Workbook
Workbook
Workbook
Lee Milteer
DOCUMENT TITLE
COPYRIGHT 2005 LEE MILTEER All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission or further information should be addressed to: The Internet Marketing Center 1123 Fir Avenue Blaine, WA 98230. Published by The Internet Marketing Center 1123 Fir Avenue Blaine, WA 98230 Phone: (604) 730-2833 Fax: (604) 730-2480 Printed and bound in the United States of America.
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DOCUMENT TITLE
Legal Disclaimer: While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, neither the Author nor the Publisher assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. This publication is not intended for use as a source of legal or accounting advice. The Author and Publisher want to stress that the information contained herein may be subject to varying state and/or local laws or regulations. All users are advised to retain competent counsel to determine what state and/or local laws or regulations may apply to the users particular business. The purchaser or reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the United States or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or reader. The Author and Publisher assume no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any purchaser or reader of these materials. Any perceived slights of specific people or organizations are unintentional.
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Lee Milteer is a high-energy, entertaining success coach whose advice is full of humor, practical strategies, and a wealth of experience. She offers a winning attitude and the wisdom of someone who has been there. Since 1980, Lee has been speaking professionally throughout North America and Europe and has shared the platform with many well-known personalities, such as Dan Kennedy, Jack Canfield, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, Stephen Covey, Brian Tracy, Og Mandino, Ted Koppel, Lynn Redgrave, and Marlo Thomas. Lee has created and hosted educational programs airing on PBS and other cable networks throughout the US and Canada. She is a regular guest on TV and radio shows and has appeared as a human potential expert on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show, CNNs Sonya Live, and The Montel Williams Show, among others. In recognition of her achievements, Lee received a doctorate in Motivational Theory from Commonwealth College. She was awarded the Rising Star Award by General Cassette Corporation and named Most Outstanding Young Woman by the Jaycees, as well as being named, Most Professional Woman in Hampton Roads. Most recently, she received the 2004 Entrepreneurial Woman of the Year award from the National Association of Women Business Owners. About this program Habit Busting is designed for your entire being: body, mind, and spirit to help you rid yourself of unwanted habits and replace them with positive ones. Whether youre trying to stop smoking, procrastinating, or overeating or you want to lose your bad temper, stop being late, and end the dozens of other habits holding you back from being the
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person you want to be, this EASY 21-day program will help you take control of your life and inspire a feeling of certainty that you do have the power to be the person you want to be. Habit Busting is the first program to explain to me how habits are formed and how to really break them using the most powerful tool I have, my mind. The bad habits went away effortlessly, and I have been able to lose weight and stop procrastinating just using this simple and painless 21-day plan. Thank you! This program helped me create a miracle in my life! J. MacAdams, Washington, DC I loved the Habit Busting system! I could not recommend this program any more highly! Anyone can learn from this program because it generates energy, enthusiasm, and positive feelings for yourself, and it gives you the confidence to try anything and to know you can be successful. I personally am pleased to report that after many years of having a really bad temper, which hurt my personal relationships and business, I have finally found ways to reprogram myself to be calm and in control. I have seen an improvement in my mental state of mind and that led to a promotion and raise at work. All I can do is say THANK YOU for this information that allows us to truly be in charge of our destinies again. Mark Strickland, Maryland
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Foreword
The exercises contained in the following pages are tailored to amplify the content of the CDs and maximize your learning benefits. The following steps are given as a guide to help you begin and proceed through the program: 1. Listen to all the CDs and read the workbook at least once before starting any of the exercises. Your subconscious mind must hear material 8 to 16 times to really learn it and for it to integrate into your subconscious mind. 2. Answer the questions as honestly as possible to achieve the best results. 3. Begin the program right away. Invest in a journal. Create a support system for yourself. This system was designed for you to listen to the CDs and read the workbook for 30 minutes to one hour each day for 21 days before you attempt to eliminate behaviors that hold you back from your success. To receive the best results from this program, set aside a certain amount of time each day just as if you were enrolled in a class. Use this specific time to build new habits. Just as when learning a new sport, you get better and better at it with time; be patient and practice. Make the commitment to yourself to spend the time and energy to create a new future. Its important to recognize that different methods work for different people. To empower yourself to make any long-term change, you must go to the core of yourself and change your programming. Simply trying to make changes in your life using external strategies will not change your old habits. You must first make a clear
