate recipient (such as the director of human
resources or the manager of the appropriate division). Do a
little online research. Sometimes the posting includes the
company’s name, mission statement, or motto. Sometimes
you can Google an unusual phrase in the posting and find
its connection to a particular company site. The main point
is to create, if possible, a more direct connection between
you and the potential employer — this increases the
likelihood that your application materials will be seen by
the key people.
If you are unable to locate contact information, avoid
addressing your letter “To whom it may concern” or to the
equally outdated “Dear Sir/Madam.” Try substitute
salutations such as these:
 Dear Hiring Manager:
Dear Director of Human Resources:
Dear Employment Review Committee:

The opening.
In the opening paragraph of your cover letter, you must say
something significant and attention-grabbing about your
credentials if you expect the reviewer to continue on to the
second paragraph. Take a look at Eva’s approach:

Recently I saw your posting for a junior staff accountant on craigslist (Job
Order Number: 01260-109545). Your firm interests me greatly because
Aces Accounting has a reputation for encouraging its employees to
develop their skills and talents. I would bring to Aces Accounting not only
experience from a previous accounting internship at Genesis Financial
but also formal training from my Economics and Business major at
Cleveland State University.

In the revised opening above, the writer first identifies

the position to which she is applying and includes the job-
posting number for reference. This information will help
reviewers recognize at a glance the position that the
candidate is interested in and whether she is qualified. Eva
then mentions what she admires about the company and
why she’s decided to apply. If you decide to use this
strategy in your own cover letter, do so only briefly
(perhaps one sentence) and sincerely. Research the
company to which you are applying so that you can
accurately characterize its goals and reputation. Be
genuine in expressing your interest in the company’s
mission; you don’t want to appear insincere or fawning.
By far the most compelling part of Eva’s opening
paragraph is her referencing her university studies (in this
case, economics and business) and her relevant work
experience in an accounting internship. This combination of
academic training and actual work experience, the linking
of the theoretical and the practical, will be one of the most
attractive features to hiring managers reviewing
applications from university students.
Notice at the outset and throughout the letter that Eva
stresses the abilities and experiences she can contribute to
the company, not what she hopes to gain from the company
for her own personal and professional growth. In an
internship application she might balance these two aspects
of giving and receiving, but in a job application she
emphasizes how she can lend valuable support to the
company’s initiatives.

The middle paragraphs.

The middle sections of an effective cover letter add specific
evidence to support the more general claims of the opening
paragraph. In the case of Eva’s letter, it’s her chance to
bring her two most important credentials, the academic
and work experience mentioned in her opening, into sharp
focus. (You can think of the opening paragraph as a thesis
statement, and the following sections as the “argument”
using specific evidence to support the thesis.) You definitely
want the potential employer to know right away that you
are a university student. And if you have a major field of
study and some work experience relevant to the position
you are seeking, this is absolutely the most important
information to convey.
If you are a liberal-arts major, the early sections of your
letter might mention your research and writing skills, your
practice in defining and solving complex problems, your
experience in interpreting complex information and ideas,
your experience with team projects, and so on. Be sure to
provide specific evidence for the skills you choose to
highlight: for example, your success with a major research
project, with a team presentation, or with a case study or
problem set. Be sure to weave in evidence of your
analytical, interpretive, and writing abilities. Then consider
whether your internship or job experience demonstrates
how you applied some of these skills effectively. While
career credentials may seem more obvious for students
with a business, economics, or computer-science major,
liberal-arts students can also make a strong case for their
critical thinking capacities, their understanding of different
human situations, and their readiness to research solutions
to problems relevant to various work situations. (For
sample cover letters and résumés from a liberal-arts
student and a business/economics student, see pages 69–
74.) To continue with Eva’s revised cover letter to Aces
Accounting, notice how the writer presents telling details
about both her academic and job experience. She provides
specific evidence of her broader claims about her
background:

In the summer of 2014, I worked as a bookkeeper’s assistant for Genesis

Financial Services, a job that introduced me to many of the areas listed in
your advertisement: I helped the head accountant review the general
ledgers and correct journal entries, performed rudimentary account
analysis, and reviewed bank statements from several different companies.
I also honed my skills for interacting in person, over the phone, and
through e-mail with a variety of clients.

As my attached résumé makes clear, my major course work at Cleveland

State has included several beginning and intermediate accounting
courses, advanced courses in financial management, and an enriched
context of microeconomics and macroeconomics courses. This formal
training in financial skills and economic theory was put to the test during
my summer internship and has provided me with a solid foundation for
my bookkeeping work thus far and for the new challenge of managing
accounts at Aces Accounting.

In contrast to the earlier version of the letter, Eva now

describes the main responsibilities of her summer
bookkeeping job and then lists the most relevant courses
from her academic training. The key point to remember is
this: always foreground the evidence in your cover letter
and avoid unsupported claims and generalities. Try not to
make vague statements such as “I am very detail oriented”;
rather, provide concrete evidence of your attention to detail
by offering such specifics as, “The mastery of financial
details was crucial to my success as a bookkeeper at the
Murray accounting firm.” Don’t waste time with broad
claims that you possess all of the fine qualities of mind and
character that every other candidate will claim to have.
Instead, provide evidence that proves that you are “very
conscientious,” “have excellent people skills,” “work
effectively in a team,” or “love to resolve problems in the
workplace.” By themselves, these claims are vague
generalities with nothing to back them up. Would any
applicant claim not to have these or similar abilities? Offer
specific examples to distinguish yourself from these other
applicants and to help potential employers get to know you
better.

The closing.
The closing of the letter should briefly remind readers of
your major qualifications detailed in the preceding
paragraphs, provide contact information, and gracefully
thank the reviewers for their time:

I will be graduating this June with a bachelor’s degree in Economics, at

which time I would be available to work full-time in accounting; until
then, I could work for you as many as 20 hours each week. I would bring a
good knowledge base, discipline, and a strong work ethic to Aces
Accounting, and I hope you will decide tao interview me. It would be
easiest to reach me on my cell phone (216-666-7788) or by e-mailat
ewinslow@gmail.com. Thank you for considering my application.

Sincerely,

Eva Winslow
This one sentence draws the letter’s strands together: “I
would bring a good knowledge base, discipline, and a
strong work ethic to Aces Accounting.” The writer has
already demonstrated through her academic and internship
experience that these things are so. Notice also the
strategy that might be useful in some job application
situations: she offers to work part-time for Aces Accounting
while she completes her degree. The employer might
regard this as an enticing probationary period for a new
employee, and the applicant would have an opportunity to
demonstrate her best qualities as a working associate.
The applicant closes by expressing her appreciation to
the reviewer(s) of her application and providing her contact
information. Even though the same contact information is
included in the résumé, certain redundancies in application
materials are useful. If the cover letter and the résumé
become separated during the review process, the hiring
manager can nevertheless easily find the contact
information she or he needs in either document.
Before we move on to other strategies for enhancing
your job-search process, here are some reminders of key
points regarding cover letters.

Cover Letter Tips

Stay focused on getting interviews.

The basic goal of the cover letter is to expand on and
personalize the information in your résumé. The goal of
both the cover letter and the résumé is to obtain an
interview in which you can speak further to your
qualifications and convey aspects of your personality,
energy, and commitment. You must make it to the interview
stage, because companies will almost never hire without
completing an in-person, phone, or Skype interview.

Pay attention to details.

Letters and résumés must be impeccably written,
proofread, and well designed. Even one typo or word-usage
gaffe can send an otherwise strong application to the “no”
pile. Similarly, a nonspecific or generic cover letter will fail
to give reviewers a true sense of you as an applicant and is
very likely to be passed over.

Get off to a strong start.

The opening lines of a cover letter must contain a quick
reference to one or two of your key qualifications for the
job. This will encourage reviewers to move on to the
following paragraphs, which provide greater detail
regarding your academic and professional experiences and
skills. The strongest combination of factors you can offer as
a college student is your academic training plus any job or
internship experience: the first suggests a firm grasp of the
theoretical and conceptual, and the second demonstrates
the practical experience needed to do a job. If you have not
yet completed your degree, be clear about where you are in
your education.

Base your letter on concrete evidence rather than on

claims.
For example, don’t just claim to possess “savvy computer
skills”; instead, explain how you enhanced and used those
skills in your last job or in a college research project. Don’t
just claim to have a “highly organized approach to tasks”;
rather, show how a recent internship or leadership position
in a college club or organization honed these skills. Also, if
possible tie the skills that you mention in your cover letter
specifically into the duties you will be asked to perform in
the position to which you are applying.

Describe some of the relevant content of your

university studies to employers.
Even if you did not major in business, economics, or a
technology discipline, you should describe, for example,
your research experience, writing proficiency, and training
in problem solving.

Stress throughout the letter what you can offer the

company, not what you hope to gain from being
employed there.
(In an internship application you can strike more of a
balance between the skills you can contribute to the
company and the learning experience you hope to gain.)

Close the letter with a very brief reminder of your

strongest attributes.
You want to leave this final impression of your strengths in
the reviewers’ minds. Also provide your contact
information, express your enthusiastic interest in and
availability for an interview, and thank the reviewers for
their time and consideration. Do not introduce new
information about yourself. The conclusion should be brief,
simple, and courteous.

Exploring Additional Examples of Résumés and

Cover Letters

Next are additional examples of résumés and cover letters,

from students with varied academic backgrounds.

A Résumé and Cover Letter from a Liberal-Arts

Student

In her résumé and cover letter, student Alexandra Kambur,

a sociology major, highlights the breadth of her liberal-arts
background in global and environmental studies, as well as
her research, organizational, and volunteer experience.
 ALEXANDRA KAMBUR
6022 Arroyo Avenue, Goleta, CA 93117
Phone: (415) 515-6682 E-mail: akambur@gmail.com

OBJECTIVE:
To obtain the program/administrative assistant position with the Sea
Change Foundation in order to gain experience working in a nonprofit
organization and for meaningful environmental improvements.

EDUCATION:
University of California, Santa Barbara
Bachelor of Arts in Sociology, GPA: 3.78/4.0
International Experience: Universitat Autònoma de Barcelona, Spain,
Spring 2015 Expected date of graduation: June 2016

Relevant Coursework:
Writing Courses: Academic Writing, Writing for Global Careers, and
Business/Administrative Writing
Sociology Courses: Social Inequalities in the USA, Radical Social
Change, and the Sociology of AIDS
Environmental Courses: People, Places & the Environment; Ocean and
Atmosphere; and Ocean Circulation
Global Courses: Global Conflict, Global Religions, and Religion and
Healing in Global Perspectives

Research Experience:
I completed an independent research project during fall quarter of
2015 under the supervision of John Foran, professor of sociology at
UCSB. My research was focused on increases in intravenous drug use,
specifically heroin, following the collapse of the Soviet Union and
Russia’s current HIV/AIDS epidemic.

WORK EXPERIENCE:

Cashier, UCSB Bookstore, Santa Barbara, CA 6/2016–

present
Practice excellent customer-service skills
Work collaboratively with co-workers to organize quarterly work
schedules
Process, box, and organize an average of 2,000 online textbook orders
at the start of each quarter

Instructor/Event Coordinator, Novato Parks, 6/2009–

present
Recreation & Community Services, Novato, CA
Coach gymnastics to children ages 3 through 15, class sizes of up to 15
children
Organize weekly summer and holiday sports camps, consisting of up to
50 children per week
Trained 5 new staff members
Developed a comprehensive preschool gymnastics progression
program
Coordinated a health campaign, “Let’s Move Novato,” to promote
healthy living

Teacher, UCSB Global Student Awareness Club, 5/2014–

12/2014
Santa Barbara, CA
Taught global and cultural lesson plans to a local third-grade class of
25 students
Researched topics for lesson plans
Contacted prospective schools and publicized the Global Student
Awareness Club

Volunteer, UCSB Safer-Sex Peers, Santa Barbara, CA 9/2012–

6/2013
Confidential safer-sex peer for 60 women
Designed safer-sex information pamphlets

COMPUTER SKILLS:
Hardware: Macintosh, PC
Software: Very proficient in Microsoft Word, PowerPoint, and Excel.
Some experience with Publisher and Photoshop
Social Media Networks: Very proficient in Facebook, Twitter, and
Instagram

LANGUAGE SKILLS:
Fluent in written and spoken Spanish as well as English

6022 Arroyo Avenue

Goleta, CA 93117
akambur@gmail.com

April 25, 2016

Sea Change Foundation
PO Box 2929
San Francisco, CA 94126

Dear Employment Committee:

I am writing in response to the employment opportunity posted on

idealist.org. I would like to be considered for the program/administrative
assistant position. I am currently a student at the University of California,
Santa Barbara, and will be graduating in June 2016 with a Bachelor of
Arts in Sociology. I firmly believe that our earth is in crisis, and I have
made it a lifelong commitment to preserve resources and encourage
others to do the same. I want to be a part of the Sea Change Foundation’s
work to achieve meaningful social impact. I have enclosed my résumé
with this letter.

After reading the job description and qualifications, I think that I have the
skills and experience necessary to contribute to the Sea Change
Foundation: Research, Group Projects, and Professional Writing. I
am very well organized and detail oriented. I have experience writing
professional memos; creating brochures, manuals, and PowerPoint
presentations; and giving oral presentations. In addition, over the past
four years at UCSB I have completed extensive sociological research and
numerous group projects. When doing research I plan ahead, prioritize
my time, and work independently, while group projects have taught me to
work collaboratively and creatively with others.

Cashier and Customer Service. I have worked at the UCSB Bookstore

for the past year. During this time I have mastered all cash-register
processes and have practiced excellent customer-service skills. At work I
am responsible for keeping the checkout area clean and orderly,
completing all cash-register processes, and, most important, attending to
all customer needs. In addition, at the beginning of each quarter I work
with my co-workers to complete over 2,000 online textbook orders. This
includes processing, boxing, and organizing the online orders.

Teaching, Organization, and Project Development. I have six years of

experience working for the City of Novato Parks, Recreation &
Community Services Center as a gymnastics instructor and an
administrative camp organizer. As a gymnastics instructor, I teach
children and young adults ages 3 through 15. As an administrative camp
organizer, I am responsible for organizing and running weekly summer
sports camps. This includes designing the camp activities schedule,
collecting emergency forms and contact information, designing brochures
to advertise the summer camps, and overseeing all of the camp staff. This
past summer, I was also a member of the leadership committee
responsible for organizing an end-of-summer campaign to support healthy
living in our community. Through the “Let’s Move Novato” campaign we
 were able to bring the community together to promote healthy eating,
organic food options, and exercise.

I would love to speak with you about my qualifications for the position
with the Sea Change Foundation. If you have any questions, please feel
free to contact me at the mailing or e-mail address listed above.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Alexandra Kambur

A Résumé and Cover Letter from a

Business/Economics Student

In the next example, Andreas, an international student,

highlights his extensive work history and the very practical
skills gained from his major in business, economics, and
accounting.

Andreas Nitsche

School Home
552 University Road 44 Willow Lane #201
Santa Barbara, CA 93106 Goleta, CA 93117
(805) 891-8555 (805) 233-8769
admissions@sa.ucsb.edu andreas_nitsche@umail.edu

EDUCATION

Bachelor of Arts in Economics and Accounting (BA expected June

2016)
University of California, Santa Barbara
Grade Point Average: 4.0 out of possible 4.0
Relevant Course Work:
Intermediate Microeconomic Theory, Intermediate Macroeconomic
Theory, Intermediate Financial Accounting, Financial Statement
Analysis, Business and Administrative Writing Associate in Arts
Degree (AA, 2014)
Santa Barbara Community College
Grade Point Average: 4.0 out of possible 4.0
Meisterbrief in Timber Processing, and Construction Techniques
(2012).
Grade: 2 (German grading system 1–6, with 1 being the highest grade.)

Relevant Course Work:

Business Writing, Cost Accounting & Budgeting, Law & Ethics

Vocational Education as Timber Processing Mechanic (2010)

Grade: 1 (German grading system 1–6, with 1 being the highest grade.)

WORK EXPERIENCE

Math Department, Santa Barbara City College (Fall 2014–June 2015)

Part-time Student Assistant
Tutored college students in algebra and trigonometry
Graded student homework assignments for the teacher

Klenk Holz AG, Bayreuth, Germany (Fall 1999–July 2005) Production

Manager
Supervised 10 co-workers and prepared their production work
schedules
Organized and maintained a smooth and efficient production process
Provided overall management of Inventory Control and Documentation
Assisted in creation of improved production processes

AWARDS
Dean’s List, Santa Barbara City College (Fall 2010–Summer 2012)
President’s Honor Roll, Santa Barbara City College (2011 and 2012)
Invitation to join Honor Society Phi Theta Kappa at SBCC (2011)
Invitation to join Honor Society at UCSB (2010)

SKILLS
Fluent in German and English (speaking and writing)
Proficient in Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, and Word

44 Willow Lane #201

Goleta, CA 93117

April 18, 2016

Mr. Stefan Doehmen

Analytic Jena AG
Konrad-Zuse-Strasse 1
07745 Jena
Germany

Dear Mr. Doehmen:

I have recently learned from Ms. Ingrid Zimmermann, a former leading

researcher at Analytic Jena, that you provide internships within your
controlling department for junior university students. I believe my
previous work experience and academic training as a business and
accounting student at the University of California, Santa Barbara, make
me an ideal candidate for a summer internship at Analytic Jena AG.

As you will see on my résumé, accepting challenges is the foundation of

my life experience. In my work as production manager in one of
Germany’s biggest timber processing companies, Klenk-Holz AG, I
enhanced my interpersonal communication and leadership abilities as
well as the ability to meet tight production deadlines and target numbers.
For example, as production manager, I led a team of 10 colleagues for
whom I prepared customized work schedules in order to improve the
work climate and also worker productivity. In order to meet deadlines and
target numbers, I developed new production schedules that decreased the
downtime of our production line by more than 25 percent. This firsthand
experience, at the production level, gave me valuable insight into the core
functions of a company.

Following this vital practical experience, I furthered my academic

education in Germany and obtained a “Meisterbrief,” the highest
vocational credentials awarded by the state. This education gave me a
deeper understanding of business practices within my area of
professional interest — including cost accounting, budgeting, and
advertising — and built the foundation for my current academic education
in the United States. Moreover, extensive course work in economics,
business, and accounting at the University of California has provided me
with the theoretical knowledge of my desired future profession in the field
of finance.

Now I would like to test and extend my knowledge in accounting by

engaging in an internship with Analytic Jena AG. I am confident that this
internship would be of mutual benefit. With my previous practical
experience and growing academic skills, I am sure that I will be able to
assist the members of your department, and, conversely, I will gain
valuable experience in a field that I find both challenging and rewarding.

I would be delighted to have the opportunity to talk to you about an

internship during the summer at Analytic Jena AG. If you have questions
or would like to contact me, you can reach me at 806-232-8768 or online
at andreas_nitsche@umail.edu. Thank you for your time and
consideration.
 Sincerely,

Andreas Nitsche

Applying What You’ve Learned

Considering the advice and examples presented earlier in

this chapter, and the suggestions provided in this section,
work through the following activity.

Application 3-A Create Your Own Cover Letter and

Résumé

The background.
At many points in your life you will need to make a
persuasive case, in writing, for your abilities and
accomplishments —and not just when you are applying for
a job. For instance, you might want to be considered for a
special project team in your organization. Or you might
apply for a training program that will help advance your
career. Alternatively, you might submit an application for a
research grant or for admission to a graduate school.
In this application, you will write a résumé and cover
letter for a job that will help launch your career. (The
assumption is that you are a senior and will graduate with a
baccalaureate degree at the end of the current academic
year.) Here are some guidelines:
Using print, online, or career-services resources on
your campus, identify a posting for a real and current
job that would use and further develop your academic
and other qualifications. Don’t make up a position or
use a job posting to which you have applied in the past.
The posting should be for a job of substance, not for the
types of work that undergraduates generally undertake
to help meet their educational expenses (for example,
 as a waitperson, a retail clerk, a camp counselor, a
receptionist, or a pool lifeguard).
Prepare a résumé that highlights the education,
abilities, and practical experience that would qualify
you for this particular job.
Tailor your cover letter to the essential qualifications
listed for the position. Try also to convey your personal
energy and commitment in the letter, for you don’t
want to offer just a dry recitation of facts. Include a
copy of the job posting or description with your cover
letter and résumé when you turn in the assignment.

If you are just starting your career, you may be uncertain

about the practical value of your academic background and
work experience. So making a strong case for yourself
might seem more challenging than it will be later in your
professional development.

The purpose.
Your immediate goal is to create a compelling picture of
your work-related and personal qualities that will grab the
attention of your audience and land an interview. The cover
letter must make a strong impression even in the opening
paragraph; otherwise, a busy reviewer might not read any
further. One basic purpose of the cover letter is to get the
reviewer to take a look at the credentials detailed in your
résumé.
A personal, exploratory purpose of this activity is to help
you think about yourself as a person who will soon begin a
career. What do you hope to learn, gain, and contribute to
your field? What are your specific interests and abilities,
and through what sort of work might they be exercised,
strengthened, and rewarded?

The audience.
Imagine one or several reviewers who have received a few
dozen or even more applications for the open position. In
their initial screening, the busy reviewers might spend as
little as 20 to 30 seconds glancing at each letter and
résumé in the stack. They will quickly discard materials
that don’t grab their attention in a positive way. They will
expect your writing to be clear, concise, and well
organized. They will also expect to see specifics about you
that are supported by evidence and that connect with
what’s needed for the advertised position. They are also
very likely to shuffle you to the “no” pile if there are any
misspellings, typos, grammatical errors, or document-
design flaws in your materials. As noted earlier in this
chapter, the review process is quick and ruthless, and you
need to offer your very best thinking and writing to survive
the first cut.

The communication strategy.

Clarity, coherence, brevity, and attractive document design
are the keys to crafting a persuasive cover letter and
résumé. Do a bit of research so that you know something
about the company to which you are applying, and shape
the letter and résumé accordingly. Try also to determine
the name and title of the person to whom you will be
writing.
Don’t claim anything about yourself that is untrue or
inflated, but do think about the skills, training, and
experiences that would make you a strong applicant for this
particular job and company. One challenge is to assess and
then highlight the qualifications you actually possess,
especially if you are relatively new to the world of work.
Getting from the Application to
Success
Assessing your skills, crafting an effective résumé and
cover letter, and applying to suitable open jobs are key
parts of the job-search process, but they aren’t the only
ones. Next, we’ll examine other key steps to achieving
success, in a near-term job hunt and during the coming
years of your work life.

Following Up on Your Application Materials

To compete in today’s economy, you need to remain an
active, visible candidate — not just sit on the sidelines and
wait for your merits to be noticed in your paper or online
application. Follow up with a phone call or e-mail to any
potential employers approximately a week after submitting
your applications. Briefly let each employer know that you
remain very interested in the open position and that you
are available should the reviewer have any questions.
If you have other evidence you can submit regarding
your qualifications, send this along. For example, can you
report findings of a major research project or announce a
recent leadership accomplishment? Do you have a new
letter of reference for this particular job opening? If you
have already assembled a paper or online portfolio (see
page 44) but have not yet submitted it, be sure to forward
the materials or the Web site link to the person organizing
the review process. Even consider dropping by your
potential employer’s office in person to say “hello.” (This is
a risky tactic, so be careful not to be insistent or intrusive.)
Your goal in all of these follow-up strategies is to put your
face and voice with the more anonymous paper materials,
to keep your candidacy alive.

Acing the Job Interview

While these job-interview tips extend beyond the business-

writing scope of this book, you should still be well prepared
for the entire job-search process, and this includes the
interview.

Do your research.
Research the organization with which you are interviewing.
You need to have a clear understanding of its goals,
products and services, recent history, and organizational
structure. Such background will allow you to ask and
answer questions intelligently during the interview and to
make a strong impression. You should be able to find most,
if not all, of this information on the organization’s Web site.
If you can’t, see whether an externally created analysis of
the company is available online. For larger established
companies, check such databases as Business Source
Complete and LexisNexis. Or check social-media sites, such
as Facebook and LinkedIn, for company profiles and
assessments.

Dress the part.

Dress appropriately for the interview — certainly no T-
shirts, shorts, or flip-flops. While dress standards vary
widely across companies, by functions within the same
company, and even in different regions of the country, you
should err on the side of professionalism and dress more
formally if you’re unsure. You might get some hints by
viewing photos on the company’s Web site or by asking the
human resources department what is appropriate. While
business-casual attire will work for most situations,
remember that you want to make a great first impression.

Be prepared.
Arrive for your interview 15 minutes early to get settled in.
Bring an extra copy of all the materials you submitted with
your application, including your résumé, cover letter, and,
if applicable, your portfolio of previous work. Bring a pen
or pencil and a small notepad to take notes on any
important details you learn during the interview or to write
questions as you think of them. (Typing notes into a laptop
during the interview would be too distracting.) Simply
demonstrating your ability to arrive on time and prepared
will set the right tone for your interview and immediately
demonstrate your professionalism to the interviewer.

Expect difficult questions.

Some interview questions are likely to be open-ended. This
allows the interviewer to evaluate your ability to think on
your feet, to speak confidently, and to assess your own
abilities and how they will contribute to the organization.
Here are some examples of open-ended interview
questions:
What interests you about this position?
What are your greatest strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
Where do you see yourself professionally in five years?

Interviewers also often ask questions that pertain

specifically to your possible role in the company:
What made you apply to our organization?
How do you see yourself fitting in at the company?
What will you bring to the position and to the company?
 Many interview strategies have shifted in recent years
away from such broad questions toward targeted
“behavioral” questions, such as “What would you do if . . .
?” or “How might you respond to situation X?” Such
questions can be hypothetical or draw on your previous
work experience. Here are some examples:
Give us an example of a work project that you found
challenging.
Give us an example of a time when you worked
effectively as part of a team.
What would you do if you encountered a setback and
couldnot meet a deadline?
Have you ever interacted with an angry customer or a
difficult person? How did you handle the situation?

In advance of the interview, consider how you might

respond to questions like these: What are your broader
career goals and qualifications? What examples could you
present regarding work-related situations?

Conclude on a strong note.

Be prepared for the most typical concluding interview
question: “So, do you have any questions for us?” Avoid
simply saying, “Nope, you have covered everything.”
Prepare a few questions in advance that you might raise
regarding this particular organization. Write them down as
you research the company or as they come up during the
interview. For example, ask a follow-up question about a
company project your interviewer mentioned to get a better
sense of some of your potential day-to-day duties: “You
mentioned the ongoing refinancing project. Could you tell
me more about that?” Or, “You mentioned the great
cooperation among co-workers here. Could you tell me a bit
more about the company culture?” Asking pertinent
questions will not only better inform you about the position
for which you’ve applied, but it will also create a favorable
impression of you as an enthusiastic, curious, and engaged
applicant. Don’t ask about salary ranges, vacations, or
other perks; rather, raise questions that show your interest
in doing a great job.

Stay in touch after the interview.

Be sure to write a follow-up note or e-mail to the
interviewer or interview group after your meeting. Express
your gratitude for their time and consideration and
reiterate what you like best about the organization. This
simple act reflects your professionalism and goodwill as a
colleague and allows you to express your ongoing interest
in the job and the company. Here is an example of a follow-
up note:

Dear Ms. Garcia:

I greatly enjoyed meeting you and your colleagues in our recent interview.
I am more interested than ever in working with Framish Corporation and
believe I could contribute the creativity and hard work you expect from all
sales associates. Please don’t hesitate to ask me further questions or to
request more information on my background and interests.

Sincerely,

Jason Stornk
453-777-9090
jstornk@gmail.com

Your goal with such a follow-up note is to let the company

know that you appreciate the time the interviewers
afforded you and that you remain interested in the open
position. As you consider further contacts with the
company, especially if weeks pass with no word, be careful
not to be so persistent that you irritate your interviewer(s).
It’s a tricky balance to achieve.
 Following is a quick review of ways to prepare for and
engage in a successful interview.

Interview Tips

Research the company to which you are applying

in sufficient depth to answer questions in an impressively
informed manner. Preparatory research will also help you
raise your own questions that demonstrate your
understanding of the company’s goals, products, and
services.

Dress appropriately
for the interview in order to present yourself respectfully
and as a serious person who will fit into a professional
environment.

Show up for the interview 15 minutes early

and with a notepad ready to record your thoughts and
questions as the interview progresses.

Plan ahead for both the open-ended and behavior-

specific questions
you are likely to field during the interview. Such planning
will increase your confidence and enable you to offer
focused answers to questions.

Prepare some insightful questions

you might raise toward the conclusion of the process, as
you are likely to be asked whether you have any further
questions for the interviewers.

Mail or e-mail a thank-you note after the interview.

This will demonstrate your gratitude to the interviewers
and indicate your continuing interest in the job opening.
Starting and Pursuing a Rewarding Career
You don’t want to end up being one of those people who
“lead lives of quiet desperation” (Henry David Thoreau,
Walden). Just how to steer one’s way toward and through a
rewarding career is well beyond the scope of this book.
However, as you begin your professional journey, keep the
following things in mind:

1. Your first job or two might not be directly in line with

your talents and interests, but every job you hold has
some value in its own right and can contribute to the
next step in your career. At the very least you will find
out more, in every job, about yourself and what truly
rewards you. You might develop new skills as well.

2. Unless economic necessity forces you to obtain

whatever employment is available, don’t squeeze
yourself into a job that you already know will be a dead
end. If time and money allow, seek a position that has
at least a few of the responsibilities that fit with your
abilities and interests.

3. In the same vein, don’t fake your way into a “good” job
that you know will be unrewarding to you. If the “fit” is
clearly not right between you and the position offered,
or between you and the company, your submitting a
persuasive cover letter and pretending your way
successfully through an interview might get you hired
into something quite wrong for you.

4. Always remain vigilant for new opportunities within the

organization for which you work. Raise your hand when
an interesting task needs to be performed and you
believe you can figure out how to do it. You can’t say
“yes” to every request and opportunity, but you can
 selectively take on a project that uses your talents,
hones some of your skills, and gets you noticed.

5. Especially once you have a clearer vision of where you

want to go in your career life, make a tentative plan for
achieving that goal and seize appropriate opportunities
when they arise. Apply for positions within the
company that would move you along a rewarding
career path.

6. Whatever your line of work, keep researching the type

of work you are doing and the industry sector that your
company occupies. Especially pay attention to the
changing landscape of new technologies related to your
career area and to the shifting challenges and
opportunities to which your company will need to
respond. In the twenty-first century, no field or
profession stands still for more than a few months;
thus, your remaining vigilant and adaptable is crucial
to your continuing career success.
The checklist on the page that follows provides a
convenient summary of the steps you need to consider for a
successful job search.

✓ Checklist Overview of the Job Search

For your convenience, here is a quick summary of the
key aspects of the job-search process.
□ Make an inventory of your skills and accomplishments that pertain to
your professional aspirations.
□ Based on the inventory, create a paper or online portfolio or Website
dedicated to your professional credentials. Consider posting a filmed
“interview” with yourself on your online site.
□ Find available job postings, whether published in print or online or
discovered through your personal network.
□ Write a clear and compelling résumé and cover letter.
 Design a résumé that is attractive, accurate, and easy to read.
Tailor the cover letter to the job you are seeking.
Mention your key qualifications in the opening paragraph of the
letter, and develop and illustrate those qualifications in the body of
this document.
Foreground the evidence; don’t rely on unsupported claims about
yourself.
□ Deliver your application materials in person when possible.
□ Make a follow-up phone call or send an e-mail to ensure that your
application was received, to ask any questions you might have, and to
stay visible to the employer.
□ Keep a careful record of all your job applications and follow-up
communications.
□ Submit supplementary materials and references if requested by the
employer.
□ Prepare for the job interview.
Research the company.
Prepare and submit a hard-copy or online portfolio before the
interview.
Expect some hypothetical questions, some based on your past
experience, and some broad, open-ended questions.
Consider your own questions to raise, especially to conclude the
interview.
□ Send a follow-up thank-you note and an expression of continuing
interest in the job.
□ Consider using other strategies to enhance your credentials and
presentation:
Seek an internship related to your area of job interest.
Enhance your formal training by, for example, building computer
skills or language fluency, studying abroad, or obtaining a certificate
or a “minor” in some additional program of study.
Chapter 4 Business Document Design,
Formats, and Conventions

Chapter Outline

Understanding Key Features of Document Design

Previewing Design Basics
Melding Structure and Purpose
Elements of Effective Design
An Example of a Clearly Designed Memo
Why the Design Succeeds
Exploring Common Formats for Business Documents
The Business Letter
Block letter format
Standard E-mail Format
Standard e-mail format
Common Memo Format
Common memo format
Incorporating Visual Materials into Your Text
Avoid Do-Nothing Graphics
Provid Context
Designing Longer Documents
Following Other Style and Format Conventions
Salutations, or “You Lost Me at Hello”
Appropriate Salutations
Inappropriate Salutations
Type Size and Style
Margins
Text Breaks
Bullets
Pagination
 Headers
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Improving a Poorly Crafted
Memo
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 4-A: Revise a Poorly Crafted Memo
Understanding Key Features of
Document Design
To be an effective business writer, you need to know the
basics of document design, standard document formats,
and business writing conventions. The design and format
features include the formal characteristics of documents —
their visual style and their overall design structure —that
help make them clear, easy to read, and attractive to the
reader. There are also a number of writing conventions to
learn, assumptions about style and format that are
generally shared among business professionals.
As we discuss writing formats and conventions, keep in
mind that customary business communication practices
change over time, and you need to remain alert to these
changes. However, the underlying goals of professional
communications remain fairly steady, and we’ll discuss
those next.

Previewing Design Basics

As you compose and design a document for a business
purpose, keep in mind that your central goals are to
produce documents, whether short or long, that
communicate clearly and concisely.
create documents that are attractive and readable and
that clearly guide the reader through the piece without
distracting from its content.
 make sure that the documents, whether brief e-mails or
long reports, reflect your conscientious work habits and
your commitment to quality.

As you aim to meet these design goals, be aware that some

companies have created their own style manuals and
expect employees to use formats and conventions
established by the company managers. Sometimes a
company’s style conforms to its “brand” or identity
decisions. A company might use different font styles for
different purposes or different types of stationery for
different internal or external audiences, or it might
designate exactly when to communicate with a paper letter
or through some digital format. The company might also
want to preserve a certain visual consistency throughout its
communications. For example, the company might want its
trademark (or perhaps the color scheme associated with
the trademark) to be used in designated places in certain
documents. Thus, whenever you join an organization, be
sure to find out if there are published guidelines for the
writing tasks you might encounter. (See, for example, the
Berkeley Editorial Style Guide or the Wikipedia: Manual of
Style, both available on the Web.)
This chapter of Business Writing Scenarios: Writing from
the Inside examines only the essentials of document design
and business writing formats and conventions. For a more
detailed treatment of the different genres of business
documents (and of the important elements of grammar,
word choices, sentence structures, and documentation),
consult a good handbook such as Alred, Brusaw, and Oliu’s
The Business Writer’s Companion (Bedford/St. Martin’s,
seventh edition, 2014). The Web also offers some useful
resources for checking business formats and conventions:
The “Workplace Writers” section of the Purdue Online
Writing Lab is one of the best online resources
 available.
The Business Writer’s Free Library offers guidance on a
wide range of business writing genres.

Melding Structure and Purpose

As a business writer you want always to create documents
that are easy to read and understand and that are
aesthetically pleasing (or at least not off-putting because of
sloppy or inconsistent design).

Elements of Effective Design

The pieces that you create, whether print or digital, should

always reflect the care and thought you took to compose
and format the message. Document design in this broad
sense includes
the font (Times New Roman? Arial?) and font sizes (12
point? 16 point?) that you choose in order to provide
clarity and emphasis.
the emphasis that you choose to give to different
words, headers, and sections of the document,
decisions that include your use of italics, underlining,
and boldface type. These type styles must be used
consistently throughout your document.
visual and informational cues, such as titles,
subheadings, and bullet points, that guide readers
through the document and emphasize key points.
the clear labeling, numbering, and captioning of any
graphs, charts, or images.
in longer documents, the clarity and visual design of
title pages, the clear titling of the main sections or
“chapters,” logical paragraph and page breaks, and the
numbering of pages.
Through all of these complexities of form and format, your
goal is to
make your document aesthetically pleasing.
help your reader know what she or he is reading or
viewing and why.
aid the continuity or “flow” of the document as a whole.

In longer documents, such as business plans or financial

projections, you want to help readers move easily from one
major section to the next and to enable busy professionals
to skim or even skip sections that are not as relevant or
interesting to them.

An Example of a Clearly Designed Memo

Consider the design and format choices evident in the

following relatively brief document, by a student writing
from the perspective of a chief executive officer. This
student, Courtney Steele, is conveying very sensitive
information concerning a reduction in the company’s
support for employee health-plan costs. Not only does she
want the tone of the memo to be just right (respectful and
sympathetic, reassuring when possible) and the evidence
for this financial decision to be clear and persuasive, but
she wants the over all design of the memo to be clear as
well.

MEMORANDUM

TO: ABC Employees

FROM: Courtney Steele, Chief Executive Officer
DATE: June 1, 2016
Subject: Medical Benefits Plan Costs

Rising Costs of Health-Care Plans

With a sluggish economy and rising health-care costs, many successful
companies have made the tough decision to cut or reduce employee
benefits. ABC Incorporated, however, has consistently maintained our
company’s philosophy throughout the economic slowdown and continues
to support the well-being of all employees. Unfortunately, extensive
financial analysis indicates that our plan has become significantly more
expensive during the past several years, and ABC Incorporated cannot
continue to pay all of the costs of the medical benefits, as we have for the
past two decades. In order to preserve our exemplary medical benefits
plan, however, a new financial strategy will be implemented. Most
important, our company will absorb most of the rising costs and will
continue to pay the majority of the medical-plan expenses.

The New Financial Strategy

Expert financial analysts have conducted research over the past three
years and have found the following data pertaining to our medical
benefits plan:
Annual costs of the benefits plan have increased, on average, about 47
percent (from an average of $8,500 per employee to a new average
annual cost of $12,500 per employee).
Total annual costs of the plan have increased by $1,200,000 over the
last three years.

ABC Incorporated has clearly experienced major increases in costs.

Despite these increases, our company can continue to cover 80 percent of
these costs without cutting or reducing benefits. As stated before, the
new average cost of our medical benefits plan is now $12,500 per
employee. Additional costs not covered by the company will be distributed
based on the following scale:
Individual employees will pay, on average, $2,000 per year for full
medical coverage.
Employees with a spouse/domestic partner OR dependent child (family
of two) will pay, on average, $3,000 per year for full medical coverage.
Employees with a spouse/domestic partner and dependent child, OR
two or more dependent children (family of three or more) will pay, on
average, $4,000 per year for full medical coverage.
As with the previous plan, all employees must make a co-payment per
office visit. The cost will now be $15 per visit (increased from
$10/visit).

Annual costs are also allocated based on income level in proportion to

annual salary. The effect of costs as a proportion of salary equates to
higher costs to employees with higher salaries, and consequently lower
costs to employees with lower salaries. A document has been attached
 with a detailed chart showing exact costs for each salary level and family
size. The new financial strategy will be in effect on August 1, 2016.

Questions and Concerns

Our company wants to ensure that all employees have the ability to adapt
to this new financial strategy. The Human Resources Department has
prepared an FAQ sheet and a prospective payment schedule plan
(attached to this document) but will also be available to create a
personalized payment plan that is suitable to your financial needs, or to
address any other questions and concerns. Please feel free to contact our
HR Director, Tom Roberts, via e-mail (HRdirector@ABCinc.com) or by
telephone (extension 123). In addition, an information session will be held
in the meeting room at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, June 14, where benefits experts
and financial analysts will be able to answer additional questions.

Although the new financial strategy is not ideal given its financial costs to
employees, we found it absolutely essential to maintain our benefits plan
and continue to place the highest value on the well-being of all
employees. In addition to providing an exemplary medical benefits plan,
we want to be sure that all employees can acclimate to the new cost
structure. We hope the attached documents and the information session
will ease your adjustment to the new financial strategy and, again, please
do not hesitate to contact Tom Roberts in HR with any questions or
concerns.

Why the Design Succeeds

Along with her control of tone, lucid writing, and

marshaling of strategic evidence in this negative-news
memo, Courtney Steele has made careful decisions about
the document design. The address information at the top of
the memo is clear and aligned, and the subject line makes
clear the content of this important communication. She
then uses three subheadings to clarify the contents of the
piece and bullet points to highlight critical information. The
subheadings indicate the background for the changes being
announced (“Rising Costs of Health-Care Plans”), the
financial impact on employee medical plans and
reassurance concerning cost sharing (“The New Financial
Strategy”), and a plan for guiding employees’ benefits
choices (“Questions and Concerns”).
While nothing can soften the impact of the message
itself, the writer’s design and format choices make it easier
for the readers to see exactly what is about to happen and
why. There is a clear flow of logic and evidence from
beginning to end and also a visual flow that aids
understanding. The broader implication is that the writer is
a clear-minded and sympathetic leader and has a confident
grasp of the evidence and strategies presented in the
memo.
The previous example is a short document, but it
suggests the principles that apply as well to lengthy reports
and proposals. (For more details on designing longer
documents, see page 96.) As a business writer, you should
in all cases guide the reader through the information and
ideas of your document. Lapses in writing clarity and
coherence and careless, inconsistent document design will
draw attention away from the points you want to convey.
And regardless of whether it is a fair assessment, business
colleagues won’t think well of your competence.

