Manchester Man

INT. A BAR – NIGHT

Four friends are sat at a table, there are many empty glasses, and everybody is laughing and
having a good time. Our character, DAVE, is sat in the middle.

DAVE
And that’s why they call it a Montreal meatpie!

The table erupts in laughter, and them calms down.

FRIEND 1
But seriously, this is an easy job, this old dude never has people over! I know
he keeps war treasures or some shit in a wardrobe, he might even have a 22,
I’d love one of those!

FRIEND 2
So, you’re saying we should rob this guy, because he might have a gun?

DAVE
(between sips)
Sounds like a solid plan mush.

FRIEND 3
Heh, yeah! I have a co-worker who collects vintage cricket bats, want to go lift
those after?

FRIEND 1
Alright alright, bunch of comedians Jesus Christ. Look, the guy is like a
hundred, if he can unhook his oxygen in time to get the gun out of its box,
then he deserves to shoot me.

FRIEND 2
Look mate, I’ll go with you, but you go in first eh?

FRIEND 1
If you like. Lads?

FRIEND 3
Yeah sod it, why not.

DAVE
My mate’s got some hard stuff he wants to try tomorrow but yeah bud, I’ll be
there

FRIEND 1
Awesome, next round’s on me then.
The shot zooms out as the group continues talking, laughing and drinking, staying centred on
DAVE throughout. The room is bustling, has warm lighting, and cheerful music is playing.
 FRIEND 3
Wait, so it’s just a Canadian fu-

CUT – THE SAME BAR – MORNING

DAVE is sat in the same position, in the same place, alone. The room is dimly lit by the
morning sun, and the muffled sounds of a voice on TV can be heard. DAVE rolls his glass,
looking bored and miserable. He then looks up at the TV, and watches the news.

PRESENTER
After a five month search, authorities have given up the hunt for the elusive
“mystery dancer”. The man was of course, seen shambling up to the home of
Montegue H Withnail hours after his home was robbed, before noticing the
presence of the Police and fleeing the scene. Believed initially to be an
associate of the three men detained for attempting to rob Mr. Withnail, it has
been determined likely that he was simply an unrelated drunken man, who
noticed the heavy police presence and ran away.

DAVE stares back down at his empty glass, and sighs. He takes his phone out of his pocket
and looks through photographs of him and his friends at parties, driving, fishing, and being
chased by a security guard.
The news presenter is then clearly heard saying “minimum security prison” and DAVE looks
back up at the TV. He sits thinking for a moment, and then reaches into his pocket. He takes
out his car keys, and stares at them for a moment.

CUT – EXT. WOODED AREA

A car is parked a moderate distance from a prison fence, the engine revving loudly.

CUT – INT. CAR

DAVE is sat inside breathing heavily and angrily. In the background, Lynyrd Skynrd’s
‘Freebird’ can be heard playing through the car stereo. He looks up from the dash and stares
at the fence to the prison for a moment, before shifting the car into gear and speeding towards
the fence.

DAVE
(shouting)
WOOO HOO HOO HOOOO! SAVE A SEAT IN THE PRISON COCKTAIL
LOUNGE FOR ME BOYS, I’M COMIN IN!

CUT – EXT. CAR

The guitar solo to ‘Freebird’ kicks in loudly as the camera tracks the car hurtling towards the
prison fence. DAVE can be seen through the windshield, laughing maniacally. Various
guards suddenly turn as they notice the car getting closer, as DAVE crashes it through the
fence, partially bringing it down. He exits the car and begins scrambling up the fence as
guards run to the scene.
Still laughing hysterically, DAVE makes minimal progress climbing the fence, rather finding
himself tangled in the wires, when the bonnet of his car suddenly flips up and hits KENNY
on the head, knocking him out.

CUT – INT. PRISON HALLWAY

A guard is walking an incarcerated DAVE down the hall

GUARD
You know how deep I was swimming in shit after your joyride?

DAVE
How deep, mate?

GUARD
Like digging a mine in the Challenger Deep, asshole.

The pair walk down the hallway, and friendly chatting can be heard from a cell. DAVE looks
into the cell and sees two of his friends, who begin cheering when they see him

FRIEND 1
Dave you fucking crackhead, I knew that was you when I saw that piece of
crap car knock someone out. What were you doing man?

DAVE
(taking a sip)
I missed you mate!

The group cheers.

FRIEND 2
What’d they do you for then?

DAVE
Aggravated assault and criminal mischief mate!

The group cheers again.

FRIEND 1
They’re gonna have you in here years Dave! What were you thinking man?

DAVE
I’s thinking I fuggin missed you mate!

The group cheers yet again.

DAVE
We’ll have plenty of time together now then eh? Where’d you guys get this
airport stuff?
 FRIEND 3
Don’t ask!

The group cheers one last time, louder than ever.

FRIEND 3
Can’t wait to have some proper stuff next week though, this bootlegged stuff
is killin me!

DAVE
Proper stuff? Where are you getting that?

FRIEND 1
Pub, mate! We’re out of here on Sunday.

DAVE
You’re what?

END