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decision as to what you want changed. This system will help you create an action plan to override past programming (old habits) with new images, new empowering thoughts, and new actions (new habits). Your old habits will stop because you will install a more powerful program of positive habits in your mind. Think of it as simply updating the software in your computer. Learning to replace old behavior is a process. Using this learning system can make releasing old habits an easy and joyful experience. Making any lasting change is not a one-stop process or overnight event because the brain is not designed to make sudden changes that will be permanent. Your brain is designed to follow patterns of habits and rules. You did not develop negative habits in one day and you cannot rid yourself of these negative habits in a single attempt. It only takes 21 consecutive days to create a new habit. Repetition is the secret of success. Its very important to listen to the CDs and read the workbook as often as possible to achieve your desired outcomes. One option that is powerful and used by all successful Habit Busters is utilizing dead time. In an average week you often spend over seven hours commuting. To really learn something you need to hear information 8 to 16 times. Play these CDs at least once a day to keep yourself motivated and excited about new options and new choices. By investing in this program you start to exercise control over your life by making more intelligent and resourceful choices. The good news is that your point of power is this minute in time. Its the choices you make and act on from this day forward that will determine your future and the habits in your life. The purpose of this learning program is to give you the information, skills, and strategies that will assist you to create a more rewarding lifestyle. You have within you all the talent and potential to manifest any type of behavior you want. But there is a price tag. You must raise the standards of what you demand of yourself. You must make a conscious decision that you want to alter your life and make a
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long-lasting change. You have to be tired of settling for less. You must feel your power to create new options for yourself to be able to overcome negative habits. All success in any area of your life must be created internally before it can be created externally. You have to start somewhere and today is the perfect day! Take advantage of these resources and you will be successful. Please note: If any of your habits have to do with your health, it is important to consult with your doctor about the strategies you plan to use. This program is not designed to handle complex habits such as alcoholism, severe addictions, or eating disorders. These habits require skilled intervention from psychiatric and medical professionals.
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making small changes to your attitudes, desires, and actions. That means you have to make a choice to commit yourself to be a full-time participator. You have to make a commitment to do this program only for yourself. Not because anyone else wants you to change something, but because you want to. The past is a locked door; your future is made up of the choices you make today. You do not have to be a victim of your past programming, your past habits, or your past failures. Those experiences are important because they have given you knowledge of what doesnt work. That in itself is a very powerful tool to have on your side. When you know what you do not want, it helps you identify what you do want.
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Gossiping Negative thinking Excessive spending Overuse of mindless TV Lying Nail biting Procrastination Compulsive shopping Being late Stealing Losing things
and other unwanted habits. You cannot fix any problem you have not admitted to yourself that you have. Staying in a denial state of mind only prolongs your pain and reinforces behaviors that make you unhappy with yourself. List below exactly what habits you have that hurt your health, add to your waistline, waste your time, or in some way make you feel bad or angry with yourself: 1. _______________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________ 4. _______________________________________________________________
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Take inventory of the resources you already know that work for you. List strategies that have worked for you in all areas of your life to achieve any type of goal. Its important to use the information that you know already works for you. (Example: I stay motivated by listening to motivational tapes.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
Keep a list of your slips the times you fall off the wagon. Ask yourself: Hey, what happened? (Example: I was feeling depressed about work, so I ate too much to feel better.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
This exercise is important because learning takes place when you start asking questions. List reasons why your slip did not really address your problem. Ask yourself: What didnt work here? Why not? (Example: Overeating didnt make me feel better; in fact, it made me feel worse about myself later.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
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If you can learn as much as you can (from one slip), then the next slip isnt quite so traumatic. Its important to think of progress rather than perfection. Reformat your thinking for a moment; you need your past mistakes or behavior to use as information to be able to correct and improve your present and future behavior. The only way we learn is through feedback based on trial and error. Simply put, making mistakes is essential because each mistake that we correct makes us wiser and moves us closer to the new person we want to become. Take the opportunity to handle your stressful situations with a clear head and the skill of awareness. Then make a decision from a point of power to decide what action to take or not take instead of reacting from a habitual response. The emphasis in your life should be on developing a vision. See beyond the negative habit or behavior to develop mental control over your emotions. Feel your own power. Assume responsibility for your future.
