STUPID IS FOREVERMORE Miriam Defensor Santiago

Can you follow up a bestseller that has sold more than

350,000 copies with a better book?
You literally can’t. So, you just give more. MORE of the gut-busting
jokes that draw people in and MORE of the witty one-liners that keep
people reading. MORE of the silly pickup lines that spark romance
and MORE of the moving speeches that inspire generations.

And MORE of the magic that only Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago can deliver.

Stupid is Forevermore is the sequel to the phenomenal hit that has been read by people
of all ages, genders and classes. Chockfull of humor and eloquence, the beloved
Senator is back along with Cj de Silva-Ong, Andrew Drilon, Apol Sta. Maria,
Julius Villanueva and a who’s who of the Philippines’ best young illustrators.
P175

ISBN 978-971-816-134-0

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 STUPID IS FOREVERMORE

© Copyright 2015 by Miriam Defensor Santiago and ABS-CBN Publishing, Inc.

First Printing, June 2015

Second Printing, August 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or any electronic
means, including information storage or retrieval systems without permission in writing
from the authorized representative of the publisher except brief passages in books, articles,
reviews, legal papers, and judicial or other official proceedings with proper citation.

Any copy of this book without the corresponding number and the authorized
signature of the author on this page either proceeds from an illegitimate source
or is in possession of one who has no authority to dispose of the same.

Author Miriam Defensor Santiago

Publisher Alexie Renz M. Cruz

Research Assistants Marie Angelica Thelmo, Kim Arveen Patria, Chelsea Dauz,
Jeanie Rose Bacong and Peter Tom Tolibas
Editorial Coordinators Arlyn Rosales and Noella Ann Fonbuena

Art Director Noel Avendaño

Cover Illustration Cj de Silva-Ong

President Ernesto L. Lopez

Managing Director Mark J. Yambot
Content Director Christina N. Lopez
Head, Special Projects Kristine V. Hernandez

Pre-Press Production Manager Andy Lizardo

Digital Imaging Supervisor Gil Cargason
Digital Artist Zaldy Aguirre
Production Coordinator Jouie Doca
Purchasing Officer Arnel C. Bon

Head, Narrowcast and DTT Channels Antonio S. Ventosa

Sr. Finance Officer-Narrowcast Myca G. Ramos
Finance Supervisor Sheryl A. Baria

ISBN 978-971-816-134-0

PUBLISHED BY
ABS-CBN PUBLISHING, INC.
8F ELJCC Building
Mother Ignacia St., cor.
Eugenio Lopez Drive,
Quezon City, Philippines

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 Books by the Author:

Some 19 books in law and social sciences

Inventing Myself (an Autobiography)
Cutting Edge, The Politics of Reform (an Autobiography)
At the Turn of the Century
Where Angels Fear to Tread
Christianity Versus Corruption
A Frabjous Day and Other Stories
The Miriam Dictionary
Stupid is Forever

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 Dedicated to my sons
Archie and A.R.,
who traded bon mots with me every day
at the dining table, until one day I
floored them with the question:
“Why is there something instead of
nothing?” In disgust, they chorused:
“That’s not funny!” and walked out.

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 viii

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 Foreword

It would be sanctimonious to write a preface to this second

edition. Instead, I offer this anonymous poem:

THE MORON

See the happy moron,

He doesn’t give a damn!
I wish I were a moron—
My God! Perhaps I am!

Miriam Defensor Santiago

April 2015

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 About The Author

T
he sense of humor is almost absent among politicians,
but Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago is a truly
talented exception. People puzzle out how she can
spontaneously make them laugh in the midst of national
policy crises, and of real danger to her life as a corruption
fighter.
Contrast adds to the humor, because Miriam is a leading
Asian intellectual. She was elected judge of the International
Criminal Court in December 2011, only to give it up because
of cancer. Millions of her fans still believe she won but was
cheated of the presidency in 1992. She lost one of only two
beloved children. But she never lost her sense of humor.
Humor pushed Miriam the senator to help uncover the
biggest corruption scandal in our country’s political history.
In dealing with the plunder of billions of public funds, and in
standing by the rule of law in a highly politicized impeachment
process, she scolded: “What the . . . ?” later shortened to
“Wha’?”
Miriam will go down in history not only as a laureate of the
Magsaysay Award for government service, or as the candidate
who never conceded defeat in a fraud-marred presidential
election, but also as the soul who rises above it all by laughing
at human foibles.
Her complete resumé can be found at the end of this book.

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 Contents

15
Overheard at the Senate

33
K a p a g D a l a w a A n g M a h a l M o , Pa g l a b a n i n M o

49
The Challenge Of Excellence

57
B a t t l e Fa t i g u e

63
Thermodynamic Equilibrium

69
The Exorcism of a Ghost

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 Contents
s
79
Professionals

85
A Date With Destiny

93
D i d G o d S p e a k To Yo u ?

101
Fu n g u s Fa c e

125
Pa r a d i g m Fo r T h e H a p p y L i f e

136
APPENDIX

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 Overheard
At The Senate

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 Stupid is Forevermore

The Senate, it is often said, is composed of 24 republics.