Exploring Common Formats for Business

Documents

Next, we’ll take a closer look at the formats not only of

memos but also of two other common business documents:
letters and e-mails.

The Business Letter

A great deal of business correspondence still takes the

form of paper or digital letters. You might, for example,
need to design and compose
a formal invitation to a dignitary.
 a cover letter for a personal job application.
a cover letter for a company grant proposal.
an explanatory letter to shareholders.
a rejection letter to a job applicant.
a billing letter to an important customer.
a solicitation for charitable contributions.
a request for a bid on services needed by a company.
a letter of congratulation on a colleague’s promotion.
a formal renewal of an employee’s contract.

While there are several standard forms for business letters,

the most common is the block letter format:

Landscapers’ Supply House [The sender’s address]

2216 East Third Street
Mount Shasta, CA 96067

January 25, 2016 [The date — important on

business documents]

Ms. Betty Jameson, Manager [Recipient’s address and

The Timeline Hotel title or office]
555 Main Street
Sacramento, CA 94203

Dear Ms. Jameson: [Formal salutation, last

name only, followed by a
colon. Use the appropriate
personal or professional
title for the recipient: Ms.,
Mr., Senator, Dr.,
Professor, etc.]

It has come to my attention that invoices for The Timeline Hotel are now
90 days overdue. Our records show that you have received two previous
notices. You are one of our most valued customers, and we would be glad
to facilitate a payment schedule with you.
 I hope that everything is going well at The Timeline Hotel. I will hope to
hear from you this week regarding your outstanding balance of
$4,338.00. Please contact me at (530) 666-2319 or by e-mail at
slittle@landscapers.com.

Sincerely,

[signature]

Sam Little
Accounts Receivable

Block letter format

Notice that the entire letter aligns along the left margin
and that the letter includes the address of the sender and
the business address and title of the recipient. A colon is
used after the salutation (Dear Ms. Jameson:), and the
paragraphs are crisp and relatively short. In general, the
block letter format may be used for shorter
communications.

Standard E-mail Format

The business e-mail format can be used for both formal and
informal communications. Realizing that time-constrained
clients, customers, and colleagues won’t have the patience
to read large blocks of text on screen, savvy business
people tend to keep their e-mails fairly short, often no more
than 200 to 300 words or one screen in length. When you
are writing business e-mails yourself, use these strategies
to make the most of the format:
Include a clear subject line so that the recipient will
immediately see the topic or purpose of your
communication. If the message is particularly
important, you can indicate this in the subject line as
well, but be discriminating. You don’t want to inflate
 the importance of your communication. Not everything
can be “urgent” or “top priority.”
If you need to convey more complex information and
perspectives, use an e-mail to introduce the topic, and
then add the more formal or more complicated business
document as an attachment. This practice generally
makes for easier reading, since you can format the
attached text with your document design skills
(whereas in the e-mail itself, formatting such as bold or
italics is often changed or lost when the message is
transmitted).
Try to summarize the main points of your attachment in
a bulleted list to make it easy for the recipient to
identify the most important information.

Following is the standard e-mail format:

TO: “Marvel, James”<jmarvel@readyserve.com>

CC: jsuarez@timeline.com [Copy to office or person

as appropriate]

Subject: Request for landscape bid [A clear and explicit

subject line]

Dear Mr. Marvel: [Salutation plus a colon]

As we discussed over the phone last week, The Timeline Hotel is

interested in receiving a bid for landscaping services from your company,
ReadyServe. To provide information for your bid, we want to arrange for
you to visit The Timeline Hotel in order to inspect our grounds. Let’s
coordinate that visit with the availability of Janice Suarez, our
maintenance supervisor.

Please let me know about your availability either by e-mail or by calling

me at (530) 666-2320.

Thank you, [A complimentary closing.

It is not necessary, but it
 will seem friendlier to
most recipients.]

Liz Jenkins, Director of Hotel Facilities

The Timeline Hotel

e-mail: ljenkins@timeline.com

Standard e-mail format

In the standard e-mail format, the writer has provided a

clear subject line, used a professional yet friendly tone,
kept the message brief, and provided the necessary contact
information. The shortness of the paragraphs in the e-mail
to Mr. Marvel augments the efficiency of the
communication. The document design helps convey the
request quickly but still in a friendly way.
If an e-mail is being sent to a group of people rather than
to an individual, sometimes the e-mail will not include a
salutation (Dear Mr. Marvel) but simply begin addressing
the audience already identified in the “To” line. By the
same token, some e-mail addressed to large groups does
not include a complimentary closing (Thank you) or repeat
the name of the sender. The choice is yours, but in general
it sounds more respectful and more collegial to use a
salutation and complimentary closing.
A careless design, even in such a brief communication,
draws attention to itself and away from the message, as in
the following example:

TO: “Marvel, James”<jmarvel@readyserve.com>

CC: jsuarez@timeline.com
Subject: Touching base

Dear Mr. Marvel:

As we discussed over the phone last week, The Timeline Hotel is

interested in receiving a bid for landscaping services from your company,
ReadyServe. To provide information for your bid, we want to arrange for
 you to visit The Timeline Hotel in order to inspect our grounds. Let’s
coordinate that visit with the availability of Janice Suarez, our
maintenance supervisor. Please let me know about your availability either
by e-mail or by calling me at (530) 666-2320.

Thank you,

Liz Jenkins, Director of Hotel Facilities

The Timeline Hotel

e-mail: ljenkins@timeline.com

The content of the message is the same as in the previous

example, but now the subject line is less explicit, and the
paragraph breaks that made the first version easier to read
are missing. Even very simple design considerations like
these make a difference to the reader’s understanding.

Common Memo Format

The common memo format is standard for many printed

memos circulated to the employees of a company or sent to
external constituencies. Its design is similar to the e-mail
format, but the memo format
is usually longer (perhaps one to two pages) and more
complex in content than an e-mail.
can incorporate more special design features (which
are unavailable in many e-mail systems or become lost
during Internet transmission).

You need to decide whether an e-mail or print-copy

distribution will have a stronger impact on readers. Is your
audience more likely to read an e-mail or a printed memo?
Are your readers more likely to retain one format or
medium or the other for reference? The answer to such
questions depends on a lot of variables — for example, your
recipient’s level of comfort with computer technologies and
the importance of the memo’s content.
 The business manager in the following example decided
to summarize important employee pension changes
through a printed memo:

DATE: October 17, 2016

TO: All Employees
FROM: Roselia Park, Business Manager Centurion Production
Company
Subject: Revised Pension Benefits Eligibility and Contributions

We are very pleased that our several discussions and negotiations over
the past three months have brought new clarity and equity to the
structure of pension benefits for Centurion employees. Below is a very
brief summary of the agreement we reached. The following revisions will
go into effect January 1, 2017, and will be retroactive to September 1,
2016.

EMPLOYEE ELIGIBILITY

After one year of full-time employment at Centurion Production Company,

all employees will be eligible for a company contribution to their pension
benefits according to the following timetable:
1–3 years of full-time employment: Starting in the second year of
employment, Centurion Production will contribute an additional 5
percent of the employee’s gross salary to the MesaRock mutual funds
designated by the employee for his or her pension. (Employees become
eligible for this benefit after they complete one full-time year with
Centurion.)
4–10 years of full-time employment: At the start of the employee’s
fourth year, Centurion Production will contribute an additional 7
percent of the employee’s gross salary to the MesaRock mutual funds
designated by the employee for hisor her pension.
11 or more years of full-time employment: At the start of the
employee’s eleventh year, Centurion Production will contribute an
additional 10 percent of the employee’s gross salary to the MesaRock
mutual funds designated by the employee for his or her pension.

We believe the new guidelines clarify some earlier confusion and provide
improved support to all employee colleagues as they contribute their
talents to Centurion over the years. All the details of the eligibility and
contribution rules and of the mutual funds available through MesaRock
are provided on our Human Resources Web site at
www.pensionbenefits@centurion.com. If you have any further questions,
please contact Jane Cary, our Benefits Coordinator, at
 jcary@centurion.com or at extension 6667. She will be glad to advise you
on eligibility and on investment options through MesaRock.

Common memo format

The memo above contains serious, contractual

information, and the writer wants to make the eligibility
distinctions as clear and precise as possible in a brief
communication (the layers of detail are provided on the HR
Web site). The business manager has made document-
design decisions to use a larger font for the subject line,
bold or italicized words for the key information, and bullets
to make the pension-eligibility distinctions as clear as
possible. Notice, also, the parallel structure at the top of
the memo: the information is aligned in columns for easy
reading and a neat appearance — all part of good
document design.
Not even the best document design can replace the
necessity for clear writing and the logical presentation of
evidence, information, and ideas, but structuring your
business documents sensibly can help you get your
message across more clearly and effectively.

Incorporating Visual Materials into Your Text

As part of document design, we should consider the

increasing importance of visual materials (graphs, photos,
tables, charts, and so on), especially in longer documents,
such as business reports and proposals. In all cases, you
want to be sure that the visuals you include are truly an aid
to the reader’s understanding.

Avoid Do-Nothing Graphics

Be sure that the graphics you include genuinely aid the

reader’s understanding or add a visual emphasis to the
point you are making. At the same time, avoid visual
elements that are merely decorative (and maybe even
distracting) or try to demonstrate what is already obvious
in the text. For example, if you had made clear in the text
that your company’s annual philanthropic contributions
were fairly evenly divided among three organizations, the
following pie chart would not be of any use to the reader:

This chart tells readers nothing they can’t already glean

from the text and might even insult them by implying that a
visual aid is necessary at all. The roughly one-third
distributions are too obvious to require a visual illustration.
Also be sure to exclude purely decorative graphics that
do nothing to support or illustrate your content. For
example, the writer of a grant proposal could insert a
flourish of the sort shown below just because he likes its
art nouveau grace, but the graphic might make readers
wonder about its significance, thus distracting them from
the content.
 Exceptions to this rule might include a company logo or
perhaps a graphic that brings attention to the company’s
product, service, or key clients. For example, McDonald’s
includes its famous golden-arches trademark in many of its
publications. Toyota includes photos of a few of its newest
cars in its annual report just to remind consumers and
shareholders of advanced design elements and new
developments. Toyota also includes many photographs of
its corporate leaders in an effort to humanize the company.
In general, when considering what images to include in
your documents, you want to select visuals that help clarify
complex data, show numerical or other changes more
dramatically than would be conveyed through words alone,
or illustrate a company process or structure. (The next
section provides examples of such visuals.)

Provide Context

Be certain always to contextualize the graphics you decide

to use, following these strategies:
Introduce all graphics in your prose, letting readers
know what you expect them to see in the chart or
diagram that follows. (Keep in mind that many readers
will simply skip over any visuals.) If the graphic falls on
a page other than the one on which it’s introduced,
identify the appropriate page number.
Follow the graphic with a brief reference back to a key
element in it — again emphasizing what you want
readers to notice. (The strategies of introducing a
graphic and providing a follow-up comment on it are
 illustrated in the table and figure examples shown later
in this section.)
Give each graphic a clear title (and sometimes a
number, as in “Figure 4-1”), and provide its source if it
was copied or derived from a published source. Keep
these titles and the citations consistent across all of the
visuals in your document.
Caption the graphic if necessary. In some cases, the
title will not be enough to explain, say, a trend
illustrated in a line graph or key data points included in
a table. The graphic should be able to stand alone and
still present clear information to readers.

Figure 4.1: Asteroid Industries organizational

structure

As you weave visuals into your text, remain in charge of

guiding readers toward what you want them to see. Don’t
just let the graphic “float” somewhere in your text; rather,
connect it clearly to your narrative flow. In reality, many
readers will likely take your prose interpretation at face
value and hardly glance at the supplementary graphic —
unless you make a claim that’s hard to believe or the
graphic paints a clearer picture than your words do.
Following are two examples of how you might
contextualize visuals in print: a table (a term referring to
an arrangement of numerical data in rows and columns)
and a figure (a term that covers all other graphic materials,
including maps, photos, and drawings). Consider the
following extract from one company’s financial report.

The manufacture of these special devices in the U.S. has grown in recent
years as the nation of Sukistan moved away from this market and into the
production of nonrelated materials. Table 4-2 (below) shows how much
the Framitz Industry has grown in annual sales from 2004 through 2013:

Gross
Year Units Sold
Revenue

2004 1,250 $185,000

2005 3,226 $260,000

2006 3,500 $433,000

2007 3,899 $490,000

2008 6,045 $899,000

2009 6,600 $1,112,000

2010 6,800 $1,133,000

2011 7,255 $1,344,000

2012 11,000 $3,455,000

2013 12,550 $4,123,000

Table 4-2: Annual Sales Growth of the Framitz

Industry
(Source: Framitz Overview at www.framitz.com/322)
 Notice the extraordinary revenue growth in Framitz
sales in 2008 (a rise of 55 percent over the previous
year) and in 2012 (a jump of 257 percent). In each of
these years the United Arab Emirates purchased
extraordinary numbers of Framitz technology.

In the text preceding the table, the writer makes a

particular claim (in this case, that Framitz Industry’s
manufacturing output has increased in recent years) and
then asks readers to examine this trend visually in the
associated graphic. In the text that follows the table, the
writer then draws readers’ attention to a couple of
dramatic growth figures. These specific examples serve to
strengthen the writer’s assertions regarding Framitz
Industry’s growth in revenue.
Figures (everything other than a table) must also be
contextualized. In the following report extract, an
organizational chart illustrates something seemingly simple
(a company’s organizational structure). Yet the text that
precedes and follows the chart makes the message of this
visual clear: this company’s management structure is
creating inefficiency.

The management structure of Asteroid Industries remains lean at this

time, with only four major directors overseeing a workforce of nearly
2,100 employees. The organizational chart below illustrates the
management structure:

It is worth noting that the HR manager at Asteroid Industries organizes

all pension and medical benefits for the 2,100 employees, and the VP for
sales needs to coordinate 235 sales people working in seven U.S. regional
offices. There is no cadre of assistant directors to support either of these
two management positions.

The key to the effective use of graphics is to make sure

the graphics are an integral part of your document’s
narrative flow. Don’t allow the graphics to float on the page
disconnected from the rest of your text. Provide
introductory context, and then follow the graphic with a
brief analysis of what the graphic illustrates.

Designing Longer Documents

Regardless of the length of your document, your design

goals should be the same: to aid reader understanding. Be
consistent in the decisions you make about font styles, text
breaks, headings, subheadings, graphics, and other design
features that allow readers to recognize at a glance where
they are in the document.
In longer, more complex documents, some additional
design considerations come into play. For example,
business reports, which can run perhaps 15 or more pages,
may include special sections that introduce and summarize
the content of the piece, that outline current markets and
sales strategies, or that propose new directions for the
company. These reports may also include financial forecasts
and concluding recommendations. To provide a coherent
reading experience, a document of this sort will need to
include
a clear and explicit title.
an indication, perhaps on the title page, of the report’s
author(s) and date of completion.
a table of contents.
a brief overview of the document’s content (often an
Introduction, Executive Summary, or Abstract).
headings and subheadings to orient the reader.
dividers between major sections of the piece. (This
could mean a new heading for each new section, a new
title page for each, or, in some cases, a title page plus
dividing tabs.)
 a formal conclusion that pulls all of the document’s
sections together. (Sometimes this section will make
recommendations as well.)
a Works Cited or References page that uses a standard
bibliography format (often MLA, APA, or Chicago
Manual of Style) to acknowledge major sources of
information used in the document.

For these long documents, structure and organization

are especially important concerns. Creating a clear and
consistent design structure is time consuming, and you
should plan ahead for a significant time commitment from
you, from your team, or from both. It’s especially helpful to
plan the design aspects of a longer report even before you
write the sections. At the very least, you should decide on
font sizes and styles for the various sections and
subsections you plan to write. For examples of large-scale
document designs, see Chapter 7, “More Complex Business
Writing Projects.”

Following Other Style and Format Conventions

In addition to the elements of document design presented
earlier in this chapter, there are other important
conventions that characterize professional discourse.
Conventions are common writing practices that have
developed over the years among business professionals.
While conventions often make their own sense with respect
to clear communication, they also constitute a set of shared
expectations within and among professional communities.
They are a signal system that says, in effect, “We belong to
a professional community with agreed-upon communication
practices.”
Some of the more common conventions of business
writing are discussed below. Be aware, however, that
conventions can change with time, and you need to remain
alert to these changes. (One convention that does not
change over time, however, is the requirement that writing
be clear and error-free. For advice on using clear
vocabulary and on proofreading, see pages 27–29.) Further,
as stated earlier, some companies have created their own
style manuals and expect employees to use formats and
conventions established by the company managers. The
next few pages discuss some common conventions of
business writing.

Salutations, or “You Lost Me at Hello”

You have probably noticed in ordinary social interactions

that some people might seem too chummy or aloof in the
way they greet you. For business writing, there is a well-
developed protocol for greetings or salutations that show
respect or friendliness, or both, toward the people you are
addressing. The examples that follow demonstrate common
appropriate — and inappropriate — salutations for business
writing.

Appropriate Salutations

Dear Ms. Rodriguez:

The use of “Ms.” followed by the person’s last name and
a colon is nearly always the professional manner for
addressing a female recipient. The social and political
arguments over the use of “Ms.” were decided long ago,
and “Ms.” has become the professional standard.

Dear Miss Rodriguez: or Dear Mrs. Rodriguez:

Use “Miss” or “Mrs.” in a salutation only if you know
that the recipient prefers to be addressed with these
titles. For example, if you see the recipient sign her
letter as “Mrs. Ann Henderson,” you know that she
prefers that title. If a bank teller’s name plate says “Miss
Henderson” or “Mrs. Henderson,” you can be sure that
she has stated this preference to the bank managers. In
the United States in the twenty first century, all of us get
to choose how we want to be addressed.

Dear Mr. Nelson:

“Mr.” followed by the person’s last name and a colon is
appropriate for 90 percent of the business
correspondence you will address to men. However, when
your recipient, male or female, holds a particular office,
professional status, or distinction, it is often appropriate
to use her or his title in the salutation, followed by a
colon.

Dear Senator McCain:

Dear Mayor Schneider:
Dear Professor Rodriguez:
Dear Dr. Park:
According to conventional practice, it is best to use
formal titles in place of Mr. or Ms. when the recipient is a
PhD or an MD, is a professor, holds a military rank, or
holds a political position. Some people will be irritated if
your salutation mistakenly drops the professional titles
they have earned. By convention, a salutation to a
company CEO, director, manager, or committee chair
usually does not include these titles. However, the
address of a formal letter should:

Norma Kaplan, District Manager

Allied West Association
6645 Tenth Avenue
New York, NY 10008

Dear Ms. Kaplan:

 Dear Customers:
Dear Hiring Manager:
Dear Review Committee:
Dear Human Resources Director:
When you are writing to a large, general audience, you
can use an appropriate group title (as in “Dear
Customers:”). If you cannot determine through phone
inquiry or Internet research the name(s) of your
recipient(s), do not revert to the outmoded “To Whom It
May Concern” or “Dear Sir or Madam.” Instead, devise a
salutation like those suggested above.
Dear Serena,
The use of a person’s first name, followed by a comma, is
acceptable for an informal, friendly interaction if you
know the addressee on a personal basis.
Hi, Jack,
This is probably the friendliest, most relaxed mode of
greeting and is appropriate only for a casual e-mail
interaction between associates who are on very friendly
terms and in a nonhierarchical relationship. The “Hi” can
also be used in an e-mail to make clear at the outset that
there is nothing negative or adversarial in the
subsequent message.

Inappropriate Salutations

Dear Serena Rodriguez, or Dear Serena Rodriguez:

Whether using the informal comma or the more
professional colon after the salutation, never use the
person’s full name. We frequently see this error in
messages we receive only because of the lazy use of
giant merge lists (computer-generated lists of recipients
for mass e-mails or paper mailings).
 Jack — or Jill —
Don’t leave off the customary “Dear” in a salutation
unless you are on very casual terms with the recipient.
These unadorned salutations can sound peremptory and
disrespectful.

Jenkins —
Also don’t hail your recipient with a last name alone.
Especially to older generations, the use of the last name
by itself is very likely to sound aggressive, as though a
negative message will quickly follow: “Jenkins — I don’t
know how the heck you got these crazy numbers!”

Though there are many possible salutations, keep in

mind that the most common business greeting is “Dear
Mr.” or “Dear Ms.,” followed by the last name and a colon:

Dear Ms. Liu:

Dear Mr. McFall:
And be sure to spell the recipient’s name correctly. It will
look inattentive and careless if you mistakenly write
“Smith” instead of “Smythe” or “Elis” instead of “Elyse.”
You want to start on a solid footing when you greet your
professional colleague or prospective employer.

Type Size and Style

In general, use 12-point type in the main text of a

document, a font size easy for most readers to see. The
Times New Roman font has long been the standard for
business communications, but it’s acceptable to use other
fonts, such as Arial and Calibri, providing that they’re
clear, easy to read, and professional in appearance. (Check
to see whether the organization for which you work has
made decisions about font styles for its various
communications.)
 In longer pieces of writing, decide what size and style of
font you will use for the main section headings and for
subheadings. Be consistent in your use of bold type, italics,
and underlining throughout the document. Also, avoid
using colored type unless you wish to highlight specific or
important information in the text.

Margins

In general, use standard one-inch margins at the top,

bottom, and sides of the page — or at least use consistent
margins throughout the text. Use margins that are justified
to the left. You can also use full-justified margins (both left
and right) as long as the process doesn’t result in odd blank
spaces or s t r e t c h e d w o r d s.

Text Breaks

In business writing it is good practice not to create long

paragraphs and long sections of uninterrupted prose (for
example, a full page or more). Use paragraph breaks that
are appropriate to the logic of the information you are
providing, but make the paragraphs short and easily
digested.
In longer documents, consider using subheadings to
signal a shift to a new topic. This strategy helps orient
readers and allows them to skip ahead and find a particular
topic. Keep in mind, though, that lots of very short sections
of prose are distracting and can disrupt the flow of the
reading process.
“Widows” and “orphans” are inappropriate breaks in a
text at the bottom (orphan) or top (widow) of a page. Plan
your page breaks so that little pieces of text or headings
don’t linger, lonely and in the wrong place. For example,
you would not want to make the reader move to the next
page to read the last three words in a major section of your
report. Nor would you want to introduce a bulleted list with
a title at the very bottom of a page and follow with all the
bullet points on the next page. These odd textual breaks
imply lazy formatting and will irritate most readers or
distract them from your content.

Bullets

The use of bullets has always been controversial in

business writing. Some people think bullets make central
points stand out for the reader, and others think they are a
poor substitute for clear narrative prose. Most business
writers, however, would agree that bullet points should
be used smartly and sparingly.
be reserved mainly for lists of brief key facts.
be written in parallel structure. (In other words, use
the same grammatical structure from one bullet point
to the next, as we did in this example.)

Pagination

Insert page numbers in longer pieces of writing. Begin

pagination with the main body of the text, not with a title
page or a table of contents. Typically, page numbers are
centered at the bottom of a report, but you can decide what
looks best for your purposes and for the genre of the
document. Just be consistent throughout.

Headers

Headers are a useful organizational tool that allow you to

divide your document into short, easily digested sections.
When included at the top of a page, headers also remind
readers what section they are reading in a longer report or
proposal or allow them to easily locate a particular section.
For example, if you were writing a psychological study, you
might use headings that pertain to the different sections of
the study, such as Abstract, Methods, Results, Discussion,
and so on.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
Let’s apply some of the document-design strategies
discussed previously to the following scenario.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Improving a

Poorly Crafted Memo
The following memo is poorly designed and formatted. In
addition, it contains awkward wording and typographical
errors, and it does not address a sensitive issue as
thoughtfully as it could. Analyze the structure and wording
of this document, considering how each could be improved.
As you do so, you might find it helpful to refer to earlier
sections of this chapter: “An Example of a Clearly Designed
Memo” (page 85) and “Common Memo Format” (page 91).

DATE: February 26, 2016

TO: Employees of Stealth Technologies
FROM: Barbara Long, HR
Subject: Computers and the Internet

It’s come to our attention that some people are making too much personal
use of their cell phones and the Internet during regular office hours. We
don’t want to prevent you from important contacts with your
spouse/partner or children during the day or to curtail all personal use of
the Internet, but some supervisors and staff have reported excessive
distractions by some employees. We need to refocus on our professional
obligations to the important work of Stealth Technologies, so here are
new guidelines: First, whenever possible employees should limit there
personal phone use to the lunch and break periods.
 Only emergency situations — for example a child’s illness at school or a
need to change transportation arrangements with a spouse — should lead
to personal phone calls or text messages or tweets. If you do have an
emergency situation, alert your supervisor as quickly as possible. Second
the office Internet connections should not be used during work hours for
online shopping or other personal explorations. Do this on your own time.
Anyone who does not exercise reasonable restraint in his or her cell
phone and Internet use will receive a warning from their supervisor.
Subsequent misuse of office time will be subject to provisions ST431–
ST433 in the Personnel Manual. We hope that these reminders don’t seem
to stringent to any of you and we trust that everyone will want to
cooperate.

Applying What You’ve Learned

Using what you have learned about style, format, and
writing conventions in this chapter, work through the
following activity, which asks you to apply your knowledge
of proper design, formatting, and conventions for business
documents in order to revise a poorly crafted piece of
business writing.

Application 4-A Revise a Poorly Crafted Memo

Revise the previous memo based on the guidelines in this
chapter and on the following suggestions:
Can you correct the inconsistent formatting that
introduces the memo, provide a full title for Ms. Long,
and devise a more explicit subject line?
Can you make the tone of the memo more collegial,
more likely to obtain the cooperation of valued
colleagues?
Can you improve the awkward phrasing in several parts
of the memo and correct any typos and grammatical
and punctuation errors? (For more on proofreading, see
page 29.)
Can you break up this single block of text by using
subheadings or bulleted entries, or both, that will make
the memo easier to follow?
Chapter 5 Writing to Colleagues
within the Organization

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Challenges of Writing to Colleagues

Keeping Special Issues and Controversies in Mind
Respecting Co-workers across Business Cultures
Some Good News about Workplace Dynamics
Potential Consequences of Angry Communications
Responding to Discourteous Communications
Distinguishing Friends from Professional Colleagues
Conveying Negative News
Negative News Pitfalls
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad News about
a Holiday Gift
An Off-Putting Message about the Gift
A More Thoughtful Message
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad News about
Medical Benefits
The Background
The Basic Facts about the Benefit Changes
Advice on conveying the News
An Effective Memo about the Benefits Changes
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 5-A Revise an Off-Putting Request for a
Promotion
The background
The purpose.
The audience.
 The communication strategy.
Application 5-B Request Information about Office
Supplies
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 5-C Revise a Poor Communication about
Office Space
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 5-D Revise a Poor Communication about
Child-Care Policies.
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 5-E Revise a Poor Communication about
Flexible Work Schedules
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 5-F Revise a Poor Communication about
Holiday Office Coverage.
The background.
The purpose and audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 5-G Revise a Poor Communication about
Emoloyee Parking
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Understanding the Challenges of
Writing to Colleagues
The goals of clarity, accuracy, tact, and respect should
shape all business writing, whether the audiences are
internal or external to the organization. When
communicating with colleagues in particular, it is important
to address them, whenever possible, as valued partners in a
shared enterprise. This style of communication will help
foster a culture of cooperation, productivity, and respect
that is crucial to any organization’s success.

Keeping Special Issues and Controversies in

Mind

When communicating with colleagues, be mindful of

workplace cultural and political issues that can affect how
your message is received:
Colleagues generally have close knowledge of the
company’s practices, successes and failures, good and
bad personnel histories, resource limitations, and so
on. Though individual employees may have an incorrect
understanding of these things, they may be wedded to
their own assessments. For example, some colleagues
may be unhappy about recent changes to medical
benefits, while others might be pleased with the newer
options; or the technical-support staff may feel good
about several years of increased budgets, while the
 shipping department may have watched its resources
decline.
Staff with relatively long histories in the organization
may feel either well rewarded by the company or
underappreciated. For example, Joe might feel passed
over for promotion, while Mary may have been
recognized repeatedly for merit increases and title
changes. In addition, some “political” factions in the
organization may persistently press for certain changes
and outcomes or may resist new initiatives. For
instance, a high proportion of employees might support
a new policy allowing flexible scheduling, while a small
faction might complain that this change will result in
some workers “picking up the slack” for others.
Therefore, communicating about this policy would
require special sensitivity and care.
A shared vocabulary of buzzwords and hot-button
issues might evoke a strong response among some
colleagues, a reaction of which the business writer
must be aware. For example, many employees might
support their company’s recycling efforts; others,
however, may think that this initiative has been a waste
of time and cringe when language associated with
environmental interests appears in new company
policies.

Respecting Co-workers across Business

Cultures

Some businesses are more collegial and egalitarian, or

hierarchical and formal, than others. Some professional
areas are known for being more or less abrupt, gracious,
aggressive, or accommodating in their communication
styles. A business writer needs to know the culture within
which she or he is operating in order to communicate
effectively.

Some Good News about Workplace Dynamics

Fortunately, most businesses and professions that you, as

college and university graduates, are likely to enter operate
with a relatively collegial style. In these settings, many
things are accomplished less by peremptory decrees than
through reasoned discussion, the examination of evidence
and alternatives, and friendly persuasion. A few CEOs do
gain notoriety (in television appearances or in the financial
press) for their aggressive, in-your-face style, but most
executives would much rather have their companies appear
in one of the annual lists of “the best places to work.”
These leaders want to cultivate the loyalty, creativity, and
productivity of their talented co-workers as they contribute
to a common enterprise.
Whatever their personal value systems, most top
managers consider the pragmatics of guiding an
organization over an extended period of time. A CEO who
regularly issues commands, upbraids or micromanages
employees, and suddenly reverses direction will not be
tolerated for long by talented people. Those people may
hunker down for a while during a poor job market, but they
will seek greener pastures when employment prospects
improve. Further, effective managers understand that a
business environment that treats colleagues as valued
partners in a shared endeavor is much more likely to earn
employees’ commitment to quality and productivity. This
book addresses all of its suggestions and examples to the
more cooperative and more respectful mode of business
leadership.

Potential Consequences of Angry Communications

Consider what happened when a highly successful and
experienced CEO e-mailed an angry memo to his managers,
as reported on April 6, 2001, in the Daily Telegraph of
London. The intended audience was internal to the
company, and even that audience alone would probably not
have been responsive to their leader’s demands and
threats, shown in the following excerpt:

We are getting less than 40 hours of work from a large number of our
K.C.-based EMPLOYEES. The parking lot is sparsely used at 8 a.m.;
likewise at 5 p.m. As managers — you either do not know what your
EMPLOYEES are doing or you do not CARE. . . . In either case, you have a
problem and you will fix it or I will replace you.

NEVER in my career have I allowed a team which worked for me to think

they had a 40-hour job. I have allowed YOU to create a culture which is
permitting this. NO LONGER.

The CEO concluded the memo by threatening that “hell

[would] freeze over” before he would increase employee
benefits. He also said that he wanted to see the parking lot
nearly full by 7:30 a.m. on weekdays and half full on
weekends. Finally, he warned, “You have two weeks. Tick,
tock.”
Notice the CEO’s implied shouting in capital letters and
the suggestion that “EMPLOYEES” are entirely subordinate
to the managers and should be severely reprimanded. The
content of the e-mail was so juicy that it was quickly leaked
to Yahoo! and to the financial press. In a very short time,
the corporation’s stock value (and thus its net worth) fell by
22 percent. Investors inferred from the e-mail that there
were serious productivity problems in the corporation and
that the CEO was coming unglued.
The bottom line is that this angry communication had a
negative impact not only on the company’s managers but
also on its reputation and prosperity. Chapter 8, “Business
Writing Gaffes in the Real World,” addresses, in greater
detail, the need to think about unintended audiences — and
consequences — for business communications. This
awareness is especially important today, as the boundary
between internal and external, private and public,
communications continues to fade.

Responding to Discourteous Communications

Let’s say that you are a purchasing assistant for a supplier

of computer software and hardware. Several staff members
and you have spent an entire month researching the least
costly means of obtaining a large number of circuit boards
for resale to a big distributor. You don’t want to irritate
Adam Bekwik, the CEO, but you will need time to do
further research on a better alternative for buying more
circuit boards. You just can’t have the new assessments on
his desk by tomorrow, as he demands in the following
communication:

Kimball — I can’t figure out how you got these weird figures for our big
purchase of circuit boards from J-Peg Enterprises. Have some new
numbers on my desk tomorrow morning. We just can’t afford such a big
outlay at this time, and I trust you and the purchasing group will be able
to find a less costly means of getting the items we need for resale.

Adam Bekwik
CEO

How would you respond, as Kimball, respectfully,

tactfully, and with a note of reassurance? The purchasing
team has already done a good deal of research, and you
probably need Adam Bekwik to be more explicit about his
dissatisfaction. Here is one possible response:

Dear Adam:
 I am sorry that the figures we provided are not as convincing as they
might be. The team will be very happy to take another close look at the
numbers in order to bring the recommendations in line with available
company budgets. It would help us greatly if you could provide a few
more specifics about the costs you believe we could meet at this time.
While we would not, unfortunately, be able to provide improved research
to you by tomorrow, with your further guidance we could submit by this
Wednesday amore focused report that meets your expectations. We
appreciate your patience as we craft a more acceptable set of
recommendations.

Sincerely,

Jacqueline Kimball, Purchasing Assistant

Kimball has responded tactfully and respectfully, not

defensively, to the boss. She asks Bekwik for further
guidance for the team as it pursues more research, which
will probably persuade Bekwik to give The team more time.
You can bet that this calm and confident response will earn
respect from her boss.

Distinguishing Friends from Professional

Colleagues

It’s very common for some number of co-workers to

become good friends, and we certainly live in times when
the concept of one’s “friends” has been greatly expanded
through social media like Facebook. Younger workers are
also used to much more casual, less hierarchical
relationships with their teachers, co-workers, and bosses.
This relaxation of formalities can easily lead, however, to
business communications that are too informal and unclear.
Consider always that different co-workers and managers in
a professional organization will have different
communication expectations, and many will not be
impressed by professional writing that is presumptuously
familiar and includes slang, chattiness, and the vagueness
that often characterize the interactions among friends
when they “hang out” together or communicate over cell
phones or through texting and tweeting. So be prepared to
use a more formal style when you are writing in the context
of your work responsibilities.
Consider, for example, the dramatic differences between
the following two responses to a colleague, Jack, who has
requested financial information:
(a)

Yo, Jack —

That thing we talked about yesterday won’t actually be ready until

sometime later. It’ll be a top priority for sure, but we need to get some
other stuff together before we can produce it. Stay tuned.

~ Jill

(b)

Dear Jack — As it turns out, the further analysis of our 1999 tax filings
that we discussed yesterday will take a few days longer than I had
thought. The records for 2000 and earlier are in our warehouse and will
need to be retrieved. That will take a few days, but I will make every
effort to have the analysis in your hands no later than this coming Friday,
September 30. Thanks for your patience on this important matter.

~ Jill

The tone and clarity of content are entirely different in

these two responses to Jack. Response (a) is too casual
(“Yo”) and imprecise to get a respectful hearing. Vague
references to “stuff” and “that thing” might not even help
Jack recall what he asked for in the first place, and he
won’t be assured that Jill has any specific knowledge to
share. The imprecision of (a) might be fine during a chat
with a pal, but the vague references won’t impress
colleagues that Jill is professionally competent.
In contrast, response (b) is still relaxed and friendly, but
it has a more professional tone and offers specific
information on just what Jack needs to know, provides
persuasive reasons for a further delay, and assures him that
he will receive the needed information by a certain date. It
is this level of competence and focus that you will want to
convey in all of your work-related thinking, writing, and
behavior.

Conveying Negative News

Disseminating bad news to one’s colleagues, whether

individually or collectively, is one of the trickiest and most
taxing assignments you will undertake as a professional.
The bearer of bad news will seldom be appreciated for her
or his efforts, even if the writer had nothing to do with the
decision making that led to the negative developments. It is
best for your personal ambitions and for the long-term
reputation of your organization to face these
communication tasks, whenever possible, with honesty and
with a measure of respect and empathy for your audience.

Negative News Pitfalls

Consider first some cautions on delivering negative news,

all of which were derived from the experiences of
professional colleagues.

1. Wanting your audience to like you. Just accept that

very few people will like the bearer of bad news; your
desire to be liked by others will cloud your
communication effort. For example, your
announcement regarding reduced medical benefits will
get muddled if you try both to be clear in your message
 and to evoke your friendship connections with fellow
employees. Instead, just present the bad news with a
sympathetic understanding of its impact on your
colleagues: “This necessary change to benefits will be a
challenge to all of us.”

2. Being more dramatic than empathetic. Certainly

you should convey empathy, but don’t wring your hands
in shared agony. This caution is slightly different from
pitfall 1. For example, recipients of your bad news on a
salary freeze are likely to take their cues from you: they
will probably react negatively if you present the freeze
as an “awful problem for all of us” but more positively if
you describe it as “an unfortunate and, we trust, a
temporary necessity.”

3. Minimizing the impact or problem. Sugarcoating, or

writing euphemistically, will seem uncaring, dismissive,
or evasive. For example, it will seem as though you just
“don’t get it” if you describe mandatory furlough days,
with reduced salaries, as “a great way for you to have
more time for yourself and with your family.” Tell it
straight but with sympathetic understanding.

4. Obfuscating. This tactic confuses readers and might

make them wonder what you are hiding. For example, a
report that attributes a sharp drop in a retailer’s stock
price to “usual market cycles” is unlikely to be
persuasive. If, in fact, the stock value plunged because
a harsh winter kept many shoppers at home, thus
reducing profits, it is best to state this fact.

5. Seeming aloof, or “Better you than me.” In this

type of communication, the writer seems disengaged
from the problems of others. For example, if you
announce a more restrictive policy on employee
 parking, avoid mentioning your own designated parking
space and express genuine concern for the situation of
others.

6. Burning bridges. Whenever possible, keep

relationships intact and lines of communication open.
Write with as much respect and restraint as possible,
even in a contentious situation. Try to stay above the
fray, for example, when you receive an angry e-mail
from an associate who hates your decision on the
assignment of new office spaces.

7. Trying to sweeten bitter news. Trying too hard to be

cheerful will irritate the recipients of negative news.
For example, in a letter announcing more restrictive
policies on vacation times, don’t conclude with “Have a
nice day.” Instead, end with something more like this:
“We will appreciate your adjustment to this new policy.
Don’t hesitate to talk with me if you have particular
problems regarding pending vacation plans or related
concerns.”

8. Clouding your purpose. Be clear about your purposes

in communicating. Are you announcing a decision or
seeking input from colleagues in advance of a decision?
For example, in Application 5-E (page 122), it is
imperative for employees to know that you are
conducting a feasibility study on the possibility of
switching to flexible work hours, not announcing that
you will definitely implement an opportunity of this
sort.

9. Offering too much information. This approach risks

confusing the audience and provides more ammunition
for skeptics in their complaints and rebuttals. Say, for
example, that a memo explaining pension changes
 presents a barrage of numbers, burying what
employees will see as the most important news: that
the company’s contribution to pensions is being
reduced. A better strategy would be to offer a couple of
typical examples of the financial impact on employees
in certain salary ranges.

10. Providing too little information. This approach will

fail to persuade the audience and may fuel skepticism.
For example, if you are announcing a reduction in the
tech-support staff whom many employees rely on, you
need to treat your colleagues as adults who are
amenable to reason and evidence. Give them the key
pieces of information that led to this decision and
explain how sufficient tech support will be provided in
the future.

11. Assuming that one communication is sufficient. In

a well-run company, announcements of serious changes
in policies and resources are usually preceded by
planning discussions and followed by further question-
and-answer (Q&A) opportunities for employees. For
example, if your company is considering a cutback in
pension benefits for newer employees, you will have a
better chance of not alienating colleagues if you plan a
series of preliminary explorations with key staff, hold
some open Q&A sessions, announce the decision with
clarity and tact, and follow up with further Q&A
sessions that also offer expert advice on various
pension-savings alternatives.

12. Setting (possibly) unrealistic expectations. Making

director implicit promises that you might not be able to
keep, or hinting at better times to come just kicks the
can down the road. For example, in the scenario on
pages 114–17, announcing reductions in a company’s
financial support of employee medical benefits, the
reductions are very likely to be permanent, and any
hints of a “brighter future” would unfairly raise
workers’ expectations and set them up for
disappointment.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
Let’s see how some of the negative-news cautions from the
previous section might be applied to the following
scenarios.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad

News about a Holiday Gift

Sarah Boss, the CEO at Blessmark Industries, is

announcing that she can no longer provide a Thanksgiving
turkey to each employee. This is not a dire situation for
anyone, but her employees will be disappointed by the loss
of this annual Thanksgiving gift. As many managers have
come to know, it is common for the recipients of a special
perk to eventually regard the benefit as an entitlement, not
as an occasional generosity. I call this phenomenon
“Where’s my darn turkey!”