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in order to grow. People who make no mistakes usually dont take any risks, and therefore never allow themselves any opportunity to stretch and grow into their potential. Every experience gives you additional resources and references. It gives you valuable information to draw from. List any risks you have been afraid to take: 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
You have to look at life from the point of view that there is no such thing as failure, only results. List the risks you are willing to take to start creating new habits. (Example: I am willing to risk feeling uncomfortable for a short time to create a better future.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
List the fears that you have about not being successful at breaking your old habits. (Example: I will feel like a failure again.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
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The Fear of Making a Mistake The only time you really make mistakes in life is if you continue a behavior or a strategy over and over that doesnt work. The first time you do something wrong is called a learning experience. The Fear of Criticism So many times in life we would like to try a new sport, cut our hair in a different way, lose weight, or change our image. But were afraid of the criticism we might receive because we have changed. Weve been brainwashed to believe that other peoples opinions are more important than our own feelings. We dont want to be judged. To break old habits you must not be outer-directed, you must be inner-directed. Whose life is this anyway? When you hear criticism, listen for the truth. Ask yourself: is there any truth in what they are saying? If so, how can I learn or grow from the feedback? If your intuition tells you that the information is not true, discard it! Remind yourself of another famous saying: To thine own self be true.
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List any criticisms from yourself or others that hold you back from releasing your old habit: 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
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Again, the root of perfectionist thinking is the false belief that you must be perfect. List the areas of your life in which you think of yourself as a perfectionist. (Example: I must always look in control.) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
Please, never call yourself a perfectionist again. It only uses your self-talk to program you to look for what is wrong. Instead, label yourself as flexible. You need to be committed to stretching yourself in life. Create a frame of mind of excellence instead of perfectionism, because trying to be a perfectionist creates frustration, whereas excellence means you are being the best you can be. It is said that destiny is the consequence of your daily decisions. It is the decisions you make in your life every day from moment to moment that will make the crucial difference, not the circumstances in which you make those decisions. Old solutions may not always work in trying to break habits. You must make new choices. Your goal is to become conscious of how you are using your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual life energies in creating new positive behavior patterns. Your thoughts, intentions, and actions create your future. Your challenge is to enlarge the repertoire of resources you have in order to stay motivated to make the changes you want. It is very empowering to realize that by choosing your response to any circumstance, you powerfully affect your future. By taking responsibility for your life, you alter the circumstance and your future in a positive way. To deal effectively with changing your life, you must question your perceptions. The way you look at the world clearly determines how you interpret the events going on inside and outside of yourself. Your perceptions filter all your incoming experiences.
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These perceptions are strongly held rules and regulations that can blind you to old habits. When you resist new ideas, you reject new ways of thinking before youve even given them a chance. We tend to hang onto traditions and ignore new ways of thinking because were not used to looking at breaking our habits from a broader perspective. In the past there were some strong reasons why it was hard to break your old habits. But the great news is now that you have made new life decisions and you want to make some changes in your life. It doesnt matter if it is as straightforward as swearing off cigarettes or as complex as leaving a career that you are bored with. The secret to why we resist change, psychologists say, lies in the wall of inertia and resistance found in personality factors such as childhood scars and old habits. We expect to change in a weekend, yet we have spent a lifetime becoming the person we are. Habits are like our old shoes. We are all creatures of habit, and a habit is a way of doing something we have comfortably taken for granted, which can be anything from the way we drive a car to the way we prepare a meal. Since our habits and patterns of behavior have been reinforced by our parents, teachers, workplace, and our society, it is very difficult to change, even if we dont like the way things are. These habits are familiar, easy, and routine. Changing means disturbing our emotional equilibrium. The new way is a disruption to our lifes routine. We tell ourselves that it just takes too much effort to change. We find it inconvenient that it takes too much energy. It is important to understand that your mental and emotional attitudes are also shaped by your habits. If you welcome change, you look forward to experimentation and challenges. However if youre in a rut and dont like to experiment with anything new, you will shut down any real opportunities for growth and new solutions. William James said, It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome. Our culture also affects our ability to change. It will become very hard for an individual
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to act differently or change their behavior if there is strong peer pressure to stick to the status quo, what has always been accepted as standard. The force of our old habits hinders our vision of new opportunities.
