Workplace Anger: It’s All the Rage

Janet Pfeiffer

W e’ve all experienced anger in the work-

place. A certain amount is expected
and considered normal in any business. Yet
just plain angry people. I have found com-
mon threads in each case.

in recent years angry outbursts seem to be THE EVENTS THAT TRIGGER RAGE
on the rise both in frequency and intensity.
Of late, we’ve witnessed such shocking In the case of Omar Thornton, he believed he
incidences as Omar Thornton’s massacre at was being racially discriminated against for
Hartford Beer Distributors in Manchester, years at various jobs. Thornton was described
Connecticut, and Steven Slater’s verbal tirade by friends and family as a quiet, caring man,
and dramatic departure from a JetBlue air- but his rampage occurred as a result of what
plane. Both disgruntled employees chose hos- he felt to be the racial injustice he endured at
tile and aggressive ways of expressing their Hartford Beer Distributors. Thornton claimed
anger over what they claimed was their that people were making racial slurs within,
unhappiness and unfair treatment on the job. as well as outside of, the company, and his
Most of us can relate to each of these men anger at the bigotry (and what he called
and the frustration and discontent they felt “hatred in people’s hearts”) festered inside of
over what they perceived as a hostile work him, culminating in a violent outburst. Seek-
environment. Yet there are countless others ing justice, he took matters into his own
who are equally as dissatisfied with their hands and murdered eight coworkers and
jobs but do not behave in such a deplorable injured two others before turning his gun on
manner. What causes some employees to himself. His solution to resolving his anger
react so violently, and what can employers was one of violence and destruction.
do to lessen the chance of this happening JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater
within their companies? chose a less violent yet highly offensive and
Very few of us were ever taught as chil- dramatic exit from his position with the New
dren what we’re really dealing with in York–based airline. According to Slater, his
regard to anger. Gaining a deeper under- angry outburst was the result of an uncoop-
standing of this powerful emotion is the first erative passenger who supposedly banged
step in being able to manage it more effec- him on the head with his baggage and then
tively and appropriately and avoid catas- cursed at him. When Slater demanded an
trophic events such as those just mentioned. apology, the passenger allegedly refused,
For nearly 20 years, I have worked with prompting Slater to utter obscenities over the
angry employees, stressed-out managers, PA system, grab a few beers, and deploy the
frustrated teachers, court-ordered violent aircraft’s emergency chute, making a theatri-
offenders, women of domestic violence, and cal grand exit.

© 2011 Wiley Periodicals, Inc. 45

Published online in Wiley Online Library (wileyonlinelibrary.com). DOI 10.1002/ert.20320
Employment Relations Today