An Off-Putting Message about the Gift

In this first draft, Sarah Boss does a poor job of conveying

her negative news:

November 16, 2016

Dear Employees of Blessmark Industries:

I am sorry to report that I can no longer afford to purchase a turkey for

every employee’s family. I know you have enjoyed this tradition since
 2011, but times have changed. I do wish you all the best in your
Thanksgiving celebrations.

Sincerely,

Sarah Boss

The writer makes no attempt to explain what has

changed to prevent her from supplying the annual turkeys,
and then she abruptly signs off with the non sequitur “I do
wish you all the best.” At the very least, her colleagues will
feel they are being treated as peons whose holiday benefit
has been arbitrarily suspended.

A More Thoughtful Message

Here is a second draft that is much less likely to alienate

Sarah Boss’s employees:

Dear Employees of Blessmark:

Many of you will recall that, in 2011, I supplied each of my 250 staff
colleagues with a turkey for Thanksgiving. The purchase was made with
my own funds and as a gesture of thanks to the many dedicated co-
workers who had led us to prosperous times after several years of severe
financial constraints.

Your pleasure in receiving the unexpected gift inspired me to provide the

same token of appreciation for Thanksgiving 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015.
As much as I would like to continue this tradition, I find that I no longer
have the personal or financial resources to visit the 12 supermarkets in
our area that have in the past supplied me with the turkeys needed. I
hope you will understand that I continue to appreciate your wonderful
dedication to our company.

Please accept my thanks during this season of celebrations as we

contemplate our good fortune on so many levels. I hope the happiness you
experience this Thanksgiving with friends and family will not be
diminished by my inability to contribute to the feast.

Sincerely,

Sarah Boss, CEO

In the revised version, the CEO writes with appreciation
and sympathy for her colleagues, and she explains why she
can no longer supply the turkeys. Many employees
probably did not even know about the labor and personal
expense involved in the effort. When the CEO expresses her
thanks at the end of the letter and wishes her colleagues
happiness during the holidays, she is more likely to be
taken as sincere.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Conveying Bad

News about Medical Benefits
This scenario describes a serious situation facing
businesses across the United States. The company in
question has for many years supplied free medical benefits
to all employees but now must require employees to share
in the rapidly escalating costs. This policy change will have
significant, long-term consequences for all of the
company’s workers.
The scenario will ask you to imagine that you must
deliver the news of the change to your colleagues. It will
also provide tips on how to break the news effectively and
accurately, with the least amount of fallout.

The Background

You are the CEO of a medium-sized company of 300

employees, and you need to write a memo informing all
employees that they must start, as of August 1, 2016, to
pay part of the costs for the medical benefits offered
through the company. How will you convey this difficult
news in a friendly and understanding manner? What follow-
up strategies for employee discussion and comment will
you devise as this plan moves toward implementation? How
many details will you include in this memo, and how many
will you choose to present through a different venue (such
as Q&A meetings)?

The Basic Facts about the Benefits Changes

For 20 years, the company has been able to pay all of the
costs of the medical-benefits plan (except for a modest co-
payment), which covered the individual employee and his
or her spouse and dependent children. Financial analyses
over the past three years have shown that the annual costs
to the company for this generous benefit have grown, on
average, from $8,500 per employee plan to $12,500 per
employee plan —an increase of 47 percent, or an increased
annual company cost of $1.2 million, since a mere three
years ago. The company cannot absorb the full cost of all of
these increases.
The new financial strategy is for the company to continue
to absorb some of the current and future increases but also
to pass some costs on to employees. In addition, the new
system will charge less for individual employee coverage
and more for spouse and dependent coverage. Here are the
details:
Individual employees will pay, on average, $2,000 per
year.
Employees with a spouse OR dependent child (family of
two) will pay, on average, $3,000 per year.
Employees with a spouse and dependent child OR two
or more dependent children (family of three or more)
will pay, on average, $4,000 per year.
The company will also scale annual costs to the
different salary levels of employees (that is, it will
charge more to the employees with larger salaries).
 For all employees, the co-pay for most medical services
will increase from $10 per service or office visit to $15.

Advice on Conveying the News

Imagine how you would deliver the news of the policy

change, perhaps drafting your own memo. Take into
account the “Negative News Pitfalls” from pages 110–12
and these more specific tips:
Try to address the employees as valued colleagues
throughout the memo. As suggested in pitfalls 1, 2, and
5, you need to strike the right tonal balance: you must
show empathy while not evoking a dreadful vision of
bad consequences.
As suggested in pitfalls 9 and 10, the amount of
information you supply in this memo will be critical to
your colleagues’ understanding the need for the change
in benefits and the impact on their salaries and well-
being. As you figure out what information to include,
consider the following questions: What would a typical
employee know, or not know, about medical-benefits
costs? Will employees suspect that the company’s new
strategy is just the beginning of the end? How can you
reassure them while also making clear that economic
necessity will require their sharing some of the benefits
costs?
Look closely at the financial numbers provided under
“The Basic Facts about the Benefits Changes.” Also,
note that the company will continue to absorb about 80
percent of the benefits costs.
There can be no obfuscating in this communication, no
fabricating reasons that can easily be refuted (see
pitfall 4). In this scenario, your company is actually
productive and profitable, but the rapid increase in
 benefits costs constitutes a serious drag on the
business’s ongoing prosperity.
With reference to the “brighter future” discussed in
pitfall 12, don’t be tempted to promise to give back to
the employees (in salary increases, for example) what
you are trying to save the company in benefits costs.
And don’t imply that the benefits might be increased
sometime in an improved financial future — that might
never occur.
As pitfall 8 suggests, you should make clear that you
are announcing a company decision, not just exploring
options and possibilities. Do not postpone the bad news
and the supporting details to a future meeting or
conversation. Your task is to present the bad news,
tactfully and persuasively.
The suggestions of pitfall 11 are especially important at
the time of a major company decision of this sort: a
well-run company will offer follow-up Q&A sessions and
probably further memoranda with a greater level of
detail. So consider announcing a follow-up meeting at
which people can ask questions and express concerns.
Whom might you bring to this meeting for expert
perspectives? To whom can employees address
questions and concerns before the meeting takes
place?

An Effective Memo about the Benefits Changes

Here is a successful student response to this complicated

scenario:

First Software Inc.

MEMORANDUM
DATE: June 2, 2016
TO: All Employees
FROM: Andreas Nitsche, Chief Executive Officer
Subject: Medical Benefits

Thanks to the dedication and hard work of all employees, First Software
Inc. has managed to stay competitive and profitable for many years, and it
expects to do so in the future. For the past 20 years, the company has
provided all employees with a generous health-care package that far
surpasses that of other companies in this community. The health of our
employees and their families has been, and always will be, an important
tenet of our business philosophy.

As many of you know, the cost of providing these benefits has risen
rapidly over time. In the last three years, our finance department has
observed an increase of 47 percent in the cost of the company’s medical
plan: from an average annual cost of $8,500per employee in 2012 to
$12,500 per employee in 2015. This rapid increase translates into an
additional expense to the company of $1.2 million per year, or a total of
$3.75 million over the last three years.

Because of these increases, our company finds itself in a situation where,

in order to stay competitive and successful, it cannot continue to bear the
full cost of our employees’ health-care package. I sincerely regret to
inform you that, after long and careful deliberation with our finance
specialists, our company has decided that it will have to share some of
these costs with its employees. I can assure you that after 20 years of
providing full payment for the health-care package, this decision was
neither arbitrary nor easy for us to make.

Beginning August 1, 2016, we plan to pass on 20 percent of the cost

increase to all employees. During the last few months, our finance
department worked out a formula for determining each individual’s
annual share of his or her health-care package. Each employee’s
contribution to the medical-benefits plan will be based on income level,
marital status, and number of dependents. An estimation of an
individual’s or a family’s annual payment is provided below.
$2,000 for each individual employee
$3,000 for each employee with a family of two (whether spouse or
child)
$4,000 for each employee with a family of three or more
$5 co-payment increase for most services, per service or office visit (all
employees)
The contribution will also depend on the individual’s level of income
(i.e., lower-income earners will pay less than high-income earners).
 This plan asks a lot of you, but, again, I can assure you that we believe
these steps are necessary and in the best interest of the continuing
success of our company. To emphasize how important this matter is, the
Human Resources Department, together with our Accounting and Finance
departments, plans to hold three meetings in the company’s conference
room on Friday June 3, Wednesday June 8, and Friday June 10, from 3
p.m. to 5 p.m. Present will be Ms. Miller from the HR Department, Mr.
Hersh from the Accounting Department, and Ms. Smith from the Finance
Department. These meetings will give you the chance to ask questions or
express your concerns regarding the upcoming changes. I will be present
at all three meetings to accept any questions you might want to ask me in
person. Also, if you have any questions regarding your benefits plan right
now, please feel free to contact Ms. Miller from the HR Department at
805-123-4567 for immediate response.

The long success of First Software Inc. is based on the dedication and
hard work of all the employees. The decision concerning the extra
payment we are asking you to contribute was made after long
deliberation and, as I mentioned earlier, was not made lightly. Providing
our employees with a good health-benefit plan will always be one of our
major priorities. I ask for your understanding of the steps we have to take
in order to keep First Software Inc. a thriving and successful company.

Sincerely,

Andreas Nitsche
Chief Executive Officer, First Software Inc.

Applying What You’ve Learned

Considering the advice and examples presented earlier in
this chapter, and the suggestions provided below, work
through the following activities, which focus on presenting
company policies and procedures effectively to colleagues.

Application 5-A Revise an Off-Putting Request for a

Promotion

The background.
Making personal or professional requests to your
supervisor can be tricky. You might, for example, need to
request time off for a family emergency, to ask for a further
review of a company practice that adversely affects your
area of responsibility, or to make a suggestion for
improving decision making within the office.
In this application, you have been a paralegal at the law
firm Quincy & Hale for about one year. During the
interview for the job, it was mentioned that promotions and
raises are generally considered after six months of
employment at the firm. You received a positive review at
the end of your three-month probationary period, but after
nearly nine more months on the job you have heard nothing
about the possibility of a promotion or a salary increase.
Below is a letter to your immediate supervisor that does not
use the best strategy to gain her support. Can you improve
the tone of this letter and make a more appealing argument
to your supervisor?

Dear Ms. Jackson:

I’ve been here at Quincy & Hale for almost a year and got a positive
review after my first three months on the job, so I am wondering whether
I could have a raise and a promotion. When I was hired at the firm, I was
told that this was the common practice after six months of employment.
Could we discuss my options? Thanks.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

The purpose.
Your goal is to gain serious consideration from your
supervisor without sounding unappreciative,
presumptuous, or greedy.

The audience.
This supervisor receives many individual requests from her
colleagues. She is likely to respond more favorably to a
request that is based on evidence and logic than to a
communication that sounds more like a personal complaint.

The communication strategy.

You don’t want to sound like a child reminding a parent,
“You promised.” Rather, present your case in a respectful
and fact-centered manner, and convey your dedication to
the company regardless of the result of your request. No
one likes an ultimatum.

Application 5-B Request Information about Office

Supplies

The background.
Especially in the early stages of your career, you might not
have a lot of authority. You will still need, however, to make
things happen that are related to your responsibilities, and
at times you might be asked by your supervisor to gather
information and perspectives for her or his use in reaching
a decision.
In this application, you are an administrative assistant at
Techno Inc., and one of your responsibilities is to watch
over the purchase and distribution of office supplies for 12
units within the company.
Your supervisor is concerned that there is insufficient
accountability for the rapidly growing costs of office
supplies (for example, stationery, mailing envelopes of
various sizes, copy paper, toner cartridges, pens and
pencils, and sticky notes). She wants you to write a memo
to the unit directors asking each of them about their
anticipated volume of office supply use for the coming few
months.

The purpose.
The central goal of gathering this information is to help
your supervisor project reasonable costs within the
company’s annual budgets. She would also like you to
suggest in the memo that all employees become more
aware of the costs of office supplies and attempt a more
economical use of them.

The audience.
Some of the directors will not like the micromanaging
implications of this inquiry and might not want to take time
away from their regular duties to gather the information
that you are requesting. At the same time, they will see that
you are writing with the authority of your supervisor, a
factor that should work in your favor.

The communication strategy.

Consider how you will word your inquiry to gain an
accurate picture of the anticipated use and costs of office
supplies. At the same time, try to establish a reassuring
tone, one that avoids irritating the directors and their staff
and encourages cooperation with your request.

Application 5-C Revise a Poor Communication about

Office Space

The background.
Very often an organization needs to communicate news that
benefits some people and has a negative impact on others,
or news that is a “mixed blessing” for all concerned.
Writing successfully in such gray areas requires a great
deal of tact.
In this application, you are the director of finance at
Caboodle Industries and need to inform a recently
promoted colleague that the private office space he had
expected to receive is not yet available (but probably will
be in the next six months). This is a case of good news
tempered by disappointing news. You will see that the first-
draft message to your colleague, shown below, does not do
a good job of conveying the negative news or of making
clear how the issue will be resolved. Can you do better?

Dear James:

I am very pleased by your recent promotion to accounting associate. We

had hoped that an enclosed office would be available for your new level of
responsibilities, but that’s not yet in the cards. Sorry about that, but we
will keep looking for a new space. I wish you all the best as you tackle
your new tasks.

[Your name], Director of Finance

Caboodle Industries

The purpose.
You want to at least temper James’s disappointment with
the positive news that he will soon receive the promised
office space.

The audience.
Let’s assume for this exercise that James is a fairly
reasonable person, one who can accept postponed
gratification — as long as he sees evidence of a better
result soon to come.

The communication strategy.

Don’t sugarcoat the bad part of this news, for that could
seem patronizing, but do show your understanding of why
James needs the enclosed office for his higher level of
accounting duties. Be as specific as you can be about the
reason for the delay, and offer a realistic estimate of when
the new office will be available. (The poorly crafted memo
above sounds like a vague and an empty promise.) You will
probably want to close this memo or e-mail by thanking
James for his patience while the new office space is
created.
Application 5-D Revise a Poor Communication about
Child-Care Policies

The background.
It is not uncommon for businesses to announce cutbacks of
various types: for example, in available overtime hours, in
medical benefits, or in services previously provided to some
percentage of the staff. Presenting negative news in a
manner that does not diminish the trust or work
commitments of colleagues is an essential skill for
successful leaders.
In this application, Urkel United is announcing a policy
that reduces child-care services and facilities, a policy
described in the following letter. Can you rewrite the letter
to reflect greater empathy (and a more sensible
implementation time line)?

Dear Colleagues:

As you know, our company is facing hard times, and we regret to inform
you that Urkel United can no longer afford to offer free day-care services
to all employees with children from ages one year to four years old.

Employees who have used work-site child care for one full calendar year
or longer may continue to enroll their eligible children in the Urkel
facilities but at a charge of $50/day. All other employees, who have either
never used our day-care facilities or who have been employed at Urkel for
less than one calendar year, will not be permitted to use the facilities in
the future.

These policies will go into effect 30 days from the date of this notice.

Please contact me at ext. 8663 if you would like to discuss alternative day-
care arrangements. We look forward to your cooperation in implementing
this policy. As always, we value the work you do for Urkel United. As the
holidays approach, we wish you and your family all the best cheer of the
season.

Sincerely,

Bonnie Voyage
Benefits Coordinator
 Human Resources

The purpose.
Your difficult task is to be candid about the reasons behind
the bad news and to show that you understand the serious
impact that the reduced or eliminated support for child
care will have on many of the employees. For example,
consider that $50/day in child-care costs will total around
$1,000 each month, and employees who are no longer
eligible for the company-provided care facility will likely
encounter even higher costs and face logistical difficulties.

The audience.
Assume that no one will welcome this news, and some will
want to “kill the messenger,” as the saying goes. Also,
because child care for working parents has become such a
serious workplace issue, even staff without children may be
unhappy with this news. Given these likely reactions, you
will want your colleagues to trust that the reduction is
necessary, that you and others have examined all
alternatives, and that you have a compassionate concern
for employees and their families.

The communication strategy.

Revisit the “Negative News Pitfalls” on pages 110–12 of
this chapter. Given the nature of this communication,
consider the crucial importance of tone and of evidence
that explains why the policy change is necessary. The letter
should also identify a person to whom affected employees
can turn to express their concerns and to learn about
alternative child-care resources. Many well-run companies
would also schedule one or more open meetings to address
employee questions and concerns.
Application 5-E Revise a Poor Communication about
Flexible Work Schedules

The background.
Some business communications amount to “feasibility
studies”: their purpose is to gather information so that
managers can make informed decisions about possible new
policies or benefits. For example, a company might want to
explore the possibility of making company-leased
automobiles available to more employees or of creating a
fitness facility. In such communications, you should make
clear that nothing is being promised; rather, you are simply
gathering colleagues’ views on the issue.
In this application, United Services is exploring the
possibility of allowing some number of flexible work
schedules for employees. The following inquiry is poorly
written and shows little understanding of the strategic
issues at stake for United. Can you think through the good
and bad consequences of a flexible work schedule and craft
a clearer and more realistic set of suggestions and
questions?

DATE: January 18, 2016

TO: All Staff Members
FROM: Judy Stabler, Chief Executive Officer United Services Inc.
Subject: Flex Work Schedules

The bosses and I have been considering flex-time possibilities — you

know, where you have more choices about your daily time commitments.
(BTW, this does not give anyone the opportunity for slacking off.) In order
to accommodate your various lifestyles, we want to hear what would work
for the type of work you do and for your personal interests.

Would you, for example, be interested in any of the following:

Work from home one day each week?
Work four 10-hour days each week?
Maybe you could work 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. instead of 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.?
Go half-time and split your work with someone else?
 Do you want to work a “9/80” schedule; that is, work 80 hrs in 9 days
and have a long weekend every other week?
Work five days each week but 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.?
Do the regular schedule every other month, and flex schedule the other
months?

Let us know what you think and we will devise a plan of action. Tell us
why a particular flex plan would work for your job responsibilities. Until
we have approved a new plan, of course, everyone will work as usual.

The purpose.
Your challenge is to gather information in order to assess
both what types of flexibility the staff might desire and
(very important as well) whether the company can both
support flexible schedules and sustain its productivity. You
don’t just want to hear your colleagues’ enthusiasm and
personal schedule desires; instead, you need their realistic
assessment of how the work of the company can get done
expeditiously and seamlessly in a flex-schedule
environment.

The audience.
Given the increasing popularity of flexible scheduling and
of the ability to work from home, much of your audience
will be receptive to your inquiry — and excited about the
possibilities it suggests. However, some employees may
wonder how important office interactions will be
coordinated if flexible scheduling takes effect.

The communication strategy.

You will quickly perceive that the sample memo above is
poorly crafted in tone and writing style. You will want, for
example, to eliminate the hierarchical reference to
“bosses” and to simplify the confusing and repetitious
scheduling suggestions. Be sure to stress that nothing is
being promised regarding future schedules; rather, you are
seeking useful insights for the decisions still to be made. To
aid that assessment, what sorts of practical, work-related
information might you need from the various office units?

Application 5-F Revise a Poor Communication about

Holiday Office Coverage

The background.
Sometimes special circumstances, such as major holidays
or emergency situations, require a temporary shift in work
schedules or in the availability of certain company
resources. Some companies develop “what if” work
protocols before unusual events even occur; others have to
improvise when a sudden need arises.
In this application, Framish Fiduciary needs work
coverage over the Thanksgiving holiday, and no plan for
this coverage is in place. The HR director has, however,
written a memo that will probably irritate employees on
every level. For one thing, the memo lacks empathy. For
another, it is confusing: is the HR director announcing a
plan, requesting input, or both?
Review the current memo and then revise it so that it
makes a clear announcement of a settled plan.

Dear Colleagues:

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday (Thursday and Friday,

November 24–25), we need to plan for coverage of essential functions
during those days. All nonessential staff will take November 24 and 25 off
as scheduled.

The situation is different for our security guards, for the computer
technicians who maintain our Web site services, for the phone
receptionists (needed on November 24 only), and for all staff working on
the Behemoth Project (for which the completion deadline is Monday,
November 28). All employees in these categories will need to work
regular hours, in shifts to be arranged, on either November 24 or 25 — or
perhaps both days.

Each division manager will submit a holiday-coverage plan for approval

by November 7. Employees who are required to work on November 24
 and/or 25 will receive compensatory vacation day(s) to be taken in the
month of December 2016. Thanks for your cooperation as we all pull
together to make Framish Fiduciary Inc. the most reliable financial-
service agency in New York.

Sincerely,

James Kiehl
Human Resources

The purpose and audience.

Again, the goal is to make the memo an announcement of a
settled plan for the holidays (which you might need to flesh
out a bit), and not also a request for the directors to submit
further information. You will want your office-coverage
goals to be clear, reasonable, and sympathetic to those who
must work through Thanksgiving.

The communication strategy.

Even though such terminology is common in business
organizations, no one wants to be regarded as
“nonessential.” However, few if any employees will enjoy
working through the holidays, even if it means two extra
days off in December. See if you can clarify the
responsibilities needing coverage during the holidays and
write, in general, with a more sympathetic understanding
of the (temporary) hardships to be endured by some
colleagues.

Application 5-G Revise a Poor Communication about

Employee Parking

The background.
All professional communications should embrace a clear
thought process, and this is especially important when a
new strategy or necessity is being announced. Effective
leaders must always demonstrate that they have thought
carefully about the practical consequences of revising
policies and strategies.
In the following application, K. Smedley, an assistant
director at Jackson Architectural, is trying to suggest
alternatives to an overcrowded company parking garage.
However, Smedley has not thought through the parking
remedies carefully; moreover, she or he has written the
recommendations in a confusing manner. Help Smedley
develop a more sensible set of strategies, a clearer
presentation of them, and amore sympathetic tone.

Dear Colleagues:

All of us face frustrations over the poorly designed, limited parking

facilities at Jackson Architectural, Inc. The management has determined a
new plan that will alleviate many of these concerns. Every Monday, a day
that generally brings fewer clients to our firm, staff of Jackson
Architectural may park in the spaces designated for “visitor parking”
when these spots are available. On Thursdays (and on other days, for that
matter), we encourage you to carpool, to ride the #12 bus to work, or to
find parking on the main street (but note the two-hour limit). On Tuesdays
and Fridays, for a small fee, employees may park in the furthest section of
the lot owned by our neighbor Forthright Towing.

We are all in this together, and I regret the inconvenience.

K. Smedley
Assistant Director of Business Services

The purpose.
You need to make a compelling case for remedying the
parking situation and to devise realistic parking and
transportation strategies that are less obtuse and insulting.
To accomplish these goals, you will need to imagine your
way inside this business situation.

The audience.
Nearly all working people are concerned about their
commuting time and, if they drive to work, the ease with
which they can park their car. So this is a sensitive topic for
your audience.

The communication strategy.

As previously suggested, you must reimagine more realistic
parking options for your valued colleagues, explain the
options clearly, and demonstrate your understanding of the
frustrations that even a well-conceived plan will cause for
some of your colleagues.
Chapter 6 Writing to External
Constituencies

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Challenges of Writing to External

Audiences
Knowing That Word Gets Around
The Pluses and Minuses of More Open Communications
Legal Implications of Problematic Communications
Principles of Respectful Communications
Providing Information Clearly and Persuasively
An Effective Response to an Information Request
An Ineffective Alternative
Keeping the Human Touch in Big-Business
Communications
Avoiding Business Liabilities
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a Customer
Complaint
The Complaint
One Effective Response to the Complaint
Another Effective Response to the Complaint
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 6-A: Respond to an Information Request
from a Potential Investor
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-B: Write a Company Mission Statement
 The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-C: Create a Return Policy for a Retail Store
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-D: Resolve a Complaint about a Catering
Fiasco
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-E: Resolve a Complaint about Customer
Service
The background.
The purpose and audience.
The communication strategy.
Note.
Application 6-F: Revise an Angry Complaint about a
Cleaning Service
The background.
The purpose and audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-G: Revise a Letter That Delivers Bad News
Insensitively
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-H: Respond to a Request from a Privileged
Alum
The background.
The purpose.
 The audience.
The communication strategy.
Note.
Application 6-I: Write a Rejection Letter
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-J: Invite a Distinguished Guest to a
Campus Event
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Note.
Application 6-K: Disinvite Participants to a Focus Group
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-L: Reassure a Nervous Customer
The background.
The purpose and audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-M: Buy Time in a Tricky Situation
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 6-N: Request Permission from an External
Constituency
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Student Responses to Selected Applications
Responses to Application 6-E: Resolve a Complaint
about Customer Service
Responses to Application 6-H: Respond to a Request
from a Privileged Alum
Response to Application 6-J: Invite a Distinguished Guest
to a Campus Event
Understanding the Challenges of
Writing to External Audiences
Assuming that you start out in a relatively low position in a
company’s hierarchy, it might seem as though your role is
fairly inconsequential, that you have little impact on the
organization’s reputation or growth. However, external
audiences with whom you communicate will view you as a
representative of the company: you will help shape these
audiences’ opinions not just of you but also of your
organization as a whole. It’s a big responsibility and not
one you should take lightly.
Your handling of a seemingly trivial business interaction
can have greater ramifications for your future and that of
your company than you might realize. You can never be
certain, for instance, when your careful management of an
unhappy customer might turn her into a loyal one. Also, a
person seeking company information today might
eventually become an important investor or donor, and a
client of modest financial standing might later become a
major force in the market. It’s important, then, to treat
every external audience with courtesy and respect.
Most of the strategies discussed in Chapter 5, “Writing
to Colleagues within the Organization,” apply to
communications with those outside the organization as
well. The same qualities of clarity, accuracy, tactfulness,
and respect should shape all business writing, whether the
audience is internal or external. Clients, customers,
suppliers, service providers, and professional colleagues at
other companies are the lifeblood of any organization, and
your ability to communicate respectfully, responsively, and
forthrightly with these constituencies will contribute
greatly to your, and your employer’s, success.

Knowing That Word Gets Around

In the twenty-first century, it’s much harder to count on the
privacy of personal information or communications than at
any time before the information revolution fostered by the
Internet. There has also beena concurrent movement,
especially in the so-called Generations X and Y (who are the
primary audience for this book), to place much less value
on personal privacy. Compared with their parents and
grandparents, many members of the current generation are
much more candid and open concerning their personal
(social, romantic, medical, and financial) information. They
can also reach far wider audiences for their
communications, through texting, tweeting, blogging, and
social networking.

The Pluses and Minuses of More Open

Communications

This evolution toward more self-expression and

transparency certainly has its virtues in both personal and
business communications. Businesses can, for example,
easily mine available information, whether wireless or
wired, to interact directly with customers, to personalize
shopping experiences, and to address customer concerns
with greater immediacy.
A potential drawback of this information revolution, from
a business standpoint, is that whenever we write to just one
person, we are potentially writing to the world by way of
the Internet. For example, a customer who receives a rude
response by e-mail to a complaint about a company’s
product or service might be tempted to forward the
response to friends or colleagues or to post it to a
consumer Web site, blog, or Facebook page. Thus, the
impact of one rude message is multiplied, with potentially
serious consequences both for the sender of the message
and for the organization that he or she represents. (For
more examples of this multiplication effect, see the CEO’s
e-mail threat on page 106 and the mistaken college
admissions offers on page 228.) In addition, business
people whose e-mails, online postings, or other electronic
communications include remarks that are sexist or
otherwise discriminatory or offensive, or that use
irresponsible or illegal strategies, can imperil not only their
professional standing but also, by extension, the reputation
of their company.

Legal Implications of Problematic Communications

On an even more serious note, you should be aware that

very few business communications can be protected as
“private” when a legal challenge is set in motion. Hardly
any past communications are entirely “off the record” when
attorneys and courts pursue the evidence in a case, and
many an erased or expunged electronic communication can
be recovered by experts. The dramatic cases made against
the top managers of Enron in 2001 and of Tyco and
WorldCom in 2002 provide ample evidence of the
seemingly private becoming public — and actionable. All
three cases were extraordinarily complex, but in each one
many thousands of supposedly private e-mails and other
company documents came to light, exposing fraudulent
financial claims and crooked dealings. These
communications provided prosecutors with ammunition to
pursue cases against the CEOs of these companies and a
number of highly placed managers.
As these examples make clear, bad business behavior is
increasingly easy to discover, publicize, and punish.
Therefore, in all of your business communications your
commitment to fairness, honesty, and respect is as
pragmatically necessary as it is personally admirable.

Principles of Respectful Communications

With these goals in the background, the business writer

communicating with external constituencies should observe
these principles:
Write to others in a clear-minded and respectful way.
Do not respond in kind if your correspondent is being
flip, sarcastic, or disrespectful. Remain professional
and respond calmly, with patience and understanding.
Be careful as well not to patronize or talk down to an
irate customer or client. Be sympathetic but also
pragmatic in your response to complaints.
Refrain from sharing personal information or
perspectives in your business communications.
Familiarize yourself with the policies and guidelines
that govern the business and communication practices
of the company you represent. This preparation will
help you follow such standards readily in your daily
correspondence.
Take for granted that there can always be an
unintended audience for any communication. Write only
what you would be prepared to explain, justify, and
successfully defend.

Providing Information Clearly and Persuasively

Many communications with external constituencies are
primarily informational. Here are just a few examples:
Your company is seeking external bids on a new project
or product development. You are responsible for issuing
 the guidelines and specifications and inviting targeted
organizations to respond with the necessary
information.
You need to write letters to new hires, letters that are
affirmative in tone and that state the contractual
aspects of the job offer: for example, the salary,
benefits, starting date, and personnel review process.
Your company is proposing to share warehouse
resources with another company for mutual benefit,
and you must outline the details of the proposed
arrangement.
You have been asked by a potential investor for an
annual report and must write a polite and persuasive
letter to accompany it.

An Effective Response to an Information Request

Here is how a CEO might respond in a personal and

effective way to a potential investor’s request for
information about his company:

Foreground Industries
6615 82nd Street
New York, NY 10019

Mr. Benito Tanaka, CEO

Timely Enterprises
1215 First Avenue
Albany, NY 12208

January 19, 2016

Dear Mr. Tanaka:

We are very pleased that you continue to be interested in our research on

a new malware protection system for home computers. Over the past
year, Foreground Industries has invested $255,000 in the development
and testing of this product, and an additional six months and further
 funding of approximately $100,000 will allow us to bring the product to
market.

As you requested, we have enclosed our Annual Report for 2015 and
additional specifications regarding our malware product, “Killroy.” We
hope that these materials will encourage you to explore an investment
opportunity with Foreground Industries. Our product operates on a
technology different from, and 40 percent more effective than, the
approach used by currently available malware protection systems. We are
therefore confident that over the next two years we can gain a significant
market share in the malware field.

If you find our product research interesting, we invite you to meet with
our chief software engineer, Mary Adams, and our CFO, Dave Grazer, to
discuss possible terms for an investment in Foreground Industries as we
move forward with Killroy.

We appreciate your interest and consideration. If you have further

questions, don’t hesitate to contact me by e-mail at
jfeldstein@foreground.com or by phone at 815-666-2318.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Feldstein, CEO

In this cordial interaction, the CEO of Foreground

Industries writes in a friendly and respectful manner,
providing preliminary information to the potential investor,
Benito Tanaka. Feldstein also includes a brief time line for
the new product’s development, the investment amount
desired, and an offer to have experts from Foreground
Industries meet with Tanaka to discuss the new product
and the potential returns on investment.

An Ineffective Alternative

Feldstein could have made his letter much more generic

and brief: Instead, he included specifics that lent a more
persuasive edge to an otherwise routine letter. He also took
the opportunity to treat the recipient and potential investor,
Mr. Tanaka, as someone special — a potential partner in a
shared enterprise. Mr. Tanaka is therefore more likely to
want to conduct business with Mr. Feldstein and his
company.

Dear Mr. Tanaka:

Enclosed please find the material you requested regarding our Killroy
malware protection systems and the investment opportunities. We look
forward to talking with you further.

Keeping the Human Touch in Big-Business

Communications
Whether large or small, businesses sometimes resort to
templates like the following:

Thanks for your inquiry. We will give your interests all due attention.

Such vague, generic communications are common, and you

may have seen them in response to a job inquiry, to a
complaint, or to a customer-service request. But no one
likes receiving these formulaic communications; it’s
difficult to believe that there is any actual human agent
behind them, and it may seem unlikely that the company
will take any action in response to the applicant, customer,
or client.
In contrast to ineffective responses like these, large,
well-run companies that rely on mass e-mail
communications with thousands of customers take
considerable time to craft these messages with a human
touch. Consider, for example, this typical message,
computer-generated and disseminated, from Amazon:

Hello Jane Smith,

 Thank you for shopping with us. We thought you’d like to know that we
shipped your items, and that this completes your order. Your order is on
its way and can no longer be changed. If you need to return an item from
this shipment or manage other orders, please visit Your Orders on
Amazon.com.

Your package is being shipped by USPS, and the tracking number is

9331997642074730692605. Depending on the shipping speed you chose,
it may take 24 hours for your tracking number to return any information.

Returns are easy. Visit our Online Return Center.

If you need further assistance with your order, please visit Customer
Service.

Amazon

Amazon has taken care to construct a clear, relevant,

friendly message, and the company has embedded links
(Your Orders, Online Return Center, and Customer Service)
relevant to this particular customer, Jane Smith. Whether
you are one person writing to one recipient, or a committee
writing (by way of a computer algorithm) to thousands of
clients or customers, you should take the same care to
create messages that are actually useful to and respectful
of your recipient(s). That level of concern in communicating
helps create and sustain a respected company profile and
good customer relationships.

Avoiding Business Liabilities

As suggested earlier in this chapter and in Chapter 5, you

as a business writer must always be aware of and alert to
the potential negative impact of using an offensive word or
phrase, introducing an unintended ambiguity, seeming to
say something discriminatory or dismissive, or promising
more than you can reasonably deliver.
Concerns over business vulnerabilities and legal
liabilities are intensified when you write to external
constituencies. You need to learn, for example, how to
apologize for a company error without encouraging an
ongoing dispute or providing too much information, which
could serve as ammunition for further fault-finding.
Conversely, providing too little information could come
across as flippant, dismissive, or even evasive. You need to
learn just how much information makes a reasonable case
for reasonable people.
Early in your business career you will need to think
consciously about such issues when you communicate. You
will also need to become familiar with your organization’s
policies and guidelines for communicating with clients. In
some companies, these expectations, or protocols, are
articulated in a formal manual; in many organizations,
however, the expectations are a less formal legacy that can
be learned only by asking more senior associates
(especially your supervisor). As you gain professional
experience, you will begin to easily recognize the pitfalls
and land mines of business communications, and avoiding
such problems will start to become automatic. Until you
gain this level of experience, double-check with your
supervisors that you are communicating effectively with
clients. Your supervisors will appreciate that you are being
proactive about making a good impression on the
company’s behalf. Keep a variety of audiences in mind as
you write, not only the specific recipient(s) to whom you
are communicating but also the much larger communities
of colleagues, clients, or competitors to whom you might
need to explain and defend your writing choices. That
exercise of imagining your way inside the current situation
and simultaneously anticipating its possible broader
implications will prevent most errors of consequence.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
In the next section, we’ll examine how two students
responded successfully to a typical — and challenging —
situation involving an external audience: a customer
complaint. Then, you will apply what you’ve learned from
this scenario and from other explanations and examples in
this chapter.

Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Responding to a

Customer Complaint
Along with generating myriad informational and largely
positive communications with external constituencies,
professional writers also encounter requests that can’t be
fulfilled, challenges from unhappy clients or external
associates, and even threats of legal action. For a broad
sample of what customers and other reviewers write about
products, services, and entire companies, take a look at
reviews posted on the Web sites of retailers like Sears,
Home Depot, or Macy’s, or on such review sites as
yelp.com, buzzillions.com, reviews.cnet.com, and
consumersearch.com. See also the ratings of the best and
worst customer service on customer
servicescoreboard.com. These sites remind us that
everyone with access to a computer can publish a positive
or negative opinion for the world to see. At the very least,
you want most of your reviews and comments to be
positive. Dealing effectively with customer complaints is
one significant step toward achieving and maintaining a
favorable reputation.

The Complaint

Here is an example of a customer complaint that can

probably be addressed successfully, but only with great tact
and strategic thinking on the respondent’s part:

Dear Sirs:

I have been buying from Framistan Technologies for my company for 10

years, and I must say the last shipment was badly handled. First, I
understand from your discourteous shipping director that there was a
delay of three weeks before my order was even processed. Then the
shipment that arrived was poorly packaged. About 20 percent of the
motherboards were damaged in transit. The number of units shipped was
also 12 items shy of the total 100 requested.

This is really bad service, especially for a longtime customer like me. I
demand an explanation of what happened, your assurance that the order-
processing problems have been corrected, and immediate completion of
my order. This needs to happen ASAP, for I have my own customers
waiting. I will expect to hear from you right away.

Miriam Tiger, President

Calcified Industries

Let’s assume the following in this complaint-resolution

scenario:
Miriam Tiger is an important customer, and your
company did a poor job in processing her order.
You need to apologize for the problems she
experienced, briefly explain the reasons for the
problems and how they have been or will be resolved,
and get the missing products into her hands as fast as
possible and the damaged products replaced as quickly
as possible.
 You might also consider a current or future discount for
this important customer.
You must somehow take all of these steps while still
standing behind your staff (she complained about your
shipping director) — or at least protecting the
confidentiality of personnel actions at your company —
and without making your company vulnerable to
further attack.

One Effective Response to the Complaint

Here is how one student, Michael Cipriano, responded to

Ms. Tiger:

Dear Ms. Tiger:

First, I would like to sincerely apologize for the mishandling of your order
and for the poor condition of the merchandise. Over the past several
weeks, we have been experiencing software problems with our shipping
process, and we have worked around the clock to get it fixed. At
Framistan Technologies, we pride ourselves on quality products and
service, and I hope that you would agree that the mishandling of your
order is not characteristic of the service you have received in the past.

You will, of course, be issued a prompt refund for the damaged items; the
missing units from your shipment, along with replacements for the
damaged items, have already been shipped via FedEx Priority Overnight
shipping. You should expect the shipment no later than 3 p.m. tomorrow,
April 13.

I would also like to apologize for the unacceptable interaction with our
shipping director. We are looking into the incident and will take the
appropriate steps to ensure that it does not happen again. Thank you for
directing our attention to this matter. If you have any more questions
regarding your order, or any future order, please do not hesitate to call
me directly at 805-292-6435 or to e-mail me at
cipriano@relations.framistan.com. We hope that the shipment arriving
tomorrow will complete the order to your liking and that you will continue
to be a valued customer of Framistan Technologies.

Sincerely,

Michael Cipriano, Customer-Relations Manager

 Framistan Technologies

Notice the candor with which Michael Cipriano

addresses the mistakes made by Framistan and suggests
how they were resolved. Yet he does not get into details
about the incident with the shipping director. Many laws
and statutes protect the privacy of personnel records, so
it’s best for you to divulge very little in this area should you
have to address an incident like this. In addition, you
should support your colleagues whenever possible. Before
you accept blame on an employee’s or on the company’s
behalf, be certain about precisely what transpired.
Cipriano is also very clear about when and how Ms.
Tiger’s order will be completed, understanding that her
own customers are waiting. In addition, he has decided to
refund her for the damaged items as well as ship new ones,
thus providing a significant discount on this order. One of
this customer-relations manager’s best strategies is the
reminder that his company usually provides excellent
service and his hope that Ms. Tiger will agree with this
assessment: “At Framistan Technologies, we pride
ourselves on quality products and service, and I hope that
you would agree that the mishandling of your order is not
characteristic of the service you have received in the past.”
This sentence calls to mind Miriam Tiger’s primarily
positive experiences doing business with Framistan.

Another Effective Response to the Complaint

Here is a somewhat more concise response by another

student:

Dear Ms. Tiger:

You are one of our most valued customers, and I would like to personally
apologize for the poor service you received from Framistan Technologies.
 I have looked carefully into this matter, and I can assure you that we are
taking all the steps necessary to resolve this problem.

To take full responsibility for our mistake, Framistan will reimburse

Calcified Industries the entire amount of the last shipment (invoice #
2458346). We will also deliver a replacement of the damaged
motherboards and the missing items. A new shipment has been sent out
via FedEx Priority Overnight and should arrive tomorrow no later than 3
p.m. In addition, I would also like to offer you free delivery on all
purchases for the next six months.