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Learned Helplessness Learned helplessness is when we give in to being a victim and reactor to life. We look for reasons things wont work out for us. What you focus on becomes your reality. When you focus on why you cannot succeed in any given endeavor, you supply yourself with the reasons not to try. Because of our old programming, some people just quit as if they had learned that changing was not possible. As in fairy tales, we sometimes expect someone to save us and take care of us. We often fall back into the child-like mentality that someone else will bail us out. Blaming Others The reality of life is that we all have had challenges and obstacles to overcome, but we cannot blame the past and we cannot blame others for our current behavior and decisions. Today, we have the tools to break old behavior patterns and create new ones. You must remember that you create your own reality with your thoughts and actions. Having a clear vision of what you want and motivating yourself to feel energized and excited about creating a new future is what will keep you on target. This is the essence of personal power: feeling like you are in control of your life because of your own actions.
Take Inventory
The next area we need to deal with is assessing yourself and the excuses you have used in the past that have prevented you from dealing with your habit. Facing the fears or insecurities you have had in the past allows you to have the skill of awareness about yourself. You are becoming conscious of your behavior. Stop yourself and realize that since you are a self-fulfilling prophecy, you have the power to make a new choice. Excuses that were true up until now dont fit any longer. Now you are going to create a new label. Its very important to do this exercise to
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help you become aware of what has stopped you in the past so it will not have the power to stop you in the future. For example, have you been saying to yourself: I dont have the energy. Ill stop when I am not so stressed out. Ill stop when my mate will also stop. I have tried and I just cannot stop. You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.
Excuse inventory: List all the excuses you have used not to get started in changing your habit: 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
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see on paper how your habits have affected you, it will empower you to make real changes in your attitudes and actions. Answer the following questions: How do you feel about yourself when you do your habit? 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
What are the reactions of your family and friends? 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
What physical symptoms do you experience? (Example: I feel tense. My heart beats rapidly. My hands shake) 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
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What financial consequences have you had to deal with that are related to your habit: 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
How has your habit affected your social life, work life, and family life? 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
If your body could talk to you, what do you think it would be saying about your habit? (Example: Could it be saying things like, Please stop putting so much food into me. Please exercise, I do not feel good sitting around and getting flabby. Enough with the smoking, I am tired of the coughing, congestion, anxiety. Stop the alcohol. I hate hangovers, muddled thinking, slurring, and high blood pressure. Pay attention! I hate sugar and thats why I give you headaches and keep you so tired.) Your body is a powerful messenger. If you take the time to listen to it, you will know when it feels good because you are treating it with love and respect. It will also tell you when you have no love or respect for it because you abuse it. The consequence of longterm abuse is a very high price to pay for short-term distraction or a moment of pleasure.
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List what your body is saying to you about your habit: 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
Our Next Inventory Exercise How Did You Create Your Habit?
Answer as spontaneously as possible, without editing the facts on how you created your habits. Spend just several minutes alone and confess all those secrets you did not want anyone to know. In your workbook answer the following questions: What has my habit kept me from having, doing, or being? 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
Are you blaming your lack of social life on your habit? Explain to yourself how you do it. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________
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How are you allowing your habit to ruin your relationships or possible relationships? 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
What has been your payoff for the habit? Lets face life; we dont do anything unless there is a payoff of some kind. 1. ______________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________________
What has your habit been a solution to? Are you using it for sympathy or avoiding people? Are you using your habit as a procrastination technique? Complete this sentence: Ill break my habit after I ___________________________________.
Up until now we have been defining the symptoms of your habit. Now its time to work on the cure. Create some long-range goals to guarantee success. First, you must accept the idea that you must change your perspective. If you accept a new perspective, you empower yourself to see new solutions and opportunities to change your habits. You have taken inventory of yourself and your past excuses. You have also listed the consequences of keeping the habit. Now you can see on paper the reasons you created your habit and why you must change.
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You must believe that you have the ability to change. Take 100 percent of the responsibility for your actions. Now accept that no one else and nothing outside of yourself will do it for you. You have to believe you can change. A belief is simply that feeling of certainty about what something means to you.
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Write down how you felt before you did it or why you did it. (Example: I was upset. I felt bored.) 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ 4. _____________________________________________________________
This may be uncomfortable and time-consuming but its the only way you can measure your habit. This also has a very positive side because it gives you the skill of awareness and helps you become conscious. When you are clearly conscious you can make more intelligent and empowering choices and decisions about your actions. You will no longer do things from an automatic response.
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Now knowing what you do, along with the new decisions and choices you have made for yourself, do the old motivations still hold true for you? What new motivation can you use to condition yourself that will inspire your new behavior?