In other words, every senator insists on
his own electoral independence.

(When asked about the prospects of passing a bill)

Not all senators are created equal.

The redefinition of savings demolishes and overturns

not only the constitutional and legislated meaning of savings;
it goes against the generally accepted
meaning of the word itself.
We might be the only country in this
world which declares savings
“at any time” and “non-commencement within six months.”

Anong visit? Fifteen years na, visit pa?

(On the Visiting Forces Agreement)

Anong klaseng operasyon ito, may gulatan!

(On the allegedly uncoordinated mission

to arrest suspected terrorists in Mamasapano)

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 Overheard at the Senate

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 Stupid is Forevermore

There are many truths.

Count how many people there are around this table.
That’s how many truths there are.

(To a resource person who insisted that

he was telling the truth at a Senate hearing)

If I want your opinion, I’ll give to you!

(To a resource person who was speaking out of turn

during a Senate hearing)

Answer! And don’t play words with me.

Words are my livelihood.

(To a suspended police chief during the Senate

hearing on the Mamasapano clash)

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 Overheard at the Senate

Don’t quibble with me.

“I only advised; I did not order.” Really?
Buti sana kung wala akong doctorate
o hindi ako nag-graduate sa U.P.
Malas natin I did both.

(To a suspended police chief during the Senate

hearing on the Mamasapano clash)

We asked you to be here

because you were a senator your whole life.

(To a former senator who was invited

as resource speaker in a Senate hearing)

Media reports seem to tell us that

air transportation is not as safe as we believe it to be.
Tell me now: Is it possible in the near
future to travel by teleportation?

(Mentioned in jest during a Senate hearing on an aviation treaty.)

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 Stupid is Forevermore

I hope that this clash of titans in the Senate

will lead to an Armageddon in Philippine politics.

(During her privilege speech against an enemy in the Senate)

We are a stillborn state, because our umbilical cord with

the United States has never been cut. Cut and cut cleanly,
so that we can revive this infant in the family of nations.

(During a speech in the Senate Foreign Relations Committee public hearing

on the murder case against a US marine)

Appeasement is never conducive to permanent peace.

There can never be peace without justice.

Punch line for the President:

National anthem ka ba?
Kasi tuwing naririnig ko ang boses mo,
napapahawak ako sa dibdib ko.

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 Overheard at the Senate

They have all the intelligence of political cockroaches.

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 Stupid is Forevermore

Punch line for the Vice President:

Building ka ba?
Kasi para kang itinayo sa hukay.

Bakit bitter ang ampalaya?

Kasi hindi siya kasama sa “Bahay Kubo” ni Chief PNP.

(Referring to a controversial police chief)

Hi! Do you remember me?

I’m the senator who died, but I came back to life.

(To reporters before a press conference)

To a reporter who asked about her health in a hushed voice:

Iyon lang naman pala ang tanong mo,
bumaba pa ang boses mo.
Akala ko you were asking about my sex life.

I still maintain my intellectual acuity.

I don’t mistake other people for my husband, for example.
I’m quite sure who he is.

(To a reporter who asked about the state of her health)

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 Overheard at the Senate

I expect to be able to resume my duties and

to run for president if I get well,
simply because it’s boring, boring,
boring. The landscape is boring.

(On her health)

On her possible presidential bid in 2016:

Who are you going to choose for president, aber?
So I might as well give you someone
who can write a book like Stupid is Forever.

There’s not just one stupid thing.

There are millions of stupid things I’ve heard in the Senate.

(When asked about the most stupid thing she heard in the Senate)

In the plenary session, there’s always a so-called debate

because one person will introduce a bill
and another person will question the bill as to its desirability.
Sometimes, when a senator who is
sponsoring a bill is asked a question
and the sponsor does not immediately know the answer,
that person will simply say, “That’s a
very good question; I like that.”

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 Stupid is Forevermore

Excuse me, I think there’s a flood.

(When water was spilled near her seat

during a press conference)

Many were not telling the whole truth.

You know, if you tell half a lie or half the truth,
that’s no longer the truth.

(On the Senate hearing on the Mamasapano clash)

Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin?

Basta may lagnat siya, may pneumonia siya,
kung ubuhin ka pala,
puwede ka nang ma-house arrest?
Eh ‘di umubo ka nang umubo.

(On an enemy’s appeal for house arrest, citing pneumonia)

If we allow this, lahat na lang ng matatanda sa kulungan

magkaka-pneumonia.
There will be an epidemic of pneumonia.

(On an enemy’s appeal for house arrest, citing pneumonia)

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 Overheard at the Senate

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