I sincerely apologize for this inconvenience and hope that our partnership
will continue to grow despite this matter. If you have any questions or
concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me directly at (805) 576-1244.
Thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

Sheena Joseph, Customer-Relations Manager

Framistan Technologies

This student has written a more broadly applicable

“template” letter, but it is nevertheless friendly and
addresses the specific problems experienced by Miriam
Tiger. The student decided not to say anything specific
about the complaint against the shipping director, but she
does broadly acknowledge Framistan’s “poor service” and
assures Ms. Tiger that “we are taking all the steps
necessary to resolve this problem.” The student, as
customer-relations manager, has also offered a
compensatory perk to Miriam Tiger, free shipping for the
next six months.
Whenever you want to offer discounts or other
compensations to a client, be certain first to check on
company policy with an appropriate supervisor. Special
customer perks, like rebates and discounts, should
generally be offered to entire categories of people, not just
to particular individuals, because word spreads rapidly in
customer communities. For example, your company might
offer discounts on large orders. In all cases, offers like
these should be explainable according to defined
principles.
Further, if you offer discounts or other perks, be sure to
limit your company’s liability! For example, if you offer “a
30 percent discount on your future orders” to an aggrieved
party, he might take advantage and buy out your entire
stock at a very attractive price — never needing to buy
your product again. Thus, you must always define and limit
the potential monetary impact; for example, “We would like
to offer you a 30 percent discount on your next order up to
$1,000.” (Notice that the coupons we sometimes receive for
store or restaurant discounts always have expiration dates
and other defined limits on how we can use the special
opportunity.) This strategy allows customers to enjoy the
benefits of a discount or deal without bankrupting your
company.

Applying What You’ve Learned

Considering the advice and examples presented earlier in
this chapter, work through one or more of the following
activities, which focus on writing to external
constituencies. Each activity offers guidance on defining
the writer’s purpose, determining the needs and
expectations of the audience, and making the best choices
regarding tone and strategy. The final section of this
chapter includes examples of how individual students
crafted responses to a few of the business situations
presented here.

Application 6-A Respond to an Information Request

from a Potential Investor

The background.
Sometimes individuals or organizations seek information
from a particular company. The request could come, for
example, from a potential investor or bank lender, a
government agency that regulates your industry, or one of
your service providers. When you receive such requests,
you should first find out from more senior colleagues
whether you or someone else should respond and how
much company information can be provided. Most
companies want to be relatively transparent; however, they
will not want to divulge confidential records or trade
secrets to an external constituency if they are not required
to do so.
In this application, the chief financial officer of an
investment firm has heard that your company, Royal Pets,
recently developed a new line of organic pet foods, which
you are just beginning to place in local stores. She might be
interested in investing in your product and helping to place
it in a range of retail stores with which she is associated.
As the marketing assistant for Royal Pets, you have been
asked by the director of marketing to draft a response for
her review. Can you include in the draft some basic
information about your product and outline the successes
you have already had with sales? (For this application, you
will need to make up some plausible facts and figures and
offer to meet for further discussion.) Here is the letter of
inquiry:

Dear Royal Pets:

I read in our local paper The Happening Times about the organic foods
for dogs and cats that you have created and are beginning to market
locally. I have lots of experience in product placement in the retail
industry and might be interested in investing with your company. If you
think this sounds like a possible opportunity for you, please send me your
company’s product, marketing, and financial profile. We can then discuss
possible further steps.

Sincerely,

Juanita Flores, CFO

Investment Cooperative
The purpose.
Your draft response to the potential investor is a
preliminary means of testing the waters, a way for both
sides to see whether further, more serious discussions are
warranted. So you will need to provide only a few key
points about your new product and some basic sales
information. Your company does want to attract investors;
thus, the letter you write should be positive and persuasive.

The audience.
Based on her letter, Juanita Flores may have seen only a
newspaper article about your company. Therefore, she will
probably need a more detailed description of your new
organic product and why it would benefit pets and be
attractive to pet owners. She will also need some sales and
financial facts to determine whether Royal Pets would be a
good investment opportunity for her.

The communication strategy.

In a short (perhaps one-page) letter, combine your
enthusiasm for the new Royal Pets product with some key
facts. In other words, ground your persuasive energy in
evidence.

Application 6-B Write a Company Mission Statement

The background.
Many for-profit and nonprofit organizations develop
succinct mission statements that both advertise their goals
and commitments to a broad external community and help
the employees agree on and affirm the organization’s core
values. Mission statements often appear on company Web
sites and in annual reports, and they are sometimes echoed
in advertisements. They typically emerge through a
committee process, but it’s also common to have one or two
people draft versions of the mission as it emerges through
a group process. In this application, you are part of a task
force charged with producing a mission statement for
Fortress Security Systems, which manufactures, installs,
and services home security systems in the Dallas/Fort
Worth area. After a number of discussions about the
company’s mission and how to describe it, you and the
other task-force members agreed that you will draft the
one-paragraph statement that will be suitable for the
group’s review.
Here are a few sample mission statements for your
guidance. To look up more real-world examples, conduct a
Web search for any company name and the phrase “mission
statement.”

Microsoft Mission Statement

Empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve

more.

National Autism Association Mission Statement

The mission of the National Autism Association is to respond to the most

urgent needs of the autism community, providing real help and hope so
that all affected can reach their full potential.

Wikimedia Mission Statement

The mission of the Wikimedia Foundation is to empower and engage

people around the world to collect and develop educational content under
a free license or in the public domain, and to disseminate it effectively
and globally.

In collaboration with a network of chapters, the Foundation provides the

essential infrastructure and an organizational framework for the support
and development of multilingual wiki projects and other endeavors which
serve this mission. The Foundation will make and keep useful information
from its projects available on the Internet free of charge, in perpetuity.

Twitter Mission Statement

 To give everyone the power to create and share and information instantly,
without barriers.

The purpose.
Fortress Security wants the mission statement to capture
its interests in personal safety and security and its broader
community commitments.

The audience.
Fortress Security wants to be able to turn to the mission
statement for employee inspiration, as an announcement of
goals and principles for external constituencies, and for
possible use in advertising campaigns. It’s important, to
begin with, that the statement embody the perspectives
shared among colleagues at the company. Without that
shared understanding among insiders, it will be difficult to
use the statement with external audiences.

The communication strategy.

This is one instance in which inspiring rhetoric is called for
in professional writing. That’s a tricky endeavor, for you
want to offer inspiration without using vague and cloying
clichés. You also want to center your rhetoric both on
what’s already true about the company and on what the
company seeks to become. Thus, a mission statement
typically balances an organization’s current realities with
its aspirations.

Application 6-C Create a Return Policy for a Retail

Store

The background.
Typically, companies have policies on how to deal fairly not
only with employees but also with customers and clients.
The latter types of policies seek to avoid misunderstandings
and ill feelings and also to protect a business’s financial
interests.
In this application, you are a new member of the
management staff of SurfsUp Clothing, and you are
working with three other team members to develop a
return policy that customers will understand and find
acceptable. After several discussions among the team
members, you have volunteered to draft a policy statement
for their further review.

The purpose.
SurfsUp needs to clarify its return policies on be achwear
and other sports attire. The company wants its customers
to be satisfied with purchases and thus wants to be
generous about the period of time for returns, the condition
of the merchandise, and whether original receipts are
required. SurfsUp Clothing also needs, however, to protect
its financial interests and, if possible, prevent the abuse of
a too-liberal or vague return policy.

The audience.
The audience will be SurfsUp customers, who will want the
return policy to be easy to understand, sensible, and fair.
The return policy will be posted in the store for all
customers to read and printed on all sales receipts.

The communication strategy.

Begin your draft with a very brief introduction that will let
your fellow managers know what you have attempted to
compose. Don’t hesitate to alert them to issues still
unresolved (if there are any in your draft). Then present the
draft of the policy and conclude by inviting your colleagues
to offer their feedback.

Application 6-D Resolve a Complaint about a Catering

Fiasco
The background.
Even well-run companies receive some complaints from
customers and clients. It’s important to respond tactfully to
such complaints and, if possible, to rectify any problems
caused by your company — through a refund, an exchange,
a future discount, or some other compensation. A customer
problem can be turned into customer appreciation when
the company representative responding to a complaint
takes responsibility and stands behind the product or
service. The good word about this customer-company
interaction can spread rapidly among other consumers,
especially when customer-satisfaction Internet sites come
into play.
Consider the following situation: a customer named Lia
Connor hired your catering firm, Fresh Fare, to cater her
daughter’s sixteenth birthday party. As you will see from
the following e-mail, Mrs. Connor has a number of
complaints about the servers and the quality of the food. As
the customer-relations representative for Fresh Fare, you
have already talked with the staff member who oversaw the
event, and she confirms the problems that Mrs. Connor
describes. You need to apologize for the problems and
somehow make amends.
Here is Mrs. Connor’s complaint:

Fresh Fare Managers:

I have used your catering services several times in the past and was
pleased with what you provided for my events. But the service you
provided at my daughter’s sixteenth birthday on September 16 was really
unacceptable. The burgers took a lot longer to prepare and serve than
expected (a delay of over an hour), the cake was chocolate when we had
ordered a white cake with chocolate frosting, and my daughter Carli’s
name was misspelled as “Curly” on the cake. Two of the five staff you sent
to us were dressed in cutoffs and flip-flops (while other staff were in
professional black-and-white attire), and these two staff had no idea how
to serve food politely and efficiently.
 I am very disappointed in all of this, as is my daughter, whose important
day was certainly not as special as it should have been. I think you owe us
some compensation.

Mrs. Lia Connor

The purpose.
Your main goal is to apologize and compensate in a manner
that might retain Mrs. Connor’s business in the future and
dissuade her from speaking poorly of your company among
her friends (or from posting her complaints online).

The audience.
In this case, the complainant is pretty accurate in her
descriptions of what went wrong and has ample reason to
be unhappy. As the customer-relations rep, you need to
extend a convincing apology, explain how things went
wrong, and offer some form of compensation to Mrs.
Connor.

The communication strategy.

Apologizing effectively in business is an art. The apology
must be sincere while avoiding hand-wringing or
selfflagellating. See if you can balance these issues of tone
and strategy in order to appease, perhaps even to please,
Mrs. Connor.

Application 6-E Resolve a Complaint about Customer

Service

The background.
While it requires great tact to respond to legitimate
customer complaints (as in Application 6-D), it can be even
more challenging to respond to complaints that are
unfounded, particularly if you want to retain the business
of the unhappy customer. In such situations, you will need
to explain to the complainant that the fault lies elsewhere
but without sounding defensive or pointing fingers.
This application will call for that type of balancing act. It
concerns Charles Jameson, president of Rambo
Corporation, who is a very important customer but who
also routinely complains about poor service, even when
your company has done a good job. That being said, you
want to retain his business. In the current case, the
stamping machines shipped to Jameson by your company,
Fescue Ltd., had been set up improperly by Jameson’s own
crew, and your engineers quickly resolved the problems.
Can you respond to Jameson’s complaint in a way that is
both inoffensive and candid about the issues? Here is
Jameson’s e-mail:

People at Fescue Ltd. —

My last order with your company was very poorly processed and resulted
in some serious slowdowns in my manufacturing process. You need to be
shipping me fully functional stamping machines and by the necessary
deadlines in order for me to continue business with you.

I have been an important customer for many years and require an

immediate response to this intolerable situation.

Sincerely,

Charles Jameson, President

Rambo Corporation
Dearborn, Michigan

The purpose and audience.

Jameson is clearly angry, and, as noted earlier, he is a
constant complainer as well. To make matters worse, his
own employees were actually at fault for the problems he
encountered with the machines you delivered to him. Your
challenge will be to make clear how the problems actually
occurred and to explain that your engineers have already
corrected the installation errors of Jameson’s workers —all
the while without seeming to argue with Jameson or to shift
the blame onto him.

The communication strategy.

Responding successfully to a situation this complex will
require all of your non-egoistic tactfulness and grace.
Perhaps you can reference the challenges of installing the
latest machinery without placing blame on Jameson and his
workers. You can then assure Jameson that your engineers
have already visited his plant and helped install the
machines properly. Again, because you are dealing with a
very tough but also important customer, your strategy will
need to be quite self-effacing, even though your company is
not actually at fault.

Note.
To see how two students responded to Application 6-E, see
page 154.

Application 6-F Revise an Angry Complaint about a

Cleaning Service

The background.
Businesses must try to cultivate good relationships with
other businesses or service providers, for word will spread
rapidly if your company is perceived as treating external
groups unfairly or disrespectfully. Your poor reputation in
this regard can have a serious impact on your ability to hire
new employees or to enlist the aid of businesses whose
services or products you need to run your own company.
In this application, Jack Flanders, the facilities manager
of Hardcastle Inc., risks damaging his company’s
reputation because of a harshly worded e-mail complaining
about another business, the current custodial service.
Specifically, Flanders is fed up with the poor service being
delivered by a recently hired cleaning and maintenance
company. Assuming that the service is in fact inadequate,
how would you rewrite the angry e-mail from Flanders to
make it a more effective communication? Consider how the
manager’s tactless memo might hurt his company’s
reputation with other service providers in the area. Can
you devise a strategy for discussing and possibly resolving
the areas of concern with the maintenance company? Here
is Flanders’s poorly conceived message:

Mr. Crowther:

I don’t know what you people at Aces Cleaning Crew think you are doing
by not maintaining the bathrooms, hallways, and offices in our building.
We complained about this last week, and nothing changed. The place is a
mess, and before your company started providing cleaning and
maintenance services to Hardcastle Inc., everything was spick-and-span.
How soon are you going to correct this situation and do the job for which
we hired you?

Jack Flanders, Facilities Manager

Hardcastle Inc.

The purpose and audience.

Your goal is to write a more temperate communication and
to see whether you can get your audience, Aces Cleaning
Crew, to meet your company’s expectations. You really
don’t want to start over with yet another cleaning service,
and you want to treat the current group, only recently
hired, fairly.

The communication strategy.

Think of this not as a threat against the cleaning company
but as an expression of serious concern and a desire to
negotiate, if possible, an improved level of service.
Consider a time and place for discussing the issue face-to-
face. It may be that you will eventually need to terminate
the services of the cleaning company, but first you should
try a more reasoned approach to correcting the problems.

Application 6-G Revise a Letter That Delivers Bad

News Insensitively

The background.
Delivering negative news is always a challenge, especially
when the recipient’s professional or other status is at stake.
Whenever possible, you should explain the main reasons for
the negative news and perhaps suggest alternatives for the
recipient(s) to pursue.
In this application, you must help deliver disappointing
news as sensitively as possible. The recipients of the news
will be the parents of Jimmy, a Troutbeck College student
who has earned a 0.76 GPA for his first semester at the
college (the minimal continuation standard for that term is
1.50, with 2.00 being a “C” average). A faculty committee
has reviewed all the evidence and decided that there is
little hope for Jimmy to recover from his awful start (at
least not at this time). Troutbeck’s dean has not, however,
written a letter with much sensitivity or with any context
for the tough decision. Can you compose a better
communication to the parents? Here is the dean’s letter:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Shipley:

We regret to inform you that your son, Jimmy, has flunked out of Trout
beck College. Since he is only a freshman, we trust that he will be able to
make a fresh start elsewhere. Please note that Jimmy’s belongings will
need to be removed from the residence hall by this Friday, December 16.
We appreciate your consideration and wish Jimmy all the best.

Sincerely,

Dean Vernon Wormer

Trout beck College
The purpose.
You need to offer a more nuanced picture of the college’s
expectations and the extent to which Jimmy fell short of
those expectations. You also need to provide a glimpse into
the review process that led to the decision. Your goal is to
break the news more gently and to convince the parents
that the decision was not arbitrary and that the college
does care about the success and well-being of its students.

The audience.
This decision will have a serious impact on both the student
and his parents. The consequences could include serious
financial and social losses as well as a greatly diminished
opportunity for the son’s educational advancement. Your
improved letter needs to show genuine sensitivity to these
concerns. An additional audience may well be the friends
and relatives of the Shipley family, who might develop
negative perceptions of the college if they learn that it
communicates insensitively with students or their parents.

The communication strategy.

Usually colleges and universities try to notify students
themselves before providing the bad news to parents. Thus,
a series of phone calls might precede a more formal letter
of “disqualification,” as it is sometimes called.
In your dean’s letter, provide a bit of context on the
review process and the standards the student needed to
meet. Avoid all “flunking out” language and similar terms
that would imply the son’s intellectual inadequacy (which
might not be the case at all). Don’t make it sound as though
the son’s belongings will be tossed into the street; rather,
offer a contact person in Residential Life who could advise
the parents on move-out procedures. Finally, you might
briefly describe a process for the son to reapply to
Troutbeck College after earning an improved record
elsewhere. Many colleges and universities offer such re-
admission opportunities. Close with a further expression of
regret and designate a contact person in the dean’s or the
advising office.

Application 6-H Respond to a Request from a

Privileged Alum

The background.
Most businesses get requests for special favors. For
example, an outside party might ask for confidential
information, the inside track for employment, or a special
discount. The business for which you work might grant
some of these requests, but just as often special requests
are politely denied (“I wish I could, but I can’t because . .
.”). If a client or customer asks for a favor, be sure to check
first with your supervisor regarding company policy.
Whenever a special request is granted, there is always the
danger that other individuals or groups will demand the
same treatment or just feel unfairly served. Sometimes
there are even legal vulnerabilities in a company’s unequal
practices. Thus, it’s always best to weigh special requests
first according to their legality, and second according to an
established set of policies and principles (a policy on
exceptions, so to speak).
In this application, Mr. Nudgely wants his under qualifide
nephew to be admitted to Prestige University, of which you
are president. In the following letter, Mr. Nudgely is asking
you to grant a special favor by overruling the admissions
director. Let’s see you assume the role of the university
president. How and according to what principles are you
going to say “no” to this important alumnus and his family?

TO: [Your name], President

Prestige University
Boston, Massachusetts
 Dear President [Your name]:

My nephew Herbie (Jones) is a fine young man and has thus far been
unsuccessful in seeking admission to Prestige University. This is a
frustrating situation in that, you will recall, three generations of our
family have attended good old PU, and a denial of admission for Herbie
would be a profound disappointment for our family.

We are longtime supporters of PU. My wife and I currently serve on the

Parents’ Council, and we have helped raise more than $3 million for the
University in recent years. We don’t want to be forced to reconsider our
important affiliation with the University.

While Herbie may not have the most illustrious academic credentials, we
believe that the year he spent working for Habitat for Humanity after
high school has given him the maturity he needs to succeed in college. We
ask you to talk with your admissions director, Jim Stall, who thus far has
not been receptive to our concerns. We will appreciate your intervention
in this matter.

Sincerely,

Dick Nudgely, CEO

Grandiose Development Corp.

Newton, Massachusetts

The purpose.
Your goals are twofold: to support the admissions decision,
thus upholding the quality criteria of the university, and to
retain the loyalty and financial support of the angry
alumnus/donor.

The audience.
It is clear that Mr. Nudgely is a self-important person; he is
also a person whom your development office will want to
“cultivate” in coming years. He will need some
complimentary stroking in your letter, a display of your
gratitude for his major contributions. You must also
address him as an insider to the university’s interests, not
as an external constituency: as a third-generation alumnus,
he feels that he and his family are the university, not mere
onlookers. Given Nudgely’s expectations and his
importance to the university, you should take the time to
sketch future possibilities for his nephew as you say “no” to
the immediate request.

The communication strategy.

Be sure to thank and (briefly) flatter the Nudgely family in
your opening, and conclude your response with another
note of gratitude. In replying to Nudgely, you need to
reference the careful admission review process, bearing in
mind that you probably do not have the power to change an
admissions decision, and you also want to support
admissions colleagues in their difficult work. At the same
time, your response should not denigrate Herbie’s current
credentials. You might, for example, stress the rigorous
academic challenges Herbie would face at PU if he were
not prepared to tackle them. Are there alternative
pathways you could recommend for Herbie to pursue for
future entrance to Prestige University? If so, briefly
describe the alternatives in your letter and reference a
contact person in the admissions or advising office who
could provide more guidance to Herbie and his parents
(and be sure to cc this person).

Note.
To see how two students responded to Application 6-H, see
page 155.

Application 6-I Write a Rejection Letter

The background.
Writing rejections to job applicants, nonprofits that have
submitted grant proposals, and other petitioners for
various opportunities is not an easy business. You want to
write rejections with tact, both to honor the sensitivities of
the recipient of the bad news and to cultivate goodwill
among community members whose interest or help you
might want to cultivate in the future. (For examples of
tactful and harsh college rejection letters in particular,
enter “Wall Street Journal” and “college rejection letters”
into a search engine.)
In this application, you are an editorial assistant at
StarShip Publications, and the editor-in-chief does not have
time to write all the rejection letters to the authors whose
submissions he and others have reviewed. He has asked
you to write a graceful rejection letter to Rachel Adams,
who submitted a novel based on her experiences as a
competitive surfer.

The purpose.
Your supervisor wants the letters from StarShip
Publications to be respectful toward the authors who have
submitted their work; to suggest plausible, noninsulting
reasons for the rejection; and to encourage authors to
submit their future projects. This purpose coincides with
the company’s broader efforts to present a positive
professional profile to the many writers struggling to
publish their work.

The audience.
Creative people are often very sensitive to criticism of any
kind. While no recipient will enjoy your rejection letter,
make it friendly and respectful, even encouraging if
possible. Remember that most aspiring authors, even those
who eventually become famous, receive countless rejection
letters. Make yours stand out for its sensitivity.

The communication strategy.

Begin by expressing the publisher’s gratitude that the
author submitted her work for consideration. Frame the
rejection in a way that does not denigrate the writer’s
talent. Also, offer a plausible reason for the rejection. For
example, Rachel Adams’s surfing narrative might not fit
with the market demographic for your firm’s publications,
or StarShip might recently have published a novel with
similar content. Conclude with a bit of encouragement
regarding Ms. Adams’s future projects.

Application 6-J Invite a Distinguished Guest to a

Campus Event

The background.
Businesses often invite prominent people to participate in
activities that promote the organization’s interests: fund-
raising events, product promotions, groundbreaking
ceremonies, professional conferences, and so on. A major
challenge is that the invitee may not be rewarded
monetarily, or may be given only a small honorarium. And if
the invited person is rich, famous, or busy enough, even
substantial compensation might not be enough to get him
or her to participate in your event. Whatever the case, you
need to be very persuasive to convince high-profile people
to contribute their time and energy.
In this application, you are charged with inviting a local
distinguished person to participate in a campus event for
your team, group, club, fraternity, sorority, or some other
organization of your choice. You would like this person
either to join a discussion on a particular topic or to
formally present his or her views on an issue of interest to
your group. (You can make up an appropriate group if you
don’t actually belong to one, but be sure to select an actual
person as your invitee — perhaps someone of renown.)
Assume that the invitee is busy with other obligations and
probably receives many similar requests to contribute time
and expertise. Your group has $500 available for an
honorarium or for other activities to support the planned
event (for example, a lunch or dinner meeting with the
invited guest).
The purpose.
Your goal is to gain the interest of the invited person, to
help the invitee feel a connection to your group’s interests
and purposes, and to feel that she or he has the right
background to make a useful contribution.

The audience.
Most people you will want to invite are very busy, often in
demand for similar groups and events. Sure, you need to
flatter the person invited, but primarily you need to arouse
his or her interest in your group’s purposes. The invitee
needs to feel prepared to contribute the requested
information and ideas. You also need to show scheduling
flexibility to accommodate the guest’s busy calendar.

The communication strategy.

Use a respectful tone throughout the communication, a
tone that reflects your admiration for the invited person
and your appreciation for his or her considering your
request. Also, make sure to do the following:
Identify the nature and interests of the group you are
representing, giving the invited person enough
information to decide whether he or she has the right
background to meet your needs.
Give examples of any related activities your group has
sponsored.
Let the invitee know exactly when and where the event
will occur, possibly offering alternative dates.
Tell the invitee whether there will be other presenters;
how long she or he should speak, respond to questions,
or both; and who will be in the audience
(undergraduate students? faculty? the general public?).
Stipulate the honorarium if you intend to use some or
all of your group’s $500 for this purpose.
 Close with a thank-you and a date by which you need a
reply.
Provide your contact information and express your
readiness to discuss any of the details.

Note.
To see how one student responded to Application 6-J, see
page 157.

Application 6-K Disinvite Participants to a Focus

Group

The background.
Sometimes a company will get into an embarrassing
situation, despite good intentions and competent planning
and management. Issuing explanations and apologies
requires very tactful communication. On the one hand, the
organization does not want to expose too many details
about what went wrong (or just who messed up, if that is
the case); on the other hand, the communication needs to
explain the misstep and apologize to those affected by it.
In this application, you must figure out how to strike that
kind of balance. Here are the details: as a marketing
assistant for Full Throttle Research, you were charged with
enlisting a focus group of 20 people to assess a new series
of television commercials for one of your firm’s clients. As
it turns out, everyone you invited agreed to participate;
further, another assistant also invited a number of
participants, and you now have more people than you can
accommodate. To make matters worse, you promised all
those invited a six-month supply of your client’s product, a
line of gourmet cookies. You need to decide what strategies
to use to rescind some of the invitations.

The purpose.
Your goal is to gracefully retract some of the invitations, to
briefly explain and apologize for the problem, and to retain
the recipients’ interest in future focus groups.

The audience.
People don’t like being disinvited. They feel that they’ve
been snubbed, that you have wasted their time, and that
you are not very competent. However, the disinvited people
will probably want to participate in future focus groups
dealing with television commercials, since they are
attracted to being part of media-related events. The
promise of an invitation in the future will probably help
appease them — as will the complimentary cookies.

The communication strategy.

You need to acknowledge the problem without making your
company look foolish (and without pointing the finger at
any particular staff member). You also want to retain the
interest of the disinvited. You must decide for yourself
whether to provide the cookie compensations to the
disinvited or to withdraw that offer as well.

Application 6-L Reassure a Nervous Customer

The background.
From a business and legal perspective, providing formal
reassurance regarding health and safety matters requires a
difficult balance. It’s not possible to promise that nothing
will ever go wrong. However, you don’t want to fuel the
anxieties of customers, employees, or other constituencies
or just let such concerns go unanswered. The challenge is
to foreground the likelihood that things will go as you have
planned and prepared for, but to acknowledge that
unanticipated things sometimes do occur and that
individuals have to exercise care and personal
responsibility.
 In this application, you are a public-relations rep for the
Justin Bieber concert series and have received an inquiry
from a nervous ticket buyer. She has purchased a large
block of tickets for her daughter’s thirteenth birthday and
wonders if all the girls will be safe at a massive and
energetic event such as this. In your response, you need to
provide reasonable reassurance to the customer while also
suggesting that the daughter and her friends must take
some responsibility for their own safety. Here is the e-mail
in which the mother expresses her concerns:

Dear Concert Sponsors:

I am nervous about the upcoming Justin Bieber concert in Missoula, for

which I have purchased a block of 17 tickets. I know there have been
some crowd-control problems with past Bieber events, and I wonder if I
can be confident about this concert on February 27. It’s my daughter’s
13th birthday, and she and 16 of her friends are really counting on seeing
their favorite celebrity. Thanks for your help.

Cindy Jones
Anxious Mom in Missoula

The purpose and audience.

See if you can provide some reassurance to the “anxious
mom” about the upcoming concert in Missoula —
specifying, for instance, the health and safety precautions
that will be taken at the concert. At the same time, be
careful about making promises about safety that the
concert sponsors cannot guarantee.

The communication strategy.

Think about your own concert experiences. What is
typically provided regarding crowd control, security,
medical resources, and so on? Can you sketch these
precautions for the nervous mother and at the same time
suggest precautions that her daughter and her daughter’s
friends should take for their own safety and wellbeing?
Again, offer reassurance but no guarantees.

Application 6-M Buy Time in a Tricky Situation

The background.
Sometimes an oganization needs to buy time in order to
gather information, seek further advice, or do some
strategic planning — before complying with a request or
demand. The interim communication with the person or
group making the request should not sound defensive or
obstructive but rather provide reasons for needing further
time in order to respond more fully.
This application will ask you to tackle such a challenge.
In it, you are a paralegal at Pimlico Corporation, and you
have received a letter from an attorney, Megan Suya, who
is making an accusation and a demand. The attorney for
your firm, Wayne Judge, will be unavailable for at least a
week, and you are the best-qualified person to write an
initial response to Suya. Here is her letter to your
company:

Pimlico Corporation
1276 Main Street, Suite C
Long Island, NY 11545

Dear Management of Pimlico Corporation:

My client, Thrombosis Inc., is concerned over your recent decision to

curtail use of Thrombosis Inc. as your exclusive catering service. In doing
so, you have violated our contractual understanding in effect for the last
five years. We request that you immediately turn over all documents
related to that understanding, including all e-mails related to this
arrangement, all phone-call records for the five-year period, all financial
records related to Thrombosis, and all other paper and digitized records
that may pertain to the arrangements over the past five years between
Pimlico Corp. and Thrombosis Inc. We expect to have all such records
delivered to us no later than March 18, 2016.

Sincerely,
 Megan Suya, Esq.
AAA Law Firm
1200 Parkhurst Street, Suite D
Albany, NY 12205

The purpose.
Your task is to buy some time until the company attorney,
Wayne Judge, can look over key documents, consult with
some of the Pimlico managers, and decide whether, or to
what extent, to comply with Megan Suya’s request. Without
saying merely that your attorney is unavailable, construct
an effective delaying action that does not sound
uncooperative or defensive.

The audience.
You are writing back to a no-nonsense attorney, so you
don’t need to labor over a warm-and-fuzzy communication.
Just be respectful and cooperative while you briefly
describe your company’s need for more time. Keep in mind
that your letter might be scrutinized by a broader audience
in a court, along with other documents in a lawsuit.

The communication strategy.

Use a tone and strategy that sound cooperative but that
make no promises. Who knows at this point what actual
contract or informal agreement might have been in effect
for the past five years? You can be sure that your attorney
will not want to gather and provide the masses of company
documents requested by Suya in the absence of a
subpoena, but he might decide to negotiate an agreement
with Thrombosis Inc. if it looks as though a lawsuit is
looming. In any case, convince Megan Suya that your firm
will respectfully consider her concerns and request. Your
goal is to buy time without seeming to stonewall Suya and
without promising her any particular outcome.
Application 6-N Request Permission from an External
Constituency

The background.
Businesses sometimes request permission to use a privately
owned facility or a patented or copyrighted resource. The
owner of the resource might be willing to allow limited use
free of charge, but more often the owner will want
compensation for sharing the resource. The art of
requesting permission effectively is a good skill to develop.
In this application, you are helping develop a Web site for
your firm Best Practices Inc. The company provides
leadership-training services to new or established
businesses, helping their staff develop management skills
without having to engage in a more formal program, such
as an MBA. You would like to use three Dilbert cartoons on
the company Web site that humorously touch on some of
the issues addressed in your training program. How will
you go about describing your use of the Dilbert images and
request a price quotation? (For research, go to the Dilbert
Web site, pick out three cartoons that deal with training
issues, and note how the licensing process works. You can
find this information at
thedilbertstore.com/pages/about_licensing.)

The purpose.
You will need to persuade the licensing firm for the
cartoonist, Scott Adams, that your company will make good
use of the Dilbert material — that is, you will not use the
cartoons in some inappropriate context that the Dilbert
audience would not appreciate (for example, DC Comics
might not want to see the copyrighted Superman images
used to sell toothpaste on television). For more information,
see “Restrictions on Customer’s Use” on the Dilbert
licensing Web page.
The audience.
Copyright holders are usually very protective of their
properties. You need to convince the Dilbert group that
your use of the cartoons would be in keeping with the spirit
of the cartoon series.

The communication strategy.

In your letter to the Dilbert agents, you will need to define
the nature of your company and describe how you propose
to use the three cartoons on your Web site. You should also
ask for a price quotation.

Student Responses to Selected Applications

Following are sample responses to three of the previous

applications: 6-E, 6-H, and 6-J. (Note that the responses to
6-E were written by the author, not by his students.)

Responses to Application 6-E: Resolve a Complaint

about Customer Service

Here are two possible responses to the complaint from

Charles Jameson (see page 142). The first response (a) is
brief and generic and doesn’t address the realities of the
Rambo situation. Jameson will know that no one is paying
attention to his particular interests:

(a)

Mr. Charles Jameson, President

Rambo Corporation
Dearborn, Michigan

Dear Mr. Jameson:

We appreciate your concerns and will give them all the attention they
deserve. We will hope to have the issues resolved soon and will contact
 you when the new equipment is ready to ship. We appreciate your
patience.

Sincerely,

Jay Generic
Fescue Ltd.

The second response (b) is much more nuanced and

more likely to satisfy this important customer (after all, you
do want to retain his business, even if your company was
not at fault). Notice that this response is careful not to cast
blame on Jameson’s employees; it stays above the fray.

(b)

Mr. Charles Jameson, President

Rambo Corporation
Dearborn, Michigan
Dear Mr. Jameson:

I am responding to your e-mail of December 23, 2016, in which you

expressed concerns over our last shipment to Rambo Corporation. If you
talk further with your Receiving Department, I believe you will find that
the stamping machines arrived in good condition, but that the details of
final setup and calibration were somewhat confusing. Fescue immediately
dispatched two engineers to Rambo Corporation to aid in the setup
process, and within a few hours the initial confusions were resolved.

Let me assure you that we will always work with you to resolve any
problems that might arise, whatever their cause. Some of our latest
technologies are quite complicated, and we are eager to provide the
support needed. You have been a good customer with us for seven years,
and we hope you will agree that the current frustrations were addressed
quickly and professionally. We will do our very best to prevent mishaps or
misunderstandings in the future.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to

contact me directly by e-mail at jcares@aol.com or by phone at 882-678-
0983. We want to earn your continued trust in our company.

Sincerely,

Jay Cares
Responses to Application 6-H: Respond to a Request
from a Privileged Alum

Here are two student responses to Mr. Nudgely, the alum

who requested that his nephew be admitted to Prestige
University (see page 146). Notice that respondent (a)
begins and concludes the letter with thanks to Mr. Nudgely
and his family’s legacy. She then gracefully offers an
academic solution, even acknowledging the promising signs
in Herbie’s work with Habitat for Humanity. In the final
paragraph, she offers a special PU contact person to help
Herbie plan his next steps. Overall, the writer has upheld
the university’s admissions standards, supported the
beleaguered director of admissions, and given some insider
guidance for Herbie (who will still need to meet acceptable
admissions standards).

(a)

Dick Nudgely, CEO

Grandiose Development Corp.
Newton, Massachusetts

Dear Mr. Nudgely:

I’d like to sincerely thank you for your long-term support of Prestige
University. We are incredibly lucky to have families like yours affiliated
with our university, and your loyalty to us is much appreciated and has
not gone unnoticed.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to grant your nephew, Herbie Jones,

admission to PU this year. However, I can offer a solution that I hope you
find both fair and reasonable. If Herbie attends another school — be it a
university or a community college — for one full year and is able to show
us academic progress, we’d be more than happy to review Herbie’s new
application at the end of the year. His year spent with Habitat for
Humanity is recognized as showing both maturity and dedication for a
selfless cause, and it is looked upon highly by the university. Prestige
University would be proud to have a fourth generation of your family
 attend our school, and I can promise to personally review your nephew’s
application at the end of next year.

If Herbie would like to discuss these options further with our advising
staff, please have him contact Maria Guidestar at 617-987-6543,
extension 3. I will forward her a copy of your letter and my proposed
solution so that she will be prepared to speak with Herbie. I’d like to
thank you again for the time and effort you’ve put into helping better PU.
I look forward to reviewing Herbie’s application next year.

Sincerely,

Alyssa Kiandehkian, President

Prestige University
Boston, Massachusetts

The writer of letter (b) on the next page has made similar
decisions to those of the writer of letter (a) by framing the
response with praise for Mr. Nudgely’s contributions and
ongoing importance to Prestige University. Remember that
Nudgely does not feel like an external constituency; rather,
as an alumnus he has made efforts to remain an insider,
and PU is his alma mater. The writer in (b) decided to say
somewhat more about the hard tasks faced by the
admissions director, and she asks the director himself to
provide information on the appeal process. This second
shot at admission might satisfy Mr. Nudgely, or it might
instead just push the problem down the road if the appeal
is unsuccessful. Always be careful in a complaint resolution
not to postpone a likely negative outcome, for this will
often increase the complainant’s irritation.

(b)

Dick Nudgely
Grandiose Development Corp.
Newton, Massachusetts

Dear Mr. Nudgely,

 I would like to thank your family for your continued support of and loyalty
to Prestige University. Your wife’s and your contributions while serving on
the Parents’ Council have been invaluable to the continuation of Prestige
University’s outstanding reputation within the academic community.

I understand your concerns about your nephew Herbie’s admission status.

I can assure you that our admissions director, Jim Stall, has been
inundated with correspondence in the weeks following decision letters
being mailed out, and any delay in addressing your concerns is not a
reflection on our institution’s high regard for your family but simply a
result of the stressful and extremely busy admissions season.

Herbie is a fine young man whose talents and accomplishments would

surely be an asset to our university. I will personally ensure that Mr. Stall
forwards Herbie detailed information on our application appeal process
as soon as possible. I appreciate your understanding of the fact that
because the responsibilities and decision-making power are divided
among the different directors of Prestige, I do not have the authority to
override Mr. Stall’s decision.

Once again, Prestige University greatly values your family’s long-standing

support of our institution and its distinguished academic standards. We
hope that you will continue to believe in Prestige and contribute to our
efforts to expand the opportunities offered here.

Sincerely,

Andrea Michaelian, President

Prestige University
Boston, Massachusetts

Response to Application 6-J: Invite a Distinguished

Guest to a Campus Event

Because the following invitation covers all the details

outlined in Application 6-J (see page 148), the invited
person will know whether he has the right background for
the requested topic, wants to address the group identified,
has time to prepare for a formal presentation, and can fit
the event into his schedule. He should also be pleased by
the complimentary, persuasive tone of the invitation.
William M. Daugherty, Chief Investment Officer
WMD Asset Management, LLC
559 San Ysidro Road, Suite I
Santa Barbara, CA 93108

Dear Mr. Daugherty:

My name is Greg Leyrer, and I am a member of the Santa Barbara

Finance Connection at UC Santa Barbara. Our club hosts various events
aimed at teaching students about the different verticals of finance and has
had moderate success throughout the years with helping students break
into the industry. With your many years of managing funds and your
breadth of experience regarding the securities market, we believe that
you could be of great assistance to us and our organization.

We would like to formally invite you to speak at one of our upcoming

seminars for around 30 minutes, then to respond to questions. The event
will center on opportunities in asset management, specifically with a
focus on institutional investing. With your background in finance, you
would be the perfect candidate for the job. We understand that you are a
very busy individual; we can offer multiple dates and times in order to
accommodate what would work best for your schedule. We are hoping to
hold our event some weekday evening during the month of February or
March. It would mean a lot to our group if you shared your knowledge of
the industry by telling us about your own career experiences. We expect
around 30 undergraduate Economics and Accounting students to attend
the event in South Hall 1432 on the UCSB campus.

Our event will not be complete without a great speaker, and we believe
that you are the best person for this task. We would like to offer you a
$300 honorarium for your participation. After the event, if your time
permits, we would additionally like to take you out to dinner as a token of
our appreciation. If you are interested, we would like to hear back from
you in order to coordinate the specifics of this seminar. My contact
information is provided below. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Greg Leyrer
Member, Santa Barbara Finance Connection
www.sbfinanceconnection.com
gleyrer@umail.ucsb.edu
(925) 324-9673
Chapter 7 More Complex Business
Writing Projects

Chapter Outline

Understanding the Challenges of More Complex Writing

Projects
Identifying Key Considerations of Complex Projects
The Situation or Scenario
The Audience
Background Research and Preparation
Document Design
Previewing Longer Writing Projects
A Business-Travel Reimbursement Policy
An Ethics Advisory Memo
A Request for Proposals
A Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full Grant Proposal
A Grant Proposal
A Business Plan
Being an Effective Part of a Team
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Applying What You’ve Learned
Application 7-A: Draft a Business-Travel Reimbursement
Policy
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
The parts of the policy document.
The expense reimbursement form.
Further help on this project.
Application 7-B: Write an Ethics Advisory Memo
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Contents of the ethics advisory memo.
Further help on this project.
Application 7-C: Write a Request for Proposals (RFP)
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Further help on this project.
Application 7-D: Write a Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full
Grant Proposal
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Contents of the letter of inquiry.
Further help on this project.
Application 7-E: Write a Grant Proposal
The background.
The purpose.
Education
Energy/environment
Animals
The arts
Health
Economic concerns
International understanding
Community service
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Contents of the grant proposal.
Further help on this project.
 Note:
Application 7-F: Write a Business Plan for a Start-Up
The background for business plans.
The background for this application.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Contents of the business plan.
Further help on this project.
A final note on research.
Student Responses to Selected Applications
Response to Application 7-B: Write an Ethics Advisory
Memo
Case 22
Response to Application 7-C: Write a Request for
Proposals
Response to Application 7-D: Write a Letter of Inquiry
Preceding a Full Grant Proposal
Response to Application 7-E: Write a Grant Proposal
Response to Application 7-F: Write a Business Plan for a
Start-Up
Understanding the Challenges of
More Complex Writing Projects
Most of the scenarios and applications in this book require
the writing of shorter communications, usually of one to
two pages. This chapter, however, offers more ambitious
writing projects for you to explore, either individually or as
part of a team.