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cannot, you are always right. This is an indisputable law of life. Whatever you believe about yourself will determine how much time you devote to trying new strategies, creating a support system, and creating positive habits to replace your old negative habits. Many people go through life thinking that other people may have the ability to stop smoking, lose weight, or control spending, but they themselves cannot achieve these successes that the rewards of life go only to the special people. They dont realize how they sabotage themselves by this attitude of self-deprecation or self-effacement. Giving yourself permission to believe in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you have. The more you believe in yourself, the more you expect of your life and the more life delivers! One of the reasons people fail in changing their habits is because they have not created enough leverage for themselves. You can create leverage by designing rewards you will enjoy when you reach your goals. People who fail often stay focused on the pain instead of the gain. Most people attempt change with a sense of dread and fear because they unconsciously believe the change will only be temporary and all their efforts will be in vain. Its hard to have a home run when you still have one foot on first base. You must make a new decision to alter your life; stop settling for less. When you have a concentration of focus, its like a laser beam and it can cut through anything stopping you. One of the ways to change your beliefs is to envision the rewards you have to gain from creating a positive habit. Start to focus on positive reinforcement. You must draw a clear picture of why you want to do something. For example, experts on weight loss suggest that you write down at least three or more specific reasons why you want to lose weight. For many people its for health reasons and to be pleased with what we see in the mirror. What would be some of the gains and benefits of taking the time and energy to form
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new habits? You want to create a powerful list of reasons so you will be able to get charged up on the rewards. You must change your focus from the challenges to the rewards. Put these lists on your bathroom mirror, your desk at work, your refrigerator, or anyplace that you can be reminded many times per day of the benefits of your efforts. One positive thing you might gain from a change of habit is the feeling of mastery. Having the feeling of control in your life is one of the most empowering and confidence-building feelings you can have. Remember how you felt the first time you got your drivers license and took the car out by yourself? How would you like to have the same feeling of mastery by eliminating a habit? You can feel great about the way you eat and the energy your body is charged with. You can feel great when you look down at your fingernails and see attractive, healthy nails. You can feel great about going out to eat with friends and after dinner not needing that cigarette.
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Material Rewards
List how you could save money from not acting on your old habit. (Example: I save money from not smoking but I also save money on my dry-cleaning bills and my health insurance.) 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ 4. _____________________________________________________________
Behavior Substitution
As you know, you cannot just stop your habit. You must fill that space with a more empowering action that can turn into the habit you desire.
Temptation-Nixing Techniques
If your goal is to lose weight, what can you do instead of eating? Perhaps take a walk, get yourself something great to read, call your best friend, write a letter, or take a nap.
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If your goal was to go shopping less, why not take up gardening or painting or do some charity work? A lot of lonely kids and older folks would really appreciate someone spending time with them. If your habit is something like watching too much TV or being addicted to video games, why not go to the library and read, join an exercise program, or take up a martial arts class? Throw away the TV guide and make plans to be active when you would formerly have sat on the couch. If your habit has been one of an explosive temper, instead of allowing your old habit to take control of you, train yourself by developing a new plan of action. Have a notebook with you and write out your feelings, even if its just about the guy who cut you off in traffic. Another intelligent strategy is to immediately remove yourself from the situation and walk it off. If you are a nail biter, every time your hands drifts toward your mouth, jump up and do something else to relieve the tension. Drink a glass of water, take some deep breaths, or do some stretching. You cannot bite your nails and do any of those things at the same time. Make a copy of all the temptation-nixing techniques you could use and keep them in your wallet or purse, so when you are tempted you can pull them out to remember other options. List the temptation-nixing techniques you can use: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ 4. _____________________________________________________________
Many addictive behaviors such as smoking and eating have environmental cues that trigger the urge to act on your old habit. These are dangerous times when it could be easy to forget your goals. On an unconscious level you have identified certain
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cues in your life with your habit. For example, lets say that you want to stop smoking. If you have been in a tense business meeting, having drinks after a meal with friends can make you want to light up a cigarette to relax. You must start to identify when the environment triggers your habit so that you can do something different. Sometimes things as simple as putting the ashtrays out of sight or changing your scenery will empower you not to be triggered into a habitual response. It is helpful to try to stop doing the behavior simply on the cue from the environment. Another example might be that you are looking to lose weight. Just because you go to the movies, you do not have to order popcorn with butter. You could bring your own air-popped corn with a bottle of water. Instead of pigging out at a party, eat sensibly before you go. List ways you could change some of your past environmental triggers: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ 4. _____________________________________________________________