WHO’S TO BLAME and easy to get along with. However, if we’re

denied something we feel is a necessity or
In the cases described, both men blamed that we’re entitled to (what we “should”
others for how they felt and, subsequently, have), we can easily become irate.
their course of action. Neither took responsi-
bility for his own feelings and behaviors. CASE IN POINT
Blame renders one powerless and gives oth-
ers the ability to control us. Feeling powerless One of my clients, I’ll call her “Sharon,” was
in a situation we’re uncomfortable in is the a very generous and thoughtful person.
very definition of anger. We seek to regain Whether family or friend, every important
control, and an angry outburst will surely get person in her life received flowers from her
the ball rolling. People stop and pay atten- on each birthday. It was her way of showing
tion. They will often concede in an effort to how much she cared. She expected the same
get us to calm down. We feel powerful once courtesy from each of them. Imagine
again. However, the consequences of our Sharon’s disappointment when a bouquet of
actions can prove devastating in the long run. roses didn’t appear on her doorstep on her
Both Thornton and Slater failed to seek alter- birthday. She flew into a rage, saying, “I can’t
native and more appropriate means of cor- believe it—after all the times I’ve sent them
recting an unhappy situation. flowers, and on my birthday I get zip! I
should give them all a piece of my mind!”
THE ACTUAL CAUSE I asked her if those closest to her knew
how much she wanted to receive flowers.
Anger is the direct result of unmet needs and “They should know!” she blurted out.
expectations. We all go through life having (“Should” is an expectation, and an unrealistic
one at that.) “After all, I buy for them!” “But
Blame renders one powerless and gives others have you ever told them exactly how you’d
the ability to control us. Feeling powerless in a like them to remember you on your birth-
situation we’re uncomfortable in is the very defi- day?” “No, not exactly.” “Then how can they
nition of anger. We seek to regain control, and know? They’re not mind readers, are they?”
an angry outburst will surely get the ball rolling. Her face softened a bit as she reexamined her
position. I continued. “If you want your
specific needs and expecting things to be a needs to be met, you must make sure others
certain way. We need to be heard, to be understand what you’re seeking. Then you
understood, to be treated fairly. We all need have to ask yourself whether what you’re
sleep, food, opportunity, companionship, and requesting is fair and reasonable. Is it?” She
love. We expect to be treated with respect, to paused for a moment. “Probably not with
be appreciated for our efforts and rewarded some.” “So, for those who are able and will-
for our accomplishments. ing, how can you ensure that you will receive
The list of needs and expectations can be flowers from them in the future?” “I could
as long and complicated as you’d like or as ask.” “And for the others?” “Well, they do
short and simple as you make it. As long as remember my birthday in other ways. I guess
our needs are met, we’re reasonably content I could be grateful for that.” Ah, see how

46 Janet Pfeiffer
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
 Winter 2011

simple? By reevaluating her position, she is not to say it is permissible or acceptable,

immediately relinquished her anger. just that it is a reality of life). Acceptance of
In this case, the solution was pretty those things we cannot change allows us to
straightforward. Once Sharon understood that make peace with (not be happy about) them.
to a certain extent her expectations were We can then move on to what we do have
unrealistic and a simple adjustment to one of power over.
a more reasonable nature could easily avert
her anger, she was more at ease with the situ-
ation. When she explained how she felt to TAKING ACTION
each party, some were happy to comply. Oth-
ers explained their position, to which Sharon Understanding that unfairness such as preju-
responded with understanding. I also reminded dice exists allows me to decide how I will
her that as adults, it is our responsibility to handle myself when confronted with it. (Sim-
satisfy our own needs, not the other party’s. ilar to inclement weather, the better prepared
“Always have a plan B,” I recommended. “If I am, the less likely I will be adversely
what you are really seeking are flowers, pur- affected when the situation presents itself.)
chase them for yourself. That way, you’ll be Will I take action to correct it? Will I choose
content, and anger will not manifest.” to allow it to roll off my back? Will I decide
So how does this apply on the job? Anger
is anger. Whether in our personal or profes- The first step in getting in touch with our anger
sional lives, the same principles hold true. (or in helping an angry coworker) is to examine
Therefore, the first step in getting in touch our expectations and needs.
with our anger (or in helping an angry
coworker) is to examine our expectations and
needs. Be careful not to confuse needs with this is an unhealthy environment and remove
wants. Needs are those things that are abso- myself from it? Each option allows me to
lutely necessary for our survival and well- make the decision that is in my best interest.
being, and there are really only a few. Wants It restores my personal power and alleviates
and desires are all of our wishes and hopes— feelings of victimization.
those things that, if not forthcoming, one can Slater knew full well that dealing with dif-
be fine without. (“It would be nice if my ficult passengers is a part of a flight atten-
boss would compliment me for a job well dant’s job description. He could have antici-
done, but I’m fine knowing that I did my pated the possibility of encountering a
best.”) belligerent traveler and chosen a more appro-
What could have been brewing in the priate response. Feeling disrespected when a
mind of Thornton prior to his rampage? Let’s requested apology was not forthcoming (his
assume he was subjected to prejudice on the expectation) only fueled his anger. Reevaluat-
job. Is it reasonable to expect that one will ing the situation and putting it into proper
never encounter people who judge others perspective (“This is not a matter of life or
based on skin color, age, ethnic background, death”), he could have chosen a more appro-
or some other reason? Of course not. Human priate alternative: just let it go or perhaps
beings are imperfect, and bigotry exists (that request assistance from another attendant.