Identifying Key Considerations of Complex

Projects

The principles and considerations that shape shorter

business communications apply to the longer projects as
well. You need to determine your purpose(s) in writing, the
nature of your audience, and the strategies that will shape
an effective communication. There are, however, some
differences to take into account, as discussed in the
following sections.

The Situation or Scenario

Certain business writing situations take more than one or

two pages to address. For example, you might be writing a
business plan on behalf of a start-up company, and the plan
will have to consider the many factors involved in creating
and distributing the company’s product or service: the
types of customers who might be interested in the product
or service, competing companies that offer something
similar, proposed advertising strategies, and the finances
needed to launch the new company.

The Audience

In more complex writing projects, you are likely to be

addressing a much larger audience or multiple audiences
— for example, small and large shareholders if you are
helping write a company’s annual report; expert reviewers
if you are competing against other applicants for funds
from a foundation; or friendly, skeptical, and even hostile
co-workers if you are presenting new salary and benefits
structures for your company. Whenever you address a
larger, more varied group of readers, you will need to do a
more complex audience analysis so that you can make
informed decisions about tone and evidence. (Tips on
addressing various audiences appear in the applications
under “Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios,”
pages 164–89.)

Background Research and Preparation

More complex business writing projects might involve

extensive planning on your part and will often require you
to do library or online research as well. A report analyzing
a particular industry (for example, an analysis of the
German automotive industry) would require a great deal of
research into industry trends and challenges — the
changes occurring in customer demographics, the energy
and workforce needs of the industry, environmental and
safety regulations affecting the industry, and newer
technologies that could have a positive or negative impact
on the industry.
Some of the longer projects detailed in the “Responding
to Real-World Writing Scenarios” section of this chapter
(for example, the grant-proposal application on page 175
and the business-plan application on page 182) will
introduce you to business-research tools that you might not
have encountered in your other academic work. These
longer projects will help you learn much more about the
types of evidence available to guide all sorts of business
decisions.
Further, as you probably know from writing college
research papers, finding credible research materials is just
the first challenge; of equal importance is analyzing the
evidence and organizing it into a coherent and persuasive
picture for readers. In essence, you will want to “tell the
story” of a company or business situation effectively over a
number of pages. To present your evidence effectively, you
might want to work from an outline in which you have
mapped out this information in a clear, sensible way.

Document Design

Because the possibility for confusion goes up as the length

and complexity of a business document increase, you’ll
need to think carefully about the overall design. Your
document could benefit, for example, from formal section
titles with subheadings, the occasional use of bullet points,
graphics to illustrate complex data, page numbers, and
footnotes. As discussed in Chapter 4, “Business Document
Design, Formats, and Conventions,” thoughtful attention to
the organization, formatting, and design of your document
will help readers know exactly where they are in your
longer piece and where they will go next.

Previewing Longer Writing Projects

This section of Business Writing Scenarios previews the
types of longer communications that you will be exploring
in more detail — and writing — in the “Responding to Real-
World Writing Scenarios” section of this chapter. All these
communications involve more research than the smaller
business documents you have been working with to this
point. In the following preview, the projects have been
sequenced from relatively straightforward and shorter
pieces to longer pieces requiring more research.

A Business-Travel Reimbursement Policy

Most businesses and professional organizations dedicate a

lot of time to constructing policies, procedures, and
guidelines. The relatively short project in Application 7-A
(page 165) will ask you, individually or as a team, to think
through the types of travel expenses that your business
would and would not support, the preapprovals that might
be required, and the record-keeping needed for a
successful travel reimbursement. It’s a good opportunity
for you to anticipate how to make the right things happen
for your company (in this case, employee travel that truly
contributes to the company’s success) and to prevent any
abuse of the travel funding provided.

An Ethics Advisory Memo

In the scenario described in Application 7-B (page 167), the

CEO of your company has appointed you (or your team) to
analyze certain ethical, practical, financial, and legal
challenges facing your company and to provide your
written recommendations on the best course of action.

A Request for Proposals

In the individual or team project described in Application 7-

C (page 170), you will be alerting the local nonprofit
community that your philanthropic foundation has a total of
$1 million to contribute during the current year to worthy
nonprofit organizations. Thus, your request for proposals
(RFP) or call for proposals (CFP) should lay out the types of
causes you are prepared to fund and the details of the
application (or proposal) process.
You will need to define (and name) your foundation and
describe the charitable works you want to support in the
coming year. You will also need to guide potential
applicants concerning the evidence you need to see in their
applications or proposals, the deadlines for submitting
proposals, and the review process conducted by your
foundation. Constructing an RFP will help you experience
some of the thinking that goes into a grant writing process,
even without your tackling the much longer research
process required for writing an actual grant proposal. (The
RFP project could also be completed as a preliminary to the
grant-proposal project described on page 175.)

A Letter of Inquiry Preceding a Full Grant Proposal

The letter of inquiry, like the RFP, can be completed as its

own task or the RFP and the letter can be combined as
parts of the full grant writing process. (See Application 7-D,
page 171.) It has become customary for philanthropic
foundations to request preliminary letters from grant
seekers before a full proposal is submitted. This strategy
gives both the grant seeker and the foundation a chance to
see whether the grant seeker’s interests are congruent
with those of the foundation. The letter is, in effect, a mini-
proposal.

A Grant Proposal

Compared to the RFP project above, the grant-proposal

project puts you (or your team) at the other end of the
nonprofit funding process. (See Application 7-E, page 175.)
You are now a specific nonprofit organization responding to
an RFP, requesting a certain amount of funding from a
foundation in order to support a worthwhile endeavor. This
writing project, best undertaken as a team, requires a lot of
imagination, much critical thinking, and a good deal of
research to make a strong case for your grant request. Your
ability to marshal several varieties of evidence and your
ability to deploy that evidence persuasively will be put to
the test. An especially enjoyable aspect of this project is
that it gives you the opportunity to define what good you
might be able to do in the world if you had the necessary
resources — for example, you might want to achieve
environmental goals, improve human health, provide
education and training for a particular group, support the
arts, or perhaps enhance animal welfare.

A Business Plan

Because it requires extensive research and creative input,

the business plan project is especially suitable for team
collaboration. (See Application 7-F, page 182.) The goal is
for team members, as entrepreneurs developing a start-up
company, to invent a new or substantially improved product
or service and to make a well-researched case to potential
investors. The gathering of evidence about start-up costs
and potential profits, about customer or client
demographics, and about any competing companies already
in the market makes this an ambitious project.
You will need to think well outside your daily experience
to imagine a product or service that is not just a repeat of
what’s already on the market. Again, the goal is to attract
investors to the proposed start-up company through a
creative, feasible, and evidence-based plan. This project
might conclude with each student team making a
PowerPoint or Prezi presentation to classmates, who would
serve as an audience of potential investors.
Being an Effective Part of a Team
As already suggested, some of the longer writing projects
discussed in the previous section, and explored in more
detail on pages 164–89, might be completed most
effectively through teamwork. Also, you are highly likely
during your work life to explore issues, to reach decisions,
and to produce documents through committees, task
forces, work groups, and project teams. So it’s worth
pausing now to consider the rewards and challenges of
working collaboratively.
In a college course or in the workforce, teamwork can be
as challenging (even frustrating) as it is rewarding. For
example, the dynamics of teamwork require team members
to set aside or to moderate some of the expectations and
behavior patterns that have shaped their work as
individuals. Here are a few of the factors you need to keep
in mind:
If you procrastinate in completing your assigned task
on a group project, you will have a negative impact on
the group enterprise. Thus, your work with a team
cannot be self-paced but must honor the
interdependence of all the project’s contributors. Each
team member needs to honor the deadlines established
by the team as a whole.
You must accept that every member of the team will
bring different talents, deficits, and levels of interest
and commitment to the project. No one individual will
have solid strengths in every category. Therefore, it is
important to identify, and to make the best use of, each
person’s strengths and to ameliorate or work around
his or her weaknesses.
No one team member should dominate the team
process to the exclusion of others’ ideas and
responsibilities. The team dynamic will rapidly
 deteriorate under such circumstances, and any
documents produced through the collaboration will
likely be less thorough, accurate, and persuasive than
is ideal.
The team cannot allow some members to coast on the
energy and contributions of the other members. Your
effort should be to draw each team member into the
process — whenever possible with positive
encouragement and sometimes with offers of help.
A clear leadership structure is important to every
team’s success. It’s very rare to see a completely
egalitarian model operate successfully. Designate a
leader or co-leaders to guide the process.
Individual leaders and co-leaders must set their egos
aside. Leaders must be much more interested in the
project’s goals and results than in receiving personal
accolades.

Successful teamwork does not come easily in an

undergraduate course, let alone in one’s professional life.
In both arenas, some members might not meet their
responsibilities in a timely way or might not produce work
of the best quality. But keep this positive perspective in
mind: Working as a team brings together a group of smart
and diversely talented people to pursue a common goal.
This network of brainpower and of multiple perspectives is
capable of producing wonderfully enriched results. That’s a
central reason why so many businesses have embraced the
creative potential of teams and task forces.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
This section will expose you to a range of business writing
scenarios, each of which will require you to apply what
you’ve learned about one of the complex documents
described on pages 161–63. Recognizing the special
challenges of such communications, we provide guidance
not only on purpose, audience, and communication strategy
but also on the particular features of the various
documents.

Applying What You’ve Learned

The following six applications ask you as individuals or in
teams to think and research your way through some
complex challenges.

Application 7-A Draft a Business-Travel

Reimbursement Policy

The background.
Professional organizations generate an abundance of
policies and guidelines intended to define company
procedures, ensure equitable treatment of employees, and
minimize the organization’s legal vulnerabilities. Policies
may specify criteria for advancement or termination, health
and safety standards in the workplace, consequences of
sexual harassment or bullying, rules regarding the use of
sick leave and vacation days, benefits and salary levels,
manufacturing and service standards, and so on.
The most productive approach to creating or clarifying
policies is to regard them as a positive means to achieve an
organization’s goals, not just a list of restrictions. So, first
define the goals to be attained, and then write policies and
procedures that are likely to achieve those ends and, at the
same time, prevent inequities, liabilities, and the misuse of
resources. Thus, a good policy is both positive in its goal
orientation and also protective of both the employees’ and
the company’s interests.
In this application, you are assistant to the director of
human resources and are helping compose a policy
statement, accompanied by procedural guidelines, on
business-related travel expenses for the company X-Factor.
The policy statement and guidelines should be one-and-a-
half to three single-spaced pages. You will also draft an
expense reimbursement form that implements certain
aspects of the policy and guidelines.
X-Factor’s top management wants to tighten and clarify
business-travel policies because of cost concerns. In the
past five years, the company’s travel expenses have tripled,
to an annual total of $33,000 (for a company with 55
managerial staff). The process for approving travel on
behalf of X-Factor has been quite loose, and seldom have
any travel expenses been questioned or denied.

The purpose.
X-Factor is seeking better cost control but wants, also to
support managers’ legitimate needs to attend professional
and trade conferences, to meet with major clients, and to
carry out other important business. Crafting a business-
travel policy that is both fair and financially prudent will
require asking the following questions:
 What types of travel are truly essential to the
company’s success?
What preapproval structure should be in place to
ensure that travel funds will be spent for the best
professional purposes?
What per diem or other expenditure guidelines or
restrictions would be useful for keeping travel expenses
under control?
What process will be followed for submitting travel-
expense vouchers and receiving reimbursement?

The audience.
Managers at X-Factor have enjoyed the liberal travel
policies of recent years and will need to be shown the
sensible financial reasons for tightening the approval and
reimbursement policies. They will also appreciate a clear
statement regarding the types of business travel that are
likely to be approved and the company goals to be served
by business travel.

The communication strategy.

Business-related policies are essentially efforts to promote
a company’s goals and interests and to prevent
misunderstandings and problems (such as misuse of
resources, health and safety problems, legal vulnerabilities,
and salary and benefits inequities within employee
categories). The top management at X-Factor wants to
preserve the excellent morale among its managers as it
announces a tighter policy on travel expenses. The tone of
your draft should reflect the respect and trust that prevails
at X-Factor. So address the audience as colleagues, as
genuine partners in the success of X-Factor. Provide them
with the evidence that will help them understand the need
for a clearer policy, and avoid making the preapproval
processes too complex and burdensome.
The parts of the policy document.
The policy document should consist of the following:
A descriptive title of the policy
Background considerations: Describe the challenges,
problems, and confusions that the policy addresses. In
essence, you are answering this core question: why do
we need the policy?
The policy: As much as possible, present the policy in
positive terms, defining the good or useful goals it will
achieve. Also, clarify the spending limits for
transportation, hotels, meals, conference fees, and
other expenses, and explain why these limits are
necessary.
Procedural guidelines: Outline the steps for
implementing the policy in an orderly, timely, and
equitable fashion. Articulate the criteria to be used for
reviewing travel requests, the advance notice needed
for initial approvals, and the deadlines for seeking
reimbursement. Also, identify the supervisor(s) who
will review travel and reimbursement requests.

The expense reimbursement form.

This should be a one-page (or shorter) form for employees
to submit for manager review after their travel is
completed. It will need to be accompanied by expense
receipts. You will need to design a foolproof form, one that
is easy to fill out and that makes reimbursement requests
conform with the travel policy and guidelines. (For
resources that will help you create such a form, see the
next section.)

Further help on this project.

You can seek out further online resources that will help you
understand the procedural and financial issues associated
with business-travel policies. They might examine such
considerations as who may travel and for what purposes,
what preapprovals are required for travel, what are the
expense limits for travel reimbursements, what expense
records are required for reimbursement, and how
employees submit reimbursement requests. Note that the
samples and guidelines you find online may be much longer
and more complex than the policy you are asked to create
in this application. Also note that you should not copy any
of these sample online materials; rather, use them to
stimulate your own thinking and sense of document design.
Conduct a Web search using the following search terms to
find additional resources.
Travel Policies and Forms at the University of Illinois
Casto’s Sample Corporate Travel Policy
Search for “Business/company/corporate travel policy”
to find many more examples

Application 7-B Write an Ethics Advisory Memo

The background.
Ethics questions arise so often in professional settings that
every month brings news of the latest ethical lapse.
Typically, the central point of tension is between honesty
and fairness on the one hand, and profit or personal
motives on the other. Undoubtedly, we never hear about the
many more routine, ethical commitments that good
businesses make every day to their employees, customers,
and stockholders.
This application will ask you to think through an ethical
quandary at a company and suggest solutions that will
somehow uphold honorable standards without imperiling
the company’s longer-term viability. Specifically, Meg
Whitely, the CEO of Kanga Toy Company, has appointed you
and several other staff at Kanga to advise her — in the form
of a memo — on a rapidly emerging ethical and financial
dilemma.
Kanga has been a leading U.S. producer of safe and
creative toys for more than 30 years, especially targeting
children between the ages of one and seven years. In
recent years, however, sales of the company’s traditional
lines of toys have declined dramatically.
A positive development has been Kanga’s recent launch
of LectroKitty, which has brought new financial life to the
company. The fast-selling LectroKitty is a cute robotic cat
that meows when the toy’s child-owner approaches,
periodically sharpens its claws on a scratching pad, ingests
plastic kibbles from a food bowl at programmed times in
the day, leaps after cat toys when given certain commands,
and purrs and bats its eyes when petted by the child. All of
the parts needed for these automated responses are
supplied by Kanga Toy Company.
During the past few months, however, some customers
have raised concerns about LectroKitty. A dozen parents
posted comments to the company’s Facebook page
complaining that their children had swallowed and choked
on the plastic kibbles. Several other parents expressed
concern that the toy gave a substantial electric shock to
their child when the child kissed LectroKitty on its head
(the toy operates on a miniature 16-volt lithium ion battery
developed abroad especially for Kanga Toys).
Sales thus far of the LectroKitty have been 350,000
units, for a gross sales revenue of more than $12 million.
Thus, the volume of customer complaints has been very
small in proportion to the sales volume. In total, two
children experienced burns from the electric shock serious
enough to warrant a trip to the hospital, and two children
were taken to the emergency room after choking on the
plastic kibbles.
Given the extraordinary sales success of LectroKitty,
Kanga Toy Company is designing other robotic toys to
replace its older product line. In just the past month, three
of the largest retailers in the United States have expressed
interest in distributing LectroKitty in their stores.
Some unhappy parents communicated with a major
consumer watchdog group and with the U.S. Consumer
Product Safety Commission (CPSC), whose mission is to
ensure the safety of consumer products. Yesterday the
CPSC phoned CEO Whitely to make a preliminary inquiry
about the reported problems with LectroKitty. Ms. Whitely
was not available to speak with the CPSC, but Whitely did
speak with her chief design engineer, Suzanne Ciao, who
believes that she and her team can analyze and fix the
LectroKitty problems if given around three months. The
attorney for Kanga Toy Company, Mike Seidler, has
expressed serious concerns over the damage to Kanga
Toys’ reputation if further problems are reported, if Kanga
is sued by angry parents, or if the CPSC orders a recall of
LectroKitty.
Yet another wrinkle in this scenario is the profit-sharing
promise made to Kanga’s 230 unionized employees when
they last negotiated their contract. Because the employees
had taken salary reductions for two years when Kanga
profits were declining, the Kanga management formally
agreed to share profits that might be derived from the sales
of LectroKitty.

The purpose.
In your memo, you and the other appointed members of
Meg Whitely’s management team need to advise her on the
best course of action to take. You will need to explore
complex issues of safety, ethics, company reputation, and
legal liabilities in relation to the company’s financial well-
being and the contractual interests of its employees. Based
on this analysis, you will then make written
recommendations to the CEO, as she requested.
The audience.
Meg Whitely, the CEO, is the immediate audience for your
memo, and she will undoubtedly share your
recommendations with other key members of the
management staff. She will care about the logic of your
analysis, your ability to balance the several contending
interests in this situation, and the clarity and cogency of
your recommendations. In other words, she will want to see
your reasoning process in addition to your conclusions.

The communication strategy.

You are writing to a knowledgeable insider, the CEO; thus,
you will need only a very brief summary of the LectroKitty
situation. Of more interest to the CEO will be your
understanding of what’s at stake for the company and the
insights and arguments you provide as you move toward
your final recommendations. Be sure that you do make
expedient recommendations to the CEO; don’t just
conclude that the issues require further study. Whitely
needs very quickly to decide what to tell the CPSC and
others who might inquire about the safety of LectroKitty,
how to respond to the major retailers who want to
distribute the toy, whether to stop shipping LectroKitty
until the problem is analyzed and fixed, whether to recall
the product with a general public announcement, and what
to say to the employees who have been counting on the
profit-sharing agreement.

Contents of the ethics advisory memo.

Rather than write a continuous narrative in your memo,
you should create some appropriate subsection titles to
make the document easier to read. For example, you might
divide the memo into sections like these:
“Background” (in which you briefly describe your
group’s assignment from the CEO and sketch the
 central challenges faced by the company)
“Ethical Considerations” (in which you analyze the
central philosophical or ethical and practical concerns
raised by the LectroKitty situation)
“Conclusions and Recommendations” (in which you
provide the CEO with the results of your examination
and recommend a course of action)

These are just suggestions for a memo structure. You may

develop your own structure and titles as the team process
warrants. But be sure to keep your CEO audience in mind:
you want her to perceive quickly the logic, cogency, and
utility of your advisory report.

Further help on this project.

The ethics advisory memo project will be greatly enriched
if you view, and discuss in class, the online video Ethics in
America II: Risk, Reward, and Responsibility: Ethics in
Business, produced by the Fred Friendly Seminars with the
support of the Columbia University School of Journalism.
(For more information, visit www.learner.org and enter
“Ethics in America II” in the search field.)
The video offers several hypothetical business-ethics
scenarios for discussion by a panel of experts in business
leadership, ethics, politics, economics, and law. You will
notice that these experienced people often disagree about
the best ethical and business responses to the scenarios
presented to them. There is often no easy solution that
balances all of the competing claims of ethics and business
pragmatics. The lively debates recorded in the video will,
however, shed light on the Kanga Toy Company scenario
and on real-world ethical situations you are likely to face in
your professional careers.
Also available at www.learner.org is an excellent study
guide for the series Ethics in America II: The Ethics in
America Study Guide by Dr. Lisa H. Newton, a professor of
philosophy at Fairfield University.
At the end of this chapter, you will find one of Newton’s
business-ethics scenarios and a sample advisory memo that
students wrote in response to it (see pages 189–94).

Application 7-C Write a Request for Proposals (RFP)

The background.
In this application, you are the grants coordinator for a
philanthropic foundation, and you need to write the
foundation’s annual RFP. An RFP lets nonprofit
organizations know that you have funds available for
certain worthy causes and are ready to receive proposals
for your foundation’s review. This application can be
undertaken individually or as a team.

The purpose.
You need to answer this basic question: “If I represented a
foundation with $1 million to contribute this coming year to
worthwhile nonprofit organizations, what sorts of good
works would I want to underwrite?” Once you’ve answered
this question, draft an RFP that defines the following:
the types of charitable enterprises that your foundation
wants to support (for example, projects supporting the
arts, education, the environment, or human health and
well-being)
the typical size of the grants
eligibility requirements for the nonprofit organizations
or individuals making proposals
the content expected in the proposals
the application and review process and the deadlines
for submitting materials to your foundation

The audience.
Many individuals and organizations are looking for funding,
so you will need to be very explicit about the activities you
want to support. Your RFP should be encouraging and
respectful, but it should also be very clear about the
eligibility criteria you will use in the review process, the
size of the grants to be awarded, and the date by which you
must receive all proposals and supporting materials. You
don’t want to be flooded with money seekers who don’t
understand your foundation’s expectations.

The communication strategy.

The RFP’s statements about the purposes and review
criteria for your foundation’s grants should be brief and
clear, allowing for no ambiguity. For example, if you state
vaguely that the grants seek to “support activities that
enrich local communities,” you will be swamped with a
huge array of applications, many of which will not fit your
actual intentions.
You want to be certain that the grant proposals you
receive will be a good fit with your organization’s
philanthropic and civic interests and that all the
information needed for the review process will be provided.
You also want to see evidence that the applicants have a
clear and feasible plan for spending your funds effectively,
so be sure to build such accountability expectations into
the RFP. For example, ask the applicants for an explicit
budget and plan of action, and ask how they will provide
evidence (within a defined time frame) that they have spent
the grant money appropriately and with a demonstrable
impact.

Further help on this project.

The Non-Profit Guides Web site, at www.npguides.org,
provides good examples of RFPs. Also, a sample of a
student-written RFP is included at the end of this chapter
(see page 195). Whatever RFP models you review for ideas
about format and content, be sure to devise your own
nonprofit project. Make the RFP reflect your interests in
doing something good for the world.

Application 7-D Write a Letter of Inquiry Preceding a

Full Grant Proposal

The background.
In this application, you are representing a nonprofit
organization seeking a grant to support your organization’s
charitable goals. Submitting a preliminary letter of inquiry
is a very common step in current grant writing processes:
the letter allows both the foundation supplying the funding
and the grant applicant to see whether there is a
reasonable fit between the expectations of both
organizations — a good reason to move forward with the
more formal process.
Apart from its connection to a grant writing endeavor,
your experience in composing a letter of inquiry might help
you, in the future, propose your ideas and interests
succinctly to a local government entity, to the management
team at your company, or to a task force within your
company. The letter is an efficient means of testing the
waters before you invest a great deal of time in creating a
fully developed plan or proposal.
In this application, you are writing — as an individual or
as part of a team — a letter of inquiry to the New Horizons
Foundation (whose RFP appears on page 173). In this
letter, you want to show the foundation that you have a
worthwhile and feasible plan for a nonprofit project and
that you should be encouraged to submit the full grant
proposal by the foundation’s deadline.
You will need to imagine or create a worthwhile nonprofit
project. You will also need to do some preliminary research
on the population that would benefit from the project in
order to see what is actually needed and feasible. For
example, if you wanted to help the homeless in
Youngstown, Ohio, you would need to research the
homeless demographic in the Youngstown area, getting
answers to questions like these:
How many homeless are in that area?
What are their ages and ethnicities?
What are the reasons for their homelessness, and what
are their various needs?
What is already being done for this population?

Then, to find a good niche for your own nonprofit efforts,

research what types of services and interventions seem to
work for this homeless population, and what still remains to
be done.
Let’s assume in this application that your nonprofit
organization already has a five-year history of successful
projects and that you have raised $28,000 toward the new
project that you want to propose to the New Horizons
Foundation. Thus, in the letter you will be able to make
some (imagined but plausible) claims about your nonprofit
endeavors.
First take a close look at the New Horizons Foundation
RFP on the next page to see what they are offering to and
requiring from applicants.

The purpose.
Your letter of inquiry must attend carefully to the New
Horizons RFP and make a compelling case so that the
foundation will encourage you to submit the full proposal.
That’s your central purpose. To be convincing, you will
need some specific ideas to demonstrate that you have
thought closely and creatively about your proposed project
and that you have done enough preliminary research to
show that the project is needed by a particular
constituency and is both feasible and affordable. (You
should include footnotes that specify the sources of
research data that you cite in your letter. For examples of
footnotes, see the sample letter of inquiry on pages 198–
202.)

NEW HORIZONS FOUNDATION 2211 Berkshire Road Pasadena,

California 91104

February 22, 2016

Request for Proposals (RFP)

The New Horizons Foundation (NHF) was established in 1995 and has
thus far in its history awarded a total of $8.5 million to nonprofit
organizations around the United States. The Foundation provides grants
to nonprofit organizations in support of education, health and wellness,
environmental protection and sustainability, the arts, energy conservation
and alternative energy development, aid to the elderly, and other
worthwhile community-based projects.

Applications responding to our April 2016 RFP may request up to

$100,000 for the proposed project. However, available funding is
contingent upon the amount of funding in the NHF budget for fiscal year
2017.

A preliminary letter of inquiry from the grant seeker must be submitted to

the NHF by March 31, 2016. The letter should describe succinctly the
need for the proposed project and the grant seeker’s planned response to
the defined need, and it should provide a preliminary budget (with
explanatory narrative) that would meet the need over a particular period
of time.

The NHF will respond to letters of inquiry no later than April 29, 2016,
and may, at the discretion of the NHF, invite full grant proposals from
some organizations. The full grant applications, with all supporting
material, must then be received by the NHF no later than June 30, 2016.

For questions regarding your eligibility for a grant, or for guidance on any
stage of the application process, please consult Jayne Carrie, Senior Grant
Coordinator for the NHF, at jcarrie@newhorizons.org.

The audience.
Philanthropic individuals and foundations that fund
nonprofit projects want to make good things happen in the
world, and they want to lend their financial support to
worthy organizations. At the same time, they want to be
sure that their money will be spent wisely and effectively —
that you, the petitioner, have a clear understanding of the
need being addressed, the solution, and the costs. They will
expect to see in your letter a solid understanding of the
issues you want to address and a feasible and affordable
plan of action.

The communication strategy.

Combine your creative thinking about the desired nonprofit
project with some preliminary research. (You should
identify three or four credible information sources that you
refer to in your letter, and be sure to provide full
information on the sources in your footnotes.) Remember,
the central strategy is to combine your idealistic desire to
accomplish good with a reality-based assessment of how
you would actually make good things happen.

Contents of the letter of inquiry.

Using the block letter style format (see pages 88–89),
address the letter of inquiry to the contact person
referenced in the New Horizons Foundation RFP (Jayne
Carrie, Senior Grant Coordinator) and provide the full
address of the foundation.
Write a letter of one-and-a-half to two-and-a-half single-
spaced pages and include the following components: an
introduction, a description of your organization, a
statement of need, your methodology for addressing the
problems or issues you have identified, a brief discussion of
other funding sources, and a final summary. The
overarching goal is to “tell the story” of your organization’s
successes and aspirations.
Here are more details on the parts of the letter:
Introduction. The purpose of the introduction is to
provide an executive summary for the letter. It includes
the name of your organization, the amount of money
needed or requested, and a very brief description of the
project. This section should identify why your team is a
good fit for the project by mentioning your method of
addressing the identified need, your qualifications, and
a possible timetable for implementing your project. In
some cases, a philanthropic foundation will not issue a
specific RFP; in such cases, you will need to research
the foundation’s funding interests and the procedures
they expect you to follow.
Description of your organization. This concise
description should provide a very brief history of your
organization, describe your current program(s), and
demonstrate that your organization is able to meet the
stated need. Make clear how you plan to accomplish
your new (or expanded) goals with the requested
funding.
Statement of need. Why should your project receive
funding? This essential element of the letter must
answer that question by convincing the foundation both
that the need you have identified is important and that
your proposal is the best way to address it. The
statement of need should identify an issue, justify your
proposed solution, and articulate who will benefit from
the project. It should include information on the
population and geographic area your project will
address. You should support your proposal with
statistical data and specific examples, where
appropriate. For example, a letter of inquiry about a
project aimed at helping homeless people in
Youngstown, Ohio, might include statistics on the
growth in the homeless population in that city. It might
also give examples of difficulties that population is
 facing. This information should clearly be based on
your individual (or team) preliminary research and
should be documented with footnotes.
Methodology. How will you accomplish your stated
goals? Outline your plan for the project in a coherent
and organized way, emphasizing what makes your
approach stand out as well as what makes it
achievable. What specific activities will you undertake
to achieve your desired objectives? Who from your
organization will be involved? Convince your reader not
only that your project is a great idea, but that you have
a clear and comprehensive plan for implementing it.
Other funding sources. Make reference here to the
$28,000 that, as noted earlier, you have already raised
to support your project (and state again the additional
amount of funding needed from the New Horizons
Foundation). Also include an overview of the total
funding needs of the project.
Summary. Close by quickly summarizing your project
goals and by offering to provide any additional
information needed (provide a contact name, address,
and e-mail). Thank your readers for their consideration.
Conclude, as you would in any formal letter, with a
“sincerely” and your name/signature.

Further help on this project.

Grant Space provides a reasonably good sample letter
asking the Blue Ridge Foundation to support internships
for at-risk inner-city youth. To view this letter, visit
grantspace.org and enter “Blue Ridge Foundation” in the
search field.
You might also want to refer to the student-generated
letter of inquiry that appears at the end of this chapter (see
page 198).
Application 7-E Write a Grant Proposal

The background.
At its core, this project, presented as a team activity, is
about obtaining funds to support a worthwhile goal. Many
organizations, whether nonprofit or for-profit, raise money
through investors and donors. For example, arts
organizations usually survive because of their successful
grant proposals and donor solicitations; science faculty in
research universities engage annually in raising funds to
continue their research projects; private businesses turn to
investors to support new product development; and
entrepreneurs seek investors for their start-up companies.
Your writing a grant proposal will enhance your skills in
researching the evidence to support a financial request and
in making a compelling case for your professional
aspirations.
In this application, your team is a nonprofit organization
seeking a grant from the New Horizons Foundation for a
worthwhile philanthropic project. (See this foundation’s
RFP on page 173.) As part of this project, you have been
asked to write a preliminary letter of inquiry to the
foundation (as described in Application 7-D), and your
instructor might also require draft stages for the full grant
proposal.
Here are the underlying assumptions and ground rules
for this application:
You have been part of an established nonprofit group
for five years and have one or more successful projects
or activities that you can briefly describe to the NHF as
you make your case.
You have already raised $28,000 for your current
proposal to the NHF. (You should research actual,
relevant donor groups to name in connection with this
information.)
 You can request up to $100,000 from the NHF, meaning
that you could have a total of $128,000 to pursue your
philanthropic goals.
You must be able to show the NHF how you will
develop and sustain your proposed project over at least
three years after receiving funding.

Please note that in this activity you are writing a hybrid

version of an actual grant proposal, one that prepares you
for the real-world application process and that also
responds to the academic goals of your college or
university:
Some real-world grant proposals can be as brief as 1
page or as long as 100 pages, though the typical length
is approximately 5 to 10 pages. The proposal created by
your team should be 20 to 30 pages, single-spaced, in
order for each team member to make significant
research and writing contributions to the project.
Your grant proposal should be rooted in and supported
by research; you are required to use footnote citations
and to include a Works Cited (bibliography) section as
well. This research expectation might be more rigorous
than in some real-world proposals. (For more details on
creating a Works Cited section, see page 180.)
Your grant proposal should provide a narrative
explanation of the projected budget that relies less on
the numbers themselves and more on your written
analysis and explanation of what these numbers
demonstrate. (For a good example of this type of
narrative, refer to the Budget section we’ve excerpted
from a student grant proposal; see pages 210–13.)
You must include at least four graphics in your grant
proposal to help make your case to the NHF. (For more
information, see the suggestions on “Incorporating
 Visual Materials into Your Text” that appear in Chapter
4, pages 93–96.)
Pay close attention to creating a document design that
makes the proposal visually appealing and easy for
readers to follow.

The purpose.
Your purpose in writing this grant proposal is twofold: first,
to demonstrate your creative thinking and research skills
as you invent a worthwhile and feasible nonprofit project;
second, to use your reasoning and research capabilities to
devise a plan of action (with attendant financial costs) that
will persuade the NHF to fund your project.
To stimulate your thinking, here are some possible
nonprofit project ideas for you to consider. You may develop
one of these ideas or move entirely in your own direction.

Education
Computers on wheels: an info-technology bus for school
neighborhoods (after school)
Free, after-school, online tutoring for junior-high and
high school students offered by college students
Literacy project for adults (especially linked with jobs
and careers)

Energy/environment
Solar-energy advising for homeowners and small
businesses

Animals
Pet-care assistance and information on pet care for the
elderly
Pet-care or adoption services for pets stranded after
storms or other disasters
The arts
A service that allows individuals to borrow original
works of art (and reproductions) for temporary display
in their homes

Health
After-school healthy eating workshops (and nutritious
food prep) for junior-high students

Economic concerns
Job-search counseling for the unemployed and
underemployed
University-based workshops for students regarding
personal budgeting, savings and investment, use of
credit cards and loans, and other personal-finance
issues

International understanding
Weekly reading and discussion groups concerning the
United States and the world

Community service
Free (or low-cost) handy-person and painting services
for the elderly or disabled

The audience.
You are writing to people who are committed to
philanthropy but who also need to see substantial evidence
that you have identified an important need in your
community and have devised an effective and affordable
plan to meet that need. You will need to persuade the
reviewers at the NHF through the factual and anecdotal
evidence you provide, through your creative and sensible
solution to the issues identified, and through the clarity,
coherence, and storytelling power of your writing.

The communication strategy.

With any grant proposal, you are competing with a number
of other worthy organizations for funding. To distinguish
your request from those of other petitioners, you will need
to provide research-based evidence and compelling
anecdotes that show the need for your nonprofit project,
offer creative solutions for addressing this need, and
produce a document that is clear and well designed.

Contents of the grant proposal.

There is no single format used in all grant proposals, but
the sections described below offer an effective approach to
the overall structure:
Title page (1 page). Design an attractive and
informative title page that includes the purpose of the
proposal, the sender (your organization’s name), the
recipient (the New Horizons Foundation), and the date
of submission.
Cover letter (1 page). Sometimes called a
“transmittal letter,” this document uses a standard
letter format, with the recipient’s name and title and
the foundation address. The cover letter states,
succinctly, why your proposal meets the goals of the
New Horizons Foundation as announced in its RFP. The
letter also briefly defines your nonprofit project and the
amount of funding you are requesting. The leader or
facilitator of your team should sign the letter and
provide contact information for your organization.
Table of contents (1 page). This page should
designate the major sections of the proposal and the
page on which each section begins. Your goal is to
make it easy for readers to navigate through the
document.
Executive Summary (2 pages). The Executive
Summary provides a succinct overview of your
organization’s history and successes, the goals of your
current nonprofit project, the methods you will use to
address the identified problem or issue, and the basics
of the budget needed for the project to be successful.
The Executive Summary must be focused and
engaging, or busy reviewers might not read the rest of
your proposal! (For an example of an Executive
Summary, see pages 205–7.)
Problem or needs statement (5 to 7 pages). This
section must be especially rich in supporting research.
With the aid of available data, expert testimony, and
anecdotes, define the problem or need you are
addressing. What exactly is the problem, need, or
shortfall that your project will address? If you are, for
example, planning to help a certain group of people,
specify such demographic details as their ages and
ethnicities, where they live, their interests, their
socioeconomic standing, and so on. Don’t define the
target need or population so broadly that the problem
seems insurmountable.
Program or project description and methodology
(5 to 7 pages). This section, too, will require a good
deal of research, along with a lot of creative and
logistical thinking. The creative aspect is your ability to
think of ways that might truly remediate the problem
you have defined. The logistical thinking shows that
you have weighed all the practical steps and methods
needed to address the problem successfully. In other
words, how would you actually make “X” happen if you
had the funds you are requesting?
Means of evaluating the project’s success (2 to 4
pages). A grant organization wants to know what
measures you will use to demonstrate that your
program is actually working — that is, having the
desired impact. The foundation wants to see
accountability to be sure it is getting its money’s worth.
You should include a projected time line for your
reporting of results (perhaps in defined increments at
the end of each year for a three-year period).
Budget with a narrative explanation, and your
plans for future funding (2 to 3 pages). To
construct a realistic budget, don’t just guess about
costs; rather, do some research on the costs of facilities
you will need, of advertising the program, of supplies
and services needed, of staff salaries, and so on. You
will quickly find that the maximum you might have
available for your program ($128,000) won’t stretch as
far as you would like. If this proves to be the case as
you construct the budget, adjust the size and coverage
of your program proposal to fit the financial
constraints. It’s better to devote sufficient resources to
a more limited program than to obtain mediocre results
with a large, underfunded program. One good strategy
is to present your agenda as a pilot program of limited
scope; in the future, you would then be able to build on
the successes of the pilot effort.
Throughout the budget construction, don’t assume
that the numerical data will speak for itself. Instead,
frame the key financial figures within your own
narrative analysis of the numbers. Let your clear prose
and careful interpretation show the reviewers what
they need to know about your financial projections.
Another important part of the budget section is your
projection of future funding. Most philanthropic
foundations don’t want you to rely forever on their
resources, to return to them every year for more
money. They hope that you can reach a relatively
sustainable state after a few years. Thus, you need to
describe your ideas for obtaining project support in the
future.
Conclusion (1 to 2 pages). This is your final pitch,
your last opportunity to bring the major strands of your
proposal together in a compelling manner. You have, in
effect, come to the end of the broader story line that
links the parts of a persuasive proposal together. Be
sure to restate the amount of funding you are
requesting and the wonderful impact this resource will
have. Your concluding sentences can pump up the
rhetoric a bit to achieve a final inspiring moment.
Works Cited/Bibliography (2 to 3 pages). Many
real-world business writers give scant attention to
acknowledging their sources of information and ideas,
but in an educational setting you must be meticulous
about giving credit where it’s due. That’s a core value
of scholarship and key to the advancement of learning:
relying on the thinking and research of those who have
made the journey before you and adding your own
contributions as well. Your readiness to make use of,
and acknowledge, others’ contributions over the years
is a sign of your strength as a student, researcher, and
writer.
You have already included full and accurate footnotes
for the research that informs your grant proposal. Now
you need to construct an alphabetical list of all the
resources you have referenced in the document. Use
the footnote and bibliography formats requested by
your instructor. One excellent guide to footnote and
bibliography formats is the Harvard Business School
Citation Guide. To access this resource, visit
 www.library.hbs.edu and enter “citation guide” in the
search field.

Further help on this project.

At the end of this chapter (see page 204), we have included
excerpts from a recent grant proposal written by a team of
university students. This is probably the most instructive
place to start.
Although the sample proposals available online don’t
quite fit the hybrid model developed in this chapter, you
can get some useful tips on the strategies used in
professional grant proposals at these sites:
Non-Profit Guides: Grant Writing Tools for Non-
Profit Organizations, at www.npguides.org, presents
two sample grants and many fine tips for grant writers.
GrantSpace.org posts 15 real-world proposals and
parts of proposals. See “Sample Documents” under the
site’s “Tools” menu.
Scot Brannon, a professional grant writer, provides
several of his successful proposals online. He is
especially adept at incorporating financial and other
numerical data and at using charts and graphs. To see
these proposals, visit thegrantdoctor.com, and click on
the “Sample Proposals” link.

Your instructor or your college librarians, or both, can

introduce you to excellent online resources for researching
the content for your grant project. Here are just a few of
the best online resources:
GuideStar, at www.guidestar.org, tracks detailed
financial and other information on 1.8 million nonprofit
organizations. This resource can give you an inside
view of how nonprofits are organized and of how they
spend their resources.
 The National Center for Charitable Statistics, at
http://nccs.urban.org/, provides enormous amounts of
information on nonprofits comparable in your targeted
geographical area that have goals comparable to your
own. To access this information, click on this Web site’s
“Nonprofits” link.
American FactFinder, at factfinder2.census.gov, is a
giant warehouse for demographic information that can
pinpoint the region in which you want to operate your
nonprofit.
ProQuest Statistical Insight is a compendium of all
sorts of socioeconomic and cultural statistics that can
help you understand the issues affecting the target
population of your nonprofit.
LexisNexis Academic and Business Source
Complete are probably the most useful of the giant
databases for finding up-to-date analyses of the factors
that shape the needs and problems addressed by your
nonprofit.