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You were not taught that you are a self-fulfilling prophecy, but the truth is that you are. In other words, what you say and think about yourself does come true. It is as if we unconsciously believe that we can say negative things about ourselves, and those negative thoughts will have no effect on us or our future. We have unconsciously created labels for ourselves that keep us stuck with old behavior patterns. The bottom line is that you are now the sum total of all the programming others have given you and that you have reinforced through the thoughts you have had about yourself. The end result is that all those past images, thoughts, and directions will influence your attitudes and every action you take today. If you do not take personal responsibility for the nurture, care, and feeding of your own subconscious mind, you will be manipulated and controlled by past programming and your current environment. You have the power to train your mind to choose what you think, instead of allowing random thoughts to hold you hostage. Your goal is to become inner-directed and focused, so that you decide what you want to think, rather than have your thoughts and emotions determined by the world around you. The untrained mind has more emotional ups and downs because it is reacting to random thoughts. Focus on what you want with joy and enthusiasm. Remember, just like the Earth, your brain does not discern what you plant. It will work just as hard to grow weeds as it will to grow beautiful flowers. You determine the seeds that are planted by what you say to yourself over and over. Quite simply, you are a self-fulfilling prophecy because your subconscious mind does not know the difference between factual reality and imagined reality. If you focus on what you say you dont want, then you will create that as the dominate request in your experience. So, keep focused on what you do want. Define yourself as the new person you chose to be. (Example: I am a perfect weight for my body and lifestyle.) If you are still looking to lose weight, you may want to say something like: I am allowing my body to obtain its
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perfect balance for health and vitality. Many of your beliefs have no foundation of truth, so instead of promoting your purpose, they hold you back from success. If you think you are destined to be overweight, below average, poor, unlucky in love, clumsy, or even not good at something, you will take actions that make these thoughts become reality. None of these thoughts are actually true, but thinking them creates beliefs and images in your mind that reinforce these negative statements until they actually become true for you. Be aware of the directions you give your brain. Your internal dialogue, along with what you believe about situations, is how you create your emotions. Negative self-talk messages will cause you to give up before you even try something new. Always be aware that your words can make ominous predictions. If you say about your habit, Ill never be able to stop this; Ive been doing it so long. You are programming yourself to believe that you are too weak and powerless to overcome the habit. These negative permissions clutter up your ability to change your behaviors. Pay attention to yourself when you hear yourself uttering negative permissions and negative reinforcements. Avoid negative self-talk: I cant do this. I dont understand. Ill look stupid. Im too old to learn new skills. They make me feel stupid. Thats just the way I am. Theres nothing I can do. No one in my family can do it, so I know I cannot. Change your self-talk to positive reinforcement for changing old behaviors (habits). A positive outlook creates more options for creative solutions. Remember, focus on what you want. Keep it simple and sure. Use positive and uplifting statements instead: If they can do it, so can I. Ill never know until I give it a try. Ive succeeded before during difficult challenges and I know I can succeed again. So what if it wont be easy? I still want to give it my best shot. I can choose a new approach. I choose. . . I prefer. . . I will. . . It is human nature to follow the path of least resistance. Accordingly, the mind also follows the habits of thought with the least resistance. That is why the old powerful programs in your mind overwhelm the new habits you are trying to establish. When you take charge of the caliber of information you feed your mind and create a new and more
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empowering program, you are literally creating a new path of least resistance for your mind to follow and operate from in the future because it has new resources. Willpower does not work because the subconscious mind will attempt to act on the program that has the most power. Once you understand why you have not been successful making changes in your life, you can use a new strategy to modify your behavior that will match the new desired goal. In order to empower yourself to change a habit for the long term, you have to give your mind a new program that is stronger and more powerful. Your subconscious will immediately start to act on the newer and stronger program as it becomes common thought in your mind. Then it becomes a matter of your subconscious mind trying to decide which program offers the path of least resistance. It will simply pursue the program that has the most energy, the most specific direction, and the most power. We are not powerless to change ourselves. It is a well-established fact that your subconscious mind will accept and attempt to act on any information you give it, if you tell it often enough and strongly enough. The subconscious mind is a neutral machine that responds to information without subjective regard for its value in truth or accuracy. Repetition is the only secret you have to remember to overcome past programming. The simple fact is that the more often you present your subconscious mind with the same information, the more opportunities your subconscious mind will have to accept it.