Workplace Anger: It’s All the Rage 47

Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
Employment Relations Today

A MATTER OF PERCEPTION over it, and then seek to hold someone else
accountable. (“I hate my job. My boss is a
It’s important to stress the significance and jerk. That’s why I’m always in such a bad
role of perception (how I choose to view mood.”) We seem unable (or unwilling) to
myself, others, and the world in general) in seek a solution. Although it’s important to
relation to anger. I can label others jerks, identify what I’m not happy about (negative),
ignorant, mean, or racist. Labels such as it’s equally as important to quickly move to a
these leave me feeling arrogant, indignant, solution (positive). Finding a way to improve
and angry. Relabeling, or changing how I on or resolve an issue allows me to assert my
view them, consequently changes how I feel authority and have some influence over the
about them. Troubled, struggling, unhappy, outcome. Taking action restores a sense of
or stressed softens my perception and gener- power.
ates more compassionate emotions. I encourage my clients to spend no more
I can also view myself as a target or victim than five minutes explaining to me what is
being unfairly treated, or I can shift my per- “wrong.” The remainder of our time together
ception and see myself as a student of the is spent deciding how to make things better.
experience, here to learn one of life’s valu- Or, in the event that a person or situation
able lessons. Every situation, I remind will not change (it is what it is), we then
myself, has the potential to teach me an focus on accepting what is and being at peace
important lesson that will enrich my life. I with it. And as I mentioned in the earlier
am able to replace anger with understanding paragraph, seeking the lessons and value in
and acceptance. This mind-set in no way the experience alleviates feelings of victimiza-
tion, resentment, frustration, bitterness, and
anger.
Setting and enforcing fair and reasonable
boundaries in relationships are crucial to estab-
lishing healthy interactions and are most effec- TECO MAGIC
tive if established from the get-go.
Often people ask, “Is anger a choice?” My
answer is an emphatic “YES!” Most of us
implies that I must allow others to mistreat inadvertently believe that anger comes from
me. Setting and enforcing fair and reasonable what others are saying or doing. We make
boundaries in relationships are crucial to erroneous statements such as “You make me
establishing healthy interactions and are most so mad!” Actually, every emotion we experi-
effective if established from the get-go. ence comes from a thought.
Here’s an example: my boss takes the
A CRITICAL MISTAKE entire department out for dinner except me,
the receptionist. I think to myself, “How
One of the most critical mistakes we all make rude! She did that to hurt me. Apparently,
that causes our anger to escalate occurs when she doesn’t consider me as important as the
we become stuck on the problem. We are rest of them.” The reality of why I was not
masters at finding fault—identifying what we invited has nothing at all to do with how I
are unhappy about. We think about it, obsess feel. It is my internal dialogue that generates