Note:
Several of the listed databases, including ProQuest
Statistical Insight, LexisNexis Academic, and Business
Source Complete, can be searched only by means of a paid
subscription. Your college library can probably provide
access for you.

Application 7-F Write a Business Plan for a Start-Up

The background for business plans.

A well-conceived business plan is an essential document for
convincing sophisticated investors to help you start a new
company. A business plan is also an important tool used by
established businesses for strategic planning. The most
famous business plans of the twenty-first century were
those created by General Motors (GM), Chrysler, and the
Ford Motor Company in 2008 during the recession. The
U.S. Congress required these companies to submit the
plans before the Senate Banking Committee would consider
providing billions of dollars in so-called bailout funds to the
American automobile industry. (The plans were intended to
show how the auto companies would run more productive,
cost-effective operations.) As widely reported in the press,
Chrysler and GM actually “flunked” this exercise and were
required to submit improved business plans in 2009. Ford
had requested only a line of credit from the Feds, and its
plan passed muster (Ford ended up not using the available
funds). You can view the 2008 business plans online by
conducting a Web search using the terms “General
Motors/Ford/Chrysler” and “Business Plan 2008.”

The background for this application.

The business-plan project you will tackle now is an
ambitious undertaking. You will work with other students
over the course of a term to create your own start-up
company. Your entrepreneurial talents will be put to the
test as you imagine and research all aspects of creating a
new product or service from scratch. Your research for this
business plan will acquaint you with many of the
marketing, demographic, financial, production, and
management considerations that affect businesses of every
sort. And your abilities to work as a team to produce a
clear and persuasive document will be critical to your
convincing investors to support your enterprise.
This project has been adapted to your focus on writing,
research, and reasoned analysis in a university setting.
Thus, the report you create will be longer than many actual
business plans, will stress the quality of your research and
writing, and will examine some issues in greater or less
detail than might be the case in a more traditional business
plan.
 You may never write a formal business plan in your
professional life. However, whenever your professional
activities involve strategic planning, financial analysis, or
the creation of policies and procedures, you will draw on
the research and writing skills that this business-plan
project is designed to build. You will learn a great deal
about the concepts and practicalities that contribute to the
success or failure of an actual business, and you will
become familiar with professional research tools that will
help you explore many business challenges and
opportunities in the future.
Now, let’s turn to the specifics of this project. Imagine
that you and your team members are a group of young
professionals who have a great idea for a new product or
service. You know you need to do a lot of thinking and
research about the exact nature of the product or service,
the demographic profile of your potential customers, the
competition from companies manufacturing similar
products or offering similar services, advertising and
marketing strategies, staffing needs and salaries, the
facilities (physical or Internet-based, or both) you will need,
the means of delivering the product or service, a realistic
time line for opening the new business, and so on. You will
also need to figure out a realistic projection of costs and
revenues (usually over a three-year period) to see whether
you will have sufficient revenues to build a successful
business — and to attract investors, who expect a good
return on their investment (ROI).
Depending on your instructor’s decisions and the time
available in your term of study, it will take at least four to
six weeks to complete all the research and analysis tasks
and to produce a business plan of 25 to 35 pages (single-
spaced).

The purpose.
There are two main purposes in writing the business plan,
one for you and one for the potential investors who will
read your plan. Your personal goal is to find out, through
your creative thinking, research, and writing, what it will
actually take to launch your business and make money from
it. (In the real world, it’s much better to fail on paper than
to fail personally and financially with a poorly conceived
business venture.) Your second major purpose is to
convince potential investors that you not only have a good
idea for a business but that you also know how to turn that
idea into a profitable reality.
Use your imagination in devising a service or product for
your business plan. To stimulate your thinking, here are
some recent topics from business plans produced by
undergraduate students at the University of California,
Santa Barbara. The locations are mentioned because the
students’ market research revealed an appropriate
customer base residing in or near the areas chosen for the
start-up company:
Gourmet2Go.com (located in Bellaire, Texas).
Gourmet take-out groceries and prepared meals for
busy professionals.
Cardinal Vending (located in Columbus, Ohio).
School-supplies vending machines located in university
residence halls.
Skate Unlimited (located in Phoenix, Arizona). Easy-
to-install indoor skateboard parks.
Helio Energy Solutions (located in Glendale,
Arizona). Competitive-cost solar installations for small
businesses.
Freedom Rides (located in Washington, D.C.). On-
demand rental bikes for city transportation.
Calendar Couture (located in New York City). High
fashion through a monthly subscription service for
 women.
Sunshine Styles (located in Punta Gorda, Florida).
Contemporary fashions for older women.
TrakBack Inc. (located in North Las Vegas, Nevada).
GPS tracking for vehicles and construction equipment.
Surf ‘N Store Enterprises (located in Maui, Hawaii).
Beach-based individual storage units for surfing
equipment.
The Cocoa Lounge (located in Anchorage, Alaska).
High-end dessert lounge with hot-chocolate bar and
other warm libations.
Active Fitness (located in Chicago, Illinois). Fitness
club for older adults, the obese, and others with health
problems.
Student Solutions (located in Columbus, Ohio). Low-
price furniture rental for university students.

The audience.
Your audience is a group of potential investors. They are
smart and analytical, and they will be ruthless in assessing
whether your plan for starting a new company is well
conceived and well researched and can give them a good
ROI. You need to present them with evidence that you have
developed a product or service (your choice) that can be
successfully and profitably marketed. The investors will
probably not expect much financial return during your first
year of operation, but they might expect a 15-to-20 percent
return per year over the next few years. Consider that they
might also want their original investment dollars returned
to them within three to five years.

The communication strategy.

Potential investors will want a business plan to meet
several standards before they give it serious consideration.
First, they will need to see substantial evidence for the
business’s likely success — not just enthusiastic claims. So
your careful research and thinking will be critical.
Supporting evidence does not always have to be financial
or numerical; it can also include expert testimony,
interviews, anecdotes, and so on. Second, investors will
want to see that you have used a solid reasoning process.
Clearly, you need to project possible financial and other
results for your start-up company, while also demonstrating
to readers why these projections are reasonable and
plausible — not just wishful thinking. Third, the investors
will take more seriously a business plan that is clearly
written, consistent as it moves from one section to the next,
and easy to follow because of its good document design.

Contents of the business plan.

While there is no uniform standard for the contents of
business plans, most successful plans include the sections
described on the next page. Note, however, that the issues
and questions explored in each section of your plan will
depend to some extent on the nature of your product or
service. The following descriptions are typical for many
business plans, but you need to adapt them to fit your start-
up business.
Cover page (1 page). Devise an interesting logo for
your proposed company and a title that clearly
indicates the nature of your company and the purpose
of your report. Effective document design begins with
the cover page.
Title page (1 page). Include the title from the cover
page and also list the authors of the report and the
submission date.
Table of contents (1 to 2 pages). List the main
headings exactly as they appear in the report and the
page on which each section begins. On a separate
page, list (with page references) all the tables and
figures included in the report. Keep in mind that the
term “tables” refers only to actual tables of numerical
data. The term “figure” is used to designate all other
types of visual material (graphs, charts, photos, and so
on).
Introduction or Executive Summary (2 to 3 pages).
This section provides a succinct summary of the
features of the proposed business that would be most
pertinent to a prospective investor; for example, a
precise description of the product or service, why and
how this product or service will sell to a particular
market or demographic, a quick view of competitors in
this business field (and why your version of the product
or service will sell successfully), the dollar amount(s)
you are seeking from investors, and the projected
profits to be made by investors (and over what period
of time).
If you want an actual investor to read beyond the
Executive Summary or Introduction, this section must
be engaging and factinformed. While you are “selling”
the business idea, enthusiasm alone will not persuade a
sophisticated investor, and hype will undoubtedly kill
her or his interest in your plan. Make a strong case, but
don’t, for example, exaggerate your anticipated market
share or the short-term profits to be made.
Market analysis (5 to 8 pages). Based on research,
identify the likely customers or clients for your product
or service. Who are they, what are their consumer
interests and patterns, where are they located, and how
much will they spend on your product or service? What
are the trends and challenges (risks included) for this
market? What legislation or regulations in effect or
pending will affect your industry? Who are the major
competitors, and how will you compete successfully
with them? As you do research for this market analysis,
consider especially the broad economic and political
picture that may affect your product or service (or your
potential customers), cultural trends of importance to
your proposed business, environmental impact, new
technologies, and energy and transportation issues that
might affect your business.
Marketing/advertising plan (5 to 8 pages). This
section, closely allied to the market-analysis
information, presents strategies for reaching and
persuading your target market(s). How will you get the
attention of your customers or clients in effective ways,
and what is each advertising medium likely to cost?
Can you advertise more effectively than your
competition? How will you evaluate the success of your
marketing strategies? Be sure to identify the reasons
you are planning to advertise in a certain newspaper,
on a particular radio station, or through some other
media outlet — for example, how many people read,
watch, or listen to this media source, and what are the
audience demographics? Describe the “grand opening”
strategies for your business as well as ongoing
advertising efforts. Create at least one concrete
example of an advertisement or campaign for the
report.
Financial plan (5 to 8 pages). The financial
information will be of crucial interest to potential
investors. To meet the expectations of a university
writing course, you need to represent the main
financial factors in clear and persuasive writing, not
just in tables or figures; instead, put spreadsheets and
elaborate tables or figures in an appendix. You need to
research and obtain realistic figures for all major costs
of starting and sustaining your business (for example,
costs of office and warehouse space, of salaries and
benefits, of legal assistance, of insurance, of office
equipment and supplies, of production and materials, of
distribution, of Web site creation and maintenance, and
of utilities and other operational needs).
The revenue parts of the financial plan are more
speculative than the start-up costs you have researched
but must also be realistic and based, as far as possible,
on research. How many purchasers of your service or
product can you realistically expect during the first
year, the second, and the third? How much money do
you need from the investor(s), what can the investor(s)
reasonably expect for ROI, and over what period of
time can they expect this ROI? Note that many
investors will want a strong return — perhaps 15-to-20
percent on average per year over a three-year period —
and will want also to reacquire their original
investment at the end of three to five years. Can you
offer a financial forecast that makes a reasonable case
for such returns?
Management/organizational plan (5 to 6 pages).
How will the business be organized as a legal entity,
and why? To answer such questions, you will need to
understand, among other things, the differences
between a “limited liability partnership” and an “s-
corporation.” How many employees do you need to
begin the company (and to grow over three years),
what will their responsibilities and required skills be,
and how will you structure the reporting relationships?
Construct an organizational chart to help your potential
investors visualize the key personnel positions. What
training might employees need? What will be your
operating hours (and why), company philosophy,
medical and retirement benefits (and costs), and
retention and promotion procedures? Overall, this
section should describe the key human resources you
will require and how you propose to organize, treat,
and manage employees.
Implementation plan (5 to 6 pages). This section
examines all the nitty-gritty, practical details of how the
company will operate. For example, what is your time
line for setting up, opening, and growing the company?
(You might want to construct a Gantt chart as part of
this piece — you can find resources online to help you
do this.) How will you obtain needed supplies,
manufacture your product or create your service, store
and deliver the product or supplies, respond to
customer inquiries or problems, or repair or replace
your product as needed? What size and type of physical
facility will your company need and at what cost? To
gather this information, look on Web sites that
advertise commercial real estate for lease in the
community in which you would establish your business.
Then try to find the rate for a facility that would meet
your needs.
Plan conclusion (1 to 2 pages). Here, you will
summarize the most attractive and most important
aspects of the business plan. This is your last “pitch”
for the investor audience.
Works Cited (3 to 5 pages). Following the Harvard
Business School citation format or a format indicated
by your instructor, this section gathers all of the works
cited for the entire plan and arranges them in
alphabetical order. Note that there are format
differences between footnotes and the entries in a
bibliography; these distinctions are clearly presented in
the Harvard Business School Citation Guide. To access
this resource, visit www.library.hbs.edu and enter
“citation guide” in the search field.
Appendix (optional). If you choose to provide an
appendix, you might want to include the résumés of all
 team participants, a copy of a survey you administered
to gather information for your plan, a sample
advertisement for your business, financial
spreadsheets, and any other information you think
might be of interest to potential investors.

Further help on this project.

Extracts from a student-generated business plan are
included at the end of this chapter so that you can see how
one team went about researching and writing an effective
plan.
Bplans, at www.bplans.com, offers many short, real-
world business plans on its Web site. Keep in mind that
these sample plans do not illustrate the hybrid version
described in this chapter. Also, use sample plans only to
stimulate your own thinking and research.
Your university library might have this multivolume
resource published by Gale Research: Business Plans
Handbook: A Compilation of Actual Business Plans
Developed by Small Businesses throughout North America
(Detroit, 1995– ).
For detailed descriptions of the possible content of each
business-plan section, visit the Web site of the U.S. Small
Business Administration at www.sba.gov, and enter
“business plan” into the search field.
The following are among the most useful online
databases for your research into demographic information,
competing businesses in your geographic area of choice,
market trends and challenges for particular types of
companies, and current analyses of different businesses.
Many or all of these resources may be available online
through your university library:
American FactFinder, at factfinder2.census.gov, is a
giant warehouse for demographic information that can
 pinpoint the region in which you want to operate your
start-up business.
ProQuest Statistical Insight is a compendium of all
sorts of socioeconomic and cultural statistics that can
help you understand your targeted customers.
LexisNexis Academic and Business Source
Complete are probably the most useful of the giant
databases for finding up-to-date analyses of the factors
that affect the overall business climate and particular
types of businesses.
The Social Media Examiner, at www.social-
mediaexaminer.com, provides many insights into the
current use of social media to market new products and
services.

A final note on research.

Plain old “Googling” has earned a place in university
research, but the Internet is also filled with commercial
Web sites that want to sell you something along with the
information they provide. In addition, many of the most
thorough and objective assessments of business
opportunities, trends, and challenges can be accessed only
through subscription databases that a university or college
library pays for and provides to its students. So get your
money’s worth as a student and use the databases, trade
journals, academic articles, interviews, surveys, and
contemporary assessments that your library offers. Many of
the resources are available not only through library-based
computers but also by “proxy” on your own home computer.

Student Responses to Selected Applications

Following are sample student responses to five of the

previous applications: 7-B (ethics memo), 7-C (RFP), 7-D
(letter of inquiry), 7-E (grant proposal), and 7-F (business
plan). These documents, produced by undergraduate
students at the University of California, Santa Barbara,
offer insights into many aspects of the longer projects
presented in this chapter. That said, the students’ decisions
about such things as tone, vocabulary, business and ethical
values, document design, and research strategies will not
always be like yours.
That’s as it should be, for effective business writing is
not a generic or formulaic enterprise; rather, it involves
many choices made by individuals or by groups of people as
they navigate different business situations within the
framework of their own personalities and experiences. It’s
a lot easier to say what constitutes a bad business
communication strategy than it is to narrow the range of
possible good choices. All that being said, the student
writing samples in this section will likely stimulate some
new ideas for you.

Response to Application 7-B: Write an Ethics Advisory

Memo

A team of students drafted the ethics advisory memo that

appears later in this section (see page 191) in response to
“Case 22,” a fictional but realistic ethical dilemma
developed by Dr. Lisa H. Newton of Fairfield University. In
addition to discussing possible responses to this case, the
students also viewed and discussed the video Ethics in
America II: Risk, Reward, and Responsibility (see
Application 7-B, page 167).
In Case 22, Dr. Newton presents a number of complex
ethical, legal, and financial challenges. Indeed, there is no
entirely clear path to an equitable resolution among the
competing concerns. As you will see from the memo that
follows the case, the students decided to explore several
options for the CEO to consider; then, they recommended a
particular course of action.
Case 22*

G. David Thorsten, company ethicist for UXL, one of the country’s largest
(remaining) steel producers, had just settled into his office for the
morning when Tony Francato, the new hire in the legal department, came
to the door in a state of obvious agitation. “Can I talk to you for a
minute?”

“Of course, Tony, what’s on your mind?”

“Dave, I just got a call from an OSHA man . . . uh, that’s the local
Occupational Safety and Health Administration inspector. He wants me to
go with him on an inspection of our Rambo River coke facility. That’s the
plant that got the citation last year for dirty air — excessive workplace air
pollution, they called it. You have to have only so much SO2 and other
junk in the air or they close the factory to protect the workers’ health.
And we had too much. So when I got the call I told him I couldn’t talk to
him for a minute, but could I get right back, and then I called Joe
Salvatore, the plant manager at Rambo, and asked are we clean enough
to survive an OSHA visit? He said, ‘Hell, no,’ excuse the French, ‘we’ve
got a very high production rate right now and the weather isn’t friendly,
there’s a temperature inversion, the air is stagnant, and it’s for sure it
wouldn’t pass.’ Look, he thinks they’ll close the plant if the inspector sees
it like it is now! He said stall. Lie if you have to. There’s no one else in
today in my office, so I don’t know if this has ever come up before and
what we’ve done about it. Dave, can I do this?”

“I don’t understand. What would you do?”

“Every OSHA inspection is accompanied by someone from the legal

department and by the occupational safety manager, in this plant Bob
Watson. Watson’s a good man, not likely to blow any whistles. I can just
call OSHA back and tell them Watson’s out of town — I already told Joe I
might do that, in case OSHA calls the plant to check —but he’ll be back
Thursday and we can go first thing in the morning.”

“What good would that do?”

“By Thursday, we can have that place clean as a whistle. Cut production
way down, set up fans, really blow the place out. That way we’d pass the
inspection and they’d leave us alone for another year. If we fail, they’re
very likely to start proceedings to close the plant.”

“But look, Tony, when production started up again, the conditions would
be just as bad as they are now, right? And that’s bad for the workers, isn’t
it? OSHA didn’t just make up these standards out of the blue, right?
OSHA or not, we have a responsibility to take care of our workers’ health.
 Why don’t we play it straight? Go through the inspection, get together
with OSHA on the results, and settle on some way to clean up that air for
good.”

“Dave, UXL isn’t going to clean up that plant. The kind of pollution-
control machinery they need costs millions, and they wouldn’t spend that
money. You know the state of the steel industry, I guess. UXL used to be
the biggest steel producer there was, but that was before it diversified.
Now it’s mostly into insurance and that chain of fast-food restaurants, and
. . .”

“OK, so they won’t spend the money. How long is the OSHA man going to
wait for you to return his call, by the way?”

“I said something about this intestinal problem I’ve got. No, they won’t
spend the money, and the way the industry is going, there aren’t any more
jobs out there for these workers. This plant is only marginally profitable
as it is. At present levels, though, it can keep making money for another
ten years at least.”

“But Tony, we can’t leave the men in that atmosphere for ten years, or ten
weeks! Pollution kills! It causes lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease,
all manner of dreadful things. I’m not sure that we wouldn’t be legally
liable, if one of the workers came down with lung cancer, decided it was
our fault, and sued, although you’d know more about that than I would.
But it’s simply wrong to poison them, under the compulsion of threat to
their jobs.”

“Yeah, but they say they’ll take that chance. The union’s said they want
the plant open, and so have individual workers — they won’t sue. It’s jobs
now — food on the table, clothes for the kids, not to mention self-respect
— or health later, the way it looks to them. And health later doesn’t seem
anywhere near as important. The way I see it, I think, it’s their health and
their choice. I’m not even sure that we have a right to make that choice
for them. But what do you think? When I call the guy back, what do I
say?”

Now let’s turn to a sample advisory memo (below) that

responds to Case 22 and makes recommendations to UXL’s
CEO about how to proceed. Note how the appointed team
attempts to foreground the ethical responsibilities of UXL
while also addressing the practical, financial, and legal
issues that a company would need to consider. The ethical
issues need to find their place — hold their own — in this
complex business context.

UXL
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

DATE: May 16, 2016

TO: John Steele, CEO
FROM: Nick Kohan, David Love, Jennie Stodder, Scott Pantoskey, Ally
Diamond
Subject: Ethics Advisory Memo

Background

On behalf of UXL, we have been assembled as the advisory team to

evaluate the current situation that the Rambo River coke facility is facing.
Last year, this plant received a citation for excessive air pollution and has
been closely monitored by the Occupational Safety and Health
Administration (OSHA) ever since. It has come to our attention that OSHA
plans to do an inspection on this facility and we are concerned with the
potential outcome. Joe Salvatore, the plant manager, has informed us that
the plant will most likely not meet OSHA regulatory standards, therefore
failing the inspection and increasing the chance of plant closure.

In order to resolve this issue and meet OSHA’s regulatory standards,

pollution-control machinery would have to be purchased. However, due to
the current state of the steel industry, profits have been marginal and it is
unlikely that the facility could afford to cover the costs of the necessary
machinery installation. That being said, while business has slowed as of
late, the Rambo River coke facility is projected to be profitable for at least
another ten years.

Furthermore, there are concerns regarding the Rambo River employees.

If employees continue to work in this polluted environment there could be
negative consequences for both the workers and the company. The
pollution currently in the facility could make employees subject to health
risks such as cancer or emphysema. In addition, the company could face a
serious legal crisis if an employee were to file suit for violating labor
rights. The workers union has assured us that they would like the facility
to continue operating regardless of the health issues, as many of the
employees rely on the work.

After careful deliberation, our advisory team has proposed three plausible
courses of action. Each of these options has been carefully outlined and is
listed below.
Option 1

The first option would be for the entire company to be cleaned and
restored according to OSHA standards. New machines would be
purchased, and each facility would appear clean upon inspection. A
company wide renovation would be costly and with UXL’s marginal profits
it may not be the most affordable option, but the company may not
survive if the Rambo River coke facility is closed down by OSHA because
Rambo River is a top-producing facility. Cleaning and restoring the entire
coke plant to meet OSHA standards would be the best option for the
company’s reputation in the long run because it would prevent future
lawsuits for employee health hazards. Employees would be able to keep
their jobs if all UXL facilities were renovated, and future citations in
facilities other than the Rambo River coke facility would be prevented.
However, this is not the most ethical option for the company to undertake
because without direct control by UXL, it is not certain that the plant will
abide by the regulations. Financially speaking, this is the least practical
option.

Company Impact

If new machines are purchased and facilities are cleaned, the company
can advertise that it is environmentally friendly. This could boost the
company’s reputation as an innovative leader in the steel industry, but it
could also reflect poorly on its management if word gets out about the
amount of pollution that is currently being generated. In addition, it is
unlikely that the company would approve spending millions of dollars to
help this individual facility. Buying machines would be expensive, and the
facility would have to be shut down for a few days while being cleaned.
Workers would expect to be compensated for the hours they cannot work.

Employee Impact

Employees would keep their jobs after the facility is cleaned. The plant
would be assured of staying open in the future, and employees would not
have to worry about

getting laid off. Employees would be out of work during the few days the
plant is shut down, but they may be compensated, depending on what
UXL decides.

Ethical Considerations

This option seems ethical on the surface, but it depends on how UXL
decides to clean up the facility and on what types of machines it chooses
to buy. If the company tries to save money and cut corners by making
changes that only mask the pollution taking place, this would mislead
customers and employees into thinking that they are working with, or
purchasing from, a company that is environmentally friendly and creates
little health risk. If UXL decides to abide by the regulations and purchase
less polluting machines, this would be an ethical option.

Option 2

A second possible option would be for the company to stall. By lying to the
OSHA inspector in order to buy a few extra days, production could be cut
down significantly, and the plant could be cleaned out and pass the
impending inspection. This option would save jobs and would not require
any outside funding or help from UXL as all matters could be handled
within the plant. However, this option is far and away the least ethical of
the three. Long-term concerns such as the employees’ health would
effectively be sacrificed for an immediate, short-term fix. Further, if
unsuccessful in duping the OSHA inspector, the company could damage
its reputation, jeopardize its relationship with its workers, and face costly
litigation.

Company Impact
If everything were carried out effectively, there would be no immediate
impact to the company as a whole. Production would be cut for a few
days, but other than that normal operations would be sustained, and the
plant would continue production with the conclusion of the inspection.
However, if employees fall ill in future periods a lot of negative attention
would be drawn to the company. In addition, if the cover-up were to be
discovered, lawsuits and government intervention would surely come.

Employee Impact
Employees would remain employed at the plant, satisfying short-term
needs. Steel workers are not very marketable, and long periods of
unemployment could potentially await any of the workers employed.
However, severe damage could come to these workers in the form of lung
cancer, emphysema, and heart disease if they continue to work under
these conditions.

Ethical Considerations
From an ethical standpoint, this would be an extremely poor choice. If
somehow the cover-up could be continued for the full decade the plant is
expected to yield profits, these marginal profits would be all there is to
show for the workers’ exposure to these unacceptable conditions. There is
no transparency either, as this plan requires not only lying to OSHA but
also failing to disclose the crippling effects awaiting those employees
working for the plant. This option does nothing to solve the problem at
hand, and it puts profits before the well-being of our employees.

Option 3

Finally, and what we are most strongly advocating, is the recommendation

that the Rambo River coke facility go through with the inspection. We
believe that although the facility may not be able to meet regulatory
standards, the inspection is in everyone’s long-term best interest. This
option provides the legal and safest solution to the OSHA inspection.

Company Impact

For the company in the short term, there would be a decrease in profits
because the facility, if it didn’t pass the inspection, would have to be
temporarily closed. Although this seems to have an immediate downside,
in the long term, it is what is best for UXL. Since our company has had an
honest and a reputable past, it’s essential that we stick to these standards
and think long term. The long-term future of UXL is what we are
concerned with, and if this inspection closes the facility, we advise that
the proper modifications and changes be made to maximize profits and
safety.

Employee Impact

Employees would temporarily be out of work but would certainly be

provided workers’ compensation for their time away from the facility.
Also, we advise that this option is the best for the workers because even if
they were aware of the dangerous conditions they are working in, we
should pursue the legal and safest option.

Ethical Considerations

From an ethical standpoint, it’s clear that this option is preferable to the
others. Although a temporary closure of the Rambo River facility would
reduce profits temporarily, UXL is more concerned with the health and
well-being of our employees. It would be unethical to simply “mask” the
issue temporarily and continue to run the coke facility. This option solves
the matter at hand long term and represents UXL’s standards of ethical
and honest decisions made on behalf of its employees.

Conclusions and Recommendations

As a team, we recommend moving forward with option 3, going ahead

with the planned OSHA inspection and then working with OSHA to come
up with a short- and long-term solution to the air-pollution violations.
Because of our responsible past, we see no reason that OSHA would not
be willing to sit down and collaborate with us on an appropriate course of
action. Although we would most likely suffer temporary economic losses,
it is the most ethically responsible option and it takes into consideration
the financial well-being of our workers. In addition, in going with option
3, this company is choosing a long-term solution that will enable us to
take advantage of the profits that we are projected to receive for the next
ten years.

If you agree to move forward with this option, we promise our utmost
commitment to this company and its future and will work with OSHA and
 management until we get this company back on its feet and restore its
once-trusted reputation.

Response to Application 7-C: Write a Request for

Proposals

The student who wrote the following RFP had participated

in classroom discussions of the tone and content of RFPs
and also viewed several online examples of RFPs. Note how
carefully the student both presents the broader goals of his
foundation and describes the procedures for submitting a
proposal — thus balancing philanthropic ideals with
financial and logistical practicalities.

21st Century Literacy Foundation: Request for Proposals

Our Mission

The 21st Century Literacy Foundation aims to increase literacy in low-

income and rural areas, as well as to introduce better technology to these
areas. Our foundation focuses on increasing “21st century literacy” —
that is, it supports programs that aim to improve people’s ability to read
and write in the traditional sense, as well as their ability to communicate
effectively using new technologies. Newer technologies, such as new
computer/Internet software and programs for computer tablets, are
revolutionizing methods of communication. In addition to offering new
methods of communication that will be important in the 21st century,
these new technologies can be important supplements to traditional
instruction and can also offer children with different learning styles an
alternative to the traditional method of learning to read and write.
Therefore, our grants go to local groups focused on supporting libraries,
initiating literacy and technology programs, and promoting a love of
literacy.

We fund projects that

support libraries in low-income areas, through donations to increase
quantity and quality of books in circulation
aim to introduce technology (WiFi, newer computers, tablet devices,
etc.) to libraries in low-income areas
 promote rural literacy through the use of mobile libraries and related
programs

Through this Request for Proposals, the 21st Century Literacy Foundation
invites nonprofit organizations to apply for grants that will support
initiatives to improve literacy in low-income and rural areas.

This Request for Proposals is for a one-year grant; however, successful

organizations may apply to renew the grant at year’s end. Grant requests
can be for any amount up to a maximum of $50,000. Applications will be
accepted until July 5, 2016.

Eligibility

In order to be eligible to receive a grant from the 21st Century Literacy

Foundation, organizations must meet the following criteria:
Nonprofit organization with demonstrated 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status
Located in or within twenty-five (25) miles of the low-income or rural
community in which the proposed project is to take place
Solid, established organizational structure with a demonstrated ability
to appropriately handle grant funds
Evidence of progress in existing projects involving “21st century”
literacy development (e.g., programs demonstrated to have increased
youth enrollment in library programs, increased participation in
literacy programs, evidence of donated technological equipment, etc.)

Application Process

Applications will be accepted until July 5, 2016. Filing your application

earlier will not improve your chances of receiving the grant. The grants
will be awarded to the highest quality applicants after a comprehensive
review process. Applications will be accepted by mail only, and should be
addressed as follows:

Michael Cipriano, Senior Grants Coordinator

21st Century Literacy Foundation
3900 State Street, Suite 220
Santa Barbara, CA 93105

You will be notified that we have received your application within two (2)
weeks. Grant awards will be decided one month after the application
deadline, and grant recipients will be notified of their award
approximately three (3) weeks after the final decisions have been made. If
you have any questions regarding the application process or want further
information regarding the status of your application, please call (805)
733-3444.

Application Contents
 All applications should be mailed to the address stated above and should
contain the following:
Cover sheet, including contact information for your organization
Brief summary of your proposed project
Mission statement of your organization
A brief history detailing previous projects and their impact, as well as
the extent of your organization’s existing contributions to the
community
Detailed proposal that includes:

1. Primary aim of your project

2. Target community or area included in your project

3. Projected cost of the project (amount requested for the grant)

4. Comprehensive explanations of all activities involved with the

project, and a detailed budget plan, matching expected costs with
planned activities

5. Names and contact information for staff members responsible for

orchestrating and implementing project activities

6. No more than five (5) pages

Conclusion (reiterating long-term project goals and target results)
Appendixes

1. Documentation of tax-exempt status

2. Copies of most recent financial statements

3. Optional, with a maximum of three: endorsements from members of

the community involved in current or former projects

Response to Application 7-D: Write a Letter of Inquiry

Preceding a Full Grant Proposal

A team of five students wrote the following letter of inquiry

for a grant supporting Project Academic Success, a
nonprofit organization that aims to provide “better
opportunities for low-income students to attend fouryear
universities.” (The full proposal for this grant is excerpted
on pages 204–13.) The letter of inquiry makes evident that
the students have a reasonably focused understanding of
both their goals and the practical means of realizing them.

1223 Garden Street

Santa Barbara, California 93101
April 25, 2014

Jon Ramsey, Senior Grant Coordinator

New Horizons Foundation
2211 Berkshire Road
Pasadena, California 91104

Dear Mr. Ramsey:

As the Director of Development for Project Academic Success (P.A.S.), a

nonprofit organization aiming to provide better opportunities for low-
income students to attend four-year universities, I am interested in
acquiring financial support to aid our organization’s mission. We are
pursuing a grant of $100,000 to cover various expenses: partial
scholarships for graduating seniors who show extraordinary progress
through P.A.S.; two-week training programs for the University of California,
Santa Barbara, undergraduate tutors; transportation for tutors to the
teaching facilities; and efforts to expand P.A.S. to various schools that
currently utilize Supplemental Education Services (SES) in the Santa
Barbara Unified School District but that are still underperforming, which is
where we see the largest area for improvement and believe they could
benefit most from the services we provide.

Introduction

Project Academic Success is a nonprofit organization that utilizes

undergraduate students from the University of California, Santa Barbara, to
tutor low-income high school students in the Santa Barbara Unified School
District. P.A.S. focuses on revamping the SES program implemented by the
No Child Left Behind Act so that socioeconomically disadvantaged students
can receive the full benefit of the program and the help they need to
succeed. Through our program, students are tutored by undergraduates
from the University of California, Santa Barbara, who specialize in the core
curriculum—mathematics, English, and writing—and are also able to cater
their instructing to each student’s individual needs. Our program adds SAT
and ACT tutoring to supplement the core curriculum and personal
mentoring in order to increase the students’ chances of success. The tutors
have also been trained in how to best advise students entering into the
college application process, specifically on how to succeed academically
even while facing emotional and economic stress at home. The program is
self-sustainable as participating tutors receive compensation by means of
university credit or community service hours. We believe the students at
UCSB can become not only great academic advisers, but also superior
personal mentors due to the prestige of the University. Through P.A.S., we
believe we can fill in the holes that the government project has created.
Our program has been very successful in the two alternative schools in the
Santa Barbara Unified School District that do not qualify as “program
improvement” schools; hopefully, we will receive the necessary funding in
order to expand our success to improving the SES in program improvement
schools and create positive change in our community.

Description of Organization

Project Academic Success was founded in 2008 in order to solve problems

that the government overlooked in its implementation of the No Child Left
Behind Act. P.A.S. strives to provide accessible mentoring for
socioeconomically disadvantaged high school students who suffer
educationally from the inefficiencies in government-funded SES.

As an organization of five years, we have secured grants totaling $28,000

from the Kresge Foundation, Federal Pell Grant Program, and College
Bound Foundation in order to implement our programs and change
adolescents’ lives. Through our work in the Santa Barbara Unified School
District thus far at San Marcos High School, we have instructed 50
individuals. Not only have 46 of our pupils graduated from high school, but
two-thirds of them will be attending community college. Compared to the
statewide graduation rate of 80.2% for the 2012–2013 class, 92% of P.A.S.
participants graduated1. Additionally, five students are currently attending
four-year universities located in California. Last year, we were able to
award two students who showed tremendous improvement with partial
scholarships to continue their education with community college classes.

Our greatest success story is that of Jason Corbisez. At the age of fourteen,
Corbisez’ mother passed away. His family’s accumulation of massive debts
resulting from her medical bills as well as insurmountable grief put him in
deep depression, and as he suffered, so did his grades. He signed up for
Project Academic Success in his junior year of high school, in 2010. We are
proud to say that today he currently is enjoying outstanding academic
success at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and volunteers his
time as a P.A.S. tutor.

There are several other students who, through our program, realized that
with perseverance and assistance, they are capable of achieving academic
success. This grant would allow us to help students like Jason, and increase
the opportunities available for low-income students to succeed through
higher education, despite their economic disadvantages. With additional
funding, we will be able to train more tutors, expand our program to
improve the high schools that are receiving SES but are still
underperforming, and continue to change lives.

Statement of Need

Since 2008, three of the five high schools in the Santa Barbara Unified
School District have been deemed “program improvement” schools,
meaning that they failed to meet Adequate Yearly Progress under the
Elementary and Secondary Education Act for the two years prior.2 Despite
the fact that Supplementary Education Services (SES) have been provided
through government funding in the area for five years to support academic
improvement and attain Adequate Yearly Progress, high school Academic
Performance Index (API) scores have continued to drop further below the
California Department of Education’s baseline3. Recent research regarding
the effectiveness of SES shows flaws in the system that are pertinent to
the success of the program, and therefore, the participating students.

Most of the problems that inhibit the success of SES are related to cost.
Due to rising costs for tutoring service providers, the majority of the
providers available to students are cost-effective online providers, which
have proved to be less effective. Also, because of limited funding for SES,
student eligibility to participate in the program has become more strict and
therefore has excluded students who could potentially benefit from it.
Accordingly, this has led to larger SES tutorial groups with fewer tutors,
which allows for less instructional time per student. Lastly, SES providers
lack a curriculum to follow and frequent monitoring to ensure that the
curriculum is followed.4 P.A.S. is able to resolve these inefficiencies by
providing one-on-one or small-group tutoring sessions through no-cost,
trained tutors. Tutors not only will be intensely trained in the curriculum by
the students’ teachers and have an open flow of communication to discuss
each student’s progress but also will be passionate in helping students to
grow and reach their full potential.

In 2011, roughly 87% of high school students in California were deemed

socioeconomically disadvantaged, and about 20% of those students did
not graduate from high school.5 P.A.S. improves upon the existing program
by providing individualized tutoring sessions specializing in the core
curriculum, as well as SAT and ACT workshops. In addition, P.A.S. hopes
that the undergraduate students at the University of California, Santa
Barbara, will inspire high school students to further their education, as well
as serve as mentors to guide them there. Project Academic Success seeks
to enhance SES programs by establishing a widely accessible, self-
sustainable mentoring system that will help socioeconomically
disadvantaged students in Santa Barbara county achieve academic growth
and success.

Methodology
Our tutors, who apply and are then chosen by the P.A.S. staff, are trained
at the P.A.S. headquarters by the students’ teachers from Santa Barbara
High School, the school we plan to expand to, through an intensive two-
week training. Tutors are trained to teach curriculum by the high school
teachers and will report to the teachers throughout the program on their
student’s progress. The tutoring sessions are usually an hour in length and
take place twice a week on the student’s campus. As the tutors complete
the training and tutoring, P.A.S. grants UCSB students either the equivalent
amount of community service hours to the time they spend teaching or
possibly two units per quarter, pending approval by the University of
California, Santa Barbara.

Our educational services include private tutoring in reading, writing, and

mathematics; standardized test preparation; and workshops. For the
standardized test preparation, P.A.S. offers personalized tutoring for
standardized tests such as SAT, ACT, AP, and SAT Subject Tests. Students
learn about the strategies for approaching different question types as well
as test-taking strategies for the SAT and ACT.

P.A.S. headquarters is located in Santa Barbara. At San Marcos High

School, our current program location, tutoring classrooms have been
designated for our programs. We provide one-on-one or small-group
tutoring services to students specifically from low-income areas. For those
qualified students, we carefully match them with their own tutors who
report their progress to the teachers. The tutors also provide suitable
academic guidance regarding college applications and methods for taking
the college admission exams. Our tutors are successful in aiding with this
process having just gone through the process recently themselves. Our
core curriculum mainly consists of reading, writing, and mathematics, but
students can request additional help on specific subjects. In addition, we
hold weekly workshops on campus every Saturday as a group study for the
SAT and ACT, encouraging students to participate in open discussions
about different problems they have encountered. Some of the graduating
seniors who show vast improvement through our program and potential to
grow further receive partial scholarships by P.A.S. to help them continue
their studies in community colleges, universities, and vocational schools.

Other Funding Sources

We have also secured partial funding for our program from three
foundations. We have obtained $17,000 from The Kresge Foundation,
$10,000 from The Federal Pell Grant Program through the U.S. Department
of Education, and $7,000 from The College Bound Foundation. All three of
these foundations promote equal opportunities for students, regardless of
socioeconomic status, and promote the value of education.

Summary
Project Academic Success (P.A.S.) believes that every student deserves the
same opportunity to succeed in academia, regardless of his or her
socioeconomic status. Our organization offers tutoring, as a means of
supplementing the core curriculum, to students who qualify as low-income
in the Santa Barbara Unified School District, specifically in schools that are
deemed “program improvement” schools by the No Child Left Behind Act
and that offer government-funded tutoring services that are not fulfilling
the students’ needs. This is accomplished by bringing trained tutors from
the University of California, Santa Barbara, into the schools, rather than
low-income students having to find transportation to an outside facility. In
addition to tutoring, P.A.S. believes that it is important to nourish the spirit
as well as the mind; therefore, we also provide mentoring to these young
men and women. This mentoring supports students while in high school
and prepares them for life after graduation by making them aware of their
options and helping them in planning their future so that they may achieve
their goals. We appreciate New Horizons’ time and consideration for
supporting our program and helping to provide our students with the
necessary tools to reach their fullest potential. If you have any questions,
please contact Martha Grimes, Director of Development, at (760) 504-
4184.

Sincerely,

Martha Grimes (representing Laura Francis, Jenna Thompson, Daniel

Levens-Lowery, Xiangdi Wang)
Director of Development
marthagrimes@projectacademicsuccess.com
(760) 504-4184
1California Department of Education, “Cohort Outcome Data for Class of
2012–2013,” March 24, 2014,
http://dq.cde.ca.gov/dataquest/cohortrates/GradRates.aspx?
cds=00000000000000&TheYear=2012-
13&Agg=T&Topic=Dropouts&RC=State&SubGroup=Ethnic/Racial,
accessed May 1, 2014.
2Santa Barbara Unified School District, “Program Improvement School
List,” May 23, 2013, http://www.sbunified.org/districtwp/wp-
content/uploads/2013/03/PI-Chart.pdf, accessed April 29, 2014.
3California Department of Education, “2012–2013 Accountability Progress
Reporting,” March 2014,
http://api.cde.ca.gov/Acnt2013/2013GrowthSch.aspx?
allcds=42767864235727, accessed April 29, 2014.
4Burch, Patricia, Ph.D., “Supplemental Education Services under NCLB:
Emerging Evidence and Policy Issues,” Education Policy Research Unit at
Arizona State University, May 2007, http://www.aei.org/files/2012/03/05/-
 the-implementation-and-effectiveness-of-supplemental-educational-
services_17150915643.pdf, accessed April 29, 2014.
5California School Boards Association, “California High School Dropout and
Graduation Rates 2010–2011,” May 2013, http://www.csba.org/
GovernanceAndPolicyResources/~/media/
CSBA/Files/GovernanceResources/
GovernanceBriefs/201305FactSheetHSGradRates.ashx, accessed April 29,
2014.

