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If This Phrase Is Used To Begin A Sentence, It Should Be Followed by A Comma

The document discusses whether it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions due to gender. [The writer argues that] while physical strengths may differ between genders, both can excel in caring and creative roles. Excluding based on gender limits opportunities and does not reflect diverse customers. Mixed workplaces perform better by benefiting from varied skills and perspectives.

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56 views

If This Phrase Is Used To Begin A Sentence, It Should Be Followed by A Comma

The document discusses whether it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions due to gender. [The writer argues that] while physical strengths may differ between genders, both can excel in caring and creative roles. Excluding based on gender limits opportunities and does not reflect diverse customers. Mixed workplaces perform better by benefiting from varied skills and perspectives.

Uploaded by

Heba
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Type: Task 2

--------------------------------
Question: Woman and men are commonly seen as having different strength and
weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their
gender? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
--------------------------------

There is no doubt that these days there are difference in the types of work men and Commented [NC1]: differences https://dalilk.link/gpln
women. However, the question is, what are strength and weaknesses among both gender in Commented [NC2]: for men https://dalilk.link/gtyp
work? And, is it right to exclude boys or girls from certain professions because of their Commented [NC3]: strengths https://dalilk.link/gpln
gender? In this essay, I am going to examine this phenomenon from both viewpoints and
Commented [NC4]: genders https://dalilk.link/gpln
draw my own conclusion.
In terms of the reasons, different jobs have positive consequences for society. The main Commented [NC5]: at https://dalilk.link/gpin

reason given to support this claim is that a female is more suitable for a profession that
requires tenderness and caring while men are more adept in doing tasks those demand Commented [NC6]: that
more physical strength. To illustrate, more women should become nurses or teachers than https://dalilk.link/grpw

males while logging, mining, construction works, police and army should be solely done by Commented [NC7]: jobs
males. In other words, we should be adapting about the various jobs that required different https://dalilk.link/gcon

standers for better life. Commented [NC8]: the army https://dalilk.link/gart


However, occupations more open to both genders have distinctive advantages. Firstly Commented [NC9]: require https://dalilk.link/gPre
mixed-gender work environment outperforms the single-sex workplace. In other words, Commented [NC10]: Spelling: standards
different thoughts and opinions among both genders contribute to more distinguished and
Commented [NC11]: a https://dalilk.link/gart
creative work environment. Secondly, better reflection of customers. This is because
Commented [NC12]: Firstly,
customers come from all walks of life. The more the make- up of organization reflects your If this phrase is used to begin a sentence, it should be
customers the more likely it is you will communicate effectively with them. Also, improve followed by a comma. https://dalilk.link/gpun
recruitment and reputation. Having an inclusive workplace is a powerful recruiting tool. Commented [NC13]: a https://dalilk.link/gart
In conclusion, it is evident that the parents spend most of their time on working instead of
Commented [NC14]: a https://dalilk.link/gart
take care of their children. The government and individuals must ensure that steps are
Commented [NC15]: it is a better reflection
taken to prevent this phenomenon from deteriorating our future.
https://dalilk.link/gart
https://dalilk.link/gPre
Word Count: 283 Commented [NC16]: it improves
https://dalilk.link/gPre
Improve word order / sentence structure.
https://dalilk.link/gses
Commented [NC17]: taking https://dalilk.link/gger
Good job in your essay. You are on the right track.
Your estimated score is: 6.5
Cohesion and
Overall Task Response Vocabulary Grammar
Coherence

6.5 7 6 7 6

What you have done really well:


1. You included an introduction and conclusion in your essay and some nice arguments
in support of your opinion. Good job!
2. You used the suggested template to help you organize your writing.
3. Paragraphs are suitable and you have more than 250 words, as required.

What you can improve:


1. Continue to work on improving the accuracy and range of your grammar.
2. Continue to work on expanding your vocabulary to help you convey precise meaning.
3. Improve on sentence structure, and cohesion within sentences.
4. Work on your spelling.

All these points have been explained in comments. So, revise all the related comments.
Finally, always remember that practice makes you perfect! So, keep it up!

Regards,

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