48 Janet Pfeiffer
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
 Winter 2011

feelings of hurt and anger. A change of TECO Magic: thoughts create emotions,
thought, “Perhaps it was an oversight, or which influence the choices we make, which
maybe it was a business dinner that didn’t then result in an outcome.
apply to me,” can easily avert my anger. Applying this principle to our lives, one
Truth and reality have little to do with it. It is can see how the end result of whatever is
my perception (thought) that creates feeling. occurring is the direct result of thought. The
Understanding this principle allows me to more I choose my thoughts, the more I
choose my emotions and to have control over decide the course of my life, in all areas. One
them. I decide how I want to feel. No one can apply this equation in the reverse as
has the authority to do that for me. I have well. If I am not happy with my situation,
power and control over myself. And isn’t that I need to examine what thoughts ultimately
what we all seek? Anger is the direct result of led to this event.
a loss of power. Your only real power lies in Here’s a perfect example: nothing ever
thought. You and you alone choose your seems to work out for my client, “Kim.” She
thoughts. Therefore, you also choose your claims to be doing everything she needs to do
emotions. at her place of employment, yet she’s always
A report I recently read stated that the being reprimanded by her superior. “It’s not
average adult has over 60,000 thoughts a day. my fault. This guy just doesn’t like me. I can’t
I can’t even remember 60, let alone 1,000 stand going to work but I can’t quit. I need
times that amount. If I’m not paying atten-
tion to what I’m thinking, then subsequently
Anger is the direct result of a loss of power.
I’m not paying attention to my (60,000) feel- Your only real power lies in thought. You and
ings. I am not deciding what emotions I want you alone choose your thoughts. Therefore, you
to enjoy. also choose your emotions.
Why is it so important to pay attention to
what we think and feel? Because all behavior
is the direct result of what we feel. Behavior the money.” She was seething with rage. Kim
is an external expression of an internal issue. and I explored what wasn’t working for her.
Every choice we make is a reflection of our “You claim that your boss picks on you and
emotional state. Omar Thornton, angry over finds fault with everything you do. How is the
his situation, acted out in rage. Had his inter- quality of your work?” I asked. “Well, proba-
nal dialogue said something to the effect of “I bly not as good as it could be, but that’s only
can forgive those who are prejudiced” or “I’m because I hate my job” (blaming others for
grateful to have a job. I don’t need to concern her actions). “So, the outcome is unfavorable.
myself with what others think about me. I’m What exactly are you doing that makes your
fine with who I am,” he could have alleviated work inferior?” “I don’t always finish my
anger and created a very different outcome. assignments on time” (Kim’s choice). But it’s
Keep in mind that negative thoughts pro- torture for me!” “How do you feel when you
duce negative feelings. Positive thoughts gen- arrive at work?” I continued. “I dread it from
erate positive feelings. Choice of action the moment I wake up” (emotion). “Why?
(behavior) follows suit. And every choice has What are you saying to yourself at that time?”
an outcome. I refer to this relationship as “I can’t stand my job, I hate my boss, and I

Workplace Anger: It’s All the Rage 49

Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
Employment Relations Today

don’t want to be there” (it all starts with violence, physical harm, verbal assaults,
Kim’s thoughts, or internal dialogue). degrading criticisms, vicious rumors, or unsafe
“What if I showed you how you could working conditions. Additionally, if they need
make things better for yourself without quit- to address an issue with another worker or
ting your job or having your boss fired?” The management, it’s imperative there not be neg-
skeptical look on her face gave me a glimpse ative repercussions for doing so. Setting and
of what was running through her mind. “I enforcing strict company policies and provid-
want you to play a little head game for the ing sensitivity training for all management and
next few weeks. Every morning, I want you staff will help ensure this. Second, each worker
to say to yourself, ‘I’m okay with my job. I’m has a right to be valued and respected. Lack
grateful to have one in this bad economy. I of appreciation is one of the most frequent
want to feel good about the kind of employee complaints I hear from my clients. Feeling
I am, so today I will do my best and feel devalued leads to low morale and anger.
proud of myself.” Somewhat reluctantly, she The following are other important recom-
agreed to try our little experiment. For the mendations to help HR and other managers
next two weeks, she repeated her affirma- achieve a peaceful work environment:
tions each morning when she awoke and
❏ When a conflict or dispute arises and both
Lack of appreciation is one of the most frequent parties have shared their concerns, the
complaints I hear from my clients. Feeling deval- focus should immediately shift to finding
ued leads to low morale and anger. a solution. Remember, positive thoughts
lead to positive results. If a situation is
periodically throughout the day. When she unchangeable, at that particular time or in
returned to my office, I asked how she was the manner in which one desires, encour-
doing. age the individual to accept that for now—
“Much better,” she stated. “I have a very ”it is what it is”—and find a way of being
different attitude, and work is bearable. I at ease with it.
guess because I’m more conscientious my ❏ Remember, too, there are multiple solu-
boss isn’t on my case as much. I don’t feel tions to any problem at hand. Seek alter-
nearly as angry and stressed out. But I’m still native methods of resolving whatever is
going to look for another job.” And that’s not working. Ask for outside help if nec-
okay. But in the meantime, life at work is essary. Make sure the solutions are not
much easier. violent or offensive and, on some level,
satisfy the needs of all involved. (Unmet
CREATING A MORE PEACEFUL WORK needs equal anger.)
ENVIRONMENT ❏ Have the individuals examine their expec-
tations and needs: are they fair and rea-
In reducing job-site anger, it is critical that sonable for all parties involved, within
employers provide the two most important ele- this particular company, in the manner in
ments in any work environment: safety and which they are seeking, and at this time?
respect. First, all employees have a right to be If not, encourage them to redefine their
safe and to know they are not at risk for any expectations to something more realistic.