Response to Application 7-E: Write a Grant Proposal

The students who wrote the letter of inquiry for the Project
Academic Success grant (see the previous section) also
wrote a full grant proposal for the project. Because the
proposal is quite extensive, presented here are just a few
excerpts, including the Executive Summary, a portion of the
Statement of Need, and a portion of the Budget section.
Notice that the actual pages from the proposal illustrate
how the students effectively incorporated elements of
document design. These elements include clear headers to
help readers navigate the proposal, as well as plenty of
white space between sections to provide clear transitions
from one topic to the next and to give the text (and
readers) breathing space.
In the Executive Summary, following the title page that’s
shown on the next page, the students clearly preview the
issues that later sections of the proposal will address in
greater depth. They also keep the summary focused and
engaging, increasing the chances that readers will keep
turning the pages to learn more.
 Inspiring Students to Aspire
Martha Grimes
Laura Francis
Jenna Thompson
Daniel Levens-Lowery
Xiangdi Wang

Project Academic Success

1.0 Executive Summary
In 2001, the No Child Left Behind Act was put into effect to modernize the
Elementary and Secondary School Act of 1965 that aimed to create equal
opportunity for quality education in United States public schools. This
legislation approved the allocation of Title 1 funds to schools where 40% of
students come from government-defined “low-income families.”1 These
funds were meant to hold schools accountable for providing quality
education as well as provide additional educational support to students.
This additional educational support comes in the form of “Supplemental
Educational Services,” or SES, for schools deemed in need of “program
improvement” based on below-acceptable test scores. Although the idea of
government-funded tutoring is ideal in concept, its years as an active
program have shown immense complications and untapped potential
through unchanging, below-base-level test scores.

Project Academic Success (P.A.S.) is a nonprofit organization that seeks to

fill the gaps in current SES by utilizing undergraduate students from the
University of California, Santa Barbara, to tutor low-income high school
students in the Santa Barbara Unified School District. P.A.S. focuses on
revamping the SES program implemented by the No Child Left Behind Act
so that socioeconomically disadvantaged students can receive the full
benefit of the program and the help they need to succeed.

Through our program, undergraduates from the University of California,

Santa Barbara, travel to high schools and tutor students in the core
curriculum, mathematics, English, and writing, as well as in subject areas
based on individual student needs. Our program also features SAT and ACT
tutoring to supplement the core curriculum and personal mentoring in
order to increase the students’ chances of success. Tutors become well
equipped with tutoring skills and review the curriculum through a two-
week intensive training course led by high school teachers of each
discipline. The tutors have also been trained in how best to advise
students entering into the college application process, specifically on how
to succeed academically even while facing emotional and economic stress
at home. The program is self-sustainable, as participating tutors receive
compensation by means of university credit or community service hours.
We believe the students at UCSB can become not only great academic
advisers but also superior personal mentors because of the prestige of the
University. P.A.S. is a dual-purpose program. Although intended to provide
educational support for high school students, the undergraduate
experience of the UCSB students is enhanced by receiving valuable hands-
on teaching and mentoring skills.

Through P.A.S., we strive to enhance SES and create productive members

of society by providing accessible support and equal opportunity to
socioeconomically disadvantaged high school students. With the skill sets
we provide for the students, we hope to not only see an increase in college
enrollment but also see the students thrive in higher education. Along with
improvement in each student’s individual GPA, we aim to raise the average
GPA of the school. Finally, as products of higher education, we hope the
University of California, Santa Barbara, undergraduates will inspire the
students to aspire.

In the Santa Barbara Unified School District, all three of the traditional high
schools have been deemed “program improvement” schools. As an
organization of five years, we have already made a significant impact on
 one high school in the district, San Marcos High School, through our initial
funding of $28,000 from various education-based foundations. Of the 50
students who participated in our program, 46 students graduated from San
Marcos High School, which is higher than the statewide graduation rate.
Two-thirds of these students are attending community college, and eight
students are now attending four-year universities in California. With our
funding, we were also able to provide partial scholarships to a few students
who showed tremendous improvement and promise. We are so proud of
our achievements thus far and are excited to better the community
through further expansion.

In order to continue this progress, Project Academic Success would like to

expand to Santa Barbara High School beginning in the 2014–2015 school
year. Santa Barbara High School has been in need of “program
improvement” for more than five years and has held this status longer
than any other high school in the district. With a similar size and
demographic to San Marcos High School, we feel we can implement our
program and continue our successes quite smoothly.

With this expansion comes the need for more initial funding; however, it is
mainly a self-sustainable program. We ask that the New Horizons
Foundation, as a substantial supporter of innovative, proven programs,
please consider us for a grant of $100,000 to cover various expenses that
will inevitably improve our program and, accordingly, the community.
These expenses will allow for tutor transportation to tutoring sites, field
trips to the University of California, Santa Barbara, stipends for training-
program teachers, rent, salaries to a few full-time employees, supplies for
students, as well as increased scholarships. By having these expenses
covered by a grant, we are able to keep our program free and accessible to
students as well as create more benefits. Thank you for your consideration
of our request.
1U.S. Department of Education, “Improving Basic Programs Operated by
Local Education Agencies,” June 2014,
http://www2.ed.gov/programs/titleiparta/index.html, accessed May 10,
2014.

In this next excerpt, the first two pages of the Statement

of Need, the students present a more detailed argument for
funding Project Academic Success. Notice how they
effectively weave in data from outside sources.
 Project Academic Success
2.0 Statement of Need
The No Child Left Behind (NCLB) reform was perhaps the most important
legislation regarding public education in 35 years. It was intended to
provide improvement on a national level to our schools and for future
generations. Previously, the responsibility of public education reform was
in the hands of the individual states; this changed with the implementation
of NCLB. The educational policy at the federal level has mandated
performance standards, and the ability to reduce federal funds to states
that do not make progress and to reward states that do meet these
standards.2 These reforms require that schools: adopt rigorous content
standards; use scientifically based instructional practices; guarantee
“highly qualified” teachers for all students and “demonstrate academic
improvement by meeting pre-established benchmark percentages of
proficiency in reading and math as measured through state
assessments.”3 The benchmark for all schools is to have 100 percent
proficiency in reading and mathematics by 2014. This is to be attained by
schools meeting a pre-established rate of growth.4 The schools that are
not performing up to these mandated performance standards are labeled
as Program Improvement (PI) schools. These schools would qualify for
Supplemental Educational Services (SES), which would provide tutoring to
low-income students to help improve their scores. Unfortunately, this
program has limited success and schools rarely, if ever, make it off the PI
schools list.

Since 2008, three of the five high schools in the Santa Barbara Unified
School District have been deemed “program improvement” schools,
meaning that they failed to meet Adequate Yearly Progress under the
Elementary and Secondary Education Act for the two years prior.5 Despite
the fact that Supplemental Education Services (SES) have been provided
through government funding in the area for five years to support academic
improvement and attain Adequate Yearly Progress, high school Academic
Performance Index (API) scores have continued to drop further below the
California Department of Education’s baseline.6 Recent research regarding
the effectiveness of SES shows flaws in the system that is pertinent to the
success of the program and, therefore, the participating students.

Project Academic Success (P.A.S.) was founded in 2008 in order to solve

problems that the government overlooked in its implementation of the No
Child Left Behind Act. P.A.S. strives to provide accessible mentoring for
socioeconomically disadvantaged high school students who suffer
educationally from the inefficiencies in government-funded SES. Through
our work at San Marcos High School, in the Santa Barbara Unified School
District, we have instructed 50 individuals. Not only have 46 of our pupils
graduated from high school, but also two-thirds of them will be attending
community college. Compared to the statewide graduation rate of 80.2%
for the 2012–2013 class, 92% of P.A.S. participants graduated.7
Additionally, eight students are currently attending four-year universities
located in California. Last year, we were able to award two scholarships to
continue their education with community college classes.

However, most of the problems that inhibit the success of SES are related
to cost. Because of rising costs for tutoring service providers, the majority
of the providers available to students are cost-effective online providers,
which have proved to be less effective. Alternatively, the tutoring services
that are acceptable for the SES program are off campus, resulting in
students needing to find transportation to and from tutoring sessions,
which also requires parental involvement. Furthermore, SES providers,
whether they are online or off campus, lack a curriculum to follow and lack
frequent communication with the teachers to ensure student progress.8
Finally, because of limited funding for . . .
2Maleyko, Glenn, “The Impact of No Child Left Behind (NCLB) on school
achievement and accountability,” Ph.D. diss., Wayne State University,
2011, Academic Search Complete, Web, accessed May 4, 2014, p. 1.
3Sandoval, Patricia G, “Allocation of educational resources to improve
student learning: Case studies of California schools,” Ph.D. diss., University
of Southern California, 2009, Academic Search Complete, Web, accessed
May 4, 2014, p. 1.
4Ibid., p. 1.

5Santa Barbara Unified School District, “Program Improvement School

List,” May 23, 2013, http://www.sbunified.org/districtwp/wp-
content/uploads/2013/03/PI-Chart.pdf, accessed April 29, 2014.
6California Department of Education, “2012–2013 Accountability Progress
Reporting,” March 2014,
http://api.cde.ca.gov/Acnt2013/2013GrowthSch.aspx?
allcds=42767864235727, accessed April 29, 2014.
7California Department of Education, “Cohort Outcome Data for Class of
2012–2013,” March 24, 2014,
http://dq.cde.ca.gov/dataquest/cohortrates/GradRates.aspx?
cds=00000000000000&TheYear=2012-
13&Agg=T&Topic=Dropouts&RC=State&SubGroup=Ethnic/Racial,
accessed May 1, 2014.
 8Burch, Patricia, Ph.D., “Supplemental Education Services under NCLB:
Emerging Evidence and PoIicy Issues,” Eduation Policy Research Unit at
Arizona State University, May 2007, . . .

In this next excerpt, from the Budget section of the grant

proposal, the students don’t just provide a bunch of
numbers to illustrate Project Academic Success’s costs and
needs. Instead, they tell the story behind the numbers,
thoughtfully justifying every request they are making.

Project Academic Success

5.0 Budget
Since its inception five years ago, Project Academic Success has been able
to secure $28,000 from multiple different sources in order to fund various
expenses that we have come across through the function of our program.
These include renting the office space for our headquarters, providing
partial scholarships for outstanding students, training and transporting
tutors, and providing supplies to aid in tutoring. Thus far, we have been
able to get by with the funding that we have received, and we have seen
tremendous results in the rising graduation rates of our students. Our
success at San Marcos High School has shown how valuable our program
can be at other schools in the area. As we look to expand to Santa Barbara
High School, we feel that we will need additional funding in order to
continue providing the services that we have been providing to San Marcos
High. With that being said, we are asking for a grant of $100,000 from New
Horizons so that our services can not only continue at San Marcos High,
but also expand to Santa Barbara High, and hopefully to additional schools
in the area.

To date, we have hired 30 tutors who have each instructed either one or
two students. Our ultimate goal is to be able to support enough tutors so
that each will be able to focus on one single student; increasing individual
tutoring will strengthen the mentor aspect of the student-tutor relationship
rather than purely the academic aspect. Additional funding will go toward
increasing scholarships, additional transportation and training for added
tutors, publicity, supplies, rent, salaries, and other unforeseen expenses
that come up.
5.1 Training Costs
UC Santa Barbara students are recruited to become tutors for P.A.S.
through a brief interview process. If we deem the student is up to our
program’s standards regarding academic achievement and personal
mentoring ability, then they are admitted into the two-week training
program at our headquarters. Since the training is concurrent with the
school year, the training sessions are held Monday through Friday, 6 p.m.
to 9 p.m. to avoid class conflicts. The teachers from Santa Barbara High
will receive a small stipend of $500 for aiding in the two-week training
process. We plan to have two trainings per year so that the tutor turnover
remains reasonably long.

Since the tutors already know the academic aspect of the tutoring, limited
supplies are needed during training. It is more focused on mentoring,
specifically on which aspects of academic assistance the tutor should
focus. Therefore, the training cost amounts to purely paying the teachers;
the projected training cost for 2015 is $5,000 (5 teachers per training, with
two planned trainings).

5.2 Transportation
Transportation during the training program is up to the tutor to arrange;
however, the tutors are reimbursed through an expense report at the end
of the program. For the future tutor sessions that will take place at Santa
Barbara High School, we will provide vans that pick up the tutors from UC
Santa Barbara and transport them to and from the high school. The round-
trip mileage is 12 miles, meaning the cost per week to transport tutors will
be around $50 (assuming the reimbursement rate of $0.57 per mile,20 two
tutor sessions per week per tutor, and two rotations of tutors per week).
Transportation expense for 2015 is projected to be $2,000, assuming there
will be time taken off for summer and other various holiday breaks.

5.3 Publicity/Advertising
For the first five years, P.A.S. has not necessarily needed extreme publicity,
considering the program has been limited to San Marcos High. At the start
of our nonprofit, we were able to secure funding from various foundations
without doing much advertising. Our services were directly provided to the
high school and our $28,000 in grants has been able to support our
expenses. However, in order to expand to Santa Barbara High and beyond
we would like to secure advertising space in local newspapers/magazines
such as The Montecito Journal and The Santa Barbara Independent. This
will aid in our quest to secure future funding for the upcoming years to
continue outside sources to finance our expenses. We plan to budget
$2,000 for half-page ads in a couple of local newspapers.21 We also will
set aside $450 to buy one-inch column advertisements in the UCSB Daily
Nexus every week of the 33-week school year.22 These advertisements
aim to attract tutors from the student body, rather than targeting future
funders, as the local newspaper advertising will do. Publicity and
advertising make up $2,500 of the 2015 budget.

5.4 Rent
The P.A.S. headquarters is located in downtown Santa Barbara, at 928
Carpinteria St. Our office space is approximately 800 square feet, causing
our rent to be $1,200 each month, and $14,400 for the year.23 The office-
building rent includes utilities and Internet, so we do not have to expense
them separately. Our tutoring takes place at the school of the students,
and both San Marcos High and Santa Barbara High have allowed P.A.S. to
use vacant classrooms after school at no expense. This is extremely
valuable to our organization because it allows us to use our funds in places
that are more necessary.

5.5 Salaries
We currently have a Director of Development, Martha Grimes, who is a
fulltime employee at our headquarters. She coordinates the tutors with
prospective students, arranges transportation, and communicates with the
teachers at the students’ high school. Currently, the other members of
staff are part-time volunteers, and the tutors receive either community
service hours or unit credits (pending approval of the university). With
additional funding, we hope to expand our staff to include a university
recruiter who will be able to . . .
20Internal Revenue Service, “2014 Standard Mileage Rates,” December 9,
2013, http://www.irs.gov/2014-Standard-Mileage-Rates-for-Business,-
Medical-and-Moving-Announced, accessed May 2014.
21GaebIer Ventures, “Costs for Advertising in Newspapers,” February 21,
2001, http://www.gaebler.com/Newspaper-Advertising-Costs.htm, accessed
May 2014.
22The Daily Nexus, “Rates and Services,” January 1, 2014,
http://dailynexus.com/advertising/rates-and-services/, accessed May 2014.
23Loopnet, “928 Carpinteria St,” August 1, 2013,
http://www.loopnet.com/xnet/mainsite/listing/Profile/Profile.aspx?
LID=18291777&PreviousLinkCode=10850&
PreviousSourceCode=1lww2t006a00001&&
LinkCode=10850&SourceCode=1lww2t006a00001, accessed May 2014.
 In this final excerpt from the Budget section, notice how
the pie chart makes the proportions of the projected budget
instantly clear.

Project Academic Success

The breakdown of the projected 2015 Budget is shown in Figure 5-2:

Figure 5-2: 2015 Budget

5.9 Future Funding

Because of the nature of our expenses, we must be able to secure future
funding in order to be self-sustainable. As our organization gets additional
publicity and is able to expand further across the southern part of
California, we believe funding will be easier to obtain. However, in the
upcoming years, we have plans to raise awareness in order to receive
grants from more sponsors. We have already planned a banquet this
summer in the front ballroom of the Doubletree Fessparker, where we will
inform residents of Santa Barbara and Montecito about the goals of our
organization. We hope to raise money through voluntary donations and the
$100 event-entry fee. The Doubletree recently has decided to sponsor our
organization, and is providing the ballroom at no cost for us to hold our
event. They have also agreed to allow us to hold future fund-raising events
at no cost as a part of their sponsorship.29 Our biggest success story,
Jason Corbisez, has agreed to speak at the banquet and share his story of
how P.A.S. helped him to accomplish his wildest dreams. After being able to
 receive the services of P.A.S. and receiving our scholarship for the year, he
was able to attend UCSB on financial aid and is currently studying to be a
high school teacher. We hope that by showing a real-life success story and
proving . . .
29Montecito Bank & Trust, “Monticeto Bank & Trust Business Event Series
Surpasses Expectations,” January 2014,
https://www.montecito.com/Articles/Article.aspx?id=montecito-bank-trust-
business-event-series-surpasses-expectations, accessed May 2014.

Response to Application 7-F: Write a Business Plan

for a Start-Up

A team of five students wrote a business plan for

AgroFresh, which aims to “promote a culture of sustainable
living in the community.” Specifically, AgroFresh plans to
partner with Santa Barbara farms to supply local
restaurants with fresh organic produce; to sell, through its
store, organic produce to the larger community; and to
provide lessons on urban farming to area residents.

Business Plan
 AgroFresh
Anne Holston, Axle Wartanian, Kara Gorman, Nico Tomei, Maher Zaidi

Like the grant proposal excerpted in the previous

section, this business plan is also quite extensive.
Specifically, it comprises an Executive Summary, an
Industry Analysis, a Market Analysis, a Marketing Plan, a
Management and Operational Plan, a Financial Plan,
References, and an Appendix. Following are selected
excerpts from the AgroFresh business plan.
Let’s turn first to the Executive Summary. As you read it,
notice how the students incorporated data about the
growing interest in organic and locally farmed produce. It
will be clear to any potential investor that the students did
their research.

Executive Summary
AgroFresh exists to create and deliver the freshest produce available
locally and to promote a culture of sustainable living in the community.
By partnering with local organic farmers and teaching sustainability,
AgroFresh enriches the local community.
AgroFresh’s business is in high demand for reasons ranging from
supporting local farms to concerns about exposure to toxins in non-
organic produce. Recent studies show that approximately 43% of fruits
and vegetables purchased are organic, and this trend is on the rise. This
translates to restaurants as well, which, on average, purchase 80% of
the produce they use from local farms, and 60% of that is organic.
To provide consumers with locally grown food, AgroFresh partners with
local farms to supply Santa Barbara restaurants with organic, fresh-
from-the-farm produce. In addition, AgroFresh has a storefront where
produce grown in the AgroFresh garden will be available to the local
community for purchase. To promote sustainable living within the
community, AgroFresh provides lessons on urban farming for the
everyday consumer.
AgroFresh will market itself as a center of sustainability in the urban
farming culture of Santa Barbara. We will market AgroFresh online
utilizing our personal blog Web site as well as social media such as
Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook. AgroFresh will be marketed in print,
 utilizing sustainable, recycled printing, as well as in articles in local
Santa Barbara newspapers. We will also market AgroFresh in the
community by sponsoring community events.
AgroFresh is based on the operational structure of five workers: sales
manager, marketing consultant, grower/farmer, grower’s assistant, and
the sales associate. Workers are designed to have their own tasks at
hand as well as helping the others with their positions. Everyone
working together will make the company successful because
involvement from all positions is required for the growth of AgroFresh.
AgroFresh will endure in sustainable acts and provide customers with
the highest quality in produce.
AgroFresh maintains a $500,000 start-up cost with most of that capital
funding the building and employee salaries. Monthly revenue of
$14,200 from selling produce and fees for urban farming classes set
AgroFresh on track to be profitable before the end of our third year
operating. With an investment in AgroFresh, investors can plan to make
a return on their investment in just three years and from then on our
business only plans to grow even greener.

Next, let’s look at a page from the AgroFresh business

plan that makes especially effective use of document
design. In the following excerpt from the Market Analysis
section, notice how the authors incorporate graphical data
to show an important environmental benefit of their
business. (The students used in-text citations instead of
footnotes in their business plan. Full publication
information appears later, in a References section.)

Reducing Fuel Consumption

In 2002, food traveled an average of 2,000 miles from farm to table
(Lazaroff, 2002, para. 1). As of 2013, food traveled 1,500 miles on
average (Barrett, 2013, para. 1). While the average distance food has
traveled has dropped in the past 11 years, AgroFresh helps to cut down
on the amount of fuel used even more. Figure 2 shows the average
distance different produce travels in the United States. Every type of
food on the graph is grown by at least one of the farms AgroFresh has a
contract with, meaning each item of produce is grown within 50 miles
of AgroFresh. Because the produce is traveling no more than 50 miles,
AgroFresh reduces the amount of fuel used and does its part to keep
the environment clean.
 Figure 2: Average Distance from Farm to Plate (miles)
Additionally, AgroFresh promotes sustainability by providing
participants who take classes with kits to start their own garden.
AgroFresh provides seeds for customers to plant different vegetables.
Once they harvest their first crops, if they save their seeds they will be
able to plant more the following season. This process allows people to
continuously grow food, and reduces the amount of seeds they must buy
at a store. By not purchasing seeds, customers reduce the amount of
fuel used to travel to the store, in addition to the fuel used to transport
seeds long distances, just as produce is often transported. AgroFresh
encourages customers to purchase our food because it is locally grown,
though, should they prefer other distributers, AgroFresh always
encourages customers to buy locally.

Finally, let’s look at a page from the Management and

Operational Plan. Notice how the authors use a graphic to
make AgroFresh’s organizational structure clear.

Overview
AgroFresh thrives in the market of urban farming. The company has a
team that provides an innovative take on creating sustainable living as
well as healthy eating. The employees of the company are experienced
in their respective fields and contribute to the overall well-being of the
company. AgroFresh is designed to create a team-building atmosphere
by incorporating the different areas together. By working together, the
 employees of AgroFresh ensure the goal of promoting a more
sustainable environment.
Internal Structure
Figure 1 Displays AgroFresh Organizational Structure — The structure
of the company is designed in a way to ensure that leadership is present
but also works closely as a team. All members of the staff are expected
to work together to promote the goal of the company.

Figure 1: Organizational Structure

*This case was prepared by Dr. Lisa H. Newton, Professor of Philosophy at

Fairfield University in Fairfield, Connecticut.
Chapter 8 Business Writing Gaffes in
the Real World

Chapter Outline

Reviewing Key Causes of Writing Gaffes

Touring a Gallery of Gaffes
Getting the Job the Wrong Way
Kicked out of Harvard
Dismissed as Admissions Dean
Fired as CEO of Yahoo! Inc.
Insulting Co-workers
Issuing an Apology without Acknowledging Any
Responsibility
Correcting the Record . . . Sort of
“Spinning” a Bad Public-Relations Situation
E-mailing Your Way to a Legal Loss
E-mailing Your Way to Disgrace—and Bankruptcy
Confusing the Issue with Too Many Details
Sending an E-mail to the Wrong Recipient—and
Jeopardizing a $1 Billion Settlement
Mass E-mailing Your Way to an Embarrassing Mistake
Mass E-mailing Your Way to a Financial Mess
Making Confidential Business Information Public (via E-
mail)
Making Personal Information Public (via E-mail)
Writing in Code—with Potentially Detrimental Effects
Posting Your Way to Disgrace
Botching Communications from the Top: Hewlett-Packard
Botching Communications from the Top: Netflix
Making (Expensive) Punctuation Mistakes
 Making Serious Social-Media Errors
Complaining about a Customer through Reddit
Complaining about a New Job on Twitter
Insulting a Key Client (and Others) on Twitter
Mixing Personal Expressions with Company
Communications
Timing a Tweet Poorly
Exploiting a Bad Situation
Final Advice: Refer to Social-Media Guidelines

This book is filled with examples of business writing that

are clear in their purpose, tone, and audience. You can
learn a lot from these best practices. However, even highly
experienced business professionals make communication
errors at times, and you can learn from these mistakes as
well.
This chapter of Business Writing Scenarios gathers ill-
considered business communications that had
consequences for the authors, sometimes very serious
consequences. Most of the gaffes involve digital
communications, which, as discussed in Chapter 6, can
reach unintended audiences far more easily than the
mistakes made on paper in years past. That’s an important
change for you to keep in mind: any momentary errors of
judgment that you make in e-mails, tweets, text messages,
or Facebook posts can be shared quickly with thousands of
unintended recipients, and these communications can be
subpoenaed easily for court proceedings as well.
Reviewing Key Causes of Writing
Gaffes
Many of the gaffes described in the next section grew out
of these typical communication problems:

Failing to understand the audience. The writer does

not consider sufficiently the sensitivities or suspicions
of his or her audience. This can lead to a host of
problems in tone and word choice, and to cloudy
strategic thinking.
Writing and sending in a state of stress. The writer
composes and sends the communication while angry or
excessively nervous, rather than stepping back to
reconsider the situation and message at a later time.
Failing to anticipate an unintended audience. The
writer may reach an unintended audience by
mistakenly clicking “reply all” or by sending a message
to the wrong recipient list. Or he or she may not
consider that the communication might be leaked to
the press or subpoenaed for a legal action.
Trying to misrepresent or cover up the truth. The
writer attempts to mislead an audience, sometimes by
blaming others, by denying any knowledge of the issue,
or by trying to “spin” the issue when the original
deception or error is exposed.
Making poor writing choices that can be
misinterpreted. The writer doesn’t think carefully
about the clarity of the communication and uses words
 that convey the wrong tone or content, perhaps even
using words that sound racist, sexist, or otherwise
insensitive.

Most of the errors gathered in this chapter could have

been prevented if the writer had embraced the leadership
qualities of fairness, respect, and honesty described in
Chapter 9. For example, if a chief of police had considered
the sensitivities of his overweight staff, he might have
rethought his “jelly-belly” e-mail (see page 222) and not
gotten fired. Also, if the CEO of a peanut company had
been more honest and ethical about problems with his
company’s products, he might have avoided congressional
scrutiny and disgrace (see page 226).
Touring a Gallery of Gaffes
Few of us escape making errors in our professional
communications. However, we can try to be more careful in
our own writing and also learn from the mistakes of others.
The following sections explore some real-world gaffes to
avoid.

Getting the Job the Wrong Way

Let’s start with a challenge that you may confront at the

very beginning of your career: the desire to present
yourself in the best possible light to a prospective employer
or graduate school. Are you tempted to tweak a GPA higher,
to claim a degree or certificate that you did not quite
complete, or to puff up a routine work experience to make
it sound more impressive? If you are, keep in mind that
such behavior not only is ethically wrong but also can lead
to serious problems during an interview — or even to
career-ending consequences.
For example, if you claim “fluency” in Spanish on your
résumé when you have only a limited conversational ability,
what happens when a native Spanish speaker starts
speaking Spanish to you during the interview?
If you present one of your central work experiences as
“traffic-flow manager,” and during the interview it becomes
clear that you parked cars for a hotel, your exaggeration
will not impress a prospective employer.
If you falsely claim expertise with data-management
software because the job requires that skill, you are likely
to be found out, and perhaps fired, if you get the job and
can’t do the required work.
The simple truth is that your cohorts and employers will
not quite trust you if they discover a recent or even a long-
ago falsehood on your résumé (or posted on your blog or
Web site). The initial boost you might achieve in a
competitive applicant pool poses a big risk to your
credibility later on.
It’s hard to determine just how many people falsify
résumé and cover letter information, but according to a
2004 study reported by USA Today, statistics hover around
50 percent of job applicants. Many statistics about such
dishonesty are gathered by commercial résumé-screening
services, so they may be inflated. At the same time, it is
clear that many more companies are now conducting some
degree of background checking. In 2012, the Atlanta
Business Chronicle reported that background checking
services had become a $1 billion annual business sector in
the United States. With so many employers on guard, it
makes practical (as well as ethical) sense to represent your
skills, academic credentials, and job-related experiences
honestly and accurately.
Here are a few notable cases of falsified credentials:

Kicked out of Harvard

Adam Wheeler gained admission to Harvard University in

the fall of 2007 through multiple falsehoods on his
application materials and eventually, in 2010, pleaded
guilty to larceny and identity fraud. Even though he
received 10 years of probation and a suspended sentence of
two years in jail, he allegedly continued to falsify his
background as he sought employment in a tough job
market, as reported by the Boston Globe in 2010.

Dismissed as Admissions Dean

In 2007, Marilee Jones, the widely respected dean of
admissions for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
resigned from her position when it was discovered that she
had faked degrees from various colleges when she applied
28 years earlier for her first job at MIT. As reported by the
New York Times in April 2007, Jones simply allowed her lie
to continue as her career progressed: “‘I misrepresented
my academic degrees when I first applied to M.I.T. 28 years
ago and did not have the courage to correct my résumé
when I applied for my current job or at any time since,’ Ms.
Jones said in a statement posted on the institute’s Web site.
‘I am deeply sorry for this and for disappointing so many in
the M.I.T. community and beyond who supported me,
believed in me, and who have given me extraordinary
opportunities.’”

Fired as CEO of Yahoo! Inc.

In May 2012, after serving only four months as CEO of

Yahoo!, Scott Thompson was forced to resign when it was
discovered that he had never earned a bachelor’s degree in
computer science from Stonehill College, as he had
claimed. As reported in the Los Angeles Times, Thompson
did graduate from Stonehill, but the college didn’t begin
granting computer science degrees until several years after
he had left.

Insulting Co-workers

In 2006, the Winter Haven, Florida, chief of police, Paul

Goward, sent the following memo to his officers; it quickly
led to his firing by the City Council. Goward’s probable
intent was to encourage better health and fitness among
his troops, but he crafted a memo that instead insulted
many police officers in its tone and word choices. He might
have been more effective by not invoking the “fat cop in a
doughnut shop” stereotype and by developing a fitness
program to aid his officers. (Goward claimed later that such
a program was actually in the works.)
The insensitive memo was reported by Merissa Green in
the Ledger, Winter Haven, Florida, on October 24, 2006.

Subject: Are you a Jelly Belly?

As I look around the department I see a disconcerting number of us that

appear physically challenged with obesity and/or a general lack of
physical fitness. This is a tremendous concern to me because the
literature, to say nothing of common sense, states that if you are obese
and/or out of shape you are a predictable liability to yourself, your family,
your partner, this department, the city of Winter Haven, and the citizens
of our city. So, take a good look at yourself.

If you are unfit, do yourself and everyone else a favor. See a professional
about a proper diet and a fitness training program, quit smoking, limit
alcohol intake, and start thinking self-pride, confidence and respectability.
And stop making excuses for delaying what you know you should have
been doing years ago. We didn’t hire you unfit and we don’t want you
working unfit. Don’t mean to offend, this is just straight talk. I owe it to
you.

Here’s a further tip: whenever you are tempted to write

“don’t mean to offend” or a similar preemptive apology, you
can be sure that you have in fact written something
offensive. So step back and reconsider your
communication.

Issuing an Apology without Acknowledging Any

Responsibility

In 2007, the New Era Cap Company, which holds clothing

franchises with Major League Baseball and with the
National Football League and the National Hockey League,
was faulted for selling souvenir Yankees baseball caps that,
to all appearances, included recognized gang signs and
colors. Many people protested that this practice
endangered the children to whom the caps were being
marketed, and New Era quickly stopped selling them. As
reported in the New York Times on August 25, 2007, the
very brief New Era statement below is a masterpiece of
obfuscation:

New Era said it was surprised by what the cap designs signified:

“Recently, it has been brought to our attention that some combinations of

icons and colors on a select number of caps could be too closely perceived
to be in association with gangs,” the company said in a statement. “In
response, we, along with Major League Baseball, have pulled those caps.”

The New Era statement suggests that the issue with the
caps was entirely a matter of happenstance visual
associations and misperceptions by the public, rather than
a bad marketing decision at New Era.
The Yankees also quickly issued a statement. This
statement, on their Web site, was more straightforward
than New Era’s:

The New York Yankees were completely unaware that caps with gang-
related logos and colors had been manufactured with the New York
Yankees logo on them. These caps were made under a licensing
agreement between New Era and Major League Baseball and were not
subject to the Yankees’ approval nor shown to the New York Yankees at
any point prior to their retail distribution.

The New York Yankees oppose any garment that may be associated with
gangs or gang-related activity. Upon learning of the existence of these
caps this morning, the New York Yankees contacted Major League
Baseball. We were notified by the Commissioner’s Office that steps had
already been taken to recall the caps from all points of sale. The league
ensured that no such product will be manufactured in the future.

Correcting the Record . . . Sort of

In 2010, the pharmaceutical company Genentech made
remarkable claims for its osteoporosis drug Boniva: “After
one year on BONIVA, 9 out of 10 women stopped and
reversed their bone loss.” The ads, which appeared in
various print publications, were endorsed by the well-
known actress Sally Field.

In January 2011, the Food and Drug Administration

(FDA) admonished Genentech, saying that the company’s
advertising “misleadingly overstates the efficacy of
Boniva.” The FDA required Genentech to withdraw all of its
misleading advertising. And in the fall of 2011, Genentech
published this curious retraction in various media outlets:

You may have seen an ad about BONIVA for the treatment and prevention
of postmenopausal osteoporosis that may have given you the wrong
impression. Our ads stated that “After one year on BONIVA, 9 out of 10
women stopped and reversed their bone loss.” The FDA has found that
there is not enough evidence to support this statement and wants us to
 clear up any misunderstanding you may have had about these ads and
make sure you have the correct information about BONIVA. BONIVA has
not been proven to stop and reverse bone loss in 9 out of 10 women and is
not a cure for postmenopausal osteoporosis. BONIVA has been shown to
help increase bone mass and help reduce the chance of having a spinal
fracture (break). We encourage all patients to discuss their treatment
with their healthcare provider. Only your doctor can determine if BONIVA
is right for you.

Notice that the retraction is forthright up to a point but

also suggests that the error is a “misunderstanding” on the
readers’ part and that Genentech just wants to make
certain that consumers receive the most accurate
information. This is a common tactic for companies caught
in misrepresentations: to imply that audience
misinterpretation or misunderstanding is a contributing
factor to (or the actual cause of) the problem.

“Spinning” a Bad Public-Relations Situation

When Deborah Shank, then a Walmart employee, was
severely injured and permanently impaired in a traffic
accident in 2000, Walmart paid a total of $470,000 for her
ongoing care under the Walmart health-care plan. However,
after Mr. and Mrs. Shank won a lawsuit against the
trucking company whose vehicle caused the accident, a
clause in the Walmart health plan allowed Walmart to sue
the Shanks for the reimbursement of the funds that the
retailer had expended on her care. After several court
actions, Walmart was entitled to recover $275,000, which
was all that remained in the fund for Mrs. Shank’s ongoing
care.
In April 2008, after thousands of online protests against
Walmart’s policy and actions, the company decided to drop
its claim against the Shanks. Walmart Executive Vice
President Pat Curran announced the company’s change of
heart in the following terms, which were reported by CNN:
 Occasionally, others help us step back and look at a situation in a different
way. This is one of those times. We have all been moved by Ms. Shank’s
extraordinary situation. As you know, our current [medical] plan doesn’t
give us much flexibility, so we began reviewing the guidelines for the trust
that pays medical costs for our associates and their family members. . . .
We have decided to modify our plan to allow us more discretion for
individual cases and are in the final stages of working out the details.

Meanwhile, we wanted you to know that Wal-Mart will not seek any
reimbursement for the money already spent on Ms. Shank’s care, and we
will work with you to ensure the remaining amount in the trust can be
used for her ongoing care. We are sorry for any additional stress this
uncertainty has placed on you and your family.

As so often happens, the Walmart “spin” didn’t enhance

the company’s reputation. Many observers believed that
Walmart should have provided more generous support to
the Shanks in the first place. The lesson here is that a
company is generally best served when it steps up,
apologizes, and takes responsibility for past errors.

E-mailing Your Way to a Legal Loss

In 2007, during an ongoing dispute between staff and
management of the Santa Barbara News-Press, e-mails
written by now-former employees presented a serious
setback in efforts to unionize the paper.
Tensions between News-Press staff and management
began when Wendy McCaw bought the newspaper in 2000.
After she took the helm, many editors and other staff of the
paper quit or were fired, leading to multiple actions by the
National Labor Relations Board (NLRB).
On August 24, 2007, at the height of tensions between
the newspaper’s employees and management, a group of
News-Press staffers attempted to deliver a letter of
demands to McCaw’s office. She was not available, so the
letter was delivered to the head of human resources. After
the event, now-former employee Tom Schultz sent the
following e-mail to a number of recipients, as reported on
www.newspress.com:

Peeps, we rocked the house, crossed their wires and got ‘em unglued.
Way to go. Anybody feel free to grab me for the full run down on the letter
delivery.

Schultz wrote somewhat later:

Hearing loss . . . must be due to that sonic boom we created during our
blitzkrieg through the newsroom on our way to Wendy’s office. Dammit, I
must have banged on that saucepan too close to my head right before
jack-hammering our demands into the floor at HR.

It appears that Schultz was just celebrating and being

hyperbolic. However, his e-mails complicated the efforts of
the NLRB to prosecute the case against McCaw. The e-
mails also prompted McCaw to seek de-certification of the
vote by former and current employees to unionize through
the Teamsters.
In court, Schultz’s e-mails were presented as evidence of
workplace disruption by the Teamsters Union and of
harassment and intimidation against the owner and the
staff still loyal to her.

E-mailing Your Way to Disgrace—and

Bankruptcy

With knowledge that his peanut products were tainted with

mold toxins, Stewart Parnell, CEO of the Peanut
Corporation of America, continued to ship his products to
companies in the United States and abroad. This action led
to an extensive salmonella out break in 2008 and 2009,
resulting in nine deaths in the United States and prompting
the largest food recall in U.S. history.
Especially interesting to a congressional panel
investigating the problem were e-mails from Parnell
ordering the tainted shipments. Faced with testing that
showed the contamination, Parnell wrote, “We have never
found any salmonella at all. No salmonella has been found
anywhere else in our products or in our plants.” (Parnell’s
communications were described in the Huffington Post,
among other sources.) In other e-mails he complained that
tests and delays were “costing us huge $$$$$.” In an e-mail
he wrote to colleagues regarding peanuts that had tested
positive for salmonella, he urged, “Turn them loose.”
Parnell invoked the Fifth Amendment when questioned by
the congressional panel.
The Peanut Corporation of America filed for bankruptcy
liquidation in February 2009. Parnell and his brother were
convicted of serious crimes in September 2014. In
September 2015, Stewart Parnell was sentenced in federal
court to twenty-eight years in prison; his brother received a
twenty-year sentence; and the company’s quality assurance
manager was sentenced to five years in jail.

Confusing the Issue with Too Many Details

In 2010, many users of Kodak’s Easyshare photo-printing

service were sent the following merge-list e-mail to explain
when their photos would arrive in the U.S. mail. Speedy
delivery? Maybe, but don’t count on it!

Dear Jon,

Your order from KODAK EASYSHARE Gallery has been completed and is
being shipped to the address below. If this message was sent in the
evening, over a weekend, or on a holiday, your order will ship on the next
business day.
 If you’d like to resend this order to friends and family, just visit your order
History Page.

3–10 day delivery orders experience a range of delivery times. Most

orders are delivered very quickly (within two to five days), but 3–10 day
delivery time depends on distance and internal 3–10 day delivery factors,
and therefore cannot be guaranteed. U.S. West Coast deliveries often
arrive the next day and many U.S. East Coast orders arrive in as few as
three days. However, 3–10 day delivery can take as long as 14 days,
regardless of destination. If your order has not arrived 14 days after
receiving your shipping confirmation e-mail, please contact us at
service@kodakgallery.com.

Some orders may be delivered in different shipments depending on the

items in the order. To expedite large print orders, delivery will be split
into multiple shipments. Multiple shipments will not result in additional
shipping charges.

The Kodak communication suggests how too many layers of

details can obscure the central message. (Kodak filed for
bankruptcy in January 2012 and emerged in September
2013 as a leaner corporation focused on digital imaging.
Shutterfly took over Kodak’s online photo-printing
services.)

Sending an E-mail to the Wrong Recipient— and

Jeopardizing a $1 Billion Settlement

In early 2008, the New York Times broke the story that an
attorney acting on behalf of Eli Lilly & Company mistakenly
sent an e-mail to the wrong “Berenson” in her e-mail
address book. She wanted to communicate very sensitive
negotiations over a possible $1 billion settlement with Eli
Lilly Company to her co-counsel Bradford Berenson;
instead, she sent her e-mail, shown below, to Times
reporter Alex Berenson:

Tom and I were racing to other meetings when we left the EDPA and I am
just back, looking for Tom so we can have a call. We’ll call you as soon as I
 have him. Preview: They’re in the stratosphere on number and Meehan
wants, for deal.