Declarations
Empowering self-talk can take the form of declarations, statements also known as affirmations or autosuggestions. These terms come about because the word affirmation means to make firm. When you declare you are going to do something, you are creating a new program in your mind. With repetition and action, this clear intention (focus) allows you to manifest new outcomes in your life!
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8. Back your declarations with emotional force. Emotion harnesses the extra energy you need to reprogram. The words are not as important as your feelings. Your feeling is what is really going to create the imprint in the mind to make the new changes.
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Examples of Declarations
Customize at least 10 declarations that deal with your own habit: 1. I, (your name), now take full responsibility for my life and my thoughts. 2. I, (your name), am now in control of my destiny, and I am excited about the positive changes I am making in my life. 3. I, (your name), now love and honor myself for who and what I am at this moment in time and I am getting better and better every day. 4. I, (your name), now release myself from programming by others that does not serve me. 5. I, (your name), now choose my future, rather than react to life. 6. I, (your name), now feel more confident and successful every day, in every way.
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7. I, (your name), am now practical and realistic and give myself the freedom to live my life up to my fullest potential. 8. I, (your name), now have drive, stamina, and a winning attitude to achieve my goals (state goals). 9. I, (your name), am now becoming healthier and fitter. 10. I, (your name), love my body and eat only foods that are nourishing to me. List your own declarations: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ 4. _____________________________________________________________
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times a day. There are dozens of times a day you could simply envision the new you (Example: While you are at a stop light or on hold on the phone.) 5. The fifth step is to have a tangible picture of the goals you are consciously creating. Use various sources, such as magazines or newspapers, to start to collect the symbols for what you want to create in your life. These symbols can be in the form of pictures, sayings, or statements that represent the goals and dreams in your life. To the best of your ability, script out a scene from your mental rehearsal focused on what you want. Create the script to include how joyful and happy you feel about your new habits.
Set Goals
Goals are important because they give us something specific to go for with our life energy, and they provide feedback to let us know how we are doing. The problem lies in the importance we attach to these goals. Goals are only good for one thing what you become along the way because you chose them. (Example: If I set a goal to lose three pounds per week but I only lose one pound, I am still successful because I am still moving in my desired direction.) In order for your goals to be beneficial, they must be guided by something that
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inspires you with courage, creativity, and persistence. To sustain excitement and passion in your life you must have something to aim for that moves you. Your goals can empower you more than anything else in life because they create a vision that motivates and inspires you. Goals enable you to handle the setbacks and challenges of changing your lifestyle. What you accomplish in life is determined by the goals you clearly define and set for yourself. Setting definitive goals takes the tension and anxiety out of living. Setting goals is the only proven way to bring health, wealth, and happiness into your life. Goal achievement works because it is governed by specific mental laws: Whatever you give your attention to and what you believe will become your reality. This is the mental law of cause and effect your thoughts materialize your future. The goals you set become the orders to your subconscious mind, your subconscious mind believes what you tell it, and then your subconscious mind carries out your orders.