50 Janet Pfeiffer
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
 Winter 2011

Keep them as simple and basic as possi- ❏ Encourage employees to refocus on what
ble. The more detailed they are, the more is positive—what they like about their
terms and conditions they place on how jobs, who they get along with, and how
to resolve them, the more challenging they can best use their talents and skills.
they become. Emphasize, too, that it is not Seek the lessons. This step is critical in
always the responsibility of the business replacing anger with gratitude. Remember
to provide all of their needs. Some respon- my client, “Sharon”? She unfairly lost her
sibilities may be satisfied by the workers job last year and was devastated and furi-
themselves. Others can be a joint effort. ous. I helped her to see how the end of
❏ Practice emotional detachment (and it her employment is actually the beginning
does take practice). Do not take personal of a new phase of her life. After a few pri-
offense to what others are saying or vate sessions with me, she realized she
doing. Remember their behavior, however had settled for a “job” and deserved more
irrational or inappropriate it may seem to out of life (her lesson). She was now ready
you, is an expression of what lies within for a real career. She reenrolled in a local
them. Set boundaries if the behaviors are college to finish her degree in criminal
offensive or potentially harmful to you. justice. And in the meantime, she started
❏ Encourage each individual to take owner- a canine-related business and has never
ship in their feelings, thoughts, and been happier.
actions. Reinforce TECO Magic and help
them choose positive thoughts. This is the Encourage employees to refocus on what is pos-
first step to changing any situation. itive—what they like about their jobs, who they
Remember, refrain from blame, as it ren- get along with, and how they can best use their
ders one powerless (definition of anger) talents and skills. Seek the lessons.
and leads to feelings of victimization.
❏ Encourage employees to diffuse their own
anger by practicing the SWaT Strategy Remember that anger is not a bad feeling.
(stop, walk, and talk). First immediately It is a normal, healthy, and often useful
stop what you’re doing. Then excuse your- emotion. What we choose to do with it
self and walk away, taking the necessary determines whether it becomes a positive or
time to cool off. Third, talk yourself calm. negative force in our lives. With a deeper
Self-talk will determine whether individu- understanding and some simple yet profound
als cause their anger to escalate or allow it skills, anyone can significantly reduce the
to calm down. Once an individual has amount and intensity of their anger on or off
regained composure and is calm and ratio- the job. Some say if you have your health,
nal, he or she can return to the original you have everything. I believe that when you
situation and complete what was started. have inner peace, you have it all.

Workplace Anger: It’s All the Rage 51

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Employment Relations Today

Janet Pfeiffer, president and CEO of Pfeiffer Power Seminars, LLC, is an internationally
known motivational speaker, award-winning author, and frequent guest on radio and TV.
She’s appeared on CNN, Lifetime, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, and more. She
has worked as a consultant to corporations, including AT&T and Hoffman-LaRoche LTD,
as well as the U.S. Army and U.S. Postal Service. Pfeiffer is New Jersey State–certified in
working with victims of domestic violence, an instructor at a battered-women’s shelter,
and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management and
conflict resolution. Her latest book is The Secret Side of Anger (Tate Publishing, 2010).
She is a member of the Employee Assistance Professionals Association, Vision in Motion
Speaker’s Bureau, and Network Plus. She may be contacted at Janet@PfeifferPower
Seminars.com, or for more information, visit www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.

52 Janet Pfeiffer
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
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