Evidently haste makes . . . errors. As John Hutchins

explained in 2015 on informationcounts.com, “To the
uninformed, the e-mail may be hard to decipher, but Alex
Berenson knew exactly what it meant.” “EDPA” is the
Eastern District of Pennsylvania. Meehan is Patrick — then
the U.S. attorney in that district (now a member of
Congress). “Meehan wants a deal” and “they’re in the
stratosphere” means that Eli Lilly and the U.S. attorney
were discussing some kind of settlement deal. Reporter
Alex Berenson was aware of the talks, but he thought they
were on hold. With this new piece of information, he did a
little digging, which resulted in a front-page New York
Times story.

Mass E-mailing Your Way to an Embarrassing

Mistake

In March 2009, the Admissions Office at the University of

California, San Diego, mistakenly sent a congratulatory
“acceptance” e-mail to all 47,000 applicants to UCSD,
rather than to the 18,000 students who were actually
admitted for the 2009–2010 academic year. According to a
Los Angeles Times blog, the admissions director and her
staff spent many days trying to undo the damage — issuing
apologies and responding to angry e-mails and phone calls
from parents and students.
In the spring of 2012, UCLA made a similar blunder by
sending mistaken admission letters to nearly 900 high
school students, as reported by the Los Angeles Times.

Mass E-mailing Your Way to a Financial Mess

In December 2011, the venerable New York Times sent a
50 percent discount offer to 8.6 million subscribers rather
than to the few hundred lapsed subscribers in the
newspaper’s intended audience. At first, the Times honored
the offer to all who called in but quickly realized the
enormous financial impact this mistaken generosity would
have on the company. The Times compounded the problem,
however, by disclaiming the error to millions of subscribers
in a tweet: “If you received an e-mail today about canceling
your NYT subscription, ignore it. It’s not from us.”
But, as the San Francisco Chronicle reported on
December 29, 2011:

[T]he Times did send the original e-mail, Times spokeswoman Eileen
Murphy said.

“This e-mail should have been sent to a very small number of subscribers,
but instead was sent to a vast distribution list made up of people who had
previously provided their e-mail address to the New York Times. We
regret the error,” Murphy said in an e-mail.

“The initial tweet was in error and we regret the mistake,” she added.

By the time of this apology, however, the newspaper had

received numerous customer complaints and incurred
(unspecified) costs because of the mistake.

Making Confidential Business Information

Public (via E-mail)

In 2008, the upper-level managers at Carat Media Agency

were preparing to lay off some number of employees. They
mistakenly sent their confidential planning-process notes to
all employees, notes that included all the euphemisms of
the process and talking points. As reported by
www.adage.com, here is “an unedited passage from the
‘message to impacted employees’”:

I unfortunately have some difficult news which affects you and your
position with the company. Based on the continued reduction in our
client’s spend and a restructuring of the core functions (insert group
here), we had to evaluate a number of factors and took a hard look at our
future and current business need (capacity), performance, and the
evolving skill sets needed for our clients and their businesses. As a result,
we no longer have a role for you. This was a very difficult decision which
is affecting a number of people across Carat. Your last day with the
company wil be __________.

I know this is difficult news to handle. I want you to know that we have
prepared some information that I would like to review with you now. This
is important information concerning your severance, medical benefits,
and outplacement assistance. This is the package we have arranged for
anyone affected by a reduction in staff such as this.

Please know that we value your contribution to the company and want to
help you as your transition into the next stage of your professional career.
Let’s review your package and make sure you understand what we have
provided. We also have outplacement services to offer you as a part of
your transition if you are interested in taking advantage of that service.

If you would like to go home today and come back tomorrow to clean out
your desk or office, you are free to do so. We would like you to meet with
your manager following our meeting to transition your work. We will be
communicating to your team today. Your manager will be contacting
clients. We ask that you do not contact your client to discuss this
situation. As this is affecting a number of people, we will be
communicating to the office later today what has occurred.

Please review the materials that we have provided for you. You have one
week (or 45 days, depending on situation) to review your severance
agreement, sign it, and return it to me. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to
call me if you have any questions.

You can imagine the reaction from all the employees who
received this seeming notice of termination. The
misdirected draft also revealed some embarrassing aspects
of the managers’ planning process.
Making Personal Information Public (via E-mail)

In the summer of 2009, McAfee Inc., the computer-security-

software manufacturer, hosted a conference for 800
participants. In a follow-up thank-you e-mail to the
conferees, McAfee mistakenly attached a spreadsheet
containing personal and professional contact information
on the 1,400 people who had attended or expressed
interest in the conference. The press delighted in noting
the irony of a security-software firm’s making a blunder of
this magnitude. (One report of the mishap appears on
www.techworld.com.au.)

Writing in Code—with Potentially Detrimental

Effects

In October 2009, then-Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

sent a message to the California State Assembly vetoing a
bill the Assembly had passed. Close readers noted that
there seemed to be a hidden F-U message in the memo
when one reads the first letter of each line of the two main
paragraphs. As reported by the San Francisco Chronicle,
the governor’s aides denied any such intention:

Schwarzenegger’s press secretary, Aaron McLear, insisted Tuesday it was

simply a “weird coincidence.” He sent us veto messages the governor sent
out in the past with linguistic lineups such as “soap” and “poet,” which he
said were also unintended.

“Something like this was bound to happen,” McLear said.

You be the judge. Here is the former governor’s veto memo:

Even if the former governor’s veiled message was
intentional and not a gaffe, consider the implications of this
communication style (along with other Schwarzenegger
patterns of behavior) on any future political aspirations he
might have.

To the Members of the California State Assembly:

I am returning Assembly Bill 1176 without my signature.

For some time now I have lamented the fact that major issues are
overlooked while many unnecessary bills come to me for consideration.
Water reform, prison reform, and health care are major issues my
Administration has brought to the table, but the Legislature just kicks the
can down the alley.

Yet another legislative year has come and gone without the major reforms
Californians overwhelmingly deserve. In light of this, and after careful
consideration, I believe it is unnecessary to sign this measure at this time.

Sincerely,

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Posting Your Way to Disgrace

In April 2010, New Jersey teachers protesting against
Governor Chris Christie’s budget cuts to education lost
some credibility when they posted angry, sometimes
obscene, and ungrammatical observations on Facebook.
Some messages wished that Christie were dead or
compared him to Cambodian dictator Pol Pot. As reported
on www.nj.com/news, here are some of the teachers’
Facebook comments:

“Never trust a fat f---.”

“How do you spell A--hole? C-H-R-I-S C-H-R-I-S-T-I-E.”

“Remember Pol Pot, dictator of Cambodia? He reigned in terror, his target

was teachers and intellectuals. They were either killed or put into forced
labor. . . . King Kris Kristy is headed in this direction.”
Botching Communications from the Top:
Hewlett-Packard

This tale is a good reminder that individual business

documents are only part of the larger business writing
picture. Major business decisions often require a carefully
orchestrated communication strategy involving key players
and several interlinked memoranda and announcements.
The Hewlett-Packard (HP) decision in September 2011 to
fire CEO Leo Apotheker had numerous causes, but the
precipitating cause was Apotheker’s communication style.
In announcing momentous decisions to restructure the
company, including the sudden announcement that HP was
likely to sell its personal computer business and
discontinue the manufacture of smartphones and tablet
computers, Apotheker caught many HP executives off
guard and riled HP’s corporate customers. In a New York
Times article, one professor of business characterized the
communications as “botched in a big way.” The news
releases, he said, “came out in dribs and drabs in a very
confusing set of announcements.”

Botching Communications from the Top: Netfiix

Even the media darling Netflix can stumble in

communicating its pricing and marketing decisions. For
this and other reasons, the company’s stock fell 48 percent
from July 2011 to September 2011.
In September 2011, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings
acknowledged on his blog, “I messed up” in failing to
explain persuasively the decision to split (and re-price) its
DVD-by-mail and its streaming-video services.
Hastings wrote,
Most companies that are great at something — like AOL dialup or Borders
bookstores — do not become great at new things people want (streaming for
 us) because they are afraid to hurt their initial business. Eventually these
companies realize their error of not focusing enough on the new thing, and
then the company fights desperately and hopelessly to recover. Companies
rarely die from moving too fast, and they frequently die from moving too
slowly. When Netflix is evolving rapidly, however, I need to be extra-
communicative. This is the key thing I got wrong. In hindsight, I slid into
arrogance based upon past success. . . . I should have personally given a full
justification to our members of why we are separating DVD and streaming,
and charging for both. It wouldn’t have changed the price increase, but it
would have been the right thing to do.

Netflix did try to make amends to customers, however,

through future communications. On October 11, 2011, the
company sent the following e-mail to its many customers.
Note that the company even took time to refine its merge
list to include only first names (Dear Jon) rather than
following the more common corporate style of using full
names (Dear Jon Ramsey). Consider the friendly and
reassuring tone used by “The Netflix Team”:

Dear Jon,

It is clear that for many of our members two websites would make things
more difficult, so we are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for
streaming and DVDs.

This means no change: one website, one account, one password . . . in

other words, no Qwikster.

While the July price change was necessary, we are now done with price
changes.

We’re constantly improving our streaming selection. We’ve recently added

hundreds of movies from Paramount, Sony, Universal, Fox, Warner Bros.,
Lionsgate, MGM, and Miramax. Plus, in the last couple of weeks alone,
we’ve added over 3,500 TV episodes from ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, USA, E!,
Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, ABC Family, Discovery Channel, TLC, SyFy,
A&E, History, and PBS.

We value you as a member, and we are committed to making Netflix the

best place to get your movies & TV shows.

Respectfully,

The Netflix Team

Making (Expensive) Punctuation Mistakes

In 2006, a contract dispute arose in Canada between

Rogers Communications and Bell Aliant over just when
their contract could be terminated “by either party.” The
confusion hinged on the inclusion of one (extra?) comma
after the word “terms” in this part of the agreement
between the two companies:

[This agreement] shall be effective from the date it is made and shall
continue in force for a period of five (5) years from the date it is made,
and thereafter for successive five (5) year terms, unless and until
terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.

As reported on NPR, Bell Aliant wanted to terminate the

contract short of five years just by giving “one year prior
notice.” Despite what most close readers would see as the
obvious intent of the two parties to enter into a long-term
contract, the Canadian Radio-television and
Telecommunications Commission decided in favor of Bell
Aliant and allowed its early release from the contract.

Making Serious Social-Media Errors

Clearly such social media as Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest,
and LinkedIn are playing a prominent role in business
communications — thus far primarily for public-relations
and marketing purposes. While marketing strategies are
not a focus of Business Writing Scenarios, it’s useful for
you to consider how easily an ill-conceived tweet or an
angry post to Facebook can damage your career, the
company for which you work, or both. Some of the
cyberspace embarrassments and disasters brought to our
attention daily turn out to be fake events manufactured by
hackers and others, but many others are actual errors of
individual or corporate judgment that are disseminated to
huge communities of people around the world. Gathered
here are a few snapshots of what can go wrong in social-
media communications.

Complaining about a Customer through Reddit

In January 2013, an Applebee’s waitress was insulted when

a large group left her with no tip and when a member of
the group wrote this on the receipt:

I give God 10%, why do you get 18

Parties up to eight . . . may tip whatever they’d like, but larger parties
receive an automatic gratuity. It’s in the computer, it’s not something I do.
They had no problem with my service, and told me I was great. They just
didn’t want to pay when the time came.

The customer was unhappy about the automatic 18

percent gratuity added for her large group. The displeased
waitress posted a picture of the receipt online through
Reddit and commented: The customer’s name was visible
on the posted receipt, and the post went viral on the
Internet. The customer, a pastor at Truth in the World
Deliverance Ministries Church, was embarrassed by the
notoriety and complained to Applebee’s management. The
waitress was fired for leaking a professional matter at
Applebee’s to a huge social-media audience.

Complaining about a New Job on Twitter

In 2009, a young woman newly hired for an internship by

Cisco in San Jose, California, complained in a Twitter
message that she would hate making the long commute and
hate her work as well:

Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty
paycheck a gainst the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.

Of course, Cisco (like many companies) trolls the Internet

for information related to its brand and company interests,
and quickly the Twitter message was discovered. A Cisco
advocate responded:

Who is the hiring manager? I’m sure they would love to know that you will
hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web.

A bit of sleuthing quickly revealed the identity of the new

intern, who became the butt of many online jokes,
criticisms, and parodies, even engendering a Web site
called CiscoFatty.com. The employee’s internship offer was
quickly rescinded by Cisco. Ironically, the author of the
perilous tweet was working on a master’s degree in
information management and systems. In an interview with
Technotica, part of www.nbcnews.com, she reflected:

I was using Twitter in a way that didn’t jibe with how Twitter really
works. I was using it more like I was on Facebook. I was posting status
updates to people who are my friends, not realizing or caring that
everybody in the whole world could see my updates because I wasn’t
thinking my updates were interesting to anybody outside my group. Yup, I
certainly learned the hard way.

Insulting a Key Client (and Others) on Twitter

On his way to an important meeting with the CEO of FedEx,

a vice president at Ketchum Inc. foolishly tweeted his a
version to the city where the meeting was being held —
Memphis, Tennessee:

True confession but i’m in one of those towns where I scratch my head
and say “I would die if I had to live here!”

Ketchum is a global public-relations firm, and FedEx was

(and remains) a major client for Ketchum’s services.
Internet cruisers very quickly spotted the insult and sent it
to executives at both FedEx and Ketchum. A long series of
rejoinders and apologies followed. One defender of FedEx
and of Memphis wrote:

If I interpret your post correctly, these are your comments about Memphis
a few hours after arriving in the global headquarters city of one of your
key and lucrative clients, and the home of arguably one of the most
important entrepreneurs in the history of business, FedEx founder Fred
Smith.

FedEx executives also provided this important reminder for

all of us to consider as we use social media:
 This lapse in judgment also demonstrates the need to apply fundamental
communications principles in the evolving social networking environment:
Think before you speak; be careful of what you say and how you say it.
Mr. Andrews [the Ketchum vice president] made a mistake, and he has
apologized. We are moving on.

Mixing Personal Expressions with Company

Communications

During the presidential debates of 2012, an employee at

KitchenAid who was responsible for social-media
advertising mistakenly sent this personal tweet through the
company’s system:

President Obama had mentioned with sadness that his

grandmother had died just before his inauguration in 2008.
In response to its employee’s tasteless tweet, KitchenAid
issued this apology (and implied the firing of the offending
tweeter):
 During the debate tonight, a member of our Twitter team mistakenly
posted an offensive tweet from the KitchenAid handle instead of a
personal handle. The tasteless joke in no way represents our values at
KitchenAid, and that person won’t be tweeting for us anymore. That said,
I lead the KitchenAid brand, and I take responsibility for the whole team. I
am deeply sorry to President Obama, his family, and the Twitter
community for this careless error. Thanks for hearing me out.

Sometimes social-media marketing efforts result in

insensitive or insulting communications. Especially
troublesome are advertising or public-relations efforts that
are poorly timed or that exploit serious situations. We’ll
consider those problematic communications next.

Timing a Tweet Poorly

In July 2011, the American Rifleman, a magazine closely

affiliated with the National Rifle Association (NRA), sent
this automatic but untimely tweet just as the theater-
shooting disaster was unfolding in Aurora, Colorado:

This error should remind you that communications timed

for automatic delivery might turn out to be in conflict with
a local or national disaster. The NRA tweet disappeared
after a few hours, and the account was closed.

Exploiting a Bad Situation

Sometimes companies purposely try to exploit a disaster,
always with negative consequences. While Hurricane
Sandy was raging along the Eastern Seaboard of the
United States in late October 2012, American Apparel
posted this advertisement on several social-media sites:
Droves of angry customers immediately started tweeting
their outrage and vowed never to buy from the company
again.

Gap Inc. made the same error in promoting its own

merchandise:
 In February 2011, the shoe-and-accessory retailer
Kenneth Cole exploited the “Arab spring” turmoil in Egypt
with this tweet:

This strategy backfired when myriad hostile tweets were

sent in response. Evidently learning nothing from this poor
judgment — or believing that any publicity is worthwhile
for the brand — in September 2013, Kenneth Cole tried to
exploit the Syrian civil uprising and the possible U.S.
intervention in response to the use of poison gas. He
tweeted this bit of social-media advertising:

When interviewed by the Huffington Post, Cole was

unrepentant. He claimed that the tweet was in line with his
previous efforts to raise social awareness. He told
reporters:

This message was consistent with the same messages in the past. I was
not looking to offend anybody in the process and I never have over time.
It was to communicate a consistent message that we are against war of
any sort and we support our troops.

Cole’s social-media strategies had, of course, offended

many thousands, as the Twitter traffic demonstrated.

Final Advice: Refer to Social-Media Guidelines

The variety of social media is rapidly expanding, and

businesses large and small will continue to try out these
newer modes of communication. The growing pains are
obvious as the hundreds of posted gaffes testify. Many
organizations have begun to develop guidelines for their
employees as they learn how to distinguish between
professional and personal communication goals and as they
see their “private” perspectives spill over into the public
spaces of the Internet — there to be scrutinized, evaluated,
and acted on by a potentially enormous audience.
Some especially clear and insightful social-media
guidelines are offered online by the following
organizations:
IBM. Visit www.ibm.com and enter “social computing
guidelines” in the search field.
Intel. Visit www.intel.com and enter “social media
guidelines” in the search field.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Visit www.cdc.gov and enter “guide to writing for social
media” in the search field. Note that the CDC
guidelines are especially thorough, and they include
separate “guidelines and best practices” for YouTube
and online videos, Facebook, Twitter, and text
messaging.

This newer territory of business communications is

complex on several personal, professional, and cultural
levels. The best advice is to understand when you are
texting or tweeting to your own defined and limited circle
of friends or potentially communicating to a broader,
unintended audience. Think before you tweet, and also see
if your own organization has developed guidelines for
digital communications.
Chapter 9 Leadership Values in
Business Writing

Chapter Outline

Reflecting on Leadership Values in Business Writing

Realizing That Many Leadership Skills Can Be Learned
Identifying Leadership Qualities
Clarity of Mind and a Commitment to Evidence-Based
Decisions
A Commitment to Customer or Client Satisfaction
A Clear View of Long-Range Goals with a Readiness to
Change
Equanimity in Troubled Times and an Ability to Operate
above the Fray
A Willingness to Consider Others’ Ideas and Credit Their
Contributions
Responding to Real-World Writing Scenarios
Application 9-A: Request Volunteer Help
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 9-B: Lead Colleagues in a New Direction
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Application 9-C: Convey Disappointing News about Health
Benefits
The background.
The purpose.
The audience.
The communication strategy.
Reflecting on Leadership Values in
Business Writing
It’s easy to take a cynical view of success in business, for
every day we see examples of executives who have used
their positions of power to cover up problems, to market
worthless products or mediocre services, to evade
consequences, or to intimidate their co-workers. There is
also ample evidence, however, that long-term business
success usually relies on practices and communication
strategies that are based on honesty, reason and evidence,
and a respect for colleagues and customers. The scenarios
in this book embrace that view.
In this chapter, we’ll take a closer look at some of these
leadership qualities, qualities that you can foster in
yourself to become both a better communicator and a
better colleague.

Realizing That Many Leadership Skills Can Be

Learned

Especially in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, we

have seen the proliferation of books on how to become an
effective leader and of seminars and conferences that
purport to teach leadership skills. Is leadership really a set
of skills that anyone can acquire, or do we need to be born
with certain qualities of mind and character? Or do we just
need to be the right sort of person at the right place and
time?
 Most people would agree that creative “vision,” a
profound understanding of one’s place in history and
culture, extraordinary problem solving abilities, and clarity
of mind in times of crisis are central to great leadership.
These qualities of mind and character can’t be learned as
skill sets. That being said, while some might be “natural
leaders,” anyone can learn about and practice patterns of
thinking, behaving, and communicating that are more likely
than not to win the respect of others and to make good
things happen. It is also the case that some degree of
leadership is needed at every level of an organization for it
to prosper over time. Even the most top-down management
structure needs people at every level to inspire and guide
the operations of their niche in the organization.

Identifying Leadership Qualities

Were you asked in a class to list the leadership qualities
that you most admire and would like to emulate, the list
would probably include some or all of the following:
clarity of mind and a commitment to basing decisions
on reason and evidence
good knowledge of the sector in which the business
competes
a determination to provide a product or service of high
quality
a commitment to customer or client satisfaction
a clear view of long-range goals and the strategies for
moving forward
a commitment to improvement and readiness to change
the ability to anticipate what might go wrong
preparedness to seek creative solutions with patience
and persistence
 equanimity in troubled times
the ability to operate above the fray, to set a higher
tone
honesty and a desire to be candid and open whenever
possible
a commitment to fair and reasonable expectations
treatment of all employees as valued colleagues
openness to the ideas and perspectives of others and
vigilance in crediting and rewarding others’
contributions
an interest primarily in goals and results, not in
personal recognition

You can add your own leadership expectations and

criteria to the list. Think about the leaders, effective and
not, with whom you have worked on school and
extracurricular projects or in the workplace. What
managerial qualities did you admire and would you like to
emulate? What traits might you want to avoid in your own
leadership practices?
While not all aspiring professionals possess an inspired
vision of their industry or an instinct for creative solutions
to problems that arise, everyone can examine business
issues carefully, treat colleagues with fairness and respect,
and express thanks for a job well done. The bottom line for
your own future success is this: if you want to have people
regard you as a potential or an actual leader, treat them the
way you would want to be treated as a colleague or
customer.
Let’s look more closely at some of the leadership
qualities that will shape your best business writing.

Clarity of Mind and a Commitment to Evidence-Based

Decisions
Writing clearly for defined purposes and audiences is
always a central goal of good business writing. You want to
make your reasoning process clear to readers and to base
your information, recommendations, or decisions on sound
evidence. Although these strategies are important to all
professional communications, they are especially critical to
communications from leaders. For example, good leaders
certainly have instincts about market trends, but they can’t
just write “follow my lead because I have a hunch.” Instead,
they understand that they must support their proposals or
decisions with evidence that others will see as substantial:

During the first three quarters of this year, smartphones accounted for
over half of all cell-phone sales in the U.S., and sales of smartphones are
approaching that mark in other countries as well. The customer surveys
indicate that cell phones have rapidly become multipurpose information,
entertainment, and communication devices. Further, the entertainment
applications for cell phones are the most rapidly rising factor influencing
customers’ purchases. It’s this direction especially, I submit, that we need
to pursue as we develop our next version of the Quantum phone, the
Quantum S6.

In this case, the writer bases his or her projections on

verifiable evidence, not just on unsupported claims or
enthusiastic rhetoric. That said, there is a place in business
writing for enthusiasm and for rhetoric that rallies the
troops. For example, the writer of the previous message
might want to praise the successful sales efforts of
colleagues. Or someone drafting a grant proposal for a
nonprofit organization might write with passionate idealism
at some points in the proposal. In general, however, you
should rest your case on a solid foundation of reason and
evidence.

A Commitment to Customer or Client Satisfaction

Businesses that want to achieve long-term success need to
cultivate patient, helpful, appreciative relationships with
outside constituencies, especially now that negative
customer experiences can be shared widely through social
media or other digital channels. Ideally, the goal of
providing good service to customers or clients will be
shared by every person in a business, from entry-level
clerks to the CEO.

As discussed in detail in Chapter 6, it is critical to

address the concerns of external constituencies with
special care and respect. Here is a rudimentary example of
how an emerging or accomplished leader might respond to
a customer who feels poorly served:

We are concerned about the delays you experienced in your recent

transaction with Phoenix Enterprises and have already taken steps to
streamline our online ordering process. Your satisfaction is very
important to us. If you encounter any ordering or other problems in the
future, please don’t hesitate to call Carl Lindholm, our customer
representative, at 802-666-4502. He will be glad to help resolve any
situation.

A similar tone of respectfulness and responsiveness

should inform every communication with external
constituencies, whose trust and goodwill are important to
any organization’s success.

A Clear View of Long-Range Goals with a Readiness

to Change

Even as they articulate and attend to long-term goals and

core values, most successful leaders also remain on the
lookout for new opportunities and for barriers that
inevitably arise. Not even the greatest leaders always know
when to stay the course or to redirect their efforts, but they
do think about and research the tides of change that swirl
about them.
Here is how this balance of perspectives might shape a
CEO’s memo to her or his colleagues:

As you well know, our efforts since 2008 to provide 40 percent of

EcoTech’s energy needs through our own wind farm have had to face
uncertain financial and political decisions in Washington. The federal
wind-energy tax credits were extended in January 2013, but there is
increasing political pressure to reduce or eliminate such federal subsidies
for wind-power production. At the same time, the more favorable political
support of solar-power credits, and the dramatic decline in the costs of
producing solar energy, suggest that we should reexamine our
sustainability efforts. Thus, I will be asking a few of our colleagues who
are most knowledgeable about energy technologies to work with me on a
possible transition from our reliance on wind-generated energy to the
development of solar resources. Our resolve to reduce EcoTech’s carbon
footprint remains unshaken, but newer technologies and shifting political
tides require us to take a close look at our means of achieving our goals.

In this case, the CEO is trying to sustain a company goal in

the face of new challenges and opportunities. The CEO
wants to convey this rebalancing in clear and respectful
terms to colleagues and to solicit their wise counsel as the
sustainability commitment evolves. (For more advice on
communicating effectively with internal audiences, see
Chapter 5.)

Equanimity in Troubled Times and an Ability to

Operate above the Fray

If you are the type of person who remains calm during a

crisis, who seeks reasoned solutions to problems rather
than engaging in hand wringing, it is nearly certain that
your colleagues will look to you when a challenge arises.
That’s what equanimity means: the ability to remain
composed and clear-thinking during difficult times. It’s
probably a trait that some people possess by their nature,
but it is also a quality of temperament that can be
increased through practice.
In the following communication, we see the kind of calm
solutionseeking that might characterize an employee with
leadership qualities:

Our meeting today certainly identified several serious issues that could
thwart our timely completion of the Picard Project. I do think we started
to tease out some solutions toward the end of our meeting. Since we
spoke, I have thought about further possible remedies to get us back on
track, and undoubtedly you have good ideas as well. I wonder if we might
meet again this week to review possible solutions, perhaps also inviting
our accounting team into the conversation.

The ability to operate above the fray is also important

during challenging business situations. People who possess
this ability are unwilling to stoop to the low-minded tactics
or insulting rhetoric that others may resort to during
troubled times. For example, if you receive an angry e-mail
or phone call, try not to respond in kind, insult for insult.
Your thinking and communicating in a more enlightened
manner can actually become contagious and help reshape
the behavior patterns of others. In effect, you set a good
example of a more civil and more productive discourse.
In the following communication, a manager is responding
to a small group of colleagues who have coauthored an
angry document about some recent promotions that they
felt were unfair. Let’s assume that these disgruntled
employees are in fact competent and valuable colleagues:
The manager does not reprimand or denigrate the angry
employees. Instead, he tactfully reminds them of the
advancement criteria and the confidentiality of all
personnel processes. He even identifies with the
employees’ frustration and offers further guidance.
 I appreciate that it can be frustrating to see various colleagues promoted
over others in what seems a mysterious process. As you know, all
personnel records are treated confidentially, so I can’t reveal why any
particular individual was promoted while another was not. I can only
assure you that the supervisors consult very carefully with Human
Resources to be certain that all reviews for advancement are conducted
equitably. I would be happy to review the criteria used in these cases, and
they are published on our HR Web site. I am also certain that your direct
supervisors would be glad to review your work record with you and to
identify areas of strength and areas for possible improvement. I hope we
will be able to regain your trust in our evaluation system and that in the
near future the company can reward your contributions to a degree that
satisfies you.

A Willingness to Consider Others’ Ideas and Credit

Their Contributions

Good leaders generally do not need a lot of praise to

sustain their confidence or to fuel their professional drive
and commitment. They focus instead on meeting project
goals and on recognizing the contributions of colleagues
who have been instrumental in realizing the business
mission. In sum, a leader needs to find much of his or her
daily reward in appreciating the success of others who are
helping the organization thrive.
In the following communication scenario, the company
president actually oversaw all aspects of the Urban Forest
Project and contributed numerous insights as well as many
hours. But in her message to the project team, she focuses
instead on the talent and dedication of her colleagues:

Dear Celebration Team:

In a few short months we met our goal to raise $1.2 million to support our
Urban Forest Project for inner-city Detroit children. We can certainly
celebrate the impact this project will have on the kids who will get to
enjoy the beauty of nature in the five abandoned lots we have purchased
with donor funds and will plant over the next three months. Let me
especially thank Bob Dillow, Cecelia Juarez, and Lim Xiang for their
 wonderful dedication to this project. Each of you contributed fifteen hours
of your own time each week to turning our good intentions into a reality.
At least another twenty colleagues also committed time to contacting
donors.

Our efforts in support of the Urban Forest Project offer yet another
example of how rewarding it is to work with such talented, selfless,
dedicated colleagues. I am thankful every day for the energy and
creativity you bring to our firm. What an amazing team!

The colleagues to whom the president is writing will

probably know that she was an important contributor to
this project, but she does not need to make any reference
to herself. Instead, she turns the spotlight on her
colleagues, giving them thanks that can boost their morale.
The lesson behind this executive’s message, and behind
all of the previous examples in this chapter, is that,
whenever possible, you should let your best self shape the
way you communicate with all audiences, internal and
external. Writing that shows clarity of mind, a selfless
commitment to professional goals, and a generosity of
spirit will bring its own rewards, but it will also constitute
effective business practice.
Responding to Real-World Writing
Scenarios
This section places you in business writing scenarios that
require you to apply what you’ve learned about good
leadership. As you work through the following activities, try
to create thoughtful, nuanced communications that are
likely to have a positive impact on a colleague or on an
external constituency. Remember, the underlying goal of
leadership is to make good things happen for the
organization and to ameliorate any negative consequences.

Application 9-A Request Volunteer Help

The background.
While many business tasks are clearly the responsibility of
certain offices or individuals, some company goals may
need to be met through volunteer service. It’s not easy to
request that a person or group contribute time and energy
to an activity that falls outside their defined professional
responsibilities.
In this application, you are the assistant director of
human resources for Sarasota Bank and Trust, and it’s your
job to enlist the help of two employees to conduct the
bank’s annual United Way campaign. For the last three
years, Sarasota Bank and Trust has topped the list of local
United Way contributors (raising $425,000 in last year’s
campaign); thus, there is a lot at stake for the bank’s
profile in the Sarasota community.
The purpose.
You need to exercise friendly persuasion in gaining the
voluntary help of your two colleagues, Jeff Martinez and
Linda Fowler, both of whom are personal investment
advisers for the bank. You have already determined that
these two colleagues have the creativity, strategic-planning
abilities, and outgoing personalities to conduct a successful
fund-raising campaign.

The audience.
Jeff and Linda are admired team players in the
organization, but they will receive no additional
remuneration for volunteering, and the extra hours that
they devote to fund-raising will not reduce the hours that
they need to dedicate to their regular work responsibilities.
Consider how you will appeal to their team spirit, to their
desire to support a charitable cause, and to the shared
sense that the bank (and its employees) can do well by
doing good.

The communication strategy.

You need to appeal to Jeff’s and Linda’s talents and
professional commitment. Let them know why you believe
they are especially well-suited for the United Way effort,
and remind them of the ways in which the campaign is
important for the bank and for the Sarasota community. (Do
some online research to be sure you understand how
United Way operates and what it accomplishes.)

Application 9-B Lead Colleagues in a New Direction

The background.
One of the most rewarding experiences for a business
leader is persuading colleagues to embrace a new idea —
an improved process, product, service, or program.
Changes of this sort are seldom accomplished by a single
document. They usually require, at least in a relatively
democratic organization, a number of committee
conversations, feasibility studies, and written
communications — one of the most important being a
concept description.
In this application, you are a senior associate in the
Product Design Department of a software engineering
company, Acceaze Software. You have seen the company’s
sales slipping dramatically in the past two years. In your
view, the company needs to move away from manufacturing
traditional word-processing software and toward
developing a more innovative line of products. Specifically,
you believe that entrepreneurs would appreciate quick and
convenient help launching their new companies, including
building an online presence for their start-ups. You have
carefully researched the issue and believe that Acceaze
could create this software, which you have dubbed
“MyStore,” by making small changes to its current
technologies.
The new software would include easy-to-use tools for
creating a company Web site, logo, and mission statement,
as well as advertising (with built-in connections to
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Instagram, and
FourSquare). The software would also offer simple
organizational structures for new businesses, enable easy
budget projections for startups, and link with such online
payment systems as PayPal, Google Wallet, Authorize.Net,
and Dwolla. In sum, the software pre-packages nearly
everything an entrepreneur might need to establish an
online or a bricksand-mortar store.
In a memo to your 10 colleagues in the Product Design
Department, you want to make a case for this product idea
in hopes that your colleagues will want to explore the idea
further and eventually present the concept to upper
management.
The purpose.
This document might be called an exploratory proposal.
You are testing the waters with colleagues to see whether
you can generate some enthusiasm for further research
and development. Your immediate goal is to get your
colleagues interested in your emerging idea for a new
product.

The audience.
The recipients of your memo are your colleagues in the
product design area. They share technical skills and design
interests similar to your own, and they do generally like to
stay current. That being said, when you ask people to move
outside their professional comfort zone, you may encounter
resistance.

The communication strategy.

You will need to balance praise for the old with your
eagerness for the new. In your communication, honor the
value of the directions that Acceaze Software has pursued
over the years, and simultaneously show your colleagues
how your idea might build on the skills and interests that
they have already acquired in order to tap into a rising
market. You will need to do a bit more researching and
thinking to refine the concept for MyStore. You will also
need to anticipate the typical pushback, “If it’s not broken,
don’t fix it.” In responding to this objection, remind your
colleagues that the company’s long-term commitment to
traditional software products has caused profits to dwindle,
while consumer interests have changed and stronger
competitors have emerged.

Application 9-C Convey Disappointing News about

Health Benefits

The background.
Sometimes leaders must convey disappointing news about
a project, a policy, an employee benefit, or something else
that is important to colleagues or external constituencies. A
good leader will cushion the blow by expressing regret and
also by explaining what caused or required the change.
When possible, the leader might also point out a positive
impact as well.
In this application, you are the benefits assistant for
FixIt, Inc., which for the past five years has been offering
free exercise, weight-loss, and smoking-cessation classes
several times each month for all employees. About 30
percent of employees have participated in one or more of
these sessions each month, and many of them have been
pleased with the impact on their health and fitness.
Now, you have been asked to announce that the exercise
program will be dropped and that the weight-loss and
smoking-cessation opportunities will become part of FixIt,
Inc.’s available health plans under the Affordable Care Act.
While the general employee costs for the new individual
and family plans will be slightly lower (by about 15
percent) than previously through FixIt, Inc., adding either
the smoking-cessation or the weight-loss benefit to a health
plan would add $155 annually for each individual
subscriber (i.e., a total of $310 for the individual to
subscribe to both of these benefits). FixIt has arranged a
reduced price for exercise facilities at a local gym, though
that cost would be an additional $35/month per individual.
So it’s a mixed picture of benefits changes: overall lower
costs for around 70 percent of employees but some
additional charges to others who want the “extra” benefits.

The purpose.
You need to explain the benefits changes clearly but also
tactfully and sensitively. Make clear your understanding
that a significant number of employees (perhaps 30
percent) will experience cost increases if they choose
certain benefits, but that the majority will find the new
plans to be around 15 percent less expensive annually.

The audience.
Employment-related health care and other benefits are
extremely important to most working people, so any
change to these benefits is likely to be viewed with
suspicion. Remember that statistics (in this case that “only”
30 percent of the employees will face higher costs) are
seldom reassuring by themselves. (It’s like reminding the
inhabitants of Anchorage, Alaska, that the average annual
daytime high temperature is 44 degrees when they are
freezing at 10 degrees Fahrenheit during the winter
months.) So nuancing the tone of this piece will be crucial
to its favorable, or at least nonhostile, reception. Don’t
sugarcoat the factual information, but do convey your
sensitivity to the impact on a significant number of
employees and their families.

The communication strategy.

Start with an appropriate (but logically connected) buffer
before you plunge into the new information, some of which
is negative. In this situation, the buffer might be a reminder
that a task force of employee reps has been reviewing the
new health-care options for more than six months and that
the broad result for all FixIt, Inc. employees will be an
approximately 15 percent cost reduction for the general
medical plan. (Remember that an effective buffer must be
logically linked with the negative news. You can’t just say
“It’s such nice weather we’ve been having,” then follow
with “Your Uncle Harry just died.”) Your communication
strategy for changes of this importance should probably
also include a schedule of question-and-answer sessions for
all employees.
Where to Find Scenarios and Applications
Chapter Scenarios Applications
Number (Real-World Business (Opportunities to
Situations) Apply What You’ve
Learned from the
Scenarios)
A New Employee Application 1-A:
1
Introduces Herself, Explain a Workplace
p. 5 Disruption, p. 15
A Manager Politely Application 1-B:
Declines a Respond to a Former
Colleague’s Request, Colleague Who
p. 6 Wants Confidential
Information, p. 18
Explaining a
Workplace
Disruption, p. 13
Responding to a
Former Colleague
Who Wants
Confidential
Information, p. 17
Explaining a Policy Application 2-A:
2
Change, p. 29 Inquire about Office-
Space Needs, p. 36
Weighing the Costs Application 2-B: Seek
and Benefits of Volunteers for a
Conciseness, p. 32 Nonprofit
Organization, p. 37
 Application 2-C:
Coordinate Accounts
Receivable
Information, p. 38
Crafting an Effective Application 3-A:
3
Résumé, p. 50 Create Your Own
Cover Letter and
Résumé, p. 74
Crafting an Effective
Cover Letter, p. 60

4 Improving a Poorly Application 4-A:

Crafted Memo, p. Revise a Poorly
102 Crafted Memo, p.
103
Responding to Application 5-A:
5
Discourteous Revise an Off-Putting
Communications, p. Request for a
107 Promotion, p. 118
Distinguishing Application 5-B:
Friends from Request Information
Professional about Office
Colleagues, p. 108 Supplies, p. 119
Conveying Bad News Application 5-C:
about a Holiday Gift, Revise a Poor
p. 112 Communication
about Office Space,
p. 120
Conveying Bad News Application 5-D:
about Medical Revise a Poor
Benefits, p. 114 Communication
about Child-Care
Policies, p. 121
 Application 5-E:
Revise a Poor
Communication
about Flexible Work
Schedules, p. 122
Application 5-F:
Revise a Poor
Communication
about Holiday Office
Coverage, p. 124
Application 5-G:
Revise a Poor
Communication
about Employee
Parking, p. 125

6 Responding to a Application 6-A:

Customer Complaint, Respond to an
p. 134 Information Request
from a Potential
Investor, p. 137
Application 6-B:
Write a Company
Mission Statement,
p. 139
Application 6-C:
Create a Return
Policy for a Retail
Store, p. 140
Application 6-D:
Resolve a Complaint
about a Catering
Fiasco, p. 141
Application 6-E:
Resolve a Complaint
about Customer
Service, p. 142
Application 6-F:
Revise an Angry
Complaint about a
Cleaning Service, p.
143
Application 6-G:
Revise a Letter That
Delivers Bad News
Insensitively, p. 144
Application 6-H:
Respond to a
Request from a
Privileged Alum, p.
146
Application 6-I: Write
a Rejection Letter, p.
148
Application 6-J: Invite
a Distinguished
Guest to a Campus
Event, p. 148
Application 6-K:
Disinvite Participants
to a Focus Group, p.
150
Application 6-L:
Reassure a Nervous
Customer, p. 151
 Application 6-M: Buy
Time in a Tricky
Situation, p. 152
Application 6-N:
Request Permission
from an External
Constituency, p. 153

7 Brief Descriptions of Application 7-A:

Draft a Business-
Writing Situations:
Travel
Reimbursement
Policy, p. 165
A Business-Travel Application 7-B:
Reimbursement Write an Ethics
Policy, p. 161 Advisory Memo, p.
167
An Ethics Advisory Application 7-C:
Memo, p. 162 Write a Request for
Proposals (RFP), p.
170
A Request for Application 7-D:
Proposals, p. 162 Write a Letter of
Inquiry Preceding a
Full Grant Proposal,
p. 171
A Letter of Inquiry Application 7-E:
Preceding a Full Write a Grant
Grant Proposal, p. Proposal, p. 175
162
A Grant Proposal, p. Application 7-F: Write
162 a Business Plan for a
Start-Up, p. 182
 A Business Plan, p.
163

9 Application 9-A:
Request Volunteer
Help, p. 247
Application 9-B:
Leading Colleagues
in a New Direction,
p. 248
Application 9-C:
Convey
Disappointing News
about Health
Benefits, p. 250