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2. Crystallize your thinking. Determine what specific goals you want to achieve. What habits are you letting go? What habits are you creating in place of the old ones? Your goals need to be specific, measurable, and realistic. To do this youll have to avoid nebulous thinking, such as I want to lose weight. What does that really mean? For your subconscious mind to be able to serve you it must receive very specific directions. 3. Develop a sincere desire for the things you want. Desire is the starting point for all achievement. Its the greatest motivator of every human action. Frequently, your mind is more motivated by pictures and visualization than it is with words and written exercises. The right side of your brain is where your creativity comes from, and it thrives on pictures. Many times the right side of your brain takes precedence over the left side, which thrives on words. In the past, you may have just written words down to reach your goals. Add this new dimension to your process. Draw, cut out pictures, or take photographs of what you want in life. Put pictures up on your refrigerator, your bathroom mirror, or any place that will remind your subconscious mind of your desires to reinforce your goal. Every thought you have uses electrical energy to imprint a new picture in your subconscious mind. The efforts of your subconscious mind are to match the pictures in your mind with reality. The more you deliberately plant pictures of what you want, the faster you will attract it into your life. Its very important that you allow yourself to fantasize about what you want in your life let your imagination run wild! To achieve what it is you want in life, you must think about it. There are no limits except those we put on ourselves. This is your life and you will be cheating yourself if you dont go for what you want! You must feel your success before you can manifest it in reality. 4. Develop a plan for achieving your goal, and a deadline for its attainment. The difference between a wish and a goal is that the goal is written down. Once you have a clear picture of what you want in life, your subconscious and conscious mind can work together to achieve it. When you prioritize and focus
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you can literally see what you want; this gives you the power of concentration. Deliberate concentration is like a laser beam it can cut through any obstacles in your path. 5. Distinguish between goals and activities. A goal is the specific end result you want to manifest in your life. Activities are those things you do to achieve your goals. Use the skill of awareness, and remember the goal. Dont get stuck in the activities. 6. Create deadlines for your goals. Without deadlines your brain doesnt have a clear picture of what you want created. Deadlines have a magical way of motivating us to produce results. First write your one-year goals on paper, then write down all the activities you will have to do to reach your goal. Ask yourself these questions: What is the very first activity I must do to get started on this goal? 1. __________________________________________________________ 2. __________________________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________________________ 4. __________________________________________________________
7. What are the activities I must do in the first three months to achieve my goal? 1. __________________________________________________________ 2. __________________________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________________________ 4. __________________________________________________________ Then think about the activities youll need to follow up in the next three months. By breaking down the goals into manageable, bite-size pieces, youll feel more
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in control. This divide-and-conquer approach keeps your goals from becoming overwhelmingly complicated. 8. Make your goals yours. Dont set a goal for yourself that your spouse (or anyone else for that matter) wants for you. Please revise your current goals to meet your needs, not someone elses desires for you. You will never be successful achieving goals that are not motivated by your desires. When you set goals, dont compare them with other peoples goals youll always come up short. We usually compare our worst traits with someone elses best traits and we can never win that way. Write your goals as if they have already occurred. Try writing, I now weigh ______, rather than I want to weigh ______. This allows your subconscious mind to see the end result.
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10. Develop confidence in yourself and your abilities. Stay sold on yourself. Listen to motivational CDs and tapes daily in your car. Do your declarations daily, and control your self-talk. Tackle every activity without giving any recognition to the possibility of defeat. Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. Recognize and honor your personal point of power found in this moment. Develop a determination to follow through on your goals regardless of obstacles, circumstances, or criticism. 11. Make your goals realistic and congruent. You have to make your goals attainable or you will give up on them. Dont set unrealistic goals for yourself if you know in your heart youre not willing to pay the price for achieving them. Setting yourself up for failure will only cause frustration and cause you to lose confidence in yourself. (Example: Do not set yourself up for failure by trying to lose weight on your vacation or by trying to lose 20 pounds in one month.) 12. Keep your goals to yourself. If you are excited and charged up about your dreams, youll want to share this information. Dont too often youll hear how everyone else has failed while trying what you want to do. Their negative energy and opinions will sabotage your enthusiasm and faith in your abilities. In our culture we are given the subtle message that other people are smarter
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than we are. If you share your dreams with people who are not part of your support system, they will undermine your confidence, so keep your own council. Keep your dreams to yourself so you do not scatter your creative energy. Tell your dreams only to people who support you, are happy for you, and believe in your abilities. List the people in your support group: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ 13. Review your goals monthly. The first day of the month is the perfect time to set up a ritual goal-reviewing. This should be the time that you can be honest with yourself on what goals you are really committed to and how you can improve your strategies. You must also be honest with yourself on what goals are only paper dreams if you arent really going to pay the price to achieve them. 14. Have persistence. Persistence is the real key to successful goal achievement. Dont allow yourself to become distracted with excuses about why things cant be done. Excuses are the enemies of goal achievement.
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Start with the area in your life that has the most importance to you and give yourself time to think. The strategy of goal setting will transform you from being a thinker and talker with good intentions to being a doer and achiever. Youll be more motivated, more optimistic, and youll feel more in control of your life than ever before.
Be Flexible
Create a new label for yourself. When you label yourself as easygoing and flexible, you give yourself permission to take control of your inside world while you take control of what the outer world is expressing to you. Flexibility is power because you will experience less conflict and stress with the world. Another form of flexibility is to get out of your old habits or life ruts by creating some new ones. Simply change your routine for the next 21 days. Notice the new ways to be more creative. You also give yourself the opportunity to see life from a totally different perspective when you do things differently.
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